Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is that you shouldn't make promises that you
Speaker 1: won't want to keep. Be kind to your future self
Speaker 1: by not promising anything today that you may not want
Speaker 1: to do tomorrow. I think we can all recall promises
Speaker 1: for the distant future that we made and later regretted.
Speaker 1: Perhaps it was a promise that your family could get
Speaker 1: a dog once everybody was out of diapers, which made
Speaker 1: you ambivalent when your youngest was finally toilet trained. The
Speaker 1: promise that you would have a big reception a few
Speaker 1: months after your small family wedding ceremony, and then realizing
Speaker 1: after the ceremony that you felt married enough without blowing
Speaker 1: fifteen dollars on proving it. Or maybe it was declining
Speaker 1: to chair the gala this year but promising to chair
Speaker 1: it next year when apparently your future self would somehow
Speaker 1: have more than twenty four hours in a day. Why
Speaker 1: do we do this to ourselves? What's going on is
Speaker 1: that it is hard to say no. In the abstract.
Speaker 1: We view our future selves almost as strangers. You personally
Speaker 1: don't want to chair that gala, but you feel bad
Speaker 1: saying no, so you assign the responsibility to someone else who,
Speaker 1: conveniently enough, you have the ability to commit to things.
Speaker 1: Few problem solved, except eventually the piper must be paid,
Speaker 1: and future you turns out to be the exact same
Speaker 1: person as current you. She has no more time than
Speaker 1: you do, and maybe even has less, since she just
Speaker 1: got that promotion, that current you has been working towards,
Speaker 1: and her family adopted the dog that current you said
Speaker 1: yes to. Whoops. Of course, there are some things we
Speaker 1: can and should commit to for the future. Any long
Speaker 1: project and any close relationship requires binding your future self
Speaker 1: to your current intentions. When things are about fundamental life
Speaker 1: goals and values, then yes, promise away. But some plans
Speaker 1: for the future may need to be held a little
Speaker 1: more loosely. Be wary of making promises about what your
Speaker 1: future self will do when things don't rise to the
Speaker 1: level of your highest priorities. In these cases, you have
Speaker 1: two choices. If you truly do not want to do
Speaker 1: something now, then it is highly likely you won't want
Speaker 1: to do it in the future. Either. You can say
Speaker 1: no yes. Saying Noah's hard, but just picture your future
Speaker 1: self feeling free from a commitment that would weigh on her.
Speaker 1: Hold that picture in mind as you say something like
Speaker 1: thank you so much for thinking of me. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to take that on,
Speaker 1: but I wish you the best of luck with the project.
Speaker 1: If you are just unsure, though, then instead of committing
Speaker 1: to a yes in the future, you can identify a
Speaker 1: time in the future when you will revisit the question.
Speaker 1: In other words, we can discuss whether to get a
Speaker 1: dog once everybody is out of diapers. We will consider
Speaker 1: planning a big party once our family wedding and our
Speaker 1: move to a new house are in our rear view mirror.
Speaker 1: That way, you into Kate that you are receptive to
Speaker 1: the potential plans, and this is a big plus. You
Speaker 1: established that you won't be talking about them constantly until
Speaker 1: that time in the future. That means there is no
Speaker 1: reason to keep asking for a dog for every birthday
Speaker 1: in the meantime, or to ask whether you've thought any
Speaker 1: more about the reception until the move to the new
Speaker 1: house is complete. You are staying open to the idea,
Speaker 1: but you are not making a promise your future self
Speaker 1: may not want to keep. You are giving your future
Speaker 1: self the chance to choose what is right at that time,
Speaker 1: which is what all of us want. So be kind
Speaker 1: to your future self and don't make promises that you
Speaker 1: won't want to keep. If you follow this rule, your
Speaker 1: future self well, thank you for the freedom. In the meantime,
Speaker 1: this is Laura. Thanks for listen, and here's to making
Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to
Speaker 1: hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook
Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E the
Speaker 1: number four, then Breakfast p o D. You can also
Speaker 1: shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i
Speaker 1: heeart media dot com. That Before Breakfast is spelled out
Speaker 1: with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward
Speaker 1: to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
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