WEBVTT - Don't make promises you won't want to keep

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is that you shouldn't make promises that you

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<v Speaker 1>won't want to keep. Be kind to your future self

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<v Speaker 1>by not promising anything today that you may not want

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<v Speaker 1>to do tomorrow. I think we can all recall promises

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<v Speaker 1>for the distant future that we made and later regretted.

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<v Speaker 1>Perhaps it was a promise that your family could get

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<v Speaker 1>a dog once everybody was out of diapers, which made

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<v Speaker 1>you ambivalent when your youngest was finally toilet trained. The

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<v Speaker 1>promise that you would have a big reception a few

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<v Speaker 1>months after your small family wedding ceremony, and then realizing

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<v Speaker 1>after the ceremony that you felt married enough without blowing

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<v Speaker 1>fifteen dollars on proving it. Or maybe it was declining

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<v Speaker 1>to chair the gala this year but promising to chair

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<v Speaker 1>it next year when apparently your future self would somehow

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<v Speaker 1>have more than twenty four hours in a day. Why

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<v Speaker 1>do we do this to ourselves? What's going on is

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<v Speaker 1>that it is hard to say no. In the abstract.

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<v Speaker 1>We view our future selves almost as strangers. You personally

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<v Speaker 1>don't want to chair that gala, but you feel bad

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<v Speaker 1>saying no, so you assign the responsibility to someone else who,

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<v Speaker 1>conveniently enough, you have the ability to commit to things.

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<v Speaker 1>Few problem solved, except eventually the piper must be paid,

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<v Speaker 1>and future you turns out to be the exact same

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<v Speaker 1>person as current you. She has no more time than

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<v Speaker 1>you do, and maybe even has less, since she just

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<v Speaker 1>got that promotion, that current you has been working towards,

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<v Speaker 1>and her family adopted the dog that current you said

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<v Speaker 1>yes to. Whoops. Of course, there are some things we

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<v Speaker 1>can and should commit to for the future. Any long

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<v Speaker 1>project and any close relationship requires binding your future self

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<v Speaker 1>to your current intentions. When things are about fundamental life

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<v Speaker 1>goals and values, then yes, promise away. But some plans

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<v Speaker 1>for the future may need to be held a little

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<v Speaker 1>more loosely. Be wary of making promises about what your

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<v Speaker 1>future self will do when things don't rise to the

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<v Speaker 1>level of your highest priorities. In these cases, you have

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<v Speaker 1>two choices. If you truly do not want to do

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<v Speaker 1>something now, then it is highly likely you won't want

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<v Speaker 1>to do it in the future. Either. You can say

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<v Speaker 1>no yes. Saying Noah's hard, but just picture your future

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<v Speaker 1>self feeling free from a commitment that would weigh on her.

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<v Speaker 1>Hold that picture in mind as you say something like

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<v Speaker 1>thank you so much for thinking of me. I'm sorry

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to be able to take that on,

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<v Speaker 1>but I wish you the best of luck with the project.

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<v Speaker 1>If you are just unsure, though, then instead of committing

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<v Speaker 1>to a yes in the future, you can identify a

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<v Speaker 1>time in the future when you will revisit the question.

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<v Speaker 1>In other words, we can discuss whether to get a

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<v Speaker 1>dog once everybody is out of diapers. We will consider

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<v Speaker 1>planning a big party once our family wedding and our

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<v Speaker 1>move to a new house are in our rear view mirror.

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<v Speaker 1>That way, you into Kate that you are receptive to

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<v Speaker 1>the potential plans, and this is a big plus. You

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<v Speaker 1>established that you won't be talking about them constantly until

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<v Speaker 1>that time in the future. That means there is no

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<v Speaker 1>reason to keep asking for a dog for every birthday

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<v Speaker 1>in the meantime, or to ask whether you've thought any

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<v Speaker 1>more about the reception until the move to the new

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<v Speaker 1>house is complete. You are staying open to the idea,

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<v Speaker 1>but you are not making a promise your future self

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<v Speaker 1>may not want to keep. You are giving your future

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<v Speaker 1>self the chance to choose what is right at that time,

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<v Speaker 1>which is what all of us want. So be kind

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<v Speaker 1>to your future self and don't make promises that you

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<v Speaker 1>won't want to keep. If you follow this rule, your

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<v Speaker 1>future self well, thank you for the freedom. In the meantime,

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<v Speaker 1>this is Laura. Thanks for listen, and here's to making

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<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

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<v Speaker 1>hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E the

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<v Speaker 1>number four, then Breakfast p o D. You can also

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<v Speaker 1>shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i

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<v Speaker 1>heeart media dot com. That Before Breakfast is spelled out

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<v Speaker 1>with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward

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<v Speaker 1>to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of

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