1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,680 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:15,040 Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:20,119 Speaker 1: Today's tip is that you shouldn't make promises that you 4 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:24,800 Speaker 1: won't want to keep. Be kind to your future self 5 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 1: by not promising anything today that you may not want 6 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:35,520 Speaker 1: to do tomorrow. I think we can all recall promises 7 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 1: for the distant future that we made and later regretted. 8 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 1: Perhaps it was a promise that your family could get 9 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,840 Speaker 1: a dog once everybody was out of diapers, which made 10 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:50,199 Speaker 1: you ambivalent when your youngest was finally toilet trained. The 11 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,440 Speaker 1: promise that you would have a big reception a few 12 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 1: months after your small family wedding ceremony, and then realizing 13 00:00:57,040 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 1: after the ceremony that you felt married enough without blowing 14 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:05,959 Speaker 1: fifteen dollars on proving it. Or maybe it was declining 15 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,479 Speaker 1: to chair the gala this year but promising to chair 16 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:13,240 Speaker 1: it next year when apparently your future self would somehow 17 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:18,120 Speaker 1: have more than twenty four hours in a day. Why 18 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 1: do we do this to ourselves? What's going on is 19 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,920 Speaker 1: that it is hard to say no. In the abstract. 20 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:32,320 Speaker 1: We view our future selves almost as strangers. You personally 21 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,560 Speaker 1: don't want to chair that gala, but you feel bad 22 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: saying no, so you assign the responsibility to someone else who, 23 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 1: conveniently enough, you have the ability to commit to things. 24 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 1: Few problem solved, except eventually the piper must be paid, 25 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: and future you turns out to be the exact same 26 00:01:56,360 --> 00:02:00,680 Speaker 1: person as current you. She has no more time than 27 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,840 Speaker 1: you do, and maybe even has less, since she just 28 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,840 Speaker 1: got that promotion, that current you has been working towards, 29 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: and her family adopted the dog that current you said 30 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: yes to. Whoops. Of course, there are some things we 31 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 1: can and should commit to for the future. Any long 32 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 1: project and any close relationship requires binding your future self 33 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:33,120 Speaker 1: to your current intentions. When things are about fundamental life 34 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 1: goals and values, then yes, promise away. But some plans 35 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 1: for the future may need to be held a little 36 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:47,519 Speaker 1: more loosely. Be wary of making promises about what your 37 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 1: future self will do when things don't rise to the 38 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 1: level of your highest priorities. In these cases, you have 39 00:02:56,520 --> 00:03:00,680 Speaker 1: two choices. If you truly do not want to do 40 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 1: something now, then it is highly likely you won't want 41 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: to do it in the future. Either. You can say 42 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 1: no yes. Saying Noah's hard, but just picture your future 43 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:17,600 Speaker 1: self feeling free from a commitment that would weigh on her. 44 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:22,639 Speaker 1: Hold that picture in mind as you say something like 45 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,800 Speaker 1: thank you so much for thinking of me. I'm sorry 46 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to take that on, 47 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 1: but I wish you the best of luck with the project. 48 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: If you are just unsure, though, then instead of committing 49 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 1: to a yes in the future, you can identify a 50 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 1: time in the future when you will revisit the question. 51 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: In other words, we can discuss whether to get a 52 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: dog once everybody is out of diapers. We will consider 53 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:54,600 Speaker 1: planning a big party once our family wedding and our 54 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: move to a new house are in our rear view mirror. 55 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 1: That way, you into Kate that you are receptive to 56 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 1: the potential plans, and this is a big plus. You 57 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 1: established that you won't be talking about them constantly until 58 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 1: that time in the future. That means there is no 59 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,160 Speaker 1: reason to keep asking for a dog for every birthday 60 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:19,360 Speaker 1: in the meantime, or to ask whether you've thought any 61 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,240 Speaker 1: more about the reception until the move to the new 62 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:26,839 Speaker 1: house is complete. You are staying open to the idea, 63 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:30,720 Speaker 1: but you are not making a promise your future self 64 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:34,159 Speaker 1: may not want to keep. You are giving your future 65 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:37,919 Speaker 1: self the chance to choose what is right at that time, 66 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:43,360 Speaker 1: which is what all of us want. So be kind 67 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 1: to your future self and don't make promises that you 68 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 1: won't want to keep. If you follow this rule, your 69 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:56,599 Speaker 1: future self well, thank you for the freedom. In the meantime, 70 00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:02,239 Speaker 1: this is Laura. Thanks for listen, and here's to making 71 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:12,120 Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to 72 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions, 73 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook 74 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E the 75 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 1: number four, then Breakfast p o D. You can also 76 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 1: shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i 77 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,720 Speaker 1: heeart media dot com. That Before Breakfast is spelled out 78 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:37,479 Speaker 1: with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward 79 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:45,680 Speaker 1: to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of 80 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:49,039 Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. 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