Speaker 1: People don't care how much you know until they know
Speaker 1: how much you care. And people know that you care
Speaker 1: when you talk to them in their language. If you're
Speaker 1: not communicating to someone in their language, they don't resonate
Speaker 1: in the same way as if you were talking to
Speaker 1: someone who doesn't speak English. You could be kind, caring
Speaker 1: and loving, but they're still not going to understand you.
Speaker 1: You're not going to get through to them. Hey. Everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast
Speaker 1: in the world. Thanks to each and every one of
Speaker 1: you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. Now,
Speaker 1: the reviews, the energy, the sharing of this show have
Speaker 1: just been so special. It's been so heart touching. I've
Speaker 1: been traveling all over bumping into so many of you.
Speaker 1: I love it when you come then tell me that
Speaker 1: you're an on Purpose listener. It really means the world
Speaker 1: to me because I feel like for those of you
Speaker 1: who listen to me every week, we've really build a relationship.
Speaker 1: Like you know me, you can hear him in your head,
Speaker 1: you recognize my voice. But even on a deep level,
Speaker 1: I feel like you understand me, and I feel like
Speaker 1: I understand you too, because as I see you sharing
Speaker 1: and I'm always looking out for your stories or your tweets.
Speaker 1: I start to notice how there's certain things that resonate
Speaker 1: with you, and I think to myself, Wow, we're really connected.
Speaker 1: So I really feel a synergy with each and every
Speaker 1: one of you that make time every week to listen,
Speaker 1: to learn, and to grow. And I just want to
Speaker 1: thank you for that, because I feel like then when
Speaker 1: we meet, there's this deeper connection that we wouldn't have otherwise.
Speaker 1: And what to speak of next year when I go
Speaker 1: on tour. I'm so excited. In the next few weeks,
Speaker 1: I'll be announcing my tour, which I want to tell
Speaker 1: you about, which I cannot wait to share with you,
Speaker 1: So make sure you're ready for that, and the launch
Speaker 1: of my second book, which I am pumped and are
Speaker 1: comming to tell you all about that. But I'm going
Speaker 1: to say that we've got an exciting lined out. But
Speaker 1: today I wanted to talk about the four types of
Speaker 1: people that you're going to meet in your life and
Speaker 1: how to effectively connect and communicate with them. And I
Speaker 1: think one of the biggest challenges for all of us
Speaker 1: is that we don't realize that everyone that we meet
Speaker 1: is wired differently and everyone that we meet is motivated differently.
Speaker 1: We are always shocked when someone doesn't align with us,
Speaker 1: when we should be more shocked when someone does align
Speaker 1: with us. It is actually more likely for you to
Speaker 1: meet people who think differently than people who think alike.
Speaker 1: And that is why our dearest friends, our family, the
Speaker 1: people that we spend the most time with, they're usually
Speaker 1: a smaller number than the people we know. Like if
Speaker 1: I asked you how many people are you close to?
Speaker 1: How many people do you feel deeply connected with? Most
Speaker 1: people would say I can count them on my hand,
Speaker 1: And most of us would say, well, it's few and
Speaker 1: far between. Maybe you're someone who has one person who
Speaker 1: knows you really well, maybe of two, maybe a five maximum.
Speaker 1: But you may know one hundred and fifty people. You
Speaker 1: may know two hundred and fifty people. All right, you're
Speaker 1: really popular, I get it. You know five hundred people,
Speaker 1: all right, But think about that as a percentage. That
Speaker 1: is such a small percentage of the amount of people
Speaker 1: you know, acquaintances, you have, people you've come across, versus
Speaker 1: the people that you know deeply and the people that
Speaker 1: know you deeply. And therefore, if you find people who
Speaker 1: are aligned in values, aligned in the way you think,
Speaker 1: it's very rare. So today I'm going to introduce you
Speaker 1: to the four types of people you'll meet in this world,
Speaker 1: in life, in work, in relationships, and hopefully after this episode,
Speaker 1: what you're going to get is you're going to understand
Speaker 1: how to connect and communicate with each different type so
Speaker 1: that you don't feel unequipped. How many times in a
Speaker 1: conversation at work do you feel I don't know what
Speaker 1: to say, Or maybe you're introduced to someone new and
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't get why they think about that first,
Speaker 1: Or you start dating someone and you wonder, why do
Speaker 1: they have different priorities? And we start to realize that
Speaker 1: personality types and the way we're set up and the
Speaker 1: way we're wired has a big impact on this. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm going to caveat by saying that there's four types
Speaker 1: i'm introducing you to today. Really there's sixteen types, and actually,
Speaker 1: if you really look to the world, there's sixty four types.
Speaker 1: So when we simplify it to four, you're going to
Speaker 1: see a lot of crossovers because it's more complex than that.
Speaker 1: But I don't think you need me to describe sixty
Speaker 1: four types. So I think four is a good place
Speaker 1: to start. So the way you can quickly identify this
Speaker 1: is by asking two questions that divides these four parts.
Speaker 1: And as you're listening to me, you can do this
Speaker 1: questionnaire on yourself and you can think about the people
Speaker 1: that you meet, the people that you know, and the
Speaker 1: people that you work with. So the first question is
Speaker 1: are you more outgoing or are you more reserved? Now,
Speaker 1: whether you're outgoing or reserved, these are both confident. It's
Speaker 1: just that you have a different wiring. So the outgoing
Speaker 1: person is the life of the party. They start conversations,
Speaker 1: They generate discussions. Often they facilitate the conversation. The reserved
Speaker 1: person may be quieter. They may find one person to
Speaker 1: connect with, They may get into a deep intimate discussion.
Speaker 1: They may listen more, they talk, and then they observe more.
Speaker 1: So answer that question for yourself, are you more outgoing
Speaker 1: or reserved? And people who say they're both that it's
Speaker 1: not necessarily true because we choose one over the other
Speaker 1: when we're feeling our best. When you're feeling your best,
Speaker 1: are you outgoing or are you reserved? So pick one
Speaker 1: o or are? Now? The second question is are you
Speaker 1: more people focused or task focused. If your people focused,
Speaker 1: you're thinking about people's experience, how people feel, how people think.
Speaker 1: If your task focused, you're focused on what do I
Speaker 1: do first? What do I do next? Okay, if I
Speaker 1: do that, then I can do that. You get obsessed
Speaker 1: with your to do lists. You get obsessed with all
Speaker 1: of the tasks of the day. You think about tasks
Speaker 1: before people, or if your people first, you think about
Speaker 1: people before tasks. We all think about both, but we
Speaker 1: think about one before the other. Are you people or
Speaker 1: are you task? You care about both, but which one
Speaker 1: do you think about first? So now you should have
Speaker 1: two letters. You will leave it to be outgoing and
Speaker 1: task OT, or you'll be outgoing in people OP, or
Speaker 1: you'll be reserved and task RT, or you'll be reserved
Speaker 1: and people are P. So you could be one of
Speaker 1: those four types, and everyone you know in the world
Speaker 1: can be broken down into one of those four types
Speaker 1: in order to help you. I often use this when
Speaker 1: I'm hiring in the workplace because I want to be
Speaker 1: surrounded by people who compliment my skill sets and strengths.
Speaker 1: I often think about this in my own relationship as
Speaker 1: to how to communicate better with my wife and today,
Speaker 1: I'm going to actually share with you which ones we
Speaker 1: are and how we communicate differently. So let's start withoutgoing
Speaker 1: and task ot. These people are doers, their planners, their schedulers.
Speaker 1: They get things done, they make things happen. They're drivers.
Speaker 1: These people are dedicated to getting the job done. Often
Speaker 1: they're moving so fast people can get upset. Often they're
Speaker 1: moving so hard that people get burned. And so you
Speaker 1: start to recognize that there's a lot of strengths to
Speaker 1: this personality type, and naturally with all of them, you're
Speaker 1: going to hear about their weaknesses. Now, this person is fantastic,
Speaker 1: and if you are going to communicate with them, if
Speaker 1: you're going to talk to that person, you want to
Speaker 1: be organized. You want to be prepared for the meeting.
Speaker 1: You want to be able to be clear about what
Speaker 1: the goal is, what the target is, and what the
Speaker 1: path is. So let's say you're dating someone who's like this.
Speaker 1: If you're going to have a conversation with them about
Speaker 1: where you want to go on vacation, they're going to
Speaker 1: be easier to engage when they can see options, they
Speaker 1: can see plans. If you go up to them and go,
Speaker 1: where do you want to go. They might have a
Speaker 1: plan themselves, but if you're taking on the responsibility, chances
Speaker 1: are they're going to expect you to have a plan
Speaker 1: because that's how they think people want to be communicated
Speaker 1: to in their emotional language, not yours. So yes, they
Speaker 1: might have planned, and they may be ahead of the
Speaker 1: game already, but chances are if you took the responsibility,
Speaker 1: you'd need to do that now. If you have someone
Speaker 1: like this at work, chances are they're already organized, they're
Speaker 1: already four steps ahead. But now when you're doing your role,
Speaker 1: if you want to be able to make them listen,
Speaker 1: if you want to communicate with them in a way
Speaker 1: that they're going to hear you, they need to hear
Speaker 1: that you have really thought about the timeline or you're
Speaker 1: interested in that approach from them. They need to understand
Speaker 1: that you realize the value of getting things done in
Speaker 1: plans and schedules. If they don't hear that in the
Speaker 1: way you speak, if they don't understand that from the
Speaker 1: way you come across, they actually start to disengage. Notice now,
Speaker 1: think about it, how many times you've talked to someone
Speaker 1: like this and you've realized you've valienated them right now,
Speaker 1: raise your hand if you Oh wow, Jay, this was
Speaker 1: a moment for me. You just blew my mind because
Speaker 1: now I know why that person never resonates with me,
Speaker 1: because I'm always trying to be kind to them. I'm
Speaker 1: always trying to be caring to them, but I don't
Speaker 1: care about what they care about. Right. There's a famous
Speaker 1: statement that says, people don't care how much you know
Speaker 1: until they know how much you care. And people know
Speaker 1: that you care when you talk to them in their language.
Speaker 1: So I used to always think, if you're kind, if
Speaker 1: you're loving, if you're caring, then that's what communication needs
Speaker 1: to be. And while that's true, if you're not communicating
Speaker 1: to someone in their language, they don't resonate in the
Speaker 1: same way as if you were talking to someone who
Speaker 1: doesn't speak English. You could be kind, caring and loving,
Speaker 1: but they're still not going to understand you. You're not
Speaker 1: going to get through to them. And so I think
Speaker 1: for all of us we have to be really conscious,
Speaker 1: we have to be really aware of whether we're getting
Speaker 1: through to people. Now, the next time that was OT,
Speaker 1: let's talk about op so op. These people are influencers,
Speaker 1: they're ideators, they're highly persuasive, they're negotiators, they're good at sales.
Speaker 1: These people are the people that love talking, they love ideating.
Speaker 1: They have a lot of high energy. They often bring
Speaker 1: a lot of energy into a conversation. They're highly motivated.
Speaker 1: They have that bright spark about them. Right, and this
Speaker 1: type of person, one of the things that's really interesting
Speaker 1: about them is that they want to be creative. They
Speaker 1: want to be recognized, they want to be validated. And
Speaker 1: if you're communicating with someone like this, you want to
Speaker 1: allow them to be open and creative. You want to
Speaker 1: let that person lead and innovate. Now, you can also
Speaker 1: see naturally that if you are this person, you're going
Speaker 1: to flourish in environments where you get to express your creativity.
Speaker 1: The biggest mistaken is often you're waiting for someone to
Speaker 1: allow you space to be creative. Often you're waiting for
Speaker 1: someone to let you be creative. And the truth is
Speaker 1: that you are going to have to show it because
Speaker 1: most people don't think like you and don't have time
Speaker 1: to think about these things. They don't have time to think, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: this person needs me to let them be creative. This
Speaker 1: person needs to let them be blue sky thinking. This
Speaker 1: person needs to let me to let them brainstorm. It
Speaker 1: doesn't work that way, and so I want you to
Speaker 1: recognize that with these individuals you have to really give
Speaker 1: them space. Notice how different it is when you're talking
Speaker 1: to the OT. You need to be organized, prepared, clear
Speaker 1: about the golden path. With the OP, you need to
Speaker 1: tell them where we're going, but they need to feel
Speaker 1: like they can populate their ideas and energy. They need
Speaker 1: to feel involved and included in the creative aspect it.
Speaker 1: They may not want to implement. So maybe you have
Speaker 1: a partners always coming up with amazing ideas but they
Speaker 1: never implement. It's not because they don't care. It's because
Speaker 1: they're wired that way, where their energy goes into creative
Speaker 1: just as in the OT the energy goes into planning.
Speaker 1: So if you're dating someone who's an OT, they may
Speaker 1: not come up with the most creative things to do,
Speaker 1: but they'll always turn up on time, they'll always be
Speaker 1: organized about it. So start to notice how a lot
Speaker 1: of the traits that we experience in the people we love.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that if someone cares about you that
Speaker 1: they won't be different, but there is an aspect of
Speaker 1: us of how we're wired that limits us because in
Speaker 1: the OT, the creative energy goes into getting things done,
Speaker 1: and in the OP the creative energy goes in actually
Speaker 1: coming up with cool ideas, new things. Now, you can
Speaker 1: already see the conflicts too. Let me just raise that point.
Speaker 1: You can already see the conflicts. If an OT is
Speaker 1: talking to an OP, there's conflict. The OT just wants
Speaker 1: to get things done, he wants to be creative. You
Speaker 1: can see a natural conflict, a natural issue, and the
Speaker 1: only way to solve that is by the OP saying
Speaker 1: to the OT or right, I would love for you
Speaker 1: to tell me the timeline so that I can have
Speaker 1: space to be creative and innovative. Right, So the OP
Speaker 1: commits to a timeline and a realistic timeline. Stress, anxiety, overwhelm, burnout.
Speaker 1: What do all of these have in common? A lack
Speaker 1: of perceived control over your time, thoughts, and tasks. But
Speaker 1: what if I told you fixing all of these problems
Speaker 1: is as simple as fixing your mindset towards them. I know,
Speaker 1: not simple at all. Everyone's busy, everyone's stress, but we
Speaker 1: could all use more calm in our lives, and learning
Speaker 1: to stay grounded and grateful is truly a daily practice.
Speaker 1: That's why I've partnered with Calm dot com to bring
Speaker 1: you the Daily J. If you've ever wanted to meditate
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Speaker 1: one is reserved in task. These people are calculative, they're cautious,
Speaker 1: they are accurate, they're data driven, they're perfectionists. Often they
Speaker 1: want to get everything just right now. If you're talking
Speaker 1: to this person, you want to be extremely specific. You
Speaker 1: want to go with insight and data. You want to
Speaker 1: go with research. You want to know because they're going
Speaker 1: to know all the details, and they want to know
Speaker 1: do you know all the details? Have you thought about it?
Speaker 1: Have you considered the different various things. So with this individual,
Speaker 1: they're like a calculator. They're going to calculate everything. So
Speaker 1: you go up to your partner and you say, to
Speaker 1: your partner, I want to buy a new dining table. Right.
Speaker 1: If that person is a calculator, they're going to start
Speaker 1: calculating how much you've already spent, how much the budget is,
Speaker 1: and what is left. And they're either going to get
Speaker 1: upset because they think you haven't thought about it, or
Speaker 1: they're going to say, well, how much is it and
Speaker 1: if you say, oh, well, I haven't really thought about it,
Speaker 1: they get triggered. That's how this works. We get triggered
Speaker 1: because we're wired to prioritize that. Imagine you're wired to
Speaker 1: think about something first, and you think the person talking
Speaker 1: to you hasn't thought about that. Often we tell that
Speaker 1: person's snappy or that person's insensitive, But it's not always that.
Speaker 1: It could be that, of course, but it often is
Speaker 1: the idea that they haven't really been approaching this with
Speaker 1: the foresight that you may have thought about this. So
Speaker 1: if you're communicating with someone at work who's reserved and task,
Speaker 1: you want to get specific with them. You want to
Speaker 1: think about how you can really connect with them based
Speaker 1: on data, insight, and solutions based on that. The fourth
Speaker 1: type is the reserved and people. This person cares about
Speaker 1: people first. They care about people's feelings. They're emotionally intelligent,
Speaker 1: they're highly stable and supportive. They're good mediators, They're good
Speaker 1: at dealing with challenges. Have you noticed how some of
Speaker 1: your friends are just really good at helping with issues
Speaker 1: and others are just pushing you to get on with it? Right,
Speaker 1: So the OT is just telling you to get on
Speaker 1: with it. The OP wants to talk to you about it,
Speaker 1: but may not have a plan. The reserved and task
Speaker 1: is calculating and logic trying to break it down. And
Speaker 1: then finally the reserved in people it's just listening, trying
Speaker 1: to understand you. That's how we're wired. You may think
Speaker 1: the other person doesn't care, but their style of care
Speaker 1: is different. Someone may care about you by wanting you
Speaker 1: to move on. Someone may care about you by giving
Speaker 1: you ideas. Someone may care about you about being specific,
Speaker 1: and someone may care about you about listening to your emotions.
Speaker 1: Notice how all those types of care are useful in
Speaker 1: different areas. So it's not that people don't care. It's
Speaker 1: that they care differently, And I think we get that
Speaker 1: misconstrued because we think that care should be the same thing.
Speaker 1: It should just be affectionist. But I've found that sometimes
Speaker 1: I choose because of my wiring to be assertively affectionate
Speaker 1: or affectionately assertive. So that's my way of being where
Speaker 1: I want to be affectionate, but I also want to
Speaker 1: be assertive. But some people would just give you affect.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that the affectionately assertive person doesn't care
Speaker 1: about you. Now, that doesn't mean people don't need to change,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't mean people don't need to evolve and
Speaker 1: develop emotional intelligence. It's just that someone may care about you,
Speaker 1: they may just express it differently. And of course this
Speaker 1: gets complex now if you are in a company with
Speaker 1: someone who is reserved and people, they often don't get
Speaker 1: hurt because they're caring so much about people, they never
Speaker 1: get hurt. People don't often know how they feel. The
Speaker 1: people that listen to how you feel are often unheard
Speaker 1: and unseen. Write that down. That's really important. People that
Speaker 1: make time to listen to you are often unheard and
Speaker 1: unseen themselves because they're trying to feel what you feel,
Speaker 1: and no one ever asked them how they feel? Right,
Speaker 1: no one ever asked them how they feel. So for
Speaker 1: those people, if you're dating them, if you're in work
Speaker 1: with them, make sure you stop, pause, reflect and ask
Speaker 1: them how they're doing. Check in with them, see how
Speaker 1: they're feeling. Now, what I love about this is that
Speaker 1: an ideal company, an ideal family, an ideal relationship has
Speaker 1: all of these. There's a beautiful statement by Albert Einstein
Speaker 1: where he said that everyone's a genius, but if you
Speaker 1: judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
Speaker 1: it will spend its whole life believing that it's stupid. Fascinating, right,
Speaker 1: amazing how that so easily happens. I want you to
Speaker 1: recognize that the people in your life are talented, they
Speaker 1: are skilled, they are able. It's just that they think
Speaker 1: differently in the workplace. There's this great conversation between Steve
Speaker 1: Jobs and Steve WASN'TIAC and Steve WASN'TIAC. The tech brains
Speaker 1: behind Apple looks at Steve Jobs and says, what do
Speaker 1: you even do? You're not an engineer, you're not an artist,
Speaker 1: you're not a code or what do you do? And
Speaker 1: Steve Jobs said musicians played their instruments. I played the orchestra,
Speaker 1: which means he knew that he couldn't do all of this,
Speaker 1: but he could bring people together to do all of it. Now,
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example with me and RADI. So
Speaker 1: I am an OP. I'm outgoing and I'm people oriented.
Speaker 1: It suits what I do for work, it suits my personality,
Speaker 1: and I have adopted different traits from other personality types
Speaker 1: to make me more well rounded. But over time, I've
Speaker 1: developed more of the emotionally intelligent person because I care
Speaker 1: about people deeply. But I've also developed more of the
Speaker 1: task oriented person because I want to get things done.
Speaker 1: But I choose to surround myself because I'm an OP.
Speaker 1: I choose to surround myself with more reserved and task
Speaker 1: because that's an opposite to me. I'm not usually detail oriented.
Speaker 1: I don't like to focus on all the specifics. I
Speaker 1: like to have people on my team focus on things
Speaker 1: like that, right Rather, my wife is more likely to
Speaker 1: be reserved in people. So I'm outgoing in people and
Speaker 1: she's reserved in people. Now, how does that affect us
Speaker 1: in our relationship? It means I need to make time
Speaker 1: to really check in with her, to make sure she
Speaker 1: has space for her to tell me how she feels,
Speaker 1: for her to have space to reflect to her, to
Speaker 1: have time to think about it. She doesn't always want
Speaker 1: to be dragged to events, She doesn't always want to
Speaker 1: go out and meet new people. She wants to be
Speaker 1: in the comfort of being around people she knows, people
Speaker 1: she trusts. So I have to be mindful of those things.
Speaker 1: I have to be conscious of those things that that's
Speaker 1: what she's looking for. And that's not because she doesn't
Speaker 1: love our life and she doesn't love me. It's because
Speaker 1: she's wired differently, and same with me. I like to
Speaker 1: meet new people, I like to go to new places.
Speaker 1: I also like my friends. I also recharge a lot
Speaker 1: by being alone and spending time alone. And so when
Speaker 1: we start to realize that our differences are not because
Speaker 1: we're disconnected from each other. Are differences are because we're different,
Speaker 1: we're wired differently, and we start to recognize that we
Speaker 1: don't take things personally. The problem is we take a
Speaker 1: lot of these things very personally. So I hope this
Speaker 1: helps you in work in relationships, in life moving forward,
Speaker 1: because I think too many of us don't recognize how
Speaker 1: we take life to personally make life very difficult when
Speaker 1: actually it's so much about how the other person is
Speaker 1: actually wired. Now, I want to thank you for listening
Speaker 1: to today's episode. I really hope it does help you
Speaker 1: in work and in life. And I want to take
Speaker 1: a moment now at the end to just read a
Speaker 1: few reviews, because we've had some amazing reviews lately, and
Speaker 1: I just want to point out we've got nineteen thousand reviews.
Speaker 1: My goal this year from on purpose, from all of
Speaker 1: you is to get to twenty thousand. So we're nearly there,
Speaker 1: but I need your help and then we'll of course
Speaker 1: see how many more we can get to. But here's
Speaker 1: an amazing review from sun Rose. Thank you so much,
Speaker 1: Jay for providing us all with such great content and knowledge.
Speaker 1: I was going through a really difficult time when I
Speaker 1: coincidentally discovered your podcasts. I've also bought your book, and
Speaker 1: they both have helped me tremendously. It has been a
Speaker 1: little over a year that I started listening to you.
Speaker 1: You have been a great help to me becoming a
Speaker 1: better version of myself. Thank you. That was beautiful Rose.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sending that. This is Nick
Speaker 1: sing I appreciate your podcast tremendously as a person who
Speaker 1: recently divorced five years ago and now trying to build
Speaker 1: on a new relationship with somebody I love dearly. Your
Speaker 1: podcast has given me plenty of insight about my anxiety
Speaker 1: and fear of being alone. What I'd like to learn
Speaker 1: is how to be alone and love myself. What tips
Speaker 1: can I follow? It's been difficult for me to be
Speaker 1: away from my girlfriend while she and I are traveling
Speaker 1: separately and away from each other for three weeks. I
Speaker 1: miss a much, but could this mean I'm over possessive.
Speaker 1: I'll do an episode on that. Nick, thank you for
Speaker 1: that review. I love you also dropping in questions in
Speaker 1: the reviews. It's helpful for me. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Can't wait to see you next time.
Speaker 1: It's you soon. M