1
00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,840
Speaker 1: People don't care how much you know until they know

2
00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:06,640
Speaker 1: how much you care. And people know that you care

3
00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,520
Speaker 1: when you talk to them in their language. If you're

4
00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:12,760
Speaker 1: not communicating to someone in their language, they don't resonate

5
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,560
Speaker 1: in the same way as if you were talking to

6
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,600
Speaker 1: someone who doesn't speak English. You could be kind, caring

7
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,120
Speaker 1: and loving, but they're still not going to understand you.

8
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:28,440
Speaker 1: You're not going to get through to them. Hey. Everyone,

9
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,960
Speaker 1: welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast

10
00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:34,559
Speaker 1: in the world. Thanks to each and every one of

11
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:40,360
Speaker 1: you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. Now,

12
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:46,800
Speaker 1: the reviews, the energy, the sharing of this show have

13
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:51,320
Speaker 1: just been so special. It's been so heart touching. I've

14
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:53,880
Speaker 1: been traveling all over bumping into so many of you.

15
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,000
Speaker 1: I love it when you come then tell me that

16
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,640
Speaker 1: you're an on Purpose listener. It really means the world

17
00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,880
Speaker 1: to me because I feel like for those of you

18
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,160
Speaker 1: who listen to me every week, we've really build a relationship.

19
00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,240
Speaker 1: Like you know me, you can hear him in your head,

20
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,959
Speaker 1: you recognize my voice. But even on a deep level,

21
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,840
Speaker 1: I feel like you understand me, and I feel like

22
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,440
Speaker 1: I understand you too, because as I see you sharing

23
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,840
Speaker 1: and I'm always looking out for your stories or your tweets.

24
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:23,840
Speaker 1: I start to notice how there's certain things that resonate

25
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,679
Speaker 1: with you, and I think to myself, Wow, we're really connected.

26
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,240
Speaker 1: So I really feel a synergy with each and every

27
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,039
Speaker 1: one of you that make time every week to listen,

28
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,880
Speaker 1: to learn, and to grow. And I just want to

29
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:38,000
Speaker 1: thank you for that, because I feel like then when

30
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:42,119
Speaker 1: we meet, there's this deeper connection that we wouldn't have otherwise.

31
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:44,480
Speaker 1: And what to speak of next year when I go

32
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:49,320
Speaker 1: on tour. I'm so excited. In the next few weeks,

33
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,800
Speaker 1: I'll be announcing my tour, which I want to tell

34
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:54,440
Speaker 1: you about, which I cannot wait to share with you,

35
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,480
Speaker 1: So make sure you're ready for that, and the launch

36
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:00,920
Speaker 1: of my second book, which I am pumped and are

37
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,480
Speaker 1: comming to tell you all about that. But I'm going

38
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,480
Speaker 1: to say that we've got an exciting lined out. But

39
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:09,920
Speaker 1: today I wanted to talk about the four types of

40
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,239
Speaker 1: people that you're going to meet in your life and

41
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:18,800
Speaker 1: how to effectively connect and communicate with them. And I

42
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,480
Speaker 1: think one of the biggest challenges for all of us

43
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:27,000
Speaker 1: is that we don't realize that everyone that we meet

44
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:33,320
Speaker 1: is wired differently and everyone that we meet is motivated differently.

45
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:39,000
Speaker 1: We are always shocked when someone doesn't align with us,

46
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:44,400
Speaker 1: when we should be more shocked when someone does align

47
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,600
Speaker 1: with us. It is actually more likely for you to

48
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:51,960
Speaker 1: meet people who think differently than people who think alike.

49
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,840
Speaker 1: And that is why our dearest friends, our family, the

50
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,840
Speaker 1: people that we spend the most time with, they're usually

51
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,520
Speaker 1: a smaller number than the people we know. Like if

52
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,800
Speaker 1: I asked you how many people are you close to?

53
00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:07,520
Speaker 1: How many people do you feel deeply connected with? Most

54
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,880
Speaker 1: people would say I can count them on my hand,

55
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,680
Speaker 1: And most of us would say, well, it's few and

56
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:17,080
Speaker 1: far between. Maybe you're someone who has one person who

57
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,280
Speaker 1: knows you really well, maybe of two, maybe a five maximum.

58
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,919
Speaker 1: But you may know one hundred and fifty people. You

59
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,040
Speaker 1: may know two hundred and fifty people. All right, you're

60
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,120
Speaker 1: really popular, I get it. You know five hundred people,

61
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:33,080
Speaker 1: all right, But think about that as a percentage. That

62
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:37,200
Speaker 1: is such a small percentage of the amount of people

63
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:41,440
Speaker 1: you know, acquaintances, you have, people you've come across, versus

64
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,600
Speaker 1: the people that you know deeply and the people that

65
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,680
Speaker 1: know you deeply. And therefore, if you find people who

66
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,640
Speaker 1: are aligned in values, aligned in the way you think,

67
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:52,520
Speaker 1: it's very rare. So today I'm going to introduce you

68
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,120
Speaker 1: to the four types of people you'll meet in this world,

69
00:03:55,560 --> 00:04:00,480
Speaker 1: in life, in work, in relationships, and hopefully after this episode,

70
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,520
Speaker 1: what you're going to get is you're going to understand

71
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:07,520
Speaker 1: how to connect and communicate with each different type so

72
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,360
Speaker 1: that you don't feel unequipped. How many times in a

73
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,200
Speaker 1: conversation at work do you feel I don't know what

74
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:17,279
Speaker 1: to say, Or maybe you're introduced to someone new and

75
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:21,680
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't get why they think about that first,

76
00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:25,320
Speaker 1: Or you start dating someone and you wonder, why do

77
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,880
Speaker 1: they have different priorities? And we start to realize that

78
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,359
Speaker 1: personality types and the way we're set up and the

79
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:35,960
Speaker 1: way we're wired has a big impact on this. Now,

80
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:40,160
Speaker 1: I'm going to caveat by saying that there's four types

81
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:44,839
Speaker 1: i'm introducing you to today. Really there's sixteen types, and actually,

82
00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:47,479
Speaker 1: if you really look to the world, there's sixty four types.

83
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,520
Speaker 1: So when we simplify it to four, you're going to

84
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:54,520
Speaker 1: see a lot of crossovers because it's more complex than that.

85
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,960
Speaker 1: But I don't think you need me to describe sixty

86
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,200
Speaker 1: four types. So I think four is a good place

87
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:03,480
Speaker 1: to start. So the way you can quickly identify this

88
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:08,000
Speaker 1: is by asking two questions that divides these four parts.

89
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,039
Speaker 1: And as you're listening to me, you can do this

90
00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:15,040
Speaker 1: questionnaire on yourself and you can think about the people

91
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,479
Speaker 1: that you meet, the people that you know, and the

92
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,840
Speaker 1: people that you work with. So the first question is

93
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:25,760
Speaker 1: are you more outgoing or are you more reserved? Now,

94
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:30,560
Speaker 1: whether you're outgoing or reserved, these are both confident. It's

95
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,720
Speaker 1: just that you have a different wiring. So the outgoing

96
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,799
Speaker 1: person is the life of the party. They start conversations,

97
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:40,920
Speaker 1: They generate discussions. Often they facilitate the conversation. The reserved

98
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:45,440
Speaker 1: person may be quieter. They may find one person to

99
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,640
Speaker 1: connect with, They may get into a deep intimate discussion.

100
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:52,240
Speaker 1: They may listen more, they talk, and then they observe more.

101
00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:55,440
Speaker 1: So answer that question for yourself, are you more outgoing

102
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:58,760
Speaker 1: or reserved? And people who say they're both that it's

103
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,680
Speaker 1: not necessarily true because we choose one over the other

104
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,800
Speaker 1: when we're feeling our best. When you're feeling your best,

105
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:08,839
Speaker 1: are you outgoing or are you reserved? So pick one

106
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:12,560
Speaker 1: o or are? Now? The second question is are you

107
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:16,800
Speaker 1: more people focused or task focused. If your people focused,

108
00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:20,880
Speaker 1: you're thinking about people's experience, how people feel, how people think.

109
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,839
Speaker 1: If your task focused, you're focused on what do I

110
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,240
Speaker 1: do first? What do I do next? Okay, if I

111
00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:28,200
Speaker 1: do that, then I can do that. You get obsessed

112
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,080
Speaker 1: with your to do lists. You get obsessed with all

113
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:34,000
Speaker 1: of the tasks of the day. You think about tasks

114
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,839
Speaker 1: before people, or if your people first, you think about

115
00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:40,880
Speaker 1: people before tasks. We all think about both, but we

116
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:45,280
Speaker 1: think about one before the other. Are you people or

117
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,080
Speaker 1: are you task? You care about both, but which one

118
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,080
Speaker 1: do you think about first? So now you should have

119
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:55,000
Speaker 1: two letters. You will leave it to be outgoing and

120
00:06:55,240 --> 00:07:01,400
Speaker 1: task OT, or you'll be outgoing in people OP, or

121
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:08,280
Speaker 1: you'll be reserved and task RT, or you'll be reserved

122
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:12,240
Speaker 1: and people are P. So you could be one of

123
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:15,040
Speaker 1: those four types, and everyone you know in the world

124
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,560
Speaker 1: can be broken down into one of those four types

125
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,880
Speaker 1: in order to help you. I often use this when

126
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,560
Speaker 1: I'm hiring in the workplace because I want to be

127
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,800
Speaker 1: surrounded by people who compliment my skill sets and strengths.

128
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:31,120
Speaker 1: I often think about this in my own relationship as

129
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,520
Speaker 1: to how to communicate better with my wife and today,

130
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,240
Speaker 1: I'm going to actually share with you which ones we

131
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:42,280
Speaker 1: are and how we communicate differently. So let's start withoutgoing

132
00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:48,320
Speaker 1: and task ot. These people are doers, their planners, their schedulers.

133
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:53,080
Speaker 1: They get things done, they make things happen. They're drivers.

134
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:58,920
Speaker 1: These people are dedicated to getting the job done. Often

135
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:03,680
Speaker 1: they're moving so fast people can get upset. Often they're

136
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:09,240
Speaker 1: moving so hard that people get burned. And so you

137
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,560
Speaker 1: start to recognize that there's a lot of strengths to

138
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,840
Speaker 1: this personality type, and naturally with all of them, you're

139
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:21,760
Speaker 1: going to hear about their weaknesses. Now, this person is fantastic,

140
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:25,720
Speaker 1: and if you are going to communicate with them, if

141
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,680
Speaker 1: you're going to talk to that person, you want to

142
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:32,559
Speaker 1: be organized. You want to be prepared for the meeting.

143
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,600
Speaker 1: You want to be able to be clear about what

144
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,720
Speaker 1: the goal is, what the target is, and what the

145
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:41,719
Speaker 1: path is. So let's say you're dating someone who's like this.

146
00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:44,480
Speaker 1: If you're going to have a conversation with them about

147
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,240
Speaker 1: where you want to go on vacation, they're going to

148
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,679
Speaker 1: be easier to engage when they can see options, they

149
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,960
Speaker 1: can see plans. If you go up to them and go,

150
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,040
Speaker 1: where do you want to go. They might have a

151
00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:59,800
Speaker 1: plan themselves, but if you're taking on the responsibility, chances

152
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,480
Speaker 1: are they're going to expect you to have a plan

153
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:05,679
Speaker 1: because that's how they think people want to be communicated

154
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:10,240
Speaker 1: to in their emotional language, not yours. So yes, they

155
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:11,960
Speaker 1: might have planned, and they may be ahead of the

156
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,360
Speaker 1: game already, but chances are if you took the responsibility,

157
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,640
Speaker 1: you'd need to do that now. If you have someone

158
00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:20,960
Speaker 1: like this at work, chances are they're already organized, they're

159
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,320
Speaker 1: already four steps ahead. But now when you're doing your role,

160
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,320
Speaker 1: if you want to be able to make them listen,

161
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,160
Speaker 1: if you want to communicate with them in a way

162
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,360
Speaker 1: that they're going to hear you, they need to hear

163
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:36,320
Speaker 1: that you have really thought about the timeline or you're

164
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,880
Speaker 1: interested in that approach from them. They need to understand

165
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,520
Speaker 1: that you realize the value of getting things done in

166
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,440
Speaker 1: plans and schedules. If they don't hear that in the

167
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,040
Speaker 1: way you speak, if they don't understand that from the

168
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:53,360
Speaker 1: way you come across, they actually start to disengage. Notice now,

169
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,880
Speaker 1: think about it, how many times you've talked to someone

170
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,120
Speaker 1: like this and you've realized you've valienated them right now,

171
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:01,599
Speaker 1: raise your hand if you Oh wow, Jay, this was

172
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,280
Speaker 1: a moment for me. You just blew my mind because

173
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,559
Speaker 1: now I know why that person never resonates with me,

174
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:09,960
Speaker 1: because I'm always trying to be kind to them. I'm

175
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,880
Speaker 1: always trying to be caring to them, but I don't

176
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,600
Speaker 1: care about what they care about. Right. There's a famous

177
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:19,079
Speaker 1: statement that says, people don't care how much you know

178
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:22,960
Speaker 1: until they know how much you care. And people know

179
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,040
Speaker 1: that you care when you talk to them in their language.

180
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:29,400
Speaker 1: So I used to always think, if you're kind, if

181
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:33,600
Speaker 1: you're loving, if you're caring, then that's what communication needs

182
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:37,400
Speaker 1: to be. And while that's true, if you're not communicating

183
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,440
Speaker 1: to someone in their language, they don't resonate in the

184
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,120
Speaker 1: same way as if you were talking to someone who

185
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:45,200
Speaker 1: doesn't speak English. You could be kind, caring and loving,

186
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,439
Speaker 1: but they're still not going to understand you. You're not

187
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,040
Speaker 1: going to get through to them. And so I think

188
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,959
Speaker 1: for all of us we have to be really conscious,

189
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,840
Speaker 1: we have to be really aware of whether we're getting

190
00:10:55,840 --> 00:11:00,280
Speaker 1: through to people. Now, the next time that was OT,

191
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:07,480
Speaker 1: let's talk about op so op. These people are influencers,

192
00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:12,640
Speaker 1: they're ideators, they're highly persuasive, they're negotiators, they're good at sales.

193
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:17,480
Speaker 1: These people are the people that love talking, they love ideating.

194
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:20,280
Speaker 1: They have a lot of high energy. They often bring

195
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:24,440
Speaker 1: a lot of energy into a conversation. They're highly motivated.

196
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:29,840
Speaker 1: They have that bright spark about them. Right, and this

197
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,840
Speaker 1: type of person, one of the things that's really interesting

198
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:36,120
Speaker 1: about them is that they want to be creative. They

199
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:39,800
Speaker 1: want to be recognized, they want to be validated. And

200
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:43,000
Speaker 1: if you're communicating with someone like this, you want to

201
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:46,440
Speaker 1: allow them to be open and creative. You want to

202
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:49,920
Speaker 1: let that person lead and innovate. Now, you can also

203
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:54,120
Speaker 1: see naturally that if you are this person, you're going

204
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:58,679
Speaker 1: to flourish in environments where you get to express your creativity.

205
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,200
Speaker 1: The biggest mistaken is often you're waiting for someone to

206
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,439
Speaker 1: allow you space to be creative. Often you're waiting for

207
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:09,719
Speaker 1: someone to let you be creative. And the truth is

208
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:13,280
Speaker 1: that you are going to have to show it because

209
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:17,360
Speaker 1: most people don't think like you and don't have time

210
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,240
Speaker 1: to think about these things. They don't have time to think, oh, yeah,

211
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,199
Speaker 1: this person needs me to let them be creative. This

212
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:26,000
Speaker 1: person needs to let them be blue sky thinking. This

213
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,160
Speaker 1: person needs to let me to let them brainstorm. It

214
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,720
Speaker 1: doesn't work that way, and so I want you to

215
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:38,080
Speaker 1: recognize that with these individuals you have to really give

216
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,240
Speaker 1: them space. Notice how different it is when you're talking

217
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:44,760
Speaker 1: to the OT. You need to be organized, prepared, clear

218
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:49,200
Speaker 1: about the golden path. With the OP, you need to

219
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:52,600
Speaker 1: tell them where we're going, but they need to feel

220
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:56,400
Speaker 1: like they can populate their ideas and energy. They need

221
00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:00,600
Speaker 1: to feel involved and included in the creative aspect it.

222
00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:03,000
Speaker 1: They may not want to implement. So maybe you have

223
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,600
Speaker 1: a partners always coming up with amazing ideas but they

224
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,880
Speaker 1: never implement. It's not because they don't care. It's because

225
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:12,199
Speaker 1: they're wired that way, where their energy goes into creative

226
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,400
Speaker 1: just as in the OT the energy goes into planning.

227
00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:18,160
Speaker 1: So if you're dating someone who's an OT, they may

228
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,840
Speaker 1: not come up with the most creative things to do,

229
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,040
Speaker 1: but they'll always turn up on time, they'll always be

230
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:26,240
Speaker 1: organized about it. So start to notice how a lot

231
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:29,280
Speaker 1: of the traits that we experience in the people we love.

232
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,200
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that if someone cares about you that

233
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,800
Speaker 1: they won't be different, but there is an aspect of

234
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,880
Speaker 1: us of how we're wired that limits us because in

235
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:41,360
Speaker 1: the OT, the creative energy goes into getting things done,

236
00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:46,040
Speaker 1: and in the OP the creative energy goes in actually

237
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,480
Speaker 1: coming up with cool ideas, new things. Now, you can

238
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,600
Speaker 1: already see the conflicts too. Let me just raise that point.

239
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,280
Speaker 1: You can already see the conflicts. If an OT is

240
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:58,160
Speaker 1: talking to an OP, there's conflict. The OT just wants

241
00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,920
Speaker 1: to get things done, he wants to be creative. You

242
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,280
Speaker 1: can see a natural conflict, a natural issue, and the

243
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:08,040
Speaker 1: only way to solve that is by the OP saying

244
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,040
Speaker 1: to the OT or right, I would love for you

245
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,679
Speaker 1: to tell me the timeline so that I can have

246
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:18,360
Speaker 1: space to be creative and innovative. Right, So the OP

247
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:28,800
Speaker 1: commits to a timeline and a realistic timeline. Stress, anxiety, overwhelm, burnout.

248
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:33,280
Speaker 1: What do all of these have in common? A lack

249
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:39,080
Speaker 1: of perceived control over your time, thoughts, and tasks. But

250
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,680
Speaker 1: what if I told you fixing all of these problems

251
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:46,600
Speaker 1: is as simple as fixing your mindset towards them. I know,

252
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:51,440
Speaker 1: not simple at all. Everyone's busy, everyone's stress, but we

253
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:54,440
Speaker 1: could all use more calm in our lives, and learning

254
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:58,479
Speaker 1: to stay grounded and grateful is truly a daily practice.

255
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:01,880
Speaker 1: That's why I've partnered with Calm dot com to bring

256
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,760
Speaker 1: you the Daily J. If you've ever wanted to meditate

257
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,280
Speaker 1: with me and take back control over your busy mind,

258
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,920
Speaker 1: join me on the car map for the Daily J,

259
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,840
Speaker 1: a daily guided meditation where I'll help you find calm

260
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:18,040
Speaker 1: in the chaos, plant beautiful intentions for a happy, abundant

261
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,680
Speaker 1: life and simple steps for positive actions to get you

262
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,560
Speaker 1: closer to the life of your dreams. Meditate with me

263
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,440
Speaker 1: by going to Calm dot com forward slash jay to

264
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,840
Speaker 1: get forty percent off a Calm Premium membership that's only

265
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:34,960
Speaker 1: forty two dollars for the whole year for daily guided meditations.

266
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:40,320
Speaker 1: Experience the Daily J only on carm Okay, the third

267
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:45,600
Speaker 1: one is reserved in task. These people are calculative, they're cautious,

268
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:50,840
Speaker 1: they are accurate, they're data driven, they're perfectionists. Often they

269
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,640
Speaker 1: want to get everything just right now. If you're talking

270
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,080
Speaker 1: to this person, you want to be extremely specific. You

271
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,960
Speaker 1: want to go with insight and data. You want to

272
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,520
Speaker 1: go with research. You want to know because they're going

273
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,160
Speaker 1: to know all the details, and they want to know

274
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,840
Speaker 1: do you know all the details? Have you thought about it?

275
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:11,160
Speaker 1: Have you considered the different various things. So with this individual,

276
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:15,000
Speaker 1: they're like a calculator. They're going to calculate everything. So

277
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,240
Speaker 1: you go up to your partner and you say, to

278
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:22,440
Speaker 1: your partner, I want to buy a new dining table. Right.

279
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,400
Speaker 1: If that person is a calculator, they're going to start

280
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,040
Speaker 1: calculating how much you've already spent, how much the budget is,

281
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,760
Speaker 1: and what is left. And they're either going to get

282
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,440
Speaker 1: upset because they think you haven't thought about it, or

283
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,160
Speaker 1: they're going to say, well, how much is it and

284
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,320
Speaker 1: if you say, oh, well, I haven't really thought about it,

285
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,480
Speaker 1: they get triggered. That's how this works. We get triggered

286
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:43,680
Speaker 1: because we're wired to prioritize that. Imagine you're wired to

287
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,920
Speaker 1: think about something first, and you think the person talking

288
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,720
Speaker 1: to you hasn't thought about that. Often we tell that

289
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:53,920
Speaker 1: person's snappy or that person's insensitive, But it's not always that.

290
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:56,240
Speaker 1: It could be that, of course, but it often is

291
00:16:56,280 --> 00:17:01,760
Speaker 1: the idea that they haven't really been approaching this with

292
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,199
Speaker 1: the foresight that you may have thought about this. So

293
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:09,960
Speaker 1: if you're communicating with someone at work who's reserved and task,

294
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,439
Speaker 1: you want to get specific with them. You want to

295
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,760
Speaker 1: think about how you can really connect with them based

296
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:20,840
Speaker 1: on data, insight, and solutions based on that. The fourth

297
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:28,119
Speaker 1: type is the reserved and people. This person cares about

298
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:33,240
Speaker 1: people first. They care about people's feelings. They're emotionally intelligent,

299
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:37,520
Speaker 1: they're highly stable and supportive. They're good mediators, They're good

300
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,439
Speaker 1: at dealing with challenges. Have you noticed how some of

301
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,760
Speaker 1: your friends are just really good at helping with issues

302
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,120
Speaker 1: and others are just pushing you to get on with it? Right,

303
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:49,919
Speaker 1: So the OT is just telling you to get on

304
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,760
Speaker 1: with it. The OP wants to talk to you about it,

305
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:57,720
Speaker 1: but may not have a plan. The reserved and task

306
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,959
Speaker 1: is calculating and logic trying to break it down. And

307
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:06,720
Speaker 1: then finally the reserved in people it's just listening, trying

308
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:11,120
Speaker 1: to understand you. That's how we're wired. You may think

309
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,840
Speaker 1: the other person doesn't care, but their style of care

310
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:17,040
Speaker 1: is different. Someone may care about you by wanting you

311
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,720
Speaker 1: to move on. Someone may care about you by giving

312
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:23,400
Speaker 1: you ideas. Someone may care about you about being specific,

313
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:26,399
Speaker 1: and someone may care about you about listening to your emotions.

314
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:30,359
Speaker 1: Notice how all those types of care are useful in

315
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,960
Speaker 1: different areas. So it's not that people don't care. It's

316
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:37,159
Speaker 1: that they care differently, And I think we get that

317
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:41,320
Speaker 1: misconstrued because we think that care should be the same thing.

318
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:45,400
Speaker 1: It should just be affectionist. But I've found that sometimes

319
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:51,080
Speaker 1: I choose because of my wiring to be assertively affectionate

320
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:55,560
Speaker 1: or affectionately assertive. So that's my way of being where

321
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,560
Speaker 1: I want to be affectionate, but I also want to

322
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,359
Speaker 1: be assertive. But some people would just give you affect.

323
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,720
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that the affectionately assertive person doesn't care

324
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,920
Speaker 1: about you. Now, that doesn't mean people don't need to change,

325
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,760
Speaker 1: and it doesn't mean people don't need to evolve and

326
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,920
Speaker 1: develop emotional intelligence. It's just that someone may care about you,

327
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,439
Speaker 1: they may just express it differently. And of course this

328
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:20,359
Speaker 1: gets complex now if you are in a company with

329
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:25,560
Speaker 1: someone who is reserved and people, they often don't get

330
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,880
Speaker 1: hurt because they're caring so much about people, they never

331
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,800
Speaker 1: get hurt. People don't often know how they feel. The

332
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:37,159
Speaker 1: people that listen to how you feel are often unheard

333
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,760
Speaker 1: and unseen. Write that down. That's really important. People that

334
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,960
Speaker 1: make time to listen to you are often unheard and

335
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:48,000
Speaker 1: unseen themselves because they're trying to feel what you feel,

336
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,960
Speaker 1: and no one ever asked them how they feel? Right,

337
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 1: no one ever asked them how they feel. So for

338
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,240
Speaker 1: those people, if you're dating them, if you're in work

339
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,960
Speaker 1: with them, make sure you stop, pause, reflect and ask

340
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,960
Speaker 1: them how they're doing. Check in with them, see how

341
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,639
Speaker 1: they're feeling. Now, what I love about this is that

342
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,800
Speaker 1: an ideal company, an ideal family, an ideal relationship has

343
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,720
Speaker 1: all of these. There's a beautiful statement by Albert Einstein

344
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,399
Speaker 1: where he said that everyone's a genius, but if you

345
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,200
Speaker 1: judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,

346
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:24,040
Speaker 1: it will spend its whole life believing that it's stupid. Fascinating, right,

347
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 1: amazing how that so easily happens. I want you to

348
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:31,919
Speaker 1: recognize that the people in your life are talented, they

349
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,879
Speaker 1: are skilled, they are able. It's just that they think

350
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:40,120
Speaker 1: differently in the workplace. There's this great conversation between Steve

351
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:44,679
Speaker 1: Jobs and Steve WASN'TIAC and Steve WASN'TIAC. The tech brains

352
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 1: behind Apple looks at Steve Jobs and says, what do

353
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,240
Speaker 1: you even do? You're not an engineer, you're not an artist,

354
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:52,239
Speaker 1: you're not a code or what do you do? And

355
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 1: Steve Jobs said musicians played their instruments. I played the orchestra,

356
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,119
Speaker 1: which means he knew that he couldn't do all of this,

357
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,439
Speaker 1: but he could bring people together to do all of it. Now,

358
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,239
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example with me and RADI. So

359
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,919
Speaker 1: I am an OP. I'm outgoing and I'm people oriented.

360
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,120
Speaker 1: It suits what I do for work, it suits my personality,

361
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 1: and I have adopted different traits from other personality types

362
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,399
Speaker 1: to make me more well rounded. But over time, I've

363
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,719
Speaker 1: developed more of the emotionally intelligent person because I care

364
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,359
Speaker 1: about people deeply. But I've also developed more of the

365
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,680
Speaker 1: task oriented person because I want to get things done.

366
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 1: But I choose to surround myself because I'm an OP.

367
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:40,320
Speaker 1: I choose to surround myself with more reserved and task

368
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,920
Speaker 1: because that's an opposite to me. I'm not usually detail oriented.

369
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,560
Speaker 1: I don't like to focus on all the specifics. I

370
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 1: like to have people on my team focus on things

371
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:53,159
Speaker 1: like that, right Rather, my wife is more likely to

372
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,479
Speaker 1: be reserved in people. So I'm outgoing in people and

373
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 1: she's reserved in people. Now, how does that affect us

374
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,440
Speaker 1: in our relationship? It means I need to make time

375
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 1: to really check in with her, to make sure she

376
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 1: has space for her to tell me how she feels,

377
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,159
Speaker 1: for her to have space to reflect to her, to

378
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,199
Speaker 1: have time to think about it. She doesn't always want

379
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 1: to be dragged to events, She doesn't always want to

380
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,639
Speaker 1: go out and meet new people. She wants to be

381
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,960
Speaker 1: in the comfort of being around people she knows, people

382
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 1: she trusts. So I have to be mindful of those things.

383
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 1: I have to be conscious of those things that that's

384
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,200
Speaker 1: what she's looking for. And that's not because she doesn't

385
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,760
Speaker 1: love our life and she doesn't love me. It's because

386
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 1: she's wired differently, and same with me. I like to

387
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 1: meet new people, I like to go to new places.

388
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,840
Speaker 1: I also like my friends. I also recharge a lot

389
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 1: by being alone and spending time alone. And so when

390
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:48,560
Speaker 1: we start to realize that our differences are not because

391
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:54,200
Speaker 1: we're disconnected from each other. Are differences are because we're different,

392
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,639
Speaker 1: we're wired differently, and we start to recognize that we

393
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,199
Speaker 1: don't take things personally. The problem is we take a

394
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:04,879
Speaker 1: lot of these things very personally. So I hope this

395
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:09,160
Speaker 1: helps you in work in relationships, in life moving forward,

396
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,760
Speaker 1: because I think too many of us don't recognize how

397
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,920
Speaker 1: we take life to personally make life very difficult when

398
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 1: actually it's so much about how the other person is

399
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 1: actually wired. Now, I want to thank you for listening

400
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,000
Speaker 1: to today's episode. I really hope it does help you

401
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,440
Speaker 1: in work and in life. And I want to take

402
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 1: a moment now at the end to just read a

403
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 1: few reviews, because we've had some amazing reviews lately, and

404
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 1: I just want to point out we've got nineteen thousand reviews.

405
00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 1: My goal this year from on purpose, from all of

406
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 1: you is to get to twenty thousand. So we're nearly there,

407
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:43,920
Speaker 1: but I need your help and then we'll of course

408
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 1: see how many more we can get to. But here's

409
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:51,640
Speaker 1: an amazing review from sun Rose. Thank you so much,

410
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 1: Jay for providing us all with such great content and knowledge.

411
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 1: I was going through a really difficult time when I

412
00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:00,959
Speaker 1: coincidentally discovered your podcasts. I've also bought your book, and

413
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 1: they both have helped me tremendously. It has been a

414
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 1: little over a year that I started listening to you.

415
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,639
Speaker 1: You have been a great help to me becoming a

416
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:12,359
Speaker 1: better version of myself. Thank you. That was beautiful Rose.

417
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,880
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sending that. This is Nick

418
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 1: sing I appreciate your podcast tremendously as a person who

419
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,680
Speaker 1: recently divorced five years ago and now trying to build

420
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 1: on a new relationship with somebody I love dearly. Your

421
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,919
Speaker 1: podcast has given me plenty of insight about my anxiety

422
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 1: and fear of being alone. What I'd like to learn

423
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 1: is how to be alone and love myself. What tips

424
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,520
Speaker 1: can I follow? It's been difficult for me to be

425
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: away from my girlfriend while she and I are traveling

426
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:44,480
Speaker 1: separately and away from each other for three weeks. I

427
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,600
Speaker 1: miss a much, but could this mean I'm over possessive.

428
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,639
Speaker 1: I'll do an episode on that. Nick, thank you for

429
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 1: that review. I love you also dropping in questions in

430
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 1: the reviews. It's helpful for me. Thank you so much.

431
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Can't wait to see you next time.

432
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:05,159
Speaker 1: It's you soon. M