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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, Welcome to Tommy Talk, and today's topic is

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Speaker 1: high school reunions. Yay or nay. This is a big

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Speaker 1: decision to make, and it's one that I think a

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Speaker 1: lot of people have to really think about when they

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Speaker 1: decide if they want to be going to their high

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Speaker 1: school reunion or not. So there are many reasons why

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Speaker 1: people go, and there are many reasons why people don't go,

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Speaker 1: and we're going to talk about some of those to

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Speaker 1: help you figure out if that's something you want to

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Speaker 1: be going to or not. But I think there are

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Speaker 1: a few questions you have to first ask yourself, and

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Speaker 1: I think number one is if I go to my

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Speaker 1: high school reunion, am I genuinely going to enjoy it?

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Speaker 1: Or am I going to go and start comparing myself

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Speaker 1: to other people and feeling like I'm not doing great

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Speaker 1: in my life because I am comparing myself to other people,

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Speaker 1: Like am I going for a good intention? Or am

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Speaker 1: I going knowing that it might make me feel less? Then,

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Speaker 1: because if you're someone who is a constant comparer and

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Speaker 1: I did a whole episode on comparison syndrome that you

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Speaker 1: can check out, it could be dangerous to put yourself

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Speaker 1: in a room where you're sizing yourself up against other people.

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Speaker 1: So that's a really big thing to consider for sure.

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Speaker 1: I think also another important factor is are you going

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Speaker 1: to genuinely connect with people or are you going to

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Speaker 1: just kind of analyze people from afar, you know, being

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Speaker 1: a wallflower sitting around just seeing what people are doing,

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Speaker 1: Like what is your general interest in connection? Because that's

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Speaker 1: a big factor in deciding if you want to go

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Speaker 1: or not too. And I think lastly, you have to

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Speaker 1: ask will I regret going or will I regret not going?

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Speaker 1: Big question, really big question. It might take a little

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Speaker 1: time for you to figure out, and you might not know,

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Speaker 1: and you might go and decide it was the right move,

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Speaker 1: or you might decide it wasn't the right move. And

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Speaker 1: the good news is whatever you decide, there's another reunion

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Speaker 1: that will roll around and you can make your decision then.

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Speaker 1: But I think there are many reasons why people do

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Speaker 1: decide to go that are valuable and that are worth it,

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Speaker 1: and then we're going to talk about the ones that

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Speaker 1: are not, which I might relate to a little bit more. So.

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Speaker 1: People go for genuine curiosity, like what are people doing

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Speaker 1: that I was friends with back then? What are they

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Speaker 1: up to, what are their jobs? Are they married or

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Speaker 1: are they single? What have they become? Are they the

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Speaker 1: same person they were in high school? Like? These are

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Speaker 1: all curiosity things, right, and we're human beings. We should

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Speaker 1: be curious about people. So maybe you just genuinely are

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Speaker 1: curious where everybody kind of ended up and how they're

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Speaker 1: lives shaped up. Nothing's wrong with that. I think there's

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Speaker 1: a nostalgia piece to it too. I think we all

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Speaker 1: want to feel like our inner kids sometimes and be

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Speaker 1: brought back to a time in our lives where we

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Speaker 1: feel that kind of I don't know, safety of being

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Speaker 1: what we once were or being in the world that

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Speaker 1: we once were. So I think that nostalgia is a

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Speaker 1: big thing. And I'm the king of nostalgia, trust me.

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Speaker 1: I love a nostalgic moment, so I understand why people

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Speaker 1: want to go and feel that nostalgia. In fact, this

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Speaker 1: year for Christmas, I'm doing lights on my Christmas tree

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Speaker 1: that are multicolored instead of white because and I've always

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Speaker 1: been a white light Christmas tree person, like hardcore white

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Speaker 1: lights are nothing. But I don't know, I'm feeling nostalgic

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Speaker 1: this year, and I'm wanting to feel how I felt

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Speaker 1: as a kid waking up on Christmas and seeing those

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Speaker 1: multicolor lights on my tree. So I get the nostalgia

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Speaker 1: of it. I really do. So people go for that reason.

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Speaker 1: I think people go to rekindle friendships. Maybe there are

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Speaker 1: people you're like, oh, I don't want to lose touch

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Speaker 1: with them, but I did, and maybe this is the

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Speaker 1: opportunity for us to get back on the same page

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Speaker 1: and be friends again. And I think that has great value,

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Speaker 1: and that's really cool if that's your thing. And I

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Speaker 1: think people also go for closure, kind of on the

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Speaker 1: flip side. Maybe something happened in high school that you

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Speaker 1: want to address with someone. Maybe you're single and there's

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Speaker 1: an ex that you want to talk about things with

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Speaker 1: to feel better. Maybe you haven't fully moved on. Maybe

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Speaker 1: unique closure about something from that period of your life,

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Speaker 1: so you want to go oh. And I think people

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Speaker 1: go for networking. I think sometimes you think, hey, like,

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Speaker 1: maybe there's a great job opportunity, or let me see

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Speaker 1: what someone sews up to. Because at the end of

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Speaker 1: the day, if someone's gonna hire or help out somebody

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Speaker 1: for a potential job, why wouldn't it be someone that's

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Speaker 1: from your alma mater or you know that you grew

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Speaker 1: up with versus a random person. So it's not a

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Speaker 1: bad idea. It really isn't no shame in going for networking.

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Speaker 1: But this is where this is where the flip side

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Speaker 1: comes in, and it's you know, a little tricky for

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Speaker 1: many people to go back to their high school reunions

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Speaker 1: because it's sometimes revisiting a period of your life that

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Speaker 1: didn't make you feel your best, and you think, well,

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Speaker 1: why would I want to do that to myself? Like

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Speaker 1: for me, I've never chosen to go to a high

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Speaker 1: school reunion because I feel like it would be stepping

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Speaker 1: back in time and it would bring me back to

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Speaker 1: a period of my life where I genuinely feel like

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Speaker 1: it wasn't my I didn't feel my best. I was

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Speaker 1: going through a lot in high school. I was figuring

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Speaker 1: out who I was. I didn't like who I was

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Speaker 1: because I realized I was gay. It really messed with

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Speaker 1: my head for a while, and it was a secret

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Speaker 1: I kept from high school all the way till I

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Speaker 1: was twenty one years old that I just hid and

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Speaker 1: suppressed or tried to suppress. So it reminds me of

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Speaker 1: a time in my life where I didn't feel my

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Speaker 1: best and I don't know, I don't need to go

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Speaker 1: revisit that. And even my classmates, Like I had some

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Speaker 1: great friends in high school, but I had some people

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Speaker 1: that treated me very poorly. I was different. I was

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Speaker 1: a theater guy, and I was kind of like I

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Speaker 1: wasn't like nerdy, but I just was kind of an

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Speaker 1: artsy kid and that wasn't cool then. And my freshman

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Speaker 1: and sophomore years, especially, like people were not the nicest

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Speaker 1: to me about that. And then junior year came around

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Speaker 1: and I started working out and came back and suddenly

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Speaker 1: people liked me because I had abs, which I mean,

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Speaker 1: that's not a great reason I like somebody, but you know,

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Speaker 1: next thing, you know, you're on prom court and I'm

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Speaker 1: being nominated for prom king. And it was this total

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Speaker 1: mind fuck because I'm like, wait, I was just like

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Speaker 1: made to feel like I didn't matter and I was worthless,

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Speaker 1: and now suddenly people like me because I have a

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Speaker 1: six pack, Like it was a really weird thing. But

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Speaker 1: I just didn't have the best memories. Even in my

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Speaker 1: theater group in high school, like my director would say

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Speaker 1: things like, you know, you don't look like a theater kid,

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Speaker 1: like you shouldn't be in theater. So I had this

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Speaker 1: like this identity crisis almost like who am I? Where

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Speaker 1: do I belong? I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

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Speaker 1: So for me, God, I don't mean to get so

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Speaker 1: deep on this, but for me, high school was a

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Speaker 1: place of not knowing who I was or never feeling

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Speaker 1: good enough. And I just never really felt the need

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Speaker 1: to go back to that place. And I've had people

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Speaker 1: reach out to me over the years being like, please come,

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Speaker 1: like we want you there. You're you're a part of

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Speaker 1: our grade and we want you there, and we're so

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Speaker 1: proud of you and so proud of what you're doing.

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Speaker 1: And it's great to see where you're at. But it's

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Speaker 1: easy to say that now when back then I just

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Speaker 1: needed a little bit more kindness, you know. And I

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Speaker 1: don't hold grudges. I don't hold onto anything. I had

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Speaker 1: many positives about high school. I really did. It wasn't

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Speaker 1: this horrible traumatic experience, like I had a lot of

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Speaker 1: great things about it. I just never felt like, for me,

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Speaker 1: it was a time in my life where I was peaking.

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Speaker 1: And some people say, oh my god, I felt like

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Speaker 1: high school was the peak for me, like I was

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Speaker 1: killing it. I don't feel like that. So I don't

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Speaker 1: feel a burning desire to go back and revisit that

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Speaker 1: period of my life because it does feel like stepping

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Speaker 1: back in time and I want to move forward. And

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Speaker 1: I'm a very forward thinking person. I also have incredible,

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Speaker 1: incredible people in my life and friendships and connections and

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Speaker 1: friends that I need to make more time for because

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Speaker 1: I love them and I missed them in life just

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Speaker 1: gets busy. I don't really have people from high school

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Speaker 1: I'm super close with, so for me, it's an easy

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Speaker 1: decision to not go back because of that reason. I

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Speaker 1: think if you have like a group of best friends

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Speaker 1: from high school is an amazing, beautiful thing, and rock

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Speaker 1: on for having that experience. I love that you have

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Speaker 1: that experience. That's an absolute reason to go enjoy a

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Speaker 1: high school reunion and have fun with your girlfriends or

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Speaker 1: guy friends or whoever. That's amazing. I didn't really I

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Speaker 1: don't have that. I don't have a group of people

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Speaker 1: I'm still close to from high school. My quality friendships

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Speaker 1: came later. They came college and beyond. So I don't

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Speaker 1: feel like I need to go sit in a room,

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Speaker 1: you know, mingling with people who I don't have a

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Speaker 1: genuine connection to, and I think that is a part

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Speaker 1: of me curious where some folks ended up. Of course,

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Speaker 1: of course I am. But at the end of the day,

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Speaker 1: what would be my intention for going to a high

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Speaker 1: school reunion? I don't know. I don't know. I don't

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Speaker 1: really have an intention for going to a high school

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Speaker 1: reunion at this point in my life. I really don't.

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Speaker 1: So I think that alone answers the reason why I

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Speaker 1: haven't gone to a high school reunion. So I employ

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Speaker 1: people to think about what is your intention when these

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Speaker 1: high school reunions roll around. Do you want to go

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Speaker 1: because it's going to make you feel great and you'll

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Speaker 1: have genuine connection with people, or does going possibly trigger

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Speaker 1: feelings that you don't want to be brought up again

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Speaker 1: in your life. Both are valid and there's no right

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Speaker 1: or wrong answer. I love anything that brings people together,

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Speaker 1: So I'm never going to knock a high school re

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Speaker 1: union because I think it's a cool thing. I think

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Speaker 1: it's a really cool thing to bring people together. But

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Speaker 1: I think you have to make the decision if that's

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Speaker 1: the healthiest thing for you to do. Is it healthy

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Speaker 1: for you to revisit your high school days or is

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Speaker 1: it not. And it's okay if it is, and it's

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Speaker 1: okay if it's not. But you should never feel pressure

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Speaker 1: to do something because you think it's what you should

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Speaker 1: be doing, Like, oh my god, I should do it.

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Speaker 1: It only rolls around a few times a year and

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Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe I gotta go, and then you

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Speaker 1: go and you're miserable. Don't do it. You know at

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Speaker 1: your core if you want to go to a high

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Speaker 1: school reunion or not. You also know in your core

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Speaker 1: the people that you have kept in touch with in

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Speaker 1: high school are the people that you still have in

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Speaker 1: your life. So if you guys all hang out and

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Speaker 1: do your thing and have girls night or guys' night, like,

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Speaker 1: do you need to go interact with people who you

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Speaker 1: really have no relationship with anymore. That's my biggest thing.

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Speaker 1: I don't feel a need to keep tabs with people's

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Speaker 1: lives that I genuinely just don't have relationships with. And

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Speaker 1: I don't believe in going to compare ourselves because that's

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Speaker 1: a disaster and nobody needs to do that. Y'all are

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Speaker 1: on your right paths, So just be really mindful when

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Speaker 1: deciding if you do or don't want to go. I

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Speaker 1: think it's always great to revisit memories from high school.

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Speaker 1: Like I think about things all the time and things

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Speaker 1: that make me smile. Then I think about things that

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Speaker 1: don't make me smile. And that's life, and that's growth,

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Speaker 1: and that's reflection. And as you get older, you reflect

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Speaker 1: more and more and more. So high schooler reunions yay

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Speaker 1: or nay. I'm going to give a high schooler re

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Speaker 1: union in I'm going to give a high school reunion

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Speaker 1: a yay, nay, yay. If it's a healthy thing for

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Speaker 1: you to go do, nay. If it's an unhealthy thing

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Speaker 1: for you to go do, And if it's something that

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Speaker 1: you're like, man, I wish I could go experience it,

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Speaker 1: but it's not great for me. Create your own traditions,

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Speaker 1: like reunite with friends that you have developed close relationships

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Speaker 1: with in your life that you don't always see, Like

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Speaker 1: do your own reunions. You don't have to go back

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Speaker 1: to your hometown sitting in an event hall that you

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Speaker 1: have no connection to if you don't want to, and

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Speaker 1: then if you do want to go, because it's a

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Speaker 1: really fun thing for you and you still have roots

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Speaker 1: and connections and such fond memories of that thing. Go.

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Speaker 1: There is no judgment at all. I just wanted to

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Speaker 1: bring this up today because it's such an interesting topic

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Speaker 1: that people really have to think hard about, and it's

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Speaker 1: like a back and forth for so many people. So

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Speaker 1: if you want to go, go, and hey, I say,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to go now. But I also believe

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Speaker 1: in never putting a period on things. So you might

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Speaker 1: hear from me in ten years and I might say,

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Speaker 1: you know what, y'all. I woke up one day and said,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to my high school reunion. So I went

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Speaker 1: in my my jazz shoes that I wore when I

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Speaker 1: was choreographing the high school musicals and sashade my way

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Speaker 1: through that arena and did a ballroom dance a la

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Speaker 1: dancing with the stars, and it was fantastic. I mean,

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Speaker 1: is that likely? I don't know, but I kind of

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Speaker 1: like how it sounds. So do whatever you want to

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Speaker 1: do in the moment, have fun, just make sure it

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Speaker 1: is healthy for you. I've never said this before. Is

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Speaker 1: hosted by Me Tommy Dedario. This podcast is executive produced

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Speaker 1: by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio and by Me Tommy with

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Speaker 1: editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never said this before is

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Speaker 1: part of the Elvis Duran podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts

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Speaker 1: for more rate, review and subscribe to our show and

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Speaker 1: if you like this episode, tell your friends. Until next time,

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Speaker 1: I'm Tommy Dedario