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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og Okay storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up, but

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Speaker 1: before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 2: I discovered my girlfriend's secret while ring shopping.

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Speaker 3: Was the secret that it was a secret ring.

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Speaker 2: Trigger warning for loss of a child. I thirty male,

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Speaker 2: have been dating the most amazing woman twenty eight female

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Speaker 2: for the past year and a half. I have been

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Speaker 2: in puppy love me too before, the kind where they're

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Speaker 2: all you can think about and you smile when you

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Speaker 2: think of them, and we have that too. But she

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Speaker 2: has also brought to me the joy of being together

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Speaker 2: but not together, that magnificent way you can just be

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Speaker 2: and be alone in the same room, her reading a book,

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Speaker 2: me doing a project, and really knowing someone, knowing how

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Speaker 2: her mouth crinkles when she thinks, the way the rain

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Speaker 2: makes her feel, all the stories of her childhood, all

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Speaker 2: the little stuff that makes her a person. At least

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Speaker 2: I thought I did.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just basically being roommates with extra steps.

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Speaker 3: It's not even that cool. Let's make it not even

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Speaker 3: that cool. I do get that.

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Speaker 4: Let's cope like that, be like you gross having deep

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Speaker 4: connections to someone.

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Speaker 3: You mean being a roommate.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from throw two on two Away.

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Speaker 2: And if you want to smit your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to the arslash. Okay, storytime severed it.

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Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon and.

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Speaker 2: Ohp says I was shopping for a ring and had

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Speaker 2: been dropping hints that made her smile, and we would

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Speaker 2: plan this little suburban life. A deck with a grill,

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Speaker 2: a goofy puppy, a piano. That's what I want. Pianos

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Speaker 2: are so expensive.

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Speaker 4: Though, Yeah, she doesn't want the puppy, she just wants

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Speaker 4: the piano.

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Speaker 2: I just want the piano. You gotta pick one. They're

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Speaker 2: both quite unless you're going to a dot.

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Speaker 3: She's gotta pick one.

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Speaker 2: You gotta pick one, a piano or a puppy.

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Speaker 3: I want a puppy that plays the piano.

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Speaker 2: Well, then you're gonna have to figure out a way

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Speaker 2: to afford a piano for the baby.

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Speaker 3: But piano.

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Speaker 2: We talked about baby names and vetoed ones. We have

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Speaker 2: the joke names Trevor and Trevina. We'd pick out pink

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Speaker 2: colors and flooring at lows and giggle like idiots. I

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Speaker 2: was one hundred percent confident. I just hadn't chosen a ring.

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Speaker 2: You know, she didn't want a diamond, but didn't know

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Speaker 2: what she does want. Then I got a Facebook message

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Speaker 2: today from some guy. He said that he was her

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Speaker 2: brother in law and that she had blocked him on Facebook,

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Speaker 2: but could I please pass along a wedding invite? And

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Speaker 2: it would mean a lot if she was there. I

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Speaker 2: pressed for more details and it all came out. She

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Speaker 2: was married before to a guy named Brendan, and they

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Speaker 2: had a little boy, Sam. She told me before she

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Speaker 2: didn't like that name.

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Speaker 4: Oh, no secret family. And you said you don't like

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Speaker 4: your secret child's name.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean, she's like, I can't name both of

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Speaker 2: my kids Sam.

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Speaker 3: Why not you already named one Sam? Why?

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Speaker 2: It's just the harm. In another way, the son passed

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Speaker 2: away in a car accident.

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Speaker 3: Oh oh no, I take it back.

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Speaker 2: That's the harm. And afterwards they had an ugly divorce

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Speaker 2: and she cut ties five years of her life. I

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Speaker 2: never knew about, and I don't know if I ever

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Speaker 2: would have. I think she was never going to tell me.

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Speaker 2: I've felt sick about this all day, made up an

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Speaker 2: imaginary sickness to sit and think by myself, and I

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Speaker 2: feel paralyzed by it.

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Speaker 3: Brother, how do you think she feels about it?

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Speaker 2: Clearly she's still deeply traumatized.

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Speaker 4: This is got to be the dumbest reason to make

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Speaker 4: something about you.

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Speaker 3: Ever, this is not about you.

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Speaker 2: I mean, like, you guys have known each other for

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Speaker 2: a year and a half, and yes, you were about

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Speaker 2: to get married, but like only a year and a half,

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Speaker 2: and this is the deepest trauma that She's like, you

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Speaker 2: absolutely should know about it before you get married, but like,

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Speaker 2: let's just.

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Speaker 3: Have a necessarily agree with that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like it's relevant information, especially if they

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Speaker 2: want to have kids. I don't know, but I mean,

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Speaker 2: but I don't think that it's like a we have

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Speaker 2: to break up because you lied to me. I think

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Speaker 2: it's like, hey, can we talk about this? That's what

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Speaker 2: I think. Yeah, this morning I knew her, and now

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Speaker 2: I don't. I don't even know how to bring this

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Speaker 2: up or what. I definitely can't go by the ring

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Speaker 2: and pretend at the same time, I want to be

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Speaker 2: with her. I'm hurt, but no, that was horror that

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Speaker 2: she went through something unimaginable. But I don't know what

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Speaker 2: that means for us, am I just a distraction? Dude? Dude,

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Speaker 2: come on, is this something she does? I just don't know.

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Speaker 3: Help what he's making it about him?

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Speaker 2: Come on, you're you. I think that OPI has a

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Speaker 2: right to be a little bit hurt that this like

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Speaker 2: didn't come up at all before they got married. However,

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Speaker 2: you're making this way too much about you. It's not

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Speaker 2: about you.

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Speaker 5: It's a thing in the past. And she said there's

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Speaker 5: a reason why she didn't want to Yeah up.

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Speaker 2: Like you're allowed to be like, hey, can we talk

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Speaker 2: about this because I just found out this really huge

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Speaker 2: information that I had no idea about it, and I

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Speaker 2: want to start a family with you, and I feel

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Speaker 2: like this is relevant. But like, I feel like, you

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Speaker 2: can't be like, oh, this is something she does. She

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Speaker 2: had an incredibly traumatic experience. Of course she's going to

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Speaker 2: have trouble talking about it.

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Speaker 3: I don't even think you ask her, Like, look, the way.

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Speaker 4: That you go through this is because you came across

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Speaker 4: this information through no digging of your own.

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Speaker 3: It just kind of organically came to you.

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Speaker 4: So you need to go to your partner and say, hey,

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Speaker 4: found out about your past marriage. And Sam and I'm

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Speaker 4: so sorry, and I accept you, and I accept that,

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Speaker 4: and if we or when we have our own family,

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Speaker 4: you know, we can talk about this or work through this.

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Speaker 3: But I'm never gonna make you talk about it.

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Speaker 2: I think that's an interest and to feel comfortable enough

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Speaker 2: to bring that to me, you know, I'm here, But

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Speaker 2: you don't have to talk about it.

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Speaker 3: But I think you, now that you know you do,

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Speaker 3: you need to make it clear that you know yes.

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Speaker 2: Agreed. Comments says remember Kombe Valley says, oh, man, what

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Speaker 2: a situation. You're probably not a distraction and this is

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Speaker 2: probably not something she does. What does that even mean?

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Speaker 2: What do you mean this is something she does?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? Does she always keep her most extreme trauma close

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Speaker 4: to the vest when she dates people? It's like, uh, yeah, idiots,

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Speaker 4: so does everybody until you know, I don't know some point.

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Speaker 2: This is not okay, not by a long shot. But

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Speaker 2: it could honestly be that she was hoping to just

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Speaker 2: outrun the grief, to not have it be part of

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Speaker 2: her anymore. When you go through something awful, it's a

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Speaker 2: lot easier sometimes to only be around people that don't

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Speaker 2: know about it.

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Speaker 3: Rude Yard, Oh, rude Yard.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how to pronounce Rudyard.

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Speaker 3: Rudyard Kipling English major.

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Speaker 2: It's my dad actually name.

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Speaker 3: This is actually more relevant to your actual major.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know if that's how you spell that name.

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Speaker 2: I can't remember how to pronounce the first name. But

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Speaker 2: the poet.

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Speaker 3: Kipling Rudyard Rudyard Kipling, right, Yes.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I thought you were just making Rudyard.

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Speaker 3: A red Yard Rudyard. I think it's Rudyard. You just said,

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Speaker 3: you know, well, now you've made me doubt myself.

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Speaker 2: Rudyard, Rubb says patri B, so just lied to me.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. That's definitely not right.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna trust. I think it's Rudyard.

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Speaker 3: Okay, shut up, r Kipling. That's it's okay.

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Speaker 4: Can you get a pronunciation check for us, Babe, Rudyard.

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Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. That's exactly what he says.

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Speaker 2: No, that's wrong. It's Rudard what I think it is?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what? No, it is Rudard.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, go ahead, I'm sure I'm going you're right, You're right,

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Speaker 4: it's Rudard. I I don't know what. Go ahead, it's Rudard.

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Speaker 4: What is it? It's rudd it's right. It's Rudd, is.

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Speaker 3: It, yes?

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Speaker 2: For sure?

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Speaker 3: Call him for God's sake. The poet Kipling, I hate

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Speaker 3: this so much.

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Speaker 2: I'm skipping this our Kipling, I get through.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 4: We needed this for this story because this story is

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Speaker 4: so sad. Oh God, okay.

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Speaker 2: Kipling even wrote a poem that talks about this. The

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Speaker 2: lines there is knowledge God forbid more than one should

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Speaker 2: own always suggested to me something that I learned as

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Speaker 2: a teenager. Sometimes, when people know you've been through heck,

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Speaker 2: when they look at you, heck, because all they see

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Speaker 2: it holds you there. It makes it really hard to

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Speaker 2: outgrow the horrors of the way you've been when you

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Speaker 2: can see it reflected in people's eyes. So, from my perspective,

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Speaker 2: this was probably not an attempt at manipulation, but instead

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Speaker 2: an attempt to just not be that person anymore. Not

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Speaker 2: be the grieving mother, not be the injured ex wife,

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Speaker 2: not be the divorcee whose marriage and relationship with family

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Speaker 2: was shattered. Even now her ex brother in law wants

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Speaker 2: her company. That does not tell me that she's a

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Speaker 2: bad person. That does not, however, make it okay. Not

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Speaker 2: when the two of you were talking about marriage, she

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Speaker 2: should have told you when you started talking about rings

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Speaker 2: and baby names, and you're not wrong to feel conflicted

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Speaker 2: and maybe a bit angry and hurt about it.

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Speaker 4: Stunned, Absolutely, No, I disagree about anger and hurt.

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Speaker 3: You should be feeling like sympathetic.

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Speaker 2: You can't control the human emotion, like people feel different

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Speaker 2: things and finding out this information and op, he's probably

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Speaker 2: feeling like why didn't she feel comfortable telling you before?

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Speaker 2: Which is you know, no, And I'm not saying that.

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Speaker 4: You're getting angry angry that's why, Yeah, you know what

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Speaker 4: I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: No, I agree. I'm just saying that, like people are complicated,

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Speaker 2: and I think like he's allowed to process all of

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Speaker 2: those emotions as long as he doesn't put them on

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Speaker 2: a pe, you know, or put them on his fiance or.

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Speaker 3: True to me true.

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Speaker 2: My advice would be to sit her down and to

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Speaker 2: tell her that her brother in law got in touch

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Speaker 2: with you. Don't accuse, don't shout, don't get angry, Just

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Speaker 2: tell her that you were told to pass on a

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Speaker 2: wedding invitation and see how she responds to that. Be calm.

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Speaker 2: Does knowing that she has lived through this grief make

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Speaker 2: you less likely to want to marry her? Does knowing

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Speaker 2: about everything make you less likely to want to have

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Speaker 2: children with her? And there is an update, folks eleven

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Speaker 2: days later, do you have any thoughts now?

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Speaker 4: I already said exactly what I thought you should do.

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Speaker 4: I agree, I have no more thoughts about that. That's

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Speaker 4: all you should do.

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Speaker 2: I agree.

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Speaker 4: I kind of that last comment almost made it sound

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Speaker 4: like you should make it like a test.

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Speaker 3: And see how she responds, that's dumb. Don't do that.

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Speaker 2: I think you're a way of bringing I think just

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00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,640
Speaker 2: be straightforward, straight up. You don't have to be like seeo,

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Speaker 2: she responds.

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Speaker 3: Just be like S. I gotta tell you, y, I learned.

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Speaker 2: This information, and I wanted to let you know that

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Speaker 2: I knew it. You know, you don't have to talk

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Speaker 2: about it, just wanted to let you know. Eleven days later,

231
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Speaker 2: I spoke to her the day after. She told me

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Speaker 2: she had wanted to tell me for a while but

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Speaker 2: didn't know where to start, that she thought about Sam

234
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,719
Speaker 2: every day, but at the same time didn't know how

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Speaker 2: to begin. She pulled out a shoe box from her

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Speaker 2: closet and showed me the pictures pictures of her wedding.

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Speaker 2: This propped up little thing at the courthouse. Her in

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Speaker 2: a short white dress with a slight stomach, her husband,

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00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:32,760
Speaker 2: this cocky, smiled kid with shaggy blonde hair, then the

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Speaker 2: baby Sam. Pictures from a red faced baby to this

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00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:40,280
Speaker 2: little four year old person, birthdays and Christmases, and pictures

242
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,600
Speaker 2: of the three of them a family. She talked about Brendan,

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Speaker 2: how they came from these radically different backgrounds, and she

244
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,160
Speaker 2: barely knew him as a person before he was a

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Speaker 2: father and husband. They'd only been dating three months when

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Speaker 2: she got pregnant. They were twenty. Then she talked about Sam,

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Speaker 2: her baby. She kept saying he was the best thing

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Speaker 2: that ever happened to her. Hearing that broke my heart.

249
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Speaker 2: So she talked about how his hair calicked in three

250
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Speaker 2: different spots, and how he was always singing or humming,

251
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Speaker 2: that he loved to climb. She told me his favorite

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Speaker 2: movie and book. She made him a person to me.

253
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Speaker 2: Then she told me how they lost him. Some kid

254
00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:15,760
Speaker 2: augh ran a red light and then he was gone.

255
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,439
Speaker 2: She barely remembers the funeral because she was so heavily medicated.

256
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,439
Speaker 2: But the worst part was after going home and him

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Speaker 2: not being there. How she'd walked past his room and

258
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Speaker 2: expect to hear him playing, waking up and forgetting for

259
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Speaker 2: a minute he was gone. Their marriage had never been

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Speaker 2: good and they turned on each other. That was so sad.

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Speaker 3: Oh isn't this? Is this the plot of a marriage story?

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Speaker 4: No?

263
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Speaker 2: I don't think they ever had a kid.

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Speaker 3: They didn't have a kid, Okay.

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Speaker 2: He blamed her because she had fastened the booster seat

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Speaker 2: on that side of the car. She blamed him because

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Speaker 2: he had been driving. They were divorced within a year

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Speaker 2: after the accident. Brendon had a new child within two.

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00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,040
Speaker 2: She had spent the time doing overload on classes and working,

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Speaker 2: keeping busy because it made things easier. She didn't see

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Speaker 2: her old friends because they'd drifted away. They never knew

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Speaker 2: what to say, and they mostly had kids of their own.

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00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,840
Speaker 2: She was surviving, but seeing Sam's brother, who looked so

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Speaker 2: much like Sam, hurt so much that she decided she

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Speaker 2: had to get away and stop wallowing. She took the

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Speaker 2: pictures down, donated clothes and toys, deleted her Facebook, and

277
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Speaker 2: stopped seeing the old friends who weren't really friends anymore.

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Speaker 2: She said she chose to keep breathing because that was

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Speaker 2: what it had come down to. Then, she met me,

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Speaker 2: and she said I made her want a fresh start,

281
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Speaker 2: a better marriage, and more children because she loved me.

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Speaker 2: We talked for hours. She cried and I cried for her.

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00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,680
Speaker 2: I still love her, maybe more now because I feel

284
00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,240
Speaker 2: like she opened up to me so much. It's hard

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Speaker 2: to imagine her married with a son, toys on the

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Speaker 2: floor and pictures on the fridge. It's hard because in

287
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,320
Speaker 2: a lot of ways, it's the life I've been imagining

288
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:50,200
Speaker 2: with her. I still plan on marrying this woman. She's

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Speaker 2: the love of my life. And some relevant comments, remember

290
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,760
Speaker 2: kom Valley says, I'm glad that most of the commentars

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00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,160
Speaker 2: in the last post were right. She didn't mean anything

292
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Speaker 2: cruel by not telling you. She was trying to be alive.

293
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,720
Speaker 2: I mean, let's never assume that just because someone hasn't

294
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Speaker 2: told you a deeply traumatic story, that they're hiding or

295
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,480
Speaker 2: being manipulative. Maybe we should just assume that it's deeply

296
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Speaker 2: traumatic and they struggle to talk about it, and then

297
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:15,040
Speaker 2: you know, if we find out this information, we can

298
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Speaker 2: tell we know, be honest and not expect anything out

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Speaker 2: of it.

300
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Speaker 5: And that's why you always open with an open mind,

301
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,760
Speaker 5: and you'd be like, hey, when you want to talk

302
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Speaker 5: about it, I know about this. When you want to

303
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,920
Speaker 5: talk about it, we can talk about it. But I'm

304
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:27,640
Speaker 5: here in your corner exactly.

305
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,520
Speaker 2: Ouch. That was sad with a brief.

306
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,440
Speaker 3: That story was too hard.

307
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,560
Speaker 4: As someone who exclusively uses humor to cope with horrible things,

308
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,640
Speaker 4: I couldn't say anything funny about that. I broke up

309
00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:43,439
Speaker 4: with my girlfriend while she was with her other partner.

310
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Speaker 2: That's a great reason to break up with her.

311
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,760
Speaker 4: Ah. For some background, my girlfriend twenty eight female and

312
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,960
Speaker 4: I twenty eight male, have been together for about six years.

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00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,360
Speaker 4: We talked about opening during lockdown, but only started acting

314
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Speaker 4: on it when it was safe again.

315
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,480
Speaker 2: Not to say, that's like the worst time to talk

316
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,680
Speaker 2: about opening your relationship when you can't see anyone.

317
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,439
Speaker 3: Yes, that's crazy.

318
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,040
Speaker 4: By the way, this comestry user perfect patient one to

319
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,800
Speaker 4: one and if you want to submit your own stories,

320
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,800
Speaker 4: go to the r slage. Okay, storytime subret it. I'm Dakota,

321
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:17,000
Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon and Ope says the first

322
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:20,240
Speaker 4: two years were basically one sided, with me not having

323
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,200
Speaker 4: any success while she kept meeting new people. I had

324
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,440
Speaker 4: a lot of emotional work to do, but Eventually I

325
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,120
Speaker 4: worked on myself and managed a few flings of my own.

326
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,040
Speaker 3: I'm sorry it immediately sounds like you.

327
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:33,240
Speaker 4: Were like, well, I wasn't really enjoying this, but I

328
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,880
Speaker 4: did some emotional work and got myself to a point

329
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:36,800
Speaker 4: where I could.

330
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:41,000
Speaker 2: Dudes, if we're not into the open marriage one hundred

331
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,720
Speaker 2: percent closed the door.

332
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:46,840
Speaker 4: Dating became her main social outlet, and she pushed for Polly,

333
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,560
Speaker 4: which created a lot of resentment on my side.

334
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,040
Speaker 3: To her credit, I kept it to myself, so that's

335
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:52,280
Speaker 3: on me.

336
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,400
Speaker 2: It is on you. If you're against something, say no,

337
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:56,640
Speaker 2: that's on you.

338
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,560
Speaker 3: Internship and there on her.

339
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,200
Speaker 4: A year ago, I'm I had an amazing woman twenty

340
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,920
Speaker 4: five female through a shared hobby and had an immediate connection.

341
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,520
Speaker 4: She was just out of a serious relationship, so being

342
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:10,040
Speaker 4: a secondary I hate that term worked for her until

343
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,320
Speaker 4: she was ready to start looking for a new mono relationship.

344
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:17,240
Speaker 4: I did not expect jealousy from my girlfriend at this

345
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:17,880
Speaker 4: new connection.

346
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,800
Speaker 2: Personally, I want to keep mano out of my relationships.

347
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,880
Speaker 3: But I'm you got a real rude ot over here.

348
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,080
Speaker 5: It's gonna be the stage, dame, It's gonna be the

349
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:27,880
Speaker 5: entire thing today.

350
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:28,520
Speaker 6: It's gonna be great.

351
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:29,320
Speaker 3: Okay.

352
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,120
Speaker 4: I feel like I've put up with a lot from

353
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,560
Speaker 4: her constant dating. In the first time I have something

354
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,280
Speaker 4: more serious, she melts down. About a month ago, my

355
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,640
Speaker 4: new partner admitted that she'd been interested in going monogamous

356
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,520
Speaker 4: with me, which I did not give a solid answer

357
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,840
Speaker 4: to or disclose to my girlfriend. Friday evening, my girlfriend

358
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,120
Speaker 4: left for a week away with one of her main partners,

359
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:52,440
Speaker 4: thirty three male. It was planned and happened before, but

360
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,920
Speaker 4: seeing her leave really broke the emotional damn for me.

361
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:59,040
Speaker 4: I don't think I'm made for Polly or ethical non monogamy.

362
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,720
Speaker 4: I've started moving my things to my parents home over

363
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,400
Speaker 4: the weekend and agreed to be monogamous with my new partner.

364
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:05,560
Speaker 3: I'm spiraling a bit.

365
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,560
Speaker 4: It's crazy that you've somehow figured out how to kind

366
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,760
Speaker 4: of cheat while being cheated on, but not.

367
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:12,880
Speaker 3: Because you agreed to it.

368
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,800
Speaker 4: This is like a four dimensional hypercube of like, who

369
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,120
Speaker 4: is wrong in this situation?

370
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:20,760
Speaker 2: It's just like to break up. I think it's the

371
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,840
Speaker 2: easiest solution here.

372
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, because like I'm going to call it a wash. Yeah,

373
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,440
Speaker 4: I'm going to call it a complete wash.

374
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:29,560
Speaker 3: Let it.

375
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,280
Speaker 4: I'm going to say there's no way your partner didn't

376
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,960
Speaker 4: notice that this was negatively affecting you.

377
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm going to say that.

378
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,280
Speaker 4: You had no idea how to get out of it,

379
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:42,000
Speaker 4: and once you felt something real for this other partner

380
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:44,880
Speaker 4: who you were allowed to see. But technically we're supposed

381
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,240
Speaker 4: to keep secondary. It's out of your hands. At that point,

382
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,600
Speaker 4: you're just living your life.

383
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:50,840
Speaker 2: I like that.

384
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm going to wash myself after I'm done reading this.

385
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,640
Speaker 4: Both my parents and my new partner think I should

386
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,960
Speaker 4: tell my girlfriend and not have to find out when

387
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,640
Speaker 4: she comes back. I think it's better not to ruin

388
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,720
Speaker 4: her vacation and to have a clean break afterward. My

389
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,080
Speaker 4: reasoning is that she won't be alone, she has all

390
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,200
Speaker 4: her partners to help her out.

391
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:21,520
Speaker 2: H Confinde says this sounds more like non ethical, nonlog.

392
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,920
Speaker 4: The way this would turn me into a Lex Luthor

393
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,840
Speaker 4: super villain, my guy yye or I.

394
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,280
Speaker 3: Just wouldn't have put up with it.

395
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would have been like, yeah, so this is

396
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,280
Speaker 4: actually making me insane and I'm gonna leave.

397
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I love that He's like, but I'm just

398
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,840
Speaker 2: gonna like, she deserves a nice vacation show, So I'm

399
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,160
Speaker 2: just gonna lie to her until she gets.

400
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,280
Speaker 4: Back, which, like, honestly, another great reason I think this

401
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,920
Speaker 4: is a wash. Like, he's not like actively trying to

402
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,760
Speaker 4: hurt his current girlfriend slash partner, slash whoever she is.

403
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,240
Speaker 3: He's like, man, she can have a good vacation.

404
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,239
Speaker 2: With her and then I'll break up with whatever her

405
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,960
Speaker 2: guy is when she gets back, and she'll have the

406
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,680
Speaker 2: comfort of all of her partners.

407
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,840
Speaker 4: I'll let her know it's over when she gets back.

408
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,399
Speaker 4: I doubt she's really thinking about it right now.

409
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:08,080
Speaker 2: Yikes.

410
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, you guys just need a breakup, Okay. She has

411
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,159
Speaker 4: all her partners to help her out, is crazy. Also,

412
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,600
Speaker 4: I'll pay my share of the rent while she looks

413
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,719
Speaker 4: for a new apartment if she'd rather not keep our

414
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,480
Speaker 4: current place. What would you rather have me do if

415
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:26,879
Speaker 4: you were in my girlfriend's shoes? Relevant comments We already

416
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:27,960
Speaker 4: know what Sophia wants to do.

417
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, Kean, what are you doing?

418
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,960
Speaker 6: This is I'm speechless. Honestly, this is really dumb. It's like,

419
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 6: this is so stupid.

420
00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, and you're putting You're putting up with it, which

421
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:40,360
Speaker 5: is insane.

422
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,560
Speaker 2: For two years, I'm just thinking, I'm like, Okay, I

423
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,600
Speaker 2: don't know if it'd be kind of annoying to be

424
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,800
Speaker 2: on the vacation and then get broken up with while

425
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,520
Speaker 2: you're trying to enjoy your vacation.

426
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,920
Speaker 3: But all she'd be able to enjoy it even more.

427
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:58,280
Speaker 3: Maybe I don't. I it's hard to say.

428
00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:01,880
Speaker 2: I'm just like I've I mean, like when I got

429
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,880
Speaker 2: broken up with it was a week after he met

430
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,600
Speaker 2: my parents, and I really wish he had said, hey,

431
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,280
Speaker 2: let's let's not meet your parents.

432
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:11,320
Speaker 3: Let's just break up.

433
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:12,320
Speaker 2: That would have been great.

434
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:16,840
Speaker 5: So I feel like it's like, hey, so my relationship

435
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:21,440
Speaker 5: with my girlfriend's relationships with her boyfriends is really complicated,

436
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,439
Speaker 5: so we're going to add more to the mix to

437
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:24,960
Speaker 5: make it more complicated.

438
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,440
Speaker 3: I just think break I think it's gonna work.

439
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:28,880
Speaker 2: Right, Just think breakup.

440
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,919
Speaker 5: It's like I can't figure out the math problem, so

441
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,240
Speaker 5: I'm adding more math to the equation.

442
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:37,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's simplify the problem. Let's reduce those fractions and

443
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 2: solve it.

444
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:43,040
Speaker 4: Solve for X, You're gonna be the ex Tali Carr

445
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:47,639
Speaker 4: nineteen eighty one says, my ex spouse told my meta

446
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,879
Speaker 4: before me that they what is that?

447
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:51,560
Speaker 3: What does that mean?

448
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:56,639
Speaker 4: My expouse told my meta before me that they didn't

449
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 4: love me anymore. Honestly, it felt worse than the breakup.

450
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,920
Speaker 4: Please tell her soon. You've already told everyone else close

451
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,160
Speaker 4: to you you're soon to be ex should not have

452
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,159
Speaker 4: been the last to know.

453
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,520
Speaker 6: Okay, there, I got you. So that's a new term.

454
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,399
Speaker 5: A metamoor or meta is your partner's other romantic or

455
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,879
Speaker 5: spicy sleep partner with whom you do not have a

456
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:20,280
Speaker 5: romantic or spicy sleep relationship with yourself. Okay, so it's

457
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,720
Speaker 5: the other person metamor it's the other person that is

458
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,360
Speaker 5: hanging out with your partner, but you're not hanging out

459
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:27,000
Speaker 5: with them.

460
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,960
Speaker 2: Sunny, says metaphorical boyfriend.

461
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:33,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, metaphor more like metamorph into a complete stranger who

462
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:33,639
Speaker 4: I don't know.

463
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,360
Speaker 3: Please, I would not like to know you.

464
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 6: Thank you.

465
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,720
Speaker 5: It is indeed a polly or more term.

466
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:42,800
Speaker 3: So good. Okay too.

467
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,600
Speaker 6: Of course we don't know that because none of us

468
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:45,080
Speaker 6: are polly.

469
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:49,399
Speaker 4: Op says I only told my parents because I'll be

470
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 4: crashing with them and my new partner. None of our

471
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 4: mutuals know. Helpful Battle forty one seventy eight replies, not

472
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,200
Speaker 4: sure if it's right or wrong, but like you, I'd

473
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,680
Speaker 4: probably wait until she's back from her vacation. Either way,

474
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 4: you're going to give her the bad news, might as

475
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,680
Speaker 4: well let her enjoy your vacation, or at the very

476
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 4: least prevent her from using that as a justification for

477
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 4: further blame. And how often do they call or update

478
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:15,520
Speaker 4: each other? And then someone named cat Burggers replies, I

479
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,440
Speaker 4: mean beyond the fact that some vacations may include unreliable

480
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 4: cell signal or jam packed days or time zone differences

481
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 4: that may make communication difficult to plan for.

482
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 3: Every relationship is different.

483
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 4: I don't talk to one of my partners unless we

484
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,600
Speaker 4: are together in person or if there are logistics needing sorted. Wait,

485
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 4: what that's insane. Not gonna lie what that's insane to me?

486
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 2: What unless talk to your partner at all unless you're in.

487
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:43,760
Speaker 4: Person, unless they're planning on the logistics on when they're

488
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 4: meeting up in person. Yeah, they are not speaking.

489
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:51,359
Speaker 2: They just send. It's just like telegraphs. Meet at under

490
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 2: the bridge, stop at twelve oh four, stop literally Wednesday.

491
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:58,880
Speaker 3: Stop having partners.

492
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,800
Speaker 4: And then it's like short term memory, where it's like

493
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,119
Speaker 4: once they leave your field of vision, you literally like

494
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 4: forget they exist.

495
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 3: Basically, Wow, that's you.

496
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,199
Speaker 4: You operate like they don't actually exist until they're in

497
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:10,679
Speaker 4: front of you.

498
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 3: Is the craziest thing I've ever heard.

499
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 2: That's that's a that's just baby mindset.

500
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 5: It's also really hard, especially for me. Maybe it's just me,

501
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,920
Speaker 5: but if someone named cat Bookers was giving me advice,

502
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,200
Speaker 5: I'd be like, that's not sound proud.

503
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,360
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's the most sound if your

504
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:30,359
Speaker 2: name was rudyersh Okay, okay.

505
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 4: We have our weekly date night and hang out from

506
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 4: time to time outside of that night, but we don't

507
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,719
Speaker 4: call or text just to talk. If I go on vacation,

508
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 4: he doesn't expect me to check in with him. We've

509
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 4: been together more than a decade and this works for us. Oh,

510
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,440
Speaker 4: he has not been voicing his needs to as soon

511
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 4: to be X. She should not be expected.

512
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:50,240
Speaker 3: To read his mind.

513
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,680
Speaker 4: If he was acting like he was fine, seemed like

514
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,440
Speaker 4: he was totally accepting of Polly and her other relationships.

515
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 4: How the F is she supposed to coddle his emotions.

516
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,560
Speaker 4: I expect my partner to me into their emotional needs.

517
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 4: I'm autistic. I refuse to let people guilt me for

518
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 4: taking them at their word and not reading their mind.

519
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 4: If you need something in a relationship, it is your

520
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 4: job to make that need known to your partner. Hope,

521
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 4: he says, Yeah, we're both pretty independent people. She sent

522
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 4: a text to let me know that they arrived safely,

523
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 4: and I'm not expecting us to get in touch more

524
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,640
Speaker 4: than a good morning, love you text here and there.

525
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:23,639
Speaker 4: I agree with your second point. I think I was

526
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,119
Speaker 4: too defensive in my post, and now people are saying

527
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,439
Speaker 4: she's harmful or self absorbed, which couldn't be further from

528
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 4: the truth.

529
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,320
Speaker 3: It's just tricky to voice ter.

530
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 4: Insecurities about imbalance as the man in a heatero open

531
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 4: relationship without feeling like you're coming off as whiny, especially

532
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,440
Speaker 4: since I wasn't really jealous about her having the spicy

533
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,920
Speaker 4: sleep at all, but rather the mismatch in opportunities which

534
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 4: she can't do much about. And these feelings basically disappeared

535
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 4: when I managed my own flings until we moved to Polly,

536
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,479
Speaker 4: of course, but I should have really ended things at

537
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 4: that point, and there's an edit here. Thanks for the feedback.

538
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,400
Speaker 4: I'll be home to have the talk with her when

539
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 4: she comes back. No point ruining her vacation. I'm also

540
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 4: slowing down on the moving stuff out part. I was

541
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 4: being dramatic, and we can sort how we want to

542
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 4: split some things out.

543
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I still think that's crazy to be moving

544
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 2: out and not tell your partner that you're breaking up

545
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:15,440
Speaker 2: with them. I feel like that's like, unless there is

546
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:19,160
Speaker 2: a safety thing at play. I really feel like you

547
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,400
Speaker 2: just need to tell her now, because like imagine she's like, oh,

548
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 2: I've had this great vacation and then she comes out

549
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,439
Speaker 2: and you fully moved out. Yeah, and that would be

550
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 2: like such a blind side I'd be personally, I hate

551
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 2: blondes being blindsided. So just tell me when you feel

552
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:34,200
Speaker 2: in things.

553
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, it feels like this is the culmination of a

554
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,639
Speaker 4: lot of stuff you've been feeling for a long time, exactly.

555
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 2: Op. Literal whole problem in this relationship is that he

556
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,640
Speaker 2: could literal whole problem is that he could never tell

557
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,680
Speaker 2: her how he feels about anything, and he's still doing

558
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:52,480
Speaker 2: it and everyone's like, it's fun. Don't rutification stop letting

559
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:55,200
Speaker 2: this guy get away with not communicating ever.

560
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 3: Sorry, I'm putting that one back. I'm putting that back.

561
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 3: There's an update, though he does a literal whole problem.

562
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 4: There's an update, though, As I said, I slowed down

563
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 4: moving my things out to my parents and waited for

564
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 4: her to get home to avoid ruining her vacation. She

565
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,679
Speaker 4: came back Thursday night, the week of the previous post,

566
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 4: and I went to meet her at the train station.

567
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,679
Speaker 4: She had her partner still with her, but I managed

568
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,639
Speaker 4: to get her home. We had to talk, and this

569
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,119
Speaker 4: was my biggest breakup to date, so it got a

570
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 4: bit emotional on both ends. She basically offered to slow

571
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 4: down with her other partners and then monogamy. I declined

572
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 4: and went to sleep at my parents. There's not much

573
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 4: else to say. It wasn't super dramatic in the end.

574
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 4: We've spent the past ten days figuring out the logistics.

575
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,159
Speaker 4: But as someone who lurked on this sub for a

576
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 4: long time, this was my first time confronting the advice

577
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 4: given here to a real life situation. If you're thinking

578
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 4: of posting here too, keep in mind that there's a

579
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,640
Speaker 4: lot of noise people projecting people who have it out

580
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 4: against open relationships and ethical now monogamy, and also ethical

581
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,719
Speaker 4: now monogamous people that are a bit disconnected from the

582
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,360
Speaker 4: broader monogamous world.

583
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:57,800
Speaker 6: Yeah.

584
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:01,440
Speaker 2: Oh p my advice to you for your next relationship

585
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 2: is use your words, use your big boy words.

586
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, that is true. It's like when when you get

587
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 4: into these situations and you feel stuff, it's like, you know,

588
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 4: op's uh or that commenter there was a commentary saying

589
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 4: that they're autistic, so they need to be told exactly

590
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,399
Speaker 4: what to do. I do think in a relationship like

591
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,280
Speaker 4: I don't know, unless you were really really good at

592
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 4: masking this really.

593
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 3: Would be pretty clear that there was something wrong. However,

594
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 3: that's an assumption.

595
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:27,879
Speaker 4: So the only thing you can do is to just

596
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 4: actually be like, yeah, this is driving me crazy, and

597
00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 4: there is. In any open relationship, you're gonna have to

598
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,440
Speaker 4: deal with the fact that there will always be more

599
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:42,120
Speaker 4: opportunities for women than men in the modern dating, online

600
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 4: dating era or whatever, which is where a lot of

601
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 4: this stuff happens.

602
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,640
Speaker 2: The only place we got more opportunities.

603
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:51,359
Speaker 4: No, it's the only place we got more opportunities.

604
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:55,120
Speaker 3: That's crazy. Uh yeah, I don't worry.

605
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 2: It's it's not it's not better opportunities.

606
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 4: It's just no, it's literally just uh yeah. If anything,

607
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 4: it's just more more chaffed to weed through.

608
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 3: But it is interesting. I could go into a whole

609
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 3: die tribe on that.

610
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 2: But we won't because we've got a little bit left.

611
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, but won't do that. We won't do that, that

612
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 6: says Reed.

613
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wore that today.

614
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 4: Everyone would shut up and says it on my shirt,

615
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 4: So everyone shut up about.

616
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 6: It, yea. Dakota looks down though, so dear.

617
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 2: Oh, it's kind of comforting, it.

618
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 3: Says, dam damn. It's good.

619
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 4: Okay, we've got some final comments here grow g R

620
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:39,400
Speaker 4: four one.

621
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:40,919
Speaker 2: I don't know.

622
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:43,920
Speaker 6: I think it's great one. No, wait, no, it's in four.

623
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 2: It's g one one.

624
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 3: Okay. Quoting Ope, they say she basically offered to.

625
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,199
Speaker 4: Slow down with her other partners then monogamy, and I

626
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 4: declined and went to sleep at my parents. She was

627
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:00,640
Speaker 4: offering that to appease you, not in a necessarily because

628
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,200
Speaker 4: she actually wanted to good move on, letting it go.

629
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 4: After reading your initial post, the thing that I saw

630
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 4: that was concerning was her jealousy when you finally started

631
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,439
Speaker 4: to see someone, even though she had been seeing several people.

632
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 4: I don't think this is how it all works, and

633
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 4: that wouldn't have meshed well, you would not have been comfortable.

634
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,640
Speaker 4: I hope your new relationship is a great one. Excellent

635
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,399
Speaker 4: sign forty five fifty three says I don't think this

636
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 4: is fair at all. Op didn't want polyamory, but made

637
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:29,240
Speaker 4: little efforts to directly communicate. He's avoidant, refused to communicate,

638
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 4: and built resentment. He should have sat his partner down

639
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 4: way earlier than this and been clear that polyamory was

640
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:36,960
Speaker 4: the boundary to me. Her saying she's willing to be

641
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,560
Speaker 4: mono just shows the stupidity of avoidant communication. She clearly

642
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 4: is in some way willing to renegotiate the terms of

643
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 4: the relationship. OP just didn't try. I don't get it. Well,

644
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 4: here's what you do do wrong?

645
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 2: That was stupid.

646
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't even near it. Both done. I don't

647
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 3: even need to explain why.

648
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 2: But that was a stupid comment. They're both in the

649
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 2: wrong and they both need to be out of that relationship.

650
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:05,960
Speaker 3: Saying I don't get it is insane.

651
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 2: You shall get it to some level.

652
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 3: Don't get it.

653
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 4: Right, even if it's not what you would feel. You

654
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 4: should be able to understand that maybe someone couldn't come

655
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,479
Speaker 4: back from that, right right, You don't get it?

656
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 3: Okay.

657
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 4: He built up resentment until he basically couldn't stand her

658
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 4: grow up. Also, yes, you dating someone hits you very

659
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 4: differently than your partner dating someone. He had time to

660
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 4: work through his big emotions surrounding new partners. This was

661
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 4: her first instance she too needs practice building coping skills,

662
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 4: et cetera.

663
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 3: Maybe let's just not do that.

664
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 2: They don't have to practice together.

665
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 4: Maybe if we need to develop brand new coping skills

666
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 4: because we hate that our boyfriend has a girlfriend, maybe

667
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 4: we just don't do that.

668
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 2: Maybe we just don't even be together.

669
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 6: Maybe we just beat with.

670
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 4: Each other and go through the disillusionment phase together. Okay,

671
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 4: this is a brand new position for her to be in.

672
00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 4: I'm sure she's done a lot of that. Of course,

673
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 4: there will be insan securities. OPI gave her no time

674
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 4: to work these out.

675
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, that was a bad comment. That's all

676
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 2: I have to say.

677
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 3: Op replies. I agreed that I'm not the best to

678
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 3: communicate it.

679
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 2: We all know that, buddy.

680
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 4: But always being the one that has to ask for

681
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,000
Speaker 4: things to slow down is not fun either. It makes

682
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 4: you come off as whiny, and it was the same

683
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:19,800
Speaker 4: during that conversation.

684
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 3: She didn't say she wanted monogamy.

685
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 4: She offered to go monogamous if I wanted, Like, I'm

686
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 4: always the one that has to ruin the fun in

687
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 4: the end. Also, she's not harmful or self absorbed, like

688
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 4: some people were claiming in my first post, but she

689
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 4: had one year since I met my new partner to

690
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:34,720
Speaker 4: learn how to.

691
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:35,600
Speaker 3: Deal with jealousy.

692
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 4: She was okay ish when I was just hooking up

693
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 4: with random people, but I truly don't think she can

694
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 4: handle her primary seriously dating someone else in the end. Though,

695
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 4: I think you're right, I should have pumped the brake

696
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,440
Speaker 4: on Polly a long time ago and just dealt with

697
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 4: being the boring, insecure one.

698
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 2: It's not boring or insecure to say that you don't

699
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,600
Speaker 2: want to be in a poly relationship.

700
00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 4: Yeah it is, and you should have been boring in

701
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:01,520
Speaker 4: insecure the rest of your life.

702
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 6: Damn, are we boring?

703
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:07,880
Speaker 2: We're boring here? No, everyone's got different relationship styles and

704
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 2: you need to communicate or else you're boring and insecure

705
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:11,720
Speaker 2: for not communicating.

706
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 4: Damn.

707
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 2: That's all I have to say. You guys, both everyone

708
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 2: sucked in this story and they shouldn't be together. Well, okay,

709
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 2: it's my final thoughts.

710
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 4: Moving on, Moving on, I got nothing left to say

711
00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 4: about that.

712
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 3: I've said all I need to say.

713
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 2: All I need to say. Kim finesays sent a baby

714
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 2: and a carrot. What does that mean?

715
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:33,960
Speaker 6: I don't want to know.

716
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 2: A baby carrot. I get it. I understand now took

717
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 2: me a second.

718
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 6: Baby, all right?

719
00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 4: Ish in the chat saying yes, Polly isn't for everyone

720
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 4: and there's nothing wrong with that. Agreed, Agreed. I don't people.

721
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 4: I do not hate people in Polly relationships. I do

722
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,480
Speaker 4: not hate people who are Polly. But I just hate

723
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 4: reading a story of people who don't need to be Polly,

724
00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 4: who like.

725
00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 3: Do it and it ruins everything. Oh ye hate that show.

726
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 2: You are not into Polly, don't do Polly. If you're

727
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 2: not into monogamy, don't do monogamy.

728
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 6: It's like the same thing of like, yeah, just communicate.

729
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 5: It's the same thing of like someone was just in monogamy,

730
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:13,240
Speaker 5: like oh I you just hate microL.

731
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 2: And then they were like cheating on other parts yeah

732
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 2: the story and they're like, well, I'm Polly, You're in

733
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:18,960
Speaker 2: a monogous relationship.

734
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 3: And it's in a poly relationship act.

735
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 4: And then it's like the notion that like trying Polly

736
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 4: or or like moving to an open relationship is the

737
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 4: same thing as like like trying on a new bathing suit.

738
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,960
Speaker 3: It's like, no, my guy, like this is that's.

739
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 2: Just complicated bathing suit you're gonna put.

740
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 3: This is a very big thing to pivot to, and

741
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 3: it has a chance.

742
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 4: It's like you're wearing a swimsuit, but it might also

743
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 4: just spontaneously light on fire and the water doesn't put

744
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 4: it out.

745
00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 2: But we got another story, folks.

746
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here Og, host of the show. We're

747
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 1: gonna get back to these juicy stories. But here's a

748
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 1: quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

749
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 2: My boyfriend keeps a list of all his expenses from

750
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 2: our relationship.

751
00:32:58,200 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 3: Get paid.

752
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 2: Brother. I've female twenty five, have been with my boyfriend,

753
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 2: male twenty six for about two years. Also just wanted

754
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 2: to add my own little quips for taxes.

755
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 4: We're currently separated, yeah, man, because dating you is a

756
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 4: full time job.

757
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 2: We're currently separated, but we're already thinking about moving in together.

758
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 4: I wound out maybe they mean that in like just

759
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 4: a distance way.

760
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 2: I found out today that my boyfriend has a list

761
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 2: on his phones with all his expenses and gifts along

762
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 2: with their prices. By the way, this comes from bez

763
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 2: Throwaway six four sixty six and if you want to

764
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:35,760
Speaker 2: spit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

765
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 2: Storytime Separated.

766
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon and.

767
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 2: OHP says he made a joke out of the blue

768
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 2: and said that he spent exactly twenty six euros on

769
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:49,760
Speaker 2: me on Valentine's Day. It irritated me a bit and

770
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 2: I didn't think anything of it, but unfortunately, he then

771
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 2: said that if we broke up, I would owe him

772
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 2: exactly two hundred and eighty euros. He's been with you

773
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 2: for two years and he's only spent two hundred and

774
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 2: eighty euros on you.

775
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 5: Really sad, and he's retract with that too, also really sad.

776
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 2: That's embarrassing. I was shocked by what he said and

777
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 2: that he meant it. He admitted that he wrote down

778
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 2: every expense he made for me, saying he only did

779
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 2: it because his ex girlfriend had taken advantage of him.

780
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:19,919
Speaker 2: It's not like I'm taking advantage of him in any way.

781
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,839
Speaker 2: Quite the opposite. I work at a hospital and earn

782
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,800
Speaker 2: a very good salary. I mostly cover our dates, et cetera.

783
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 2: And that's not a problem for me. What is a

784
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 2: problem for me, though, is that it seems like he

785
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:33,319
Speaker 2: sees things like gifts or snacks he gave me as

786
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 2: something he can simply demand back that honestly hurt me

787
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,879
Speaker 2: a lot. Has anyone had similar experiences and can give

788
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 2: me advice on how to react? And there are some

789
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 2: relevant comments, But uh, what do you think Dakota?

790
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:48,319
Speaker 4: I would react with laughing and then probably breaking up

791
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 4: with him.

792
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, but okay, first I would.

793
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 4: Be laughing and then he'd be like, do you think

794
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:54,200
Speaker 4: this is a joke? And I'd be like, wait, how

795
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 4: is it not? And then I would discuss and if well,

796
00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:00,359
Speaker 4: it's because my ex girlfriend took advantage of me, I'd

797
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 4: be like, I look like your ex girlfriend, my guy, do.

798
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 3: You have a type?

799
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:06,760
Speaker 2: Do we look the same? Is that why you're getting confused?

800
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 4: Have I been, I don't know, taking advantage of you

801
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 4: paying for the majority of all of our dates and interactions?

802
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 2: And then you say, oh, okay, so wait, you're charging

803
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 2: me two hundred eight euros. Well, let's take a look

804
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 2: at all the things I paid for.

805
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:22,920
Speaker 3: And it's like a if it's like a haha, just joking.

806
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,719
Speaker 4: I'm like, of course you are, because that would be

807
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,719
Speaker 4: insane if you weren't be crazy, right, And we can

808
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 4: just move on because I'm not going to care if

809
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 4: you just made a joke.

810
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 5: It would be so much funnier too, if Opie spent

811
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 5: way more on the relationship, like oh.

812
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 2: And then he's like oh, and she's like, oh, you

813
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:38,399
Speaker 2: actually owe me you're in debt?

814
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 3: No, does it work like that?

815
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 2: Comment one says, does he seriously think you'd have to

816
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,720
Speaker 2: pay him back for gifts if you broke up? Wasn't

817
00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 2: that a joke? Opie says, Unfortunately, he was serious about it.

818
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:53,399
Speaker 2: He wants the money he spent on gifts and other

819
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:56,359
Speaker 2: things back. If I were to act exactly the same way,

820
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 2: I would have already been dealing with him in a

821
00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:01,360
Speaker 2: four digit amount. Then do that comment to says question,

822
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 2: did he only note down how much he spent on

823
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,640
Speaker 2: larger occasions or did he also note down snacks, the

824
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:10,240
Speaker 2: occasional coffee, etc. If the former, I don't find it alarming.

825
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:13,320
Speaker 2: I know many family members who generally note such expenses,

826
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 2: for example, how much they received as a gift from

827
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 2: person X y Z for their milestone birthday, and then

828
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 2: they can give back a corresponding amount on similar occasions.

829
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:24,719
Speaker 2: I do that sometimes too, and note it as an

830
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,440
Speaker 2: expense in my budget for the respective month. If the

831
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 2: second option is yours, I find it extremely strange and worrying.

832
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 2: I would definitely follow up and if in doubt, not

833
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 2: accept anything as a gift until the matter is resolved.

834
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 2: Otherwise it's kind of like a temporary gift. If he's

835
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 2: already planning this so that he has something concrete to

836
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 2: use against you in the event of a breakup, then

837
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 2: he's probably not ready to really commit to someone yet.

838
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 2: OHPI says, Unfortunately, that means everything, be it a bag

839
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:54,960
Speaker 2: of gummy bears or coffee he bought me. So far,

840
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,359
Speaker 2: I've never received anything larger from him. It's often been

841
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 2: limited to a bouquet of flowers snacks, So it shocks

842
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 2: me a lot. Yeah. I mean, if he spent two

843
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:05,439
Speaker 2: hundred and eighty euros on you, he definitely isn't buying

844
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:09,479
Speaker 2: you anything large. OHP. On her boyfriend's finances, OHP says,

845
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 2: he's actually totally into the financial game. I wouldn't be

846
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:15,320
Speaker 2: surprised if he soon goes totally into it and demands

847
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:17,919
Speaker 2: everything back with interest. I'm breaking up with them.

848
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:19,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I'm like, I'm.

849
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,800
Speaker 2: Breaking up with them. I'm saying, oh, always his little

850
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,239
Speaker 2: boy is a little boy broke. Does little boy not

851
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 2: have any money? Do you need me to pay for

852
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 2: everything because you can't You can't spend money on your girlfriend.

853
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 4: I'm not even I break up with you. I'm not

854
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 4: even gonna be mean. I'm just gonna be like me.

855
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 4: You know what, Chief, that was a bad play and uh,

856
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,120
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, can't stay with you

857
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:42,920
Speaker 4: just because that's crazy and you're free to track your

858
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,880
Speaker 4: expenses like a good little boy. But yeah, don't uh,

859
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:47,359
Speaker 4: don't bring it up to your next partner like they're

860
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 4: gonna owe it to you.

861
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 3: You have a good one and then you leave forever.

862
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 2: Like goodness to get separated. Whatever that meant.

863
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 3: Why are you still thinking about moving in with this guy?

864
00:37:57,040 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 2: Hopefully not Comment three says I would tell him very

865
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,680
Speaker 2: clearly that he doesn't need to give me anything anymore.

866
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:05,360
Speaker 2: Gifts should be given out of love, not as a reward,

867
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:08,240
Speaker 2: and to bring joy to others. We don't even discuss

868
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 2: the price. If you move in with him, he'll calculate

869
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 2: how much electricity and water you've used, how much you eat,

870
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 2: including weighing it, how much dish, soap and toilet paper

871
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,640
Speaker 2: you use, fuel consumption, and car wear and tear when

872
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 2: he drives, payroll for household help when he tidied something

873
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 2: up or cleaned something for you. And then at the

874
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 2: end there'll be this bill when you split up, with

875
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 2: payment terms and interest or what. Opie says. My birthday

876
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 2: is next week, and I've already told him I'm politely

877
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:40,319
Speaker 2: declining everything. The thing is, he suggested that because I

878
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,279
Speaker 2: consume more than he does, I should also pay more.

879
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 2: I've also dismissed such comments as a bad joke, but

880
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 2: he's serious. None of this is a joke.

881
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 4: During the breakup too, you also just need to hit

882
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,399
Speaker 4: him with it. Yeah again, chief, bad move.

883
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:55,200
Speaker 3: We're done.

884
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:58,359
Speaker 4: Also, don't expect any of this to be paid back

885
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 4: to me. But here's your ideas list. It's three thousand euros.

886
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:03,439
Speaker 4: Have a good one.

887
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 2: Bye, Common four says. If he's actually serious about it,

888
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:09,959
Speaker 2: I'd cold bloodedly make a list. I read that you'd

889
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,359
Speaker 2: already be in the four figure range with him. Next

890
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 2: time you're paying for your meal, just casually say okay,

891
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 2: now you're only about X euros in the red in

892
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,359
Speaker 2: case of a breakup, and I would take that as

893
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 2: an opportunity to talk to him about this topic, because wtf.

894
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,759
Speaker 2: His gifts are basically bonds that you have to pay

895
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:29,839
Speaker 2: back at some point. I've never heard of that before. Dan,

896
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 2: he should just stop giving you presents and pay back

897
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 2: the difference first. From then on, everyone pays for themselves.

898
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 2: Everyone will only breathe the same number of breaths per

899
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 2: day in your shared apartment communism, and you'll also need

900
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 2: separate water and electricity meters. I'm truly sorry for phrasing

901
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,799
Speaker 2: this so sarcastically, but I find it incredibly disrespectful of

902
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 2: your boyfriend. I understand his motives, but gifts are effing

903
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:54,200
Speaker 2: optional and you're not his X. I hope you can

904
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 2: clarify this. Oh, P says I have dismissed his comments

905
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,359
Speaker 2: as bad, but now that I know that he means

906
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:02,960
Speaker 2: it serious, I'm very shocked. I also do not understand

907
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 2: why anyone would expect anything in return for a gift,

908
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 2: and as OP given her boyfriend anything. OP says, I've

909
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 2: paid for almost all of his dates so far. Regularly

910
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 2: give him attention without listing it, and when I think

911
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,760
Speaker 2: about the total, I'm already in the four figure range.

912
00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 2: He's just stingy and resentful when it comes to his

913
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 2: ax and there is an update. Folks, all those comments

914
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 2: are wrong because none of them said break up.

915
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's the only answer. Breakup yeah.

916
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:32,319
Speaker 4: You say, you know what, chief, big Chief, big old,

917
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 4: big man, big man, big man.

918
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 3: That was a bad move, big man.

919
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 4: And you go ahead and send that invoice to my

920
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,360
Speaker 4: accountant so we can pin it up on the fridge

921
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 4: and laugh at it. I live with my accountant in

922
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:45,240
Speaker 4: this fake scenario.

923
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:47,319
Speaker 2: I'm not living with you updates.

924
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 1: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

925
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute

926
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:52,240
Speaker 1: break from as for more sponsors.

927
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,319
Speaker 2: I brought up the topic again and asked him if

928
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 2: I could take a look at the list. He refused

929
00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 2: several times and tried to distract me from the topic

930
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 2: till I gave.

931
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 3: Him a choice. He just said, what's over there?

932
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:06,759
Speaker 2: I turn around, tur round. There's something behind you.

933
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 4: Turn around now, and then I want you to turn around.

934
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 2: I gave him a choice either show it to me

935
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 2: and talk openly about it, or I break up with him.

936
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 3: After that, He did show it.

937
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 2: To me, but I wasn't allowed to touch his phone

938
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 2: or scroll through the list myself. He secured the list

939
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 2: with face ID, which I obviously found odd, but I

940
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:29,839
Speaker 2: didn't think anything of it at first. It's because all

941
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:32,719
Speaker 2: of the other women he's seeing he also itemizes their

942
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:34,680
Speaker 2: lists on the same notes app.

943
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 3: Is this did he find an infinite money glitch?

944
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 2: M m oh, you date a woman for a couple

945
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:42,040
Speaker 2: of years, get all that money.

946
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 5: You only spend about three hundred dollars or euros or

947
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:49,239
Speaker 5: what have you on this one specific woman, make a list,

948
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 5: and then they all pay you back, and you're like,

949
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 5: all right, rinse, repeat, recycle.

950
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 3: It's the girlfriend pyramid scheme.

951
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,399
Speaker 4: Your one girlfriend, you get them to send you three

952
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 4: hundred euros, so then you spend three hundred euros on

953
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:00,960
Speaker 4: your next girlfriend, and then and she pays it back,

954
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:02,759
Speaker 4: and you spend it on the next one, and you

955
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 4: really you get to spend three hundred euros on seventeen

956
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 4: different girlfriends, but you only spent it one time.

957
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 2: Exactly In any case, absolutely everything was written down on

958
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,240
Speaker 2: the list from a bottle of water to a bouquet

959
00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 2: of flowers. Everything he ever gave me or spent on

960
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 2: during our entire relationship was written down there. After he

961
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:25,200
Speaker 2: closed the list and went on Instagram. However, I noticed

962
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:28,400
Speaker 2: that he had several lists on his phone. The different

963
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 2: lists were named after different women. I called it.

964
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 3: Wow, I freaking called that.

965
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 2: I thought about it for a moment, and then confronted

966
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:36,880
Speaker 2: him and demanded that he gave me his phone if

967
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 2: he had nothing to hide from me. He then gave

968
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 2: it to me and asked me to not be upset

969
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:43,920
Speaker 2: about what I found there. What I found was three

970
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,240
Speaker 2: more lists named after the names of three other women,

971
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 2: and they also listed every expense by boyfriend had made

972
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:54,360
Speaker 2: for them. Things like shopping, underwear, and even restaurant visits

973
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:55,200
Speaker 2: were noted there.

974
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 3: Maybe they're just coworkers. Maybe coworkers need underwear.

975
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:02,560
Speaker 2: Maybe I knew immediately what was going on and told

976
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:05,160
Speaker 2: him I was breaking up with him and immediately punted

977
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:06,280
Speaker 2: him out of my apartment.

978
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 3: But you did a good one, you got him out

979
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:11,040
Speaker 3: of there.

980
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:13,840
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, he was a cheater and I think we

981
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:17,440
Speaker 2: literally actually called it perfectly. I think this is his

982
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:18,840
Speaker 2: girlfriend pyramid scheme.

983
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 4: Girlfriend pyramid scheme, you too can be three hundred euros

984
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 4: richer forever, forever. You just have to be emotionally bankrupt.

985
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 2: Yep, you only have to pay three hundred dollars once,

986
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 2: and then every girlfriend can have three hundred dollars.

987
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 3: Yes, three hundred pounds pull woman.

988
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 2: Apparently he cheated on me throughout our entire relationship. I'm sorry,

989
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 2: and he said, don't be mad. He said, don't be

990
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:44,440
Speaker 2: mad at me.

991
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 4: I specifically told you that you can be mad about this.

992
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:51,719
Speaker 4: So what in God's name are you doing being mad

993
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 4: at me for cheating on you?

994
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 2: Apparently he cheated on me through our entire relationship. He

995
00:43:56,520 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 2: admitted that he'd been seeing another woman regularly for a year,

996
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 2: but said it wasn't physical, which I didn't believe. I

997
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 2: hope I've learned from this and will look out for

998
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 2: these warning signs with my next partner. And comment says,

999
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:09,920
Speaker 2: one thing you can give your friend credit for is

1000
00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:12,840
Speaker 2: that he keeps track of his expenses. You probably also

1001
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 2: used finances. I can only imagine why this is being

1002
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,520
Speaker 2: done to several women at the same time. By looking

1003
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 2: at the class benefit analysis, Opie says, I'm glad to

1004
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,080
Speaker 2: finally know what was going on behind my back, but

1005
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 2: knowing that he spent several hundred euros on other women,

1006
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 2: it made me feel as if he had the right

1007
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:33,320
Speaker 2: to demand money back from me for his gifts was shocking.

1008
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,760
Speaker 2: I was awake all night thinking about how to resolve

1009
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:38,800
Speaker 2: the whole situation, and now I'm at least somewhat relieved,

1010
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:43,440
Speaker 2: but also extremely sad. Opie responds to downloaded commenter regarding

1011
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 2: seeing her boyfriend's list. Opie says, I didn't write down

1012
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:49,359
Speaker 2: every little detail, but the whole thing wasn't resolved within

1013
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:52,640
Speaker 2: ten minutes. We discussed for almost two hours, so he

1014
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:54,840
Speaker 2: should show me the list, and then I wanted to

1015
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:57,319
Speaker 2: see the rest of the stuff. Afterwards. He tried to

1016
00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 2: convince me that we were just friends. He tried to

1017
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:04,800
Speaker 2: convince you, his girlfriend, that you guys were just friends.

1018
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 3: We've just been friends all along.

1019
00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 2: I'm sorry he tried to pull an udo reverse. You

1020
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 2: fight out that he is cheating on you, and he goes, no, no, no, babe,

1021
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,840
Speaker 2: you don't understand we're just friends.

1022
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:17,520
Speaker 3: You've got it.

1023
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:19,440
Speaker 4: You have to understand that if you're gonna make the

1024
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:24,239
Speaker 4: seventeen layer girlfriend MLM pyramid work, you gotta you have

1025
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,840
Speaker 4: to gaslight at an audacious level.

1026
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,840
Speaker 2: It doesn't work otherwise. Wow. He had been trying to

1027
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:32,920
Speaker 2: contact me constantly via WhatsApp to convince me that it

1028
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 2: isn't the way I think it is, and now he's

1029
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,520
Speaker 2: actually demanding money from me. Comment to has he tried

1030
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 2: to demand a refund from you now that you're broken up?

1031
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:46,919
Speaker 2: Opie says, unfortunately, Yes, that's wild wild man.

1032
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 4: You just send this guy, Why y'all send this guy

1033
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:52,879
Speaker 4: the dictionary definition of a gift or.

1034
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:56,360
Speaker 2: A friend or the definition of a girlfriend.

1035
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,840
Speaker 3: To send the definition of gift, and then enemy and

1036
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:01,760
Speaker 3: an idiot and the idiot and then nemesis.

1037
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then you know what, throw a curveball in

1038
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:08,920
Speaker 4: there and send nematode is that's what this guy's acting.

1039
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:11,520
Speaker 3: Like a worm, just a worm.

1040
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,799
Speaker 2: Just a worm. But folks, that's the end of that

1041
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:16,880
Speaker 2: story and the end of that episode. So if you

1042
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:18,360
Speaker 2: love us, make sure to subscribe.

1043
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:21,280
Speaker 3: We love you and see you tomorrow.