1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:03,360 Speaker 1: This podcast has content that may not be appropriate for 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:08,160 Speaker 1: all audiences. You'll hear about some difficult subjects like substance abuse, 3 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: suicidal thoughts, childhood, sexual abuse, and sexual assault. Please take care. 4 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,799 Speaker 1: Last time on Crumbs, I was working the Step process 5 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:25,560 Speaker 1: for real, actually falling in love with the program in 6 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: the process, starting to deal with the fact that I 7 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 1: had hurt someone that I loved so so much. In 8 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 1: the Step process, I was revisiting this incident October twenty eighth, 9 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:42,159 Speaker 1: two thousand and five. That night was my close friend 10 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 1: Cynthia's birthday party. I blacked out and ended up in 11 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:49,519 Speaker 1: jail for a long time. Cynthia wouldn't talk to me, 12 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: and I felt like I was being punished. Taking responsibility 13 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:57,040 Speaker 1: for your actions isn't something you can do overnight. 14 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 2: You need time to. 15 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 1: Reflect on what you did and why you did it, 16 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 1: and when the time comes, you need to give the 17 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,080 Speaker 1: other person the space to decide what to do with 18 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,679 Speaker 1: what you're saying. I was finally ready to reach out 19 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:13,679 Speaker 1: to Cynthia and make amends, but would she be ready 20 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:18,760 Speaker 1: to rebuild our friendship. I'm emmy and this is Crumbs. 21 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 1: It's to show about the things we settle for and 22 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:24,479 Speaker 1: the bits of ourselves that make us who we are. 23 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 1: This season my sobriety journey in twelve steps, step nine responsibility. 24 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: This episode my immense journey recreated. I apologize to Cynthia 25 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 1: many many times. Those apologies I sent them in a 26 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: text message. I apologize over and over and over again, 27 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:06,000 Speaker 1: saying I'm sorry. Sometimes I get a response that was 28 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 1: kind of short, or sometimes I wouldn't even get a response, 29 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:12,359 Speaker 1: So naturally I talked to my sponsor and asked why 30 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:16,560 Speaker 1: this wasn't working, and at the time, they suggested I 31 00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:19,040 Speaker 1: just let it go, that I'll get there when I 32 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:23,639 Speaker 1: get there, and that my attempts of sending text messages, 33 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: which is the wrong thing to do at that time, 34 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: I never made an amends. Making an amends is not 35 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 1: an apology. When I make an amends to someone, it's 36 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,600 Speaker 1: something along the lines of thank you for taking the 37 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 1: time to meet with me. I have been sober for 38 00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: sixteen years. I'm a member of a twelve SEP program, 39 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: and I want to make an amends for the harm 40 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 1: that I caused you. You work with your sponsor to 41 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,960 Speaker 1: kind of come up with a script. I want to 42 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:04,519 Speaker 1: make an amends for acting violent, belligerent, spinning in your face, 43 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:10,079 Speaker 1: whatever that might be. You don't say why you did it. 44 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:14,320 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. You just take ownership from your behavior. 45 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 1: Last episode, I told a story of how I heard 46 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 1: someone really important to me, Cynthia. 47 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 2: I relived what I did. 48 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:28,119 Speaker 1: I took stock of all the nasty parts about myself 49 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,440 Speaker 1: that came out during that event. They were parts of 50 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: my character that haven't merged before that. I sort of 51 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:45,360 Speaker 1: wrestle with things like being belligerent, violent, reckless, irresponsible, angry. 52 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 1: The goal is to know yourself the bad parts and 53 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 1: be prepared to hear about them from other people and 54 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:58,440 Speaker 1: take accountability for them. And then I was ready to 55 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: talk to Cynthia about it to make amends. But was 56 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:15,440 Speaker 1: she ready for me. I've known you for over half 57 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:20,760 Speaker 1: of my life. Really, yeah, I met you when I 58 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:21,960 Speaker 1: was nineteen years old. 59 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 2: That's true, That is so so true. 60 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: I asked Cynthia to join me in the studio to 61 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 1: talk about this time in my life. In part, I 62 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,720 Speaker 1: want to revisit the hotel incident, but like in Amends, 63 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: I want her to tell her side of the story. 64 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,080 Speaker 1: I want you to hear it too. So here she 65 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: is talking about how we met. 66 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, time flies in your IT training class 67 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,800 Speaker 2: in my IT training class. Yes, you came in. You 68 00:04:53,880 --> 00:05:00,280 Speaker 2: made some bi public true public is. Yes. At that time, 69 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 2: I had been with the phone company for almost ten years, 70 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:07,599 Speaker 2: and since I was really good friends with instructor, she 71 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:11,160 Speaker 2: was hosting a potluck for y'all, and that's how we met. 72 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,279 Speaker 2: She introduced me to your whole class. She kept mentioning you. 73 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,240 Speaker 2: She's like, there's something about Emmy, and there's something about Emmy. 74 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 2: So when I met you, I knew there was something there, 75 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 2: like we clicked. Even though I just met you, there 76 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:33,040 Speaker 2: was something there that we clicked. I don't know. And 77 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 2: then shortly after that, when it came to find out 78 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 2: that you had taken on custody of your sisters, I 79 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:44,240 Speaker 2: thought like, oh my goodness, that takes a lot of 80 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:48,560 Speaker 2: courage and bravery to do that. That's a really really 81 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 2: big commitment to do. And you were so young, and 82 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 2: I being a single mom and also having my son 83 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,960 Speaker 2: at a young age, I couldn't even wrap my head 84 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 2: around you're taking on that big responsibility. Right away after 85 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,920 Speaker 2: we met, and then we ran into each other at 86 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:12,160 Speaker 2: the kids high school, we just clicked. We clicked, and 87 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,679 Speaker 2: we would just keep in touch, even though we weren't 88 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:17,640 Speaker 2: in the same office. We would chat and we would 89 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,960 Speaker 2: talk and see catch up on how the kids were 90 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 2: doing and everything. When you started hanging out with the 91 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,600 Speaker 2: coworkers and going out with the co workers, and I 92 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 2: felt that you were torn wanting to enjoy your young 93 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 2: stage age in life, but then also having to have 94 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 2: the responsibility to care for your sisters. And I can 95 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,720 Speaker 2: hear it in you. You were torn. You didn't know 96 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 2: which way to go. 97 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 1: It was hard because I was nineteen years old and 98 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 1: all my coworkers, you know what it's like in the 99 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 1: cost and you become close to people. 100 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,720 Speaker 2: And you guys start family family, the happy. 101 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 1: Hours, the lunches, the dinners, like you become a family. 102 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,839 Speaker 1: I started hanging out some of my coworkers, you know, 103 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 1: the younger ones for the most part, and going out 104 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: and partying. And I still was in the legal drinking age, 105 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: so we would go to Mexico. 106 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 2: And I don't blame you, because I remember that when 107 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 2: I started, when we were assigned to work Saturday, we 108 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,120 Speaker 2: would have a day off during the week and we 109 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,880 Speaker 2: would get together with the co workers and we'd go 110 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 2: down to Mexico and hang out for the day and 111 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 2: just have fun and enjoy, you know, eat and drink. 112 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 2: We were in an occasion took off to Disneyland, and 113 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 2: it was nice to know that you were creating that bond, 114 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 2: creating that new family. Little did I know that, unfortunately, 115 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,720 Speaker 2: it was going to take you down a wrong path. 116 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 1: At this point, even with my friends that weren't from work, 117 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,720 Speaker 1: I was starting to drink more. 118 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 2: Party, more, blackout more. 119 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 1: I'm presenting very well and put together and successful and responsible, 120 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,120 Speaker 1: and you know, look at me. I'm doing so good, 121 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,680 Speaker 1: and I'm raising my sisters and I'm making good money 122 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,640 Speaker 1: at the phone company. But behind closed doors, I was 123 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: drinking and drugging my life away. 124 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:25,280 Speaker 2: Reflecting back, you would tell me incidents and I wouldn't 125 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 2: believe them because I never saw you that way. So 126 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 2: when you would talk about it and I was like, 127 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,680 Speaker 2: she's just finisizing, she's just making up stories, I didn't 128 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 2: want to believe it. You know, part of me didn't 129 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,480 Speaker 2: want to believe it, like the mommy and me didn't 130 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 2: want to believe it. Parts of you I would see, 131 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:46,079 Speaker 2: like the little shimmer in your eye, like oh this 132 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,960 Speaker 2: is what I did, like proud and excited, and I'm 133 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,720 Speaker 2: looking at you like, are you kidding me? Like what 134 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,840 Speaker 2: the fuck? Like yes, Like, what the heck is going 135 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 2: on here? You're telling me you partied the night before, 136 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,000 Speaker 2: you dragged yourself into work. 137 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,160 Speaker 1: You don't remember why I would share these things with you, 138 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,560 Speaker 1: knowing how you are right? 139 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 2: And the thing was this that you were like excited 140 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,960 Speaker 2: to share with me, and I was like, Okay, that's 141 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 2: why I thought that, Okay, she wants more of me, 142 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:15,640 Speaker 2: she wants more attention. She's looking for comforting and for nurturing. 143 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 2: You know, it's like she's probably feeling overwhelmed with everything 144 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 2: going on with the girls and everything. But you did 145 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 2: start sharing a little bit more that you started feeling 146 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 2: like you wanted to date, but then you couldn't because 147 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 2: of responsibilities and everything. So you were just like drowning 148 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,960 Speaker 2: and just like exploring partying and doing all this stuff 149 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,440 Speaker 2: was like your scapegoat. 150 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:47,960 Speaker 1: So at what point did you actually start realizing that 151 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,880 Speaker 1: I had a problem with these things? 152 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:54,520 Speaker 2: When I started hearing it from other people, when I 153 00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:58,079 Speaker 2: started hearing comments here and there. But the interesting thing 154 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 2: is this that though we work in an environment where 155 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:07,200 Speaker 2: we hang out and gossip left and right. There was 156 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 2: always like, oh, Cynthia's here, don't say anything about Emmy. 157 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 2: But I would be able to catch tellens of this 158 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:19,080 Speaker 2: and that, and then I was like, wait a minute, 159 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:24,679 Speaker 2: is it true? Then? Is this really happening? And then 160 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 2: you started sharing more and more and more that I 161 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:33,360 Speaker 2: was like, oh, my goodness, it is true. And I 162 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,520 Speaker 2: believe I touched basis with you about it. Okay, is 163 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 2: this a problem? Is it something that you can handle? 164 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 2: We're going to celebrate your birthday. I remember you sharing 165 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 2: some concerns with me. I remember we had a conversation. Yes, 166 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,960 Speaker 2: what were those concerns? At that point, you were sharing 167 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 2: with me that you were drinking a little bit more 168 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,560 Speaker 2: and that you were blacking now and all this and that. 169 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:58,640 Speaker 2: And I remember a couple of days before we had 170 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 2: a conversation and I asked you to please promise me 171 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 2: that if you were having problems controlling your alcohol, that 172 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,760 Speaker 2: I didn't want to be a babysitter on my birthday. 173 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,760 Speaker 2: And I asked you that for you, if you weren't 174 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 2: able to do it, that for you to please not 175 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,439 Speaker 2: to drink. And I remember you gave me your word 176 00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:24,280 Speaker 2: It was a tail end of October and I had 177 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:27,880 Speaker 2: planned a birthday at one of the hotels that had 178 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:33,200 Speaker 2: salsa because I love to dance and saw. I planned 179 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 2: a birthday, invited a whole bunch of friends, co workers, family, 180 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:42,160 Speaker 2: and we headed out. It was a Friday, straight from Mark. 181 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,680 Speaker 2: We drove straight down. Some of us were going to 182 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 2: spend the night at the hotel. So my good friend 183 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:53,360 Speaker 2: and I checked in, got a room, all situated, got dressed. 184 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 2: Wanted to make sure I was comfortable, so I had 185 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:59,199 Speaker 2: some cute little slacks on and then a cute little glouse, 186 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 2: and then the salsa music's playing. Everybody's getting ready to 187 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,839 Speaker 2: line up for the free salsa classes. There I am 188 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,600 Speaker 2: with my friends. You didn't want to go because I 189 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:16,080 Speaker 2: don't dance. I was like, you have to, and you're like, no, no, no, 190 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:20,439 Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, I respect. So free salsa was from 191 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:24,480 Speaker 2: what like sixty seven sixty seven, seven thirty somewhere around there, 192 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 2: and that's all I remember what you're kidding me. Wow, 193 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 2: now that I think about it, I left you in 194 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,560 Speaker 2: the bar by myself, No, with some of the other 195 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,840 Speaker 2: friends that were there. You were up at the bar 196 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:50,360 Speaker 2: area came back. You were next to me. I remember 197 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 2: we were sitting and just chit chatting and everything, and 198 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 2: I'll never forget but chat. The music came on and 199 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,680 Speaker 2: I was moving my should like I swore I knew 200 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:05,080 Speaker 2: how to dance by Chatta. I didn't know where. Here 201 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:08,040 Speaker 2: comes this guy and asked me to dance. And I 202 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:09,960 Speaker 2: had already been seeing him on the dance floor. He 203 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 2: was one of the professionals, and I graciously told me, 204 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 2: I go, thank you so much, and I have to 205 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,360 Speaker 2: respectfully decline I don't know how to dance. But chattah. 206 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,080 Speaker 2: He goes, yes, you do. I go, no, I don't. 207 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 2: He goes, I've been seeing you. I go, I know 208 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,120 Speaker 2: how to dance. City down, but that's it. I wants 209 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,440 Speaker 2: to get to the dance floor of mahat Mess. He's like, 210 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 2: come on. He literally took me down to the dance floor. 211 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 2: Realized I didn't have the feet motion to go with 212 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,600 Speaker 2: the coordinate with the shoulders. Within five minutes, I was 213 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 2: back sitting next to you and you were laughing your head. 214 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 2: You're like, no, he did not bring you back. I 215 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,920 Speaker 2: told him. She's like, I heard you, and I was like, 216 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:55,880 Speaker 2: she literally set me down, so the night continued. We 217 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,280 Speaker 2: all had a great time. I wasn't really drinking. I mean, 218 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 2: don'tuote say as drink that morning thing. I babysit. We 219 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,559 Speaker 2: were dancing, and you always stayed in the bar area, 220 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:09,120 Speaker 2: and then you walked away for a little bit, and 221 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:13,960 Speaker 2: then you came back. Everybody started saying goodbye, and you 222 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 2: stayed with us. Then we walked up to her room 223 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:23,200 Speaker 2: and we were starting to power down, and you made 224 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,080 Speaker 2: a comment. You're like, I'll be right back. I'm going 225 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,040 Speaker 2: to go to my car to get my gym bag. 226 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:32,040 Speaker 2: I'll never forget that because I was like gym bag. 227 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 2: You're like, yes, it's my overnight bag. I'm like, okay. 228 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:42,600 Speaker 2: So you walked out. The next thing I know, there's 229 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,280 Speaker 2: a knock on the door, and I sit up. My 230 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:50,200 Speaker 2: have fallen asleep, and then my friend sits up. She's like, 231 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,800 Speaker 2: it is someone at our door. Because you know, when 232 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 2: you're at hotels and they knock, you think it's your dog. 233 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 2: It's not your door, it's the neighbors. And then we 234 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 2: hear another knock and I go, no, it's our door. 235 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:05,320 Speaker 2: And I get out of the bed. I look through 236 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:09,440 Speaker 2: the pequo and I see all these men, and I 237 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:14,040 Speaker 2: was like, happy birthday to me, and I'm like, friend, 238 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 2: there's all these men at the door and they're go lucky. 239 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 2: She's like what and they knock again and I'm like 240 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:26,800 Speaker 2: yes and they're like do you know so and so 241 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 2: And I'm like yes, she's my good friend. And another 242 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 2: voice came in and they asked for me and I go, yes, well, 243 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,800 Speaker 2: we need to talk to you, and I'm like okay. 244 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 2: So I cracked open the little door. Come to realize 245 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 2: it was a handful of men. We had police, we 246 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:54,840 Speaker 2: had employees from the hotel chain, we have like maintens 247 00:15:55,480 --> 00:16:00,880 Speaker 2: crew as well. And I was like, okay, this isn't 248 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:04,240 Speaker 2: a happy birthday. Sent you a deal. What's going on here? 249 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,480 Speaker 2: And they're all like, well, we need to ask you 250 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:11,960 Speaker 2: a couple of questions. I'm like sure, and they're all like, okay, 251 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 2: we want to make sure who's here in the room 252 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 2: with you. And I'm like, well, it's myself, my really 253 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 2: good friend and Emmy, and I turned her around and 254 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, Emmy wasn't in my bed because I 255 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,720 Speaker 2: sit up and you weren't there. So I looked at 256 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:31,320 Speaker 2: the floor and I'm like where is Emmy? And I go, well, 257 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,000 Speaker 2: she was here with us, she just stepped out to 258 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 2: get her bag. But she's not here. She should be 259 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 2: here with us. And then one of the police officers like, yes, 260 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 2: she's been taken and she's been booked. I go what. 261 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:51,840 Speaker 2: And then that's when they spilled the beans. They started 262 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,680 Speaker 2: telling me that you had vandalized the hotel. You had 263 00:16:55,760 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 2: vandalized all the waalsconss in that hallway, I had vandalized 264 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 2: some swans, some floral beds, and I'm all like what. 265 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:11,680 Speaker 2: I wasn't shocked. I was like, this is a dream. 266 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:15,560 Speaker 2: Please tell me it's a dream. Please pinch me. And 267 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 2: I'm like, no, this isn't true, this is not true. 268 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:23,760 Speaker 2: This isn't Emmy. And then I'm like, yes, she's booked. 269 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 2: We just wanted to make sure because she did share 270 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 2: with us that she was in this room with you 271 00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:34,400 Speaker 2: all like, oh, yes, that's correct, and I closed the door. 272 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:37,840 Speaker 2: I didn't even want to take a peek at the hallway. 273 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,480 Speaker 2: I was so scared. I was so terrified. I did 274 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,479 Speaker 2: not want to look out and look at the damage 275 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:47,320 Speaker 2: at the scones or anything. I know, my friend, she 276 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:52,800 Speaker 2: was fuman, she was livid. I mean, she was extremely 277 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 2: upset and angry. And as for me, I was hurt. 278 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:04,080 Speaker 2: I was so hurt. I know Emmy wouldn't do this 279 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:09,199 Speaker 2: to me. I know that she would respect me and 280 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 2: not let me down like this. And that was my 281 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:17,399 Speaker 2: feeling of that night, in that event, and I was like, 282 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:22,280 Speaker 2: she basically ruined my birthday, Like, oh, it was all 283 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 2: going so well, she was doing so well. You seem 284 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,280 Speaker 2: so composed. When we went back up to the room, oh, 285 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,800 Speaker 2: like what happened? And then we looked at the clock. 286 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:39,200 Speaker 2: I go, you weren't gone for that long? How could 287 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:48,879 Speaker 2: you do that? I never understood that. That was very, 288 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:54,640 Speaker 2: very uncomfortable to sit through. Because of course I don't 289 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:59,360 Speaker 2: remember much of it. I remember we got to the bar, 290 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,919 Speaker 2: the sauce started playing. Then we're sitting in the bed 291 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:08,000 Speaker 2: in the room, and then the next thing I remember, 292 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:14,639 Speaker 2: I'm in a holding tank at the county jail. I 293 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 2: remember calling you once I got home and you didn't 294 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:23,120 Speaker 2: pick up. I couldn't. I was so hurt. 295 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:27,879 Speaker 1: I was devastated. You didn't reply to any of my messages. 296 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:29,920 Speaker 1: I needed time. 297 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:35,040 Speaker 2: I was like, any other day you could have done that, 298 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 2: any other day. Oh, why on my day? Why a 299 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,920 Speaker 2: my day? 300 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,439 Speaker 1: I had to go back to work on Monday. I 301 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:50,040 Speaker 1: remember you walking into the office and my heart sank 302 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:54,320 Speaker 1: and I could see how much you had cried. 303 00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:56,160 Speaker 2: Over the weekend. Oh yes, I did. 304 00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:00,119 Speaker 1: You had that pissed off look all day and you 305 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,920 Speaker 1: pretended like I did not exist. You wouldn't even look 306 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:09,240 Speaker 1: my way. And I knew that I had a huge 307 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:14,480 Speaker 1: part in that because of my behavior and what. 308 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,200 Speaker 2: I had done. 309 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:19,080 Speaker 1: I knew that I had hurt you, and I wanted 310 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 1: to make it right and I couldn't. 311 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 2: Unfortunately, I was victim of domestic balance drugs were involved, 312 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:34,399 Speaker 2: and overcoming that it was hard. It was really hard 313 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 2: on me, and I suffered from PTSD from that, and 314 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,960 Speaker 2: I knew that for my well being, I couldn't be 315 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,639 Speaker 2: associated moving forward with anybody that did rigs. It didn't 316 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,680 Speaker 2: matter how much I cared for them or loved them. 317 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:53,000 Speaker 2: I knew how to set a boundary in regards to that, 318 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,119 Speaker 2: and I had shared with you. You know, this is my past, 319 00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:03,080 Speaker 2: these are my boundaries today. 320 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:10,120 Speaker 1: You know, nineteen years later, I understand that boundary. At 321 00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:12,679 Speaker 1: the time, I could not understand it because I was, like, 322 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: have some compassion for me. This is like a trauma 323 00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:20,919 Speaker 1: for me because I wasn't healed yet, right I was. 324 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,840 Speaker 1: I had no clue that I was gonna end up 325 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 1: in a program of recovery. 326 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,159 Speaker 2: I didn't know that that was coming. 327 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,160 Speaker 1: So at that point, I have no tools, I don't 328 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,240 Speaker 1: know what I'm dealing with, and I just thought I 329 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:42,040 Speaker 1: thought it was unfair, knowing my past and my history. 330 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 1: Even though I am very aware that I had hurt you, 331 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 1: I felt like it was unfair that I felt like 332 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 1: I was being punished. I understand that my drug use, 333 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 1: even though I hid it from you, it really overstepped 334 00:21:55,600 --> 00:22:01,359 Speaker 1: your boundary. I was bringing drugs into your life. Like 335 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:05,600 Speaker 1: I said today, I understand that, but back then I didn't. 336 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,400 Speaker 2: And that makes sense, and I can see where you're 337 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:15,360 Speaker 2: coming from. And it was disappointment and betrayal because here 338 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:20,159 Speaker 2: I thought that we shared a special bond that regardless 339 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,560 Speaker 2: of what my boundaries were. I was like, am your 340 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:27,080 Speaker 2: husband lying to me? All this time? She wasn't truthfully 341 00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:31,640 Speaker 2: honest with me. I was honest with her. How Come 342 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,960 Speaker 2: I wasn't reciprocated? How come she didn't open up to me? 343 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,320 Speaker 2: I mean, does she not trust me? What was it. 344 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:44,919 Speaker 2: It's like why So it's like it was a false 345 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,600 Speaker 2: relationship then, you know, because it's like where's the trust, 346 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,639 Speaker 2: where's the honesty. I totally opened up to you, you know. 347 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 2: I thought we were you know, and you would share 348 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,400 Speaker 2: with me that you would go hoop it up, have 349 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,520 Speaker 2: fun and everything and get drunk and black out. But 350 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:05,919 Speaker 2: you were being selective, that was the thing. And it 351 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,679 Speaker 2: was like okay, So on top of everything else, she 352 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,840 Speaker 2: was lying to me too, you know, so she was 353 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:15,119 Speaker 2: picking and choosing, cherry picking what she wanted to share 354 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:19,120 Speaker 2: with me, and then here comes today. Shit hits a fan. 355 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:24,400 Speaker 2: I'm hurt because it's a false relationship that we've had, 356 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:32,840 Speaker 2: you know, So I lost. I lost you too. Yeah, 357 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:37,000 Speaker 2: and though I don't I wasn't interacting with you. I 358 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:41,679 Speaker 2: was keeping an eye on you, and I know that 359 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:46,480 Speaker 2: it's something that, yes, I could have possibly let my 360 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:49,399 Speaker 2: shield down a little bit sooner, but I knew I 361 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:53,960 Speaker 2: had to if I wanted the type of relationship that 362 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:57,720 Speaker 2: I thought we had back then to come forward down 363 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,040 Speaker 2: the path, I had to hold my. 364 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:07,040 Speaker 1: You know, we call that lying biomission, right, But it 365 00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: wasn't that it was in my perspective a false relationship. 366 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,880 Speaker 1: It's just that I knew that I could potentially lose 367 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:18,480 Speaker 1: you if I was very honest, and I did not 368 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,400 Speaker 1: want to ever lose you. So that's why, Yes, I 369 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,640 Speaker 1: was very selective about the things that I told you. 370 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:29,239 Speaker 1: And then, like you said, sh hit the fan, and 371 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:33,520 Speaker 1: it all came out and it was like, fuck, this 372 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:34,160 Speaker 1: is where I am. 373 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,919 Speaker 2: I understand where you're coming from. That you were afraid 374 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:42,000 Speaker 2: to open up, afraid to lose me. I loved you 375 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,960 Speaker 2: dearly and I still do to this day. And even 376 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,400 Speaker 2: then I loved you, and because I loved you so much, 377 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:53,359 Speaker 2: I had a step away, because part of me was like, 378 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,960 Speaker 2: if she really does love me, and she really does 379 00:24:57,040 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 2: look up to me like a mom, she's to find 380 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,520 Speaker 2: the way to get help. It's going to think in 381 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 2: I understand that thought process. However, today I'm sixteen years 382 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,719 Speaker 2: sober and I've done a lot of work, and I 383 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:20,000 Speaker 2: understand the brain of an addict, the brain of an alcoholic, 384 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,959 Speaker 2: like someone who's not an addict and alcoholic would understand it. 385 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:29,160 Speaker 1: The disease is so powerful. I could love you till 386 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 1: I'm blue in the face. The disease is always going 387 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:36,920 Speaker 1: to win, and it wasn't a matter of like, if 388 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:41,600 Speaker 1: you love me enough, you'll seek help. That's merely impossible 389 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:45,200 Speaker 1: for any alcoholic, in any addict. It has to come 390 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:50,960 Speaker 1: from yourself. You have to admit to yourself, to your 391 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:55,119 Speaker 1: innermal self, that you have a problem, and some people 392 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,000 Speaker 1: don't ever get there. It was not on you to 393 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:01,320 Speaker 1: make me get help. That was on me, and it 394 00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:10,720 Speaker 1: had to be. Do you remember when I reached out 395 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,800 Speaker 1: to you to make amends. 396 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:17,879 Speaker 2: When you called me, Yes, I was nervous because you 397 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:18,960 Speaker 2: hadn't reached out to me. 398 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,520 Speaker 1: Maybe I think I had given up. 399 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,600 Speaker 2: When I saw the phone ring and I saw it 400 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:31,480 Speaker 2: was you, I had mixed emotions. I was nervous, but 401 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:36,440 Speaker 2: I was like happy. And when I answered, I heard 402 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:40,000 Speaker 2: a crackle in your voice. I could kind of sense 403 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:43,919 Speaker 2: you were kind of scared or hesitant to be just 404 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,879 Speaker 2: like a regular Hi, how are you doing friend? You 405 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:50,080 Speaker 2: were like, Okay, I'm reaching out to you. You know 406 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,359 Speaker 2: I'm in recovery. I know you shared with me that 407 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,439 Speaker 2: you were in recovering. I was really excited and I 408 00:26:56,520 --> 00:27:00,360 Speaker 2: commended you for that, and you said that you were 409 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,440 Speaker 2: working on your steps, that you wanted to meet it 410 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:10,080 Speaker 2: up and talk about making amends. We talked on the 411 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:12,600 Speaker 2: phone for a while. I wanted to get a feel 412 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:16,120 Speaker 2: of how you were doing as far as your steps. 413 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,359 Speaker 2: I was familiar with the set process because of one 414 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:23,320 Speaker 2: of my dear friends. He had been sober for twenty 415 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:26,560 Speaker 2: plus years at that point. We were on the phone 416 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,680 Speaker 2: for a bit and then we agreed to meet, and 417 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:34,880 Speaker 2: I was nervous. I didn't know what to expect. I 418 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,520 Speaker 2: was excited to see you. I wanted to see you. 419 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:43,160 Speaker 2: I wanted to hug you because I missed you so much. 420 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:48,760 Speaker 2: I missed us. And we talked. I remember we talked 421 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:53,119 Speaker 2: for hours and you shared and you opened up, and 422 00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:56,760 Speaker 2: first of all, you started with asking for amends, and 423 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,679 Speaker 2: I know it was a bit tough, and I know, 424 00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,639 Speaker 2: and I was drilling you, you know, on your program 425 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,320 Speaker 2: and how truthful you were to your program and how 426 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,520 Speaker 2: truthful you were, and how serious this amendmant to you 427 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:14,440 Speaker 2: and what it really meant to you. And I wanted 428 00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:18,400 Speaker 2: to make sure it was coming from a place of sincerity. 429 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,439 Speaker 2: I was like, are you doing the program just to 430 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:24,400 Speaker 2: do the program? Or are you really really doing it 431 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:28,440 Speaker 2: for yourself? And I could truly see that you were 432 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:33,520 Speaker 2: really working the step program. We had a long conversation, 433 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:40,400 Speaker 2: and that's when I offered and volunteered to join you 434 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:44,320 Speaker 2: at your meetings. That was my way of saying, I'm here, 435 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,320 Speaker 2: you can trust me, you can count on me. I 436 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,640 Speaker 2: enjoyed being your plus one. I loved seeing that side 437 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:56,080 Speaker 2: of you working the program, really focused on a better 438 00:28:56,200 --> 00:29:01,200 Speaker 2: version of Emmy, and seeing you so evolve in your 439 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:06,440 Speaker 2: steps and seeing you evolve as a person and as Emmy. 440 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,240 Speaker 2: I was so happy for you, so proud and happy 441 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:10,800 Speaker 2: for you. Have a no clue. 442 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,040 Speaker 1: I still am good and I'm so proud of you. 443 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,720 Speaker 1: So part of the events process is having a face 444 00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:30,000 Speaker 1: to face conversation when possible with someone and telling them, like, 445 00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,000 Speaker 1: I know that I harmed you in this way, and 446 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:35,960 Speaker 1: then you ask what you can do to make it right. 447 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:41,080 Speaker 2: And when you asked me that question, that's when I 448 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:45,640 Speaker 2: sat back and thought for a moment, and that's when 449 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,560 Speaker 2: I asked of you to be truthful to you and 450 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:52,960 Speaker 2: to your program, and be truthful to yourself in any way, 451 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,040 Speaker 2: shape or form. 452 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,960 Speaker 1: I think I remember like one of your requirements was 453 00:29:58,040 --> 00:29:59,800 Speaker 1: just that I keep doing what I'm doing. 454 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:04,000 Speaker 2: Exactly, show up to the meetings, continue your stay sober, 455 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 2: stay sober. 456 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:09,640 Speaker 1: Continue doing the work, and then that slowly, you know, 457 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:13,920 Speaker 1: started to mend our relationship. It wasn't overnight, it wasn't. 458 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:16,800 Speaker 1: It was like there was an awkward phase of like 459 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,800 Speaker 1: getting reacquainted again m hm. But we were able to 460 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:21,840 Speaker 1: get close again. 461 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,400 Speaker 2: We were we were able to pick up, We were 462 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:29,120 Speaker 2: able to pick up where we left off before the incident. 463 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:35,600 Speaker 1: In twenty twenty two, when I had that King Sanetta King, 464 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:40,600 Speaker 1: my fifteen year sober you came up to La I 465 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:41,080 Speaker 1: was there. 466 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:44,120 Speaker 2: I wouldn't have missed it for anything. It was like 467 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:44,560 Speaker 2: a king. 468 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:48,000 Speaker 1: Yes, it was with a dance, with the dress, with 469 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:53,880 Speaker 1: the tierra, with everything, and you gave me this gift. 470 00:30:54,320 --> 00:31:00,880 Speaker 1: It's on my dresser and it's the silver box that 471 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:04,959 Speaker 1: looks like a jewelry box, but you store your coins 472 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:09,200 Speaker 1: in there. It has slits to put your coins in there, 473 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:13,320 Speaker 1: and that's what I use it for. And on top 474 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: of it, it says happy fifteen years, one day at 475 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,920 Speaker 1: a time. It has the date of your which was 476 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,040 Speaker 1: September third of twenty twenty two. 477 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,960 Speaker 2: You know, I'm always a phone call, click text away. 478 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,960 Speaker 2: If you ever need anything, I'm always here for you. 479 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:40,560 Speaker 2: I always be a cheerleader. Thank you, You're welcome, and 480 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:45,720 Speaker 2: I know facing my own demons, I know that it's 481 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,959 Speaker 2: one day at a time. That's all we can do, 482 00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:50,040 Speaker 2: one day at a time. 483 00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:57,640 Speaker 1: Next time on Crumbs, I'm sober, I have my friend back, 484 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,720 Speaker 1: but life doesn't ease up, and I have to start 485 00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:05,040 Speaker 1: to tackle my mental health in a new way, diving 486 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:08,760 Speaker 1: into some of my past depression and where it comes from. 487 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:13,960 Speaker 1: Sobriety doesn't fix everything like magic, but it does help 488 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:26,720 Speaker 1: us take on the challenges with a clearer head. Hey, listeners, 489 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,080 Speaker 1: there's a lot of difficult subjects that we cover in 490 00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:32,520 Speaker 1: this show. If you are someone you know needs help, 491 00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:35,640 Speaker 1: you can reach the Substance Abuse in Mental Health Services 492 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:40,280 Speaker 1: Hotline at twenty hundred sixty six y two four three 493 00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:44,680 Speaker 1: five seven. They'll connect you with information and resources on treatment. 494 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:49,600 Speaker 1: There's also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at twenty hundred 495 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:55,840 Speaker 1: two seven three talk. Both are available twenty four to seven. 496 00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:58,760 Speaker 1: You don't have to be in crisis to reach out either. 497 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,560 Speaker 1: They're available to to anyone who needs help. You can 498 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,360 Speaker 1: also reach the National Sexual Assault Hotline twenty four to 499 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:09,600 Speaker 1: seven at one eight hundred six five six four six 500 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:16,760 Speaker 1: seven three Crumbs is a Sonoro production in partnership with 501 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:21,600 Speaker 1: Iheart'smikultura Network and Trojan Horse Media. It's produced by Margaret 502 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:27,200 Speaker 1: Catcher and Padimei ragunav and edited by Rodrigo Crespo. Original 503 00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:31,840 Speaker 1: music by D. Peter Schmidt and engineering by Manuel Barra. Studio, 504 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:36,680 Speaker 1: Recording by JTV Recording and Podcasting Studio. Executive produced by 505 00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:40,240 Speaker 1: Cono Byrne and jessav And Says for iHeart, Alex Filmeto, 506 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:45,520 Speaker 1: Elizabeth Schuzzo and Margaret Catcher for Trojan Horse, Camilla Vittriano, 507 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:51,640 Speaker 1: Joshua Weinstein for Sonoro, and me emmio Lea Special things 508 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:53,560 Speaker 1: to Marina cornellare. 509 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:55,560 Speaker 2: Listen to Crumbs on 510 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:59,040 Speaker 1: The iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get 511 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:05,120 Speaker 1: your podcasts m