WEBVTT - Ciara: Healing the Emotional Scars 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.480 Hey, fam I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.480 --> 0:00:05.840 Red Table Pop podcast all your favorite episodes from the 0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:10.040 Facebook watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.120 I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:19.720 on Apple podcasts. On this Red Table talk ye Grammy 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:24.560 Award winning singer, songwriter, producer and model Sierra. People see 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:27.319 me glammed up and everything looks like it's good, and 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:30.880 everything is not always good. I mean a shower and 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:33.920 I'll be crying because I'm not in the happiest place 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:36.479 and it hurts when I'm going through. I'm really afraid 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:39.840 of losing myself. What was the most painful aspect of that? 0:00:40.000 --> 0:00:41.840 Was it the breakup? Was it the idea of being 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:45.320 a single parent? When I was thinking about my son future, 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:48.400 I realized I have to start making different decisions period. 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:52.199 And she shares intimate details about her husband, Russell Wilson. 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:55.400 What was it about Russell that made you feel like 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:58.600 this is the one? It was different? Was the family? 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:02.960 He was like this and arms like I got you girl? 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:13.640 Where the tissue? So yes, we got us a fist 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:17.280 once a day, honey, this is gonna be good. One 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:19.679 of the reasons why I really wanted to have her 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:24.160 come to the table was the idea that she's transformed 0:01:24.680 --> 0:01:28.959 some of her maybe not so pleasant experiences into the 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:31.840 idea of a beauty mark. I remember used to call 0:01:31.920 --> 0:01:35.640 them battle scars. There's like, no, you got some beautiful 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:39.319 battle scars, yeah, but beauty mark is actually yeah, that's 0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:43.839 the way are beautiful. Every woman has her beauty marks. 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:46.640 You need the adversity to come into your wisdom. It 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:49.720 is up to us to transform it. And and that's 0:01:49.720 --> 0:01:53.320 what I'm really interested in. Sierra burst onto the music 0:01:53.360 --> 0:01:56.320 scene when she was only eighteen years old, and since 0:01:56.360 --> 0:01:59.560 then she has sold over twenty three million records. In 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:03.800 twenty hurteen, Sierra and rapper producer Future announced their engagement, 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:07.960 but after a very public and painful breakup, Sierra unexpectedly 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:12.320 became a single mom to their son, also named Future. 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:15.520 Then she found what she describes as the love of 0:02:15.560 --> 0:02:21.720 her life, NFL superstar Russell Wilson. Sierra decided to level 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:24.120 up with her latest album, where she shares some of 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:27.040 the most vulnerable moments of her life and reveals how 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:32.359 she turned her emotional scars into beauty marks. Let's introduce 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:42.200 the beauty to the Red Table Siera. So good to 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:50.720 see you guys are I'm my god, you you ladies 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:53.160 are phenomenal. I mean, what I'm looking at in front 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:55.480 of my face, I don't know the TV really shows 0:02:55.480 --> 0:02:57.600 it how I see right here, but you guys are 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:01.400 I mean, it's beautiful, thank you and it's amazing, it's inspiring. 0:03:01.639 --> 0:03:03.800 I say, being a mom thinking about the bond that 0:03:03.840 --> 0:03:06.639 you guys have is very special and very rare. So 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:10.359 it's it's awesome. You know, I've seen you since you 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:13.720 were a team. The idea of your album being called 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:18.080 Beauty Mars that really hit me. As we come and 0:03:18.120 --> 0:03:21.760 go deeper into our womanhood, how we realize everything that 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:27.640 we've been through, nothing's wasted, no regrets, real talk, learned 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:30.920 from all your mistakes, learned from all your experiences. Yes, 0:03:31.480 --> 0:03:35.440 when was that moment in your life where you realized 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:39.720 that idea? Because I think that's a pivotal moment, very pivotal. 0:03:39.880 --> 0:03:42.240 I think becoming a single mom was a start of that. 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:45.520 I would have moments not being in the shower and 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:47.839 not be crying like I was, Like a few few 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:56.560 moments I'll be crying. Different settings show and I'll be 0:03:56.600 --> 0:04:00.360 like crying because I am not in the happiest haste 0:04:00.400 --> 0:04:02.120 and it hurts what I'm going through. And what was 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:05.520 the most painful aspect of that? It was painful? Was it? 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:08.520 The breakup wasn't the idea of a single. It was 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:12.920 a combination of everything, right, because none of it was ideal. Yeah, 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:15.640 it wasn't what you pictured. I grew with my mom 0:04:15.680 --> 0:04:18.520 and my dad being together, the idea of it being 0:04:19.080 --> 0:04:21.960 mommy and daddy that made baby. And then also you're 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:25.479 living your life in front of the world a whole 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:28.280 of the layer. I don't feel like I'm failing right now. 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:33.400 Other people, most me, they come in and comments like, 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:36.159 you know all that stuff. You know, it's it's real. 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:38.720 You can't help but to think of it. The one 0:04:38.760 --> 0:04:41.240 thing I fear in life is really wasting my life, 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:46.280 wasting my time. I really fear that because you realize 0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:49.599 that time does not stop and it will be the 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:53.200 worst scenario to stay in a situation that it's just 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:55.960 not healthy. It's not going to get any better. I've 0:04:56.000 --> 0:04:59.880 realized I have to start making different decisions. Period. Sometimes 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:03.440 don't actually know what you want, but you know what 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:05.240 you don't want. You know what you don't want that. 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:09.360 Knowing what you don't want is really half that's half 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:13.279 more than half real because he creates clarity. You're like, 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:15.880 I'm clear. And then when you know what you don't 0:05:15.920 --> 0:05:21.200 want and you see that image, you're like, exactly, I don't. 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:24.880 When I was thinking about my son, I know what 0:05:25.000 --> 0:05:27.479 I want to feel like, I know the kind of 0:05:27.560 --> 0:05:32.440 love like that I want for us. And I think 0:05:32.520 --> 0:05:35.400 it's important to understand that too, because even sometimes we 0:05:35.400 --> 0:05:37.160 give people on earth more power than they should have, 0:05:37.360 --> 0:05:39.800 and that's important, right, who are you surrounding yourself? It 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:42.120 was a vulnerable moments and sometimes your friends to send 0:05:42.120 --> 0:05:48.320 you up up the flame and down the drain. Remember 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:50.479 one time I was working out on the elliptical machine 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:52.880 and I was just like not sure about do I 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:55.200 stay or do I you know what direction? Do I go? 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:56.800 What is the right thing to do? And it's like 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:58.920 it's easy to do this, but it's the easy thing, 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:02.760 the right thing, right. So what I did was the 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:05.240 future was like my teddy bear. Yeah. So I was like, 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:07.080 we're gonna go, We're about to do this thing again. 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:09.400 Let's go. So his first trip was to a visa 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:12.719 and that was kind of like my first time stepping out, 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:15.280 I wasn't all way back to my normal weight. I 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:17.159 was like, we're about to go, Like, let's go. I 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:19.520 just was like, I'm going to commit. I'm going to 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:22.440 commit to pulling through. There's no other option because if 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:25.520 I if I decided, if I chose not to commit, 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:28.680 then I was gonna fall apart. And the one thing 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:31.400 I will say is I'm really afraid of losing myself. 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:34.400 Got it. And I think if you sit in situations 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:37.680 that aren't healthy, or you let them like linger too long, 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:41.760 you start to lose yourself. I don't like crying all 0:06:41.760 --> 0:06:45.080 the time. I don't like being sad. So I'm like, 0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:48.159 how do I get out of this because I like 0:06:48.279 --> 0:06:51.919 being like trying to I'm like, we're gonna have to 0:06:51.960 --> 0:06:55.200 push through it exactly. I'm not trying to sit in 0:06:55.279 --> 0:06:57.680 this feeling. You know. I had to take a couple 0:06:57.720 --> 0:07:00.719 of times to figure it out. But my dad's love 0:07:00.880 --> 0:07:04.880 is would save me in all my situations, meaning because 0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:06.400 it would get to a point where it's like my 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:09.520 dad would do my mom right, like business can't be 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:12.440 love God. So he was your barometer. It's like you 0:07:13.640 --> 0:07:16.200 and I would think of him and the right moment, 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:18.760 would you make me say, Okay, it's like doing the 0:07:18.760 --> 0:07:22.240 same thing over and over as insanity. Yes it is. 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:24.680 So I'm like, okay, I gotta do something a little 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:27.480 different here. So I had to say that I had 0:07:27.480 --> 0:07:29.960 the same goal. I always had the same goal one 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:32.560 wanting to be loved a certain way. But I was 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:34.800 just walking in the wrong direction. I was looking in 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:36.560 the wrong direction. I thought it's gonna be single for 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:39.120 a long time. Being in that new position of being 0:07:39.120 --> 0:07:41.520 a single mom is like when you're thinking about dating, 0:07:42.240 --> 0:07:43.880 that's like a bit of a like what's this gonna 0:07:43.880 --> 0:07:46.080 be like? Because I look different now, Like not saying 0:07:46.080 --> 0:07:48.560 I physically looked a look different because when I when 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:50.800 I date now, it's not just me, it's Sam. You 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:54.800 have somebody else. So you created a different vision for you, absolutely, 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:56.680 and I was very clear on it. But I also 0:07:56.720 --> 0:08:00.680 desire something different. Let me tell you that right there. 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:05.360 Because a lot of people like in situations that they 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:07.880 say they want to be out of, but they don't 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:10.720 want to change that. You don't really want that we 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:14.760 keep having the same behaviors that keep creating those situations. 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:21.680 So you actually really like the pain that you you know, 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:26.080 so loving myself was huge because once I start to 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:29.480 love myself, then I'm also loving my son. Right then 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:31.840 I can also love how I can also be loved 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:33.480 how I deserved it to be loved, and I can 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:35.800 also love the right way too. And the moment I 0:08:35.840 --> 0:08:37.960 start to do that, like the taste of something that 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:41.520 I thought kind of was like cool or tasted right before, 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:47.200 it didn't taste good anymore. Yeah, your tastes change. Like 0:08:47.320 --> 0:08:49.800 I could feel the feeling of what I wanted to 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:52.120 have in my husband that was going to come into 0:08:52.200 --> 0:08:55.080 my life. No more of the engage and do that 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:57.880 no more? Like how how do they talk about marriage? 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:00.840 When they talk they tell you they actually kind of 0:09:00.880 --> 0:09:03.679 tell you when they talk about marriage the guy whoever? 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:09.679 They tell you they yes, you don't hear sometime what 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:12.680 you want to hear? Yeah, what was it about Russell 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:15.920 that made you feel like he this is the one? 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:18.560 Because what you said before is so true. When you 0:09:18.640 --> 0:09:23.000 have a child, you can't you can't experiment And the 0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:26.360 bringing everybody and everybody home. When Russ came into our 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:30.400 lives feature was ten months old, there was different. I 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:33.120 never had that feeling in my What was the failing 0:09:33.440 --> 0:09:38.520 what it was just like it was calm. Yeah, yeah, 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:44.400 that's important. It was girl, it was calm before the 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:46.520 cold might not have been a thing you were looking for, 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:50.760 you like, I need to fight. When that feeling come out, 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:54.200 we're gonna turn away and we're gonna we're gonna look 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:56.680 for that other feeling. But the thing is is that 0:09:56.679 --> 0:10:00.920 that feeling doesn't happen though, Yeah, it doesn't because you're clear. Yeah. 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:04.920 So when Russie and I met, we were being friends first, right, 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:08.240 he actually met my family in the friend setting. Oh, 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:10.680 because it was not only me, but it's also my dad. 0:10:11.480 --> 0:10:14.440 When he saw us all together for the first time 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:18.280 in person, when we talked, we were connecting on every 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:21.160 way and we talked about being equally yoked and his 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:25.240 conversation it was just different. The way he looked at life. 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:28.240 It was different. Also the energy with my son, it 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:33.360 just felt right. And then of course the consistency. He's consistent. 0:10:35.240 --> 0:10:39.319 That consistency is so crucial. People can show up real 0:10:39.440 --> 0:10:43.240 nice on day one day he was like this open 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:46.920 arms like he's like all come, like I got you. Yes, 0:10:47.720 --> 0:10:49.760 Just the detail like whenever he would think of me, 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:52.400 he would always think about my son, and to love 0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:55.920 me as to love my son. We come together. It's 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:59.040 you know, it's just it's a different level of love. 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:01.800 I really feel. That's one of my pet peeves. It's like, 0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:03.640 you can't love me and not love what I love 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:06.760 for me. When I look at your story and I 0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:09.240 see you guys together, and I could tell that he's 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:11.720 got real love for you because of how he's loved 0:11:11.840 --> 0:11:15.200 your son. He had a post and I'm getting blink 0:11:15.240 --> 0:11:22.480 you already just thinking about it because I know how challengeing, Yes, 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:25.480 because I have a bonus son who I adore, But 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:29.400 it's challenging and knowing how to balance because there is 0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:33.000 a place. You know, Trey has a mother, so I 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:38.679 had to learn how to have that motherly compassion without 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:43.560 trying to fill that space because that space is taken right. 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:46.599 So Russell, he had a posed for future on his 0:11:46.720 --> 0:11:48.960 fifth birthday, said, from the moment we came into each 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:52.800 other's world, now five years later, you've changed my life, 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:55.559 my heart for the better. You are the greatest gift 0:11:55.640 --> 0:12:00.679 I could ever ask God for. Yeah, I will always 0:12:00.679 --> 0:12:02.520 love you. God, you teach you care for you. Happy 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:11.040 fifth birthday. Don't make me cry because I know, like, 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:15.079 especially for a man. Can we just be real about 0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:19.120 that for a minute, okay, Like for a man to 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:23.800 take on that responsibility. It has been a very special 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:26.680 journey with my husband and I because we are blended family. 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:30.560 How has it been as far as having a blended family, 0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:35.520 because I know that in my situation, My goodness, you 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:37.960 take a long time. You know. I was telling Will 0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:39.800 the other day, you know, because she and I were 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:43.200 chilling at the Aladdin premiere and over the years, how 0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:49.079 the process and how now it's so it's just it's 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:53.240 what's that, right? You know, It's just it does tate 0:12:53.240 --> 0:13:03.480 times always think about the mother's leng too far Proffer, 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:06.559 I didn't even think about that. It's a different dynamic, 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:09.120 you know. More than anything this is has been something 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:10.760 real on my heart is that I don't think people 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:12.520 really think about the child when they like to make 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:16.640 chatter about kids, because everyone likes to weigh in on opinions. Yeah, 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:20.240 everybody got something to say. Adults, we can won't be fine, right, 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:23.120 But the child is the person that has to read stuff, 0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:26.640 They have to see stuff. As far as the real 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:29.920 life part of it versus the celebrity part, I think 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:33.040 the biggest thing is always trying our best to just 0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:35.480 like live life as much as we can, as normal 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:39.560 as possible, and so Russian fright in he was changing diapers. 0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:43.040 He was so proud of Future's first steps. When I 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:45.199 go to teach a parent conferences, he's at every one 0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:46.960 of them with me, and I make sure schedule so 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.360 he can be there because those details matter to do. 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:52.559 It's honestly one of those sexiest things about him to 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:56.599 me because the way he loves my son. Also he 0:13:56.640 --> 0:14:00.640 loves our kids. Yeah, it's sexy. So so in the deliver, 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:02.559 he was in the he was, he was in there, 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:06.880 you see, was choke when I pushed out Future. He 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:11.400 was nine pounds announcers, he was one. Really she was 0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:14.839 not as big as Future, but I stalled at six 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:19.360 cimeters so it worked out obviously. But she beat me up, 0:14:19.440 --> 0:14:21.400 and I was like, there must be something about this too, 0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:23.680 like she's got fired in the belly. But that's how 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:26.600 mom was. She beat me up in the tummy. I 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:29.160 knew you I had a fire cracker, you know, say 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:36.240 I'd throw an elbow exactly. Girls bring so much fire, 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:38.480 like I see the difference with Siena and Future and 0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:42.520 it's just nice. Sienna is too going on twenty like 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:45.280 y'all ready because ready if y'all ain't ready to too 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:47.400 bad for you because it's about to start. I know 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:51.920 when I delivered my kids, it put will an ultimate 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:58.040 aw Yes, he had such a different respect and understanding 0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:01.440 of feminine power. Did you have that moment where because 0:15:01.480 --> 0:15:06.240 he was right there. He's a great boy. He was 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:09.160 with me every step of the way. It's amazing because 0:15:09.200 --> 0:15:10.840 you can tell he still has moments when he's just 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:13.600 like wow, even looking at that. The fact that he 0:15:13.640 --> 0:15:16.440 has a daughter, like it's just so, it's just what 0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:19.920 has that been like? Because even for will he loves 0:15:19.920 --> 0:15:23.200 all his children, but there's a connection that he has 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:27.720 two Willow specifically as a father to a daughter. I 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:31.400 can see how he's softened. Yes, I think he's been 0:15:31.400 --> 0:15:34.480 doing a pretty decent job being firmed with love. He's 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:36.200 got a good balance with it. But I do see 0:15:36.200 --> 0:15:39.800 the dynamics between when he's with future and with her. Yeah, 0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:42.960 to be rough with the boys, but she's delicate. That's 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:47.280 the little princess. Everything she does, like, oh like everything. 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.520 But he's so sweet. I think also, there's something beautiful 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:56.960 about your kids seeing how you're loved. Yeah, when I 0:15:57.080 --> 0:15:58.520 was a young girl, I watched how my dad loved 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:01.400 my mom and and it's really sweet because they're so 0:16:01.560 --> 0:16:04.200 loving already. Both keep your auntie and it just showers 0:16:04.240 --> 0:16:07.440 me with kisses after school and seas. The way she 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:10.800 loves and the way she loves with daddy. It's really precious. 0:16:11.160 --> 0:16:14.520 And they learned from seeing you. They it seems like 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:18.320 from everything that you've gone through now you can really 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:24.040 be grateful. Like your gratitude. Oh, it's real, because I 0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:28.760 wouldn't have gone through those things. I may not have appreciated. Yes, 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:32.120 the man that I have in my life, I want 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:34.440 to appreciate it when it is really going good and 0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:38.520 everything's falling in place. You need those roller coasters. I 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:40.560 believe in my journey happening in front of the world 0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:44.480 for a reason. I'm really impressed at how unapologetic you 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:48.360 are at being a mother and a wife. But you like, 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:56.000 and I'm still sexy. You gotta be. And I'm still working, 0:16:57.160 --> 0:16:59.760 and I could be a devoted mom and a devoted wife. 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:01.880 I feel like I'm I'm thriving it more like i 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:04.720 feel like I'm doing my thing, like about to do 0:17:04.840 --> 0:17:07.520 the cover of you know, okay, and then I'm about 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:09.680 to go tomorrow, gonna drive my kids to school, and 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:12.440 I feel like and then I do a confidence call 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:14.159 to that and I picked them up from school, and 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:15.840 I hang out with my husband date night, and I 0:17:15.920 --> 0:17:17.800 go back on the road again, Like it's the time 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:19.600 where I'm like, I gotta make the best of it, 0:17:20.400 --> 0:17:22.160 and you know what I think, for me, it's also 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:24.439 important for my kids to see mommy doing her thing, 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:26.240 like you can do anything you put your mind to, 0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:29.159 and that's real. And then factoring in now we're in 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:32.880 CEO hat and artists had, mommy had and wife had 0:17:33.760 --> 0:17:38.920 its turns up like makes the best thing. It's good time, 0:17:39.359 --> 0:17:41.200 you know what I mean? God, don't just for it 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:43.960 all and to who much has given? Much is required. 0:17:44.080 --> 0:17:45.880 As someone that's kind of tough, I feel like I've 0:17:45.880 --> 0:17:48.920 been conditioned to be and protect mode. Oh yeah, like love, 0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:50.800 but still a little ounce of protection here just in 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:53.040 case to mind wanna drop me off and just leave 0:17:53.080 --> 0:17:55.640 me hanging. But I think you gotta love fearlessly when 0:17:55.640 --> 0:17:57.560 you're in the right situation. You have to, like I 0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:00.000 surrender it. Yeah, you have to. What do you think 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:03.240 people misunderstand the most about you. That's a really good question. 0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:06.159 I feel like for times, I've always seemed a bit 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:09.200 serious and I like to have fun, like I'm a 0:18:09.320 --> 0:18:12.640 goofy girl, you know, And I think oftentimes people see 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:15.840 me glammed up and everything looks like it's good, and 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:20.160 everything is not always good. So I do want people 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:22.679 to know that. But I will tell you sometimes when 0:18:22.720 --> 0:18:24.080 you fake it till you make it, it helps you 0:18:24.160 --> 0:18:31.280 get through some stuff. Let's bring out the fishbowl. Yeah, 0:18:32.520 --> 0:18:36.800 the fishbowl, the infamous fishbowl. Here we go. Alright, so 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:39.680 you're I guess, all right, so you get to pick first. 0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:46.479 Are you and Russell going to have another baby? If 0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:50.120 you if you would ask Russell, we have like five 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:54.280 more kids to me. I do look forward to having 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:57.480 another baby. I hope that I can have at least 0:18:57.520 --> 0:19:02.200 two more. Yeah, that's I love my kids. I loving 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:04.920 a mom. It's like my wife and my life. My 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:07.760 family is my wife in my life, and I feel 0:19:07.800 --> 0:19:12.880 like I'm really doing something even more because of them. Yeah. Right, 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:16.280 the music and stuff is amazing, But gosh, when I 0:19:16.359 --> 0:19:19.480 look at those babies, I just say thank you God. 0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:21.440 And I love being a mom. That's the way I 0:19:21.520 --> 0:19:28.480 can see it. I enjoy it. Yeah, this way best 0:19:28.560 --> 0:19:31.240 gift you ever gave to Russell and received from Russell. 0:19:32.240 --> 0:19:37.680 I just recently threw him his thirtieth birthday surprise right there. 0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:43.959 But does she just say thirty? Is that this year? 0:19:46.080 --> 0:19:55.720 They're young? Yes? He was like, okay, y'all and I'm 0:19:55.760 --> 0:20:01.040 a cooky no, but your baby is still Yeah, I 0:20:01.200 --> 0:20:05.240 am through his thirty of surprise birthday party. He actually 0:20:05.280 --> 0:20:08.879 threw my thirty of surprise birthday party, and it was 0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:10.720 only right that I got him back because that was 0:20:10.800 --> 0:20:15.119 the best party I ever had in my life. Thirty 0:20:15.200 --> 0:20:18.320 is such a special number. I wanted for him to 0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:22.359 walk into thirty with the bank, and so I did that. NZ. 0:20:24.000 --> 0:20:26.639 This is where you see here. Do you and Russell 0:20:26.800 --> 0:20:30.000 ever argue? I don't know argue as the word, but 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:32.399 we do have moments where we He thinks blue and 0:20:32.480 --> 0:20:35.960 I think red. Of course we do have those moments. Luckily, 0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:38.960 it has not been crazy so far, and we're about 0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:44.719 our third year of marriage. It doesn't have crazy. Yeah, crazy, 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:47.240 I'm like arguing, like we didn't do a lot of arts. 0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:50.320 I'm really calm. He's pretty calmed too. He's very passionate, 0:20:50.359 --> 0:20:53.000 as he says. Yeah, we never get like tone high 0:20:53.440 --> 0:20:57.000 neither and I never ever, and I've been married to 0:20:57.080 --> 0:21:01.320 him for twenty one years. So, Jennifer from Seattle, what 0:21:01.560 --> 0:21:06.200 was the specific prayer you pray to get cook the system? 0:21:09.280 --> 0:21:12.040 This is the funniest thing in the world, this prayer 0:21:12.240 --> 0:21:15.280 thing that all the fans talk about, Jennifer. I believe 0:21:15.280 --> 0:21:17.119 that when you pray for things in your life, be 0:21:17.320 --> 0:21:20.040 very specifically, very clear. You know about what you want 0:21:20.520 --> 0:21:22.040 and to the point to whereas you can taste it. 0:21:22.760 --> 0:21:24.200 You know, you can feel it through your bones, you 0:21:24.200 --> 0:21:26.439 can feel through your body. It's a very spiritual thing 0:21:26.480 --> 0:21:29.560 because you're getting lost by praying and speaking and declaring 0:21:29.680 --> 0:21:32.640 what you want for your life. You know, I pray 0:21:32.800 --> 0:21:36.040 to really learned, you know, from the wisdom that I gained. 0:21:36.240 --> 0:21:40.360 You know, I prayed for discernment. I pray for god 0:21:40.480 --> 0:21:43.920 fearing man. Yeah, pray for someone that was gonna love kids. 0:21:44.720 --> 0:21:46.720 I want to stop you right there, because you just 0:21:46.760 --> 0:21:49.960 said something very important. I tell people all the time, 0:21:51.800 --> 0:21:55.040 a man can't be a good man for you. He's 0:21:55.040 --> 0:21:59.119 got to be a good man for himself. Important And 0:21:59.200 --> 0:22:01.520 you don't want to just want else from validation. You know, 0:22:01.960 --> 0:22:03.960 me and my husband look at and I'm like, I'm 0:22:03.960 --> 0:22:05.640 a better woman because of him. He's like, he says 0:22:05.680 --> 0:22:07.440 he's a better man of you, use and me. But 0:22:07.640 --> 0:22:10.719 you know who we are by our first and foremost 0:22:10.800 --> 0:22:13.399 with ourselves. Who do you want to be a woman 0:22:13.480 --> 0:22:15.240 and who he wants to be as his own man? 0:22:15.359 --> 0:22:19.440 And how you to support each other in that? And 0:22:19.520 --> 0:22:22.960 it's very attractive when someone knows who they are. Oh yeah, 0:22:23.680 --> 0:22:26.240 you know, they're a leader, you know, and they're clear 0:22:26.320 --> 0:22:28.760 on their vision. Where are you trying to go to 0:22:28.960 --> 0:22:32.280 and what is it that you don't want exactly? I 0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:35.440 just got a journal. I've actually been in detail writing 0:22:35.640 --> 0:22:37.919 like what I want for my life, Like what kind 0:22:37.960 --> 0:22:39.760 of person I want to be, how I want to 0:22:39.840 --> 0:22:42.680 react in certain situations, the things that I feel like 0:22:42.720 --> 0:22:44.359 I need to learn, the things that I feel like 0:22:44.560 --> 0:22:47.040 i've I have a good handle on. You know, that's 0:22:47.080 --> 0:22:49.840 a real thing, because I really believe that you can't 0:22:49.880 --> 0:22:51.320 get to where you want to get to in life 0:22:51.359 --> 0:22:55.199 without having a compass and writing down is real. When 0:22:55.280 --> 0:22:58.000 I was thirteen years old and I'm fourteen years old, 0:22:58.400 --> 0:22:59.720 this is what I was trying to look at my 0:22:59.800 --> 0:23:02.080