Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you Hi?
Speaker 2: Well? I have I'm good, but I have some sad
Speaker 2: news to share. Bernice is. We said goodbye to Bernice yesterday,
Speaker 2: so I want to make sure I make that announcement
Speaker 2: because I didn't make the announcement about Bert, and I
Speaker 2: keep getting DMS about where the fuck is Burt. I'm
Speaker 2: like Bert's dead anyway, Bernice is too now. So that
Speaker 2: was very sad. But she was really old and had
Speaker 2: a really really beautiful life, and everyone loved her so
Speaker 2: much in Whistler this winter that she went out with
Speaker 2: a bang, she got so much attention. Yeah, and everyone.
Speaker 2: I had a waiting list of people who wanted to
Speaker 2: spend the night with her. The little kids in the
Speaker 2: neighborhood kept coming to take her for the night. I
Speaker 2: was so sweet.
Speaker 1: I'm really glad you had like a few months to
Speaker 1: spend with her. You weren't traveling, like you're here and
Speaker 1: you know, could be with her. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It was really nice. And I had that was my
Speaker 2: exit plan with her, to make sure she knew she
Speaker 2: was loved up.
Speaker 1: Yes, and she did.
Speaker 2: And so that was very sad. And I felt really
Speaker 2: bad for Vets, you know, like they have to deal
Speaker 2: with people losing their dog all the time.
Speaker 1: You know what. We actually had an email recently from
Speaker 1: someone who's a veterinarian who really like opened my eyes. Like,
Speaker 1: veterinarians have an extremely high suicide rate and a ton
Speaker 1: of depression because they're trying to do their best that
Speaker 1: they can. They're, you know, helping people transition their dogs
Speaker 1: to the you know, the Rainbow bridge and all that.
Speaker 2: And is that where they're going to the rainbow bridge?
Speaker 1: Is that they say crossing the rainbow an ice cream flavor?
Speaker 1: You know, it's like something to make it feel a
Speaker 1: little bit better. But yeah, so veterinarians, we we.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we appreciate you for sure. And also, Doug is
Speaker 2: here today to be my support animal. Yes, and I
Speaker 2: brought him to the studio. He is so good.
Speaker 1: Looking, it really is. It is so good looking, Chelsea.
Speaker 1: We had a lot of people screaming in their cars
Speaker 1: about Sarah whose boyfriends last week could not get it up.
Speaker 1: I mean, people had some opinions and thoughts and ideas.
Speaker 2: Oh great, well maybe someone knows what the fuck is
Speaker 2: wrong with men.
Speaker 1: Oh so, Sarah, I hope you're listening. This is what
Speaker 1: people had to say. So Andrew wrote in and said, Hey,
Speaker 1: I just thought i'd give a man's perspective, specifically a
Speaker 1: gay man's perspective. I think Sarah should consider the fact
Speaker 1: that her partner may be gay. With all the talk
Speaker 1: of having such a great job and home, the fact
Speaker 1: that he's a bit overweight and seemed not to have
Speaker 1: dated many women. I was literally sitting in my car
Speaker 1: screaming at the radio. He's gay.
Speaker 2: He's gay.
Speaker 1: Speaking partly from personal experience on that point, I just
Speaker 1: think that it's a possibility that should be explored, at
Speaker 1: least lots of love from Florida. Lord help us, Andrew.
Speaker 2: So Andrew. I wonder if Andrew was tried to have
Speaker 2: sex with the girl and then couldn't get it up.
Speaker 1: At that point, if you're not attracted to women, there
Speaker 1: are men.
Speaker 2: There are gay men that have had sex with women,
Speaker 2: or yeah, yeah, how does that work?
Speaker 1: I don't know truly. Like a couple of my closest
Speaker 1: gay male friends who are like in their late forties,
Speaker 1: early fifties, they're like, oh, yeah, sometimes I have sex
Speaker 1: with a woman, just like for for funzies. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what one of my friends put at this way, he said,
Speaker 1: sex with a man is like a lobster dinner, but
Speaker 1: sex with a woman is like a sake dinner. So
Speaker 1: you know what is better lobster lobster.
Speaker 2: Lobster is the McDonald's of the ocean.
Speaker 1: Why does everyone think.
Speaker 2: Lobster is so great? I mean, it's fucking disgusting. It's
Speaker 2: a bottom feeder. I mean I love it, but you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, I don't understand why everyone thinks
Speaker 2: it's a delicacy. Is it a delicacy? Do you know?
Speaker 1: Back in like I think it was like the eighteen hundreds,
Speaker 1: they used to exclude I was what happened. They used
Speaker 1: to exclusively feed convicts lobster, and they actually like brought
Speaker 1: suit against New York State saying like this is cruel
Speaker 1: and unusual punishment, and now we consider it.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's a very nice tippit. Yes, keep
Speaker 2: it coming, Capterine. I like that little history, a little
Speaker 2: dose of history.
Speaker 1: Reading a lot of historical fictions.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm reading a good book right now, speaking of
Speaker 2: which it's called it's by Mitch Album. You know the
Speaker 2: guy who yes Tuesdays with Maury, and he wrote some
Speaker 2: other book that I read. This one is called a
Speaker 2: little the Little Liar, and it's about the Holocaust, but
Speaker 2: it's from the perspective of truth. The character is Truth,
Speaker 2: the main character. And it's very moving and it's a
Speaker 2: short book. It's like succinct chapters, which I like, and
Speaker 2: his use of language, it's very beautiful.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, he's very moving.
Speaker 2: I would recommend that to anyone who And it's not
Speaker 2: like a bummer book. I mean, it's about the Holocaust,
Speaker 2: so it's shocking, of course every time you hear what
Speaker 2: happened to people, but it is for some reason, it's
Speaker 2: like there's a fairy tale aspect to it. So it's
Speaker 2: like fictionalized, but it's history, you know, it's not.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 1: We do have a couple other opinions on Sarah. Do
Speaker 1: you want to know?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah about that not getting it up? Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: so okay. Option one, he could be gay.
Speaker 1: He could be gay. Option two, as Lisa writes in
Speaker 1: I'm a pharmacist, And when I heard her say he's
Speaker 1: on medication for his blood pressure, I was yelling out loud.
Speaker 1: It's his medication.
Speaker 2: Oh that sounds very very possible.
Speaker 1: Yes, many blood pressure medications can commonly cause ed, most
Speaker 1: specifically beta blockers and diuretics, but all anti hypertensive drug
Speaker 1: classes can have the side effect. He needs to go
Speaker 1: to his doctor, even if he's opposed, are embarrassed, and
Speaker 1: tell his provider what's going on. They can mix it up,
Speaker 1: try other.
Speaker 2: H that's smart. Did you contact the girl that called in?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: I told her that, okay, good?
Speaker 1: She said, I see it all the time.
Speaker 2: And did you tell her about him being gay too?
Speaker 1: For sure? She said, I see it all the time.
Speaker 1: Men who stopped taking their medications because it made them
Speaker 1: feel quote unquote weird when what they mean is they
Speaker 1: can't get it up anymore. Very common. Go to the doctor,
Speaker 1: Lisa Great. And then our last comment is I'm a
Speaker 1: formerly big guy myself, and I can say that gravity
Speaker 1: is the issue. If he's still overweight, the weight of
Speaker 1: the belly and or panis aka the popas panis panis
Speaker 1: is caught up. What is that? That is the area
Speaker 1: down here if you have like an overhanging belly, that
Speaker 1: pussy gut the pupa yeah, the fat upper pussy area. Yes,
Speaker 1: it is technically called a panis. I have sisters that
Speaker 1: are Have you ever heard the term cock awning. No,
Speaker 1: but I use the word talk todaynles, what is cockling?
Speaker 2: Cockles are your heart, don't? I don't know that I do.
Speaker 2: I heard the term cockawning and I had to look away.
Speaker 2: I shuddered. I was like, I don't want to know
Speaker 2: what that is in reference to what to a man's belly.
Speaker 1: Oh god, no, thank you. Ken says this is less
Speaker 1: an issue when he's laying on his back and he
Speaker 1: thinks that that's what's going on.
Speaker 2: I had this issue a second. Yeah, so he needs
Speaker 2: a girl to get on top of him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because she mentioned she's like, it's fine when I'm
Speaker 1: on top, but when he tries to be on top
Speaker 1: he can't keep it up.
Speaker 2: Oh god, that sounds familiar.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so Ken says, it's less an issue when laying
Speaker 1: on your back. I had this issue. And it's likely
Speaker 1: if he's a big boy as well, that's his issue too.
Speaker 1: He also might be in his head about feeling too
Speaker 1: heavy to be on top of her, so that might
Speaker 1: plan into.
Speaker 3: It as well.
Speaker 4: Ken.
Speaker 2: I love this. Okay, thank you everybody for writing in.
Speaker 1: We love all bodies here, especially those with pantisas. Let's
Speaker 1: just never call it.
Speaker 2: A cock on. So I'm going to go with the medication.
Speaker 2: I choose Option B, and I'm going to go with
Speaker 2: the medication is the problem? Okay, So which is fixable?
Speaker 2: It's too bad, straight man, don't listen to this podcast
Speaker 2: because if they did. Oh, you know what I really
Speaker 2: want to get on are couples or friends or family
Speaker 2: members that are having discord. Like if you have a
Speaker 2: friend you're having problems with and you want to get
Speaker 2: my advice, or someone in your family and you and
Speaker 2: both of you are open to it, or you're in
Speaker 2: a relationship like I like that, and that's an area
Speaker 2: where I can I can have really help.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And it can be like serious disagreements or like
Speaker 1: fun disagreements, like if you're like, please settle.
Speaker 2: The score for chewing gum when we're together, Yeah, because
Speaker 2: you don't know how to chew it. And I've been
Speaker 2: told that and I don't know how to chew them.
Speaker 2: I would like to say, I am guilty.
Speaker 1: Well, Chelsea, we have amazing guests today. Yeah, she's a legend.
Speaker 2: She continues to lead the charge on the climate emergency
Speaker 2: with fire Drill Fridays, the National movement to protest government
Speaker 2: in action on climate Change started in October twenty nineteen
Speaker 2: in partnership with Greenpeace as well as the Jane Fonda
Speaker 2: Climate pac which is focused on defeating political allies of
Speaker 2: the fossil fuel industry. She is an actor and activist
Speaker 2: and my dear friend Jane Fonda. Okay, so I want
Speaker 2: to preface this interview by telling a personal story about Jane.
Speaker 2: I've known Jane for many years, probably fifteen years, I think.
Speaker 2: But I'm not really good with numbers, that's not my specialty.
Speaker 2: And we've had a lot of fun together and we've
Speaker 2: had a lot of deep, meaningful conversations and a lot
Speaker 2: of laughter. And there was a time and I wrote
Speaker 2: that about this in my new book, which I'm going
Speaker 2: to send to you for your approval, Jane, which I
Speaker 2: think you'll be fine with. But Jane took me aside
Speaker 2: at a time in my life where I was not
Speaker 2: in a good spot, and she took the time to
Speaker 2: invite me over to her house. Well, it was it's
Speaker 2: more of a demand. It was more of.
Speaker 5: Like over here.
Speaker 2: She's like, hey, are you free, I need to talk
Speaker 2: to you. I'm like sure. When she's like how about
Speaker 2: tonight at six, I was like, oh, fuck. Am I
Speaker 2: in trouble with Jane Fonda because it felt like I
Speaker 2: may be and I was in trouble. And I had
Speaker 2: behaved badly at her birthday party at her house months prior,
Speaker 2: and she took the time to sit down with me
Speaker 2: at her dinner table to tell me about my behavior
Speaker 2: and talk to me about it and ask me why
Speaker 2: and what and all of the things. And fortunately for me,
Speaker 2: I had just started therapy two months before that. But
Speaker 2: the thing that I took away from that dinner was sisterhood,
Speaker 2: because not everybody tells you when you piss them off,
Speaker 2: and not everybody takes the time to tell you when
Speaker 2: someone pisses you off. You know, some people you just
Speaker 2: blow off and you're just like, fine, fuck it, that's
Speaker 2: a loser, or I don't want to talk to that
Speaker 2: person again. But Jane took the time to sit with
Speaker 2: me and tell me how I had messed up. And
Speaker 2: because of that moment, I have done that for so
Speaker 2: many people in my life, and I went to therapy.
Speaker 2: I continued to go to therapy. I brought it back
Speaker 2: to therapy to a person that Jane knew very well.
Speaker 2: She's like, you're in good hands. Go talk to him,
Speaker 2: and it was it was the definition of sister.
Speaker 5: I love you, Jack, I do. I didn't even know
Speaker 5: who you were. All I knew was one day, years
Speaker 5: and years ago, I was scrolling through TV channels and
Speaker 5: I just I passed, and then I went back, Who
Speaker 5: is this beautiful blonde chick that laughs at herself so much?
Speaker 5: That was when you were.
Speaker 3: Doing the job.
Speaker 5: I don't know, but you were. You just laughed at
Speaker 5: yourself all the time, and I was smitten. And I
Speaker 5: just kept watching your show. And then I was on
Speaker 5: your show and I just I love you. And and
Speaker 5: you know, we've all gone off the track from time
Speaker 5: to time and people have brought me up short and
Speaker 5: talked to me. And I must say, the book that
Speaker 5: you wrote, I guess this isn't the one you're going
Speaker 5: to give me again. The last one you wrote, where
Speaker 5: you wrote it was like you recorded all your therapy sessions.
Speaker 5: But it was the most laugh out loud book that
Speaker 5: I have ever read. I just enjoyed it and loved
Speaker 5: it and loved that you were going through the therapy
Speaker 5: the way you were, and I have a feeling that
Speaker 5: it really helped you.
Speaker 2: Thank you, and thank you for your help because that
Speaker 2: was helpful. And I think what I want to ask
Speaker 2: you is, you know, I've when I started out in
Speaker 2: this business, I felt that women weren't as there for
Speaker 2: each other as we are now, as we know to
Speaker 2: be now. And I want to know what that was
Speaker 2: like for you when you started, the support that you
Speaker 2: felt from women. How was it?
Speaker 1: Who was ever?
Speaker 3: It?
Speaker 5: Absolutely vividly and I can tell you that. See, I
Speaker 5: was married to a Frenchman, a French director. He directed Barbarella.
Speaker 5: He was married to Bridge of Bardeaux before me and
Speaker 5: Catherine Deneuve. I mean, it was intense. He was great,
Speaker 5: and I was living with him. And because American soldiers
Speaker 5: who had been in Vietnam had fled Vietnam and were
Speaker 5: in Paris, and they were looking for compatriots to help
Speaker 5: them find doctors and clothes and anyway, I became friends
Speaker 5: with these guys and they told me about Vietnam and
Speaker 5: totally blew my mind and changed my mind about the war.
Speaker 5: And I came back here and joined the GI movement.
Speaker 5: Annie war activists had created these coffeehouses outside of military
Speaker 5: bases where guys could come and learn about the history
Speaker 5: of Vietnam. Long story short, I'm in Colleen, Texas, outside
Speaker 5: of Fort Hood. The woman who ran the base, her
Speaker 5: name was Terry Davis. She was different than any female
Speaker 5: that I had met, because up until then, pretty much
Speaker 5: we competed with each other. And I don't know, I
Speaker 5: just I didn't have very many women friends. I grew
Speaker 5: up in the forties and fifties thinking you become the
Speaker 5: way to grow up is to be a lone ranger,
Speaker 5: to be like guys, you know, I can stand on
Speaker 5: my ow. I don't need any buddy, and that's just
Speaker 5: the way. And so I met this woman was running
Speaker 5: the coffeehouse, and she treated me differently than I'd ever
Speaker 5: been treated before, not like a celebrity or anything. It
Speaker 5: was she looked me in the eye. She wanted to
Speaker 5: know how I felt. Did I feel okay going onto
Speaker 5: the base? Did I feel safe speaking at the rally?
Speaker 5: The way she treated the gis it was like looking
Speaker 5: through a keyhole at the future that we were fighting for.
Speaker 5: And being with her was like, I don't know, it's
Speaker 5: like getting into a warm bath. I felt safe, and
Speaker 5: I just thought I want to be like her. And
Speaker 5: all the women in the movement that I kept meeting
Speaker 5: were they were just new kinds of beings that I'd
Speaker 5: never met, and that of all the things that happened
Speaker 5: to me in the first years of my activism, that
Speaker 5: was what affected me the most and made me realize
Speaker 5: I'm on the right track. I want to become a
Speaker 5: person like them, who is present and who really has
Speaker 5: empathy for other women and men. She was the first
Speaker 5: person she brought a feminist into the coffeehouse to talk
Speaker 5: to Gis about the women's movement, which I thought was
Speaker 5: really gutsy and it affected all of us. I don't know,
Speaker 5: but it changed the whole way that I felt about women,
Speaker 5: and up until that point, for me, the women's movement
Speaker 5: was a waste of time. What are all these women
Speaker 5: talking about? All these things for the wars?
Speaker 3: What matters?
Speaker 5: We got to end this way and it had a
Speaker 5: big effect on me. And now, of course it's women
Speaker 5: are in my life. I've closed up shop.
Speaker 2: And have have you closed up shop?
Speaker 5: Is one of the reasons is because to see Chelsea,
Speaker 5: you'll understand this. I like young flesh. I like young skin.
Speaker 5: If I was gonna have an affair now, it would
Speaker 5: be with somebody about twenty years old. But I don't
Speaker 5: want to subject any twenty year old to my skin.
Speaker 5: So I've closed up shop. I don't even think about
Speaker 5: it anymore.
Speaker 2: I feel like, yes, but I think that should be
Speaker 2: their decision. I feel like there would be some willing participants,
Speaker 2: a lot of them, and if they're willing to go
Speaker 2: for it, then what's yeah, I mean, what's to stop
Speaker 2: anyone from giving each other pleasure?
Speaker 5: Vain? Now I'm seventy, I'm eighty how old, amma? I'm
Speaker 5: eighty six and a half almost. I mean, you know,
Speaker 5: it's just, uh, it's over, and I don't miss it
Speaker 5: at all. I only dream once a week about it.
Speaker 5: That's not enough to miss. I have so much more time,
Speaker 5: you know, to do things.
Speaker 2: Well, you are busy doing things. And I think, to
Speaker 2: go back to this woman conversation for a second. I
Speaker 2: think it's so interesting that where you are raised and
Speaker 2: it's still this way and society as women to think, Okay,
Speaker 2: we're supposed to go out and we're supposed to find
Speaker 2: this prince charming and la la la la la, and
Speaker 2: this stupid fairy tale notion that is so it's a charade. Basically,
Speaker 2: you know that doesn't exist. And you've been married three times, right,
Speaker 2: three times, not more than that, And you've had multiple lovers,
Speaker 2: You've had multiple relationships. And one of the things that
Speaker 2: I admire about you is your ability to I feel
Speaker 2: like you always knew there is no prince charming or
Speaker 2: one true love, that their life is about having many
Speaker 2: loves and having many different people in your lives, men
Speaker 2: and women alike. You know, whether it's a sexual relationship
Speaker 2: or not. There are soulmates that come in every form.
Speaker 2: So I guess I mean all of your marriages. I'm
Speaker 2: sure we're very impactful on you. But what do you
Speaker 2: think the most meaningful relationship or one of the most
Speaker 2: meaningful and informative relationships. You've had all of them, and
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 5: I believed that this was going to be forever every
Speaker 5: single time. This is it, this is the one. He's
Speaker 5: not at all like my dad, This is going to work,
Speaker 5: this will be great. Turns out they were all similar,
Speaker 5: even though they all looked different and acted different and
Speaker 5: had different socioeconomic places in the world, but they all
Speaker 5: shared one thing in common. They were incapable of showing
Speaker 5: up in an intimate relationship, and so was I, and
Speaker 5: so I chose unconsciously chose men who weren't going to say,
Speaker 5: come on, Vanda, come on, show up. I want you
Speaker 5: here right now. I was too scared, and so it
Speaker 5: was very convenient for all parties. And I really thought
Speaker 5: that they were all going to be the one.
Speaker 2: And now when you think about that, do you think
Speaker 2: that you ever found the one?
Speaker 5: No time I go back through my life trying to
Speaker 5: see did the one show up? Did he enter my
Speaker 5: space and I just got scared and fled? I think
Speaker 5: probably that happened. I don't know who it was though,
Speaker 5: but I wouldn't have been able to do that. I
Speaker 5: think that I could probably now have that kind of relationship,
Speaker 5: but I don't want it anymore.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because now you know what your purpose is.
Speaker 5: Right, It was all about I mean, I guess my
Speaker 5: kids are right, I am a narcissist. They think I am,
Speaker 5: and I guess I am. I'm not a but there's
Speaker 5: you know, it's like I'm on the spectrum of narcissism.
Speaker 2: Their activism outweighs your narcissism. Whether those two feed off
Speaker 2: of each other as a separate story. It was something
Speaker 2: that you said in your book, which I loved, because
Speaker 2: there's so many great things that Jane Fonda's autobiography, but
Speaker 2: one of the things that I always suck out to me.
Speaker 2: You said that your father never brought home joy from
Speaker 2: his career, right, that you never saw him be joyful
Speaker 2: about being an actor and portraying all of these characters.
Speaker 2: Do you get joy from acting?
Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, I do?
Speaker 2: And did you always?
Speaker 5: No? No? Before I sort of came full circle and
Speaker 5: became who I was meant to be, I didn't. But
Speaker 5: when I started having agency over my career, yeah I did.
Speaker 5: There is something truly glorious about being invited to enter
Speaker 5: another human being because to do it you have to
Speaker 5: have empathy. So it's a career that builds up your empathy,
Speaker 5: and then kind of digging is like being an archaeologist,
Speaker 5: also finding out about this who is this person and
Speaker 5: why are they there and all of that. It's just
Speaker 5: I find great joy in it, and not that every
Speaker 5: day is great. Often you come home really really tired
Speaker 5: and angry. But most of the time I really do
Speaker 5: get joining it. But see, my dad suffered as a
Speaker 5: lot of dads did in that era, and he came
Speaker 5: from Nebraska and people didn't ask for help. Gods still don't.
Speaker 5: I think it's why they don't live as long as
Speaker 5: we do, five years less on average, used to be more.
Speaker 5: He never he suffered from undiagnosed depression, you know. I mean,
Speaker 5: if he'd taken prozac, our lives would have been totally different.
Speaker 5: But I've worked on the depression. So I'm I'm you know,
Speaker 5: I think I'm the first person in my family who's
Speaker 5: not depressed.
Speaker 2: Well, what was your pivotal moment in your life where
Speaker 2: you were able to actually tackle your issues and your
Speaker 2: emotions and all of that.
Speaker 5: I don't think it goes like that. I think it's
Speaker 5: I think it's a process that happened. You know. It's
Speaker 5: like you'll realize something, like I realized something when I
Speaker 5: met these women that were different than other women I'd
Speaker 5: ever met in nineteen seventy when I became an activist,
Speaker 5: and so it's like a realization like a bee kind
Speaker 5: of humming around, but it doesn't ever, kind of like
Speaker 5: you don't change, but you've learned something. Then you enter
Speaker 5: something else and you change. I learned something all the time.
Speaker 5: I'm always that's one of my superpowers that I may
Speaker 5: be narcissistic, but I'm also really really curious. I'm very
Speaker 5: interested in people, and so I just learn all the time,
Speaker 5: and then gradually the learning bills up and you realize, oh,
Speaker 5: I'm different. You know a little bit of therapy, the meditation,
Speaker 5: the different husbands that I learned each from each of them.
Speaker 5: I think, though, that I learned the most from my
Speaker 5: women friends. I make a point of having women friends
Speaker 5: that are smarter, braver, more strategic. And this is important, younger. See,
Speaker 5: when I die, I want to have friends that are slive,
Speaker 5: that can speak at my memorial put.
Speaker 2: It that way, that can eulogize you, yeah, and be
Speaker 2: at my bedside and give me hope.
Speaker 5: And I don't know, I don't know. I just I
Speaker 5: want love around me when I died. When you're my age, Chelsea,
Speaker 5: you think a lot about dying, and not that we
Speaker 5: can know when it's going to happen. But it's good
Speaker 5: to envision how you want it to be, because then
Speaker 5: between now and then you have to earn it. You know,
Speaker 5: if I want to have women friends holding my hand
Speaker 5: when I die, I've got to earn their friendship. And
Speaker 5: by the way, you know, who I'm becoming friends with,
Speaker 5: who I just adore, is your friend, Connie Britton. Ah, yeah, best,
Speaker 5: she's a good broad.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, we've been to your house together before, Connie.
Speaker 5: I know, I remember when I had one of my
Speaker 5: joints replaced. I'm almost finished almost all my major joints
Speaker 5: and I've been replaced. You were there for one of
Speaker 5: my hips.
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 2: We were, we were, We came over and Connie told
Speaker 2: you some story. I can't remember what it was, but
Speaker 2: it was like we left there and she goes, why
Speaker 2: did I tell Jane that story? And I'm like, actually,
Speaker 2: I don't know. It was about someoney, her father not
Speaker 2: liking you or not approving of your protesting of the
Speaker 2: Vietnam War. And she was like, yeah, my dad hated you.
Speaker 2: And we're like, she goes, why did I say that
Speaker 2: to Jane Fouda. I'm like, I don't know, why did
Speaker 2: you say.
Speaker 5: That that to me all the time?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, First of all, what do you think happens
Speaker 2: when you die? What do you believe?
Speaker 5: I am not sure. Part of me knows that nothing happens.
Speaker 5: That we exist as a memory, but that's energy. We
Speaker 5: exist as an energy that I guess that's that's what
Speaker 5: I think about it. But you know, I have gone
Speaker 5: to channelers who have brought me messages from my father
Speaker 5: and mother, and they've met a lot to me.
Speaker 2: So I don't know, when you look back at your life,
Speaker 2: like what are your proudest moments.
Speaker 5: There's no moment. What I'm proud of is that I've
Speaker 5: made something of myself, that I made something of my life.
Speaker 5: You know, I floundered for so long and toyed with
Speaker 5: suicide and all of that, because there's been suicide all
Speaker 5: around me in my life, and as I said, everybody's
Speaker 5: so depressed in my family. But I'm resilient and I'm
Speaker 5: proud that I didn't succumb to any of the depressions
Speaker 5: and that I've that I've I've learned and grown in
Speaker 5: my life. That's what I'm most proud of.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think resiliency is the key ingredient as women.
Speaker 2: I feel like we have it in droves and we
Speaker 2: don't know we have it until we need it the most.
Speaker 5: That's why it's the most wonderful, mysterious thing. You know,
Speaker 5: I really can't figure out this thing about resilience, Chelsea.
Speaker 5: My brother was two years younger than me. We both
Speaker 5: came from the same mother and father. Two years apart.
Speaker 5: That's not a lot same more or less historical moment
Speaker 5: in time. And I was resilient and he wasn't. And
Speaker 5: why I don't you know who knows. My therapist used
Speaker 5: to say, she thinks that it's you come into life
Speaker 5: with it. Either you have it or you don't. And
Speaker 5: she can tell right away when a patient walks in
Speaker 5: if they have resilience or not. And for me, what
Speaker 5: resilience is like, you know, it's like when I was young,
Speaker 5: you know, it was not a happy household, and my
Speaker 5: dad was always away and my mother suffered from mental
Speaker 5: health issues. And this is how I describe it now.
Speaker 5: It's like I was always scanning the horizon like an
Speaker 5: infrared laser beam, and any warm human body that could
Speaker 5: possibly love me or teach me something, I would glom onto.
Speaker 5: And it was always the mothers of my girlfriends, And
Speaker 5: I learned from those mothers. Someone who lacks resilience can
Speaker 5: be surrounded by love and they can't metabolize it, they
Speaker 5: can't take it in and own it. I don't know
Speaker 5: if if you can be born without resilience and then
Speaker 5: learn to become I don't think so. I think you
Speaker 5: either have it or you don't. Are you resilient? I
Speaker 5: think you are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, I think I'm resilient. And we were talking
Speaker 2: about this last night at my dinner actually with my
Speaker 2: three girlfriends. I like to go around the table and
Speaker 2: say like, Okay, let's all say something we're grateful for
Speaker 2: that's not sitting right here, you know, let's remind ourselves.
Speaker 2: And after everyone said their thing, I said, Okay, this
Speaker 2: is to resilience, Like that's our toast tonight. So I
Speaker 2: think that I do believe you can cultivate resilience, because
Speaker 2: I don't think you know you're resilient until something bad
Speaker 2: happens and you bounce back and pick yourself up, and
Speaker 2: then when it happens repeatedly, you get stronger and stronger
Speaker 2: at knowing that you can get through something, that it's
Speaker 2: not the end of you, that it doesn't have to
Speaker 2: lay you out, and even if you get laid out,
Speaker 2: you get back up. So I do think you can
Speaker 2: cultivate it to a degree. I wonder what you would
Speaker 2: say about when you are in this moment in your
Speaker 2: life present day, when things are overwhelming and they're so
Speaker 2: stressful and things aren't going your way, Like what is
Speaker 2: your tool to coping and to breathing and getting yourself
Speaker 2: like regular.
Speaker 5: Leading activism is what does it for me. It's when
Speaker 5: I know that I'm doing everything in my power too.
Speaker 5: And right now, the focus is the climate crisis, because
Speaker 5: that's existential. I mean, everything I care about in the
Speaker 5: world is going to fall apart if we don't address
Speaker 5: the climate crisis. And so if I'm doing so, if
Speaker 5: I was going to splinter and fracture and go down
Speaker 5: a rabbit hole, it would be around that issue of
Speaker 5: the climate crisis. And I'm doing everything in my human
Speaker 5: power about it. It keeps me stable and feet on
Speaker 5: the ground.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you are doing everything she does Fire drove
Speaker 2: Fridays in DC all the time. She's constantly getting arrested,
Speaker 2: and you're always yes, and you're I'm going to see
Speaker 2: you for your next event. I'm finally going to be
Speaker 2: in town. I'm coming home for it. I will be
Speaker 2: there with bells on. But your activism, it's just so
Speaker 2: inspiring for all of us. I mean, you're a legend
Speaker 2: and everything you do, I know when doing something and
Speaker 2: you're behind something that it's the right thing to be behind.
Speaker 2: And obviously the climate is you know, the most obvious
Speaker 2: thing to get behind. But your indefatigable attitude has an
Speaker 2: impact on all of us because we all talk about it.
Speaker 5: That's the value of being famous, you know. And it's
Speaker 5: the value of me having seven years as Grace and Frankie,
Speaker 5: because I can tell you that activism prior to Grayson
Speaker 5: Frankie was not as easy. When you have a hit
Speaker 5: series behind your back, it becomes a lot, a lot easier.
Speaker 5: But prior to Fire Drilled Fridays, I was still I
Speaker 5: was an activist, but it was intermittent, and I knew
Speaker 5: I wasn't really using my platform. And I realized when
Speaker 5: I started to really step it up that when you're famous,
Speaker 5: you know, other people say, well, God, if she can
Speaker 5: do it, I can do it. I turned eighty two
Speaker 5: in jail, and that was very important because people thought,
Speaker 5: oh my god, you know I heard recently. It made
Speaker 5: me really think about things. I had a friend who
Speaker 5: had a husband who did not like me, very anti Hanoi,
Speaker 5: Jane and pro war. But when I went to Vietnam,
Speaker 5: this guy said to his son, God, if Jane Fonda
Speaker 5: is going over there, there must be something really wrong.
Speaker 5: And that really struck me because you know, we can't
Speaker 5: really change what needs to be changed as individuals, but still,
Speaker 5: as individuals, we can make people think twice and think
Speaker 5: about joining us. And I like that idea. God, if
Speaker 5: she's doing it, there must be something really wrong because
Speaker 5: she doesn't have to be doing that. That's why it's
Speaker 5: so important what we do, you know. And the other
Speaker 5: thing that's so great is that I meet people I
Speaker 5: normally never would have met that are so great and
Speaker 5: I can carry them with me in my heart as
Speaker 5: I go forward, you know, and especially young indigenous women,
Speaker 5: Oh my god, they're so fierce in the HAPs, such
Speaker 5: an interesting sense of humor and brave. And I am
Speaker 5: just so surrounded by people who are so brave and
Speaker 5: have nothing, nothing, and they just stand up and fight.
Speaker 5: It's just so moving and important.
Speaker 2: It's so true when you say that, you know, people
Speaker 2: say that they throw that brave word around, and I
Speaker 2: hear that a lot, and I'm like, you don't, that's
Speaker 2: this isn't brave. This is being you're true to your personality.
Speaker 2: Bravery is that, you know, is when you have nothing
Speaker 2: and you're able to stand up and you're able to
Speaker 2: go and fight for something. You believe in when you
Speaker 2: have everything to lose, that's bravery.
Speaker 5: Have you ever seen like a movie or a documentary
Speaker 5: about people who have really stood up and been brave?
Speaker 5: Right now, the next six years of this decade, this
Speaker 5: is our documentary moment, and the question is can we
Speaker 5: will we step up and be as brave as the
Speaker 5: people in the past who have made a real difference
Speaker 5: in human history. This is our documentary.
Speaker 2: Moment, don't you think about I mean, I'm sure you've
Speaker 2: spoken to al Gore, but what he did was brave,
Speaker 2: you know, bringing that to our attention, thinking, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell everybody what's going to happen. I'm
Speaker 2: going to tell everybody what's about to happen. He went
Speaker 2: and did the work and did the research, only to
Speaker 2: be ignored. It's unimaginable what he did, you know, and
Speaker 2: him looking back at that time, that could have been
Speaker 2: the turning point for our whole world, and yet we
Speaker 2: denied it. We turned into climate deniers, not we, but
Speaker 2: you know Republicans.
Speaker 5: But then what does he do? See he doesn't give up.
Speaker 5: He then switches tactics. Okay, it doesn't work to just
Speaker 5: give people the information, So I'm going to train people
Speaker 5: to become organizers around climate and he's trained eighteen thousand
Speaker 5: or more people all around the world. He just shifted strategies.
Speaker 5: You know, in the beginning, we thought, holy shit, we
Speaker 5: heard what the science was saying. We thought, if we
Speaker 5: tell elected officials what the science is saying, they're going
Speaker 5: to say holy shit, and they're going to start doing something.
Speaker 5: And then we discovered that wasn't true. Why because they
Speaker 5: take money from the fossil fuel industry and so so
Speaker 5: we have to do it differently. We have to you know,
Speaker 5: that's why I started the Jane Fonda Climate Pack, because
Speaker 5: we have to change the people in Congress. So when
Speaker 5: they hear the science, they're going to want to do something.
Speaker 5: Then we have to get unprecedented numbers of people outside
Speaker 5: protesting and then change. If you can't change the people,
Speaker 5: change the people. We're changing the people. And so we'll
Speaker 5: get it from both ends, right outside and inside.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going
Speaker 2: to be right back, and we're back with Jane Fonda. So, Jane,
Speaker 2: this podcast it's called Dear Chelsea. So we give advice
Speaker 2: to actual, real people and I really couldn't deny anyone
Speaker 2: getting advice from you because this is a once in
Speaker 2: a life time opportunity. So, Catherine, what do we have
Speaker 2: in store?
Speaker 1: Oh, we have some juicy things in the store. Chelsea, Jane,
Speaker 1: are you ready? Are you ready for this?
Speaker 5: Ready?
Speaker 1: Jen says, Dear Chelsea, I need some advice from you
Speaker 1: in regards to navigating relating to guys and how they
Speaker 1: see you. I'm a full time single mom, an ex
Speaker 1: exotic dancer now, a business owner of a lap dance
Speaker 1: class studio, and a part time college student with not
Speaker 1: much support system. It's been quite challenging meeting men who
Speaker 1: are secure enough not to judge me on my ex
Speaker 1: stripper past and my current business owner context. I either
Speaker 1: get dumbed down, fetishized, or treated like I'm a whore
Speaker 1: when I haven't even been sexually active in over six years.
Speaker 1: I'd love to change that, and I don't believe there's
Speaker 1: anything wrong with being any kind of sex worker either.
Speaker 1: I'm very optimistic, goal oriented, and I've overcome a lot
Speaker 1: on my own, so I'd like to continue to find
Speaker 1: ways to overcome these obstacles. But Girl, I'm tired. Help Jen.
Speaker 5: Well, Well, she's absolutely right that sex work should not
Speaker 5: be looked at pejoratively. Women do it when they.
Speaker 3: Have to do it.
Speaker 5: I've never gone on one, but I think dating apps
Speaker 5: might be a good solution. Clearly, the circle that she's
Speaker 5: in is not the circle that she's looking for, so
Speaker 5: she's got to get out of her circle and meet
Speaker 5: new people. She can either go to AA. I don't
Speaker 5: know what her situation, but how do you meet new
Speaker 5: people nowadays? Dat apps? It wasn't in existence when I
Speaker 5: was young, but that's what I would do to meet
Speaker 5: new kinds of people. What do you think, Chelse?
Speaker 2: I would say, yes, of course, do dating apps. Do
Speaker 2: whatever you want to do to find a man. But
Speaker 2: I would also say double down on your confidence in
Speaker 2: your job and what you're doing, and you don't have
Speaker 2: to explain to men anything about it, Like if they
Speaker 2: don't get it, then great, they're out and you're closer
Speaker 2: to finding the person that does understand. Because there are
Speaker 2: men out there that are sophistic enough to understand what
Speaker 2: sex work actually means and that it isn't something to
Speaker 2: be ridiculed or to be judged, that it's actually a
Speaker 2: way that a lot of people make a living by
Speaker 2: choice and that should be respected. So I would never
Speaker 2: try to appeal to a man because you want them
Speaker 2: to like that's their own problem, that's not your problem.
Speaker 2: Nothing you're doing is wrong, and it's a great way
Speaker 2: to weed out people that don't get it. Just don't
Speaker 2: give up like you're going to find a guy that's
Speaker 2: going to get it. There's millions of men out there,
Speaker 2: you know, So just I don't like changing our story
Speaker 2: to appeal to men. I don't like wo men to
Speaker 2: think that, and I don't like to act like that.
Speaker 2: So I would say, stick to your guns and have
Speaker 2: honor in what you do and be proud. We're all
Speaker 2: big kids now, Like this isn't something that should be
Speaker 2: so shameful that she has to hide or feel bad about.
Speaker 2: You should feel proud of what you're doing and proud
Speaker 2: of your accomplishments. And any guy worth his salt is
Speaker 2: going to understand that. And fuck all of the rest,
Speaker 2: Like I know, so it's easier, and yeah, get on
Speaker 2: all the dating apps, you know, But I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't have a problem with that, and I have
Speaker 2: a bigger problem with pretending great.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 1: Our next caller, Sabrina says, Dear Chelsea. My mom doesn't text,
Speaker 1: and she doesn't even really use a cell phone. A
Speaker 1: couple of years ago, my dad sent me a non
Speaker 1: photo sext message on accident, obviously not meant for my mother.
Speaker 1: I lit into him, but ultimately forgave him after a
Speaker 1: few months and kept his little indiscretion between the two
Speaker 1: of us. He had his own justifications and apologies, and
Speaker 1: I just eventually let it go. Then the other night,
Speaker 1: my dad and I were texting and he sent me
Speaker 1: yet another message. It was not quite a sext, but
Speaker 1: it was pretty risk gay, and yet again obviously not
Speaker 1: for my mom. He and my mom have been married
Speaker 1: for forty plus years, and I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: Do I tell her, do I tell my brother? Do
Speaker 1: I keep this to myself? I already expressed my anger
Speaker 1: and disappointment to my dad, and I've asked him to
Speaker 1: no longer text me. Ever, I feel numb and just
Speaker 1: do not know what to do. I don't think I
Speaker 1: have the capacity to forgive this again. Sabrina, Hi, Sabrina, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you? Hi?
Speaker 2: You're so lucky. Guess who our guests today is? Jane Fonda.
Speaker 3: I am absolutely in awe. I cannot believe it.
Speaker 5: Well, this is a cone from something similar happened to me,
Speaker 5: but it wasn't between mother and father. But do you
Speaker 5: have any idea whether your mother is happy in the marriage.
Speaker 6: They've been married over forty years. It seems to me
Speaker 6: to be a very business sort of marriage. They married
Speaker 6: at the time when they each had something they were seeking,
Speaker 6: and I don't know if that's still what they're seeking.
Speaker 5: Yeah, what I would do is have a conversation with
Speaker 5: your mother, but you know, just make it very casual,
Speaker 5: but try to find out how she feels about the marriage.
Speaker 5: I mean, if you get a sense that being in
Speaker 5: the marriage is her foundation, that it is absolutely essential
Speaker 5: to her being able to get along in life, then
Speaker 5: I wouldn't tell her if she's ever considered killing him,
Speaker 5: if she's ever considered, No, I always knew that my
Speaker 5: marriages were about to end, because I would fantasize about
Speaker 5: his funeral. Oh wow, And maybe she does that. But
Speaker 5: if she's kind of thought, God, I'd kind of like
Speaker 5: to be alone now, then maybe she should know that
Speaker 5: his head is somewhere else. I mean, the primary concern
Speaker 5: I think is for her, Yes, after forty five years,
Speaker 5: if she is totally dependent on him and would be
Speaker 5: completely unhappy in adrift. If he wasn't there, then I
Speaker 5: wouldn't tell her and just let it continue. Why I
Speaker 5: rocked the boat after forty five years. But if she's
Speaker 5: not and she's just there because that's life, then why
Speaker 5: not help her to understand that he's not. It's interesting
Speaker 5: to me. You said you told him, don't send these
Speaker 5: to me anymore. Did he send them to you on
Speaker 5: purpose or was it an accident?
Speaker 6: It seemed to be an accent. We are in the
Speaker 6: middle of texting and I just got a message through
Speaker 6: that was clearly meant for someone else.
Speaker 2: And does he think so? You said your mom doesn't text,
Speaker 2: so you know that it's not directed towards her, right
Speaker 2: Is that?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, she doesn't. She has a flip phone for
Speaker 3: emergencies that she keeps in the car. She doesn't text
Speaker 3: at all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can conjecture that your mother probably doesn't give
Speaker 2: a shit what he's up to, you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 2: it's if they've been married that long and she's probably
Speaker 2: and he's up to that, she's probably slightly checked out.
Speaker 2: So I agree with Jane completely, Like get the temperature,
Speaker 2: and then I always want to show up for women, always,
Speaker 2: mother's daughter, sisters, any woman. I want them to know
Speaker 2: the truth and then make their own decision. I don't
Speaker 2: ever want to make a decision for and I think
Speaker 2: that's the trouble with men is that they think they
Speaker 2: can make our decisions for us by not being honest
Speaker 2: and upfront. It's like, okay, you want up sex with
Speaker 2: other women, great, tell me, and then if I decide
Speaker 2: I'm okay with that, then I'm okay with that. But
Speaker 2: you don't get to make the decision for me. So
Speaker 2: I would get the temperature, and then I would always
Speaker 2: err on the side of being truthful. Unless you think
Speaker 2: your mom is in a position that she she just
Speaker 2: can't bear to hear it or handle it.
Speaker 6: No, I definitely think she's strong. She's the fiery one,
Speaker 6: so she's definitely like the louder out of the two.
Speaker 5: Right. She Alsea used the word checked out. Do you
Speaker 5: think she's checked out?
Speaker 6: I think she's exasperated there at the point where she
Speaker 6: vents a lot to me about things that he does
Speaker 6: that irritate her day to day things. They both live
Speaker 6: together and work together, so they are together all the
Speaker 6: time and I can see the strain.
Speaker 2: And what can you can you share?
Speaker 5: What the like?
Speaker 2: The text message was.
Speaker 6: The first text message it was it was not a photo,
Speaker 6: but it was a sexual message. It was what my
Speaker 6: dad would like to do to someone as they're watching
Speaker 6: the sunset basically, which was just the light fulter sieve
Speaker 6: as you can imagine. And then the next one was
Speaker 6: more him calling someone babe and say I'm really enjoying
Speaker 6: my time with you, babe, and this and that babe,
Speaker 6: and I was like, oh no, now's he's that guy
Speaker 6: and dad's that guy?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and actively having an affair. It sounds like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I think you have to go to your mom. You're
Speaker 2: her daughter.
Speaker 6: Yeah, she's very much an act first type of mom,
Speaker 6: which was sort of my hesitation with but I hate
Speaker 6: keeping it from her.
Speaker 3: We're so close.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're not your father's secret keeper, like you
Speaker 2: don't owe him anything. He fucked up, not once, but twice,
Speaker 2: so you know, like all bets are off. Maybe one
Speaker 2: time you could be like okay, I'll look away, but
Speaker 2: not twice, Like how many times is he going to do?
Speaker 2: You know? That's just icky because now you're involved in this.
Speaker 5: And if she is venting to you about her feelings
Speaker 5: and her dissatisfactions and stuff. Then that shows you right
Speaker 5: there that I thought maybe she was a sort of
Speaker 5: a meek housewife that you know, wouldn't be able to
Speaker 5: tolerate not being able to be with a guy. You know,
Speaker 5: some women just have to be with a guy no
Speaker 5: matter what.
Speaker 3: How old is she she's seventy seven.
Speaker 5: Oh, she's ten years younger than me, and she could
Speaker 5: start another Has she ever had another relationship?
Speaker 3: Do you think?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: Not as far as I know.
Speaker 2: I mean, Jane, is that something you think you would
Speaker 2: want to know if you were that age married to
Speaker 2: someone for that long.
Speaker 5: I would have wanted to know. Yeah, but I know
Speaker 5: there's some women that wouldn't. But I would have wanted
Speaker 5: to know. And when you said that she's you described her,
Speaker 5: it sounds like she's somebody who probably would want to know.
Speaker 3: I think she definitely would.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Is there a way that you'd advise to approach that
Speaker 1: topic with her?
Speaker 6: I know we have to have a conversation coming up
Speaker 6: because there's a holiday coming up that my parents want
Speaker 6: to visit for and I'm uncomfortable being.
Speaker 3: Around my dad.
Speaker 6: I think if I just start by telling her, I
Speaker 6: don't I'm not comfortable being around him.
Speaker 3: That would open the door.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's right. I think you should do that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because listen, you would want someone to do that for you,
Speaker 2: wouldn't you.
Speaker 3: Absolutely yes, I would want to know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so what she's seventy seven, and like that's
Speaker 2: not a way to judge the situation, you know, like, oh,
Speaker 2: that's like discounting someone because of their age is not
Speaker 2: right either, Oh they've been married forty five years. Who cares?
Speaker 2: Like that's not the right way to look at it,
Speaker 2: And that's not how you're looking at it. But I'm
Speaker 2: sure a lot of our listeners are going, what's the point.
Speaker 2: It's like, what do you mean? No, every person's like,
Speaker 2: she could go on and be happy. Yeah, Jane has
Speaker 2: closed Chop up at eighty six. She's closing shop up
Speaker 2: and yeah, so she has another nine good years left business.
Speaker 5: But no, I actually ten years ago, it's been ten
Speaker 5: years I was mother's age when I decided that's it.
Speaker 2: Well, maybe she'll maybe she'll follow suit, she'll close shop
Speaker 2: up too.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean I would encourage you to maybe see
Speaker 1: if there's a way that your mom could just come
Speaker 1: and visit you by herself, and so you guys can
Speaker 1: have some time alone without dad and talked with them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good idea.
Speaker 2: Well, okay, report back, keep in touch and let us
Speaker 2: know how that goes.
Speaker 3: Okay, we'll do okay, thank you so.
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in, Sarena.
Speaker 5: We'll have to run our hearts.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Take care. What is should he feeling to have that burden?
Speaker 2: You know, like you have to break some bad news
Speaker 2: to your own parent.
Speaker 1: I know that's rough. I wonder if the dad is
Speaker 1: kind of just being creepy on the internet and accidentally texted,
Speaker 1: but like, no, this is really like a relationship situation
Speaker 1: that's happening.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but why does he keep accidentally texting his daughter? Like,
Speaker 2: what's wrong with him?
Speaker 1: Good question?
Speaker 2: He should be offline too, like his wife.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe she should just get him a flip phone.
Speaker 1: All right. Well, our next caller is Aubrey. She is
Speaker 1: twenty nine. Dear Chelsea. After seven years together and just
Speaker 1: four months of marriage, my husband came to me asking
Speaker 1: for a divorce. We've had financial issues for a while,
Speaker 1: but I thought we still had the love. He'd recently
Speaker 1: started to grow silently resentful of our situation, and in
Speaker 1: the process says he fell out of love with me.
Speaker 1: He said that he had the foresight to end things
Speaker 1: before children were involved, or before we lost any more
Speaker 1: time to a loveless marriage. He says he still genuinely
Speaker 1: cares for me, which makes this very hard. It's not
Speaker 1: an angry and loud situation. It's civil and just very sad.
Speaker 1: So I made a scary decision to get an apartment
Speaker 1: on my own.
Speaker 2: He thinks we'll be.
Speaker 1: Friends one day because we get along so well and
Speaker 1: are such great communicators. Whether that's true or not. Right now,
Speaker 1: I need distance from him so I can fall out
Speaker 1: of love. I'm looking for advice on how to be
Speaker 1: okay and how to move on. I've never lived on
Speaker 1: my own before, and I haven't been single since I
Speaker 1: met him in college when I was twenty one. Additionally,
Speaker 1: our spark fizzled and he grew less attracted to me,
Speaker 1: and I just don't feel the least bit sexy or
Speaker 1: desirable anymore. I'm about to turn twenty nine, and I
Speaker 1: know I have so much ahead. How do I come
Speaker 1: into my own as my own independent woman? Thanks Aubrey
Speaker 1: Hi Aubrey.
Speaker 2: Hi, Hi, say hello to Jane Fonda.
Speaker 5: Hi, all reason, Hi tells him, Jane, it's so nice
Speaker 5: to meet both of you.
Speaker 2: Well, Jane has been married three times.
Speaker 5: It's happening. This is happening at the right time. This
Speaker 5: is good. You're young. It's good to get the first
Speaker 5: one like this out of the way. You've been married,
Speaker 5: what four years?
Speaker 3: You said?
Speaker 4: Four months together?
Speaker 5: Seven years? Four months? Yeah, Well, it's too bad it
Speaker 5: didn't it didn't happen before the marrior. But no, but
Speaker 5: no big deal. I mean, I think you got lucky.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have to say, like, be grateful. Yeah, Like
Speaker 2: I know, it's hard to find gratitude in the dark
Speaker 2: sometimes because you might feel like you're in the dark.
Speaker 2: You're young, you're lovely, you have your whole future ahead
Speaker 2: of you. Thank god, you didn't waste another minute with
Speaker 2: this guy, and thank god he was honest enough with you.
Speaker 2: Then staying in a marriage that wasn't going to be
Speaker 2: fruitful for him, and because it was the right thing
Speaker 2: to do, you're going to want to thank him in
Speaker 2: a few years. And you're not there yet. I understand
Speaker 2: that you feel rejected, and you know, and all of
Speaker 2: these things and you were let down the wrong road.
Speaker 2: But this guy is being really honest with you about
Speaker 2: his feelings, and that's something to be grateful for. You
Speaker 2: know the truth. You know, you're not going to be together.
Speaker 2: You're gonna recover, You're gonna be fine, and you're young,
Speaker 2: and you're gonna find somebody who does value you and
Speaker 2: adores and loves you, and you just have to work
Speaker 2: through this pain and you have to, you know, talk
Speaker 2: to a therapist obviously. Do you have a therapist.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I have been talking to a therapist actually since the
Speaker 4: week everything really was going down. My biggest thing is
Speaker 4: like I've never been okay being single, and I think
Speaker 4: that was kind of like that was the scariest thing,
Speaker 4: Like I'm gonna be living on my own and just
Speaker 4: be single. I want to be okay being single. I
Speaker 4: want to I want to love that period. I don't
Speaker 4: want to be seeking someone anytime soon. I want to
Speaker 4: just focus on me and be happy with that. So
Speaker 4: I guess you're always someone that's no matter what state
Speaker 4: you're in, you always just come off with so strong.
Speaker 2: Get into yourself, lean into yourself, and get to know yourself,
Speaker 2: like I'm Jane's been divorced three times, and I would Jane,
Speaker 2: wouldn't you say every time you got divorce, you knew
Speaker 2: yourself better and you got to like closer to who
Speaker 2: you really are.
Speaker 5: Right, But it takes time. The first thing you have
Speaker 5: to do is really figure out the role you played
Speaker 5: in this. He calls it a loveless marriage. Did you
Speaker 5: see it as a loveless marriage?
Speaker 4: I didn't, But in just a couple of weeks, just
Speaker 4: hindsight is definitely seeing things well.
Speaker 5: I mean three marriages, they each ended slightly differently. But
Speaker 5: I always have to try to understand what was my
Speaker 5: role in make it, in the fact that it didn't work,
Speaker 5: so that I don't repeat it. I did repeat it.
Speaker 5: I'm a slow learner in many ways. But that's the
Speaker 5: main thing for you is you're going to go on
Speaker 5: in life and you want to know what changes do
Speaker 5: you need to make and the way you approach relationships
Speaker 5: and the way you do relationships that led this one
Speaker 5: to not work. I mean, it's great you married somebody
Speaker 5: who is as forthright as he is. I agree with Chelsea.
Speaker 5: I mean I think it's I love the fact that
Speaker 5: he was able to say this.
Speaker 4: And that's almost what's made it so hard is that
Speaker 4: you know he is such a good person, but knowing
Speaker 4: that he has saved us from a future if we
Speaker 4: had kids right now, I mean, I can't imagine.
Speaker 5: How much bessy here would be.
Speaker 1: So you know, it's sad, but it's not as messy.
Speaker 5: Do you have any issues with alcohol or drugs or food?
Speaker 4: No, I'm actually at a pretty good place with that
Speaker 4: right now. But it's funny you asked, because that was
Speaker 4: actually a big jumping point for this. He had stopped
Speaker 4: drinking back through the holidays. I stopped a little behind him,
Speaker 4: but to support him, not for the same reasons he was.
Speaker 4: That definitely was a component. We didn't have the issues
Speaker 4: of drinking, but it was playing a factor of just
Speaker 4: kind of numbing things that maybe we weren't talking about.
Speaker 4: So when it was really just raw, I think is
Speaker 4: when he really had that time. So how you're saying
Speaker 4: I'm going to be thanking him in a couple of years,
Speaker 4: I think that was something he didn't want to say
Speaker 4: but was hinting at And it's painful to hear. But
Speaker 4: I'm only a couple of weeks out and already kind
Speaker 4: of feeling like, yeah, it was a hard but really
Speaker 4: good thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I bet that you guys are going to remain friends
Speaker 5: for a long time.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And you know, so this is a huge opportunity
Speaker 2: for you. Like it, being heartbroken in this way and
Speaker 2: being kind of blindsided, so to speak, in this way
Speaker 2: is a great opportunity for you to really like get
Speaker 2: to know who you are. Now you get this time
Speaker 2: with yourself, which you've already elucidated, Like you've already said,
Speaker 2: I'm looking forward to being this single person. And strength
Speaker 2: comes from knowing who you are. That's where you get
Speaker 2: strength from, from really finding out. And when you're with
Speaker 2: somebody for seven years, anyone will say that you lose
Speaker 2: a little bit of yourself when you're kind of in
Speaker 2: that relationship, right, you start to operate as a couple
Speaker 2: and a pair rather than so independent. And so when
Speaker 2: you have this time, it's the most valuable time we
Speaker 2: ever get, is the time that we sit and go, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm going to lean into me. I'm going to read
Speaker 2: as many books as possible. I'm going to meditate, I'm
Speaker 2: going to like you know, go to therapy and get clean,
Speaker 2: Like I want a clean slate, so that I'm going
Speaker 2: into the next love relationship that I have as the
Speaker 2: best version of myself, because as we get older, we're
Speaker 2: just getting better and better and better at being who
Speaker 2: we are. And like, you have this whole clean slate
Speaker 2: that just kind of fell into your lap that you
Speaker 2: didn't ask for, but now it's yours, and you're just
Speaker 2: gonna grab it, like you grab a bowl by its
Speaker 2: horns and be like, all right, I'm fucking ready, let's go.
Speaker 2: I'm ready to find out who I really am and
Speaker 2: what I have in store for me. Because your whole
Speaker 2: life is ahead of you. So you are going to
Speaker 2: be grateful to him, You're going to be thanking him,
Speaker 2: and you probably will be friends with him, and those
Speaker 2: are all beautiful things.
Speaker 5: Well said, Yeah, I totally agree with that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm excited for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: And you said you have a hard time being alone?
Speaker 5: Is that? Like I always had a hard time if
Speaker 5: there wasn't an alpha male in my life, and for
Speaker 5: years I always had a guy in my life. Now
Speaker 5: I have girls in my life. Do you have a
Speaker 5: lot of girlfriends?
Speaker 4: It's something I've been working on, and it was something
Speaker 4: even before this happened, I was aware of, like planning
Speaker 4: a wedding.
Speaker 1: It was really evident and how for.
Speaker 4: You female friendships I had so definitely working on making
Speaker 4: that a priority myself first and that next. I'm not
Speaker 4: looking for any kind of love relationship anytime soon, So
Speaker 4: definitely looking for some girls.
Speaker 5: Yeah, because girlfriends, if they're good girlfriends, they can also
Speaker 5: help you learn about yourself and you can learn from them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's also another great way to know about
Speaker 2: yourself and learn about yourself is to learn about what
Speaker 2: kind of friends you can be right. You know, when
Speaker 2: you're in a relationship and you said you didn't have
Speaker 2: a lot of friends, like that doesn't feel right for me.
Speaker 2: For you know, for as a woman, you need women
Speaker 2: around you. You need to be helping them and they
Speaker 2: need to be there for you. And that reciprocity will
Speaker 2: give you so much more than so many love relationships
Speaker 2: provide when you're not with the right partner. So, yeah,
Speaker 2: your future is bright, and be optimistic and just get
Speaker 2: into your groove and enjoy your single dumb because it
Speaker 2: will not last forever. You will meet someone, you will
Speaker 2: fall in love again, and you'll look back at this
Speaker 2: time and be like, oh my god, that it was
Speaker 2: so much fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, is there a daily affirmation that we can send
Speaker 1: Aubrey away with to help rebuild confidence?
Speaker 2: And yeah, get after it girl. Wake up every morning
Speaker 2: and look in the mirror and be like, get after it, girl,
Speaker 2: let's go.
Speaker 5: Yeah. I love that.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: You're so welcome. You're so welcome, and have the best time.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Yes, check in with us in a few months, Okay, Aubrey,
Speaker 1: I will thank you so much.
Speaker 2: You're so welcome. You know what this reminded me of, Jane.
Speaker 2: I don't know if it was Ted Turner's book or
Speaker 2: your book. You tell me when the breakup on the
Speaker 2: plane when you guys, when he flew you to Atlanta,
Speaker 2: or he was dropping you off right and he was
Speaker 2: picking up his girlfriend? Was that what happened?
Speaker 5: I got I went from his private plane to get
Speaker 5: in my car, rented car to drive it to my
Speaker 5: daughter's house because I was now a single woman after
Speaker 5: a long long time. And I saw her leaving the
Speaker 5: hangar and going to I know she'd be sitting in
Speaker 5: my still warm seat. I knew who she was, and
Speaker 5: it was really really painful.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And if you can get through something like that,
Speaker 2: I think you know you can get through anything. Because
Speaker 2: that is heart wrenching.
Speaker 1: Well, let's take a quick break and we'll wrap up
Speaker 1: with one more quick question.
Speaker 2: Great, and we're back with Jane Fonda. Okay, what's our
Speaker 2: last question? Catherine? This has been awesome.
Speaker 5: I didn't know that. You're like, dear Abby, is this
Speaker 5: always what you do?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, you know why I got so much out
Speaker 2: of my sessions with Dan Siegel. I was like, I
Speaker 2: gotta spread the love around. I was like, Oh, I
Speaker 2: know all the answers to all this shit, now let's
Speaker 2: do it. I started it as a kind of a joke,
Speaker 2: but it got pretty serious quickly, so I'm just going
Speaker 2: with it.
Speaker 1: But sure did well. Our last question comes from Misty.
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea bottom line. First, my friend Jane is a loyal,
Speaker 1: good person who would do anything for her friends. We're
Speaker 1: both retired in our late sixties and very active with hiking, biking,
Speaker 1: and essentially any outdoor activity. She visits me once or
Speaker 1: twice a year for about two weeks. Jane has always
Speaker 1: been a talker. Literally, on a ten mile hike, she
Speaker 1: can talk the entire time, but lately her dissertations are
Speaker 1: over the top about her life, dramas, her family, her neighbors, and,
Speaker 1: most prominently, her health history. When Jane talks about her health,
Speaker 1: she goes into excruciating details that have anyone with us
Speaker 1: rolling their eyes. I'm having a very difficult time listening
Speaker 1: to the dramas over and over again. I feel like
Speaker 1: the only conversations we can have are the senior citizen
Speaker 1: fixations on illness, medications, etc. You may not have experiences yet, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: but just hang around seventy plus year olds for a while.
Speaker 1: There seems to be nothing else to talk about. I
Speaker 1: feel like I only have two options to deal with
Speaker 1: the situation. One tell Jane she has to stop this
Speaker 1: obsessiveness on herself. Two, just suck it up and tune
Speaker 1: it out, as I usually do, as Jane's visits are
Speaker 1: only a couple of weeks a year. And the third
Speaker 1: option I won't do is to totally diss her as
Speaker 1: a friend. I just can't do that. Although if I
Speaker 1: chose option one, she may never speak to me again.
Speaker 1: Maybe the problem is me. Am I disingenuous and should
Speaker 1: listen and offer support if I claim to be a
Speaker 1: real friend, Misty.
Speaker 2: I want to go first on this, Jane. I want
Speaker 2: to just say suck it up and be a friend.
Speaker 2: Your friend is in her seventies and going through a time,
Speaker 2: and what a real friend is is somebody who's there
Speaker 2: when they don't feel like being there, and they listen
Speaker 2: to stories that there may not be interested in. And
Speaker 2: that's part of being a friend. It's not always what
Speaker 2: you want to do or what you want to talk about.
Speaker 2: It's about showing up for other women. And you have
Speaker 2: a history with this person, and I think, just suck
Speaker 2: it up and be there and actually try to listen
Speaker 2: better instead of tuning it out. Listen better because maybe
Speaker 2: she's repeating herself because she's not getting any feedback from
Speaker 2: you because you are tuning her out. But I would
Speaker 2: say to think about the value of female friendship and
Speaker 2: show up. Jane, what do you think?
Speaker 5: Well, I don't entirely agree with you, Chelsea. I think
Speaker 5: if she's really your friend, that you should find a
Speaker 5: loving way of making her aware that being with her
Speaker 5: is a constant flow of her talking about herself and
Speaker 5: that you love her and so you want to hear
Speaker 5: about what she has to say, but that it's becoming
Speaker 5: so one sided and that you would like to I
Speaker 5: don't know, maybe you could help her find other things
Speaker 5: of interest in her life. So it's not just I mean,
Speaker 5: you know, I'm ten years older than she is. I'm
Speaker 5: also Jane. I also have health issues, but I have
Speaker 5: other things in my life, so I don't just when
Speaker 5: I get together with old people, we do talk about
Speaker 5: who has the most joints replaced and who's been you know,
Speaker 5: I mean, we do talk about it. It's kind of
Speaker 5: fun to see how much you have in common, but
Speaker 5: it's camp the only thing you talk about. I mean,
Speaker 5: my friends tell me. I want to be Chelsea's friends,
Speaker 5: so I'll tell Chelsea if I think that the behavior
Speaker 5: has been problematic, and people certainly tell me when they
Speaker 5: think my behavior has been and they're still my friends.
Speaker 5: That's what I want them for, is because they'll tell
Speaker 5: me the truth. So if you really want to be
Speaker 5: a friend, then I think you should tell her in
Speaker 5: a loving way, not break off your friendship, but just
Speaker 5: try to work together with her, both of you, to
Speaker 5: make her realize the impact she has on you as
Speaker 5: her friend who wants to love her. But it's becoming hard.
Speaker 5: You never asked me about your about me. Don't you
Speaker 5: care anything about me? You know? I mean, it's got
Speaker 5: to be a give and take, and I just I
Speaker 5: think you can do that in a loving way that
Speaker 5: will make her understand. I mean, maybe you know, maybe
Speaker 5: you don't know. It would be interesting to know. Does
Speaker 5: she drive a lot of her friends away? Other friends
Speaker 5: of her have the same problem that you're asking Chelsea about,
Speaker 5: and maybe nobody has taken the time or loved her
Speaker 5: enough to be able to say, wait a minute, now,
Speaker 5: this is becoming a problem, so let's deal with it.
Speaker 5: You're such a wonderful friend and an interesting person, but
Speaker 5: this is what's happening, so let's fix it. I mean,
Speaker 5: if you're hiking with her and friends of yours are
Speaker 5: rolling their eyes, then it's not just you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but don't you think sometimes younger people don't understand
Speaker 2: what older people are going through. There's obviously an age
Speaker 2: disparity and.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and older people don't understand how boring they can
Speaker 5: get when all they talk about is you know what
Speaker 5: I mean. It's like, if she wants to maintain her friendship,
Speaker 5: somebody's got to say, hey, wait a minute, I love
Speaker 5: you and I want to be able to be with
Speaker 5: you when it's not just all about your ills and
Speaker 5: aches and pains.
Speaker 2: I was on a chair lift the other day and
Speaker 2: I have my hamike talking about my hip, and my
Speaker 2: friend's talking about her knee and my other friend and
Speaker 2: I go, guys, just let's stop. We're all young. Let's
Speaker 2: I mean, we're all in our you know, about to
Speaker 2: turn fifty next year. But I'm like, this is not
Speaker 2: what I want to be talking about. But I would
Speaker 2: only say that to someone my own age, Like I
Speaker 2: want to show deference to people that are older and
Speaker 2: give them the respect of listening.
Speaker 5: I'm trying to make a joke out of it. I mean,
Speaker 5: I love talking about my aches and pains and with
Speaker 5: other people talking about their aches and pains with me.
Speaker 5: But then, you know, then we have to make a
Speaker 5: joke about it and laugh at ourselves and just make
Speaker 5: it easier for younger people to say, yeah, you guys,
Speaker 5: come on, yeah.
Speaker 1: I do like joking about it and saying like, well,
Speaker 1: I guess we can't only talk about our aches and pains.
Speaker 1: What's what good things are going on in life right now?
Speaker 1: And kind of gently redirect.
Speaker 5: And I'll send us right back to talking about our
Speaker 5: aches and pain. What good things are happy? I mean,
Speaker 5: we live in right now.
Speaker 2: God, there's the climate that's always a pick me up.
Speaker 2: Jane Fonda. I love you, I adore you. I'm mean
Speaker 2: to see you in a couple of weeks. I can't wait.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for your time today. Thank you
Speaker 2: for everything you've done. Thank you for being a beacon
Speaker 2: of light and a role model for all of us
Speaker 2: younger girls.
Speaker 5: Thank you very much. Chelsea. You're younger than my children.
Speaker 5: I just want you to know, and I love that.
Speaker 5: I don't feel older than you, but that's okay. I
Speaker 5: love you too, Chelsea, and I want to be one
Speaker 5: of your girlfriends. I don't have this enough humored. I
Speaker 5: don't think to be here.
Speaker 2: Yes you do, you have plenty of humor. You are
Speaker 2: one of my girlfriends. I just am never in La
Speaker 2: But I will see you soon and we will re
Speaker 2: cement our bond.
Speaker 5: With Connie maybe.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, I'll text Connie right now. Make sure
Speaker 2: she's coming too.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's not going to be here for a while.
Speaker 5: She's working with de Niro in New York.
Speaker 2: And oh yeah, she's pretending to be an actress. I
Speaker 2: told her nobody buys her acting, so hopefully she'll just
Speaker 2: give that up soon.
Speaker 5: Oh God, she's so good.
Speaker 2: I know she is good. Yeah, she is good.
Speaker 5: I love you soon.
Speaker 2: Okay, bye day bye. Okay, guys, so firs stand up.
Speaker 2: We added a second show in Sydney, and we added
Speaker 2: a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now
Speaker 2: going to be May twenty fourth. We added the Santa
Speaker 2: Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year.
Speaker 2: That's August seventeenth, the Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a
Speaker 2: second show at Santa Rosa on August second, and we
Speaker 2: added two dates at Hawaii. Guys, I'm coming to Hawaii
Speaker 2: on July nineteenth to.
Speaker 1: CA Who Louis.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be at CA Who Louis, and then
Speaker 2: I'm coming on July twenty at to Honolulu. And I
Speaker 2: just added another date on August first Auburn, Washington. So
Speaker 2: and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up,
Speaker 2: and I will be announcing a European tour shortly, so
Speaker 2: I will be coming there. And I'm coming to Oklahoma.
Speaker 2: I have two dates in Oklahoma. May third, which is
Speaker 2: my mother's birthday, Norman, Oklahoma, and May fourth, I'll be
Speaker 2: in Thackerville, Oklahoma. So Oklahomaans, Oklahomans Oklahom's Come Bye.
Speaker 1: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 1: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 1: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
Speaker 1: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 1: com