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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you Hi?

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Speaker 2: Well? I have I'm good, but I have some sad

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Speaker 2: news to share. Bernice is. We said goodbye to Bernice yesterday,

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Speaker 2: so I want to make sure I make that announcement

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Speaker 2: because I didn't make the announcement about Bert, and I

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Speaker 2: keep getting DMS about where the fuck is Burt. I'm

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Speaker 2: like Bert's dead anyway, Bernice is too now. So that

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Speaker 2: was very sad. But she was really old and had

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Speaker 2: a really really beautiful life, and everyone loved her so

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Speaker 2: much in Whistler this winter that she went out with

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Speaker 2: a bang, she got so much attention. Yeah, and everyone.

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Speaker 2: I had a waiting list of people who wanted to

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Speaker 2: spend the night with her. The little kids in the

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Speaker 2: neighborhood kept coming to take her for the night. I

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Speaker 2: was so sweet.

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Speaker 1: I'm really glad you had like a few months to

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Speaker 1: spend with her. You weren't traveling, like you're here and

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Speaker 1: you know, could be with her. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It was really nice. And I had that was my

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Speaker 2: exit plan with her, to make sure she knew she

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Speaker 2: was loved up.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and she did.

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Speaker 2: And so that was very sad. And I felt really

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Speaker 2: bad for Vets, you know, like they have to deal

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Speaker 2: with people losing their dog all the time.

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Speaker 1: You know what. We actually had an email recently from

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Speaker 1: someone who's a veterinarian who really like opened my eyes. Like,

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Speaker 1: veterinarians have an extremely high suicide rate and a ton

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Speaker 1: of depression because they're trying to do their best that

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Speaker 1: they can. They're, you know, helping people transition their dogs

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Speaker 1: to the you know, the Rainbow bridge and all that.

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Speaker 2: And is that where they're going to the rainbow bridge?

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Speaker 1: Is that they say crossing the rainbow an ice cream flavor?

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Speaker 1: You know, it's like something to make it feel a

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Speaker 1: little bit better. But yeah, so veterinarians, we we.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we appreciate you for sure. And also, Doug is

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Speaker 2: here today to be my support animal. Yes, and I

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Speaker 2: brought him to the studio. He is so good.

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Speaker 1: Looking, it really is. It is so good looking, Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: We had a lot of people screaming in their cars

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Speaker 1: about Sarah whose boyfriends last week could not get it up.

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Speaker 1: I mean, people had some opinions and thoughts and ideas.

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Speaker 2: Oh great, well maybe someone knows what the fuck is

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Speaker 2: wrong with men.

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Speaker 1: Oh so, Sarah, I hope you're listening. This is what

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Speaker 1: people had to say. So Andrew wrote in and said, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I just thought i'd give a man's perspective, specifically a

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Speaker 1: gay man's perspective. I think Sarah should consider the fact

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Speaker 1: that her partner may be gay. With all the talk

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Speaker 1: of having such a great job and home, the fact

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Speaker 1: that he's a bit overweight and seemed not to have

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Speaker 1: dated many women. I was literally sitting in my car

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Speaker 1: screaming at the radio. He's gay.

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Speaker 2: He's gay.

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Speaker 1: Speaking partly from personal experience on that point, I just

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Speaker 1: think that it's a possibility that should be explored, at

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Speaker 1: least lots of love from Florida. Lord help us, Andrew.

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Speaker 2: So Andrew. I wonder if Andrew was tried to have

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Speaker 2: sex with the girl and then couldn't get it up.

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Speaker 1: At that point, if you're not attracted to women, there

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Speaker 1: are men.

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Speaker 2: There are gay men that have had sex with women,

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Speaker 2: or yeah, yeah, how does that work?

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Speaker 1: I don't know truly. Like a couple of my closest

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Speaker 1: gay male friends who are like in their late forties,

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Speaker 1: early fifties, they're like, oh, yeah, sometimes I have sex

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Speaker 1: with a woman, just like for for funzies. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what one of my friends put at this way, he said,

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Speaker 1: sex with a man is like a lobster dinner, but

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Speaker 1: sex with a woman is like a sake dinner. So

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Speaker 1: you know what is better lobster lobster.

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Speaker 2: Lobster is the McDonald's of the ocean.

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Speaker 1: Why does everyone think.

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Speaker 2: Lobster is so great? I mean, it's fucking disgusting. It's

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Speaker 2: a bottom feeder. I mean I love it, but you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean, I don't understand why everyone thinks

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Speaker 2: it's a delicacy. Is it a delicacy? Do you know?

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Speaker 1: Back in like I think it was like the eighteen hundreds,

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Speaker 1: they used to exclude I was what happened. They used

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Speaker 1: to exclusively feed convicts lobster, and they actually like brought

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Speaker 1: suit against New York State saying like this is cruel

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Speaker 1: and unusual punishment, and now we consider it.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's a very nice tippit. Yes, keep

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Speaker 2: it coming, Capterine. I like that little history, a little

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Speaker 2: dose of history.

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Speaker 1: Reading a lot of historical fictions.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I'm reading a good book right now, speaking of

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Speaker 2: which it's called it's by Mitch Album. You know the

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Speaker 2: guy who yes Tuesdays with Maury, and he wrote some

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Speaker 2: other book that I read. This one is called a

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Speaker 2: little the Little Liar, and it's about the Holocaust, but

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Speaker 2: it's from the perspective of truth. The character is Truth,

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Speaker 2: the main character. And it's very moving and it's a

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Speaker 2: short book. It's like succinct chapters, which I like, and

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Speaker 2: his use of language, it's very beautiful.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, he's very moving.

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Speaker 2: I would recommend that to anyone who And it's not

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Speaker 2: like a bummer book. I mean, it's about the Holocaust,

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Speaker 2: so it's shocking, of course every time you hear what

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Speaker 2: happened to people, but it is for some reason, it's

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Speaker 2: like there's a fairy tale aspect to it. So it's

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Speaker 2: like fictionalized, but it's history, you know, it's not.

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Speaker 1: I love that.

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Speaker 3: Well.

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Speaker 1: We do have a couple other opinions on Sarah. Do

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Speaker 1: you want to know?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah about that not getting it up? Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 2: so okay. Option one, he could be gay.

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Speaker 1: He could be gay. Option two, as Lisa writes in

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Speaker 1: I'm a pharmacist, And when I heard her say he's

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Speaker 1: on medication for his blood pressure, I was yelling out loud.

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Speaker 1: It's his medication.

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Speaker 2: Oh that sounds very very possible.

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Speaker 1: Yes, many blood pressure medications can commonly cause ed, most

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Speaker 1: specifically beta blockers and diuretics, but all anti hypertensive drug

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Speaker 1: classes can have the side effect. He needs to go

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Speaker 1: to his doctor, even if he's opposed, are embarrassed, and

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Speaker 1: tell his provider what's going on. They can mix it up,

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Speaker 1: try other.

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Speaker 2: H that's smart. Did you contact the girl that called in?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 2: I told her that, okay, good?

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Speaker 1: She said, I see it all the time.

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Speaker 2: And did you tell her about him being gay too?

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Speaker 1: For sure? She said, I see it all the time.

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Speaker 1: Men who stopped taking their medications because it made them

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Speaker 1: feel quote unquote weird when what they mean is they

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Speaker 1: can't get it up anymore. Very common. Go to the doctor,

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Speaker 1: Lisa Great. And then our last comment is I'm a

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Speaker 1: formerly big guy myself, and I can say that gravity

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Speaker 1: is the issue. If he's still overweight, the weight of

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Speaker 1: the belly and or panis aka the popas panis panis

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Speaker 1: is caught up. What is that? That is the area

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Speaker 1: down here if you have like an overhanging belly, that

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Speaker 1: pussy gut the pupa yeah, the fat upper pussy area. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it is technically called a panis. I have sisters that

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Speaker 1: are Have you ever heard the term cock awning. No,

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Speaker 1: but I use the word talk todaynles, what is cockling?

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Speaker 2: Cockles are your heart, don't? I don't know that I do.

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Speaker 2: I heard the term cockawning and I had to look away.

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Speaker 2: I shuddered. I was like, I don't want to know

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Speaker 2: what that is in reference to what to a man's belly.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, no, thank you. Ken says this is less

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Speaker 1: an issue when he's laying on his back and he

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Speaker 1: thinks that that's what's going on.

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Speaker 2: I had this issue a second. Yeah, so he needs

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Speaker 2: a girl to get on top of him.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because she mentioned she's like, it's fine when I'm

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Speaker 1: on top, but when he tries to be on top

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Speaker 1: he can't keep it up.

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Speaker 2: Oh god, that sounds familiar.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so Ken says, it's less an issue when laying

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Speaker 1: on your back. I had this issue. And it's likely

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Speaker 1: if he's a big boy as well, that's his issue too.

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Speaker 1: He also might be in his head about feeling too

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Speaker 1: heavy to be on top of her, so that might

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Speaker 1: plan into.

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Speaker 3: It as well.

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Speaker 4: Ken.

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Speaker 2: I love this. Okay, thank you everybody for writing in.

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Speaker 1: We love all bodies here, especially those with pantisas. Let's

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Speaker 1: just never call it.

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Speaker 2: A cock on. So I'm going to go with the medication.

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Speaker 2: I choose Option B, and I'm going to go with

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Speaker 2: the medication is the problem? Okay, So which is fixable?

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Speaker 2: It's too bad, straight man, don't listen to this podcast

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Speaker 2: because if they did. Oh, you know what I really

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Speaker 2: want to get on are couples or friends or family

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Speaker 2: members that are having discord. Like if you have a

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Speaker 2: friend you're having problems with and you want to get

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Speaker 2: my advice, or someone in your family and you and

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Speaker 2: both of you are open to it, or you're in

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Speaker 2: a relationship like I like that, and that's an area

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Speaker 2: where I can I can have really help.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And it can be like serious disagreements or like

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Speaker 1: fun disagreements, like if you're like, please settle.

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Speaker 2: The score for chewing gum when we're together, Yeah, because

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Speaker 2: you don't know how to chew it. And I've been

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Speaker 2: told that and I don't know how to chew them.

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Speaker 2: I would like to say, I am guilty.

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Speaker 1: Well, Chelsea, we have amazing guests today. Yeah, she's a legend.

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Speaker 2: She continues to lead the charge on the climate emergency

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Speaker 2: with fire Drill Fridays, the National movement to protest government

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Speaker 2: in action on climate Change started in October twenty nineteen

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Speaker 2: in partnership with Greenpeace as well as the Jane Fonda

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Speaker 2: Climate pac which is focused on defeating political allies of

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Speaker 2: the fossil fuel industry. She is an actor and activist

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Speaker 2: and my dear friend Jane Fonda. Okay, so I want

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Speaker 2: to preface this interview by telling a personal story about Jane.

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Speaker 2: I've known Jane for many years, probably fifteen years, I think.

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Speaker 2: But I'm not really good with numbers, that's not my specialty.

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Speaker 2: And we've had a lot of fun together and we've

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Speaker 2: had a lot of deep, meaningful conversations and a lot

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Speaker 2: of laughter. And there was a time and I wrote

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Speaker 2: that about this in my new book, which I'm going

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Speaker 2: to send to you for your approval, Jane, which I

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Speaker 2: think you'll be fine with. But Jane took me aside

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Speaker 2: at a time in my life where I was not

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Speaker 2: in a good spot, and she took the time to

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Speaker 2: invite me over to her house. Well, it was it's

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Speaker 2: more of a demand. It was more of.

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Speaker 5: Like over here.

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Speaker 2: She's like, hey, are you free, I need to talk

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Speaker 2: to you. I'm like sure. When she's like how about

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Speaker 2: tonight at six, I was like, oh, fuck. Am I

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Speaker 2: in trouble with Jane Fonda because it felt like I

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Speaker 2: may be and I was in trouble. And I had

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Speaker 2: behaved badly at her birthday party at her house months prior,

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Speaker 2: and she took the time to sit down with me

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Speaker 2: at her dinner table to tell me about my behavior

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Speaker 2: and talk to me about it and ask me why

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Speaker 2: and what and all of the things. And fortunately for me,

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Speaker 2: I had just started therapy two months before that. But

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Speaker 2: the thing that I took away from that dinner was sisterhood,

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Speaker 2: because not everybody tells you when you piss them off,

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Speaker 2: and not everybody takes the time to tell you when

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Speaker 2: someone pisses you off. You know, some people you just

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Speaker 2: blow off and you're just like, fine, fuck it, that's

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Speaker 2: a loser, or I don't want to talk to that

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Speaker 2: person again. But Jane took the time to sit with

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Speaker 2: me and tell me how I had messed up. And

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Speaker 2: because of that moment, I have done that for so

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Speaker 2: many people in my life, and I went to therapy.

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Speaker 2: I continued to go to therapy. I brought it back

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Speaker 2: to therapy to a person that Jane knew very well.

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Speaker 2: She's like, you're in good hands. Go talk to him,

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Speaker 2: and it was it was the definition of sister.

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Speaker 5: I love you, Jack, I do. I didn't even know

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Speaker 5: who you were. All I knew was one day, years

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Speaker 5: and years ago, I was scrolling through TV channels and

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Speaker 5: I just I passed, and then I went back, Who

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Speaker 5: is this beautiful blonde chick that laughs at herself so much?

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Speaker 5: That was when you were.

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Speaker 3: Doing the job.

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Speaker 5: I don't know, but you were. You just laughed at

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Speaker 5: yourself all the time, and I was smitten. And I

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Speaker 5: just kept watching your show. And then I was on

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Speaker 5: your show and I just I love you. And and

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Speaker 5: you know, we've all gone off the track from time

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Speaker 5: to time and people have brought me up short and

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Speaker 5: talked to me. And I must say, the book that

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Speaker 5: you wrote, I guess this isn't the one you're going

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Speaker 5: to give me again. The last one you wrote, where

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Speaker 5: you wrote it was like you recorded all your therapy sessions.

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Speaker 5: But it was the most laugh out loud book that

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Speaker 5: I have ever read. I just enjoyed it and loved

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Speaker 5: it and loved that you were going through the therapy

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Speaker 5: the way you were, and I have a feeling that

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Speaker 5: it really helped you.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, and thank you for your help because that

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Speaker 2: was helpful. And I think what I want to ask

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Speaker 2: you is, you know, I've when I started out in

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Speaker 2: this business, I felt that women weren't as there for

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Speaker 2: each other as we are now, as we know to

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Speaker 2: be now. And I want to know what that was

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Speaker 2: like for you when you started, the support that you

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Speaker 2: felt from women. How was it?

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Speaker 1: Who was ever?

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Speaker 3: It?

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Speaker 5: Absolutely vividly and I can tell you that. See, I

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Speaker 5: was married to a Frenchman, a French director. He directed Barbarella.

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Speaker 5: He was married to Bridge of Bardeaux before me and

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Speaker 5: Catherine Deneuve. I mean, it was intense. He was great,

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Speaker 5: and I was living with him. And because American soldiers

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Speaker 5: who had been in Vietnam had fled Vietnam and were

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Speaker 5: in Paris, and they were looking for compatriots to help

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Speaker 5: them find doctors and clothes and anyway, I became friends

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Speaker 5: with these guys and they told me about Vietnam and

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Speaker 5: totally blew my mind and changed my mind about the war.

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Speaker 5: And I came back here and joined the GI movement.

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Speaker 5: Annie war activists had created these coffeehouses outside of military

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Speaker 5: bases where guys could come and learn about the history

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Speaker 5: of Vietnam. Long story short, I'm in Colleen, Texas, outside

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Speaker 5: of Fort Hood. The woman who ran the base, her

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Speaker 5: name was Terry Davis. She was different than any female

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Speaker 5: that I had met, because up until then, pretty much

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Speaker 5: we competed with each other. And I don't know, I

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Speaker 5: just I didn't have very many women friends. I grew

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Speaker 5: up in the forties and fifties thinking you become the

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Speaker 5: way to grow up is to be a lone ranger,

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Speaker 5: to be like guys, you know, I can stand on

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Speaker 5: my ow. I don't need any buddy, and that's just

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Speaker 5: the way. And so I met this woman was running

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Speaker 5: the coffeehouse, and she treated me differently than I'd ever

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Speaker 5: been treated before, not like a celebrity or anything. It

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Speaker 5: was she looked me in the eye. She wanted to

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Speaker 5: know how I felt. Did I feel okay going onto

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Speaker 5: the base? Did I feel safe speaking at the rally?

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Speaker 5: The way she treated the gis it was like looking

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Speaker 5: through a keyhole at the future that we were fighting for.

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Speaker 5: And being with her was like, I don't know, it's

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Speaker 5: like getting into a warm bath. I felt safe, and

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Speaker 5: I just thought I want to be like her. And

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Speaker 5: all the women in the movement that I kept meeting

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Speaker 5: were they were just new kinds of beings that I'd

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Speaker 5: never met, and that of all the things that happened

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Speaker 5: to me in the first years of my activism, that

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Speaker 5: was what affected me the most and made me realize

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Speaker 5: I'm on the right track. I want to become a

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Speaker 5: person like them, who is present and who really has

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Speaker 5: empathy for other women and men. She was the first

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Speaker 5: person she brought a feminist into the coffeehouse to talk

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Speaker 5: to Gis about the women's movement, which I thought was

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Speaker 5: really gutsy and it affected all of us. I don't know,

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Speaker 5: but it changed the whole way that I felt about women,

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Speaker 5: and up until that point, for me, the women's movement

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Speaker 5: was a waste of time. What are all these women

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Speaker 5: talking about? All these things for the wars?

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Speaker 3: What matters?

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Speaker 5: We got to end this way and it had a

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Speaker 5: big effect on me. And now, of course it's women

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Speaker 5: are in my life. I've closed up shop.

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Speaker 2: And have have you closed up shop?

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Speaker 5: Is one of the reasons is because to see Chelsea,

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Speaker 5: you'll understand this. I like young flesh. I like young skin.

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Speaker 5: If I was gonna have an affair now, it would

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Speaker 5: be with somebody about twenty years old. But I don't

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Speaker 5: want to subject any twenty year old to my skin.

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Speaker 5: So I've closed up shop. I don't even think about

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Speaker 5: it anymore.

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Speaker 2: I feel like, yes, but I think that should be

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Speaker 2: their decision. I feel like there would be some willing participants,

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Speaker 2: a lot of them, and if they're willing to go

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Speaker 2: for it, then what's yeah, I mean, what's to stop

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Speaker 2: anyone from giving each other pleasure?

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Speaker 5: Vain? Now I'm seventy, I'm eighty how old, amma? I'm

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Speaker 5: eighty six and a half almost. I mean, you know,

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Speaker 5: it's just, uh, it's over, and I don't miss it

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Speaker 5: at all. I only dream once a week about it.

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Speaker 5: That's not enough to miss. I have so much more time,

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Speaker 5: you know, to do things.

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Speaker 2: Well, you are busy doing things. And I think, to

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Speaker 2: go back to this woman conversation for a second. I

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Speaker 2: think it's so interesting that where you are raised and

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Speaker 2: it's still this way and society as women to think, Okay,

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Speaker 2: we're supposed to go out and we're supposed to find

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Speaker 2: this prince charming and la la la la la, and

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Speaker 2: this stupid fairy tale notion that is so it's a charade. Basically,

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Speaker 2: you know that doesn't exist. And you've been married three times, right,

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Speaker 2: three times, not more than that, And you've had multiple lovers,

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Speaker 2: You've had multiple relationships. And one of the things that

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Speaker 2: I admire about you is your ability to I feel

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Speaker 2: like you always knew there is no prince charming or

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Speaker 2: one true love, that their life is about having many

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Speaker 2: loves and having many different people in your lives, men

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Speaker 2: and women alike. You know, whether it's a sexual relationship

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Speaker 2: or not. There are soulmates that come in every form.

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Speaker 2: So I guess I mean all of your marriages. I'm

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Speaker 2: sure we're very impactful on you. But what do you

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Speaker 2: think the most meaningful relationship or one of the most

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Speaker 2: meaningful and informative relationships. You've had all of them, and

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Speaker 2: I did.

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Speaker 5: I believed that this was going to be forever every

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Speaker 5: single time. This is it, this is the one. He's

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Speaker 5: not at all like my dad, This is going to work,

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Speaker 5: this will be great. Turns out they were all similar,

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Speaker 5: even though they all looked different and acted different and

359
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Speaker 5: had different socioeconomic places in the world, but they all

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Speaker 5: shared one thing in common. They were incapable of showing

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Speaker 5: up in an intimate relationship, and so was I, and

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Speaker 5: so I chose unconsciously chose men who weren't going to say,

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Speaker 5: come on, Vanda, come on, show up. I want you

364
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Speaker 5: here right now. I was too scared, and so it

365
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,960
Speaker 5: was very convenient for all parties. And I really thought

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Speaker 5: that they were all going to be the one.

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Speaker 2: And now when you think about that, do you think

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Speaker 2: that you ever found the one?

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Speaker 5: No time I go back through my life trying to

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Speaker 5: see did the one show up? Did he enter my

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Speaker 5: space and I just got scared and fled? I think

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Speaker 5: probably that happened. I don't know who it was though,

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Speaker 5: but I wouldn't have been able to do that. I

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Speaker 5: think that I could probably now have that kind of relationship,

375
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Speaker 5: but I don't want it anymore.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because now you know what your purpose is.

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Speaker 5: Right, It was all about I mean, I guess my

378
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Speaker 5: kids are right, I am a narcissist. They think I am,

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Speaker 5: and I guess I am. I'm not a but there's

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Speaker 5: you know, it's like I'm on the spectrum of narcissism.

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Speaker 2: Their activism outweighs your narcissism. Whether those two feed off

382
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Speaker 2: of each other as a separate story. It was something

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Speaker 2: that you said in your book, which I loved, because

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Speaker 2: there's so many great things that Jane Fonda's autobiography, but

385
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Speaker 2: one of the things that I always suck out to me.

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Speaker 2: You said that your father never brought home joy from

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Speaker 2: his career, right, that you never saw him be joyful

388
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Speaker 2: about being an actor and portraying all of these characters.

389
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Speaker 2: Do you get joy from acting?

390
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Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, I do?

391
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Speaker 2: And did you always?

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Speaker 5: No? No? Before I sort of came full circle and

393
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,159
Speaker 5: became who I was meant to be, I didn't. But

394
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Speaker 5: when I started having agency over my career, yeah I did.

395
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Speaker 5: There is something truly glorious about being invited to enter

396
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Speaker 5: another human being because to do it you have to

397
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Speaker 5: have empathy. So it's a career that builds up your empathy,

398
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Speaker 5: and then kind of digging is like being an archaeologist,

399
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Speaker 5: also finding out about this who is this person and

400
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Speaker 5: why are they there and all of that. It's just

401
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,960
Speaker 5: I find great joy in it, and not that every

402
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 5: day is great. Often you come home really really tired

403
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,920
Speaker 5: and angry. But most of the time I really do

404
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:04,199
Speaker 5: get joining it. But see, my dad suffered as a

405
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,880
Speaker 5: lot of dads did in that era, and he came

406
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:12,119
Speaker 5: from Nebraska and people didn't ask for help. Gods still don't.

407
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:13,920
Speaker 5: I think it's why they don't live as long as

408
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 5: we do, five years less on average, used to be more.

409
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:21,719
Speaker 5: He never he suffered from undiagnosed depression, you know. I mean,

410
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,560
Speaker 5: if he'd taken prozac, our lives would have been totally different.

411
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:28,119
Speaker 5: But I've worked on the depression. So I'm I'm you know,

412
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Speaker 5: I think I'm the first person in my family who's

413
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Speaker 5: not depressed.

414
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,560
Speaker 2: Well, what was your pivotal moment in your life where

415
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,119
Speaker 2: you were able to actually tackle your issues and your

416
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 2: emotions and all of that.

417
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Speaker 5: I don't think it goes like that. I think it's

418
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Speaker 5: I think it's a process that happened. You know. It's

419
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:48,800
Speaker 5: like you'll realize something, like I realized something when I

420
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,480
Speaker 5: met these women that were different than other women I'd

421
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,160
Speaker 5: ever met in nineteen seventy when I became an activist,

422
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:58,480
Speaker 5: and so it's like a realization like a bee kind

423
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 5: of humming around, but it doesn't ever, kind of like

424
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 5: you don't change, but you've learned something. Then you enter

425
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 5: something else and you change. I learned something all the time.

426
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Speaker 5: I'm always that's one of my superpowers that I may

427
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:19,080
Speaker 5: be narcissistic, but I'm also really really curious. I'm very

428
00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 5: interested in people, and so I just learn all the time,

429
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 5: and then gradually the learning bills up and you realize, oh,

430
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,919
Speaker 5: I'm different. You know a little bit of therapy, the meditation,

431
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 5: the different husbands that I learned each from each of them.

432
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,639
Speaker 5: I think, though, that I learned the most from my

433
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:42,679
Speaker 5: women friends. I make a point of having women friends

434
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 5: that are smarter, braver, more strategic. And this is important, younger. See,

435
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 5: when I die, I want to have friends that are slive,

436
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,879
Speaker 5: that can speak at my memorial put.

437
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,399
Speaker 2: It that way, that can eulogize you, yeah, and be

438
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,399
Speaker 2: at my bedside and give me hope.

439
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 5: And I don't know, I don't know. I just I

440
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 5: want love around me when I died. When you're my age, Chelsea,

441
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,479
Speaker 5: you think a lot about dying, and not that we

442
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,120
Speaker 5: can know when it's going to happen. But it's good

443
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,280
Speaker 5: to envision how you want it to be, because then

444
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 5: between now and then you have to earn it. You know,

445
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,200
Speaker 5: if I want to have women friends holding my hand

446
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:25,000
Speaker 5: when I die, I've got to earn their friendship. And

447
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,959
Speaker 5: by the way, you know, who I'm becoming friends with,

448
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 5: who I just adore, is your friend, Connie Britton. Ah, yeah, best,

449
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 5: she's a good broad.

450
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, we've been to your house together before, Connie.

451
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 5: I know, I remember when I had one of my

452
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 5: joints replaced. I'm almost finished almost all my major joints

453
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,159
Speaker 5: and I've been replaced. You were there for one of

454
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 5: my hips.

455
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:49,880
Speaker 3: I was.

456
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,880
Speaker 2: We were, we were, We came over and Connie told

457
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 2: you some story. I can't remember what it was, but

458
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 2: it was like we left there and she goes, why

459
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 2: did I tell Jane that story? And I'm like, actually,

460
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 2: I don't know. It was about someoney, her father not

461
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,440
Speaker 2: liking you or not approving of your protesting of the

462
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,719
Speaker 2: Vietnam War. And she was like, yeah, my dad hated you.

463
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 2: And we're like, she goes, why did I say that

464
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 2: to Jane Fouda. I'm like, I don't know, why did

465
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:13,440
Speaker 2: you say.

466
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:14,919
Speaker 5: That that to me all the time?

467
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,320
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, First of all, what do you think happens

468
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 2: when you die? What do you believe?

469
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:25,160
Speaker 5: I am not sure. Part of me knows that nothing happens.

470
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 5: That we exist as a memory, but that's energy. We

471
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,199
Speaker 5: exist as an energy that I guess that's that's what

472
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 5: I think about it. But you know, I have gone

473
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 5: to channelers who have brought me messages from my father

474
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 5: and mother, and they've met a lot to me.

475
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:46,160
Speaker 2: So I don't know, when you look back at your life,

476
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,520
Speaker 2: like what are your proudest moments.

477
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:53,400
Speaker 5: There's no moment. What I'm proud of is that I've

478
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 5: made something of myself, that I made something of my life.

479
00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:01,679
Speaker 5: You know, I floundered for so long and toyed with

480
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 5: suicide and all of that, because there's been suicide all

481
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 5: around me in my life, and as I said, everybody's

482
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 5: so depressed in my family. But I'm resilient and I'm

483
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 5: proud that I didn't succumb to any of the depressions

484
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 5: and that I've that I've I've learned and grown in

485
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 5: my life. That's what I'm most proud of.

486
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think resiliency is the key ingredient as women.

487
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:30,919
Speaker 2: I feel like we have it in droves and we

488
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 2: don't know we have it until we need it the most.

489
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:37,199
Speaker 5: That's why it's the most wonderful, mysterious thing. You know,

490
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:41,639
Speaker 5: I really can't figure out this thing about resilience, Chelsea.

491
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 5: My brother was two years younger than me. We both

492
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,919
Speaker 5: came from the same mother and father. Two years apart.

493
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 5: That's not a lot same more or less historical moment

494
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 5: in time. And I was resilient and he wasn't. And

495
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:57,120
Speaker 5: why I don't you know who knows. My therapist used

496
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,639
Speaker 5: to say, she thinks that it's you come into life

497
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,159
Speaker 5: with it. Either you have it or you don't. And

498
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 5: she can tell right away when a patient walks in

499
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,239
Speaker 5: if they have resilience or not. And for me, what

500
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 5: resilience is like, you know, it's like when I was young,

501
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 5: you know, it was not a happy household, and my

502
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 5: dad was always away and my mother suffered from mental

503
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 5: health issues. And this is how I describe it now.

504
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 5: It's like I was always scanning the horizon like an

505
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:28,480
Speaker 5: infrared laser beam, and any warm human body that could

506
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:32,160
Speaker 5: possibly love me or teach me something, I would glom onto.

507
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 5: And it was always the mothers of my girlfriends, And

508
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:40,560
Speaker 5: I learned from those mothers. Someone who lacks resilience can

509
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 5: be surrounded by love and they can't metabolize it, they

510
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,639
Speaker 5: can't take it in and own it. I don't know

511
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 5: if if you can be born without resilience and then

512
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 5: learn to become I don't think so. I think you

513
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 5: either have it or you don't. Are you resilient? I

514
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:55,919
Speaker 5: think you are.

515
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, I think I'm resilient. And we were talking

516
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 2: about this last night at my dinner actually with my

517
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 2: three girlfriends. I like to go around the table and

518
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 2: say like, Okay, let's all say something we're grateful for

519
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,680
Speaker 2: that's not sitting right here, you know, let's remind ourselves.

520
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 2: And after everyone said their thing, I said, Okay, this

521
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 2: is to resilience, Like that's our toast tonight. So I

522
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,640
Speaker 2: think that I do believe you can cultivate resilience, because

523
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,440
Speaker 2: I don't think you know you're resilient until something bad

524
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,959
Speaker 2: happens and you bounce back and pick yourself up, and

525
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,680
Speaker 2: then when it happens repeatedly, you get stronger and stronger

526
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 2: at knowing that you can get through something, that it's

527
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,560
Speaker 2: not the end of you, that it doesn't have to

528
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 2: lay you out, and even if you get laid out,

529
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 2: you get back up. So I do think you can

530
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 2: cultivate it to a degree. I wonder what you would

531
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 2: say about when you are in this moment in your

532
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:51,240
Speaker 2: life present day, when things are overwhelming and they're so

533
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 2: stressful and things aren't going your way, Like what is

534
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 2: your tool to coping and to breathing and getting yourself

535
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 2: like regular.

536
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:04,400
Speaker 5: Leading activism is what does it for me. It's when

537
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 5: I know that I'm doing everything in my power too.

538
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 5: And right now, the focus is the climate crisis, because

539
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 5: that's existential. I mean, everything I care about in the

540
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,680
Speaker 5: world is going to fall apart if we don't address

541
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 5: the climate crisis. And so if I'm doing so, if

542
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:26,120
Speaker 5: I was going to splinter and fracture and go down

543
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 5: a rabbit hole, it would be around that issue of

544
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 5: the climate crisis. And I'm doing everything in my human

545
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 5: power about it. It keeps me stable and feet on

546
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:36,680
Speaker 5: the ground.

547
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you are doing everything she does Fire drove

548
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 2: Fridays in DC all the time. She's constantly getting arrested,

549
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,360
Speaker 2: and you're always yes, and you're I'm going to see

550
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 2: you for your next event. I'm finally going to be

551
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 2: in town. I'm coming home for it. I will be

552
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,639
Speaker 2: there with bells on. But your activism, it's just so

553
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 2: inspiring for all of us. I mean, you're a legend

554
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 2: and everything you do, I know when doing something and

555
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,840
Speaker 2: you're behind something that it's the right thing to be behind.

556
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 2: And obviously the climate is you know, the most obvious

557
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:10,919
Speaker 2: thing to get behind. But your indefatigable attitude has an

558
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 2: impact on all of us because we all talk about it.

559
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 5: That's the value of being famous, you know. And it's

560
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 5: the value of me having seven years as Grace and Frankie,

561
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 5: because I can tell you that activism prior to Grayson

562
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 5: Frankie was not as easy. When you have a hit

563
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:31,440
Speaker 5: series behind your back, it becomes a lot, a lot easier.

564
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 5: But prior to Fire Drilled Fridays, I was still I

565
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 5: was an activist, but it was intermittent, and I knew

566
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:42,160
Speaker 5: I wasn't really using my platform. And I realized when

567
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 5: I started to really step it up that when you're famous,

568
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 5: you know, other people say, well, God, if she can

569
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 5: do it, I can do it. I turned eighty two

570
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 5: in jail, and that was very important because people thought,

571
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 5: oh my god, you know I heard recently. It made

572
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:03,720
Speaker 5: me really think about things. I had a friend who

573
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 5: had a husband who did not like me, very anti Hanoi,

574
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 5: Jane and pro war. But when I went to Vietnam,

575
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 5: this guy said to his son, God, if Jane Fonda

576
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:18,719
Speaker 5: is going over there, there must be something really wrong.

577
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 5: And that really struck me because you know, we can't

578
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 5: really change what needs to be changed as individuals, but still,

579
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 5: as individuals, we can make people think twice and think

580
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 5: about joining us. And I like that idea. God, if

581
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 5: she's doing it, there must be something really wrong because

582
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 5: she doesn't have to be doing that. That's why it's

583
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 5: so important what we do, you know. And the other

584
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 5: thing that's so great is that I meet people I

585
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 5: normally never would have met that are so great and

586
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 5: I can carry them with me in my heart as

587
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 5: I go forward, you know, and especially young indigenous women,

588
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,480
Speaker 5: Oh my god, they're so fierce in the HAPs, such

589
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:03,320
Speaker 5: an interesting sense of humor and brave. And I am

590
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 5: just so surrounded by people who are so brave and

591
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 5: have nothing, nothing, and they just stand up and fight.

592
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 5: It's just so moving and important.

593
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 2: It's so true when you say that, you know, people

594
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 2: say that they throw that brave word around, and I

595
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,280
Speaker 2: hear that a lot, and I'm like, you don't, that's

596
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 2: this isn't brave. This is being you're true to your personality.

597
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:32,120
Speaker 2: Bravery is that, you know, is when you have nothing

598
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 2: and you're able to stand up and you're able to

599
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 2: go and fight for something. You believe in when you

600
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 2: have everything to lose, that's bravery.

601
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 5: Have you ever seen like a movie or a documentary

602
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,959
Speaker 5: about people who have really stood up and been brave?

603
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 5: Right now, the next six years of this decade, this

604
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 5: is our documentary moment, and the question is can we

605
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 5: will we step up and be as brave as the

606
00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,480
Speaker 5: people in the past who have made a real difference

607
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 5: in human history. This is our documentary.

608
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 2: Moment, don't you think about I mean, I'm sure you've

609
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 2: spoken to al Gore, but what he did was brave,

610
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 2: you know, bringing that to our attention, thinking, oh my god,

611
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell everybody what's going to happen. I'm

612
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 2: going to tell everybody what's about to happen. He went

613
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 2: and did the work and did the research, only to

614
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 2: be ignored. It's unimaginable what he did, you know, and

615
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 2: him looking back at that time, that could have been

616
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:32,120
Speaker 2: the turning point for our whole world, and yet we

617
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 2: denied it. We turned into climate deniers, not we, but

618
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 2: you know Republicans.

619
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 5: But then what does he do? See he doesn't give up.

620
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 5: He then switches tactics. Okay, it doesn't work to just

621
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 5: give people the information, So I'm going to train people

622
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 5: to become organizers around climate and he's trained eighteen thousand

623
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 5: or more people all around the world. He just shifted strategies.

624
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:00,080
Speaker 5: You know, in the beginning, we thought, holy shit, we

625
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 5: heard what the science was saying. We thought, if we

626
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 5: tell elected officials what the science is saying, they're going

627
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 5: to say holy shit, and they're going to start doing something.

628
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 5: And then we discovered that wasn't true. Why because they

629
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 5: take money from the fossil fuel industry and so so

630
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 5: we have to do it differently. We have to you know,

631
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 5: that's why I started the Jane Fonda Climate Pack, because

632
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 5: we have to change the people in Congress. So when

633
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 5: they hear the science, they're going to want to do something.

634
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 5: Then we have to get unprecedented numbers of people outside

635
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 5: protesting and then change. If you can't change the people,

636
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 5: change the people. We're changing the people. And so we'll

637
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 5: get it from both ends, right outside and inside.

638
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 2: Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going

639
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 2: to be right back, and we're back with Jane Fonda. So, Jane,

640
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 2: this podcast it's called Dear Chelsea. So we give advice

641
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 2: to actual, real people and I really couldn't deny anyone

642
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 2: getting advice from you because this is a once in

643
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 2: a life time opportunity. So, Catherine, what do we have

644
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:03,959
Speaker 2: in store?

645
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: Oh, we have some juicy things in the store. Chelsea, Jane,

646
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 1: are you ready? Are you ready for this?

647
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 5: Ready?

648
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 1: Jen says, Dear Chelsea, I need some advice from you

649
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,760
Speaker 1: in regards to navigating relating to guys and how they

650
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 1: see you. I'm a full time single mom, an ex

651
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 1: exotic dancer now, a business owner of a lap dance

652
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 1: class studio, and a part time college student with not

653
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 1: much support system. It's been quite challenging meeting men who

654
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 1: are secure enough not to judge me on my ex

655
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 1: stripper past and my current business owner context. I either

656
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 1: get dumbed down, fetishized, or treated like I'm a whore

657
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 1: when I haven't even been sexually active in over six years.

658
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 1: I'd love to change that, and I don't believe there's

659
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 1: anything wrong with being any kind of sex worker either.

660
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 1: I'm very optimistic, goal oriented, and I've overcome a lot

661
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 1: on my own, so I'd like to continue to find

662
00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:01,520
Speaker 1: ways to overcome these obstacles. But Girl, I'm tired. Help Jen.

663
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 5: Well, Well, she's absolutely right that sex work should not

664
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,880
Speaker 5: be looked at pejoratively. Women do it when they.

665
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:11,359
Speaker 3: Have to do it.

666
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 5: I've never gone on one, but I think dating apps

667
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,520
Speaker 5: might be a good solution. Clearly, the circle that she's

668
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 5: in is not the circle that she's looking for, so

669
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 5: she's got to get out of her circle and meet

670
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,319
Speaker 5: new people. She can either go to AA. I don't

671
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 5: know what her situation, but how do you meet new

672
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 5: people nowadays? Dat apps? It wasn't in existence when I

673
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,760
Speaker 5: was young, but that's what I would do to meet

674
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 5: new kinds of people. What do you think, Chelse?

675
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 2: I would say, yes, of course, do dating apps. Do

676
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 2: whatever you want to do to find a man. But

677
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 2: I would also say double down on your confidence in

678
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 2: your job and what you're doing, and you don't have

679
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,960
Speaker 2: to explain to men anything about it, Like if they

680
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 2: don't get it, then great, they're out and you're closer

681
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,759
Speaker 2: to finding the person that does understand. Because there are

682
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 2: men out there that are sophistic enough to understand what

683
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:06,200
Speaker 2: sex work actually means and that it isn't something to

684
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:09,360
Speaker 2: be ridiculed or to be judged, that it's actually a

685
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,080
Speaker 2: way that a lot of people make a living by

686
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 2: choice and that should be respected. So I would never

687
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 2: try to appeal to a man because you want them

688
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 2: to like that's their own problem, that's not your problem.

689
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 2: Nothing you're doing is wrong, and it's a great way

690
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,279
Speaker 2: to weed out people that don't get it. Just don't

691
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 2: give up like you're going to find a guy that's

692
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 2: going to get it. There's millions of men out there,

693
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 2: you know, So just I don't like changing our story

694
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:37,319
Speaker 2: to appeal to men. I don't like wo men to

695
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 2: think that, and I don't like to act like that.

696
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 2: So I would say, stick to your guns and have

697
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 2: honor in what you do and be proud. We're all

698
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 2: big kids now, Like this isn't something that should be

699
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,759
Speaker 2: so shameful that she has to hide or feel bad about.

700
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 2: You should feel proud of what you're doing and proud

701
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 2: of your accomplishments. And any guy worth his salt is

702
00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 2: going to understand that. And fuck all of the rest,

703
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,400
Speaker 2: Like I know, so it's easier, and yeah, get on

704
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 2: all the dating apps, you know, But I don't know.

705
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 2: I don't have a problem with that, and I have

706
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 2: a bigger problem with pretending great.

707
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 3: Well.

708
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:14,080
Speaker 1: Our next caller, Sabrina says, Dear Chelsea. My mom doesn't text,

709
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 1: and she doesn't even really use a cell phone. A

710
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,319
Speaker 1: couple of years ago, my dad sent me a non

711
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:24,320
Speaker 1: photo sext message on accident, obviously not meant for my mother.

712
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:27,880
Speaker 1: I lit into him, but ultimately forgave him after a

713
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,799
Speaker 1: few months and kept his little indiscretion between the two

714
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 1: of us. He had his own justifications and apologies, and

715
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: I just eventually let it go. Then the other night,

716
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 1: my dad and I were texting and he sent me

717
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,719
Speaker 1: yet another message. It was not quite a sext, but

718
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 1: it was pretty risk gay, and yet again obviously not

719
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,760
Speaker 1: for my mom. He and my mom have been married

720
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 1: for forty plus years, and I don't know what to do.

721
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 1: Do I tell her, do I tell my brother? Do

722
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:57,360
Speaker 1: I keep this to myself? I already expressed my anger

723
00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 1: and disappointment to my dad, and I've asked him to

724
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 1: no longer text me. Ever, I feel numb and just

725
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:04,799
Speaker 1: do not know what to do. I don't think I

726
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:10,279
Speaker 1: have the capacity to forgive this again. Sabrina, Hi, Sabrina, Hi,

727
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 1: how are you? Hi?

728
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 2: You're so lucky. Guess who our guests today is? Jane Fonda.

729
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 3: I am absolutely in awe. I cannot believe it.

730
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 5: Well, this is a cone from something similar happened to me,

731
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 5: but it wasn't between mother and father. But do you

732
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 5: have any idea whether your mother is happy in the marriage.

733
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:34,319
Speaker 6: They've been married over forty years. It seems to me

734
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:37,320
Speaker 6: to be a very business sort of marriage. They married

735
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 6: at the time when they each had something they were seeking,

736
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 6: and I don't know if that's still what they're seeking.

737
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:47,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, what I would do is have a conversation with

738
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:51,280
Speaker 5: your mother, but you know, just make it very casual,

739
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 5: but try to find out how she feels about the marriage.

740
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 5: I mean, if you get a sense that being in

741
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 5: the marriage is her foundation, that it is absolutely essential

742
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 5: to her being able to get along in life, then

743
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 5: I wouldn't tell her if she's ever considered killing him,

744
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 5: if she's ever considered, No, I always knew that my

745
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 5: marriages were about to end, because I would fantasize about

746
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:20,799
Speaker 5: his funeral. Oh wow, And maybe she does that. But

747
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 5: if she's kind of thought, God, I'd kind of like

748
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 5: to be alone now, then maybe she should know that

749
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:30,840
Speaker 5: his head is somewhere else. I mean, the primary concern

750
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:34,760
Speaker 5: I think is for her, Yes, after forty five years,

751
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 5: if she is totally dependent on him and would be

752
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:40,640
Speaker 5: completely unhappy in adrift. If he wasn't there, then I

753
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 5: wouldn't tell her and just let it continue. Why I

754
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:45,439
Speaker 5: rocked the boat after forty five years. But if she's

755
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 5: not and she's just there because that's life, then why

756
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 5: not help her to understand that he's not. It's interesting

757
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 5: to me. You said you told him, don't send these

758
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,279
Speaker 5: to me anymore. Did he send them to you on

759
00:38:58,360 --> 00:38:59,800
Speaker 5: purpose or was it an accident?

760
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:01,640
Speaker 6: It seemed to be an accent. We are in the

761
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:04,719
Speaker 6: middle of texting and I just got a message through

762
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 6: that was clearly meant for someone else.

763
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,760
Speaker 2: And does he think so? You said your mom doesn't text,

764
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 2: so you know that it's not directed towards her, right

765
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 2: Is that?

766
00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:13,879
Speaker 5: Oh?

767
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, she doesn't. She has a flip phone for

768
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 3: emergencies that she keeps in the car. She doesn't text

769
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 3: at all.

770
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:24,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can conjecture that your mother probably doesn't give

771
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 2: a shit what he's up to, you know what I mean? Like,

772
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 2: it's if they've been married that long and she's probably

773
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:33,319
Speaker 2: and he's up to that, she's probably slightly checked out.

774
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 2: So I agree with Jane completely, Like get the temperature,

775
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:40,480
Speaker 2: and then I always want to show up for women, always,

776
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 2: mother's daughter, sisters, any woman. I want them to know

777
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 2: the truth and then make their own decision. I don't

778
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:47,040
Speaker 2: ever want to make a decision for and I think

779
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 2: that's the trouble with men is that they think they

780
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 2: can make our decisions for us by not being honest

781
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 2: and upfront. It's like, okay, you want up sex with

782
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 2: other women, great, tell me, and then if I decide

783
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:58,880
Speaker 2: I'm okay with that, then I'm okay with that. But

784
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 2: you don't get to make the decision for me. So

785
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,760
Speaker 2: I would get the temperature, and then I would always

786
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 2: err on the side of being truthful. Unless you think

787
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 2: your mom is in a position that she she just

788
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 2: can't bear to hear it or handle it.

789
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:15,320
Speaker 6: No, I definitely think she's strong. She's the fiery one,

790
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,799
Speaker 6: so she's definitely like the louder out of the two.

791
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 5: Right. She Alsea used the word checked out. Do you

792
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:22,839
Speaker 5: think she's checked out?

793
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 6: I think she's exasperated there at the point where she

794
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 6: vents a lot to me about things that he does

795
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 6: that irritate her day to day things. They both live

796
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 6: together and work together, so they are together all the

797
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:39,319
Speaker 6: time and I can see the strain.

798
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:41,000
Speaker 2: And what can you can you share?

799
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 5: What the like?

800
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:42,839
Speaker 2: The text message was.

801
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 6: The first text message it was it was not a photo,

802
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 6: but it was a sexual message. It was what my

803
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:51,720
Speaker 6: dad would like to do to someone as they're watching

804
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:55,240
Speaker 6: the sunset basically, which was just the light fulter sieve

805
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 6: as you can imagine. And then the next one was

806
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,720
Speaker 6: more him calling someone babe and say I'm really enjoying

807
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:02,640
Speaker 6: my time with you, babe, and this and that babe,

808
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,160
Speaker 6: and I was like, oh no, now's he's that guy

809
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 6: and dad's that guy?

810
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, and actively having an affair. It sounds like, yeah,

811
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,839
Speaker 2: I think you have to go to your mom. You're

812
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:13,360
Speaker 2: her daughter.

813
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, she's very much an act first type of mom,

814
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 6: which was sort of my hesitation with but I hate

815
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 6: keeping it from her.

816
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:21,840
Speaker 3: We're so close.

817
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're not your father's secret keeper, like you

818
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 2: don't owe him anything. He fucked up, not once, but twice,

819
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:31,440
Speaker 2: so you know, like all bets are off. Maybe one

820
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 2: time you could be like okay, I'll look away, but

821
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:36,360
Speaker 2: not twice, Like how many times is he going to do?

822
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,720
Speaker 2: You know? That's just icky because now you're involved in this.

823
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:43,799
Speaker 5: And if she is venting to you about her feelings

824
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:47,359
Speaker 5: and her dissatisfactions and stuff. Then that shows you right

825
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 5: there that I thought maybe she was a sort of

826
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 5: a meek housewife that you know, wouldn't be able to

827
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:56,239
Speaker 5: tolerate not being able to be with a guy. You know,

828
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 5: some women just have to be with a guy no

829
00:41:58,120 --> 00:41:58,520
Speaker 5: matter what.

830
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,800
Speaker 3: How old is she she's seventy seven.

831
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 5: Oh, she's ten years younger than me, and she could

832
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:08,520
Speaker 5: start another Has she ever had another relationship?

833
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 3: Do you think?

834
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 1: No?

835
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 3: Not as far as I know.

836
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 2: I mean, Jane, is that something you think you would

837
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 2: want to know if you were that age married to

838
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 2: someone for that long.

839
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 5: I would have wanted to know. Yeah, but I know

840
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,440
Speaker 5: there's some women that wouldn't. But I would have wanted

841
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 5: to know. And when you said that she's you described her,

842
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 5: it sounds like she's somebody who probably would want to know.

843
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 3: I think she definitely would.

844
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 5: Yeah.

845
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:33,600
Speaker 1: Is there a way that you'd advise to approach that

846
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:34,359
Speaker 1: topic with her?

847
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 6: I know we have to have a conversation coming up

848
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 6: because there's a holiday coming up that my parents want

849
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:41,279
Speaker 6: to visit for and I'm uncomfortable being.

850
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 3: Around my dad.

851
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 6: I think if I just start by telling her, I

852
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 6: don't I'm not comfortable being around him.

853
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 3: That would open the door.

854
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:52,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's right. I think you should do that. Yeah,

855
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:55,400
Speaker 2: because listen, you would want someone to do that for you,

856
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:55,920
Speaker 2: wouldn't you.

857
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:57,880
Speaker 3: Absolutely yes, I would want to know.

858
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so what she's seventy seven, and like that's

859
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,880
Speaker 2: not a way to judge the situation, you know, like, oh,

860
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:07,000
Speaker 2: that's like discounting someone because of their age is not

861
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 2: right either, Oh they've been married forty five years. Who cares?

862
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 2: Like that's not the right way to look at it,

863
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 2: And that's not how you're looking at it. But I'm

864
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,160
Speaker 2: sure a lot of our listeners are going, what's the point.

865
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:18,640
Speaker 2: It's like, what do you mean? No, every person's like,

866
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 2: she could go on and be happy. Yeah, Jane has

867
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 2: closed Chop up at eighty six. She's closing shop up

868
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:30,319
Speaker 2: and yeah, so she has another nine good years left business.

869
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 5: But no, I actually ten years ago, it's been ten

870
00:43:34,719 --> 00:43:39,680
Speaker 5: years I was mother's age when I decided that's it.

871
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 2: Well, maybe she'll maybe she'll follow suit, she'll close shop

872
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:45,359
Speaker 2: up too.

873
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean I would encourage you to maybe see

874
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:49,879
Speaker 1: if there's a way that your mom could just come

875
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,440
Speaker 1: and visit you by herself, and so you guys can

876
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 1: have some time alone without dad and talked with them.

877
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:57,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good idea.

878
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 2: Well, okay, report back, keep in touch and let us

879
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:01,760
Speaker 2: know how that goes.

880
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:03,799
Speaker 3: Okay, we'll do okay, thank you so.

881
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in, Sarena.

882
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:06,880
Speaker 5: We'll have to run our hearts.

883
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:08,160
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.

884
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 2: Take care. What is should he feeling to have that burden?

885
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:15,400
Speaker 2: You know, like you have to break some bad news

886
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 2: to your own parent.

887
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:20,000
Speaker 1: I know that's rough. I wonder if the dad is

888
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:22,720
Speaker 1: kind of just being creepy on the internet and accidentally texted,

889
00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 1: but like, no, this is really like a relationship situation

890
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:26,160
Speaker 1: that's happening.

891
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, but why does he keep accidentally texting his daughter? Like,

892
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:29,719
Speaker 2: what's wrong with him?

893
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:30,560
Speaker 1: Good question?

894
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:33,520
Speaker 2: He should be offline too, like his wife.

895
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe she should just get him a flip phone.

896
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:40,360
Speaker 1: All right. Well, our next caller is Aubrey. She is

897
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 1: twenty nine. Dear Chelsea. After seven years together and just

898
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 1: four months of marriage, my husband came to me asking

899
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 1: for a divorce. We've had financial issues for a while,

900
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:53,800
Speaker 1: but I thought we still had the love. He'd recently

901
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:56,799
Speaker 1: started to grow silently resentful of our situation, and in

902
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:58,960
Speaker 1: the process says he fell out of love with me.

903
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 1: He said that he had the foresight to end things

904
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:04,239
Speaker 1: before children were involved, or before we lost any more

905
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 1: time to a loveless marriage. He says he still genuinely

906
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,799
Speaker 1: cares for me, which makes this very hard. It's not

907
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 1: an angry and loud situation. It's civil and just very sad.

908
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 1: So I made a scary decision to get an apartment

909
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:17,200
Speaker 1: on my own.

910
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 2: He thinks we'll be.

911
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 1: Friends one day because we get along so well and

912
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 1: are such great communicators. Whether that's true or not. Right now,

913
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 1: I need distance from him so I can fall out

914
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:28,719
Speaker 1: of love. I'm looking for advice on how to be

915
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 1: okay and how to move on. I've never lived on

916
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:33,759
Speaker 1: my own before, and I haven't been single since I

917
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 1: met him in college when I was twenty one. Additionally,

918
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: our spark fizzled and he grew less attracted to me,

919
00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:41,400
Speaker 1: and I just don't feel the least bit sexy or

920
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 1: desirable anymore. I'm about to turn twenty nine, and I

921
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 1: know I have so much ahead. How do I come

922
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 1: into my own as my own independent woman? Thanks Aubrey

923
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 1: Hi Aubrey.

924
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 2: Hi, Hi, say hello to Jane Fonda.

925
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 5: Hi, all reason, Hi tells him, Jane, it's so nice

926
00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:00,719
Speaker 5: to meet both of you.

927
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:02,720
Speaker 2: Well, Jane has been married three times.

928
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:06,400
Speaker 5: It's happening. This is happening at the right time. This

929
00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 5: is good. You're young. It's good to get the first

930
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:12,240
Speaker 5: one like this out of the way. You've been married,

931
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:12,920
Speaker 5: what four years?

932
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:13,320
Speaker 3: You said?

933
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 4: Four months together?

934
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 5: Seven years? Four months? Yeah, Well, it's too bad it

935
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 5: didn't it didn't happen before the marrior. But no, but

936
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 5: no big deal. I mean, I think you got lucky.

937
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have to say, like, be grateful. Yeah, Like

938
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,600
Speaker 2: I know, it's hard to find gratitude in the dark

939
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:34,840
Speaker 2: sometimes because you might feel like you're in the dark.

940
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 2: You're young, you're lovely, you have your whole future ahead

941
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 2: of you. Thank god, you didn't waste another minute with

942
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:44,000
Speaker 2: this guy, and thank god he was honest enough with you.

943
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:46,840
Speaker 2: Then staying in a marriage that wasn't going to be

944
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:49,279
Speaker 2: fruitful for him, and because it was the right thing

945
00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:51,239
Speaker 2: to do, you're going to want to thank him in

946
00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:53,920
Speaker 2: a few years. And you're not there yet. I understand

947
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 2: that you feel rejected, and you know, and all of

948
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 2: these things and you were let down the wrong road.

949
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:01,760
Speaker 2: But this guy is being really honest with you about

950
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:05,239
Speaker 2: his feelings, and that's something to be grateful for. You

951
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 2: know the truth. You know, you're not going to be together.

952
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 2: You're gonna recover, You're gonna be fine, and you're young,

953
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:13,880
Speaker 2: and you're gonna find somebody who does value you and

954
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 2: adores and loves you, and you just have to work

955
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,359
Speaker 2: through this pain and you have to, you know, talk

956
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:21,760
Speaker 2: to a therapist obviously. Do you have a therapist.

957
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:22,479
Speaker 1: Yeah.

958
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 4: I have been talking to a therapist actually since the

959
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 4: week everything really was going down. My biggest thing is

960
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,399
Speaker 4: like I've never been okay being single, and I think

961
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:32,000
Speaker 4: that was kind of like that was the scariest thing,

962
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:33,279
Speaker 4: Like I'm gonna be living on my own and just

963
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:35,279
Speaker 4: be single. I want to be okay being single. I

964
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:37,239
Speaker 4: want to I want to love that period. I don't

965
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:39,799
Speaker 4: want to be seeking someone anytime soon. I want to

966
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 4: just focus on me and be happy with that. So

967
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 4: I guess you're always someone that's no matter what state

968
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:47,600
Speaker 4: you're in, you always just come off with so strong.

969
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 2: Get into yourself, lean into yourself, and get to know yourself,

970
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 2: like I'm Jane's been divorced three times, and I would Jane,

971
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:57,359
Speaker 2: wouldn't you say every time you got divorce, you knew

972
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,839
Speaker 2: yourself better and you got to like closer to who

973
00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 2: you really are.

974
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:03,799
Speaker 5: Right, But it takes time. The first thing you have

975
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:08,880
Speaker 5: to do is really figure out the role you played

976
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:12,279
Speaker 5: in this. He calls it a loveless marriage. Did you

977
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:13,800
Speaker 5: see it as a loveless marriage?

978
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 4: I didn't, But in just a couple of weeks, just

979
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 4: hindsight is definitely seeing things well.

980
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:24,799
Speaker 5: I mean three marriages, they each ended slightly differently. But

981
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:27,880
Speaker 5: I always have to try to understand what was my

982
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 5: role in make it, in the fact that it didn't work,

983
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:33,560
Speaker 5: so that I don't repeat it. I did repeat it.

984
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:38,400
Speaker 5: I'm a slow learner in many ways. But that's the

985
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 5: main thing for you is you're going to go on

986
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 5: in life and you want to know what changes do

987
00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 5: you need to make and the way you approach relationships

988
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:50,680
Speaker 5: and the way you do relationships that led this one

989
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:53,880
Speaker 5: to not work. I mean, it's great you married somebody

990
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:56,400
Speaker 5: who is as forthright as he is. I agree with Chelsea.

991
00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 5: I mean I think it's I love the fact that

992
00:48:58,520 --> 00:48:59,880
Speaker 5: he was able to say this.

993
00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:02,400
Speaker 4: And that's almost what's made it so hard is that

994
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 4: you know he is such a good person, but knowing

995
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:07,080
Speaker 4: that he has saved us from a future if we

996
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:08,880
Speaker 4: had kids right now, I mean, I can't imagine.

997
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 5: How much bessy here would be.

998
00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:11,960
Speaker 1: So you know, it's sad, but it's not as messy.

999
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 5: Do you have any issues with alcohol or drugs or food?

1000
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:18,600
Speaker 4: No, I'm actually at a pretty good place with that

1001
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:20,840
Speaker 4: right now. But it's funny you asked, because that was

1002
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:22,600
Speaker 4: actually a big jumping point for this. He had stopped

1003
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 4: drinking back through the holidays. I stopped a little behind him,

1004
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:28,360
Speaker 4: but to support him, not for the same reasons he was.

1005
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:31,320
Speaker 4: That definitely was a component. We didn't have the issues

1006
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:33,759
Speaker 4: of drinking, but it was playing a factor of just

1007
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:35,960
Speaker 4: kind of numbing things that maybe we weren't talking about.

1008
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:38,600
Speaker 4: So when it was really just raw, I think is

1009
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:40,799
Speaker 4: when he really had that time. So how you're saying

1010
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:42,400
Speaker 4: I'm going to be thanking him in a couple of years,

1011
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:44,160
Speaker 4: I think that was something he didn't want to say

1012
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 4: but was hinting at And it's painful to hear. But

1013
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:49,080
Speaker 4: I'm only a couple of weeks out and already kind

1014
00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:52,360
Speaker 4: of feeling like, yeah, it was a hard but really

1015
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:53,479
Speaker 4: good thing.

1016
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:55,200
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1017
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:57,840
Speaker 5: I bet that you guys are going to remain friends

1018
00:49:57,880 --> 00:49:58,640
Speaker 5: for a long time.

1019
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:01,799
Speaker 2: Yeah. And you know, so this is a huge opportunity

1020
00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 2: for you. Like it, being heartbroken in this way and

1021
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 2: being kind of blindsided, so to speak, in this way

1022
00:50:10,320 --> 00:50:12,640
Speaker 2: is a great opportunity for you to really like get

1023
00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:15,000
Speaker 2: to know who you are. Now you get this time

1024
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 2: with yourself, which you've already elucidated, Like you've already said,

1025
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:21,600
Speaker 2: I'm looking forward to being this single person. And strength

1026
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 2: comes from knowing who you are. That's where you get

1027
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 2: strength from, from really finding out. And when you're with

1028
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:29,879
Speaker 2: somebody for seven years, anyone will say that you lose

1029
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:31,799
Speaker 2: a little bit of yourself when you're kind of in

1030
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 2: that relationship, right, you start to operate as a couple

1031
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:38,000
Speaker 2: and a pair rather than so independent. And so when

1032
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 2: you have this time, it's the most valuable time we

1033
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:42,960
Speaker 2: ever get, is the time that we sit and go, Okay,

1034
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:44,839
Speaker 2: I'm going to lean into me. I'm going to read

1035
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:47,960
Speaker 2: as many books as possible. I'm going to meditate, I'm

1036
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,760
Speaker 2: going to like you know, go to therapy and get clean,

1037
00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:53,640
Speaker 2: Like I want a clean slate, so that I'm going

1038
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:57,520
Speaker 2: into the next love relationship that I have as the

1039
00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:00,839
Speaker 2: best version of myself, because as we get older, we're

1040
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:03,239
Speaker 2: just getting better and better and better at being who

1041
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:06,640
Speaker 2: we are. And like, you have this whole clean slate

1042
00:51:06,719 --> 00:51:09,040
Speaker 2: that just kind of fell into your lap that you

1043
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:12,480
Speaker 2: didn't ask for, but now it's yours, and you're just

1044
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:15,160
Speaker 2: gonna grab it, like you grab a bowl by its

1045
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:18,000
Speaker 2: horns and be like, all right, I'm fucking ready, let's go.

1046
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:20,520
Speaker 2: I'm ready to find out who I really am and

1047
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:22,439
Speaker 2: what I have in store for me. Because your whole

1048
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:24,840
Speaker 2: life is ahead of you. So you are going to

1049
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:26,799
Speaker 2: be grateful to him, You're going to be thanking him,

1050
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:29,359
Speaker 2: and you probably will be friends with him, and those

1051
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 2: are all beautiful things.

1052
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:33,359
Speaker 5: Well said, Yeah, I totally agree with that.

1053
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm excited for you.

1054
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:35,760
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1055
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:37,840
Speaker 5: And you said you have a hard time being alone?

1056
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 5: Is that? Like I always had a hard time if

1057
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:44,319
Speaker 5: there wasn't an alpha male in my life, and for

1058
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,920
Speaker 5: years I always had a guy in my life. Now

1059
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 5: I have girls in my life. Do you have a

1060
00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:51,400
Speaker 5: lot of girlfriends?

1061
00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:54,879
Speaker 4: It's something I've been working on, and it was something

1062
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 4: even before this happened, I was aware of, like planning

1063
00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:57,480
Speaker 4: a wedding.

1064
00:51:57,480 --> 00:51:58,799
Speaker 1: It was really evident and how for.

1065
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:03,680
Speaker 4: You female friendships I had so definitely working on making

1066
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,200
Speaker 4: that a priority myself first and that next. I'm not

1067
00:52:06,239 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 4: looking for any kind of love relationship anytime soon, So

1068
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:10,440
Speaker 4: definitely looking for some girls.

1069
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, because girlfriends, if they're good girlfriends, they can also

1070
00:52:16,120 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 5: help you learn about yourself and you can learn from them.

1071
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's also another great way to know about

1072
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:25,200
Speaker 2: yourself and learn about yourself is to learn about what

1073
00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:27,640
Speaker 2: kind of friends you can be right. You know, when

1074
00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 2: you're in a relationship and you said you didn't have

1075
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:31,759
Speaker 2: a lot of friends, like that doesn't feel right for me.

1076
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:35,040
Speaker 2: For you know, for as a woman, you need women

1077
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,440
Speaker 2: around you. You need to be helping them and they

1078
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:40,560
Speaker 2: need to be there for you. And that reciprocity will

1079
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:43,799
Speaker 2: give you so much more than so many love relationships

1080
00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 2: provide when you're not with the right partner. So, yeah,

1081
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:50,439
Speaker 2: your future is bright, and be optimistic and just get

1082
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:53,759
Speaker 2: into your groove and enjoy your single dumb because it

1083
00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:55,960
Speaker 2: will not last forever. You will meet someone, you will

1084
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:58,319
Speaker 2: fall in love again, and you'll look back at this

1085
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 2: time and be like, oh my god, that it was

1086
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 2: so much fun.

1087
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:04,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, is there a daily affirmation that we can send

1088
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:07,560
Speaker 1: Aubrey away with to help rebuild confidence?

1089
00:53:07,640 --> 00:53:10,399
Speaker 2: And yeah, get after it girl. Wake up every morning

1090
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:12,880
Speaker 2: and look in the mirror and be like, get after it, girl,

1091
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 2: let's go.

1092
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 5: Yeah. I love that.

1093
00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:16,960
Speaker 3: Thank you.

1094
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:20,400
Speaker 2: You're so welcome. You're so welcome, and have the best time.

1095
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:24,080
Speaker 1: Thank you. Yes, check in with us in a few months, Okay, Aubrey,

1096
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 1: I will thank you so much.

1097
00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 2: You're so welcome. You know what this reminded me of, Jane.

1098
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:31,759
Speaker 2: I don't know if it was Ted Turner's book or

1099
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:34,840
Speaker 2: your book. You tell me when the breakup on the

1100
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:39,040
Speaker 2: plane when you guys, when he flew you to Atlanta,

1101
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:41,840
Speaker 2: or he was dropping you off right and he was

1102
00:53:41,880 --> 00:53:44,280
Speaker 2: picking up his girlfriend? Was that what happened?

1103
00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:47,759
Speaker 5: I got I went from his private plane to get

1104
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:51,080
Speaker 5: in my car, rented car to drive it to my

1105
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:54,320
Speaker 5: daughter's house because I was now a single woman after

1106
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:57,520
Speaker 5: a long long time. And I saw her leaving the

1107
00:53:57,560 --> 00:54:00,080
Speaker 5: hangar and going to I know she'd be sitting in

1108
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 5: my still warm seat. I knew who she was, and

1109
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 5: it was really really painful.

1110
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 2: Yeah. And if you can get through something like that,

1111
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:13,200
Speaker 2: I think you know you can get through anything. Because

1112
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:14,360
Speaker 2: that is heart wrenching.

1113
00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:17,839
Speaker 1: Well, let's take a quick break and we'll wrap up

1114
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 1: with one more quick question.

1115
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 2: Great, and we're back with Jane Fonda. Okay, what's our

1116
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:29,600
Speaker 2: last question? Catherine? This has been awesome.

1117
00:54:29,880 --> 00:54:34,120
Speaker 5: I didn't know that. You're like, dear Abby, is this

1118
00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:34,880
Speaker 5: always what you do?

1119
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:37,080
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, you know why I got so much out

1120
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:39,080
Speaker 2: of my sessions with Dan Siegel. I was like, I

1121
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:41,719
Speaker 2: gotta spread the love around. I was like, Oh, I

1122
00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:43,799
Speaker 2: know all the answers to all this shit, now let's

1123
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 2: do it. I started it as a kind of a joke,

1124
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:47,759
Speaker 2: but it got pretty serious quickly, so I'm just going

1125
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:48,080
Speaker 2: with it.

1126
00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:51,280
Speaker 1: But sure did well. Our last question comes from Misty.

1127
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:55,720
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea bottom line. First, my friend Jane is a loyal,

1128
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,200
Speaker 1: good person who would do anything for her friends. We're

1129
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:03,040
Speaker 1: both retired in our late sixties and very active with hiking, biking,

1130
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:06,520
Speaker 1: and essentially any outdoor activity. She visits me once or

1131
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 1: twice a year for about two weeks. Jane has always

1132
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 1: been a talker. Literally, on a ten mile hike, she

1133
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:15,839
Speaker 1: can talk the entire time, but lately her dissertations are

1134
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:19,600
Speaker 1: over the top about her life, dramas, her family, her neighbors, and,

1135
00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:23,480
Speaker 1: most prominently, her health history. When Jane talks about her health,

1136
00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:27,279
Speaker 1: she goes into excruciating details that have anyone with us

1137
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:30,520
Speaker 1: rolling their eyes. I'm having a very difficult time listening

1138
00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:32,880
Speaker 1: to the dramas over and over again. I feel like

1139
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:35,480
Speaker 1: the only conversations we can have are the senior citizen

1140
00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:40,760
Speaker 1: fixations on illness, medications, etc. You may not have experiences yet, Chelsea,

1141
00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:43,280
Speaker 1: but just hang around seventy plus year olds for a while.

1142
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:46,239
Speaker 1: There seems to be nothing else to talk about. I

1143
00:55:46,239 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 1: feel like I only have two options to deal with

1144
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:51,400
Speaker 1: the situation. One tell Jane she has to stop this

1145
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:54,560
Speaker 1: obsessiveness on herself. Two, just suck it up and tune

1146
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:57,319
Speaker 1: it out, as I usually do, as Jane's visits are

1147
00:55:57,360 --> 00:55:59,560
Speaker 1: only a couple of weeks a year. And the third

1148
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:02,120
Speaker 1: option I won't do is to totally diss her as

1149
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:04,440
Speaker 1: a friend. I just can't do that. Although if I

1150
00:56:04,480 --> 00:56:06,840
Speaker 1: chose option one, she may never speak to me again.

1151
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:10,240
Speaker 1: Maybe the problem is me. Am I disingenuous and should

1152
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:12,000
Speaker 1: listen and offer support if I claim to be a

1153
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:13,400
Speaker 1: real friend, Misty.

1154
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:16,560
Speaker 2: I want to go first on this, Jane. I want

1155
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:18,880
Speaker 2: to just say suck it up and be a friend.

1156
00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:22,240
Speaker 2: Your friend is in her seventies and going through a time,

1157
00:56:22,840 --> 00:56:25,839
Speaker 2: and what a real friend is is somebody who's there

1158
00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:28,560
Speaker 2: when they don't feel like being there, and they listen

1159
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:31,839
Speaker 2: to stories that there may not be interested in. And

1160
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:34,839
Speaker 2: that's part of being a friend. It's not always what

1161
00:56:34,880 --> 00:56:37,240
Speaker 2: you want to do or what you want to talk about.

1162
00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:40,120
Speaker 2: It's about showing up for other women. And you have

1163
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:43,360
Speaker 2: a history with this person, and I think, just suck

1164
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:45,720
Speaker 2: it up and be there and actually try to listen

1165
00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 2: better instead of tuning it out. Listen better because maybe

1166
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:52,439
Speaker 2: she's repeating herself because she's not getting any feedback from

1167
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:55,600
Speaker 2: you because you are tuning her out. But I would

1168
00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:59,520
Speaker 2: say to think about the value of female friendship and

1169
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:01,200
Speaker 2: show up. Jane, what do you think?

1170
00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:07,000
Speaker 5: Well, I don't entirely agree with you, Chelsea. I think

1171
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:10,799
Speaker 5: if she's really your friend, that you should find a

1172
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:16,439
Speaker 5: loving way of making her aware that being with her

1173
00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:21,280
Speaker 5: is a constant flow of her talking about herself and

1174
00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:23,360
Speaker 5: that you love her and so you want to hear

1175
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:27,800
Speaker 5: about what she has to say, but that it's becoming

1176
00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:31,840
Speaker 5: so one sided and that you would like to I

1177
00:57:31,840 --> 00:57:34,840
Speaker 5: don't know, maybe you could help her find other things

1178
00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:38,040
Speaker 5: of interest in her life. So it's not just I mean,

1179
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:40,760
Speaker 5: you know, I'm ten years older than she is. I'm

1180
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:45,760
Speaker 5: also Jane. I also have health issues, but I have

1181
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:49,200
Speaker 5: other things in my life, so I don't just when

1182
00:57:49,240 --> 00:57:51,640
Speaker 5: I get together with old people, we do talk about

1183
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:55,120
Speaker 5: who has the most joints replaced and who's been you know,

1184
00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:57,440
Speaker 5: I mean, we do talk about it. It's kind of

1185
00:57:57,440 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 5: fun to see how much you have in common, but

1186
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:02,439
Speaker 5: it's camp the only thing you talk about. I mean,

1187
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 5: my friends tell me. I want to be Chelsea's friends,

1188
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:10,360
Speaker 5: so I'll tell Chelsea if I think that the behavior

1189
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:14,640
Speaker 5: has been problematic, and people certainly tell me when they

1190
00:58:14,640 --> 00:58:17,400
Speaker 5: think my behavior has been and they're still my friends.

1191
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:20,720
Speaker 5: That's what I want them for, is because they'll tell

1192
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:23,960
Speaker 5: me the truth. So if you really want to be

1193
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 5: a friend, then I think you should tell her in

1194
00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:29,880
Speaker 5: a loving way, not break off your friendship, but just

1195
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 5: try to work together with her, both of you, to

1196
00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:36,920
Speaker 5: make her realize the impact she has on you as

1197
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:40,520
Speaker 5: her friend who wants to love her. But it's becoming hard.

1198
00:58:41,120 --> 00:58:43,960
Speaker 5: You never asked me about your about me. Don't you

1199
00:58:44,000 --> 00:58:46,920
Speaker 5: care anything about me? You know? I mean, it's got

1200
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:48,560
Speaker 5: to be a give and take, and I just I

1201
00:58:48,640 --> 00:58:51,560
Speaker 5: think you can do that in a loving way that

1202
00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 5: will make her understand. I mean, maybe you know, maybe

1203
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:58,000
Speaker 5: you don't know. It would be interesting to know. Does

1204
00:58:58,040 --> 00:59:00,680
Speaker 5: she drive a lot of her friends away? Other friends

1205
00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:04,480
Speaker 5: of her have the same problem that you're asking Chelsea about,

1206
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:07,320
Speaker 5: and maybe nobody has taken the time or loved her

1207
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:09,360
Speaker 5: enough to be able to say, wait a minute, now,

1208
00:59:09,560 --> 00:59:11,960
Speaker 5: this is becoming a problem, so let's deal with it.

1209
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 5: You're such a wonderful friend and an interesting person, but

1210
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:17,880
Speaker 5: this is what's happening, so let's fix it. I mean,

1211
00:59:17,920 --> 00:59:21,080
Speaker 5: if you're hiking with her and friends of yours are

1212
00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:24,120
Speaker 5: rolling their eyes, then it's not just you.

1213
00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:27,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, but don't you think sometimes younger people don't understand

1214
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:31,000
Speaker 2: what older people are going through. There's obviously an age

1215
00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:32,160
Speaker 2: disparity and.

1216
00:59:32,480 --> 00:59:35,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, and older people don't understand how boring they can

1217
00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 5: get when all they talk about is you know what

1218
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:43,360
Speaker 5: I mean. It's like, if she wants to maintain her friendship,

1219
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:46,200
Speaker 5: somebody's got to say, hey, wait a minute, I love

1220
00:59:46,240 --> 00:59:48,360
Speaker 5: you and I want to be able to be with

1221
00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:51,240
Speaker 5: you when it's not just all about your ills and

1222
00:59:51,280 --> 00:59:52,560
Speaker 5: aches and pains.

1223
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:54,400
Speaker 2: I was on a chair lift the other day and

1224
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:56,320
Speaker 2: I have my hamike talking about my hip, and my

1225
00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:58,200
Speaker 2: friend's talking about her knee and my other friend and

1226
00:59:58,240 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 2: I go, guys, just let's stop. We're all young. Let's

1227
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:03,960
Speaker 2: I mean, we're all in our you know, about to

1228
01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:06,520
Speaker 2: turn fifty next year. But I'm like, this is not

1229
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:08,880
Speaker 2: what I want to be talking about. But I would

1230
01:00:08,880 --> 01:00:11,240
Speaker 2: only say that to someone my own age, Like I

1231
01:00:11,280 --> 01:00:14,280
Speaker 2: want to show deference to people that are older and

1232
01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:17,120
Speaker 2: give them the respect of listening.

1233
01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:19,080
Speaker 5: I'm trying to make a joke out of it. I mean,

1234
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:21,640
Speaker 5: I love talking about my aches and pains and with

1235
01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:24,000
Speaker 5: other people talking about their aches and pains with me.

1236
01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:26,680
Speaker 5: But then, you know, then we have to make a

1237
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:30,280
Speaker 5: joke about it and laugh at ourselves and just make

1238
01:00:30,320 --> 01:00:32,960
Speaker 5: it easier for younger people to say, yeah, you guys,

1239
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:34,200
Speaker 5: come on, yeah.

1240
01:00:34,240 --> 01:00:36,560
Speaker 1: I do like joking about it and saying like, well,

1241
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:38,840
Speaker 1: I guess we can't only talk about our aches and pains.

1242
01:00:38,560 --> 01:00:40,760
Speaker 1: What's what good things are going on in life right now?

1243
01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:43,160
Speaker 1: And kind of gently redirect.

1244
01:00:42,760 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 5: And I'll send us right back to talking about our

1245
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:49,360
Speaker 5: aches and pain. What good things are happy? I mean,

1246
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:51,640
Speaker 5: we live in right now.

1247
01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:55,480
Speaker 2: God, there's the climate that's always a pick me up.

1248
01:00:56,920 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 2: Jane Fonda. I love you, I adore you. I'm mean

1249
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:02,080
Speaker 2: to see you in a couple of weeks. I can't wait.

1250
01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:05,040
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for your time today. Thank you

1251
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:08,640
Speaker 2: for everything you've done. Thank you for being a beacon

1252
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:11,160
Speaker 2: of light and a role model for all of us

1253
01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:12,240
Speaker 2: younger girls.

1254
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:15,160
Speaker 5: Thank you very much. Chelsea. You're younger than my children.

1255
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:17,880
Speaker 5: I just want you to know, and I love that.

1256
01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:22,000
Speaker 5: I don't feel older than you, but that's okay. I

1257
01:01:22,040 --> 01:01:24,360
Speaker 5: love you too, Chelsea, and I want to be one

1258
01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:27,560
Speaker 5: of your girlfriends. I don't have this enough humored. I

1259
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:28,440
Speaker 5: don't think to be here.

1260
01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 2: Yes you do, you have plenty of humor. You are

1261
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:32,360
Speaker 2: one of my girlfriends. I just am never in La

1262
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:34,560
Speaker 2: But I will see you soon and we will re

1263
01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:35,920
Speaker 2: cement our bond.

1264
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:36,880
Speaker 5: With Connie maybe.

1265
01:01:37,400 --> 01:01:39,720
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, I'll text Connie right now. Make sure

1266
01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:40,320
Speaker 2: she's coming too.

1267
01:01:40,640 --> 01:01:42,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's not going to be here for a while.

1268
01:01:42,680 --> 01:01:45,200
Speaker 5: She's working with de Niro in New York.

1269
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:47,320
Speaker 2: And oh yeah, she's pretending to be an actress. I

1270
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:50,240
Speaker 2: told her nobody buys her acting, so hopefully she'll just

1271
01:01:50,280 --> 01:01:51,040
Speaker 2: give that up soon.

1272
01:01:51,200 --> 01:01:53,680
Speaker 5: Oh God, she's so good.

1273
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:55,760
Speaker 2: I know she is good. Yeah, she is good.

1274
01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:57,280
Speaker 5: I love you soon.

1275
01:01:57,880 --> 01:02:04,680
Speaker 2: Okay, bye day bye. Okay, guys, so firs stand up.

1276
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:08,040
Speaker 2: We added a second show in Sydney, and we added

1277
01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:10,960
Speaker 2: a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now

1278
01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:14,200
Speaker 2: going to be May twenty fourth. We added the Santa

1279
01:02:14,280 --> 01:02:17,800
Speaker 2: Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year.

1280
01:02:17,920 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 2: That's August seventeenth, the Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a

1281
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:26,160
Speaker 2: second show at Santa Rosa on August second, and we

1282
01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:30,280
Speaker 2: added two dates at Hawaii. Guys, I'm coming to Hawaii

1283
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:32,560
Speaker 2: on July nineteenth to.

1284
01:02:32,840 --> 01:02:34,280
Speaker 1: CA Who Louis.

1285
01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:37,840
Speaker 2: I'm going to be at CA Who Louis, and then

1286
01:02:37,840 --> 01:02:41,600
Speaker 2: I'm coming on July twenty at to Honolulu. And I

1287
01:02:41,680 --> 01:02:45,240
Speaker 2: just added another date on August first Auburn, Washington. So

1288
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:49,120
Speaker 2: and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up,

1289
01:02:49,280 --> 01:02:53,360
Speaker 2: and I will be announcing a European tour shortly, so

1290
01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:55,840
Speaker 2: I will be coming there. And I'm coming to Oklahoma.

1291
01:02:55,920 --> 01:02:59,240
Speaker 2: I have two dates in Oklahoma. May third, which is

1292
01:02:59,240 --> 01:03:02,560
Speaker 2: my mother's birthday, Norman, Oklahoma, and May fourth, I'll be

1293
01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:09,280
Speaker 2: in Thackerville, Oklahoma. So Oklahomaans, Oklahomans Oklahom's Come Bye.

1294
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:11,840
Speaker 1: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1295
01:03:11,880 --> 01:03:14,720
Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

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Speaker 1: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

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Speaker 1: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and

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Speaker 1: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

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Speaker 1: com