1 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for a Black Girls Podcasts, a 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:12,800 Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the 3 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,920 Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible 4 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:20,599 Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy Hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:25,640 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information, 6 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 1: visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. 7 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:32,920 Speaker 1: And while I hope you love listening to and learning 8 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,559 Speaker 1: from the podcast, it is not meant to be a 9 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:45,559 Speaker 1: substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, 10 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,600 Speaker 1: thanks so much for joining me for session fifty six 11 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,760 Speaker 1: of the podcast. I want you to spend some time 12 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 1: today to talk to all the ladies celebrating their college 13 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 1: graduation in this season. You've spent many years working towards 14 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 1: this goal and you should absolutely enjoy the fruits of 15 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,679 Speaker 1: your labor. And as much as this time is marked 16 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:10,600 Speaker 1: with excitement and joy, many of you might also be 17 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:16,759 Speaker 1: feeling a little apprehensive, confused, and maybe even depressed. So 18 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:20,199 Speaker 1: I wanted to share with you eight concerns I've seen 19 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:24,000 Speaker 1: come up around college graduation that might be impacting you 20 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: now or could be in the future, and give you 21 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,399 Speaker 1: some ideas about how to work through them. If you 22 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 1: hear an idea that you love and you think your 23 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 1: circle also needs to hear it, make sure to share 24 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 1: it on social media using the hashtag TBG in session 25 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 1: number one. So, first, I want to let you know 26 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 1: that there is a natural coming down of adrenaline that 27 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 1: happens when you finished big projects. You've spent so much 28 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 1: time working on this thing that at times may have 29 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 1: felt like it would never be over, and now it is. 30 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: Then there are the ceremonies and parties and dinners, and 31 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 1: everything is pretty NonStop for a while. You might also 32 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,959 Speaker 1: be having a wave of emotions related to saying goodbye 33 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 1: to friends who have become a very large part of 34 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 1: your life. You probably have a bunch of time on 35 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 1: your hands now, and you might be feeling like you 36 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:26,680 Speaker 1: don't know what to do with yourself. First, I want 37 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:31,080 Speaker 1: you to breathe. This is not uncommon, and you don't 38 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 1: need to beat yourself up over feeling down, even though 39 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 1: everyone else feels like you should be on top of 40 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:41,960 Speaker 1: the world. I'll never forget defending my dissertation topic and 41 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 1: then coming home and becoming a sobbing mess. I was 42 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: so confused about what was happening, but then called a 43 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 1: friend who had recently been through that experience and she 44 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,240 Speaker 1: was able to talk me through it, and then she 45 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: took me out for dinner and things became a little better. 46 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:01,239 Speaker 1: If you're feeling this way, no that you're not alone 47 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,720 Speaker 1: in feeling this, and that the feeling will likely pass 48 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,000 Speaker 1: as you get a little distance from all the celebrations. 49 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 1: Number two, you may have some concerns related to not 50 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 1: finding the dream job. I think it's important to remember 51 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,200 Speaker 1: that these days, most people don't retire from the job 52 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 1: they started right after undergrad Starting at one job now 53 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: does not mean you'll never have your dream job. I 54 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:33,920 Speaker 1: also think it's important to interrogate what makes something a 55 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: dream job. Can you find some of these qualities and 56 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:42,200 Speaker 1: another job or internship or volunteer project that could potentially 57 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,480 Speaker 1: open more doors for you to land the dream job. 58 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 1: Number three, you might be comparing yourself to others online 59 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 1: who appeared to be embarking upon what you would consider 60 00:03:55,840 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 1: hashtag goals. If you've been listening for a while, you 61 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: know I often talk about the fact that most of 62 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: our social media feeds show the highlight reel and not 63 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: the full story. I want you to try to manage 64 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,480 Speaker 1: your tendency to treat to create a better story around 65 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:18,479 Speaker 1: someone's picture than the actual reality. Just like the picture 66 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 1: and move on. It might also help to do some 67 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: journaling if you notice your mood being impacted by what 68 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 1: you see on social media. What comes up for you 69 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:31,400 Speaker 1: as you see pictures of others moving into their new, 70 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:35,760 Speaker 1: fancy apartments or taking great vacations. This could give you 71 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,479 Speaker 1: a good place to start to do some digging about 72 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: what changes you might need to make in your own 73 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:46,839 Speaker 1: life to feel better. Number four, you might be worried 74 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:51,599 Speaker 1: about having to pay back loans. Unfortunately, Sally May or 75 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 1: whoever your lender is may start calling and emailing shortly 76 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,920 Speaker 1: after your degree is conferred. Try not to get into 77 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,599 Speaker 1: default in paying back your loans, but instead looking to 78 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:07,359 Speaker 1: deferment or forbearance options that might give you a little 79 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 1: more time to start paying things back. Number five, you 80 00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:16,560 Speaker 1: might be caught off guard about the lack of structure 81 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:21,799 Speaker 1: and stability that school provided. For about sixteen or seventeen 82 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:25,160 Speaker 1: years now, there has been a certain rhythm to your life. 83 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,159 Speaker 1: You go to class, you do to your homework, you 84 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 1: eat some lunch, you hang out with friends, et cetera. 85 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,599 Speaker 1: And even though your college years gave you a bit 86 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 1: more freedom, now that you're done, your schedule really will 87 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:43,240 Speaker 1: require you to be disciplined and accountable. There won't be 88 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 1: any loss of points for coming in late or a 89 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,960 Speaker 1: grace period because you ran a time. It's now incumbent 90 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,520 Speaker 1: upon you to figure out what's important and to map 91 00:05:53,560 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 1: out your days accordingly. Number six, you might be stressed 92 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 1: about having to move back in with your parents and 93 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: live under their rules. If post graduation life finds you 94 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,720 Speaker 1: moving back in with your parents, there will likely be 95 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 1: a huge transition all of you will have to go through. 96 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,680 Speaker 1: You're probably used to being able to come and go 97 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,760 Speaker 1: as you please, while parents still think of you as 98 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 1: their baby. It's important for everybody's sanity to have a 99 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:27,120 Speaker 1: plan in place for how things are going to happen. 100 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: Will you be required to pay rent or help out 101 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:34,040 Speaker 1: with expenses some other way? Will you have a curfew? 102 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:38,080 Speaker 1: What are the rules about having friends over? Is there 103 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: a time by which you will have to move out 104 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,839 Speaker 1: on your own? Having some structure to the agreement can 105 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 1: really go a long way. Additionally, I would encourage you 106 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,400 Speaker 1: to manage any shame or guilt or disappointment you may 107 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:56,040 Speaker 1: be feeling about having to move back in after graduation. 108 00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:00,279 Speaker 1: There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a safe place 109 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:04,279 Speaker 1: to regroup and figure out your next steps. There will 110 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: be so many years ahead where you will be on 111 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,720 Speaker 1: your own and financially responsible for everything, so having a 112 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:17,880 Speaker 1: bit of a reprieve right now it's totally okay. Number seven. 113 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,640 Speaker 1: You might be aggravated with family members and others asking 114 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:28,440 Speaker 1: you what's next, especially if you don't know yourself first. 115 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 1: I want you to consider that most people are just 116 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,000 Speaker 1: excited for you and want to know what you'll be 117 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 1: doing next. It is typically not to antagonize you, but 118 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 1: sometimes when we're sensitive about an issue like not knowing 119 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 1: our next steps, we can react from that place of 120 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 1: insecurity instead of actually responding to the question. So if 121 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,239 Speaker 1: this has been an issue for you, you might try 122 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:56,520 Speaker 1: saying something like I'm taking some time to figure out 123 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,480 Speaker 1: my next steps. Thank you so much for your concern 124 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:03,160 Speaker 1: and well wishes. But if you feel like things are 125 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 1: getting out of control, you might want to try enlisting 126 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 1: the help of mom or a cousin to let family 127 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 1: members know that next steps are not something that you're 128 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 1: interested in talking about a number eight, you might be 129 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 1: thinking it was all a lie. For years, you've likely 130 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 1: been told that if you do A, B and C 131 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 1: that it will result in a certain ending. And what 132 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: happens if that's not true? What if you've graduated and 133 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 1: you still have no clue of what you want to 134 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 1: do with your life? First, there's a lot of life 135 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,400 Speaker 1: left and so not having it all figured out at 136 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:48,600 Speaker 1: twenty one is really not a huge deal. And even 137 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:51,840 Speaker 1: if you have an idea now, it'll be okay to 138 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 1: change your mind later. But if you're experiencing distress because 139 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 1: you're not sure of what's next, this might be a 140 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,959 Speaker 1: good time to speak with the therapist to see if 141 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,360 Speaker 1: that yields some ideas. You might also want to have 142 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 1: an appointment with a career counselor to see if there 143 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:12,720 Speaker 1: are options you haven't explored. If in your heart of hearts, 144 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,400 Speaker 1: you know that your path may look a little non traditional, 145 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,800 Speaker 1: what can you do to support yourself while also pursuing 146 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,640 Speaker 1: your dream. No one is saying don't pursue it, but 147 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,480 Speaker 1: you do want to be realistic about having a roof 148 00:09:26,559 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 1: over your head. I also feel like I would be 149 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 1: remiss if I did not mention another concern that seems 150 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:38,200 Speaker 1: to come up every year around this time. Every year, 151 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 1: it feels like there are a few stories about students 152 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 1: going missing instead of sharing with their families that they 153 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 1: won't actually be graduating. So one, I think that this 154 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 1: is an indictment on the culture we establish in our 155 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: families that a student feels like this is the only 156 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:57,520 Speaker 1: way they can turn. But I also want to encourage 157 00:09:57,559 --> 00:10:03,079 Speaker 1: anyone who's listening who might facing this exact struggle that yes, 158 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:08,560 Speaker 1: it may feel overwhelming and disappointing and insurmountable to have 159 00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:11,439 Speaker 1: gone this far and not been honest with your family, 160 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 1: but I promise you they will eventually be okay and 161 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:19,960 Speaker 1: you will too. Please do not come up with a 162 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 1: grand scheme to avoid telling them the truth or do 163 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,959 Speaker 1: something to hurt yourself because you feel like you can't 164 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:32,000 Speaker 1: handle the truth, and everybody will be irreparably disappointed. Will 165 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 1: they be a little hurt and disappointed for a while, Probably, 166 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:40,560 Speaker 1: And that's okay. But while participating in the ceremony this year, 167 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:44,439 Speaker 1: they have been your goal. You can absolutely graduate later 168 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:49,839 Speaker 1: and still have an amazing life. If you're graduating soon 169 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:54,079 Speaker 1: and you enjoy this information or you have something to add, 170 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 1: please share it with us on social media using the 171 00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:02,679 Speaker 1: hashtag TBG in session and don't forget to tag our accounts. 172 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at Therapy for the 173 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:09,520 Speaker 1: Number four be Girls, and you can find us on 174 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook at Therapy for Black Girls. If you'd 175 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,400 Speaker 1: like to continue this conversation, come on over and join 176 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:20,440 Speaker 1: us in the thrive tribe, which is the Facebook community 177 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 1: for the podcast. You can request to join at Therapy 178 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com slash tribe and don't forget 179 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 1: to answer the three questions that it asked. If you're 180 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: looking for a therapist in your area, visit the directory 181 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:39,520 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. I'm 182 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:43,320 Speaker 1: looking forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon. 183 00:11:43,960 --> 00:12:20,880 Speaker 1: Take get care I oftor Potter I actor pator I 184 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 1: Oftti