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Speaker 1: Hi, everybody. Welcome to Dear Chelsea. This is Chelsea and Catherine.

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Speaker 1: Hiy Hi, how are you? I'm great today? Are you? Um?

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Speaker 1: It's like, I mean, I think I've said this before,

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Speaker 1: but it's finally sweater weather and I'm just really excited

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Speaker 1: about it. I'm with you on that. I'm with you

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Speaker 1: on the fall weather like vibes. I don't. Somebody said

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Speaker 1: it was going to be ninety this weekend and I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: luckily I'm on tour and I'll never be home on

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Speaker 1: the weekend again. You can save the ninety degree weekends

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Speaker 1: for when I'm out of town. Not interested at all.

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Speaker 1: I'm interested in coming home, snuggling up to my two

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Speaker 1: furry beasts in my bed until they jump off the

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Speaker 1: bed after they've rejected me, and enjoying the cold weather

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Speaker 1: as well. So yes, I can see that you are too.

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Speaker 1: Catherine has just like sitting by the fire. A spooky movie.

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Speaker 1: That's what I want. A spooky movie. Really? What about

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Speaker 1: have you seen the Halloween movie the New Halloween? No,

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Speaker 1: I haven't. Joson wanted to see that. Last night. I

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Speaker 1: was like, you, guys, go, I can only watch that

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Speaker 1: during watch a scary movie during the day with the

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Speaker 1: lights on, because I get really scared. I've done that

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Speaker 1: with some friends before, and we call it spooky brunch.

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Speaker 1: We'll just like make a brunch and watch. When Hereditary

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Speaker 1: came out, it was too scary, and so one of

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Speaker 1: our friends wanted to see it. We'd already seen it,

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Speaker 1: and we said, come over for brunch. We just made brunch.

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Speaker 1: That's cute. I mean, that's a cute way to watch

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Speaker 1: scary movies, for sure. So I read Minas Suvari's book

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Speaker 1: The Great Piece, and it was pretty disturbing. A lot

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Speaker 1: of it in the book she talks about I had

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Speaker 1: no idea about her history. So she grew up as

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Speaker 1: a child actor very young, moved out here with her family.

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Speaker 1: They started out on the wealthier side of things and

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Speaker 1: then bounced around and started to kind of live like

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Speaker 1: a more toned down lifestyle. So I think she was

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Speaker 1: introduced to a style of living and then slowly, you know,

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Speaker 1: they started to pare it down. And then they moved

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Speaker 1: to California with the hopes of her acting and modeling

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Speaker 1: career taking off. And there seemed to be some form

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Speaker 1: of neglect on their behalf because she became sexually active

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Speaker 1: at a pretty young age. I also became sexually active

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Speaker 1: at a pretty young age, and I was neglected too.

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Speaker 1: So there's definitely a pattern with parents neglecting their children,

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Speaker 1: which is why I don't have children, because I would

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Speaker 1: neglect them. And I'm aware of this problem, just like

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Speaker 1: I neglect my dogs. I know that's okay for dogs,

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Speaker 1: and I know it's not okay for babies. So I

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Speaker 1: would like some sort of fucking carbon credit for not

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Speaker 1: producing children. But in the book I I was talking

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Speaker 1: to Joe about it, and I was just so she

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Speaker 1: gets into one relationship after another, and there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of sexual and emotional abuse, and her self esteem is

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Speaker 1: in the toilet, and she doesn't have the tools or

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Speaker 1: the skill set to get out of these relationships. She

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Speaker 1: had a long term relationship with a guy that treated

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Speaker 1: her terribly that you know, she did like sexual coercion

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Speaker 1: and things. Why had a sexual coercion. I'm doing a

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Speaker 1: lot of sexual acts that she didn't feel good about,

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to do, and just stayed in a

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Speaker 1: really she tried to leave several times, but he always

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Speaker 1: lured her back, and then that cycle of men just

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Speaker 1: kind of repeated and within that she was married I

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Speaker 1: think one or two or three times two times this

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Speaker 1: I think who's marriage too now is number three? Number three?

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Speaker 1: So she was married twice and both of those marriages

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Speaker 1: didn't work out obviously, because she was traumatized and it

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Speaker 1: wasn't it wasn't resolved trauma. And there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: addiction that she battled. She was doing crystal meth for

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Speaker 1: a while. Then she was smoking pot, more pot than

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Speaker 1: I've ever heard about anyone smoking. Quite frankly, I was like, wait,

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Speaker 1: what and that's coming from you, I know, yeah, exactly exactly.

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Speaker 1: I was like, fuck, I don't even do that. I

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Speaker 1: haven't been smoking a lot of pot at all lately.

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Speaker 1: Now that I think about it, Oh my god, it's

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Speaker 1: so strict happening. You know what else I stopped doing

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Speaker 1: is cracking my knuckles. That's I think from the grounding

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Speaker 1: map though. Anyway, I digress. This is a serious topic,

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Speaker 1: so let me address it with more respect instead of

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Speaker 1: getting sidetracked. And it made me really think about how

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Speaker 1: long it takes women to recover from sexual abuse and

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Speaker 1: the work that it entails, and it is almost like

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Speaker 1: a lifetime of work to get yourself to a healthy

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Speaker 1: place where you can understand that you were violated and

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Speaker 1: that your behavior is a direct reflection of that, and

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Speaker 1: your lack of trust in yourself is a direct reflection

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Speaker 1: of somebody stealing your trust and shrouding that as I

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Speaker 1: love you, or as I'm the only one that loves you,

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Speaker 1: or as you're so important, or nobody else will love you,

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Speaker 1: and all of that is just such horseship. And so

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Speaker 1: my hope is that anyone going through that that there

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Speaker 1: are listeners today that are have experienced this, or that

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Speaker 1: are at the precipice of discovering this about themselves and

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Speaker 1: and stopping a pattern of abuse, whether it be emotional

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Speaker 1: or sexual. I really want you guys to pick this

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Speaker 1: book up because it is a clear view into the

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Speaker 1: psyche of how you break someone down. And she's lucky

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Speaker 1: that she was able to pull herself out of that.

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Speaker 1: Not everybody is. So it's an important book to read,

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Speaker 1: and it's quick. I read it yesterday and this morning.

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Speaker 1: So the addiction part is obviously a product too of

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Speaker 1: not wanting to feel pain. And when you think about that,

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Speaker 1: you know, it makes me I actually did think about

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Speaker 1: my pot use when I was reading it. Because I

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Speaker 1: was like, yeah, excessive use in any drug is always

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Speaker 1: covering up pain. You're trying to numb something, You're trying

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Speaker 1: to push that feeling back down. We're all familiar with

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Speaker 1: doing that, and there's a lot of freedom and power

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Speaker 1: in getting rid of those vices so that all your

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Speaker 1: feelings are going to bubble to the top. A lot

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Speaker 1: of people are scared for that to happen to them

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Speaker 1: because they don't want to have those feelings. And I

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Speaker 1: would like to impress upon you that those feelings are

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Speaker 1: the only way to get to the truth and to

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Speaker 1: get to being healthy right, and and feeling those feelings

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Speaker 1: is the only way to process them, even though it's hard.

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Speaker 1: Many people get to a point where they have to say,

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Speaker 1: is it harder to process these feelings that are really

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Speaker 1: difficult or is it harder to keep suppressing and keep

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Speaker 1: numbing and keep really like wasting parts of your life

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Speaker 1: on suppressing those feelings. Yeah? Right, It's never a fun endeavor.

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Speaker 1: I have a girlfriend who's going through something separation, and

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Speaker 1: she wasn't prepared to do to to go through any

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Speaker 1: sort of pain because she left him and she moved out,

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Speaker 1: and she kind of held all the cards, and then

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Speaker 1: she went on a big trip and she came home,

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Speaker 1: and of course all of the adrenaline from everything kind

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Speaker 1: of came crashing down, and all of a sudden, she

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Speaker 1: was sitting in the reality of the choices that she made,

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Speaker 1: which were the right choices, but for the first time,

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Speaker 1: she was questioning whether or not she made the right choice.

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Speaker 1: And I was telling her, you did make the right choice.

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Speaker 1: You're just now going through the grieving process. You delayed

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Speaker 1: your grief with all of this other distraction, with partying

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Speaker 1: in drugs, and I you know, I'm a total supporter

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Speaker 1: of drug use, but when you're covering up pain, it

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Speaker 1: becomes very obvious to other people that something deeper is happening.

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Speaker 1: Just like when I used to drink excessively, that something

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Speaker 1: deeper was happening. I was covering up pain. And so

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Speaker 1: now that it came up for her, she's like, wait

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Speaker 1: a second, I wasn't expecting to feel this way. And

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Speaker 1: It's like, well, that's I've seen so many women go

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Speaker 1: through this. You're going to feel this way. It's going

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Speaker 1: to happen, and it's great to just take the weekend

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Speaker 1: and sit through it. I was, like I said to

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Speaker 1: her on the phone. I go, I want you to

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Speaker 1: stay at home, do what you know, and just whatever

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Speaker 1: comes up, let it out, get it out, out, out out,

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Speaker 1: and I guarantee you by Monday you'll feel better. And

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Speaker 1: she goes, I hope, So, I hope. So I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I know, So you're gonna feel better by just being

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Speaker 1: present with your own feelings of discomfort and pain, because

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Speaker 1: we all have the power to get through anything, we

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Speaker 1: all do. Yeah, And having that support system of a

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Speaker 1: friend or a therapist or someone around you to be

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Speaker 1: able to encourage you to do those things is it

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Speaker 1: is invaluable. It's huge. Yea. And and that's another thing

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Speaker 1: she said. She goes, God, I've been reaching out to friends,

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Speaker 1: which is something I'm never I've never been comfortable doing,

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Speaker 1: and the response has been so overwhelming that so many

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Speaker 1: people want to help her and that are there for her.

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Speaker 1: And that's something that we're all so guilty of too.

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Speaker 1: People don't want to ask for help, and it's like,

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Speaker 1: that's what your friends are for, that's what your family

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Speaker 1: is for. Ask for help. People want to help you, right.

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Speaker 1: I want to help people all the time, and I'm

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Speaker 1: a bit so I guarantee you, you can find someone

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Speaker 1: to help you anyway. So that's who our guest is today,

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Speaker 1: Mia Sari. She wrote the Great Piece. That's her book.

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Speaker 1: It's out and available, so a lot of you may

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Speaker 1: know Minasuari from American Pie American Beauty. One of the

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Speaker 1: things in the book she talks about is when she

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Speaker 1: was filming American Beauty, she was in the most toxic

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Speaker 1: relationship that she had ever been in. And she was

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Speaker 1: this guy was, you know, wanting to bring women over

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Speaker 1: all the time, having three sums, and at first, you know,

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Speaker 1: she didn't like that, and then she just got on

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Speaker 1: board with it and she was having sex with women

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Speaker 1: and her boyfriend three to four times a week. He

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Speaker 1: was showing up to set with women and it just

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Speaker 1: became their norm. And this was all while she was

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Speaker 1: filming American Beauty, in which she played the sexpot, the

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Speaker 1: you know, fantasy for a middle aged married man going

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Speaker 1: through his midlife crisis. She was the ultimate young, a

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Speaker 1: hot girl that he fantasized about that was going to

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Speaker 1: give him all the pleasure that he no longer got

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Speaker 1: from Annette Benning, who plays his wife in the movie.

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Speaker 1: It was a fucking awesome movie, but to hear the

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Speaker 1: backstory of what she was going through personally while she

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Speaker 1: was filming that movie. Uh was was heartbreaking. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: it really ties into a lot of the questions that

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Speaker 1: we're going to get to today, some big questions, some

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Speaker 1: really tricky ones today. Okay, well, I'm glad I took

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Speaker 1: an extron. Well, I think we have to take a

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Speaker 1: quick break right now, so we'll be right back with Mina. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna make a pp on the party. Hi, Mina, Hi, Hi,

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Speaker 1: can you see us? Yes, we can see you. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, it looks like you're in a prison cell. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: are you in prison? Yeah? Just emotionally No, I'm okay.

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Speaker 1: How are you doing. I'm good. I just read your

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Speaker 1: book yesterday and this morning on my plane ride home,

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Speaker 1: so I'm emotionally. You know, I'm emotional. It's fresh for you. Wow.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for reading it. Absolutely. I don't sunk around

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Speaker 1: when it comes to books and interviewing people. I take

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Speaker 1: that very seriously. Well, thank you and happy to be

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Speaker 1: here and talk. I'm happy to see your shining face.

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Speaker 1: I want to ask you a lot of stuff, but

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Speaker 1: it was really must have been very, very difficult while

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Speaker 1: also cathartic for you to write all of that stuff down,

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Speaker 1: because some of it is so personal, and some of

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Speaker 1: it is just so heartbreaking. You know, to even know

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Speaker 1: that your younger self or part of you had to

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Speaker 1: experience that kind of pain, even as an older person,

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Speaker 1: it's like almost like you're talking about your own daughter

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Speaker 1: in a sense. You know, That's how I feel when

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Speaker 1: I look back at my childhood, I'm like, oh, that

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Speaker 1: poor little girl. So I'm I'm wondering how it felt

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Speaker 1: once the book came out. I know the book is

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Speaker 1: recent and it just came out a couple of months ago.

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Speaker 1: How did it feel to share all of this stuff

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Speaker 1: with the world. I mean very weird, because you know,

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Speaker 1: initially I felt so compelled to share it. I just

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Speaker 1: had to express myself, and it had its own process.

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Speaker 1: I over the years, I had moved, and I had

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Speaker 1: my diary, and I had this book of poetry, this

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Speaker 1: binder that I had entitled the Great Piece, you know,

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Speaker 1: from the past, that had traveled with me for so long,

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Speaker 1: and I finally just looked into it again, and at

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Speaker 1: that moment, it was at least a couple of years ago,

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Speaker 1: I initially wanted to just publish the poetry book, I

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Speaker 1: felt like I could share enough, but not all of it.

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Speaker 1: And then through the process of sharing that with a friend,

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Speaker 1: and then I was sharing some of the stories that

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Speaker 1: went along with you know, some of my writings, because

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Speaker 1: some of them were even timestamped, are dedicated to a

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Speaker 1: specific person. They encouraged me to tell all of it.

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Speaker 1: And so at that moment, I kind of, you know,

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Speaker 1: went back and I sat with myself and I just

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Speaker 1: felt ready. It really was a personal thing, and I

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Speaker 1: knew that that was part of it. I just got

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Speaker 1: to writing and it took me quite a while. So

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Speaker 1: then going into the process of like talking about it,

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's very weird. I kind of referred to

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Speaker 1: it as like therapy with the world. You know, it's strange.

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Speaker 1: I'm like living my life in front of everyone. That's

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Speaker 1: very odd to me. But there's also something really beautiful

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Speaker 1: and there's so many things that have come out of this.

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Speaker 1: I mean, this book isn't done for me. I'm still

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Speaker 1: very actively in therapy and love night therapist. Oh well,

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Speaker 1: that's nice for those of you that are listening the

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Speaker 1: book as this is Mina Safari. As we mentioned, the

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Speaker 1: book is called the great piece, and it is a recollection. Uh,

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Speaker 1: it's a memoir, but it's a recollection of your whole

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Speaker 1: life and a lot of abuse that you encountered, sexually,

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Speaker 1: emotional abuse, just a series of running and running and running,

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Speaker 1: a series of relationships of going from one person to

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Speaker 1: the next to try and heal old wounds. And which

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Speaker 1: is the stories as the old as time for so

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Speaker 1: many women. And I think it's always so powerful for

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Speaker 1: anyone to share their story, especially someone in the public eye,

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Speaker 1: and when they can be candid and they can be honest,

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Speaker 1: because there are details in there that you know, I

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Speaker 1: was shocked to read. I was, you know, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: and I'm, you know, a shocking person. So I'm always

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Speaker 1: over sharing everything. So I was like, holy fuck, I

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Speaker 1: can't believe she wrote this and that you put that

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Speaker 1: stuff in there. And I just think it's so brave

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Speaker 1: and you should be applauded for that, because sharing your

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Speaker 1: story is helping so many people understand that they're not alone,

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Speaker 1: that other people experiences and other people and what they

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Speaker 1: think are powerful life positions are going through stuff like this,

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Speaker 1: And you know what happens when your parents aren't really

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Speaker 1: present for you in a meaningful way that helps shape

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Speaker 1: you and protect you during those years when you're coming

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Speaker 1: of age as a young woman, which is something that

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Speaker 1: you talk about a lot in the book, and your

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Speaker 1: relationship with your father who is no longer with us,

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Speaker 1: but who was much older, and your mom in the

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Speaker 1: distance and everything, and moving to l a and living

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Speaker 1: in that apartment complex that every young child actor lives in. So,

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Speaker 1: I mean, obviously it's an ongoing journey for you. How

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Speaker 1: do you feel now about your life and where you're

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Speaker 1: at and your mental health. Oh, that's a good question.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like it's an ongoing process. I mean,

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Speaker 1: like I said, I love my therapist. I'm still very active,

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Speaker 1: you know, in working with her. It's I feel like,

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Speaker 1: more than ever because of my son, I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: do the work as as much as possible in a

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Speaker 1: way that I've never done before. A lot of it

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Speaker 1: is just up in the air for me now and

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Speaker 1: just trying to process it and and live in the gratitude.

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Speaker 1: I feel like so much of it for me was

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Speaker 1: just I totally felt like I was alone. You talk

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Speaker 1: a lot in the book about your weaknesses or what

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Speaker 1: you perceived to be your shortcomings or emotional weaknesses. What

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Speaker 1: do you think that you've learned about yourself through this? Like,

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Speaker 1: what do you think your strengths are? Definitely a survivor. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I came across this excerpt. I think it's Agamemnon, and

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Speaker 1: it was the translation was to suffer, suffer into truth,

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Speaker 1: and I just thought it was so beautiful and so powerful.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know, I guess I tried to make

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Speaker 1: that one my own in a way, and I think

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Speaker 1: that that's my strong suit. I try to find solace

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Speaker 1: in that within myself. I know that I have the

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Speaker 1: strength to keep going and I get working with the

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Speaker 1: vulnerability to share too. That's important for me to do now,

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Speaker 1: especially you know, when I can work with organizations like

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Speaker 1: Child Health, Invested Almar and because that to me is

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Speaker 1: I feel like, this is just the real reason why

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Speaker 1: we're here, to share of our experiences, to help encourage

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Speaker 1: one another and to break cycles, right, to break cycles

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Speaker 1: of behavior, patterns of behavior, cycles of abuse. And you know,

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Speaker 1: moving forward in your marriage with your husband now and

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Speaker 1: creating a different kind of set of patterns, right, you

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Speaker 1: want to create change in your life? Yeah, not easy,

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Speaker 1: but trying to just be present, and I think also

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Speaker 1: understanding and working with the full spectrum of emotions, learning

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Speaker 1: to express oneself. The part of your book where you're

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Speaker 1: in the hotel room in Australia with you know, your

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Speaker 1: pilates instructor, and that shutting down, you know, emotionally when

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Speaker 1: you're being vulnerable, telling him something that you wanted to

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Speaker 1: share with him out of respect for your sexual relationship,

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Speaker 1: and then him reacting in that way and you shutting

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Speaker 1: down and kicking throwing him out. I mean, I can

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Speaker 1: relate to that so much because it's such a default

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Speaker 1: that we go do you know, like when you're not

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Speaker 1: emotionally healthy, like you have two modes of operation it's

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Speaker 1: like aggressive or rejection. And how would you characterize your

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Speaker 1: marriage this time with your husband now in the way

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Speaker 1: that it's different than your past relationships. I try to

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Speaker 1: be as present as possible. We try to talk, you know,

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Speaker 1: address everything, just communicate and hold space for one another.

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Speaker 1: I think, you know, that's the work for me, is

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Speaker 1: understanding what those triggers are. It's doing the work for

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Speaker 1: me to try to understand what might really be happening

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Speaker 1: or how I might be reacting to it, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's that kind of thing. So I think we just

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Speaker 1: try to be present, communicate with one another about everything

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Speaker 1: so that it's um I think that's what I didn't

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Speaker 1: do enough of. And how did your mom and your

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Speaker 1: brother's react to reading the book? Good question? Haven't had

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Speaker 1: those conversations? Yeah? Really? Yeah yeah, But again that's not

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Speaker 1: why I did this, you know, And it was important

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Speaker 1: for me to say like this. I was never trying

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Speaker 1: to write this as like a blame game. You know.

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Speaker 1: This was my experience and and my story and my

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Speaker 1: sharing of it. I think that's important for people to remember.

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Speaker 1: I'm curious and this is kind of a question for

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Speaker 1: both of you, but where is the point for you

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Speaker 1: where you feel like with something traumatic like that, that

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Speaker 1: it becomes your story to tell, and you know, you

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Speaker 1: have to take the onus on yourself to tell your story,

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Speaker 1: even though it may hurt other people. I would say

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Speaker 1: that everyone has the right to tell their story, and

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Speaker 1: it's really not up to other people what your story is,

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Speaker 1: because that is your agency. But I always try to

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Speaker 1: explain to somebody like you might think something that could

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Speaker 1: be something so small like sentence said to someone could

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Speaker 1: affect one person in no way and then it could

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Speaker 1: destroy someone else's world. So it just depends. You know,

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Speaker 1: I think, yes, we are entitled to share of our

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Speaker 1: story and how that experience was for us. You know,

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Speaker 1: I wasn't ever trying to say that no one else

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Speaker 1: had an opinion. And again, what was so great for

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Speaker 1: me is how there were people who because you know,

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Speaker 1: there were names changed, not all of them, but there

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Speaker 1: were people that knew who I was talking about. That

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Speaker 1: was terrifying to me, actually grew out who that person was.

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Speaker 1: Where people wrote to me on a relationship that they

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Speaker 1: had with that person after me. God, yeah, it was

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Speaker 1: very powerful for me too. Yeah, it's funny. I had

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Speaker 1: I wrote one of my books. I changed the names

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah. But I wrote about a friend of

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Speaker 1: mine and and it wasn't in the most complimentary way,

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Speaker 1: but it wasn't really. It was we all took a

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Speaker 1: trip to Africa and she was a hot mass on

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Speaker 1: the trip, so it was kind of you know, neither

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00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,520
Speaker 1: here nor there, nothing super incriminating or anything like that.

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Speaker 1: But she was pissed about I had sent her the

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Speaker 1: book before I had changed her name, her description, and

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Speaker 1: she got so upset about the book and then I

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Speaker 1: had dinner with her a couple of years later, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I have a new book coming out,

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Speaker 1: and she leans in she goes, is it about me again?

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Speaker 1: And I thought, and I said no. And the fucking

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Speaker 1: other one wasn't about you either, Like relax. It was

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Speaker 1: so annoying that she took this section of my book

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Speaker 1: that was one chapter and made the entire thing about her,

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Speaker 1: and while it was, you know, a component of many,

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Speaker 1: many stories and many chapters in my book, and then

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Speaker 1: had the temerity to think that I would write about

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Speaker 1: her again after the last round of annoying nous that

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Speaker 1: they caused, It's like, no, I would never do that again.

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Speaker 1: Dedicated it to you. Yeah, yeah, exactly to your fake name,

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Speaker 1: so you won't know who it is either. See if

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Speaker 1: you can figure that one out anyway, Mina, I'm glad

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Speaker 1: that you're doing so well. I mean, this is a

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Speaker 1: really courageous thing and a courageous book. I really want

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Speaker 1: everyone to read this because it's important to know, you know,

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Speaker 1: about the experiences that you don't have when you're growing up,

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Speaker 1: and to kind of feel other people's pain, because it

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00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 1: is a painful book to read. And there were times

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Speaker 1: where I just wanted to put it down to give

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Speaker 1: myself a minute, and I had to remind myself that

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Speaker 1: everyone's story is so important to know about, especially when

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Speaker 1: it's dissimilar to your own. You know, to really work

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Speaker 1: on your empathy and compassion for others when it's especially

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Speaker 1: when it's uncomfortable. And I know that many women have

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Speaker 1: had similar experiences to you, and so that it will

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Speaker 1: be helpful for them as well. You're welcome. You're welcome. Oh,

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Speaker 1: by the way, I was just within. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you keep in touch with Jason Biggs, but after

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Speaker 1: reading about American Pie, was just with him in New York.

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Speaker 1: He and his wife Jenny. Yeah, no, I do. I

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Speaker 1: mean I know that you're close with Jenny too. They're amazing.

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Speaker 1: Well they're too hot messes also, so yeah, too hot.

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Speaker 1: We went to dinner with them, and I always forget

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Speaker 1: Jason's not Jewish because he reminds me of such a

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Speaker 1: Jewish guy. I'm always like Jason, you know, like then

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Speaker 1: he's like, no, Chelsea, I'm Italian, and I'm like Jason.

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Speaker 1: Jews and Italians are basically the same thing. All that guilt. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So we have some callers. We're gonna give advice. This

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00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,879
Speaker 1: is an advice podcast, and it's all stuff that's in

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Speaker 1: your wheelhouse, and you and I and Catherine will go

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Speaker 1: for it and talk to people. I'll try. Yeah, great, Well.

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Speaker 1: Our first question comes from Brianna. She says, Dear Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: I recently moved to a new city, and I was

427
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 1: fortunate to meet a girl that I really get along with.

428
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 1: We both moved to the city around the same time

429
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,919
Speaker 1: and have spent quite a lot of time exploring the

430
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 1: bar scene in the area. We've been hanging out for

431
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,359
Speaker 1: a few months, and I'm starting to notice that every

432
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 1: time we go to the bar, the main focus is

433
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,000
Speaker 1: on meeting men and having them pay for our drinks. Now,

434
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong, it's fun having guys pay for

435
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 1: drinks and flirting with strangers sometimes, but it seems like

436
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,199
Speaker 1: that's the only thing she likes to do. Now we're

437
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 1: at the point where I feel like we don't really

438
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,680
Speaker 1: have anything interesting to talk about because we're both new

439
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,800
Speaker 1: to the city and don't have many friends here. I

440
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 1: don't feel comfortable leaving her at the bar alone with

441
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 1: the sometimes creepy men she meets. But I also hate

442
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 1: waiting a round while she entertains losers for the chance

443
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,719
Speaker 1: at getting a free agent and tonic. This past weekend,

444
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 1: she was involved in a pretty dangerous situation where the

445
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:11,359
Speaker 1: guy she decided to leave with wouldn't take her home,

446
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 1: and she ended up having to sneak out in the

447
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:15,400
Speaker 1: middle of the night and call an uber to get home.

448
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 1: She's such a pretty girl and has a really well

449
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,880
Speaker 1: paying job, so I truly don't know why she feels

450
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,879
Speaker 1: she needs to do this. How do I tell her

451
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,400
Speaker 1: that her behavior is coming across pretty desperate and annoying.

452
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,719
Speaker 1: I really don't want to lose my new friend, Brianna. Well, men,

453
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:31,479
Speaker 1: this is something you talk about a lot of your

454
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 1: book when you tell I mean not that this woman

455
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 1: is an addict. We don't know what her history is

456
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,719
Speaker 1: or if she has a drinking problem or anything like that,

457
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 1: but you talk a lot about friendships and addiction in

458
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 1: your book. So what are your thoughts on that, on

459
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 1: having an honest conversation with somebody, because a lot of

460
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:49,120
Speaker 1: people are not in a state to hear that. Yeah,

461
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know if there's addiction are all

462
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 1: involved there, but I feel like the thing that came

463
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 1: to me first, is just approaching this person, is saying

464
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:02,200
Speaker 1: I love you, I'm worried about you, and I worried

465
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 1: that you might not be in the safest situation. You know,

466
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 1: let's talk about that, Let's have a conversation, you know,

467
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 1: approaching it with love, because I mean, I think about

468
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,359
Speaker 1: my friend Tracy, who just simply said it doesn't have

469
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,480
Speaker 1: to be this way. It was just somebody who really

470
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 1: engaged with me, really saw me maybe having that moment

471
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,920
Speaker 1: of you know, really engaging with her in a quiet

472
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:30,439
Speaker 1: surrounding right where you can focus on one another and

473
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,679
Speaker 1: approach it with love and concern. Isn't that what it's about.

474
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:38,160
Speaker 1: We're worried about her getting hurt eventually. Yeah, I think

475
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 1: that what was powerful with your friend Tracy in the

476
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,359
Speaker 1: book is that she said it in a quiet way

477
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 1: and it wasn't allowed confrontational way. Looked at me and

478
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 1: she stopped me with it because she was in the

479
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: car and I was running to her and it was

480
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 1: just hurried, but she just stopped and turned to me

481
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 1: and just held space for a second. And and and

482
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,080
Speaker 1: that's why I think it hit me, because she was

483
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:06,639
Speaker 1: basic and to give people context, this is a situation

484
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 1: with a person that Mina was in a relationship with.

485
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 1: They were having what they hoped to be a threesome

486
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:14,120
Speaker 1: with this woman and she was not interested, and so

487
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: she kind of she left, well she didn't kind of

488
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:17,960
Speaker 1: she left, and Mina chased her out to the car.

489
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 1: To give everybody context, so I would say, also, yeah,

490
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 1: I think you know, anytime you're having a conversation, it

491
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 1: has to be coming from a place of love if

492
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 1: you want any it to land at all, which is

493
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: something that took me a really long time to understand

494
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 1: because I like to tell people the truth all the time,

495
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,640
Speaker 1: and people don't necessarily want to hear that. So when

496
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 1: you start out with I love you, I care about you,

497
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:41,440
Speaker 1: and try to take out any sort of condescension or

498
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 1: any sort of tone that could be read as patronizing.

499
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 1: And I mean the fact that she had that a

500
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,680
Speaker 1: guy wouldn't take her home and she had to kind

501
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 1: of escape his house in the middle of the night

502
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 1: is a is a red flag. And you want to

503
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 1: make that first experience the last experience that something like

504
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 1: that happens, And you don't want to be in a

505
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,399
Speaker 1: relationship with a friend that you're going to constantly be

506
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,919
Speaker 1: worried about. You're there for her and you and you

507
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:07,919
Speaker 1: love her, but you don't want to be put in

508
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,959
Speaker 1: that position. You know, it's not a safe situation, and

509
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,639
Speaker 1: it's and it causes you distress. Even hearing about that

510
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:16,879
Speaker 1: one night stand kind of causes me distress, you know,

511
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,680
Speaker 1: I mean for any woman out there. So it's it's

512
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 1: just out of a respect for your relationship when you're

513
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,320
Speaker 1: out together that it shouldn't be all about getting guys

514
00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 1: to buy you drinks. That's kind of a boring story

515
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 1: After a while, anyway, it seems like a fun endeavor,

516
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 1: and after the third or fourth time, it's like, you know,

517
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 1: why didn't you rather just enjoy each other's company and

518
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,199
Speaker 1: then meet people naturally instead of trying to get them

519
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 1: to do something for you. I mean, I'm more curious

520
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 1: as to why she feels like she can't approach her

521
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 1: friend in that way. She's clearly worried enough for she's

522
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,480
Speaker 1: writing to you about it. Yeah. Yeah, Well some people

523
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 1: don't like to have those conversations at all. Yes, And

524
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,239
Speaker 1: one of the things that I learned earlier on was

525
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,800
Speaker 1: again just approaching it instead of I think I feel

526
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,240
Speaker 1: m hmm, Yeah, you're saying I think you you this,

527
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: and you're doing this, and don't do that. It accusatory

528
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,880
Speaker 1: and we want to shut down. Yeah, Like I'm approaching

529
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 1: you with love and I feel that, you know, I'm

530
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,160
Speaker 1: worried or I feel that this might not be safe

531
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,919
Speaker 1: for you. I think that because we all have our

532
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 1: trauma right, the walls will come up as much or

533
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 1: as quick. Yeah. And I also think it's always good

534
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,919
Speaker 1: to frame everything as we when you're talking to your girlfriends.

535
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,160
Speaker 1: You know, when my girlfriends are going through a bad thing,

536
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: it's always like, we're going to get through this, We're

537
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 1: going to do this. And when you're talking to a friend, like,

538
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 1: I don't want us to be put in these situations.

539
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,679
Speaker 1: I don't want us to be in dangerous situations, so

540
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 1: that it's not accusatory, and that it is more of

541
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 1: a concerted effort. You know, if you feel like you

542
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,919
Speaker 1: have a team member, it feels like you're more you know,

543
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,960
Speaker 1: on a team. So I think it's always good to

544
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,439
Speaker 1: frame things as we Like, let's be safer when we

545
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,880
Speaker 1: go out. Let's not rely on guys to be buying

546
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 1: us drinks. Let's have open conversations about you know if

547
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 1: things are bothering us, and this is bothering me, so

548
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,240
Speaker 1: I want us to be able to last long, long

549
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 1: in this friendship. So yeah, those are all good ways

550
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 1: to start the conversation. And you should definitely have that

551
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,200
Speaker 1: conversation with her sooner than later. And listen, if she

552
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,199
Speaker 1: gets upset and she doesn't want to be friends with you,

553
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,399
Speaker 1: then that sucks. But you know, you have to be honest,

554
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 1: and you have to be forthright and truthful, and I

555
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,840
Speaker 1: think it's really powerful to, you know, have people know

556
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,880
Speaker 1: that you're always coming at them with truth, and that's

557
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 1: a great attribute to hold onto. Yeah, and sometimes it's

558
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: just like more fun to go out with your girlfriends

559
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 1: than have to worry about hugging up with a guy.

560
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 1: I used to do that all the time, Like when

561
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 1: I was in my twenties and I'd go out to bars.

562
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 1: It was all about getting guys to buy us drinks.

563
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 1: And I don't even understand why. I think it was

564
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 1: the validity of being hot enough that like, oh, yeah,

565
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 1: I go out and know, you know, I don't have

566
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:46,479
Speaker 1: to pay for anything, and it's like it was just

567
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 1: so it was just such an immature part of my

568
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 1: life and that's what I guess your twenties are are

569
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 1: partly for, not the entire ten years of your twenties,

570
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,280
Speaker 1: which is what I did. But it wasn't like I

571
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: didn't have the money to buy myself a drink. It

572
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: was like this thing like it made me be feel wanted,

573
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 1: Like I wanted to be able to walk into a

574
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 1: bar and just have any guy at my disposal and

575
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 1: be the hottest girl there and and have my friends

576
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 1: know how powerful I was with you know, the way

577
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 1: I looked, in the way I felt, which is all

578
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 1: silly now that I think about it. So it's it's

579
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: not something that you're ever going to look back and

580
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 1: be like, oh yeah, I used to get guys to

581
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 1: pay for my drinks all the time, like high fiving

582
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 1: each other, So you know you want to wrap that

583
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 1: behavior up sooner than later. Anyway. Okay, good luck to you, Brianna.

584
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:33,960
Speaker 1: Let us know what happens. Stay in touch. Yes, and

585
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 1: our next question comes from a caller. This is Katie.

586
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 1: Katie says, dear Chelsea, I'm twenty nine years old and

587
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 1: I'm married with two kids. My whole world revolves around

588
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 1: these kids. I'm so obsessed with them. It hurts. I

589
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 1: still work full time, but I'm always home with them.

590
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 1: Outside of work, I rarely see friends or take much

591
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 1: time for myself. My husband and I have had about

592
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 1: two date nights in the last calendar year. Our youngest

593
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 1: is only five months, which I know, Mina you can

594
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 1: relate to that, and is still in our room at

595
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 1: night for breastfeeding, so intimacy has to be pretty planned out.

596
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 1: When I make plans with friends, I tend to feel

597
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 1: guilty being away from the kids, are leaving my husband

598
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 1: home with both of them, though he never complains. We

599
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 1: don't have many family members around that are capable of

600
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 1: watching the kids, and I'm not comfortable asking anyone I

601
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 1: don't know well, like a teenage babysitter. Obviously, I'm struggling

602
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 1: to balance life as a mother and finding time to

603
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 1: maintain other relationships, needing some encouragement. Katie. Oh my gosh,

604
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 1: Hi Katie, I feel you a Katie. Hi, It's so

605
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. Guys. Hi, how are you? I'm

606
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 1: doing really well? Um, I'm sorry. I have managed to

607
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 1: go this whole pandemic without using zoom at all, so

608
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 1: so this is relatively new for me. I feel like

609
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 1: the new Zoom is docu Sign. For some reason, I

610
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,960
Speaker 1: get five things to docu sign every day when I

611
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 1: used to get five invitations for Zoom. And I'm like,

612
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 1: are we slowly transitioning from Zoom to docu sign where

613
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 1: we just signed documents instead of having to talk to

614
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 1: each other. Well, you're doing fine. You made it happen.

615
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,840
Speaker 1: We can see you and we're both here. I'll let

616
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 1: me to start this because she's a new mother and

617
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: I'm not. Oh gosh, I feel like I mean, my

618
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 1: son's only six months. I am not doing it any better.

619
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 1: I feel you. It's so hard. Yes, it is. And

620
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 1: there have been a couple updates since I sent in

621
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 1: my submission, one of which we did kick our son

622
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 1: out of our bedroom. So that has been huge great congrats. Yes,

623
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 1: so a little private time with me and my husband

624
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 1: after the kids go to bed sometimes just some me time.

625
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 1: That's been a huge improvement there. Oh wow, you sound

626
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 1: like you've really gotten ahead of your own problems though,

627
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: writing in here and already solving like two of them.

628
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 1: Because that's what I was going to suggest, is really

629
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 1: setting time aside for yourself. I also want to just say,

630
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 1: first and foremost is like, you know, this kind of

631
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 1: we always beat ourselves up about the amount of time

632
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 1: we're spending with this person or that person, or the

633
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:10,280
Speaker 1: strength of a relationship or the quality of it. You know,

634
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,040
Speaker 1: I was at a dinner the other night and I

635
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 1: was like, is this quality time? Is this enough quality time?

636
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 1: Like I was trying to stuff it all in, And

637
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:19,880
Speaker 1: when we put that pressure on ourselves, it's just unfair

638
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 1: to the entire situation because it's just unnatural to try

639
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 1: and force Like when you go out with your girlfriends,

640
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 1: you should be able to have that time with them

641
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 1: and enjoy it and not feel guilty about leaving your

642
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 1: husband at home. And he's not making you feel guilty,

643
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 1: So why are you making yourself feel guilty? You know exactly.

644
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 1: And there's a big, I think social media aspect to this,

645
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 1: where every mom is spending tons of quality time and

646
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 1: you know, there's no screen time, and we're exposing them

647
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 1: to all the right things and which thing is going

648
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 1: to screw them up for the rest of their lives?

649
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 1: All that stuff to look at on social media, and

650
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 1: I think everyone's slacking off secretly, and you know, it's

651
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 1: just all curated and I just need to get over myself.

652
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 1: I went over to my friend's house the other day.

653
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 1: Let me just tell you this, and her four year

654
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:11,040
Speaker 1: old through an iPad at her face. This is the

655
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 1: seventh child. No, this is the second child. I have

656
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 1: another friend who throws iPads as well, whose son throws iPads,

657
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaker 1: And I'm so horrified. And just just to let you know,

658
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 1: everyone is slacking off. You know, everyone is completely full

659
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:28,240
Speaker 1: of ship on Instagram at social media about what they're

660
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 1: doing right, and anybody that is really doing the right

661
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:35,320
Speaker 1: thing isn't bragging about it. So nothing replaces real, genuine,

662
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 1: authentic love and time spent. You know, somebody said, or

663
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 1: I think we were talking last one of one of

664
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 1: our last episodes Katherine about quality time versus quantity, Right,

665
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 1: quality versus quantity, and that you can't force it's it's

666
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 1: the quantity of time you spend with somebody that leads

667
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 1: to the quality of time. Right. You don't just meet

668
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 1: somebody on a fly and then all of a sudden

669
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 1: you're able to stuff that into one dinner or one whatever.

670
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 1: And overall, like your presence with your children is going

671
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 1: to come back in spades for you. You caring and

672
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:09,400
Speaker 1: thinking about their well being you caring and thinking about

673
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:12,400
Speaker 1: how much time you're spending and taking care of yourself

674
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 1: as well as setting a side time for you and

675
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,239
Speaker 1: your husband is all that you need to do. That's

676
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 1: all you need to do is just be present and

677
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 1: all of those moments, because every time we're able to

678
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 1: just access our presence right, it always leads to more

679
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 1: and more presence and happiness and less anxiety about what

680
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 1: you're doing wrong and more confidence about what you're doing right. Yeah,

681
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,799
Speaker 1: and you know what, I know that you're exactly right.

682
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 1: And to be honest, I tell people this. I work

683
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 1: in a pediatric hospital. I'm a nurse, and I meet

684
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 1: these parents that are staying in the hospital with their kids,

685
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 1: which is totally appropriate, but at the same time, I

686
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,760
Speaker 1: try and remind them, you know, you need a break.

687
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: You can't take care of your kid if you don't

688
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,320
Speaker 1: take care of yourself. And I say this to people

689
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 1: all the time, and I just don't do it myself.

690
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: I did the same thing we all do that, you know,

691
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:11,959
Speaker 1: I don't know, there's something about I feel like it's

692
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 1: so like embedded though too. My funds only six months,

693
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 1: but I'll wake up with that panic or that like

694
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 1: thanks when you feel like you have to take care

695
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:27,439
Speaker 1: of yourself, but then you feel guilty taking a show.

696
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:31,280
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's hard to describe. But and also

697
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 1: there's that great quote. The advice you give best is

698
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,600
Speaker 1: the advice you need to seek most. You know, That's

699
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,360
Speaker 1: what you're saying. And Katie, Yeah, when you're giving that

700
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 1: advice and dolling it out at the hospital, remember to

701
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 1: direct it right back at yourself. Because you've got all

702
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,520
Speaker 1: the knowledge you need and you've got all the skill

703
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:51,759
Speaker 1: sets you need. It's just about applying it to your

704
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 1: own life rather than giving it out to other people.

705
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:55,839
Speaker 1: I mean, you could do both. Obviously, you don't want

706
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:59,239
Speaker 1: to withhold from giving out great advice to other people either. Yeah.

707
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 1: I really shape you guys given me this time, and

708
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 1: like I said, I know what I need to do,

709
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 1: I just need other people, for some reason, to just

710
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 1: tell me to do it. How's your sex life with

711
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:13,399
Speaker 1: your husband? It's good. It's not what it used to be.

712
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:17,239
Speaker 1: We still are pretty active, but I do still have

713
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:22,359
Speaker 1: some discomfort sometimes from delivery that I maybe need to

714
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 1: talk to someone about. But it has made drastic improvements

715
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,919
Speaker 1: that since, like I said, we kicked our son out,

716
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 1: So yeah, I would imagine that would be a better scenario.

717
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,279
Speaker 1: That is my worst nightmare having waking up and oh,

718
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 1: I slept with my Bert, my baby Bert, who's my dog.

719
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 1: Not to compare my dog to your child, but I

720
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:42,359
Speaker 1: did put trap him in the bed last night because

721
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 1: I'm only home for three nights. I'm on tour, so

722
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,239
Speaker 1: I'm never home. And I had my boyfriend over and

723
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,040
Speaker 1: I had Birt in the bed and he goes, is

724
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:50,960
Speaker 1: he really going to sleep between us? And I go,

725
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:54,120
Speaker 1: don't even fucking say that sentence. Yes, he's going to

726
00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 1: sleep between us. And he's like, what was going to happen?

727
00:36:57,239 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, we're just don't worry. We're gonna have sex

728
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 1: to every thing is gonna work out. Don't get it twisted.

729
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 1: But yeah, I slept with my baby in my bed

730
00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 1: last night. So I can't even pretend that I don't

731
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 1: sleep with my child. As I'm sitting here telling discomfort,

732
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 1: you are always just very aware of the dog for

733
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 1: the baby who might be asleep, but you just always

734
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 1: kind of know they're there. Are I think you know

735
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 1: the thing that kind of keeps popping into my brain too,

736
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 1: as far as like making the time and taking the

737
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:31,240
Speaker 1: time for yourself is sort of like bravery is feeling

738
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: the fear and doing it anyway. I think some of

739
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:36,400
Speaker 1: the most amazing moms that I know in my life

740
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:40,280
Speaker 1: are women who feel the guilt, but they take time

741
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:43,360
Speaker 1: for themselves anyway. They take time for the occasional massage

742
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 1: or just to go be alone for a little while.

743
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 1: And you know, to your point about the way that

744
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 1: social media makes things look too, it's like we don't

745
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:53,839
Speaker 1: really know what's going on in those homes. We don't

746
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:57,359
Speaker 1: know what kind of childcare that person has, we don't

747
00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 1: know what else they have going on. And it's not

748
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:05,279
Speaker 1: always all about being right there there, Nanny's right, right.

749
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 1: And also to just to relate it a little bit

750
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:09,800
Speaker 1: back to Mina's book, you know, like when we avoid

751
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:12,839
Speaker 1: something or ignore something, it doesn't go anywhere. It just

752
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 1: gets deeper embedded in us, you know, and it becomes

753
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 1: our story and our narrative. So like when you ignore

754
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,319
Speaker 1: yourself or your needs or your wants, or you don't

755
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,359
Speaker 1: take the time that you need for yourself, it will

756
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 1: bite you in the ass. So that should be motivations

757
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:28,640
Speaker 1: to take care of it, because that kind of resentment

758
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 1: or however it manifests itself in you and your psyche

759
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,759
Speaker 1: in your body isn't worth it. You know, you want

760
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,080
Speaker 1: to be healthy and strong for your children, so that

761
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:40,640
Speaker 1: means being healthy and strong. I have a friend who's

762
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 1: always like, I don't have time for self help, but

763
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:44,840
Speaker 1: I don't have time for self care. I have three children,

764
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 1: you know, and she has this kind of martyrdom around it,

765
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:50,879
Speaker 1: and it's like, well, and she's always frazzled, and she's

766
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,960
Speaker 1: always at the end of her rope and she's always

767
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 1: about to lose it, and that's no way to go

768
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:59,560
Speaker 1: through life either. Hopefully she's not listening. Yeah, you don't

769
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:03,720
Speaker 1: want to stressful mom? Yeah for sure, Yeah I do.

770
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:06,520
Speaker 1: A couple of people asked when we had our second child,

771
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,399
Speaker 1: are you going to stay home? And that was never

772
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 1: really thought in my head. But I always said, I'm

773
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:14,240
Speaker 1: I'm really a better mom when I can miss them

774
00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:17,319
Speaker 1: just a little bit when I'm at work and I

775
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 1: can come home and you know, cherish that time a

776
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 1: little bit more right, And I think that you speak

777
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 1: for a lot of mothers when you say that. So

778
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 1: your problem is easy. Be grateful. You don't have a

779
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:29,960
Speaker 1: bigger problem. This is easily solved. Yes, you're exactly what

780
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:34,320
Speaker 1: You're exactly you're happy and healthy. Yes, yes they are.

781
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:36,879
Speaker 1: And if you feel this way, you're probably a really

782
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 1: great mom. You know, if you're feeling those much guilt,

783
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 1: then you know you're probably giving them a ton. You're

784
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:46,160
Speaker 1: clearly too because of what you do as your occupation.

785
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:49,239
Speaker 1: You're clearly a giver. You need someone to give you

786
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,800
Speaker 1: a little more. Yeah, time for you now. Yeah, thanks

787
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:56,280
Speaker 1: for calling in, Katie. Yes, I really appreciate your time.

788
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:59,840
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Sure, I love giving parenting advice.

789
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,280
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do. I'm going to teach a parents in class.

790
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 1: I've decided at my pool every morning between nine and am,

791
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 1: so you have a very small window to get there. Yeah.

792
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,680
Speaker 1: Would you like that, Mina. I love it. I love

793
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:15,359
Speaker 1: your advice. I want you to beat my mom. Well.

794
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 1: Our next caller is Gabrielle. She says, Hi, my name

795
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:21,919
Speaker 1: is Gabrielle and I am a twenty five year old

796
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:25,040
Speaker 1: woman lost in the world. My mother's largest goal of

797
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:27,240
Speaker 1: her life was to have a baby with or without

798
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 1: a man. Eventually, after many miscarriages, I popped into her

799
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 1: world at a young age. She told me she had

800
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:36,240
Speaker 1: had an affair with a married man who was my father.

801
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 1: He would show up from time to time in the

802
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 1: first decade or so of my life. The issue is

803
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 1: that he never told his wife or children about me.

804
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:46,239
Speaker 1: I'm still a huge secret. My mother passed away in

805
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,840
Speaker 1: my late teenage years, leaving me to grow up too fast.

806
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 1: The advice I seek is should I break my father's

807
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 1: twenty five years secret and introduce myself to my siblings,

808
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:57,919
Speaker 1: who are now married with children of their own. Deep

809
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:00,880
Speaker 1: down inside, I know revealing myself would stroy their childhood

810
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:02,920
Speaker 1: memories of their father. And to add to that, my

811
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 1: father is a prominent man in a big city, and

812
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 1: revealing myself could make quite the waves for the entire town.

813
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 1: Gabrielle Wow, wow, Hi Hello, Hi, Hi. Oh, how are

814
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,839
Speaker 1: you well? How are you? I'm good, Thank you, I'm good.

815
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 1: I'm sitting here with Mina and Catherine. We just read

816
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,360
Speaker 1: your submission. Wow. That sounds like a lot to be

817
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:27,919
Speaker 1: dealing with on your own. Yeah, you know, honestly, there's

818
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:29,839
Speaker 1: been so many things that have happened since that. It's

819
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 1: kind of one of those things that's in the back

820
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 1: of my mind, doesn't really hold a lot of weight,

821
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:38,440
Speaker 1: but it's something that comes to the forefront, you know,

822
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 1: I mean right off the top of my head. Mina,

823
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:43,920
Speaker 1: tell me if you agree with me, and and also Catherine,

824
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 1: I want to know what you think, because I I

825
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:47,520
Speaker 1: it goes back to what we were talking about earlier

826
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:49,359
Speaker 1: in the episode about everyone has the right to their

827
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 1: own story. And while your identity would be a major

828
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:58,240
Speaker 1: disruption for this person, it's his history and his accountability,

829
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 1: and it's your story, and you have every right to

830
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:03,799
Speaker 1: reach out to him or to reach out to your

831
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 1: brothers and sisters, if that is your right as a

832
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,799
Speaker 1: human being. You know, you don't get to be invisible

833
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 1: because he doesn't want to acknowledge something and you don't

834
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 1: even know if that's still how he feels. You're assuming

835
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 1: it's how he feels, which could be accurate. Well, honestly, Um,

836
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 1: after my mom passed away, I reached out to him,

837
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 1: and this was when I was a freshman in college

838
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:27,920
Speaker 1: and I asked for his help, and he told me

839
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:31,759
Speaker 1: he'd financially helped me if he made sure that this

840
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:35,440
Speaker 1: didn't come to light. And it was just because I

841
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 1: needed a little bit of help with my tuition. I accepted,

842
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 1: you know, so I'm pretty sure, like I know exactly

843
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 1: where he stands on that, and that's really rough, but

844
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 1: that's where I'm at. Yeah, that sounds painful. How did

845
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 1: that make you feel when he said that? A little frustrated?

846
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 1: For sure? I mean I I told him that my

847
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 1: mom had passed, and he didn't even get that into

848
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 1: his head. He's a perfect Catholic, and so he said

849
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:06,839
Speaker 1: that his prayers and thoughts were with me, and then

850
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,439
Speaker 1: I had to like really break it into his head

851
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 1: that like she actually died, it wasn't just something that

852
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:15,200
Speaker 1: like she was going to recover from. Um. It made

853
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 1: me feel really frustrated, But I was thankful to be

854
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 1: able to finish my school because of it, and I

855
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,799
Speaker 1: hated to go to those links. I hated, you know,

856
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 1: being in the predicament just because I went to a

857
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:27,920
Speaker 1: really good school that was a lot of money and

858
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:30,160
Speaker 1: so even with financial aid, I just had a little

859
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:32,279
Speaker 1: bit of a discrepancy that I couldn't come up with.

860
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 1: So it did make me just, yeah, really sad, really sad.

861
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: And that's also something to consider, you know, putting yourself

862
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 1: out there in that way, if it's only to be

863
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 1: rejected and you know, there's no guarantee of being embraced

864
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 1: by your siblings. It sounds like he's not going to

865
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 1: be embracing the situation. Do you want to set yourself

866
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:54,760
Speaker 1: up for that? That's why I came to you, honestly,

867
00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 1: because you know, everybody says you should do it, just

868
00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:58,920
Speaker 1: rip the band aid off, like you deserve this. But

869
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:00,880
Speaker 1: it breaks me out. I mean, I've had a lot

870
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:03,040
Speaker 1: of death in my life. I've had a lot of abandonment,

871
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:07,440
Speaker 1: you know, and uh, I'm not sure if I want

872
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 1: to open myself up to that. But at the same time,

873
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,399
Speaker 1: do I just never say anything? Because if not now,

874
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:17,239
Speaker 1: when I'm actually an adult, when and is it going

875
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 1: to be something I like take to the grave as

876
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,919
Speaker 1: a regret? I don't want that either. Well, what would

877
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 1: be your motivation and reaching out to them to to

878
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 1: develop a relationship, like, what would be your ultimate goal? Yes?

879
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:30,879
Speaker 1: I would like to know my family. I mean I'm

880
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 1: an only child technically other than them, so without a mom,

881
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,240
Speaker 1: without parents stuff like that. I mean, I want family

882
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,880
Speaker 1: just like everybody else does. And who how do you

883
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 1: have in your life that is close to you and

884
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:45,719
Speaker 1: important to you? Um? For a long time. I've been

885
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 1: just like you, Chelsea, and my biggest people in my

886
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:50,719
Speaker 1: life for my dogs. But I have a significant other

887
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 1: now and some of my mom's side of the family.

888
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 1: But it's different when you're just a cousin or a

889
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 1: niece compared to if you were actually, I don't know,

890
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:03,320
Speaker 1: larger member of a family. You know. Yeah, I just worry.

891
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 1: I worry about, you know, if their reaction, which all

892
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 1: sides are pointing into the direction that it's a big

893
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 1: secret and that they're not going to be welcoming you

894
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:12,560
Speaker 1: with open arms. And that's not to say that after

895
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 1: time passes and they're able to digest it, that they

896
00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 1: wouldn't open you with open arms. But I don't want

897
00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:20,440
Speaker 1: you to set yourself up for that kind of rejection

898
00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:23,560
Speaker 1: because that's just going to create more and more reason

899
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:25,839
Speaker 1: for you to go to therapy, you know what I mean.

900
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:29,279
Speaker 1: It's creating, it's creating trauma in a way if it

901
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:32,319
Speaker 1: doesn't go your way. So I before you would even

902
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:34,880
Speaker 1: be able to consider doing that, you would have to

903
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:39,520
Speaker 1: be in such a place of strength and mental health. Right, yeah,

904
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 1: are you actively in therapy? I mean that's something that

905
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:48,680
Speaker 1: I think about. My therapist stopping me and saying that

906
00:45:48,719 --> 00:45:51,799
Speaker 1: she wanted to have a conversation with me before I

907
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:55,239
Speaker 1: spoke with my mother, and that was sort of surprising

908
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:56,880
Speaker 1: to me because I thought, oh, well, you know, I

909
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,360
Speaker 1: was just going to do it on my own, but

910
00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: it was important for her or to, I don't know,

911
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 1: guide me through that or make sure that I was

912
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 1: in the right place. And I also feel like with

913
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 1: what you're saying, it's just like I mean, I think

914
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 1: about my own experience. You're the only one who's going

915
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:14,440
Speaker 1: to know when that time is right, and if you're

916
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: going to take that chance, you're the only one who's

917
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:20,440
Speaker 1: gonna be able to give yourself that answer, because I

918
00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:22,759
Speaker 1: feel like that's the only real way to do it.

919
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 1: I mean, this is important and I think part of

920
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 1: that process, but ultimately, I think you're going to have

921
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,279
Speaker 1: to decide if you're going to take that step or not.

922
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 1: I am actively in therapy. I do have a lot

923
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 1: of friends that are basically like family, and my significant

924
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,960
Speaker 1: other is so supportive. He was even incredibly surprised that

925
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:44,160
Speaker 1: I would write into a show about it because I

926
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:46,320
Speaker 1: am quite private about it. It's not something that I

927
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:50,919
Speaker 1: speak about often, but thanks to my therapist. I've been

928
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 1: trying to come to some sort of conclusion, and Chelsea,

929
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 1: I've even a micro dos to it in mind. For

930
00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:01,120
Speaker 1: that matter, I have really thought about this a lot.

931
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 1: It's just it does I have a fear. I have

932
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 1: a fear of rejection. I mean, it would really stink

933
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:07,759
Speaker 1: to actually go through with all of that and then

934
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 1: for them to, for one thing, maybe not believe me.

935
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:12,720
Speaker 1: I mean that's a huge possibility. How am I supposed

936
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:15,120
Speaker 1: to force them to like swab their mouths or like

937
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 1: to get a DNA you know what I mean? Is

938
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:21,160
Speaker 1: their freedom in that fear? Yeah, yeah, there is there,

939
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 1: definitely is well. And I mean you bring up a

940
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 1: very good point, you know, with twenty three and me

941
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:29,120
Speaker 1: and all these other ways that you can share DNA. Now,

942
00:47:29,239 --> 00:47:31,319
Speaker 1: I mean, if you have done something like that and

943
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:33,919
Speaker 1: one of them decides for the moment like oh, let's

944
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 1: like find out what my ancestry is, and they find

945
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:38,640
Speaker 1: out there's a half sister out there somewhere, you know,

946
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 1: that's kind of a way you can leave that door

947
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 1: open without taking direct action. What was your micro dosing

948
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:47,479
Speaker 1: experience when you micro dosed with this in mind? What

949
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:50,240
Speaker 1: what what came to you. Well, actually, it was funny

950
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:52,759
Speaker 1: that you mentioned tree because I was thinking about that

951
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:54,920
Speaker 1: as well. I mean, that's another huge reason, not just

952
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,799
Speaker 1: because I want family, but because I deserve to know

953
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:00,839
Speaker 1: what I have in my genetics, you don't I want

954
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,879
Speaker 1: to know, like if and when something's going to happen

955
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:05,720
Speaker 1: to me, what runs in the family. Why have people

956
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:08,359
Speaker 1: died on that side? You know? And so that did

957
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:11,760
Speaker 1: come to mind a lot, and I felt more open,

958
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 1: and you know how it gives you the euphoric after effect.

959
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:17,879
Speaker 1: I felt a little more calm and less fearful, but

960
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:21,359
Speaker 1: after a while without micro docing again, than the fear

961
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:25,360
Speaker 1: kind of creeps back in. So I definitely thought of

962
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 1: that idea because that's a huge reason that I really

963
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:29,480
Speaker 1: want to know myself more and I want to know

964
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 1: the people that are related to me. Is that the psilocybin,

965
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:37,719
Speaker 1: Just to be clear, the micro docing Gabrielle is psilocybin. Yes,

966
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:43,640
Speaker 1: I love psilocybin. I've finally gotten over the stomach related

967
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,440
Speaker 1: stuff and found a good way to consume it so

968
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:49,040
Speaker 1: that that doesn't happen. Yeah, sometimes when I take it,

969
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:54,080
Speaker 1: I don't like that stomach feeling too. I get little nauseated. Right, Yeah, yeah, definitely, yeah,

970
00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:56,880
Speaker 1: I don't. I hate that feeling. I but wait, I

971
00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 1: actually have more in common with you and this problem

972
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,600
Speaker 1: that I realized because I just remembered I have a

973
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:05,359
Speaker 1: brother that came out of the woodwork, like ten years ago.

974
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,400
Speaker 1: I forgot that. So there's six kids in my family,

975
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:11,360
Speaker 1: and about ten years ago, maybe eight, I have no

976
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:14,160
Speaker 1: sense of time, maybe eight years ago, this guy contacted

977
00:49:14,239 --> 00:49:16,839
Speaker 1: us and said that my dad was his father. He

978
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 1: looked exactly like my dad, more so than even my

979
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:22,279
Speaker 1: brothers looked like my father. And I guess my dad

980
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 1: had gotten this woman pregnant right before he married my mother,

981
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:28,080
Speaker 1: so it wasn't exactly the same. But it was a

982
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:31,680
Speaker 1: brother that none of us knew we had. I was

983
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:35,799
Speaker 1: probably less interested in learning about him than my brother was.

984
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,839
Speaker 1: One of my brothers became is in touch with him.

985
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:42,320
Speaker 1: They they've met, they've met in person, they communicate online

986
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 1: via email, etcetera. And but he wanted to know about

987
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 1: his genealogy and his history, and he wanted to know

988
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:51,799
Speaker 1: about his health history, and and so he had every right.

989
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:53,960
Speaker 1: I mean, my sister spoke with him at one point.

990
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:56,799
Speaker 1: I think a bunch of people did. I never have,

991
00:49:57,600 --> 00:49:59,360
Speaker 1: And I think it's well, I found out he was

992
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:01,239
Speaker 1: a Republican and so that was a really hard pill

993
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,400
Speaker 1: for me to swallow. But I think people will have

994
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:06,920
Speaker 1: different Do you know how many children are in that family? Um?

995
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:10,080
Speaker 1: Yes too, and they're both females. Yeah. I was just

996
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:12,440
Speaker 1: gonna say, if it had been a woman, I wouldn't

997
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:15,400
Speaker 1: have hesitated no matter what to meet with her because

998
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 1: I would want that feeling and I would want to

999
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:20,680
Speaker 1: acknowledge her. For some reason. Because it was a man,

1000
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:23,880
Speaker 1: I didn't feel that need. I guess because I'm just

1001
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 1: so close with my two sisters. I'm close with my

1002
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 1: brothers too, but it just doesn't even compare. You know,

1003
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 1: men are so stupid, so my sisters are just so powerful.

1004
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 1: So I mean, in that sense, I think there's a

1005
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:37,280
Speaker 1: different tie and a different poll once you get past

1006
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 1: the hurt. So I think if you get to a

1007
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 1: place where you feel confident and you and again what

1008
00:50:41,719 --> 00:50:44,160
Speaker 1: Mina said is absolutely true. It has to be your decision.

1009
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:46,480
Speaker 1: It's not going to be my decision for you. But

1010
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:48,239
Speaker 1: if you get to a place where you feel like

1011
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 1: that is absolutely what you must do. Writing a letter

1012
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:56,600
Speaker 1: in advance to them breaking it down, breaking it down

1013
00:50:56,600 --> 00:51:00,200
Speaker 1: from your perspective that you're alone, you're an only child,

1014
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,279
Speaker 1: you lost your mother. You just wanted to reach out

1015
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 1: to your family members, and that you'll understand if they

1016
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:09,520
Speaker 1: don't respond, or you know, you don't even have to

1017
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:12,040
Speaker 1: say you understand whatever is true to you, you know,

1018
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,759
Speaker 1: giving them time to digest that. I think most well

1019
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:19,400
Speaker 1: rounded women would want to reach out to another woman

1020
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:23,239
Speaker 1: and you can't really understand what their personalities are or

1021
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,799
Speaker 1: anything like that, but given sometimes to digest that information,

1022
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:30,480
Speaker 1: I think would produce a different result than obviously anything

1023
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 1: more dramatic like showing up or calling or any of

1024
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:37,160
Speaker 1: those things. Not that that's what you had planned. Well,

1025
00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:39,480
Speaker 1: I think you had a really good point to Chelsea,

1026
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:41,960
Speaker 1: where we think of this as like they might reject

1027
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 1: you or they might accept you, but you might have

1028
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:46,000
Speaker 1: sort of a mixed bag where one of them is

1029
00:51:46,040 --> 00:51:48,000
Speaker 1: really interested in meeting you and getting to know you,

1030
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:50,719
Speaker 1: and the other one isn't as interested in that. So

1031
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:54,280
Speaker 1: you know, there's there's that potentiality too. I know that's

1032
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,400
Speaker 1: something that happened with a friend of mine. She found

1033
00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 1: out as an adult after her parents had passed that

1034
00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:00,440
Speaker 1: while they had split up for a couple of years,

1035
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 1: her father had had a child with someone else, and

1036
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:06,360
Speaker 1: two of her siblings want to have a relationship and

1037
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,800
Speaker 1: the other two don't so, and your health history is

1038
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:10,839
Speaker 1: your business. Anyway, I suppose you could get that from

1039
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 1: your father. Anyway, you could email him directly and say

1040
00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 1: that you need that information, which you should do. That

1041
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:19,600
Speaker 1: was true, and Nina's right. I need to do it

1042
00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:22,879
Speaker 1: when I feel like I'm ready to do it. And

1043
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:26,279
Speaker 1: you are also right in saying that writing a letter

1044
00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 1: instead of just showing up is definitely a better idea. Yeah,

1045
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:34,839
Speaker 1: I just wanted to say you're such a beautiful, wonderful person, Gabrielle.

1046
00:52:34,840 --> 00:52:39,840
Speaker 1: Really thank you. You know, we all come from somewhere,

1047
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:43,920
Speaker 1: but I need to just have such a grasp over everything.

1048
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:47,480
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's really impressive, and you should give

1049
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 1: yourself a lot of credit. Yeah, you should, thank you.

1050
00:52:51,600 --> 00:52:54,880
Speaker 1: You should, absolutely, Gabrielle, and also recognize how wonderful it

1051
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:57,359
Speaker 1: is to have a partner that you trust and that

1052
00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:59,759
Speaker 1: you love, and that you have so many friends like

1053
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:01,759
Speaker 1: you mentioned, there are a lot of people out there

1054
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:03,600
Speaker 1: that don't feel like they have any of those things.

1055
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:06,399
Speaker 1: So you're so ahead of the game, and like, if

1056
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 1: you if you want to live in that world, you

1057
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:11,440
Speaker 1: already have enough to draw from from that. You've created

1058
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 1: your own family, and so looking outside of that into

1059
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:19,279
Speaker 1: a situation that is unknown isn't necessarily going to be

1060
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 1: the most productive thing for you. Yeah, you're right, I'm

1061
00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:24,879
Speaker 1: going to take that into mind. Hopefully one day I'll

1062
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:26,960
Speaker 1: be able to just pull that band aid off and

1063
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 1: at least give them the opportunity to have their feelings

1064
00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:33,239
Speaker 1: about it, rather than mulling it over in my head

1065
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:36,480
Speaker 1: repeatedly coming up with scenarios that may not play out

1066
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:40,120
Speaker 1: that way. Yeah, there's a lot of conjecture and speculation

1067
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:42,120
Speaker 1: that we put into things that may or may not

1068
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:44,919
Speaker 1: ever come to fruition. And that's our brain at work

1069
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:48,160
Speaker 1: and our ego at work. And so enjoying what you

1070
00:53:48,239 --> 00:53:50,960
Speaker 1: have and and relishing all of the wonderful things that

1071
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,080
Speaker 1: you already have going for you, which we can all

1072
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:56,120
Speaker 1: tell that you've got your ship together in a big way.

1073
00:53:56,160 --> 00:54:00,200
Speaker 1: That's big, you know, celebrate that and enjoy that. And

1074
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:04,360
Speaker 1: disrupting the situation in the way that you're talking about

1075
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:07,759
Speaker 1: is something that really needs to be seriously thought out.

1076
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:10,080
Speaker 1: And obviously you are thinking about it, but it doesn't

1077
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 1: seem like you're ready to do that, and you don't

1078
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:14,759
Speaker 1: have to make that decision tomorrow or the next day

1079
00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:17,360
Speaker 1: or the next day. An opportunity may present itself for

1080
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 1: you in the future where then it makes total sense

1081
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:23,560
Speaker 1: to do it, you know, yeah, when you know, yeah,

1082
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:27,680
Speaker 1: it'll happen that moment. Thank you, guys. Yeah, we deserve

1083
00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:30,800
Speaker 1: to be happy to you. Don't forget that. Yes, of course,

1084
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:33,560
Speaker 1: I've definitely taken all the traumatic things that have happened

1085
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:36,520
Speaker 1: in my life and used humor dark humor. It's a

1086
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 1: really big leaning point in my life and finding the

1087
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:44,600
Speaker 1: light even when it seems like there isn't any You

1088
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:47,760
Speaker 1: have to find some way to turn your perspective because

1089
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:50,040
Speaker 1: that's really all you have. As you're saying that, there's

1090
00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:52,439
Speaker 1: all these light beams coming down on you in your

1091
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:54,320
Speaker 1: car while we're watching you. So I just want you

1092
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:58,880
Speaker 1: to know the lights has found you. Thank you guys. Yes, okay,

1093
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:01,600
Speaker 1: gabriel We'll take care and keep us posted if anything changes,

1094
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,239
Speaker 1: let us know if you do contact them, just keep

1095
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:08,080
Speaker 1: us posted if anything develops. Definitely will do. Thank you

1096
00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:11,680
Speaker 1: guys so much. Thanks Gabrielle. Well let's take a quick break.

1097
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:14,919
Speaker 1: But I think there's more to unpack with Gabrielle's story. Okay, yeah,

1098
00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:21,880
Speaker 1: let's take a break after that. She's that's a tough one. Wow,

1099
00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:25,719
Speaker 1: that's heavy. Yeah, and especially her feeling this guilt around

1100
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:30,239
Speaker 1: having accepted money in exchange for her silence, and you know,

1101
00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:32,439
Speaker 1: to me, it doesn't feel like that's something that needs

1102
00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:35,640
Speaker 1: to buy her silence forever. No, no, no, I agree

1103
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:37,760
Speaker 1: with you and that he doesn't get to buy her silence.

1104
00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:39,960
Speaker 1: You know, I was going to suggest, you know, I

1105
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:41,879
Speaker 1: was thinking while she was on the call, I was like, oh, well,

1106
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 1: maybe she should wait until the father dies. And I'm like, wait,

1107
00:55:44,239 --> 00:55:46,560
Speaker 1: why is she no, she should do whatever she really

1108
00:55:46,560 --> 00:55:49,319
Speaker 1: wants to, because why I get let him off the hook.

1109
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 1: You know, he's the one that is worried about it

1110
00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:55,239
Speaker 1: coming to the four. But yeah, that is a It's

1111
00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:57,839
Speaker 1: just it's just so heavy to think about that and

1112
00:55:57,880 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 1: the kind of need that we all feel about wanting

1113
00:56:01,200 --> 00:56:05,560
Speaker 1: those familial bonds that desire to be loved by the

1114
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:10,960
Speaker 1: people that have rejected you. Well, that humans need desire

1115
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 1: or connection. I mean, can I ask what the status

1116
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:21,000
Speaker 1: is of you and your mom's relationship I'm pending. Yeah,

1117
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:24,239
Speaker 1: it's generational trauma too, you know what I mean, Like

1118
00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:27,000
Speaker 1: we just had a perfect example of it, you know,

1119
00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:31,080
Speaker 1: and how these things just keep going. Yeah, I mean

1120
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:34,200
Speaker 1: again what I did. I never wanted it to be

1121
00:56:34,239 --> 00:56:36,640
Speaker 1: a blame game. I never wanted this to be about

1122
00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:39,000
Speaker 1: like you didn't do this for me. I'm very aware

1123
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:40,840
Speaker 1: of how Like even though I'm sure I'm going to

1124
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:42,560
Speaker 1: give everything to my son, I'm sure he'll come up

1125
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:46,279
Speaker 1: with some reason amy, you know. But that's the thing too,

1126
00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:52,040
Speaker 1: the process of doing that, it's like I now gone

1127
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:54,640
Speaker 1: into a whole different space of like what it must

1128
00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:57,040
Speaker 1: have been like for my mom right when I was

1129
00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:59,880
Speaker 1: the fourth child? Was I lost in the mix or

1130
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:02,239
Speaker 1: a lot of things my mom experienced because she was

1131
00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:06,040
Speaker 1: younger that didn't give her a chance to be a

1132
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:09,719
Speaker 1: mature enough parental figure. And that's not her fault for

1133
00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:11,759
Speaker 1: me just trying to be present, do the work and

1134
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:15,359
Speaker 1: break that that pattern. Yeah, And I think when you

1135
00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:17,960
Speaker 1: put that effort forth and you get the results back

1136
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 1: at dividends, and it doesn't necessarily happen just when you

1137
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:24,160
Speaker 1: want it or where you when your crack open that conversation,

1138
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 1: because it is a prolonged conversation. It doesn't happen overnight,

1139
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:31,880
Speaker 1: but it does feel like when people are really honest,

1140
00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:36,520
Speaker 1: painfully honest with themselves, you really benefits that you just

1141
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 1: weren't aware were of even available to your life and

1142
00:57:39,800 --> 00:57:42,520
Speaker 1: to your psyche and you know, even trying if you

1143
00:57:42,560 --> 00:57:44,840
Speaker 1: think about it as an investment for your relationship with

1144
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:48,320
Speaker 1: your own child and breaking that intergenerational trauma, like I

1145
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:50,800
Speaker 1: don't want to repeat the patterns of my mother, And yes,

1146
00:57:51,040 --> 00:57:53,400
Speaker 1: my mother is not a bad or good person, like

1147
00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:56,560
Speaker 1: you know, what happened between your relationship doesn't classify somebody

1148
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:59,200
Speaker 1: as bad or as good because we're not taking into

1149
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:01,480
Speaker 1: account their his three I didn't until I went to

1150
00:58:01,560 --> 00:58:04,000
Speaker 1: therapy like you, Mina, I never even took into account

1151
00:58:04,160 --> 00:58:06,760
Speaker 1: what my mother was dealing with, what my father was

1152
00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:10,200
Speaker 1: dealing with, what they've experienced when they lost their son,

1153
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:12,240
Speaker 1: who was my brother. To me, it was like my

1154
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:14,400
Speaker 1: brother's dad, my brother's dad. To my parents, it was

1155
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:18,200
Speaker 1: their kid. So until you become a fully realized or

1156
00:58:18,240 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 1: a self actualized adult, you can't even contemplate what other

1157
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:25,480
Speaker 1: people went through. And that is the meaning of being

1158
00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:30,160
Speaker 1: healthy is understanding that everyone's experience is different and everyone

1159
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:34,120
Speaker 1: has their own perspective, and the blame game is about

1160
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:37,760
Speaker 1: as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle because it

1161
00:58:37,800 --> 00:58:40,800
Speaker 1: gets you nowhere. And that is a narrative, a narrative,

1162
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:43,800
Speaker 1: a narrative that just runs out of gas as soon

1163
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:46,480
Speaker 1: as it's someone else's fault. Then you're not taking ownership

1164
00:58:46,520 --> 00:58:50,000
Speaker 1: over anything about yourself. Yeah, that's like how I lived

1165
00:58:50,040 --> 00:58:54,439
Speaker 1: my life for the most part, blaming people. You mean, well, yeah,

1166
00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:57,720
Speaker 1: like and just racing towards this idea of perfection, you know,

1167
00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 1: and like holding up everyone up instant. So yeah, it's

1168
00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:03,560
Speaker 1: a lot healthier for me now to just be open

1169
00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:07,720
Speaker 1: and honest and real and talk about these things and

1170
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:11,960
Speaker 1: working on myself. And you know, something interesting also that

1171
00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:14,560
Speaker 1: I've heard before and that you write about in your

1172
00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:17,720
Speaker 1: book is about how after you would have you know,

1173
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 1: intimacy or have an orgasm, that was when it would

1174
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:23,040
Speaker 1: come into your body where you would kind of break

1175
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 1: down and really become vulnerable in those moments. And I've

1176
00:59:26,520 --> 00:59:29,080
Speaker 1: heard that before, and I find it so interesting because

1177
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:32,160
Speaker 1: everything we were learning is that all of our trauma

1178
00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:35,800
Speaker 1: lives in our bodies, right, so we react in ways

1179
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 1: that we're not aware of when we're hit with these

1180
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:41,240
Speaker 1: emotions and when we're hit, and it just relives and

1181
00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:44,280
Speaker 1: replays in your body, in your body until you go

1182
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:47,439
Speaker 1: inside and fix the problem. And Yeah, there's a great

1183
00:59:47,520 --> 00:59:50,560
Speaker 1: book called The Body Keeps the Score. I'm reading that

1184
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:53,479
Speaker 1: one right now. And then there's an amazing documentary called

1185
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:57,240
Speaker 1: The Wisdom of Trauma. Totally recommend me. Is they're like

1186
00:59:58,200 --> 01:00:02,080
Speaker 1: mind blowing, like the best therapy you could ever get.

1187
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:05,480
Speaker 1: This book's really helping me make a lot of connections

1188
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:08,919
Speaker 1: and understand all of that behavior. It's really all laid

1189
01:00:08,960 --> 01:00:11,240
Speaker 1: out in there. Yeah, I've heard about that book. I'm

1190
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:12,880
Speaker 1: going to read that. Actually, that's a book I need

1191
01:00:12,920 --> 01:00:14,440
Speaker 1: to read The Body Keeps the Score because I've heard

1192
01:00:14,440 --> 01:00:17,000
Speaker 1: that what happened for me is because of the rate,

1193
01:00:17,320 --> 01:00:21,400
Speaker 1: the way that sex was intertwined with it, I turned

1194
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:25,240
Speaker 1: over and started bawling, And so I believe that was

1195
01:00:25,280 --> 01:00:28,320
Speaker 1: the trauma that came out upon that release. So there's

1196
01:00:28,320 --> 01:00:32,120
Speaker 1: always some form of trigger, right, that was the tension.

1197
01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:35,560
Speaker 1: I mean, I've had moments too, like, yeah, my adrenals

1198
01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:39,960
Speaker 1: are shot. I've had moments too where something's happened for

1199
01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:43,160
Speaker 1: me and like my hands start shaking, because my body

1200
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:45,400
Speaker 1: is reacting to it. So this is what I mean.

1201
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:48,080
Speaker 1: This book, I'm telling you it is gold and you

1202
01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:52,080
Speaker 1: you you It literally tells you how it's proven. How

1203
01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:55,720
Speaker 1: are one of our hemispheres literally shuts down during the

1204
01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:59,760
Speaker 1: experience of trauma, you know. So these are the conversations

1205
01:00:59,800 --> 01:01:02,640
Speaker 1: to have. It's not so much like trauma builds character.

1206
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:06,000
Speaker 1: I mean, people literally cannot write their brains around it.

1207
01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:08,680
Speaker 1: So it's sort of a disservice to say, like snap

1208
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:12,840
Speaker 1: out of it. The communication isn't happening. So a lot

1209
01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:15,160
Speaker 1: of the work that I have to do is is like, oh,

1210
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:18,480
Speaker 1: holy sh it, my hand shaking. Let me try to

1211
01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:22,760
Speaker 1: work with my thoughts here to actually calm my system

1212
01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:27,360
Speaker 1: down right. To me, that was the biggest gift because

1213
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:32,280
Speaker 1: it truly helped me like understand how to help myself.

1214
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:34,880
Speaker 1: Because I think that's like the biggest thing is people

1215
01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:36,840
Speaker 1: think like, oh, I'm the only one who's experiencing this.

1216
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:39,840
Speaker 1: I'm totally lost, you know, I'm lost upon myself. I

1217
01:01:39,840 --> 01:01:43,040
Speaker 1: have no control, and you really do. I mean, like

1218
01:01:43,280 --> 01:01:45,480
Speaker 1: truly and again, in the wisdom of trauma, be or

1219
01:01:45,600 --> 01:01:47,880
Speaker 1: Mate is like my hero. I love this man. I

1220
01:01:47,880 --> 01:01:49,680
Speaker 1: want to put him in my pocket and like carry

1221
01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:53,560
Speaker 1: him everywhere. He's such a genius and he just expresses

1222
01:01:53,600 --> 01:01:56,920
Speaker 1: that like the most just literally in and of itself.

1223
01:01:56,920 --> 01:01:59,360
Speaker 1: How powerful is it to just understand that it's just

1224
01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:03,720
Speaker 1: your react ship to the trauma. It's not you. Oh

1225
01:02:03,800 --> 01:02:07,800
Speaker 1: my God? Like that right there is stone boarded to

1226
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:10,600
Speaker 1: just remember and to work with. Yeah. I was talking

1227
01:02:10,640 --> 01:02:12,960
Speaker 1: to Joe last night about it. When I was reading

1228
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 1: your book. I was telling him about it, and I

1229
01:02:14,840 --> 01:02:16,960
Speaker 1: was saying, you know what our brains do when we

1230
01:02:17,120 --> 01:02:19,360
Speaker 1: experience that trauma. You know how we go into We

1231
01:02:19,400 --> 01:02:21,320
Speaker 1: have to shut down to survive. You have to go

1232
01:02:21,360 --> 01:02:24,640
Speaker 1: into denial about what is happening in order to survive

1233
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:28,240
Speaker 1: the incident because otherwise it's too painful and we don't

1234
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,720
Speaker 1: have the skills to deal with that kind of pain.

1235
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:32,959
Speaker 1: And he was like, well, what happens when you get

1236
01:02:32,960 --> 01:02:35,360
Speaker 1: that knowledge and then you have trauma? And I was like, well,

1237
01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:39,280
Speaker 1: I think when you get that knowledge, nothing becomes that traumatic.

1238
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:41,800
Speaker 1: And he said, well, know what if you know all

1239
01:02:41,800 --> 01:02:43,600
Speaker 1: the things you know and you've been to the therapy,

1240
01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:45,560
Speaker 1: you get that you go into denial and then you

1241
01:02:45,640 --> 01:02:48,680
Speaker 1: have a traumatic experience. And I said again, I go

1242
01:02:48,760 --> 01:02:50,760
Speaker 1: I just don't think it's the same level of trauma.

1243
01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:53,400
Speaker 1: Like you've been through something before, you can have a reaction. Yes,

1244
01:02:53,560 --> 01:02:56,040
Speaker 1: a building can collapse, or you could be in a

1245
01:02:56,040 --> 01:02:58,840
Speaker 1: plane crash, or you could get you know, sexually assaulted.

1246
01:02:59,080 --> 01:03:01,800
Speaker 1: Those things are all possibilities. But I think once you've

1247
01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:04,640
Speaker 1: lived through that and understand the way that all works,

1248
01:03:05,200 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 1: you don't go into a denial phase. But it could

1249
01:03:08,120 --> 01:03:10,400
Speaker 1: go the other way because interestingly enough, in the book,

1250
01:03:10,440 --> 01:03:12,680
Speaker 1: what they talk about is how the trauma in and

1251
01:03:12,720 --> 01:03:16,560
Speaker 1: of itself has a beginning middle in anet and so

1252
01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:20,760
Speaker 1: sometimes it can backfire. So when we're reliving things were

1253
01:03:20,800 --> 01:03:24,520
Speaker 1: being triggered, we don't know where we're at. Right right

1254
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:28,280
Speaker 1: doesn't have that cycle anymore, And that's why I like,

1255
01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:32,280
Speaker 1: for me, i'll start shaking or the balling comes up,

1256
01:03:32,440 --> 01:03:35,480
Speaker 1: because all that tension, it's all just there. So I

1257
01:03:35,560 --> 01:03:37,760
Speaker 1: guess the thing that I try to do, and what

1258
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:39,520
Speaker 1: I've done over the years is just let it out,

1259
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:42,880
Speaker 1: allow it to come out. I don't want to incorporate

1260
01:03:42,920 --> 01:03:45,400
Speaker 1: it anymore into my body, so I just work to

1261
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:49,360
Speaker 1: allow myself to express it, yes, and not resist it,

1262
01:03:49,480 --> 01:03:54,520
Speaker 1: never resist it. Yeah, because I think upon resistance we

1263
01:03:54,800 --> 01:03:58,240
Speaker 1: just create more disease in the body. That's just my opinion. No,

1264
01:03:58,400 --> 01:04:00,240
Speaker 1: I think that's true. I think that's very true. I

1265
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:02,960
Speaker 1: think we're all learning that now. People they think the

1266
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:05,480
Speaker 1: body is just like, you know, this thing that we're

1267
01:04:05,520 --> 01:04:09,120
Speaker 1: that's carrying us around. It's like it's carrying everything around.

1268
01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:12,400
Speaker 1: And we have such a short time here, even though

1269
01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:15,120
Speaker 1: it feels like it goes on and on and on.

1270
01:04:15,240 --> 01:04:19,840
Speaker 1: Sometimes we have so many experiences and they happen so quickly,

1271
01:04:20,240 --> 01:04:22,760
Speaker 1: and you know, most of us have an experience and

1272
01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:25,280
Speaker 1: then we have fifty tho other experiences before you can

1273
01:04:25,320 --> 01:04:27,919
Speaker 1: even digest what happened to you. So being in touch

1274
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:29,800
Speaker 1: with your body is never going to steer you down

1275
01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:31,840
Speaker 1: the wrong path. It's only going to make you stronger

1276
01:04:31,880 --> 01:04:36,840
Speaker 1: and healthier. Yeah, mind, mind, body spirit, right, that's right.

1277
01:04:36,920 --> 01:04:41,280
Speaker 1: That's right, sister, Mind, body spirit, openness. Don't resist pain,

1278
01:04:41,840 --> 01:04:45,840
Speaker 1: let it out, grieve, cry, deal with your trauma and

1279
01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:49,240
Speaker 1: let it out, because that is the way to extinguish

1280
01:04:49,280 --> 01:04:51,440
Speaker 1: it if it's ever going. I said this to my

1281
01:04:51,480 --> 01:04:55,000
Speaker 1: girlfriend yesterday. She was like, I didn't expect to be

1282
01:04:55,040 --> 01:04:57,640
Speaker 1: in this kind of pain. And remember you're not alone,

1283
01:04:57,680 --> 01:05:00,520
Speaker 1: I'm telling you. Watching the wisdom of trauma. It truly

1284
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:03,520
Speaker 1: changed my life after everything that I've gone through and

1285
01:05:03,560 --> 01:05:07,560
Speaker 1: the work that I'm still doing. Just truly understanding that,

1286
01:05:07,640 --> 01:05:11,840
Speaker 1: like every time you're entering the world, it's just it's

1287
01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:17,160
Speaker 1: all trauma up against one another. It's it's it's It

1288
01:05:17,240 --> 01:05:20,000
Speaker 1: gave me the ability to just hold even more space

1289
01:05:20,040 --> 01:05:23,440
Speaker 1: and compassion for other people and to not feel like

1290
01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:25,600
Speaker 1: again because I was just I feel like trauma just

1291
01:05:25,640 --> 01:05:27,440
Speaker 1: makes you feel like you're alone, and then you're just

1292
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:30,880
Speaker 1: piste off all the time. And then when you just

1293
01:05:30,960 --> 01:05:32,920
Speaker 1: realize like, oh, we all kind of are like to

1294
01:05:32,960 --> 01:05:35,880
Speaker 1: a certain extent, it just feel like next level about

1295
01:05:35,880 --> 01:05:38,720
Speaker 1: this documentary and it can really push us into this space.

1296
01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:41,160
Speaker 1: We have to communicate more with one another. We have

1297
01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:44,760
Speaker 1: to understand that we're not alone. It's like it's reached

1298
01:05:45,160 --> 01:05:49,240
Speaker 1: the breaking win and I think we can just work

1299
01:05:49,320 --> 01:05:52,440
Speaker 1: with each other more, you know, and understanding that we

1300
01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:56,120
Speaker 1: all have that right instead of like looking at Instagram

1301
01:05:56,120 --> 01:05:59,880
Speaker 1: and acting like none of us do and constantly holding

1302
01:05:59,880 --> 01:06:03,560
Speaker 1: ourselves up against something that is real. Yeah, it'd be

1303
01:06:03,640 --> 01:06:08,480
Speaker 1: nice when Instagram goes away, won't it. Actually? Yeah, I

1304
01:06:08,480 --> 01:06:13,040
Speaker 1: wanted to just like overheat, self destruct maybe Instagram can

1305
01:06:13,120 --> 01:06:15,240
Speaker 1: go to the moon with Elon Musk and whoever else

1306
01:06:15,360 --> 01:06:17,640
Speaker 1: is going to the moon there it is. Yeah, they

1307
01:06:17,680 --> 01:06:20,320
Speaker 1: can save it for that civilization that they create up there.

1308
01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:22,160
Speaker 1: They can give Instagram to them. Will be like, we

1309
01:06:22,240 --> 01:06:24,560
Speaker 1: have this leftover from Earth. Would you mind taking it

1310
01:06:24,640 --> 01:06:27,560
Speaker 1: from us because we can don't know? And it was fun,

1311
01:06:27,640 --> 01:06:29,800
Speaker 1: but I feel like it's like we have to. We

1312
01:06:29,840 --> 01:06:32,400
Speaker 1: have two gifts for you, Instagram and climate change, and

1313
01:06:32,440 --> 01:06:36,760
Speaker 1: they're all yours. Goodbye. Anyway, Mina, it's been a pleasure

1314
01:06:36,800 --> 01:06:38,960
Speaker 1: speaking with you. I'm glad you wrote this book. It

1315
01:06:39,080 --> 01:06:42,880
Speaker 1: was really powerful. I want to encourage anybody who suffered

1316
01:06:42,880 --> 01:06:46,160
Speaker 1: trauma please pick this up and know that you're not alone,

1317
01:06:46,160 --> 01:06:48,760
Speaker 1: and people who haven't. It's a great book to get

1318
01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:51,800
Speaker 1: into the psyche of a lot of women in this

1319
01:06:51,880 --> 01:06:54,520
Speaker 1: world and a lot of people who have suffered things

1320
01:06:54,560 --> 01:06:57,040
Speaker 1: that you know. Maybe you haven't, but it's so important

1321
01:06:57,040 --> 01:06:59,840
Speaker 1: to understand what that is like and why how that

1322
01:07:00,040 --> 01:07:03,280
Speaker 1: develops in a person, and how patterns of behavior are

1323
01:07:03,360 --> 01:07:06,040
Speaker 1: so hard to break but when they do, Oh my god,

1324
01:07:06,120 --> 01:07:08,600
Speaker 1: you have like a whole new world. Thank you, thank

1325
01:07:08,640 --> 01:07:12,840
Speaker 1: you for having me. I'm so grateful. Really, it was

1326
01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:16,000
Speaker 1: our pleasure. Thank you, Mina, have a great day. Thank

1327
01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:19,080
Speaker 1: you you too. Okay, take care all the best, lots

1328
01:07:19,080 --> 01:07:24,080
Speaker 1: of love, take care okay. Well, in conclusion, Catherine, I'm

1329
01:07:24,200 --> 01:07:27,920
Speaker 1: eager to well. I guess I'm still thinking about Gabrielle

1330
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:30,120
Speaker 1: and I stick with you, I know. And then I

1331
01:07:30,160 --> 01:07:33,160
Speaker 1: remembered my brother that I haven't even spoken to, you know,

1332
01:07:33,280 --> 01:07:36,080
Speaker 1: I had no interest in meaning him. And then I thought,

1333
01:07:36,080 --> 01:07:38,000
Speaker 1: oh god, am I going to tell her that? But

1334
01:07:38,080 --> 01:07:41,400
Speaker 1: then I just figured I had to because it's the truth.

1335
01:07:41,680 --> 01:07:44,080
Speaker 1: And yeah, I have no interest in getting to know

1336
01:07:44,680 --> 01:07:47,000
Speaker 1: my half brother. I don't know what that says about me,

1337
01:07:47,160 --> 01:07:49,360
Speaker 1: but that's how I feel. Well, I think, just like

1338
01:07:49,440 --> 01:07:51,880
Speaker 1: Mina said, if it becomes the right time, I think

1339
01:07:51,920 --> 01:07:55,000
Speaker 1: you'll know, you know, you're feeling might change on that.

1340
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:57,800
Speaker 1: I just I think also because I have so many siblings,

1341
01:07:57,960 --> 01:08:02,520
Speaker 1: it's just like, oh, not another one. That's how I feel. Like,

1342
01:08:02,840 --> 01:08:09,000
Speaker 1: Wait a second, we're our party bus is full? Uh?

1343
01:08:09,120 --> 01:08:11,040
Speaker 1: Would you want to if you found out that you

1344
01:08:11,080 --> 01:08:13,760
Speaker 1: had a half brother or a half sister that contacted you,

1345
01:08:13,800 --> 01:08:16,960
Speaker 1: what would your reaction be? Do you think? I think shock,

1346
01:08:17,040 --> 01:08:21,400
Speaker 1: of course first, and then interestingly, actually, in my family,

1347
01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:25,040
Speaker 1: my dad is that person. He found out like all

1348
01:08:25,040 --> 01:08:27,360
Speaker 1: of his family when he was in his mid twenties,

1349
01:08:27,400 --> 01:08:30,240
Speaker 1: and he was he was he was the sort of

1350
01:08:30,600 --> 01:08:34,040
Speaker 1: secret baby who like everyone knew about, but he didn't

1351
01:08:34,040 --> 01:08:36,519
Speaker 1: meet any of his family he was in his mid twenties,

1352
01:08:36,560 --> 01:08:38,479
Speaker 1: and so I grew up just knowing all of his

1353
01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:41,800
Speaker 1: siblings as like my aunts and uncles, but found out

1354
01:08:41,880 --> 01:08:43,920
Speaker 1: later in life like, oh no, these are all his

1355
01:08:44,040 --> 01:08:47,080
Speaker 1: half siblings. And I mean, I think if that was

1356
01:08:48,240 --> 01:08:50,600
Speaker 1: my situation, I would want to know them because in

1357
01:08:50,680 --> 01:08:53,960
Speaker 1: my family, it's very like cool one more great, like

1358
01:08:54,040 --> 01:08:56,960
Speaker 1: let's add another, whether it's Thanksgiving or something. If there's

1359
01:08:56,960 --> 01:08:59,040
Speaker 1: a friend who doesn't have somewhere to go, where someone

1360
01:08:59,320 --> 01:09:00,920
Speaker 1: doesn't have a place to stay for a couple of weeks,

1361
01:09:00,960 --> 01:09:02,840
Speaker 1: they would always come stay at our house. And so

1362
01:09:03,640 --> 01:09:07,000
Speaker 1: I think after the shock war off, I think I

1363
01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:09,120
Speaker 1: would be open to meeting them. Does everyone have a

1364
01:09:09,160 --> 01:09:11,880
Speaker 1: secret sibling? I think that's the title of this episode.

1365
01:09:12,840 --> 01:09:16,559
Speaker 1: I think it might be okay, well, problem solved. Okay.

1366
01:09:16,640 --> 01:09:18,360
Speaker 1: With regard to my stand up, you guys, I have

1367
01:09:18,439 --> 01:09:22,879
Speaker 1: added seven or thirty cities, I'm not sure, but thirty cities.

1368
01:09:23,320 --> 01:09:26,439
Speaker 1: We've added des Moines, We've added your request people, people

1369
01:09:26,479 --> 01:09:30,599
Speaker 1: who requested Louisville, Kentucky. Guess fucking what I'm coming. We've

1370
01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:33,519
Speaker 1: added Montclair, New Jersey. We've added a whole slew of cities,

1371
01:09:33,560 --> 01:09:36,720
Speaker 1: So if you have not gotten your tickets yet, do

1372
01:09:36,800 --> 01:09:41,760
Speaker 1: it Chelsea handler dot com. We just announced thirty more cities,

1373
01:09:42,280 --> 01:09:45,200
Speaker 1: twenty seven or thirty Niagara Falls. I'm talking to you too,

1374
01:09:45,439 --> 01:09:49,439
Speaker 1: so stuck on that. I'll see everybody on tour, loving it,

1375
01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:53,559
Speaker 1: vaccinated in horny. Bye. Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be

1376
01:09:53,560 --> 01:09:54,240
Speaker 1: back next week