WEBVTT - Chapter 4 - 1973 0:00:01.080 --> 0:00:06.520 Warning, this episode contains descriptions of domestic violence. Listener discretion 0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:13.680 is advised. Lighthouse is a production of iHeartRadio and Bamfur productions. 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:17.920 When you're eighteen and full of ambition, you don't always 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:20.520 think things through. Of course, I was happy to be 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:23.520 out of Lighthouse, away from my crumbling family life and 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:26.720 the oppressive darkness that lived there. For the first time 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:30.120 in my entire life, I finally felt free, free to 0:00:30.200 --> 0:00:33.360 pursue what I desired, free to make my own choices, 0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:36.880 and free from the overbearing gloom that I had grown 0:00:36.960 --> 0:00:40.120 so accustomed to. College was a high point in my 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:44.440 life and will forever remain just that. But college doesn't 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:47.960 last forever. The lulls and studying come more often than 0:00:48.000 --> 0:00:51.199 I realized. When I left Lighthouse at eighteen, I was 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:53.800 so sure I wouldn't have to return until I was 0:00:53.840 --> 0:00:57.240 done with my degree, and even then I was hopeful 0:00:57.280 --> 0:01:00.160 to get a job straight from there. You don't think 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:04.520 about the holidays or summer breaks, where they often force 0:01:04.600 --> 0:01:08.160 you to leave campus, sending you back home, or people 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:13.200 often enjoyed the times with their families, not me. If possible, 0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:15.200 I tried to avoid going back to the house by 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:18.440 either staying with new friends, taking on odd jobs to 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:22.440 pay for off campus housing, or in one situation, hiding 0:01:22.520 --> 0:01:25.160 out in my dorm room for two weeks hoping that 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:28.319 no one would notice. But during times I had nowhere 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:32.280 else to go, nowhere else to turn, I returned to Lighthouse, 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:36.240 much to my dismay. Even then, I tried to spend 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:38.800 as much time out of the house as possible, but 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:41.640 at the end of the day, the outcome was the same. 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:45.520 I had to return home. My days and nights there 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:47.319 were filled with more of the same as when I 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:51.160 was a child, restless evenings and encounters with the various 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:54.960 entities that roamed its halls. I did my best to 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:58.560 ignore them, avoiding spots I knew they would frequent, but 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:02.920 sometimes it was impossible not to engage, and my family 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:06.520 was well. Things with them were getting worse by the day. 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:09.000 A part of me was sad I couldn't do anything 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:11.200 to fix it, But the rest of me was just 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:13.320 glad I didn't have to watch it unfold before my 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:16.639 eyes in real time. As much as I wanted to help, 0:02:17.200 --> 0:02:20.200 I couldn't help those who didn't want to help themselves. Instead, 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:24.440 I merely saw snapshots flashes of the deterioration every three 0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:26.560 months or so when I spent time at the house. 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:29.480 When I first left for college, I thought my life 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:33.079 was finally just beginning. But when I was finished with college, 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:37.639 which unfortunately was not on my own terms, I realized 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:40.480 how low life could get. I had no choice but 0:02:40.639 --> 0:02:43.720 to return to Lighthouse then. But that was not even 0:02:43.720 --> 0:02:46.440 the worst of it. No, that was to come shortly 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:49.919 after I moved back home and realized that Lighthouse demanded 0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:54.480 a sacrifice, one that my family would pay for. In 0:02:54.600 --> 0:03:33.600 Blood Lighthouse, Chapter four, nineteen seventy three. Over my years away, 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:37.960 my family drifted further and further apart. My father, drunk 0:03:38.000 --> 0:03:41.360 and unemployed, spent what little he had from workers' compensation 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:45.080 on his vices, spending long days still in his study. 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.160 When he wasn't in there, he was often getting angry 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:51.720 at the slightest altercations, beating my mother for them, and 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:55.840 then falling asleep back in his study. It was a 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:58.960 cycle that was off repeated, and while I was thankful 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:00.880 to not be privy to it while I was away, 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:05.160 the moments I did see broke my heart. My mother 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:07.520 tried to stand up for herself a few times, but 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:12.000 over the years she stopped trying. She would never win 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:14.240 in these fights, and though she once had some sway 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:17.560 over my father's actions, she had lost that since moving 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:20.600 into the house. Instead, she coped in her own way, 0:04:21.400 --> 0:04:24.400 taking solace in a bottle of her own. She was 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:28.919 often lost in her thoughts, staring into space, perhaps imagining 0:04:28.960 --> 0:04:33.200 a better life for herself. She once stood tall, a smart, 0:04:33.279 --> 0:04:37.760 respectable woman, conscious of her appearance and self worth. Now 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:40.440 she was lucky if she even got dressed for the day. 0:04:41.120 --> 0:04:45.200 Alcoholism was beginning to run in the family. Cleanie was 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:50.400 well despite our meager age difference, it was obvious that 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:54.240 Lighthouse had stunted her growth and maturity. While there were 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:57.480 flashes of her acting like a mature young adult, she 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:00.640 seemed to be stuck as an eight year old version 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:04.960 of herself. She wasn't making many friends at school and 0:05:05.000 --> 0:05:09.280 often spent her time isolated, much like my parents. However, 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:13.680 she had a friend, Abigail, who she spoke of often. 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:16.240 She spent much of her time with her in the 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:21.720 dark room. Unfortunately, those things concerned me the days leading 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:25.240 up to my eventual return to Lighthouse. For breaks, I 0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:28.600 was often thrown into a terrible depression. My mood would 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:32.680 dampen and I was inconsolable. My sleep was plagued with nightmares, 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:37.280 nightmares about everything the house had to offer, and sometimes, 0:05:38.000 --> 0:05:41.200 just sometimes, I thought I would catch glimpses of the 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:44.560 man in the hat around campus. It was silly to 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:46.880 think that, of course, as I was sure that he 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:50.320 couldn't be anywhere but the house. I did have a 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:53.160 bright spot, someone that could make me feel better and 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:55.279 showed me that the world I wanted to live in 0:05:55.400 --> 0:06:00.800 was worth fighting for. His name was Mark Henderson. I 0:06:00.880 --> 0:06:04.040 met Mark shortly after I arrived at college. I was 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:07.080 assigned a room, but a few weeks in I began 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:10.039 to have issues with my roommate. Instead of waiting it 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:12.479 out until the next semester, my roommate went behind my 0:06:12.560 --> 0:06:15.239 back to complain about me to the housing authority, which 0:06:15.279 --> 0:06:19.359 resulted in my getting a room change, which thankfully worked 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:22.280 out to my advantage. Anyway, on the day of the move, 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:25.760 I lugged my suitcases across campus to my new building. 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:29.520 As the light rain began to fall, I tripped over 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:31.640 something on my way, perhaps a rock or my own 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:34.680 clumsy feet, and even though I was fine when the 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:38.359 suitcases hit the ground. One of them sprang open, clothing 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:41.159 spilled all over the sidewalk, and with the rain coming 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:44.800 down harder, they were getting soaked. I quickly dropped to 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:47.760 my knees, embarrassed and began to grab at everything. The 0:06:47.800 --> 0:06:50.320 wind was picking up and caught some of my shirts 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:53.440 in the breeze, taking them further away. I was about 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:56.880 to cry in despair, thinking that I would never catch 0:06:56.920 --> 0:07:03.200 them when he appeared. A strong and handsome Mark grabbed 0:07:03.200 --> 0:07:06.200 the wayward clothing for me and helped me gather everything 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:08.920 back to where they were supposed to be. I had 0:07:08.960 --> 0:07:11.680 never met him before that moment, but he was kind 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:13.960 enough to carry my suitcases for me the rest of 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:18.080 the way. Once inside, both of us drenched, I got 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:22.480 my first good look at him and instantly fell in 0:07:22.520 --> 0:07:25.679 love and to think all of that before he even 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:30.280 introduced himself. After that, we were inseparable aside from a 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:32.960 few puppy love encounters when I was a young girl, 0:07:33.560 --> 0:07:37.320 Mark was my first true boyfriend the entirety of my 0:07:37.600 --> 0:07:41.040 college career. We were together. I spent some holidays with 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:43.840 him and his family, and even went on vacation a 0:07:43.880 --> 0:07:47.320 time or two. We grew close and I shared everything 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:52.120 with him, everything but lighthouse. Whenever the topic of my 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:55.320 family came up, I tried to divert to something else. 0:07:56.000 --> 0:07:58.840 Most of the time, Mark was respectful enough to understand, 0:07:58.880 --> 0:08:02.480 but he did try to at times. The tiny morsels 0:08:02.520 --> 0:08:05.720 of information I gave him seemed to sate his curiosity, 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:08.040 but I knew eventually I would have to talk to 0:08:08.120 --> 0:08:11.680 him about it, especially since as we got closer to 0:08:11.760 --> 0:08:15.200 our senior year we began to talk about our future together. 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:19.680 I only mentioned Mark to my family once before realizing 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:23.280 that it was better not to. My mother seemed wholly uninterested, 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:26.040 her entire view of marital bliss having gone down the 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:29.320 drain in recent years. Leani took an attitude as if 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:31.320 I thought I was better than she was for having 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:34.160 a boyfriend, and it just started a fight with my father, 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:37.120 as he didn't like his little girl spending so much 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:39.800 time with a boy. I'll rip his throat out if 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:42.440 he lays a hand on you, he said, his violent 0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:45.720 nature seeping out again. The irony of him saying as 0:08:45.800 --> 0:08:48.640 much while he was abusing my mother was not lost 0:08:48.679 --> 0:08:51.280 on me. It was all so strange that he became 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:53.840 so protective in that moment, since he had been so 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:57.160 distant for years, perhaps it was meant to be more 0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:01.680 controlling than anything else. He ranted raved After that, I 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:04.800 let him go until he tired out, and he collapsed 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:07.440 back in his easy chair before running to my room 0:09:07.480 --> 0:09:11.000 to cry. When I got back to college, Mark consoled 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:14.160 me over it. He sensed what a toxic environment it 0:09:14.240 --> 0:09:17.480 was there, but he wrongfully assumed it was just because 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:21.080 of my family. But he was so kind and sweet 0:09:21.200 --> 0:09:24.120 to me and assured me that after school ended, I 0:09:24.160 --> 0:09:26.800 wouldn't have to go back to that house ever again 0:09:26.880 --> 0:09:29.640 if I didn't want to, and I didn't want to, 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:33.719 I wanted to be with him. Unfortunately, he didn't get 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:37.160 to keep that promise. At the beginning of our next semester, 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:39.920 I found Mark consoling another young co ed in our 0:09:39.960 --> 0:09:42.160 bed when I came home from class early one day. 0:09:42.520 --> 0:09:45.440 He had been consoling many others in our bed over 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:49.720 the years, because college was a time to have some fun. 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:53.480 I had staked my entire life on this man, only 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:56.520 for him to break my heart into a million pieces. 0:09:57.000 --> 0:09:59.440 I watched the life we had planned together, the one 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:01.599 I had cared fully constructed, and my head over the 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:05.679 years crumble before my eyes. I dropped out of school 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:08.760 during my final semester. I should have stuck it out, 0:10:09.200 --> 0:10:11.679 since I had worked so hard, but it was too 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:14.800 late to find affordable housing, and Mark was in all 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:17.880 my classes. I couldn't handle going to a class and 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:21.360 seeing him there every single day. The heartbreak was too 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:24.560 much to handle. I packed my things and within a 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:28.480 week I was back at Lighthouse. As the cab pulled 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:32.440 up to the long driveway, a house looming in the distance, 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:36.440 my heart dropped to my stomach. I didn't want to 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:38.920 be there. I didn't want to get stuck in a 0:10:39.000 --> 0:10:41.240 rut like the rest of my family and be chained 0:10:41.320 --> 0:10:44.080 to a place I hated. I didn't want to lose 0:10:44.160 --> 0:10:48.600 myself in Lighthouse with no hope of ever getting out. Foolishly, 0:10:49.160 --> 0:10:52.080 I put all my eggs in one basket with college 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:54.880 and with Mark, and when the rug was taken out 0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:59.000 from under me, I had no backup plan. Now I 0:10:59.040 --> 0:11:00.959 was forced to come up with the new life plan, 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:04.840 will be trapped there forever. When the cab stopped in 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:07.360 front of the house to let me out, I happened 0:11:07.360 --> 0:11:11.280 to glance to the third story window. Standing there behind 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:15.360 the glass was the man in the hat. A ghastly 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:18.839 smile formed on his lips as he tipped his hat 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:23.760 in my direction, welcoming me back home. I read something 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:28.400 more into this gesture, something far more sinister. As he 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:32.000 disappeared backward into the shadows, I saw something more than 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:36.240 a simple greeting. This was a message, a message that 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:40.200 said I belonged to Lighthouse, and no matter what I 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:50.079 did to get away, there was no escape. Lighthouse will 0:11:50.120 --> 0:12:12.920 return after these messages. And now back to Lighthouse. Being 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:15.120 as how, it was early February and I should have 0:12:15.160 --> 0:12:18.000 been in class. My mother was unsure of who I 0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:21.040 was when I found her in the solarium. I startled 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:23.720 her out of a mid day stupor, an empty bottle 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:26.360 of Chardonnay by her side on one of the long couches. 0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:30.640 Her glassy eyes were unfocused in the sharp sunlight, and 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:34.080 at first she confused me for LENI. When I helped 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:36.480 her sit up and told her it was me, she 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:38.319 shook her head as if to try to shake the 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:41.839 drunk away. Her hands cold and clammy, reached out for 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:45.280 me and cuppt my face. A smile appeared as she 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:48.720 kissed my forehead, telling me she was happy I came home, 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:52.920 until her expression changed. She asked me why I was home. 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:57.280 I hadn't cried on any one's shoulder, let alone my mother's, 0:12:57.480 --> 0:13:01.160 for years, but in that moment I needed her more 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:04.400 than ever. I let it all out, from the blissful 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:07.840 ignorance of my relationship with Mark to the eventual downfall 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:11.320 of our life together. She listened. For the first time 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:14.319 in forever. I felt like my mother was truly there 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:17.280 for me. She caressed my hair as I poured my 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:20.000 heart out, and continued to hold me until the tears 0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:23.560 stopped flowing. When I finally lifted my head up, she 0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:25.760 looked at me and told me how sorry she was, 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:29.400 right before she slapped me across the face. I was 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:32.000 too shocked to feel it at first, but my hand 0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:36.600 instinctively went to my cheek. Foolish girl, she uttered as 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:40.160 it began to stink. You should know better. She walked 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.960 out of the solarium, leaving me alone to cry again, 0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:46.800 but this time for a wholly different reason. I sobbed 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:51.440 in silence, my eyes looking toward the lighthouse outside. Later 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:54.400 that night, I somehow mustered up enough courage to join 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:57.839 my family for dinner. My mother was already seated, leaning 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:00.320 by her side, holding on to that teddy bear she 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:03.000 found in the dark room. Once Leni saw me, she 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:05.600 bounded up and wrapped me in a big hug. I 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:09.240 hadn't seen her since I returned, as she presumably was 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:12.040 in the dark room, but seeing her now did bring 0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:14.640 a tiny bit of joy to my day. I fiercely 0:14:14.679 --> 0:14:18.160 hugged her back. I'm so happy you're home, she whispered 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:21.800 in my ear. Before I could respond, she followed up with, 0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:25.840 Abigail is too. At the mere mention of the name, 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:29.720 my body unconsciously recoiled back from her, but she didn't 0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:32.920 seem to notice. She sat back down, placing Abigail on 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:35.640 the table next to her plate as I studied her. 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:39.160 Dinner had apparently come in the middle of her applying makeup, 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:41.560 as there was a dark patch on her right cheek 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:44.840 where she apparently started to apply some rouge and then 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:47.600 stopped to come down to eat. We picked out our 0:14:47.600 --> 0:14:50.840 food for a few minutes, an undercooked chicken that my 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:55.080 mother didn't mind risking salmonel for when, much to my surprise, 0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:58.800 my father appeared in the doorway. He had somehow tore 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:02.000 himself away from his busy schedule of locking himself away 0:15:02.040 --> 0:15:05.440 in his study to join us. He slumped down into 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:08.440 his chair and looked up at me, and then to 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:12.200 my mother. What's she doing here? He asked? To everyone 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:16.840 but me, there is home now, my mother replied. My 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:20.840 father finally looked back at me. School's done, he asked, 0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:24.240 it is for me? I told him, miserably, still picking 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:27.480 at my dinner. What's that supposed to mean? He said, 0:15:28.000 --> 0:15:30.800 She and Mark broke up. My mother chimed in. Before 0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:33.360 I had a chance to say anything else, he cheated 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:36.680 on her. A silence fell over the table, no one 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:39.480 quite sure what to say next. I was embarrassed that 0:15:39.560 --> 0:15:41.960 my mother told my father, as I would have preferred 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:44.080 to tell him on my own terms. But it was 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:47.440 out in the open now, with no going back. My 0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:50.760 father broke the hush on his own good, he said, 0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:53.360 shoveling a forkful of half wrought chicken in his mouth. 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:57.120 I never liked him anyway. Abigail never liked him either, 0:15:57.600 --> 0:16:01.440 LENI followed with quickly. My father roared at her in response, 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:04.520 What did I tell you about Abigail? He yelled, leaping 0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:06.560 from his seat with a quickness. I wasn't aware he 0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:08.920 was still capable of I told you I don't want 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:11.440 her anywhere near the dinner table let alone. You speaking 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:13.560 that name in this house again? Do you hear me? 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:17.200 Leni's eyes looked down at her plate, quick to comply, 0:16:17.680 --> 0:16:21.920 A meek sorry escaped her lips. What was that? He 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:25.360 roared again, still staring at her. Her eyes darted in 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:28.360 his direction for a second before looking away again. It 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:30.440 dawned on me then that the dark spot was not 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:34.600 an interrupted make up attempt, but instead a bruise, one 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:37.800 that looked fairly fresh. At some point, my father had 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:41.880 apparently added hitting my sister in his repertoire. I'm sorry, 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:45.520 she said, louder this time, all the while my mother 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:49.320 ignored the goings on. That's what I thought, he said, 0:16:49.840 --> 0:16:51.880 You listen to me, if you know what's good for you, 0:16:51.880 --> 0:16:54.520 you hear It was clear to me that things had 0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:57.600 degraded even further in the past few months, With both 0:16:57.600 --> 0:16:59.760 my sister and my mother living in fear of my 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:03.440 each was eager to ignore the plights of the other 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:06.199 as a way to escape his wrath, if only for 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:09.760 a few seconds. But now that I was home, now 0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:12.680 that I was forced to be here again. It wasn't 0:17:12.720 --> 0:17:16.120 how I wanted to live. I refused to be under 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:20.040 his thumb, meekly obeying him. No one was standing up 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:22.520 to him. No one said a thing, but I wasn't 0:17:22.520 --> 0:17:24.880 going to stand for that. I don't know what came 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:28.320 over me then, but a single word escaped my lips. No. 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:32.919 The room fell silent again. Leani gave me only the 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:36.480 briefest of glances, clutching Abigail tight while my mother turned 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:42.480 her head. My father, still standing, slowly walked over to me, 0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:47.040 rubbing the scar on his palm a feat of champions 0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:50.840 in his apparently inebriated state. He placed a hand on 0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:53.639 the back of my chair and leaned in close, his 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:58.240 sour breath causing me a bit of nausea. What was that, smartmouth? 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:02.240 I turned my head and looked him square in the eyes, 0:18:02.880 --> 0:18:05.480 stealing all of my nerves to stand up to him, 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:10.600 I said no. I felt the impact of his hand 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:14.000 before I saw it. A backhanded slap sent me sprawling 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:16.600 off the chair and onto the dining room floor. My 0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:20.199 father's eyes burned with hatred as they stared down at me. 0:18:21.080 --> 0:18:24.919 How dare you, he bellowed, you ungrateful little bitch. I 0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:27.639 said nothing. I just laid there on the floor, my 0:18:27.720 --> 0:18:31.200 hand cradling my face from his hit. In a single day, 0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:34.560 both my parents had struck me, and the emotional repercussions 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:37.440 of that were worse than the physical ones. You think, 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:39.919 just because you run off and leave your family to 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:42.560 get an education, that you can disrespect a man in 0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:46.400 his own goddamn house, you think you're so goddamn special. 0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:50.400 He was working himself up into a frenzy, now, spittle 0:18:50.440 --> 0:18:53.240 flying from his lips as he raised his voice higher 0:18:53.280 --> 0:18:57.000 and higher. His avalanche of emotion scared me as it 0:18:57.040 --> 0:19:00.000 was apparent that he kept all the sin for years. 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:03.080 It up to all come out at once. I don't 0:19:03.080 --> 0:19:05.480 care what fancy books you learn from out there, but 0:19:05.600 --> 0:19:09.840 this year is my house, my house, and you will 0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:14.399 obey my rules. To accentuate his point, he took my 0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:17.960 chair and tossed it backwards, shattering the wood backing. My 0:19:18.080 --> 0:19:21.240 sister flinched as it cracked, while my mother finally looked 0:19:21.240 --> 0:19:25.879 in my direction, my eyes silently pleading for help, anyone's help, 0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:28.879 But neither of them moved muscle. As my father continued, 0:19:29.520 --> 0:19:32.399 if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have been in 0:19:32.400 --> 0:19:36.040 this mess. You know. You forget all I did for you, 0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:39.640 all the money I spent on you, trying to make 0:19:39.720 --> 0:19:42.280 you well. But if you're going to be back here, 0:19:42.600 --> 0:19:44.960 you're going to have to learn some respect. And I'll 0:19:44.960 --> 0:19:47.480 be goddamned if you don't respect me in my own 0:19:47.600 --> 0:19:51.040 goddamned house. And if you don't, I will teach you 0:19:51.160 --> 0:19:56.000 some respect. You understand me, do you? Every part of 0:19:56.040 --> 0:19:59.320 my brain screamed at me to agree to say whatever 0:19:59.400 --> 0:20:01.639 needed to be. He said, to stop this before it 0:20:01.680 --> 0:20:05.520 got any worse, but something inside me refused to do so. 0:20:06.040 --> 0:20:08.800 I couldn't stop the words from spilling from my lips, 0:20:08.800 --> 0:20:11.760 and I regretted them almost as soon as they came out. 0:20:12.480 --> 0:20:17.960 Fuck you. The air in the room changed. It became 0:20:18.080 --> 0:20:21.840 stale and lifeless, like we were running out of the 0:20:21.880 --> 0:20:25.560 fine eye amount of oxygen. We were locked in therewith lean. 0:20:25.640 --> 0:20:29.119 He gasped, and my mother looked, shocked that such words 0:20:29.119 --> 0:20:32.320 would ever be uttered in her presence, and my father 0:20:33.520 --> 0:20:37.040 fire raged behind his eyes as his brain began to 0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:42.480 comprehend the disobedience I had displayed behind him in the 0:20:42.560 --> 0:20:46.600 darkening hallway, over his left shoulder stood the man in 0:20:46.640 --> 0:20:51.439 the hat. He looked on, a smile crossing his face 0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:55.240 as he nodded his head, clearly enjoying how the scene 0:20:55.280 --> 0:20:59.720 was unfolding before him. You little bitch, my father said, 0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:02.280 d my attention back to him as he undid his 0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:06.560 belt and wounded around his hand. I'll teach you some respect. 0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:11.159 He whipped me with the belt, the buckle, slashing a 0:21:11.240 --> 0:21:15.160 thin cut across my arm. I cried in surprise, beads 0:21:15.160 --> 0:21:18.879 of blood falling onto the floor. I crawled backward, trying 0:21:18.880 --> 0:21:21.240 to get away, but the buckle found its target again 0:21:21.600 --> 0:21:25.200 and again my arm, again, my leg, and even once 0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:29.480 across my cheek. My father kept coming toward me, dark 0:21:29.560 --> 0:21:33.720 circles growing under his eyes, and his body stinking of 0:21:33.800 --> 0:21:37.400 sweat every strike. I begged him to stop, and yet 0:21:37.400 --> 0:21:40.640 he didn't. I finally backed up against the wall as 0:21:40.680 --> 0:21:44.040 he stood towering over me. I put my hands up 0:21:44.080 --> 0:21:46.359 to my face to block the next blow as he 0:21:46.400 --> 0:21:50.880 prepared one, but it never came. I chanced to look 0:21:51.760 --> 0:21:54.359 and saw that my mother had grabbed the belt and midswing, 0:21:54.440 --> 0:21:57.600 preventing it from hitting me again. Get away from her, Henry, 0:21:57.960 --> 0:22:01.399 she said, with a slight tremble in her voice. He 0:22:01.440 --> 0:22:05.560 turned to her, his fury growing, but my mother didn't care. 0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:09.160 Despite her flaws, she had had enough of his abuse. 0:22:09.840 --> 0:22:13.200 She looked at me and shouted run. I didn't hesitate. 0:22:13.400 --> 0:22:16.080 I got up, ran towards Leanie and pulled her with 0:22:16.160 --> 0:22:17.879 me out of the room. We ran out of the 0:22:17.920 --> 0:22:20.000 dining room and into the main hall. Behind us, we 0:22:20.080 --> 0:22:23.760 heard our father strike our mother, the impact reverberating through 0:22:23.800 --> 0:22:26.800 the house, but we didn't stop. Self preservation was the 0:22:26.840 --> 0:22:30.000 only thing on our mind. I directed us towards the stairs. 0:22:30.240 --> 0:22:32.439 My hope was that we could barricade ourselves in a 0:22:32.520 --> 0:22:34.800 room up there while we called for help. We had 0:22:34.840 --> 0:22:37.639 only taken the bottom step when he appeared around the corner, 0:22:37.920 --> 0:22:41.080 a murderous gleam in his eye. Get back here, you 0:22:41.160 --> 0:22:44.200 little bitches. We bound up the stairs as fast as 0:22:44.240 --> 0:22:47.040 we could. He gave chase, taking the steps two at 0:22:47.040 --> 0:22:49.360 a time to close the gap between us. My mother 0:22:49.440 --> 0:22:53.000 appeared behind him as well, still trying to stop the madness. 0:22:53.440 --> 0:22:55.600 Once we were up the stairs, we made down the 0:22:55.600 --> 0:22:58.159 hall for one of the spare bedrooms. We passed a 0:22:58.200 --> 0:23:01.119 window and I could see the lighthouse in though it 0:23:01.200 --> 0:23:04.159 was dark. Earlier. That was no longer the case. The 0:23:04.200 --> 0:23:07.200 glow was back. I was distracted. It stopped me cold 0:23:07.240 --> 0:23:10.320 in my tracks. I stared at it, the glowing pulsing 0:23:10.440 --> 0:23:13.479 brighter than I had ever seen, as if energized by 0:23:13.480 --> 0:23:16.120 the goings on in the house. This frightened me more 0:23:16.119 --> 0:23:18.840 than anything else, because it meant that it was going 0:23:18.880 --> 0:23:22.120 to get worse. This momentary distraction was all the time 0:23:22.160 --> 0:23:24.720 my father needed to gain on us. Thankfully, he tripped 0:23:24.760 --> 0:23:26.760 on the top step, giving us a few seconds to 0:23:26.920 --> 0:23:28.840 escape and my mother time to catch up with him. 0:23:29.160 --> 0:23:32.200 She threw herself at him, jumping onto his back, clawing 0:23:32.200 --> 0:23:34.680 at his face. Hell hath no fury like a woman 0:23:34.720 --> 0:23:37.080 protecting her young, and I was never more glad to 0:23:37.119 --> 0:23:39.240