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Speaker 1: Good.

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Speaker 2: All right, break it down.

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Speaker 1: If you ever have feelings that you just won home,

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Speaker 1: Amy and Cat gotcha covin likecking?

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Speaker 2: No, brother, Ladies and folks.

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Speaker 1: Do you just follow an the spirit where it's all

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Speaker 1: of the front over real stuff to the chill stuff

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Speaker 1: and the m But Swayne, sometimes the best thing you

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Speaker 1: can do it just.

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Speaker 2: You feel things.

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Speaker 1: This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.

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Speaker 2: Happy Tuesday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy and I'm Kat.

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Speaker 2: And what are we We're finally getting into fear and glad,

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Speaker 2: a core feeling we've been waiting on for quite a bit.

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Speaker 2: What core feelings have we covered so far? Lonely, sad, sad, angry, shame, guilt.

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Speaker 1: You're counting and I'm counting.

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Speaker 2: Where are we at? I know we've covered lonely, hurt, sad, angry, shame, guilt, boom,

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Speaker 2: and now we have two more. Yeah. So if you

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Speaker 2: missed those episodes, they're the past three Tuesday episodes on

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Speaker 2: the Feeling Things feed. So look at a calendar, match

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Speaker 2: up the dates and catch up on those because we

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Speaker 2: are going through all the core feelings, which are very

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Speaker 2: important when it comes to understanding well your feelings in

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Speaker 2: yourself and yourself and others. And today we're finally getting

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Speaker 2: to fear. And the reason why Kat and I are like,

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Speaker 2: we're finally to fear is because we were actually going

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Speaker 2: to do this as the second Feeling Things Core Feelings episode,

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Speaker 2: but I knew I wanted to talk about my boyfriend

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Speaker 2: and I just wanted to wait, and I'm glad we did.

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Speaker 2: There was just some things we were already now on

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Speaker 2: his side, my side. We had therapy in between, and

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Speaker 2: I think the therapy gave me a lot of clarity

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Speaker 2: around my fear.

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Speaker 1: And the cool thing about that is the lawnmower ruined

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Speaker 1: that episode, that's right, the weed whacker or whatever. So

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Speaker 1: it was what does that make possible? And this it's

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Speaker 1: going to be so much better because I've had all

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Speaker 1: those conversations. You can talk about it more freely, You've

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Speaker 1: learned more things, you understand your fear more now.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, therapy is such a game changer. And

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Speaker 2: that's what most important me that you're here, because this

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Speaker 2: is a therapy podcast. We're all about that. So before

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Speaker 2: we get into the core feelings that we do have

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Speaker 2: our feeling of the day, and I actually asked my

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Speaker 2: boyfriend what he was feeling around us, and because I thought, well,

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Speaker 2: you can be a part of the episode and we'll

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Speaker 2: make your feeling our feeling of the day, I said, so,

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Speaker 2: what are you feeling today and he said, I'm feeling

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Speaker 2: excited because we have our trip to Charleston coming up.

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Speaker 2: That's what he gave me for my birthday. And we

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Speaker 2: don't get a lot of one on one time together

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Speaker 2: because I've got two kids, he has three kids, and

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Speaker 2: we're both working professionals and we have lives outside of

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Speaker 2: each other, so sometimes we can go a minute without

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Speaker 2: getting some real quality time. So we're excited for Charleston.

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Speaker 1: And I and you've never been.

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Speaker 2: I've never been, so I also am excited, so we'll

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Speaker 2: get into the game. An impairment around that word. And

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Speaker 2: then just as we were about to hang up, because

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Speaker 2: another thing that I'm feeling though, and I said, oh,

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Speaker 2: tell me more, is encouraged. And I was like, well,

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Speaker 2: that's a really good feeling too. That is different, but

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Speaker 2: both excited and encouraged fall under glad. Yeah, and the

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Speaker 2: two core feelings we're talking about today are fear and glad.

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Speaker 1: Glad.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you nailed it well.

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Speaker 1: I also am feeling excited today, so I'm on the

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Speaker 1: same page because last today's Yeah, last night, I had

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Speaker 1: this idea, and I think I'm talking about this because

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Speaker 1: I think, well, I want other people to do this

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Speaker 1: with me, because I'm having fun with it. I had

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Speaker 1: this idea come to me. I've always want to be

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Speaker 1: in a book club, but I don't want to read

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Speaker 1: the book because I want to read the book that

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Speaker 1: I want to read and not the one that like

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Speaker 1: the club's reading. So I decided, why don't I start

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Speaker 1: a movie club where I don't have to spend as

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Speaker 1: much time reading the book. And I imagine a movie

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Speaker 1: club is in my eyes, more fun than a book club.

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Speaker 1: But I guess a lot of book clubs the don't

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Speaker 1: actually talk about the book you'll do one.

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Speaker 2: I was in a book club in two thousand and

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Speaker 2: two thousand and nine, I think.

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Speaker 1: Why do you remember the year?

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Speaker 2: Because I lived in North Carolina and I really didn't

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Speaker 2: have them any friends, and book club was not at

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Speaker 2: the top of my list of things to do. However,

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Speaker 2: because I was in a city or a town where

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Speaker 2: I didn't have a lot of friends. I only moved

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Speaker 2: there because my husband at the time was in the

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Speaker 2: Air Force, and we were in Southern Pines, North Carolina,

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Speaker 2: and there was a group that started a book club,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, I need friends. I'll read how did

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Speaker 2: you We'll read We'll read for friends. So I went

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Speaker 2: and it actually was a lot of fun and they

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Speaker 2: would definitely talk about the book.

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Speaker 1: Did you make friends?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean we were closer, and of course we

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Speaker 2: got together and then we would, you know, have that

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Speaker 2: in common. And it was a small town so sometimes

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Speaker 2: if I run into them, I'd be like, what chapter

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Speaker 2: are you on? And it kind of gives you something

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Speaker 2: to talk about, you know. But it was fun. I mean,

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Speaker 2: but you also talked about other things in Up On Live.

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Speaker 2: So to your point, it's not solely focused on the book.

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Speaker 2: I mean there's drinks and snacks and hang time and

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Speaker 2: it definitely nurtured the relationships.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, so I have a friend that is in

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Speaker 1: a book club and she'll post them and they the

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Speaker 1: like snacks and decor and stuff every time they meet

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Speaker 1: is the theme of the book, which I thought was

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Speaker 1: really cute. So I said, I'm not going to do that.

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Speaker 1: I will start a movie club. So myself, my husband

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Speaker 1: and two other couples are doing this movie club where

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Speaker 1: once a month or whenever we can make it work,

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Speaker 1: one person picks a movie, they don't tell us what

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Speaker 1: it is, and then you have to cook dinner for

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Speaker 1: us themed of out of that movie. It doesn't have

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Speaker 1: to be like food that's in the movie. If you

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Speaker 1: had a movie that was in Italy, you could have

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Speaker 1: Italian food. And then I really wanted there to be

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Speaker 1: like decor involved, and then like maybe you dress up

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Speaker 1: like the characters. And then like I said, well, you

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Speaker 1: don't know if somebody is gonna like like the movie

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Speaker 1: and it might be one of those things where they

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Speaker 1: don't pay attention. So we should like have a quiz

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Speaker 1: at the end. Whoever gets the most questions right wins

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Speaker 1: a prize themed out of the movie. And they are

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Speaker 1: all were like, so we'll just do the dinner and

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Speaker 1: the movie so you.

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Speaker 2: Don't have to watch it and then show up and

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Speaker 2: talk about it. Y'all are all watching it together. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: OK night, But I mean leave it to you to

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Speaker 2: like try to form some sort of a way for

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Speaker 2: you to be best in class. You're like, I get

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Speaker 2: an a.

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Speaker 1: I think I was more concerned of like they might

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Speaker 1: not want to watch my movie. So I'm going to

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Speaker 1: force them, like in school when your teacher would make

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Speaker 1: you watch a movie and it would be about I

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Speaker 1: don't know the environment, and you would have to write

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Speaker 1: down like four facts you learned. So I wanted to

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Speaker 1: make sure people were paying attention to my movie.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but not everybody has this deep desire to get

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Speaker 2: an a so it'd be like, okay, whatever, I'll take

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Speaker 2: your quiz and they're not going to care. Okay, So

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Speaker 2: this is fun. You're inviting other people though, or are we?

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Speaker 2: Are we and aresus to watch the same movie y'all

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Speaker 2: are doing? Or they? You just want them to do

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Speaker 2: this sort of thing with their friends.

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Speaker 1: So I didn't think that through because I can't really

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Speaker 1: invite them to do it because it's a surprise. Like

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Speaker 1: last night, we went to one of their houses and

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Speaker 1: we walk in and he served us milkshakes and then

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Speaker 1: they had smash burgers and fries and the special sauce

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Speaker 1: and stuff. Do you know what movie?

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Speaker 2: And I guess the movie? Yes, okay, Friday Night Lights.

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Speaker 1: No, oh, let me give you more clues. Okay, I

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Speaker 1: think I gave you all the milkshakes. And the milkshake

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Speaker 1: was vanilla okay, smash burgers, mayonnaise with fries, okay. When

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Speaker 1: Harry met Sally. No, oh, I don't know if you've

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Speaker 1: seen this. It's number eight on IMDb of best movies

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Speaker 1: of all time.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, well, just what is it?

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Speaker 1: Pulp fiction? Oh?

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Speaker 2: I haven't seen that.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so well, then so you have the meal and

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Speaker 1: then people are like thinking, oh, I know what the

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Speaker 1: movie is. I know what the movie is, but we

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Speaker 1: still didn't know. And then he gave us like facts.

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Speaker 1: He read off facts about the movie right before he

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Speaker 1: watched it to see, kind of like on SmartLess how

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Speaker 1: they read facts about their guests and they shout out

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Speaker 1: if they know it as the facts.

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Speaker 2: Go on, Yeah, this is fun. Yeah, yeah, I want

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Speaker 2: to do this.

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Speaker 1: And then they were like pulp fiction, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: dang it, well, so did you like it? It was

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Speaker 1: two hours and about forty minutes, so that was hard

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Speaker 1: for me. I'll give you my review. The night was great,

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Speaker 1: the food was great, top notch vanilla milkshake so good.

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Speaker 1: The movie was long. I can appreciate the writing, and

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Speaker 1: I can appreciate how they filmed it because it's not

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Speaker 1: in chronological order. So like the beginning and the end

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Speaker 1: are like the end is the beginning, the middle is

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Speaker 1: the end, so.

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Speaker 2: You really have to pay attention, you.

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Speaker 1: Really well, Yeah, but there was because of that. There

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Speaker 1: didn't seem like there's like a climax of the movie

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Speaker 1: where you're like, oh, I'm really in it. It just

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Speaker 1: felt like you were trying to figure out when it's.

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Speaker 2: Gonna get Yeah, I gotta I'd be annoyed if I

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Speaker 2: got there, I'd be like, oh, yeah, smash Burger's Horizon

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Speaker 2: vanilla milkshake, and then I would be like, oh, I

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Speaker 2: don't want to watch Pultflic.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but it is one of those movies that I

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Speaker 1: think it's like a piece of art film history. I

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Speaker 1: don't know.

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Speaker 2: Well, yeah it's number eight on the best movies ever

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Speaker 2: according to who.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. But yeah, I know, I'm glad I

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Speaker 1: watched it. I probably won't watch it again.

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Speaker 2: But the idea behind this movie club thing is really good.

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Speaker 2: I like it, especially the surprise factor of showing up

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Speaker 2: and getting bits and pieces of the movie through food.

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Speaker 2: So far, I mean, people could go as far with

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Speaker 2: this as they wanted, Like I might dress up clothing,

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Speaker 2: oh like if you host yeah, like you might get

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Speaker 2: into full blown character. Yeah, do you know what move? Well,

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Speaker 2: don't say because in case your friends listen, because it's

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Speaker 2: supposed to be a surprise.

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Speaker 1: I haven't picked, but I think because they picked a

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Speaker 1: movie that was way out of my wheelhouse, I don't

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Speaker 1: feel as bad picking a movie that they might not like.

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Speaker 2: Okay, you know, well, I get why you're excited. That's fun. Okay, excited,

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Speaker 2: which we'll get to the gifts and impairments of excitement

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Speaker 2: and a little bit ago because the impairment of excitement.

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Speaker 2: I was already laughing a little bit when I was

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Speaker 2: reading about that, since my boyfriend is excited, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, oh, but he feel though he is feeling excited. Well, okay,

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Speaker 2: I'll give you a little hint into an impairment of

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Speaker 2: feeling excited. Could be you ignore red flags? Oh and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, am I a red flag waving?

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Speaker 1: Say that?

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Speaker 2: Well? No, I don't think I am. Both some things

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Speaker 2: I might do, like if he's feeling so excited, he

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Speaker 2: might overlook some stuff that I do. They could be like, er,

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Speaker 2: what's red flag?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Well, hopefully that doesn't happen. Hopefully not.

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Speaker 2: I just thought it was kind of funny. So when

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Speaker 2: you're excited, you got to be on guard.

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Speaker 1: Am I am I excited and I'm ignoring reality? Or

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Speaker 1: am I excited and I'm still paying attention to the

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Speaker 1: things that aren't maybe so exciting exactly.

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Speaker 2: So we'll touch on that when we get to glad,

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Speaker 2: we're gonna we're gonna get to fear because that is, well,

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Speaker 2: I think, something a lot of us experience in a

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Speaker 2: lot of different ways. And the core need behind fear,

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Speaker 2: which when I tell some of my story with my boyfriend,

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Speaker 2: it's protection.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And again with all all of these feelings, the

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Speaker 1: protection could be showing up a million different ways. So

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Speaker 1: it doesn't just mean physical safety. It doesn't just mean

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Speaker 1: a certain type of I need to guard myself. The

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Speaker 1: protection can come through being vulnerable with somebody and feeling

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Speaker 1: connected to them.

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Speaker 2: And I was vulnerable with him in therapy the other day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so I want to get to that story.

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Speaker 1: But before we get into it, the if you're feeling fear,

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Speaker 1: like you said, need something around protection, if you are

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Speaker 1: trying to suppress it. One, I love fear because it

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Speaker 1: shows us what we're what we care about the most,

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Speaker 1: So it can lead us to things that we don't

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Speaker 1: want to miss out on, and what happens I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of times is because we don't like fear

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Speaker 1: and it feels so scary, we end up misinterpreting it,

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Speaker 1: and then we do miss out on things versus it

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Speaker 1: just being a signal of hey, this is important to you,

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Speaker 1: this is something that you care about. This is something

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Speaker 1: that you're passionate about, which if we think about the

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Speaker 1: things we get afraid of I'm thinking about I mean

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Speaker 1: even this, like when we started feeling fear around like,

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Speaker 1: I hope it's good. That is showing us.

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Speaker 2: That we rebranding the podcast.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, ye yeah in that first episode I inter redo

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Speaker 1: with the first one. But if we didn't have that

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Speaker 1: fear around it, we wouldn't put as much energy into it,

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Speaker 1: we wouldn't put as much care into it. And rather

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Speaker 1: than saying that this is scary, I shouldn't do it,

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Speaker 1: it's this is scary. It's important to me. I want

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Speaker 1: to pay attention to it, and a lot of I

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Speaker 1: think a lot of times people too think that in

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Speaker 1: those spaces if I feel fear, something really bad is

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Speaker 1: going to happen and I'm not going to be able

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Speaker 1: to handle it, and that's not always true. We can

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Speaker 1: be disappointed through if something happened in the worst case

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Speaker 1: scenario happen, we can be disappointed and have all those

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Speaker 1: other feelings show up, but it doesn't mean we're going

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Speaker 1: to collapse or we're not going to make it through.

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Speaker 2: And for yeah, again, I know sometimes we speak to

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Speaker 2: our our two men listening to the podcast, which actually

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Speaker 2: I got to note the other day from Oh yeah

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Speaker 2: a friend, did I share it with you? We are?

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Speaker 1: Email from a male listener, Oh we did. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Oh I haven't read that one yet, but I did

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Speaker 2: get a note from a male friend of ours, Chase,

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Speaker 2: who sent our episode to two other guys because it

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Speaker 2: related to a topic they were talking about at dinner

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Speaker 2: like a week before. And so I was like, wow, okay,

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Speaker 2: Chase plus two other guys, that's three guys plus I

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Speaker 2: know there's like two other ones.

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Speaker 1: Let's start emailer.

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Speaker 2: Well, oh six, now I have for sure six.

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Speaker 1: Men listening, and Patrick listened, okay, okay, Alex might listen

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Speaker 1: to this one since they're gonna be talking about.

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Speaker 2: Eight wow and climbing. So oh, I feel like my

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Speaker 2: sister's usband might listen to this one because we're going

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Speaker 2: to talk about primal questions. O loves primal questions. Nine.

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Speaker 1: We're almost a double digits, we're almost a ten. So okay,

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Speaker 1: before we get into your store, I do want to

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Speaker 1: say too, if we ignore the fear, if we're like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to touch that, what happens a lot

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Speaker 1: of times is anxiety shows up like the not helpful anxiety,

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Speaker 1: or we don't know where it comes from, or it

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Speaker 1: shifts to rage. And the example I used to explain

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Speaker 1: that is road rage. So when I'm driving in my

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Speaker 1: car and somebody cuts me off and I, you know,

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Speaker 1: honk at them, maybe I do a hand gesture towards them,

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Speaker 1: or I throw my hands up in there like that,

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Speaker 1: and it looks like I'm really angry. If I really

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Speaker 1: was honest with myself. Often I'm feeling scared because you

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Speaker 1: cut me off. I almost hit you. But because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to feel that fear, because a lot of

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Speaker 1: times fear is very vulnerable, I just go straight to

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Speaker 1: anger and that turns into this like big rageye looking

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Speaker 1: thing versus. And I was really scary that you did that.

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Speaker 1: I didn't like it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and fear isn't weakness that's sort of I want

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Speaker 2: to speak to too with the men, and most men are

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Speaker 2: the road ragey ones versus there are women that have

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Speaker 2: road rage, but I know it for mostly men in

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Speaker 2: my life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I saw I experienced road rage from a woman

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Speaker 1: last week.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well, yeah, I'm not. It's not a blanket statement,

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Speaker 2: but it happens a lot. Two are eight, nine, maybe

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Speaker 2: ten male listeners. Fear is not weakness. It's awareness.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that's a T shirt.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's or a hat, yeah, or a sweatshirt, or

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Speaker 2: a candle or a pillow, a fellow, a post, but

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Speaker 2: that is important to say. A button, a sticker, a pin,

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Speaker 2: you put on anything, anything, A poster.

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Speaker 1: Did you say that? I think you' said a saying it.

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Speaker 2: I'm running out of things. We're gonna be on abuveer, sticker,

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Speaker 2: a banner, yeah, a flag one of that, an airplane

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Speaker 2: with a little message flying around, a blimp. If you

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Speaker 2: listen to last week's episode, you know about the blimp situation.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, fear isn't weakness, it's awareness. A tattoo, uh,

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Speaker 2: temporary tattoo, a brett. I don't know if you put

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Speaker 2: that one on a barett? What else could we put

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Speaker 2: this on m I really want to put it on more.

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Speaker 1: A journal, a bracket, a bracelet, a bracelet, a candle,

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Speaker 1: I said, candle, another candle, A bigger candle.

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Speaker 2: Okay, let's a good one. Cryocat from from the back.

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Speaker 2: We're breaking the fourth wall here. Cryo Cat and Santons

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Speaker 2: are also in the room with us, so sometimes you

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Speaker 2: might hear them chime in. But let's just get into fear.

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Speaker 2: I'm still a little nervous.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, an email signature.

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Speaker 2: Oh, that's a good one, sincerely Cat. Fear. It's awareness.

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Speaker 2: That's a good one.

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Speaker 1: That's good.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, a sign off.

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Speaker 1: But seriously, that is that's a good point you make.

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Speaker 1: So it's not weakness. It's just showing us what we

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Speaker 1: care about.

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Speaker 2: Because for me, that's what was happening. Awareness. And I

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Speaker 2: don't know why I'm so nervous to talk about the story,

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Speaker 2: but maybe because we're just going to talk about things

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Speaker 2: that some stuff you maybe have heard me mention, whether

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Speaker 2: here on the podcast before more vaguely, other stuff I've

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Speaker 2: said on the Bobby Bone Show kind of recently, if

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Speaker 2: you're a listener over there. But I've been thinking a

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Speaker 2: lot about fear even since we recorded the episode that

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Speaker 2: had to get deleted because of the weed whacker. Do

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Speaker 2: you know I have a speech impediment with ours and

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Speaker 2: w's and like real world is really hard for me

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Speaker 2: to say, and so it's well, we'd walker. I think

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Speaker 2: you told me that, but you also I used to

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Speaker 2: do endorsements for west Rock Coffee, West Rock, West Rock,

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Speaker 2: West Rock, but I had to, like I have to

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Speaker 2: warm up, so.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, good at I always thought you're good at denunciating thing, so.

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Speaker 2: Not if it's an R and a W situation, which

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Speaker 2: we blacker two w's in a row difficult for me.

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Speaker 2: But luckily we had to delete that because now I

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Speaker 2: better understand my fear. And I think that when you're

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Speaker 2: talking about emotions and things that you've been through, the

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Speaker 2: best place to do it from is a place of understanding.

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Speaker 2: And I finally understand it better, and I'm still in

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Speaker 2: a place of fear. I will say I thought I

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Speaker 2: was out of the fear because I finally dated him.

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Speaker 2: Because the reason why I didn't want to date him

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Speaker 2: is because my boyfriend is a widower. And we'll get

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Speaker 2: more into that in a little bit. But we had

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Speaker 2: a recent therapy session and I realized, like, oh, I

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Speaker 2: still have so much fear, and this all makes sense,

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Speaker 2: But I'm going to look at this fear as awareness, yeah,

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Speaker 2: not weakness, And yeah, the widower apart, it's important side

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Speaker 2: note here because it's really the whole reason why there

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Speaker 2: is fear, although I did have other fears that popped

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Speaker 2: up when he was first presented to me as a suitor.

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Speaker 1: Well, can I say something really quick before you go

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Speaker 1: into this, just for people who are listening and applying

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Speaker 1: this to themselves, I'm glad that you said what you

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Speaker 1: just said, because when we're thinking about feelings, I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of times we think about the biggest one

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Speaker 1: that we have at the moment, and fear can be

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Speaker 1: just there in the background. And it would be okay

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Speaker 1: to walk around or be in your relationship that is

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Speaker 1: secure and also have fear right alongside of it, because

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Speaker 1: fear shows us what is important to us, and because

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Speaker 1: fear lets us know I care about this, You're gonna

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Speaker 1: have fear a version of it and might not be

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Speaker 1: the biggest, loudest version of it within anything that matters

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Speaker 1: to you. So we don't need to get rid of it.

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Speaker 1: We just need to acknowledge it and feel it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, which is what I'm trying to do. And I

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Speaker 2: have a lot of notes, so I may refer to

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Speaker 2: them just because this is important to me and I

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Speaker 2: want to get it right. But what came up for

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Speaker 2: me in therapy the other day, which I had not

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Speaker 2: thought of at all in my relationship, is my primal question.

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Speaker 2: But what came up for me in therapy the other day,

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Speaker 2: which I had not thought of at all in my

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Speaker 2: relationship is my primal question, which is am I wanted?

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Speaker 2: Which I got my primal question from Mike Foster's book

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Speaker 2: Seven Primal Questions, which I know you've interviewed Mike, and

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Speaker 2: I'll just quickly run through this seven questions and then

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Speaker 2: if you want to do more research on that for yourself,

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Speaker 2: we'll link his book in the show notes. But the

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Speaker 2: seven questions are am I safe? Am I secure? Am

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Speaker 2: I loved? Am I wanted? Am I successful? Am I

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Speaker 2: good enough? Do I have a purpose? What's yours?

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Speaker 1: A mixture between am I loved? Am I wanted?

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Speaker 2: My sister is am I wanted? She's the one that

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Speaker 2: turned me on to this book originally. And then I

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Speaker 2: did the whole test quiz thingy and I'm am I

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Speaker 2: wanted to and I think that's from some stuff from

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Speaker 2: our childhood, so it makes sense. But it's not about

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Speaker 2: just being liked or accepted, because I want that, but

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Speaker 2: it's about being pursued and bted, desired, welcomed, and chosen.

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Speaker 2: And for me, the chosen stands out to me because

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Speaker 2: I said that in therapy just the other day, and

435
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:22,639
Speaker 2: I felt childish saying it, so it was almost like

436
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 2: little me was showing up. And I almost didn't even

437
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 2: want to say it out loud because I'm like, this

438
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:31,959
Speaker 2: just feels so selfish and childish. I didn't know how

439
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,359
Speaker 2: else to put it, and I won't get into the

440
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,639
Speaker 2: details around it because that's more personal, but what I

441
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,840
Speaker 2: can say is that I decided to just say it

442
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,440
Speaker 2: out loud. I was like, I just want to say

443
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:43,920
Speaker 2: this so that it's out there and so that y'all

444
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,119
Speaker 2: can know, and then hopefully my therapist could help have

445
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,439
Speaker 2: more information to guide us. But I was like, it's like,

446
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:50,879
Speaker 2: you know what I felt like if I was a

447
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 2: little child, I would kind of be putting my fist

448
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 2: down and my foot down kind of like like I

449
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,480
Speaker 2: just want to be chosen, Like what about me? And

450
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:01,920
Speaker 2: I didn't like it, but then after I said it,

451
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,479
Speaker 2: it felt better.

452
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,440
Speaker 1: Well, what did you feel before you said it?

453
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 2: Well, when it first came up for me, I felt like, oh,

454
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,560
Speaker 2: I shouldn't feel this way, so I'm not going to

455
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,679
Speaker 2: say it. This feels wrong, like it felt unfair for

456
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:20,359
Speaker 2: me to say I want you to choose me in

457
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:24,639
Speaker 2: this moment. But once I said it, I felt some

458
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,400
Speaker 2: relief and then that our therapist was able to kind

459
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 2: of talk through some of what I was feeling. And

460
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,119
Speaker 2: then at one point Alex started like fidgeting more and

461
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,440
Speaker 2: she was like, what's coming up for you? Because she's

462
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,119
Speaker 2: very intuitive and kind of looks at body language and

463
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 2: figuring stuff out. And he's like, I'm good, you know it,

464
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 2: just like kept clearing.

465
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: His throat and wanted She's like having stuff. Yeah.

466
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 2: I was like in my mind, I was like, I'm

467
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 2: probably gonna need another session.

468
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:53,399
Speaker 1: Wait, but did you notice I just asked you what

469
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 1: you were feeling before you said that, and you gave

470
00:22:55,840 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 1: me a thought. I did, Yeah, so you said I

471
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 1: felt like I shouldn't say I shouldn't feel this way.

472
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 2: Okay, So what did I feel in my body? I

473
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:12,639
Speaker 2: had tightness in my throat. What about emotionally, but my

474
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,399
Speaker 2: throat indicates emotion, Like I felt like I was going

475
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 2: to start crying once I finally said it. So I

476
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:21,399
Speaker 2: felt like it was something that I needed to get out,

477
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:24,919
Speaker 2: and I felt I might needed to walk me through.

478
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 1: You're asking lonely, fear, guilt, shame what I was feeling.

479
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,680
Speaker 2: There was fear there that I was going to say

480
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 2: that and I wasn't going to be chosen.

481
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:38,600
Speaker 1: Okay, is that better? Well, I mean all of that's

482
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:42,119
Speaker 1: good information, but yeah, acknowledging that I was afraid because

483
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:45,119
Speaker 1: this relationship is important to me, yes, and so I

484
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,920
Speaker 1: don't want to go there, and as I don't want

485
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,920
Speaker 1: to lose this And the reality what I think you're

486
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,919
Speaker 1: getting to is that was very helpful for you to

487
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 1: share that.

488
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was really helpful for me to get it out.

489
00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:03,640
Speaker 2: And I realized, like, Okay, I have this wound from

490
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 2: my childhood, some emotional abandonment stuff that went on, and

491
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:14,640
Speaker 2: that is what that primal question. It stems from emotional abandonment, neglect,

492
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,200
Speaker 2: or not being invited in whether as a child or

493
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,360
Speaker 2: it can happen in friendships or in other romantic relationships.

494
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 2: I think I've dialed mine back to some stuff in

495
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:29,240
Speaker 2: my childhood and then even in my marriage some and

496
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 2: so now entering exiting that relationship and then entering into

497
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,119
Speaker 2: a new one, it's almost like I want to do

498
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 2: this right. So there's a lot of fear around that.

499
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 2: And when you're dating someone who married the love of

500
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:50,120
Speaker 2: their life and then lost them and to something like cancer,

501
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 2: and I know it was devastating. In fact, when I

502
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 2: met his wife has a twin sister, So when I

503
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 2: met her for the first time, she was very sweet

504
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 2: and kind and welcoming and so excited because before his

505
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 2: wife passed away, she said to her people like, I

506
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 2: want Alex to meet somebody. Make sure that happens. Shouldn't

507
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 2: want him to be alone, because some people who knows

508
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 2: when they're on their deathbed, they're like, you better know me.

509
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 2: Anybody don't know it's me, or you're dead, you know,

510
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 2: something like that. So she did want that for him,

511
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 2: and she sent me a note after I met her,

512
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 2: and she was like, look, Alex has been through hell,

513
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 2: I mean hell, and I've walked alongside people with cancer

514
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 2: and my mom and his wife had something very similar

515
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:44,639
Speaker 2: and even their their journey was about two years long.

516
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 2: There's a lot of similarities there, and even with his kids,

517
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 2: like they've lost their mom, I've lost my mom. I

518
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,160
Speaker 2: know what it's like to be in their shoes. While

519
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:57,160
Speaker 2: it looks different, but I've never dated anybody that has

520
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 2: lost their wife like some and they loved and they

521
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:07,439
Speaker 2: still love. And so I think when he first was

522
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,679
Speaker 2: brought into the picture or brought up, which we can

523
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,199
Speaker 2: get more into that and a little bit and how

524
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 2: that happened, but I think I was scared because I'm like, oh, well,

525
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 2: he belongs to somebody else, like they're still in love,

526
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 2: but she's no longer here.

527
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 1: And is that like I'm still not going to be

528
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,800
Speaker 1: if I'm chosen, I'm still not even really chosen, I

529
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:28,119
Speaker 1: guess so.

530
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,919
Speaker 2: But I hadn't really worked through all of that until

531
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 2: this last therapy session. So even though things are great,

532
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 2: there is a part of me deep down that wonders,

533
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 2: is there really room for me here? And like that

534
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 2: that's a question that the lens. Now I see everything

535
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:48,199
Speaker 2: through that lens, through that filter, and that messes with

536
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,920
Speaker 2: my mind because my deepest fear is not being wanted.

537
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 2: So then it's like, oh, Okay, now I'm going to

538
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 2: filter everything through that. Like I was thinking through some

539
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 2: stuff that really bothers me at time or makes me

540
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,160
Speaker 2: wonder at times does he need me or does he

541
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 2: want me? And I know we've talked about that because

542
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 2: in ways that I show up sometimes and I'm like, well,

543
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 2: this is convenient if you're listening, Alex, Sorry, but you

544
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 2: already know some of this. Am I loved fully or

545
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 2: just conveniently? And then I tell myself stories like this

546
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,640
Speaker 2: will be very difficult with his kids and they'll never

547
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 2: be close to me, But yeah, you make that up.

548
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,119
Speaker 2: There may not be space there for me. But here's

549
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 2: what I'm learning, So thank you therapy. Love is not

550
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 2: a limited resource. Put that on a mug.

551
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:41,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's enough. There's enough for it to go around

552
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:41,880
Speaker 1: more than one time.

553
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 2: Grief and love can live side by side, and Alex's

554
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 2: past doesn't erase my worth and we get to build

555
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 2: a new chapter, like what he's been through doesn't change

556
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 2: my value to the relationship.

557
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 1: Which one of those things is the hardest.

558
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 2: You think, probably his past with my current value, because

559
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 2: that's where I'm like, I'm wondering where do I fit

560
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,719
Speaker 2: in and how do I belong. But what I have

561
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,200
Speaker 2: to look at it as is they can be side

562
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 2: by side and we're writing a new chapter, so and

563
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:22,639
Speaker 2: with all of our parts.

564
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, now that he even knows that that is

565
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,760
Speaker 1: coming up for you, you guys can approach things differently

566
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 1: and with the seven Primal Questions. One of the things

567
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 1: that I found most fascinating about it when I did

568
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 1: talk to Mike about when he was coming out with

569
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 1: a book, is well, everybody has the same questions. Everybody

570
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 1: is asking those same questions. Your primal question is really

571
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 1: the one that didn't You didn't get a yes answered

572
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 1: to the most and so you have to find a

573
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 1: way to get a yes. And there's all these things

574
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: that we can do to make that happen that sometimes

575
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 1: don't allow us to be our actual true selves. But

576
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: what happens in relationships a lot of times, which might

577
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 1: be some of what you guys are going through, is

578
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 1: you walk through the world trying to answer because of

579
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 1: the lens you have, everybody around you is going to

580
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,600
Speaker 1: feel wanted, which I will say you're really good at that,

581
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 1: Like you are very good at making sure people feel

582
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 1: wanted around you, but not everybody is asking themselves out question.

583
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 1: They could be asking am I safe? They could be

584
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 1: asking am I love? They could be any of those

585
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:30,239
Speaker 1: other questions. And so Alex at the same time, he

586
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: is walking around the world with his filter making sure

587
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 1: everybody gets a yes answer to the question that he

588
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 1: struggles with the most. And so if his is like

589
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 1: am I safe or am I secure? And you're secure

590
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 1: and you're I wonder what I think he should. I

591
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 1: think he should look into that because that's where like

592
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 1: he's making sure you get a yes to this one question,

593
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,440
Speaker 1: but you don't need a yes. You have that one covered,

594
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 1: and so what you really need is a yes to

595
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,719
Speaker 1: the wanted. So we just kind of like miss ourselves

596
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 1: in relationships. But if we both knew knew what each

597
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: other's question was, then we could show up and help

598
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 1: show up with that question versus the one I struggle with.

599
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 1: Is that yeah making sense the way I explained that.

600
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: So he probably feels so wanted by you because that's

601
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 1: this magic skill that you have because you know what

602
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 1: it feels like not to feel that. I'm sure everybody

603
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 1: around your sister always feels wanted because she's making sure

604
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 1: that that doesn't happen to other people. The problem is

605
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't that's not the question they're

606
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 1: struggling with.

607
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 2: So I got to figure out his question so I

608
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 2: can make sure to meet his mee. I know, I'm

609
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 2: like trying to guess based on all of those what

610
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:38,120
Speaker 2: I think it might be. But it's a really good

611
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,160
Speaker 2: book and you don't even you could read the book,

612
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 2: but there's also you could just do the quiz if

613
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 2: you wanted to, but if you want to learn more,

614
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 2: it can be very very helpful. I know it's been

615
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 2: helpful with my sister and her husband and their relationship

616
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 2: and they've been married twenty five years and they just

617
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 2: read the book like a year and a half ago maybe,

618
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 2: and it's been an important tool. Yeah, and so it's

619
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 2: never too late.

620
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like a mixture I think of a attachment

621
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 1: theory in the enneagram. It's like a combination of those things.

622
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:08,040
Speaker 1: If you know what those things are. If not, just

623
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: take the quiest.

624
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 2: Make sure you follow this podcast like and subscribe, because

625
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 2: if we will definitely be touching on that. But the

626
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 2: fear that I feel is protecting my heart, and that's

627
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 2: a gift, Like I want to proceed with caution but

628
00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 2: not too much, because then it'll turn into an impairment,

629
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 2: because if I don't manage it, then my protection could

630
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,239
Speaker 2: turn into avoidance, which we don't want any of that,

631
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:37,680
Speaker 2: and then the discernment I try to be wise about

632
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:41,440
Speaker 2: things could turn into disconnection. So I love alliteration and

633
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 2: I don't want the discernment to turn into connection. And

634
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 2: so instead of asking is this safe? Am I welcome? Here?

635
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 2: Is there room? Then that voice in my head will

636
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 2: get louder and louder and louder, which will be like,

637
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 2: this will never work, which I have said that out

638
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 2: loud to him before on the phone. I can think

639
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 2: of two different times I'm like, well, this is not

640
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 2: gonna work for me.

641
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 1: It felt very and so in those moments you were

642
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 1: probably feeling fear, But did you know that.

643
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 2: No, I don't think at the time I had was

644
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 2: more like frustration, frustration and just jump like not wanting

645
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 2: to maybe have to do some of the hard work

646
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 2: that it would take around some of the issues, because

647
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 2: it will take work and patience, work, patience, consistency, dedication,

648
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 2: things that I want. But sometimes in the moment it

649
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 2: just feels like too much. So it's easier to say like,

650
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 2: this probably isn't gonna work, because.

651
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 1: What happens if it doesn't and we try and then

652
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 1: it doesn't.

653
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a big fat wasted time. I'm just kidding.

654
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 2: I knew you're gonna say that, and you didn't say anything,

655
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 2: you just breathed. Now, I knew you're gonna sigh. I

656
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 2: knew you were gonna sigh, like you were gonna get

657
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 2: like a which what happens is I would ask myself, well,

658
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 2: what does this now make possible? And I will learn

659
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:05,040
Speaker 2: from it and I will grow and it will be

660
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 2: a part of my life that I'm still thankful for, Like,

661
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:09,640
Speaker 2: it wouldn't be a waste of time. It doesn't work,

662
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 2: it doesn't work, but at least I gave it a go.

663
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 1: Well, you're right, And again reminder, if if you were

664
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 1: not scared about this stuff, then that would mean that

665
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 1: you didn't care. And if you didn't care, there would

666
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 1: also be no reward at the end of it. There

667
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 1: would be no reward in the relationship. So that's one

668
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:25,120
Speaker 1: of those things where it's really frustrating because you can't

669
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: selectively feel feelings. You either feel them all or you

670
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 1: don't get to feel them, and so if I want

671
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:34,320
Speaker 1: that joy and that connection, then I also have to

672
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 1: put myself in line of fire for something that might

673
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 1: not feel as good.

674
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 2: Right, which I think we got down to like that

675
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 2: my fear with him is now is there space for

676
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 2: me here? Like because he's a widower, But I had

677
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 2: two other fears that popped up when he was first

678
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 2: put on the radar for me. So this would be

679
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 2: going back to February of twenty twenty four. I'm out

680
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 2: to dinner with actually Chase, who sent our podcast to

681
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 2: other guys, shout out, send our episodes to your friends,

682
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 2: your male friends, or any of my friends, your grandma,

683
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 2: your mom, your dad, your cousin, your neighbor, who else

684
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 2: could we recommend? I feel like some podcasts are really

685
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,680
Speaker 2: good about doing that, recommending that you send this to

686
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 2: all your people.

687
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,960
Speaker 1: Oh, specifically your person, Yeah, or.

688
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 2: Just send it to anybody you know. This could change

689
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 2: their life. Definitely, send us to your grandfather, Definitely. Sometimes

690
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 2: they are.

691
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 1: They're like, if you're listening and you have a grandfather,

692
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 1: send this to them, now, this will change their life.

693
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:44,239
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I know, but I do think that if

694
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 2: you know anybody that is maybe going to date a

695
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 2: widow or send in this episode. That actually is true.

696
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 2: It is true because there are people we have listeners

697
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 2: that have that are younger, that have lost spouses, they

698
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 2: are a witto er trying to date, or somebody might

699
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 2: be listening where they are potentially being set up with

700
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 2: a widower, or they're on hinge or wherever and they

701
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:10,920
Speaker 2: see widower and they're like, h well, don't run away.

702
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:16,360
Speaker 2: Well I'm here to say, well, first you did, so

703
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 2: let's go at the first I did. Okay, So I

704
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 2: go back to February. I'm at a restaurant. I'm at

705
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 2: dinner with Chase, and somebody else in our group comes

706
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:26,200
Speaker 2: up and it's like Amy, Karen Fairchild is over there

707
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:28,200
Speaker 2: at a booth. And I know Karen. She is from

708
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,320
Speaker 2: Little Big Town and I know her from my work

709
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:32,239
Speaker 2: on the Bobby Bone Show, so I've known her for

710
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 2: over a decade now, and I'm like, oh, I would

711
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:37,359
Speaker 2: love to go say hi to Karen. Didn't know why

712
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 2: she was calling me over, but I go over to

713
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 2: her booths and she's with her friends. I sit down

714
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 2: at the booths and she said, Hey, I don't know

715
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 2: if you're dating, but I have a guy in my

716
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 2: dad group. He would like to take you out. I

717
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:49,720
Speaker 2: guess their kids are friends.

718
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:50,640
Speaker 1: What's her dad group?

719
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 2: Well, she just means like he's a dad in their group,

720
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 2: Like if there's kids, you know, when you've got kids

721
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:00,800
Speaker 2: that are in junior higher high school, they're at sporting events. Okay,

722
00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:03,799
Speaker 2: group of parents that she's She was trying to say,

723
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,840
Speaker 2: I'm not super close to him, but I know, okay,

724
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,799
Speaker 2: and we have mutual friends, so I see him at

725
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 2: things and I guess he had run into me at

726
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 2: Whole Foods. But I did not know this until after

727
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 2: our first date, which is kind of weird. But he

728
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 2: didn't mention this our entire first date. I wouldn't either,

729
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:25,120
Speaker 2: probably try get it, but it's weird. It was weird,

730
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,359
Speaker 2: and then we went out again. I think our second

731
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,319
Speaker 2: date was technically a hike. He goes, well, you know

732
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 2: we've met before, and I'm like, nah, tell me more

733
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 2: because I did not know that, And now I need

734
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,320
Speaker 2: you to hurry up and tell me that story because

735
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 2: I'm scared. We're in the wilderness together, and now, why

736
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:45,760
Speaker 2: why did you brings you into the woods?

737
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,800
Speaker 1: And then he's like, you, no, I've met you before. Yeah,

738
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 1: this isn't our first time and you're like, and.

739
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:54,359
Speaker 2: I'm like, I started feel service this would have good

740
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:57,319
Speaker 2: information on our first day at a restaurant with other

741
00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:01,720
Speaker 2: humans around. But okay, so in was it last week's

742
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 2: episode or no, it was two weeks ago. In one

743
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 2: of our Tuesday episodes, we mentioned another guy and I

744
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 2: was at Whole Foods with him, and he's the one

745
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,200
Speaker 2: that called you, and he's on alluded to them maybe

746
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 2: I was a sociopath. But I'm at Whole Foods with him,

747
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 2: and I guess Alex sees me, but I'm with somebody else.

748
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 2: So he's like, I'm not going to go up to her,

749
00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:24,760
Speaker 2: and he knew what it looked like because he listened

750
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 2: to the Bobby Bone Show with skits and he's from

751
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 2: Nashville and whatever. So he waited until the other guy

752
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 2: went to a different aisle and I was by myself

753
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 2: and he came up and he just said, y'all do

754
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 2: a really great job with the show. And he said that.

755
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, you mean me the the Bobby

756
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 2: Bone Show. Like I wasn't like right away, like oh,

757
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 2: like assuming I knew exactly what he was talking about.

758
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 2: But I think I was so caught off guard with

759
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:56,359
Speaker 2: how he did it.

760
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 1: That.

761
00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:59,080
Speaker 2: I mean, I was like in the freezer section. I

762
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:01,880
Speaker 2: remember exactly what happened now, I just don't know the

763
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:04,120
Speaker 2: words that were exchanged or that it was him. But

764
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:05,879
Speaker 2: once he told me about it, I was like, I

765
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:08,400
Speaker 2: do remember a man coming up to me and saying,

766
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 2: my kids and I listened to the show. But he

767
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:14,839
Speaker 2: said that he said, specifically, you do a good job

768
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 2: with the show. My kids and I listen and that

769
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 2: I responded with some like, oh, were you talking about

770
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 2: the Bobby Bone Show or I'm just making sure you

771
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:25,240
Speaker 2: know who I am. Like he liked that I wasn't

772
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:29,760
Speaker 2: overly confident that obviously you're talking about the Bobby Bone Show,

773
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,879
Speaker 2: because I really wasn't so interesting that you didn't know. Well,

774
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 2: I just felt like the whole thing was just a

775
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,319
Speaker 2: little weird, but it's obviously good. Whatever I did was

776
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 2: good because then he was intrigued. That's what made him

777
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 2: want to meet me, like for a date. So that's

778
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,920
Speaker 2: why when he saw Karen, so let me give you

779
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,480
Speaker 2: a timeline. He told me he thinks that that happened

780
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:55,439
Speaker 2: around December of twenty twenty three, and then he ran

781
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 2: into Karen at a super Bowl party like two months

782
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 2: later twenty twenty four. Yeah, super Bowl's early February, and said, hey,

783
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:06,520
Speaker 2: do you know Amy Bround? Well, guess what. I ran

784
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:08,799
Speaker 2: into Karen at dinner like the day after the super Bowl.

785
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:10,360
Speaker 2: Do you know how many times I've run into Karen

786
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:12,840
Speaker 2: the entire decade or longer that I've.

787
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:13,479
Speaker 1: Known her too?

788
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 2: No, never one. I've never run into her at dinner

789
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 2: so once exactly. But I happen to run into it

790
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 2: the day after she saw him and he asked about me,

791
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:24,240
Speaker 2: isn't that weird?

792
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:25,560
Speaker 1: That's that is weird?

793
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:29,359
Speaker 2: Right? So I was like, Okay, So we're sitting there

794
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:34,120
Speaker 2: and we're talking at the booth, and she is telling

795
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 2: me all these things about him. Let me see she

796
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:38,799
Speaker 2: said I wrote down. I think she said. She's like,

797
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 2: he's a really nice guy. He's a businessman, fifty years

798
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 2: old or so, has three kids. He's an athlete. I'm like,

799
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,960
Speaker 2: what what does that mean? Well, later I learned that

800
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 2: he is like a track star. So he ran track

801
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:57,240
Speaker 2: at UVA and he still has a hurdle record nobody's

802
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,720
Speaker 2: broken in from high school.

803
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:03,760
Speaker 1: So the first thing he brings up on he has.

804
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 2: That then we look at his picture and I'm like, Okay, yeah,

805
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 2: he's cute, but he seems a little professional and buttoned up.

806
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:17,200
Speaker 2: And then I see like later this is later on

807
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:18,520
Speaker 2: when I'm about to go out with them. He'd been

808
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 2: promoted to like CEO, and I'm like, what I cannot

809
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:25,399
Speaker 2: his company's based in New York, Like I play easy

810
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:28,759
Speaker 2: trivia at work. It just felt like that it would

811
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:29,920
Speaker 2: be off.

812
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:31,719
Speaker 1: Like he's not gonna You're not gonna be on the

813
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:33,879
Speaker 1: same page, Like what will we have in common. He's

814
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:37,000
Speaker 1: a businessman and you do easy at trivia. That doesn't

815
00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 1: we don't match. And so my first fear was he

816
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 1: has three kids. So I had a lot of fear

817
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:41,680
Speaker 1: around that.

818
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, little three kids. That was

819
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 2: a little flat red flag because I've got two and

820
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 2: they're older. They're like my daughter's about to be eighteen.

821
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 1: And so then oh, you were hot on not dating

822
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 1: Sony with kids, yeah, or.

823
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 2: They need to be grown Yeah, no, kids are grown kids.

824
00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 2: That was hot on that. My next sphere was I'm

825
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:04,759
Speaker 2: not smart enough for him or athletic enough.

826
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,759
Speaker 1: Oh you took that high school track star thing to hurt. Well,

827
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 1: he's very he's still very athletic. An athletic, okay, yeah,

828
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 1: he does some of these core interesting. That's interesting that,

829
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:21,760
Speaker 1: like what do you what did you assume he wanted

830
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 1: in somebody? Not me? Yeah?

831
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 2: Not me, because I was like why what, Like I

832
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 2: someone totally different, and you know, other things about him

833
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:31,680
Speaker 2: too where I'm like, I do not fit that mold. Yeah,

834
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:35,240
Speaker 2: Like there's parts of his lifestyle where I'm like, okay,

835
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,759
Speaker 2: and sometimes we go do some of those things, and

836
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 2: I his friends they're very welcoming. So that's probably me

837
00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 2: being judgy. I'm not trying to be judging, but like

838
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 2: that's just not my anxiety. It's intimidating, like this is

839
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 2: a different crowd, but they've been very welcoming. Yeah, so

840
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 2: that's shame on me for thinking that. But I just

841
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 2: didn't think I fit that mold. But then I was like,

842
00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 2: oh no, he's very silly and playful and he's not

843
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:06,600
Speaker 2: that what's the word I would use, pretentious? Pretentious is

844
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:10,239
Speaker 2: the word, and so he's not that. And I was like,

845
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 2: oh great, Like I judged him, but.

846
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, you almost didn't go out with him because of

847
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:17,320
Speaker 1: a lot of that stuff.

848
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, some of that I didn't know yet, because

849
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:21,560
Speaker 2: that's what I got to know. But the two main

850
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 2: fears when she's talking to me is she's like three kids.

851
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:28,239
Speaker 2: I'm like and then she's like his job and I'm like, yeah,

852
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:32,360
Speaker 2: I'm not smart enough for that. And then she says, also,

853
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:36,360
Speaker 2: there's one more thing, and I said what she said,

854
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 2: he's a widower, And instantly I said okay, Like in

855
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 2: my mind I was like, I'm out, not happening. I

856
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 2: don't have the bandwidth for that. I don't even understand.

857
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 2: I don't want to take the time to understand. Like

858
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 2: that sounds like scary, too scary for me right now.

859
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:57,080
Speaker 2: I just started dating. This is like a wild ride.

860
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,440
Speaker 2: So yeah, thank you, but no thank you. It's sort

861
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:02,319
Speaker 2: of I think. I was like, well, let's circle back.

862
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 1: Is that what you said.

863
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:06,879
Speaker 2: Something like that, were like, oh, let's just see where

864
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 2: this goes. I just started dating, like I don't know,

865
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:10,279
Speaker 2: like we'll touch base.

866
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 1: Which is a really kind way to say like not

867
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 1: gonna probably happen.

868
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 2: Yeah. So that was February and then come July she

869
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:22,839
Speaker 2: circled back. Well something had happened between No, that wasn't

870
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:27,960
Speaker 2: until October. Yeah, huh yeah, huh the person that you know,

871
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 2: I hadn't started dating him yet. No, I know what

872
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 2: you're gonna say, and I'll tell you why, because it's

873
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:36,120
Speaker 2: not until October. So July she circled back to me

874
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:38,520
Speaker 2: because he reached back out to Karen, like, hey, any

875
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:41,920
Speaker 2: luck from February to July? Any luck with that Amy

876
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,799
Speaker 2: Brown yet? And I guess he went through Karen because

877
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 2: we both are in country music, and he thought after

878
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 2: he met me at Whole Food, it's like, oh, Karen

879
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:53,800
Speaker 2: might no Amy, and She's like, well, let me see y'all.

880
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 1: So she did.

881
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:57,120
Speaker 2: She messaged me and she was like, Hey, that guy

882
00:43:57,680 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 2: is dying to take you to coffee your lunch. And

883
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:02,359
Speaker 2: then I thought, well, dying is an interesting word. I

884
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 2: remember thinking that right when I read it. Of course

885
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:06,800
Speaker 2: I didn't say that back to her. So then fast

886
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:12,440
Speaker 2: forward to July, and Karen is circling back because I

887
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 2: guess Alex circled back with her, like, hey, it's been

888
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:20,000
Speaker 2: a minute since February, just anything from Amy and I

889
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:23,040
Speaker 2: had just moved and life was hectic, and I was

890
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 2: still terrified of all the things, the three kids. I'm

891
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 2: not smart enough, and he's a widower.

892
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:33,719
Speaker 1: And don't you know that we'll circle back means don't

893
00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:34,760
Speaker 1: ever bring it up again.

894
00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 2: Well, no, I really do think I was. I do

895
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:40,719
Speaker 2: think part of me was still curious, and it just

896
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 2: it's all about timing, like I had to be the

897
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 2: right time. So what happened was, though whenever I said

898
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:52,440
Speaker 2: let me circle back, I did start dating somebody else,

899
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:56,799
Speaker 2: and then that was kind of, you know, a thing

900
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 2: for a minute, and I thought it was involved evolving

901
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:04,320
Speaker 2: into more of a thing more than he thought, of course,

902
00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:09,319
Speaker 2: because come October timeframe, I'm getting ready to go on

903
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 2: a date with him, and I get a call from

904
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 2: a friend that's like, hey, are you still dating so?

905
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:17,359
Speaker 2: And Sasa's a and I said, yeah, he's actually about

906
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 2: to come pick me up right now. And she said, well,

907
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 2: I'm at dinner right now with somebody that is going

908
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 2: out with him tomorrow for lunch. And I'm like, oh,

909
00:45:25,239 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 2: lunch date. And they met on an app and I

910
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:30,920
Speaker 2: was like, he's on an app because I knew we

911
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 2: weren't exclusive because we hadn't had that conversation, but you know,

912
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 2: I just felt like it was an unspoken you exclusive.

913
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,560
Speaker 1: Well part of it is, too, you guys had such

914
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:41,000
Speaker 1: trouble finding time to hang.

915
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:42,839
Speaker 2: Out because you were both so busy with like your

916
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 2: kids and work. Yeah, we were so busy. So it's

917
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 2: like how he was busy with other people, trust me,

918
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:53,799
Speaker 2: So now I know. But we go out and I'm

919
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:55,799
Speaker 2: trying to be cool because I can't really bring this

920
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 2: up because we hadn't had the exclusive conversation, and I

921
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:01,360
Speaker 2: don't want to be crazy, so I'm trying to be

922
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:03,160
Speaker 2: cool and like be cool, be cool, be cool, be cool.

923
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:05,920
Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden, I'm like, hey, I

924
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 2: didn't ask for some information that I now have and

925
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,680
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do with it. And he's like, well,

926
00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:24,400
Speaker 2: what is it. I didn't ask for some information that

927
00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:25,880
Speaker 2: I now have and I don't know what to do

928
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,799
Speaker 2: with it. And he's like, well, what is it? And

929
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:31,840
Speaker 2: I said, I know you have a lunch date tomorrow,

930
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:35,239
Speaker 2: and again I didn't ask for it. But I guess

931
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,239
Speaker 2: it's just like now it's bringing up the question of

932
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:39,080
Speaker 2: like what are we doing?

933
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 1: It feels weird holding that information without sharing it with.

934
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 2: Him, right, And he's just kind of like, oh shoot.

935
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 2: And then the way they met, like I won't say how,

936
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 2: I did say it was an app. But remember it

937
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:57,600
Speaker 2: was do you remember? Oh yeah, I'm like, yeah, we're fine,

938
00:46:57,600 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 2: we're pro apps. Apps are fine, but this was like.

939
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:03,799
Speaker 1: Just interesting, Like to be on that app, you have

940
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:05,800
Speaker 1: to be on a lot of apps, I'd imagine, right.

941
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 2: I feel like this is the lowest of the low Okay,

942
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:12,560
Speaker 2: not that we're there's probably lower. It just was interesting.

943
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:15,760
Speaker 2: It was very curious, especially if you've already met somebody

944
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 2: that you're hanging.

945
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 1: Out with me, Why am I on that?

946
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 2: It seems just a little more strange. Shall I say.

947
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:26,440
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna say okay, I'll say it like desperate,

948
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:33,359
Speaker 2: just a little just a little okay, I will say,

949
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:34,320
Speaker 2: but I've been desperate.

950
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 3: Wait, I get it. But I also will say older. Yeah,

951
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:40,000
Speaker 3: but that's a part of it, like that app might

952
00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:44,800
Speaker 3: not be as interesting to other people, Like I think

953
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:49,279
Speaker 3: those apps are probably more marketed to older people and

954
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:50,640
Speaker 3: hinge and bumble and stuff like that.

955
00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:53,760
Speaker 1: It's more marketed towards younger people.

956
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:57,919
Speaker 2: Let's just say I didn't even know it existed. This existed, yeah,

957
00:47:58,239 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 2: until it was not.

958
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 1: Anything dirty either. I don't want people to like be like, yeah,

959
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 1: it was nothing nefarious.

960
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:07,799
Speaker 2: It was just like I didn't know, Okay, didn't know

961
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 2: that was a thing. That's the thing. So he's like,

962
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:15,320
Speaker 2: oh yeah, okay, yeah, I'm going now, and then I

963
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 2: couldn't help myself and I just said it again and

964
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, you're having I know about lunch

965
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:21,959
Speaker 2: with Leslie and I just go out and I say

966
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 2: it like the whole thing, and he's like, oh, you

967
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,040
Speaker 2: know her name, you know everything. I'm like, yeah, my

968
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 2: friend's literally with her right now, and I'm sure she's

969
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 2: lovely and great and yay. I just need to know, like,

970
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,359
Speaker 2: what what is going on with us? Because if you're

971
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:38,360
Speaker 2: going to be dating other people, then I need you

972
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 2: to know that I'm going to date other people too,

973
00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 2: because I have people that want to date me.

974
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:45,240
Speaker 1: I have person.

975
00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:51,279
Speaker 2: I have so many men one man. I have men

976
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,240
Speaker 2: had that have been hitting me up for eight months.

977
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 2: I have man who's been hitting me up. I have

978
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:04,720
Speaker 2: the same man he's been trying to date me since February. Okay,

979
00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 2: that reminds me of that. I have purse, I have person,

980
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:17,120
Speaker 2: I have hat on head. I am very desired. I'm

981
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 2: wanted by this man right like, I don't even know

982
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:22,759
Speaker 2: at this point now how to get a hold of him,

983
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:25,839
Speaker 2: but I'm going to figure it out, okay, So I'll

984
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,360
Speaker 2: be circling back with me soon. At this point, he

985
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:30,359
Speaker 2: could have met somebody else and married her. I don't

986
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:33,040
Speaker 2: because so much time had passed. But I was like,

987
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 2: it's cool, you can date. I'm going to date. And

988
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:38,840
Speaker 2: he goes, well, I would still like to keep getting

989
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,840
Speaker 2: to know you, if that's okay, and I said, that's cool.

990
00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:46,759
Speaker 2: I'm cool, it's cool. This is adult dating. I can

991
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:52,280
Speaker 2: adult date. You have your lunch with Leslie and I

992
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:55,319
Speaker 2: will talk to you later. So then we finished our date.

993
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 2: He left, and I guess it was like the next

994
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:00,719
Speaker 2: day I sent Karen a message. I was like, is

995
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:03,880
Speaker 2: that guy still available? And so that just really like

996
00:50:04,680 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 2: lit a fire in me to get out there and

997
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 2: adult date. So I decided, well, that's what my therapist

998
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:13,840
Speaker 2: kept calling it. She's like, Amy, this is adult dating.

999
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 2: I don't want to date multiple people, but she's like,

1000
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:18,759
Speaker 2: this is you're getting to know yourself. You just got

1001
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:21,719
Speaker 2: out of a long marriage. This is what adults do,

1002
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 2: and if you're honest about it, that is the adult

1003
00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 2: dating part.

1004
00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:28,239
Speaker 1: That was the problem, as there was no you had

1005
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 1: no idea, but I didn't think he had to tell me,

1006
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:31,399
Speaker 1: but I mean I guess he did.

1007
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:34,640
Speaker 2: I didn't have to tell me. I we just never

1008
00:50:34,719 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 2: talked about it.

1009
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:39,279
Speaker 1: At the point you guys were at. I think it personally, Yeah,

1010
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:41,759
Speaker 1: you could hung out with him, yeah, yeah, But I

1011
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:43,840
Speaker 1: just think it would have been fair for if he

1012
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:45,319
Speaker 1: was going to be dating other people to let you

1013
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:50,399
Speaker 1: know for many reasons. So you're being understanding of him,

1014
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:54,320
Speaker 1: and I think that is very cool, like you said

1015
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:57,440
Speaker 1: of you, and I also think it's fair for you

1016
00:50:57,480 --> 00:50:59,880
Speaker 1: to be like, ah, at that point, it would have

1017
00:50:59,880 --> 00:51:02,400
Speaker 1: been really fair for you to also let me know

1018
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:03,960
Speaker 1: if you're gonna be dating other people.

1019
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:07,640
Speaker 2: Right, So yeah, I decided to hit Karen up and

1020
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:08,879
Speaker 2: I'm like, is that widower still?

1021
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:11,480
Speaker 1: Is that the text?

1022
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:14,040
Speaker 2: And the guy said it exactly like that, But I'm like,

1023
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:15,839
Speaker 2: you know, that guy, the only guy that you've been

1024
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:17,480
Speaker 2: trying to set me up with since February?

1025
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:18,760
Speaker 1: What's eusy?

1026
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:23,160
Speaker 2: Because yeah, I want to go out? And so fast forward,

1027
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:27,080
Speaker 2: we went out and then we're pretty much dating ever since.

1028
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:29,759
Speaker 2: So we went to dinner and it was great, and

1029
00:51:29,880 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 2: then we went on the hike and that's when he

1030
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 2: was like, well, so you know we've met before and

1031
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 2: I'm like, nope, He's like I came up to you

1032
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:41,439
Speaker 2: a whole Foods and I was like, oh, and that's

1033
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:43,880
Speaker 2: what I realized. I do remember that, but I wouldn't

1034
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:45,520
Speaker 2: remember exactly what he looked like.

1035
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:49,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, and well, also this is important, I think to

1036
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:55,000
Speaker 1: add for your fear and like, also thinking about trusting

1037
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 1: the process too, is if that situation with the other

1038
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 1: guy never happened.

1039
00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:03,160
Speaker 2: And I think part of the motivation was like, oh, I.

1040
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,799
Speaker 1: Have person who is interested in me, so I want

1041
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:07,319
Speaker 1: to go and date too, like a little bit of

1042
00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:11,040
Speaker 1: not even like revenge, but like I can do this too.

1043
00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 1: But another part is you would have never been interested

1044
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:15,959
Speaker 1: in that person. I don't think if you hadn't gotten

1045
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 1: used to the idea. Because that other guy had kids.

1046
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 2: Oh three three kids, so three kids almost the exact too.

1047
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:23,239
Speaker 2: He did warm me up to the whole kid thing

1048
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 2: for sure. And yeah, he had his lunch with Leslie

1049
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 2: and I had my afternoon with Alex.

1050
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 1: Didn't Leslie cancel lunch or.

1051
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 2: She did cancel lunch, but I think they eventually did

1052
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:34,040
Speaker 2: go out, but she did cancel, which that is the

1053
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 2: funny part. She did cancel the lunch that day, and

1054
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:38,640
Speaker 2: I do think they went out and that guy's great,

1055
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:42,000
Speaker 2: by the way, he's a really nice person. It just

1056
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:44,839
Speaker 2: wasn't going to work. We were looking for obviously different things.

1057
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,319
Speaker 2: But even when I first started dating Alex, he said

1058
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:50,839
Speaker 2: he was looking for a relationship and I said, well,

1059
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:57,719
Speaker 2: I'm adult dating, and so it gets letting, you know.

1060
00:52:58,200 --> 00:53:00,440
Speaker 2: But then like a weekend of trying to old date,

1061
00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 2: that's exhausting to me. It's really not my vibe. So

1062
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:05,160
Speaker 2: I decided I'm going to give it a go. So

1063
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:07,759
Speaker 2: I told the other guy, I'm going to give this

1064
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:12,560
Speaker 2: other guy a go. I've started seeing somebody because he's

1065
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:15,400
Speaker 2: interested in me, and I'm going to give it a go.

1066
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:17,560
Speaker 2: I do think. Yes. I was warmed up to the

1067
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:20,799
Speaker 2: three kids and now we have five kids total, which

1068
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:24,239
Speaker 2: is so fun in our dating relationship, and the professional thing,

1069
00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:26,680
Speaker 2: like me not feeling smart enough for him not a concern.

1070
00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:30,760
Speaker 2: He is. He's very very smart and he's a lawyer.

1071
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 2: But he's not weird about it.

1072
00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:38,439
Speaker 1: Okay, he is very smart one hundred percent. You are

1073
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:42,840
Speaker 1: knowledgeable and intelligent about things that are different like you have.

1074
00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:47,800
Speaker 2: What that reminds me. In his first card that he

1075
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:50,360
Speaker 2: ever wrote me, he said, like, I've already learned so

1076
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:52,400
Speaker 2: much from you in a short period of time. And

1077
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,200
Speaker 2: I instantly looked at him and I was like, what

1078
00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:54,880
Speaker 2: have you learned from me?

1079
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:56,840
Speaker 1: Privited?

1080
00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:58,000
Speaker 2: I don't believe it.

1081
00:53:59,120 --> 00:53:59,840
Speaker 1: What have you learned?

1082
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:03,359
Speaker 2: And he was like a lot. And I'm like like

1083
00:54:03,400 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 2: what it's like almost don't yeah that I'm capable of

1084
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:11,280
Speaker 2: teaching him something because I see him as so wise,

1085
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 2: like he's academically but also like he's a wise father

1086
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 2: and friend. And you know, so what did he say?

1087
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:22,319
Speaker 2: I'm just kidding. I don't remember exactly, but I did

1088
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 2: challenge him right away. But that was my own insecurity

1089
00:54:24,520 --> 00:54:26,680
Speaker 2: and I shouldn't have done that. It wasn't you don't

1090
00:54:26,680 --> 00:54:29,359
Speaker 2: do that someone writes you a nice card, you're not like, oh, yeah,

1091
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 2: prove it. I think he was like, next time, you

1092
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:35,880
Speaker 2: have to write them out right. But he's so excited

1093
00:54:35,880 --> 00:54:39,360
Speaker 2: about me. He didn't see that red flag. It's a huge,

1094
00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:42,520
Speaker 2: huge red flag. But I will say that's not a

1095
00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:46,759
Speaker 2: concern anymore. He's professional, but he's as buttoned up as

1096
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:49,680
Speaker 2: I thought. Apparently I haven't seen this side of him.

1097
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 2: But remember how I told you about his wife's which

1098
00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:54,560
Speaker 2: is part's always weird. I don't know what to say

1099
00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:57,040
Speaker 2: because it's like, it's his wife's sister, but his wife's

1100
00:54:57,480 --> 00:55:02,480
Speaker 2: his late wife's sister. She told me so. His last

1101
00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:05,759
Speaker 2: name is Waddie. She told me the wedding Wattie is

1102
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:08,520
Speaker 2: a lot of fun. And I'm like, who's wedding Lottie.

1103
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:11,279
Speaker 2: She's like, oh, just wait, I apparently comes out at wedding.

1104
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:11,760
Speaker 1: Any wedding.

1105
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:12,640
Speaker 2: M hm.

1106
00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 1: That's a huge like.

1107
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:15,360
Speaker 2: Not his wedding, just any wedding.

1108
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:18,480
Speaker 1: That is a huge bonus. You never want to be

1109
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:20,879
Speaker 1: with somebody who had a wedding. He's like, I know,

1110
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:22,840
Speaker 1: I don't want to dance. I love dancing a wedding, so,

1111
00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 1: oh my gosh.

1112
00:55:24,480 --> 00:55:25,799
Speaker 2: So have that to look forward to.

1113
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:26,520
Speaker 1: I don't.

1114
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 2: I don't know, well when we're going to go to

1115
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:30,600
Speaker 2: a wedding, but only.

1116
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 1: I was getting married again.

1117
00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:37,600
Speaker 2: Cryocat's in here and she just got on Riyah and

1118
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:41,760
Speaker 2: she said that has already promised her all kinds of goodies.

1119
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:43,480
Speaker 2: I'm just kidding.

1120
00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:45,959
Speaker 1: So she's having a good time.

1121
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:49,600
Speaker 2: Maybe we'll go to Cryocat's wedding or something. But he

1122
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 2: is a silly person. He's an amazing dad. I wrote

1123
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:55,160
Speaker 2: down things about him. He was in a loving marriage. Sadly,

1124
00:55:55,200 --> 00:55:58,080
Speaker 2: his wife died way too young from calling cancer. So

1125
00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:00,360
Speaker 2: I will say this, if you have any some dums

1126
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:04,520
Speaker 2: of any kind, urge your doctors to take it one

1127
00:56:04,520 --> 00:56:07,120
Speaker 2: step further if they even think it's hemorrhoids, because in

1128
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:08,960
Speaker 2: her case, they did think that. They're like, well, you've

1129
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:11,640
Speaker 2: got three kids, you have a very active lifestyle. Some

1130
00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:14,799
Speaker 2: of what she was seeing in the blood. They were like,

1131
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:18,759
Speaker 2: you're too young. This isn't colon cancer. Like, you're a young,

1132
00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:24,680
Speaker 2: healthy white woman. And it was colon cancer. And they

1133
00:56:24,719 --> 00:56:28,799
Speaker 2: got the colonoscopy and found it too late and she

1134
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 2: passed away far too young. So that is part of

1135
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 2: his mission his kids is colon cancer awareness. He wears

1136
00:56:37,640 --> 00:56:41,360
Speaker 2: all these rubber bracelets on his wrists and at first

1137
00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:43,359
Speaker 2: I was like, what is why do you have so many?

1138
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 2: And for every year that they've had a colon cancer

1139
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:51,000
Speaker 2: awareness walk or fun run, and he's like, well, if

1140
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 2: I just wear one, he's kind of added to it.

1141
00:56:53,239 --> 00:56:55,480
Speaker 2: But he's like, if I wear one, nobody asks anything,

1142
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:57,480
Speaker 2: but if I have multiple, they may ask me. And

1143
00:56:57,520 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 2: if they ask me about it, then I get to

1144
00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:01,839
Speaker 2: talk talk about it. In a way that hey, you

1145
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:04,520
Speaker 2: never know, maybe they'll go get tested or share with

1146
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:08,480
Speaker 2: somebody else, because it is a growing concern amongst young people.

1147
00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:13,960
Speaker 2: And his wife passed away, and yes, that makes him

1148
00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:17,760
Speaker 2: a widower. There's some fear around that. And now that

1149
00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:20,760
Speaker 2: I'm in it, I'm realizing some fear that still shows

1150
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:25,280
Speaker 2: up because of my primal wounds, my primal question and

1151
00:57:25,320 --> 00:57:29,120
Speaker 2: that's okay. I'm gonna lean into it because I want

1152
00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:32,960
Speaker 2: the gifts of my fear, not the impairments. Oh, not

1153
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:33,440
Speaker 2: my fear.

1154
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:35,760
Speaker 1: Yeah. The fear is a gift. The fear is a

1155
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:37,520
Speaker 1: gift if you use it.

1156
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:41,320
Speaker 2: It's helping me move forward with wisdom. Yeah, the fear

1157
00:57:41,360 --> 00:57:43,520
Speaker 2: I have right now with where we currently are in

1158
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:47,240
Speaker 2: our relationship, it allows me to move forward with wisdom,

1159
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 2: not just emotion.

1160
00:57:48,560 --> 00:57:50,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, because if we were to move forward with.

1161
00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:51,880
Speaker 2: My emotion all the time, and let me tell you,

1162
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 2: this relationship would be like whack a mole.

1163
00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:58,280
Speaker 1: Yeah that's for anybody though. So as you were talking,

1164
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:02,120
Speaker 1: I was thinking about times that I maybe wish I

1165
00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:04,760
Speaker 1: was aware of my fear because it could have stopped

1166
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:09,240
Speaker 1: me from saying something in a good way. Because Alex

1167
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:11,280
Speaker 1: is a CEO, he was when you met him, right.

1168
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 2: Yeah. By the time I started dating him, he had

1169
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:15,400
Speaker 2: just become CEO.

1170
00:58:15,320 --> 00:58:19,280
Speaker 1: Which I know what that is, chief executive officer. Yes, yeah,

1171
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:23,400
Speaker 1: I had a client one time. This is probably honestly,

1172
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:25,560
Speaker 1: this wasn't that long ago. This was maybe three years ago.

1173
00:58:26,480 --> 00:58:28,000
Speaker 1: I want to say it was six, but it was

1174
00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:30,760
Speaker 1: like three. Not that would really matter, because I still

1175
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:32,520
Speaker 1: should know this, I guess, can I.

1176
00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:35,960
Speaker 2: Have ADHD if anybody knew it was listening? We talking

1177
00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 2: about we love to give details in a story that

1178
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:39,320
Speaker 2: don't really matter.

1179
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:42,040
Speaker 1: In my head, they matter.

1180
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:44,360
Speaker 2: They do matter, but to most people they build up

1181
00:58:44,400 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 2: the story.

1182
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:45,200
Speaker 1: I don't know.

1183
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:49,360
Speaker 2: I know, we'll introduce timelines, characters, all kinds of stuff

1184
00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:51,360
Speaker 2: that doesn't matter. But I was wearing that day.

1185
00:58:51,880 --> 00:58:53,920
Speaker 1: It was virtual, I will say that it was, and

1186
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:56,960
Speaker 1: a session was virtual and my client was talking about

1187
00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:00,480
Speaker 1: how she was like, yeah, I am, I don't know.

1188
00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:02,840
Speaker 1: I might get this promotion and it could lead to

1189
00:59:02,920 --> 00:59:06,200
Speaker 1: being in the C suite some version of that. And

1190
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:09,960
Speaker 1: I said to her, well, what is the c suite?

1191
00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:12,040
Speaker 2: Like by the ocean? I was like, where are you going?

1192
00:59:14,520 --> 00:59:16,120
Speaker 1: And she was like, you know, the C suite? And

1193
00:59:16,160 --> 00:59:19,160
Speaker 1: I was like I don't know where that is. And

1194
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:22,160
Speaker 1: she said it's like the CMO and the CFO and

1195
00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:25,520
Speaker 1: the what else is there? COO? Yeah? And I was like,

1196
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 1: and my thought was, what are all those things? I know? CEO,

1197
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:32,280
Speaker 1: I didn't see m O. Do I say that I

1198
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:33,800
Speaker 1: chief marketing officer.

1199
00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:37,200
Speaker 2: I think you can have an operations officer finding friends. Yeah,

1200
00:59:37,280 --> 00:59:40,040
Speaker 2: they're yeah, C suite. So they had a yeah, because

1201
00:59:40,760 --> 00:59:42,880
Speaker 2: that's so funny you're sharing this because I learned that

1202
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:46,600
Speaker 2: through Alex too. And I'll tell you what three years ago. No,

1203
00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:50,120
Speaker 2: it was like a couple of days indoor dating. In fact,

1204
00:59:50,160 --> 00:59:51,800
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, it might have been after the hike

1205
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:55,320
Speaker 2: the second date. Yeah, or maybe we went hiking again.

1206
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:57,080
Speaker 2: I don't know. We went hiking a few things. Let

1207
00:59:57,120 --> 01:00:01,200
Speaker 2: me tell you. Hiking Alex really won me over because

1208
01:00:01,200 --> 01:00:05,640
Speaker 2: I think professional Alex more buttoned up Alex. I was like,

1209
01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:09,120
Speaker 2: oh again, I wasn't able to really see him. But

1210
01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:13,280
Speaker 2: then hiking Alex, I was like, oh, this is my vibe,

1211
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:15,919
Speaker 2: sort of like oh, can you imagine when I meet

1212
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:20,000
Speaker 2: wedding Wattie, like coming to be like, hey, where have

1213
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:23,280
Speaker 2: you been? Which I've seen little pieces of that, but

1214
01:00:23,800 --> 01:00:26,439
Speaker 2: I am I'm excited. It's like a part of him

1215
01:00:26,440 --> 01:00:29,200
Speaker 2: that I get to look forward to. But so somebody

1216
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:34,280
Speaker 2: get married fast invite us to a wedding. So hiking, Alex,

1217
01:00:34,920 --> 01:00:36,680
Speaker 2: We've gone on multiple hikes and that's when I was

1218
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:39,640
Speaker 2: really like, oh, Okay, this energy, this vibe, I really

1219
01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:43,520
Speaker 2: like it, like a style, everything that's perfect my jam.

1220
01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:46,800
Speaker 2: So we went hiking one day and decided to go

1221
01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:48,880
Speaker 2: get a smoothie after and we were trying to look

1222
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:51,640
Speaker 2: up which smoothie place to go to, and then we

1223
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:53,800
Speaker 2: went to one and it was closed and I was like, shoot,

1224
01:00:54,120 --> 01:00:55,919
Speaker 2: we're going to go because this was the closest one.

1225
01:00:56,400 --> 01:01:00,560
Speaker 2: So I picked another location and he rose that was

1226
01:01:00,640 --> 01:01:03,400
Speaker 2: on like it really wasn't that convenient, but we decided

1227
01:01:03,440 --> 01:01:06,160
Speaker 2: to go anyway because why not. It was a beautiful day.

1228
01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:07,800
Speaker 2: So we went for a drive and we go there

1229
01:01:07,800 --> 01:01:10,880
Speaker 2: and then as we're approaching it, he's like, oh, he's

1230
01:01:10,920 --> 01:01:14,000
Speaker 2: like this building right behind the smoothie place. He goes,

1231
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:17,360
Speaker 2: that's where my wife worked. There's actually like a a

1232
01:01:17,440 --> 01:01:20,000
Speaker 2: plaque there for her, like she won an award and

1233
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:23,400
Speaker 2: there's this whole thing. He's like, I haven't been here

1234
01:01:23,480 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 2: like since then, and I could tell like, he just

1235
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:29,520
Speaker 2: got really quiet and shut down, and I'm thinking, okay,

1236
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:32,480
Speaker 2: what do we do? Should we not go get the smoothie?

1237
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:34,080
Speaker 2: Like should I just be like, we don't need a

1238
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,720
Speaker 2: smoothie anyway? Or do we lean in? Do we go

1239
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:39,960
Speaker 2: I don't know, we haven't been dating that long. Do

1240
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:43,320
Speaker 2: we go visit the plaque? I don't know what to do.

1241
01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:45,720
Speaker 2: So I just when you don't win in doubt, just

1242
01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:46,320
Speaker 2: say nothing.

1243
01:01:46,440 --> 01:01:47,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1244
01:01:47,360 --> 01:01:52,080
Speaker 2: So I sat there allowing him to process, and I

1245
01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:55,240
Speaker 2: was like, oh, wait for it, wait for it.

1246
01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 1: We get the.

1247
01:01:56,200 --> 01:01:58,040
Speaker 2: Red light, then it's the green light. We turn in.

1248
01:01:58,120 --> 01:02:00,240
Speaker 2: I'm like, we're okay, we're going, so we part can

1249
01:02:00,240 --> 01:02:02,880
Speaker 2: we get the smoothie? And he's like, after we get

1250
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:05,680
Speaker 2: our smoothies, would you want to walk over and see

1251
01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:10,360
Speaker 2: her plaque thing? And I'm like I would love that.

1252
01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:13,760
Speaker 2: So I'm thinking, okay, this is things are escalating because

1253
01:02:13,760 --> 01:02:15,160
Speaker 2: now we're really going to be talking about her, like

1254
01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:18,080
Speaker 2: this is a special thing for them. So we're walking

1255
01:02:18,120 --> 01:02:21,040
Speaker 2: over and he's like, oh, yeah, she worked at this hospital.

1256
01:02:21,120 --> 01:02:23,320
Speaker 2: She was a C suite executive. And in my mind,

1257
01:02:23,360 --> 01:02:26,920
Speaker 2: I'm like, I have no idea what that is. Weird,

1258
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:29,680
Speaker 2: but I was like, what does that mean? But I

1259
01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:30,520
Speaker 2: would did you say it?

1260
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:31,200
Speaker 1: No?

1261
01:02:31,520 --> 01:02:34,400
Speaker 2: You you asked your person, but I didn't. I wish

1262
01:02:34,440 --> 01:02:36,040
Speaker 2: I had some fear and was like, ke, then you

1263
01:02:36,040 --> 01:02:38,560
Speaker 2: can google it later. Well if he's listening right now,

1264
01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:40,240
Speaker 2: now he knows that's what I did. I googled it

1265
01:02:40,320 --> 01:02:42,760
Speaker 2: later because of course I acted. I was like, oh, yeah,

1266
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:46,040
Speaker 2: she's sweet, so cool. Oh yeah, I love the suede.

1267
01:02:46,720 --> 01:02:48,000
Speaker 1: I love going to the Sea Suite.

1268
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:54,600
Speaker 2: See, it's my favorite building. Like ida, I don't, I

1269
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:57,880
Speaker 2: didn't know. So we go over and we're like looking,

1270
01:02:57,880 --> 01:03:01,080
Speaker 2: but the building is locked because it's a or a Saturday,

1271
01:03:01,400 --> 01:03:03,800
Speaker 2: but we can look through and we're looking through the

1272
01:03:03,920 --> 01:03:05,960
Speaker 2: and it's a big plaque thing. It's not like a

1273
01:03:05,960 --> 01:03:07,360
Speaker 2: little like I was thinking, Oh, it's gonna be like

1274
01:03:07,360 --> 01:03:10,560
Speaker 2: a little brick like my mom Judy. Again, they had

1275
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:14,560
Speaker 2: similar cancers. She has a little brick at Saint Jude.

1276
01:03:14,600 --> 01:03:16,240
Speaker 2: So I was like, oh, there's lots of bricks, are

1277
01:03:16,280 --> 01:03:18,120
Speaker 2: gonna be a thing, But it was this whole thing,

1278
01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:20,280
Speaker 2: like I think she now has like maybe an award

1279
01:03:20,360 --> 01:03:22,840
Speaker 2: they hand out in her honor or something. And so

1280
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:24,760
Speaker 2: I finally peeped through and I see and I'm like, oh,

1281
01:03:24,840 --> 01:03:28,080
Speaker 2: there it is. And we had that moment and I'm

1282
01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:30,760
Speaker 2: like thinking, what do we do now? Like how long

1283
01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:32,440
Speaker 2: do we stay here? Do we is it like a

1284
01:03:32,440 --> 01:03:34,720
Speaker 2: moment of silence, like it's all these different things of

1285
01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:38,480
Speaker 2: like respectfully, But he was cool. It wasn't anything awkward.

1286
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:41,440
Speaker 2: He was proud of her. It opened up conversation for

1287
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:43,960
Speaker 2: us to talk about her. And then when we were

1288
01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:45,840
Speaker 2: walking back to the car and we've got our smoothies,

1289
01:03:45,880 --> 01:03:49,960
Speaker 2: I'm like, how are you feeling? Like what do you

1290
01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:52,880
Speaker 2: need right now in this moment? And he said I

1291
01:03:52,880 --> 01:03:56,240
Speaker 2: don't remember exactly how he said it, but in a

1292
01:03:56,360 --> 01:04:01,000
Speaker 2: nutshell he said something like I feel good like she's

1293
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:05,520
Speaker 2: speaking to me and giving him permission too. She just

1294
01:04:05,520 --> 01:04:08,320
Speaker 2: wanted to say hi, date and like hey, this is good.

1295
01:04:08,560 --> 01:04:11,600
Speaker 2: I like this or like almost like a stamp of

1296
01:04:11,640 --> 01:04:13,920
Speaker 2: approval for me that this was happening.

1297
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:16,440
Speaker 1: Wait, that is actually so cool that that's where you

1298
01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:18,120
Speaker 1: ended up going. And then you got to see that,

1299
01:04:18,240 --> 01:04:20,000
Speaker 1: and that was her being like, hey, guys.

1300
01:04:19,880 --> 01:04:21,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, because we were not going to go to that

1301
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,600
Speaker 2: smoothie shop. Hey, it's not even the first one we

1302
01:04:23,640 --> 01:04:25,960
Speaker 2: went to, the first one we went to was closed.

1303
01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:28,920
Speaker 2: And then I probably normally would have just been like,

1304
01:04:29,040 --> 01:04:31,160
Speaker 2: forget it, We'll just make a smoothie at home, because

1305
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:34,520
Speaker 2: this is not where the direction we're going. And then

1306
01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:37,439
Speaker 2: y'all all that unfolded and he said, because I feel

1307
01:04:37,480 --> 01:04:39,200
Speaker 2: like she's speaking to me. I think that's exactly how

1308
01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:40,160
Speaker 2: he said it. Like, I don't even know if he

1309
01:04:40,200 --> 01:04:41,520
Speaker 2: said this feels good? I think I said, what are

1310
01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:44,000
Speaker 2: you feeling right now? And he said, I feel like

1311
01:04:44,040 --> 01:04:47,080
Speaker 2: she's speaking to me, And so that was very comforting,

1312
01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:49,720
Speaker 2: and it also gave me peace in a moment that

1313
01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:51,920
Speaker 2: I needed it. It's almost like she was speaking to

1314
01:04:52,000 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 2: me too, of like I give you permission to be

1315
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:57,560
Speaker 2: with him.

1316
01:04:57,640 --> 01:04:59,320
Speaker 1: So not really cool.

1317
01:05:00,040 --> 01:05:02,800
Speaker 2: I've had conversations with her, really, but that's what YEAH

1318
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:05,600
Speaker 2: felt like. Yeah, you know, my mom's a cardinal and

1319
01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:07,960
Speaker 2: my dad's a blue jay. They've told me things. I

1320
01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:09,880
Speaker 2: only moved last summer because my mom came to me

1321
01:05:09,920 --> 01:05:12,240
Speaker 2: as a bird and told me to move. So is

1322
01:05:12,280 --> 01:05:14,080
Speaker 2: it that crazy that she could be speaking to me

1323
01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:20,920
Speaker 2: from her C suite? I think I think not. Yeah.

1324
01:05:21,080 --> 01:05:22,840
Speaker 2: So then of course I get home and I'm like

1325
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:26,760
Speaker 2: C suite executive and I was like, oh, well, so

1326
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:29,960
Speaker 2: then guess what guess what shows back up because she

1327
01:05:30,120 --> 01:05:32,400
Speaker 2: obviously was a successful professional.

1328
01:05:32,880 --> 01:05:35,360
Speaker 1: Wait what, guess what fear of?

1329
01:05:35,520 --> 01:05:38,160
Speaker 2: Like again, I'm then that story comes in because my

1330
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:40,560
Speaker 2: filter of Emma, is there space for me here?

1331
01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:41,200
Speaker 1: My filter?

1332
01:05:42,520 --> 01:05:44,320
Speaker 2: Right, I didn't even know what the c sweet was. Wow,

1333
01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:46,480
Speaker 2: she was this executive. Oh while she has an award

1334
01:05:46,520 --> 01:05:48,840
Speaker 2: after Oh while people really respected and looked up for her.

1335
01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:50,120
Speaker 2: Oh her career was amazing.

1336
01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:54,200
Speaker 1: Again like, I, well, that's too comparing to like measure

1337
01:05:54,320 --> 01:05:57,880
Speaker 1: up versus. Both of those things can exist at the

1338
01:05:57,920 --> 01:06:00,280
Speaker 1: same time. Yeah, they don't have to be the same. Hm.

1339
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:04,520
Speaker 2: So that is yeah, fear, So there we go, fear.

1340
01:06:05,880 --> 01:06:06,920
Speaker 1: So now I have all the wisdom.

1341
01:06:07,080 --> 01:06:11,080
Speaker 2: Now I have all the wisdom, and fear is my gift.

1342
01:06:11,240 --> 01:06:13,160
Speaker 2: I'm using fear as my gift because I don't want

1343
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:15,120
Speaker 2: to have the impairment of fear. I don't want to

1344
01:06:15,160 --> 01:06:17,040
Speaker 2: miss out on anything.

1345
01:06:17,360 --> 01:06:18,600
Speaker 1: But also, you've.

1346
01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:20,640
Speaker 2: Got to be patient, and you've got to listen, and

1347
01:06:20,640 --> 01:06:21,800
Speaker 2: you've got to ask questions.

1348
01:06:22,960 --> 01:06:23,960
Speaker 1: Use it as wisdom.

1349
01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:26,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, it's not a weakness, it's awareness.

1350
01:06:28,320 --> 01:06:28,560
Speaker 1: Cool.

1351
01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:32,480
Speaker 2: Where are we going to put that on everything? I

1352
01:06:32,960 --> 01:06:35,840
Speaker 2: start naming them? What if we start naming them again?

1353
01:06:36,840 --> 01:06:37,479
Speaker 1: Turning off.

1354
01:06:38,560 --> 01:06:42,800
Speaker 2: Someone's like this podcast is glitching. They keep repeating themselves. Okay,

1355
01:06:42,840 --> 01:06:44,520
Speaker 2: so now we have another feeling to get into. I

1356
01:06:44,560 --> 01:06:46,480
Speaker 2: feel like fear took a long time, but there was

1357
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:47,640
Speaker 2: just a lot to get out there.

1358
01:06:47,760 --> 01:06:49,240
Speaker 1: Would you still want to go through gladness?

1359
01:06:49,320 --> 01:06:49,480
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1360
01:06:49,520 --> 01:07:07,840
Speaker 1: Okay, so gladness corny. Celebration So again, doesn't mean a

1361
01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:10,520
Speaker 1: party all the time. It could just it could mean acknowledgment,

1362
01:07:10,600 --> 01:07:14,320
Speaker 1: but like some form of celebration of whatever is happening.

1363
01:07:14,360 --> 01:07:16,440
Speaker 1: It could be very small, it could be a party.

1364
01:07:16,880 --> 01:07:17,800
Speaker 1: Why are you looking at me like that?

1365
01:07:19,240 --> 01:07:23,120
Speaker 2: I'm just taking it all? Okay? Was I looking at

1366
01:07:23,160 --> 01:07:23,560
Speaker 2: you weird?

1367
01:07:23,880 --> 01:07:25,560
Speaker 1: You were looking at me like celebration?

1368
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:28,800
Speaker 2: No, it is. I think I'm just like processing, like

1369
01:07:28,840 --> 01:07:30,640
Speaker 2: I have a lot of emotion having just told a

1370
01:07:30,640 --> 01:07:32,960
Speaker 2: lot of that. So I think I'm like, like, I'm

1371
01:07:32,960 --> 01:07:36,720
Speaker 2: glad that it's now like you did it. I did it,

1372
01:07:36,760 --> 01:07:40,560
Speaker 2: and I shared some things, especially like the the pick

1373
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:43,080
Speaker 2: me the chosen part, and then the so I haven't

1374
01:07:43,080 --> 01:07:45,640
Speaker 2: really told I haven't told that story about his wife.

1375
01:07:45,680 --> 01:07:47,800
Speaker 2: In fact, I didn't plan on telling that story about

1376
01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:50,600
Speaker 2: the smoothies and his wife, so that just sort of

1377
01:07:50,640 --> 01:07:53,240
Speaker 2: came up for me for the first time in a while.

1378
01:07:53,440 --> 01:07:56,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, so maybe you noticing that I feel glad,

1379
01:07:57,160 --> 01:08:00,160
Speaker 1: you might need to later acknowledge that and celebrate yourself

1380
01:08:00,160 --> 01:08:03,080
Speaker 1: for being vulnerable, okay, sharing something, because there's a reason

1381
01:08:03,120 --> 01:08:05,520
Speaker 1: you shared those stories. Yeah, and there also might be

1382
01:08:05,560 --> 01:08:10,160
Speaker 1: other feelings that we've already talked about popping up too. Okay, Okay,

1383
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:13,000
Speaker 1: so deep so and this is why it's important to

1384
01:08:13,040 --> 01:08:16,679
Speaker 1: acknowledge your gladness, because if you don't acknowledge your gladness,

1385
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:19,200
Speaker 1: what will happen. I'm trying to avoid all of that

1386
01:08:19,240 --> 01:08:22,559
Speaker 1: real authentic gladness that I have, I'll end up because

1387
01:08:22,600 --> 01:08:27,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna want to feel some form of goodness, manufacturing

1388
01:08:27,040 --> 01:08:30,799
Speaker 1: it in these inauthentic ways. That can be through shopping,

1389
01:08:30,840 --> 01:08:33,320
Speaker 1: it can be through drugs and alcohol, it can be

1390
01:08:33,400 --> 01:08:36,080
Speaker 1: through sex, it can be through I mean, you name

1391
01:08:36,120 --> 01:08:37,920
Speaker 1: it something that you're just going to go get that

1392
01:08:38,160 --> 01:08:41,599
Speaker 1: feel good, but it just leads you to needing another one.

1393
01:08:41,920 --> 01:08:45,559
Speaker 1: And it's just like not as fleeting, Yeah fleeting, I

1394
01:08:45,560 --> 01:08:47,759
Speaker 1: was gonna say, not as deep, an emotional and meaningful.

1395
01:08:48,240 --> 01:08:50,600
Speaker 1: It's not like meaningful sex with a partner. It's like

1396
01:08:51,439 --> 01:08:54,880
Speaker 1: just random bang. It's a bang.

1397
01:08:59,479 --> 01:09:04,320
Speaker 2: It's a bang. I don't know, that's not and just alliteration.

1398
01:09:05,080 --> 01:09:07,320
Speaker 1: You're hot on those you said adventure Alex earlier too.

1399
01:09:07,360 --> 01:09:09,160
Speaker 1: I like that. Yeah, I did that on verse because

1400
01:09:09,160 --> 01:09:09,840
Speaker 1: of Lunchel Buzzy.

1401
01:09:09,960 --> 01:09:11,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1402
01:09:11,600 --> 01:09:14,519
Speaker 1: Okay. So if you are aware of it, though, it

1403
01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:19,120
Speaker 1: offers you a space to acknowledge what really matters to you. Again,

1404
01:09:19,360 --> 01:09:21,519
Speaker 1: it offers you a space to be able to build

1405
01:09:21,560 --> 01:09:24,360
Speaker 1: hope when you don't have those experiences, and it allows

1406
01:09:24,400 --> 01:09:26,800
Speaker 1: you to be deeply satisfied. And that is I think

1407
01:09:27,560 --> 01:09:30,080
Speaker 1: something a lot of people struggle with is like just

1408
01:09:30,160 --> 01:09:34,280
Speaker 1: being satisfied. And I know I struggle with this because

1409
01:09:34,560 --> 01:09:37,679
Speaker 1: I talked on the fifth thing back in the day

1410
01:09:38,040 --> 01:09:39,400
Speaker 1: at the beginning of the year of my word of

1411
01:09:39,400 --> 01:09:42,280
Speaker 1: the year being savor. Because something I struggle with is

1412
01:09:43,280 --> 01:09:46,080
Speaker 1: I look forward to things more than I actually enjoy

1413
01:09:46,160 --> 01:09:48,840
Speaker 1: being there. So by the time a trip comes, I'm

1414
01:09:48,880 --> 01:09:53,439
Speaker 1: already sad versus savoring and really being satisfied in the

1415
01:09:53,479 --> 01:09:56,320
Speaker 1: experience I'm having. And so that leads me sometimes to

1416
01:09:56,439 --> 01:09:59,160
Speaker 1: just scheduling something else or looking forward to the next

1417
01:09:59,160 --> 01:10:02,400
Speaker 1: thing versus soaking in the actual experiences that I'm having.

1418
01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:05,040
Speaker 1: Something I need to work on. I think a lot

1419
01:10:05,040 --> 01:10:09,120
Speaker 1: of people also struggle with this Brene Brown, which we

1420
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:12,120
Speaker 1: all most of us know who that is. She's wonderful.

1421
01:10:12,800 --> 01:10:14,439
Speaker 1: She's like the fair godmother of feelings.

1422
01:10:14,479 --> 01:10:18,080
Speaker 2: If I don't know, no judgment, just google it. You

1423
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:19,880
Speaker 2: can pretend like you do and then google it later.

1424
01:10:20,080 --> 01:10:22,960
Speaker 2: But Renee Brown's amazing. She basically should be in a

1425
01:10:22,960 --> 01:10:25,840
Speaker 2: C suite. If she's not, she she has to be.

1426
01:10:25,840 --> 01:10:27,280
Speaker 1: She's probably She's.

1427
01:10:27,120 --> 01:10:30,080
Speaker 2: All Brene Brown incorporated.

1428
01:10:33,400 --> 01:10:37,320
Speaker 1: She talks about this concept called foreboding joy, and that's

1429
01:10:37,360 --> 01:10:40,599
Speaker 1: that experience that when something good happens, you don't allow

1430
01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:43,360
Speaker 1: yourself to really feel it. You're just kind of waiting

1431
01:10:43,360 --> 01:10:45,479
Speaker 1: for the other shoe to drop. And you a lot

1432
01:10:45,479 --> 01:10:47,880
Speaker 1: of times can even acknowledge that of like you get

1433
01:10:48,280 --> 01:10:50,920
Speaker 1: maybe you get good news and you're like, yeah, I mean,

1434
01:10:51,040 --> 01:10:52,599
Speaker 1: who knows how long this will last? Or you start

1435
01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:54,479
Speaker 1: dating somebody and you're like, I'm not going to get

1436
01:10:54,479 --> 01:10:56,040
Speaker 1: excited about it because he could like break up with

1437
01:10:56,080 --> 01:11:00,000
Speaker 1: me tomorrow. And that is us trying to protect ourselves

1438
01:11:00,280 --> 01:11:03,080
Speaker 1: because you know, we can get that stuff taken away

1439
01:11:03,120 --> 01:11:07,360
Speaker 1: at any time, but it doesn't be work. Yeah, yeah,

1440
01:11:07,400 --> 01:11:11,240
Speaker 1: it's those working hand in hand. When I could acknowledge. Yeah,

1441
01:11:11,280 --> 01:11:13,760
Speaker 1: this is really scary. I could lose this promotion, I

1442
01:11:13,760 --> 01:11:16,960
Speaker 1: could lose this relationship. I could I don't know. Maybe

1443
01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:19,439
Speaker 1: you just bought a house and you're waiting to close

1444
01:11:19,479 --> 01:11:21,920
Speaker 1: and you're like it could it could something that could

1445
01:11:21,920 --> 01:11:24,559
Speaker 1: happen in between that when you're it might be full

1446
01:11:24,640 --> 01:11:28,760
Speaker 1: of mold. Yeah yeah, or the seller might change their mind,

1447
01:11:28,800 --> 01:11:34,639
Speaker 1: who knows. But what happens is we remove the ability

1448
01:11:34,720 --> 01:11:37,680
Speaker 1: and the opportunity for us to actually feel that excitement

1449
01:11:38,240 --> 01:11:40,040
Speaker 1: if something bad is going to happen. Something bad is

1450
01:11:40,040 --> 01:11:43,040
Speaker 1: going to happen, right, We can't really stop fate from

1451
01:11:43,080 --> 01:11:45,760
Speaker 1: happening in those spaces. So what is it going to

1452
01:11:45,840 --> 01:11:49,240
Speaker 1: hurt to allow ourselves to really experience and feel the

1453
01:11:49,280 --> 01:11:51,960
Speaker 1: excitement or the gladness when it comes.

1454
01:11:52,439 --> 01:11:55,519
Speaker 2: And celebrate that and be yeah, yeah, I know. Your

1455
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:59,240
Speaker 2: calendar thing is like legit real, it's the thing. Yeah,

1456
01:12:00,160 --> 01:12:04,160
Speaker 2: Greed Like you when your wedding ended, you were like,

1457
01:12:04,800 --> 01:12:08,240
Speaker 2: what do I have to live for now? Because that

1458
01:12:08,280 --> 01:12:10,240
Speaker 2: was like the most exciting thing because there was so

1459
01:12:10,439 --> 01:12:12,400
Speaker 2: much build up to that and it was so much

1460
01:12:12,439 --> 01:12:15,280
Speaker 2: fun and exciting. There was always like I mean think

1461
01:12:15,280 --> 01:12:20,719
Speaker 2: about it, you had showers, bachelorette trip, different parties, events,

1462
01:12:20,760 --> 01:12:22,559
Speaker 2: all these things you had to look forward to, and

1463
01:12:22,640 --> 01:12:25,080
Speaker 2: that's all of a sudden, your calendar it's gone.

1464
01:12:25,280 --> 01:12:28,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I loved planning the wedding. I really actually did.

1465
01:12:28,960 --> 01:12:33,920
Speaker 2: Well. You like things on your calendar? Yeah, two things too, yeah, yeah.

1466
01:12:33,960 --> 01:12:37,000
Speaker 1: And so I had to talk about that a lot.

1467
01:12:37,120 --> 01:12:38,960
Speaker 1: I think I probably shared it with you a lot

1468
01:12:39,040 --> 01:12:40,960
Speaker 1: because I didn't want to get to my wedding and

1469
01:12:40,960 --> 01:12:42,400
Speaker 1: be sad. You know.

1470
01:12:42,560 --> 01:12:46,040
Speaker 2: Yeah. My sister shared something with my niece because she

1471
01:12:46,360 --> 01:12:49,360
Speaker 2: is in her later years of college and kind of

1472
01:12:49,400 --> 01:12:51,920
Speaker 2: already starting to think about the next thing, and my

1473
01:12:52,040 --> 01:12:57,360
Speaker 2: sister encouraged her recently to live in her seasons because

1474
01:12:57,400 --> 01:13:00,800
Speaker 2: when my sister was in her final year of college,

1475
01:13:00,920 --> 01:13:03,799
Speaker 2: she was going to get married, so she instantly started

1476
01:13:03,840 --> 01:13:08,280
Speaker 2: planning her wedding. And she feels like going from one

1477
01:13:08,320 --> 01:13:11,080
Speaker 2: season to the next, which happens, but it's sort of

1478
01:13:11,080 --> 01:13:13,400
Speaker 2: like they bled into each other, and she feels like

1479
01:13:13,439 --> 01:13:17,920
Speaker 2: she missed out on some of her college experience focusing

1480
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:21,160
Speaker 2: on the next season that wasn't even there yet. And

1481
01:13:21,479 --> 01:13:24,439
Speaker 2: so I just that felt relatable at this moment of

1482
01:13:24,439 --> 01:13:28,200
Speaker 2: sometimes to be in the season that you're in and

1483
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:31,080
Speaker 2: then move on to the next instead of getting so

1484
01:13:31,160 --> 01:13:35,400
Speaker 2: excited about the next season because you may miss out

1485
01:13:35,439 --> 01:13:37,960
Speaker 2: on something that is right there in front of you.

1486
01:13:38,040 --> 01:13:40,280
Speaker 1: When if that's coming, it's coming. I struggled with that

1487
01:13:40,360 --> 01:13:42,920
Speaker 1: when I was dating Patrick. In the beginning, I just

1488
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:44,920
Speaker 1: wanted to be like, get to the point where we

1489
01:13:44,920 --> 01:13:47,880
Speaker 1: were more serious, or get to the point where we

1490
01:13:47,880 --> 01:13:50,280
Speaker 1: were engaged, or get to the point. And I had

1491
01:13:50,320 --> 01:13:52,920
Speaker 1: to slow my role and be like, if this is

1492
01:13:52,960 --> 01:13:55,599
Speaker 1: the person I marry, I'm never gonna have a boyfriend again.

1493
01:13:56,120 --> 01:13:59,240
Speaker 1: So I want to have fun having a boyfriend and

1494
01:13:59,280 --> 01:14:04,479
Speaker 1: also have fun not having all of the stuff, like

1495
01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:06,840
Speaker 1: the hard stuff, you know, in the beginning, you just

1496
01:14:06,880 --> 01:14:09,200
Speaker 1: get to it's so fun whatever, I don't have to

1497
01:14:09,240 --> 01:14:13,320
Speaker 1: consider all the other parts. And that was something added continuously,

1498
01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:16,040
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of people might be relating

1499
01:14:16,040 --> 01:14:17,920
Speaker 1: to that because when they are excited about something, they

1500
01:14:17,960 --> 01:14:21,320
Speaker 1: just want it versus go through the seasons of what

1501
01:14:21,360 --> 01:14:21,680
Speaker 1: that was.

1502
01:14:21,840 --> 01:14:25,639
Speaker 2: SA savor the seasons, Yeah, put.

1503
01:14:25,479 --> 01:14:29,479
Speaker 1: That on a savor the seasons will be the next

1504
01:14:29,600 --> 01:14:33,960
Speaker 1: drop after we already creating our merch that They're like,

1505
01:14:34,000 --> 01:14:35,160
Speaker 1: we're not buying either of those.

1506
01:14:36,080 --> 01:14:38,360
Speaker 2: They were like, I don't want that on a banner.

1507
01:14:39,720 --> 01:14:41,680
Speaker 2: I'm not buying your screen saver. I don't want that

1508
01:14:41,760 --> 01:14:42,760
Speaker 2: on a pencil.

1509
01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:45,599
Speaker 1: Mostly because people don't use pencils.

1510
01:14:45,640 --> 01:14:47,519
Speaker 2: But savor the season. I think that's a good one.

1511
01:14:47,560 --> 01:14:50,320
Speaker 2: It's a good reminder of not trying because savor the moment,

1512
01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:53,920
Speaker 2: savor the season. Well like the two s's, but it's like,

1513
01:14:54,080 --> 01:14:59,519
Speaker 2: savor the small things, savor the the wins that you're

1514
01:14:59,520 --> 01:15:01,639
Speaker 2: in because yeah, I think a lot of people, especially

1515
01:15:01,680 --> 01:15:05,000
Speaker 2: career wise, they're like, oh, accomplish that milestone, onto the

1516
01:15:05,040 --> 01:15:07,880
Speaker 2: next and you don't spend an appropriate amount of time

1517
01:15:08,360 --> 01:15:12,760
Speaker 2: celebrating whatever just happened, big or small. You just kind

1518
01:15:12,760 --> 01:15:15,040
Speaker 2: of like move on because if you don't, you feel

1519
01:15:15,040 --> 01:15:16,080
Speaker 2: like you're going to get behind.

1520
01:15:16,240 --> 01:15:18,760
Speaker 1: And yeah, either because I have to get to the

1521
01:15:18,760 --> 01:15:20,759
Speaker 1: next thing, I'm going to get behind, or something bad's

1522
01:15:20,760 --> 01:15:23,320
Speaker 1: going to happen. Those two things, both of them can

1523
01:15:23,320 --> 01:15:26,000
Speaker 1: get in the way, right. So glad I says a lot.

1524
01:15:26,040 --> 01:15:27,960
Speaker 1: I know you said when we first brought this up,

1525
01:15:28,360 --> 01:15:30,479
Speaker 1: not when we're recording, Like that's a weird one. Like

1526
01:15:31,160 --> 01:15:33,360
Speaker 1: obviously you feel glad, but there is a lot of

1527
01:15:33,360 --> 01:15:36,600
Speaker 1: stuff behind Gladys that makes it difficult for people to

1528
01:15:36,720 --> 01:15:38,080
Speaker 1: feel well.

1529
01:15:38,400 --> 01:15:41,120
Speaker 2: I know that excited and encouraged or under glad, and

1530
01:15:41,160 --> 01:15:43,920
Speaker 2: those are our feelings of the day. Yeah, brought to

1531
01:15:44,080 --> 01:15:48,559
Speaker 2: circle from wedding body because I asked him, I said,

1532
01:15:48,560 --> 01:15:52,559
Speaker 2: if you were to, yeah, sum us up or like,

1533
01:15:52,600 --> 01:15:54,719
Speaker 2: where are you with our relationship? Because oh, my kids

1534
01:15:54,720 --> 01:15:56,280
Speaker 2: and I were just talking about this the other night

1535
01:15:56,760 --> 01:15:59,720
Speaker 2: and I said I was excited, and I'm like oh,

1536
01:16:00,240 --> 01:16:02,800
Speaker 2: and then he also said encouraged. And so I looked

1537
01:16:02,880 --> 01:16:05,160
Speaker 2: up the gifts and the impairments of both, and you

1538
01:16:05,240 --> 01:16:10,519
Speaker 2: probably know these, but no, we'll so back. Let me

1539
01:16:10,560 --> 01:16:15,040
Speaker 2: teach the gift of excited energy, motivation, boldness to try

1540
01:16:15,080 --> 01:16:15,559
Speaker 2: new things.

1541
01:16:16,160 --> 01:16:17,000
Speaker 1: I want all of those things.

1542
01:16:17,520 --> 01:16:21,960
Speaker 2: The impairment is impulsiveness like you were saying, over committing

1543
01:16:22,000 --> 01:16:27,599
Speaker 2: and ignoring red flagsikes. And then for encourage, the gift

1544
01:16:27,720 --> 01:16:32,200
Speaker 2: is confidence, resilience, willingness to keep going, and the impairment

1545
01:16:32,360 --> 01:16:38,960
Speaker 2: is overdependence on external validation, inflated sense of progress without

1546
01:16:39,040 --> 01:16:39,679
Speaker 2: follow through.

1547
01:16:40,200 --> 01:16:43,400
Speaker 1: Well, I think his encouragement feels like he's not encouraged

1548
01:16:43,400 --> 01:16:47,240
Speaker 1: by somebody being like, good job, buddy, It's encouraged from

1549
01:16:47,439 --> 01:16:49,080
Speaker 1: the experiences that you guys have had.

1550
01:16:49,920 --> 01:16:51,559
Speaker 2: Yes, because I think for a long time. He did

1551
01:16:51,640 --> 01:16:53,599
Speaker 2: not think he was going to meet somebody that could

1552
01:16:53,640 --> 01:16:57,960
Speaker 2: potentially come into his life in that capacity, especially with

1553
01:16:58,040 --> 01:17:01,560
Speaker 2: his kids. Yeah, I'll leave names out of it. I

1554
01:17:01,600 --> 01:17:03,559
Speaker 2: don't even know this person's name, so there's no way

1555
01:17:03,600 --> 01:17:04,920
Speaker 2: I could say a name. But I know that he

1556
01:17:04,960 --> 01:17:09,400
Speaker 2: did go out with somebody at one point that I guess.

1557
01:17:09,400 --> 01:17:12,120
Speaker 2: I don't I prefaced it with that because I don't

1558
01:17:12,160 --> 01:17:13,600
Speaker 2: have permission to tell a story. But why would it

1559
01:17:13,640 --> 01:17:18,559
Speaker 2: matter if I'm not saying names right right? Legally? Like

1560
01:17:19,439 --> 01:17:27,080
Speaker 2: he sues me, this is lawyer, my lawyer, boyfriend susan attorney,

1561
01:17:27,120 --> 01:17:30,439
Speaker 2: Alex attorney Alex. Oh, I haven't met him yet because

1562
01:17:30,439 --> 01:17:32,400
Speaker 2: he's not a practicing lawyer.

1563
01:17:33,080 --> 01:17:34,000
Speaker 1: Are you going to role play?

1564
01:17:35,200 --> 01:17:40,960
Speaker 2: Maybe I've got hiking Alex, wedding waddie and now lawyer.

1565
01:17:41,560 --> 01:17:42,760
Speaker 1: You never know who you're gonna get.

1566
01:17:43,000 --> 01:17:48,080
Speaker 2: M h okay, So let me just say it and

1567
01:17:48,160 --> 01:17:54,200
Speaker 2: we'll face the consequences later. But she said something like

1568
01:17:54,240 --> 01:17:56,360
Speaker 2: she could not, like she would want the kids right

1569
01:17:56,360 --> 01:17:59,160
Speaker 2: away to start calling her mom and all this stuff.

1570
01:17:59,200 --> 01:18:01,680
Speaker 2: And I think he was like, yeah, this probably.

1571
01:18:01,400 --> 01:18:04,440
Speaker 1: Is not gonna work. Yeah, but like it, she wouldn't.

1572
01:18:04,080 --> 01:18:05,920
Speaker 2: Be able to handle that if they're not. And I'm like,

1573
01:18:06,400 --> 01:18:09,280
Speaker 2: you have three children who have lost their mom far

1574
01:18:09,320 --> 01:18:13,439
Speaker 2: too young, and now your main concern is that you

1575
01:18:13,479 --> 01:18:16,120
Speaker 2: want them to call you mom.

1576
01:18:16,280 --> 01:18:17,080
Speaker 1: So it didn't work.

1577
01:18:17,880 --> 01:18:18,960
Speaker 2: I don't think they went out again.

1578
01:18:19,080 --> 01:18:22,880
Speaker 1: That also, I'm just if they did, I'm playing devil,

1579
01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:27,040
Speaker 1: playing devil's advocate with that, but that could be her

1580
01:18:27,160 --> 01:18:29,160
Speaker 1: just saying my insecurity would be that.

1581
01:18:29,920 --> 01:18:33,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can. I can have that compassion car too.

1582
01:18:34,240 --> 01:18:36,920
Speaker 2: I do think mixed with some other things I got

1583
01:18:36,960 --> 01:18:39,920
Speaker 2: about her personality, it was more of a which, sure,

1584
01:18:40,240 --> 01:18:42,639
Speaker 2: the wound there, I have compassion for that. There's probably

1585
01:18:42,640 --> 01:18:44,600
Speaker 2: some things to work through. Obviously, I think making a

1586
01:18:44,640 --> 01:18:47,200
Speaker 2: statement like that, like if this were to progress, because

1587
01:18:47,200 --> 01:18:49,519
Speaker 2: obviously they weren't even serious enough to be at that point.

1588
01:18:49,560 --> 01:18:54,240
Speaker 2: But somehow the conversation happened and she alluded to that,

1589
01:18:54,320 --> 01:18:58,880
Speaker 2: and I think he was like, okay.

1590
01:18:57,600 --> 01:19:03,040
Speaker 1: So he wasn't totally blinded the possible flags, which means

1591
01:19:03,280 --> 01:19:05,000
Speaker 1: maybe he's not blinded by yeah.

1592
01:19:05,040 --> 01:19:07,160
Speaker 2: And so then I was like, no to self, never

1593
01:19:07,320 --> 01:19:09,920
Speaker 2: say you want the kids to call you mom. I

1594
01:19:09,920 --> 01:19:11,559
Speaker 2: don't think you need to make that now. I think

1595
01:19:11,600 --> 01:19:13,200
Speaker 2: you are smarter. I know I'm not going to say

1596
01:19:13,200 --> 01:19:15,360
Speaker 2: that because I mean, I don't know, I'm the mom

1597
01:19:15,400 --> 01:19:18,680
Speaker 2: to two adopted kids that I didn't know how they

1598
01:19:18,720 --> 01:19:21,160
Speaker 2: would ever feel about me being their mom. We adopted

1599
01:19:21,160 --> 01:19:22,960
Speaker 2: them older, I mean Ben and I adopted them. They

1600
01:19:23,000 --> 01:19:27,439
Speaker 2: were seven and eleven, and they didn't call us mom

1601
01:19:27,479 --> 01:19:29,080
Speaker 2: and dad. Read way, I don't think they really knew

1602
01:19:29,120 --> 01:19:30,519
Speaker 2: what to call us. And then for a little bit

1603
01:19:30,520 --> 01:19:31,960
Speaker 2: they went through a phase where they would call us

1604
01:19:31,960 --> 01:19:35,000
Speaker 2: by our first names. I think just to like really

1605
01:19:35,680 --> 01:19:37,719
Speaker 2: stick it to us. I don't know, but they were young.

1606
01:19:37,800 --> 01:19:41,000
Speaker 2: They barely knew not cleaning my room age, yeah, but

1607
01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:43,400
Speaker 2: I mean some kids just do that with their parents.

1608
01:19:43,439 --> 01:19:48,360
Speaker 2: But we we were secure in the fact that we knew, like, okay,

1609
01:19:48,360 --> 01:19:50,600
Speaker 2: we don't need to like pay much attention to that.

1610
01:19:50,720 --> 01:19:53,760
Speaker 2: But also it hurt too, because it's like, we so

1611
01:19:53,920 --> 01:19:57,640
Speaker 2: desperately want to be parents to these two children, and

1612
01:19:57,640 --> 01:19:59,960
Speaker 2: we want them to love us and we love them,

1613
01:20:00,960 --> 01:20:05,080
Speaker 2: but you can't. That's a whole other podcast. So there

1614
01:20:05,080 --> 01:20:05,240
Speaker 2: we go.

1615
01:20:05,600 --> 01:20:07,640
Speaker 1: We got through the two feelings.

1616
01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:09,360
Speaker 2: Okay, we did it.

1617
01:20:09,439 --> 01:20:10,000
Speaker 1: We did it.

1618
01:20:10,120 --> 01:20:10,880
Speaker 2: We did it.

1619
01:20:11,080 --> 01:20:13,640
Speaker 1: So now we're through all of the eight feelings. So

1620
01:20:13,720 --> 01:20:15,240
Speaker 1: you never know what you're gonna get on the next

1621
01:20:15,280 --> 01:20:16,559
Speaker 1: episode We're done.

1622
01:20:17,160 --> 01:20:19,519
Speaker 2: Yeah, we did them all. We did them all. We

1623
01:20:19,520 --> 01:20:28,000
Speaker 2: did we did them all, We did them all. Okay, yeah, lonely, hurt, sad, angry, shame, guilt, fear, glad.

1624
01:20:28,280 --> 01:20:28,840
Speaker 1: That's eight.

1625
01:20:29,800 --> 01:20:30,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, so well that was fun.

1626
01:20:31,000 --> 01:20:31,600
Speaker 1: What are we gonna do?

1627
01:20:31,720 --> 01:20:37,520
Speaker 2: Podcast is over? Thanks for liking and subscribing to Feeling Things.

1628
01:20:38,080 --> 01:20:46,080
Speaker 2: We're gonna do another rebrand, just kidding. Feeling Things for Life.

1629
01:20:45,960 --> 01:20:47,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think we're gonna run.

1630
01:20:47,080 --> 01:20:49,040
Speaker 2: That was an awkward laugh, like you're like, yeah, I'll

1631
01:20:49,040 --> 01:20:49,919
Speaker 2: speak for yourself.

1632
01:20:50,880 --> 01:20:52,680
Speaker 1: Oh well, I think at first I thought you were saying, like,

1633
01:20:52,720 --> 01:20:54,240
Speaker 1: I'm Feeling Things for Life.

1634
01:20:53,960 --> 01:20:59,559
Speaker 2: Like this podcasts. Yeah, like and subscribe. We are on YouTube,

1635
01:21:00,360 --> 01:21:03,960
Speaker 2: we are on Instagram, we are on TikTok, we'reund everything.

1636
01:21:05,200 --> 01:21:07,639
Speaker 1: We're on Facebook on Facebook. Oh yeah, so that's an update.

1637
01:21:07,720 --> 01:21:10,240
Speaker 1: So if you listening and you are not on Instagram,

1638
01:21:10,280 --> 01:21:12,680
Speaker 1: we now are on Facebook, so you can see all

1639
01:21:12,680 --> 01:21:16,000
Speaker 1: the stuff that we're posting on Instagram eventually on Facebook,

1640
01:21:16,040 --> 01:21:18,000
Speaker 1: and then you can sign up for the newsletters through

1641
01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:18,320
Speaker 1: there too.

1642
01:21:18,680 --> 01:21:21,520
Speaker 2: At Feeling Things Podcasts should be the handle for everything.

1643
01:21:22,240 --> 01:21:26,519
Speaker 2: You can email us hey there at Feeling Things podcast

1644
01:21:26,640 --> 01:21:29,120
Speaker 2: dot com and you can call and leave us a voicemail.

1645
01:21:29,600 --> 01:21:30,479
Speaker 1: Do you want to give the number?

1646
01:21:30,640 --> 01:21:34,559
Speaker 2: Eight seven seven two o seven two oh seven seven?

1647
01:21:35,120 --> 01:21:35,360
Speaker 1: Good?

1648
01:21:36,439 --> 01:21:39,639
Speaker 2: One more time? Eight seven seven two o seven two

1649
01:21:39,680 --> 01:21:42,479
Speaker 2: oh seven seven. We'll put it in the We'll put

1650
01:21:42,520 --> 01:21:45,240
Speaker 2: it in the show noteses. But we are getting some

1651
01:21:45,280 --> 01:21:47,439
Speaker 2: really great emails, So thank y'all for that. And if

1652
01:21:47,479 --> 01:21:50,000
Speaker 2: anybody does not mind their voicing a part of it.

1653
01:21:50,080 --> 01:21:52,280
Speaker 1: I just really Abe really wants a voicemail, something like

1654
01:21:52,320 --> 01:21:52,799
Speaker 1: the idea.

1655
01:21:53,240 --> 01:21:56,000
Speaker 2: I no, you know what I really want, but I'm

1656
01:21:56,040 --> 01:21:59,000
Speaker 2: savoring where we are. But I can't wait till I

1657
01:21:59,040 --> 01:21:59,840
Speaker 2: want calls live.

1658
01:22:00,840 --> 01:22:03,040
Speaker 1: Oh, not haveing a voicemail? Okay, Well, I want.

1659
01:22:02,880 --> 01:22:05,400
Speaker 2: To be like, let's practice it, be like I'll answer

1660
01:22:05,400 --> 01:22:09,320
Speaker 2: you be somebody else. Okay, bring Oh guys, we have

1661
01:22:09,360 --> 01:22:13,320
Speaker 2: a call. We have a live call recording, and nobody calls.

1662
01:22:13,840 --> 01:22:14,720
Speaker 1: We're just sitting here.

1663
01:22:15,960 --> 01:22:18,799
Speaker 2: Somebody will call Hello Feeling Things.

1664
01:22:19,920 --> 01:22:20,800
Speaker 1: Hey, it's me.

1665
01:22:23,800 --> 01:22:25,800
Speaker 2: Wait, I don't know. Okay, you have to say, let

1666
01:22:25,800 --> 01:22:27,920
Speaker 2: me be your name and where you're calling from. Okay,

1667
01:22:28,120 --> 01:22:35,160
Speaker 2: hold on, bring Oh Feeling Things Podcast. Thanks for calling.

1668
01:22:36,880 --> 01:22:41,640
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sandra from Connecticut. Oh Hey, Sandra from Connecticut,

1669
01:22:41,680 --> 01:22:48,240
Speaker 1: calling with a question for Amy, Perfect this, Amy, Do

1670
01:22:48,320 --> 01:22:48,880
Speaker 1: I just say it?

1671
01:22:49,320 --> 01:22:52,439
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, we're live, Okay, Yeah.

1672
01:22:52,520 --> 01:22:56,920
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I've been struggling with picking a hobby,

1673
01:22:57,600 --> 01:23:01,639
Speaker 1: and you know, I've been and trying all these different

1674
01:23:01,640 --> 01:23:03,519
Speaker 1: things and I don't like any of them. And I

1675
01:23:03,640 --> 01:23:05,600
Speaker 1: just wanted to know if you had any ideas of

1676
01:23:05,640 --> 01:23:09,040
Speaker 1: hobbies I could try. I tried pottery like Cat was doing.

1677
01:23:09,280 --> 01:23:15,600
Speaker 1: I've tried horseback riding. I've tried sewing, I've tried cooking classes.

1678
01:23:15,720 --> 01:23:17,360
Speaker 1: And I just didn't know if there's any hobbies that

1679
01:23:18,080 --> 01:23:20,120
Speaker 1: might be out there that I just am not thinking of.

1680
01:23:20,600 --> 01:23:25,280
Speaker 2: I guess my first question for you, Sandra, Sandra from Connecticut,

1681
01:23:25,640 --> 01:23:32,639
Speaker 2: from Connecticut, what are you running from?

1682
01:23:32,840 --> 01:23:33,840
Speaker 1: Have you asked yourself that?

1683
01:23:34,000 --> 01:23:37,080
Speaker 2: Because it sounds like you're chasing hobbies to avoid something.

1684
01:23:38,200 --> 01:23:38,439
Speaker 2: You know.

1685
01:23:39,320 --> 01:23:42,360
Speaker 1: I never thought about that, But I was calling Amy

1686
01:23:42,400 --> 01:23:44,680
Speaker 1: because I wanted a hobby. I didn't want any of

1687
01:23:44,680 --> 01:23:46,040
Speaker 1: this therapy stuff.

1688
01:23:46,120 --> 01:23:50,200
Speaker 2: Well you, Lucky for you, Cat's a therapists. She'll be

1689
01:23:50,240 --> 01:23:54,000
Speaker 2: on with you in a minute, free of charge, and

1690
01:23:54,680 --> 01:23:56,360
Speaker 2: we'll work through that. Blah blah blah blah blah.

1691
01:23:56,400 --> 01:23:59,000
Speaker 1: So I don't get the recommendation, Well, I don't know

1692
01:23:59,000 --> 01:24:02,519
Speaker 1: what sort you show up with a question, you don't

1693
01:24:02,520 --> 01:24:05,479
Speaker 1: even know what you really need. Good.

1694
01:24:05,600 --> 01:24:07,720
Speaker 2: I didn't know how to really role play all of that.

1695
01:24:07,800 --> 01:24:11,400
Speaker 2: But what I heard from Sandra is that she's tried

1696
01:24:11,520 --> 01:24:15,000
Speaker 2: all the hobbies out there. So I was thinking there's

1697
01:24:15,000 --> 01:24:18,280
Speaker 2: something lacking in her life, or there's she's running away

1698
01:24:18,360 --> 01:24:22,439
Speaker 2: from something, and so then we can live unpack it

1699
01:24:22,520 --> 01:24:27,200
Speaker 2: with Sandra. But you could also do your disclaimer that's like, Hey,

1700
01:24:27,280 --> 01:24:29,519
Speaker 2: I'm Kat, I'm a therapist with all these letters behind

1701
01:24:29,520 --> 01:24:33,000
Speaker 2: my name, very licensed, all the licenses. I just have one,

1702
01:24:33,400 --> 01:24:36,480
Speaker 2: but it has lots of letters. Yeah, say the letters.

1703
01:24:36,400 --> 01:24:45,720
Speaker 1: LPC, LPC, MHSP, MHSP. Yeah, basically suite and Kat is

1704
01:24:45,760 --> 01:24:46,559
Speaker 1: not giving therapy.

1705
01:24:46,840 --> 01:24:49,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm Kat, I'm a therapist. And wow, this is

1706
01:24:49,640 --> 01:24:53,080
Speaker 2: a therapy podcast. This doesn't replace therapy. This isn't therapy.

1707
01:24:53,240 --> 01:24:56,760
Speaker 2: And we're not giving you real legit life advice and

1708
01:24:56,800 --> 01:24:59,160
Speaker 2: don't like go change your life based off what we say.

1709
01:24:59,200 --> 01:25:00,720
Speaker 2: But kind of.

1710
01:25:02,240 --> 01:25:04,000
Speaker 1: Something like that, don't you what you're thinking, like a

1711
01:25:04,000 --> 01:25:07,519
Speaker 1: grain of salt, Well, this is just to add an

1712
01:25:07,560 --> 01:25:10,400
Speaker 1: addition to the work that you're already doing. It's really

1713
01:25:10,400 --> 01:25:13,519
Speaker 1: to help get ideas from but this is an actual

1714
01:25:13,520 --> 01:25:17,400
Speaker 1: therapeutic advice. You hear that, Sandra, Yeah, don't sue us

1715
01:25:17,479 --> 01:25:18,479
Speaker 1: is what we're trying to.

1716
01:25:18,400 --> 01:25:21,960
Speaker 2: Say, right, And if you do sue us, if you do,

1717
01:25:22,040 --> 01:25:22,519
Speaker 2: see us.

1718
01:25:22,920 --> 01:25:25,160
Speaker 1: If you do sue us, and Tony Alex will come

1719
01:25:25,520 --> 01:25:26,400
Speaker 1: and shut that down.

1720
01:25:26,560 --> 01:25:28,840
Speaker 2: Don't worry. We have a legal representation.

1721
01:25:30,600 --> 01:25:35,200
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, we hope that you have the day you

1722
01:25:35,320 --> 01:25:36,760
Speaker 1: need to have to have that We're going to do

1723
01:25:36,760 --> 01:25:37,080
Speaker 1: it together.

1724
01:25:37,160 --> 01:25:40,360
Speaker 2: Okay, sorry, I'm nervous this episode.

1725
01:25:40,680 --> 01:25:42,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, don't mean to say it.

1726
01:25:42,040 --> 01:25:42,519
Speaker 2: And it's over.

1727
01:25:42,640 --> 01:25:44,800
Speaker 1: But did you have the episode you need to have?

1728
01:25:45,080 --> 01:25:47,400
Speaker 2: I did, but sometimes I'm like, oh, I feel like

1729
01:25:47,439 --> 01:25:49,880
Speaker 2: I could have explained certain things better, but I.

1730
01:25:49,880 --> 01:25:52,280
Speaker 1: Think we do that with everything. The good news is

1731
01:25:52,320 --> 01:25:54,559
Speaker 1: we have unlimited episodes. So if you ever think of

1732
01:25:54,560 --> 01:25:56,400
Speaker 1: something that you're like, oh, I want to readdress this

1733
01:25:57,160 --> 01:25:57,920
Speaker 1: Flora's yours.

1734
01:25:58,000 --> 01:25:59,679
Speaker 2: No, let me tell you. I will not be able

1735
01:25:59,760 --> 01:26:02,120
Speaker 2: to be able to listen to this one back if

1736
01:26:02,120 --> 01:26:03,880
Speaker 2: I've been trying to listen back to some to like

1737
01:26:03,920 --> 01:26:06,440
Speaker 2: game tape, you know, like athletes.

1738
01:26:06,040 --> 01:26:07,439
Speaker 1: Do game watch tape.

1739
01:26:07,600 --> 01:26:11,759
Speaker 2: Game tape, Yeah, game tape you to try to be better? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,

1740
01:26:11,760 --> 01:26:14,760
Speaker 2: And I feel like if I listen to this one back,

1741
01:26:14,920 --> 01:26:16,240
Speaker 2: I will cringe.

1742
01:26:16,400 --> 01:26:19,320
Speaker 1: I'll listen to it for you, and then I take

1743
01:26:19,360 --> 01:26:21,479
Speaker 1: it out because yeah, because you edit. Yeah.

1744
01:26:21,520 --> 01:26:25,759
Speaker 2: Oh, someone said, whoever is editing your videos deserves a race.

1745
01:26:26,160 --> 01:26:28,360
Speaker 2: Yeah that's what she said. And guess who's editing the

1746
01:26:28,400 --> 01:26:35,200
Speaker 2: videos Me Sandra from Connect So Sandra, you're getting a race,

1747
01:26:35,640 --> 01:26:41,080
Speaker 2: akakat And yeah they are good. I'm loving them. So yeah,

1748
01:26:41,160 --> 01:26:43,240
Speaker 2: you'll follow. You don't want to miss out on this content.

1749
01:26:43,320 --> 01:26:45,880
Speaker 2: Oh which, speaking of content, Cat and I are going

1750
01:26:45,960 --> 01:26:49,799
Speaker 2: to be bringing more content to all those social media platforms.

1751
01:26:49,800 --> 01:26:52,160
Speaker 2: We just said, like not just our clips from the episodes,

1752
01:26:52,160 --> 01:26:56,480
Speaker 2: but we have a cooking show and we went shopping

1753
01:26:56,520 --> 01:26:59,880
Speaker 2: and made a little shopping video, so you never know,

1754
01:27:00,200 --> 01:27:02,160
Speaker 2: like and subscribe you never know. You don't want to

1755
01:27:02,160 --> 01:27:05,320
Speaker 2: miss out. Okay, so have the day the day you

1756
01:27:05,439 --> 01:27:08,160
Speaker 2: need to have to have that for today. Peace,