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Speaker 1: Cuty misconnections. That was me staring. There's only two places

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Speaker 1: to find true love in this world. One is on

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Speaker 1: Willy Wonka's chocolate factory tour. After your body swells into

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Speaker 1: a giant blueberry and an Umpa Lupa offers to de

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Speaker 1: juice you. Oh yeah, I don't know. Why are you

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Speaker 1: excited about it? It's not going to turn down that offer.

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Speaker 1: The other is on the pages of craigslist dot org

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Speaker 1: website that we scour every week to find the best

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Speaker 1: misconnections they have to offer, like this first one, titled

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Speaker 1: I Want to Run your bases A man for a

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Speaker 1: Woman thirty three baseball game Stadium district says. If I

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Speaker 1: remember right, you were the cute blonde with the blue

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Speaker 1: baseball cap sitting three rows in front of me. Ah

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Speaker 1: or was it thirteen? That's a big difference. I was

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Speaker 1: drinking quite a bit that day, but there was a

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Speaker 1: three somewhere in there. I tried to get your attention

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Speaker 1: a few times by throwing peanuts at the back of

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Speaker 1: your neck. I hope he has only three. He just

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Speaker 1: overarm it as hard as he rows ahead. The one

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Speaker 1: time you did turn around, I raised my hand and

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Speaker 1: said that's me. I think I throwing peanuts at you.

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Speaker 1: The game's pretty fuzzy, but one of the things I

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Speaker 1: do remember is blowing you kisses as you went into

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Speaker 1: the women's restaurant the fast stairs. I didn't mean to

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Speaker 1: follow you up the concourse. It just happened because I

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Speaker 1: needed a lot of napkins. I was going to use

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Speaker 1: most of them to clean up the beer I spilled

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Speaker 1: in my pants, but I also wanted to write my

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Speaker 1: number down for you, hey multitasker. By the time you

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Speaker 1: got out of the restroom, I'd written my number down

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Speaker 1: wrong four times, and I had to throw all the

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Speaker 1: napkins away napkins. The last moment I saw you was

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Speaker 1: when I yelled wait, but tripped on a half eaten

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Speaker 1: ice cream sandwich and fell down on the aisle face first.

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Speaker 1: How is this guy that getting kicked out? I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you saw any of that, but you definitely

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Speaker 1: saw alcohol enforcement come and take me away. That got

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Speaker 1: put up on the JumboTron hashtag celebrity status. I only

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Speaker 1: spent an hour in their tiny jail because I soiled

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Speaker 1: myself on purpose so that you would have to let

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Speaker 1: me leave. Gentlemen's Escape blowing you virtual Craigslist kisses that

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Speaker 1: signed Dobe Oh yeah, maneuver to get away from him.

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Speaker 1: His next misconnection is titled I Got splashed, Then I

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Speaker 1: splashed O woman for man seventies water. It's not the

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Speaker 1: water park, they say, How okay, I didn't know that

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Speaker 1: old people went to the water park. She says. I

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Speaker 1: never learned how to swim, but my family dragged me

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Speaker 1: to the water park last Saturday, and I'm glad they

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Speaker 1: did because otherwise I wouldn't have met you. You were

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Speaker 1: the lifeguard over at the wave pool. Has anybody ever

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Speaker 1: told you you look exactly like a silver haired David Hasselhoff.

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Speaker 1: I could be off in my comparison because my stigmatism

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Speaker 1: was acting up that day. I was wearing my prescription trifocals. Yes, okay,

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Speaker 1: So in her head she's literally like, oh yeah, yeah, Sure,

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Speaker 1: I wanted to talk to you, but I was nervous,

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Speaker 1: so I offered you some of my famous homemade egg salad.

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Speaker 1: Sandwich is hot. The secret is leaving the eggs out

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Speaker 1: of the refrigerator for at least ten days to let

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Speaker 1: the yolks and albumen really ruminate. Oh, I can smell

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Speaker 1: that from here. It's like a century. I sat next

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Speaker 1: to you and we shared a laugh while pointing at

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Speaker 1: each other's mayonnaise covered mouths. Wait, wait, why did he

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Speaker 1: take it? I think at one point I'm pretty sure

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Speaker 1: I noticed you staring at my backside in my pink

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Speaker 1: one piece. Don't worry, there's plenty more where that came from.

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Speaker 1: Because because I had it worked on and kept the extra.

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Speaker 1: I feel like such an oopsie doozle because after I

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Speaker 1: got your number, my grand nephew lost it by the lockers.

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Speaker 1: I know he's only six, but I have a feeling

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Speaker 1: he's probably not going to college. Oh my god. So

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Speaker 1: if you see this message, give me your number on here.

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Speaker 1: I'll send you my address so you can cannonball over

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Speaker 1: and see some of the extra I've been keeping it home.

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Speaker 1: Takes your egg collection, Signed Petunia. Oh, let's go to

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Speaker 1: your next misconnection titled Sweaty Encounters of the Heart Man

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Speaker 1: for Man twenty eight Jim Okay, you six foot tall,

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Speaker 1: five o'clock shadow, black under armor shirt stacked like a

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Speaker 1: tower of Arby's man meat. That is the best description.

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Speaker 1: I almost fainted when you asked me to come spot you.

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Speaker 1: It was the most difficult thing in the world for

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Speaker 1: me to concentrate as you punish that bench press bar

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Speaker 1: like a pinata on parole. Oh wow, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: but it sounds like this guy is going to write

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Speaker 1: a new novel that Alexis is going to end up.

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Speaker 1: At one point, I decided to make my move and

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Speaker 1: I told you there's a certain exercise you're not doing

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Speaker 1: that's going to totally help your chest. So I sat

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Speaker 1: on it for two straight minutes. I'm not sure you

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Speaker 1: bought it, but doesn't matter, because we became closer it suffocated. Yeah, afterwards,

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Speaker 1: I offered to rub eucalyptus oil on your body for

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Speaker 1: quicker muscle recovery, but you gave me that look like, hey,

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Speaker 1: is there something going on here? And I gave you

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Speaker 1: that look back that said, yead, daddy something. I haven't

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Speaker 1: seen you at the gym since, and the manager's been

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Speaker 1: a total jerk hole for not allowing me to check

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Speaker 1: the security footage to see if you're coming in at

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Speaker 1: different times than me. He's at another location. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: if you see this, let's chill at my place because

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Speaker 1: you and me together we have the meats and I

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Speaker 1: need to be slow roasted YEAHS fan. That's signed Hell

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Speaker 1: all right, yeah, get your meat. I want a sandwich.

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Speaker 1: Those are your Craigslist misconnections for the week. We got

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Speaker 1: your phone tap coming up in just a few minutes.