Speaker 1: Oh, what's up, bozos? Welcome to We Know It's Parenting.
Speaker 1: Peter mcderney, what's up, nuts, Um, No, don't go come back.
Speaker 1: Wait wait, wait, wait, We'll try again. We'll be better.
Speaker 1: It's so great to have you with us. If you're
Speaker 1: returning or if you're new to the pod, Welcome, Welcome
Speaker 1: a podcast about this is the podcast bozos. This is
Speaker 1: the podcast bozos. Um not about being parents, about us
Speaker 1: being parents and uh, how we're doing, what we think,
Speaker 1: what we don't know about being parents. You you didn't
Speaker 1: think for one second about what you were going to
Speaker 1: say when you started life. Did you say that like
Speaker 1: it's a thing I've ever done? You're just like it's
Speaker 1: just occurring to you on the air, like that this
Speaker 1: is a podcast and that you need to have sort
Speaker 1: of like a sense of give a sense to the
Speaker 1: audience of what this podcast is. I did have that thought.
Speaker 1: I was like, it's been months since we've explained what
Speaker 1: this is. Um, this is a parenting podcast where we
Speaker 1: catch up on our lives and our children and we
Speaker 1: don't know what we're doing. And that's kind of the point.
Speaker 1: We know podcast, Um, yeah, we don't know. Clearly, this
Speaker 1: week we don't know. Oh my god, can we talk
Speaker 1: about this week? Um? Okay, yeah, I think it was
Speaker 1: a great week. It was a great week, and I
Speaker 1: was sick all week. But you keep talking about this
Speaker 1: week like we got away from our kids for a
Speaker 1: little bit and the entire a week, and but I
Speaker 1: was sick the entire time, and you kept being like
Speaker 1: it was the best week ever. I'm not speaking for you, um,
Speaker 1: but it's your just statement. Just feel slightly detached from
Speaker 1: the reality that I was experiencing. It could have been
Speaker 1: worse and you could have been sick with kids. But again,
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not trying to say Beth had the
Speaker 1: best week of her life. I don't even have the
Speaker 1: best week of my life. And I didn't. You know
Speaker 1: what I did. I caught up on work, I slept in,
Speaker 1: and I went out for drinks one night with adults. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we did go out for drinks. That was pretty crazy. Nuts.
Speaker 1: Can you hear my voice? I had to screamed because
Speaker 1: the music was too loud. That's what a fun time
Speaker 1: I had. Your voice is rough from two days ago. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had to scream to force my opinions on people.
Speaker 1: Tell you what I was kind of sore this weekend
Speaker 1: because I was dancing as a dancing queen. I went crazy.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm out, I'm out. And that was
Speaker 1: the end of the week where you weren't as thick
Speaker 1: and you're like, I'm free, baby. Well. I also I
Speaker 1: went to see a movie with my friends that night
Speaker 1: and then we went to and then we sat by
Speaker 1: this party. So I was like, I'm just going to
Speaker 1: go to this party for like one hour and just
Speaker 1: go hard. Um. And because I was like I can
Speaker 1: just have like one drink and meat anyway, I was
Speaker 1: ready to do it. And I did, and you did
Speaker 1: and we didn't. We didn't drink too much. We didn't
Speaker 1: go that hard. I also, my friends and I got
Speaker 1: kind of yelled at in the movie theater for talking
Speaker 1: drink what do you do? I was just like commenting
Speaker 1: an incredible bad, incredibly bad movie that we uh and
Speaker 1: I feel bad saying what it was. But it was
Speaker 1: the photograph. I never heard of this movie. It's like
Speaker 1: a romance. It was just very dramatic, which is not
Speaker 1: my style of movie. And um, I just was not
Speaker 1: like there was so much dialogue where they were just
Speaker 1: trying to set up exposition very quickly, and it was
Speaker 1: just hard to stay engaged in the movie because I
Speaker 1: was laughing so much at like the pacing of the dialogue.
Speaker 1: Like they like they'd be like two seconds into these
Speaker 1: characters meeting and he would be like, do you have
Speaker 1: a boyfriend? And she's like, no, I dump my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: When he proposed to me. I was just like, that
Speaker 1: is so such a shocking thing to say to someone
Speaker 1: when you immediately we got to get the exposition anyway,
Speaker 1: but you were with your girlfriends, and I did enjoy it.
Speaker 1: I did laugh a lot. It's like maybe at bedtime
Speaker 1: tonight she got a big laugh. I don't know what
Speaker 1: she said, but Brin gave her a big old laugh
Speaker 1: and she goes and basically was like, I need to
Speaker 1: repeat that thing over and over. It brings that laughing,
Speaker 1: so I'll say it louder. And then she just laughed
Speaker 1: at everything for the sake of laughing. They have been
Speaker 1: having these moments where they turned to each other, like
Speaker 1: while they're watching a Disney movie and they're like, did
Speaker 1: you see that, and like they're so excited to turn
Speaker 1: to each other and be like that's insane. Um, we're
Speaker 1: listening to music before bedtime. We're just on the couch
Speaker 1: listening to the music, which is which is nice. And
Speaker 1: they were like talking about the instruments and what they
Speaker 1: could hear. And there's a line in the song that's
Speaker 1: it's a Mason jenny song where he says he talked
Speaker 1: to a shrink and Briton turns to me and goes, Daddy,
Speaker 1: this is a fiction story. I go what. He goes,
Speaker 1: this song, this song is fiction. I'm like, actually, I
Speaker 1: think this is a nonfiction song. It's about Mason Jettings alcoholism.
Speaker 1: So I was like, I think there's I think this
Speaker 1: might be nonfiction. He goes, but Daddy, that's impossible, Like,
Speaker 1: why go you you can't talk to a shrimp. I
Speaker 1: lost the threat of It's like, I will wait as
Speaker 1: long as it thanks for you to laugh. In the song,
Speaker 1: Mason Jenning says he's going to talk to a shrimp, okay,
Speaker 1: and Britt it was a long time until I was like,
Speaker 1: you can't talk to a shrimp? Though I did see
Speaker 1: Britt made what looks like a set list of Mason
Speaker 1: Jennings songs and he started making a list and it's
Speaker 1: like three Mason Jenning songs and then at the end,
Speaker 1: it just says baby Beluga. Um Maven requested a different
Speaker 1: playlist after three songs. She's big into RAFFI right now,
Speaker 1: Why don't at least baby Beluga is like her jam
Speaker 1: Where did did she hear this with daycare? UM? I
Speaker 1: think I played it for some reason. We were talking
Speaker 1: about sea creatures one day, but she recognized it. I
Speaker 1: think she heard it from daycare. So now she request
Speaker 1: He has like started recognizing songs in a way that
Speaker 1: I find really funny, because she'll hear a song and
Speaker 1: she's like, Mommy, you have this song or like, and
Speaker 1: she said it about the music from A Star Is
Speaker 1: Born came on on like some show the other day
Speaker 1: and someone was like karaoke singing on the show. One
Speaker 1: of the song they're singing shallow, and Maybone was like,
Speaker 1: that's your song, Mommy, You're I am off the deepot
Speaker 1: watch as I dive in UM. So you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, only the best taste in music for um.
Speaker 1: Three songs we're talking about instruments. Mayben gets it and
Speaker 1: she's focused. Brain was just trying to boss this round.
Speaker 1: He was, you play the bass, I'll be the guitar,
Speaker 1: and she is going she is going to be a
Speaker 1: rock star because she was born in the parking lot
Speaker 1: of the School of Rocks, and I just well, I
Speaker 1: posted this video on Instagram last week. I don't think
Speaker 1: we talked about this where Maven is playing harmonica while
Speaker 1: you're playing guitar, and I swear to god, I watched
Speaker 1: this video like what. I filmed this as she was playing,
Speaker 1: and it was like she was playing the most beautiful
Speaker 1: sad song I've ever heard, and I was just like
Speaker 1: and she was like on beat with the guitar and
Speaker 1: it was just like so heartbreaking to watch her. Um.
Speaker 1: And I feel like other people who saw it on
Speaker 1: my Instagram were like, whoa, um, it's just like she's
Speaker 1: like I just feel like she has like a connection.
Speaker 1: And I'll say that's yes, absolutely, Um. I was impressed
Speaker 1: with her rhythm, like she was playing melodies along with it.
Speaker 1: That being said harmonica, the way the notes are stacks, no,
Speaker 1: I guess, so I was playing chords to make all
Speaker 1: of the notes be correct so she couldn't play a
Speaker 1: wrong note. But yes, it's still like her rhythm. I
Speaker 1: understand it's the harmonica, so it's like a little yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: But she was listening and playing with me, and that
Speaker 1: combined with she couldn't play a wrong note, created a
Speaker 1: very impressive a little three year old. She played a
Speaker 1: song that I would like sincerely listen to as like
Speaker 1: if I was like putting on background music, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like it's just like this is haunting.
Speaker 1: Um it was, Oh god, Anyway, we've talked about this
Speaker 1: before that the like you're most impressed with me when
Speaker 1: it comes to music, Yeah, because I'm so bad at music. Well,
Speaker 1: because I really I love creative things and I'm like
Speaker 1: reasonably good. I like, I'm good at drawing. I'm like
Speaker 1: reasonably good at a lot of things. Like I can
Speaker 1: kind of sing, but when it comes to playing, I
Speaker 1: shouldn't say I should. I can kind of sing, but
Speaker 1: I can. I can like kind of. I no notes,
Speaker 1: and I think, but neither one of us have incredible tone.
Speaker 1: No no, no, I don't have I don't have a
Speaker 1: beautiful thing anyways, but I think, but I cannot. My
Speaker 1: brain does not do instruments. Like my brain doesn't like numbers.
Speaker 1: I get, I just like I don't want to think
Speaker 1: about it. Um, it's just not how my brain works. Well,
Speaker 1: your kids, got it? Did Britain. Britain is musical. I
Speaker 1: don't know he's I don't think he's into math, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I haven't seen him do that musical while he is formative,
Speaker 1: like he likes to sing, and so I think the idea, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's a good singer. The storytelling aspect of it he
Speaker 1: really connects with. But Maven does have better rhythm. Um.
Speaker 1: So anyway, we sat together and if your kid is
Speaker 1: into this, this Maven was for three full songs. She
Speaker 1: was a little testy at one point, so I like
Speaker 1: gave her a hug and she sat on my lap
Speaker 1: and we sat on the couch in the semi dark
Speaker 1: here playing Mason Jennings songs and I just grabbed She's
Speaker 1: sitting in my lap, and I grabbed both her hands
Speaker 1: and I just played the high hat and the snare
Speaker 1: drum with her hands. I was just going and she
Speaker 1: not only like indulged me, but she was focused on
Speaker 1: this for three full songs. And when I try to
Speaker 1: like change the talk to Britain, she grabbed my hands
Speaker 1: and bring them back. And then later I heard her
Speaker 1: going do to do to, and I was like, yes see,
Speaker 1: that'll be your little musician daughter. Little Drummer Girl. Hey yeah,
Speaker 1: little drummer girl, you with me? It's a whole world
Speaker 1: Mason Jennings. If anyone hasn't heard my favorite Minnesota's finger
Speaker 1: song writer, I recommend Birds Flying Away the album I
Speaker 1: really like. Um, what's it called? Minnesota the album? What?
Speaker 1: What's the one where he's like piano a lot of piano,
Speaker 1: But that's one I like. Well, there's nothing better than
Speaker 1: Birds Flying Away and his debut Mason Jennet album. But
Speaker 1: Minnesota's might be anyway in my next my next one.
Speaker 1: This is the Music Podcast. Welcome back to our music podcast,
Speaker 1: music Heads, Music Music, McNerney and Newell Music Heads. You've
Speaker 1: got a heads, what have you started? Like ni music?
Speaker 1: We're real music heads. Um yeah, um, so our children
Speaker 1: are back. Our children are back. Huge shout out to
Speaker 1: your parents who had our children. The whole week camp
Speaker 1: Nana and Granddad was a smashing success, and I know they.
Speaker 1: I think they all had a lot of fun. They
Speaker 1: all did. I think I'm sure my parents parents got
Speaker 1: tired of them. They must have been exhausted. My parents
Speaker 1: would periodically send us photos of them just like whatever
Speaker 1: they were doing, and it was always like sort of
Speaker 1: just destroying the house, like rolling around in a yoga
Speaker 1: mat or like you know, just like uh invented fun
Speaker 1: just being weird. Um, and they were having a ball,
Speaker 1: having a ball. We should just, um, we should have
Speaker 1: them live there. I know. It really makes you just
Speaker 1: never want to have them Like it was just it
Speaker 1: was so strange to be in our own home without
Speaker 1: the Yeah, and like we went out to dinner just
Speaker 1: the two of us a couple of times, and then
Speaker 1: we also ignored each other a whole lot, and both
Speaker 1: those things were great. Yeah, the dinner would have been
Speaker 1: more fun if I was like I could eat food
Speaker 1: comfortably with mylness, but I it was nice to Yeah. Also,
Speaker 1: the woman to whom we paid money for an Airbnb, um,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, we canceled their Airbnb because I was like,
Speaker 1: we can't sell her baby that you know, like the
Speaker 1: day of so cancelation policy. So would even try to
Speaker 1: get money back. But she called us two days later
Speaker 1: and was like, we feel so bad that your wife
Speaker 1: was sick. Um, please come stay anytime. You've already paid
Speaker 1: for it. And I was like that's very sweet, thank you.
Speaker 1: And then I got an email from Airbnb asking us
Speaker 1: to review the place, and I was like, oh, she
Speaker 1: got the same email either way, I gave her a
Speaker 1: five star review for a place that I've never been.
Speaker 1: That's where Airbnb the service becomes way better with like
Speaker 1: regular people and not companies, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like they're more dependent upon you liking what they're doing.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, um, it's depending on each other. Um. Our
Speaker 1: last Airbnb was a little weird when we left and
Speaker 1: that woman called me was like, I can't get my
Speaker 1: cable back. I was like, I don't, I didn't catch
Speaker 1: a cable. I was like on the phone troubleshooting how
Speaker 1: to find her cable channels. Anyway, Yeah, but I missed
Speaker 1: our kids. I did. It was nice to miss them
Speaker 1: and they seem like again, like ten years older. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're huge. Um. So I had to do late pick
Speaker 1: up today for I had late audition, so I had
Speaker 1: to pay for Maybe to stay late, and so I
Speaker 1: got hit. I got back sooner than I thought, but
Speaker 1: I know Maybe was already getting dinner. So I picked
Speaker 1: up Brandon Brenn and I had a solo dinner and
Speaker 1: he just decided to ask. He's like one on one
Speaker 1: daddy time. That's when I asked questions. He goes, what
Speaker 1: language is it when you say Retty? And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: that's English, but you mean an accent. He goes, yes, Retty,
Speaker 1: Like I think you're doing an English accent because it's
Speaker 1: not Irish. What language is it? And then um, and
Speaker 1: then he started talking about something a topic I have
Speaker 1: been avoiding, which is the topic of presidents, which I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't wanna. I don't want to talk about dal
Speaker 1: Trump with I'm so scared about talking about it with anyone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but Brin brought it up. He's like, you know George
Speaker 1: Washington And I was like, yeah, do you He's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: try corner hat. I go yeah. He goes, I know
Speaker 1: another president with the hat cylinder flat top. He goes,
Speaker 1: he said, like, Sabraham Lincoln. It was it was something
Speaker 1: was a little off. I was like, Abraham Lincoln. He goes, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I said, Abraham Lincoln. He's like, I know
Speaker 1: for different presidents, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Bibbity Boverty. You
Speaker 1: just started laughing as there he goes, just kidding, I
Speaker 1: only know three. And then I listed every single president
Speaker 1: in order because I can do that, and I'm proud
Speaker 1: of it. Do you think in the future it feels
Speaker 1: like they do only teach kids like two presidents. They're like,
Speaker 1: these are the highlights. I feel like in the future
Speaker 1: it'll be it'll be like George Washington Lincoln Obama. Like
Speaker 1: there's a a lot of people in this country who
Speaker 1: would probably not agree with you. Um, but I know
Speaker 1: why they teach those two because it was president to
Speaker 1: Day weekend and President's Day weekend involves Washington's birthday and
Speaker 1: Lincoln's birthday. I think, yeah, right, um yeah, don't they
Speaker 1: have like the same birthday or something. I don't know.
Speaker 1: They're They're like there a few days apart. It's more
Speaker 1: like President's week. Um, it's it's so oh yeah, then
Speaker 1: that's when Lincoln said, four score and seven years ago,
Speaker 1: send your kids off to your your their in laws
Speaker 1: and have a break. Because that's what it means to me. Now,
Speaker 1: pretend it made sense what I just said. God just
Speaker 1: so disrespectful to the history. This next segment is is what, Beth?
Speaker 1: What is it? You pointed at me as I started talking,
Speaker 1: so it sounded like you were not rolling until midway
Speaker 1: through me talking, So I paused so you could reset
Speaker 1: It's okay, I don't remember doing it. You're probably right,
Speaker 1: but I'm not going to go back. I love you.
Speaker 1: Try again, you're so distracting. Um. This next segment is
Speaker 1: called would you Knows? That's where we present each other
Speaker 1: with parenting. That's what you told me it was, I said,
Speaker 1: did you notice I did? I'm keeping this in too well.
Speaker 1: I wasn't interrupted during my original I'm genuinely apolog could
Speaker 1: have just reset I could? I know, I know, but
Speaker 1: it's too far. Now we must torture our listeners with this. Okay,
Speaker 1: go ahead. Intro. This is called that's time for did
Speaker 1: you knows? This is where we talked about something we've
Speaker 1: learned or read and I read UM. Interesting article from
Speaker 1: the New York Times is written by Kate Murphy very recently.
Speaker 1: You might have read it if if you read it. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna read the beginning of this because I've
Speaker 1: found it very relatable. You're not listening. Here's why. Uh,
Speaker 1: you're not listening. Let me finish. That's not what I
Speaker 1: said after I love you. These are among the most
Speaker 1: common refrains in close relationships during my two year research
Speaker 1: two years researching a book on listening, I learned something
Speaker 1: incredibly ironic about interpersonal communication. The closer we feel towards somebody,
Speaker 1: the less likely we are to listen carefully to them.
Speaker 1: It's called the closeness communication bias, and over time it
Speaker 1: constrain and even end relationships. Once you know people well
Speaker 1: enough to feel close, as an unconscious tendency to tune
Speaker 1: them out because you think you already know what they're
Speaker 1: going to say. It's kind of like when you're you've
Speaker 1: traveled a certain route several times and no longer notice
Speaker 1: signposts and scenery. But people are always changing. The some
Speaker 1: of daily interactions and activities continually shapes us. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: so none of us are the same as we were
Speaker 1: last months, last week, or even yesterday. The closest communication
Speaker 1: biases that work with romantic partners, when romantic partners feel
Speaker 1: they don't know each other anymore, and when parents discover
Speaker 1: their children are up to things they never imagined. It
Speaker 1: can even occur when two people spent all their time
Speaker 1: together and have many of the same experiences. It's so
Speaker 1: much larger article. Did you get the idea? Um that
Speaker 1: is fascinating? I really relate to this. I think I
Speaker 1: do too, and well, especially in the sense that like
Speaker 1: weeks like this one, when if I'm not feeling well,
Speaker 1: my instinct is just to try to like rest and
Speaker 1: not like I don't want to like monologue about how
Speaker 1: I'm feeling, and then you'll like, you'll say things to
Speaker 1: me about how it's like the best week ever, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, did you notice that? I was like ill,
Speaker 1: like um right now, It's I just I have this
Speaker 1: experience frequently. I feel like because I'm not like I
Speaker 1: don't like sometimes I'll speak up about something once, but
Speaker 1: I don't like constantly bring it up, and then I
Speaker 1: just I'm like, oh, this, people are not aware of
Speaker 1: the things I said, like well, and this this is
Speaker 1: one of those instances where again like in a good
Speaker 1: way and a bad way, I'm not thinking about you.
Speaker 1: When I say that, I mean none of us are
Speaker 1: thinking about each other. It is the thing we really are,
Speaker 1: like all of us are just in our own world. Well.
Speaker 1: I think about this specific thing a lot as an
Speaker 1: improv teacher, where I'm trying to get people who don't
Speaker 1: know each other that well because they're in a class
Speaker 1: to try to create the illusion of intimacy, the illusion
Speaker 1: of familiarity, like to play characters that know each other
Speaker 1: with improvisers that don't know each other that well, you
Speaker 1: have to click into this. You have to trick yourself
Speaker 1: into being so comfortable with somebody that you don't listen
Speaker 1: to everything they say. And so when you come into
Speaker 1: an impressing and you're nervous, people are listening so hard
Speaker 1: that it's you know, it's artificial, and so it's that
Speaker 1: weird thing of like tricking your brain into acting like
Speaker 1: it already knows. And so yeah, with I think all
Speaker 1: the time we've talked about this where especially when things
Speaker 1: are tense between us and there's like hard times and
Speaker 1: I'm angry, it feels like um, and I know you
Speaker 1: probably feel the same aou that like I'm I'm doing work,
Speaker 1: I'm trying, and you're not trying at all. And then
Speaker 1: you like sometimes years later I realized, oh, you're very different.
Speaker 1: And I think this is part of it, which is like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's hard to notice the other person
Speaker 1: making an effort because your brain is is not looking
Speaker 1: for it, it's blind to it. And you're like, I
Speaker 1: know you, I know what you do. And that's why.
Speaker 1: Also sometimes you'll say a thing or I'll say a
Speaker 1: thing and the other person will immediately extrapolate upon this
Speaker 1: and give it the credit of every bad thing you've
Speaker 1: ever done instead of actually dealing with the one. It's
Speaker 1: hard not to when something fits a pattern you've experienced.
Speaker 1: It's hard not to see the pattern when you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's happening again, Like yeah, yeah, sure, I mean that's
Speaker 1: obviously it's not a black and white thing. It's incredibly complicated.
Speaker 1: But I've never thought about it this way. Um, And
Speaker 1: of course I thought about it selfishly first when I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: Beth does this to me, and then I was like, okay, well,
Speaker 1: definitely do this to her too. I do think like
Speaker 1: when when people are discussing like sensitive issues, like when
Speaker 1: you're carefully wording something, there's always like two interpretations to
Speaker 1: what you're saying, Like when you're trying to be diplomatic,
Speaker 1: you're kind of like weighing both sides out loud, like
Speaker 1: people hear what they want to hear if they're assuming
Speaker 1: you're coming from a malicious place. Yeah, you know. I
Speaker 1: think this is we get on each other's cases sometimes
Speaker 1: about tone, um, and where I think the more both
Speaker 1: of us try really hard to be diplomatic. That's usually
Speaker 1: when the other person is like, you're talking to me
Speaker 1: so condescending, because for you it starts to take on
Speaker 1: this slow lecture tone that does it does appear so condescending.
Speaker 1: You're like, well, the same way when you do it.
Speaker 1: And it's totally ironic because I have learned that like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is this is you putting in an effort and
Speaker 1: I have to turn this part of my brain off,
Speaker 1: that that part of my brain that's going, oh, I
Speaker 1: know what you're doing, and I know you because I
Speaker 1: know you, there's nothing you can tell me because I
Speaker 1: know you. Yeah, it's hard, m it is like, it's
Speaker 1: an incredible The thing that you're brain does is that
Speaker 1: there's just like endless amounts of sensory information coming in
Speaker 1: all the time, and so it automatically has all of
Speaker 1: these processes to filter out irrelevant information and just give
Speaker 1: you the things that pay attention to. And the more
Speaker 1: you get to know a person, they get filtered up.
Speaker 1: I just want to finish that though. One important point
Speaker 1: for women, I think to take away from this is
Speaker 1: to get more comfortable repeating ourselves. Just spoon feed it
Speaker 1: over and over again. These are the demands. This is
Speaker 1: what I need. We're not women are not told to
Speaker 1: be persistent. Were It's like, okay you yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean I would say everyone's different, but you you
Speaker 1: hate repeating yourself. I do. It just feels laborious. I'm like, what,
Speaker 1: we already had this conversation and I was raised to
Speaker 1: hear things the fifth time, and I say things twelve times,
Speaker 1: and it's there's no weight to it for me. And
Speaker 1: it has taken me a long time to We've covered
Speaker 1: this on the podcast Low context versus High context. When
Speaker 1: you repeat yourself, I appreciate it, and I can tell
Speaker 1: that it's an effort and I can tell you're trying
Speaker 1: not to be upset about it. Um, yeah, well I'm
Speaker 1: realizing I need to do that with more people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you do. And it's hard. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: it's I know, I know that it's hard for you,
Speaker 1: and I understand why, well, because it's like it feels
Speaker 1: I know this is not the case, but in the moment,
Speaker 1: it feels malicious because it's like you forget egotistically that
Speaker 1: people just forget things, like people forget things all the time.
Speaker 1: They forget like most of what you're telling them all
Speaker 1: the time, but sometimes when you're like thinking back on
Speaker 1: when you were telling them it, and it was like
Speaker 1: a very important momentous like think like you're like overcoming
Speaker 1: a lot to get the words out in a moment
Speaker 1: that felt very weighted. And then that that person just
Speaker 1: like completely forgets. It's like it's hard to in the
Speaker 1: moment when they're You're like your your brain is like
Speaker 1: did they forget or do they just not care? Like
Speaker 1: it's just it's hard to get to the bottom of it. Well,
Speaker 1: I think you really absorb and consider everything you hear,
Speaker 1: but you also you put pressure on yourself to be
Speaker 1: thoughtful and so it is you you put more effort
Speaker 1: into it and and other people don't. And I think
Speaker 1: that's like it's like a shitty deal. Yeah, well that's
Speaker 1: why I need to learn how to be less thoughtful
Speaker 1: with people. Yeah, I mean, yes, I mean just like
Speaker 1: but I think you are, I mean in terms of
Speaker 1: like giving it less weight. Yeah. Um, it's a bravo.
Speaker 1: Thank you. This really did make me think about that.
Speaker 1: Like again, Ah, I just I appreciate you a lot
Speaker 1: right now. Um. And it's a lot of little things
Speaker 1: like this where I'm just like, oh, I'm trying hard
Speaker 1: to notice um, things that I think have fallen into
Speaker 1: this filter that this article talks about. We should just
Speaker 1: be like, well, I know about you in that set
Speaker 1: and to try to like keep looking at moments and
Speaker 1: times with fresh eyes. That goes, well, what's happening now?
Speaker 1: What's happening now? And I'm evolving at a rapid pace
Speaker 1: and you can't be on last months. I don't want to.
Speaker 1: It's like our kids. I don't want to miss it,
Speaker 1: you know, so fast wives ah um. Anyway, great article,
Speaker 1: read the rest of it. Thank you for sharing. This
Speaker 1: has been Did you notice this segment is called would
Speaker 1: you knows? This is the segment where where you present
Speaker 1: each other with parenting hypotheticals. This is it, It's happening alright. Great.
Speaker 1: So we got an email from one of our one
Speaker 1: of our favored listeners, Sarah, who's written in a couple
Speaker 1: of times, along with her daughter Elizabeth, who's written us
Speaker 1: some would you know? Elizabeth? Sarah's daughter has written us
Speaker 1: another one. Are you ready for this? Hi, Ben, Peter,
Speaker 1: Elizabeth and I are still out here listening, but we
Speaker 1: got behind over the summer and fall with vacations and
Speaker 1: my work travel schedule. So we're getting all caught up
Speaker 1: episode by episode during our commute to school. Elizabeth has
Speaker 1: wanted to write a parenting hypothetical for a while now.
Speaker 1: I've been delaying trying to get more caught up on episodes.
Speaker 1: She decided about a week ago to write you about
Speaker 1: bay blades. I don't know if I'm saying that right, um,
Speaker 1: but I think bay blades are like an anime style,
Speaker 1: like tops, like spinning tops that you like, like battle
Speaker 1: with other ones. Um. So here I am reading you
Speaker 1: on Sunday night. Disclaimer The situation below was dedicated dictated
Speaker 1: entirely by her. So good luck. Um. One night, you
Speaker 1: go to bed thinking that the next day will be
Speaker 1: right because you will have a special dinner to yourself
Speaker 1: without your kids. You know us, Elizabeth. When you wake up,
Speaker 1: you have shrunk into a bay blade and your house
Speaker 1: looks totally different to cut. Two kids come into the
Speaker 1: room that you are in. They pick you up and
Speaker 1: put you the and put these giant things on you,
Speaker 1: and then you go flying out of nowhere into a
Speaker 1: big arena. Then the kids start yelling you go get
Speaker 1: that bay blade, and they say go get them. You
Speaker 1: guys don't know what to do and keep bumping into
Speaker 1: each other, and then one of you splits into three pieces.
Speaker 1: You are now trapped in a world where you and
Speaker 1: your kids are bay Blades and you have to find
Speaker 1: your way out in ten days, because in this world,
Speaker 1: ten days is one day in your world, so you
Speaker 1: can go to your special dinner. What do you do?
Speaker 1: Have a great eating stare at Elizabeth Fans in Georgia.
Speaker 1: What was the last part? I totally space that you're
Speaker 1: the worst listener, just trailed off right at the important part. Okay,
Speaker 1: so we have ten days in bay blade world, which
Speaker 1: is one day in the real world. We need to
Speaker 1: get out otherwise we're going to miss our big date
Speaker 1: that we get to have without our kids. And one
Speaker 1: of us is broken into three cases and we're bay blades. Um.
Speaker 1: I don't know how one propels oneself on one is
Speaker 1: a baye Blades. I don't know how you would get
Speaker 1: out of this world. I don't know why it has
Speaker 1: a different frame of time than you have here in
Speaker 1: the real world. I gotta say, I don't know the answer.
Speaker 1: Nothing about in my mind, this is the POGs of
Speaker 1: t Um. I don't know if it's as as big
Speaker 1: as big or maybe much bigger than POGs. Nothing's as
Speaker 1: big as POGs was for me. Um, you were the
Speaker 1: prime age for POGs, weren't you. Yeah. I mean POGs
Speaker 1: are also just there were so cheap. It was like
Speaker 1: ten cents a pog, and that was the only form
Speaker 1: of consumer culture that I was able to participate in
Speaker 1: on any level. Like there were other stuff. It was
Speaker 1: like you were like, well, maybe I'll get a toy
Speaker 1: once a year on Christmas. That will be some random
Speaker 1: thing I didn't ask for. But like like I didn't
Speaker 1: have like other kids had, like on demand like toys
Speaker 1: like action figures and stuff, and I just never had that.
Speaker 1: So POGs was like I was like, I'm giving money
Speaker 1: to a person and getting a thing that is a
Speaker 1: cool thing for kids to have. Um, you know, did
Speaker 1: you have a My little brother Sam had a giant
Speaker 1: tub of POGs. Did you actually play POGs? Not really,
Speaker 1: there was more just about looking at them. I also
Speaker 1: I had a terrible collection of pos It was just
Speaker 1: like the it was like the remnant bin I'm sure,
Speaker 1: third drink character from Earthworm Gym. Yeah. I just had
Speaker 1: like one slammer. At the end of the day, I
Speaker 1: I have had a slammer with O. J. Simpson behind
Speaker 1: bars on it. If that's not the most early nineties
Speaker 1: object on Earth that I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: I don't really remember what was on my pods because
Speaker 1: I feel like, again it was like off brand characters,
Speaker 1: like it was nothing could anything. Yeah, there was no
Speaker 1: laundy to It's just little circle cardboards pieces with pictures
Speaker 1: on them. Culture was just starting back for any of
Speaker 1: you that were not born within the very specific three
Speaker 1: years required to be into POGs. Bogs are just like
Speaker 1: crappy Marbles where you get a bunch of circles cardboard discs,
Speaker 1: you stack them up slammer and you you throw the
Speaker 1: slammer down on it, and all of the pods that
Speaker 1: flip over you get to keep or something like that.
Speaker 1: Not a good game. I'm sure it was not a
Speaker 1: playable game. It was more just about like collecting. It's
Speaker 1: like little piece of cardboard, the same as Marble's. Uh
Speaker 1: maybe the same as bay Blades. Okay, so but Beth,
Speaker 1: what I want to know if we're baye Blades, are
Speaker 1: we able to move? Are we sentient? Bay blades. Do
Speaker 1: we have muscles? Because I know nothing about this world.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm at the mercy of a child
Speaker 1: to spin me like a top. That's how what I'm picturing.
Speaker 1: That's what Elizabeth is doing to us. She's spinning us
Speaker 1: like baye blades, and we're helpless to do. What do
Speaker 1: you think about it? And one of us got split
Speaker 1: into three pieces? Yeah, I don't. I don't feel hopeful
Speaker 1: about the situation at all. I've just been plunged into it.
Speaker 1: I don't know the rules of the world. My husband
Speaker 1: is in three pieces. It's I'm assuming because the question
Speaker 1: is being framed at me as though I have some
Speaker 1: sort of choice in what's happening going forward, and you're
Speaker 1: in an arena, yeah, just whirling. I assume here's what
Speaker 1: I would do, Elizabeth. I would use the sheer force
Speaker 1: of will two crunt. I'll scrunch up my face and
Speaker 1: will myself to come back together. But not as a
Speaker 1: spinning bay blade. I don't even know if I'm saying
Speaker 1: this right by baby blade, babe blade, um, but I
Speaker 1: would come back together so that the three pieces is
Speaker 1: basically one peg leg and two little arms, and then
Speaker 1: I jump up and I smack those kids that are
Speaker 1: spent at the face, and then I'd say, hey, we'll
Speaker 1: put us back to wherever we where we came from.
Speaker 1: All Right, you're like the lamest Toy Story character ever.
Speaker 1: Hey we put us back, Peter, you're ruining the whole
Speaker 1: point of the world that we don't talk to that.
Speaker 1: They did it in Toy Story one. That was the
Speaker 1: end of the That's a climax of the movie. They
Speaker 1: never did it again. Snap out of it, Pinch me.
Speaker 1: We're asleep. Then we wake up and we have our date.
Speaker 1: Did it nailed it? Well? I think we all learned
Speaker 1: our lesson. We call in our friends the POGs. Um, Well, fantastic.
Speaker 1: Did we do it? Did we answer it? I think
Speaker 1: so nice? Wow. This next sement, it's called listeners. Want
Speaker 1: to know where we take questions and comments from you guys. Oh,
Speaker 1: we gotta follow up email from our friend Ivan Um
Speaker 1: who wrote to us about his very big Baby's got
Speaker 1: a very big baby and the baby continues to be
Speaker 1: very big. Did you see there was a You probably
Speaker 1: didn't see this, someone tweeted out a excerpt from an
Speaker 1: Amy Adams interview where she referred to her co star
Speaker 1: as a big boy. What what the context is that
Speaker 1: she was getting distracted on set because her co star
Speaker 1: is a very attractive six five man and this was
Speaker 1: like some old movie she did this Pedigrew or whatever.
Speaker 1: But she was talking about how she's getting really distracted,
Speaker 1: and the director came over and had to like ask
Speaker 1: this actor to leave this set. But I just loved
Speaker 1: that she described as a big boy. And I didn't
Speaker 1: know that could mean a lot of things until you
Speaker 1: described that person. Now it's very endearing. It's great anyway,
Speaker 1: your big boy. Um, sure you're like above average boy,
Speaker 1: you're like seventy percentile. I guess very slightly above average boy.
Speaker 1: Um great, Um, almost gonna a little here, But even
Speaker 1: did send us a chart of baby's weight. And I
Speaker 1: can assure you that this is a big baby, but
Speaker 1: that's not what this emails about. Hey, I haven't just
Speaker 1: for the women out here. Next time, send pictures. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is a picture. You said a chart, A picture
Speaker 1: of a chart. No, I mean send pictures of this
Speaker 1: big boy baby. Beth wants to see this, this big
Speaker 1: old baby. I'm for a future reference. If you're going
Speaker 1: to email me about your large baby, send a picture
Speaker 1: of this baby. UM, I'm sorry, those are the rules.
Speaker 1: I'm just I was gonna ask on this part, but
Speaker 1: I haven't talked about Um a woman would never send
Speaker 1: a chart and not a picture of the baby. I'm
Speaker 1: sorry anyway, Ivan says, I just wanted to share some
Speaker 1: of my parenting winds. Also, as of two weeks ago,
Speaker 1: I found out I could put my son to sleep
Speaker 1: within fifteen minutes, okay, bragging, no bottles needed. It would
Speaker 1: it would comprise of a small routine. One I put
Speaker 1: on a white noise machine made mainly hair dryer sound,
Speaker 1: and hugged him while caressing his eyebrows. Five minutes of
Speaker 1: going from awake to sleepy. Five minutes of crying because
Speaker 1: he is sleepy. Five minutes of making sure he is
Speaker 1: out and making a Ninja move so he doesn't wake up.
Speaker 1: Because of this, uh, me and my wife were able
Speaker 1: to get two hours back every evening, just the two
Speaker 1: of us. Now as of yesterday, when I don't want
Speaker 1: and I don't know why, but he doesn't cry anymore.
Speaker 1: I know twice is not yet a pattern, but still
Speaker 1: I dare to be helpful. Another win is basically that
Speaker 1: I found out also yesterday that if he sleeps on
Speaker 1: his side instead of his back, he wakes up half
Speaker 1: as often incredibly happy about it, considering tomorrow is my birthday,
Speaker 1: Happy birthday. I'm taking both of this these winds as
Speaker 1: a fantastic gift, and the odd chance you read this
Speaker 1: out loud to please give a shout out to my
Speaker 1: loving wife Laura into my big baby Thin. Thank you, Laura,
Speaker 1: Hi baby Fin. Shout out big big baby Fin, and
Speaker 1: for being so funny and inspiring. Lots of love, Van,
Speaker 1: great job. I haven't that's again, I think I said
Speaker 1: the last time. Um, I didn't know if it was
Speaker 1: Ivan or von Um, who does live in Germany but
Speaker 1: from Brazil, and he mentioned that that's not a typical
Speaker 1: name for Brazil, thinking if it's Portuguese, would you say Van, No,
Speaker 1: We'll need a thirty email to find out if if
Speaker 1: he wanted it to us to pronounce it other than Ivan,
Speaker 1: he should have mentioned in the email. I got a
Speaker 1: lot of crime, even a lot of criticians, and here
Speaker 1: about they need a picture and a phonetic spelling of
Speaker 1: I just think this is this is I'm saying this
Speaker 1: with love in the year of our Lord. If you
Speaker 1: don't understand engagement, and you know, put a picture for
Speaker 1: the algorithm of my brain, for the algorithm of Beth.
Speaker 1: The Beth algorithm likes a big, chunky baby. And I
Speaker 1: don't just want to hear about it. And if I
Speaker 1: was just going to hear about it, describe the chunky nous.
Speaker 1: You want to know you wanna know how many pain
Speaker 1: picture for my ears? Yes, I do want to know
Speaker 1: how many folds there are? Let me, Matt, you want
Speaker 1: to you want to sniff that baby that's sleepy chunky baby. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I relate to this, this feeling of especially when putting
Speaker 1: kids in bed, when you like, figure something out and
Speaker 1: it might be helpful somebody. This might work for somebody,
Speaker 1: but a lot a lot of times it doesn't. It
Speaker 1: works for you and your child. But it doesn't mean
Speaker 1: it's not a wonderful victory. It's that feeling. And it's
Speaker 1: like men love to have hacks. They're parenting. All has
Speaker 1: to be hacks, baby hacks, baby charts. We want tangible progress.
Speaker 1: My baby is an eight seven. My baby's an eight.
Speaker 1: I thought you're just ranking the baby. I'm really proud
Speaker 1: of my baby. He's like an eight. I mean, isn't
Speaker 1: that way you guys are doing. Yeah, we get together
Speaker 1: and we go to the playground. Were like, check out
Speaker 1: that baby's four? That baby anyway? I do you remember
Speaker 1: how you're prop your routine for putting either of our
Speaker 1: children to sleep before they did it themselves. Uh, I remember.
Speaker 1: I remember doing a lot of rocking, um, some futile singing.
Speaker 1: I the singing was more for me. Yeah, the singing
Speaker 1: was for me to pass the time because I was
Speaker 1: just like, I know this assholes not closing his eyes
Speaker 1: for five minutes or more. UM with a big ball.
Speaker 1: A lot of bouncing on that ball. I bounced on
Speaker 1: the ball and I would twist my torso left and right.
Speaker 1: I really getting the back and forth in the up
Speaker 1: and down. I really don't miss all of u. Um.
Speaker 1: So whatever way you can hack through it and feel
Speaker 1: like you're making progress is great. All right, if you
Speaker 1: want to hack your baby, it's great. I do think
Speaker 1: hacks are good, like a good way of men learning
Speaker 1: how to engage with their baby. Like the truth is
Speaker 1: the baby is just bonding with you, and they're getting
Speaker 1: comfort out of their parents bonding. So it's good. It's great,
Speaker 1: But I think it's funny. It's not yeah, I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Um, I've done I'm I'm sure I've
Speaker 1: done all sorts of crazy things when I was tired
Speaker 1: and wanted a baby to go to sleep. Yeah, But
Speaker 1: like the rare times a thing would change and you'd
Speaker 1: be like, I don't have to do this anymore. It's
Speaker 1: I have to give it credit to some new thing
Speaker 1: that's like I figured it out. Here is how you
Speaker 1: do this. And doing this podcast has really helped me
Speaker 1: also too, to resist that urged me to bend tell
Speaker 1: everybody this is the way. This is how babies work, work,
Speaker 1: just the way this one worked for five minutes just now. Um,
Speaker 1: because this I would tell a friends this is how
Speaker 1: it works. And then two weeks later they come back.
Speaker 1: But I've been trying that thing and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, no, that stopped working for me too. That
Speaker 1: worked for few days. Also, then you have a second
Speaker 1: kid and realized that they're completely different. Yeah, they're a
Speaker 1: different person and don't give a crap the three months
Speaker 1: you spent months and out the ball with some other kid. Um.
Speaker 1: But I also, yeah, again, I really relate to that,
Speaker 1: Like it's five minutes of this, then it's five minutes
Speaker 1: of this. It's five minutes of that. I did it. Oh,
Speaker 1: you go to sleep. And on that note, we're gonna
Speaker 1: go to sleep. This has been another episode we was parenting.
Speaker 1: We would like to hear your parents success stories, your
Speaker 1: parents struggles question. I liked hearing that success story. I
Speaker 1: felt I felt happy for Ivan. You know what, let's
Speaker 1: just do some bragging this week. Parents brag to us
Speaker 1: about what you figured out that works for your child. Um,
Speaker 1: we want to hear it. You can email us at
Speaker 1: we knows pott a gmail dot com yes, or a voicemail.
Speaker 1: We haven't had a voicemail in a while. You say
Speaker 1: that the one week I don't have the voicemail. Okay,
Speaker 1: here we go. I saw you looking down. I thought
Speaker 1: that's what you're doing. I was looking for. Okay. You
Speaker 1: can leave us a voicemail at three four seven three
Speaker 1: eight four seven three nine six. Follow us on Instagram
Speaker 1: if you would, we know potted gmail dot com or
Speaker 1: our individual accounts. You wants funny content of those children
Speaker 1: to the Facebook, Twitter, those things rate and review on
Speaker 1: the podcast. Wherever you was the podcast, Please buy my book.
Speaker 1: There's no manual honest and gory Wisdom about having a baby.
Speaker 1: On sale now and we'll see you next time. May Bye.