WEBVTT - Pogs & Beyblades 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:17.440 Oh, what's up, bozos? Welcome to We Know It's Parenting. 0:00:17.840 --> 0:00:23.720 Peter mcderney, what's up, nuts, Um, No, don't go come back. 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:26.639 Wait wait, wait, wait, We'll try again. We'll be better. 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:31.120 It's so great to have you with us. If you're 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:34.680 returning or if you're new to the pod, Welcome, Welcome 0:00:34.880 --> 0:00:39.360 a podcast about this is the podcast bozos. This is 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:43.279 the podcast bozos. Um not about being parents, about us 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:47.480 being parents and uh, how we're doing, what we think, 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:52.960 what we don't know about being parents. You you didn't 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:54.960 think for one second about what you were going to 0:00:55.080 --> 0:01:01.920 say when you started life. Did you say that like 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:05.559 it's a thing I've ever done? You're just like it's 0:01:05.720 --> 0:01:08.160 just occurring to you on the air, like that this 0:01:08.240 --> 0:01:12.039 is a podcast and that you need to have sort 0:01:12.080 --> 0:01:15.400 of like a sense of give a sense to the 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:18.400 audience of what this podcast is. I did have that thought. 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:21.640 I was like, it's been months since we've explained what 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:26.479 this is. Um, this is a parenting podcast where we 0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:29.560 catch up on our lives and our children and we 0:01:32.959 --> 0:01:36.080 don't know what we're doing. And that's kind of the point. 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:41.360 We know podcast, Um, yeah, we don't know. Clearly, this 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:43.880 week we don't know. Oh my god, can we talk 0:01:43.920 --> 0:01:48.720 about this week? Um? Okay, yeah, I think it was 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:51.200 a great week. It was a great week, and I 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:55.080 was sick all week. But you keep talking about this 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:58.840 week like we got away from our kids for a 0:01:58.840 --> 0:02:06.320 little bit and the entire a week, and but I 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:11.840 was sick the entire time, and you kept being like 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:18.359 it was the best week ever. I'm not speaking for you, um, 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:21.440 but it's your just statement. Just feel slightly detached from 0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:24.680 the reality that I was experiencing. It could have been 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:29.120 worse and you could have been sick with kids. But again, 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:31.320 I'm not I'm not trying to say Beth had the 0:02:31.320 --> 0:02:33.919 best week of her life. I don't even have the 0:02:33.960 --> 0:02:35.359 best week of my life. And I didn't. You know 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:38.880 what I did. I caught up on work, I slept in, 0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:43.200 and I went out for drinks one night with adults. Yeah, 0:02:43.240 --> 0:02:46.800 we did go out for drinks. That was pretty crazy. Nuts. 0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:49.840 Can you hear my voice? I had to screamed because 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:52.720 the music was too loud. That's what a fun time 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:58.679 I had. Your voice is rough from two days ago. Yeah, 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:03.240 I had to scream to force my opinions on people. 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:06.040 Tell you what I was kind of sore this weekend 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:12.800 because I was dancing as a dancing queen. I went crazy. 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:18.480 I was like, I'm out, I'm out. And that was 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:20.160 the end of the week where you weren't as thick 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:24.160 and you're like, I'm free, baby. Well. I also I 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:27.040 went to see a movie with my friends that night 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:29.680 and then we went to and then we sat by 0:03:29.680 --> 0:03:31.120 this party. So I was like, I'm just going to 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:33.720 go to this party for like one hour and just 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:37.760 go hard. Um. And because I was like I can 0:03:37.840 --> 0:03:41.320 just have like one drink and meat anyway, I was 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:43.880 ready to do it. And I did, and you did 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:46.480 and we didn't. We didn't drink too much. We didn't 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:49.000 go that hard. I also, my friends and I got 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:51.640 kind of yelled at in the movie theater for talking 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:57.520 drink what do you do? I was just like commenting 0:03:57.560 --> 0:04:01.040 an incredible bad, incredibly bad movie that we uh and 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:07.760 I feel bad saying what it was. But it was 0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:12.080 the photograph. I never heard of this movie. It's like 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:15.600 a romance. It was just very dramatic, which is not 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:21.240 my style of movie. And um, I just was not 0:04:21.400 --> 0:04:24.640 like there was so much dialogue where they were just 0:04:24.760 --> 0:04:28.000 trying to set up exposition very quickly, and it was 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:30.280 just hard to stay engaged in the movie because I 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:33.960 was laughing so much at like the pacing of the dialogue. 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:38.039 Like they like they'd be like two seconds into these 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:41.919 characters meeting and he would be like, do you have 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:45.200 a boyfriend? And she's like, no, I dump my boyfriend. 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:47.719 When he proposed to me. I was just like, that 0:04:47.880 --> 0:04:50.839 is so such a shocking thing to say to someone 0:04:51.080 --> 0:04:55.640 when you immediately we got to get the exposition anyway, 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:58.480 but you were with your girlfriends, and I did enjoy it. 0:04:58.640 --> 0:05:01.600 I did laugh a lot. It's like maybe at bedtime 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:05.719 tonight she got a big laugh. I don't know what 0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:08.279 she said, but Brin gave her a big old laugh 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:11.640 and she goes and basically was like, I need to 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:15.760 repeat that thing over and over. It brings that laughing, 0:05:15.800 --> 0:05:18.760 so I'll say it louder. And then she just laughed 0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:21.640 at everything for the sake of laughing. They have been 0:05:21.680 --> 0:05:23.800 having these moments where they turned to each other, like 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:26.640 while they're watching a Disney movie and they're like, did 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:30.200 you see that, and like they're so excited to turn 0:05:30.240 --> 0:05:35.520 to each other and be like that's insane. Um, we're 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:40.240 listening to music before bedtime. We're just on the couch 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:43.640 listening to the music, which is which is nice. And 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:46.120 they were like talking about the instruments and what they 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:50.440 could hear. And there's a line in the song that's 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:53.119 it's a Mason jenny song where he says he talked 0:05:53.160 --> 0:05:57.280 to a shrink and Briton turns to me and goes, Daddy, 0:05:57.680 --> 0:06:00.920 this is a fiction story. I go what. He goes, 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:04.600 this song, this song is fiction. I'm like, actually, I 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:09.800 think this is a nonfiction song. It's about Mason Jettings alcoholism. 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:11.440 So I was like, I think there's I think this 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:16.400 might be nonfiction. He goes, but Daddy, that's impossible, Like, 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:22.800 why go you you can't talk to a shrimp. I 0:06:22.839 --> 0:06:26.240 lost the threat of It's like, I will wait as 0:06:26.279 --> 0:06:29.840 long as it thanks for you to laugh. In the song, 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:32.960 Mason Jenning says he's going to talk to a shrimp, okay, 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:35.640 and Britt it was a long time until I was like, 0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:37.880 you can't talk to a shrimp? Though I did see 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:41.279 Britt made what looks like a set list of Mason 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:43.960 Jennings songs and he started making a list and it's 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:46.599 like three Mason Jenning songs and then at the end, 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:52.200 it just says baby Beluga. Um Maven requested a different 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:57.120 playlist after three songs. She's big into RAFFI right now, 0:06:57.640 --> 0:07:01.520 Why don't at least baby Beluga is like her jam 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:04.520 Where did did she hear this with daycare? UM? I 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:06.760 think I played it for some reason. We were talking 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:09.960 about sea creatures one day, but she recognized it. I 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:12.480 think she heard it from daycare. So now she request 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:15.400 He has like started recognizing songs in a way that 0:07:15.440 --> 0:07:18.240 I find really funny, because she'll hear a song and 0:07:18.280 --> 0:07:23.040 she's like, Mommy, you have this song or like, and 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:26.800 she said it about the music from A Star Is 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:29.200 Born came on on like some show the other day 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:32.960 and someone was like karaoke singing on the show. One 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:37.360 of the song they're singing shallow, and Maybone was like, 0:07:38.000 --> 0:07:43.679 that's your song, Mommy, You're I am off the deepot 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:52.920 watch as I dive in UM. So you know what 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:55.920 I mean, only the best taste in music for um. 0:07:56.440 --> 0:08:00.640 Three songs we're talking about instruments. Mayben gets it and 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:04.200 she's focused. Brain was just trying to boss this round. 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:06.040 He was, you play the bass, I'll be the guitar, 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:11.600 and she is going she is going to be a 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:14.000 rock star because she was born in the parking lot 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:20.280 of the School of Rocks, and I just well, I 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:22.720 posted this video on Instagram last week. I don't think 0:08:22.720 --> 0:08:26.360 we talked about this where Maven is playing harmonica while 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:30.600 you're playing guitar, and I swear to god, I watched 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:34.080 this video like what. I filmed this as she was playing, 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:37.600 and it was like she was playing the most beautiful 0:08:37.760 --> 0:08:41.559 sad song I've ever heard, and I was just like 0:08:42.000 --> 0:08:45.320 and she was like on beat with the guitar and 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:50.400 it was just like so heartbreaking to watch her. Um. 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:52.040 And I feel like other people who saw it on 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:55.800 my Instagram were like, whoa, um, it's just like she's 0:08:55.880 --> 0:08:58.839 like I just feel like she has like a connection. 0:08:59.679 --> 0:09:04.840 And I'll say that's yes, absolutely, Um. I was impressed 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:07.959 with her rhythm, like she was playing melodies along with it. 0:09:08.200 --> 0:09:12.599 That being said harmonica, the way the notes are stacks, no, 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:15.640 I guess, so I was playing chords to make all 0:09:15.679 --> 0:09:17.800 of the notes be correct so she couldn't play a 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:22.840 wrong note. But yes, it's still like her rhythm. I 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:26.960 understand it's the harmonica, so it's like a little yeah yeah. 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:32.559 But she was listening and playing with me, and that 0:09:32.640 --> 0:09:35.680 combined with she couldn't play a wrong note, created a 0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:41.240 very impressive a little three year old. She played a 0:09:41.280 --> 0:09:44.600 song that I would like sincerely listen to as like 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:47.240 if I was like putting on background music, you know 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:50.160 what I mean, Like it's just like this is haunting. 0:09:51.280 --> 0:09:55.680 Um it was, Oh god, Anyway, we've talked about this 0:09:55.800 --> 0:10:02.080 before that the like you're most impressed with me when 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:05.800 it comes to music, Yeah, because I'm so bad at music. Well, 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:09.760 because I really I love creative things and I'm like 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:15.240 reasonably good. I like, I'm good at drawing. I'm like 0:10:15.280 --> 0:10:17.280 reasonably good at a lot of things. Like I can 0:10:17.480 --> 0:10:21.640 kind of sing, but when it comes to playing, I 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:23.560 shouldn't say I should. I can kind of sing, but 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:26.480 I can. I can like kind of. I no notes, 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:31.280 and I think, but neither one of us have incredible tone. 0:10:31.559 --> 0:10:33.960 No no, no, I don't have I don't have a 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:39.880 beautiful thing anyways, but I think, but I cannot. My 0:10:40.000 --> 0:10:43.080 brain does not do instruments. Like my brain doesn't like numbers. 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:45.000 I get, I just like I don't want to think 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:49.880 about it. Um, it's just not how my brain works. Well, 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:54.800 your kids, got it? Did Britain. Britain is musical. I 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:57.560 don't know he's I don't think he's into math, but yeah, 0:10:57.600 --> 0:11:00.560 I haven't seen him do that musical while he is formative, 0:11:00.640 --> 0:11:03.960 like he likes to sing, and so I think the idea, yeah, 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:07.240 he's a good singer. The storytelling aspect of it he 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:12.080 really connects with. But Maven does have better rhythm. Um. 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:16.679 So anyway, we sat together and if your kid is 0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:20.800 into this, this Maven was for three full songs. She 0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:24.080 was a little testy at one point, so I like 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:25.720 gave her a hug and she sat on my lap 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:28.240 and we sat on the couch in the semi dark 0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:31.880 here playing Mason Jennings songs and I just grabbed She's 0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:34.480 sitting in my lap, and I grabbed both her hands 0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:38.360 and I just played the high hat and the snare 0:11:38.440 --> 0:11:44.160 drum with her hands. I was just going and she 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:48.600 not only like indulged me, but she was focused on 0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:51.400 this for three full songs. And when I try to 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:53.920 like change the talk to Britain, she grabbed my hands 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:57.800 and bring them back. And then later I heard her 0:11:57.840 --> 0:12:02.360 going do to do to, and I was like, yes see, 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:06.440 that'll be your little musician daughter. Little Drummer Girl. Hey yeah, 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:10.400 little drummer girl, you with me? It's a whole world 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:15.560 Mason Jennings. If anyone hasn't heard my favorite Minnesota's finger 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:23.560 song writer, I recommend Birds Flying Away the album I 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:29.560 really like. Um, what's it called? Minnesota the album? What? 0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:32.760 What's the one where he's like piano a lot of piano, 0:12:32.760 --> 0:12:35.360 But that's one I like. Well, there's nothing better than 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:39.280 Birds Flying Away and his debut Mason Jennet album. But 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:42.520 Minnesota's might be anyway in my next my next one. 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:45.560 This is the Music Podcast. Welcome back to our music podcast, 0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:51.960 music Heads, Music Music, McNerney and Newell Music Heads. You've 0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:55.720 got a heads, what have you started? Like ni music? 0:12:56.040 --> 0:13:06.000 We're real music heads. Um yeah, um, so our children 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:11.560 are back. Our children are back. Huge shout out to 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:15.520 your parents who had our children. The whole week camp 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:18.760 Nana and Granddad was a smashing success, and I know they. 0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:20.719 I think they all had a lot of fun. They 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:23.600 all did. I think I'm sure my parents parents got 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:27.280 tired of them. They must have been exhausted. My parents 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:30.760 would periodically send us photos of them just like whatever 0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:32.800 they were doing, and it was always like sort of 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:36.040 just destroying the house, like rolling around in a yoga 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:41.000 mat or like you know, just like uh invented fun 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:45.959 just being weird. Um, and they were having a ball, 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:49.920 having a ball. We should just, um, we should have 0:13:49.960 --> 0:13:52.400 them live there. I know. It really makes you just 0:13:52.600 --> 0:13:55.360 never want to have them Like it was just it 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:59.760 was so strange to be in our own home without 0:13:59.800 --> 0:14:02.240 the Yeah, and like we went out to dinner just 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:04.160 the two of us a couple of times, and then 0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:06.800 we also ignored each other a whole lot, and both 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:12.080 those things were great. Yeah, the dinner would have been 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:14.920 more fun if I was like I could eat food 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:20.920 comfortably with mylness, but I it was nice to Yeah. Also, 0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:29.000 the woman to whom we paid money for an Airbnb, um, 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:31.080 oh yeah, we canceled their Airbnb because I was like, 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:34.120 we can't sell her baby that you know, like the 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:37.400 day of so cancelation policy. So would even try to 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:39.920 get money back. But she called us two days later 0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:42.280 and was like, we feel so bad that your wife 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:46.160 was sick. Um, please come stay anytime. You've already paid 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.960 for it. And I was like that's very sweet, thank you. 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:52.960 And then I got an email from Airbnb asking us 0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:54.880 to review the place, and I was like, oh, she 0:14:54.960 --> 0:14:58.200 got the same email either way, I gave her a 0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:01.200 five star review for a place that I've never been. 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:06.040 That's where Airbnb the service becomes way better with like 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:10.640 regular people and not companies, you know what I mean, 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:14.440 Like they're more dependent upon you liking what they're doing. 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:20.920 Oh yeah, um, it's depending on each other. Um. Our 0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:23.400 last Airbnb was a little weird when we left and 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:25.960 that woman called me was like, I can't get my 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:29.360 cable back. I was like, I don't, I didn't catch 0:15:29.360 --> 0:15:32.920 a cable. I was like on the phone troubleshooting how 0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:38.120 to find her cable channels. Anyway, Yeah, but I missed 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:41.440 our kids. I did. It was nice to miss them 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:47.680 and they seem like again, like ten years older. Yeah, 0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:51.040 they're huge. Um. So I had to do late pick 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:55.240 up today for I had late audition, so I had 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:57.840 to pay for Maybe to stay late, and so I 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:00.720 got hit. I got back sooner than I thought, but 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:02.880 I know Maybe was already getting dinner. So I picked 0:16:02.960 --> 0:16:06.680 up Brandon Brenn and I had a solo dinner and 0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:09.200 he just decided to ask. He's like one on one 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:13.280 daddy time. That's when I asked questions. He goes, what 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:18.080 language is it when you say Retty? And I was like, well, 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:21.680 that's English, but you mean an accent. He goes, yes, Retty, 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:24.920 Like I think you're doing an English accent because it's 0:16:24.960 --> 0:16:30.880 not Irish. What language is it? And then um, and 0:16:30.920 --> 0:16:32.920 then he started talking about something a topic I have 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:37.960 been avoiding, which is the topic of presidents, which I'm like, 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:40.880 I don't wanna. I don't want to talk about dal 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:47.760 Trump with I'm so scared about talking about it with anyone. Yeah, 0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:50.320 but Brin brought it up. He's like, you know George 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:54.440 Washington And I was like, yeah, do you He's like, yeah, 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:58.480 try corner hat. I go yeah. He goes, I know 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:04.160 another president with the hat cylinder flat top. He goes, 0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:09.160 he said, like, Sabraham Lincoln. It was it was something 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:12.400 was a little off. I was like, Abraham Lincoln. He goes, yeah, 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:16.520 that's what I said, Abraham Lincoln. He's like, I know 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:23.040 for different presidents, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Bibbity Boverty. You 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:27.040 just started laughing as there he goes, just kidding, I 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:31.800 only know three. And then I listed every single president 0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:34.400 in order because I can do that, and I'm proud 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:38.280 of it. Do you think in the future it feels 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:41.399 like they do only teach kids like two presidents. They're like, 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:43.480 these are the highlights. I feel like in the future 0:17:44.400 --> 0:17:49.639 it'll be it'll be like George Washington Lincoln Obama. Like 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:54.640 there's a a lot of people in this country who 0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:58.280 would probably not agree with you. Um, but I know 0:17:58.320 --> 0:18:00.040 why they teach those two because it was president to 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:03.760 Day weekend and President's Day weekend involves Washington's birthday and 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:10.000 Lincoln's birthday. I think, yeah, right, um yeah, don't they 0:18:10.000 --> 0:18:11.639 have like the same birthday or something. I don't know. 0:18:11.680 --> 0:18:14.960 They're They're like there a few days apart. It's more 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:19.480 like President's week. Um, it's it's so oh yeah, then 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:23.240 that's when Lincoln said, four score and seven years ago, 0:18:23.640 --> 0:18:26.160 send your kids off to your your their in laws 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:30.000 and have a break. Because that's what it means to me. Now, 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:36.520 pretend it made sense what I just said. God just 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:57.120 so disrespectful to the history. This next segment is is what, Beth? 0:18:57.280 --> 0:19:00.159 What is it? You pointed at me as I started talking, 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:04.560 so it sounded like you were not rolling until midway 0:19:04.600 --> 0:19:07.120 through me talking, So I paused so you could reset 0:19:07.680 --> 0:19:10.560 It's okay, I don't remember doing it. You're probably right, 0:19:10.560 --> 0:19:13.000 but I'm not going to go back. I love you. 0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:19.040 Try again, you're so distracting. Um. This next segment is 0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:22.080 called would you Knows? That's where we present each other 0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:26.880 with parenting. That's what you told me it was, I said, 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:31.320 did you notice I did? I'm keeping this in too well. 0:19:32.080 --> 0:19:37.560 I wasn't interrupted during my original I'm genuinely apolog could 0:19:37.600 --> 0:19:41.000 have just reset I could? I know, I know, but 0:19:41.080 --> 0:19:48.120 it's too far. Now we must torture our listeners with this. Okay, 0:19:49.480 --> 0:19:53.640 go ahead. Intro. This is called that's time for did 0:19:53.720 --> 0:19:56.959 you knows? This is where we talked about something we've 0:19:57.040 --> 0:20:01.199 learned or read and I read UM. Interesting article from 0:20:01.200 --> 0:20:04.000 the New York Times is written by Kate Murphy very recently. 0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:06.679 You might have read it if if you read it. Um, 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:09.080 I'm just gonna read the beginning of this because I've 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:15.720 found it very relatable. You're not listening. Here's why. Uh, 0:20:16.560 --> 0:20:18.960 you're not listening. Let me finish. That's not what I 0:20:19.000 --> 0:20:22.000 said after I love you. These are among the most 0:20:22.000 --> 0:20:25.280 common refrains in close relationships during my two year research 0:20:25.440 --> 0:20:27.960 two years researching a book on listening, I learned something 0:20:28.000 --> 0:20:33.440 incredibly ironic about interpersonal communication. The closer we feel towards somebody, 0:20:33.640 --> 0:20:37.040 the less likely we are to listen carefully to them. 0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:40.760 It's called the closeness communication bias, and over time it 0:20:40.880 --> 0:20:44.280 constrain and even end relationships. Once you know people well 0:20:44.400 --> 0:20:47.359 enough to feel close, as an unconscious tendency to tune 0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:50.160 them out because you think you already know what they're 0:20:50.160 --> 0:20:53.200 going to say. It's kind of like when you're you've 0:20:53.240 --> 0:20:55.960 traveled a certain route several times and no longer notice 0:20:56.000 --> 0:21:00.159 signposts and scenery. But people are always changing. The some 0:21:00.280 --> 0:21:04.440 of daily interactions and activities continually shapes us. No, no, no, 0:21:05.359 --> 0:21:07.600 so none of us are the same as we were 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:10.680 last months, last week, or even yesterday. The closest communication 0:21:10.760 --> 0:21:14.480 biases that work with romantic partners, when romantic partners feel 0:21:14.560 --> 0:21:17.399 they don't know each other anymore, and when parents discover 0:21:17.480 --> 0:21:20.399 their children are up to things they never imagined. It 0:21:20.440 --> 0:21:22.680 can even occur when two people spent all their time 0:21:22.680 --> 0:21:25.840 together and have many of the same experiences. It's so 0:21:25.920 --> 0:21:29.600 much larger article. Did you get the idea? Um that 0:21:29.840 --> 0:21:34.840 is fascinating? I really relate to this. I think I 0:21:34.880 --> 0:21:38.680 do too, and well, especially in the sense that like 0:21:39.840 --> 0:21:42.800 weeks like this one, when if I'm not feeling well, 0:21:43.520 --> 0:21:47.280 my instinct is just to try to like rest and 0:21:47.320 --> 0:21:50.520 not like I don't want to like monologue about how 0:21:50.560 --> 0:21:54.320 I'm feeling, and then you'll like, you'll say things to 0:21:54.359 --> 0:21:56.080 me about how it's like the best week ever, and 0:21:56.119 --> 0:22:01.520 I'm like, did you notice that? I was like ill, 0:22:01.760 --> 0:22:09.639 like um right now, It's I just I have this 0:22:09.720 --> 0:22:13.439 experience frequently. I feel like because I'm not like I 0:22:13.480 --> 0:22:15.919 don't like sometimes I'll speak up about something once, but 0:22:16.000 --> 0:22:19.200 I don't like constantly bring it up, and then I 0:22:19.840 --> 0:22:24.000 just I'm like, oh, this, people are not aware of 0:22:24.040 --> 0:22:27.119 the things I said, like well, and this this is 0:22:27.119 --> 0:22:33.480 one of those instances where again like in a good 0:22:33.480 --> 0:22:36.080 way and a bad way, I'm not thinking about you. 0:22:36.160 --> 0:22:38.320 When I say that, I mean none of us are 0:22:38.400 --> 0:22:42.040 thinking about each other. It is the thing we really are, 0:22:42.240 --> 0:22:46.520 like all of us are just in our own world. Well. 0:22:47.680 --> 0:22:51.280 I think about this specific thing a lot as an 0:22:51.280 --> 0:22:54.480 improv teacher, where I'm trying to get people who don't 0:22:54.520 --> 0:22:56.440 know each other that well because they're in a class 0:22:57.400 --> 0:23:01.400 to try to create the illusion of intimacy, the illusion 0:23:01.400 --> 0:23:04.280 of familiarity, like to play characters that know each other 0:23:04.480 --> 0:23:07.520 with improvisers that don't know each other that well, you 0:23:07.600 --> 0:23:10.280 have to click into this. You have to trick yourself 0:23:10.400 --> 0:23:13.800 into being so comfortable with somebody that you don't listen 0:23:13.880 --> 0:23:18.040 to everything they say. And so when you come into 0:23:18.040 --> 0:23:20.760 an impressing and you're nervous, people are listening so hard 0:23:21.640 --> 0:23:25.199 that it's you know, it's artificial, and so it's that 0:23:25.280 --> 0:23:27.879 weird thing of like tricking your brain into acting like 0:23:27.960 --> 0:23:31.600 it already knows. And so yeah, with I think all 0:23:31.640 --> 0:23:36.320 the time we've talked about this where especially when things 0:23:36.320 --> 0:23:40.040 are tense between us and there's like hard times and 0:23:40.080 --> 0:23:43.119 I'm angry, it feels like um, and I know you 0:23:43.119 --> 0:23:46.480 probably feel the same aou that like I'm I'm doing work, 0:23:46.640 --> 0:23:49.200 I'm trying, and you're not trying at all. And then 0:23:49.240 --> 0:23:55.480 you like sometimes years later I realized, oh, you're very different. 0:23:56.200 --> 0:23:58.159 And I think this is part of it, which is like, 0:23:58.280 --> 0:24:00.840 I don't know, it's hard to notice the other person 0:24:00.920 --> 0:24:04.840 making an effort because your brain is is not looking 0:24:04.880 --> 0:24:06.720 for it, it's blind to it. And you're like, I 0:24:06.760 --> 0:24:08.840 know you, I know what you do. And that's why. 0:24:08.960 --> 0:24:12.560 Also sometimes you'll say a thing or I'll say a 0:24:12.600 --> 0:24:16.240 thing and the other person will immediately extrapolate upon this 0:24:16.800 --> 0:24:20.040 and give it the credit of every bad thing you've 0:24:20.040 --> 0:24:23.320 ever done instead of actually dealing with the one. It's 0:24:23.440 --> 0:24:27.160 hard not to when something fits a pattern you've experienced. 0:24:27.240 --> 0:24:30.720 It's hard not to see the pattern when you're like, oh, 0:24:30.760 --> 0:24:34.159 it's happening again, Like yeah, yeah, sure, I mean that's 0:24:34.200 --> 0:24:38.240 obviously it's not a black and white thing. It's incredibly complicated. 0:24:39.480 --> 0:24:43.040 But I've never thought about it this way. Um, And 0:24:43.080 --> 0:24:46.280 of course I thought about it selfishly first when I'm like, yeah, 0:24:46.400 --> 0:24:49.280 Beth does this to me, and then I was like, okay, well, 0:24:49.280 --> 0:24:51.720 definitely do this to her too. I do think like 0:24:51.840 --> 0:24:57.640 when when people are discussing like sensitive issues, like when 0:24:57.680 --> 0:25:02.840 you're carefully wording something, there's always like two interpretations to 0:25:03.040 --> 0:25:05.680 what you're saying, Like when you're trying to be diplomatic, 0:25:06.200 --> 0:25:09.400 you're kind of like weighing both sides out loud, like 0:25:09.680 --> 0:25:13.240 people hear what they want to hear if they're assuming 0:25:13.240 --> 0:25:16.760 you're coming from a malicious place. Yeah, you know. I 0:25:16.840 --> 0:25:20.000 think this is we get on each other's cases sometimes 0:25:20.040 --> 0:25:25.440 about tone, um, and where I think the more both 0:25:25.480 --> 0:25:30.240 of us try really hard to be diplomatic. That's usually 0:25:30.240 --> 0:25:32.520 when the other person is like, you're talking to me 0:25:32.720 --> 0:25:35.919 so condescending, because for you it starts to take on 0:25:35.960 --> 0:25:42.160 this slow lecture tone that does it does appear so condescending. 0:25:42.240 --> 0:25:48.199 You're like, well, the same way when you do it. 0:25:48.440 --> 0:25:52.800 And it's totally ironic because I have learned that like, oh, 0:25:52.840 --> 0:25:56.600 this is this is you putting in an effort and 0:25:56.680 --> 0:25:59.000 I have to turn this part of my brain off, 0:25:59.119 --> 0:26:01.520