WEBVTT - A New Normal 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:04.240 M wind Down with Janet Kramer and I have our 0:00:04.360 --> 0:00:15.200 radio podcast. My heart is like pounding, so is mine. UM, 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:25.120 welcome back to wind Down. Uh, this is so sorry 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:29.320 for everyone listening right now. This is not easy. UM. 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:34.280 I have Sarah Gretzky hi in Nashville with me. She 0:00:34.600 --> 0:00:41.120 surprised me yesterday, and UM, we're gonna we're gonna get 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:45.440 you through this. We're gonna get you through this. For 0:00:45.520 --> 0:00:48.680 those of you that haven't seen the news, UM, I 0:00:48.720 --> 0:01:00.080 filed for divorce, uh a few weeks ago, and it 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:06.360 has not been easy. I'll say that. UM. And honestly, 0:01:06.400 --> 0:01:11.080 I don't even know, like like I don't even know 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:13.880 if I want to do the show anymore. I mean 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:24.560 completely honest. Um, you know, I started the show, you know, 0:01:24.600 --> 0:01:29.960 by myself and something I always wanted to do. And um, 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:34.680 and then you know, once Mike came on as a guest, 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:36.520 and then we talked about our stuff, and you know, 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:39.680 he said that he loved sharing, and so then we 0:01:39.920 --> 0:01:43.640 partnered together and but then it just felt like ours. 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:50.320 And so now it feels weird, um, not having him 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:54.440 on here, and uh, I don't know, like it's not 0:01:57.640 --> 0:02:01.320 it's just it feels weird. It's like a m I mean, 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:05.040 I can imagine. So this is this was y'all's thing 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:09.320 that took off. This is this has always been your thing, 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:11.960 but you know when you guys joined together, it really 0:02:12.000 --> 0:02:13.560 became I mean it was the two of you. And 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:17.440 now you're here, which is so I don't even know 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:19.560 how you're doing it. You're so strong, And that's what 0:02:19.600 --> 0:02:21.919 I want you to know that everyone listening right now 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:29.080 loves you, has your back, and you could come on 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:33.040 here and talk about absolutely nothing and everyone is still 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:35.160 going to cheer for you and lift you up. So 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:39.760 just know that you have an insane army behind you 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:42.680 of all of these listeners who are literally just tuning 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:45.760 in today to hear that you're okay, Like they just 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:49.200 want to know that you're okay, and it's it's tasts. 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:52.720 So you've got balls to be able to come on here, 0:02:52.760 --> 0:02:55.800 and you're so strong to be able to, you know, 0:02:55.880 --> 0:03:03.400 address it. And and I'm just amazed. So cry and 0:03:03.440 --> 0:03:06.080 you take No one wants to hear an hour of crying, 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:11.280 but I mean you won't sniffling is like stop the sniffling, No, 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:13.639 but you I mean it's hard right now, and even 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:17.560 last night, like you you've. I definitely think you're better 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:20.560 like you are. Yeah, I know you might not feel it, 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:24.120 but it takes time. I mean it's fresh, but even 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:29.120 you know, every day so cliche, but every day you're 0:03:29.160 --> 0:03:34.800 tackling something and you're feeling better, you know. I don't 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:36.640 know about that. I feel like it goes in waves. 0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:44.960 Um like I've. I feel like I'm so in the 0:03:45.000 --> 0:03:49.760 middle of the grieving where it's like and I when 0:03:49.880 --> 0:03:55.000 when I when I grieve, I isolate and I am 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:57.840 like I don't want to I don't respond to like 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:01.600 my people, and I just like stay in bed. And 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:03.200 I had a friend come over the other day and 0:04:03.240 --> 0:04:06.760 she was just like like I'm here for the grieving. 0:04:06.800 --> 0:04:08.760 But at the same time, she's like, you have to 0:04:08.800 --> 0:04:13.480 get out of bed, and I'm like, I don't. I 0:04:13.520 --> 0:04:16.159 don't know how. Sometimes it's like and it's like the 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:19.000 days that you know, I've and obviously I have to 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:20.920 because the kids, But the morning and the night are 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:23.839 the hardest because it's like I I wake up and 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:25.800 it's like that scene in Sex in the City where 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:30.640 she's like was it a dream? And then at night 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:33.440 it's like my like I just can't. I can't sleep, 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:36.120 and it's like, you know me, I'm usually in bed 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:38.440 by eight thirty and like lights out by nine, and 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:40.640 now I'm like counting the clock at two in the 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:42.600 morning and being like, oh god, I gotta get up, 0:04:42.839 --> 0:04:45.599 and you know, the best mom I can be, but 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:50.440 it's like I've never It's just it's it's so on. 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:54.760 It's so hard when I have all these feelings and 0:04:54.800 --> 0:05:00.359 emotions and um and then I have to be a 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:03.560 mom on top of it. It's like it's I almost 0:05:03.600 --> 0:05:05.880 like the first week I counted down the nap time 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:07.279 because I was like, Okay, I can go in my 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:10.920 room and just like shut the door and like cry 0:05:10.920 --> 0:05:13.240 and my like just like cry, you know, and then 0:05:13.360 --> 0:05:15.520 like button it back up by like because it's like 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:17.760 obviously I don't want the kids seeing this, of course. 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:21.080 And I think that's I mean, everything you're saying right now, 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:23.600 anyone who's been through this, I think this is so 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:26.760 normal and so relatable. Like you're not alone in feeling 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.520 this way. It's just something that you're trying to navigate 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:31.480 and you're doing the best that you can. Like you said, 0:05:31.520 --> 0:05:34.600 it's like, of course you're grieving, but it's like the 0:05:34.680 --> 0:05:36.240 kids are up and stuff I don't have. You don't 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.159 have time to grieve. It is game time all day 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:42.320 for you. And so I think that you're doing the 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:45.400 best that you can. Like you, you really really are. 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:47.520 I've only been here for a day, but I've seen it, 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:50.400 and well, you caught me. I was angry. I've been 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:52.360 I've been sad, sad, sad, said sad, and then I 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:55.600 hit a. You saw me on my one angry day. 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:58.440 But I think, I mean, I think it's okay to 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:01.000 be angry, and I think it's healthy to be angry 0:06:01.240 --> 0:06:05.000 because you know, everyone goes through waits. First you're sad, 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:06.919 then you're you know, first we get sad, then we 0:06:06.920 --> 0:06:10.000 get mad. And I think it's okay whatever you're feeling, 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:12.880 even if you were feeling happy or whatever you feel, 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:15.240 it's okay to feel that. And I think that's important 0:06:15.279 --> 0:06:18.560 for you to just remind yourself that you're doing the 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:26.719 best you can. You're Nobody ever expected this, yeah, like 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:29.280 this was not something you were like, I mean, not 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:36.120 that anyone's ever prepared, but like you know, yeah, I 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:38.200 I I do owe it to you, know, you and 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:42.640 my friends. It's because because I still can't physically do 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:45.320 things because of my freaking boob job that I got, 0:06:45.920 --> 0:06:48.000 so I can't lift things. I can't, you know. And 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:49.720 it's like I've I've had friends come over here and 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:52.320 you know, do my Now I can do it all, 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:54.919 but like, well not all of it, but like I 0:06:54.920 --> 0:07:00.919 couldn't even put glasses in the ashwasher because I was 0:07:00.920 --> 0:07:03.520 so depressed. Like I was like I had literally had 0:07:03.600 --> 0:07:07.039 my girls on rotation being like doing my dishes, taking 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:09.279 my trash out, you know, like helping clean the house, 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:11.800 like helping me. Well, I'm just like a zombie. And 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:14.560 that was like for two weeks, I was just in 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:16.360 a totally and now I just kind of go in 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:19.840 and out of like crying. And then because I didn't 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:21.920 want this at the end of the day, like I think, 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:27.600 I think we're like where I'm at as I'm embarrassed, 0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:35.280 Like I'm embarrassed by Yeah, I'm I'm embarrassed that this 0:07:35.360 --> 0:07:38.000 is how it ended. And then I also feel like 0:07:38.000 --> 0:07:40.360 I let people down because it's you know, we've come 0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:42.400 out here and we fought and we fought for it, 0:07:42.480 --> 0:07:48.000 but really the words that was spoken wasn't I don't 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:53.720 know they were honest from me is what I'll say. Yeah, 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:59.520 I mean, I'm I'm speechless, like I'm trying to find words, 0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:02.720 and I just I don't want you to feel any 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:06.800 of those things, embarrassed, whatever it is, because I mean, 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:10.160 I'm someone who considers myself in in the circle, in 0:08:10.200 --> 0:08:14.239 the Mix, podcast with You guys, shows with you, I 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:21.280 was so this took me by like I was completely 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:24.520 completely shook and shocked at all of this, So I 0:08:24.560 --> 0:08:27.120 can't even imagine how it was for you. And I 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:33.600 just yeah, I yeah, I mean I did too, because 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:38.000 even a few days before things came to light, we 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:40.880 were like, wow, we're really good right now, you know, 0:08:40.920 --> 0:08:42.760 And I was like that was where it was just 0:08:42.800 --> 0:08:47.280 like a because I thought we were good, and you know, 0:08:47.320 --> 0:08:49.320 even people on Instagram or like you guys seem so happy, 0:08:49.360 --> 0:08:51.880 and I was like, yeah, I thought so too. You know. 0:08:51.960 --> 0:08:56.920 It's where it's like yeah, um, But I just I 0:08:56.960 --> 0:08:59.040 do want to say thank you to everyone who's reached out, 0:08:59.080 --> 0:09:01.679 and i'd say of so many d m s and messages, 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:09.040 and I appreciate just hearing how you guys have walked 0:09:09.080 --> 0:09:11.400 through the same path and gotten to the other side, 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:14.000 because right now I don't see the other side. Right now, 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:16.080 I'm just like I'm gonna be alone forever, and like, 0:09:16.120 --> 0:09:19.280 you know, I'm kind of playing the you know, the 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:26.360 SOB story um and but you know, just hearing your 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:28.400 guys of stories. But also like what kind of breaks 0:09:28.440 --> 0:09:30.520 my heart too, is there's been so many messages of 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:32.880 people being like how did you get the courage to leave? 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:36.440 I want to leave. I don't know how, you know, 0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:40.320 like I'm scared, and I'm like, there's there was actually 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:43.080 more messages of that, and I was shocked by it. 0:09:43.120 --> 0:09:46.880 But I'm the same time, I'm like I didn't. I 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:49.680 still don't have the strength. Like it's just something where 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:55.480 it's like I have no choice. That's a good point. Yeah, 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:59.520 I mean I think I think so many people are 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:04.600 in your situation and it's either they whether they turn 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:07.320 a blind eye or they are in it for the 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:10.960 kids or whatever reason. But it's it's sad to think 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:13.280 that there are people who are struggling out there and 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:15.720 look at you as like, you know, how did you 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:17.719 do it? Like you're so strong. I'm like I am 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:22.360 the weakest I've ever been. Like it maybe hopefully in 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:24.600 the future, like I'll feel that strength, but I'm like 0:10:25.240 --> 0:10:27.120 I went to my therapist a few weeks ago and 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:30.160 being like, you know what, fine, I'll you know, I'll 0:10:30.200 --> 0:10:32.040 just I'll live this life. It's okay, Like I don't 0:10:32.040 --> 0:10:33.880 want to break up my family because my whole thing 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.760 is like I didn't want this for the kids, like 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:41.360 I've stayed for my kids, you know, even when other 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:44.040 things happen. And but you know, my therapist was like, 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:47.200 you don't want to live that life where you're just 0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:52.120 constantly like it's taking your light away, it's taking your everything. 0:10:52.160 --> 0:10:53.960 And I'm just like, yeah, but my kids and like 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:57.360 we'll be together, and like I don't want like the 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:01.120 first time that they like me for overnight, I'm gonna 0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:03.679 be destroyed. It's not what I wanted. It's not what 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:07.120 I worked for, it's not what I fought for. It 0:11:07.200 --> 0:11:13.040 is not king fair, and that makes me so angry. 0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:15.640 It's like that I've I worked too damn hard for 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:20.360 it to end this way you did. And but I 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:22.680 just feel like now I'm like I don't like how 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:26.560 like there'd be no way like we I just like 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:29.520 and in my mind, I'm like I even asked, I 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:31.440 asked some people like how like okay, how could I 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:34.079 how could I try again? Like give me? But then 0:11:34.120 --> 0:11:37.120 I realized I was like, I'm now not I'm now weak. 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:40.800 I always thought I was strong by staying. I'm now 0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:43.320 weak for staying because I'm staying because I don't want 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:45.160 to be alone. I'm staying because I want to keep 0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:51.160 my family together. And I don't know if I believe 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:52.439 if I don't, I don't know if I believe a 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:56.800 change anymore. Yeah, And I think sometimes, I mean, it's 0:11:56.840 --> 0:11:59.000 so hard, the scenarios back and forth. But I think 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:01.760 in sir, scenarios, you know it is strong to stay. 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:04.440 But I think in this scenario, you are so strong 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:06.600 for walking away, Like I know you don't feel it, 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:09.280 but like you're sitting here crying for your family, like 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:13.160 you will look back like the strength I mean, I 0:12:13.200 --> 0:12:15.439 know I keep bringing up today or last, but like 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:19.679 the last twenty four hours, like the strength that I 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:23.480 see is like I can't I can't even imagine. So 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:27.200 you are so strong even though it doesn't feel like 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:30.640 it right now. But I think you're right. You really 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:35.400 just had no choice. I mean I had friends that 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:41.360 were like basically tell me they would lose respect for me. 0:12:43.120 --> 0:12:44.840 And those were the friends that were always like, we 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:47.400 love you and support you no matter what you know, 0:12:48.000 --> 0:12:53.600 and that's tough, because that's tough. But as a friend, 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:57.240 I yeah, like you can only watch someone go through 0:12:57.320 --> 0:13:00.400 so much before it actually starts to kill you. As 0:13:00.440 --> 0:13:02.840 the front. When I realized I'm like I've told my 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:04.680 therapist is I was like, I feel like now I'm 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:07.520 the addict where I'm addicted, and I've I've been doing 0:13:07.600 --> 0:13:12.640 meetings and stuff and I um someone who she's a 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:14.560 friend of mine. She's a sex and love addict and 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:17.080 she's kind of like my sponsor. I've never really asked her, 0:13:17.120 --> 0:13:19.480 but I've been calling her so much. Her name's Brian 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:26.960 and um and she I was like, Brian, I was like, 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:30.720 I feel like I'm coming off of heroin. Like I'm 0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:33.160 I'm like, I've never touched a drug before, but that's 0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:35.840 what it feels like where I'm just like I need it, 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:38.400 like but it's like, what what do I need? Like 0:13:38.559 --> 0:13:41.960 is that's not healthy? Like that's not I don't even 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:48.359 know what that healthy version looks like anymore. So it's like, ah, 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:51.520 but it's just I've never felt that coming off of 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:56.800 something like that, and I just but you know I had. 0:13:57.160 --> 0:14:04.520 It's just sucks, I know, and I hate seeing you 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:07.800 like this. I hate that you feel this way, but 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:11.120 I genuinely believe, and I've told you this a thousand times. 0:14:11.160 --> 0:14:14.880 You're getting probably sick of it, but I genuinely genuinely 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:18.600 believe that when you come out of all of this, 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:21.760 whether it's a month, six months, a year, five years, 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:27.560 you're light. You are going to shine so bright you 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:29.800 thought you were happy to three years ago, like you 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:32.720 don't even know happy. And I genuinely believe that, like 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:36.840 you're gonna be like, oh my god, I'm just so 0:14:37.080 --> 0:14:40.880 You're going to radiate happiness and sunshine to the people. 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:43.120 Your friends are gonna look at you and be like, 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:48.400 you know you you did it. You're so strong. You 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:50.200 didn't think you were strong. And I know I keep 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:54.440 saying that, but like I really I think the last 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:58.560 I think it's been hard for you. I think I 0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:01.800 think this has been really hard for you because like 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:06.680 any relationship, ups and downs, everything, But you know, I 0:15:06.720 --> 0:15:09.920 can't wait for you to just be a ray of 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:13.480 sunshine that you are but like times ten, because you 0:15:13.640 --> 0:15:16.000 really are going to. I mean, people keep saying that, 0:15:16.000 --> 0:15:17.960 but I'm just like I don't feel that, like, and 0:15:18.000 --> 0:15:19.640 that's where I'm just like I lay in bed and 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:21.200 I'm just like where I go through my like I'm 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:22.760 gonna be alone and like I'm not gonna be the 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:24.400 kids and this that another, and it's like I just 0:15:26.280 --> 0:15:28.520 I want to believe that, but I don't feel that now. 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:30.200 That's kind of where I'm at and that's okay to 0:15:30.280 --> 0:15:34.800 not feel it now, Hi, Mark him. I had a 0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:37.000 question kind of based on what Sarah was just saying 0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:39.480 about how hard it's been for you. Is there any 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:43.080 part of you that feels relief that you no longer 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:46.360 have to be wondering, no longer waiting for the other 0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:50.520 shoe to drop? Um? There is there. Yeah, there's a 0:15:52.360 --> 0:16:00.400 There's definitely moments where it's like it's nice to not 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:07.000 have to wonder, worry, look um, because I was always 0:16:07.040 --> 0:16:14.400 so afraid of that moment um And you know, I 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:18.360 even we had a conversation a few weeks before everything 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:20.320 kind of came to light, and I was just like, 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:22.760 if there's anything, like, just tell me. I don't want 0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:26.160 to find it, like whatever it is, like we can 0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:28.800 work through it, because I just don't want to and 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:33.080 like it was such a connected moment, and you know, 0:16:33.120 --> 0:16:37.840 he swore on his sobriety there was nothing and um, 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:41.640 so yeah, but knowing now that like what I know, 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:46.840 and not having to yeah, not having to look at 0:16:46.880 --> 0:16:51.760 things and question and wonder and worry, there is some 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:56.480 relief and that, Um, but I'm not fully there yet. 0:16:56.520 --> 0:16:58.800 I think I'll get there once I get past all 0:16:58.840 --> 0:17:02.040 the other I'm as because everything else is kind of 0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:05.080 like my friends are reminding me of that and I'm like, yeah, yeah, 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:07.640 you're right, But there's still so much sadness. And most 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:12.800 of the sadness just comes from my kids, um, because 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:17.360 they didn't deserve this. They didn't they didn't ask for this, um. 0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:23.240 And then also the dream of what I thought it 0:17:23.280 --> 0:17:28.320 was going to be, and the um who I thought 0:17:28.359 --> 0:17:35.159 I was working with, and the who you know he 0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:38.119 said to all of us who he was, you know, 0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:43.640 so it's a not having that really be a reality 0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:46.240 is kind of a slap in the face. Well, I 0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:48.000 thought I saw a quote today that I thought of you. 0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:51.600 I said, I thought, Um, the quote is the moment 0:17:51.720 --> 0:17:55.000 you start to believe you deserve better, you do, So 0:17:55.480 --> 0:17:58.440 I am happy for you, and I do think that 0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:01.120 like Sarah was saying, you will look back on this 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:05.200 as um a turning point one day and a year 0:18:05.200 --> 0:18:07.800 from now, two years from now, you'll be very happy 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:09.800 that you made the decision you did. I'm gonna be 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:16.080 alone Mark forever. You're not, because you're gonna be so happy. 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:19.040 You're going to attract people to you that you didn't eat. Like. 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:23.120 Here's the thing, though, And I have so much work 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:26.280 to do on myself because I've just picked the worst, 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:29.639 Like my first guy, which I hate, you know saying this, 0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:32.360 but like you know, I hate I hate when they're 0:18:32.359 --> 0:18:34.920 like even married, you know three. It's like my first 0:18:34.920 --> 0:18:37.720 guy I met in two weeks, we went to you know, 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:40.879 Vegas and got married. I was nineteen, Like I was 0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:42.960 an idiot. I don't consider that a marriage, and he 0:18:43.040 --> 0:18:45.240 ended up trying to kill me. The second guy, we 0:18:45.240 --> 0:18:47.400 were married for a week, Like no, those two were 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:49.320 not marriage and I wish I could just wipe those 0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:51.320 and like, this is my first marriage, this is what 0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:55.080 I've fought for, and like, but I just I was 0:18:55.119 --> 0:18:58.040 reading in my diary just like because I was like, 0:18:58.080 --> 0:19:00.320 I gotta figure this out, Like and why am I 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:06.480 still wanting something that doesn't want to you know, change 0:19:06.520 --> 0:19:10.040 and grow and and and fight and um, I mean, 0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:11.400 I know it has nothing to do with me, but 0:19:12.600 --> 0:19:15.640 I'm like, why do I still like I have this 0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:17.399 thing in me where I'm just like, I've never felt 0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:18.840 like I was good enohing. I don't know if that 0:19:18.880 --> 0:19:21.000 came from, you know, my parents divorced. I don't know. 0:19:21.440 --> 0:19:23.920 And I I mean, I know some of it, like 0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:26.800 why but I look back on my journal entries and 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:29.080 it's like, I know I need to leave, but why 0:19:29.119 --> 0:19:31.240 can't I? And I'm like, why was I so weak? 0:19:33.440 --> 0:19:35.239 It's like why do I Why am I pining for 0:19:35.280 --> 0:19:38.480 like these men to like love me? You know, I 0:19:38.520 --> 0:19:40.720 don't know if it's weak or if you just didn't know, 0:19:42.240 --> 0:19:45.480 you didn't have the tools, or you didn't understand. And 0:19:45.520 --> 0:19:47.080 now I think you do. Like you said, I mean, 0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:48.639 I think it's really big of you to admit that 0:19:48.720 --> 0:19:51.719 you have work to do on yourself. I think that's huge, 0:19:52.480 --> 0:19:54.480 like that you are owning this and saying I gotta 0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:58.200 work on myself too. And that's why, you know, don't 0:19:58.240 --> 0:20:01.200 blame me. I don't want you to lame yourself, because 0:20:01.240 --> 0:20:04.160 I think all of us in this little circle right 0:20:04.160 --> 0:20:07.919 here can literally I mean we all worked very closely together, 0:20:08.040 --> 0:20:14.040 Like I think, it's not like you were you know, mh, 0:20:14.600 --> 0:20:18.520 this came out of left field. I'm gonna do the work, though, 0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:24.280 and I'm gonna attract one day, not now, one day 0:20:24.800 --> 0:20:30.040 hopefully I'll I'll be healthy to attract healthy, and you're 0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:32.480 gonna have like a ton of us behind you, having 0:20:32.480 --> 0:20:35.040 our checklist making sure. I can't even think about that 0:20:35.119 --> 0:20:38.320 right now, exactly. Please don't focus on you know that 0:20:38.440 --> 0:20:40.800 is like the first it is. I know it is 0:20:40.840 --> 0:20:45.160 you and those kids are are which is a perfect 0:20:45.200 --> 0:20:52.600 thing to focus on. Yeah, um, anything, Mark, I have 0:20:52.640 --> 0:21:00.240 a question for you, yes, um, what like how we 0:21:01.000 --> 0:21:05.240 go forward? Because I don't know. I'm like, I don't 0:21:05.240 --> 0:21:08.520 want this to be now like the divorce guide you 0:21:08.560 --> 0:21:11.440 know of single mamas. I don't want you know, It's 0:21:11.440 --> 0:21:14.720 like I don't you want like a re like what 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:17.160 like how do we rebrand this? How do we? How 0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:18.800 do we what do we? What do we do? I 0:21:18.840 --> 0:21:21.959 don't even know, Like I don't know that we need 0:21:22.000 --> 0:21:25.080 to as a rebrand necessarily. That's such a cold way 0:21:25.119 --> 0:21:27.439 of looking at it. Um. I think this has always 0:21:27.440 --> 0:21:31.160 been about your journey, you know, because this show started 0:21:31.200 --> 0:21:34.960 as just you. Now it's you again in the future. 0:21:35.119 --> 0:21:36.919 Who knows what it will be. It's going to evolve, 0:21:37.119 --> 0:21:40.520 it's going to continue. People listen for you, they love you, 0:21:40.760 --> 0:21:43.440 and they want to know about you. And now it's 0:21:43.440 --> 0:21:47.359 going to be about you pulling it all back together again, 0:21:47.440 --> 0:21:49.880 rebuilding somewhat. But it's also going to be the people 0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:51.560 you talk to and what's going on in your life. 0:21:51.600 --> 0:21:53.520 And the kids did this, and I think there's plenty 0:21:53.520 --> 0:21:55.960 of there's so much positive in your life that we'll 0:21:56.000 --> 0:21:58.000 be able to focus on. I don't think it's going 0:21:58.040 --> 0:22:01.520 to be a sad divorce divorce a podcast. And you 0:22:01.600 --> 0:22:05.480 have so many fans. You're like, you brought people here, 0:22:05.800 --> 0:22:08.479 you know, the two of you didn't. Maybe you brought some, 0:22:08.640 --> 0:22:11.080 but you, like we've all said, you started this, this 0:22:11.160 --> 0:22:13.600 was a dream of yours. And I think you have 0:22:13.720 --> 0:22:16.560 so many people who are like, you know, listening right now, 0:22:16.680 --> 0:22:19.080 yelling at their phone like no, please keep doing this, 0:22:19.119 --> 0:22:22.080 like we love you, we we're here for you, we 0:22:22.119 --> 0:22:28.840 want to hear you. And so I agree with Mark, well, 0:22:29.560 --> 0:22:33.320 I'll keep going. I mean at your you know, let's 0:22:33.359 --> 0:22:37.840 keep you healthy. Yeah, Um, we have Gabby Bernstein coming 0:22:37.880 --> 0:22:41.840 on the show. She's a number one New York Times 0:22:42.000 --> 0:22:44.720 best selling author. We've had her on the show before. Um, 0:22:44.760 --> 0:22:49.600 but she's basically an awesome life coach and writer and 0:22:49.680 --> 0:22:54.640 just I mean she's she's she needs to inspire us, 0:22:54.920 --> 0:22:58.479 so can't I Let's stake a break and then get 0:22:58.480 --> 0:23:16.960 her one. Okay. So really happy to have Gabby on 0:23:17.280 --> 0:23:23.320 because hopefully she'll give us some insights because I gotta 0:23:23.359 --> 0:23:27.160 believe that I'm not the only person going through grief 0:23:27.200 --> 0:23:30.960 and trauma. You're not, yes, And I know that. UM. 0:23:31.000 --> 0:23:33.399 So that's why, you know, like I said, I'm not 0:23:33.440 --> 0:23:36.320 going to have each episode be this heavy thing. But 0:23:36.400 --> 0:23:39.280 I also I'm at the point of where of my 0:23:40.000 --> 0:23:44.200 kind of grieving and of losses now I need something 0:23:44.240 --> 0:23:47.440 to that I can like hold onto. So I guess Gabby, 0:23:47.640 --> 0:23:52.000 my first question is, you know, well, I'll ask this 0:23:52.080 --> 0:23:55.879 to um, because I've been told that it's not good 0:23:55.920 --> 0:23:59.439 to just mask grieving and not grieve like you have 0:23:59.600 --> 0:24:03.640 to you have to sit in it, right. I think 0:24:03.640 --> 0:24:06.640 that you have to fully feel something all the way 0:24:06.640 --> 0:24:12.240