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Speaker 1: M wind Down with Janet Kramer and I have our

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Speaker 1: radio podcast. My heart is like pounding, so is mine. UM,

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Speaker 1: welcome back to wind Down. Uh, this is so sorry

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Speaker 1: for everyone listening right now. This is not easy. UM.

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Speaker 1: I have Sarah Gretzky hi in Nashville with me. She

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Speaker 1: surprised me yesterday, and UM, we're gonna we're gonna get

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Speaker 1: you through this. We're gonna get you through this. For

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Speaker 1: those of you that haven't seen the news, UM, I

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Speaker 1: filed for divorce, uh a few weeks ago, and it

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Speaker 1: has not been easy. I'll say that. UM. And honestly,

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Speaker 1: I don't even know, like like I don't even know

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Speaker 1: if I want to do the show anymore. I mean

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Speaker 1: completely honest. Um, you know, I started the show, you know,

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Speaker 1: by myself and something I always wanted to do. And um,

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Speaker 1: and then you know, once Mike came on as a guest,

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Speaker 1: and then we talked about our stuff, and you know,

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Speaker 1: he said that he loved sharing, and so then we

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Speaker 1: partnered together and but then it just felt like ours.

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Speaker 1: And so now it feels weird, um, not having him

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Speaker 1: on here, and uh, I don't know, like it's not

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Speaker 1: it's just it feels weird. It's like a m I mean,

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Speaker 1: I can imagine. So this is this was y'all's thing

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Speaker 1: that took off. This is this has always been your thing,

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Speaker 1: but you know when you guys joined together, it really

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Speaker 1: became I mean it was the two of you. And

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Speaker 1: now you're here, which is so I don't even know

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Speaker 1: how you're doing it. You're so strong, And that's what

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Speaker 1: I want you to know that everyone listening right now

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Speaker 1: loves you, has your back, and you could come on

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Speaker 1: here and talk about absolutely nothing and everyone is still

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Speaker 1: going to cheer for you and lift you up. So

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Speaker 1: just know that you have an insane army behind you

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Speaker 1: of all of these listeners who are literally just tuning

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Speaker 1: in today to hear that you're okay, Like they just

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Speaker 1: want to know that you're okay, and it's it's tasts.

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Speaker 1: So you've got balls to be able to come on here,

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Speaker 1: and you're so strong to be able to, you know,

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Speaker 1: address it. And and I'm just amazed. So cry and

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Speaker 1: you take No one wants to hear an hour of crying,

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Speaker 1: but I mean you won't sniffling is like stop the sniffling, No,

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Speaker 1: but you I mean it's hard right now, and even

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Speaker 1: last night, like you you've. I definitely think you're better

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Speaker 1: like you are. Yeah, I know you might not feel it,

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Speaker 1: but it takes time. I mean it's fresh, but even

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Speaker 1: you know, every day so cliche, but every day you're

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Speaker 1: tackling something and you're feeling better, you know. I don't

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Speaker 1: know about that. I feel like it goes in waves.

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Speaker 1: Um like I've. I feel like I'm so in the

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Speaker 1: middle of the grieving where it's like and I when

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Speaker 1: when I when I grieve, I isolate and I am

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Speaker 1: like I don't want to I don't respond to like

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Speaker 1: my people, and I just like stay in bed. And

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Speaker 1: I had a friend come over the other day and

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Speaker 1: she was just like like I'm here for the grieving.

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, she's like, you have to

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Speaker 1: get out of bed, and I'm like, I don't. I

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Speaker 1: don't know how. Sometimes it's like and it's like the

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Speaker 1: days that you know, I've and obviously I have to

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Speaker 1: because the kids, But the morning and the night are

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Speaker 1: the hardest because it's like I I wake up and

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Speaker 1: it's like that scene in Sex in the City where

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Speaker 1: she's like was it a dream? And then at night

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Speaker 1: it's like my like I just can't. I can't sleep,

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Speaker 1: and it's like, you know me, I'm usually in bed

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Speaker 1: by eight thirty and like lights out by nine, and

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Speaker 1: now I'm like counting the clock at two in the

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Speaker 1: morning and being like, oh god, I gotta get up,

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Speaker 1: and you know, the best mom I can be, but

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Speaker 1: it's like I've never It's just it's it's so on.

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Speaker 1: It's so hard when I have all these feelings and

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Speaker 1: emotions and um and then I have to be a

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Speaker 1: mom on top of it. It's like it's I almost

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Speaker 1: like the first week I counted down the nap time

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Speaker 1: because I was like, Okay, I can go in my

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Speaker 1: room and just like shut the door and like cry

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Speaker 1: and my like just like cry, you know, and then

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Speaker 1: like button it back up by like because it's like

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Speaker 1: obviously I don't want the kids seeing this, of course.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's I mean, everything you're saying right now,

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Speaker 1: anyone who's been through this, I think this is so

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Speaker 1: normal and so relatable. Like you're not alone in feeling

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Speaker 1: this way. It's just something that you're trying to navigate

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Speaker 1: and you're doing the best that you can. Like you said,

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Speaker 1: it's like, of course you're grieving, but it's like the

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Speaker 1: kids are up and stuff I don't have. You don't

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Speaker 1: have time to grieve. It is game time all day

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Speaker 1: for you. And so I think that you're doing the

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Speaker 1: best that you can. Like you, you really really are.

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Speaker 1: I've only been here for a day, but I've seen it,

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Speaker 1: and well, you caught me. I was angry. I've been

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Speaker 1: I've been sad, sad, sad, said sad, and then I

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Speaker 1: hit a. You saw me on my one angry day.

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Speaker 1: But I think, I mean, I think it's okay to

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Speaker 1: be angry, and I think it's healthy to be angry

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Speaker 1: because you know, everyone goes through waits. First you're sad,

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Speaker 1: then you're you know, first we get sad, then we

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Speaker 1: get mad. And I think it's okay whatever you're feeling,

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Speaker 1: even if you were feeling happy or whatever you feel,

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Speaker 1: it's okay to feel that. And I think that's important

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Speaker 1: for you to just remind yourself that you're doing the

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Speaker 1: best you can. You're Nobody ever expected this, yeah, like

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Speaker 1: this was not something you were like, I mean, not

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Speaker 1: that anyone's ever prepared, but like you know, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: I I do owe it to you, know, you and

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Speaker 1: my friends. It's because because I still can't physically do

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Speaker 1: things because of my freaking boob job that I got,

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Speaker 1: so I can't lift things. I can't, you know. And

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Speaker 1: it's like I've I've had friends come over here and

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Speaker 1: you know, do my Now I can do it all,

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Speaker 1: but like, well not all of it, but like I

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Speaker 1: couldn't even put glasses in the ashwasher because I was

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Speaker 1: so depressed. Like I was like I had literally had

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Speaker 1: my girls on rotation being like doing my dishes, taking

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Speaker 1: my trash out, you know, like helping clean the house,

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Speaker 1: like helping me. Well, I'm just like a zombie. And

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Speaker 1: that was like for two weeks, I was just in

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Speaker 1: a totally and now I just kind of go in

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Speaker 1: and out of like crying. And then because I didn't

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Speaker 1: want this at the end of the day, like I think,

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Speaker 1: I think we're like where I'm at as I'm embarrassed,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm embarrassed by Yeah, I'm I'm embarrassed that this

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Speaker 1: is how it ended. And then I also feel like

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Speaker 1: I let people down because it's you know, we've come

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Speaker 1: out here and we fought and we fought for it,

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Speaker 1: but really the words that was spoken wasn't I don't

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Speaker 1: know they were honest from me is what I'll say. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm I'm speechless, like I'm trying to find words,

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Speaker 1: and I just I don't want you to feel any

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Speaker 1: of those things, embarrassed, whatever it is, because I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm someone who considers myself in in the circle, in

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Speaker 1: the Mix, podcast with You guys, shows with you, I

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Speaker 1: was so this took me by like I was completely

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Speaker 1: completely shook and shocked at all of this, So I

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Speaker 1: can't even imagine how it was for you. And I

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Speaker 1: just yeah, I yeah, I mean I did too, because

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Speaker 1: even a few days before things came to light, we

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Speaker 1: were like, wow, we're really good right now, you know,

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Speaker 1: And I was like that was where it was just

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Speaker 1: like a because I thought we were good, and you know,

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Speaker 1: even people on Instagram or like you guys seem so happy,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, I thought so too. You know.

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Speaker 1: It's where it's like yeah, um, But I just I

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Speaker 1: do want to say thank you to everyone who's reached out,

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Speaker 1: and i'd say of so many d m s and messages,

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Speaker 1: and I appreciate just hearing how you guys have walked

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Speaker 1: through the same path and gotten to the other side,

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Speaker 1: because right now I don't see the other side. Right now,

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Speaker 1: I'm just like I'm gonna be alone forever, and like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm kind of playing the you know, the

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Speaker 1: SOB story um and but you know, just hearing your

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Speaker 1: guys of stories. But also like what kind of breaks

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Speaker 1: my heart too, is there's been so many messages of

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Speaker 1: people being like how did you get the courage to leave?

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Speaker 1: I want to leave. I don't know how, you know,

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Speaker 1: like I'm scared, and I'm like, there's there was actually

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Speaker 1: more messages of that, and I was shocked by it.

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Speaker 1: But I'm the same time, I'm like I didn't. I

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Speaker 1: still don't have the strength. Like it's just something where

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Speaker 1: it's like I have no choice. That's a good point. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean I think I think so many people are

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Speaker 1: in your situation and it's either they whether they turn

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Speaker 1: a blind eye or they are in it for the

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Speaker 1: kids or whatever reason. But it's it's sad to think

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Speaker 1: that there are people who are struggling out there and

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Speaker 1: look at you as like, you know, how did you

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Speaker 1: do it? Like you're so strong. I'm like I am

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Speaker 1: the weakest I've ever been. Like it maybe hopefully in

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Speaker 1: the future, like I'll feel that strength, but I'm like

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Speaker 1: I went to my therapist a few weeks ago and

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Speaker 1: being like, you know what, fine, I'll you know, I'll

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Speaker 1: just I'll live this life. It's okay, Like I don't

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Speaker 1: want to break up my family because my whole thing

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Speaker 1: is like I didn't want this for the kids, like

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Speaker 1: I've stayed for my kids, you know, even when other

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Speaker 1: things happen. And but you know, my therapist was like,

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Speaker 1: you don't want to live that life where you're just

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Speaker 1: constantly like it's taking your light away, it's taking your everything.

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Speaker 1: And I'm just like, yeah, but my kids and like

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Speaker 1: we'll be together, and like I don't want like the

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Speaker 1: first time that they like me for overnight, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be destroyed. It's not what I wanted. It's not what

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Speaker 1: I worked for, it's not what I fought for. It

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Speaker 1: is not king fair, and that makes me so angry.

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Speaker 1: It's like that I've I worked too damn hard for

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Speaker 1: it to end this way you did. And but I

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Speaker 1: just feel like now I'm like I don't like how

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Speaker 1: like there'd be no way like we I just like

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Speaker 1: and in my mind, I'm like I even asked, I

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Speaker 1: asked some people like how like okay, how could I

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Speaker 1: how could I try again? Like give me? But then

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Speaker 1: I realized I was like, I'm now not I'm now weak.

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Speaker 1: I always thought I was strong by staying. I'm now

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Speaker 1: weak for staying because I'm staying because I don't want

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Speaker 1: to be alone. I'm staying because I want to keep

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Speaker 1: my family together. And I don't know if I believe

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Speaker 1: if I don't, I don't know if I believe a

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Speaker 1: change anymore. Yeah, And I think sometimes, I mean, it's

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Speaker 1: so hard, the scenarios back and forth. But I think

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Speaker 1: in sir, scenarios, you know it is strong to stay.

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Speaker 1: But I think in this scenario, you are so strong

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Speaker 1: for walking away, Like I know you don't feel it,

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Speaker 1: but like you're sitting here crying for your family, like

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Speaker 1: you will look back like the strength I mean, I

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Speaker 1: know I keep bringing up today or last, but like

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Speaker 1: the last twenty four hours, like the strength that I

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Speaker 1: see is like I can't I can't even imagine. So

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Speaker 1: you are so strong even though it doesn't feel like

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Speaker 1: it right now. But I think you're right. You really

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Speaker 1: just had no choice. I mean I had friends that

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Speaker 1: were like basically tell me they would lose respect for me.

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Speaker 1: And those were the friends that were always like, we

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Speaker 1: love you and support you no matter what you know,

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Speaker 1: and that's tough, because that's tough. But as a friend,

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Speaker 1: I yeah, like you can only watch someone go through

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Speaker 1: so much before it actually starts to kill you. As

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Speaker 1: the front. When I realized I'm like I've told my

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Speaker 1: therapist is I was like, I feel like now I'm

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Speaker 1: the addict where I'm addicted, and I've I've been doing

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Speaker 1: meetings and stuff and I um someone who she's a

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Speaker 1: friend of mine. She's a sex and love addict and

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Speaker 1: she's kind of like my sponsor. I've never really asked her,

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Speaker 1: but I've been calling her so much. Her name's Brian

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Speaker 1: and um and she I was like, Brian, I was like,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm coming off of heroin. Like I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I've never touched a drug before, but that's

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Speaker 1: what it feels like where I'm just like I need it,

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Speaker 1: like but it's like, what what do I need? Like

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Speaker 1: is that's not healthy? Like that's not I don't even

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Speaker 1: know what that healthy version looks like anymore. So it's like, ah,

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Speaker 1: but it's just I've never felt that coming off of

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Speaker 1: something like that, and I just but you know I had.

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Speaker 1: It's just sucks, I know, and I hate seeing you

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Speaker 1: like this. I hate that you feel this way, but

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Speaker 1: I genuinely believe, and I've told you this a thousand times.

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Speaker 1: You're getting probably sick of it, but I genuinely genuinely

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Speaker 1: believe that when you come out of all of this,

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Speaker 1: whether it's a month, six months, a year, five years,

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Speaker 1: you're light. You are going to shine so bright you

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Speaker 1: thought you were happy to three years ago, like you

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Speaker 1: don't even know happy. And I genuinely believe that, like

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Speaker 1: you're gonna be like, oh my god, I'm just so

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Speaker 1: You're going to radiate happiness and sunshine to the people.

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Speaker 1: Your friends are gonna look at you and be like,

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Speaker 1: you know you you did it. You're so strong. You

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Speaker 1: didn't think you were strong. And I know I keep

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Speaker 1: saying that, but like I really I think the last

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Speaker 1: I think it's been hard for you. I think I

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Speaker 1: think this has been really hard for you because like

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Speaker 1: any relationship, ups and downs, everything, But you know, I

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Speaker 1: can't wait for you to just be a ray of

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Speaker 1: sunshine that you are but like times ten, because you

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Speaker 1: really are going to. I mean, people keep saying that,

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Speaker 1: but I'm just like I don't feel that, like, and

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Speaker 1: that's where I'm just like I lay in bed and

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Speaker 1: I'm just like where I go through my like I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be alone and like I'm not gonna be the

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Speaker 1: kids and this that another, and it's like I just

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Speaker 1: I want to believe that, but I don't feel that now.

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Speaker 1: That's kind of where I'm at and that's okay to

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Speaker 1: not feel it now, Hi, Mark him. I had a

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Speaker 1: question kind of based on what Sarah was just saying

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Speaker 1: about how hard it's been for you. Is there any

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Speaker 1: part of you that feels relief that you no longer

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Speaker 1: have to be wondering, no longer waiting for the other

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Speaker 1: shoe to drop? Um? There is there. Yeah, there's a

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Speaker 1: There's definitely moments where it's like it's nice to not

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Speaker 1: have to wonder, worry, look um, because I was always

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Speaker 1: so afraid of that moment um And you know, I

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Speaker 1: even we had a conversation a few weeks before everything

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Speaker 1: kind of came to light, and I was just like,

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Speaker 1: if there's anything, like, just tell me. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to find it, like whatever it is, like we can

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Speaker 1: work through it, because I just don't want to and

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Speaker 1: like it was such a connected moment, and you know,

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Speaker 1: he swore on his sobriety there was nothing and um,

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Speaker 1: so yeah, but knowing now that like what I know,

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Speaker 1: and not having to yeah, not having to look at

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Speaker 1: things and question and wonder and worry, there is some

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Speaker 1: relief and that, Um, but I'm not fully there yet.

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Speaker 1: I think I'll get there once I get past all

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Speaker 1: the other I'm as because everything else is kind of

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Speaker 1: like my friends are reminding me of that and I'm like, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're right, But there's still so much sadness. And most

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Speaker 1: of the sadness just comes from my kids, um, because

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Speaker 1: they didn't deserve this. They didn't they didn't ask for this, um.

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Speaker 1: And then also the dream of what I thought it

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Speaker 1: was going to be, and the um who I thought

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Speaker 1: I was working with, and the who you know he

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Speaker 1: said to all of us who he was, you know,

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Speaker 1: so it's a not having that really be a reality

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Speaker 1: is kind of a slap in the face. Well, I

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Speaker 1: thought I saw a quote today that I thought of you.

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Speaker 1: I said, I thought, Um, the quote is the moment

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Speaker 1: you start to believe you deserve better, you do, So

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Speaker 1: I am happy for you, and I do think that

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Speaker 1: like Sarah was saying, you will look back on this

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Speaker 1: as um a turning point one day and a year

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Speaker 1: from now, two years from now, you'll be very happy

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Speaker 1: that you made the decision you did. I'm gonna be

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Speaker 1: alone Mark forever. You're not, because you're gonna be so happy.

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Speaker 1: You're going to attract people to you that you didn't eat. Like.

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Speaker 1: Here's the thing, though, And I have so much work

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Speaker 1: to do on myself because I've just picked the worst,

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Speaker 1: Like my first guy, which I hate, you know saying this,

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Speaker 1: but like you know, I hate I hate when they're

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Speaker 1: like even married, you know three. It's like my first

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Speaker 1: guy I met in two weeks, we went to you know,

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Speaker 1: Vegas and got married. I was nineteen, Like I was

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Speaker 1: an idiot. I don't consider that a marriage, and he

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Speaker 1: ended up trying to kill me. The second guy, we

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Speaker 1: were married for a week, Like no, those two were

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Speaker 1: not marriage and I wish I could just wipe those

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Speaker 1: and like, this is my first marriage, this is what

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Speaker 1: I've fought for, and like, but I just I was

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Speaker 1: reading in my diary just like because I was like,

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Speaker 1: I gotta figure this out, Like and why am I

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Speaker 1: still wanting something that doesn't want to you know, change

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Speaker 1: and grow and and and fight and um, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I know it has nothing to do with me, but

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Speaker 1: I'm like, why do I still like I have this

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Speaker 1: thing in me where I'm just like, I've never felt

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Speaker 1: like I was good enohing. I don't know if that

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Speaker 1: came from, you know, my parents divorced. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: And I I mean, I know some of it, like

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Speaker 1: why but I look back on my journal entries and

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Speaker 1: it's like, I know I need to leave, but why

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Speaker 1: can't I? And I'm like, why was I so weak?

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Speaker 1: It's like why do I Why am I pining for

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Speaker 1: like these men to like love me? You know, I

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Speaker 1: don't know if it's weak or if you just didn't know,

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Speaker 1: you didn't have the tools, or you didn't understand. And

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Speaker 1: now I think you do. Like you said, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think it's really big of you to admit that

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00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,719
Speaker 1: you have work to do on yourself. I think that's huge,

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00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 1: like that you are owning this and saying I gotta

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00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:58,200
Speaker 1: work on myself too. And that's why, you know, don't

337
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,200
Speaker 1: blame me. I don't want you to lame yourself, because

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Speaker 1: I think all of us in this little circle right

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00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,919
Speaker 1: here can literally I mean we all worked very closely together,

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00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:14,040
Speaker 1: Like I think, it's not like you were you know, mh,

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00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:18,520
Speaker 1: this came out of left field. I'm gonna do the work, though,

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna attract one day, not now, one day

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Speaker 1: hopefully I'll I'll be healthy to attract healthy, and you're

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Speaker 1: gonna have like a ton of us behind you, having

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00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,040
Speaker 1: our checklist making sure. I can't even think about that

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Speaker 1: right now, exactly. Please don't focus on you know that

347
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Speaker 1: is like the first it is. I know it is

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Speaker 1: you and those kids are are which is a perfect

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00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:52,600
Speaker 1: thing to focus on. Yeah, um, anything, Mark, I have

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Speaker 1: a question for you, yes, um, what like how we

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Speaker 1: go forward? Because I don't know. I'm like, I don't

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Speaker 1: want this to be now like the divorce guide you

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Speaker 1: know of single mamas. I don't want you know, It's

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Speaker 1: like I don't you want like a re like what

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Speaker 1: like how do we rebrand this? How do we? How

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Speaker 1: do we what do we? What do we do? I

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Speaker 1: don't even know, Like I don't know that we need

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Speaker 1: to as a rebrand necessarily. That's such a cold way

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00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:27,439
Speaker 1: of looking at it. Um. I think this has always

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00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:31,160
Speaker 1: been about your journey, you know, because this show started

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00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,960
Speaker 1: as just you. Now it's you again in the future.

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Speaker 1: Who knows what it will be. It's going to evolve,

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Speaker 1: it's going to continue. People listen for you, they love you,

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Speaker 1: and they want to know about you. And now it's

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00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 1: going to be about you pulling it all back together again,

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Speaker 1: rebuilding somewhat. But it's also going to be the people

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Speaker 1: you talk to and what's going on in your life.

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Speaker 1: And the kids did this, and I think there's plenty

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00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,960
Speaker 1: of there's so much positive in your life that we'll

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Speaker 1: be able to focus on. I don't think it's going

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Speaker 1: to be a sad divorce divorce a podcast. And you

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Speaker 1: have so many fans. You're like, you brought people here,

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Speaker 1: you know, the two of you didn't. Maybe you brought some,

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00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 1: but you, like we've all said, you started this, this

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Speaker 1: was a dream of yours. And I think you have

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Speaker 1: so many people who are like, you know, listening right now,

377
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 1: yelling at their phone like no, please keep doing this,

378
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 1: like we love you, we we're here for you, we

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00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:28,840
Speaker 1: want to hear you. And so I agree with Mark, well,

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Speaker 1: I'll keep going. I mean at your you know, let's

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Speaker 1: keep you healthy. Yeah, Um, we have Gabby Bernstein coming

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Speaker 1: on the show. She's a number one New York Times

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Speaker 1: best selling author. We've had her on the show before. Um,

384
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Speaker 1: but she's basically an awesome life coach and writer and

385
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Speaker 1: just I mean she's she's she needs to inspire us,

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Speaker 1: so can't I Let's stake a break and then get

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Speaker 1: her one. Okay. So really happy to have Gabby on

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00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:23,320
Speaker 1: because hopefully she'll give us some insights because I gotta

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Speaker 1: believe that I'm not the only person going through grief

390
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Speaker 1: and trauma. You're not, yes, And I know that. UM.

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Speaker 1: So that's why, you know, like I said, I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to have each episode be this heavy thing. But

393
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Speaker 1: I also I'm at the point of where of my

394
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Speaker 1: kind of grieving and of losses now I need something

395
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Speaker 1: to that I can like hold onto. So I guess Gabby,

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Speaker 1: my first question is, you know, well, I'll ask this

397
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Speaker 1: to um, because I've been told that it's not good

398
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,439
Speaker 1: to just mask grieving and not grieve like you have

399
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:03,640
Speaker 1: to you have to sit in it, right. I think

400
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,640
Speaker 1: that you have to fully feel something all the way

401
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 1: through to completion mhm, until you know that you have

402
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 1: given yourself the full bodied expression of the emotional experience

403
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:23,720
Speaker 1: to allow it to actually move through you ultimately, and

404
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 1: it may be a daily practice. It might be a

405
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:28,959
Speaker 1: daily practice of living in that full expression of feeling

406
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 1: the grief. And what happens for most people is when

407
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 1: they push past that grief and that suffering, they may

408
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 1: move beyond it through anesthetizing it with you know, the

409
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 1: next relationship, or the drugs and the alcohol or the

410
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 1: work addiction or whatever it is that they can numb

411
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 1: it out with, but it's still there. It doesn't actually

412
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:54,879
Speaker 1: go away. The energetic disturbance is still dwelling. So the

413
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 1: more you give yourself permission to go there now, to

414
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 1: feel the experience all the way through, to give yourself

415
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:08,399
Speaker 1: permission to grieve, the better you will be faster, the

416
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: healthier you will be faster. And actually want to take

417
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,440
Speaker 1: back the word better because what's better, right, Better today

418
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,960
Speaker 1: is just that you're feeling more. Better today is that

419
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 1: you're giving yourself more permission to feel. So it's not

420
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,159
Speaker 1: that you're getting better, but you'll be freer from the

421
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:27,360
Speaker 1: experience the more you allow yourself to experience it. How

422
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Speaker 1: do you I think I'm stuck in the I'm stuck

423
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,879
Speaker 1: in there, Like what if it's like what if he

424
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 1: does change this time, or what if like you know, um,

425
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:43,640
Speaker 1: you know this person would change, And it's like, how

426
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 1: do you how do you kind of not focus on

427
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:50,479
Speaker 1: the what ifs and just start living your life? If

428
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 1: thet's talk back to the what if because they don't.

429
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 1: They're not real. The what ifs are a projection from

430
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,119
Speaker 1: the past onto the present or a projection of the

431
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 1: of the future that doesn't exist. So what if something

432
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 1: could have been differently or what if it could be

433
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 1: different in the future is not real. It doesn't exist.

434
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 1: All that's real is what's happening right here in this moment.

435
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 1: So this sounds really esoteric and pretty like self help

436
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 1: new ag, but it's the most valuable thing you could

437
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 1: do is to be fully present in the moment with

438
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:27,480
Speaker 1: whatever is up today and show up for today without

439
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,479
Speaker 1: the digging up the past and the future tripping of

440
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 1: the future. Because all there is is right here right now.

441
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 1: That's it. That's all there is. There's nothing else. There

442
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,719
Speaker 1: is no what if yesterday was different or what if

443
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,520
Speaker 1: tomorrow could be a different way I wanted to be

444
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: doesn't exist. I mean, what when you went through your miscarriage, Sarah,

445
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:50,880
Speaker 1: what was how did you get out of your grief? Um,

446
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 1: I really allowed myself to feel it. Like I'm like you,

447
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:57,679
Speaker 1: I go into hiding, I go underground. Um it's probably

448
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 1: not the healthiest, but for me, that's what is best.

449
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 1: Like I just need to step back, cry it out,

450
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 1: and then I'm someone who it's almost like I shed that,

451
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 1: like I felt it. I allowed myself to feel it,

452
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:15,480
Speaker 1: and then I can kind of grow from it. And

453
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 1: and that's why, you know, I think, like what you

454
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 1: guys are saying, like whatever you're grieving process is allow

455
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: it because you know you're either going to be someone

456
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,880
Speaker 1: who goes and drinks every single night or copes with

457
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 1: it in whatever way that you feel, or or you're

458
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 1: gonna face it. And I think facing it, as hard

459
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 1: as it is is you know. So when someone says

460
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 1: that they don't want to sit in it and that

461
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 1: we all grieve differently and they go off and do

462
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:47,680
Speaker 1: fun things, that's really not the healthiest version. Well. I

463
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 1: always say that you have to show up for WhatsApp

464
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,680
Speaker 1: or it will keep showing up. So, Okay, you want

465
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,479
Speaker 1: to go party for a week because you just need

466
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:57,880
Speaker 1: to let it out or you just need to numb out. Okay.

467
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:01,439
Speaker 1: We all have coping mechanisms that we may rely on

468
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:03,639
Speaker 1: from time to time, and as long as they're not

469
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 1: life threatening or harming others, okay, maybe we need them

470
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 1: for a moment, that's okay, that's okay. But you don't

471
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:11,640
Speaker 1: want to stay there. You don't want to stay stuck

472
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 1: there because you don't want to avoid what's up. You

473
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 1: need to show up for it. If you don't show

474
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: up for it, it'll keep coming up. It'll come up

475
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:21,720
Speaker 1: in the next relationship, It'll come up in the next

476
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 1: job experience, or whatever. The issue. Maybe if it's not

477
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,920
Speaker 1: resolved in the president's going to continue to manifest in

478
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 1: the future. So if I go to Miami for what

479
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 1: would have been my sixer wedding anniversary, that's okay for

480
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 1: me to like not keep continue to sulk. A month

481
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 1: later and it's like, it's okay for me to like

482
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:44,640
Speaker 1: go out, but I need to come back slute, Okay, Well,

483
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:48,000
Speaker 1: I I think that grieving isn't about always being upset.

484
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 1: I think that there's allowing yourself, as we've already said,

485
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 1: to be fully present, to feel it all the way through,

486
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 1: to truly allow yourself the permission to go there, and

487
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 1: then to also give yourself permission to good days, give

488
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 1: yourself permission to have fun, go to Miami, dance on

489
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 1: the table, whatever, do your thing, because you need to

490
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:13,719
Speaker 1: live it minute by minute. When you're in traumatic grief,

491
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: it is a minute by minute thing. It's not Okay,

492
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 1: I'm going to be good in a month or two months.

493
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 1: It's like what am I doing right in this moment?

494
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 1: Did I shower today? How do you? Yeah? Because that's

495
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 1: that's where I'm like, it's is it depression because it's

496
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: like it's like it's it takes so much energy for

497
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 1: me to even put like my my bowl in the

498
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 1: sink now, Like it's like it takes like every part

499
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 1: of and it's I'm like, God, I'm like I feel weak,

500
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 1: Like I feel like I'm like this weak person that

501
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 1: I'm like I can't even like like it's almost like

502
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 1: I just want to snap out of it. But it's

503
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: like that's I just feel like my body is just

504
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 1: kind of like I'm just feeling Is a depression or

505
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 1: is that just a part of grief? Depression is a

506
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: part of grief. But I actually have a hit that

507
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 1: I want to do something with. You would you be

508
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 1: open to doing something that I think could give you

509
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 1: a lot of relief right now. Okay, let's do it.

510
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,360
Speaker 1: So this is called emotional freedom technique. It's otherwise known

511
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 1: as tapping. Have you guys heard of this? You know

512
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 1: what this is? I've done? Like? Is it similar to

513
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 1: like m d R. It's quite similar to m d R.

514
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 1: So E. M d R otherwise is known as eye

515
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 1: movement to sensitization and reprocessing. And I think absolutely epic

516
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,239
Speaker 1: for you right now would be to get into some

517
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 1: regular evening twice twice a week. Well, there you go.

518
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 1: You are hooked up. You are on the fast tract

519
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 1: of freedom. I'm proud of you. That's amazing. So E

520
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 1: m d R was extraordinarily beneficial for me when I

521
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,239
Speaker 1: was going through deep trauma recovery of my own in

522
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 1: my own way, and I can say, you're all hooked

523
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 1: up now. Similar to m d R, E f T

524
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 1: addresses the emotional disturbance, and it expands that window of

525
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 1: tolerance to feel into things that we otherwise might be

526
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 1: to protect of. And it also allows us to regulate

527
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 1: our nervous systems so that we can actually process things

528
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 1: with a greater sense of safety rather than being in

529
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 1: that fight flight response. Okay, what you do is you

530
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 1: tap on different energy meridians and you're gonna follow me.

531
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 1: Tap on the side of your hand, eyebrow, side of

532
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 1: the eye, under the eye, under the nose, the chin,

533
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 1: the collar bone, under the arm, on the top of

534
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:30,480
Speaker 1: the head. You're gonna follow me. So you don't have

535
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: to remember that. And I'll say it also so someone's listening,

536
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 1: they can tap along with us. Yes, tap with us,

537
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 1: because you whoever is tapping along will borrow the benefits

538
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 1: of the tapping as well. So this is where we begin.

539
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 1: We well, you're gonna follow me, but the main process

540
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 1: is we tap on the most pressing issue, the real disturbance,

541
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,239
Speaker 1: the grief, the trauma. We're gonna let you name it.

542
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 1: And then when I recognize as I see a change,

543
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start to guide you into the positive. But

544
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 1: only when I noticed that it's safe enough to go there,

545
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 1: and we may go. If you hear me talking about

546
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 1: things that are like, oh, that sucks, I really I

547
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 1: really hate that she's saying that that's good. Like just

548
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,400
Speaker 1: let's just let's be real. This isn't about this is

549
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 1: no small talk. Which is going right into big talk.

550
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 1: I don't even need to describe it too much. I

551
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 1: want you to experience it. So tap with me while

552
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: we talk for a second. Just tap on the side

553
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 1: of that karate chop point right here, and just talk

554
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 1: to me for a second about the most pressing issue

555
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 1: right now is just in your own words, what is

556
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 1: the most pressing issue? That my family isn't together anymore?

557
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 1: Family isn't together anymore? And like you know, like, yeah,

558
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 1: I lost my family. I lost I lost the um

559
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 1: what I the dreams of our family being together as

560
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 1: a unit. I lost my dream of my family to be.

561
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 1: I lost my dream of my family. Okay, and anyone

562
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 1: else that's tapping along with us, they can apply this

563
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 1: to any form of loss that they may having, maybe

564
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 1: having may not be specific to you, but it's their

565
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 1: own loss. Okay. Now, from a scale of zero to ten,

566
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,280
Speaker 1: where is that grief? Where is that that with that pain?

567
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:26,000
Speaker 1: Totally okay, So just repeat after me, and just so

568
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 1: I'm super clear, the most pressing issue is I'm I

569
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 1: say it again in your own words. I want to

570
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 1: hear it exactly. Oh god, there's like a million but yeah,

571
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,200
Speaker 1: the most pressing I would say, is that, Um, I

572
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 1: didn't want this. I didn't want my family to not

573
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 1: be together. Okay, my family's I didn't want my family

574
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: not to be together. Okay to repeat after me. Even

575
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 1: though I didn't want my family not to be together.

576
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 1: Even though I didn't want my family not to be together,

577
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 1: I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Take good time,

578
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 1: keep tapping and breathing. I just don't believe that yet. Yeah,

579
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 1: even if you don't believe it, just say the words.

580
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:28,840
Speaker 1: Repeat after me. I deeply and completely I do believed,

581
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 1: completely love and accept myself, love and accept myself. Even

582
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,800
Speaker 1: though I never wanted my family not to be together.

583
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 1: Even though I never wanted my family to be together,

584
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 1: okay not to be together. Well, I'll change it up

585
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:49,839
Speaker 1: a little. I deeply and completely, deeply and completely love

586
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 1: and accept myself, love and accept myself. And even though

587
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 1: I'm devastated that my family is not together, and even

588
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:00,840
Speaker 1: though I'm devastated that my face only it's not together,

589
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:09,720
Speaker 1: I deeply and completely, deeply and completely love and accept myself,

590
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:13,759
Speaker 1: love and accept myself. Let's go to the eyebrow point.

591
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 1: And the eyebrow point is right there where the hair

592
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 1: of your eyebrow meets the bone, and I'm ana ten.

593
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 1: Just repeat after me. I'm at a ten, I'm out

594
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 1: of ten. Side of the eye. I never wanted my

595
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:35,320
Speaker 1: family not to be together. I never wanted my family

596
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:40,880
Speaker 1: not to be together. Under the eye, I couldn't have

597
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 1: imagined this. I could not have imagined this. Under the nose,

598
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 1: I can't even get the ball in the sink. I

599
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:55,360
Speaker 1: can't even get the ball in the sink. Chin, I

600
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 1: can't get the ball in the sink. I can't get

601
00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:03,040
Speaker 1: the bull in the sink. Collar bone. All this pain,

602
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 1: all this pain under the arm, all this what ifs,

603
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:16,600
Speaker 1: all the what ifs. Top of the head. I never

604
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 1: didn't want my family not to be together. I never

605
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 1: didn't want my family not to be together. Hiro a point,

606
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 1: I never wanted my family to split up. I never

607
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:35,399
Speaker 1: wanted my family to split up. Side of the eye,

608
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:39,359
Speaker 1: having it's hard time for giving myself. I'm having a

609
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:43,440
Speaker 1: hard time for giving myself under the eye, am having

610
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 1: a hard time accepting myself and having a hard time

611
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: accepting myself. Under the nose, I'm having trouble accepting myself.

612
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 1: I'm having trouble accepting myself. Chen having some trouble accepting myself.

613
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: I'm having some trouble accepting myself. Collar bone and all

614
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,440
Speaker 1: that means to me, and all that means to me

615
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:16,359
Speaker 1: under the arm. Kind sucks, skin sucks over the head,

616
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:24,440
Speaker 1: This really sucks, is really good zucks. I wrote, why me?

617
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,279
Speaker 1: Side of the Eye. I never saw this coming. I

618
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 1: never saw this coming under the eye. I never thought

619
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:33,839
Speaker 1: this would be me. I never thought this would be

620
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 1: me under the nose. Kind sucks sucks under the chin.

621
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:44,400
Speaker 1: It really really sucks. It really really sick sucks collar bone,

622
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 1: it really really really really sicking sucks. Yes, really sucks

623
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:57,000
Speaker 1: over the head, and I just I just want relief,

624
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:02,839
Speaker 1: and i just want really eyebrow, and I'm working for it,

625
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 1: and I'm working for it. Side of the eye. I'm

626
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,600
Speaker 1: doing my two E M. D R sessions a week

627
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:12,800
Speaker 1: sessions to MR sessions a week under the eye, and

628
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 1: I'm doing my work, and I'm doing my work and

629
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:18,399
Speaker 1: reading a ton of self help books. Under the nose.

630
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 1: I'm reading a ton of self help books. I'm reading

631
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 1: a ton of self help books and the chin and

632
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,880
Speaker 1: that is something I'm proud of, and that is something

633
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:33,319
Speaker 1: I am proud of collarbone. I'm really actually quite proud

634
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 1: of myself. I am proud of myself. Under the arm,

635
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:42,000
Speaker 1: I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of myself. Out of ahead,

636
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:45,360
Speaker 1: I'm showing up for myself. I'm showing up for myself.

637
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:49,319
Speaker 1: I'm showing up for myself in the present moment. I'm

638
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:52,239
Speaker 1: showing up for myself in the present moment. Out of

639
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:54,720
Speaker 1: the eye, I'm showing up for myself in the present moment.

640
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,839
Speaker 1: I'm showing up for myself in the present moment. Under

641
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:00,800
Speaker 1: the eye, I'm showing up for myself. For the future,

642
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,239
Speaker 1: I'm showing up for myself for the future. And under

643
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:06,359
Speaker 1: the nose, everything I'm doing now is hooking me up

644
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 1: for my future. Everything I'm doing now is hooking me

645
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 1: up for my future. Under the chin, I'm proud of myself.

646
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:19,400
Speaker 1: I'm proud of myself. All are wrong. I accept myself.

647
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:23,919
Speaker 1: I accept myself. I really can accept myself right now.

648
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 1: I really can accept myself right now. And this is

649
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:29,960
Speaker 1: the only moment that matters right now. And this is

650
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: the only moment that matters right now. One more round.

651
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 1: I accept myself right now. I accept myself right now.

652
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,719
Speaker 1: Side of the eye, I accept myself right now. I

653
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:45,879
Speaker 1: accept myself right now. Under the eye, I accept and

654
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 1: forgive myself. Right now, I accepted and forgive myself. Right now.

655
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 1: Under the nose, I accept and forgive myself. Right now,

656
00:39:56,320 --> 00:40:01,439
Speaker 1: I accept and forgive myself right now. Shin, I'm doing great.

657
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 1: I'm doing good. Color. I'm doing as good as I

658
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 1: can do today hand and as good as I can

659
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:10,799
Speaker 1: Under the arm, I'm doing as good as I can

660
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 1: do today. I'm doing as good as I can do today.

661
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,520
Speaker 1: On top of the head, I'm doing as good as

662
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 1: I can do today. I'm doing as good as I

663
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:22,520
Speaker 1: and do today. I'll take a deep breath in and

664
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: just place your right hand on your heart and your

665
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 1: left hand and your belly and breathe and on the excel,

666
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:31,799
Speaker 1: let it go. You can cannonball breath like breathe deep

667
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 1: in and on the excel, cannonball breath, let it go.

668
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:40,000
Speaker 1: M just when you're ready, just open your eyes and

669
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 1: just notice what you notice about your body. And from

670
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,359
Speaker 1: the scale of zero to ten, now with the same

671
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 1: most pressing issue, I never wanted my family to split up.

672
00:40:51,160 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 1: Where are you now? I'm about five girl? Ye, thank

673
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:07,880
Speaker 1: you You're welcome. Thank you for your bravery. That was

674
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,759
Speaker 1: a little bit long tapping, but I hope people borrowed it,

675
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:14,720
Speaker 1: because when you tap along, the listener or the viewer

676
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,960
Speaker 1: can borrow the benefits even if it's not exactly related

677
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 1: to them. You cut it in half and seven minutes,

678
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 1: maybe six minutes, I don't know how long that was.

679
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:28,879
Speaker 1: So I think that the point I want to give

680
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 1: you is that these practices E M, D R, E F. T.

681
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:36,360
Speaker 1: Reading the self help books, talking about it, moving physically,

682
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 1: whatever it is that's working for you, you add it up,

683
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 1: and you add it up, and you added up and

684
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:43,600
Speaker 1: you add it up, and each day that goes by,

685
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 1: it gets easier and easier. These are showing up for it, right, Gabby? Um?

686
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 1: Where can I mean? I know you have, I mean

687
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 1: you're just you're everywhere. You're incredible of people that haven't

688
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 1: heard of you before. Where what books can they get?

689
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 1: Where can they find you? Um? So that they can

690
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:05,319
Speaker 1: reap the benefits that we just got today. And I

691
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:07,279
Speaker 1: think the best place that people could find me I've

692
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 1: written a lot of books, but the best places I

693
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,880
Speaker 1: just started a podcast called Deer Gabby, where I workshop

694
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:15,479
Speaker 1: people just like we did here. This wasn't my intention today.

695
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 1: I was coming just a riff with you. But I

696
00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:20,760
Speaker 1: want when I see suffering, it's it's like I'm a fixer.

697
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:24,200
Speaker 1: I got to just go in and just fix and

698
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:26,879
Speaker 1: especially when I see that there's a desire, when there's

699
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 1: a willingness which you've offered up beautifully. So I started

700
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 1: my own podcast this week called Dear Gabby, and it's

701
00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:40,480
Speaker 1: me workshopping coaching people in this way very extemporaneously with

702
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 1: all kinds of trauma and suffering. And my primary intention

703
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:50,760
Speaker 1: for that podcast is too shift the shame and stigmas

704
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 1: and speak about the unspeakable, to give voice to the

705
00:42:56,719 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 1: unspoken shame, the things that people don't talk about, and

706
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:05,280
Speaker 1: to normalize it. We're all suffering. One of the fastest

707
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:08,239
Speaker 1: ways to acceptance that we're all that of our own

708
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 1: suffering is to recognize that we're not alone in it.

709
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:16,760
Speaker 1: It's called Dear Gabby on all your Apple and podcast players.

710
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,319
Speaker 1: That's where I would send people these days. Well, I

711
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 1: know what I'm listening to now, Um Gabby, thank you

712
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,080
Speaker 1: so much, and I'm gonna be sliding into your d

713
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,640
Speaker 1: m s because I'm gonna just need you every day,

714
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 1: so listen. I'm I'm proud of you. I think that

715
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 1: it's extremely brave to be vulnerable, and the greatest gift

716
00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 1: you can give yourself in the world is your authentic

717
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:41,480
Speaker 1: truth and your vulnerability. So just applaud yourself. And I

718
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:43,760
Speaker 1: also think that you're going to go through this experience

719
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: looking back. So proud of your bravery and your vulnerability.

720
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 1: Thanks Gabby, Thank you, Gabby. I appreciate it. Everyone listened

721
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:56,200
Speaker 1: to Dear Gabby um wherever you listen to your podcast

722
00:43:56,239 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 1: and then get her books because they're incredible. Thanks Gabby,

723
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 1: Thanks guys, thank you so much. Seriously, really appreciate it.

724
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 1: I gotta say I've slid into a few other like

725
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:22,279
Speaker 1: self help d m s and like help me. I

726
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:25,440
Speaker 1: mean why not like like give me like because it's

727
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: like I don't know if you went through this when

728
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:30,400
Speaker 1: you with your miscarriage, but I mean it's grief is grief,

729
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:32,279
Speaker 1: you know, like I don't think you can measure people's pain,

730
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 1: and you know, and that is I remember going through

731
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 1: just being the worst pain ever, you know, going through

732
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 1: miscarriage and you just want to find like hope, you

733
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:44,359
Speaker 1: want to find totally and I think, like what Gabby said,

734
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,319
Speaker 1: like you're you're ready, willing and able. You're not someone

735
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 1: who thinks like I don't need the help. Like I

736
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 1: think it says a lot that you're like, no, no,

737
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 1: no help me. What can I do to get better?

738
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:56,239
Speaker 1: What can I do to be a better person? But

739
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:59,640
Speaker 1: our mom? You know? So yeah, I mean it keeps

740
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:03,320
Speaker 1: sliding because self help. It's just there's something there's nothing

741
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 1: better than like getting Um, I just hope, even though

742
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:10,959
Speaker 1: you don't feel hope. It's just like I've been knee

743
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:15,720
Speaker 1: deep and like quotes, Listen, I'm all about the quotes

744
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 1: and the words, like say it as many times as

745
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 1: you need, read it as many times as you need.

746
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:23,399
Speaker 1: I really think that there's something words or something about words. Yeah.

747
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:26,279
Speaker 1: And it's also about connecting with people that have been

748
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 1: there as well, so I have UM. I talked about

749
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:32,920
Speaker 1: her earlier in the show about how she's been a

750
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:35,759
Speaker 1: a light in the darkness for me, UM and someone

751
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:40,000
Speaker 1: who's really helping me kind of walk along my recovery

752
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:45,880
Speaker 1: journey as you know, as a love addict, you know,

753
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 1: because it's like I just I want love and I

754
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 1: don't want to be alone, and UM, so we have

755
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 1: brian Davis, Um this show. Hi Brianne, Hi, Lovely Ladies. Um.

756
00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 1: Brianne is a sex and love addict, and she had

757
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:03,759
Speaker 1: has been walking Um you know you guys had her

758
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:07,880
Speaker 1: on the show, UM last year and UM just walking

759
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:12,800
Speaker 1: through this journey with me and UM, you know she's

760
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:14,560
Speaker 1: she'll always she'll text me be like hey, I'm about

761
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:16,840
Speaker 1: to happen a meeting and I've I've done some meetings

762
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 1: and it's been really nice to just have a community. Um.

763
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:24,120
Speaker 1: Can you speak to on that community brand just of

764
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:26,920
Speaker 1: like how important it is to find something like that

765
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 1: when you're in places of grief and needing connection. Yeah.

766
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,359
Speaker 1: I mean the first step is you're not alone. Other

767
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:37,320
Speaker 1: people are going through the same pain, the same feeling,

768
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 1: the same loss, the powerlessness. You know, when we look

769
00:46:41,239 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 1: outside of ourselves for someone to fix us or be

770
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:48,160
Speaker 1: the answer, or get an unavailable person to love us

771
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:51,600
Speaker 1: that's not capable of loving us. To find a community,

772
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:54,960
Speaker 1: to get on a meeting with thirty other people, a

773
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:58,319
Speaker 1: hundred other people, three hundred other people because the worldwide

774
00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:01,719
Speaker 1: and say my god, I'm not alone. That person is

775
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:03,919
Speaker 1: feeling the same way. They went through the same thing.

776
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:06,800
Speaker 1: And it's just the best community in the world because

777
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,839
Speaker 1: there is recovery and sex and love addiction. You just

778
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:14,320
Speaker 1: have to commit to getting better. And if you're not committed,

779
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:17,319
Speaker 1: if you're not willing to look at your darkness, there's

780
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:19,440
Speaker 1: no way you're going to get better. And you have

781
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 1: stepped into that, like, Okay, I have this thing I

782
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 1: need to look at and there is possible for change

783
00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:30,160
Speaker 1: and self love and all that goodness. Yeah, because I was,

784
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 1: you know, confiding in Briton, I'm like, I will say

785
00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:38,440
Speaker 1: I I was worried that I would get triggered on

786
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:43,520
Speaker 1: there because I I don't like my sex addict husband,

787
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:47,360
Speaker 1: you know, and it's I don't ever want to like.

788
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I also know that like

789
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:52,920
Speaker 1: we all have our stuff, but we're the people that

790
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:54,959
Speaker 1: are in there are really wanting to change and grow,

791
00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 1: just says I am too, you know, I'm like I

792
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 1: but it's it was it was interesting because I I

793
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:07,680
Speaker 1: found myself like appreciating and like loving the fact that

794
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 1: there are people willing to do the work and with me.

795
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 1: I'm like I felt like I was coming off of

796
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:15,280
Speaker 1: Heroin still. You know. It's just like my love addiction

797
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,560
Speaker 1: is like love me, love me, like you know, show

798
00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:20,640
Speaker 1: me that I'm worth the fight. Well that I've told

799
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:23,160
Speaker 1: you that, And I explained when I was getting my

800
00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 1: six months chip, this man came in and he said,

801
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:29,880
Speaker 1: I can quit heroin, but I can't quit her. And

802
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:32,719
Speaker 1: he was addicted to this girlfriend that kept cheating on

803
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 1: him and cheating on him. And this was a man.

804
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 1: And I think we always think like the men is

805
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 1: the cheaters and it goes both ways. But hey, there's empathy.

806
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:46,720
Speaker 1: If someone's willing to do the work and change, that's

807
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 1: where you can like stand up and say people change.

808
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 1: I know people say it once a cheater are always

809
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 1: a cheater. But I'm proof. I told you I used

810
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:59,759
Speaker 1: to cheat. I we've had this discussion, and I used

811
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 1: to go from relationship to relationship like you and I

812
00:49:03,280 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 1: have talked about, and there is change is possible. But

813
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:09,000
Speaker 1: you have to be willing to do the work. And yes,

814
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:12,000
Speaker 1: you hate your cheater husband and he's not doing the work.

815
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,000
Speaker 1: It pisces me off, like I've told you how angry

816
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:18,239
Speaker 1: it makes me. Um, But you are willing to do

817
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 1: the work. You're willing to walk through the fire and

818
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:22,680
Speaker 1: let it burn and come out on the other side,

819
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 1: and that is a beautiful, beautiful thing that you can't

820
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 1: feel yet, but as your friend, I can see you

821
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:36,080
Speaker 1: on the other side. Thanks. Um, Like it's hard taking

822
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:37,960
Speaker 1: like because I'm like, I don't feel it yet, but um,

823
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:41,719
Speaker 1: the I'm curious because so I've been doing a lot

824
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 1: of sm on meetings and I've been sitting you know,

825
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 1: and sharing my story, and I a lot of d

826
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 1: MS that I've gotten in some of you know, just

827
00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 1: like being in those meetings is they don't know how

828
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 1: to leave, and it's like that brokenness and they don't

829
00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:02,560
Speaker 1: feel good enough, and it's like that part just makes

830
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:04,719
Speaker 1: me so sad for just the women out there that

831
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:07,400
Speaker 1: are in that situation and where I'm still like struggling

832
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:10,480
Speaker 1: of you know, not feeling good enough. It's like, how

833
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 1: how do you kind of walk through that path of

834
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:16,960
Speaker 1: finding your strength? Well, I think the first thing is

835
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:19,759
Speaker 1: admitting that you have a problem, admitting that you can't

836
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:24,719
Speaker 1: walk away from this unavailable person. Just saying that and

837
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:27,400
Speaker 1: saying I'm struggling. I want to pick up the phone

838
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:30,040
Speaker 1: and call him. I want to try to make this work.

839
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:33,280
Speaker 1: But you have to remember you could be the most

840
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 1: perfect person. You could have everything someone envisions as perfection,

841
00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:43,760
Speaker 1: but if they are not available, if they have something

842
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:48,400
Speaker 1: that is shutting down there, you know, connection, there is

843
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:51,080
Speaker 1: nothing you can do. And I think the first the

844
00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 1: second thing is being like, there is nothing you can

845
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 1: do to make an available, unavailable person be available. It's impossible.

846
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:03,000
Speaker 1: That's like the most impossible task ever. So I think

847
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 1: just understanding that, like you could do everything perfect, Jannah,

848
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:10,040
Speaker 1: and it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't matter. But I look

849
00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:12,239
Speaker 1: at you and we've had this thing and I said,

850
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 1: but you've changed brand, You've changed, like I'm like, and

851
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:18,359
Speaker 1: even when we were on the meeting the other day,

852
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:19,960
Speaker 1: I was like, but do they do they get back together?

853
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 1: Like there's this like because I long for the like

854
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 1: you know, I long for this, you know, um the change,

855
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:32,800
Speaker 1: but at some point, like there just might not be changed,

856
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 1: right right. I mean you and I've had this discussion

857
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:38,879
Speaker 1: for years and I told you, you know, like stick

858
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:43,360
Speaker 1: it out, maybe separate, maybe maybe you know, do that work.

859
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 1: And this last time I just said, you gotta get out.

860
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:49,760
Speaker 1: It's not it's not happening. He's people, he's not taking

861
00:51:49,800 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 1: it seriously. And the reason that I have changed because

862
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:58,520
Speaker 1: I was willing to look at all the things I

863
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:02,560
Speaker 1: have done to feel those feelings too, you know, walk

864
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:06,280
Speaker 1: through the process of getting healed from sex and love addiction.

865
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:08,880
Speaker 1: It is harder to get through sex and love addiction

866
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:13,320
Speaker 1: than a A and A Not that any any addiction

867
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:16,160
Speaker 1: is bad, but when you're addicted to people, when you're

868
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:21,280
Speaker 1: addicted to sexual acts, it is like the most difficult addiction.

869
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:25,000
Speaker 1: And like I said, you have to be willing to

870
00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 1: change for I change for me, not for my husband,

871
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 1: not for anybody else. I had to change for me.

872
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:33,360
Speaker 1: And if you're not willing to change for if he

873
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 1: wasn't willing to change for him, he's never going to change.

874
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 1: He's never going to change. I feel like that's just

875
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:44,239
Speaker 1: like what we've all been saying over and over and

876
00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 1: like that's what Like how do you tell someone Janna

877
00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 1: or others listening like it wasn't you, it's not you.

878
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 1: Because I even said, I'm like, you know, all the

879
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 1: resources in the world, someone could have everything they ever needed,

880
00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:02,880
Speaker 1: but like they have to do it ultimately end of

881
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:06,640
Speaker 1: the day. Yeah, I mean that's the problem. Janna has

882
00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:10,240
Speaker 1: to get to it herself. You and I can say

883
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:13,160
Speaker 1: everything I can bring her in the program. I can

884
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:16,120
Speaker 1: give the tools she can. She has to be the

885
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:20,400
Speaker 1: one that her Psyche has to like let go of

886
00:53:20,440 --> 00:53:24,720
Speaker 1: the fantasy of what was or what could have been

887
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:28,719
Speaker 1: and step into the reality of this is the situation.

888
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 1: This is where I am. I have to love myself

889
00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:34,960
Speaker 1: enough to walk away. And I'm saying this and this

890
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 1: is so hard for me, you guys to say, because

891
00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:41,240
Speaker 1: I'm an advocate for any sex attic, sex and love addict.

892
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: As Janna knows, I've been an advocate for their relationship.

893
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:48,560
Speaker 1: But it's just like you have to let go when

894
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:51,600
Speaker 1: someone is not willing to do the work. It takes

895
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:55,840
Speaker 1: two people to do the work. And when that doesn't happen,

896
00:53:55,880 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 1: you have to be able to walk away. But nobody

897
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:00,520
Speaker 1: can tell you. It's a process she has to go through,

898
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:03,560
Speaker 1: just like I had to go through, just like my sponsors,

899
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:06,959
Speaker 1: just like a million people I've worked with. Um, let's

900
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:08,759
Speaker 1: talk about your book because you have a book out

901
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:14,200
Speaker 1: and tell us all about it and yeah, well I

902
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:17,960
Speaker 1: read it, Yeah, so the book is. I really I'm

903
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:20,800
Speaker 1: really grateful that you brought me on because the reason

904
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:22,879
Speaker 1: that I wanted to talk about sex and love act

905
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:26,359
Speaker 1: I never wanted to break my anonymity, but nobody understands

906
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:28,600
Speaker 1: it and they think it's like a made up disease

907
00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 1: or it's a man's disease. I mean, Janna and I

908
00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:33,799
Speaker 1: had that whole conversation. But I wanted to write a

909
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:36,920
Speaker 1: book that was fun. It's like a summer on the beach,

910
00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 1: really fun book, but it also educates. You know, it's

911
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:44,359
Speaker 1: a story of a girl in Hollywood going through her

912
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:47,520
Speaker 1: first year of recovery. It's based on my life, other

913
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:51,120
Speaker 1: people's experiences. There's other female characters in it, and you

914
00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 1: really follow this journey of the first year of recovery,

915
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 1: what it looks like, how horrible it is. The subtext,

916
00:54:58,200 --> 00:55:00,880
Speaker 1: it's just like it will take you through the nitty gritty,

917
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:04,920
Speaker 1: the dirty, the like embarrassing, all those things. And I

918
00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:08,719
Speaker 1: just wanted to make it fun but also educational and

919
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:12,560
Speaker 1: people they can get it on Amazon um worldwide. We're

920
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:16,640
Speaker 1: worldwide now and yeah, and the audible just came out

921
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:19,360
Speaker 1: and it was torture recording. I almost called you and

922
00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:22,560
Speaker 1: was like, can you just read the character because I

923
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:27,799
Speaker 1: don't want to relive all these horrible things that have happened. Well,

924
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 1: it's called The Secret life of a sex and love addict.

925
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:32,640
Speaker 1: It's an awesome read. Um, it's fun. But yeah again

926
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:35,680
Speaker 1: it's it's it's you're also going to get an in

927
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:42,799
Speaker 1: in that in that world. Um yeah, this is what

928
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 1: This has been a heavy show. Yeah, well I mean

929
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:52,920
Speaker 1: that's life. Yeah, like and it won't always be like this. Yeah.

930
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:55,760
Speaker 1: And feelings here's the thing that really helped me. Feelings

931
00:55:55,800 --> 00:56:00,440
Speaker 1: are meant to be felt. We especially you know your tendency,

932
00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:03,120
Speaker 1: my tendency, we don't want to feel feelings. We want

933
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 1: to feel euphoria. Love addicts, exotics want to feel euphoria.

934
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:09,000
Speaker 1: But feelings are meant to be felt, and you have

935
00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:12,600
Speaker 1: to feel them, and you're feeling them. And every time

936
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:16,680
Speaker 1: I would cry, my therapist would tell me, you're digging

937
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:19,719
Speaker 1: through this to get to your gold, Like Janna, you're

938
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:22,520
Speaker 1: digging through this to get to your gold. So every

939
00:56:22,560 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 1: time you cry, just like pat yourself on the back

940
00:56:25,560 --> 00:56:30,480
Speaker 1: that you're willing to walk through these uncomfortable sad you know,

941
00:56:30,560 --> 00:56:34,840
Speaker 1: abandonment feelings and it will go away one day, I promise.

942
00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:39,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hold you do that, okay right now. Um,

943
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:42,279
Speaker 1: but Brianne, thank you so much for coming on the show,

944
00:56:42,280 --> 00:56:45,920
Speaker 1: and guys, for everyone listening, I hope that I apologize

945
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:48,960
Speaker 1: that was a rough one to get through. Um, Sarah,

946
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:51,799
Speaker 1: thanks for flying in and doing this of course, UM,

947
00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:55,880
Speaker 1: and everyone please listen to her podcast as well. Oh my,

948
00:56:56,120 --> 00:57:00,480
Speaker 1: this is not the timing, this is not the chicks.

949
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 1: It's amazing. They talk about you know, shows, movies, all

950
00:57:04,239 --> 00:57:07,759
Speaker 1: of it. They're like, they're hilarious. It's a good one.

951
00:57:08,400 --> 00:57:12,600
Speaker 1: You're welcome. UM. I always want to support my friend,

952
00:57:12,880 --> 00:57:15,400
Speaker 1: but like, this is about you. This is like, no,

953
00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:18,160
Speaker 1: we're supporting you today. And but what we can I

954
00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:20,040
Speaker 1: promise you every week will not be a SOB show.

955
00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:22,800
Speaker 1: We're going to figure this out and let us know,

956
00:57:23,120 --> 00:57:24,840
Speaker 1: you know, some things that you guys want us to

957
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:28,240
Speaker 1: continue to talk about, and UM, yeah, we'll figure this

958
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 1: out together. We're on this journey together. And I hope

959
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:34,120
Speaker 1: that we were able to help people today get through

960
00:57:34,520 --> 00:57:37,440
Speaker 1: um whatever they're grieving or having pain or lost with

961
00:57:37,680 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 1: so UM, I'll see you guys next week hopefully. Bye guys,