1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey lady, is doctor Dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 1: fm to get started. Hey lady, If you're looking for 11 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: that extra dose of behind the scenes content that Terry 12 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 1: and I put out after every episode, go to perspacepodcast 13 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:50,320 Speaker 1: dot com. Click Patreon with the Windays with Terry, and 14 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,839 Speaker 1: you will be taken to our Patreon page where for 15 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: the entire month of September you will have free access 16 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 1: to our after shows. Check it out out and we 17 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:05,319 Speaker 1: hope that you become a subscriber. It's something that we 18 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:10,480 Speaker 1: don't often necessarily acknowledged in the way that we did today. 19 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 1: I think we are in a space of kind of 20 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:17,240 Speaker 1: just living right. Like I use the phrase like protect 21 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:22,400 Speaker 1: your peace, but I think I just do it without 22 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 1: necessarily intentionally mapping out how I do it, you know, 23 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 1: because as. 24 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 2: We were going through those tips, I was like, oh, yeah, 25 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 2: I do that. I've done that, like yeah. 26 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 1: And so I think it has become just ingrained in 27 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: me right. Like you were talking about how you used 28 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: to have the sticky notes right now. I used to 29 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 1: do those sticky notes too on the bathroom mirror with 30 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:52,520 Speaker 1: the positive affirmations, and now it's just a part of 31 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:57,360 Speaker 1: how I'm thinking, right and also for me just being 32 00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:04,640 Speaker 1: intentional about when do I need it the most. Welcome 33 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 1: to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women like you. 34 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:15,960 Speaker 1: We're your hosts doctor Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist. 35 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 3: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 36 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:24,799 Speaker 3: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 37 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:29,519 Speaker 3: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 38 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 3: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where 39 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 3: black women can just be. 40 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 4: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here? From the Herspace podcast. 41 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,840 Speaker 4: Do you have a burning question you're dying to get 42 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,520 Speaker 4: feedback on. Do you want an unbiased perspective on a 43 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:55,600 Speaker 4: situation you're facing? If so, visit her spacepodcast dot com 44 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 4: and click ask doctor Dom under the start here option. 45 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,880 Speaker 4: Every Tuesday, I'll choose a few questions and answer them 46 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 4: at random. All right, our quote of the day, peace 47 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 4: is the result of retraining your mind to process life 48 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:21,040 Speaker 4: as it is rather than as you think it should be. 49 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:27,920 Speaker 4: I'm gonna read that one one more time. Peace is 50 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:33,119 Speaker 4: the result of retraining your mind to process life as 51 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:37,680 Speaker 4: it is, rather than as you think it should be. 52 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 4: This quote comes to us from doctor Wayne Dyer, who, 53 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 4: over the course of his career, wrote over twenty books, 54 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 4: had a podcast, and was known for helping people reset 55 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 4: their minds through positive affirmationations and manifestations. 56 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,119 Speaker 2: Team When you hear. 57 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 1: That quote, I know a lot of things come up 58 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 1: for me, But what comes up for you? 59 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 3: Well, in the context of what we're talking about, right, 60 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,880 Speaker 3: staying positive when we're in a negative or chaotic environment, 61 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 3: protecting our peace. As you'd like to say, Dom, this 62 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,279 Speaker 3: is a deep quote. I think it's really deep because 63 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:23,880 Speaker 3: I think on the surface it could mean one thing. 64 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,479 Speaker 3: But the more I look at this, I'm thinking I 65 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:27,960 Speaker 3: just have to break it down. So give me a moment. 66 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,960 Speaker 3: Why I just look at the quote, it makes me 67 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,920 Speaker 3: think about how oftentimes when we are in a negative environment, 68 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 3: it might be easy for us to wish that people 69 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,159 Speaker 3: were different, right, or wish that something would change. But 70 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 3: I think one thing with many of us have learned 71 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 3: is that the only person we could change is the 72 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:49,200 Speaker 3: person in the mirror. And so I think that we 73 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 3: can be at peace when we understand that, Okay, this 74 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 3: person is behaving this way, this is what's on their shelf, 75 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,360 Speaker 3: this is how they're choosing to show up, and they're 76 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 3: showing that this the pattern because this really is in 77 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 3: alignment with what we're talking about today, right, And so 78 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:07,120 Speaker 3: instead of stressing yourself out and you know, blaming yourself 79 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:10,560 Speaker 3: or thinking that, oh, things should be different, it's like, okay, 80 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,960 Speaker 3: when you have that it is what it is mentality, 81 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 3: and then you work on how you are going to 82 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 3: show up because your behavior is all you can control. 83 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,040 Speaker 3: I think that allows you to truly be at peace 84 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 3: because now you are focusing on what you can control. 85 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 3: Yeah right, yeah, after dim always does that and yeah, 86 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:30,479 Speaker 3: it's a beautiful and very profound quote, I believe. So 87 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 3: that's what comes up to me first time. It's like, 88 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 3: we can't change people, we can change ourselves. And that's 89 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:36,839 Speaker 3: pretty much the gist of it. 90 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 1: What comes up for you, what comes up for me 91 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:44,320 Speaker 1: is this piece around thinking about things as it should be, 92 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 1: right and recognizing that the shoulds and the musk and 93 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 1: the aughts are what often get us caught up and 94 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:02,200 Speaker 1: rob us of our peace. The should the musk, the aughts, 95 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: those are the things that lead to anxiety, lead to depression, 96 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 1: lead to other forms of neurosis. 97 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:12,279 Speaker 2: Right. 98 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 1: And so when I see this quote, I just think about, okay, 99 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,279 Speaker 1: from a behaviorist perspective. 100 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:23,960 Speaker 2: Retraining your brain. 101 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:31,160 Speaker 1: Right, So saying, okay, let's think about taking these certain 102 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: action steps to retrain how we are thinking, to focus 103 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:43,359 Speaker 1: on what is truly in front of us, as opposed to, 104 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,240 Speaker 1: like you said, the things that are outside of our 105 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 1: control or the things that are not. 106 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 2: Currently happening. 107 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,680 Speaker 3: I love it and I think that a spot on, 108 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 3: And I know we're going to dive into this conversation 109 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 3: of like, how do you say positive and protect your 110 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,080 Speaker 3: peace when you are in the midst of chaos or negativity? 111 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:09,480 Speaker 3: And we found this awesome article lady from Psychology Today, 112 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 3: and I just want to read a little blurb from 113 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 3: that and we'll add that in the show. Notes as well, 114 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:18,680 Speaker 3: and the quote says some people are naturally negative. They complain, bicker, 115 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 3: compare themselves to others, start drama, and simply see the 116 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:25,680 Speaker 3: glasses half empty. And Lady, as you listen to that, 117 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 3: I'm sure you can list off a number of people 118 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,040 Speaker 3: that fit into that category. 119 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 4: Right. 120 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 3: You just walk into their environment or you're with them 121 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 3: and you're like, oh my gosh, you just feel the vibe. Right, 122 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 3: it's just so different. And so the thing about it is, 123 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 3: as we are in the state of the world that 124 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 3: we're in right now, many of us are still staying 125 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 3: at home. Some of us may have started to go 126 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 3: back to work or school, but many of us are 127 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 3: still at home. And I think this topic is really timely. 128 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,960 Speaker 3: But it's also a topic that we can always run visit, right, 129 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 3: because some of us tend to live in an environment 130 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 3: with negative peace people or people that are choosing to 131 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:06,080 Speaker 3: show up in negative ways, right. Or you might work 132 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 3: in a setting where people are choosing to show up negatively, right, 133 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,080 Speaker 3: And so it's like, how do I keep my peace 134 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 3: when everything goes around me it's just negative. It's not 135 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 3: easy to do for many of us. 136 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: Right, right, It's really not And I think that's why 137 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:25,240 Speaker 1: this quote is so applicable, because this quote speaks to 138 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:36,040 Speaker 1: intentionality of purposefully saying I am going to retrain how 139 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: I am looking at my current environment. And when I 140 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 1: retrain how I look at how I analyze my current 141 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:52,160 Speaker 1: environment that allows me to have an inner peace. And 142 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:56,440 Speaker 1: when I'm in a space of inner peace, then none 143 00:08:56,480 --> 00:09:00,840 Speaker 1: of that negativity can really disturb me. 144 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:05,199 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, yes, I love it. And so when 145 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 3: I think about just situations in life, right, I'm sure 146 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:13,600 Speaker 3: that many of us or some of us can think 147 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,040 Speaker 3: back to an experience that we had where we either 148 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:19,960 Speaker 3: walked into an environment or we shared something with someone 149 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:24,559 Speaker 3: and they just stole your joy with their negativity. Right, 150 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,199 Speaker 3: it was just super negative. Now, can you, right, can 151 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 3: you think about either a situation or just something from 152 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:36,880 Speaker 3: your experience in general where you face that. 153 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:42,240 Speaker 1: Well, you know, I think honestly, there are a lot 154 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 1: of times currently, a lot of moments currently where that 155 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:53,080 Speaker 1: is relevant for me personally. And I think I've mentioned 156 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 1: this before that you know, there was a point where 157 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 1: I want to say, maybe it was like June, starting 158 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:06,640 Speaker 1: in June, when everything was really starting to kick off 159 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 1: in terms of the peaceful protests around George Floyd and 160 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 1: Breonna Taylor, And for me, one of the things was 161 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:20,360 Speaker 1: recognizing that, no, I'm not going to ignore the reality 162 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 1: of what's happening in the world around me, but what's 163 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 1: happening in the world around me is a lot of 164 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:34,200 Speaker 1: negativity and to be more specific, a lot of trauma. 165 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,360 Speaker 1: And so to protect my peace, to protect my energy 166 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 1: so that I could continue to show up in spaces 167 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: where I'm needed, I had to think about, Okay, what 168 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,679 Speaker 1: can I do to protect my peace? And for me, 169 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:54,960 Speaker 1: some of what that meant was like relaxing and watching television, 170 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:59,920 Speaker 1: and what I wanted to do was watch TV shows 171 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 1: that only had black folks. And when I was trying 172 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 1: to be intentional about that, I found it really hard 173 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 1: to find shows that where it was a predominantly black 174 00:11:17,559 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 1: cast that centered around mostly joy. 175 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,120 Speaker 2: A lot of the shows. 176 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,959 Speaker 1: That feature predominantly black cast have a lot of drama, 177 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,960 Speaker 1: a lot of negative things happening, And I get that 178 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,880 Speaker 1: a lot of that is a reflection of our real 179 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 1: life right our lived experience. But for me, in that moment, 180 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:46,560 Speaker 1: to protect my peace, I needed joy, and so I 181 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:52,240 Speaker 1: decided to be really intentional about finding things that made 182 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 1: me laugh, things that brought me joy. 183 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,320 Speaker 2: What about for ut well Don? 184 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,680 Speaker 3: Before I answer that, I want to take quick detour 185 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:04,040 Speaker 3: because you said something that really like lit my eyes up. 186 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 3: And when we were in the midst of that time. Now, 187 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 3: I think back to how you and I, the conversations 188 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,040 Speaker 3: you and I had around that time when it was 189 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:15,720 Speaker 3: so fresh, when George Floyd was just murdered, and when 190 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 3: we just found out about Breonna Taylor and Ahmad Arbery 191 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,480 Speaker 3: and all that. I mean, I just think about how 192 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,280 Speaker 3: low my vibration was. It was just such a sad 193 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 3: time for many black people, you know. And I think 194 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:32,480 Speaker 3: about that time, and I found myself trying to find 195 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 3: inspiring content online and I was not really feeling going 196 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,480 Speaker 3: to the podcast that I would listen to. There are 197 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 3: a few podcasts I listened to where there are white 198 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,080 Speaker 3: men that are the hosts, and I was just like, 199 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,160 Speaker 3: I'm not feeling this right now. I'm not interested in 200 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 3: watching this right now. And you know, when I go 201 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:51,120 Speaker 3: through my moments of either my low energy states is 202 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 3: when my mentors has called it, where I'm depressed or 203 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 3: something like that, I like to find something to lift 204 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 3: my spirits, you know. But I also like to give 205 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 3: myself the space and energy to be in that space 206 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:03,480 Speaker 3: for a bit. I let myself wallow a bit because 207 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,679 Speaker 3: I think it's healthy to feel all the emotions, right. 208 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,480 Speaker 3: And so I remember finding one of my favorite like 209 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 3: motivators online, this older white guy, and I went to 210 00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:13,120 Speaker 3: his video and I was like, I can't watch this 211 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 3: because although it's inspiring, typically I'm like, I need something 212 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 3: from a black person, someone who looks like me, who's 213 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,400 Speaker 3: feeling the same way. We all have our situations, but 214 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 3: that's how I felt. So I want to know for you, Dom, 215 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:30,680 Speaker 3: what made you shy away from the norm and specifically 216 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:32,920 Speaker 3: seek out I know this is like a total detour, 217 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,960 Speaker 3: but I was just so curious, Like and then I'll 218 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:36,960 Speaker 3: tell you about the experiences that I've had, But what 219 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:40,080 Speaker 3: made you specifically look for a cast with all black 220 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,040 Speaker 3: people and things of that nature. 221 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:47,360 Speaker 1: Because for me, in that time, I found myself really 222 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 1: angered by white people, right, and also recognizing that joy 223 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:03,079 Speaker 1: is a form of resistance and activism. So finding joy 224 00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:06,439 Speaker 1: in times when the world is telling you that you 225 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,760 Speaker 1: shouldn't because then because that brings us back to those shoulds, 226 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:13,480 Speaker 1: right when the world is trying to tell you send 227 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,520 Speaker 1: you the messages that. 228 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,160 Speaker 2: You should not find joy. 229 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:23,120 Speaker 1: I wanted to find joy, and for me, finding joy 230 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:33,000 Speaker 1: meant avoiding spaces that identified with the oppressor, the colonizer, 231 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:40,720 Speaker 1: and specifically emphasizing people who looked like me. 232 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 3: That makes perfect sense, and I can totally resonate with that, 233 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 3: and I'm sure, ladies you're listening, even though we take 234 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 3: a little detour, I'm sure that you may have felt 235 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 3: the same way around that time. I will say down 236 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:52,960 Speaker 3: to kind of go back to your question. Because of 237 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,480 Speaker 3: the upbringing that I, you know, had, growing up in 238 00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 3: this very stressful, chaotic environment that was abusive and that 239 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 3: was just really really challenging, I used to be a 240 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:08,800 Speaker 3: chameleion and so I've discovered, like recently that I'm an impath. 241 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:09,040 Speaker 2: Right. 242 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 3: So I'm a very sensitive person and growing up when 243 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,240 Speaker 3: I look at my upbring and I'm like, oh, it 244 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 3: makes sense that you're an impath, right, because of the 245 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,400 Speaker 3: experiences I had. But I had to adapt to my environment. 246 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 3: And so the thing about this topic that we're talking 247 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:26,040 Speaker 3: about staying positive and a negative environment, because being a 248 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 3: chameleon is what protected me, and so being in a 249 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:31,880 Speaker 3: group and if everybody said, all right, I'm looking around. 250 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 3: All right, let me go ahead and mimic what I see. 251 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,360 Speaker 3: I didn't really have my own thoughts or desires because 252 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 3: I had to adjust and adapt to my environment to survive, 253 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 3: and so that stayed with me into adulthood, and so 254 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 3: it took me a long time to really find my voice, 255 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:49,000 Speaker 3: be comfortable standing alone, and all those things. And so 256 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:52,840 Speaker 3: when you talked about your experiences, I thought about how 257 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 3: protective I am of my energy today because I've come 258 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,480 Speaker 3: so far. I've done so much to build my self 259 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,760 Speaker 3: confidence and self esteem. So don't tolerate a lot of 260 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 3: nonsense these days, and so I have a lot more control, 261 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,800 Speaker 3: and I'm very particular about what type of energy I 262 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 3: entertain and what type of energy is around me. But 263 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,960 Speaker 3: there was a time where I was living in a 264 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:16,320 Speaker 3: space where it was very chaotic and very negative. And 265 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 3: so I remember, and we'll talk about the tips in 266 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,120 Speaker 3: a little bit, but I remember hearing things about me 267 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 3: that I didn't agree with and that I didn't have 268 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 3: a chance to really speak up and say anything about 269 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 3: because of the dynamic in the household. Right because I 270 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 3: was a young person and this was an adult or 271 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:37,680 Speaker 3: where there was arguing or fighting or violence. And the 272 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 3: question is how you keep your peace in the midst 273 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 3: of that. Right, So, lady, as you listen, like you know, 274 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,640 Speaker 3: we just want you to know that we see you. Right. 275 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,520 Speaker 3: We may not know your story, we may not know 276 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 3: your exact situation, but we know that many of us 277 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:53,640 Speaker 3: find ourselves in situations where we want to maintain our 278 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,080 Speaker 3: high vibration. We want to be positive, we want to 279 00:16:56,080 --> 00:17:00,280 Speaker 3: be progressive, we want to be hopeful, but when people 280 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,640 Speaker 3: around you are not, it can be challenging and dowm 281 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 3: I feel like my intuition is telling me you want 282 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,040 Speaker 3: to tell us a little something about emotions and how 283 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:10,840 Speaker 3: contagious they are before we dive into our tips. So 284 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,040 Speaker 3: what do you have to tell us about emotions? 285 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,200 Speaker 2: Dom so. 286 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 3: Like THEA. 287 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:18,680 Speaker 2: I love that. 288 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:25,720 Speaker 1: So one of the things that we know is that 289 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:31,439 Speaker 1: our emotions, like you mentioned, see of being in a 290 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:37,679 Speaker 1: situation of a group of people and you ended up 291 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,040 Speaker 1: mimicking their emotions. 292 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 2: Right. 293 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,400 Speaker 1: And the thing is is that you know we've all 294 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,040 Speaker 1: heard that phrase misery loves company. 295 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:48,960 Speaker 2: The reality is that. 296 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 1: Misery loves miserable company. There you go that part, right, 297 00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 1: So it's one thing for me to be miserable and 298 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 1: then for you to come around and be cheery and 299 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,560 Speaker 1: try to bring me out of that. If you think 300 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 1: about it, I'm not hearing that. I'm not gonna be 301 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: with it, right. What I'm going to try to do 302 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:18,960 Speaker 1: is bring you into that misery with me, right, get 303 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:23,240 Speaker 1: you to try and wallow with me. And so that's 304 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:27,800 Speaker 1: how we end up in these spaces of like low vibration, right, 305 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 1: because the people around us are in that low vibration, 306 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,679 Speaker 1: and whether we are consciously aware of it or not, 307 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,200 Speaker 1: they are doing things, saying and doing things to pull 308 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 1: us into that. And so there was a twenty seventeen 309 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:51,560 Speaker 1: study that found that with teenagers, and we know that 310 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 1: teenagers are a lot more susceptible to peer pressure and 311 00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,240 Speaker 1: persuasion than the rest of us. 312 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:03,679 Speaker 2: Doesn't make us immune, but they're a lot more susceptible 313 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,000 Speaker 2: to it. 314 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:08,760 Speaker 1: This twenty seventeen study found that these teens who surrounded 315 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:15,120 Speaker 1: themselves with negative friends, over time, their mood would worsen 316 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:19,280 Speaker 1: as well. Right, And this is a process known as 317 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 1: social contagion. Now, when we hear contagion, you know, you 318 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,280 Speaker 1: might think of the movie. Then you also might think 319 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,639 Speaker 1: about this current pandemic that we're in, right, And the 320 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:33,560 Speaker 1: idea around contagion is that is how things easily spread. 321 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:39,639 Speaker 1: And so a social contagion is how when you have 322 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 1: a group of people, the emotions or the thoughts and 323 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:49,200 Speaker 1: opinions can spread like a. 324 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 2: Virus like COVID nineteen, right. 325 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:57,840 Speaker 1: Lord, So and so when we think about it from 326 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 1: that perspective of how easy lead our emotions can be influenced, 327 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 1: that makes it even more important for us to protect 328 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:13,560 Speaker 1: our piece. 329 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,280 Speaker 3: And Diamond reminds me of that quote. I may butcher it, 330 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 3: but y'all know what I'm talking about. Show me your friends. 331 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,280 Speaker 3: I'll show you your future, right, or show me the 332 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,359 Speaker 3: five people that you spend the most time with or 333 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,240 Speaker 3: talk to the most, and I'll show you where you're headed. Right, 334 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:31,679 Speaker 3: if you hang out with four millionaires, you'll probably be 335 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:35,920 Speaker 3: the fifth. Right. So it's really important to protect our 336 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,480 Speaker 3: energy and our piece, and that takes us into our tips. Lady. 337 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 3: We have eight tips that we want to share with 338 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:43,919 Speaker 3: you on how you can stay positive, protect your piece 339 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:48,040 Speaker 3: and maintain that high vibration when you are in a 340 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:52,199 Speaker 3: negative or chaotic environment that is not serving you. And 341 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,439 Speaker 3: so the first tip here is to not take it personally. 342 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,760 Speaker 3: Now this is one, okay, this is one that I 343 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 3: am constantly revisit with my sensitive ass and I say 344 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,760 Speaker 3: that in a loving way. So for anyone else out 345 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:07,119 Speaker 3: there who's sensitive, you know how we get like little 346 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:10,840 Speaker 3: things happen, I'm just like, oh my gosh, was that 347 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,920 Speaker 3: because of this? Or like you just take it personally 348 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,480 Speaker 3: and you take it on. And so one thing I've 349 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:18,040 Speaker 3: been doing recently to just live a healthier life and 350 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:22,439 Speaker 3: have a healthier perspective is if I'm getting feedback or 351 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:25,399 Speaker 3: if someone does something, I ask myself and I'm trying to, 352 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,680 Speaker 3: you know, sit objectively and ask is this mine? 353 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:29,399 Speaker 2: Yes? 354 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,760 Speaker 3: Right? Because people will throw their shit on you in 355 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,280 Speaker 3: a second. I'm having a bad day and now all 356 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,119 Speaker 3: of a sudden, you ugly and you this and that, 357 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:40,720 Speaker 3: and it's like that's not even true. That wasn't even 358 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,640 Speaker 3: that's not even yours. And I think a lot of times, 359 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:45,240 Speaker 3: especially folks that are impacts and folks that are sensitive, 360 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:49,320 Speaker 3: and some folks just in general, you hear someone they 361 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,240 Speaker 3: do something, it triggers us. Now we're wearing that energy, 362 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,040 Speaker 3: and we done got the energy on us like a 363 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 3: new scarf, and we rocking it thinking it's ours, but 364 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:58,800 Speaker 3: it's like, no, Boo, that's not even yours. So I 365 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,679 Speaker 3: think realizing that you cannot take it personally because if 366 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 3: this person is miserable, I mean, Don, let's be real, 367 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 3: there are times where I get miserable and I get 368 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,520 Speaker 3: in a funk and I'm not trying to be around 369 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,239 Speaker 3: that jolly, happy ass person. Okay, let's be real. There 370 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 3: are times when I'm that person, and I have to 371 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 3: check myself when I have those moments because I've realized 372 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 3: that sometimes when I am feeling low, I might say 373 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:23,880 Speaker 3: little jabs and shit to someone else because I kind 374 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,640 Speaker 3: of want to like make someone else feel a little 375 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,160 Speaker 3: bit of how I'm feeling. I'm not feeling about myself. 376 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,520 Speaker 3: Now I'm gonna say this little smart ass comment because 377 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:31,760 Speaker 3: I'm like, all right, let me see if I can. 378 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:33,879 Speaker 3: So we have to watch ourselves too, so this is 379 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,720 Speaker 3: not just a project it on everybody else, but we 380 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,720 Speaker 3: have to be mindful of our stuff as well. That's 381 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,080 Speaker 3: the first tip, Don. What do you have to add 382 00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:39,920 Speaker 3: there for number one? 383 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 1: I mean, I think you covered it, yes, Like everything 384 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,880 Speaker 1: ain't always about you, boo, And that can be from 385 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:48,480 Speaker 1: both sides. 386 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 2: Like you pointed out, Mic Drop, it ain't always about. 387 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,160 Speaker 3: Me, my job, it ain't about you boo. 388 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:58,000 Speaker 1: Okay, So then that takes us to tip number two, 389 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:07,680 Speaker 1: to find or create a sacred space, and sometimes knowing 390 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 1: that that sacred space. 391 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,840 Speaker 2: Is in your mind. Right. 392 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 1: So I think about how some of us are in 393 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:25,280 Speaker 1: places currently where we are quarantine with our family, and 394 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:31,720 Speaker 1: we don't have the physical environment that would lend itself 395 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:36,040 Speaker 1: to creating a sacred space, right. You know, one of 396 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,120 Speaker 1: the things that I like to suggest to folks is 397 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,680 Speaker 1: making the bathroom kind of like your sacred space. 398 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,040 Speaker 2: If you share a house. 399 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:45,840 Speaker 1: With multiple people, that your time in the bathroom could 400 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 1: be your sacred time, right. I tend to know the 401 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 1: audience who I share that with, and I learned that 402 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:58,800 Speaker 1: sharing that with moms or parents doesn't always work because 403 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 1: kids do not respect the sacred space that the bathroom 404 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 1: should present. And so I think that's why we can 405 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:11,800 Speaker 1: also think about the sacred space may not be a 406 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:17,880 Speaker 1: physical space. It can be a mental space, right of 407 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,840 Speaker 1: taking yourself to a place. 408 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,560 Speaker 2: In a moment in time. 409 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:30,320 Speaker 1: Where you allow yourself to just meditate and clear all 410 00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:31,840 Speaker 1: of that negativity out. 411 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,640 Speaker 2: And what that really looks like is. 412 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:39,600 Speaker 1: Saying, Okay, I'm sitting here in the family room and 413 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:44,200 Speaker 1: everyone around me is full of negativity and talking about 414 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:48,920 Speaker 1: all the bad stuff that happened to them today. And 415 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:55,719 Speaker 1: while I want to be a sensitive listener, I am 416 00:24:55,800 --> 00:25:03,399 Speaker 1: also simultaneously in my mind where mind myself that I 417 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:08,320 Speaker 1: don't have to take on their stuff, and maybe saying 418 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 1: like a positive mantra as they are talking and as 419 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:18,560 Speaker 1: I am offering a listening ear so that I can 420 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 1: still be of assistance to them without taking on their 421 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:23,919 Speaker 1: negative energy. 422 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,480 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, and yes, Tom, you hit the nail on 423 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,000 Speaker 3: the head. That was spot on. That was a mouthful. 424 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,400 Speaker 3: All I would add to that is one I resonate 425 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,640 Speaker 3: with the bathroom time. We've talked about a bit about 426 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,480 Speaker 3: my story on some of the last episodes down and 427 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 3: I talked about living in a one bedroom shelter with 428 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:44,520 Speaker 3: my family of seven and as you can imagine, with 429 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,200 Speaker 3: little kids, my parents. I mean, I felt so confined 430 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,280 Speaker 3: in that space. And the way that I found that 431 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:53,600 Speaker 3: sacred space for me was one taking nice baths with 432 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,960 Speaker 3: my headphones that were so therapeutic in a way for 433 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,200 Speaker 3: me to get away, and when I couldn't use the 434 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,880 Speaker 3: bathroom because we only had one bathroom. I would get 435 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 3: on the bunk bed, put my headphones in, and I 436 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,480 Speaker 3: would I mean, our mind can be your playground. I 437 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,920 Speaker 3: would just dream and think about the possibilities and meditate 438 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,160 Speaker 3: and just think about my future and where I wanted 439 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,880 Speaker 3: to be and not the current predicament I was in. 440 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,800 Speaker 3: So I think finding that sacred space is so important, 441 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:20,320 Speaker 3: and I'm glad that we're pointing out that sometimes it 442 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:22,480 Speaker 3: may not be a meditation closet. You may not have 443 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,720 Speaker 3: space in your house for all that, but you can 444 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,760 Speaker 3: go somewhere in your mind, Like, don't forget that you 445 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:28,040 Speaker 3: can travel in your mind. 446 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:28,239 Speaker 2: Right. 447 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,880 Speaker 3: Our mind is so powerful, I will say, in addition 448 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,919 Speaker 3: to that, protecting ourselves when it comes to what we 449 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,560 Speaker 3: share with those people. I think it's really important a 450 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 3: lot of times if you think about it. 451 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:39,360 Speaker 1: Right. 452 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,800 Speaker 3: My pastor used to always say this dominant just stuck 453 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,159 Speaker 3: with me. He said, you know you can't fit a 454 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:48,480 Speaker 3: two y five idea in a one x three mind. Right, 455 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,720 Speaker 3: So someone is such a small thinker, and right, we're 456 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:53,800 Speaker 3: just going to go basics. They cannot see a big 457 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:57,720 Speaker 3: vision for their life, they damn sure in most cases 458 00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,240 Speaker 3: will not see it for your life. So when you 459 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:00,960 Speaker 3: go to share this news with them or whatever it 460 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 3: might be, they may not be supportive. And so that 461 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,520 Speaker 3: will bring you down because now they're crushing your dreams 462 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 3: when you know right and we know that you can 463 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,159 Speaker 3: do it, but they don't believe it for themselves. So 464 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,760 Speaker 3: now they're bringing you down. Definitely, you know, protect yourself 465 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,720 Speaker 3: in that way and dom You also said something about 466 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,400 Speaker 3: taking on someone else's energy, and it makes me think 467 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:23,639 Speaker 3: about how when I used to have conversations with friends, 468 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,200 Speaker 3: I would think that I had to be the problem 469 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:30,000 Speaker 3: solving I got to office, and so what I do now, Yes, 470 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:32,439 Speaker 3: I want to be you know, empathetic. I want to listen. 471 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,880 Speaker 3: But instead of taking it on like oh my gosh, 472 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,479 Speaker 3: what are we going to do? Asking a simple question 473 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,720 Speaker 3: if you are supporting a friend through something of what 474 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,480 Speaker 3: are you going to do? Or what do you want 475 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,119 Speaker 3: to do? It puts the onus on the other person, 476 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:48,119 Speaker 3: so that now you're not taking that on energetically because 477 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,320 Speaker 3: you just saying what are we going to do? You've 478 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,639 Speaker 3: now energetically added that layer of stress and whatever that 479 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,760 Speaker 3: might be, that burden onto yourself. So yes, find and 480 00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:03,080 Speaker 3: create your sacred space and use it. Yes, yes, And 481 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:07,040 Speaker 3: number three is practice gratitude. We have episodes about gratitude. 482 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,440 Speaker 3: I think practicing gratitude is so great because it helps 483 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,560 Speaker 3: you put things in perspective. I know for me again, 484 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:15,840 Speaker 3: when we go through things, I think it's healthy for 485 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 3: us to feel all the emotions, right. We want to 486 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:20,879 Speaker 3: give ourselves time to process that. And at the same time, 487 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,920 Speaker 3: I also find that when I'm going through or really anytime, 488 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,840 Speaker 3: I just love to lean into gratitude. So when I 489 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:31,639 Speaker 3: wake up in the morning, I literally thank God for 490 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:34,000 Speaker 3: just the smallest things that I might take for granted. 491 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:37,479 Speaker 3: Like I'm having some back pain right now. Okay, girls, 492 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:41,040 Speaker 3: some of them bays having some back pain. And it's 493 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,719 Speaker 3: funny because today, even though my back was hurting, I 494 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:46,479 Speaker 3: was like, oh, you know what's so cool. I was like, 495 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,880 Speaker 3: when my back wasn't hurting, I would actually say thank 496 00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:51,360 Speaker 3: You for my back not hurting. And it made me 497 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,320 Speaker 3: so crazy. Don This is a real perspective shit for 498 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,640 Speaker 3: me because I was reminiscing and grateful for the fact 499 00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,800 Speaker 3: that my back doesn't hurt on a regular like it's 500 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 3: just hurting for right now. I know that it's going 501 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:03,200 Speaker 3: to leave, but I was like, oh damn, it doesn't 502 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,280 Speaker 3: feel like a missed opportunity where I had something that 503 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,160 Speaker 3: I took for granted. But now that I don't have 504 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,720 Speaker 3: the you know, back pain, I'm actually grateful for the 505 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:14,400 Speaker 3: fact that, you know what, all those times when I 506 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 3: woke up and my back wasn't hurting, I actually thanked 507 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,920 Speaker 3: God for having a good back. You know, my back 508 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:22,080 Speaker 3: isn't hurting today. And it always reminds me of when 509 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,320 Speaker 3: I get a cold and like my nose is stuffy, 510 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:28,520 Speaker 3: and I'm never grateful for that smooth breathing until my 511 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,280 Speaker 3: nose is stuff and I'm like, damn it, I should 512 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:32,760 Speaker 3: have been grateful when my nose was fo I always 513 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,400 Speaker 3: think about that gratitude. 514 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 1: Yes, but I think that that's a good point about 515 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:42,640 Speaker 1: like practicing gratitude. Getting in the habit of practicing gratitude 516 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:48,360 Speaker 1: puts you in a space where when negativity comes your way, 517 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:57,440 Speaker 1: it becomes like second nature to instantly shift to what 518 00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: can you be grateful for? Right, So, like you're looking 519 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,520 Speaker 1: at all of the negative around you, but you also 520 00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:08,480 Speaker 1: know how to recognize and acknowledge. 521 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:09,560 Speaker 2: The good things. 522 00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 1: And I think you know, for practicing gratitude. All it 523 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,520 Speaker 1: takes is, like you said, like starting your day with 524 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:20,520 Speaker 1: thanking God for whatever it. 525 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:22,040 Speaker 2: Is that you're grateful for that morning. 526 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:26,080 Speaker 1: What I like to do sometimes is in the evening, 527 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,840 Speaker 1: as I'm winding down my day before i go to sleep, 528 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:31,080 Speaker 1: to think about the things that I'm grateful for that 529 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:34,320 Speaker 1: happened that day. Because then what that does is that 530 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 1: puts me in a space of going to sleep in 531 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:38,840 Speaker 1: a positive space. 532 00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,960 Speaker 3: Mm hmm. I love it. 533 00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:46,080 Speaker 1: And you know, I think that's a good lead in 534 00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:53,040 Speaker 1: to our tip number four, which is about affirmations, right, 535 00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:58,360 Speaker 1: and the fact that affirmations, if you make a habit 536 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:03,479 Speaker 1: of practicing affirmation, just like practicing your gratitude, over time, 537 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:10,320 Speaker 1: it can easily, just like the gratitude, come back the negativity. 538 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,560 Speaker 1: And you know, because one of the things too is 539 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:20,840 Speaker 1: that you can't be positive and negative at the exact 540 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:24,320 Speaker 1: same time because they'll cancel each other out right. And 541 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:30,160 Speaker 1: so if you focus on putting your energy into positive 542 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:35,160 Speaker 1: affirmations and saying those things daily, what that does is 543 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,040 Speaker 1: want to boosts your confidence, It boosts your mood, but 544 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,920 Speaker 1: it also becomes your armor. So like if you're at 545 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:48,280 Speaker 1: work and everyone around you is being negative or someone 546 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,520 Speaker 1: is constantly trying to put you down. So you walk 547 00:31:51,560 --> 00:32:00,680 Speaker 1: in with that and I'm saying, walk in, walk in 548 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:05,800 Speaker 1: with that fly outfit. Or in COVID, you hop on 549 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,200 Speaker 1: that zoom meeting and you decide you're not gonna wear 550 00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,160 Speaker 1: your T shirt today, but you're gonna wear that fly 551 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,080 Speaker 1: dress that's been sitting in your closet. 552 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:16,120 Speaker 2: And you have that coworker. 553 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:18,360 Speaker 1: Who has something negative to say, because again they're in 554 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,080 Speaker 1: a miserable space and they're trying to pull you into that. 555 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,880 Speaker 1: When you are constantly practicing gratitude but then also constantly 556 00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:30,560 Speaker 1: affirming yourself, then you won't also take it personally that 557 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,800 Speaker 1: they have something negative stay about your fly dress, because 558 00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:40,200 Speaker 1: you know that you're in a good space and you've 559 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:41,680 Speaker 1: been protecting your peace. 560 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:46,640 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, Tom, again, I would agree wholeheartedly. And 561 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:48,440 Speaker 3: I don't have much to add there. I mean, I 562 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:50,600 Speaker 3: think you hit it spot on. I know that I 563 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,400 Speaker 3: used to have affirmations that I hung up around the mirror, 564 00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:57,240 Speaker 3: and after doing that for so long, my affirmation sort 565 00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:01,240 Speaker 3: of became ingrained within me, and so now I don't 566 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,400 Speaker 3: have them hung around the house anymore. But sometimes if 567 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,600 Speaker 3: I have goals that I want to achieve, I will 568 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,240 Speaker 3: hang them up. So Yes, lean into those affirmations because 569 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:11,520 Speaker 3: oftentimes we have to work over time when we are 570 00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:15,600 Speaker 3: in a negative environment to counteract the negativity. So Yes, 571 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,760 Speaker 3: spot on, And that takes us to number five, lady, 572 00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,920 Speaker 3: which is be conscious of your thoughts. Oh my goodness, again, 573 00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:25,320 Speaker 3: we're going back to the power of the mind. Sometimes 574 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,760 Speaker 3: again we can take on someone else's energy and their 575 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,400 Speaker 3: thoughts when it's not even ours. And so we want 576 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,760 Speaker 3: to be mindful of what am I thinking about? 577 00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:34,040 Speaker 2: Right? 578 00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:37,480 Speaker 3: Being mindful without judgment, So just noticing what's coming up 579 00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:39,360 Speaker 3: for me? What am I thinking about? In high crime? 580 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 3: How can I reframe what isn't true? Right? I think 581 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:45,760 Speaker 3: about a time when I was younger and a quite 582 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,040 Speaker 3: a few family members would joke around. I think they 583 00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:50,120 Speaker 3: were joking at least, and they would say, you know, 584 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,440 Speaker 3: ugly is such an ugly word, right y, And hearing 585 00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:56,760 Speaker 3: someone right and hearing someone call you that, especially when 586 00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:58,920 Speaker 3: you're trying to develop who you are and you're still 587 00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:03,040 Speaker 3: so impressionable and you hear someone saying that, it can 588 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:06,120 Speaker 3: really impact you, right, whether you're young or an adult, 589 00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 3: because you I still don't tolerate that day, I'm like, 590 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,359 Speaker 3: hold up. And so when you think about reframing, I 591 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:14,000 Speaker 3: remember my household. I would hear certain things, and what 592 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:16,759 Speaker 3: I would do is when I heard the statement, if 593 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,920 Speaker 3: it was something negative or something I didn't agree with, 594 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:22,680 Speaker 3: I would restate what they said, but change it to 595 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,640 Speaker 3: a positive so that I would like cancel it out 596 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,439 Speaker 3: myself because I wanted to capture that energy really quick 597 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:33,120 Speaker 3: and transmute it. Yeah, right, And so it worked wonders 598 00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,160 Speaker 3: for me because in my household, we couldn't talk back. 599 00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:36,839 Speaker 3: There was no talking back. I didn't want to get 600 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,680 Speaker 3: it back in so there was no talking back. So 601 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,560 Speaker 3: it was like you mother, as of this that that whatever. 602 00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:46,120 Speaker 3: In my mind, I'm just saying in affirmation and I'm reframing, right, 603 00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:48,680 Speaker 3: so being conscious of what I'm thinking and what I'm 604 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,560 Speaker 3: letting come into my psyche. 605 00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:52,880 Speaker 2: So yes, I agree. 606 00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:57,600 Speaker 1: I think that's an excellent strategy to reframing. And I 607 00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:00,880 Speaker 1: think the only other thing that I would like add 608 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,239 Speaker 1: to that is just thinking about how to do that 609 00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:09,040 Speaker 1: in the workplace. Right, So you have your boss giving 610 00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:15,000 Speaker 1: you some feedback, and instead of looking at that feedback 611 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:21,760 Speaker 1: as a personal attack, you reframe that as an opportunity 612 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:28,640 Speaker 1: to learn, as an opportunity to grow, And so you 613 00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:34,480 Speaker 1: take something that could be perceived as negative and turn 614 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:38,480 Speaker 1: that into an opportunity. And I recognize that that may 615 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:43,560 Speaker 1: work in a workspace, but I also want to be 616 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:46,759 Speaker 1: mindful that there are times in which we are in 617 00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:53,680 Speaker 1: settings that we are not physically, mentally or emotionally safe, 618 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:59,160 Speaker 1: and so in those instances, the reframing might not work 619 00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:04,200 Speaker 1: in that moment because then your safety is the top priority. 620 00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:10,000 Speaker 3: I'm glad that you pointed that out down and. 621 00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:13,680 Speaker 1: So then with the reframing, I think that that's like 622 00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:21,040 Speaker 1: a good lead into tip number six about journaling, right, 623 00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:25,840 Speaker 1: because I think that when we use our journals to 624 00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:29,120 Speaker 1: kind of reflect on things that have happened to us, 625 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,360 Speaker 1: what that allows us to do is as we're writing 626 00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:38,640 Speaker 1: things down, it allows us to look at it and identify, Okay, 627 00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:44,759 Speaker 1: how can I take this negative and turn it into 628 00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:45,840 Speaker 1: something positive? 629 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,399 Speaker 3: Yep, I would agree with that, And I think that 630 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:53,320 Speaker 3: you know, some folks are not really big fans of journaling. 631 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:56,440 Speaker 3: I have always loved the journal, but sometimes my hand 632 00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:58,960 Speaker 3: is like, girl, we need have been typing all day. 633 00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:02,040 Speaker 3: I don't feel like writing. So definitely, lean into, you know, 634 00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:04,799 Speaker 3: a virtual journal or like your voice notes on your 635 00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:07,319 Speaker 3: phone and stuff like that, or I used to do 636 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,800 Speaker 3: like vlogs even like just prop up my video camera. 637 00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:12,839 Speaker 3: They also have these really dope journals on Amazon down 638 00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:16,279 Speaker 3: that I've ordered, where it has a combination so that 639 00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:18,319 Speaker 3: you can lock it so if you are at home 640 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,560 Speaker 3: with family or you are in a space where you're like, 641 00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:22,480 Speaker 3: why I'm not trying to journal. I don't want no 642 00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:25,000 Speaker 3: nosy people in here trying to read uster. You can 643 00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:27,120 Speaker 3: always order one of those and you can keep it 644 00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,480 Speaker 3: locked up so that you can have that level of privacy. 645 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:31,560 Speaker 3: But I'm with you, Dom, I think journaling is a 646 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,239 Speaker 3: great way for you to also kind of use some 647 00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:36,319 Speaker 3: of the tips we talked about before and go to 648 00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:39,080 Speaker 3: another place in your mind, whether you're mapping out your vision, 649 00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:42,560 Speaker 3: mapping out your ideal life, mapping out your ideal environment. 650 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:44,839 Speaker 3: That's what I used to do when I was at home. Girl, 651 00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,399 Speaker 3: I was like, when I have my own place, when 652 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,359 Speaker 3: I get grown, I'm going to do this and do that. 653 00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,319 Speaker 3: And when I tell you my home life is so 654 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,200 Speaker 3: I mean, obviously life is not perfect, right, but like 655 00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:57,640 Speaker 3: my home life is so amazing, Like it's just it's 656 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:01,319 Speaker 3: literally the vibe and energy that I've cultivate, and so 657 00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:04,960 Speaker 3: I think you again moving into the future. Also, as 658 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:09,120 Speaker 3: a side note, Lady, after this episode, I know we 659 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,080 Speaker 3: said this in the beginning, but Domina are going to 660 00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,680 Speaker 3: record an after show. So if you have not, headed 661 00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:16,960 Speaker 3: over to our website Herspace podcast dot com to access 662 00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:21,279 Speaker 3: our after show episode for free on Patreon. Girl what 663 00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:24,279 Speaker 3: is you doing? So head on over Herspace podcast and 664 00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:27,200 Speaker 3: you can just click on Wisdom Wednesday with Terry at 665 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,440 Speaker 3: the very top. It'll take you to Patreon and you'll 666 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:32,520 Speaker 3: get free access. In September is almost over, so in September, 667 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,200 Speaker 3: so catch our after show episodes where we talk about 668 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:38,680 Speaker 3: the episode. We give you behind the scenes scoop on 669 00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:40,920 Speaker 3: what we were thinking, how we came up with the content. 670 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,320 Speaker 3: So don't miss out. If you liked the episodes, I 671 00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:45,239 Speaker 3: think you can enjoy that after show as well. 672 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,439 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, I think that's a good point because 673 00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:52,920 Speaker 1: I think also sometimes in our after shows, like we 674 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,400 Speaker 1: go into a little bit deeper some of the tips 675 00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:59,440 Speaker 1: that we share or what led us to coming up 676 00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:00,680 Speaker 1: with some of these tips. 677 00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:05,319 Speaker 3: Mm hmm, So don't miss out, lady, And then we're 678 00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:07,520 Speaker 3: going to high right back into our list here. So 679 00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,360 Speaker 3: number seven is boundary setting, and we have an episode 680 00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:13,040 Speaker 3: on boundary setting. And again this kind of goes back 681 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:16,719 Speaker 3: to what you said, don you know, take this advice, 682 00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:18,960 Speaker 3: but do what's the best and what's going to keep 683 00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:22,520 Speaker 3: you safe for your environment. Like for me, setting boundaries 684 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:24,880 Speaker 3: in the environment I grew up in probably wouldn't have 685 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:26,520 Speaker 3: worked out so well for me right because of the 686 00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:30,000 Speaker 3: nature of the environment. But now you know my home 687 00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,799 Speaker 3: now or my work now, you know, I feel safe 688 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,320 Speaker 3: setting boundaries in those situations. So I think setting boundaries 689 00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,560 Speaker 3: is key. I've had friends before that, you know, have 690 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:42,480 Speaker 3: played around a little too much and said things that 691 00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,879 Speaker 3: didn't make me feel really good. And again, because I've 692 00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:49,200 Speaker 3: worked so hard to increase my self esteem and I 693 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:51,799 Speaker 3: struggled so much with low self esteem and self hate 694 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:53,839 Speaker 3: and things like that over the years, I am so 695 00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,040 Speaker 3: particular about how people speak to me and what they say. 696 00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,640 Speaker 3: So if someone's being nasty and it's like a friend 697 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,000 Speaker 3: saying some side weigh shit, where I'm just like pauls, 698 00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:04,239 Speaker 3: what you just say, I will let them know. And 699 00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:07,160 Speaker 3: the way that I communicate, you know, like that's not 700 00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,400 Speaker 3: okay with me. And so I think setting boundaries is 701 00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,399 Speaker 3: key because we really do set the tone for how 702 00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:15,640 Speaker 3: people treat us, right like we literally write the script. 703 00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,120 Speaker 3: We write the script, and what we allow is going 704 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:21,000 Speaker 3: to continue one hundred percent of the time. So if 705 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,960 Speaker 3: every time Dom and I meet up and Dom pops 706 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:25,160 Speaker 3: me in the back of the head and I don't 707 00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,200 Speaker 3: say anything about it, now, I'm gonna be like, don, 708 00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:31,239 Speaker 3: you better stop doing that down That's literally the first 709 00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:33,120 Speaker 3: thing that came to mind. I'm like, Don pops me 710 00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:34,880 Speaker 3: in the back of the head, like hey girl, and 711 00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:37,360 Speaker 3: I'm just like, okay, I'm just gonna keep let her 712 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,560 Speaker 3: do it. She said, I think it's okay, right, But 713 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:41,479 Speaker 3: if I set a boundary and let her know, like Don, 714 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:43,359 Speaker 3: I wish you would stop popping me in the back 715 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:45,920 Speaker 3: of my head. I don't like it, then we'll have 716 00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,920 Speaker 3: a conversation and Dom will you stop? 717 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:50,040 Speaker 2: I will stop. 718 00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,200 Speaker 1: And I think the thing with that is is that 719 00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:56,640 Speaker 1: so I'm going to be respecting your boundary. And how 720 00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:59,360 Speaker 1: I protect my piece is if I know that's something 721 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:01,440 Speaker 1: that like how I like to joke around with my 722 00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:04,960 Speaker 1: friends and maybe that's my way of being playful and 723 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:10,360 Speaker 1: fun if that's your boundary, I'm not gonna take that personally, 724 00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:14,160 Speaker 1: right because if I take that personally, then that puts 725 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:17,759 Speaker 1: me in a negative space, which could then have a 726 00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:22,840 Speaker 1: negative impact on our friendship. And so I will respect 727 00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,440 Speaker 1: your boundary, but not take it personally. 728 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,960 Speaker 3: Domb and wait for this stuff. You said something in 729 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:30,839 Speaker 3: the beginning where you were like, it's not about you, boo. 730 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:33,920 Speaker 3: And for me, the reasoning is one obviously, like some 731 00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:35,359 Speaker 3: people just don't like to be popped in the back 732 00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:36,480 Speaker 3: of the head. But if I grew up in an 733 00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:39,640 Speaker 3: abusive household, that's triggering for me. So be telling you, 734 00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:41,360 Speaker 3: like dom, I don't like that. It has nothing to 735 00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:44,040 Speaker 3: do with you. It's about a trigger for me. So boom. Ladies, 736 00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:45,360 Speaker 3: see how we brought that full circle. 737 00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:50,560 Speaker 2: That's how we do. And we will really bring. 738 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:54,560 Speaker 1: This full circle with our final tip that as you 739 00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:59,480 Speaker 1: are working through all of these tips, chances are you 740 00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:06,040 Speaker 1: may they'll need support. And so our final tip is 741 00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:10,600 Speaker 1: to find a support system, whether that is through an 742 00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:17,000 Speaker 1: online community of people who have similar experiences, whether. 743 00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:17,880 Speaker 2: That's through a coach. 744 00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:22,080 Speaker 1: And we have a couple of episodes that talk about. 745 00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:25,480 Speaker 2: The need for coaching and the benefits of. 746 00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:30,640 Speaker 1: Coaching, identifying your circle, your inner circle of friends who 747 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:34,400 Speaker 1: really will be supportive of you and understanding. 748 00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:37,680 Speaker 2: And don't hesitate to find a therapist. 749 00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:41,440 Speaker 1: There are many options out there now for therapists. You 750 00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:47,040 Speaker 1: can use the Therapy for Black Girls directory, Psychology Today, 751 00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:51,640 Speaker 1: Melanin and mental health. That's just a small portion of 752 00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:55,640 Speaker 1: how you can find a therapist in your area who 753 00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:59,360 Speaker 1: will support you. And one of the things that I 754 00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:02,200 Speaker 1: do want to make sure that we point out, and 755 00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:05,120 Speaker 1: I know, lady, if you listen to the podcast all 756 00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:08,200 Speaker 1: the way to the very last second, you hear me 757 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:15,280 Speaker 1: give the disclaimer of our podcast not being a replacement 758 00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:21,640 Speaker 1: for the work of a trained mental health provider. While lady, 759 00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:28,319 Speaker 1: we fully appreciate you listening to us and taking in 760 00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:32,440 Speaker 1: the nuggets that we give, this is not the same 761 00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:37,279 Speaker 1: as having a one on one relationship with a therapist 762 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:42,319 Speaker 1: or with a coach. And if you are in that 763 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,440 Speaker 1: space where you feel like you have utilized all of 764 00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:52,360 Speaker 1: these tips and things still aren't able to turn around, 765 00:43:52,719 --> 00:43:57,720 Speaker 1: you still find yourself struggling with that negative space, don't 766 00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:00,000 Speaker 1: hesitate to reach. 767 00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:04,320 Speaker 2: Out to a coach or a therapist. 768 00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:06,520 Speaker 3: And lady, we're gonna go ahead and circle back around 769 00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:09,239 Speaker 3: on all eight tips. I do want to say, Dom 770 00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,759 Speaker 3: and I are about to head on over to Patreon 771 00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,280 Speaker 3: to record the after show and Dom has a segment 772 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,440 Speaker 3: called Talkback Tuesday with Doctor Dom and we're going to 773 00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:21,680 Speaker 3: cover some questions that really, I mean, they are pretty 774 00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:23,719 Speaker 3: on point when it comes to the topic for this episode, 775 00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:25,759 Speaker 3: so we're gonna cover those over on Patreons. I'll make 776 00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:27,920 Speaker 3: sure you join us. Head on over to Herspace podcast 777 00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:30,920 Speaker 3: dot com click on Wisdom Wednesday with Terry Patreon and 778 00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,520 Speaker 3: it'll take you right there. So if we're gonna circle 779 00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:36,000 Speaker 3: back on our eight tips for how you can stay 780 00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:40,720 Speaker 3: positive and protect your peace and a negative or chaotic environment, 781 00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:45,439 Speaker 3: we have number one, don't take it personally. Number two 782 00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:51,919 Speaker 3: find or create a sacred space. Number three, practice gratitude, 783 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:59,719 Speaker 3: number four, create affirmations, number five, be conscious of your 784 00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:07,920 Speaker 3: thought number six, journal number seven, set those boundaries, and 785 00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:12,520 Speaker 3: number eight find a support system. 786 00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:15,440 Speaker 5: Hey lady, it's Terry here from the Herspyes podcast and 787 00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:18,040 Speaker 5: I have a question for you. Do you want to 788 00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:21,440 Speaker 5: start your own podcast? Have you been thinking to yourself? 789 00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:23,839 Speaker 5: You know what, I want to start a podcast, but 790 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:27,160 Speaker 5: you just haven't taken the leap. If that's you, I 791 00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:31,560 Speaker 5: got you. I'm hosting a free podcasting masterclass where I'm 792 00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:34,040 Speaker 5: going to teach you how to create your own podcast 793 00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:37,040 Speaker 5: from start to finish. So visit Terry Limax dot com 794 00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:38,840 Speaker 5: and click on the pink link in the middle of 795 00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:44,400 Speaker 5: your screen and register for my free podcasting masterclass. Today's 796 00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:48,040 Speaker 5: episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, or 797 00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:51,840 Speaker 5: even a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments, 798 00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:55,120 Speaker 5: or if you feel comforted throughout the episode, Lady, please 799 00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:56,960 Speaker 5: leave us a review and tell us what we're doing 800 00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:59,360 Speaker 5: right so we can stay on track. Also, we release 801 00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:02,880 Speaker 5: episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe on iTunes 802 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:06,200 Speaker 5: and visit herspacepodcast dot com and enter your email address 803 00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,680 Speaker 5: to get updates about our live events and all the 804 00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:10,600 Speaker 5: new beginnings. 805 00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:11,120 Speaker 3: That we have for this year. 806 00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:16,600 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note 807 00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:21,040 Speaker 1: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 808 00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:24,799 Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 809 00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:28,280 Speaker 1: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 810 00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:33,040 Speaker 1: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are 811 00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:36,000 Speaker 1: someone you know is the need of mental health care, 812 00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:40,640 Speaker 1: Please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology Today 813 00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,080 Speaker 1: or contact your insurance provider. 814 00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:45,319 Speaker 3: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 815 00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:48,719 Speaker 3: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 816 00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:53,680 Speaker 3: Twitter at her space podcast or check out our website 817 00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:57,960 Speaker 3: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat 818 00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:02,319 Speaker 3: after me, There's something inside of me that's bigger than 819 00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:03,279 Speaker 3: any obstacle. 820 00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:07,720 Speaker 2: We'll see you next week, Lady