00:00:08
Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. But you're a guess to my home. You gotta come to be empty, And.

00:00:25
Speaker 2: I said, no, guest, your presence is presence. And I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare.

00:00:36
Speaker 1: To surbey me?

00:00:48
Speaker 3: Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Richard Wineger. I had a slightly bigger breakfast bar than usual this morning, so I'm riding on an insane hi and to impact that. I have a wonderful guest with me today. A very funny writer, comedian, just general funny person about town. Louis Bertel, co host of Keep It That's True, wonderful podcast that's worth checking out. Writer on Jimmy Kimmel Alive. He does all kinds of things. I'm the new Bridger there. I took my place. You ever seen the movie Rebecca? Like You're like you're you're Rebecca? Like I haven't seen it, but I would love to Bridge.

00:01:27
Speaker 4: I used to sit there, he was ravishing.

00:01:31
Speaker 3: I am, wait, so is Rebecca the person who's she's taken over?

00:01:36
Speaker 4: Or does Rebecca take over? Rebecca is the one who she's never in the movie. So she used to live there and we're constantly hearing tales of Rebecca. Oh and I'm like the trembling newcomer, and as you should be sitting there with best coal, right, I know who had a baby, so.

00:01:50
Speaker 3: She's been gone for a minute. No, Lewis, you're just I mean, I just have to say you're terrific. You're on Twitter, and I think a lot of people on Twitter are commenting on current events pop culture to zero success. Sure, I would say ninety nine point ninety percent of people. You're one person who does this in a very nice, tidy way. It feels to me, feels like you're in a traffic chopper kind of just overlooking pop culture and just observing things for us. Oh that's so beautiful. No, so people need to check that out. But you're I don't understand how you managed to keep kind of a distance from it. You don't get too emotional about it, but managed to still be very funny. Yeah, well I think it helps that.

00:02:37
Speaker 4: I mean, the bottom line is pop cultures is constantly on my mind, like I need someplace to displace thinking about it. Sure, and I also have not kidding, probably undiagnosed add So I like them and just serrated tweets, like I don't like chinking about something any longer than a tweet. Basically, I'm like a product of this generation, et cetera.

00:02:57
Speaker 3: Well, and these sort of things don't usually don't require more than two or three sentence.

00:03:01
Speaker 4: Correct, It's satisfying, Like I feel like I've gotten to the complete end of a thought, of a think piece, if you will. Of course, by the time, like the two hundredth character.

00:03:11
Speaker 3: Rolls around, totally recurring theme I think that's bubbling up on this podcast is that I may be the exact opposite of this, where I feel wildly out of touch with everything. If you're the traffic chopper pop culture person, I'm the what was that the East Pond hermit.

00:03:31
Speaker 4: Do you remember this? Do you remember this?

00:03:33
Speaker 3: Occasionally I feel like I'm breaking into someone's house and kind of seeing what's going on and then going back into the woods.

00:03:39
Speaker 4: Well, I feel like you are slightly bewildered by everything, but I also feel like you know everything. Oh, I certainly don't know everything. Like if I brought up a TV show, you'd be like, oh yeah with that actress and that actress, Oh my god, No, I wouldn't be able to name the actresses that's one hundred, but I cannot.

00:03:57
Speaker 3: I have to. I truly have to sit down. Once I find an actor or actress that I enjoy, I sit down and study their name to commit it to memory. I'm not kidding. Some of my absolute favorite celebrities and actors I will not be able to recall that.

00:04:11
Speaker 4: That's my one room school. It's like going through the vowels and consonants in their name.

00:04:17
Speaker 1: Truly.

00:04:17
Speaker 3: That and your I mean, your memory is obviously a fully different thing. Your your capacity to hold trivia in your mind is insane.

00:04:28
Speaker 4: Yes, But now I'm thirty three now, and if most Jeopardy contestants, it's been discovered peak at about twenty eight twenty nine age, and that's when I was on the show. And so now I truly feel like I'm in constant I could constantly lose it at any moment, so I feel going to slip away. How do you maintain it? I mean, I'm constantly reading trivia Like on Jimmy Kimmel, we write jokes every morning before then I will usually read one or two Jeopardy boards.

00:04:57
Speaker 3: Wow, this is incredible, takes me up. Yeah, have you learned anything interesting recently?

00:05:02
Speaker 4: Oh god, I mean to me, most of trivia is relearning things and reaffirming it in your brain. Okay, so is there anything I'm thinking about recently? I was just thinking about how no one talks about Rim anymore relevant to you. Wait, are we talking about Rim the band? The band?

00:05:17
Speaker 3: Well, Michael Stipe has tried to relaunch some sort of solo career recently, and it feels like that didn't happen.

00:05:24
Speaker 4: But yeah, no, but just it's one of those things like sort of like Conan O'Brien in the nineties, where it was there was for a certain demographic, it was all they talked about and like it was like the brand new comment and now in a way, it just we've lost it absolutely, you know. Going back to Michael Stipe, I do think a few weeks ago, I was having breakfast at a restaurant and saw someone who could have been Michael stipee Moby, Moby essentially any bald David Cross, Yeah, bald, not David Cross. That's on.

00:05:59
Speaker 3: I think that's unfair to Michael Stipe. And Movie, well, no, Movie is not a good looking person. Michael Stipe handsome enough, Yeah, and he has a dreamy melancholy in his eye. Yeah, but who other famous bald men could have possibly been?

00:06:12
Speaker 4: It was so not JK. Simmons. It was not ja. I would know JK.

00:06:15
Speaker 3: Simmons. I would know uh snead O'connornado Connor. Yes, so I don't know there was. So you're sure it was a famous person or someone from a dream, Okay, someone that I had seen in a vision.

00:06:31
Speaker 4: But it was.

00:06:32
Speaker 3: It haunted me for at least two hours after breakfast. Yeah, you know, it really had an impact on me. And now we're talking about it months later, and we're talking. I mean, we're bringing Rim back, I hope, so single handed. They just bringing this band back into the zeigays.

00:06:47
Speaker 4: No, I mean, I hate to think that there are things like forgotten queer history that only occurred like fifteen twenty years ago. Of course, I'm happy to bring it back forcefully. Here, are you an Ram fan? Yes? I was. I mean that was like the one band I was ever into. I O interesting. For a long time, I didn't understand that men made music. I thought it was like a female solo artist thing. We all agreed, we loved, of course, But I had one band I was into and that was aria interesting.

00:07:14
Speaker 3: I Uh, something I've been thinking about recently. I actually have the opposite experience of because I think largely to the fact that I was closeted for fifty years.

00:07:24
Speaker 4: You're in your late nineties.

00:07:25
Speaker 3: Yes, I just turned ninety six, and I feel so sprightly and new.

00:07:32
Speaker 4: No.

00:07:32
Speaker 3: I listened to largely male driven music, which I still appreciate and whatever. But in the last maybe I appreciate. It's exactly the word I would pick for it too.

00:07:42
Speaker 4: I respect what it is, not my thing, yes, but I've now turned a big corner where I'm listening to much more female centric music.

00:07:53
Speaker 3: I'm just balancing the scales. But something I was thinking about strictly with pop music is I have zero, absolutely zero patients for a male voice in like mainstream pop. It makes no sense. Why doesn't it make sense? Why are we so tolerant of or like we love to hear a female singer on a pop song? Yeah, but like, who are we even talking about Ed Sheeran?

00:08:16
Speaker 4: What? I no? Like Sam Smith? I don't believe you're yearning. No, oh, absolutely not. You get whatever you want. Yes, women have to fight.

00:08:26
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe that's what it is because I mean, I could name multiple and I'm not I'm not a big pop music listener, but if I'm going to listen to it, it will be a woman singing yeah. And I could not tell you a man singing a pop song.

00:08:41
Speaker 4: That I like. Yeah, no, please, what was the last good male song?

00:08:45
Speaker 2: I know?

00:08:46
Speaker 4: I mean Prince, I mean, I don't know what the answer, well, but Prince doesn't really And it's not that category or rock or yeah, everybody I'm going back to they are all like R and B singers or and it doesn't even have to be about like a virtuosic voice. I mean, there's something even about a dua lipa where it's like, oh, I believe your gurglee just woke up from a nap voice. Oh yeah, speaks to me more than whatever the fuck i'd she here and it's done?

00:09:11
Speaker 3: Yes, Or I mean Carl Ray Jipson, she's no singer please, Oh no, No, she's a hard bob. Yeah, but you know we're doing it.

00:09:20
Speaker 4: Yeah. No. If I could judge a reality competition, it'd be called the Hardest Bob, the Hardest. I would sit across from the bobs and rank them. Who would Carly be number one. Well, I mean she would have to her Bob would have to get a little bit more parenthetical shape. Yes, for me to really be obsessed with it. Well, then who's number one? I mean it would have to be a vintage Bob have to be like, sure, you know a Lee Grant or who else was in that universe of people who are on Match Game seventy seven? So you know who? Joyce Bolophone says, you got to look that up. Absolutely lost it.

00:09:54
Speaker 3: But anyway, sorry, I mean, speaking of losing people, there's something I want to talk about. We're gonna die verge for a minute because this is something truly only I can speak to you about, and this is when the podcast loses every listener.

00:10:06
Speaker 4: Okay, great.

00:10:07
Speaker 3: Recently I had a shocking kind of something that shifted hugely in my life. For years, I've been talking about how much I love the actor orson Bean Oh, oh my god, you just Match Game actors. Yes, married to Ali Mills from The Wonder Years. He's who I want to age into as a senior citizen. Yes, kind of, you know, just a slight magic to him kind of. I can't quite pin it. But I was watching Magnolia at the movie, of course, watching and loving it. Get to an actor who I has? Henry Gibson. Do you know Henry Gibson wait in Magnolia?

00:10:44
Speaker 1: Is he?

00:10:45
Speaker 4: Who is he?

00:10:45
Speaker 3: He's an old man, he's at the bar? Sure, yes, yes, yes. I for my entire life, I've been confusing these two actors. I've thought both of them were Orson Bean. Oh, I see, and things have now shifted in a huge way. I guess I like Orson Bean and Henry Gibson. Henry Gibson very luck. I feel very fortunate and blessed and things have just kind of come to me in a way that has improved my life. But Henry Gibson incredible role in the movie Inner Space.

00:11:14
Speaker 4: Which I've never seen. That's Martin shortt right, yes, Martin Shore.

00:11:17
Speaker 3: There's a grocery store scene where Martin Short is like he is ringing things up and the end he's like the shampoo is like nine hundred dollars and all this he's having a mental breakdown. His manager's played by Henry Gibson. This is truly the audience of this podcast is destroying their phone right now.

00:11:34
Speaker 4: Now here's rolling it into a pond. As a podcast veteran, I have to tell you actually just have to power through your niche interests and then just to act like they should have known anyway. That's a good trick. Well.

00:11:45
Speaker 3: And I also want people to look up these two actors and tell me why was I so confused? Why did I meld them in my mind?

00:11:52
Speaker 4: Yeah? No, And I think that's fair. I mean just I mean, for instance, in the eighties, there was a time when we had both Kate Bush yeah, and the actress Mary Steam Virgin. And just if you didn't mix them up, are we the same species? I'm not mixing these two women up. Are you kidding them? They look very similar basically, but then you throw in Mary Elizabeth Master Antonio. It's like the same mousey mom vibe. But listen, very different. I mean, what they're doing is full Mary Steen Virgin. Isn't it out like dancing on the heath? No? Correct, No, she's not lost in a fog. No, she's not whirling in a bog. No. I mean, I'd love to see that. But if you, let's say you put both those names into a Google image search and then started flipping through them, could you switch them back and forth?

00:12:38
Speaker 3: It's as I feel like that's the next tested an up Tontrist, but backwards e is out? Which one of these women is women? Is Kate Bush? Okay? Well, I hope people will look that up. And maybe I've done too much thinking about what I want to look like as like a seventy five plus man.

00:12:57
Speaker 4: Oh that's part of the problem here. Way. What was your takeaway from seeing Magnolia again? I haven't seen it since ninety nine. I'm a huge Look, you know, I'm a huge Amie Mann fan. She's the best. She does the theme song for this show. No she doesn't. She certainly does. What's the theme? She wrote it? No, she did it. She did it. Oh, I'm so angry at myself. That's so amazing.

00:13:19
Speaker 3: Hi, Amy, She's the all time best. But she I mean, the movie's great. It's like I think I had forgotten that it may be his most pretentious movie.

00:13:30
Speaker 4: Oh totally, yeah, I mean truly.

00:13:32
Speaker 3: I mean it's like a movie that you just it's like you finish your like out now write your paper.

00:13:38
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly what homework the movie? Yes, but it's very funny. It's too long. Oh, it's like years long.

00:13:46
Speaker 3: It's I think truly three hours long, which is I broke it down into I think probably a four day watch, which is what I need to do these days. But I enjoyed it everybody, and it's really great, and it's like wild and insane.

00:14:01
Speaker 4: I always feel like nobody talks about the kid in the game show in that movie, which is obviously what spoke to me the moment. Yeah, of course that was I was that kid, Yes, yeah, was Jeopardy? Is Jeopardy's the only game show you've been on? I've been on three game shows. Last year, I was on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Oh what? In that wild? And then I was on It was right when I started to Jimmy Kimmel too. Wait, this does sound familiar to me. How much did you win on? Just like thirty grand? Okay? And what how did you fail a good question? The threshold amount is fifty grand, whereas if you get to that level, you get that no matter what. So I stopped before then, Okay, I took what I hadn't left and oh yeah, and I knew every question up until then. Used No, I think I did use the audience lifeline, but anyway, I knew all of them up to that point, and then I had no clue and brought my ingenious phone of friend person. Now you don't call somebody, you bring them to the studio, but anyway, they couldn't and he didn't know it either. Wow. What was the question? It was oscitation C I T A T I O N is another word for what. And the options were let's see here blinking, okay, yawning, all right, salivating okay, or sneezing. I'm going to say yawning. It was yawning. Oh would have would you have gone for it? Oh? Absolutely not. I'm not a gambling man. By the way, I didn't know if I was a gambling mane and then in a bad way, you got it, You've got it. I was standing there and I was like, how terrifying. Oh yeah, it's that feeling of realizing you can lose a ton of money on a slot machine in like three palls and that would ruin the rest of the year for me. Yeah.

00:15:40
Speaker 3: I would just think about that for the rest of my life. So I think you made the right choice here.

00:15:44
Speaker 4: Yeah. And also it may as well have been one of the other choices I have no of course, it tidbit about it that makes it all make sense afterwards, it were you leaning towards yawning. Yeah, So when I was I called my phone if one person on stage and we were talking about it, and he was like, you should go for that, but we didn't have a concrete reason. Right later he had a brilliant insight, which was, oh, we used the fifty to fifties, so it was done as salivating and yawning, right, and he goes, salivating is already definitely the technical word for what that is, whereas yawning. Yeah, yawning feels like you know, so that would have been a good point.

00:16:22
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think you made the right choice there, And I also think that, yeah, had you made it to the next round, things would have fallen apart in an even bigger way. That's true, Yeah, because I think you're shaky at that point. You're like I've dodged a bullet and then it just throws everything off.

00:16:38
Speaker 4: And also the host of the show is as Chris Harrison from The Bachelor. No, and let me tell you something. It's not like he's intimidating, but he is. There's a disappointment in his eyes, and I felt I was up against that the whole time too interesting, a disappointment, and just like I think one, He's like, You're not going to blow my mind with your abilities. He's you know, this is like an easy check for him. He there's like seven games in a.

00:17:04
Speaker 3: Row, right, He's not even listening to what's going on. I was thinking about something else. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

00:17:10
Speaker 4: Game show hosts like one of the most cynical parts of the species, you know what I mean, of course, And so in a way I was happy not to completely mess up in front of him, because people do that all the time, right, and I didn't want to be in the ranks. Quote Amy Man of The Freaks, Yeah, of course. Yeah.

00:17:25
Speaker 3: Okay, So you've been on Jeopardy Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

00:17:29
Speaker 4: And I was on another show called The Chase, which is a British game show that came here for two seasons where you and a team of two other people face off against a British trivia expert and if you survive and make it to the final round, you go head to head with him and whoever gets the most questions when how did that go for you? I won thirty eight thousand dollars on that just turned this into the career. I don't understand why you're doing anything else, but like, there are people who win, like whatever, two hundred and fifty grand on a game show, So I feel a little bit like a third tier game show veteran. What's your thought on prices right? Occasionally I will still check in. Actually, just watched a clip in the Prices right yesterday? Okay, consistent? Okay. I have a friend who came up with the game on the Prices right, and I do think that's empowering a complicate accomplishment. Yeah, what is the game? It's called half off you. Basically there are six I think you have to there are sixteen gifts speaking of oh here we go, and if you get enough questions right, you eliminate half the gifts and then you're down to four and down to two and only one is the correct one. So it's like it's like a guessing game. Anyway. Sure, do you have an interest in being on prices right? No? Because they don't like winning prizes.

00:18:38
Speaker 3: Oh okay, you wouldn't want a little camper new barbecue. Nothing about me is jack nying Dinet set Yeah, Dinet, what a great eighties word. Dinet is truly one of the most beautiful words any I mean, adding it to virtually anything is very very good.

00:18:55
Speaker 4: And is it different than a dining room set or is it just Dinet is the adjective for dyna.

00:19:00
Speaker 3: I think it's the same thing, Okay, as far as I know. I mean, I'm no expert, but.

00:19:05
Speaker 4: Dinette also seems like maybe like the name of a secretary. Of course, Dinette. Get in here now, I need to talk to to Dinette.

00:19:14
Speaker 3: Dinette. What are some I feel like there are some other words of the TT is a great Suzette, Suzette. I'm my memory is immediately failing here, but let's add it to everything gifted.

00:19:28
Speaker 4: I miss it.

00:19:29
Speaker 3: Yeah, leuistte bridge Arette, Louette, Louette. Dude, that's nice. Yeah, that's very nice. Speaking, I mean, going back to length of movies. Last night, I saw a movie that was eighty seven minutes long.

00:19:41
Speaker 4: That's what I'm talking about.

00:19:42
Speaker 3: Gretel and Hansel. What is that? This is a dark fantasy film that obviously somebody saw The Witch okay and decided they were going to give it a shot with Hansel and Gretel.

00:19:57
Speaker 4: Oh is is Jeremy Renner in this no, but he did this movie. Oh yeah, Hanzel and Gretel Witch Hunters correct, yes, which I think was also a January release, which is never a good sign for anyone. That's always the list of movies that are in theaters right now as we take this.

00:20:13
Speaker 3: Are just bleak, absolutely bleak. Yeah, this movie was insane. Did remind did make me think? Why no one's ever actually been named Gretel?

00:20:25
Speaker 4: No? Oh no, no, no, no, but I think not here, Let's give it a shot. Gretel's I was wondering, like, Gretel Gerwig, that's a different personnel together.

00:20:33
Speaker 3: Oh, she's haunting me, She's hunting to me. He's kind of like just on a mossy log or something like.

00:20:39
Speaker 4: I have a friend, my best friend in la Andrew, and most of our relationship is texting either dead references or dead names to each other. Like I'll just get a text for him that says Jill, Like nobody's named Jill. Oh yeah, Jill, naming a baby Jill, Yeah, Jillian, Jill. I like this. I like how it feels to say a Jill. Yeah. And I mean it's so easy to say with contempt, right Jill. Yeah, you're in the boardroom. When you say the word jail, Jill and Dinett, Yeah, I need you both for Jil. Yeah.

00:21:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, my favorite word is Thailand all and Jill feels very thailand all adjacent to me.

00:21:20
Speaker 4: I don't know why. Wait, can you discuss that. I just love the word Thailand.

00:21:24
Speaker 2: All.

00:21:24
Speaker 4: There's something out the what is it?

00:21:27
Speaker 1: Is it?

00:21:27
Speaker 3: It's very nice, It's like very soothing or something. It like starts off brilliant and then soft, but not in a not too soft.

00:21:37
Speaker 4: I don't know. It's a beautiful person's name to Thailand all. Yeah, mother of Dynete. Yeah, Thailand has lived on this plantation for fifty years.

00:21:49
Speaker 3: So okay, So the Oscars are behind us, the Grammys are behind us. We're obviously getting ready for the Teen Choice Award.

00:21:56
Speaker 4: That's my surfboard is in hand.

00:21:59
Speaker 3: Yes, I know. I'm curious because I think you have some level of appreciation for award show.

00:22:04
Speaker 2: Is that very?

00:22:05
Speaker 4: Yes?

00:22:05
Speaker 3: I'm curious as to how you rank them because I think, in my opinion, they're all horrible. Yeah, but in varying degrees. And I want you to before I name my what I think is the worst. I want to hear what you think is out of the ones that are the ones yes.

00:22:22
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, if we're talking about watchability, are you talking about nobility of the award?

00:22:29
Speaker 3: I think about just general credibility, respectability, got it do the one that usually gets at the most right, the one that usually gets almost everything wrong if okay?

00:22:40
Speaker 4: On that metric ranking those, I think the ones that mostly get it right are the Tony's Okay, sure, then the Emmys because usually you just have to watch a single episode and people will actually do that. Yeah, I think. And it's also hard to deny, Like if word of mouth builds about a great performance on a TV show, you know what I mean, Like, you're never it's never going to be like, was that person good? Let's give them an Emmy? Whereas I feel like with Oscar performances, you can take a wild swing and fully only forty percent of people like it, and then you'll still get the Oscar because people offended it. Okay, I'm talking about like a Kate Blanchett and the Aviator or the nazal Wegger in Cold Mountain type, right, Like would that win the Emmy? Probably not?

00:23:22
Speaker 3: You know, with the Oscars, you've got a whole different playing right, right, right, Okay, so Tony's yeah.

00:23:28
Speaker 4: And then I say Oscars is third. And then there's this whole scandal about the Grammys and how potentially the big categories are rigged based on who can show up or who's gonna.

00:23:36
Speaker 3: Of course, yeah, that's not a scandal to me. That's just what's been happening the entire I mean, it's the worst, the obsolete, worst show. And also everybody has too many Grammys is my thing. There's too many categories. You're telling me, like, you're excited to win a Grammy for rap sung collaboration. Do you like listen to the radio and you're like, oh, what a great rap sung collaboration every time? Yeah, that's why I turn on the radio and I'm looking for these. I'm like, when am I going to get that next rap song collaboration?

00:24:03
Speaker 4: Yeah, you'll notice there's no serious channel for rap song collaborations. It's just not important.

00:24:08
Speaker 3: No, I think I think part of I mean, the Grammys have so many problems, but music is such a huge field that's almost impossible to actually recognize anything good going on right within it. It's like and then it's also so I think driven by money, whereas like with movies with the oscars, that's a fairly fenced in You can't make that many movies, right, but anybody can record a song.

00:24:33
Speaker 4: And also there's there's a clearer rubric as to what makes a movie successful, Like it's like, what's what are the intentions of the movie? Like does it is the story well expressed? Is the acting good? Whereas music is just good or bad? Right? You know?

00:24:48
Speaker 3: But the Grammys just have an incredible ability to almost always reward the very worst. It feels like it's like, yeah, the absolute blandest.

00:24:58
Speaker 4: I feel like a good way to play it is they they pick the thing that will upset the least amount of people, which is a bad thing in music for sure. Yeah, but I guess with someone like Billy Eilish, you just won all these awards, that's at least a definitive twenty nineteen sound and so you can't really argue against it, right, you know, And even if you're not arguing for it, she.

00:25:20
Speaker 3: Felt like almost a dangerous choice for the Grammys, which is insane because it was wildly popular throughout and yeah, seven years old or yes, she just turned eleven, Billie Eilish, But in I have to root for them because she and her brother they're like our carpenters, and you love I call them the asm Arpenters. That's perfect. I started watching the Taylor Swift documentary.

00:25:44
Speaker 4: I also just started. I've seen half of that. I will watch the Yeah, I maybe watch half an hour. What are your thoughts? Well, my thing about her is I'm never rooting against her, Like she's fine. But at the same time, I do think Breathless by the Cores is better than anything she's ever done. Sure course, like there's other b plus yes, pseudo confessional, but mostly vague. Yeah, it's me.

00:26:07
Speaker 3: It's a there's something about her that she just never I mean, like, these songs are extremely catchy, but they never get their hooks in me. And also the whole premise of this documentary is Taylor like making the decision to have her first opinion, you know, it's like, why are we alive?

00:26:27
Speaker 4: What?

00:26:29
Speaker 3: It's wild to watch, but maybe there'll be a big turn or something. I I still haven't seen the Lady Gaga documentary.

00:26:39
Speaker 4: Honestly, I truly love her, and I think the documentary is terrible. Oh interesting in what way? Just well, it's about the making of that album Joanne, which is just one of could not tas Okay, what happened is Lady Gaga made an album that would have been fun for Pink and it was supposed to be otionary for her, which is all wrong. And in the documentary there's a part where like Joanne is is her aunt who died before she was born or something, So she plays it for the relative whose daughter was Joanne, right, and the camera's like fixed on her, waiting for the emotional moment, and you can tell this I think it's her grandma. It's just like, what is going on, Like, Joe, I don't care about Joanne A nomore.

00:27:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, I heard the song Born this Way at the gym the other day, and I think that song is horrible.

00:27:34
Speaker 4: I think that whole album is horrible. I liked her first two albums and then that one. It's sort of like compared to Madonna, and I like this album. But like when she made Ray of Light, you could tell suddenly she wanted to sound wise as opposed to sound like herself. Okay, right, and so like an element of fun left the picture, and element it's like it's like she stopped believing in how rad she was and started believing she needed to be a talk yes, and then was immediately in over her head. Correct. But then of course she got all that attention and all these Grammys for Ray of Light, and then we're on this path Madonna's on now where every fucking I call this a path at this point, this is a wild like I don't know, stumbling through a dark alleyway, but like, you know, constantly, like she's unfurling a scroll and reading us her findings about whatever the hell. Like it's like Cabala ask all that stuff. And so that's what I feel about born this wabe.

00:28:28
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that song just stinks, lady. I know you're listening, and the song stinks. More people should refer to her as lead. I need to get her in my life, Lewis. The podcast is obviously called I said no gifts right there in the title, I've set down one rule you walk in today.

00:28:53
Speaker 4: You're holding it.

00:28:54
Speaker 3: What is can only be described as the biggest gift yet on this podcast.

00:28:58
Speaker 4: And I can't wait for you to be disappointed at how unbig it is. But it is a large target gift back. This is a bag that's at least six feet tall, right, I belong in it. I could sleep in it tonight and be perfectly comfortable. Should I Do you want? I mean, do you want me to open the gift? Is that?

00:29:17
Speaker 2: Oh?

00:29:17
Speaker 4: Yes, absolutely, I want you to want your commission. Yes, I'm sorry you won't get the folly art of like unwrapping or like scratch.

00:29:25
Speaker 3: Well, I'll make a noise. I'm gonna scrunch the gift bag or something.

00:29:29
Speaker 4: Okay, yes, this is for you, Bridge. Okay, let me take a peak here. Oh yeah, that's a decent noise. It looks uh huh. I mean it's enormous. So I'm climbing up towards the top of the bag. Yes, we're just towering over the microphone. There's tissue tissue. Oh my god, the levels of beautiful it's raining down on this. Oh yeah, it's very sunset colored tissue. This is beautiful pinks and salmon's and let's just put that by the mic Oh right, okay, right, this is an unboxing podcast.

00:30:06
Speaker 3: I'm the Nintendo Switch. First thing we see here. Okay, Now, I'm I truly have to dive into the bad I have to take it off the table to.

00:30:15
Speaker 4: Reach into it.

00:30:18
Speaker 3: Oh, this is I feel like, I mean, we need to we need to speak about the last couple of weeks have been real Lewis vertel moments for me.

00:30:28
Speaker 4: Uh huh.

00:30:28
Speaker 3: First of all, I had you booked on this podcast. You canceled for the SAG Awards, very Lewis totally signature movie.

00:30:35
Speaker 4: Yes recently, can I read the text that you sent to me? Yes? By mistake, I accidentally sent Bridger a tax that was meant to go to another friend of mine.

00:30:44
Speaker 3: This text, by the out of the blue, this isn't quote speaking of ponies. Do you remember Dale Evans is perhaps the most Fanny Flag statement ever committed to record. I got that just with no context whatsoever. My girlfriend Brooke and I are obsessed with like things like Match Game, and she was watching a clip from Match Game and she was asking me about Richard Dawson, you know who later posted Family Feud. She was like, is Richard really mad in this clip? And so I watched this clip. We were analyzing whether or not Richard was mad? The answer he was, he was, What was he mad about?

00:31:19
Speaker 4: He answered, he wrote an answer down for the Match Game, and he meant to write another word. It just slipped his mind and he's like, and he kept saying, give her the point. She deserves the point, and he was just living. He was living. Well, I'm on his side here, yeah, but he wrote it down. I mean, the rules are rules. He was nervous. He was on TV, yes, But sitting next to him was Fanny Flagg, who incredible Nate who is she wrote would eventually end up writing the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. Oh okay, kind of a lesbian vibe in general, right, which is sort of rare for the seventies. Oh yeah, vision and she has a kind of folksy sense of humor. And afterwards she just because it's so uncomfortable what Richard's doing. She and he says the word pony or something. She speaking of ponies. Remember Dale Evans like just random in the seventies where you could say things like this and they would not be cut out. They would just be forced down the viewer's throat and everyone's happy with right, And they didn't have a Wikipedia to look up Dale just so I'd be like, I don't know who that is, but now it's in my brain. Yeah, right, we need to get back to that. So I'm ready for TV. That's just mystifying. I mean, I feel like I've kind of done that with the part of this podcast talking about two very old actors that nobody knows, Schorsen being Henry Gibson. Let's keep them on our minds. But back to the gift. Yeah.

00:32:39
Speaker 3: So the first thing I've brought out is the guests Who Clue edition? Yes, which is? I know you love Clue?

00:32:46
Speaker 4: I do. I will let me tell you something. I don't know that I love the game of Clue, right, but I love the intrigue of the characters of Clue.

00:32:53
Speaker 3: Oh of course that each one their own little back store, their beautiful names. Yeah right, Yes, the the categories of color. It's just it's very organized. It's almost OCD like, right, you know. And then so this is I just want to clarify, not just Clue. It's a version of the game Guess Who, which you know is the game? I love the game. I have played it in years, so maybe I'm wrong, but I think it's a delight.

00:33:18
Speaker 4: Yeah. What I miss about gift giving, or like the Christmas season from being a kid is not so much whatever the tree, et cetera. Yeah, I miss getting games. Oh I love to get a game because then like you open it up in front of everybody and presumably they're all good people, and then you think, oh, let's play the game together.

00:33:37
Speaker 3: We now have fun. Yes, this is going to be shared by all of us, correct, and we're going to have some level of enjoyment rather than I'm going to put this away and then everyone will forget about the gift.

00:33:47
Speaker 4: Yeah. And there's something about guests who where I think that was the beginning of me as a writer because or and also as a gay person, because I immediately put inner lives to the female the women in the game. I'm immediately thinking, now this is the clue addition. So like miss Scarlett's in this and stuff. But in the original one there were five women right named Susan, Anita, Maria, Claire, and Anne. How was there not a Jill? That's what I'm saying, Jill. When you put those five together, like Captain Planet Jill Emergence, Jill, Jill is the guess who queen. Yes, it kind of just floats over earth, the vague concept that controls guests shit, But I just you would just sit there and like look at their faces and be obsessed with whoever the hell they were and Susan's white hair pearl earrings. Yes, the ear rings, the jewelry of the eighties that we treated as standard. And by the way, I also just wanted to note about Guess Who. Isn't it crazy that we have not had a version where there's like black people in it? Wow?

00:34:50
Speaker 3: That's interesting. I wasn't aware, but yeah, that's what's going on Hasbro Gaming. I guess the nature of the game make it you have black people with red hair and stuff. Maybe that's the problem. Are you certain that's hasn't happened yet, because if not, we've I mean I think Guess Who is cancer?

00:35:09
Speaker 4: Yeah?

00:35:09
Speaker 3: Shall we start a revolution? I think that something's gotta happen. Wow, that's an interesting insight and I'd love to Hasbro. I know you're listening. Let's just try to figure this out and get some get some diversity into Guess Who?

00:35:26
Speaker 4: Right? And I think the deal is we would need I think and Guess Who? You have a board with twenty four people on it, right, I think it would need to just be a huger board, just an enormous Yeah, like a seventy two person Guess who? Come up for that?

00:35:40
Speaker 2: Yeah?

00:35:40
Speaker 4: I think that'd be a lot of fun.

00:35:41
Speaker 3: I mean, this looks like it may be an entirely white cast again with guess who. Yes, well doctor Orchid looks oh wait, so potentially So this is the other update. So Clue, of course we're obsessed with. We love the characters, we love the murder, et cetera. So there are classically six characters and Clue, right, including Missus Peacock, Misscarlett, Missus White flawless trio.

00:36:05
Speaker 4: Unfortunately Missus White had to go in this era. And now we have doctor Doctor, who is a mean seeming Asian doctor, and I am thrilled for her. I think she looks great.

00:36:18
Speaker 3: I mean she's got a bob speaking my language, and I think as far as I can tell, she's holding some sort of pipe or something, right, which is pipe?

00:36:27
Speaker 4: Are you new?

00:36:27
Speaker 2: Okay?

00:36:27
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I am new. I know nothing about that. Oh, I mean I know a little bit. I just it's been such a long time.

00:36:33
Speaker 4: It's actually a sort of frustrating game to play, because it's just about you have a certain amount of cards in your hand and you have to discover what cards everybody else has, So you're just walking around collecting every bit of information bit by bit until you find the solution to the game. Right, So it's just it's tedious.

00:36:51
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've now that I think about it. I tried to play Clue once at my aunt's house. She didn't have all the pieces, and he's wrong with your aunt. Oh, they're a whole variety of things, and this is just the top of the pile. I'm not gonna say which aunt she's she's got trouble. But yeah, I never played Clue. I also have never seen the movie all the way through.

00:37:16
Speaker 4: Well, that Clue I've seen more than any other literal piece of media. Like I think I've seen the movie Clue more than I've seen a picture of Mickey Mouse.

00:37:24
Speaker 2: What.

00:37:25
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I also grew up with it, so I can't tell you one way or the other if it's good or not right, right, Yeah, I think I tried to watch it as an adult, and it's obviously like an eighties comedy, correct was? It felt long and I fell asleep at some point? Right, It is important because it's the rare ensemble comedy movie where the three women get I think, the funniest lines and also give the performances. And it felt like some gay person was in charge of that, but they weren't trust me. It was very straight up of course run organizations.

00:37:55
Speaker 3: Okay, So going back to getting gifts, do you enjoy getting gifts?

00:38:02
Speaker 4: Yes? I feel a little bit bad because I am not a good gift giver personally. By the way, you know, this isn't the whole gift. There's an oh yeah, of course we're going to get back into very good circle back. So I feel guilty often when I get a good gift because I don't have a brain, right, Like, what is what is your default gift you give to people? Is it?

00:38:21
Speaker 3: Are you giving people gift cards? Are you that person? Or are you like trying to put some thought into it and failing. I would be a gift card person some at the time. Honestly, I have to change what my default is because it's just not doable anymore. I was somebody who would get you the movie you haven't seen or the.

00:38:39
Speaker 4: DVD set of a TV show I think you would like, right, But obviously those days are gone. Right.

00:38:44
Speaker 3: But I mean, we're putting all of our media into some sort of space environment. When the system goes down, all of our art is going to vanish.

00:38:52
Speaker 4: Yeah, No, exactly. Its crazy. I miss possessing aret, you like I miss I mispossessing music.

00:39:01
Speaker 3: I feel like at some point aliens will visit after we vanished, and they're gonna be like, oh, society lasted until two thousand and five. Yeah, and then we have no real documents since you've been gone. Was the last thing we made? Yes, and that just demolished society. Yeah, that it is a little worrisome to me. I'm doing nothing about it. I'm just embracing the fact that I don't own anything anymore and it just rent everything I enjoy.

00:39:29
Speaker 4: Yeah. Right, it feels like we're headed down a bad path. We might be already on it arguably.

00:39:35
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're just I subscribe to all kinds of things, and these corporate corporations are historically had our best interests in mine. Oh yeah, so there are friends, Yeah, of course, So why not just allow them to continue to charge us and nothing bad will ever happen as we go like grow it cross eyed and like Xanax, sleepy throughout.

00:39:58
Speaker 4: Yeah.

00:39:59
Speaker 3: So gift cards, I think going back to those, Oh yeah, how do you feel about them? I think that they've been unfairly maligned. Yeah, I think there was a period wheneveryone when it felt good to say that they were thoughtless.

00:40:11
Speaker 4: Yeah. But now I get a gift card, I'm thrilled. I value more like having it. Yeah, I like having it, and in fact, I almost like not spending it. Oh let me tell you.

00:40:22
Speaker 3: I got a gift card to Target for Christmas. I've been to Target multiple times. It's Christmas, dozens of times. I've spent I've spent definitely more than fifty dollars there. But this gift card, the fifty dollars gift card is still in my wallet. What am I waiting for? I would love to know. Yeah, what is that going?

00:40:40
Speaker 4: Because the answer is there's there's a satisfaction with spending well on a gift card, so you don't just want to waste it.

00:40:46
Speaker 3: Yeah, just like a mundane trying to put a little way on salary or whatever. It's like, I don't know all the celery I'm buy.

00:40:55
Speaker 4: But it's like in Monopoly when you have the get out of Jail Free card. It's just to see you have it. Yeah, she's a little safety net.

00:41:03
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's in your artillery and eventually you're going to really go out, go all out on it right. I mean, who knows what those fifty dollars are going to go towards?

00:41:12
Speaker 4: Thank you? Lois? Wow? You know what Lois talk about.

00:41:15
Speaker 3: The dadi's name, Well, it's Jim's mom, my boyfriend's mom. So she is like a seventy two year old Italian woman. So you know, Lois, Lois awesome. Husban calls her big Lou. Wow, it's an incredible you know what. I don't have nicknames, and I'm my my name is Lewis Like, yeah, nobody, I can't you're not a Lou. It wouldn't that be like shocking if somebody said to me calling you Lou. I feel like you like some like a parent figure could like have enough love for you to call you Lou and you would be good with it.

00:41:49
Speaker 4: But like a colleague calling you Lou, I think you would murder them. No, I don't. I don't feel safe when my mom calls me. It's always though, louis interesting. I like that.

00:42:04
Speaker 3: I like caw from the Jungle Book. She's got something planned for you. Yes, Oh, call from the Jungle Book. That's a good reference. What's the snake's name? Oh, that's called what's the tiger's name shir Con, sure Con, that's right.

00:42:17
Speaker 4: Great. George Sanders, Yeah, I had a.

00:42:19
Speaker 3: Good childhood with the the soundtrack to The Jungle Book.

00:42:23
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, just once a count of time. That would have been in my top three Disney movie. I actually cannot stand Disney fandom in any capacity. I'm sorry to even you're a Disney freak. Yeah, certified Disney freak. You've got the annual pass bumper sticker, right, which, by the way, I still look at and think alien versus Predator every time I see it.

00:42:42
Speaker 3: Oh I nobody else think that. Yes, change the bumper sticker. I'm not thinking about Disney at all. I'm thinking about alien fending, I mean, fighting off the Predator.

00:42:52
Speaker 4: Yeah, but no, Jungle Book is lovely music.

00:42:56
Speaker 3: Okay, well, but what were you I'm sorry, Louis, Yeah, you were saying you're not a Disney person.

00:43:00
Speaker 4: Correct? What are your Disney? Where were we headed?

00:43:04
Speaker 2: There?

00:43:04
Speaker 4: Were You're going to name your Oh? I was just going to say, yeah, why did you bring up the jungle Book? Why are we even on this podcast? Yeah?

00:43:11
Speaker 3: Right, I'm going jungle Book was brought up because you brought up called the Snake.

00:43:18
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, my mother the Serpent.

00:43:25
Speaker 3: But then we headed down some some sort of Disney Disney path and I don't know why.

00:43:29
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, well anyway, I mean when I was a kid, for example, you were surrounded by Disney fanatics, and I was more the competitive kid, and so I was like a game player that set me apart from kids and made.

00:43:42
Speaker 3: Me better than them whenever you get past them in life, Say what you have? Do you win every game you play?

00:43:47
Speaker 4: No, well, I've I've gained friends who are similarly obsessive and competitive, right, and and in fact are obsessive about game shows like they I have friends who have they build software so that you can play versions of game shows in the seventies, eighties, nineties, whatever. This is amazing that they used the original sound effects for and it's so amazing, like you'll you'll play like whatever, one hundred thousand dollars pyramid with the same sound effects that like Dick Clark had or oh this is a dream world. Yeah, but everybody there is also amazing at games, right, so they really make me step up my game. But meanwhile, like if I went to a game night that you typically frequently, yes, I would beat everybody there.

00:44:25
Speaker 3: Okay, no question, Well, challenge except our game. I would love to be you, it'd be thrilling. But there's no way you're that competitive. I'm not competitive at all, That's what I mean. I'm frequently like I don't even want to play the game precisely, I mean, especially if it's Yatzi. I'm just like, why are we we're here together? Why are we thinking about Yatzi? It requires so much of your attention. Let's just sit So if Yaza gets brought up, I just sabotage game night and we talk.

00:44:53
Speaker 2: Right.

00:44:53
Speaker 4: Well, here's the thing about Yachtzi. Is it a game Yazi? You roll dice and then write it down. It's a very odd very and I take other people out. It's just simply rolling dice in order and the level of rules. I have to remember this sort of thing. Well, it's not difficult. That's a crazy thing to say, but okay, but it's just a lot to remember. I feel like there are just a lot of like little tricks, and there are strategies, and I don't want to use that use my brain for I don't know what I'm using my brain for otherwise, but Yachtzi for me and game night fellow members.

00:45:25
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, we're not going to play yachtzi and okay, yeah, we play you know things that like just kind of spark conversation. We've been playing like a game called like list Domania. Do you know this game that sounds exactly up my alley?

00:45:37
Speaker 4: Right? Is it about writing lists? Yeah, you're right lists. My brain is wired to rank things constantly. I don't know that you're ranking things that would be a good game. Yeah, I think about that often. Actually, I'm like, why don't I have just I need on my phone list of favorite TV shows, a list of favorite movies, just so when this sort of thing comes up, because I immediately draw a blank when someone says, what's your favorite? Oh yeah blank?

00:46:02
Speaker 3: But back yeah, the list of Mania game I think you like again, it has too many rules, this sort of nonsense. But you essentially just write down various trivia and have to list it in different ways. Okay, but it's a good game. Okay, I know I'm sex to that that sounds. There's always the thread of Cards against Humanity. Everything will just throw myself in front of a car to stop.

00:46:25
Speaker 4: Well. Also, Cards against Humanity is like a compact version of what is wrong with Twitter people choosing all of their humor from a word bank, right, you know, it's like you didn't come up with that. Yes, you you tape together phrases that have done well from other people and now are pretending you came up.

00:46:43
Speaker 3: With something, but you did really funny nown Yes that somehow someone thinks has an edge. It's the worst thing in the world.

00:46:51
Speaker 4: And also, as my friend Rachel pointed out about this game, and yet it's rude to say you don't want to play because it's a party game.

00:46:56
Speaker 3: Of course, so I always feel a little guilty, but I just mind ways around playing the game.

00:47:03
Speaker 4: It's also just like I so enjoy being funny. I enjoy being around funny people, and because in a way it's like you're getting to know them, that's what they think is funny. It's like there's a whole empathic thing happening there. Cards against humanity like microwaves that and makes you feel like you're getting you're delivering content to each other when you're not.

00:47:24
Speaker 3: Hopefully this podcast gets out to the people in my life, stop asking me to play that game. Yeah, I think it's so bad. Apples to apples though, I think it's a perfectly pleasant Well, that's I never think about apples tapples because Cards against Humanity like erased the memory of it. Basically, well, they just took it and made it bad.

00:47:42
Speaker 4: Yeah, but yeah, apples to apples is almost like, I mean whatever, the question will be, like I forget how Apple staples works, Like name something that makes you think of an airplane and you have to put down Apple Like it's like right exactly. I like that. I think there's there's much money for you. Complete out of completely.

00:48:04
Speaker 3: Exactly is harmless and is not trying to intentionally be funny from the beginning.

00:48:09
Speaker 1: Right.

00:48:11
Speaker 3: Okay, well I'm gonna there's another gift, another item in here that I'm gonna pull out.

00:48:15
Speaker 4: Okay, just move on to that Taboo another game. Now here's my question. Are you a taboo player? I've never played Taboo? Do you know what it is? Do you know how to play? I don't. Can you do a quick rundown? Yes, you're getting through. You and your team are trying to get through as many cards as possible right on one turn. Okay, and there's a word you have to you have to get your team to guess. But there are five words on your cart. You are not allowed to say in order to get them to guess it. So, for example, if I was trying to get you to say Oscar the Grouch, I probably wouldn't be able to say green or trash can or a.

00:48:51
Speaker 3: Sesame straight okay, sure, yeah, and so you just have to use the rest of your vocabulary to get me to guess this.

00:48:57
Speaker 4: Yes, oh that sounds wonderful. It is a I think it's among games in my life. I just think everybody should have it because it helps you. I just feel rhetorically right, you get smarter playing it and right. But also I love getting mad at my friends and it just feels it makes me feel safe. Game night, Game Night's this sort of thing, are you or any of the other adults in the room, like leaving angry? Yes? Sometimes right, oh wow, or like I usually think that will be me, like I'll be so mad or whatever, but I actually keep it under wraps somewhat well, which is shocked. There's just like a seed thing. Yeah. Normally it's the person who claims they are the most whimsical and care free I find who goes quickest to the like dark drunken, who's afraid of Virginia Wolf place. It needs to be removed.

00:49:48
Speaker 3: Have you seen any big explosions at a game night, a competitive game night?

00:49:52
Speaker 2: Oh?

00:49:52
Speaker 4: All the time? Please? I mean like I go to trivia in Santa Monica every week, which is no doubt about it. The hardest trivia are you called O'Brien's Wow? Okay? And I like, I would say I'm brilliant at trivia and I routinely come in at fiftieth percentile on wow? Who are these people doing better than you? Literally the greatest Jeopardy players of all time?

00:50:11
Speaker 2: Oh?

00:50:11
Speaker 4: What if you saw Brad Rudder on them? Sure? This is kind of there.

00:50:16
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know any sports reference to say whatever that would be well actually showing up.

00:50:21
Speaker 4: That's accurate. It's like their scrimmage version of Jeopardy.

00:50:24
Speaker 2: Wow.

00:50:25
Speaker 4: And there's there'll always be like a question about something, Well, I'll say like geography or something. Right, and maybe two answers secretly did apply to the river you talked about, but you only accepted one. There are enough people here who I'm not kidding, will scream. I am routinely covering my ears because I can't handle the arguing. Oh my, And as I told you I kind of like arguing, of course, and this is too much for you. Well, I mean I feel like people must be drunk on some level. No, no, they are dead sober, and uh, there's no other way to put it on the spectrum. And so this is a beautiful social environment. Yes, well, it's just shocking. It's people who are really good at trivia, and they wouldn't do this anywhere else really, because it's that it's at that level. But at the same time, oh my god, the amount of times I'm like, well, I can't play with him anymore, he'll kill me.

00:51:16
Speaker 2: Wow.

00:51:17
Speaker 4: Have you ever have you ever won? Oh?

00:51:20
Speaker 3: Yes, okay quite a few times. Where what is your weakness with trivia? Where are you failing? I?

00:51:26
Speaker 4: I have a few actually current sports always, right, I can kind of do old sports simply because there's fewer names. Yes, yes, and they're they're more famous.

00:51:36
Speaker 3: And yeah, there was a period when like we would pick four people from each category and make them the most famous people on the plant.

00:51:43
Speaker 4: That'd be That was my dream. Yes, like I know who I need to know when it comes to whatever. Swimming up until the year two thousand and eight, Okay, I don't know classical music, well, right, Economics when we get into like glossary terms.

00:51:55
Speaker 3: I mean, economics to me doesn't feel like trivia, you feel like because I know it's not general, quire's actual learning. Right, So those are kind of my three basic But like when it comes to names of any kind of really good yes, particularly women's names. All women are memorable. I think that's what I mean. I think that's true. Everyone has one little thing to offer or something. Right, Okay, economics, I think I would fail like with this list game. It frequently the game night just breaks down immediately to who went to a good college and who went to a state school.

00:52:31
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm just failing me too. I'm a state school. Yeah, so I just.

00:52:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like I economics, anything along these lines, I would just be a giant falling.

00:52:42
Speaker 4: On my face. Were you a University of Utah, the University of utapic, right, where'd you go? University of Iowa? Okay, which is like the University of Utah but a little bit further the Yeah, perfectly fine, I have nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with a state school. I mean, we both made it in Hollywood, but it's it's it's shocking that I went there. I mean it's just imagine, imagine me being near football. Oh that's wild, absolutely crazy. I would watch a ballet about football. Oh sure, why not? You know? And is that?

00:53:12
Speaker 3: Has that been a thing yet? M coming soon, coming soon, the Whispertel Presents. Yeah, University of Utah. I mean it's a shock to me that I even graduated from college. The whole thing is a whole wild like, what happened?

00:53:27
Speaker 4: What was your major? English? English? Yeah? It took me one hundred years to graduate? Did it really? Yeah? I think it took me six years. What happened? Well, I was working and like paying for the colleges.

00:53:39
Speaker 3: Yeah, so there was just and then just like not quite knowing what I was doing. No one else in my family had graduated from college, so there was just not a real push to do it. And then of course I'm just not good at finishing things on time.

00:53:56
Speaker 4: Is that so? Oh?

00:53:57
Speaker 3: You seem so crackerjacked to me. Oh, well, I appreciate you ate that. I hope I'm putting off a cracker jack vibe. Yet it's not happening. Then my personal life, absolutely, you seem utterly dependable. I will the one thing you can depend on me is to be on time to dinner, a meeting, this sort of thing. I will be there five minutes early, right, no matter what. That's got to be some Mormon upbringing.

00:54:19
Speaker 4: That certainly has well. Yeah, I guess that is probably there's a sense of puritan I will be there. I will be there. I mean, actually, do you still not drink coffee?

00:54:31
Speaker 2: Oh?

00:54:31
Speaker 4: I just I'm drinking because that's a Mormon thing too.

00:54:34
Speaker 3: That is a morbid thing, which is very confusing for a lot of people because I mean, we're not going to get into it and it's so boring. But the caffeine not right sense Mormons do drink caffeine, but not in coffee. But it's just it's kind of a make up your own rule sort of thing. Sure, but I'm drinking coffee right now. I trust Maroni. You know I feel that way, Morone. That's how you say that. Oh, here's a little piece of trivia for you, Morona.

00:55:00
Speaker 4: How crazy? Right, guys, it's not morone. Look at the word. It's Marony.

00:55:07
Speaker 2: Wrong.

00:55:07
Speaker 4: I believe that Marone.

00:55:11
Speaker 3: That's the angel on top of their temples, right, Yes, another piece of trivia for you. The Los Angeles Mormon Temple was used as an exterior on Law and Order as a courthouse. It's oh really is an episode? Well it's gigantic, right, Yeah, that's like in West l a R. Yeah, it's over in the worst part of Los Angeles where it's just question mark, Like what is this called? Yes, what who is here? And what are they doing? They have money? I think that's the only real answer over there. I think that's also kind of the part of the world where no one's vaccinating their kids. Oh really, I feel like I just read that going into Santa Monica be for the Hills, I think is one of the most highly unvaccinated parts of the country.

00:55:54
Speaker 4: Well, I have to tell you I was there yesterday and the stupidity made itself known. I have to let you know in which ways I was walking. Uh, id have to get a tux and I was just walking around and just it's it's one of those things like it's like when you see like an abandoned mall or something like that, even though it's fully populated, just like this was something else once upon a time and doesn't need to be here now. So whoever is here is misinformed and like got a pamphlet from the eighties they're still following.

00:56:26
Speaker 3: That makes perfect sense, actually, you know, yeah, because no one that has any actual interests is going over there for anything.

00:56:33
Speaker 4: It has nothing to offer. It's just it's the weirdest way to spend money. I don't know, in an Amazon universe. Doesn't make sense, you know. Okay, Well, we've got Taboo here, and I also I love.

00:56:46
Speaker 3: I can't believe you've never played it. You have to play it. It kind of I mean, the packaging has almost a horror element to it because it says the classic game of unspeakable fun. Oh and it also is threatening you to have fun. The electronic buzzer is bad. So I just feel like there's a lot of fear built into this game of Taboo and I like it.

00:57:05
Speaker 4: I'm excited to play this. And it's the buzzer they're referring to. Is so, when you're reading the clues to your team, right, somebody from the other team is over your shoulder making sure you don't say the taboo words on the card, and they buzz you.

00:57:17
Speaker 3: Oh this sounds they should be shocking you. That this game could really benefit from a taser. Oh, I guess, just a quick jolt to the system. I would be into that, or just like a full slap. If you don't have a buzzer, you can be slapped. I would love a physical version of taboo or everyone walks away with just like a red mark on their cheek, right and that mistake again. Yeah, of course I could get into that. Taboo hasbro again, you're on the line.

00:57:43
Speaker 4: Think about it.

00:57:44
Speaker 3: Put in some diverse characters into guess who make taboo more violent. We're going to move in, speaking of games, where at the point of the podcast where we're going to play a game. Okay, and this is really intimidating because you're you play so many games, so who knows if you're going to like it, but I like watch games might be up your alley.

00:58:05
Speaker 4: Okay.

00:58:05
Speaker 3: This game is called Gift Master, all right, now, what is going to happen is I'm going to name three gifts, three different separate things that you can give as a gift, and then three celebrities. You have to tell me which gift you're going to give to which celebrity and why.

00:58:22
Speaker 4: I can't think of anything I'd rather do. That's so exciting. Okay, So I need a number between one and ten from you. Very good. I'm going to pick the gayest number. Four. Four is the gayest of all numbers. Four.

00:58:34
Speaker 3: I'm going to calculate this, and while I'm doing that, I want you to You can recommend something, you can promote something, just do whatever you want with an undetermined amount of time while I calculate. Oh okay, I guess. Unfortunately, you can still find me on Twitter at Lewis Vertel alo UIs v I r T E l I.

00:58:53
Speaker 4: As Bridge mentioned before, I host a podcast called keep It, which is on Crooked Media with Iram Madison the Third and Aida Osmond talk about pop culture news of the week and also other things. When we're bored with that pop culture news you ever heard of podcast? It's like that.

00:59:06
Speaker 2: Uh.

00:59:07
Speaker 4: Otherwise, Yeah, listen to Jimmy or listen to Jimmy Kimmel Live, put on the Jimmy Kimmel Radio Show. Listen to his comedy. Yeah, he's still on ABC. Nice guy. I always say about Jimy Kimmel that his cynicism is aimed in all the right places, not at the people who work for him, but at people like Republicans. So he's as normal a superstar as you can meet. God what else can I promote? A big fan of Dua Lipa's new album, I would say, are the three singles we have so far? I always wonder if dua Lipa is a Latin term meaning damp woman, because she's so damp all the time. Why is her hair wet? When did we invent you look wet? That looks good? Why? I'm sorry that took so long to calculate, but I'm thrilled with what was just being said. I feel like a.

00:59:54
Speaker 3: Lot of material was presented there, and I hope people can take something away from that. I haven't heard of du Alipas, by the way, never asked.

01:00:01
Speaker 4: You what you know? New rules one to pick up the phone? You only you don't know. I've never heard this. I need tossing at all. I can't believe I'm gonna have to take a look. But this all goes back to me.

01:00:13
Speaker 3: I don't know where everyone's getting their information from, but I just I'm of course familiar with du Alipa. How have I never heard her music in five years? I'm going to be saying to somebody, I heard it that du Alipa song that Jim and I hated it, and I just need to. I need like an assistant that just keeps me up.

01:00:28
Speaker 4: To date on these things. I don't know how that works.

01:00:31
Speaker 3: Okay, the three gifts that you are going to be dealing with here, okay, A hot glue gun very good, A game boy great, and a DVD of This Is forty, which I've never seen.

01:00:45
Speaker 4: How crazy?

01:00:47
Speaker 3: Okay, So here we go. The people you have to give these gifts to. Sandra Oh. That guy from Limp Biscuit with the black contacts. Oh, I didn't look up his name, but I remembered him and thought, why not put him on.

01:01:01
Speaker 4: I actually can't believe. I don't know that guy's name right now, but I feel like it's something frightening like Scarecrow.

01:01:06
Speaker 3: Let's assume his name is Scarecrow, Fred Durst's friend Scarecrow. And Janet Jackson.

01:01:12
Speaker 4: Wow, well, I'm definitely in the business of giving gifts to Janet Jackson. I see that in my life for me. Oh, it should happen at some point. So, okay, a hako gun This is forty. What was the other thing? The other thing was a game boy? I think the answer is I Okay, Sandra Oh definitely had a game Boy at some point in her life. Okay, okay, she seems like an entertained Personah, it seems what she likes and she's on the go, yes, oh please, So she's like she needs to be entertained when she's on the train, when she's on the plane, just when she's getting around to her next appointment. And we're talking about original recipe game boy, we're looking like the one that's essentially the size of two bricks. Yes, that you cannot see the screen, right, Yes, it's that kind of a that non paltrad green that you have to be a perfect you can only play during Golden hour, right, Okay? And you know who definitely had a game Boy, the Limp Scarecrow. Oh no, I feel like he's a Sega game gear woe. Like he had a game gear. Do you know what I had? Do you know what? This is an obscure gaming reference? I had a game Com game Calm No, And I feel like I know these things. The year was exactly nineteen ninety eight, okay, in ninety seven, and it was the size about a brick, right, And it had a pen you operated the screen. Oh that's always a good sign. Yes, And I got it because there was a version of Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy on it. I want oh beautiful. Yeah, but a game con? Game Calm, calm a game Oh, game con sounds like I guess that's probably a thing. Yeah right, Oh yeah, I don't need to go to game coll No one needs to go to game con. I think I'm gonna give the game Boy to Janet Jackson to see if she has memories of playing a game Boy. Oh interesting, what if you know? You give it to Jana Jackson. She's like, oh, doctor Mario or whatever with her curiously high voice. That voice is incredible.

01:03:06
Speaker 3: Anytime she checks in on Facebook or whatever, it's a real gift to everyone.

01:03:10
Speaker 4: I feel the only time she talks, she is murmuring thinking her fans, thank you guys for being there for me, you.

01:03:17
Speaker 3: Know, like that all the time, Like that's all she says she's never had. I mean, in the last twenty years, she hasn't had just a conversation like an adult.

01:03:25
Speaker 4: I don't think. No, you go to coffee with Channa Jackson, She's like, the fans have always been there for me. Okay, so she's getting the game Boy. Yeah, I think that. I think that that actually makes sense. I think she was.

01:03:39
Speaker 3: Just famous enough at the point of the release of the Game Boy that it didn't cross her radar.

01:03:44
Speaker 4: You think it might be So it's the lady, right, yeah? Right, So she's definitely in rhythmation. She's a busy dancing up a storm, right, yes, redefining the choreographically. Yeah, friending with Paula Abdul was making all the moves happen, trying to distance herself brother right, being successful? Yeah, you know, uh but if she picked up if she picked up a and was like Zelda right, that would be really worth it to me. I would love to hear Janet Jaggs and say Zelda right. Okay.

01:04:18
Speaker 3: I think that's an excellent choice. You're left with now.

01:04:22
Speaker 4: Oh, I have to assign the other two. Oh yeah, very blue gun. A DVD of this is forty okay, well, the DVD of this is forty uh huh. I want to know if Scarecrow likes the conventional comedy, but can he dial into that Let's see. I feel like I actually kind of believe he can. Okay, I feel like, yeah, thinks of Leslie Mann, so I want to do it. Yeah.

01:04:48
Speaker 3: He I feel like he's probably taken the contacts out by now, and it's probably he's probably just living among us. We're all we know, no, as a normal man. My dream is that he is now works on a farm somewhere with the contacts in the exact same two thousand. Look he's actually I mean, it's probably time for him to make his comeback. I feel like we've unfortunately forgotten the lessons of history and are allowing new metal to creep back into our lives, right, and it's horrifying. Yeah, no, I long for him. I feel like Grimes is going to have him guessed on her album or something and tough. It's scary to watch it happen because I lived through that period of history and it was not positive. You seem shaken, Yeah, I'm very shaken. The wide leg jeans, oh god, I'm still traumatized by having to wear white leg jeans. I can't picture you in a wide leg jeans truly.

01:05:39
Speaker 4: I mean, like I think most of my friends would say, I dress in very tight clothes. Sure, and it's because I am constantly compensating for the shame I felt wearing baggy clothes. We can't go back to that. No, it was horrible. We all have.

01:05:52
Speaker 3: For a period, we found our bodies and like allowed them to be as we could see that people were people shaped the last few years and I feel like we're headed back towards something that is not good.

01:06:04
Speaker 4: No. Remember there was a period in our lives where you had to look like you skateboarded.

01:06:09
Speaker 3: Yes, yes you and not well no, like those jinkos were dragging behind you on the skateboard. And the only pragmatic application there was that you wanted pants where you could fit a whole disc man in the pocket.

01:06:23
Speaker 4: Right, So now.

01:06:24
Speaker 3: Obviously we don't need that, Yes, I mean, so stop pretending we do exactly you know. Yeah, it felt like a period where every teen boy was wearing a floor length denim skirt. Yes, the silhouette, Yes, what is happening?

01:06:37
Speaker 4: Like a Victorian?

01:06:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to go back to it. Yeah, I do feel like I've gotten to the age of it. I can just embrace what I want to wear, and it's like, well, I'm an adult and this is my look. But so I if wide leg jeans do make their big comeback, I think I've boarded up the house. I can keep them out right, But who knows? You never know what that.

01:06:58
Speaker 4: In a world with pinterest, where like I feel like all styles are relevant at all times, I feel like you won't be forced to wear white leg jeans. I have been educated recently that we're post fashion. Yeah, oh that's nice.

01:07:09
Speaker 3: You can just do whatever you want and if it's your look, it's your look, which may just be an excuse to do whatever you want. Yeah, as sociopath told you this, but yeah, I think actually you never know. Okay, but back to Okay, he's getting Scarecrow has got the DVD, probably definitely owns a DVD player.

01:07:27
Speaker 4: Yep, he's watching that. Okay. Sandra is gun because you know what would be thrilling to me if she were handy. Oh sure, she's like, oh you know, if she had like a shed she needed to fix, or something that would really a boom gun.

01:07:41
Speaker 3: That's how sheds work. To watch Sandra fix an entire shed using nothing but her hot glue.

01:07:46
Speaker 4: You know how you walk into a shed if you're little something unglued about this, and then you fix it.

01:07:51
Speaker 3: I also can see Sandra using the hot glue gun in kind of a hostage situation or something like she doesn't have her weapon. She does see the hot glue gun. She's going to save the hostages using nothing but this hot glue gun.

01:08:09
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and she nobody registers urgency on a face like Chandra, so she would be very successful. I can totally I can see her doing that in a Wait, what's the series?

01:08:17
Speaker 2: Uh?

01:08:17
Speaker 4: What's raised? Anatomy? Killing Eve?

01:08:19
Speaker 3: Killing Eve? Yes, Killing Eve? Season three coming up? Hmm, she's got the glue gun. I see, Lewis, You've absolutely nailed it with that.

01:08:28
Speaker 4: Oh, thank you.

01:08:29
Speaker 3: We're going to move into the final segment here. I said no questions. Very good people are writing and they're asking for help to I said no gifts at gmail dot com they have they're having trouble giving gifts. We're going to try to help one or two people and just get them on their way. Let me read this to you first up High Bridger, My mom's birthday is coming up, but she's been on a Marie Condo kick trying to clear out the house. What should I get her that won't just add more clutter? That's from Andrew in Miami. Andrew's mom is finally throwing some things out and he's about to bring something else into her life. Well, I feel like the answer is a box full of containers.

01:09:09
Speaker 4: Am I wrong?

01:09:09
Speaker 1: Oh?

01:09:10
Speaker 3: Not a bad idea, just something that she can the things that she does want to keep. She's going to put in some tupperware.

01:09:17
Speaker 4: Yeah, right, minute little things to put other minute little things inside. That is the revelation of Marie Kanda, right. Yes, and she's also like the world's greatest gammer of all time because she has one tip. Oh and by the way, she has no time to stay in your house. No, and she the difference she makes in your home is not significant. No, she comes in and she's like, do you really like that scarf? Tea and walks out. And also her folding techniques are impossible to replicate. The specifically underwear. The underwear thing is never happening. That the way she folds underwear means she has killed before and will kill her. Of course, if I was going through someone's clothing and found their underwear away triangle, yeah, I would think you're looking for the exit immediately, right, and the exit is now locked. Do not treat my briefs like a bandanna, No, absolutely not. I'm throwing them. I'm piling them in a drawer. That's all they need right, No, you can see all of them just in a drawer. Yes, they don't need to be origami swans or whatever.

01:10:20
Speaker 3: It makes no sense, Marie. Yeah, I think some sort of a container would be good.

01:10:26
Speaker 4: I guess you know.

01:10:27
Speaker 3: I said tupperware and immediately thought there's probably some sort of environmental problem with that. Let's do a basket. Let's do something that will eventually fall apart in the dirt.

01:10:37
Speaker 4: Also, there's something decorative about a basket. You can't Baskets are something that can't become outmoded because there's such a pleasure to see.

01:10:44
Speaker 3: Right, it adds a little extra something. Or you know, it sounds like she's doing a lot of hard work around the house. Maybe it's something like a massage. Let's help mom relax after throwing out all of the Christmas ornaments.

01:10:57
Speaker 4: I feel like we're racing headlong to a future of buying only services for each other.

01:11:02
Speaker 3: Yes, and yeah, I think just as a society, none of us is going to own any physical item, right, and then we're gonna pan. There's gonna be a moment of panic in the near future. I wish I owned something.

01:11:15
Speaker 4: Right, No, you'll be assigned a collar and your wholehouse will be that and that's all you have.

01:11:19
Speaker 3: The walls will be that color, right and right? Okay, Andrew, problem solves. Mom's going to be thrilled. Moving on, Bridger, My friend gave me a beautiful walk for my birthday and said he can't wait for me to invite him over for a walk dinner. Okay, but I hate walks and I want to return it. Am I obligated to cook the dinner for him as a thank you thanks Darlene in Portland. You know what he could have done bought himself a walk or just taken you both out to a Chinese restaurant or something. Is this feels crazy to me? I mean, I mean the Darlene on a lot of levels, you hate walk Who has an opinion that's strong of an opinion on walks?

01:12:04
Speaker 4: This guy? Really? Wait? I assume did I thought? She? Did? She say? He am? I? Yeah?

01:12:10
Speaker 1: Him?

01:12:10
Speaker 4: Yeah? Okay. He couldn't have been more wrong about Darlene, I know.

01:12:14
Speaker 3: I mean, she obviously has a strong preference about this, and I feel like if you have a strong opinion about walks, everyone knows maybe this is kind of an in your face. Every element of it does feel a little like, Darlene, look that I got you, and look a you're going to be using when I come over to see it after you haven't been able to return it.

01:12:31
Speaker 4: Is it in fact an intervention like they're worried about her anti walk stance and want to, you know, get your back in the good graces of society. Darlene.

01:12:39
Speaker 3: I think your only choice here is to I think use the walk poorly. Yes, show the friend. That's the only revenge you can get here is of course, you can come over for a walk dinner and I'm going to make some I'm going to undercook the meat. You're probably gonna end up sick, and it's all your fault.

01:12:59
Speaker 4: It's very I feel like it should be the fatal attraction response, you know, where they boil the bunny or whatever. Oh yeah, takes something that is meaningful to him and then kill it or cook it in the walk, right.

01:13:10
Speaker 3: I mean, both of the people in this situation feel like full manias to me, and I almost feel unsafe advising either of you. But it's a ken of mouse game here. It's a total like what team I'm on? Yeah, it's going to have a thrilling conclusion. I can only imagine despite this person being named Darlene. Well, the question is am I obligated to cook the dinner for him as a thank you?

01:13:38
Speaker 4: No?

01:13:38
Speaker 3: But ultimately, in the greater scheme of things in your relationship with this lunatic, you owe it to yourself to make him a horrible dinner, bring him over, and then throw the walk out because you're not going to see him again.

01:13:52
Speaker 4: I assume any food you would want from a walk can be made other ways, in a way Darlene likes, so she could also just make it. Yeah, I mean fried rice? Can you make that in a okay?

01:14:01
Speaker 2: Man?

01:14:01
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what. I don't cook. And I even brought up fake expertise about the matter.

01:14:06
Speaker 3: I've seen a walk used, but I can't recommend anything to make in a nice stir fry Darling. Good luck. I don't know, Lewis, it's been an absolute pleasure. You've nailed it with the game. We gave both of these people perfect advice. I now have two beautiful games to take a game night.

01:14:26
Speaker 4: I need you to. We need to play Taboo, and even though you are not competitive, you will be frightened into enjoying it.

01:14:32
Speaker 3: Okay, I that's the only way I enjoy things to be just scared shaken. Yes, I just my back should be against the wall and I should be terrified.

01:14:40
Speaker 4: I want you to I want you startled and alerts. Well, thank you for being here, and thank you for being you. I just love you to death.

01:14:49
Speaker 3: I'm so happy you had me on Well, look him up on Twitter, look up his Instagram because he's the only person correctly using Instagram story and so every once in a while, yeah, you get and I truly when I see fifty Instagram stories any other person I'm muting, yeah, or your homicidal area. But you're going to have a wonderful time with Lewis. All right, Well, goodbye. That's the end of the podcast. I Said No Gifts isn't exactly right production. It's engineered by Earth Angel Stephen Ray Morris. The theme song is by Miracle Worker Amy Man. You can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter at I Said No Gifts and if you have a question or need help getting a gift for someone in your life, email me at I Said No Gifts at gmail dot com. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you found me and Why not leave a review while you're at it?

01:15:42
Speaker 1: Hell, why did you hear? Fun?

01:15:47
Speaker 4: A man?

01:15:48
Speaker 1: Myself perfectly clear? But you're I guess Tom, you gotta come to me empty, and no guess your own presence is presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me?