1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to 2 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:30,760 Speaker 1: the show Ridiculous Historians. We were coming to you on 3 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:34,879 Speaker 1: the road and at least by a case incredibly cartoonishly 4 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:38,720 Speaker 1: sleep deprived. Shout out to super producer mister Max Williams. 5 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,040 Speaker 2: All Right, okay, well, liessn't trying out a new little 6 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,159 Speaker 2: funny buzzy word at the beginning of that. I'm going 7 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:48,320 Speaker 2: with who do you Who today just to represents Atlanta. 8 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,320 Speaker 3: But I don't know. It might change, it might be 9 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,040 Speaker 3: the same. I gave up. Hoorah rah damn. 10 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 4: Carry on, remember ooh baby baby, it's the wow. 11 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 3: Getting riled up. I'm getting ribbed up. At the top 12 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 3: of the show today. 13 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:05,319 Speaker 1: They call me Ben with me as always as mister 14 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:11,119 Speaker 1: Noel Brown. This is Ridiculous Royal Deaths Round four And 15 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,600 Speaker 1: just for full disclosure, folks, we know there's been a 16 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:18,720 Speaker 1: lot of unfortunate news about the royal family of the 17 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 1: United Kingdom. We're not making light of that in any way. 18 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: You can get some updates on that with various other 19 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,120 Speaker 1: shows we have done, such as Stuff They Don't Want 20 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 1: You to Know and hanging out with our pal Gandhi 21 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 1: on sauce on the side. 22 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 2: And speaking of stuff that, I want you to know 23 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,240 Speaker 2: this isn't anything to do with today's episode, but there 24 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,759 Speaker 2: is going to be a fun update to a classic 25 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:44,039 Speaker 2: Ridiculous History episode about the curse of Colonel Sanders that 26 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 2: has loomed over the Japanese baseball team. I believe it's 27 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 2: the hans Shun Tigers for many, many years because somebody 28 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 2: took a Colonel Sanders statue outside of a KFC in 29 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:58,080 Speaker 2: Japan and threw it in a very dirty, nasty river. 30 00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,960 Speaker 3: And as we know, baseball is probably one of. 31 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:05,680 Speaker 2: The most superstitious of sports. Anyway, superstitious hilarity ensued, and 32 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 2: now apparently there's been a bit of a. 33 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,840 Speaker 3: Break and people really do believe that. 34 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:14,000 Speaker 1: You guys know, I spend spent a regular amount of 35 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,639 Speaker 1: time over in Japan, and I was startled to run 36 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:20,079 Speaker 1: into baseball fans who absolutely believe this. I don't know 37 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 1: if I told you about when I ran into some 38 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,960 Speaker 1: baseball fans. I had a Braves hat on and I 39 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: was just, you know, like a nice little romin spot 40 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,400 Speaker 1: and these sure, these kids who were a little younger 41 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 1: than me, were huge, huge, hugely into baseball and I 42 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 1: was able to hold the conversation. 43 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:37,239 Speaker 3: Max, you would have been proud of me. 44 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,639 Speaker 1: I was able to hold the conversation for about fifteen 45 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,760 Speaker 1: to sixteen minutes. 46 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 3: But they knew all. 47 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 1: The stats, they missed everything, and eventually I was like, guys, 48 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, this is the extent of my knowledge of 49 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:51,840 Speaker 1: the Atlanta Braves. 50 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,800 Speaker 2: Well, I mean, well, you know exports, two of which 51 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:58,040 Speaker 2: are Kentucky fried chicken and the sport of baseball. It 52 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 2: does seem that Japan when they kind of you know, 53 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 2: take those kinds of things on, a lot of the 54 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:06,040 Speaker 2: American words sort of become like locked in tied to it. 55 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,080 Speaker 2: So you can probably with your basic knowledge of Japanese 56 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 2: and then you know, throwing around some baseball buzzwords, you 57 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 2: could probably get by for a while as you well did. 58 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,360 Speaker 3: That's amazing. I want to give a Yeah. 59 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 1: So I want to give a long overdue shout out 60 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:22,840 Speaker 1: to our pals across the Pound Pond, Toshi Yoshi and 61 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 1: two guys named Ken. 62 00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:25,679 Speaker 3: Amazing. Yeah. 63 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,960 Speaker 4: Also, I just want to point out that right now, 64 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 4: in the background, I'm sending up my probable starters for 65 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:32,280 Speaker 4: this weekend my fantasy baseball league. 66 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,480 Speaker 3: Well, one of my six Fantasy Baseball. 67 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 2: League, Dare to Dream? Bro Uh so is it me? 68 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 2: It's fantasy baseball. It's always sounded a little erotic. I 69 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,640 Speaker 2: don't know why, you know. 70 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 3: I'm just picturing noddy stuff going. 71 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: It's like the it's like the gravity uh pleasure, the 72 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 1: pleasures of gravity, right. 73 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 3: As as it almost be me spit. As a writer 74 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 3: in a comic, I tend to think everything's dirty. But well, 75 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 3: we'll get. 76 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,400 Speaker 4: To the gravity pleasure ride. 77 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 3: We'll get to that litter, will we ever? Something in 78 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 3: the of nothing. 79 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 2: Today's episode isn't about any of these things, but it 80 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 2: is another of our famous royal death listical episode, right, 81 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 2: and you did tease that with the disclaimer, which I 82 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 2: think was absolutely fair. 83 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:17,839 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, and we have to admit, you know, existence 84 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:21,880 Speaker 1: is tough. Even if you are a prince or a 85 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 1: duke or an aristocrat, you too will be more lis king. Right, 86 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 1: perhaps everybody from pauper to prince, from a peasants to monarch, 87 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:37,239 Speaker 1: everybody is human. So look, a lot of time has passed. 88 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:41,360 Speaker 1: When we talk about royal deaths, strange ridiculous royal deaths, 89 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,640 Speaker 1: we do try to focus on people who have passed 90 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 1: away a long long time ago. And as we said 91 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,680 Speaker 1: in our very first installment of this, it's going to 92 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:54,599 Speaker 1: be a continuing series. I don't know what are you saying? 93 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,920 Speaker 1: All you want to just dive in. Since we mentioned Scotland. 94 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,279 Speaker 2: We must well, yeah, Scottish king, yeah, pretty and a 95 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 2: duke of pope. We are in fact all human. King 96 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 2: Alexander the Third of Scotland was what were we talking 97 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:10,039 Speaker 2: a little bit about horniness slightly? We were with the 98 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:13,359 Speaker 2: fantasy as well. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's okay. He 99 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,799 Speaker 2: was Yeah, he was ready. He was single and ready 100 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,200 Speaker 2: to mingle. Well not necessarily single, but he was definitely 101 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:20,000 Speaker 2: ready to mingle. 102 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 3: He was in. 103 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:25,520 Speaker 2: Quite a rush to get to the deed. Let's just say. 104 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,719 Speaker 2: But let's just start from when he was born. Alexander 105 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:31,640 Speaker 2: the Third born September fourth, twelve forty one died March 106 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 2: eighteenth or nineteen somewhere there in twelve eighty. 107 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,240 Speaker 3: Six, near king Horn, fifth Scotland. 108 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,880 Speaker 2: He was the King of Scotland from twelve forty nine 109 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:45,680 Speaker 2: to twelve eighty six, and the last major ruler of 110 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 2: a dynasty of kings descending from Malcolm the third of Canmore, 111 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:55,400 Speaker 2: who actually consolidated a lot of the royal powers in Scotland. 112 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 1: And Alexander did the right thing as a monarch. He 113 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 1: left his kingdom with its own autonomy. It was independent, 114 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:07,280 Speaker 1: it was prosperous, it was united, and Scott's looking back 115 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:12,479 Speaker 1: would think, man Alexander ruled over a golden age. And 116 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:15,160 Speaker 1: it's just the shame that after he died we got 117 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:20,920 Speaker 1: in this long, protracted, bloody conflict with England. King Alexander 118 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,480 Speaker 1: the second had one son, and this kid was named, 119 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: in a burst of creativity, Alexander the Third. And yeah, 120 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 1: we know monarchies and meritocracies may have a bit of 121 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 1: a Venn diagram, but merit is not the way you 122 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 1: become monarch. The way you become monarch is based entirely 123 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:44,479 Speaker 1: on your familial relation to the previous monarch or a 124 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:45,320 Speaker 1: bloody battle. 125 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:46,320 Speaker 3: So weird thing. 126 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,240 Speaker 2: About that blood or you know, the bloody the inside 127 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,920 Speaker 2: blood or the outside bloody. Yes, So Alexander the Third, 128 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,800 Speaker 2: it turns out he is only seven years old, which 129 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 2: he becomes the king. I'm just going to go out 130 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,120 Speaker 2: on a limb and say, maybe he wasn't the most 131 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 2: qualified for the job. And we see it, of course 132 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 2: depicted in shows like Game of Thrones and such, where 133 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:11,120 Speaker 2: these you know, small children that are presiding or reigning 134 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,720 Speaker 2: over these massive empires. And often what you end up 135 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:16,400 Speaker 2: seeing the situations of the real power is the power 136 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:19,960 Speaker 2: behind the throne and the advisors and perhaps a mother, 137 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,520 Speaker 2: you know, or a close relationship that's kind of whispering 138 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,680 Speaker 2: in the young king's ear and getting them to kind 139 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 2: of do their bidding and sort of steering things from 140 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 2: the shadows. 141 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:30,440 Speaker 3: Right right exactly. 142 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 1: And this is where we get to one of my 143 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: one of my favorite words I learned from Blood Meridian 144 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,320 Speaker 1: by Cormack McCarthy, which when that film finally comes out, 145 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 1: it's going to be amazing. 146 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:41,640 Speaker 3: It is going to be Gnarlis. 147 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,800 Speaker 1: So it's got one of the best villains in all 148 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 1: of English literature, all of sorry, the English language. 149 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 3: So it is good. 150 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:52,680 Speaker 1: Judge Holden, Yes, oh god, absolute monster. Actually gave me 151 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 1: nightmares reading that, but so okay. So this word is souzerainty. 152 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 1: To be a suzerain means to have dominion over something 153 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 1: in practice, if not in name. So you might not 154 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: have your stamp on the maps or the money or 155 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:16,000 Speaker 1: the paper, but you control an area. So Henry the 156 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:21,880 Speaker 1: Third he recognizes an opportunity, you know, and he says, look, 157 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,080 Speaker 1: I'm gonna engineer a political marriage. We're going to do 158 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,200 Speaker 1: an arranged marriage of children, and this will be my 159 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:33,960 Speaker 1: way to gain control over Scotland. And so in twelve 160 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:39,760 Speaker 1: fifty five, a pro English faction in Scotland grabs Little 161 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:43,360 Speaker 1: Alli three Alexander the Third, and then two years later 162 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:47,680 Speaker 1: an anti English faction gets the upper hand and they 163 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 1: control the government. So Alexander is safe. They safeguard him 164 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,240 Speaker 1: until he comes of age in twelve sixty two. The 165 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: year after that, he fights off an invasion by a 166 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 1: Norwegian king who's got a really cool, like Dune esque name, 167 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: hock On four four. 168 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, sorry, excuse me, I had something in my throat 169 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 3: right on. 170 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 1: And this guy Hockon has a son named King Magnus 171 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,679 Speaker 1: five And in twelve six Magnus. 172 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 3: What a strong name. Magnus is. 173 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:20,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, And for a while these guys uh the Norwegian line. 174 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:24,679 Speaker 1: They were controlling some islands along the west coast of Scotland, 175 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:28,600 Speaker 1: really beautiful places, the Isle of Man, a couple other ones. 176 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:33,760 Speaker 1: So eventually Magnus seeds control of those islands to Scotland, 177 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,400 Speaker 1: which is why they're part of Scotland today. 178 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,720 Speaker 4: Side note, do you guys know who Magnus is in 179 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,520 Speaker 4: Skyrim or are the older scrolls? 180 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:40,880 Speaker 3: Yes? 181 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:45,080 Speaker 5: Hold on, yeah, hold on, well he he's he's uh 182 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 5: miss Honey's father in Matilda and and and they and 183 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,320 Speaker 5: they make him speak from beyond the grave to freak 184 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:52,199 Speaker 5: out the trench bowl. 185 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,080 Speaker 3: Sorry if that was any minor spoilers for Matilda. 186 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 1: You're talking about the staff of Magnus Magnet. I have 187 00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 1: the staff of Magnet, that's what there's the eye of 188 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: and there's Magnus Septum. 189 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:02,320 Speaker 3: Yeah. 190 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:08,679 Speaker 4: So Magnus was the architect of lor CON's uh world scheme, 191 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,439 Speaker 4: which was you know, which is Munda's, which is the universe? 192 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:13,959 Speaker 3: But then god of magic. 193 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 4: I think he's got a magic But so like all 194 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,240 Speaker 4: the Adra had put. 195 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:22,040 Speaker 2: A lot of literally everybody right now, yeah, no, three 196 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,720 Speaker 2: people are very happy about this. 197 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,600 Speaker 3: There's just all on air right now. 198 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 4: Magnus is uh was just so strong that he was 199 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,080 Speaker 4: the only one of the Adria to say now I'm out. 200 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:33,199 Speaker 4: So he backed out, and by doing that, he ripped 201 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,680 Speaker 4: a whole through the Munda's so that magic could leak 202 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 4: into Munda's from etheriusts and that is the sun. 203 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:47,120 Speaker 3: Did you say this is important? I want this to 204 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:47,720 Speaker 3: get lost. 205 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:53,079 Speaker 1: I met a guy who worked at Bethesda and helped 206 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:57,560 Speaker 1: build Skyrim last night. Noel, you met him too, our 207 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:58,200 Speaker 1: buddy John. 208 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:02,280 Speaker 3: Uh yeah, that job. Yeah? 209 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,679 Speaker 1: Okay, So now uh now back to the show we 210 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 1: were doing. So if you get talked about in one 211 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,520 Speaker 1: of these episodes, you know, we spend a lot of 212 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 1: time talking about the back and forth of a lot 213 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:17,600 Speaker 1: of Western European conflicts. Here's the deal. This is Royal 214 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 1: Death's fellow ridiculous historians. So if you get mentioned in 215 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:24,080 Speaker 1: one of these episodes, that means you did not die 216 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,120 Speaker 1: in a fun or clean way. 217 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 2: No, he is of age now, right, Like I mean, 218 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:31,880 Speaker 2: at least Fellas, Yeah, he's all grown up. So at 219 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,120 Speaker 2: least we're not talking about like killing kids or anything, 220 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,920 Speaker 2: which I'm not saying that's off the table entirely. If 221 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,079 Speaker 2: it happens, it happens. 222 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,440 Speaker 1: As soon as you come of age as a monarch, 223 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,719 Speaker 1: then your next job is to make more kids, right, 224 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:48,680 Speaker 1: You got to ensure the bloodline continues. Alexander did have 225 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,920 Speaker 1: did have three kids with his first wife, who unfortunately 226 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,199 Speaker 1: she passed away in twelve seventy five, and then all 227 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:59,200 Speaker 1: of his all of his children from that marriage had 228 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 1: also passed away by twelve eighty four. Get yeah, getting 229 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 1: that from Samantha Aerosmith for mental. 230 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:08,120 Speaker 2: Flaws, remember that part, and also love Samantha for her 231 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 2: writing and her incredible last name which is spelled not 232 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 2: like the band, because they're they're the Smiths of like aerospace. 233 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:19,240 Speaker 3: This is like an actual aerospace at w. 234 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 2: But I didn't remember the part about all of his 235 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 2: kids dying Jesus man, Yeah, what a bummer. So now 236 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 2: he's really in desperate need to produce that air, and 237 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,680 Speaker 2: a situation arises where he might just. 238 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 3: Have that opportunity. 239 00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:48,719 Speaker 1: Yes, he marries Jolande through in twelve eighty five, and 240 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,960 Speaker 1: he is feeling you know, I hate to make it 241 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,680 Speaker 1: sound like a Lifetime movie. You know in Lifetime there's 242 00:12:55,720 --> 00:13:00,160 Speaker 1: always like the hard nosed businesswoman. Main character travels back 243 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,559 Speaker 1: to her small town and she feels her biological clock 244 00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 1: is ticking. That's what's happened in Alexander three. He's like, 245 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:10,960 Speaker 1: I need to make babies strong preference for a dude, 246 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 1: and so he starts to He is trying to travel 247 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:20,720 Speaker 1: to Yolanda and make children as quickly as possible, and 248 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,679 Speaker 1: he's a little interesting, he's not cautious about it. 249 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:24,360 Speaker 3: It's interesting. 250 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 2: It's for her birthday, so presumably he's trying to get 251 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,520 Speaker 2: to her a surprise her with birthday sex. Like, is 252 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:35,119 Speaker 2: this like gonna be a special date night situation? 253 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:35,880 Speaker 3: Like, I don't. 254 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 2: I guess I don't fully understand the significance of it 255 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 2: begetting to her for her birthday. 256 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,920 Speaker 4: But it also feels like he forgot her birthday and 257 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,920 Speaker 4: that's why he'll. 258 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 2: Dress himself up as a present, as a sexy present. 259 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, sounds very happen exactly. 260 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,920 Speaker 1: So, so here's what he does. He does something that's 261 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,240 Speaker 1: not super smart. At the time, the Queen is at 262 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 1: king Horn Castle in Fife, and he is rushing from 263 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 1: Edinburgh post taste and to make good time to get 264 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 1: there punctually. He travels through the night, and traveling at night, 265 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,840 Speaker 1: even if you're king, one could argue, especially if you're king, 266 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,040 Speaker 1: is pretty dangerous. 267 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 2: At this point, we take that for granted, dolt, he 268 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:21,200 Speaker 2: have like headlights and such, you know, in street lights, 269 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,280 Speaker 2: you're traveling through some rough terrain, you know, I mean 270 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,080 Speaker 2: a horse could twist its ankle and send you, you know, 271 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 2: tumbling down a hillside or whatever. 272 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,280 Speaker 3: At first, when I was hearing this. 273 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,840 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, no, he didn't get wet and die 274 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:37,200 Speaker 2: of a common coal diddy like that one president taking 275 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 2: his night walks. No, but still not too too far 276 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 2: off in terms of very preventable things. 277 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, here's what happened. All of his guides attire entourage 278 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 1: is going, buddy, we get it. You know, we felt 279 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,480 Speaker 1: the force of the horn ourselves. 280 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 3: Right, and the horn. 281 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's all but reason must prevail, you know, think 282 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 1: with your other head. He doesn't listen, so he travels, 283 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,640 Speaker 1: He activigates, He travels by night, He is separated from 284 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:08,240 Speaker 1: his guides, and he disappears. They don't find him until 285 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:13,320 Speaker 1: dawn the next day. He has indeed fallen off a cliff. 286 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 1: His horse stumbled in the dark through all over the edge. 287 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 2: See I was just guessing that impossible SCENARTI broke his neck, 288 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,320 Speaker 2: and it's probably because it's probably because he was making 289 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 2: the horse go faster than the horse needed to go. 290 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,080 Speaker 2: You know, it's kind of embarrassing. Really, I'm sure when 291 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,880 Speaker 2: you get found like that, you're not looking very kingly. 292 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 5: Uh. 293 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:34,880 Speaker 2: It's a little better than dying on the commode. But 294 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,680 Speaker 2: it's pretty unbecoming, you know. 295 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 1: You know, if he had died on a commode at 296 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,920 Speaker 1: that time, they would have been fascinated because it would 297 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 1: have been a future device. It would be the first 298 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,520 Speaker 1: time they had seen a commode too. 299 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:47,240 Speaker 3: Oh that's fine. 300 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 2: Sorry, yeah, a cute George Washington themul Sorry, we haven't 301 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 2: said it on this show. 302 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:53,440 Speaker 3: Stuff that I want you to know. 303 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 2: We have a very ridiculous history ongoing sketch series featuring 304 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,320 Speaker 2: Ben as George Washington traveling through time. 305 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,880 Speaker 3: Maybe we'll have to feature a commode one of these Yeah, 306 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 3: that would be mind bloy. 307 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 1: I'm also excited for you to teach him the latest 308 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 1: con virtual reality. 309 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,120 Speaker 3: We can't that's a new one coming out. It might 310 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,840 Speaker 3: be out already by the time this episode hits. 311 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,880 Speaker 1: And you could check that out on our on our 312 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,480 Speaker 1: Instagram for stuff they don't want you to know, so 313 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,120 Speaker 1: let us know. Yeah, I can't believe I mentioned before. Yeah, 314 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 1: with great music by mister Matt Fredericks. 315 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,080 Speaker 3: Oh God, what an earworm and a banger it is. 316 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 2: But Ben, as we know, when it comes to royal deaths, 317 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 2: whether you know, dignified or otherwise, it tends to leave 318 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,480 Speaker 2: a vacuum that is usually filled with a lot of 319 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,760 Speaker 2: creative and intense political jockeying, right. 320 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:44,840 Speaker 1: Yes, sir, Yeah, so the king, the king expires unexpectedly, 321 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,760 Speaker 1: he leaves no heirs, no direct adult airs. 322 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, so he was going there to shoot for right 323 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 3: on what you wish? 324 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and so and so all of a sudden 325 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 1: there is a spurt of chaos. 326 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,960 Speaker 2: Stop it now, we're keeping it as is. 327 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,880 Speaker 1: So this next direct air and the chain of command 328 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:12,600 Speaker 1: and inheritance here would be his granddaughter Margaret, who is 329 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 1: one year old when she gets to the throne. 330 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:16,919 Speaker 3: Again. 331 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:20,080 Speaker 1: Again, not to be a jerk about it, but maybe 332 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:22,000 Speaker 1: not the best person for the job at this point. 333 00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:23,960 Speaker 2: Well yeah, and again it just it just leaves it 334 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,800 Speaker 2: open for whomever the hand the baby handler is to 335 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,320 Speaker 2: take the reins. 336 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:29,359 Speaker 3: We don't really it's. 337 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,680 Speaker 2: A million percent, but a lot of times it's not 338 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,720 Speaker 2: even clear who exactly that person is all the time, right, 339 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,639 Speaker 2: because it's all happening like, you know, kind of beneath board. 340 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,840 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, guys, I would love to do an 341 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:47,720 Speaker 1: episode about the inner life of harems in the Ottoman Empire. 342 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 1: It is so fascinating that's I think that's our next 343 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:55,240 Speaker 1: step of royal deaths, because what you just said reminded 344 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,560 Speaker 1: me like the power plays and the you know, the 345 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,440 Speaker 1: king in name or the queen in name. 346 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:02,200 Speaker 3: Sure word again actually Susanphone. 347 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:08,320 Speaker 1: Susara, and then you know things like in the Ottoman 348 00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:13,560 Speaker 1: Empire they had two different two different controlling forces. In 349 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:17,200 Speaker 1: the Harem, there's like the kids and the Okay, well, 350 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 1: i'll get way into it too quickly. 351 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:24,399 Speaker 3: I'll be like start talking about Skyrim again. Okay, I 352 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:24,880 Speaker 3: can't wait. 353 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:28,080 Speaker 1: I'm so excited to finally finally do the Ottoman Empire. 354 00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:30,680 Speaker 1: But before we do that, we've got another, uh, we've 355 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,959 Speaker 1: got another unfortunate end for a royal. Also from Scotland. 356 00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 1: You've heard about James, but what about James too, Yeah, jameson. 357 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,119 Speaker 2: Nobody calls him James the first. It's just James. I 358 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,440 Speaker 2: guess you don't need the Yeah, it's they. 359 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,800 Speaker 3: Could call him James the first. It does happen from 360 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 3: time to time. 361 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,720 Speaker 4: James Bible. Yeah, he's actually King James, I believe the 362 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,119 Speaker 4: fifth because they're different lines. 363 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:58,720 Speaker 2: Oh right, England, and it's not the same Scotland. Yeah, 364 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,199 Speaker 2: well this is uh, the King of Scotland James the Second, 365 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:04,280 Speaker 2: and I love what you put here, Max. Of all 366 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:07,640 Speaker 2: the Kings of Scotland, James the Second is definitely one 367 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:07,920 Speaker 2: of them. 368 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,479 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, but not the Uh. 369 00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: He's no uh, He's not an Alexander the Second, you know. 370 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:22,320 Speaker 1: So he does, unfortunately have a weird ending to his life. 371 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,440 Speaker 1: So we want to you know, I'm glad we're bringing 372 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,359 Speaker 1: up the King James distinction. It gets confusing. It's like 373 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,200 Speaker 1: that novel One hundred Years of Solitude, when so many 374 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,520 Speaker 1: characters all have the same names. King James one, the 375 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:38,040 Speaker 1: King of England caugh cough, Bible dude is from the 376 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,840 Speaker 1: uh is from the same line of the King James 377 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,200 Speaker 1: is that we're talking about here, but the first one 378 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,159 Speaker 1: after they merge the Kings of Scotland and England together. 379 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,040 Speaker 1: Let's just fast forward. So like in Scottish terms, yeah, 380 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,600 Speaker 1: thank you. In Scottish terms, the guy we're talking about 381 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 1: is King James the sixth basically, So Max, because you 382 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,680 Speaker 1: and I are friends and your research associated for this, 383 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 1: I will quote you he was King James the six 384 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,760 Speaker 1: meaning the James as we were talking about today would 385 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 1: be King James minus three in England. Does this matter, No. 386 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,919 Speaker 3: No, but you wanted to write it anyway. 387 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,159 Speaker 2: Guys, Wouldn't it have been easier if they'd just given 388 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:21,440 Speaker 2: everybody their own, unique, creative, flourishing name instead of all 389 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,919 Speaker 2: these multitudes of James's. 390 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,480 Speaker 1: It would, But there's branding involved. 391 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:30,399 Speaker 2: Because it's about the line or they want to support 392 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:31,800 Speaker 2: the previous administration. 393 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,840 Speaker 4: Basically, it's like that pope who had that cool name, 394 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:42,760 Speaker 4: who made who made the calendar? And his name is Gregg, 395 00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:46,880 Speaker 4: greg not the Ugo Bancapia calendar, right right. 396 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,960 Speaker 1: Also, also, I will point out that's I've always suspected 397 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:55,600 Speaker 1: that's part of the reason so many ancient rulers would 398 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:56,040 Speaker 1: get a. 399 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,720 Speaker 2: Street name or oh yeah, yeah, of course a nickname 400 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,359 Speaker 2: like Caligula was. It was a nickname like you. 401 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:07,080 Speaker 1: Know, uh, like Alexander the Horny or Alexander the bad 402 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:07,720 Speaker 1: horse rider. 403 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:11,639 Speaker 3: Caligula was Guias Magnus some like a lot of that. 404 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 2: Those other emperors were, and a lot of them did 405 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:21,160 Speaker 2: have their own like Cesarean and all of these basically nicknames. 406 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:22,600 Speaker 3: I also like the ones. 407 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,879 Speaker 1: I also like the ones that are clearly historical insults 408 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,760 Speaker 1: later where it's like I'll just make one up, but 409 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,720 Speaker 1: you know, it's like Donovan the mid Lane exactly still 410 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:38,520 Speaker 1: Gar the fine right, the just okay of sorry Stilgar 411 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:39,359 Speaker 1: was from Dune. 412 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,320 Speaker 4: But I think I mean the best one was there's 413 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:44,680 Speaker 4: one it's like Ethel read the Unready. 414 00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:49,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that one. Uh, he wasn't ready for it. 415 00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:53,280 Speaker 1: Check out our previous episode so to see what we mean. So, okay, 416 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 1: let's go to our palace of Britannica. 417 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:55,399 Speaker 2: Uh. 418 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:56,760 Speaker 3: They break it down this way. 419 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:01,960 Speaker 1: James the Second was the King of Sky from fourteen 420 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,679 Speaker 1: thirty seven to fourteen sixty not super duper long, but 421 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 1: pretty respectful in the grand scheme of things. And he 422 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,480 Speaker 1: came into a time of civil pandemonium in the first 423 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,960 Speaker 1: half of his raid, but he was able to turn 424 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,560 Speaker 1: things around because solidate his power and become he was 425 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 1: very good at the game of thrones. 426 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,560 Speaker 3: Huh and sure you gotta be Yeah. 427 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:28,719 Speaker 1: And he's he's bucking the trend because he like a 428 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:32,560 Speaker 1: previous monarch. He becomes king when he's six years old 429 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:34,359 Speaker 1: because someone kills his father. 430 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,840 Speaker 2: Ye it happens, jals sold this time someone killed me daddy, 431 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:41,720 Speaker 2: And now I'm a small, tiny child king. Can we 432 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:43,480 Speaker 2: also just take a moment to say that it's neat 433 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,440 Speaker 2: that the Kings of Scotland are referred to as being 434 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,879 Speaker 2: King of Scots, referring I guess directly to the people, 435 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,879 Speaker 2: which I think is a name and it's an interesting 436 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:52,440 Speaker 2: kind of like. 437 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:53,959 Speaker 3: Twist on that phrase. 438 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,720 Speaker 2: I guess the closest thing I can compare it to 439 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:59,520 Speaker 2: would be like King of the Britons, which I think 440 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,760 Speaker 2: more was referring to the land than it is the 441 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 2: people are people Britons or is that like you. 442 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 1: Know it on where you're from and what version of 443 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,159 Speaker 1: Elder scrolls are playing? 444 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,600 Speaker 3: Stop it no, all right, we're going fast. 445 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 1: And so I had that was three back so because 446 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,919 Speaker 1: again because he is a boy king, there is this 447 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:29,119 Speaker 1: vacuum of power post assassination, and what we see is 448 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:34,440 Speaker 1: the emergence of three would be Usubu families, the Critons, 449 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:38,879 Speaker 1: the Livingstones, the Douglasses, and they they want to take 450 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:42,359 Speaker 1: control of the young king, to guide him and financially 451 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:46,639 Speaker 1: decideline him so that they can be the power behind 452 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:47,240 Speaker 1: the throne. 453 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,400 Speaker 3: We've been talking about that from the top of the episode. 454 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,119 Speaker 2: Now we're getting a little more insight into like a 455 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:56,600 Speaker 2: specific example of this kind of behind the scenes machinations. 456 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,520 Speaker 3: Right, Canary, did I use you, Canary? Right? I think 457 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:00,760 Speaker 3: I did? You did? 458 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,639 Speaker 2: Think it's a political it means politically secret kind of 459 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,200 Speaker 2: sneaky political maneuvers. 460 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:11,120 Speaker 1: He also did some actions we would consider scurrilous. So 461 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,479 Speaker 1: he all right, So it's it's the game of throat stuff, right, 462 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 1: the game of houses as they call it, a wheel 463 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:20,119 Speaker 1: of time in that series. You hurt with one hand, 464 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:25,359 Speaker 1: you caress with another, and you manage these people, you 465 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:29,600 Speaker 1: manipulate them. So James assumes his royal duties. Ak actually 466 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:33,200 Speaker 1: starts doing his job when he gets married in fourteen 467 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:37,840 Speaker 1: forty nine. Here's how he consolidates stuff. Some people he 468 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:41,240 Speaker 1: makes a truce with, He negotiates with the Douglas family. 469 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 1: But then some other families, like the living students, he 470 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:49,640 Speaker 1: just straight almost read weddings them like he dispossesses them. 471 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,800 Speaker 2: Of all their land, right, I mean, and you're not 472 00:24:52,920 --> 00:25:02,400 Speaker 2: joking when you say they we read wedding to them. 473 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:06,879 Speaker 2: He literally stabbed Old William, the eighth Earl of Douglas 474 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,199 Speaker 2: a bunch of times, and then he took all of 475 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:17,119 Speaker 2: their stuff, including demolishing, absolutely destroying the Douglas castles, and 476 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:21,720 Speaker 2: took control of all of their vast landholdings in the States. 477 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, and that's how the game is played, folks. 478 00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:32,080 Speaker 1: This also is a huge financial boom for James, and he. 479 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,720 Speaker 3: Gets a little big for his breeches. 480 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:37,120 Speaker 1: He's like, I'm pretty good at this ruthless monarch stuff. 481 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:38,880 Speaker 3: So he looks over at. 482 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:42,240 Speaker 1: England and he he kind of has a hold my 483 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:45,080 Speaker 1: beer moment and he says, you know what, maybe maybe 484 00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:47,840 Speaker 1: those folks down south could use a little James. 485 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:51,879 Speaker 3: And he's got James. Yeah, I picture of using his 486 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:52,760 Speaker 3: name as a verb. 487 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, but who will know which James he's talking about. 488 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,760 Speaker 1: That's just such a that's such a douchey frat boy 489 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,320 Speaker 1: thing to do. Like, hey, baby, you want to get 490 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:02,480 Speaker 1: James got changed? 491 00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,600 Speaker 3: I could mean so many different things. It's a lot, 492 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:06,200 Speaker 3: it's a lot. 493 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:10,960 Speaker 2: So now, newly puffed up and emboldened, James moves on 494 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,399 Speaker 2: to phase two of his plan. 495 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:15,879 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, phase two. This is what. 496 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:21,400 Speaker 1: Leads to his unfortunate and back to our pal Samantha Aerosmith, 497 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,800 Speaker 1: he is taking advantage of chaos. He's very little finger 498 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:26,719 Speaker 1: about some of these things now, because he came up 499 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:27,320 Speaker 1: in that sort of. 500 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:32,520 Speaker 2: Game Scotland's relatively chill, comparatively chill when looking at England. 501 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,159 Speaker 1: Well, especially now right because it's the war of the 502 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 1: Wars of the Roses. People who maybe just watch the 503 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,680 Speaker 1: show Game of Thrones don't know this, but the author 504 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:43,399 Speaker 1: of the books the show is based. 505 00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:43,879 Speaker 3: On, George R. R. 506 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,640 Speaker 1: Martin, pretty much based his long series Song of Ice 507 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,280 Speaker 1: and Fire exactly on the Wars of the Roses. 508 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,119 Speaker 3: And I don't really know a lot of the historical details. 509 00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:57,159 Speaker 3: I'm sure it does. And you know, obviously, despite how. 510 00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,640 Speaker 2: Complicated seeming a lot of the Game of Thrones stuff 511 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,639 Speaker 2: is, at least in the books and the show too, the 512 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,119 Speaker 2: real history is even more complex. So he's taking advantage 513 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,120 Speaker 2: of you just know that basically they're in chaos. There's 514 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:12,200 Speaker 2: all kinds of chicanery going on behind the scenes, and 515 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:15,160 Speaker 2: you know, vuying for succession. It really is just think 516 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,960 Speaker 2: of the simplified version as the Game of Thrones plot. 517 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,159 Speaker 2: So he's taking advantage of all of this. You're right 518 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,679 Speaker 2: about the little Finger thing. He's looking at all this 519 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,840 Speaker 2: chaos as a ladder, you know, for me to climb 520 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 2: and get what's mine. 521 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, And just to be clear, at this point, 522 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,719 Speaker 1: he's not really thinking of the greater good of the 523 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:35,919 Speaker 1: people of Scotland. 524 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,000 Speaker 3: He is thinking of himself exactly. 525 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, despite being the King of Scots, you know, the 526 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,520 Speaker 2: Scots Secretary, he's. 527 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:47,600 Speaker 1: Kind of like the King of James. So anyway, he says, 528 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:51,040 Speaker 1: we're going to take back Roxburgh Castle, which was held 529 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,280 Speaker 1: by the English at the time in this fourteen sixty 530 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,040 Speaker 1: So he says, all right, guys, not gonna lie to you. 531 00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:57,800 Speaker 1: This is going to be uphill. It's going to be 532 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:02,040 Speaker 1: a long siege. So he brings a big, big army. 533 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,920 Speaker 1: They have a lot of artillery, and they have what's 534 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:08,600 Speaker 1: sort of his nuclear weapon at the time, his biggest gun, 535 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:12,440 Speaker 1: a huge cannon, a bombard cannon called the Lion. 536 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,119 Speaker 3: It's his favorite. 537 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,400 Speaker 1: Piece of armament and he wants to show it off 538 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,960 Speaker 1: to the Earl of Huntley. And we're getting this story 539 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:25,160 Speaker 1: from a chronicler who comes later named Robert Lindsay. And 540 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:29,960 Speaker 1: the way Robert Lindsay writes it is that James basically said, hey, bro, 541 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,760 Speaker 1: come look at my gun. He went down and he 542 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,679 Speaker 1: stood next to the Lion, like the way you would pose 543 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:40,520 Speaker 1: in front of a statue for Instagram selfie. I'm said, 544 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,160 Speaker 1: we're an audio podcast because some physical comedy. 545 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:43,920 Speaker 3: And so here's why. 546 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,600 Speaker 2: I have my fist on my hip Mick Jagger style 547 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,040 Speaker 2: and one leg up on the base of the statue 548 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:50,680 Speaker 2: with my other arm resting on. 549 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:51,280 Speaker 3: It, you know. 550 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,640 Speaker 1: And yeah, there's someone else who's got like they're pretending, 551 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,760 Speaker 1: you know, they've got the cannon between their legs and 552 00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:01,440 Speaker 1: they're like a look at my original. But anyway, whatever 553 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,800 Speaker 1: he was doing, he's very close to this and he's 554 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:09,479 Speaker 1: bragging to the Earl of Huntley and then the lion explode. 555 00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:13,800 Speaker 2: Goes off baby with the bang. Oh my god, really quickly. 556 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:17,080 Speaker 2: I hadn't seen this done quite this well until very recently. 557 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 2: But in the new show, the new version of Showgun, 558 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,440 Speaker 2: there is a sequence no spoilers, just just happens at 559 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:25,120 Speaker 2: some point, and I can tell you who the parties 560 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,360 Speaker 2: are involved, where some people have occasion to get exploded 561 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:32,480 Speaker 2: by some cannon fire and it is gnarly. You're getting 562 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:35,680 Speaker 2: your limbs knocked off, you're getting eviscerated. I mean, those 563 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:39,160 Speaker 2: things tear through flesh, like to quote Mandy, like a 564 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 2: fat kid through cake. And it's pretty insane. What can 565 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 2: happen with that? 566 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,040 Speaker 3: Kind of stuff. So what happens to our boy James. 567 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:52,080 Speaker 1: According to Robert Lindsay, his thigh bone was dug in 568 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:56,240 Speaker 1: too with a piece of misframe. The guy that's breaking 569 00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,400 Speaker 1: shooting by the witch. He was stricting to the ground 570 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:00,560 Speaker 1: and died hostile. 571 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:05,280 Speaker 2: Oh he died so very hostily, a very unfortunate and too. 572 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:10,400 Speaker 2: I mean maybe maybe appropriate actually because he was such 573 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:12,160 Speaker 2: a you know, warhawk, right. 574 00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,200 Speaker 1: Right, and he's only twenty nine years old, and this 575 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:16,200 Speaker 1: is an ugly way. 576 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,160 Speaker 2: To go, right And basically he's saying his leg was 577 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 2: exploded off his body, is what he's said, right right, 578 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:25,200 Speaker 2: His thigh bone was hewn in twain. 579 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:29,400 Speaker 1: So he bled out, you know, And so he bled 580 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,600 Speaker 1: out and he was in tremendous page. Oh sure, And 581 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:37,320 Speaker 1: this means an unfortunate pattern in some Scottish dynasties. This 582 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:41,760 Speaker 1: means that his heir becomes a sentence. 583 00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:45,200 Speaker 3: To the throne at the age of eight. Oh yeah, gosh. 584 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:48,160 Speaker 1: But he's of course, he's not really driving at this point. 585 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:51,880 Speaker 1: He's got another pattern of people trying to control the 586 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:56,280 Speaker 1: kingdom through him and hold the hagis I just wanted 587 00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:57,240 Speaker 1: to do that one, you guys. 588 00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:00,880 Speaker 3: Ever, tried. Hagis absolutely not. It's not that. I'm sure 589 00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,320 Speaker 3: it's not. This is like it's that good either. 590 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:04,960 Speaker 2: But there have been a lot of videos making the 591 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,840 Speaker 2: rounds on social media, like where it's like a like 592 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,840 Speaker 2: a very bespoke restaurant kind of gourmet spot where they 593 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,600 Speaker 2: bring out your hags to the table and it's basically 594 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:17,480 Speaker 2: like an inflated balloon of meat and they they it's 595 00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,840 Speaker 2: like got steam where it's literally been inflated and you 596 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:23,520 Speaker 2: see them pierce it and it deflates like a ball bag. 597 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,800 Speaker 3: And it's, oh god, it's despicable. 598 00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:27,640 Speaker 4: Isn't there a place over in Ease a lot of 599 00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 4: village you can get hagis? 600 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:35,080 Speaker 2: You get shepherd Ye, don't you dare compare Shepherd's byways? 601 00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:38,880 Speaker 3: Go there? Whatever. Yeah, it's just like they do they do. 602 00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 1: They like the soccer there technically has is a pudding. 603 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:47,360 Speaker 1: I just thought that makes guys, come on, what lackest 604 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:50,040 Speaker 1: of puddings? What is life if not to be lived? 605 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 1: You guys don't like Robert Burns. That's when they have 606 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,520 Speaker 1: the haggis. It's on Burns Day anyway, So why are 607 00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,720 Speaker 1: we why are we talking about this? It's because in 608 00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:01,840 Speaker 1: our exploration here, we realize that we're making this entirely 609 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:05,360 Speaker 1: a Scottish King's episode. There are more royal deaths that 610 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,200 Speaker 1: we're going to return to in Royal Deaths Part five. 611 00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:11,680 Speaker 1: But I think we found a very troubling pattern of 612 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:16,040 Speaker 1: getting to the throne a little too young, haven't we, 613 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,760 Speaker 1: And we've been dying too young to be honest? 614 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:21,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, well again, you know, just this is basically the 615 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:25,040 Speaker 2: selfie that killed you know. I mean, just also be 616 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:29,960 Speaker 2: careful around live ammunition when taking your Instagram cloud videos, 617 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:30,880 Speaker 2: or when. 618 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:34,560 Speaker 1: Bragging to your earls, your earl friends and your entourage. 619 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:40,240 Speaker 1: And there are many, many, many more ridiculous mishaps in 620 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:45,400 Speaker 1: the history of various monarchies, which we will return to. 621 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:49,680 Speaker 1: Slight spoiler, We're gonna talk about a King John in 622 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:52,239 Speaker 1: the future. We're going to talk about a couple of 623 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,440 Speaker 1: other monarchs you may not have heard of, and we're 624 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:59,520 Speaker 1: going to travel to the Near East and the Ottoman Empire. 625 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:01,680 Speaker 1: So excited, it's so weird. 626 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:04,480 Speaker 3: And in the meantime, we've. 627 00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,760 Speaker 1: Got to give a big, big thanks to We've got 628 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,800 Speaker 1: to give big, big thanks to our pal Kevin. 629 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:11,480 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, Kevin's the best. 630 00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:16,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, Kevin and the listener to the show, who we 631 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:19,000 Speaker 2: got to meet in person in LA yesterday for the 632 00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:19,640 Speaker 2: very first. 633 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:20,719 Speaker 3: Time and it was a lot of fun. We had 634 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:21,160 Speaker 3: a good time. 635 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:25,720 Speaker 2: Also, Big thanks to super producer and research Associate Extraordinariy 636 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:27,160 Speaker 2: Max Von Williams. 637 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:31,680 Speaker 1: First of his name, and some say he's the favorite Williams, 638 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:35,120 Speaker 1: but that's up to history, isn't it. Big thanks of 639 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:38,760 Speaker 1: course to Alex Williams who composed this track. Big thanks 640 00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:43,960 Speaker 1: to Jonathan Strickland Ak the Quister, A j Bahama, Jacobs, 641 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:45,000 Speaker 1: heyk the Puzzler. 642 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:48,920 Speaker 2: Given everybody nicknames absolutely as it should be held. 643 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:50,360 Speaker 3: Are we going to keep them all straight? Which is 644 00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:51,600 Speaker 3: they're all named James? 645 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:52,280 Speaker 4: Right? 646 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:56,160 Speaker 1: Secretly everybody we're thanking in the credits is named James, 647 00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:59,240 Speaker 1: including Eves Jeffcot whose real first name is James. 648 00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:02,480 Speaker 3: She'll love that one. 649 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:12,880 Speaker 2: We'll see you next time, folks. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, 650 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,280 Speaker 2: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen 651 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:17,360 Speaker 2: to your favorite shows.