WEBVTT - Evolving Through The Mess ft. Brandon Kyle Goodman: “Permission to break the boxes.” 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:09.960 Ruby, I came out of the womb. 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:15.800 Gay sex and not just about penetration, but it's about conversation. 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:20.360 I've been looging yourself. Begins with masturbation. 0:00:22.360 --> 0:00:25.560 From just beyond the lights of Los Angeles and Steamy 0:00:26.000 --> 0:00:33.200 Palm Springs, California. It's Mick Robert Bill just say, and this. 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:37.839 Is silver Lighting with the Old Gays. 0:00:39.960 --> 0:00:43.960 So far, it's been just the four of us talking, 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:48.120 but we think it's time we opened the door to 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:49.800 a special guest. 0:00:50.720 --> 0:00:54.880 I told you I don't do those kind of things anymore. 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:57.520 So who's going to be the fifth wheel on this 0:00:57.600 --> 0:00:58.520 Old Gay Tour? 0:00:59.000 --> 0:01:02.319 They're half our, so it's more like four and a 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:03.640 half wheels. 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:07.320 I think they make up for their youth with their intelligence, 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:09.559 talent and bone structure. 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:13.160 That's right for our season one finale, the Old Gays 0:01:13.160 --> 0:01:18.560 are welcoming our very first Silver Linings guest Brandon Kyle Goodman. 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:24.399 Brandon is a writer, actor, comedian, educator, and activist, best 0:01:24.520 --> 0:01:28.720 known for their brilliant work on the TV show Big Mouth. 0:01:28.680 --> 0:01:33.280 Their heartfelt book You Gotta Be You, and their iHeart 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:37.040 podcast series Tell Me Something MESSI. 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:41.720 We're thrilled to have them with us, so please welcome 0:01:41.760 --> 0:01:54.200 the fabulous Brandon Kyle Goodman. Yes, Hi everybody. Hi, Hi, 0:01:54.640 --> 0:01:56.680 I'm so excited to be here. How y'all doing today? 0:01:57.040 --> 0:01:57.919 We're doing great? 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:00.160 Yeah? Where do I find y'all? 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:01.120 Palm Springs? 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:03.000 Palm Springs? Is it hot? 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:04.640 Oh yeah? 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:08.639 Maybe one hundred and ten, one hundred and fifteen today? 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:10.520 How do else stay cool in that weather? 0:02:10.880 --> 0:02:13.040 It's called air conditioning? Honey, Well, that's right. 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:16.240 And pol you have. 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:20.160 In the evening in the evenings. 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:22.160 And any popsicles maybe I do? 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:25.960 Okay, I love popsicles and ice cream sandwiches. It's summer. 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:26.760 There we go. 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:30.760 So what's going on in La? 0:02:31.600 --> 0:02:31.720 La? 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:32.600 Is also hot? 0:02:32.639 --> 0:02:35.640 Not as host Springs. Now, you know, I went to 0:02:35.680 --> 0:02:37.680 the gym this morning. I had a little meditation. 0:02:39.480 --> 0:02:42.160 You know. I ate the string cheese. I'm feeling good. 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:45.000 I'm feeling do you say a string cheese? 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:48.120 A string cheese? Just saying okay, just the one to 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:50.880 hold me over. It's feeling good. 0:02:55.000 --> 0:03:02.360 So our conversation today has an intergeneration focus. We covered 0:03:02.400 --> 0:03:06.320 a lot of ground on this podcast so far, and 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:11.960 now we'd like to mingle with you about the ways 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:17.480 things have changed are stayed the same in Queer life. 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:22.520 Yes, the four of us are considered baby boomers, and Brandon, you. 0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:25.720 Are a millennial, I believe, Yes. 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:29.679 What's the most millennial thing about you? 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:32.640 I feel like what's the most millennial thing about me 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:37.800 is probably my love of mental health and like feelings 0:03:37.960 --> 0:03:40.920 and my love of living single, which is one of 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:43.400 my favorite TV shows. So I love I love wearing, 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:46.960 I love the nineties nostalgia, I love wearing overalls now. 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:49.160 But I also love my mental health. 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:52.480 That's like, that's my my gem, you know, talking about 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:56.400 our feelings understand, Yes, what's. 0:03:56.160 --> 0:03:58.320 The most what's the most boomer thing about y'all? 0:03:58.560 --> 0:04:03.200 Bill can be more specific, but we're not really boomers. 0:04:03.320 --> 0:04:04.040 Bill and I. 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:09.960 Yeah. Something that's not really talked about a lot is 0:04:10.000 --> 0:04:16.240 the Silent generation. Bob was born in forty three. I 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:22.120 was born in forty four. And the Silent generation goes 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:29.640 from nineteen twenty eight through nineteen forty five. And the 0:04:29.960 --> 0:04:36.800 Silent generation was very disciplined and it was a very 0:04:36.839 --> 0:04:42.880 strict generation. And the boomers kind of broke into it 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:46.960 and that they started expressing their own things and not 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:50.200 things that they were taught like in the past. 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:54.920 Oh, I beg to differ, Uh, oh, differ. Then I'm 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:59.240 a baby boomer. You know, there are older boomers and 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:01.960 then there are younger boomers. I was born in nineteen 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:07.000 fifty six, so it was probably between the two boomer generations. Remember, 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:10.720 Barack Obama is a baby boomer. He was born at 0:05:10.760 --> 0:05:16.120 the very end. And I can see that there is 0:05:16.160 --> 0:05:19.320 a very big difference between say like a Bill Clinton 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:22.400 and a Barack Obama. You can see the difference in 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:27.560 attitude and approach to life. And I think that has 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:31.200 a lot to do with the fact that the early 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:36.680 boomers were very much involved in civil rights protests, the 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:42.440 beginning of the women's movement, the LGBTQ queer movement, and 0:05:42.680 --> 0:05:46.520 also just to open up the way we approach life. 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:52.000 Boomers are, first of all, were expected to achieve a lot, 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:57.440 but they are also the most spoiled generation, and I 0:05:57.440 --> 0:05:59.120 would say that about ourselves. 0:05:59.839 --> 0:06:05.400 I also think that World War two, the end of 0:06:05.480 --> 0:06:12.239 the war had a really big impact in shaping how 0:06:12.920 --> 0:06:18.560 many of us viewed our place in the world in 0:06:18.680 --> 0:06:24.880 a positive way and how if we all work hard 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:31.240 and work together, what we can achieve. And so that 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:37.000 I think was instilled in many of us by our 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:42.400 parents and by just society at the time that it 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:47.840 really shaped our formitive years and what we chose to 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:49.599 do later in life. 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:56.520 Yeah, that's an early boomer. Okay, it's much different. 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:58.280 And just say, where do you fit into all this? 0:06:58.760 --> 0:06:59.360 What do you think? 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:04.600 I don't I just I just am you just I 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:08.520 never figured out these boomers and exes and all that stuff. 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:15.840 I'm just me. Yes, Was it was it. 0:07:15.800 --> 0:07:18.880 Easy to carve a space out for yourselves or did 0:07:18.880 --> 0:07:20.440 you have to was? 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:21.120 Was? 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:23.400 I mean, obviously there was resistance, but what was your 0:07:23.560 --> 0:07:24.880 relationship to that resistance? 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:29.280 I don't remember the big issues. It's been a smooth 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:33.480 journey because of my parents educating us on what to do, 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:36.400 when to do, and when not to do. And then 0:07:36.600 --> 0:07:41.360 I became vocal as I became a teenager with the 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:44.040 racial issues that were going on. Still had to stay 0:07:44.080 --> 0:07:47.119 in the closet for quite a while, so I wasn't out. 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:49.640 When did everybody come out? How old were you all 0:07:49.640 --> 0:07:50.200 when you came. 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:51.600 Out to ourselves or publicly? 0:07:51.800 --> 0:07:54.880 Oh that's a great question to yourself and then publicly? 0:07:55.280 --> 0:08:02.080 Okay, Yeah, for me, there was no single event or anything. 0:08:04.080 --> 0:08:10.000 It was just a very gradual, natural process that took place. 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:14.720 When I was probably five years old, and I knew 0:08:14.880 --> 0:08:19.320 at that point in time I was different, and I 0:08:19.440 --> 0:08:26.600 knew what visuals matters stimulated me. I have never been 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:30.080 to bed with a woman. I have never had the 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:31.040 desire to. 0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:34.120 I think each two of us has a different definition 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:39.199 of coming out. It really wasn't until my junior year 0:08:39.240 --> 0:08:43.840 of college where I finally came out. And that's when 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:46.560 I started doing the bars in the circuit, but also 0:08:46.600 --> 0:08:51.600 going to meetings because Minnesota is a pretty liberal state 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:56.240 and had already developed a high level of gay organization. 0:08:56.800 --> 0:09:00.880 And in nineteen seventy seven, I moved to California and 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:04.920 I went to a party with my ex and we 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:08.480 had done LSD and so it was a Sunday morning, 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:11.360 and it was around two in the afternoon, and my 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:14.120 sister called, and then she put my mother on for 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:16.640 some reason. And I was still so loaded, and so 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:19.719 I told my mother that I forgived her for all 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:23.520 anythings that any resentments that I had against her. And 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:25.760 then I said, oh, and by the way, I'm gay. 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:31.320 Oh And she said, oh, okay, I still love you, 0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:33.440 but don't tell your father. 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:35.400 Oh wow. 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:43.040 Yeah. So I thank god that I left Minnesota that's 0:09:43.120 --> 0:09:43.840 all I say. 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:46.800 Yeah, that makes sense, So you could be yourself, how 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:47.360 about you? Bill? 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:52.560 And just they I came out at birth. I was 0:09:52.640 --> 0:09:56.120 cut out at birth, but I came out to myself 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:58.760 all my life. I was never into girls, but I 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:02.440 had to be on fortunately because I didn't want to 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:05.840 hurt them, but I did. I was close to marriage 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:10.600 but got out of it. But I came out publicly. 0:10:12.000 --> 0:10:14.920 When was that? Oh, when I moved to la in 0:10:15.200 --> 0:10:20.760 eighty two and joined La Gay Men's Course. And it's 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:24.360 just been the journey of the courses in that community 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:26.520 leading me to where I am today. 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:27.800 I love that. 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:32.760 Yeah, and Bill, I always knew I was gay. I 0:10:32.760 --> 0:10:37.960 mean I came out of the womb gay and a 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:41.319 lot of the other kids played doctor with one another. 0:10:41.800 --> 0:10:47.080 But I always avoided that situation because I didn't want 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:52.640 anybody to know I was gay. I never came out 0:10:52.720 --> 0:10:56.840 to my family, never told them I was gay, because 0:10:57.640 --> 0:11:02.480 they just knew I was gay. But I always restrained 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:07.200 from playing around or anything until I was sixteen and 0:11:07.240 --> 0:11:11.199 a half years old and I got my driver's license 0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:15.360 and I made a beeline right down to Laguna Beach 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:17.720 and the rest was history. 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:20.280 Oh, I love it. I love it. 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:22.480 I have one more, please, I don't know how I 0:11:22.520 --> 0:11:26.840 could forget this. My mom coming out to my mom. Oh, 0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:30.440 I was in a relationship already in California, and she 0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:32.600 kept saying, you know how parents, when are you getting married? 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:35.360 When are you getting married? Like, okay, girl, you don't know. 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:38.920 So I wrote a letter and sent it to my 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:41.840 sister and her husband and they took the letter to 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:45.040 my mom for her to read with her, and it 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:50.560 was just amazing. She was crying and she was feeling 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:52.920 guilty for not being able to be there for me. 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:54.760 But I told her, I said, you were, you just 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:58.200 didn't know it. I says, that's it. I says that 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:01.600 you love me and accept me for who I am. 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:06.240 It's all I need. After that, I could care less 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:07.480 who knew or who didn't know. 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:10.400 Yeah, I mean, yeah, moms are I mean I think 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:13.000 for ye moms or something. Moms are something and want 0:12:13.200 --> 0:12:17.120 that approval or that acceptance my mom. My mom is 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:20.920 from Trinidad, so I'm perseneration American. I came out to 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:25.040 her when I was twenty or no, sorry, twenty one 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:29.800 or twenty two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She didn't take it 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:34.680 well and she Unfortunately we've been estranged for about fifteen 0:12:34.760 --> 0:12:39.280 years now. So my journey has been learning to love 0:12:39.320 --> 0:12:42.600 myself regardless of whether or not my family could show 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:45.040 up for me. And this is like where you know, 0:12:45.240 --> 0:12:49.720 chosen family became such a huge part of my life. 0:12:50.200 --> 0:12:52.760 I remember having this moment because we're you know, I'm 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:55.160 a PK pastor's kid. My grandmother was a minister, my 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:58.040 mom is now a minister, and so we just kind 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:01.280 of grew up under the screw. Not this called the scrutiny, 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:04.600 but the I always say, like the sashon Malia Obama 0:13:04.600 --> 0:13:07.600 of church, like you're just always being watched and how 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:12.800 you behave it's all. But I remember after I came 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:14.920 out to my mom and that didn't go so well, 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:17.440 and just like wrestling with is it okay to be gay? 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:19.400 Is it okay to be queer or not? And then 0:13:19.679 --> 0:13:22.960 looking at my friends who were also queer and loving 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:26.920 them so deeply and being like, well, if they're wonderful, 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:28.920 I don't think there're a sin, then why would I 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:29.400 be a sin? 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:30.760 And that allowed me. 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:35.440 To release that shame and realize it was more my 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:38.280 mother's journey and not mine. You know that I get 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:41.360 to be proud of who I am, and also because 0:13:41.720 --> 0:13:44.360 of all the people that have come before yourselves, included 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.680 who have lived out loud and made it okay. And 0:13:47.800 --> 0:13:51.560 I was saying to my friends, I don't know, it 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:56.280 would feel disrespectful to me to not honor the people 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:58.080 who have come before and who were living out loud 0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:01.079 and who were old about it, to not do that 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:03.240 if I feel safe enough to do it, I'm in 0:14:03.240 --> 0:14:06.200 New York City. Like, if not there, then where are you? 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:08.000 Thank you you're outselling you know? 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:11.600 Oh well Bram did following up on that. Yeah, yes, 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:15.600 tell me about the podcast, tell me something mess. 0:14:15.520 --> 0:14:17.160 Yeah, my podcast. 0:14:17.280 --> 0:14:21.280 My podcast is a safe space to talk about relationships, 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:24.640 sex and identity. And so we range from you know, 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:28.800 really wild things to really soulful things. But the point 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:31.240 is to just have these conversations about the quiet things 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:34.280 out loud. So to me, we are steeped in a 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:36.800 culture that doesn't want to talk about stuff, and everyone 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:39.960 is moving around in their spaces thinking that they're alone, 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:41.960 and so the intention of the podcast is that you're 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.320 not alone. That like, there are the wacky things that 0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:46.600 happen during sex that or the cringe things, or the 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:49.480 embarrassing things, the vulnerable things. There are things that happen 0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:51.440 with your family, there are things that happen at work. 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.720 And here's a safe space for us to talk about 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:59.040 it all with curiosity, communication and compassion. 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:05.000 Can you tell me what was your most memorable, quiet 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:08.240 but explosive memory from the show? 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:10.800 From the show you know what? 0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:14.680 This one was from Emily no Goski And she wrote 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:18.120 the book Come As You Are, and we were. You 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:21.600 know that book is revolutionary and just like incredible in 0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:27.120 terms of understanding one's body and sexuality and what you 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:30.080 what the shoulds are, and how to release all I 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:31.600 should do this and I should be this and just 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:34.760 kind of exist. And she said to me, who you 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:39.040 are as a sexual being deserves to exist. Hearing that 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:43.320 and like just like broke me down in quite the way, 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:46.600 in an unexpected way, because to be given that permission 0:15:46.680 --> 0:15:49.480 that who you are as a sexual person has every 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:53.640 right to exist and be. And then Lena Waite came 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:56.280 on and also gave us a moment. We were talking 0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:59.920 about mothers and not having adult relationships with our mothers, 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:03.480 and she said something to the effect that her therapist 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:06.760 had said, which is, you don't need somebody's response to heal. 0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:10.600 This idea that, like, you know, even if a person 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:12.840 has passed away or you're no longer a conversation, you 0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:15.880 don't need their response to heal. You just need to 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:18.760 say the truth of what you're feeling, whether that's to 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.160 a candle that you've lit, whether that's the stars, whether 0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:24.120 that's in a letter, But you don't need to Their 0:16:24.200 --> 0:16:27.520 response is not going to bring you your healing. That 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:29.520 healing has to come from from you. And so those 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:33.640 are two very incredible moments on the show. And then 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:36.160 Katya from ruf Roll's Drag Race told me about you 0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:38.120 know how she likes to work out with butt plugs 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:39.520 and then one of the one time it fell out, 0:16:39.720 --> 0:16:41.240 she was at the gym and she had to pick 0:16:41.280 --> 0:16:43.720 it up real fast because she wasn't sure if it was, 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:49.000 as she said, pristine. So we have the rage, we 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:51.120 have the range on the show everything. 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:54.760 Did she have to like run across the room to 0:16:54.880 --> 0:16:56.440 find it at the other wall. 0:16:57.840 --> 0:17:00.880 I think, and it was right there she just grabbed, 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:07.080 just like betting itself a too long food moment. Yes, yes, yes, 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:08.920 the sling of shotting across the room. No, it wasn't 0:17:08.920 --> 0:17:10.280 that it just fell on the floor. Shit to grab 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:14.080 real fast. So we talk about it all. It's just 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:18.120 it's just a shame free space to have imperfect conversations 0:17:18.119 --> 0:17:20.520 that hopefully make people feel less alone. 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:27.479 Oh great, I had that too. Anybody tell no I 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:28.440 didn't miss a joke. 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:33.679 Let's go back to this subject of butt plugged. 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:34.359 Yes, please. 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:37.720 Did anybody talk about, like, you know, losing one up there? 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:40.919 I half I did once. That's why you need a 0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:44.960 flared base. So I had a silver chrome butt plug, 0:17:45.000 --> 0:17:46.959 had a little jewel on it. It was set to me, 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:48.680 you know, because because of the work I do, people 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:50.200 will send me different sex things. 0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:51.800 And I was all right, cool, let me do this. 0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:54.280 So I like put it in and I was like cool, cool, 0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:57.040 And then I think it coughed or something, and that 0:17:57.119 --> 0:18:00.800 thing went up into my guts and I said, this is. 0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:02.960 Not happening to me. This cannot happen to me. 0:18:03.800 --> 0:18:05.720 And I tried to reach for it and I could 0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:09.080 feel it, but it was moving and twirling and I 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:12.359 couldn't get to it. And I was about to be 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:14.120 like I have to go to my husband and be like, hey, babe, 0:18:14.119 --> 0:18:16.040 we might have to go to the hospital. But I 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:18.480 gave myself one more moment, and I sat on the 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:21.800 toilet and I said, just one big push, girl, and 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:23.160 I had that and. 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:25.199 That thing went clink clink clink clink clink all up 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:25.880 in the toilet ball. 0:18:26.160 --> 0:18:29.240 But I told the about it, and they said, girl, 0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:32.520 you need a flared base. So anyone listening, if you 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:35.359 got a butt plug, it better have a flared base. 0:18:35.440 --> 0:18:37.680 So don't go up to your guts. 0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:40.320 And make sure you cagle so you can keep that 0:18:40.400 --> 0:18:44.320 thing tight. There you go, yes, grab it. 0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:47.119 Yeah. I had a vibrator and you go all the 0:18:47.119 --> 0:18:51.440 way up. Yeah. And well if somebody was using it, 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:55.639 and I get I have a very powerful record, and 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:58.880 I guess I just that's right, stocked it right. I'm 0:18:58.920 --> 0:19:00.000 just a greedy little. 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:05.560 What's one of your favorite sex stories you want to share? 0:19:06.200 --> 0:19:11.400 No, they've been varied. 0:19:12.240 --> 0:19:16.920 Been varied. You know the thing about there's a lot 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:18.200 of bad sex out there. 0:19:18.280 --> 0:19:20.040 Like, let's be honest. 0:19:20.520 --> 0:19:23.879 But you know, first of all, the only way you 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:27.600 can improve your skills is by practicing. It's like riding 0:19:27.600 --> 0:19:29.000 a bike. You just got to keep getting on it. 0:19:29.080 --> 0:19:31.199 You just got to keep going on it. You just 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:35.960 got to keep riding it. You know, riding it or 0:19:36.000 --> 0:19:41.560 taking it exactly. And you know, the one thing I 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:43.760 will say is, you know, I got a lot of 0:19:43.800 --> 0:19:50.080 pointers watching porn. Porn, orn, orn. I got a lot 0:19:50.119 --> 0:19:57.639 of pointers watching orn. Yeah, porn, And like you know, 0:19:58.320 --> 0:20:01.000 you know the way those guys, some of those guys 0:20:01.080 --> 0:20:03.399 you know take it down their throats. I am just 0:20:03.480 --> 0:20:06.720 so impressed do that. 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:07.640 That's a spiral. 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:10.800 It's an art and one of the things you know, 0:20:10.920 --> 0:20:15.800 that that really separate us from the others, you know, 0:20:15.920 --> 0:20:20.000 the ninety nine percenters over there. You know, uh is 0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:27.119 sexist fun and sexes. I should be unashamed and and 0:20:27.320 --> 0:20:30.960 out there. You should try as many different positions and 0:20:30.960 --> 0:20:35.920 and and schems and and just to enjoy it because 0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:38.160 sexuality is what defines us. 0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:42.720 And Brandon, speaking of that, you put a word in 0:20:42.760 --> 0:20:44.760 the dictionary, correct. 0:20:46.520 --> 0:20:50.320 Yes, Bill, it's an urban dictionary, the VKG. Why the 0:20:50.440 --> 0:20:53.359 Brandon kao yawn? I taught people how to give a 0:20:53.400 --> 0:20:56.359 better blowjob, which is by yawning so that you open 0:20:56.440 --> 0:20:57.800 up the back of your throat, lift that so off 0:20:57.880 --> 0:20:59.800 palette and then you can take it for. 0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:02.679 The How do you yawn with your blo and how 0:21:02.720 --> 0:21:04.560 do you yawn when you yawned. 0:21:04.640 --> 0:21:04.960 There you go. 0:21:05.960 --> 0:21:11.160 Yeah, when you yawn, you suppressed the gag replex exactly. 0:21:11.400 --> 0:21:14.359 So yeah, it's it's the when you don't yawn, it 0:21:14.440 --> 0:21:18.119 constrains the vocal cords and then you're getting you know, 0:21:18.160 --> 0:21:19.200 you're not going to get it all. 0:21:19.080 --> 0:21:24.439 The way Yeah, where you be, I know, And you 0:21:24.480 --> 0:21:27.320 know the best thing about is when it gets all 0:21:27.320 --> 0:21:29.040 the way down to your poicebox. 0:21:32.720 --> 0:21:44.520 There, give it a battle cry on that, dick, Uh huh. 0:21:41.400 --> 0:21:42.640 Did the work? 0:21:46.320 --> 0:21:46.480 Yeah? 0:21:47.359 --> 0:21:47.520 You know. 0:21:47.560 --> 0:21:49.680 On my podcast we talk a lot about we're talking 0:21:49.680 --> 0:21:53.320 about relationships, sex and identity, but I'm always talking about 0:21:53.320 --> 0:21:55.399 sex because there's so much shame around it, especially for 0:21:55.480 --> 0:21:58.119 women in queer fix because we've been trained to find 0:21:58.119 --> 0:22:02.080 what we do as not sex or not or is 0:22:02.119 --> 0:22:04.240 a sin or whatever, and so just having to undo 0:22:04.320 --> 0:22:07.160 that and unpack that and then discovering that inside of 0:22:07.640 --> 0:22:10.680 learning about sex, you really just learn about who you are. 0:22:11.080 --> 0:22:13.800 So I call people on my show, we call each 0:22:13.840 --> 0:22:16.639 other hose spelled h E a u X. It's a 0:22:16.640 --> 0:22:19.840 fancy word, and my definition of it is someone who 0:22:19.880 --> 0:22:23.320 commits to the liberation of themselves and others by thoughtfully 0:22:23.359 --> 0:22:28.720 interrogating their relationship to sex. Using curiosity, communication and compassion and. 0:22:28.680 --> 0:22:30.280 So this, well, that's a mouthful. 0:22:30.560 --> 0:22:33.120 It is a mouthful, and you know we like a mouthful. Mack. 0:22:33.200 --> 0:22:37.080 Come on, you got mack, You got. 0:22:38.480 --> 0:22:40.440 Baby. 0:22:40.680 --> 0:22:43.560 So it's just like having those conversations and creating a 0:22:43.600 --> 0:22:46.639 space to have conversations that it's not just about I 0:22:46.640 --> 0:22:49.000 always say sex is not just about penetration, but it's 0:22:49.000 --> 0:22:53.720 about conversation. It's about intimacy, it's about pleasure, it's about 0:22:53.800 --> 0:22:56.840 you know, curiosity. Can you be curious about what you 0:22:56.880 --> 0:22:58.040 love and what you don't love? 0:22:58.600 --> 0:23:02.200 Yeah? You know, I seem to remember in the days 0:23:02.280 --> 0:23:05.080 before age, like when you would go to a bath 0:23:05.119 --> 0:23:09.560 house in San Francisco, you were always engaging in conversation 0:23:09.720 --> 0:23:12.840 with somebody outside them, you know, the showers, and then 0:23:12.840 --> 0:23:15.879 you just saunter into a room, you know, and all 0:23:15.920 --> 0:23:19.560 of a sudden you've discovered your long lost friend. Yes, 0:23:20.000 --> 0:23:24.440 and you know, your alter ego or you know whatever. 0:23:24.960 --> 0:23:27.600 Yes, I know, I love I love a bathhouse conversation. 0:23:27.720 --> 0:23:28.920 The first time I went to a bath house, that 0:23:29.000 --> 0:23:31.159 was my favorite part about it was sitting in the 0:23:31.240 --> 0:23:34.160