Speaker 1: This episode contains discussions about domestic violence. Please take care
Speaker 1: while listening. If you or someone you know is experiencing
Speaker 1: domestic violence, please seek help. Resources are available in the
Speaker 1: show notes.
Speaker 2: I am I Yamla. I had a baby daddy relationship.
Speaker 2: I spent time in a relationship with a married man.
Speaker 2: I had to learn the skills and tools required to
Speaker 2: make my relationships healthy, fulfilling and loving. Welcome to the
Speaker 2: R Spot, a production of shandaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Greetings,
Speaker 2: and welcome back to the our spot. I am Iyamla,
Speaker 2: your host, your guide, your support mechanism as we discuss
Speaker 2: relationships and all things relationships here on the R Spot.
Speaker 2: And we've got a juicy, jaw smacking topic that we
Speaker 2: are talking about today, and it's how your ex or
Speaker 2: how you move out of a relationship, how you be
Speaker 2: out of a relationship, how you get out of a relationship.
Speaker 2: You know, I recently looked at a book called Necessary Endings,
Speaker 2: and sometimes it's really necessary for us to end a relationship,
Speaker 2: but we simply don't know how to do that. I mean,
Speaker 2: who moves who moves out? And when do they move out?
Speaker 2: And if the relationship ends and you're not ready to
Speaker 2: move out? Then what do you do? Necessary endings, Yes,
Speaker 2: they're required, but there also has to be a process
Speaker 2: to the ending, and that's what we're going to talk
Speaker 2: about today. How you be in a relationship with someone
Speaker 2: that you're no longer in relationship with, and then how
Speaker 2: the hell do you get out of dodge. Let me
Speaker 2: see what today's caller has to say. Greetings beloved, and
Speaker 2: welcome to the R Spot. We are talking about your
Speaker 2: relationship with your ex today. So how is your relationship
Speaker 2: with your ex?
Speaker 3: Oh? It is very confusing, but I am so happy
Speaker 3: to hear your voice and to speak with you.
Speaker 4: Thank you so much, Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2: So what's going on with you and the ex? Is
Speaker 2: it an ex?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay, how long has he been an ex?
Speaker 4: It has been about four months? Oh okay, yes, but
Speaker 4: it's you know, daily constant repetitive comp communication because there
Speaker 4: were unresolved issues as far as bills that replaced it
Speaker 4: my name and not paid and created a severe hardship
Speaker 4: for me, and situation that he's constantly contacting me stating
Speaker 4: that he's trying to resolve and repair, but he wants
Speaker 4: me to come back in order for him to do
Speaker 4: it or for me to believe him. And I just
Speaker 4: you know, I'm just tired of that. I experienced that
Speaker 4: a lot in Michigan. Detroit, Michigan is where I'm from,
Speaker 4: and there is some you know, misunderstandings and language and
Speaker 4: actions that you know, I try to minimize and distance
Speaker 4: myself from. But when you're in a hardship, it comes
Speaker 4: repetitive and just you know, constant.
Speaker 2: Well, none of that makes any sense to me. I
Speaker 2: hope it makes sense to you. No idea you talk
Speaker 2: about repetitive, I don't know what we're talking about. So
Speaker 2: let me let me can I ask you a few questions?
Speaker 3: No problem thinking?
Speaker 2: Okay, is the relationship over?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Well, I feel it is over because
Speaker 3: so much time has passed, you know, and it's yeah,
Speaker 3: that's not a lot of time. Well, in a state
Speaker 3: of crisis. You know, I'm experiencing a severe crisis with
Speaker 3: housing as of right now. And I was placed further
Speaker 3: in crisis with housing removing myself from the dwelling that
Speaker 3: we shared in which I have bills from that household,
Speaker 3: and I am battling a work related injury that has
Speaker 3: any segment and he knows of this, but I feel
Speaker 3: it's more like power and control that he's trying to
Speaker 3: have over me, which which makes me feel like that's
Speaker 3: wrong to re enter, you know, regardless of my state
Speaker 3: of desperation or housing crisis. I just I know and
Speaker 3: feel better that you know. I'm a self sufficient woman
Speaker 3: and I'm used to maintaining my lifestyle. But since it's injury,
Speaker 3: you know, it placed me and then furious crisis where
Speaker 3: I can't jump back into my normoucy the way that
Speaker 3: I used to, and I think he's playing all my
Speaker 3: heart strength with this.
Speaker 2: Okay? Is the relationship over? I'm asking that question again.
Speaker 2: Is your relationship with Batman over? Is it over? I
Speaker 2: don't care how you got there? Is it over in
Speaker 2: your mind? In your heart? Is the relationship done?
Speaker 3: In my mind and in my heart, I do believe
Speaker 3: it is over because I don't trust.
Speaker 2: I don't enough. Period. It is over. Period because once
Speaker 2: you start telling yourself that story, then you're going to
Speaker 2: start spinning. Yeah, the relationship is over. There's not enough money,
Speaker 2: not enough. What's your favorite food?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: My favorite turkey, bacon, scrambled eggs and grit. Okay, that
Speaker 3: is my favorite meal.
Speaker 2: There's not enough turkey, bacon, scrambled eggs and grits on
Speaker 2: the planet to make me go back into that relationship.
Speaker 2: It's just not I'm done. Have you said that I'm done?
Speaker 3: You know I've said that before. But that's the only
Speaker 3: person that I was intimate with, So that makes me.
Speaker 2: You know what, learn how to masturbate, be intimate with yourself.
Speaker 2: How about that? I'm hearing you speak, and this is
Speaker 2: what you do. You you step into a decision and
Speaker 2: then you spin yourself out of it by saying why
Speaker 2: and how and mood? You know what, he created some
Speaker 2: bills without your name. Done. I'll figure out me and
Speaker 2: God will figure out how to get this paid. Is
Speaker 2: not enough grits, eggs and turkey bacon to send me
Speaker 2: back in there. I don't have no conversation for you. You
Speaker 2: got my money, you got my money. You don't have
Speaker 2: my money.
Speaker 3: Buy Yes, I love you so much.
Speaker 2: See because I.
Speaker 3: Said it, feel it.
Speaker 2: You said it. This is a power over power under relationship. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And if you look back at the relationship, you will
Speaker 2: see how it was power over. Either he had the
Speaker 2: power over you, or he used what he had to
Speaker 2: have power over you, or you had the power over him,
Speaker 2: and he used it, and you'll played this game back
Speaker 2: and forth. Power over power under. Now he's got power
Speaker 2: over you. Because you're worried about your credit rating or
Speaker 2: your job or whatever.
Speaker 4: What.
Speaker 2: Listen, you can as long as you live, you're gonna
Speaker 2: owe somebody some money. I don't care who it is.
Speaker 2: You're gonna owe a light bill, a gas bill of
Speaker 2: or to build a card note. You're gonna owe somebody
Speaker 2: some money. So don't be freaked out because there's bills
Speaker 2: that you owe. And if there's nothing you can do
Speaker 2: legally to prove that you did not create these bills,
Speaker 2: then you're gonna have to pay them. Yeah, okay, I
Speaker 2: have to pay them. If it's fifty cents a week,
Speaker 2: you know, twenty dollars a month, call the people, make
Speaker 2: arrangements like a woman with her big girl panties on. Listen.
Speaker 2: These things were created by my partner. I didn't know
Speaker 2: about them. They're in my name. I'm willing to pay you,
Speaker 2: but this is what I can pay. Do you want it?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: Okay, assue me. That's it.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, oh that's so true.
Speaker 2: If you keep using the power under, if you try
Speaker 2: to negotiate from the power under position, You're never gonna
Speaker 2: get ahead. You gotta make him your ex and deal
Speaker 2: with him like he's not in your line life. Why
Speaker 2: are you talking to him? Why are you talking to him? Oh,
Speaker 2: this man who violated your trust, why are you talking
Speaker 2: to him.
Speaker 3: I've done drastic things, like I've called blocked his number.
Speaker 3: He's you know, changed his number and caused me from
Speaker 3: different text up numbers and things, and then he'll message
Speaker 3: me on social media things to unblock his number. So
Speaker 3: you know, it's it's a repetitantion number.
Speaker 2: Change your eye number.
Speaker 3: And I've done that also. I've done that also. So
Speaker 3: I just feel like I keep doing the same thing.
Speaker 3: But I have the power to end it and stop it,
Speaker 3: and I'm going to use that power. And I appreciate
Speaker 3: you for reminding me of that power, because you know,
Speaker 3: in the situation, in the circumstance, I feel weakened, needing
Speaker 3: help and assistance and support, but I never receive it.
Speaker 3: So I get it now. I'm awakened. I am awakened
Speaker 3: to the fact that I am the only one that
Speaker 3: can stop this repetitant and create more distance.
Speaker 2: You can complete it. You see, when you shift. He'll
Speaker 2: shift because you know the ace in the hole, you know,
Speaker 2: the big club in your back pocket is you can
Speaker 2: get a restraint in order and he won't be able
Speaker 2: to contact you physically, electronically, no kind of way. Less
Speaker 2: he want to sitiz behind in jail. But if you're
Speaker 2: not finished with him, then if you're not finished with him,
Speaker 2: then there's no way that you will take the necessary
Speaker 2: steps to take care of yourself. You got a housing crisis.
Speaker 2: Did he own houses? Can he help you in the
Speaker 2: housing crisis?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: He can.
Speaker 3: Well, he says that he would purchase to relocate us
Speaker 3: if we are together.
Speaker 2: I don't care what he says. He's a liar, he's
Speaker 2: a liar. He's a liar. He's a liar.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean happened. And it's like, I'm weakened
Speaker 3: by the fact that my birthday is in less than
Speaker 3: two weeks, so I'm over anxious about resolving things, and
Speaker 3: then you know my upcoming birthday, so it's just a
Speaker 3: bunch of emotional conflicts.
Speaker 2: What does your birthday have to do with it? What
Speaker 2: does your birthday have to do with the fact that
Speaker 2: somebody violated you, that someone took your name and misappropriated it.
Speaker 2: With all the work that you've done in your life,
Speaker 2: what does your birthday have to do with that? Help me?
Speaker 2: I'm missing something.
Speaker 3: I'm missing Well, the only male figure that I really
Speaker 3: look up to is my grandfather and we share the
Speaker 3: same birthday. He just passed away last month, so I
Speaker 3: am still in my feelings you know, about his passing,
Speaker 3: and was trying to celebrate my birthday with him before
Speaker 3: the passing. But you know, the crisis that I'm in,
Speaker 3: it's just making me think about how much I don't have,
Speaker 3: how much I lost, and how much you know. I
Speaker 3: am trying to quickly get back into my comfort feed
Speaker 3: of things, but he's contacting me saying, I will you know,
Speaker 3: I know all of this, I know everything, and I
Speaker 3: can fix it. I will help it, and you know,
Speaker 3: it makes me think that there is a way. But
Speaker 3: I see that what has what happened, what I experience,
Speaker 3: there's no repair to that. I have to take that
Speaker 3: lesson and experience and move past that and not be
Speaker 3: retriggered or reminded or put in the same circumstance again.
Speaker 3: So I have to make sure that I eliminated. That's
Speaker 3: the only thing I can do. He's calling me at
Speaker 3: this moment.
Speaker 2: Oh, put him on the phone, belove it. What is
Speaker 2: your prayer?
Speaker 3: My prayer is for peace, safety, and comfort on a
Speaker 3: consistent basis.
Speaker 2: M Comfort. Now, you may want to expand that a
Speaker 2: little bit because you're comfortable where you are right now.
Speaker 2: You're comfortable with the drama and the crisis of trying
Speaker 2: to negotiate with this power over power under relay reationship,
Speaker 2: trying to prove that you're right about how wrong he is.
Speaker 2: You're comfortable in that, well you are, That's why you're
Speaker 2: still doing it.
Speaker 3: Well. I mentioned that that prayer as you know, my
Speaker 3: release or escape to get into the things that I
Speaker 3: am really interested in. I have three companies, but because
Speaker 3: of this housing crisis, I feel as if I'm unable
Speaker 3: to you know, launch or really prepare my businesses for
Speaker 3: launch with having all my things all over the place.
Speaker 3: So when I saw your post about the bags in
Speaker 3: the suitcases and I'm like, oh, that is me, You're
Speaker 3: calling out to me, I'm like, oh, my goodness, that's
Speaker 3: exactly how I felt when I seen it. I said,
Speaker 3: you know what, I have to organize. I have to
Speaker 3: give back.
Speaker 2: We'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome back
Speaker 2: to the R spot. Let's pick up where we left off.
Speaker 2: Part of your challenges. You have too many stories running
Speaker 2: in your mind. That's part of it. Your birthday, your
Speaker 2: grandfather died, your crisis the birthday. But could you focus
Speaker 2: on one thing at a time. What is your priority
Speaker 2: right now?
Speaker 3: Peaceful comfortable housing? That is my priority, my goal.
Speaker 2: Okay, what is it with you and the comfort? What's
Speaker 2: your comfort? What's this thing with the comfort? I don't
Speaker 2: understand because I'm telling you you are comfortable where you
Speaker 2: are right now, peaceful, safe, affordable. Forget the comfort because
Speaker 2: I think your comfort is drama. But I could be wrong. Well,
Speaker 2: So if your priority is is adequate, peaceful, affordable housing,
Speaker 2: make that your prayer period, that's where you focus.
Speaker 3: I will do that. I will.
Speaker 2: That's your prayer. And he's not the answer to your prayer.
Speaker 2: He really isn't, because if he was, it wouldn't have
Speaker 2: taken you four months to get the answer.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Oh my, oh you know.
Speaker 2: What he wants something in return.
Speaker 3: That's why you are my other money. You are. I
Speaker 3: appreciate you so much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, your prayer is you know whoever you pray to,
Speaker 2: precious Lord, Divine Mother, blessed Father, Holy Spirit, Guardian angels, ancestors,
Speaker 2: whoever that's your grandfather, to help you get a prayer,
Speaker 2: get an adequate, affordable, safe, peaceful house. Yeah he's an
Speaker 2: ancestor now, Yeah he can help you. Yeah you are,
Speaker 2: but boo boo to fool length will help you. Otherwise
Speaker 2: he would have done it by Now.
Speaker 3: You are so right and so true.
Speaker 2: And I don't I don't say that to be disrespectful
Speaker 2: to him. I don't know him. He's probably a lovely person,
Speaker 2: but he's playing the fool in your life. And I'm
Speaker 2: talking to you.
Speaker 3: So, yeah, you're absolutely correct.
Speaker 2: See hear this. As long as you have an outstanding
Speaker 2: bill in your mind with his name on it, the
Speaker 2: door he comes through into your life will remain open.
Speaker 2: You're still in a relationship with him because that door
Speaker 2: is still open because you want him to pay the
Speaker 2: bill that he created.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well not anymore.
Speaker 2: And as long as you hold him responsible for any
Speaker 2: aspect of your life at all, that door's going to
Speaker 2: stay open, and he won't be an.
Speaker 3: Ex But wouldn't that be a little extreme of me
Speaker 3: to you know, apply or to obtain a ppo or
Speaker 3: restraining order or anything like that. Is that extreme or
Speaker 3: is that just sealing the nail on the coffin like
Speaker 3: it's completely filled and done. I just don't want to
Speaker 3: entice anything.
Speaker 2: Well, answer that question, I don't.
Speaker 3: Want any flack or any like retaliation you.
Speaker 2: Know from who? Well, who's who's going to retaliate? Well,
Speaker 2: are you afraid of him?
Speaker 3: Well? I just feel as if if I apply, and
Speaker 3: whether I obtain it or not, he will get notified
Speaker 3: and then he'll be upset that I applied. I know
Speaker 3: I'm caring too much about his feelings.
Speaker 2: And what does his upset have to do with you?
Speaker 3: I don't know his what his reactions are. We were
Speaker 3: in a physical artercation.
Speaker 2: So how long were you all together?
Speaker 3: About a year?
Speaker 2: About a year? And you don't know what his reactions
Speaker 2: are in that year?
Speaker 3: Well, I know that there were simple miscommunications and he
Speaker 3: was more physical than verbal. So you know I don't
Speaker 3: want to repeat that ever.
Speaker 2: Well, that's why you need a restrain in order. But
Speaker 2: you don't have to go that way. You are a woman.
Speaker 2: You are connected to the most powerful force on the earth.
Speaker 2: As a woman, you plant your feet on solid ground
Speaker 2: and say this fool gonna leave me alone, and this
Speaker 2: is how I'm going to create that. I'm not taking
Speaker 2: his calls, and if I pick up the phone and
Speaker 2: he's on it, I'm hanging up and I'm not going
Speaker 2: to respond to him on social media. I'm done. I
Speaker 2: am complete. And until you can say that, you're just
Speaker 2: going to be in and out of this thing because
Speaker 2: you got a lot of stories spinning around in your head. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, I have a saying that I say sometimes
Speaker 2: to people when they think they're going to bully me,
Speaker 2: or when I allow myself to be bullied, because see,
Speaker 2: I take responsibility for every single thing that's going on
Speaker 2: in my life. Nobody can treat me bad. I'm not
Speaker 2: paying close enough attention to see what they're doing, and
Speaker 2: I end up being treated badly. That's not on them,
Speaker 2: that's on me. You know, If a bird poops on
Speaker 2: your head one time, that's you know, that's just an accident.
Speaker 2: If a bird poops on your head two times, oh,
Speaker 2: you need to pay attention. By the time the bird
Speaker 2: poops on your head three times, you need to move
Speaker 2: or get a hat.
Speaker 3: Okay, And that's perfect.
Speaker 2: Take total responsibility for what's going on in your life.
Speaker 2: See the first time he put his hands on you,
Speaker 2: you should have left, but you didn't. Okay, no heat,
Speaker 2: no judgment. You weren't sure. Maybe he was having a
Speaker 2: moment the second time he did it. Oh wait a minute,
Speaker 2: hold up, I think I'm in a relationship with a
Speaker 2: physical abuser. So now that you ain't even in the
Speaker 2: same house, in the same relationship, why are you still
Speaker 2: concerned about him putting his hands on you?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Why? Oh my.
Speaker 2: My saying that I say to people sometimes is oh,
Speaker 2: you feel like a frog, leap, I got something for you.
Speaker 2: Go ahead, leap, you feel froggish, leap, I got something
Speaker 2: for you.
Speaker 3: Oh I love it so much. Thank you.
Speaker 2: And if you're not willing to take that kind of
Speaker 2: stand for yourself, if you're not willing to pray your
Speaker 2: need in the moment without any concern or consideration, if
Speaker 2: you're not willing to write that debt off because you
Speaker 2: stayed in a relationship with a man who put his
Speaker 2: hands on you. If he would put his hands on you,
Speaker 2: you should have known he didn't respect you enough to
Speaker 2: honor your name. Yeah, that he would create bills in
Speaker 2: your name. Okay, Oops, I wasn't paying attention. Let me
Speaker 2: move on. I got it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm waking now.
Speaker 2: They focus on your prayer. You better wake up. Throw
Speaker 2: some cold water in your own face until you do that.
Speaker 2: He's not your ex He's an anchor, holding you in
Speaker 2: the same place. Oh, he's got you just where he
Speaker 2: wants you.
Speaker 3: Oh no, I don't want that.
Speaker 2: Well that's what you got.
Speaker 3: Well I definitely has to do something about that. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that ends today.
Speaker 2: We'll talk about that right after this break. Welcome back
Speaker 2: to the R spot. Let's get back to the conversation.
Speaker 2: He's holding you in the same place.
Speaker 3: That is over. It is completely over. You know. I
Speaker 3: just I really needed to hear your voice.
Speaker 2: Here's your mantra. You know what a mantra is. It's
Speaker 2: a word that you say over and over and over. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know what yours is? What's your you want to
Speaker 2: know or do you have one?
Speaker 3: I want to know.
Speaker 2: Done period, not comma, not done if done, when done,
Speaker 2: because done period, done done with you?
Speaker 3: Okay, that will be totally no. But I have to
Speaker 3: stand firm in that to do that, because sometimes I
Speaker 3: feel as if people need a second chance or you know,
Speaker 3: a redemption or anything like that. So I strengthening myself
Speaker 3: to just know that not always appropriate. I am understanding
Speaker 3: this now.
Speaker 2: How many times did he put his hands on you?
Speaker 4: To many accounts, Okay, he.
Speaker 2: Got his second chance, third, fourth, fifth, six. And while
Speaker 2: it may not be physical right now, he's still abusing you,
Speaker 2: and you're participating. You are a voluntary participant in your
Speaker 2: own suffering. How about that?
Speaker 3: Oh sounds embarrassing.
Speaker 2: I lived for nine years in an abusive marriage. You
Speaker 2: know when it stopped? When when I left, he was
Speaker 2: gonna have to beat his own self because I wasn't there.
Speaker 3: It just stopped completely.
Speaker 2: I left. Who was he gonna beat He wasn't gonna
Speaker 2: beat me. I wasn't there, me and my three babies
Speaker 2: and three bags of clothes. I left the coffee pot,
Speaker 2: the washing machine, the vacuum cleaner. I left my sheets,
Speaker 2: my towels, and my pots. I left most of my drawers,
Speaker 2: my bras, my earrings. I have my three babies and
Speaker 2: three bags of clothes, and I left. That's when he
Speaker 2: stopped beating me. Oh my, I was willing to sleep
Speaker 2: in the park with the squirrels rather than go back
Speaker 2: to that. That's where you got to get to. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: if you want to X he's not your acts. You're
Speaker 2: still in relationship with it, well.
Speaker 3: Not anymore, not anymore. It's been over four.
Speaker 4: Months, so ill that's what you say.
Speaker 3: I'm done. Oh yay, I am done.
Speaker 2: Period. Put a period there now.
Speaker 3: Period not a comment is true. That is true and correct.
Speaker 3: I am done, Carrie. I feel so good to say
Speaker 3: out loud and feeling it, knowing that he's called me,
Speaker 3: and I don't have the anxiety to return the call
Speaker 3: or anything like that. So yeah, I am done, and
Speaker 3: I feel good about it. I don't have a million
Speaker 3: text messages popping up on my phone. I am done, period.
Speaker 2: Can't you block those?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, but I filled up all of my phone
Speaker 3: storage space, so now my phone is saying it's running
Speaker 3: out of storage.
Speaker 2: That's why you can't block him, because you're running out
Speaker 2: of storage.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, I've blocked so many numbers. I can
Speaker 3: go back and delete those previous block numbers, but then
Speaker 3: you'll have access to contact me from those block numbers.
Speaker 3: Like it's it's really crazy. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 3: I am almost to the point where I will change
Speaker 3: my number, but I've connected this number to so many
Speaker 3: different accounts so that I won't get locked out of
Speaker 3: my account some things, and I have to go over
Speaker 3: that process again and it's exhausting. But you know, I
Speaker 3: feel as if i'm pretty much.
Speaker 2: See what you just did. I want to point out
Speaker 2: to you what you just did. You made a decision
Speaker 2: and then you talked yourself out of it. I just
Speaker 2: listened to you do I could change my number, but
Speaker 2: then i'd have to bl and you just talked to
Speaker 2: yourself right out of the decision. Oh my, put your
Speaker 2: big girl panties one, put on a nice pair of
Speaker 2: sexy high heels, plant your feet firmly on the earth,
Speaker 2: and declare to the universe, to God, to source creator,
Speaker 2: the angels, declare what you're about to do.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, because.
Speaker 2: Until you declare it and own it, you won't embody it.
Speaker 2: And you could be doing this for another two years
Speaker 2: or three.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I have to pick it out of that mindset.
Speaker 3: I don't know why I keep doing that.
Speaker 4: Ugh.
Speaker 3: Okay. I am going to get firm and direct about
Speaker 3: my decisions from here on out. But I am done
Speaker 3: with that situation.
Speaker 2: All right. Well, then let's see how you live that out.
Speaker 2: That means you don't take not one call. That means
Speaker 2: you don't respond to not one text. You don't even
Speaker 2: have to read the text.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you are absolutely correct.
Speaker 2: You don't have to do any of that.
Speaker 3: You are absolutely correct.
Speaker 2: Power over power under I'm done, I'm done, And you
Speaker 2: don't owe him an explanation, and you don't have to
Speaker 2: give him a story. You don't have to do any
Speaker 2: of that. And if he comes threatening you, nine one one,
Speaker 2: this is your full one one call. Now you have
Speaker 2: the information. Yeah, and if it gets ugly, nine to
Speaker 2: one one is the next.
Speaker 3: Yes. Yes, you are so correct. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3: I don't know why I overthink.
Speaker 2: I don't know either, but it's not working well for you.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 2: Let me just say this to you, beloved, when it's
Speaker 2: all said and done, when it's all said and done,
Speaker 2: he's just another human being. And as a human being,
Speaker 2: you and he are equal.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: He has no more power than you, he has no
Speaker 2: more brain than you, and he has no more God
Speaker 2: than you. You and God can handle us. Yeah, you
Speaker 2: and God and your grandpa.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, that is so true. But you know, I
Speaker 3: want to know about this one situation about I heard
Speaker 3: something someone speak on you know, ancestors, elders, ashes and
Speaker 3: things of that nature, as if you have to let
Speaker 3: go of that, and so they were staying in a
Speaker 3: way that that could be demonic to pray to an
Speaker 3: ancestor or an elder or to you know, have and
Speaker 3: to have an earn of ashes of a relative. Is
Speaker 3: that true?
Speaker 2: Well? Is it true for you?
Speaker 3: I don't feel it's true.
Speaker 2: Okay, So then what you care. There's a lot of
Speaker 2: people saying a lot of things. There are people saying
Speaker 2: that January sixth was a peaceful protest.
Speaker 3: That ain't true for me, right, I wouldn't agree to
Speaker 3: that either.
Speaker 2: If it's true for you, it's true, and if it's not,
Speaker 2: it's not.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, hey, I go connected to my
Speaker 3: grandmother and my grandfather in which I do have an
Speaker 3: earn if their ashes still and I do talk to
Speaker 3: that earn.
Speaker 2: I tell you what, you don't have block they number
Speaker 2: out your phone. You worrying about them being demontic, You
Speaker 2: better look at the humans.
Speaker 5: So true, I do appreciate this conversation. I mean, I
Speaker 5: feel so lighter and just happier, where I'm able to
Speaker 5: smile and laugh, and that's something that I wasn't able
Speaker 5: to do before. But I do appreciate this so much.
Speaker 2: Stay focused on your prayer, Okay, beloved.
Speaker 3: We'll do definitely okay, and let.
Speaker 2: Me know how you make out going forward.
Speaker 3: All right, Yes I will.
Speaker 5: I've been trying to reach you for so long, but I'm.
Speaker 3: So grateful that today is today. Today is today. I'm
Speaker 3: so happy. I wish you all the best.
Speaker 2: Thank you, my loving I wish you the best, Thank you,
Speaker 2: bye bye. Oh my goodness. The stories we tell ourselves.
Speaker 2: And if you are a least bit curious about why
Speaker 2: your ex isn't your ex, or why your relationship is
Speaker 2: the way it is with your ex, I want you
Speaker 2: to just think about what you're learning about yourself. What
Speaker 2: are you thinking, what are you feeling, What are you
Speaker 2: holding or harboring that keeps you connected to or disconnected
Speaker 2: from your ex. In the end, your ex is just
Speaker 2: another human being, subject to insanity at any moment, and
Speaker 2: capable of the most magnificent, elegant, graceful love you could
Speaker 2: ever imagine. You have to look at your experience. You
Speaker 2: must be open and willing to look at your self
Speaker 2: rather than focusing on what your ex is doing or
Speaker 2: what your ex is saying, look at the relationship the
Speaker 2: way it is now, even as an ex, and describe it,
Speaker 2: and then, however you describe it, break those words down
Speaker 2: and look for what is the benefit that I'm getting
Speaker 2: as a result of this characterization and what is the
Speaker 2: suffering that I'm participating in as a result of this characterization.
Speaker 2: I don't care what it is your ex, whether it's
Speaker 2: your husband, your children's father, parent, or lover, whatever, you
Speaker 2: are the common denominator.
Speaker 6: Your ex.
Speaker 2: Make sure your ex is an ex, is not a y?
Speaker 2: Why this? Why that? Why didn't? Why couldn't Why why
Speaker 2: make your X an X? Let it go? Autopsy the
Speaker 2: relationship when it's over. You know what did you learn?
Speaker 2: What did you see? What did you realize? What was
Speaker 2: the breakdown? How did you respond to the breakdown? But
Speaker 2: most of all, beloveds, get clear about what it is
Speaker 2: that you are requesting, requiring, demanding now from yourself and
Speaker 2: from your ex. And if it's not for your highest
Speaker 2: and greatest good, if it's not for peace, if it's
Speaker 2: not for joy, if it's not for love, then let
Speaker 2: it go. You simply have to let it go. Done complete,
Speaker 2: I'm making a new choice. Get current and make sure
Speaker 2: you're not whole. Onto your ex because they filled a
Speaker 2: need that you no longer have. That need is gone.
Speaker 2: What do you need want? Choose desire today, get clear
Speaker 2: about that, stay present in that, and don't be afraid
Speaker 2: to let your ex go all the way all the
Speaker 2: way for a time. It may be six months, nine months,
Speaker 2: maybe a year, two years, three years, Well you just
Speaker 2: have no contact, even if there are children involved. Support
Speaker 2: money can come through the mail or the court. But
Speaker 2: if you keep losing your footing trying to navigate your
Speaker 2: relationship with your ex, and may be good to come
Speaker 2: to completion by simply saying done, I'm done. If you're
Speaker 2: having a hard time, check in with yourself or topsy
Speaker 2: yourself and the relationship to make sure that you are complete.
Speaker 2: And if you're not complete, If you're not complete, if
Speaker 2: you still got that dish in the sink and the
Speaker 2: pots are still on the stove, ask yourself, what reward
Speaker 2: or benefit am I getting by holding on to this?
Speaker 2: Because we don't do anything anything unless there's a benefit,
Speaker 2: even if we're not clear about what that is. Ooh,
Speaker 2: our relationship with our ex, it's really your relationship with
Speaker 2: yourself and what you believe you deserve and who you
Speaker 2: believe you are well. That's it for the R Spot today.
Speaker 2: I surely hope you heard something that you can use
Speaker 2: embody and act devate in your life today to make
Speaker 2: your relationships better. I want to see you next time,
Speaker 2: and in the meantime, stay in peace and not in pieces.
Speaker 6: Bye.
Speaker 2: The R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in
Speaker 2: partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit
Speaker 2: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 2: your favorite show.