WEBVTT - S2:Ep 9 - Pas de Deux 0:00:11.560 --> 0:00:15.000 The patada is a fundamental part of ballet. It's a duet, 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:18.480 almost always between a man and a woman. It's something 0:00:18.480 --> 0:00:23.079 every professional ballet dancer confronts, usually in their adolescence. Like 0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:25.800 most things in ballet, partnering is harder than it looks. 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:28.840 Dancing at pata dua tests the lessons you've learned in 0:00:28.840 --> 0:00:36.479 the ballet classroom. When she was eighteen, Adrianna Pears got 0:00:36.520 --> 0:00:39.560 the opportunity to choreograph a patada for the first time. 0:00:40.520 --> 0:00:42.040 It was two thousand and eight and it was for 0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:45.879 a student choreography workshop at the school Balancine founded, the 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:47.440 School of American Ballet. 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:54.160 And I was kind of going through my discovery of 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:56.200 my own sexuality at the time. I just had my 0:00:56.240 --> 0:00:59.920 heart broken for the first time, and so I did 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:10.880 this like very sensual, romantic potada. And the guy really 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:14.119 is very passionate about this woman that he's dancing with 0:01:14.240 --> 0:01:18.920 and very excited and wanting to kind of dive in 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:22.759 with her. And she's like there, but not fully, and 0:01:22.920 --> 0:01:26.080 I think there's something holding her back. And she lets 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:31.000 him take the lead emotionally and then they go their 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:40.200 separate ways and end apart. Doesn't necessarily have to do 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:43.880 with my life totally at the time, But I think 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:48.640 I was discovering what love was and what sexuality was, 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:53.720 and I knew that I wanted to elicit some sort 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:57.360 of like deep emotional response from the audience. 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:12.600 At the School of American Ballet, Adriana had learned the 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:15.880 mechanics of partnering, what it felt like to put trust 0:02:15.880 --> 0:02:18.160 in the boys in her classes to hoist her over 0:02:18.200 --> 0:02:23.360 their heads in a suspended overhead lift. Now, in making 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:26.359 her own pada da, she began to understand what that 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:27.280 movement conveyed. 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:31.800 So I was using these lifts where she is really 0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:35.920 not doing anything with a very specific intention, and the 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:38.560 way I used it was to show that the woman 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:42.240 has no agency, or has less agency, or is making 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:44.840 less like dynamic choices. 0:02:44.400 --> 0:02:45.959 About the relationship. 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:54.200 For My Heart podcasts in Rococo Punch, This is the 0:02:54.280 --> 0:03:05.280 Turning Room of Mirrors America Lands, Part nine, how to 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:15.960 Do Adriana remembers when she was a new student at 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:19.359 the School of American Ballet and she first learned how 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:22.880 to shape her fingers in the Balancine style, a more open, 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:25.840 rounded hand with splayed fingers and. 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:29.000 It feels like you're holding air and when you move 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:32.480 through space, it breathes with you and it feels like 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:38.600 very expansive and empowered. And I remembered just thinking to myself, 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:41.720 oh yeah, this is good, Like this makes sense to 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:42.640 me in my body. 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:46.160 Adriana says her points us had always felt like a 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:49.280 throne to her. She loved the feeling of lifting up 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:53.960 onto the tips of her toes, of lengthening, of growing tall, 0:03:54.000 --> 0:03:56.120 but she had yet to confront the role her gender 0:03:56.160 --> 0:03:57.520 dictated in this art form. 0:03:58.800 --> 0:04:03.720 So I can think back to my first partnering classes 0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:09.200 at SAB was with Jock Soto, and he's a fabulous teacher. 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:12.720 But what I can remember from those early days, first 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:14.240 of all, I loved it. I had a great time. 0:04:15.160 --> 0:04:18.080 But it's very gendered, first. 0:04:17.839 --> 0:04:21.680 Of all, very binary boys and girls. Boys and girls 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:24.279 who have already diverged in their training and how they dance. 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:34.839 The girls have learned to dance on point, to be graceful, flexible, 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:39.479 impossibly elegant. The boys have learned big jumps and tricks, 0:04:39.839 --> 0:04:41.760 and teachers have warned some of the boys not to 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:47.760 be too graceful, too feminine. In partnering class, Adriana says 0:04:47.800 --> 0:04:50.279 her teacher would turn to the boys and say could 0:04:50.360 --> 0:04:52.680 pick a girl, and the boys would pick their partners. 0:04:53.200 --> 0:04:57.360 Grab a girl. That's like the terminology. So I just 0:04:57.600 --> 0:05:02.159 would okay, grab me, and then we would learn a combination. 0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:03.960 And most of it is just the guys having to 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:06.760 figure out how to do it and build the strength, 0:05:06.800 --> 0:05:09.600 because you were talking like teenage boys who are not 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:14.400 developed fully either. But it's like they get the opportunity 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:17.960 to learn and to try and to fail and to 0:05:18.000 --> 0:05:21.120 grow and to build. And my job as a woman 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:25.880 was to be grabbed and held and let them figure 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:28.159 it out. And I and you put your trust in that. 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:37.159 I never thought differently. You lift me, It's my job 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:39.880 to look pretty and have good technique and like have 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:42.159 my leg high and the guy just has to figure 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:45.479 out how to keep you on your balance. At that 0:05:45.640 --> 0:05:47.599 time in my life, I was just I really was 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:48.160 just absorbing. 0:05:52.880 --> 0:05:56.040 She also absorbed how they ended each partnering class. Boys 0:05:56.040 --> 0:05:59.479 had to do pushups, girls drilled. Asia pays these steps 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:01.159 where you ra but lea slide your feet in and 0:06:01.200 --> 0:06:04.160 out and roll up on the point That stuck with her. 0:06:04.720 --> 0:06:07.240 The emphasis for the women was their technique and their 0:06:07.240 --> 0:06:09.560 lines and their esthetic, and for the men it was 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:12.560 their strength and their core, and I definitely started thinking. 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:14.720 About that a lot. A few years later, she got 0:06:14.800 --> 0:06:18.039 the chance to choreograph her first Potida, part of a 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:21.960 student choreographic workshop at SAP. It was about two people 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:25.279 in a relationship. The guy is all in, but the 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:28.080 woman is less sure. She lets him pursue her, then 0:06:28.120 --> 0:06:31.000 she seems to pull away. She slides along when he 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:32.440 lifts her high above his head. 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:37.039 I think I was discovering what love was and what 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:41.119 sexuality was in my own life, and I knew that 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:46.960 I wanted to elicit some sort of like deep emotional 0:06:47.000 --> 0:06:49.120 response from the audience. 0:06:50.080 --> 0:06:53.240 In partnering class, Adriana had learned how to do these 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:57.200 suspended overhead lifts where the man lifts the woman up 0:06:57.240 --> 0:07:00.200 high into the air. She used lifts like that her 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:03.400 piece in a purposeful way to show the woman is passive, 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:07.640 uncommitted to the relationship, complacent enough to let the man lead. 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:12.320 What audience members responded to was a sensuality of the piece. Women, 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:15.520 especially older women, approached her after your piece. 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:18.920 I loved your piece. I really responded to that, and 0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:21.800 I thought to myself, WHOA okay? Well, and then I wow, yeah, 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:23.840 I think I want to be a professional choreographer. 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:28.360 In choreographing, Adriana found a new kind of freedom, an 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:30.680 answer to the lack of control she sometimes felt in 0:07:30.720 --> 0:07:34.200 the ballet classroom. In the classroom, she'd been conditioned to 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:37.480 stay silent, to obey the teacher. She made sure to 0:07:37.520 --> 0:07:43.000 fit the mold of the ballerina, pretty thin, feminine. But 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:50.200 Adriana still needed to figure out how she fit. For 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:54.000 one thing, the majority of professional choreographers are men. And 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:55.960 then there was the fact that she still hid a 0:07:56.000 --> 0:07:57.080 big part of herself. 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:04.240 I remember walking in the halls of sab and thinking, like, 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:08.239 am I the only one like me who's ever walked 0:08:08.280 --> 0:08:13.600 these halls. I had never heard of anyone any queer 0:08:13.600 --> 0:08:17.040 women before, never at that time, No. Never. 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:21.160 She was out to her high school friends and a 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:24.680 few ballet friends, but mostly in ballet, She says she 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:27.320 felt like she stuck out, as if she were carrying 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:30.840 around a backpack all the time, an awkward accessory that 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:34.080 everyone could see, but the secret of who she really 0:08:34.200 --> 0:08:35.600 was was tucked inside. 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:40.440 I didn't have fully have language for myself, even about 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:42.079 who I was, but I knew that people were already 0:08:42.120 --> 0:08:44.679 kind of like is she but like not really knowing. 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:49.079 So when I got into the company at three Ballet, 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:53.360 I was deathly afraid of making the other women uncomfortable. 0:08:53.960 --> 0:08:59.880 That was like my overwhelming experience. I was terrified, constant anxiety. 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:04.760 By the time she was an apprentice, she was in 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:08.040 a tenuous position. She had not yet secured an official 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:09.000 spot in the company. 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:12.880 In ballet companies, there's a lot of couples. At the time. 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:17.240 I remember thinking to myself, I should get a boyfriend 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:22.120 in the company to secure my job. And I remember 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:25.040 having conversations with my friend of mine, who was also 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:29.120 an apprentice gay man, and we were saying, like that 0:09:29.240 --> 0:09:33.360 might help us, because it's so messed up that I 0:09:33.480 --> 0:09:36.200 thought that that would actually give me some job security. 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:38.280 And not to say that that is actually the case, 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:41.080 but there was some insurance there if I could like 0:09:41.720 --> 0:09:45.920 really show that I was a straight woman, that somehow 0:09:45.920 --> 0:09:47.160 that would secure my spot. 0:09:48.040 --> 0:09:50.040 It was before one performance that it all came to 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:53.400 a head. The women's dressing rooms in the theater are upstairs, 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:55.360 but they had to take the elevator down to the 0:09:55.400 --> 0:09:57.959 stage level to get into their costumes, and. 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:00.000 So all the quarter Valley women, all of them the whole 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:02.760 company are all just like putting their costumes on in 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:06.000 this like one room, and the dressers and some of 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:08.520 the women were talking about how hot Hugh Jackman is 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:11.720 and so somehow I was in the middle of this 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:13.840 conversation that was happening all around me, and the dresser 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:16.920 asked me which was putting my cost Munch asked me like, oh, 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:18.200 what do you think about Hugh? And I was like, 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:21.080 is that for me? Like I don't know, and she goes, 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:23.160 oh really, But then like who is for you? Like 0:10:23.200 --> 0:10:26.960 what kind of guys do you like? And the whole 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:30.560 room stopped talking and like looked to see what I 0:10:30.600 --> 0:10:33.400 was gonna say. She's like, no, no, really, like what's 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:39.000 your like man flavor? And I was like, I, well, ah, 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:43.760 I'm gay, and she goes, no, you're not, and I 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:45.360 was like, oh. 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:47.720 No, yeah, yeah I am. 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:51.120 And again the whole room like no one moving, no 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:54.240 one breathing, and I'm just like, this is my worst 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:57.400 case scenario, Like I'm in Balanchine's house like with all 0:10:57.400 --> 0:10:59.400 these naked women, and I'm just like coming out in 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:05.520 front of every against my will. And then one of 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:08.439 my friends, Maya, she came to my aid and she goes, actually, 0:11:08.480 --> 0:11:11.400 I'm her flavor, and I was like, thank you, Maya. Okay, 0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:19.240 she cut the tension, and then it was like, okay, 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:20.719 no one knew how to talk about it, and no 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:22.680 one knew how to approached me about it, and everyone knew, 0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:25.040 but no one knew and ha, and I wasn't talking 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:26.920 about it, and so it kind of like almost burst 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:30.720 this bubble of like panic. So I'm kind of glad 0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:37.040 that happened, but wow, is it traumatic. So that's how 0:11:37.040 --> 0:11:39.080 I came out to all of the women in the 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:41.360 Court of Ballet and New York City Valley in two 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:42.240 thousand and nine. 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:48.360 Like so many dancers, she didn't get a job after 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:52.000 her apprenticeship, so she went to another prestigious ballet company, 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:57.440 another company centered on Balanchine's choreography, Miami City Ballet. She 0:11:57.520 --> 0:12:01.200 stayed there seven years. She also Korea graft when she could. 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:04.440 While there, she made a piece called Cafe Music. She 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:06.560 took that first pott of dough she made at SAB 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:10.760 and added two more movements, and this time she approached 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:11.360 it differently. 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:17.960 I took special care to pass who's leading and who's 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:20.640 following back and forth, and that's just what it was, 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:23.800 just what it was coming out of me naturally, but. 0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:26.640 It wasn't natural for these professional ballet dancers to dance 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:27.080 this way. 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:32.520 My friend Andre, who was the dancer, was having a 0:12:32.520 --> 0:12:36.840 hard time, like letting his partner, you know, hold him 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:39.160 or pull him. And I remember the dancers asking me 0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:43.560 what is this about? And I said, it's about finding yourself. 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:49.320 It's about finding who you are within your friendships, within 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:51.600 your partnerships. When you're out at a club, when you're 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:53.440 out at a bar, who are you and how do 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:54.840 you relate to the people around you. 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:00.640 As Adriana played with the push and of these new 0:13:00.679 --> 0:13:03.800 ways of partnering and who was taking the lead, she 0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:08.240 also rehearsed her original patata with that overhead lift, she 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:11.720 began to realize how little choreographers consider the meaning of 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:17.760 this movement. For her, in mena surrender of agency, but 0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:21.040 in practically all other examples she'd previously seen or danced, 0:13:21.200 --> 0:13:23.800 it felt like a showpiece, a feed of strength that 0:13:23.880 --> 0:13:26.480 hammered home an idea about the roles of men and 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:27.480 women in dance. 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:33.840 What I realized about suspend It overhead lifts is that 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:37.360 they are very gendered because Traditionally, what we're used to 0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:42.320 seeing is a man lifting a woman, and you, whether 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:44.880 it's conscious or not, understand that it can't be the 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:48.160 other way around, because it's just not what we're used 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:49.760 to seeing, and it's also not the way that women 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:51.239 are trained or socialized. 0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:57.760 After that realization, Adriana core graphed many more ballet pieces, 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:01.679 but she never used another overd lift. She didn't put 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:04.280 them in any of her dances, not a single one. 0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:08.559 And when I do use a lift, we move through it. 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:11.720 I kind of fold it into like the fabric of 0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:14.480 the movement, so there's never like a point where we're 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:22.480 sitting there and being like that man is lifting that woman. Wow. 0:14:38.160 --> 0:14:43.000 At Miami City Ballet, Adriana continued to choreograph pieces. As 0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:46.120 she watched the partnering works being created and performed around her, 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:49.320 she was struck with a familiar feeling, we. 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:51.960 Are just fully accepting the fact that we are always 0:14:52.000 --> 0:14:55.760 seeing partnerships where the women have less agency, over and 0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:57.160 over and over and over again. 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:01.600 In twenty fourteen, Adriana was he'd an invitation to choreograph 0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:05.040 a piece for New York City Ballet Dancers, her old workplace, 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:07.720 where the director Peter Martin's had not offered her a 0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:11.240 contract to join the company after her apprenticeship. Now the 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:13.240 company was going to perform her work. 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:15.440 It was the first time I'm back in those studios 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:18.600 for some I'm back in Lincoln Center since I had 0:15:19.200 --> 0:15:21.960 not gotten my job and Peter Martin's didn't hire me. 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:24.800 When she returned to New York, Peter Martins was still 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:27.680 the director of the company, decades after he'd been chosen 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:29.040 to be Balancine's successor. 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:32.600 And we went out to dinner right that took us 0:15:32.600 --> 0:15:34.240 out to dinner, and they made sure to tell me 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:35.480 that I was going to be sitting next to Peter 0:15:35.840 --> 0:15:38.440 because he knew me, so that would make him feel comfortable, 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:41.800 and that I was responsible somehow for that. 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:45.320 Adriana says. Throughout the dinner, Peter was chumming with her, 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:49.520 periodically touching her leg or her arm. Again. She felt 0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:51.680 like she was playing a role that did not fit. 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:55.680 But like, is that just Peter's behavior. I don't think so. 0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:58.800 I think there's this like system, it's passed down. It 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:01.040 has to be. I wasn't there. I didn't know, mister 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:02.880 b I know the stories. I don't know what's true. 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:03.600 I don't know what's not. 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:07.280 Adriana grew up hearing stories and anecdotes passed down through 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:10.880 generations of women who had danced for balancing. At the time, 0:16:10.880 --> 0:16:15.200 they felt useful, like don't think, just do it, offered 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:16.880 a way to get out of her head when she danced, 0:16:17.640 --> 0:16:19.600 but there was one quote that always felt off. 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:25.160 Ballet is woman, okay, but woman is what woman is straight, 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:30.920 woman is thin, woman has makeup on. Woman makes her 0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:35.760 male director feel confident. If we're using like partnering as 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:39.360 kind of a metaphor, I think it's like what the 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:43.600 woman's role is, Like the men are in charge, the 0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:46.760 men make the choices, and we are We're gonna hold 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.120 ourselves and put our foot out and point it and 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:53.480 be the person who's following, not the person who's leading. 0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:57.000 I think it's like the same on stage and off. 0:16:57.440 --> 0:17:00.960 That's the legacy. It's like I don't even know if 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:03.680 it's distinctly balanchines or just ballet's legacy, but it's like, 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:06.920 those are the roles that we play ballet as women, 0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:10.040 but women don't have a say anything that happens to 0:17:10.119 --> 0:17:13.640 them or their bodies. Like that's what's passed down. 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:17.680 The choices made about the choreography or staging in ballets 0:17:17.720 --> 0:17:24.719 can perpetuate that. There's a moment. In Peter Martin's rendition 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:28.399 of Romeo and Juliet, at one point, the audience hears 0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:32.359 a loud slap, the sound of Juliette's father hitting Juliet 0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:36.160 and knocking her down, a detail that was never part 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:42.800 of Shakespeare's play. The company also performed a work called Odessa. 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:47.399 It was by a Russian choreographer, Alexey Radmonsky, and in 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:54.000 the piece he staged a controversial gang rape scene. In 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:58.560 twenty seventeen, the same choreographer, Redmonsky posted on Facebook about 0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:01.960 gender equality and ballet, and it got a lot of attention. 0:18:03.119 --> 0:18:06.480 He wrote, quote, sorry, there is no such thing as 0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:09.920 equality in ballet. Women dance on point, men lift and 0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:13.880 support women, women receive flowers, men escort women off stage, 0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:16.520 not the other way around. I know there are a 0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:19.439 couple of exceptions, and I am very comfortable with that 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:26.280 end quote Above this caption, he posted an image two 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:30.199 dancers in a patada. The picture was classic, almost stereotypical, 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:34.840 but it had been photoshopped clearly in order to appear absurd. 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:38.640 Instead of the man lifting the woman. The two tuoed 0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:42.080 point two ballerina lifts the man above her head in 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:49.240 a suspended overhead lift. Adriana says when she saw it, 0:18:49.480 --> 0:18:52.639 the post made her physically ill. The idea that this 0:18:52.760 --> 0:18:56.800 extremely influential, world famous choreographer would say there was no 0:18:56.920 --> 0:19:01.399 equality in ballet and he was okay with that. Adriana thought, 0:19:01.920 --> 0:19:05.040 this cannot be the only way we understand gender in ballet. 0:19:06.480 --> 0:19:08.760 That was really hard. I can't accept that. I'm like 0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:11.080 not okay with that, and I'm absolutely not okay with 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:15.159 moving forward with his art form just not having not 0:19:15.280 --> 0:19:18.199 be a consideration, especially with newarks being choreographed. 0:19:28.760 --> 0:19:33.119 Adriana lives in an upper Manhattan studio apartment. She wears 0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:36.000 a backwards baseball cap. When she opens the door, her 0:19:36.000 --> 0:19:40.640 big smile almost gleams through miss Small boxes still wait 0:19:40.680 --> 0:19:44.440 to be unpacked after a recent move. She rolls her neck, 0:19:44.560 --> 0:19:46.919 rubbing an injury that had her paralyzed in bed for 0:19:47.000 --> 0:19:51.480 a day. The shower stops running and Adriana's girlfriend emerges 0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:55.919 from the bathroom. Aila odey ALA's long brown hair is 0:19:55.960 --> 0:19:59.840 wavy and damp. She limps over her broken foot, still healing. 0:20:00.520 --> 0:20:05.040 Both of them are professional dancers. Adriana perches on her 0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:08.399 knees on the bed. Aila hobbles over and hops on. 0:20:08.880 --> 0:20:11.480 She snuggles into what seems like an Ala shaped nook 0:20:11.640 --> 0:20:16.720 in Adriana's arms. Adriana kisses her forehead and beams is. 0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:19.360 They share the experience of making art that they love. 0:20:21.119 --> 0:20:26.160 It is probably one of the most like freeing feelings 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:30.479 to dance on stage. But obviously, just like ballet as 0:20:30.520 --> 0:20:38.679 an art form, there's a heavy influence of sexism racism. 0:20:39.359 --> 0:20:44.199 This is ala Odey, Adriana's girlfriend. AILA's currently a soloist 0:20:44.280 --> 0:20:47.280 at Carolina Ballet. The two of them see a lot 0:20:47.320 --> 0:20:49.800 of overlap in their experiences. 0:20:49.880 --> 0:20:51.280 Just like the world we live in, there are a 0:20:51.320 --> 0:20:54.640 lot of systemic issues that put people into a lot 0:20:54.640 --> 0:20:55.240 of boxes. 0:20:55.760 --> 0:20:58.560 Yeah, did you ever worry that like you would look 0:20:58.600 --> 0:20:59.760 too butch on stage? 0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:03.520 I mean constantly all the time, because I'm very like physically, 0:21:03.560 --> 0:21:07.040 I'm athletic. I'm not like your a little wafy ballerina, 0:21:07.080 --> 0:21:09.560 And so then it's like that's perceived to be more 0:21:09.600 --> 0:21:15.560 masculine and athletic because athleticism is stereotyped with masculinity, and 0:21:15.640 --> 0:21:19.120 therefore any movement I do is going to be perceived 0:21:19.160 --> 0:21:22.440 to be more masculine. So I always am thinking about 0:21:22.480 --> 0:21:25.280 like if I'm in like something that seems like a 0:21:25.359 --> 0:21:29.880 role that's more feminine or like the the male view 0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:32.720 of femininity, I'm like, oh my god, do I look 0:21:32.800 --> 0:21:36.920 like like a lesbian out here? You know? Is that 0:21:36.960 --> 0:21:37.479 an issue? 0:21:37.920 --> 0:21:39.800 When I first came to Mimasi Ballet, there was a 0:21:39.880 --> 0:21:43.200 one of the principal dancers said, oh, is age on 0:21:43.240 --> 0:21:45.600 a lesbian because she looks like one? Yeah, And I 0:21:46.280 --> 0:21:50.679 from like the moment I started working there, I was 0:21:50.720 --> 0:21:53.800 like so terrified that I was like, yeah, that the 0:21:53.840 --> 0:21:55.840 way that I dance somehow is like giving me away, 0:21:55.920 --> 0:21:57.400 and that people in the audience would be like that 0:21:57.440 --> 0:21:58.760 one dyke. 0:21:58.840 --> 0:22:01.199 You know, Like I don't know, but it was very scary. No, 0:22:01.280 --> 0:22:04.640 it is really scary, and like especially too. I mean, 0:22:05.359 --> 0:22:07.600 more of my fear was when I was closeted still 0:22:07.640 --> 0:22:10.480 in like people would point blank be like, oh, are 0:22:10.480 --> 0:22:12.800 you Leslian And then I'd be like no, I'm not, 0:22:13.520 --> 0:22:16.480 and they're like are you sure. I didn't even think 0:22:16.480 --> 0:22:22.320 it was possible to be a queer female identifying ballet answer. 0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:30.680 That was until three years ago, in twenty twenty. He 0:22:30.800 --> 0:22:34.200 lives at Carolina Ballet. She's sitting in a choreography workshop. 0:22:35.280 --> 0:22:38.480 I'm like sitting on the floor, you know, I was 0:22:39.080 --> 0:22:44.639 fresh in the company, and walks this blonde, tall, beautiful 0:22:44.720 --> 0:22:48.119 woman in a blue stripe button down, and I'm like, 0:22:48.920 --> 0:22:53.520 what is that? That is not a straight woman. 0:22:54.440 --> 0:22:57.280 It was Adriana walking in to help run the workshop. 0:22:57.760 --> 0:23:00.440 And I kept asking around, being like she gay? 0:23:00.480 --> 0:23:00.920 Is she gay? 0:23:00.960 --> 0:23:02.960 Like I was asking all of my friends and stuff, 0:23:02.960 --> 0:23:04.960 and they're like, I don't know, Like I don't know her, 0:23:05.160 --> 0:23:08.280 you know whatever. And so, actually, Adriana was the voice 0:23:09.800 --> 0:23:21.840 female queer ballet dancer I ever met. You're one of 0:23:21.880 --> 0:23:24.359 the first people I like really came out to because 0:23:24.359 --> 0:23:26.280 you walked in and I was like, oh my god, 0:23:26.400 --> 0:23:30.720 I'm not alone. And so then I damned you because 0:23:30.720 --> 0:23:36.080 you made a huge impact on me. Clearly, even though 0:23:36.080 --> 0:23:38.520 I you know, knew it was okay to be gay, 0:23:38.680 --> 0:23:40.840 I just was like, no, in my field, doesn't really 0:23:40.880 --> 0:23:46.160 exist because you know, there was no visibility for any 0:23:46.240 --> 0:23:47.840 queer women in ballet. 0:23:48.520 --> 0:23:50.359 It's not part of our world. It's not part of 0:23:50.400 --> 0:23:53.520 the conversations that like we're allowed to have through ballet. Right, 0:23:53.600 --> 0:23:56.720 So even though there have been queer women throughout history, 0:23:56.720 --> 0:23:58.040 we don't know who they are in the same way 0:23:58.080 --> 0:24:00.720 that I know like every single one of Valancine's actual partners. 0:24:00.720 --> 0:24:02.560 You know what I'm saying. It's like, it's so true. 0:24:08.160 --> 0:24:10.840 It felt impossible because I had just simply never seen that. 0:24:14.119 --> 0:24:17.600 Periodically, Adriana gets a text from another queer dancer to 0:24:17.680 --> 0:24:20.680 check out an Instagram post, almost like a treasure hunt 0:24:20.680 --> 0:24:23.440 for the stories of queer ballet dancers who came before. 0:24:23.200 --> 0:24:25.920 Her insta was on Instagram. Yeah, I did. 0:24:26.400 --> 0:24:29.240 Adriana scrolls through her Instagram feed looking for something. 0:24:29.960 --> 0:24:31.480 This is how this is like, I don't even know. 0:24:31.520 --> 0:24:33.840 I have to look it up. This is what I'm saying. 0:24:34.680 --> 0:24:37.639 So I actually don't know how to pronounce that lie 0:24:37.880 --> 0:24:39.560 I see. I don't even know how to pronounce it. 0:24:39.600 --> 0:24:42.040 But miss Fuller became an overnight sensation when she danced 0:24:42.040 --> 0:24:47.399 her patented Serpentine dance at fully Berger in Paris in 0:24:47.440 --> 0:24:50.320 eighteen ninety two. Fuller even managed to be openly lesbian 0:24:50.400 --> 0:24:54.680 while evoking virtually no titilation or disapproval in her public Interesting. 0:24:54.840 --> 0:24:58.800 Interesting So nineteen fourteen's photos from nineteen fourteen, There was 0:24:58.880 --> 0:25:04.520