1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:09,960 Speaker 1: The Nikky Gliser Podcastleser, Here's Nikky. 2 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:12,639 Speaker 2: Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's Sneaky 3 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,640 Speaker 2: Pleazer Podcast. I'm in Saint Louis, Noah's in Arizona. Anya's 4 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 2: in New York. Brian is here from Los Angeles, California. 5 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,720 Speaker 2: This is the show? Is how is everyone? This is? 6 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 2: This is it? If you're. 7 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:29,920 Speaker 3: What you think? All right, this is the show. 8 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,480 Speaker 2: I was really trying to sound off feet and then 9 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:36,520 Speaker 2: like my depression came through the truthless is like, this 10 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 2: is my fucking show. No, I'm so happy that this 11 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:43,560 Speaker 2: is my show. We keep getting asked to have guests 12 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,960 Speaker 2: on and they're like pretty good guests, but I'm just like, no, 13 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm sorry to the listener listening. I'm 14 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 2: sorry to iHeartRadio if you want me to have like 15 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 2: better guests on. Not that these you guys are not 16 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 2: even guess. You guys are part of the show. I 17 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 2: just know that when I like a pot cast, I 18 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:05,679 Speaker 2: don't like guests unless it's an interview style podcast. I 19 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 2: don't enjoy guess. It messes up the fluidity of the show, 20 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,560 Speaker 2: the vibe, the like. That's why it was important for 21 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:16,320 Speaker 2: me to bring in Brian and and not have. He's 22 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 2: someone that I get along with them. It's not like 23 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 2: it was anyone I have on the show. I mean 24 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 2: from time to time. I mean in my head we 25 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:26,679 Speaker 2: used to get along. Yeah, I just I don't know 26 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 2: about do you guys? You guys listen to recurring cast. 27 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,000 Speaker 3: It's like if Parks and rec had like a Joe 28 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,560 Speaker 3: Biden on every week, you would be like, what happened to. 29 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:40,600 Speaker 2: I'm yes, it's the cast of Friends and they're having 30 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 2: in It's Emily or it's Julie coming into it, and 31 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,120 Speaker 2: you just go, I don't like this. It's messing up 32 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 2: the flow. You're trying to insert someone in that I don't. 33 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 2: It's not that guests are not Sometimes they're amazing. I 34 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 2: mean if we have Ian Finance on or like someone 35 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 2: I know it's a really good to my mom, Yeah, 36 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 2: Julie Glazer, someone everyone knows, it's a it's a fun time. 37 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:06,600 Speaker 2: But for me, I know myself, I get thrown when 38 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,960 Speaker 2: there's someone here who I always think that they don't 39 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,079 Speaker 2: want to be doing it, and I know that it's insane. 40 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,920 Speaker 2: I'm just being honest. Ever since I had my serious 41 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 2: show and we would have. You know, celebrities would come 42 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 2: by serious the building and they would be on these 43 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:23,360 Speaker 2: press tours. And when a celebrity is doing press, if 44 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,920 Speaker 2: you ever see them on like Colbert and Kimmel and 45 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:27,840 Speaker 2: all these things, those are like the highlights of what 46 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 2: they do. They do so many other interviews. There's one 47 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 2: part where you just go sit into a room in 48 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:36,680 Speaker 2: a big building and you zoom into every like NBC 49 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 2: affiliate in the country, so like any like news channel four, like, 50 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:44,800 Speaker 2: you do those interviews and it's exhausting and it's rarely 51 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:45,400 Speaker 2: fun and. 52 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 3: The same questions over and over. 53 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:51,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it can be those, It's just I don't 54 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,680 Speaker 2: like to add on to this for people. And a 55 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 2: lot of times we get celebrities asking like do you 56 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 2: want this person? And I know it's not them asking, 57 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 2: it's their publicist because I've had publicists before. And you 58 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,200 Speaker 2: get sent a huge email of all the places you 59 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 2: could go, and you say yes or no to them, 60 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:11,240 Speaker 2: and I know it's like, well, you know, whoever that 61 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 2: person is, they want to go because they got the 62 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 2: email and they said yes. There's a part of you 63 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,880 Speaker 2: as a celebrity that if you say no to something 64 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 2: and your project doesn't do well, it's your fault for 65 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,640 Speaker 2: not doing the Nicky Glazer podcast. You couldn't spare an 66 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 2: hour that day, And an hour's a lot of someone's life. 67 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 2: And I've had guests on and Noah, you know what 68 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,960 Speaker 2: I'm talking about. We have had guests on the show 69 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:37,600 Speaker 2: that were dues and who DMed me to be on it, 70 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 2: not even their publicists. They asked and they come on 71 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 2: and they're bored, they're annoyed. I've been guests on shows 72 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,880 Speaker 2: where I'm I get there and I'm I'm I always 73 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:51,640 Speaker 2: show up pretty good, a pretty good guest to very good. 74 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 2: I never am like average. I always try to like 75 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,119 Speaker 2: bring it, but I will say that I just don't. 76 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 2: I have a thing where I never want someone to 77 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 2: be doing something cut out of obligation with me. And 78 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 2: it's something I talk about a lot in therapy. I 79 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 2: cried about it the other day because of I watched 80 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 2: the episode of Succession. Brian, you can sit this one out. 81 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 2: I know you're not involved, but. 82 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:18,080 Speaker 1: Wait spoiler alert, spoiler alert oiler oh yeah, you spoilert. 83 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 2: No one died. 84 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 3: I heard it's about Is it true that it's about 85 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,159 Speaker 3: a family of riches in his mouth. 86 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,360 Speaker 2: Everyone oil alert horn? 87 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,479 Speaker 4: What with my buttole hold on? Let me try my 88 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 4: buttole wait, try it. 89 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 2: It's working. No, that's your No, that was your mouth. Wait, 90 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 2: do the real one with your mouth. Because it's so impressive. 91 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 2: People can't believe it. 92 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 3: You're oh my god, so cool. Yeah, it's really good. 93 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:48,720 Speaker 3: Like every sixty five year old man from Long Island. 94 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 4: Or in. 95 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 2: Why do old people insist? Whenever I lose my phone, 96 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,160 Speaker 2: people are like, let me call it, and I'm on you. 97 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,960 Speaker 2: I'm not calling you out because you did that this weekend. 98 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,919 Speaker 2: But people always like, let me call it, and I go, 99 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:08,440 Speaker 2: who the fuck has a sound on their phone? It's 100 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,400 Speaker 2: not gonna do anything. The number of times people have 101 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 2: been like, let me call it, I go, what what world? 102 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 2: Who leaves their sound on their phone? 103 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 3: And then when people say, what about is it on vibrate? 104 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,440 Speaker 3: Is it on vibrate? Because that'll that makes noise too. 105 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 3: If you're in a movie theater and you get a 106 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 3: call and it's vibrating, that's like almost more disturbing than 107 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 3: if I. 108 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 2: Don't have my phone on vibrate either. I don't know 109 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 2: how to put it on vibrate. Well, just then you 110 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 2: should be looking on your phone. 111 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,600 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's what I should be looking it on, and 112 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,840 Speaker 4: I turn it off. That's what I don't understand why 113 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 4: people don't turn off the ringers when it's time. 114 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,000 Speaker 1: Don't you turn off your phone completely? 115 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,479 Speaker 2: No? No, she like when the ringer starts ringing, she'll 116 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:51,559 Speaker 2: press like the down on the volume, muting. 117 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:55,599 Speaker 4: I do all of it, guys. I turned my ringer on, 118 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,359 Speaker 4: I turn it off. I put it on airplane mode. 119 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,279 Speaker 4: I fuck with my phone. 120 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 2: Oh yes, I do it all too. I never I 121 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:09,040 Speaker 2: don't fly. I don't have it. I never have it on. 122 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:11,320 Speaker 2: I never have the sound on because I always am 123 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,279 Speaker 2: scared that I'll be that person in public who has 124 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 2: their alerts going. And it's so annoying. Even standing in 125 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,400 Speaker 2: line at Starbucks, I don't want to hear your fucking phone. 126 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 4: You had such a big epiphany this week where you 127 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:27,840 Speaker 4: like helped ten of us uh with this big epiphany 128 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:30,280 Speaker 4: you had about not giving your shit what other people think. 129 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:33,040 Speaker 4: So maybe that's part of your new task. 130 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,600 Speaker 2: Is not carre that is that's the thing. No, it's 131 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:39,240 Speaker 2: not being it's not being well. To back up, I 132 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 2: had a voice lesson yesterday and I was super I've 133 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:43,479 Speaker 2: been depressed for like a week and a half, just 134 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:47,279 Speaker 2: been you know, having the dark thoughts. Have a suicide 135 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,520 Speaker 2: book I'm reading That gives me comfort. I don't know 136 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,720 Speaker 2: what it is. When I am really depressed, I want 137 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,440 Speaker 2: to read about suicide. I want to read about people 138 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 2: killing themselves. I want to listen to it. I just 139 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,280 Speaker 2: go to the Wikipedia and read famous suicides. It's a 140 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,680 Speaker 2: weird thing I do. It gives me comfort. It feels 141 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,600 Speaker 2: like wrapping up in a warm blanket. Brian, you are 142 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 2: nodding your head. Is this relatable? 143 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 3: I mean I could dive into the darkness every now 144 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,600 Speaker 3: and then, especially. 145 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 2: When you get dark. You want to read dark stuff. 146 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 3: No, it's actually it's actually not good because I know 147 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 3: it's not. If somebody dies, like a celebrity or something, 148 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 3: I get obsessed about finding out how they died. I 149 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,840 Speaker 3: need to know if I find comfort in how they died. 150 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:29,080 Speaker 3: For some reason, if something bad happens, like someone gets 151 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 3: in a car accident and I see it, then I 152 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 3: start reading about all the stats about car accidents. I 153 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,120 Speaker 3: look up every car accident that's happened in the last 154 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:39,640 Speaker 3: like forty five years, and I think it's me just 155 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 3: searching for ways to like not have it happen to me, 156 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 3: but it winds up being a like a circling the 157 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,680 Speaker 3: toilet drain of depression that just keeps giving me down. 158 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,280 Speaker 2: And yeah, there's really no way to avoid getting t 159 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 2: boned by a drunk driver or you know, I'm always 160 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,680 Speaker 2: when I drive at night, I'm always on alert for 161 00:07:56,760 --> 00:08:00,320 Speaker 2: people taking like getting on the exit ramp and coming 162 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,560 Speaker 2: towards me, lights coming towards me. I sometimes have hallucinated 163 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 2: and started seeing the lights coming towards me when it 164 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,640 Speaker 2: isn't because I'm so on the lookout for because that's 165 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 2: how people die all the time and accidents is people 166 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 2: are drunk and they get on the highway going the 167 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,000 Speaker 2: wrong ways. 168 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:16,640 Speaker 3: Horrifying. 169 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, so I'm always on the lookout for that constantly, chronically, 170 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 2: and sometimes it like I invent it. And sometimes I've 171 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 2: gotten really scared on the highway because I'm like it's 172 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 2: coming and it's like no, that's like the headlights in 173 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 2: front of it. It's so weird. 174 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:35,079 Speaker 3: I had some irrational fears where they're in my neighborhood 175 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:39,559 Speaker 3: walking around, there's some really gigantic pine cones. They're literally 176 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 3: like grenades right, and they fall from the trees. Are 177 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:48,160 Speaker 3: these trees should not be allowed in suburban neighborhoods because 178 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,319 Speaker 3: they are as hard and sharp as grenades. I've seen 179 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 3: one fall and dent the car. And so whenever I 180 00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:58,680 Speaker 3: walk underneath trees like that, I used to freak out. 181 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 3: And then someone said, what you have to do is 182 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:04,079 Speaker 3: you have to spend like an hour under one of 183 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,520 Speaker 3: those trees, face your fear. 184 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:12,880 Speaker 4: Oh, exposure. 185 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,640 Speaker 3: Therapy, and so then I did. Now I feel a 186 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 3: lot better, but I still believe that they should cut 187 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:15,320 Speaker 3: down those trees. 188 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 4: What about when we were all living in New York City, 189 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 4: do you remember when the wind the winter is fading 190 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 4: and the spring is coming, and you slowly see those 191 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 4: sheets of ice on the glass buildings melt and fall, 192 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,240 Speaker 4: and then you would it would you see signs beware 193 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 4: falling sheets of glass and they're like huge sheets of 194 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:35,560 Speaker 4: glass that could just slice your. 195 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:39,320 Speaker 2: Head right off. Or there's like you are on the 196 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:42,960 Speaker 2: train and there's like a homeless man who is stabbing 197 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:47,200 Speaker 2: the air oh, coming towards you. Yes, you know wildly. 198 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,240 Speaker 3: I've seen the guy like that stabbing a phone pole, 199 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 3: just over and over it. Yeah, what are we gonna 200 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 3: do walk by him. 201 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:57,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, because it's discriminatory. If you don't, you 202 00:09:57,320 --> 00:10:01,680 Speaker 2: have to pretend like that's normal. So there's a lot 203 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:05,280 Speaker 2: of there's some homeless people popping up in my neighborhood 204 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:08,000 Speaker 2: and I cross the street and it's like, I get 205 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 2: I I feel bad doing that because maybe they're harmless, 206 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,640 Speaker 2: but they're just making erratic movements. They're kind of shouting 207 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 2: in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable, and I 208 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:23,439 Speaker 2: am protecting myself. But anyway, I was depressed this week, 209 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,520 Speaker 2: and so I've been like I picked up this book. 210 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,600 Speaker 2: It kind of kind of like served to me. There 211 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:30,720 Speaker 2: was like a I don't know it was on my Instagram, 212 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,840 Speaker 2: but a quote from it came up. A guy wrote 213 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,800 Speaker 2: a book about how to not kill yourself. So I'm like, okay, well, 214 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 2: if I want to read by suicide, this is the 215 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,760 Speaker 2: book to read a bit because it's like I'm trying, 216 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 2: not that I'm ever going to kill myself, but I like, 217 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,480 Speaker 2: I just like to read about it cause it's just 218 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:47,960 Speaker 2: it's reading about a way out for you standing under 219 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 2: the pine cone. It's like, Okay, I'm I'm teaching myself 220 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 2: that this is not likely to happen to me, whereas 221 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:57,520 Speaker 2: I'm like, I want a scenario where I can get out, 222 00:10:57,559 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 2: Like I just cried this morning because there's a dog 223 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 2: being put down on my friend's Instagram. She runs a 224 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,280 Speaker 2: rescue Natalie. She's been on the podcast a friend, not 225 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 2: a guest that was forced on me, But she posted 226 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,280 Speaker 2: this dog that has like fucking all fucked up legs 227 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,839 Speaker 2: and breathing issues and its bones are growing in all 228 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,679 Speaker 2: these weird ways, and it was having its last day 229 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 2: on earth because they have to put it down. And 230 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,280 Speaker 2: they took it to the beach and like fed it 231 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 2: nice food, and then the song was playing the Tom 232 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:28,120 Speaker 2: Petty like you Belong among the Wildflowers, and it was 233 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 2: just like oh, Mike, and I was crying, And then 234 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 2: I realized I was crying because I'm jealous that dogs 235 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,280 Speaker 2: get to be put down, because I've been wanting to 236 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 2: be put down this way. I just want to, like 237 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 2: I want it's not fair that like dogs can suffer 238 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,520 Speaker 2: enough that people go. We can let them go, but 239 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 2: humans like have to just keep going. And I don't 240 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 2: want to die. I just want a little bit of 241 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 2: a break from living. Yeah, sometimes and I know that 242 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:56,160 Speaker 2: people relate to that until the next episode of Succession, yes, yes, 243 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:59,080 Speaker 2: or until the next like fun dinner or podcast I 244 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:02,840 Speaker 2: get to do. I just I just don't really like 245 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,160 Speaker 2: myself this week. But I'm only sharing that because I 246 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,880 Speaker 2: feel like it's relatable and I know you guys are 247 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:08,520 Speaker 2: like but I like you, and it's like, why would 248 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 2: I want to listen to someone who doesn't like themselves? 249 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,880 Speaker 2: I don't know. You have to ask yourself that. So anyway, 250 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 2: I've been reading this book. I don't have the solution 251 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:22,440 Speaker 2: for you. I can't and be anything else a problem. 252 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, if you like me, you need to go to therapy. 253 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess now, I meant your shit. 254 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,320 Speaker 2: No, I didn't mean it that way. I just mean like, 255 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,440 Speaker 2: I can't change who I am just because it might 256 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,959 Speaker 2: not be the greatest thing for you as a listener. 257 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:41,000 Speaker 2: Like I'm I'm sick of trying to be anything that 258 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,560 Speaker 2: I'm not feeling. I'm like kind of trying to live 259 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,880 Speaker 2: in like exactly what's happening to me, complete honesty about it, 260 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 2: or at least this is how I'm trying to live today, 261 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 2: because yesterday I went to my voice listen and I 262 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,720 Speaker 2: was really depressed because I've just been comparing myself to 263 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 2: too many people, and I don't fit in any of 264 00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 2: my clothes, and I can't stop eating and all the things, 265 00:12:59,559 --> 00:13:01,880 Speaker 2: and so well, I was just really depressed and my 266 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 2: voice is average, and I'm just sick of being average. 267 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,040 Speaker 2: I don't like being average. I want to be special. 268 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,440 Speaker 2: And then there's all this hogwash about like but you know, 269 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,520 Speaker 2: everyone has a Like I talked to my therapist yesterday, 270 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,840 Speaker 2: who is my voice teacher, my therapist earlier on in 271 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,920 Speaker 2: the morning, and she's like, you know, I go, if 272 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,240 Speaker 2: I can't be extraordinary at something, I like don't want 273 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 2: to be alive. I just don't really it bothers me 274 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,720 Speaker 2: to like it bothers me to dream of being something 275 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:31,080 Speaker 2: and really never being able to do that. It's like, 276 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,400 Speaker 2: I just don't see the point of staying alive if 277 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 2: you can't be the things you want to be. And 278 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,680 Speaker 2: she was like, well, what about She said something about 279 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,599 Speaker 2: everyone has a purpose, and I'm like, really, does everyone 280 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 2: have a purpose? 281 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:44,560 Speaker 3: Like? 282 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,840 Speaker 2: I think there are some people that just don't, and 283 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,079 Speaker 2: maybe I'm one, Like I don't know, not that I'm 284 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,320 Speaker 2: one of them, but I just don't like the idea 285 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 2: where it's like it's almost like that whole thing that 286 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,640 Speaker 2: the conservatives say about liberals, where everyone needs a trophy, 287 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,800 Speaker 2: there's no losers, and it's like, I don't like this 288 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:07,600 Speaker 2: idea of like everyone some people are exactly what and why? 289 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:09,839 Speaker 2: What about like when a child dies of cancer and 290 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,840 Speaker 2: they're like, this is God, God needed this child. There's 291 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:16,000 Speaker 2: a reason behind it. What would the reason be about? 292 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,600 Speaker 3: Say, oh my. 293 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:24,760 Speaker 2: God, Like there's just sometimes things are just bad and bleak, 294 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,400 Speaker 2: and like I just don't I don't know. Maybe that's 295 00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:30,360 Speaker 2: my depression brain that's not able to see like everything 296 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 2: has a reason and everything has a purpose. Something's just 297 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:37,120 Speaker 2: seemed super cruel. And some people just seem very untalented 298 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,960 Speaker 2: but want to be talented, and that to me is 299 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 2: like sad. If you want to be something and you 300 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,520 Speaker 2: can never be it, maybe you're an example. I don't know. 301 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,320 Speaker 2: I don't know what I'm trying to say. 302 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 1: When when a therapists say that, I don't think they 303 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 1: mean it in like a like a religious or faithful respect. 304 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,440 Speaker 1: I think they mean it more like what people get 305 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,680 Speaker 1: their happiness from. So the flailing guy on the train, 306 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 1: like his purpose is to go and to just flail 307 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 1: around and get whatever. Yeah, it just like what what 308 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 1: makes you happy? But what about people who commit genocide 309 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 1: and that makes them happy? 310 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,400 Speaker 2: Do we allow that? Like certainly not? You know, like 311 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 2: what if him stabbing someone makes him happy? And then 312 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 2: we're like whatever brings you joys? Like That's kind of 313 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 2: what I'm I'm getting at is that I don't think 314 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 2: that everyone has a purpose on this planet and that 315 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,240 Speaker 2: some people are right to be like I'm worthless, and 316 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 2: like sometimes I I don't like hearing I'm beautiful when 317 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,960 Speaker 2: I'm feeling ugly. I don't like hearing I'm skinny when 318 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 2: I know that I'm not the body I want to be, 319 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 2: and all these things that I think that people just 320 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,960 Speaker 2: kind of have these platitudes that are empty to me. 321 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,360 Speaker 2: And sometimes I feel like my depressed brain does see 322 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,080 Speaker 2: things literally for how they are, and it can be 323 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm more enlightened than most people, and 324 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:59,080 Speaker 2: in a way that is like brutal because you just 325 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 2: see like nothing matters. It does Like I'm I just 326 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,200 Speaker 2: don't like being average, and I don't think I don't 327 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 2: see the purpose in being an average person. It just 328 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 2: seems like you're a waste on the nation's resources and 329 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 2: you're not contributing anything. I know I'm contributing something. I 330 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 2: have meet besties all the time who feel very connected 331 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 2: to me. I know that I contribute. But what if 332 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 2: I didn't? Should I kill myself then? Like if I 333 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 2: don't have this podcast? Should I like what am I bringing? 334 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:26,200 Speaker 3: Joy? 335 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 2: Am I bringing to the world? I just don't. So 336 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:31,280 Speaker 2: I just feel then, I feel like all my worth 337 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:36,320 Speaker 2: is wrapped up in this thing that iHeartRadio presents to 338 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 2: people like I just like there's a corporation behind what 339 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,600 Speaker 2: I bring to the world, Like, thank you, iHeart But 340 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:44,680 Speaker 2: does any of this make sense? That yourself like the 341 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,080 Speaker 2: ramblings of a true crazy depressed person right. 342 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 3: Now, you don't sound crazy, but you, I mean sound depressed. 343 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,720 Speaker 3: Everything is shit. It might be fun to, you know, 344 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 3: just shot on everything for a while. That's always a 345 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,800 Speaker 3: fun thing. I like doing that. But no, you're you 346 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,640 Speaker 3: stumbled upon. Stumble upon you are acutely aware of the truth. 347 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,120 Speaker 3: Which which is that the cut? Which is that? 348 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:11,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's turning around. Okay wait a second, yes, worth 349 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 2: meter breaks. 350 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:17,960 Speaker 3: Nothing we do matters, Nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. 351 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,879 Speaker 3: Everything that exists in this world in society is made 352 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:25,480 Speaker 3: up and all we can do is what we decide 353 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 3: we want to do, and that's your fucking purpose. 354 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:32,560 Speaker 2: I don't believe that we make decisions. You make decisions, 355 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,639 Speaker 2: I know, and so what am I supposed to do? 356 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:37,400 Speaker 2: But I do have a solution onto all of this. 357 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,560 Speaker 2: All of this does get better. I will tell you 358 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,760 Speaker 2: about it after the break, because I did have kind 359 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,400 Speaker 2: of a little bit of a piff. 360 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:44,919 Speaker 3: Here's an ad for betterhelp. 361 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:54,679 Speaker 2: That's so good. All right, we're back. So we're going 362 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 2: to follow up on everything the moment in succession, because 363 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:01,320 Speaker 2: those is all connected. So I was my therapist in 364 00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:04,800 Speaker 2: the morning. My therapist that I have now is somatic therapist, 365 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,359 Speaker 2: where she's like asks about what I feel in my body. 366 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,159 Speaker 2: It's all very confusing to me. I don't feel things 367 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:16,000 Speaker 2: in my body. I'm starting to kind of notice where 368 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:20,240 Speaker 2: I tense up and stuff, but it's still a fucking urreach. 369 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,680 Speaker 2: I'm just mad because I'm mad. I'm sad because I'm sad. 370 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,520 Speaker 2: I don't know where it presents in my body. Brian, 371 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,280 Speaker 2: you you are someone who's on the train with like 372 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,480 Speaker 2: are on board the train of all pain is in 373 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,960 Speaker 2: your head? Kind of thing or like not all of it, 374 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 2: but I mean it is in your head. That's where 375 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:37,200 Speaker 2: you lie. 376 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 3: Well, that is the truth, even if you have like 377 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,639 Speaker 3: a broken bone and something that's in your head. Yes, 378 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,639 Speaker 3: everything that you sense and feel comes from your brain, 379 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 3: and so it. 380 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,840 Speaker 2: Comes from your nerves sending a message to your brain. 381 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 2: So it is from your brain. 382 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,720 Speaker 3: But there are a lot of instances where you do 383 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,720 Speaker 3: not have a physical manifestation that would cause pain, and 384 00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:00,879 Speaker 3: your brain is just creating pain due to ace trauma 385 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,760 Speaker 3: or anxiety or things like that. I'm I'm definitely I 386 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:04,439 Speaker 3: have lots of that. 387 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 2: Yes you do. And it's it's supposed supposed to be 388 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,000 Speaker 2: enough to know that you that is what's causing it 389 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,760 Speaker 2: to make it go away, like knowing the route is 390 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,640 Speaker 2: to make it go away. But it's a lot more 391 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 2: than that. Uh I guess, yeah, it just finds another 392 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,680 Speaker 2: place to start lighting up. 393 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 3: It didn't work for me just knowing that. I mean, 394 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:25,399 Speaker 3: then yeah, if if it crops up somewhere else and 395 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,120 Speaker 3: then it tricks you into thinking that it's a physical symptom, 396 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:29,120 Speaker 3: then it really hurts. 397 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:30,600 Speaker 2: But like, do you ever talk to it and go 398 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,359 Speaker 2: I hear you? I knowed I get it. Like that 399 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,040 Speaker 2: has helped for me. When I had a cold sore 400 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:39,200 Speaker 2: coming on because of stress, I just go, hey, message received. 401 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 2: I am stressed out right now I need to relax more. 402 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:44,399 Speaker 2: You don't need to turn into a blister. I don't 403 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,960 Speaker 2: need the full message. It's you know when someone's explaining 404 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,639 Speaker 2: something to you and you get it right away, but 405 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 2: they keep talking and they need to say it a 406 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,359 Speaker 2: million times over. Yeah, that's what I say to my 407 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,160 Speaker 2: cold sore where I was just like, got it, don't 408 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 2: need to go the full route. Like everything you are 409 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 2: saying I completely get. Let me repeat it back to you. Cold. 410 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,600 Speaker 2: I am stressed out, I am suffering. I am saying 411 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,159 Speaker 2: yes to too many things I don't want to do. 412 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:08,720 Speaker 2: I am not sleeping enough, I am not eating right, 413 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,920 Speaker 2: you know, like you just tell it like, got it, 414 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,840 Speaker 2: I'm gonna address it. You can go away now. It 415 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:14,480 Speaker 2: right for me. 416 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 4: The other day I thought I was having a shingles 417 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,879 Speaker 4: outbreak again because I had shingles years ago, remember, and 418 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,359 Speaker 4: NICKI was like, I was freaking out because I'm like 419 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,320 Speaker 4: I know this tingling pain. Yeah, exactly what it is. 420 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,439 Speaker 4: It feels just like you have a cut on your 421 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,639 Speaker 4: arm with an exact o knife exactly like that, and 422 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 4: then you look at your arm exactly nothing there, And 423 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,760 Speaker 4: that's what it feels like for a few days before 424 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:37,919 Speaker 4: the thing comes on. 425 00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 2: You get shingles, yeah, and then you're out. 426 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,480 Speaker 4: For like a couple of weeks and it feels like 427 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,440 Speaker 4: you got the flu really bad and it's gross, open soores, 428 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 4: and you can get shingles multiple times. 429 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:49,639 Speaker 2: So I told niki Ye. 430 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:52,040 Speaker 4: She told me to do that, and I did it, 431 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,680 Speaker 4: and probably I wasn't getting a shingles outbreak, who knows, 432 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,080 Speaker 4: but I never got the thing. 433 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,520 Speaker 2: I just kept say to the level. You can do 434 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,320 Speaker 2: it for sniffles, you can do it for a sore 435 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 2: throat coming on whenever. But some people want to get sick, 436 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,920 Speaker 2: Like we all know people that are like I'm getting sick, 437 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,119 Speaker 2: and they like they want it and they can and 438 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,200 Speaker 2: you can also invite it. That doesn't make me feel 439 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,639 Speaker 2: any less bad for those people. Like, a sickness is 440 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 2: a sickness, whether you brought it on unknowingly, subconsciously or not. 441 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:21,000 Speaker 2: Like I'm not taking anything away from these illnesses. It's 442 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,480 Speaker 2: just you might have more control than you think. Right, 443 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,600 Speaker 2: the thing that you don't want to turn into the 444 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,879 Speaker 2: thing a letter and just be like, hey, thank you 445 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,200 Speaker 2: so much for showing up. I needed someone to kind 446 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,440 Speaker 2: of like shake me awake about my life not going 447 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,280 Speaker 2: the way. I need to walk more, I need to 448 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,679 Speaker 2: gather in the sunlight. Whatever you can, let it know 449 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,160 Speaker 2: you're going to do so it doesn't need to show 450 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:39,800 Speaker 2: up all the way because it's trying to send you 451 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:40,400 Speaker 2: a message. 452 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,399 Speaker 3: What you're doing there is twofold. One thing is you 453 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:48,440 Speaker 3: are acknowledging, acknowledging the connection between the physical symptom and 454 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,239 Speaker 3: the emotion and the anxiety, saying that this is not 455 00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:54,400 Speaker 3: a physical problem that I'm having. This is yes, because 456 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 3: I'm having an emotional problem. My body, my limbic system, 457 00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:59,879 Speaker 3: whatever is reacting in this way. And then secondly, you're 458 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:03,119 Speaker 3: not empowering it. You're kind of undermining it by talking 459 00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:04,400 Speaker 3: to it, like if you talk to it like it's 460 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:08,000 Speaker 3: a little baby or a dog or something, that undermines it. 461 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 3: Because what you resist persists. If you have a symptom, 462 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 3: you and you are scared of it, and you keep 463 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,920 Speaker 3: focusing on it, and you're like, how do I get 464 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,639 Speaker 3: rid of these headaches? How do I get rid of this, 465 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,239 Speaker 3: you know, pain in my joints? How do I get 466 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 3: rid of this pelvic pain? How do I get rid 467 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,119 Speaker 3: of my ibs? If you just keep focusing on it, 468 00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 3: it will just get worse because your subconscious mind will 469 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,400 Speaker 3: say this is important, this is dangerous, and we need 470 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,359 Speaker 3: to continue sending these signals because that's what the brain's 471 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,200 Speaker 3: focusing on. If you can talk to it like it's 472 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:38,960 Speaker 3: a baby, undermine it, and then just ignore it, it'll 473 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,440 Speaker 3: slowly your brain will be like, well, this isn't doing anything, 474 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 3: so let's just not do it anymore. 475 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,199 Speaker 2: Thank it. Because when you thank someone and you go 476 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,879 Speaker 2: thank you so much, it sends them away, you know, like, 477 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,440 Speaker 2: so it's trying to give you a gift and you go, 478 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,440 Speaker 2: oh my god, thank you, but no, thank you, I've 479 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 2: already had enough, Like I don't eat sugar or whatever. 480 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,560 Speaker 2: It is, like someone's bringing you a cake. You beat 481 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 2: polite to it because it's trying. It is. It's trying 482 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,440 Speaker 2: to do good, trying to slow you down, so you stop. 483 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 2: Like shingles would put you out on you you wouldn't 484 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:06,960 Speaker 2: be able to work, you wouldn't be able to think about 485 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,360 Speaker 2: anything else. Therefore, you wouldn't think about all the other 486 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 2: things that it's trying to get you to stop thinking 487 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:13,680 Speaker 2: about exactly, you know what I mean, like it would 488 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 2: it would. It's trying to help you by not and 489 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:19,800 Speaker 2: it's pain. Is trying to help you by not letting 490 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:24,000 Speaker 2: you suffer emotionally, because emotional suffering is so we're so 491 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,679 Speaker 2: scared of it because we don't it's not something that 492 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:29,480 Speaker 2: we feels tangible to us. I think our brain reroutes 493 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 2: it to physical things. I mean, that's just my interpretation. 494 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,600 Speaker 2: I wish we had Andrew Huberman here to explain any 495 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,120 Speaker 2: of this and tell us we're all wrong. But every 496 00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:38,920 Speaker 2: time I see his podcasts, I'm just like I learned 497 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,960 Speaker 2: something new. I ever somebody to see a clip of 498 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:44,320 Speaker 2: that sixteen hour podcast. But so I went to this 499 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 2: girl and she was talking to me about girl Woman, 500 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 2: and she it's interesting because I've been just gaining weight recently. 501 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:53,399 Speaker 2: I've talked about it on the podcast. It's not like 502 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,159 Speaker 2: a lot of weight. I don't hate. It's not like 503 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm fat or I hate you because 504 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,879 Speaker 2: you might be fatter than me. Please don't put this 505 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,720 Speaker 2: on yourself. It's just a me thing. None of my 506 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:02,800 Speaker 2: clothes fit. You get it. I've already said it, but 507 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,440 Speaker 2: it's crept up because I've started eating at night again, 508 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:06,640 Speaker 2: Like I wake up in the middle of the night 509 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,200 Speaker 2: and I am not It's not because I'm hungry. Let 510 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,800 Speaker 2: me mind you. I know a lot of people eat 511 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,679 Speaker 2: at night because they starve all day. That used to 512 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,760 Speaker 2: be me. I don't starve during the day anymore. I 513 00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:16,920 Speaker 2: eat like a normal person during the day, and then 514 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 2: I'm in the middle of the night. I wake up 515 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,920 Speaker 2: at like two hours after I've gone to bed, and 516 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:25,520 Speaker 2: I am a ravenous And it's not actual hunger. It's 517 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,520 Speaker 2: just because if it were hunger, I would just keep 518 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,119 Speaker 2: eating because I don't know or I would it would. 519 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,800 Speaker 2: I just I kind of know the difference. I don't 520 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 2: know how to describe it because it just it seems 521 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,240 Speaker 2: like hunger. And so I've been eating in the middle 522 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,840 Speaker 2: of the night, back to my old wily ways. And 523 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,040 Speaker 2: it started out as just like I'll just have a 524 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,960 Speaker 2: little something. I didn't need to eat enough today, you know. 525 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,080 Speaker 2: It started out as me justifying it, like, oh, my 526 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 2: body just needs food to get through the night, and 527 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:53,360 Speaker 2: then it turns into like every single night I get 528 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,560 Speaker 2: to like stop at a rest stop and get snacks, 529 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,000 Speaker 2: like it's just like I'm one of my bodies on 530 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,440 Speaker 2: a road trip through the night. Protein bars because they're 531 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,160 Speaker 2: the easiest and I like am very connected to them. 532 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,480 Speaker 2: Those are like my eating disorder food because they're packaged, 533 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,960 Speaker 2: you know exactly how much you're getting. There's like a 534 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,159 Speaker 2: sweetness to it, there's a saltiness to it, like I 535 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,119 Speaker 2: just have my ones. And it's become like this habit 536 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,719 Speaker 2: where I'm doing it probably six nights a week. If 537 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,000 Speaker 2: Crispin's the night, I don't tend to do it, maybe 538 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,800 Speaker 2: because he's there and it would feel like I'd have 539 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,680 Speaker 2: to sneak it because I'd be horrified if he caught 540 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,679 Speaker 2: me in the middle of the night eating. So like 541 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,919 Speaker 2: maybe once or twice a week, and sometimes I just 542 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,320 Speaker 2: like sleep through the night and I don't know why, 543 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:32,280 Speaker 2: and I wake up in the morning and I feel 544 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,120 Speaker 2: like a million bucks because I'm not like bloated from 545 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,399 Speaker 2: eating a literally and I'm not talking about one birdieu bar. 546 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,359 Speaker 2: I'm talking about several. I Mean, this isn't like I 547 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,439 Speaker 2: used to where it was like nine and that's not 548 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,480 Speaker 2: an exaggeration at all. I used to eat nine prode 549 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:48,080 Speaker 2: bars throughout the night. I was like two or three. 550 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,479 Speaker 2: And that's the God's honest truth, like never more than 551 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,959 Speaker 2: three at this moment, but three every single night. Let's talk. 552 00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:56,960 Speaker 2: That's like six hundred calories over the course of it 553 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,679 Speaker 2: takes I think thirty five hundred calories to gain a pound, 554 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 2: So that's three weeks I've can gain, you know, two 555 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:06,640 Speaker 2: or three pounds. And I've been doing this now for months. 556 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 2: It's like crept up and it's like now it's showing up. 557 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,919 Speaker 2: My clothes don't fit. And and I'm also tired of 558 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,600 Speaker 2: it because it's just like it's this, it's just not 559 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,639 Speaker 2: it doesn't make sense why I'm doing it. So I 560 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 2: was talking to her about doing your sleep, yes, and 561 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:24,919 Speaker 2: because your body has to like process it. And now 562 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,520 Speaker 2: I get now my body thinks it's time to eat. 563 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,200 Speaker 2: It's like it's not even but it's emotional. I mean, 564 00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,520 Speaker 2: because what it feels like in the middle of the 565 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:36,480 Speaker 2: night is a huh. It feels like a hug. And 566 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:38,240 Speaker 2: I've never described that. I was talking to Chris about 567 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 2: it yesterday about emotional eating, and He's like, I've never 568 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,679 Speaker 2: understood when people say, like eat your feelings and I 569 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,879 Speaker 2: really haven't either, and I'm someone who's been doing it 570 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,200 Speaker 2: my whole life. I know I just don't because I'm 571 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:52,280 Speaker 2: not connected to my feelings, right. So, but she actually 572 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,440 Speaker 2: blew my mind yesterday because she was like, well, when 573 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,359 Speaker 2: you like cry a lot during the day, or have 574 00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:01,520 Speaker 2: some kind of like emotional expression, or you receive some 575 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 2: sort of comfort, or you have a strong emotional connection 576 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,160 Speaker 2: with someone you share or you open up in some way, 577 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,399 Speaker 2: does the eating happen those nights? And I was like, 578 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:14,159 Speaker 2: I don't know. I gotta start tracking it because I 579 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,480 Speaker 2: want to see, like maybe that is. Maybe I just 580 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,240 Speaker 2: need to cry and then I don't have to gain 581 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,920 Speaker 2: a bunch of weight, Like maybe if I just let 582 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:25,000 Speaker 2: out some feelings, that's what that is. So I am 583 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:28,200 Speaker 2: done doing it. I like, am just flipping a switch 584 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,000 Speaker 2: where I'm like, I'm just I don't get to do that. 585 00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,560 Speaker 2: So now, like last night, before I went to bed, 586 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:34,000 Speaker 2: knowing I don't get to in the middle of the night, 587 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:35,760 Speaker 2: I was like, well, you get to eat as much 588 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 2: as you want before bed, because it's the kitchen is 589 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:42,480 Speaker 2: closed when you go to sleep. And it was kind 590 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,280 Speaker 2: of nice because I just like pigged out before I 591 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,240 Speaker 2: went to bed, knowing that like, well, at least I'm 592 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:47,680 Speaker 2: not gonna eat in the middle of the night because 593 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:51,159 Speaker 2: I can't do that, and that, I think really helped 594 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,840 Speaker 2: me be not like restricting before bed either, just being like, well, 595 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 2: when you wash your face to go to bed, it's done. 596 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,920 Speaker 2: Like I'm eating up until I wash my face. It's nice. 597 00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:05,000 Speaker 4: But like someone talk about not being able to understand 598 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,080 Speaker 4: that phrase, because I also had that, like what eat 599 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:08,680 Speaker 4: your feelings? 600 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:09,280 Speaker 2: I don't get it. 601 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,280 Speaker 4: But then when I first got into recovery for my 602 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:16,200 Speaker 4: eating disorder, I would sit down and eat lunch, let's say, 603 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 4: and then I would have a journal, and once my 604 00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:22,080 Speaker 4: lunch was over, or sometimes during lunch, I would just 605 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:24,879 Speaker 4: start journaling, and I'm like, I don't understand this eat 606 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:26,879 Speaker 4: my feelings thing, And then I would fill up like 607 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 4: four or five six pages in my journal and I'd 608 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:33,560 Speaker 4: be sobbing, and all of a sudden, I started to see, Oh, 609 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:37,440 Speaker 4: I have all of this pent up whatever you want to, rage, sadness, 610 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,920 Speaker 4: anxiety of future, shit, like so much going on that 611 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,920 Speaker 4: I had no idea about because I would just eat 612 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,680 Speaker 4: through it, not realizing I was eating because I was anxious, 613 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,040 Speaker 4: not because I was hungry, and then I slowly was 614 00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:55,080 Speaker 4: able to over time distinguish between anxiety and actual physical hunger. 615 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, but then getting through the anxiety is just tough 616 00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 2: because it does. It does sate my anxiety. When I 617 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:05,200 Speaker 2: wake up in the middle of night and i'm I'm 618 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,320 Speaker 2: stressed or a like, go for it. When I finish 619 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,520 Speaker 2: that bar, I'm not, I don't need more. I'm I 620 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:11,840 Speaker 2: got the hut, like I need three. 621 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:12,240 Speaker 1: Two. 622 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:16,560 Speaker 2: Usually it's like one, but sometimes two. I feel good. 623 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:18,360 Speaker 2: I feel like I can go back to sleep and 624 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,400 Speaker 2: everything's okay. Sometimes I wake up again and I have 625 00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,200 Speaker 2: another one, like but I feel it does feel like 626 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:25,640 Speaker 2: I get wrapped up in a blanket and someone's like, 627 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 2: it's okay, And I don't even know what I'm stressing 628 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,680 Speaker 2: out about it. If you ask me in those moments, 629 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,640 Speaker 2: I wouldn't go I had a bad dream, or I'm 630 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,320 Speaker 2: worried about you know this, shoot tomorrow, or I don't. 631 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:40,200 Speaker 2: There's no thought process behind it. It's just an impulse. 632 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,640 Speaker 2: And I know this is relatable. That's why I'm sharing it. 633 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:44,440 Speaker 2: I know there's some people that go, I don't I'm 634 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,360 Speaker 2: gonna understand this at all, But everyone is out of 635 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:49,400 Speaker 2: control with their food in this country. There's no one 636 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,640 Speaker 2: who doesn't struggle with like I want to eat these 637 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,280 Speaker 2: things and I shouldn't eat this. So I'm not alone here. 638 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,240 Speaker 2: But she said to me, she goes, when this is 639 00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,680 Speaker 2: an interesting question to ask yourself if you struggle with 640 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,720 Speaker 2: like overeating or just you know, feeling out of control 641 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:06,200 Speaker 2: of food. She was like, in that moment when you 642 00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,560 Speaker 2: wake up in the middle of night, is there anything 643 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,640 Speaker 2: that you could get instead of the food that would 644 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:14,000 Speaker 2: make you feel better? Like? Is there anything? Is there 645 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,240 Speaker 2: anyone that could like, is there like someone that could 646 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:19,320 Speaker 2: like offer their assistance or like? And I was thinking 647 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:21,400 Speaker 2: about it, and really what she was saying was is 648 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,840 Speaker 2: there someone that could like hug you? Is because when 649 00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:25,920 Speaker 2: we were getting out that I need comfort and that 650 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,719 Speaker 2: this is a substitute for a hug and an intimacy, 651 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:33,040 Speaker 2: whether with myself or others. And I was like, no, 652 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,760 Speaker 2: because she goes, think about anyone in your life that 653 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:37,160 Speaker 2: you'd want to hug you in the middle of And 654 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 2: I'm like, no one, because they're sleeping and I'm a 655 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,320 Speaker 2: burden and I don't want someone to have to hug me. 656 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:48,840 Speaker 2: I don't know why I have this thing. I don't 657 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 2: like when people hug me because I feel like the 658 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:55,320 Speaker 2: whole time they're like, when can I stop doing this? 659 00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:58,160 Speaker 2: This is annoying for me, Like I don't want to 660 00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:01,800 Speaker 2: be hugging her, this is she's a lot, and they 661 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,520 Speaker 2: want to get away. And I know that's not everyone's perception, 662 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:09,000 Speaker 2: but it's certainly I think I'm projecting because I know 663 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:13,240 Speaker 2: that when people start going like around me, I go, 664 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:15,400 Speaker 2: I'm never going to be able to get out of this, 665 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:17,800 Speaker 2: Like I'm great to be here for the next fifteen 666 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,880 Speaker 2: to thirty minutes to comfort them, but they need so 667 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,840 Speaker 2: much and I can't stay all day. I have to 668 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 2: go eat three protein bars in my bathroom or what 669 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:32,480 Speaker 2: you know, I have stuff to do. So do you 670 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,240 Speaker 2: ever feel that way? You guys, win someone. 671 00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 3: I don't like getting hugged at all, so I can relate. 672 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:38,720 Speaker 2: Why is that? 673 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 3: I don't know. I guess my mom didn't hug me 674 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,640 Speaker 3: enough or something, and I never got used to getting hugs, 675 00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:45,000 Speaker 3: and so whenever someone. 676 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:46,960 Speaker 2: Else, what's the thought that goes through your head when 677 00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:51,480 Speaker 2: someone hugs you, get the fuck off me. There's no 678 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,160 Speaker 2: there's no like they don't really want to be doing this. 679 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,440 Speaker 3: No, No, it's just like I don't want this to stop. 680 00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,680 Speaker 3: I think it's just a cells gross I don't accept this. 681 00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:01,160 Speaker 3: Maybe it's I don't up to the fact that you'd 682 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,560 Speaker 3: want to touch me or hug me. I gottat accept 683 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,720 Speaker 3: the warmth of your your brak. 684 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:09,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, like I feel like it's it's they feel obligated 685 00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:14,640 Speaker 2: or it's performative, and I'm jealous of people that can 686 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,240 Speaker 2: just accept a hug and so I will spoiler alert 687 00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:23,800 Speaker 2: do the spoiler alert where's the horn sound? Succession spoiler alert? 688 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:28,680 Speaker 2: So in the latest episode, Shiv is deeply wounded about 689 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:33,320 Speaker 2: her dad's death and sorry if you didn't get to 690 00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,120 Speaker 2: it yet. But honestly, I'm not sorry at all. If 691 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,720 Speaker 2: you are two weeks late in Succession, you aren't a fan, 692 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,080 Speaker 2: and I know some people just haven't watched it, so 693 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:42,600 Speaker 2: forget that he dies, even though the whole time you 694 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,480 Speaker 2: know he's going to die at some point in these seasons. Actually, 695 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:48,800 Speaker 2: I am sorry. Sorry, Okay, So I can't decide if 696 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,280 Speaker 2: I'm sorry or not honest same flip flopping. I would 697 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,160 Speaker 2: probably be pissed if I was someone that like hadn't 698 00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,240 Speaker 2: seen it yet and had planned to, I'd be annoyed 699 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,800 Speaker 2: with me. So okay, I relate. I want to give 700 00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:02,280 Speaker 2: you a hug. So she is crying about she has 701 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,520 Speaker 2: scheduled her grief. So she is such a busy person 702 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,640 Speaker 2: that her assistant has gotten her a room at their 703 00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,760 Speaker 2: office where she can just go into a dark room 704 00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:15,760 Speaker 2: and just cry during the day, which I think is 705 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,280 Speaker 2: hilarious and relatable. So she goes in this room to 706 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:23,239 Speaker 2: like weep quietly. There's also another thing she's dealing with, 707 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:25,280 Speaker 2: but I won't spoil that, but I guess I bet 708 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:29,240 Speaker 2: you can guess what it is. So she's crying for 709 00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:34,880 Speaker 2: two and she's in there and her ex husband or 710 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 2: like soon to be ex husband, they're going through a divorce, 711 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 2: they're separated, comes in and she has not told him 712 00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:44,840 Speaker 2: about the other person she's crying for, and she is 713 00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:50,160 Speaker 2: crying and he walks in not knowing she's in there, 714 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:53,400 Speaker 2: and he's like, oh my god. And she they have 715 00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:56,560 Speaker 2: just a very tumultuo, like a very contentious relationship at 716 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,560 Speaker 2: this point, and she is just cold to him and 717 00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:01,560 Speaker 2: he's kind of rude to her. And he's always been 718 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,320 Speaker 2: the one that shows more warmth than she's always been 719 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,680 Speaker 2: kind of cold, and he's like they have kind of 720 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 2: like a moment of sweetness and he's like, come here, 721 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,160 Speaker 2: and she just like resists it so much and he's like, 722 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:14,399 Speaker 2: come on, please, And I almost burst out crying because 723 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:16,960 Speaker 2: the idea that he wanted to comfort her, like I 724 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:20,200 Speaker 2: could tell that he wanted to. It wasn't like I 725 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:24,239 Speaker 2: gotta comfort my wife she's hysterical right now. It was 726 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:27,400 Speaker 2: like I want this more than you do, maybe, And 727 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,759 Speaker 2: it was so sweet to me that she got that, 728 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:33,279 Speaker 2: because I just feel like and I think that people 729 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,879 Speaker 2: probably give that to me. I was even telling Anya 730 00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:40,040 Speaker 2: she's one person that I never mind going to, and 731 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:43,200 Speaker 2: same with Noah Brian. It's to be seen, but Noah 732 00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,640 Speaker 2: and Anya are always great people to go with my 733 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:56,000 Speaker 2: life anxieties because they always they seem to enjoy helping 734 00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,239 Speaker 2: me or comforting me. Start giving you have. 735 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,680 Speaker 4: To be like, Okay, I'm done talking about this now 736 00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:05,120 Speaker 4: because I'm like and also point number forty seven, you're like, 737 00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:07,239 Speaker 4: I'm actually good, I'm all talked out. 738 00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:11,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I can recover pretty well from things, but no 739 00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:16,920 Speaker 2: I have definitely felt like, you know, I'm so grateful 740 00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:18,919 Speaker 2: for you guys, because I don't know what I would 741 00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,359 Speaker 2: do without some people that I could literally at any 742 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,400 Speaker 2: time of day dump some stuff on, and even if 743 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:27,120 Speaker 2: you don't get to it right away, I know at 744 00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:31,799 Speaker 2: some point you're gonna have a very thoughtful, very compassionate response. 745 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:33,640 Speaker 2: And same with my girls chat all the girls on 746 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 2: there listening. You guys are all the same and always 747 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:38,920 Speaker 2: give me lots of love when I need it. But 748 00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:42,840 Speaker 2: in terms of like hugging, though I don't know that 749 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:46,480 Speaker 2: i'd want, I don't know that I even though I 750 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:48,880 Speaker 2: think you'd be okay hugging me, I just feel like 751 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,880 Speaker 2: it's just I feel like a burden. And so I 752 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,880 Speaker 2: need to like kind of work on that because I 753 00:35:55,960 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 2: know Chris Convey, my amazing boyfriend, love helping me. There's 754 00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:06,279 Speaker 2: nothing Chris Convey loves more than helping other people. And 755 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:09,280 Speaker 2: so I do have someone that like gets almost gets 756 00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,560 Speaker 2: off on being there for me, and yet I still 757 00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:15,560 Speaker 2: in the middle of the night would feel bad waking 758 00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:17,279 Speaker 2: him up to be like, will you hug me? So 759 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:19,920 Speaker 2: I don't eat a half a box of kind bars, 760 00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:22,880 Speaker 2: you know, like I just would feel weird doing that. 761 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,600 Speaker 2: But I'm gonna try to start doing it. I'm confused 762 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:26,440 Speaker 2: to what I'm saying. 763 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:32,680 Speaker 4: I'm hearing you say I don't like hugs because I 764 00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:35,400 Speaker 4: am assuming they want people do not want to be 765 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,960 Speaker 4: in that hug with me, And then I'm also hearing 766 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:40,839 Speaker 4: I want to hug, So which is it? 767 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:44,080 Speaker 2: Yes, I do want I want a hug, but I 768 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:47,880 Speaker 2: don't want someone to feel like they like I'm just 769 00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,080 Speaker 2: doing this because Nikki needs it. 770 00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:55,360 Speaker 3: Have you tried assembling a man out of kind bars 771 00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:59,920 Speaker 3: in the middle of the night, the kind you're eating? 772 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:04,839 Speaker 2: Oh my god. 773 00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:08,319 Speaker 1: Yeah, Well something for you to think about, Nikki. Maybe 774 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,200 Speaker 1: it's not like, don't use the word someone, but use 775 00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:14,040 Speaker 1: the specific person. Like if you ever came to me, 776 00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,480 Speaker 1: that's what I want. When you come to me and 777 00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:23,360 Speaker 1: you have a problem where or something's bothering you, I 778 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,840 Speaker 1: would never just like tolerate you. And you know I 779 00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:29,600 Speaker 1: love listening to you, and I do love helping you 780 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,279 Speaker 1: a lot, and I do care about you a lot. 781 00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:33,279 Speaker 1: And I am at a point in my life where 782 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:37,600 Speaker 1: I don't have time for friends that I tolerate or 783 00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:39,480 Speaker 1: any or any people in my life that I just 784 00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:41,960 Speaker 1: like put up with, Like I just don't. I've just 785 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,040 Speaker 1: gotten to a point where my life is now on 786 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,120 Speaker 1: the shorter end than the longer end, and I don't 787 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:47,399 Speaker 1: want those kind of people in there. 788 00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:51,399 Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess I have to trust people when they 789 00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:55,400 Speaker 2: offer comfort that they're not doing it out of obligation. 790 00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:58,600 Speaker 2: And I'm not ever forcing anyone to do anything. 791 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:04,440 Speaker 4: If but I needed me, or if I was distressed 792 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,440 Speaker 4: and you saw it and I didn't ask for a hug, 793 00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,600 Speaker 4: would you Is there any part of you that would 794 00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:10,480 Speaker 4: feel like hugging me. 795 00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:14,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't have a problem giving hugs to people. 796 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,880 Speaker 2: But it also because I have good boundaries with you 797 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:22,239 Speaker 2: where I know you, you would understand if I'm like, I 798 00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:24,840 Speaker 2: can't be here, I can't comfort you about this longer 799 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:26,680 Speaker 2: than an hour, like that's all I have to give. 800 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,279 Speaker 2: I have to get to other things. Like but I 801 00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:30,960 Speaker 2: do feel like I have a friend right now who 802 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:34,600 Speaker 2: just lost a parent, and I really struggle with that 803 00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:38,520 Speaker 2: because it's my biggest fear and I just never know 804 00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:40,760 Speaker 2: what to say and nothing I say will be good enough. 805 00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:44,000 Speaker 2: And also I feel like I can't get out of 806 00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:47,040 Speaker 2: comforting this person. You can't be listening to someone cry 807 00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,960 Speaker 2: about losing their mom on the phone and then go 808 00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:54,040 Speaker 2: I have to actually go to the grocery store, or 809 00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,760 Speaker 2: like I need to go work out, like I can't. 810 00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,959 Speaker 2: I know I can do that, I don't see away. 811 00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:03,799 Speaker 2: I feel very trapped. So I recently, instead of ignoring 812 00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,080 Speaker 2: the person like I used to and just not sending 813 00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:08,600 Speaker 2: anything because I know that I can't do that for them, 814 00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,200 Speaker 2: I just wrote a message. It was very hard for me, 815 00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:13,960 Speaker 2: and that this is me. Oh, it's so hard for 816 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,919 Speaker 2: me comforting my friend who lost a parent. But I 817 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,279 Speaker 2: wrote to them, I am thinking about you every day, 818 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,959 Speaker 2: which is true. I love you so much. I can't 819 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,840 Speaker 2: imagine what you're going through. Just know that I love you, 820 00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:31,399 Speaker 2: and I did not rise. I almost wrote I'm here 821 00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:34,160 Speaker 2: for you if you need it, I'm always here, but 822 00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:37,359 Speaker 2: I did not write that because the truth is I'm not. 823 00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:43,200 Speaker 2: I can't handle that person's grief right now, and I 824 00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:48,719 Speaker 2: can't handle that's because you are supposed to. It's right. 825 00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:49,279 Speaker 2: It's like. 826 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,600 Speaker 1: No, no, does this go hand in hand with with 827 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,080 Speaker 1: what you were talking about in the first segment and 828 00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,800 Speaker 1: not feeling good about being average, where a part of 829 00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:03,040 Speaker 1: you feels like you need to help this person find closure, 830 00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:05,840 Speaker 1: and you know, just go up to like one hundred 831 00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:10,200 Speaker 1: percent with what you're doing. Yeah, possibly it's a perfectionist 832 00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:14,480 Speaker 1: type thing, but it's also it's it's that this person. 833 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,919 Speaker 1: I I don't want to leave this person if they're 834 00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:21,440 Speaker 1: so sad. And I think that sometimes people can depend 835 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,400 Speaker 1: on me. I have gotten into situations where people depend 836 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:28,680 Speaker 1: on me emotionally too much, and I start to that's 837 00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,839 Speaker 1: when I shut down, and then I become cruel and 838 00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:36,640 Speaker 1: I will go someone because I can't handle hearing about 839 00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:39,960 Speaker 1: this thing they're going through, whether they lost it, Like 840 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,600 Speaker 1: I just I don't do well with people's grief, and 841 00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,640 Speaker 1: I think it's because I just feel like it's. 842 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,520 Speaker 2: What are those sand traps? Like a yeah, like a 843 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:51,520 Speaker 2: sand trap that you get caught in and you'll never 844 00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:53,719 Speaker 2: get out of. Like have you ever yeah, quickstand, have 845 00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:56,319 Speaker 2: you ever comforted someone when they're losing someone and you 846 00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:57,840 Speaker 2: just feel like you can't get off the phone and 847 00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:01,480 Speaker 2: there's it's never gonna be enough, There's there's no closure 848 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,640 Speaker 2: to comforting someone with a parent. 849 00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:08,279 Speaker 4: Are emotional vampires, and that needs to be called just like, 850 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:11,000 Speaker 4: let's just say it. Some people really do go through stuff, 851 00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:13,359 Speaker 4: But then there are other people and they might not 852 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,640 Speaker 4: have even lost a parent. You cannot get off the 853 00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:17,959 Speaker 4: phone with them for an hour and then you'll say, 854 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,000 Speaker 4: I hate to do this, I got to run. I 855 00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:22,040 Speaker 4: have a thing, and they're like, yeah, really quick, one 856 00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:24,000 Speaker 4: more thing I wanted to ask you about. And it's like, 857 00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,520 Speaker 4: I've had people like this in my life where they 858 00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:29,400 Speaker 4: need four warnings before I actually get off the phone. 859 00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,040 Speaker 4: Those people are my vampires. 860 00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:36,080 Speaker 2: Don't understand these people. We were watching Couples Therapy the 861 00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:36,760 Speaker 2: other night. 862 00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:38,600 Speaker 4: On Hulu showtime. 863 00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the show where it's a show where couples 864 00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,640 Speaker 2: go and talk to this woman what's her name, Anya, 865 00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:51,400 Speaker 2: Sorry she is a couple or not couple's therapists. Couples 866 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,799 Speaker 2: go to her. They like show their whole session. It's 867 00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:55,879 Speaker 2: very fascinating. Brian, I think you'd like the show. I'd 868 00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:59,719 Speaker 2: like to get your thoughts on it. But they you 869 00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:02,080 Speaker 2: watch these couples like go through all these hard times. 870 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:07,239 Speaker 2: It's very honest and it's just fascinating. Anyway, a lot 871 00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:09,440 Speaker 2: of times these couples and I've been in couple's therapy too, 872 00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,480 Speaker 2: and Chris and I will just be it. We will 873 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:14,040 Speaker 2: just get onto something and it's times up and I 874 00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,560 Speaker 2: am constantly looking at the time, and I am aware 875 00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:19,759 Speaker 2: that our time is up, but I know that we 876 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,000 Speaker 2: and Chris will know it too. And as soon as 877 00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,600 Speaker 2: she says like starts having kind of like you know, 878 00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:27,279 Speaker 2: maybe putting away her notebook or like kind of like 879 00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:29,640 Speaker 2: putting like picking up her phone or whatever to kind 880 00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:32,800 Speaker 2: of signal this is like wrap it up, I instantly go, Okay, 881 00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:34,799 Speaker 2: well next week, well we can leave this here, let's 882 00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:36,640 Speaker 2: get to We'll see you next week. And I'm like, 883 00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:38,399 Speaker 2: let me get out of your hair. I don't ever 884 00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:41,560 Speaker 2: want to be someplace where someone is where I'm taking 885 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:45,880 Speaker 2: advantage and getting more of their time than the time allotted. 886 00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:49,120 Speaker 2: And there's a couple on the show where she'll like 887 00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:51,440 Speaker 2: be like our time is up and they'll keep going. 888 00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:55,040 Speaker 2: I could not relate to someone more than if they 889 00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:57,319 Speaker 2: kicked their dog and they littered on the street, Like 890 00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,720 Speaker 2: that is the same kind of That's how little I 891 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:03,839 Speaker 2: could ever relate to once or I or if you 892 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:07,959 Speaker 2: if a store is closing and you go in five 893 00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:09,719 Speaker 2: minutes before you show up and you go, are you 894 00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:15,000 Speaker 2: guys still open? I would never do that ever, because 895 00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,680 Speaker 2: these people don't want to be there anymore. They hate 896 00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,239 Speaker 2: you and you're done. 897 00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:22,440 Speaker 3: Yeah. I used to work in a deli and an 898 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:24,920 Speaker 3: hour before right now, remember the deli. I used to 899 00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:26,600 Speaker 3: work in a deli. In the hour before we close, 900 00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:28,959 Speaker 3: we'd clean everything up, and the one thing you would 901 00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:32,000 Speaker 3: clean is the slicers that slice the meat. And then 902 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:35,480 Speaker 3: sometimes people will come in and be like, are the 903 00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:39,360 Speaker 3: slicers closed, and we'd say, oh, yeah, we just we 904 00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:41,840 Speaker 3: just cleaned them. And I'm like, but it's only seven 905 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,479 Speaker 3: forty five and it's not an hour before you close. 906 00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:46,480 Speaker 3: And then they make us put the slicers back together 907 00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:48,600 Speaker 3: and slice the meat. And if you think you're getting 908 00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:51,560 Speaker 3: good sliced meat at that point in mind. 909 00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:54,440 Speaker 2: I just like, don't want to be somewhere I know 910 00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:57,759 Speaker 2: that someone doesn't want me, and that's why I don't like. 911 00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,719 Speaker 2: I don't even like sometimes going on people's pot This 912 00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:03,160 Speaker 2: comes back to the podcast thing. I don't like going 913 00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:05,919 Speaker 2: on people's podcasts because I know sometimes they their book 914 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:09,080 Speaker 2: or booked me, and they really don't even want to 915 00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:11,640 Speaker 2: be interviewing me. They don't want to do research on me, 916 00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:14,160 Speaker 2: they don't have any interest in talking to me. It's 917 00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:18,640 Speaker 2: just an obligation and it makes me want to jump 918 00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:20,799 Speaker 2: out of my skin, whereas some people are like I 919 00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:24,120 Speaker 2: deserve to be here. I'm a cool person. You should 920 00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,759 Speaker 2: be lucky you're talking to me. I wish I could 921 00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:27,279 Speaker 2: be like that. 922 00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:29,319 Speaker 3: Sometimes you just don't feel that way because there's a 923 00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:33,200 Speaker 3: lot of situations where you're like a pleasure, Like people 924 00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,879 Speaker 3: are like would love to have you. Having you there 925 00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:41,799 Speaker 3: is like a great what's the word a great boon? Yeah, 926 00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:44,520 Speaker 3: like if you do someone's if you did someone's like 927 00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:49,400 Speaker 3: random show, that would be like an amazing like get 928 00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,359 Speaker 3: for them because you don't feel good about that. 929 00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:53,560 Speaker 2: Well, when I'm a good get, but when it's someone 930 00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,800 Speaker 2: who's a little bit more famous than me, and I realize, 931 00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,920 Speaker 2: like reading about me would be that like I've had 932 00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:01,319 Speaker 2: to prepare for people that I'm like, who is this part? 933 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:05,560 Speaker 2: Like I don't ever want to be a burden for someone. 934 00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,799 Speaker 4: I was thinking I couldeel like you, and then I 935 00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:13,160 Speaker 4: was like, I do relate. If there's a party and 936 00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:16,879 Speaker 4: there's a guitar and someone out of let's say there's 937 00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:19,680 Speaker 4: a fifteen person party and one of the people goes. 938 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,040 Speaker 2: Anya, will you play a song please? 939 00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:25,640 Speaker 4: I'm in hell because I'm like, I guarantee not all 940 00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:28,640 Speaker 4: of these fifteen people want to be hijacked by a 941 00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:31,440 Speaker 4: chick with their guitar, and I don't even want to play. 942 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:35,440 Speaker 4: And I'm just like, like, if all fifteen were like, yes, please, 943 00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:39,719 Speaker 4: we're fans, play this one song, I might get into it. 944 00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:43,160 Speaker 4: But ye, that to me is hell. And that's when 945 00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,720 Speaker 4: I start assuming things that I don't know to be true. 946 00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,400 Speaker 4: And that's what you're doing. You're creating an assumption in 947 00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:51,680 Speaker 4: your mind and you're believing it. They don't worry here, 948 00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:57,279 Speaker 4: but that's a story. Yes, that's a depressed right person's story. 949 00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,759 Speaker 2: Person's outlook, and that's what I'm dealing with right now. 950 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:02,560 Speaker 2: And I went to that voice lesson after my my 951 00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:06,680 Speaker 2: uh therapy, and I knew he wouldn't make me sing 952 00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:08,839 Speaker 2: because I was just not I was just like on 953 00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:12,400 Speaker 2: the brink of crying every two seconds and just feeling 954 00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:14,480 Speaker 2: like I'm just average. I don't want to be and 955 00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:16,680 Speaker 2: you can't lie to me anymore and say that I'm special. 956 00:46:16,719 --> 00:46:19,440 Speaker 2: And he was just like, what are you talking about? 957 00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:21,360 Speaker 2: But he just talked to me about I love you. 958 00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:25,359 Speaker 2: He's said something that really resonated with me. Anya met 959 00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:26,960 Speaker 2: him ONNYA and I went to a voice lesson with 960 00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:27,759 Speaker 2: so good. 961 00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:34,359 Speaker 3: Yeah, a depressed person that things are good? How long 962 00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:36,640 Speaker 3: are you being depressed for? Not? Not total? 963 00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:37,960 Speaker 2: This week isn't about a week? 964 00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:40,719 Speaker 3: About a week because like depression comes in wave like 965 00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:43,680 Speaker 3: it's like it's you have a cold. You're just depressed 966 00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:46,560 Speaker 3: for a while, and at a certain point, your brain's 967 00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:48,959 Speaker 3: gonna be like what the fuck am I doing? 968 00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:53,640 Speaker 2: It's gonna stay it away, Yes, And it totally happens 969 00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:55,120 Speaker 2: like that. You just wake up one morning You're like, 970 00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:58,480 Speaker 2: I'm not sick anymore. Like it's it really is. I 971 00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:01,400 Speaker 2: wish it was looked at as like a cold, because 972 00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:03,880 Speaker 2: everyone seems to get on board with people just coming 973 00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:06,160 Speaker 2: down with something and being kind of like not the 974 00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,359 Speaker 2: greatest to be around. Yeah, but when you're depressed, it's 975 00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,759 Speaker 2: just like, no, what do you have to be depressed bout. 976 00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:15,400 Speaker 2: It's like, I don't know, my brain caught a disease. 977 00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:18,560 Speaker 2: It's just in that state this week, and I know 978 00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:20,840 Speaker 2: it's not true, and yeah it's I mean, it's not 979 00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:23,520 Speaker 2: as bad as it usually gets. I'm like usually pretty 980 00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:27,040 Speaker 2: catatonic and really like mean and making everyone around me 981 00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:29,439 Speaker 2: completely miserable. And I've tried not to do that. This time, 982 00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:31,680 Speaker 2: but it's you know, I'm a little bit better about it. 983 00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:35,920 Speaker 3: And but when you're sick, you can wear a scarf 984 00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:38,200 Speaker 3: and you can have tea and then you can yes 985 00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:40,440 Speaker 3: sniffles and everyone's like, oh, that person is sick. When 986 00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:42,759 Speaker 3: you're depressed, it's not like you can dress emo and 987 00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:43,799 Speaker 3: start walking around with. 988 00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:47,760 Speaker 2: Like, my face looks fucked what. I'm depressed though, like everything. 989 00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:50,760 Speaker 2: That's why I'm wearing sunglasses today. My eyes are puffy, 990 00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:54,200 Speaker 2: not from crying, just from like being sad, and like 991 00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:56,120 Speaker 2: everything on my face is kind of pulled down. I've 992 00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:58,360 Speaker 2: been sleeping too much, so my face is like pillow 993 00:47:58,440 --> 00:48:01,520 Speaker 2: indense in it, and like, I just you know, when 994 00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:05,960 Speaker 2: I'm depressed, my dreams are a vacation. They're like you 995 00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:09,359 Speaker 2: know Nick Griffin joke, like sleeping is or naps are 996 00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:12,640 Speaker 2: mini suicides, like you just get to like disappear. And 997 00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:16,080 Speaker 2: I love sleeping when I'm depressed. I love it. It's like 998 00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:20,279 Speaker 2: this dream world where everything can happen. There's all these possibilities. 999 00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:24,560 Speaker 2: I'm not myself and yeah, it's just but I realize 1000 00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,080 Speaker 2: from reading all of my suicide books, I am not 1001 00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:30,440 Speaker 2: alone with feeling this way, and there are many people 1002 00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:34,560 Speaker 2: out there. It's like half of people struggle with suicidal tendencies. 1003 00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:38,800 Speaker 2: Half that's a statistic about like one tenth of people 1004 00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,720 Speaker 2: attempt it, and only one out of those ten actually, 1005 00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:50,480 Speaker 2: Like it's like this is a very common thing. I 1006 00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:52,320 Speaker 2: would say more people kill themselves and make it in 1007 00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:53,239 Speaker 2: the NBA every year. 1008 00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:53,480 Speaker 4: I think. 1009 00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:57,120 Speaker 2: It's like the suicide rate is fucking insane, and it's 1010 00:48:57,680 --> 00:48:59,480 Speaker 2: it's never something I'm gonna do in it, but it 1011 00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:03,520 Speaker 2: is something that I It's almost like saying, I just 1012 00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:06,040 Speaker 2: I know that my parachute is going to open on 1013 00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:08,240 Speaker 2: the way down, but I'd like to have that little 1014 00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:11,120 Speaker 2: extra one that I'm never gonna pull just in case, 1015 00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:16,280 Speaker 2: like it just isn't out, in case it gets too bad. 1016 00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:18,480 Speaker 2: You know, Like even though I would never do it, 1017 00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,600 Speaker 2: I'm never gonna why would I open that Parni hairhot 1018 00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,040 Speaker 2: knowing that I'd regret it right away? Because everyone that 1019 00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:30,919 Speaker 2: does regrets it right so right away. The fact that 1020 00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:34,200 Speaker 2: there is no proof that this life is gonna get 1021 00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:36,960 Speaker 2: better once I do it, Like it's like you're trying 1022 00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:39,640 Speaker 2: a lot of people commit suicide or want to commit 1023 00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:44,720 Speaker 2: suicide because they want to. They want to punish everyone 1024 00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:48,200 Speaker 2: around them. They want to show everyone something. It's like 1025 00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:50,479 Speaker 2: a you know, he actually covers it in this book 1026 00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:52,879 Speaker 2: called How to Not Kill Yourself. It's a very fascinating book, 1027 00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,839 Speaker 2: and I do recommend it to anyone who's maybe thought 1028 00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:58,040 Speaker 2: about it or like just interested in the subject of it. 1029 00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:00,880 Speaker 2: And it's actually he's making an argument for not doing it, 1030 00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:04,200 Speaker 2: but a lot of people do it too, go fuck 1031 00:50:04,239 --> 00:50:07,640 Speaker 2: you mom and dad, or like, this is mine, my 1032 00:50:08,719 --> 00:50:11,400 Speaker 2: desire to do it, I don't think about Oh. He 1033 00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,719 Speaker 2: kind of compares those people that think about if you 1034 00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:15,400 Speaker 2: think about what your funeral is gonna look like when 1035 00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,400 Speaker 2: you're dead, and like how everyone's gonna be crying and 1036 00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:20,040 Speaker 2: all that stuff, you're one of those people that's doing 1037 00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:24,439 Speaker 2: this for revenge and to like hurt people, and maybe 1038 00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:26,600 Speaker 2: not because you're so hurt. I mean, it's all about that. 1039 00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:32,640 Speaker 2: Mine is I can't keep doing this. It's just I'm exhausted. 1040 00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:35,560 Speaker 2: It's like when you are running when you have a 1041 00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:37,680 Speaker 2: goal in mind to run four miles and you're in 1042 00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:41,400 Speaker 2: mile one and you go, how the fuck am I 1043 00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:43,279 Speaker 2: gonna do three more? I mean, this is just something 1044 00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:44,920 Speaker 2: I relate to because I'm always have the goal of 1045 00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:46,879 Speaker 2: four miles, and I know I can do the four miles. 1046 00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:48,920 Speaker 2: I've done it before. I did it yesterday, and you 1047 00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:51,560 Speaker 2: just go, how am I gonna do it? You just 1048 00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:54,080 Speaker 2: think it never ends. That's why I don't want kids, 1049 00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:57,920 Speaker 2: because kids never end. At least if I'm in the 1050 00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:01,000 Speaker 2: middle of shooting f Boy Il, which is coming up, 1051 00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:03,600 Speaker 2: and I'm very excited about reason to live. If I'm 1052 00:51:03,640 --> 00:51:06,080 Speaker 2: shooting f Boy Island and it's a really hard shoot, 1053 00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:08,879 Speaker 2: there is an end to it in sight. It's three 1054 00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:12,680 Speaker 2: weeks away, it's eight weeks away. Kids, it's eighteen years. 1055 00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:15,560 Speaker 2: I myself am not strong enough to sign up for 1056 00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:19,040 Speaker 2: something that is endless, Like, yeah, eighteen years. Even with marriage, 1057 00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:20,680 Speaker 2: there's a dipcomatic. 1058 00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:22,080 Speaker 4: And they want to move back in your house, or 1059 00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:24,239 Speaker 4: they want to take your money, or they shoot you. 1060 00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,960 Speaker 2: Yes, I went yes, sar. So I have to say 1061 00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:30,160 Speaker 2: to people that I have kids, I am I think 1062 00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:33,120 Speaker 2: you are in No, You're absolutely right. They can become 1063 00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:36,799 Speaker 2: completely dependent on you, and they're really they say, they 1064 00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:41,040 Speaker 2: say eighteen years old is like the cutoff, but most 1065 00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:43,479 Speaker 2: parents do not cut off their kids at eighteen. They're 1066 00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:46,279 Speaker 2: not like heartless banks, you know, like this is there 1067 00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:50,560 Speaker 2: is like it goes beyond that, and so I really 1068 00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:54,120 Speaker 2: give it up to parents for taking that chance that 1069 00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:56,520 Speaker 2: you are going to have to do. So you're committing 1070 00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:59,800 Speaker 2: to something that will never end for you, even after 1071 00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,719 Speaker 2: you were always a parent, you were always going to 1072 00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:05,279 Speaker 2: love something so much and worry about something so much 1073 00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:08,360 Speaker 2: and have to stick around for something so much. So 1074 00:52:09,719 --> 00:52:12,040 Speaker 2: before we go to break mine is just like I 1075 00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:14,640 Speaker 2: just am too tired and like I can't do this anymore, 1076 00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:16,440 Speaker 2: and it's too pain, like you want the pain to stop. 1077 00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:20,040 Speaker 2: So those are the two different kinds. But I would 1078 00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:21,880 Speaker 2: never do it because I read something last night and 1079 00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:25,120 Speaker 2: it's like I am pretty certain there's not an afterlife. 1080 00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:27,319 Speaker 2: I feel like your spirit like might live on in 1081 00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:30,160 Speaker 2: some kind of like realm or something. I don't think 1082 00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:33,040 Speaker 2: that's like I keep living and like walking around in 1083 00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:37,600 Speaker 2: the clouds with other people, but I there's no guarantee 1084 00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:39,160 Speaker 2: that it's going to be better. I might just be 1085 00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:41,719 Speaker 2: signing up for a shittier version of light. And like 1086 00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:45,640 Speaker 2: the one I have is by all accounts extremely good, 1087 00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:52,520 Speaker 2: like compared to Yeah, I could have been to him. 1088 00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:56,960 Speaker 2: I'm very lucky. So and I always realized that it's 1089 00:52:57,040 --> 00:53:01,160 Speaker 2: I've never once thought I want to die and then 1090 00:53:01,239 --> 00:53:03,000 Speaker 2: not been able to get over that feeling and be 1091 00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:06,440 Speaker 2: able to not relate to that feeling at all. There 1092 00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:09,320 Speaker 2: always is a moment where I won't relate to the feeling. 1093 00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:12,560 Speaker 2: That feeling might come back, but I always will get 1094 00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:15,760 Speaker 2: over it, and so it never It isn't lasting forever. 1095 00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:18,120 Speaker 2: So that really is what stops me, is that this 1096 00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:20,600 Speaker 2: can be a little fantasy of mine, but it's never 1097 00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:24,680 Speaker 2: going to be something I do because I would never again. 1098 00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:28,000 Speaker 2: I would never commit to something that lasts forever, and 1099 00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:33,959 Speaker 2: suicide is forever, much like kids suicide or it's called 1100 00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:38,960 Speaker 2: what is it called now, taking your suicide, dying by suicide, 1101 00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,120 Speaker 2: because you're not supposed to make it like they did 1102 00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:43,239 Speaker 2: something they can't help that they killed themselves. No one 1103 00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:44,840 Speaker 2: would want to do that, so it's not their fault. 1104 00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:47,719 Speaker 2: But what I got to is the same reason I 1105 00:53:47,719 --> 00:53:49,160 Speaker 2: don't want to have kids, the same reason I don't 1106 00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:51,120 Speaker 2: want to kill myself. I don't want to do anything 1107 00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:52,640 Speaker 2: that is forever that I might regret. 1108 00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:55,319 Speaker 3: Yeah, they should do like a love is blind, where 1109 00:53:55,360 --> 00:53:58,600 Speaker 3: it's like but death is mute, and at the end 1110 00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:01,000 Speaker 3: you have to decide whether or not you're gonna kill yourself. 1111 00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:02,520 Speaker 2: Death is mute. 1112 00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:05,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, like instead of deciding you're get married to someone 1113 00:54:05,239 --> 00:54:07,640 Speaker 3: and you're you're just talking into a mirror for six 1114 00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:09,800 Speaker 3: weeks and then at the end you decide whether or 1115 00:54:09,840 --> 00:54:10,960 Speaker 3: not you're gonna kill yourself. 1116 00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:13,560 Speaker 2: Oh my god, I love like squid Game. 1117 00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:16,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, brilliant. Death is mute? 1118 00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:18,720 Speaker 2: But why death is mute? 1119 00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:21,520 Speaker 3: Because like love is blind. I'm just trying to right. 1120 00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:24,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, I see what you're doing there. Let's let's 1121 00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:26,160 Speaker 2: talk more about this or maybe less when we get 1122 00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:33,279 Speaker 2: back up to this. So then I went to this 1123 00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:38,400 Speaker 2: so to scrap this up, because come on, nick, I 1124 00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:40,920 Speaker 2: went to the voice lesson yesterday and he was just 1125 00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:43,880 Speaker 2: he said to me, because I was talking about all 1126 00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:46,400 Speaker 2: these you know, I don't know what I want to 1127 00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:48,640 Speaker 2: do with my career anymore. Because I gotta be honest 1128 00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:52,000 Speaker 2: with you, all the things I think I want, I 1129 00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:54,440 Speaker 2: don't really want to do all the things it takes 1130 00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:57,760 Speaker 2: to get that, you know, Like sometimes I watch Succession, 1131 00:54:57,800 --> 00:55:00,759 Speaker 2: I'm like, I should do a show like Succession. Do 1132 00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:04,600 Speaker 2: you know what that takes? Do you know how hard 1133 00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:07,279 Speaker 2: it is? First of all, you have to pitch a 1134 00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:10,759 Speaker 2: show to like eight networks, and when you go pitch 1135 00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:13,800 Speaker 2: a show, which is one of the most annoying processes ever. 1136 00:55:14,239 --> 00:55:16,080 Speaker 2: You have to go sit on Zoom with a bunch 1137 00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:19,239 Speaker 2: of executives and then pitch a show, and then they 1138 00:55:19,239 --> 00:55:21,279 Speaker 2: have to ask questions afterwards. And not only you have 1139 00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:23,040 Speaker 2: to pitch a show, you have to practice pitching the 1140 00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:25,200 Speaker 2: show before the show. So for every meeting you have 1141 00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:27,719 Speaker 2: to pitch it, you have to practice and pitch it 1142 00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:30,440 Speaker 2: to fake people with the people that you're pitching with, 1143 00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:33,360 Speaker 2: and then you go in and pitch it's it's I know, 1144 00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:35,879 Speaker 2: this doesn't sound that bad. It's the thing I hate 1145 00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:38,560 Speaker 2: more than anything in the world. And I've pitched, you know, hundreds, 1146 00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:42,160 Speaker 2: I've been maybe dozens of pitch meetings in my life. 1147 00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:44,719 Speaker 2: And then you have to write it, and then you 1148 00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:46,440 Speaker 2: have to deal with the network giving you notes, and 1149 00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:47,640 Speaker 2: then you got to rewrite it and you got to 1150 00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:49,719 Speaker 2: take out stuff you really loved because the network doesn't 1151 00:55:49,719 --> 00:55:52,040 Speaker 2: feel like that's really what they want. So a few 1152 00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:55,560 Speaker 2: people have a Luis Ck two thousand and fifteen deal 1153 00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:57,120 Speaker 2: where you get to do whatever you want and the 1154 00:55:57,160 --> 00:55:59,719 Speaker 2: network doesn't bother you. That literally has never happened, so 1155 00:56:00,120 --> 00:56:01,960 Speaker 2: anything that you think you're going to make ends up 1156 00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:05,960 Speaker 2: being bastardized and uh with tons of other voices. Then 1157 00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:08,640 Speaker 2: you got to go make it, and you got to 1158 00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:12,080 Speaker 2: sit in the trailer all day. And it's like I 1159 00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:15,120 Speaker 2: realized that, you know, I've talked about this before. I'm 1160 00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:20,040 Speaker 2: someone who always wants things that I like that I 1161 00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:21,640 Speaker 2: I just want the thing. I don't want to do 1162 00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:24,000 Speaker 2: the work that gets to it. And I also want 1163 00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:26,000 Speaker 2: things that I actually don't want. I just want to 1164 00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:29,080 Speaker 2: be someone who would want them, you know, like I want, 1165 00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:33,879 Speaker 2: I wish, I I really wish I threw dinner parties. Yeah, 1166 00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:39,360 Speaker 2: I cook, yes, same, But I don't like any of 1167 00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:42,040 Speaker 2: the things that that entails you. They don't care about cooking. 1168 00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:43,440 Speaker 3: You don't want to talk to the people when they 1169 00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:43,839 Speaker 3: get there. 1170 00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:46,239 Speaker 2: I don't want to hug them when they walk in 1171 00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:48,759 Speaker 2: the door. I want them to leave. When I'm ready 1172 00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:50,319 Speaker 2: for them to leave, I don't want them to I 1173 00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:52,840 Speaker 2: don't Nikki knows how to set up a good hang you. 1174 00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:56,880 Speaker 2: I love setting up hags. I love ordering from places 1175 00:56:56,920 --> 00:57:00,320 Speaker 2: to like everyone eat like. I love putting together Postmates. 1176 00:56:59,920 --> 00:57:02,680 Speaker 1: Or Yeah, when we were in Palm Springs together on 1177 00:57:02,719 --> 00:57:05,759 Speaker 1: the Girl's Trip. One of the highlight meals was like 1178 00:57:05,800 --> 00:57:08,080 Speaker 1: all the stuff you picked from Whole Foods, like all 1179 00:57:08,080 --> 00:57:09,960 Speaker 1: the sushi and stuff, and you and Sara Lena set 1180 00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:10,600 Speaker 1: it up together. 1181 00:57:10,840 --> 00:57:13,279 Speaker 2: Yes, and Sarah Lena set the plates because she made 1182 00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:14,920 Speaker 2: it look nice. I would have just had us eating 1183 00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:17,320 Speaker 2: out of the things. But like I wish I looked 1184 00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:18,920 Speaker 2: at cerely doing that. I was like, I wish I 1185 00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:21,880 Speaker 2: was good at that. It's like, but I'm not. Why 1186 00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:23,760 Speaker 2: do I want to be good at some Why do 1187 00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:26,040 Speaker 2: I I don't like doing that? She likes doing it. 1188 00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:29,240 Speaker 3: I love the process whatever. There are things you love 1189 00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:31,600 Speaker 3: doing and you do them, and you do them over 1190 00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:33,880 Speaker 3: and over again, and you have to not look at 1191 00:57:33,880 --> 00:57:36,360 Speaker 3: the outcome. You have to look at at doing it, 1192 00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:37,280 Speaker 3: which is like life. 1193 00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:38,840 Speaker 2: You enjoy the process. 1194 00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:41,560 Speaker 3: Doing it is what you brings you joy. Like you 1195 00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:43,920 Speaker 3: love getting on stage and doing stand up. That's why 1196 00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:45,560 Speaker 3: you do it over and over and over again. 1197 00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:48,560 Speaker 2: Yes, I like writing jokes. I like coming up with 1198 00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:51,920 Speaker 2: funny ways to present, to synthesize a bigger idea. I 1199 00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:54,040 Speaker 2: like to make it in a like small little package. 1200 00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:57,640 Speaker 2: I like getting those last You enjoy that process. But 1201 00:57:57,680 --> 00:57:59,520 Speaker 2: there's so many things I want in life where I 1202 00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:03,000 Speaker 2: don't enjoy any of the process, and I keep hitting 1203 00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:05,360 Speaker 2: these walls of like I want this, But then I 1204 00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:07,480 Speaker 2: think about doing and I'm like, what if I started 1205 00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:09,440 Speaker 2: from a place of And I shared this on the 1206 00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:12,440 Speaker 2: Girls Chat because Michael Rochio, my teacher, helped me get 1207 00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:16,560 Speaker 2: to it. What if you focus on the things that 1208 00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:19,440 Speaker 2: you actually like doing, like what interests you like, not 1209 00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:21,040 Speaker 2: things that can make you money, that you like doing, 1210 00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:24,120 Speaker 2: What do you like what do you enjoy doing now? 1211 00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:29,000 Speaker 2: And also what what brings you joy? And then also 1212 00:58:29,080 --> 00:58:31,200 Speaker 2: what are you good at, like what are you just 1213 00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:33,920 Speaker 2: naturally inclined to do? Make a list of both of 1214 00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:36,440 Speaker 2: those things. See if any of them overlap, because quite 1215 00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:38,400 Speaker 2: often they do. We like doing things we're good at. 1216 00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:40,560 Speaker 2: We are good at things that we like doing because 1217 00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:43,360 Speaker 2: there's we're not judging it as much because you're enjoying it, 1218 00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:46,720 Speaker 2: so it's enjoyable. And this you don't put pressure on yourself, 1219 00:58:46,760 --> 00:58:49,200 Speaker 2: So you're probably good at it, because putting pressure on 1220 00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:52,640 Speaker 2: yourself gets in the way of actual you know, merit, 1221 00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:55,040 Speaker 2: I think a lot of times, and so you're probably 1222 00:58:55,040 --> 00:58:58,360 Speaker 2: good at the thing. And then do that and I 1223 00:58:58,400 --> 00:58:59,760 Speaker 2: know a lot of people are like, well, I can't. 1224 00:58:59,800 --> 00:59:02,080 Speaker 2: I have to do administrative work for my job. I 1225 00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:04,320 Speaker 2: can't always just not everyone could do what they love. 1226 00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:09,080 Speaker 2: But I mean even in your free time, like do 1227 00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:11,520 Speaker 2: just do things that make you happy and stop feeling 1228 00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:15,760 Speaker 2: bad about the things you like? Purpose? Yes, Oh, what 1229 00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:18,160 Speaker 2: do you mean? I think that is what like what 1230 00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:18,640 Speaker 2: you're saying. 1231 00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:22,840 Speaker 1: I think is what therapists say is purpose, like find 1232 00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:26,400 Speaker 1: your purpose, find the things that are not like money driven, 1233 00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:28,720 Speaker 1: just things that make you happy. 1234 00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:29,960 Speaker 2: And it could be anything. 1235 00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:32,760 Speaker 3: I just think it's the word purpose that that that 1236 00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:35,320 Speaker 3: catches me because it's like when you say purpose, it's 1237 00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:38,520 Speaker 3: like some grand thing when it's really is like, oh, 1238 00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:40,240 Speaker 3: just figure out what it is you want to do 1239 00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:42,080 Speaker 3: and do it, because that's all that matters. There is 1240 00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:44,280 Speaker 3: nothing you do actually matters. But when you call it 1241 00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:46,720 Speaker 3: a purpose, it's like God has bestowed this. 1242 00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:50,760 Speaker 2: Purpose means that it's something you're giving to the world, 1243 00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:52,960 Speaker 2: that you're trying to make the world a better that 1244 00:59:53,120 --> 00:59:55,320 Speaker 2: you do make the world a better place, whether others 1245 00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:58,880 Speaker 2: enjoy what you do or you know you're not taking 1246 00:59:58,920 --> 01:00:02,600 Speaker 2: from the world. Yes, and that is purpose. 1247 01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:04,400 Speaker 3: Like any people who just consume. 1248 01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:07,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, and just some of those people. 1249 01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:10,280 Speaker 3: Well, you give back, But there are some people who 1250 01:00:10,560 --> 01:00:14,800 Speaker 3: just their whole lives is just eating and doing and 1251 01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:16,560 Speaker 3: never never do, never providing me. 1252 01:00:16,720 --> 01:00:21,000 Speaker 2: That's why I say, why are those people? What gets 1253 01:00:21,040 --> 01:00:22,360 Speaker 2: those people out of bed in the morning? 1254 01:00:22,400 --> 01:00:28,360 Speaker 3: You're happy? Why have they go into a costa Rica? 1255 01:00:28,480 --> 01:00:31,400 Speaker 2: And when they don't create anything? They don't put anything 1256 01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:34,120 Speaker 2: out there? Like how could your life be happy? I 1257 01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:37,040 Speaker 2: get mad because I see people whose lives to me 1258 01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:39,919 Speaker 2: look like shit and they're happy, and I'm like, why 1259 01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:42,920 Speaker 2: am I not happy? What I am doing? Purpose driven work? 1260 01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:46,400 Speaker 2: What what is the disconnect? I wish? And I think 1261 01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:48,360 Speaker 2: ignorance is bliss. I mean some of those people just 1262 01:00:48,400 --> 01:00:51,200 Speaker 2: aren't intelligent, and that's like, not that's not me being 1263 01:00:51,240 --> 01:00:54,600 Speaker 2: like I'm so smart because I'm very lacking in intelligence. 1264 01:00:54,640 --> 01:00:59,080 Speaker 2: It's it's uh, it's embarrassing sometimes how dom I can be. 1265 01:01:00,320 --> 01:01:02,400 Speaker 2: So that's not a it's just a fact some people 1266 01:01:02,400 --> 01:01:05,360 Speaker 2: are less intelligent, and so they just maybe that's it. 1267 01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:11,760 Speaker 2: I just I am trying. So then anyway, my teacher said, 1268 01:01:13,600 --> 01:01:16,160 Speaker 2: no one gets out of this alive, because I was 1269 01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:19,320 Speaker 2: talking about how I think the real thing that prevents 1270 01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:21,640 Speaker 2: me from doing the things I really want to do 1271 01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:26,680 Speaker 2: is the judgment of others, whether it's people in the 1272 01:01:26,720 --> 01:01:30,840 Speaker 2: reddit thread about me, like I I know there is 1273 01:01:30,880 --> 01:01:36,920 Speaker 2: a subreddit that constantly critiques and goes over what is 1274 01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:38,919 Speaker 2: going on with me. There there's gonna be a whole 1275 01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:43,800 Speaker 2: fucking post about this episode. For sure, she's suffering, she's 1276 01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:49,120 Speaker 2: doing like judgment, there's all of the And I I 1277 01:01:49,200 --> 01:01:53,200 Speaker 2: also as someone who critiques Taylor Swift's emotional state all 1278 01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:56,080 Speaker 2: the time and thinks, I know things like I feel 1279 01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:58,560 Speaker 2: really bad even contributing to that, because it's just so 1280 01:01:58,680 --> 01:02:02,160 Speaker 2: shitty to have people talking about you behind your back 1281 01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:06,000 Speaker 2: and like worrying about you and like and they don't 1282 01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:09,040 Speaker 2: even know you, and fake worrying, like not really worrying, 1283 01:02:09,160 --> 01:02:13,440 Speaker 2: just being judgmental. But I so often just worry what 1284 01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:15,840 Speaker 2: people are gonna think about me all the time. And 1285 01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:20,600 Speaker 2: even John mulaney special where he said he you know, 1286 01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:23,439 Speaker 2: so much of his special was about caring what other 1287 01:02:23,440 --> 01:02:26,480 Speaker 2: people think of him, And it's such an ugly place 1288 01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:28,520 Speaker 2: to live from and I just don't want to do 1289 01:02:28,600 --> 01:02:31,080 Speaker 2: it anymore. But at the same time, you if you 1290 01:02:31,200 --> 01:02:33,440 Speaker 2: live a life of not caring what anyone thinks, you're 1291 01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:36,160 Speaker 2: gonna be a piece of shit, you know, like you're 1292 01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:38,800 Speaker 2: gonna You're gonna just do everything you want to do 1293 01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:42,800 Speaker 2: and not care about anyone else. So where where's the 1294 01:02:42,840 --> 01:02:45,320 Speaker 2: happy medium? Because my teacher really got into my head 1295 01:02:45,320 --> 01:02:48,560 Speaker 2: about like no one, anyone who could judge you, is 1296 01:02:48,560 --> 01:02:52,920 Speaker 2: gonna die someday. Their opinion doesn't matter. Every nothing, no 1297 01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:56,680 Speaker 2: opinion about you is anything more than just this thing 1298 01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:59,680 Speaker 2: that's gonna not exist someday, So it doesn't matter. It's 1299 01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:04,360 Speaker 2: nothing gonna last. It's like your legacy will be you 1300 01:03:04,400 --> 01:03:06,560 Speaker 2: will not be remembered, just like everyone else and everyone 1301 01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:08,200 Speaker 2: who has an opinion about you will be dead. And 1302 01:03:08,240 --> 01:03:12,320 Speaker 2: that gives me comfort sometimes. But I wish I was 1303 01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:15,200 Speaker 2: someone that didn't care what people thought and could just 1304 01:03:15,280 --> 01:03:17,360 Speaker 2: do what I want. But I guess I care what 1305 01:03:17,440 --> 01:03:20,200 Speaker 2: I think. You know. I think that's what stops me 1306 01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:22,520 Speaker 2: is that I think some of the things that I 1307 01:03:22,600 --> 01:03:26,600 Speaker 2: enjoy doing are really lame. And I look at it 1308 01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:28,920 Speaker 2: and I go, God, she is just so cool, like 1309 01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:34,680 Speaker 2: cringe stuff, you know, Like my ideal world would be 1310 01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:36,720 Speaker 2: like anytime I had a thought about Taylor Swift, I 1311 01:03:36,720 --> 01:03:38,680 Speaker 2: would make a TikTok about it and be like and 1312 01:03:38,720 --> 01:03:41,160 Speaker 2: then this song really like I would do. I would 1313 01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:43,520 Speaker 2: do a podcast about every song of hers and offer 1314 01:03:43,640 --> 01:03:47,640 Speaker 2: my analysis take on it and how it emotionally like 1315 01:03:48,080 --> 01:03:51,200 Speaker 2: lights me up inside. And I would. I would, That's 1316 01:03:51,240 --> 01:03:54,920 Speaker 2: what I would do. I don't do it because because 1317 01:03:54,920 --> 01:03:56,960 Speaker 2: I'm thirty nine in one. 1318 01:03:56,800 --> 01:04:01,040 Speaker 4: Month, there's a lot of thirty nine year olds doing that. 1319 01:04:01,120 --> 01:04:04,080 Speaker 4: When I was thirty nine, that was not cool. But 1320 01:04:04,360 --> 01:04:06,520 Speaker 4: we live in a new world now where that is 1321 01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:10,600 Speaker 4: totally acceptable and financially lucrative as well. 1322 01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:16,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I also don't, Okay, I would maybe post more 1323 01:04:16,160 --> 01:04:21,080 Speaker 2: videos on Instagram, just like funny things, but I I 1324 01:04:21,120 --> 01:04:23,960 Speaker 2: look I that would require me to put on makeup 1325 01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:26,840 Speaker 2: to make myself look good enough for myself, you know, 1326 01:04:27,040 --> 01:04:31,280 Speaker 2: Like I I don't like when I don't look good. 1327 01:04:31,720 --> 01:04:34,040 Speaker 2: And so that's do you know how much content I 1328 01:04:34,080 --> 01:04:36,040 Speaker 2: don't put out because I'm just not wearing a cute 1329 01:04:36,040 --> 01:04:39,720 Speaker 2: outfit or because I just don't my makeup. Isn't I 1330 01:04:40,040 --> 01:04:43,960 Speaker 2: look ugly that day? It's like innumerable, the amount of stuff. 1331 01:04:44,160 --> 01:04:46,600 Speaker 2: I can't even imagine the content I left on the 1332 01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:48,320 Speaker 2: floor because I just don't look good in a photo 1333 01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:50,360 Speaker 2: or I don't, you know, And that makes me so 1334 01:04:50,480 --> 01:04:54,080 Speaker 2: sad because if I didn't. If I really didn't care 1335 01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:56,240 Speaker 2: what I thought about myself and what others thought about myself, 1336 01:04:56,240 --> 01:04:58,480 Speaker 2: I could do so much more. It's holding me back 1337 01:04:58,560 --> 01:05:01,000 Speaker 2: so much. So I want to do an experiment where 1338 01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:05,200 Speaker 2: I don't care what anyone thinks at all ever, But 1339 01:05:05,240 --> 01:05:07,240 Speaker 2: then I'm also like, do I really want that? Because 1340 01:05:07,240 --> 01:05:09,680 Speaker 2: then I'd just be a complete piece of shit, because 1341 01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:12,240 Speaker 2: me caring about what other people think is what makes 1342 01:05:12,280 --> 01:05:15,880 Speaker 2: me compassionate and care about others Oftentimes. 1343 01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:17,920 Speaker 4: Well, I think there's a difference between operating from a 1344 01:05:17,960 --> 01:05:22,400 Speaker 4: place of fear and operating from a place of authenticity. 1345 01:05:22,480 --> 01:05:25,880 Speaker 4: Like you don't want to be not doing things because 1346 01:05:25,920 --> 01:05:29,640 Speaker 4: you're afraid of judgment, you know you. 1347 01:05:29,800 --> 01:05:31,400 Speaker 2: But a lot of the things I would put out 1348 01:05:31,520 --> 01:05:33,600 Speaker 2: would be to get people to like me more. So 1349 01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:36,080 Speaker 2: then if I don't care what people think, the content 1350 01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:37,400 Speaker 2: doesn't exist in the first place. 1351 01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:41,240 Speaker 4: Just do anything from that place, like think about. 1352 01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:44,560 Speaker 2: And I would lay in bed all day long and 1353 01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:45,360 Speaker 2: do nothing like that. 1354 01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:49,120 Speaker 4: Groom and podcasts you referred me to with Barry Weisse, 1355 01:05:49,440 --> 01:05:52,000 Speaker 4: honestly because he talks about the thing I've always been 1356 01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:54,280 Speaker 4: afraid of. By the way you guys were talking about, 1357 01:05:54,320 --> 01:05:58,760 Speaker 4: like having a purpose my errape is mission, Like what 1358 01:05:58,920 --> 01:06:01,440 Speaker 4: is your mission? And sell felt books always talk about that, 1359 01:06:02,080 --> 01:06:06,360 Speaker 4: and he said, finally someone said this, like, it's not 1360 01:06:06,440 --> 01:06:09,000 Speaker 4: important for a songwriter to want to save the world 1361 01:06:09,160 --> 01:06:12,440 Speaker 4: or help the world. I always thought every songwriter that's 1362 01:06:12,480 --> 01:06:18,320 Speaker 4: successful wants to save the world or help humanity. He's like, no, really, yeah, 1363 01:06:18,640 --> 01:06:21,280 Speaker 4: I always because I always say that in interviews. They're like, 1364 01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:23,080 Speaker 4: the reason I do this is I just want to 1365 01:06:23,080 --> 01:06:25,800 Speaker 4: connect with people and help people. That's why I do this. 1366 01:06:26,160 --> 01:06:30,640 Speaker 4: And I'm like, I say, well, why do you do it? 1367 01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:34,040 Speaker 2: Well, I do it because of what Rick Rubin hit 1368 01:06:34,080 --> 01:06:34,280 Speaker 2: on it. 1369 01:06:34,360 --> 01:06:36,360 Speaker 4: He was like, you should be doing these things for 1370 01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:40,640 Speaker 4: yourself because you enjoy it, and it's like a bonus. 1371 01:06:40,920 --> 01:06:43,200 Speaker 4: I mean, I'm paraphrasing. I don't know exactly what he said, 1372 01:06:43,240 --> 01:06:44,640 Speaker 4: but I think that was it because I felt so 1373 01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:47,280 Speaker 4: much relief. I was like, Okay, God, I got a 1374 01:06:47,280 --> 01:06:47,919 Speaker 4: piece of shit. 1375 01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:53,000 Speaker 2: No you're not, because any you're right, Brian. Anyone that 1376 01:06:53,040 --> 01:06:55,840 Speaker 2: says that is kind of lying. And and if they 1377 01:06:55,920 --> 01:06:58,000 Speaker 2: do get off on the idea of helping other people, 1378 01:06:58,040 --> 01:07:00,720 Speaker 2: they're still doing it for themselves to feel good. 1379 01:07:00,800 --> 01:07:04,880 Speaker 3: Nobody's doing the joy. Nobody's doing anything to help the world. 1380 01:07:06,520 --> 01:07:07,320 Speaker 2: I don't know about that. 1381 01:07:07,720 --> 01:07:11,320 Speaker 3: They're all doing it for themselves. I agree, ultimately, otherwise 1382 01:07:11,320 --> 01:07:14,480 Speaker 3: they would go to help the world. Yeah, it makes 1383 01:07:14,520 --> 01:07:16,240 Speaker 3: them feel good and they're like, I'm helping the world. And 1384 01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:18,960 Speaker 3: then the people who talk in their interviews, the musicians 1385 01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:20,960 Speaker 3: who are like, I just want my music to touch 1386 01:07:21,040 --> 01:07:23,400 Speaker 3: the people of Africa or whatever the fuck they say, 1387 01:07:23,680 --> 01:07:26,760 Speaker 3: they're lying. They're they're just saying that because they don't 1388 01:07:26,760 --> 01:07:29,800 Speaker 3: want to say the truth, which is like I like getting, 1389 01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:32,840 Speaker 3: you know, blow jobs and stuff. That's what they want 1390 01:07:32,920 --> 01:07:34,920 Speaker 3: to say. I like getting blow jobs. It's what they 1391 01:07:34,960 --> 01:07:37,840 Speaker 3: want to say. They don't want to help people. 1392 01:07:38,440 --> 01:07:41,640 Speaker 2: Comedians who say they love to make people laugh, Yeah, 1393 01:07:42,040 --> 01:07:44,880 Speaker 2: get fucking break, Go out of here. 1394 01:07:45,480 --> 01:07:48,040 Speaker 3: Go go drive a bus off a bridge. 1395 01:07:48,160 --> 01:07:49,920 Speaker 2: Can I guess why do you say to it? 1396 01:07:50,040 --> 01:07:52,600 Speaker 4: Because I don't know what you're gonna say, Well, you 1397 01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:53,240 Speaker 4: used to do. 1398 01:07:53,480 --> 01:07:54,920 Speaker 2: We've covered this many times. 1399 01:07:55,920 --> 01:07:59,040 Speaker 3: I think John Mulaney said it literally special Okay, I 1400 01:07:59,080 --> 01:08:00,000 Speaker 3: was going to guess. 1401 01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:02,040 Speaker 4: That you guys do it because you're trying to make 1402 01:08:02,080 --> 01:08:04,760 Speaker 4: sense of the world and you're processing it. It's like 1403 01:08:04,840 --> 01:08:05,480 Speaker 4: you're therapy. 1404 01:08:06,840 --> 01:08:10,000 Speaker 2: Oh, you want people to like us. 1405 01:08:10,120 --> 01:08:11,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, we go. I need someone to look at me 1406 01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:14,200 Speaker 3: because when I was when I was a little kid, 1407 01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:17,160 Speaker 3: people I was either the youngest child or I was 1408 01:08:17,160 --> 01:08:19,479 Speaker 3: the middle child, and people didn't pay attention to me, 1409 01:08:19,680 --> 01:08:21,400 Speaker 3: or I got bullied and I had to. 1410 01:08:21,360 --> 01:08:23,960 Speaker 2: Be I was the oldest, but yeah. 1411 01:08:23,520 --> 01:08:26,040 Speaker 3: Or whatever it is, they didn't pay attention to your enough. 1412 01:08:26,320 --> 01:08:27,800 Speaker 3: And so the only thing you could do when you 1413 01:08:27,840 --> 01:08:29,759 Speaker 3: were a kid to make you to give yourself any 1414 01:08:29,760 --> 01:08:33,080 Speaker 3: self worth is to make people laugh and that. And 1415 01:08:33,120 --> 01:08:35,400 Speaker 3: now you're just taking that and putting it on school 1416 01:08:35,520 --> 01:08:36,360 Speaker 3: because you need that. 1417 01:08:36,840 --> 01:08:39,439 Speaker 2: I would be a singer if I was good at sick. 1418 01:08:39,640 --> 01:08:42,000 Speaker 2: I tried everything till I got to stand up and 1419 01:08:42,040 --> 01:08:44,599 Speaker 2: I go, oh, okay, I guess I'm good at this. 1420 01:08:44,720 --> 01:08:48,479 Speaker 2: I'll do this forever because I didn't have any other talent. 1421 01:08:48,560 --> 01:08:51,799 Speaker 2: But all I wanted was to perform and have people 1422 01:08:51,840 --> 01:08:55,680 Speaker 2: watch me and go, wow, she's good. And now I 1423 01:08:55,800 --> 01:09:00,519 Speaker 2: definitely feel amazing when I just met a fan, Talia 1424 01:09:00,960 --> 01:09:03,200 Speaker 2: at Starbucks, and then I met another fan who was 1425 01:09:03,320 --> 01:09:06,559 Speaker 2: my barista Lauren at Starbucks this morning, and they were 1426 01:09:06,880 --> 01:09:10,439 Speaker 2: thanking me for being so brave and just saying what 1427 01:09:10,479 --> 01:09:13,200 Speaker 2: I wanted and not worrying what other people thought, and 1428 01:09:13,960 --> 01:09:16,479 Speaker 2: that is a huge benefit to the thing that I 1429 01:09:16,520 --> 01:09:19,720 Speaker 2: already do. You know, Listen, I'm not sharing about my 1430 01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:23,240 Speaker 2: food eat and my eating at night, which is humiliating 1431 01:09:23,280 --> 01:09:25,799 Speaker 2: to me and a shameful thing I do. I'm doing 1432 01:09:25,840 --> 01:09:29,760 Speaker 2: that not to that doesn't make me feel better. To 1433 01:09:29,800 --> 01:09:32,120 Speaker 2: be honest with you, that wasn't performative. I feel kind 1434 01:09:32,160 --> 01:09:35,479 Speaker 2: of sick to my stomach from even sharing that because 1435 01:09:35,479 --> 01:09:36,960 Speaker 2: I know people are going to talk about it and 1436 01:09:37,880 --> 01:09:41,200 Speaker 2: worry about me. And you know, not everyone, but I 1437 01:09:41,200 --> 01:09:43,439 Speaker 2: think that some people will, and that really grosses me out, 1438 01:09:43,479 --> 01:09:46,040 Speaker 2: and like the whole pity thing, like, oh, she's struggling, 1439 01:09:46,160 --> 01:09:53,400 Speaker 2: she thinks about suicide. I do it because I I 1440 01:09:53,439 --> 01:09:55,600 Speaker 2: really do think that there are people out there that 1441 01:09:55,640 --> 01:09:58,240 Speaker 2: struggle with that, like me in the past, that have 1442 01:09:58,320 --> 01:10:01,040 Speaker 2: never heard someone who they might look up to who 1443 01:10:01,240 --> 01:10:03,200 Speaker 2: has the same thing. And that is why I do it. 1444 01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:05,120 Speaker 2: I do do it, but I do it for little 1445 01:10:05,160 --> 01:10:07,759 Speaker 2: Nicky who used to feel like no one else struggle 1446 01:10:07,800 --> 01:10:10,200 Speaker 2: with the thing she struggles with. So it ultimately is 1447 01:10:10,240 --> 01:10:13,120 Speaker 2: a selfish thing because I used to be that and 1448 01:10:13,160 --> 01:10:15,680 Speaker 2: think I'm alone. No one else has this fucking thing, 1449 01:10:15,960 --> 01:10:17,880 Speaker 2: So I do do it for other people because I 1450 01:10:17,920 --> 01:10:21,760 Speaker 2: don't want anyone to ever feel alone like that. But 1451 01:10:22,080 --> 01:10:24,839 Speaker 2: I also do it because I get really good positive 1452 01:10:24,840 --> 01:10:27,160 Speaker 2: feedback from people who say that I do help them, 1453 01:10:27,160 --> 01:10:29,360 Speaker 2: and that makes me feel good. So ultimately it is 1454 01:10:30,160 --> 01:10:31,719 Speaker 2: a selfish endeavor. 1455 01:10:32,680 --> 01:10:37,120 Speaker 3: Final thought, I'm interested in piece of shit, Nikki. I 1456 01:10:37,120 --> 01:10:41,880 Speaker 3: think there should be a safe space where people can 1457 01:10:41,920 --> 01:10:44,479 Speaker 3: go and just be a piece of shit for like 1458 01:10:44,520 --> 01:10:47,320 Speaker 3: an hour, where you can go there's like a person 1459 01:10:47,320 --> 01:10:50,640 Speaker 3: at you know, you can go into a fake like 1460 01:10:50,800 --> 01:10:53,800 Speaker 3: restaurant and be a piece of shit to the purse, 1461 01:10:53,880 --> 01:10:56,519 Speaker 3: to the waitress or whatever. You can say, give me 1462 01:10:56,560 --> 01:10:59,880 Speaker 3: a fucking water, and then you can go talk to 1463 01:10:59,880 --> 01:11:02,800 Speaker 3: you a doctor or whatever and give me a shit 1464 01:11:02,920 --> 01:11:05,120 Speaker 3: to them, and then you could I think it would 1465 01:11:05,120 --> 01:11:07,920 Speaker 3: be a worthwhile venture to start a piece of shit 1466 01:11:08,080 --> 01:11:08,759 Speaker 3: safe space. 1467 01:11:08,960 --> 01:11:11,960 Speaker 4: It's called a rose Okay, that's why you guys are comics. 1468 01:11:12,400 --> 01:11:19,760 Speaker 2: Honestly. This it's called being in your car and having 1469 01:11:19,840 --> 01:11:22,760 Speaker 2: road rage. Yesterday I had so much road rage. Way 1470 01:11:22,760 --> 01:11:24,759 Speaker 2: do you guys hear this? I'm gonna play the voice 1471 01:11:24,800 --> 01:11:27,920 Speaker 2: Memoi left. I had just gotten done sending a message 1472 01:11:27,960 --> 01:11:31,160 Speaker 2: about like you know what, I'm just gonna live like 1473 01:11:31,640 --> 01:11:34,400 Speaker 2: you know, I don't care what anyone else thinks, like 1474 01:11:34,600 --> 01:11:40,439 Speaker 2: life is short. And then this is what happened. Okay, 1475 01:11:40,520 --> 01:11:43,360 Speaker 2: this is fucking insane. This really happened. I was driving 1476 01:11:43,360 --> 01:11:46,479 Speaker 2: down the highway recording this. Don't worry, I just hit 1477 01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:48,400 Speaker 2: a button and I leave it. It's like I'm holding 1478 01:11:48,439 --> 01:11:50,840 Speaker 2: up to my face. I'm not texting. And I was 1479 01:11:50,840 --> 01:11:54,080 Speaker 2: on the highway and I took I was trying to 1480 01:11:54,080 --> 01:11:56,200 Speaker 2: get off on an exit and this person wouldn't let 1481 01:11:56,240 --> 01:11:59,880 Speaker 2: me over, seeing me knowing that if I can't go, 1482 01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:02,400 Speaker 2: oh right in front of them, I'm gonna miss the 1483 01:12:02,400 --> 01:12:03,720 Speaker 2: exit and have to go to the next one when 1484 01:12:03,760 --> 01:12:05,120 Speaker 2: I want to get off to this one. And they 1485 01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:08,120 Speaker 2: purposely sped up so that I did go. And this 1486 01:12:08,160 --> 01:12:09,479 Speaker 2: is what happened. This is what I do. 1487 01:12:10,800 --> 01:12:14,360 Speaker 3: So just let me over, you piece of shit. 1488 01:12:16,479 --> 01:12:20,360 Speaker 2: Wait? Fuck, why did it keep going? Everyone's just so 1489 01:12:20,600 --> 01:12:21,599 Speaker 2: good in this town. 1490 01:12:27,800 --> 01:12:28,000 Speaker 3: Rage. 1491 01:12:28,040 --> 01:12:31,120 Speaker 2: I feel so much better now. I probably won't eat. Okay, 1492 01:12:31,280 --> 01:12:34,519 Speaker 2: So I left my I honed my horn for that 1493 01:12:34,640 --> 01:12:38,320 Speaker 2: was probably seven seconds long, like or maybe four seconds long. 1494 01:12:41,880 --> 01:12:44,240 Speaker 2: It felt so good to let that person know that 1495 01:12:44,280 --> 01:12:46,920 Speaker 2: their piece of shit. Man, that felt good. I want 1496 01:12:46,920 --> 01:12:48,800 Speaker 2: to do it again. But I just wanted to go 1497 01:12:48,840 --> 01:12:52,120 Speaker 2: around town honking at people, like driving into things. I 1498 01:12:52,160 --> 01:12:52,920 Speaker 2: was so upset. 1499 01:12:53,880 --> 01:12:55,880 Speaker 1: But the other day I had so I don't have 1500 01:12:55,960 --> 01:12:57,720 Speaker 1: road rage, but I just wanted to, like, you know, 1501 01:12:57,800 --> 01:12:59,640 Speaker 1: like I'm just like a little bit angry, and I 1502 01:12:59,640 --> 01:13:02,920 Speaker 1: wanted to honk at someone. And I have never honked 1503 01:13:03,200 --> 01:13:06,479 Speaker 1: the horn of my RAB four. And when I did, 1504 01:13:06,720 --> 01:13:09,719 Speaker 1: it was the lightest, stupidest horn. 1505 01:13:13,080 --> 01:13:17,559 Speaker 2: It was like that, at least you have a good horn. 1506 01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:22,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, I was. It's it's horn, It really was. 1507 01:13:23,000 --> 01:13:25,320 Speaker 2: It felt really good to do that, but it was 1508 01:13:25,479 --> 01:13:27,599 Speaker 2: just so ironic because I had just gotten done being 1509 01:13:27,640 --> 01:13:29,400 Speaker 2: like and I don't know, I'm just feeling a lot 1510 01:13:29,479 --> 01:13:31,679 Speaker 2: better and I just feel like I'm just not gonna 1511 01:13:31,680 --> 01:13:33,360 Speaker 2: care what people think anymore. And then I was like, 1512 01:13:33,479 --> 01:13:36,160 Speaker 2: what the fuck? You can't fucking get it? Just it 1513 01:13:36,360 --> 01:13:42,360 Speaker 2: just completely everyone in this It's so cuit to see 1514 01:13:42,400 --> 01:13:44,680 Speaker 2: someone try to get over and to purposely not let 1515 01:13:44,680 --> 01:13:47,200 Speaker 2: them over. But all you do is have to, like 1516 01:13:47,960 --> 01:13:51,639 Speaker 2: can everyone. I've stated this before in the podcast when 1517 01:13:51,640 --> 01:13:55,000 Speaker 2: you're driving. No offense to Matt. I've seen him do 1518 01:13:55,040 --> 01:13:58,280 Speaker 2: this too on the road. I see everyone who drives 1519 01:13:58,520 --> 01:14:01,840 Speaker 2: in a car with me do this. If someone makes 1520 01:14:01,840 --> 01:14:04,120 Speaker 2: a mistake next to you and needs to get over 1521 01:14:04,360 --> 01:14:08,880 Speaker 2: they've forgotten something, just let them over. Don't like get 1522 01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:10,880 Speaker 2: mad at them for a mistake they made. If they 1523 01:14:11,000 --> 01:14:13,559 Speaker 2: they're changing lanes and they accidentally go in your lane, 1524 01:14:13,680 --> 01:14:17,920 Speaker 2: instead of like honking like crazy, just realize they made 1525 01:14:17,920 --> 01:14:20,640 Speaker 2: a mistake, they corrected, and they don't need to actually like, 1526 01:14:20,720 --> 01:14:22,640 Speaker 2: they don't need to keep suffering. On top of that, 1527 01:14:22,880 --> 01:14:24,320 Speaker 2: and you might say, Nikki, why did you honk with 1528 01:14:24,400 --> 01:14:28,200 Speaker 2: that person because they purposely saw me and they made 1529 01:14:28,200 --> 01:14:30,599 Speaker 2: it so I couldn't get over, instead of what I 1530 01:14:30,640 --> 01:14:33,240 Speaker 2: have never once when I've been driving and someone accidentally 1531 01:14:33,280 --> 01:14:35,479 Speaker 2: like gets in my lane or kind of doesn't see 1532 01:14:35,479 --> 01:14:38,479 Speaker 2: me and pulls out too soon, I just slow down 1533 01:14:38,640 --> 01:14:41,639 Speaker 2: and let it happen. I don't like honk to let 1534 01:14:41,680 --> 01:14:43,439 Speaker 2: them know you just pulled out in front of me. 1535 01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:47,800 Speaker 2: They know they If it's on purpose, yeah I might honk, 1536 01:14:47,840 --> 01:14:50,400 Speaker 2: But if they we all know we accidentally, you just 1537 01:14:50,439 --> 01:14:52,280 Speaker 2: don't look one of the ways and you kind of 1538 01:14:52,320 --> 01:14:54,560 Speaker 2: like risk your life sometimes and you go, shit, I 1539 01:14:54,600 --> 01:14:58,120 Speaker 2: didn't even check it. I pulled out. They already know 1540 01:14:58,200 --> 01:15:01,240 Speaker 2: they did something wrong. Don't add to it. Do you 1541 01:15:01,320 --> 01:15:02,160 Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, you. 1542 01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:05,559 Speaker 3: Need that If that person open their window while you're 1543 01:15:05,600 --> 01:15:07,679 Speaker 3: hunging then and I said, I'm sorry, I've just decided 1544 01:15:07,680 --> 01:15:10,280 Speaker 3: to be a piece of shit today. You accept it. 1545 01:15:11,360 --> 01:15:14,160 Speaker 2: I would laugh so hard and love that person so much, 1546 01:15:14,920 --> 01:15:16,960 Speaker 2: and I would say, well, you're doing greatness. 1547 01:15:18,040 --> 01:15:20,120 Speaker 4: I don't know if I'll in this way anymore. When 1548 01:15:20,160 --> 01:15:22,360 Speaker 4: I was living there, it really is like port LANDI 1549 01:15:22,439 --> 01:15:26,080 Speaker 4: and everyone's just so fucking nice, and it's like, no, yeah, 1550 01:15:26,280 --> 01:15:29,360 Speaker 4: go you go. It's like a pedestrian walking across a 1551 01:15:29,400 --> 01:15:32,840 Speaker 4: fucking highway and you're like, why are you stopping on 1552 01:15:32,880 --> 01:15:36,400 Speaker 4: a four lane road to let this random pedestrian? And 1553 01:15:36,400 --> 01:15:38,240 Speaker 4: they're like, because I'm nice, go ahead. 1554 01:15:38,280 --> 01:15:40,559 Speaker 2: It's like, no, you're gonna kill this person. 1555 01:15:41,320 --> 01:15:44,120 Speaker 4: There's the opposite is true too, like too many nice 1556 01:15:44,360 --> 01:15:45,800 Speaker 4: people driving. 1557 01:15:45,520 --> 01:15:47,720 Speaker 2: When I'm trying to j walk and not in like 1558 01:15:47,720 --> 01:15:50,280 Speaker 2: a dangerous way. I'm waiting for like the and someone 1559 01:15:50,360 --> 01:15:52,200 Speaker 2: just stops in the middle of the road to let 1560 01:15:52,280 --> 01:15:54,719 Speaker 2: me go and go, this isn't a crosswalk. I'm doing 1561 01:15:54,720 --> 01:15:58,840 Speaker 2: the illegal thing. Don't you slow down for me? And 1562 01:15:58,880 --> 01:16:00,760 Speaker 2: then I have to like kind of that run in 1563 01:16:00,800 --> 01:16:03,120 Speaker 2: front of their car and bring my gate to a 1564 01:16:03,240 --> 01:16:05,479 Speaker 2: run and I don't want any of it. It's just 1565 01:16:05,479 --> 01:16:09,000 Speaker 2: like just keep everyone follow the rules, and if someone 1566 01:16:09,040 --> 01:16:12,360 Speaker 2: makes a mistake, just let them make a mistake and 1567 01:16:12,400 --> 01:16:16,160 Speaker 2: don't comment on it. Like we all. The only person 1568 01:16:16,200 --> 01:16:17,960 Speaker 2: that could ever honk it someone for making a mistake 1569 01:16:18,000 --> 01:16:19,760 Speaker 2: is someone who never makes mistakes. And if you're that 1570 01:16:19,880 --> 01:16:22,680 Speaker 2: kind of driver where you've never once pulled out accidentally 1571 01:16:22,760 --> 01:16:26,320 Speaker 2: too soon, or you've accidentally changed lanes and you didn't 1572 01:16:26,320 --> 01:16:29,400 Speaker 2: see someone in your periphery and they they and you 1573 01:16:29,439 --> 01:16:33,439 Speaker 2: almost hit them, just everyone's done it. So when someone 1574 01:16:33,439 --> 01:16:35,880 Speaker 2: does it to you, just slow down, let them change 1575 01:16:35,880 --> 01:16:37,599 Speaker 2: the lane right in front of you where they almost 1576 01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:39,400 Speaker 2: hit you. You saw them, Thank god you get to 1577 01:16:39,400 --> 01:16:41,880 Speaker 2: slow down. Just let them in and don't turn it 1578 01:16:41,920 --> 01:16:44,240 Speaker 2: into a whole thing where you are so put out. 1579 01:16:44,680 --> 01:16:48,599 Speaker 2: And I'm talking to men, men drivers. There are time 1580 01:16:48,960 --> 01:16:50,599 Speaker 2: down about other people. 1581 01:16:50,760 --> 01:16:53,080 Speaker 3: There are times worthy of a honk, Like if someone 1582 01:16:53,160 --> 01:16:55,759 Speaker 3: is fast and furious speeding and they cut you off, 1583 01:16:55,800 --> 01:16:57,040 Speaker 3: that's worthy of a honk. 1584 01:16:57,240 --> 01:17:00,000 Speaker 2: If somebody you know they're gone before they even hear it. 1585 01:17:00,040 --> 01:17:01,080 Speaker 3: I know, but you got off the people. 1586 01:17:01,960 --> 01:17:05,080 Speaker 4: We're having relationships with everyone on the road. 1587 01:17:05,240 --> 01:17:08,240 Speaker 2: I don't understand yeah, stuck. I hates me. Fuck you, 1588 01:17:08,640 --> 01:17:11,559 Speaker 2: I hate you too. That lady hates They don't hate you. 1589 01:17:11,680 --> 01:17:15,960 Speaker 2: They just accidentally changed lanes without looking. And they are stupid, 1590 01:17:16,400 --> 01:17:19,920 Speaker 2: but you like some sometimes they I'll be with a 1591 01:17:19,960 --> 01:17:22,320 Speaker 2: guy and they'll speed up to like make it more 1592 01:17:22,400 --> 01:17:25,759 Speaker 2: confusing for them, and it's like, just let stupid people 1593 01:17:25,960 --> 01:17:28,800 Speaker 2: be stupid and kind of navigate around them because you're 1594 01:17:28,840 --> 01:17:31,240 Speaker 2: smart and you don't need to like lay on to it, 1595 01:17:31,439 --> 01:17:32,320 Speaker 2: if that makes sense. 1596 01:17:32,400 --> 01:17:35,360 Speaker 3: You know what I hate when someone think when someone's 1597 01:17:35,400 --> 01:17:37,720 Speaker 3: behind me, We're in like traffic on the highway and 1598 01:17:37,760 --> 01:17:40,080 Speaker 3: someone's behind me and they think I'm going too slow, 1599 01:17:40,600 --> 01:17:42,800 Speaker 3: and then they go out of their way to go 1600 01:17:42,840 --> 01:17:44,400 Speaker 3: into the next lane and then get in front of me. 1601 01:17:45,000 --> 01:17:47,200 Speaker 3: And then they're just in front of me, also slow 1602 01:17:47,240 --> 01:17:49,599 Speaker 3: because it's traffic, and it's like, oh great, you're up 1603 01:17:49,640 --> 01:17:51,479 Speaker 3: there now in front of me. And so what I 1604 01:17:51,600 --> 01:17:53,840 Speaker 3: usually do is I try to get back in front 1605 01:17:53,880 --> 01:17:55,679 Speaker 3: of them, and then this is the whole war happened. 1606 01:17:55,800 --> 01:17:58,400 Speaker 2: No, this is what I'm saying, just let it go. 1607 01:17:58,640 --> 01:18:03,320 Speaker 3: No, I can't let them go because they have insulted me. 1608 01:18:03,400 --> 01:18:04,840 Speaker 3: They think I have a little boy. 1609 01:18:05,640 --> 01:18:08,240 Speaker 2: Have you ever had someone prove anything to you on 1610 01:18:08,280 --> 01:18:11,000 Speaker 2: the road. Have you ever as a driver had made 1611 01:18:11,000 --> 01:18:14,519 Speaker 2: a mistake and then gone, wow, that guy really set 1612 01:18:14,560 --> 01:18:17,320 Speaker 2: me straight. And I'm gonna leave lead a different life, 1613 01:18:17,360 --> 01:18:19,200 Speaker 2: and I'm gonna go home and I'm not gonna beat 1614 01:18:19,240 --> 01:18:22,639 Speaker 2: my kids. I am gonna feed my dog like nothing. 1615 01:18:22,840 --> 01:18:25,280 Speaker 2: If enough to anything. 1616 01:18:24,960 --> 01:18:28,160 Speaker 3: Good, I believe if I honk long enough and loud enough, 1617 01:18:28,280 --> 01:18:30,040 Speaker 3: I am saving children. 1618 01:18:30,360 --> 01:18:34,240 Speaker 2: Oh my god, yes, well I do believe me honking 1619 01:18:34,320 --> 01:18:37,080 Speaker 2: yesterday that guy. It was funny to me because it 1620 01:18:37,200 --> 01:18:39,320 Speaker 2: just went on way longer than it needed to, so 1621 01:18:39,360 --> 01:18:41,720 Speaker 2: there was no way. It just make them kind of 1622 01:18:41,800 --> 01:18:44,759 Speaker 2: go like get confused. What was that? Noah? 1623 01:18:44,840 --> 01:18:47,280 Speaker 1: I said, it gave us a great voicemail. 1624 01:18:47,680 --> 01:18:49,599 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's true. Oh and I didn't even get 1625 01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:52,960 Speaker 2: to fan threats. What the fuck is wrong with me? Well, 1626 01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:54,559 Speaker 2: we have fan threks to get to. We're gonna save 1627 01:18:54,600 --> 01:18:56,720 Speaker 2: it for next week. We'll see you then. Thank you 1628 01:18:56,720 --> 01:18:59,639 Speaker 2: for listening to the podcast. We'll see you in Europe 1629 01:18:59,760 --> 01:19:03,880 Speaker 2: next next week. Very exciting. Thank you for listening. Dopica, 1630 01:19:04,000 --> 01:19:06,240 Speaker 2: And just let the person change enge in front of 1631 01:19:06,280 --> 01:19:08,240 Speaker 2: you and don't want them