1 00:00:15,476 --> 00:00:25,516 Speaker 1: Pushkin. What makes some people happier than others. What allows 2 00:00:25,516 --> 00:00:28,396 Speaker 1: some people to radiate joy even in the face of adversity, 3 00:00:28,676 --> 00:00:31,396 Speaker 1: while other people can't feel satisfied even in the best 4 00:00:31,436 --> 00:00:35,076 Speaker 1: of circumstances. Well, Like most human traits, happiness is a 5 00:00:35,156 --> 00:00:38,796 Speaker 1: very complex combination of nature and nurture. At least some 6 00:00:38,836 --> 00:00:41,156 Speaker 1: of the variants we see in people's well being is 7 00:00:41,236 --> 00:00:43,396 Speaker 1: due to their genes, but a lot of it is 8 00:00:43,396 --> 00:00:47,716 Speaker 1: also due to environmental factors, and few environmental factors, especially 9 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:51,436 Speaker 1: early on, are as powerful as a person's parents. From 10 00:00:51,436 --> 00:00:53,756 Speaker 1: the way a parent responds to a child's big emotions 11 00:00:53,996 --> 00:00:57,076 Speaker 1: to the values they model in daily life, caregivers can 12 00:00:57,116 --> 00:00:59,916 Speaker 1: have a lasting impact on a child's happiness, shaping the 13 00:00:59,916 --> 00:01:02,996 Speaker 1: way children handle stress, how they form attachments, and the 14 00:01:03,036 --> 00:01:06,476 Speaker 1: mindsets they bring to tough problems. If you're a parent yourself, 15 00:01:06,716 --> 00:01:10,836 Speaker 1: you're probably very aware of this fact, very worried about it. 16 00:01:10,836 --> 00:01:13,276 Speaker 1: It's kind of terrifying to feel like every little choice 17 00:01:13,276 --> 00:01:15,916 Speaker 1: you make has the potential to either empower your child 18 00:01:16,316 --> 00:01:18,956 Speaker 1: or set them up for a lifetime of expensive therapy. 19 00:01:19,236 --> 00:01:21,596 Speaker 1: That kind of pressure has always been there for parents, 20 00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:25,156 Speaker 1: but these days things feel even more fraught. In addition 21 00:01:25,196 --> 00:01:27,996 Speaker 1: to the usual stresses, moms and dads today need to 22 00:01:28,036 --> 00:01:30,676 Speaker 1: figure out how to navigate screen time, how to help 23 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,596 Speaker 1: their kids stay safe online, how to protect their family 24 00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:36,556 Speaker 1: is from the loneliness and mental health crises currently playing 25 00:01:36,676 --> 00:01:39,316 Speaker 1: so many people, and how to help the next generation 26 00:01:39,476 --> 00:01:42,756 Speaker 1: face the future that feels more precarious than ever. It's 27 00:01:42,756 --> 00:01:46,116 Speaker 1: gotten so bad that government officials have begun taking action. 28 00:01:46,756 --> 00:01:50,516 Speaker 1: Last summer, the former US Surgeon General VIVEC. Murthy published 29 00:01:50,516 --> 00:01:54,836 Speaker 1: a public health advisory entitled Parents under Pressure. That advisory 30 00:01:54,916 --> 00:01:57,636 Speaker 1: called attention to the fact that parental mental health is 31 00:01:57,676 --> 00:02:00,876 Speaker 1: on the decline. So much so, the Surgeon General argued 32 00:02:01,156 --> 00:02:04,596 Speaker 1: that caregiver stress has become an urgent public health issue, 33 00:02:04,836 --> 00:02:07,916 Speaker 1: a problem just as impactful as the opioid crisis or 34 00:02:07,956 --> 00:02:11,236 Speaker 1: gun violence. The report advised that something needs to be 35 00:02:11,236 --> 00:02:13,956 Speaker 1: done right away to support parent well being, to help 36 00:02:13,996 --> 00:02:17,676 Speaker 1: prevent caregivers from feeling, as the advisory put it, exhausted, 37 00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:21,716 Speaker 1: burned out, and perpetually behind. Here at the Happiness Lab, 38 00:02:21,916 --> 00:02:24,596 Speaker 1: we wanted to answer this important call to action, and 39 00:02:24,636 --> 00:02:27,356 Speaker 1: so we've put together an entire season on ways that 40 00:02:27,436 --> 00:02:30,396 Speaker 1: parents can protect their mental health while doing the important 41 00:02:30,396 --> 00:02:33,676 Speaker 1: work of raising another human while being human. Over the 42 00:02:33,676 --> 00:02:35,996 Speaker 1: next few episodes, I'll be speaking with some of the 43 00:02:35,996 --> 00:02:40,276 Speaker 1: world's top scientists and parenting experts about strategies modern caregivers 44 00:02:40,276 --> 00:02:42,556 Speaker 1: can use to protect their own mental health while taking 45 00:02:42,556 --> 00:02:45,796 Speaker 1: care of the next generation. We'll be exploring questions like 46 00:02:46,076 --> 00:02:48,556 Speaker 1: how can parents help their kids to become happy, healthy 47 00:02:48,596 --> 00:02:51,396 Speaker 1: and productive adults without losing sight of their own well 48 00:02:51,396 --> 00:02:54,316 Speaker 1: being along the way, how can adults and kids use 49 00:02:54,356 --> 00:02:57,356 Speaker 1: screens and social media and healthier ways, And how can 50 00:02:57,396 --> 00:03:00,676 Speaker 1: we all model more effective ways of handling tough emotions. 51 00:03:00,916 --> 00:03:03,276 Speaker 1: If you're a parent, this series will give you actionable 52 00:03:03,276 --> 00:03:05,956 Speaker 1: tips for navigating the stress of being a caregiver. And 53 00:03:05,996 --> 00:03:08,396 Speaker 1: if you're not a parent or caregiver, not to worry, 54 00:03:08,516 --> 00:03:11,076 Speaker 1: because you'll se still find lots of happiness strategies that 55 00:03:11,156 --> 00:03:13,676 Speaker 1: everyone can use in this series, like how to manage 56 00:03:13,716 --> 00:03:16,356 Speaker 1: your time better to feel less overwhelmed, how to achieve 57 00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:19,516 Speaker 1: a healthier work life balance will count as true self care, 58 00:03:19,876 --> 00:03:22,196 Speaker 1: and how to work through your big feelings without hurting 59 00:03:22,196 --> 00:03:25,076 Speaker 1: the people around you. And since I really wanted to 60 00:03:25,076 --> 00:03:27,396 Speaker 1: go big on my goal of fixing this parent mental 61 00:03:27,396 --> 00:03:30,116 Speaker 1: health crisis, this new season of The Happiness Lab will 62 00:03:30,116 --> 00:03:32,916 Speaker 1: also coincide with the release of a new version of 63 00:03:32,956 --> 00:03:36,676 Speaker 1: my free online Yale Happiness course. It's called The Science 64 00:03:36,676 --> 00:03:40,076 Speaker 1: of well Being for Parents. Think an entire class filled 65 00:03:40,116 --> 00:03:43,476 Speaker 1: with actionable strategies that parents can use to feel less stressed, 66 00:03:43,636 --> 00:03:46,676 Speaker 1: reduce their burnout, and protect their mental health. And it's 67 00:03:46,676 --> 00:03:49,316 Speaker 1: completely free of charge. You can sign up now on 68 00:03:49,356 --> 00:03:53,876 Speaker 1: my website doctor Laurisanto's dot com slash parents. That's doctor 69 00:03:53,916 --> 00:03:57,636 Speaker 1: Laurie Santo's dot com slash parents. So yeah, we are 70 00:03:57,636 --> 00:04:00,676 Speaker 1: going big on helping families this season, and that's why 71 00:04:00,716 --> 00:04:02,956 Speaker 1: I was so excited to bring in a very special 72 00:04:02,956 --> 00:04:05,636 Speaker 1: guest for our first episode, the guy who first sounded 73 00:04:05,676 --> 00:04:08,396 Speaker 1: the alarm on the crisis facing our nation's parents. 74 00:04:09,196 --> 00:04:12,156 Speaker 2: Everyone. I'm Vivig Murthy. I'm a dad of two young 75 00:04:12,276 --> 00:04:15,676 Speaker 2: kids from Miami, Florida originally, and I served as the 76 00:04:15,796 --> 00:04:18,556 Speaker 2: nineteenth and twenty first Surgeon General of the United States. 77 00:04:19,036 --> 00:04:21,596 Speaker 1: I began by asking doctor Murphy what led to his 78 00:04:21,676 --> 00:04:24,476 Speaker 1: decision to flag parent mental health as part of one 79 00:04:24,516 --> 00:04:26,796 Speaker 1: of his official Surgeon General advisories. 80 00:04:27,196 --> 00:04:30,436 Speaker 2: These are not commonly issued. They're typically reserved for when 81 00:04:30,476 --> 00:04:32,796 Speaker 2: there are critical health issues that people need to be 82 00:04:32,836 --> 00:04:35,516 Speaker 2: aware of. And they lay out a series of actions 83 00:04:35,516 --> 00:04:37,596 Speaker 2: that we can take to address that issue. So they're 84 00:04:37,596 --> 00:04:40,236 Speaker 2: meant to highlight a problem and offer a solution. And 85 00:04:40,356 --> 00:04:44,316 Speaker 2: during my tenure, I've actually issued a number of these advisories. 86 00:04:44,516 --> 00:04:46,636 Speaker 2: During my work on the youth mental health crisis, I 87 00:04:46,636 --> 00:04:49,356 Speaker 2: came to see that we can't address youth mental health 88 00:04:49,396 --> 00:04:52,196 Speaker 2: if we're not also addressing what's happening to the mental 89 00:04:52,196 --> 00:04:52,916 Speaker 2: health of parents. 90 00:04:53,116 --> 00:04:54,756 Speaker 1: And so you mentioned this a little bit in your 91 00:04:54,796 --> 00:04:56,716 Speaker 1: last answer, but I was just curious how you get 92 00:04:56,756 --> 00:04:59,436 Speaker 1: interested in parents stress. When did you start seeing this 93 00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:01,476 Speaker 1: is a big issue, And how much of it was 94 00:05:01,476 --> 00:05:03,156 Speaker 1: a surgeon general, and how much of it was you 95 00:05:03,316 --> 00:05:06,356 Speaker 1: reflecting on your own parenting and friend parents and so on. 96 00:05:06,676 --> 00:05:09,116 Speaker 2: Before I was a parent, I really did not understand 97 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,316 Speaker 2: very much about what parents were going through. I experienced 98 00:05:12,316 --> 00:05:14,876 Speaker 2: what a lot of people probably do during their lives, 99 00:05:14,916 --> 00:05:17,556 Speaker 2: which is, once their friends get married and have kids, 100 00:05:17,596 --> 00:05:19,996 Speaker 2: it almost feels like sometimes are in a different world, right, 101 00:05:20,356 --> 00:05:22,516 Speaker 2: And I myself didn't make as much of an effort, 102 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,916 Speaker 2: perhaps as I should have, to understand that world, and 103 00:05:24,996 --> 00:05:27,316 Speaker 2: so our lives sort of grew a part of it. 104 00:05:27,316 --> 00:05:29,716 Speaker 2: It was when I became a parent that I started 105 00:05:29,756 --> 00:05:32,716 Speaker 2: to realize, Wow, this is hard, And I knew it 106 00:05:32,756 --> 00:05:33,996 Speaker 2: was going to be hard, but I didn't know like 107 00:05:34,156 --> 00:05:35,756 Speaker 2: the ways in which it was going to be hard, 108 00:05:35,796 --> 00:05:39,396 Speaker 2: Like how profoundly lonely and challenging it could be to parent. 109 00:05:39,476 --> 00:05:41,076 Speaker 2: I didn't know that I'd be up till three am 110 00:05:41,116 --> 00:05:44,036 Speaker 2: most nights trying to google what kind of like diapers 111 00:05:44,196 --> 00:05:46,236 Speaker 2: are good for my kids, or what kind of wipes 112 00:05:46,276 --> 00:05:47,676 Speaker 2: are going to be safe for them. You know, all 113 00:05:47,716 --> 00:05:50,276 Speaker 2: of these things which occupy our lives as parents. I 114 00:05:50,356 --> 00:05:52,396 Speaker 2: just didn't know the extent to which that would take 115 00:05:52,396 --> 00:05:54,676 Speaker 2: a toll and well being. But it was actually when 116 00:05:54,716 --> 00:05:57,676 Speaker 2: I became Surgeon General and started working on the youth 117 00:05:57,716 --> 00:06:00,516 Speaker 2: mental health crisis that's actually where what was happening to 118 00:06:00,636 --> 00:06:03,636 Speaker 2: parents became even more clear to me. Because as I 119 00:06:03,676 --> 00:06:06,076 Speaker 2: was going to communities to talk to people about what 120 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,636 Speaker 2: was happening to their adolescents and to their young adults 121 00:06:08,676 --> 00:06:11,916 Speaker 2: in their lives, I started hearing these stories of real 122 00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:15,316 Speaker 2: stress and hardship that parents were undergoing. Start to realize, 123 00:06:15,316 --> 00:06:18,356 Speaker 2: these parents are they're not getting sleep, dealing with more 124 00:06:18,396 --> 00:06:21,476 Speaker 2: and more stressors, the old ones you know that parents 125 00:06:21,516 --> 00:06:24,396 Speaker 2: have always had to deal with like worrying about your kids' safety, 126 00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:26,876 Speaker 2: but also new ones like how do I manage social 127 00:06:26,916 --> 00:06:29,716 Speaker 2: media in my child's life, how do I deal with 128 00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:32,556 Speaker 2: the epidemic of gun violence that has become so prevalent 129 00:06:32,596 --> 00:06:35,196 Speaker 2: in our country, and how do I prepare my kids 130 00:06:35,196 --> 00:06:37,836 Speaker 2: for a future which seems to be changing every hour. 131 00:06:38,116 --> 00:06:40,196 Speaker 2: And I also realized as I dug into the science 132 00:06:40,236 --> 00:06:44,116 Speaker 2: behind it, Laurie, that mental health of parents really does, 133 00:06:44,316 --> 00:06:46,756 Speaker 2: in measurable ways, affect the mental health of their kids. 134 00:06:47,076 --> 00:06:49,916 Speaker 2: And I say this not to make parents feel worried that, 135 00:06:49,956 --> 00:06:51,636 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, the their struggles are going to hurt 136 00:06:51,636 --> 00:06:54,476 Speaker 2: their kids, but more so to say that, not surprisingly 137 00:06:54,596 --> 00:06:57,516 Speaker 2: parents and kids, they have a symbiotic relationship with each other. 138 00:06:57,556 --> 00:07:00,796 Speaker 2: They have interdependencies, and when we help one, we help 139 00:07:00,876 --> 00:07:02,516 Speaker 2: the other. And so I came to see as I 140 00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:04,916 Speaker 2: dug into the data, which was really surprising to me 141 00:07:04,956 --> 00:07:07,036 Speaker 2: on what's happening to the mental health of parents. You 142 00:07:07,156 --> 00:07:09,796 Speaker 2: quickly come to the conclusion that we've got to invest 143 00:07:09,836 --> 00:07:12,916 Speaker 2: in caring for parents, not only because they matter, but 144 00:07:12,956 --> 00:07:16,476 Speaker 2: because they are part of the solution ultimately addressing the 145 00:07:16,476 --> 00:07:17,516 Speaker 2: youth metal health crisis. 146 00:07:17,636 --> 00:07:19,876 Speaker 1: And so give me a sense of some of the statistics, like, 147 00:07:19,876 --> 00:07:21,996 Speaker 1: when you actually survey parents, what are the kinds of 148 00:07:22,036 --> 00:07:24,116 Speaker 1: things you see in terms of the stresses they're going through, 149 00:07:24,116 --> 00:07:25,876 Speaker 1: in the sort of magnitude of those stresses. 150 00:07:26,356 --> 00:07:28,236 Speaker 2: So the a couple of things that really popped out 151 00:07:28,276 --> 00:07:31,276 Speaker 2: to me. The first was that forty eight percent of 152 00:07:31,356 --> 00:07:35,196 Speaker 2: parents nearly have say that on most days their stress 153 00:07:35,276 --> 00:07:38,596 Speaker 2: is absolutely overwhelming. Wow, like that is not normal. We 154 00:07:38,596 --> 00:07:40,716 Speaker 2: shouldn't think of it as normal. And when you compare 155 00:07:40,716 --> 00:07:42,956 Speaker 2: it to the general population, it's about a quarter of 156 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,396 Speaker 2: the general population, about twenty six percent. That says that 157 00:07:45,516 --> 00:07:47,996 Speaker 2: we adults who are not parents. The other thing that 158 00:07:48,036 --> 00:07:52,196 Speaker 2: really struck me was that parents struggle with loneliness at 159 00:07:52,196 --> 00:07:54,956 Speaker 2: a higher rate than adults who aren't parents. Now, this 160 00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:58,636 Speaker 2: is counterintuitive, right, Most people, and I thought this before 161 00:07:58,676 --> 00:08:00,636 Speaker 2: I was a parent, would think that, Wow, when you're 162 00:08:00,636 --> 00:08:02,796 Speaker 2: a parent, you've got a family around you, you're probably 163 00:08:02,876 --> 00:08:05,796 Speaker 2: less lonely than somebody who doesn't. But it turns out 164 00:08:05,796 --> 00:08:07,996 Speaker 2: that it can be quite a lonely experience, you know, 165 00:08:08,116 --> 00:08:11,036 Speaker 2: especially if you find your self raising kids without family 166 00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:13,796 Speaker 2: or close friends around, and you find yourself struggling in 167 00:08:13,796 --> 00:08:15,516 Speaker 2: the middle of the night to figure out how to 168 00:08:15,556 --> 00:08:18,556 Speaker 2: console a child who's really upset. You know, if you 169 00:08:18,556 --> 00:08:20,276 Speaker 2: have a young child, or if you've got an older 170 00:08:20,356 --> 00:08:22,356 Speaker 2: child worrying about where they are in the middle of 171 00:08:22,356 --> 00:08:24,156 Speaker 2: the night and are something gone wrong with them? How 172 00:08:24,156 --> 00:08:26,436 Speaker 2: do you manage that? There are a lot of struggles 173 00:08:26,436 --> 00:08:28,716 Speaker 2: that parents contend with on their own, and I think 174 00:08:28,756 --> 00:08:31,076 Speaker 2: part of what has made it even more challenging, Laurie, 175 00:08:31,356 --> 00:08:33,636 Speaker 2: for parents is we talk a lot about and you 176 00:08:33,636 --> 00:08:36,916 Speaker 2: and I have talked about the comparison culture that has 177 00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:40,316 Speaker 2: been dramatically accelerated by social media in particular, and how 178 00:08:40,316 --> 00:08:44,276 Speaker 2: that's impacting our kids. It turns out that's impacting adults too, right, 179 00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:47,316 Speaker 2: and they too are subject to the comparison culture and 180 00:08:47,356 --> 00:08:50,876 Speaker 2: are looking at what other parents are posting online. And 181 00:08:50,956 --> 00:08:52,996 Speaker 2: it seems like every parent kind of has things figured 182 00:08:52,996 --> 00:08:55,796 Speaker 2: out that somehow they figured out how to manage social media, 183 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,476 Speaker 2: how to keep their kids safe, how to make sure 184 00:08:57,476 --> 00:08:59,716 Speaker 2: their kids eating and sleeping, how to make sure their 185 00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:02,756 Speaker 2: kids learning three languages, four sports, and doing six other 186 00:09:02,796 --> 00:09:05,716 Speaker 2: extracurriculars including five instruments, you know whatever. It is like 187 00:09:05,996 --> 00:09:08,316 Speaker 2: it seems like everyone has got to pull together, but 188 00:09:08,436 --> 00:09:11,796 Speaker 2: in reality it's profoundly different. A lot of parents are struggling, 189 00:09:11,796 --> 00:09:13,596 Speaker 2: but it doesn't seem like that. So the experience of 190 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:16,396 Speaker 2: being online can often make you feel that you're falling 191 00:09:16,436 --> 00:09:19,676 Speaker 2: short and make you feel that somehow you're alone in 192 00:09:19,716 --> 00:09:21,796 Speaker 2: your struggles. So these are some of the things that 193 00:09:21,836 --> 00:09:24,556 Speaker 2: I was noticing in terms of the statistics, and they 194 00:09:24,556 --> 00:09:27,116 Speaker 2: were really born out lari by the stories that I 195 00:09:27,156 --> 00:09:29,556 Speaker 2: was hearing from parents on the road, and after our 196 00:09:29,596 --> 00:09:32,956 Speaker 2: advisory came out, and after the ed that I wrote 197 00:09:32,996 --> 00:09:34,956 Speaker 2: to summarize advisory came out of the New York Times. 198 00:09:35,236 --> 00:09:38,876 Speaker 2: I've just been overwhelmed with feedback from parents all across 199 00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:42,196 Speaker 2: the spectrum wherever I travel, who say, wow, I felt 200 00:09:42,196 --> 00:09:44,796 Speaker 2: so seen. The truth is, I've really been struggling. 201 00:09:45,276 --> 00:09:47,516 Speaker 1: So you brought up some of the parent reactions when 202 00:09:47,556 --> 00:09:50,956 Speaker 1: you release this report. I'm kind of curious like other 203 00:09:50,956 --> 00:09:53,676 Speaker 1: people's reactions. I mean, I saw some news articles they 204 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,996 Speaker 1: were almost a little bit flippant about this, of like, oh, 205 00:09:56,076 --> 00:09:58,716 Speaker 1: parenting is a public health crisis now, is like, you know, 206 00:09:58,756 --> 00:10:00,756 Speaker 1: it's just as bad as smoking and obesity. 207 00:10:00,956 --> 00:10:03,876 Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, I think that what's happening with parents mental 208 00:10:03,876 --> 00:10:07,436 Speaker 2: health now really is a real challenge that has significant 209 00:10:07,716 --> 00:10:11,076 Speaker 2: and concerning public health ripples that affect parents, affect kids, 210 00:10:11,196 --> 00:10:13,516 Speaker 2: that affect parents in the workplace, and their role in society, 211 00:10:13,836 --> 00:10:15,636 Speaker 2: and just keep in mind, like parents are in a 212 00:10:15,676 --> 00:10:18,716 Speaker 2: small group right in society, We're talking about millions and 213 00:10:18,756 --> 00:10:21,436 Speaker 2: millions and millions of adults in America who are quietly 214 00:10:21,476 --> 00:10:23,956 Speaker 2: struggling behind the scenes, trying to make it all work 215 00:10:23,996 --> 00:10:26,116 Speaker 2: but having a really hard time. Is some of the 216 00:10:26,196 --> 00:10:29,196 Speaker 2: reactions that we got that overwhelmingly, it was a very 217 00:10:29,236 --> 00:10:32,396 Speaker 2: positive reaction from not just parents who felt more seen 218 00:10:32,396 --> 00:10:34,476 Speaker 2: in her, but from doctors and nurses who have been 219 00:10:34,516 --> 00:10:36,996 Speaker 2: seeing these struggles in their clinics and saying, wow, yes, 220 00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:39,316 Speaker 2: something really needs to be done about this. There was 221 00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:42,596 Speaker 2: a small minority, though, of people who we heard from 222 00:10:42,636 --> 00:10:46,076 Speaker 2: who said, why is this my problem? Like, I didn't 223 00:10:46,116 --> 00:10:48,236 Speaker 2: choose to have kids. If you chose to have kids, 224 00:10:48,276 --> 00:10:51,076 Speaker 2: and you should deal with distresses and consequences of that. 225 00:10:51,596 --> 00:10:54,636 Speaker 2: And while I understand where some of those folks may 226 00:10:54,676 --> 00:10:56,836 Speaker 2: be coming from, one of the points we wanted to 227 00:10:56,836 --> 00:10:59,436 Speaker 2: make in this advisory is that the health and well 228 00:10:59,476 --> 00:11:01,916 Speaker 2: being of parents actually matters to all of us because 229 00:11:02,236 --> 00:11:06,476 Speaker 2: parents are actually doing an extraordinarily important and invaluable job 230 00:11:06,556 --> 00:11:09,236 Speaker 2: or society which is they're raising the next generation. And 231 00:11:09,276 --> 00:11:11,676 Speaker 2: this is one of the reasons why we invest in 232 00:11:11,716 --> 00:11:13,796 Speaker 2: public schools, for example, because we know raising the next 233 00:11:13,796 --> 00:11:17,196 Speaker 2: generation well matters. We all pay into making sure that 234 00:11:17,356 --> 00:11:21,076 Speaker 2: schools can educate our kids. Similarly, parents are a critical 235 00:11:21,116 --> 00:11:23,996 Speaker 2: piece of that and so their well being actually really 236 00:11:24,036 --> 00:11:25,516 Speaker 2: does matter to all of us. And that was one 237 00:11:25,516 --> 00:11:27,476 Speaker 2: of the points that we wanted to make in this, 238 00:11:27,596 --> 00:11:30,276 Speaker 2: Like whether you're a business leader who's trying to figure 239 00:11:30,276 --> 00:11:33,916 Speaker 2: out how do I recruit talented, healthy, mentally strong young 240 00:11:33,956 --> 00:11:36,836 Speaker 2: people to come into the workplace, or whether you're somebody 241 00:11:36,836 --> 00:11:38,476 Speaker 2: who wants to make sure that the neighborhood is full 242 00:11:38,476 --> 00:11:40,876 Speaker 2: of young people who are responsible and thoughtful and healthy 243 00:11:40,916 --> 00:11:43,116 Speaker 2: and well. Regardless whether you have kids or not, you 244 00:11:43,156 --> 00:11:45,796 Speaker 2: have a vested interest in parents' mental health and well being. 245 00:11:46,676 --> 00:11:49,156 Speaker 1: It's a big burden to shape the next generation of 246 00:11:49,156 --> 00:11:52,556 Speaker 1: our planets, neighbors, leaders, and colleagues. And it's pretty frightening 247 00:11:52,636 --> 00:11:54,636 Speaker 1: to think that the people doing that right now are 248 00:11:54,676 --> 00:11:57,916 Speaker 1: in a mental health crisis themselves. But doctor Murphy thinks 249 00:11:57,956 --> 00:12:01,076 Speaker 1: there's reason for hope. He'll share the concrete steps he 250 00:12:01,196 --> 00:12:03,276 Speaker 1: thinks we need to take to fix things. When the 251 00:12:03,316 --> 00:12:14,276 Speaker 1: happiness lab returns from the break and his advisory parents 252 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:17,836 Speaker 1: under pressure. Former Surgeon General doctor Vveck Murthy writes that 253 00:12:17,996 --> 00:12:20,476 Speaker 1: nearly half of our nations mothers and fathers are so 254 00:12:20,676 --> 00:12:24,636 Speaker 1: stressed out that they have difficulty functioning. That's really bad. 255 00:12:25,076 --> 00:12:28,156 Speaker 1: But doctor Murphy also argues that it's possible to turn 256 00:12:28,196 --> 00:12:30,676 Speaker 1: things around. I asked him to break down what we 257 00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:33,556 Speaker 1: need to do to help families not only cope but thrive. 258 00:12:34,036 --> 00:12:36,516 Speaker 1: His first suggestion is that we need to recognize that 259 00:12:36,636 --> 00:12:38,196 Speaker 1: caregivers need care too. 260 00:12:38,836 --> 00:12:41,676 Speaker 2: It's important because if the people who are doing the 261 00:12:41,756 --> 00:12:44,636 Speaker 2: caring aren't also cared for, they burn out. And we 262 00:12:44,756 --> 00:12:47,196 Speaker 2: have seen that not just with parents. We've seen that 263 00:12:47,276 --> 00:12:50,196 Speaker 2: with doctors and nurses in hospitals and clinics across the 264 00:12:50,196 --> 00:12:52,836 Speaker 2: country made worse by COVID. But this is a problem 265 00:12:52,836 --> 00:12:55,236 Speaker 2: in before COVID. We see that with people who are 266 00:12:55,276 --> 00:12:58,516 Speaker 2: caring for elderly relatives at home who are ill, or 267 00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,756 Speaker 2: for children who are chronically ill. When you've got a 268 00:13:00,796 --> 00:13:02,716 Speaker 2: sick loved one and you're caring for them all the time, 269 00:13:02,996 --> 00:13:05,756 Speaker 2: that can be very stressful. If we don't end up 270 00:13:05,796 --> 00:13:07,516 Speaker 2: caring for the people who are in fact doing the 271 00:13:07,596 --> 00:13:09,916 Speaker 2: caring for others. What happened is not only that they 272 00:13:09,996 --> 00:13:13,716 Speaker 2: burn out, but the people they're caring for ultimately suffer too. 273 00:13:14,116 --> 00:13:16,356 Speaker 2: Just to use a healthcare example for a moment. When 274 00:13:16,356 --> 00:13:19,476 Speaker 2: I issued in twenty twenty two a Search and General's 275 00:13:19,476 --> 00:13:22,036 Speaker 2: advisory on health work or Burnout, one of the things 276 00:13:22,036 --> 00:13:24,676 Speaker 2: I noted was that nearly half of nurses and a 277 00:13:24,756 --> 00:13:26,876 Speaker 2: quarter of doctors who were saying that they were so 278 00:13:26,996 --> 00:13:29,756 Speaker 2: burned out they were thinking of leaving the clinical profession. 279 00:13:29,996 --> 00:13:31,756 Speaker 2: Thank you. Just imagine for a moment if a quarter 280 00:13:31,796 --> 00:13:33,796 Speaker 2: of doctors and half of nurses lee, what happens to 281 00:13:33,836 --> 00:13:36,996 Speaker 2: emergency care, primary care, our ability to take care of 282 00:13:37,036 --> 00:13:39,396 Speaker 2: people when they have health issues at creators right. And 283 00:13:39,436 --> 00:13:42,716 Speaker 2: So this is why these issues really affect all of us, 284 00:13:42,716 --> 00:13:45,116 Speaker 2: and it's why I think we should look at parenting 285 00:13:45,156 --> 00:13:48,476 Speaker 2: again as a sacred responsibility that parents have taken on 286 00:13:48,916 --> 00:13:51,116 Speaker 2: and one that we all have to ultimately pull together 287 00:13:51,156 --> 00:13:51,916 Speaker 2: to support them in. 288 00:13:52,276 --> 00:13:54,196 Speaker 1: I think this is such an important spot to start, 289 00:13:54,236 --> 00:13:56,676 Speaker 1: because I think in awareness that parenting is hard is 290 00:13:56,676 --> 00:13:59,276 Speaker 1: sometimes hard for parents to admit, you know, As I 291 00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:01,396 Speaker 1: thought about kind of the types of topics to share 292 00:14:01,396 --> 00:14:03,516 Speaker 1: with parents as part of this podcast, One of the 293 00:14:03,516 --> 00:14:05,436 Speaker 1: things that kept coming up over and over again was 294 00:14:05,476 --> 00:14:08,796 Speaker 1: this idea that parents feel guilty, Like they feel guilty 295 00:14:08,836 --> 00:14:11,276 Speaker 1: for fear like they're lonely or that they're struggling, or 296 00:14:11,316 --> 00:14:13,476 Speaker 1: that they don't like parenting. Sometimes they have a hard 297 00:14:13,476 --> 00:14:16,116 Speaker 1: time admitting it, and it seems like just this awareness 298 00:14:16,236 --> 00:14:18,756 Speaker 1: is really contributing to the guilt factor. Right, you don't 299 00:14:18,796 --> 00:14:20,676 Speaker 1: have to feel bad. You can have some compassion for 300 00:14:20,716 --> 00:14:24,196 Speaker 1: yourselves for the fact that this is a hard, important job, 301 00:14:24,236 --> 00:14:26,116 Speaker 1: and it's okay if you feel like you're struggling. 302 00:14:26,596 --> 00:14:29,356 Speaker 2: I'm so glad you mentioned that, Laurie, because the amount 303 00:14:29,396 --> 00:14:32,156 Speaker 2: of shame and guilt that I hear from parents all 304 00:14:32,196 --> 00:14:35,116 Speaker 2: over the country is really profound, and it really saddens 305 00:14:35,116 --> 00:14:37,396 Speaker 2: me because I look at these parents who are just 306 00:14:37,956 --> 00:14:40,636 Speaker 2: sacrificing everything in some cases to just make sure they're 307 00:14:40,636 --> 00:14:42,676 Speaker 2: there for their kids and dealing with all of the 308 00:14:42,796 --> 00:14:45,236 Speaker 2: challenges their kids may be facing. It feel like even 309 00:14:45,316 --> 00:14:47,916 Speaker 2: just raising the fact that they're burning out or struggling 310 00:14:48,196 --> 00:14:51,276 Speaker 2: means that they've failed as parents. And what has really 311 00:14:51,356 --> 00:14:53,836 Speaker 2: happened are really two critical things that we have to 312 00:14:53,916 --> 00:14:57,636 Speaker 2: keep in mind. One is that parenting actually has become 313 00:14:57,676 --> 00:14:59,316 Speaker 2: harder in a lot of ways. It's not that every 314 00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:02,236 Speaker 2: generation doesn't have its own challenges. They do. But what 315 00:15:02,356 --> 00:15:05,756 Speaker 2: parents say routinely on surveys is that tech and social 316 00:15:05,756 --> 00:15:08,076 Speaker 2: media in particular are the top two reasons why they 317 00:15:08,076 --> 00:15:10,316 Speaker 2: feel parenting is so much harder now than it was 318 00:15:10,356 --> 00:15:12,876 Speaker 2: a generation ago. My parents when I was growing up 319 00:15:12,876 --> 00:15:15,516 Speaker 2: didn't have to deal with how to manage technology in 320 00:15:15,556 --> 00:15:17,796 Speaker 2: my life in terms of not just social media but 321 00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:20,836 Speaker 2: also cell phones. Right. They didn't have to worry about 322 00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:23,636 Speaker 2: me having a portable cable service and internet in my 323 00:15:23,716 --> 00:15:26,236 Speaker 2: pocket at all times and staying up late at night 324 00:15:26,276 --> 00:15:28,156 Speaker 2: and worry about what I was getting into them put 325 00:15:28,156 --> 00:15:30,756 Speaker 2: my safety at risk. So the nature of parenting has 326 00:15:31,076 --> 00:15:34,196 Speaker 2: really changed. But the other thing that has changed over time, Laurie, 327 00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:38,196 Speaker 2: is if parenting went from what it has been for millennia, 328 00:15:38,276 --> 00:15:42,036 Speaker 2: which is a team sport, to an individual endeavor, right, 329 00:15:42,236 --> 00:15:44,316 Speaker 2: And that is just not how we have evolved and 330 00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:46,676 Speaker 2: been built, you know, as a species over time and 331 00:15:47,036 --> 00:15:49,956 Speaker 2: for generations when people were living in extended families or 332 00:15:49,996 --> 00:15:51,836 Speaker 2: in communities that they had known for a long time, 333 00:15:52,116 --> 00:15:54,036 Speaker 2: when they had a child, people would come to help, 334 00:15:54,276 --> 00:15:56,876 Speaker 2: not just relatives and neighbors, and friends. If you had 335 00:15:56,876 --> 00:15:58,716 Speaker 2: to run out somewhere, you could ask a neighbor to 336 00:15:58,836 --> 00:16:00,556 Speaker 2: just watch your kids, or drop your kids up at 337 00:16:00,596 --> 00:16:02,716 Speaker 2: the neighbor's house, or all the kids would just play together, 338 00:16:03,036 --> 00:16:04,996 Speaker 2: you know, at somebody's house for an afternoon, and then 339 00:16:05,036 --> 00:16:07,076 Speaker 2: parents can go and do their thing. What you find 340 00:16:07,076 --> 00:16:09,076 Speaker 2: when you look at the data, which is really interesting, 341 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:13,396 Speaker 2: is compared to just a couple of decades ago, parents 342 00:16:13,396 --> 00:16:16,196 Speaker 2: are spending and these are moms and dads are spending 343 00:16:16,236 --> 00:16:19,436 Speaker 2: more time at work. That may not surprise you, but 344 00:16:19,556 --> 00:16:22,436 Speaker 2: what is surprising is that moms and dads are also 345 00:16:22,796 --> 00:16:26,756 Speaker 2: spending more time in childcare. Right, So, if moms and 346 00:16:26,796 --> 00:16:28,996 Speaker 2: not just spending more time working and more time caring 347 00:16:29,036 --> 00:16:31,156 Speaker 2: for their children, the question is what are they not 348 00:16:31,276 --> 00:16:35,036 Speaker 2: doing time that they have to sleep, to recuperate, to 349 00:16:35,116 --> 00:16:38,316 Speaker 2: socialize with others, to take time just to care for themselves. 350 00:16:38,596 --> 00:16:41,356 Speaker 2: That time has become much more squeezed, and so when 351 00:16:41,436 --> 00:16:43,956 Speaker 2: you look at this all together, you realize that parents 352 00:16:43,956 --> 00:16:47,756 Speaker 2: are really having to contend with even more than maybe 353 00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:50,156 Speaker 2: a generation or two go in terms of challenges, challenges 354 00:16:50,196 --> 00:16:52,116 Speaker 2: they never grew up with, and they're having to do 355 00:16:52,156 --> 00:16:55,156 Speaker 2: it with less time and with less support, and that 356 00:16:55,276 --> 00:16:58,156 Speaker 2: really is a recipe for struggle and burnout. 357 00:16:58,356 --> 00:17:00,716 Speaker 1: And so let's talk about some strategies that parents as 358 00:17:00,756 --> 00:17:03,636 Speaker 1: individuals can take to kind of make things better. One 359 00:17:03,676 --> 00:17:05,316 Speaker 1: of the things you talk about a lot is sort 360 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:08,076 Speaker 1: of fighting this idea that parenting has gone from a 361 00:17:08,116 --> 00:17:10,476 Speaker 1: team sport to an indie visual sport. That parents need 362 00:17:10,516 --> 00:17:13,196 Speaker 1: to connect with other parents. What can parents do to 363 00:17:13,276 --> 00:17:15,436 Speaker 1: do that? What are some more specific strategies they can 364 00:17:15,516 --> 00:17:16,836 Speaker 1: use to reach out and connect? 365 00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:18,716 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think the first thing is just to 366 00:17:18,716 --> 00:17:20,756 Speaker 2: recognize that if you're struggling as a parent, you are 367 00:17:20,756 --> 00:17:23,356 Speaker 2: not alone, and to not necessarily believe what you see 368 00:17:23,396 --> 00:17:26,196 Speaker 2: online or on social media that's not representative of reality. 369 00:17:26,876 --> 00:17:31,396 Speaker 2: The second is to start conversations with other parents about 370 00:17:31,436 --> 00:17:33,716 Speaker 2: what they may be struggling, whether you may be struggling 371 00:17:33,716 --> 00:17:35,716 Speaker 2: with I have two small kids, there are six and eight. 372 00:17:35,756 --> 00:17:38,596 Speaker 2: They're in first and third grade, and we have discussion 373 00:17:38,636 --> 00:17:41,716 Speaker 2: threats and text with the parents in each class. These 374 00:17:41,716 --> 00:17:43,876 Speaker 2: are invaluable, right. People talk about all kinds of things. 375 00:17:43,916 --> 00:17:45,636 Speaker 2: What are you wearing for Spirit Day with? What are 376 00:17:45,636 --> 00:17:48,076 Speaker 2: people doing for the holiday, or if someone's late picking 377 00:17:48,116 --> 00:17:49,876 Speaker 2: up their child and say, hey, can anybody just you know, 378 00:17:49,916 --> 00:17:52,036 Speaker 2: look out for my kid, Like, these are wonderful things 379 00:17:52,036 --> 00:17:54,116 Speaker 2: to use that to join thread for. But what we 380 00:17:54,196 --> 00:17:57,636 Speaker 2: need to start talking about more are other struggles like, hey, 381 00:17:57,676 --> 00:18:01,036 Speaker 2: is anybody having a hard time like managing the iPad 382 00:18:01,156 --> 00:18:02,916 Speaker 2: for your child? And we know that that is true 383 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,436 Speaker 2: from any parents. How are people thinking about phones? Is 384 00:18:05,436 --> 00:18:07,396 Speaker 2: anyone's kids asking for a phone? And now are you 385 00:18:07,436 --> 00:18:10,156 Speaker 2: managing that? These are some of the conversations we need 386 00:18:10,196 --> 00:18:12,796 Speaker 2: to start initiating and having. When we do, it's like 387 00:18:12,836 --> 00:18:15,876 Speaker 2: opening the floodgates. We start to realize, Wow, everyone is 388 00:18:15,916 --> 00:18:18,036 Speaker 2: really struggling with it. They just didn't feel comfortable like 389 00:18:18,076 --> 00:18:19,596 Speaker 2: you're sharing that, or thought they were the only ones. 390 00:18:19,836 --> 00:18:22,356 Speaker 2: The third thing I would recommend for parents is to 391 00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:26,116 Speaker 2: do small things in your own life to actually try 392 00:18:26,116 --> 00:18:28,316 Speaker 2: to help and support other parents. Now, this is going 393 00:18:28,356 --> 00:18:30,036 Speaker 2: to be counterintuitive because you might think, hey, hold on, 394 00:18:30,116 --> 00:18:32,116 Speaker 2: I'm the one who needs helpier. You know, I'm struggling, 395 00:18:32,156 --> 00:18:33,756 Speaker 2: Like what do you ask me to help somebody else for? 396 00:18:34,356 --> 00:18:37,076 Speaker 2: But here's actually why this is so magical, because when 397 00:18:37,076 --> 00:18:39,676 Speaker 2: you do even a small thing to help another parent, 398 00:18:39,956 --> 00:18:42,236 Speaker 2: it could be for example, telling them, hey, you know, 399 00:18:42,276 --> 00:18:43,956 Speaker 2: I'll just watch your kid on the playground for the 400 00:18:44,036 --> 00:18:45,636 Speaker 2: next ten to fifteen minutes, if you need to go 401 00:18:45,796 --> 00:18:47,196 Speaker 2: make a call, if you just want to go sit 402 00:18:47,276 --> 00:18:50,156 Speaker 2: down somewhere and just take some deep breaths. These small 403 00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:53,796 Speaker 2: things help other parents feel like they're seen, help them 404 00:18:53,836 --> 00:18:56,236 Speaker 2: feel like they're not alone, and they also can be 405 00:18:56,356 --> 00:18:59,116 Speaker 2: incredibly empowering for you as a person doing the helping. 406 00:18:59,156 --> 00:19:01,476 Speaker 2: It helps forge a bond between you and other parents 407 00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:03,596 Speaker 2: as well that help you feel like you're not alone. 408 00:19:03,756 --> 00:19:06,076 Speaker 2: My wife Alice is a master at this. Give you 409 00:19:06,076 --> 00:19:08,716 Speaker 2: an example something she just did recently. She send a 410 00:19:08,716 --> 00:19:10,916 Speaker 2: message out to the text threat and said, Hey, I 411 00:19:10,996 --> 00:19:13,356 Speaker 2: know that the holidays are coming up and people are 412 00:19:13,396 --> 00:19:16,516 Speaker 2: probably shopping for gifts. Are there any parents out there 413 00:19:16,516 --> 00:19:19,596 Speaker 2: who have businesses that you'd want us to know about, 414 00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:21,916 Speaker 2: so maybe we can shop and support your businesses, you know, 415 00:19:21,956 --> 00:19:24,036 Speaker 2: like as we're looking for gifts. And all these people 416 00:19:24,116 --> 00:19:25,956 Speaker 2: responded like, well, what a great idea. Yeah, yeah, this 417 00:19:25,996 --> 00:19:27,796 Speaker 2: is a great way that parents can support other parents, 418 00:19:27,836 --> 00:19:30,276 Speaker 2: and it just helped it feel like more of a community. 419 00:19:30,556 --> 00:19:32,836 Speaker 2: But we also, for a long time, like hesitated to 420 00:19:32,876 --> 00:19:35,756 Speaker 2: have people over to our house because with two kids, 421 00:19:35,796 --> 00:19:38,316 Speaker 2: like our house is constantly in chaos. It's like it's 422 00:19:38,356 --> 00:19:40,116 Speaker 2: it's a mess, it's never like as tidy your need 423 00:19:40,156 --> 00:19:42,876 Speaker 2: as it should be, and it's also small, and we thought, gosh, 424 00:19:42,876 --> 00:19:45,596 Speaker 2: well we're not really set up to really entertain that well. 425 00:19:46,076 --> 00:19:48,556 Speaker 2: And then at some point Alison I just sat down. 426 00:19:48,556 --> 00:19:50,876 Speaker 2: We're looking. If we're feeling this way, other parents are 427 00:19:50,876 --> 00:19:52,276 Speaker 2: probably feeling this way, So why don't we just have 428 00:19:52,396 --> 00:19:55,596 Speaker 2: people over and just sound it's chaotic, it's messy, we're 429 00:19:55,636 --> 00:19:57,316 Speaker 2: not sure what you know we have in terms of food, 430 00:19:57,356 --> 00:19:59,076 Speaker 2: but we'll pull something together and just come over. We'll 431 00:19:59,116 --> 00:20:01,596 Speaker 2: just hang out, our kids will play together, and I'll 432 00:20:01,596 --> 00:20:03,716 Speaker 2: tell you. Once we started doing that, not only was 433 00:20:03,756 --> 00:20:06,636 Speaker 2: it tremendous fun, but we realized something really important, which 434 00:20:06,676 --> 00:20:09,076 Speaker 2: is that fundamentally, people when they come over, what makes 435 00:20:09,236 --> 00:20:12,116 Speaker 2: the biggest difference in their experience is the other people there. 436 00:20:12,436 --> 00:20:14,676 Speaker 2: It's not like how fancy your house is, was everything 437 00:20:14,716 --> 00:20:17,596 Speaker 2: neat and tidy? And in fact, a lot of parents said, oh, well, 438 00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:19,436 Speaker 2: thank you for having us over. Our house is always 439 00:20:19,436 --> 00:20:20,836 Speaker 2: in chaos, but you kind of make us feel like 440 00:20:20,836 --> 00:20:22,916 Speaker 2: it's okay to have people over too, So maybe we'll 441 00:20:22,916 --> 00:20:25,316 Speaker 2: start doing that. So these are some small things as 442 00:20:25,356 --> 00:20:27,476 Speaker 2: parents that we could start to do in our day 443 00:20:27,516 --> 00:20:29,196 Speaker 2: to day lives. But most of all, I just want 444 00:20:29,236 --> 00:20:31,436 Speaker 2: parents to know that again, if you are struggling out there, 445 00:20:31,956 --> 00:20:34,276 Speaker 2: do not feel like this is a reflection of your 446 00:20:34,596 --> 00:20:37,396 Speaker 2: failure as a parent or somehow you're something to be 447 00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:40,716 Speaker 2: ashamed of. You are part of a larger generation of 448 00:20:40,756 --> 00:20:43,796 Speaker 2: parents or collectively struggling with a whole bunch of new 449 00:20:43,836 --> 00:20:46,276 Speaker 2: challenges of prior generations and have to deal with. And 450 00:20:46,316 --> 00:20:48,916 Speaker 2: the more we can talk more openly about what we're 451 00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:51,196 Speaker 2: dealing with, the more we can find support and ultimately 452 00:20:51,436 --> 00:20:53,956 Speaker 2: get through parenting. Do well by our children and do 453 00:20:54,036 --> 00:20:54,836 Speaker 2: well by ourselves. 454 00:20:55,316 --> 00:20:57,836 Speaker 1: So mothers and fathers can work to create their own 455 00:20:57,836 --> 00:21:01,676 Speaker 1: proverbial village to combat the loneliness and stress of modern parenting. 456 00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:04,996 Speaker 1: But doctor Murphy doesn't think that caregivis should be responsible 457 00:21:05,076 --> 00:21:08,476 Speaker 1: for taking care of themselves by themselves. After the break, 458 00:21:08,636 --> 00:21:11,156 Speaker 1: we'll talk about the big structural changes that are needed 459 00:21:11,196 --> 00:21:14,196 Speaker 1: to protect parent mental health. The Happiness Lab will be 460 00:21:14,276 --> 00:21:25,516 Speaker 1: right back. When it comes to improving parental happiness, there's 461 00:21:25,516 --> 00:21:27,636 Speaker 1: only so much that moms and dads can do on 462 00:21:27,676 --> 00:21:31,316 Speaker 1: their own. Former Surgeon General Doctor Vvick Murphy thinks that 463 00:21:31,396 --> 00:21:34,156 Speaker 1: modern society isn't set up all that well for parents 464 00:21:34,196 --> 00:21:35,676 Speaker 1: to reduce their own stress. 465 00:21:35,996 --> 00:21:39,996 Speaker 2: It's absolutely the case that making parenting more sustainable has 466 00:21:40,036 --> 00:21:42,996 Speaker 2: to be as societal priority and requires societal action. And 467 00:21:43,036 --> 00:21:45,156 Speaker 2: so if we want to talk about workplaces, to start with, 468 00:21:45,596 --> 00:21:48,836 Speaker 2: having policies and programs that support caregivers in the workplace 469 00:21:48,876 --> 00:21:51,836 Speaker 2: is vital. And that can look like flexibility in hours 470 00:21:51,836 --> 00:21:53,956 Speaker 2: so that if a parent needs to be there for 471 00:21:53,996 --> 00:21:56,316 Speaker 2: a school event, they can do that without feeling guilty 472 00:21:56,636 --> 00:21:59,956 Speaker 2: that they are somehow harming the workplace. The other thing 473 00:21:59,996 --> 00:22:03,836 Speaker 2: that workplaces can do is ensure that parents have sickly. 474 00:22:04,196 --> 00:22:07,236 Speaker 2: One of the most painful decisions parents have to make 475 00:22:07,276 --> 00:22:09,796 Speaker 2: sometimes is what to do when they're child is sick 476 00:22:09,876 --> 00:22:12,316 Speaker 2: with regard to work in those moments, if you can 477 00:22:12,356 --> 00:22:14,236 Speaker 2: help a parent feel like you know what your child 478 00:22:14,276 --> 00:22:17,036 Speaker 2: is sick, it's okay if you are with them, it's 479 00:22:17,076 --> 00:22:19,156 Speaker 2: okay if you work from home. The other things that 480 00:22:19,196 --> 00:22:21,836 Speaker 2: workplaces can do is actually to ensure that when you're 481 00:22:21,876 --> 00:22:25,876 Speaker 2: picking an insurance plan for your employees that you're finding 482 00:22:25,876 --> 00:22:29,676 Speaker 2: one that actually has strong mental health care coverage as well, 483 00:22:29,716 --> 00:22:31,316 Speaker 2: because keep in mind, we are living in the midst 484 00:22:31,316 --> 00:22:33,476 Speaker 2: of a youth mental health crisis when many parents have 485 00:22:33,556 --> 00:22:36,676 Speaker 2: children who are struggling with anxiety or depression or maybe 486 00:22:36,676 --> 00:22:39,156 Speaker 2: even attempted to take their own life. This has tragically 487 00:22:39,156 --> 00:22:41,556 Speaker 2: become all too common, and being able to have at 488 00:22:41,596 --> 00:22:44,836 Speaker 2: least strong mental health care coverage that's really vital. So 489 00:22:44,956 --> 00:22:46,676 Speaker 2: finally I would just keep in mind, and this is 490 00:22:46,716 --> 00:22:50,196 Speaker 2: something that doesn't necessarily cost any money, but being able 491 00:22:50,276 --> 00:22:53,556 Speaker 2: to bring parents together in a workplace to even talk 492 00:22:53,596 --> 00:22:56,116 Speaker 2: about their experiences, not just with other parents, but with 493 00:22:56,196 --> 00:22:58,996 Speaker 2: other colleagues in the workplace. Talk about your family life, 494 00:22:58,996 --> 00:23:00,876 Speaker 2: you know, like tell people about your kids, help them 495 00:23:00,916 --> 00:23:03,396 Speaker 2: understand some of the things you contend with. That can 496 00:23:03,476 --> 00:23:05,876 Speaker 2: be immensely helpful. A lot of parents go to work 497 00:23:05,876 --> 00:23:07,916 Speaker 2: and feel like they have to completely check their parent 498 00:23:08,036 --> 00:23:10,276 Speaker 2: identity at the door, and feel like if they talk 499 00:23:10,356 --> 00:23:13,196 Speaker 2: about any of the challenges they have as parents, that'll 500 00:23:13,236 --> 00:23:16,156 Speaker 2: be somehow seen as they're weak or unreliable or not 501 00:23:16,196 --> 00:23:18,876 Speaker 2: somebody who should be promoted or dependent on in some way. 502 00:23:19,316 --> 00:23:21,676 Speaker 2: And the reality is that everybody, whether your parent or not, 503 00:23:21,796 --> 00:23:24,876 Speaker 2: has challenges outside of work, right, and the more we 504 00:23:24,956 --> 00:23:27,676 Speaker 2: can just be a little bit more human and open 505 00:23:27,796 --> 00:23:30,676 Speaker 2: about sharing those non work dimensions of our life. It 506 00:23:30,676 --> 00:23:32,476 Speaker 2: doesn't mean we have to divulge our deepest and darkest 507 00:23:32,476 --> 00:23:34,596 Speaker 2: secrets to everyone at work. But what it does mean 508 00:23:34,676 --> 00:23:37,396 Speaker 2: is that when we can come into work knowing that, yeah, 509 00:23:37,436 --> 00:23:39,076 Speaker 2: people know that we have children, or they know we 510 00:23:39,116 --> 00:23:41,676 Speaker 2: have small kids, or they know that, hey, maybe this 511 00:23:41,756 --> 00:23:43,836 Speaker 2: month is going to be able challenging because my child 512 00:23:43,956 --> 00:23:45,276 Speaker 2: is a lot going on that I need to be 513 00:23:45,316 --> 00:23:47,836 Speaker 2: there for. That can actually really help a lot to 514 00:23:47,916 --> 00:23:52,076 Speaker 2: reduce the stress and anticipatory anxiety that many parents feel. 515 00:23:52,276 --> 00:23:54,516 Speaker 1: I think this is so critical because people just spend 516 00:23:54,636 --> 00:23:56,956 Speaker 1: so much time at work. A third of your time 517 00:23:57,036 --> 00:23:59,556 Speaker 1: is at work, and study after study shows that for 518 00:23:59,636 --> 00:24:01,796 Speaker 1: a lot of people, the social connection in the community 519 00:24:01,796 --> 00:24:05,036 Speaker 1: to develop at work is their main social connection in community. 520 00:24:05,156 --> 00:24:07,676 Speaker 1: So if parents aren't connecting through other parents at work, 521 00:24:07,956 --> 00:24:10,036 Speaker 1: that leaves a big hole. So I love the idea 522 00:24:10,036 --> 00:24:12,916 Speaker 1: of using the workplace to find kind of connections among 523 00:24:12,996 --> 00:24:15,556 Speaker 1: parents and sort of maybe as a manager, even supporting 524 00:24:15,556 --> 00:24:17,916 Speaker 1: building that over time to protect parenttal health. 525 00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:20,316 Speaker 2: And I'll tell you one thing, Laurie. When I first 526 00:24:20,476 --> 00:24:22,956 Speaker 2: began my tenure as surgeon General, I remember I was 527 00:24:23,116 --> 00:24:25,396 Speaker 2: looking to hire a new staff and one of the 528 00:24:25,436 --> 00:24:27,916 Speaker 2: staff members I was looking to hire. I could tell 529 00:24:27,916 --> 00:24:29,716 Speaker 2: her something she wanted to talk to me about, but 530 00:24:29,756 --> 00:24:32,316 Speaker 2: like she wasn't quite bringing it up. Finally, I said, well, 531 00:24:32,316 --> 00:24:34,036 Speaker 2: what is It feels like something's on your mind, and 532 00:24:34,036 --> 00:24:37,076 Speaker 2: she said, well, thinking about maybe having a child, you know, 533 00:24:37,156 --> 00:24:39,196 Speaker 2: in the next few years, and I just need to 534 00:24:39,236 --> 00:24:41,036 Speaker 2: kind of know, like is that going to be okay here? 535 00:24:41,676 --> 00:24:43,516 Speaker 2: And the way she said it kind of broke my heart. Right, 536 00:24:43,756 --> 00:24:45,596 Speaker 2: You could tell that she was worried that if she 537 00:24:45,676 --> 00:24:48,076 Speaker 2: had a child that somehow she would be looked at 538 00:24:48,276 --> 00:24:51,156 Speaker 2: as a less desirable candidate or somebody who wasn't contributing 539 00:24:51,236 --> 00:24:53,276 Speaker 2: is enough to the office. I obviously told her, I 540 00:24:53,316 --> 00:24:54,756 Speaker 2: was like, we want this to be a place where 541 00:24:54,756 --> 00:24:57,676 Speaker 2: everyone feels welcome and you have a child whenever you want. 542 00:24:57,836 --> 00:25:00,356 Speaker 2: It's our goal and our priority and our responsibility is 543 00:25:00,396 --> 00:25:02,436 Speaker 2: a workplace to support that. But the fact that she 544 00:25:02,556 --> 00:25:04,956 Speaker 2: felt that way, you know initially, you know, before we 545 00:25:04,996 --> 00:25:07,036 Speaker 2: had a conversation about it, I started to see that 546 00:25:07,076 --> 00:25:09,556 Speaker 2: pattern again and again that many people worry. And so 547 00:25:09,596 --> 00:25:12,796 Speaker 2: I think as workplaces, if we can be proactive about 548 00:25:12,836 --> 00:25:15,516 Speaker 2: signaling to people that we don't look at parenthood as 549 00:25:15,756 --> 00:25:18,396 Speaker 2: somehow a handicap in any way, or is something that 550 00:25:18,516 --> 00:25:20,516 Speaker 2: is going to make you less desirable in the workplace. 551 00:25:20,796 --> 00:25:22,636 Speaker 2: I think that's really important. What I have found in 552 00:25:22,676 --> 00:25:25,116 Speaker 2: my experience now over two terms as surge in general, 553 00:25:25,156 --> 00:25:27,556 Speaker 2: having many people in the office who have come in 554 00:25:27,596 --> 00:25:30,116 Speaker 2: as parents or would become parents. I don't find it 555 00:25:30,156 --> 00:25:32,396 Speaker 2: like parents are somehow a dragon anyway in the office. 556 00:25:32,436 --> 00:25:35,156 Speaker 2: If anything, I find they add invaluable perspective. They work 557 00:25:35,396 --> 00:25:37,836 Speaker 2: incredibly hard. I mean, anyone who's a parent knows that 558 00:25:37,916 --> 00:25:39,836 Speaker 2: it forces you to have to figure out how to 559 00:25:39,876 --> 00:25:43,556 Speaker 2: manage time in pretty efficient and effective ways. So the 560 00:25:43,596 --> 00:25:46,116 Speaker 2: parents in our office bring so much. But I do 561 00:25:46,156 --> 00:25:48,236 Speaker 2: think that there is this fear that many of them 562 00:25:48,276 --> 00:25:50,396 Speaker 2: have coming in that somehow that's going to be a 563 00:25:50,476 --> 00:25:53,636 Speaker 2: strike against them. And as employers, it's our job to 564 00:25:53,756 --> 00:25:56,316 Speaker 2: ensure that they know from the outset that we're creating 565 00:25:56,356 --> 00:25:59,196 Speaker 2: an environment that's hospitable to everyone, including parents. 566 00:25:59,756 --> 00:26:02,196 Speaker 1: So that's what workplaces can do to sort of protect 567 00:26:02,356 --> 00:26:05,116 Speaker 1: parent health. What are things governments can do to reduce 568 00:26:05,196 --> 00:26:05,876 Speaker 1: parents stress? 569 00:26:06,356 --> 00:26:08,756 Speaker 2: Well, Governments can recognize that. I think a couple of things. 570 00:26:08,756 --> 00:26:12,436 Speaker 2: One is that the financial challenges for parents are quite significant, 571 00:26:12,476 --> 00:26:16,236 Speaker 2: and that's why strategies like having a child tax credit, 572 00:26:16,476 --> 00:26:19,516 Speaker 2: which has been one of the most powerful strategies in 573 00:26:19,556 --> 00:26:22,916 Speaker 2: recent years in lifting kids and families out of poverty. 574 00:26:23,116 --> 00:26:26,276 Speaker 2: Making sure that we establish a sort of more long 575 00:26:26,356 --> 00:26:28,956 Speaker 2: term child tax credit is really vital. I think also 576 00:26:28,996 --> 00:26:31,596 Speaker 2: making sure that people have paid sick leave so they 577 00:26:31,596 --> 00:26:34,116 Speaker 2: can be with sick kids. This is a policy governments 578 00:26:34,396 --> 00:26:37,156 Speaker 2: can consider as well. And we know that childcare is 579 00:26:37,196 --> 00:26:40,876 Speaker 2: just extraordinarily expensive for many parents across the country, and 580 00:26:40,956 --> 00:26:43,196 Speaker 2: this is a place where I think policymakers can also 581 00:26:43,236 --> 00:26:46,316 Speaker 2: make a difference. It's just important also for government so 582 00:26:46,356 --> 00:26:49,836 Speaker 2: to recognize what is driving some of the stresses in 583 00:26:49,876 --> 00:26:53,636 Speaker 2: addition to finances. We talked earlier in this conversation about 584 00:26:53,916 --> 00:26:57,276 Speaker 2: tech and social media is being really important contributors to 585 00:26:57,316 --> 00:26:59,916 Speaker 2: the stress many parents are contending with. Governments actually have 586 00:26:59,956 --> 00:27:02,916 Speaker 2: a role in making social media safer, and this is 587 00:27:02,916 --> 00:27:05,756 Speaker 2: something I called for, and certain Deal's advisory at Istion 588 00:27:05,916 --> 00:27:08,476 Speaker 2: in twenty twenty three on social media and Youth Mental 589 00:27:08,516 --> 00:27:11,356 Speaker 2: Health laid out a series of steps that government can 590 00:27:11,356 --> 00:27:14,116 Speaker 2: take to put in place safety standards to ensure that 591 00:27:14,196 --> 00:27:17,756 Speaker 2: kids are protected from harmful contact and addictive features, to 592 00:27:17,876 --> 00:27:21,716 Speaker 2: ensure that we have transparent access as parents and as 593 00:27:21,796 --> 00:27:25,116 Speaker 2: scientific community to the data that companies have social media 594 00:27:25,156 --> 00:27:27,436 Speaker 2: companies and the impact of their platforms on our kids. 595 00:27:27,796 --> 00:27:29,956 Speaker 2: And finally, we've spent a lot of time of the 596 00:27:30,036 --> 00:27:32,316 Speaker 2: last couple of years when I was in office, talking 597 00:27:32,636 --> 00:27:35,756 Speaker 2: about the loneliness crisis in America and the profound impact 598 00:27:35,796 --> 00:27:38,236 Speaker 2: that has on physical and mental health. And that is 599 00:27:38,236 --> 00:27:41,916 Speaker 2: affecting kids, but it's also affecting parents, and so government 600 00:27:41,956 --> 00:27:44,716 Speaker 2: can make important investments in what we think of as 601 00:27:44,716 --> 00:27:48,836 Speaker 2: social infrastructure. These are the policies and programs and physical 602 00:27:48,876 --> 00:27:52,276 Speaker 2: structures that actually enable and allow people to come together, 603 00:27:52,356 --> 00:27:56,076 Speaker 2: that support existing programs in our communities that help people 604 00:27:56,316 --> 00:27:59,316 Speaker 2: build relationships. And we might have taken that for granted 605 00:27:59,356 --> 00:28:01,356 Speaker 2: over the years because tho's always existed, But in the 606 00:28:01,396 --> 00:28:04,556 Speaker 2: last few decades in particular, we've seen a real decline 607 00:28:04,676 --> 00:28:08,156 Speaker 2: in that social infrastructure, where few people are participating in 608 00:28:08,356 --> 00:28:11,996 Speaker 2: recreational clas service organizations, faith organizations, and so we are 609 00:28:12,076 --> 00:28:14,436 Speaker 2: fewer places to actually come together in person. 610 00:28:14,916 --> 00:28:17,796 Speaker 1: We had my Connecticut Senator Chris Murphy on who talked 611 00:28:17,796 --> 00:28:19,876 Speaker 1: a lot about the kinds of things that governments can 612 00:28:19,916 --> 00:28:23,236 Speaker 1: do to build these so called third places thinking particularly 613 00:28:23,236 --> 00:28:25,716 Speaker 1: about parents and supporting their communities. Do you have any 614 00:28:25,756 --> 00:28:29,596 Speaker 1: specific ideas about how governments could intervene, specifically maybe local governments, 615 00:28:29,636 --> 00:28:31,836 Speaker 1: of what they could do to build these support systems. 616 00:28:32,516 --> 00:28:32,836 Speaker 3: Yeah. 617 00:28:32,836 --> 00:28:35,636 Speaker 2: Look, I think in addition to the broader policy actions 618 00:28:35,676 --> 00:28:38,996 Speaker 2: we've talked about, I do think that when local communities 619 00:28:39,036 --> 00:28:42,516 Speaker 2: have places and spaces where parents can gather at hours 620 00:28:42,556 --> 00:28:46,836 Speaker 2: that are actually manageable compatible with a parents' schedule, that 621 00:28:46,876 --> 00:28:50,116 Speaker 2: makes it a huge, huge difference. I'll just give you 622 00:28:50,196 --> 00:28:52,636 Speaker 2: some examples, like sometimes when there are music concerts that 623 00:28:52,676 --> 00:28:54,836 Speaker 2: are taking place, but they're late in the evening or 624 00:28:54,876 --> 00:28:57,276 Speaker 2: at night, that makes it challenging for parents to be 625 00:28:57,276 --> 00:28:59,716 Speaker 2: able to go. Doesn't mean you shouldn't have nighttime concerts, 626 00:28:59,716 --> 00:29:01,716 Speaker 2: but keep in mind, from time to time you also 627 00:29:01,836 --> 00:29:04,476 Speaker 2: have some concerts that are like in the late afternoon 628 00:29:04,516 --> 00:29:07,836 Speaker 2: on weekends. These make it feasible for parents to actually 629 00:29:07,876 --> 00:29:10,596 Speaker 2: take their kids and families and come together. I also 630 00:29:10,676 --> 00:29:13,396 Speaker 2: want to just underscore something that parents know, which is 631 00:29:13,436 --> 00:29:16,036 Speaker 2: that parks actually are really helpful for parents. They are 632 00:29:16,036 --> 00:29:18,076 Speaker 2: place where you can take your kids where they can play, 633 00:29:18,476 --> 00:29:22,396 Speaker 2: entertain themselves, get physical activity. It is invaluable to have parks, 634 00:29:22,676 --> 00:29:25,716 Speaker 2: but there are many communities where there aren't parks around, 635 00:29:25,916 --> 00:29:28,916 Speaker 2: or they've been taken over by housing developments, or they've 636 00:29:28,916 --> 00:29:32,196 Speaker 2: sort of fallen into ruin and they're not safer habitable anymore. 637 00:29:32,476 --> 00:29:34,756 Speaker 2: These kind of green spaces and places where parents can 638 00:29:34,796 --> 00:29:38,436 Speaker 2: come together and play is really invaluable. And so as 639 00:29:38,676 --> 00:29:43,196 Speaker 2: local communities and governments think about the festivals, events, places 640 00:29:43,396 --> 00:29:46,356 Speaker 2: that they build and develop, keep parents in mind, keep 641 00:29:46,356 --> 00:29:49,396 Speaker 2: in mind that they are often desperate for places together, 642 00:29:49,596 --> 00:29:51,316 Speaker 2: but that they need to be able to do it, 643 00:29:51,356 --> 00:29:53,516 Speaker 2: you know, during daytime hours because that's when their kids 644 00:29:53,516 --> 00:29:55,796 Speaker 2: are up. And when parents can come together with other 645 00:29:55,876 --> 00:29:58,316 Speaker 2: parents at these kind of places, it can really help 646 00:29:58,436 --> 00:30:02,356 Speaker 2: forge really powerful bonds. I'll maybe give you one last idea, 647 00:30:02,436 --> 00:30:04,716 Speaker 2: which is actually building on something that we just released 648 00:30:04,956 --> 00:30:06,756 Speaker 2: during my last few months as surch in General. But 649 00:30:06,796 --> 00:30:10,076 Speaker 2: it was a product called Recipes for Connection. It's actually 650 00:30:10,076 --> 00:30:13,276 Speaker 2: not recipes for food dishes. It's recipes for how to 651 00:30:13,876 --> 00:30:16,716 Speaker 2: have gatherings around food. And the reason that we did 652 00:30:16,716 --> 00:30:18,716 Speaker 2: this is a lot of people were telling us that 653 00:30:19,076 --> 00:30:21,356 Speaker 2: they were struggling with loneliness. They wanted to gather people, 654 00:30:21,396 --> 00:30:23,436 Speaker 2: but they weren't sure how, and they worried if they 655 00:30:23,436 --> 00:30:26,556 Speaker 2: did so that maybe people wouldn't come over, maybe they 656 00:30:26,596 --> 00:30:28,596 Speaker 2: didn't know how to cook, they wouldn't have anything to 657 00:30:28,596 --> 00:30:30,836 Speaker 2: offer people. They had all of these worries and anxieties 658 00:30:31,116 --> 00:30:34,036 Speaker 2: around gathering. So we put together recipes for connection to 659 00:30:34,076 --> 00:30:37,036 Speaker 2: help people find ways to gather. There are all kinds 660 00:30:37,036 --> 00:30:39,236 Speaker 2: of fun ideas and there. For example, you can have 661 00:30:39,276 --> 00:30:42,276 Speaker 2: a childhood favorites pot luck right where everyone can just 662 00:30:42,276 --> 00:30:44,556 Speaker 2: bring a dish that they loved when they were a kid. 663 00:30:44,796 --> 00:30:48,156 Speaker 2: I just did this actually recently, and we not only 664 00:30:48,196 --> 00:30:49,996 Speaker 2: got to eat the food that our mom's made and 665 00:30:50,036 --> 00:30:51,396 Speaker 2: dad's made when we were kids, but we got to 666 00:30:51,396 --> 00:30:53,796 Speaker 2: tell the story of our parents and we got to 667 00:30:53,876 --> 00:30:56,156 Speaker 2: learn about each other in the process. These are the 668 00:30:56,276 --> 00:30:59,596 Speaker 2: kind of events that you can imagine not just local government, 669 00:30:59,596 --> 00:31:02,676 Speaker 2: but local organizations helping to sponsor in a neighborhood or 670 00:31:02,756 --> 00:31:05,676 Speaker 2: helping to organize. But when we come together around food, 671 00:31:05,956 --> 00:31:10,476 Speaker 2: around physical activity, around entertainment like music, and in spaces 672 00:31:10,556 --> 00:31:13,436 Speaker 2: like green spaces that are hospitable for it, we can 673 00:31:13,476 --> 00:31:16,876 Speaker 2: really help foster community and support for parents, and that 674 00:31:16,916 --> 00:31:18,716 Speaker 2: can make a big, big difference in their lives. 675 00:31:19,156 --> 00:31:20,756 Speaker 1: And so I imagine as sooner in general, where you 676 00:31:20,796 --> 00:31:23,316 Speaker 1: put out reports like this, it really is hoping that 677 00:31:23,316 --> 00:31:26,236 Speaker 1: we're really going to see these changes. Now, sometime after 678 00:31:26,276 --> 00:31:28,396 Speaker 1: you put out the report, are you still feeling hopeful 679 00:31:28,396 --> 00:31:30,876 Speaker 1: that we can make these changes and reduce parent stress? 680 00:31:31,236 --> 00:31:33,036 Speaker 2: Actually, I'm feeling a lot more hopeful than even when 681 00:31:33,076 --> 00:31:35,436 Speaker 2: I put out the advisory because of the response we've 682 00:31:35,476 --> 00:31:38,276 Speaker 2: seemed to it. But the bottom line is, if we 683 00:31:38,316 --> 00:31:42,996 Speaker 2: can see parenting as a societal priority, if we can 684 00:31:43,436 --> 00:31:46,396 Speaker 2: monitor the well being of parents the way we do 685 00:31:46,596 --> 00:31:49,436 Speaker 2: the well being of kids with just as much importance, 686 00:31:50,036 --> 00:31:52,436 Speaker 2: my hope is that we can make a lot of progress. 687 00:31:52,436 --> 00:31:55,036 Speaker 2: Because the truth is, when I was putting together this 688 00:31:55,116 --> 00:31:58,476 Speaker 2: advisory on parents, I'll tell you I was shocked by 689 00:31:58,556 --> 00:32:02,236 Speaker 2: how little high quality data there is out there on 690 00:32:02,276 --> 00:32:04,716 Speaker 2: the mental health and well being of parents. It's almost 691 00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:07,916 Speaker 2: like we somehow decided it didn't matter that much and 692 00:32:07,996 --> 00:32:11,036 Speaker 2: didn't study them. But the data that is there, it 693 00:32:11,076 --> 00:32:14,076 Speaker 2: paints a concerning picture, but one that we can actually 694 00:32:14,116 --> 00:32:15,956 Speaker 2: address and ultimately get to solutions. 695 00:32:17,236 --> 00:32:19,476 Speaker 1: If you're a parent listening right now, I know that 696 00:32:19,476 --> 00:32:22,796 Speaker 1: things may seem impossibly challenging at times, but keep in 697 00:32:22,836 --> 00:32:25,676 Speaker 1: mind that you're not alone. There are lots of caregivers 698 00:32:25,676 --> 00:32:28,356 Speaker 1: struggling with many of the same challenges you are, and 699 00:32:28,396 --> 00:32:30,916 Speaker 1: the good news is that there are actionable strategies you 700 00:32:30,956 --> 00:32:33,236 Speaker 1: can use to feel better. To summarize some of the 701 00:32:33,316 --> 00:32:36,196 Speaker 1: quick tips we've heard from doctor Murphy, remember that where 702 00:32:36,196 --> 00:32:39,396 Speaker 1: you're doing day in and day out is important and difficult. 703 00:32:39,716 --> 00:32:42,596 Speaker 1: Take time to give yourself some self compassion, commit to 704 00:32:42,676 --> 00:32:46,316 Speaker 1: recognizing that social media is not real, and find ways 705 00:32:46,356 --> 00:32:48,716 Speaker 1: to connect with other parents in as many small ways 706 00:32:48,756 --> 00:32:51,476 Speaker 1: as you can. If you're an employer, remember that you 707 00:32:51,556 --> 00:32:54,956 Speaker 1: need to protect parents in your workplace, especially now. It's 708 00:32:54,956 --> 00:32:59,596 Speaker 1: crucial that management offers flexibility, comprehensive health insurance, and sick leave. 709 00:32:59,956 --> 00:33:02,876 Speaker 1: And if you're a community leader, don't forget that accessible 710 00:33:02,916 --> 00:33:07,156 Speaker 1: and inclusive public spaces are invaluable to families. That toddler 711 00:33:07,156 --> 00:33:09,956 Speaker 1: eating sand like it's a Michelin star delicate. See One 712 00:33:09,996 --> 00:33:12,356 Speaker 1: day he might be the person who solves climate change 713 00:33:12,476 --> 00:33:15,396 Speaker 1: or cures cancer. Let's make sure his parents have the 714 00:33:15,396 --> 00:33:17,996 Speaker 1: support they need today so they can raise the kind 715 00:33:17,996 --> 00:33:21,036 Speaker 1: of person who will shape a better tomorrow. Big thanks 716 00:33:21,076 --> 00:33:23,956 Speaker 1: to doctor Vivick Murty for sharing his insights on how 717 00:33:23,956 --> 00:33:26,636 Speaker 1: we can help parents protect their mental health and this 718 00:33:26,716 --> 00:33:29,676 Speaker 1: initial conversation is just the start of all the advice 719 00:33:29,716 --> 00:33:32,716 Speaker 1: I'll be sharing on happier parenting. As I mentioned at 720 00:33:32,756 --> 00:33:35,156 Speaker 1: the start of the show, I've just launched my new 721 00:33:35,236 --> 00:33:38,236 Speaker 1: free online class, The Science of Well Being for Parents, 722 00:33:38,396 --> 00:33:41,236 Speaker 1: which is available now on qursera dot org. You can 723 00:33:41,316 --> 00:33:44,516 Speaker 1: also sign up on my website doctor Laurie Santos dot 724 00:33:44,556 --> 00:33:49,196 Speaker 1: com slash parents. That's doctor Lauri Santos dot com slash parents. 725 00:33:49,876 --> 00:33:52,556 Speaker 1: In next week's episode of The Happiness Lab, we'll tackle 726 00:33:52,596 --> 00:33:56,316 Speaker 1: some ways that well meaning, deeply loving parents can inadvertently 727 00:33:56,356 --> 00:33:59,076 Speaker 1: mess their kids up if they're not careful, and we'll 728 00:33:59,116 --> 00:34:01,676 Speaker 1: learn how to do better, not just as a parent yourself, 729 00:34:02,036 --> 00:34:05,516 Speaker 1: but also when you parent yourself. We'll explore the topic 730 00:34:05,596 --> 00:34:08,836 Speaker 1: of healthier reparenting with two of my favorite champions of 731 00:34:08,876 --> 00:34:10,636 Speaker 1: doing hard things to feel happier. 732 00:34:10,996 --> 00:34:13,276 Speaker 3: We are a lesbian couple. We don't need to just 733 00:34:13,356 --> 00:34:16,116 Speaker 3: understand each other. We need to overstand each other. So Lori, 734 00:34:16,516 --> 00:34:19,796 Speaker 3: this is something that we spin around constantly because we 735 00:34:19,836 --> 00:34:21,556 Speaker 3: do have a moment where we kind of wake up 736 00:34:21,596 --> 00:34:23,956 Speaker 3: and we go, wait, is this who I really am? 737 00:34:24,316 --> 00:34:26,556 Speaker 1: We'll hear from Glennon Doyle and Abby Wombach of the 738 00:34:26,636 --> 00:34:29,876 Speaker 1: hit podcast We Can Do Hard Things next time. Until then, 739 00:34:29,996 --> 00:34:32,756 Speaker 1: don't forget to head to doctor Lorisantos dot com slash 740 00:34:32,796 --> 00:34:35,476 Speaker 1: parents for more happier parenting advice, and be sure to 741 00:34:35,556 --> 00:34:38,356 Speaker 1: return for our next episode of the Happiness Lab with 742 00:34:38,476 --> 00:34:40,516 Speaker 1: me Doctor Laurie Santos