Speaker 1: Hi everyone, I'm Rachel Zoe and you're listening to Climbing
Speaker 1: in Heels for your weekly Dos, the Flamor Inspiration and
Speaker 1: of course Ben. I've been waiting to speak with our
Speaker 1: guest today for so long because I have such huge
Speaker 1: admiration for her and the beyond incredible work that she
Speaker 1: does to help so many people. The wonderful and I'm
Speaker 1: going to say prolific author, spiritual teacher, motivational speaker, podcast host,
Speaker 1: and more, Gabby Bernstein is on the show today. I'm
Speaker 1: sure you've heard of her. Gabby's about to release her tenth,
Speaker 1: yes tenth book titled Self Help on December thirty first,
Speaker 1: and today she's giving a real look into the very
Speaker 1: intense past that shaped and created the woman she is
Speaker 1: and the massively successful business that she has built. This
Speaker 1: episode is so, so, so packed with motivational takeaways and
Speaker 1: positivity and healing techniques, and I hope you love it
Speaker 1: as much as I do. Because none of us are perfect.
Speaker 1: There's so much to get into, so let's jump right in.
Speaker 1: You have had such an extraordinary journey, and sometimes I
Speaker 1: touched just a minute on the journey, on the beginning,
Speaker 1: but your beginning is so important. It's so paramount to
Speaker 1: like who you are and how you chose your journey
Speaker 1: and what you want it to be. So I want
Speaker 1: to go back and I want to talk about like
Speaker 1: where you grew up, how you grew up, because I
Speaker 1: think it matters so much.
Speaker 2: Here group in Westchester, and I grew up really spiritual,
Speaker 2: so similar to you, Rachel, I'm not religious. It's brought
Speaker 2: up Jewish, but i'mally religious.
Speaker 3: Thing.
Speaker 2: I was brought up in a home where spirituality was
Speaker 2: very natural conversation. My mother visited as Shroms and my
Speaker 2: mother would meditate, and I also was very drawn to
Speaker 2: the spirituality of Judaism. So I was very active in
Speaker 2: the youth group and I would leave these weekends of
Speaker 2: spiritual leadership and I was the president of the regional
Speaker 2: youth group.
Speaker 1: And which is amazing, by the way, because I feel
Speaker 1: like then, because this was some time ago. I mean,
Speaker 1: you're only what puny, but but it was a minute ago.
Speaker 3: I was a minute ago.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this was not like we live in la now
Speaker 1: and people do these types of things, or if they
Speaker 1: were doing those things, it was like, oh, you're a
Speaker 1: hippie from Woodstock and like as shroms and like, it
Speaker 1: wasn't something that was I think taken very seriously by
Speaker 1: by most people.
Speaker 2: Totally, and it was actually something I was kind of
Speaker 2: ashamed of. It was like, sort of, my mom's a
Speaker 2: weird hippie, right right, right? Why am I being named
Speaker 2: by the gurus? And you know when other kids were
Speaker 2: having normally experiences, right, So that spiritual seed was planted
Speaker 2: because we learn by experience, and we learn from what
Speaker 2: we pick up around us. And so seeing my mother
Speaker 2: go into a room totally stressed out and then smelling
Speaker 2: the incense anditnessing to the chance coming out of the room,
Speaker 2: and then seeing her come out in a different energy.
Speaker 3: Was was what I knew. I was really drawn to that.
Speaker 2: And so as a young teenager, I was struggling with
Speaker 2: depression and anxiety, and I asked my mom to teach
Speaker 2: me how to meditate, and very quickly I was not
Speaker 2: only drawn to the practice, but experienced my own spiritual connection.
Speaker 2: And I experienced the physical sensations of being connected to spirit.
Speaker 2: And so you know, I know you are familiar with
Speaker 2: a lot of mediums, and at the time I didn't
Speaker 2: realize that, but that was my own medium shift. It
Speaker 2: was my ability to connect to the spiritual realm. So
Speaker 2: I'd feel it through my extremities or I'd feel it
Speaker 2: just a calmness come over me, and I wouldn't fe alone.
Speaker 2: I felt like there was a spiritual presence around me,
Speaker 2: and that was very, very soothing to me, and it
Speaker 2: really carried me in some of my darkest moments in
Speaker 2: my life. And truly, I just kind of turned my
Speaker 2: back on that spiritual connection in my late twenties and
Speaker 2: in my early twenties, excuse me, into college and into
Speaker 2: my early twenties, I just started looking for that outside
Speaker 2: of myself and becoming quite addicted to the outside world's
Speaker 2: perception of me, and the addicted to relationships, addicted to
Speaker 2: being seen, addicted to feeling good enough, and then also
Speaker 2: that addiction of work, addiction and trying to prove myself
Speaker 2: to the world.
Speaker 3: And this is all in my early twenties twenty one
Speaker 3: twenty two, So.
Speaker 1: You already graduated, you already out of college at that point.
Speaker 2: When I was out of college, I went right hardcore
Speaker 2: and to let me prove myself to the world, let
Speaker 2: me feel seen, because so much of my inner experience
Speaker 2: was feelings of inadequacy, and feelings of not being good enough,
Speaker 2: feelings of being unsafe, needing to feel in control, to
Speaker 2: feel safe, and to feel good enough, and to feel
Speaker 2: the world, of course, And and my.
Speaker 3: First job out of school was I've never had I've
Speaker 3: never had a job. Actually I've always I had one. Yeah,
Speaker 3: like I think I interned for somebody wanted a joke.
Speaker 2: So the the career started right away, right out of collegist.
Speaker 2: I've been promoting parties right, so right, very familiar to
Speaker 2: early days like going then I closed and say Gabby
Speaker 2: at the door, and and I learned really young.
Speaker 1: Hold hold on, I want to rewind for one second.
Speaker 1: I want to I want to ask the questions. So,
Speaker 1: first of all, you haven't mentioned your dad. Was it
Speaker 1: just you and your mom? Were you raised by a
Speaker 1: single mom? Or you just different were divorced? So ikay, okay,
Speaker 1: because that's important because a very common thread on climbing
Speaker 1: and eels since I started it is a lot of
Speaker 1: these incredibly successful, powerful women come from a single mother.
Speaker 3: I might as well have.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So well, it's interesting though, because but also as girls,
Speaker 1: I mean, I think very often we look at our moms,
Speaker 1: especially in adolescent years and go bit you're crazy, Like
Speaker 1: I am not listening to you. I'm like, I'm doing
Speaker 1: the opposite. What are you doing? You're so wrong? So
Speaker 1: first I want to really touch on the fact that
Speaker 1: you didn't do that right because you were having like
Speaker 1: anxiety and depression and all these things, which is so
Speaker 1: important to actually recognize because in those days, I don't
Speaker 1: think that teens recognize that. It would always be like
Speaker 1: what's wrong with me, I'm so fucked up? Or this
Speaker 1: is part of adolescence and like I hate everyone, and
Speaker 1: everyone thinks I'm ugly, and everyone thinks I'm bad, and
Speaker 1: no boys like me and girls are mean, and like
Speaker 1: all the things we go through right for approval because
Speaker 1: adolescence is so brutal. And this is obviously before social media.
Speaker 1: But what's very interesting to me, having been a teen
Speaker 1: girl with like a degenerate boyfriend and the whole thing,
Speaker 1: like I'm I'm fast needed by the fact that you
Speaker 1: touched on your spirituality and went with it and like
Speaker 1: followed what your mom was doing instead of being like
Speaker 1: you weirdo, what are you doing? This shit doesn't work?
Speaker 2: I think I was really out of desperation, right, I
Speaker 2: didn't I didn't have any other way out. I was
Speaker 2: so you know, and I I was brought up homeopathic,
Speaker 2: so like going to a sex interesting kind of figuring that.
Speaker 2: It was like, more like, what's the remedy, you know,
Speaker 2: interesting it was it was It wasn't It wasn't like
Speaker 2: they were going to you know, sort of give me
Speaker 2: like ADHD, psych or anything.
Speaker 3: Right. It was more like you.
Speaker 1: Were not getting focal in in those days.
Speaker 2: Or after all over and I was, and I was
Speaker 2: gifted this meditation practice, but at the time it was
Speaker 2: it was only a little bit that could give me
Speaker 2: that safety inside. And truly I didn't feel safe. I
Speaker 2: didn't feel safe inside, and and I didn't know why
Speaker 2: for so many years. And actually so much of it
Speaker 2: was revealed to me in my later life, but of it.
Speaker 2: Had experienced trauma as a child, I didn't know. I
Speaker 2: dissociated from it, and so with that I was very
Speaker 2: hyper vigilant.
Speaker 3: I was really afraid.
Speaker 2: And so that people who have adverse childhood experiences do often.
Speaker 3: Wind up with addiction, and that was the case for me.
Speaker 2: So by the time I was in my early twenties
Speaker 2: and running, you know, I was running a pr company
Speaker 2: that represented night clubs.
Speaker 1: Right of course, Okay, as one would, which is perhaps
Speaker 1: the most dangerous job for like a young girl in
Speaker 1: Manhattan most like beautiful, like working the door, and guy like,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's yeah, it's it's it's a slip race.
Speaker 2: I've honestly, like the amount of the shit that I did,
Speaker 2: I don't even know how I'm alive and so but
Speaker 2: I think I'm alive because I hit bottom fast.
Speaker 1: Rachel, Yeah, when you were young.
Speaker 3: By the time I was.
Speaker 2: Twenty five, I was just with this severe cocaine addiction
Speaker 2: daily happy, and I was still like the salesperson of
Speaker 2: my company and a business partner. I was like, I
Speaker 2: was still the one bringing in all the business, so
Speaker 2: I could show up at noon.
Speaker 3: I could.
Speaker 2: I ran my own business. There was no consequences. But
Speaker 2: I had enough spiritual awareness. The stack of self help
Speaker 2: books that were next to my bed in my studio apartment,
Speaker 2: and I would have these after hours parties with like
Speaker 2: drug dealers, just random folks, and I'd be sitting in
Speaker 2: my apartment and I'd be looking at those self help
Speaker 2: books and I would say to them, I'm going to
Speaker 2: be a self help book author and a motivational speaker.
Speaker 3: These people will be like shut the fuck off, like.
Speaker 1: You okay, you're about to die, Like what you talking?
Speaker 3: All right? What are you talking about?
Speaker 2: But I knew, I always knew I had that spiritual
Speaker 2: faith inside. I leaned on these books. I would read
Speaker 2: them as I was coming down at night. I would
Speaker 2: journal feverishly in my journal. And I remember being one
Speaker 2: one day, really the days before I got clean and sober.
Speaker 2: I remember being in my car across the street from
Speaker 2: my apartment doing alternate side the street, parking on thirteenth Street, Village,
Speaker 2: beat up white Toyota Corolla, like chugging a gatorade, and
Speaker 2: I was listening to this cassette tape and it was
Speaker 2: just playing over and over and over.
Speaker 3: I was go rewind. It was a cassette tape.
Speaker 1: Cassette tape. Obviously, you're right by the Waverley by the
Speaker 1: way exactly and Mumba exactly.
Speaker 3: So I would hit rewind and play and rewind and
Speaker 3: play and rewind and plane.
Speaker 2: I just kept hitting it again and again and again
Speaker 2: because I wanted to keep listening to this words. And
Speaker 2: what I was listening to was this psychic reading that
Speaker 2: I had had six months prior and the psychic's words
Speaker 2: were so clear, and she kept saying to me, you're
Speaker 2: you're addicted, You're having.
Speaker 3: Prediction problems, and I was like, it's not that bad.
Speaker 2: And then she went on to say, you have two
Speaker 2: choices in this lifetime. You can choose to stay on
Speaker 2: the path that you're on and it will be very destructive,
Speaker 2: where you can choose to get clean and make a
Speaker 2: major impact on the world.
Speaker 3: And I just kept.
Speaker 2: Repeating this, rewind, play, rewind play, listening to the cassette tape,
Speaker 2: and I got out of my car and I went
Speaker 2: back to my apartment and I started to fall asleep.
Speaker 3: That morning, it was like noon.
Speaker 2: At this point, I was just scribbling in my book,
Speaker 2: you know, get get clean and live a life beyonder
Speaker 2: wildless dreams.
Speaker 3: And and it was days.
Speaker 2: Later that I made that commitment to get clean and
Speaker 2: sober and October second, two thousand and five, it was
Speaker 2: nineteen years ago.
Speaker 3: Wow, Ohity for you, Yeah, and I for you.
Speaker 2: That was the turning point of my life and the
Speaker 2: turning point of my career because obviously, if this is
Speaker 2: my new life, I'm not going to be able to
Speaker 2: do what I was doing. Yeah, very quickly, brove into
Speaker 2: becoming a spiritual teacher.
Speaker 3: I mean, like if you had been in New York at.
Speaker 1: That time, I was, I was. It was the best,
Speaker 1: by the way, it was belfing best.
Speaker 3: It was fun. I wish you guys had been in
Speaker 3: my early lectures like it was. It was. It was
Speaker 3: so cool.
Speaker 2: It was just like all these girls like dressed to
Speaker 2: the nines that otherwise would have been in the club,
Speaker 2: but now it's Friday night and they're like in a
Speaker 2: church listening to me talk about spirituality.
Speaker 1: Huh. And by the way, I will say this, Gabby
Speaker 1: to the to that end that I knew many people
Speaker 1: that I was very close too at that same exact
Speaker 1: time that you were going through this that we're also
Speaker 1: going through it and didn't get clean and it ended
Speaker 1: very differently, and you know, and it ended very differently.
Speaker 1: And even one of them myself recently is in rehab
Speaker 1: for like I don't know, twentieth time now. Yeah, like wild. So,
Speaker 1: I mean there's a lot of power in that. And
Speaker 1: I think I think using that moment to put forth
Speaker 1: what you've put forth and helped and saved so many people.
Speaker 1: So like, so you had that moment, you had this epiphany.
Speaker 1: You had this awakening. Now did you go through like
Speaker 1: drug addiction treatment or were you just like, I'm done.
Speaker 2: I got sober in twelve step program. I got myself
Speaker 2: and sober. I walked my ass over to the famous,
Speaker 2: the famous meeting in the West Villain.
Speaker 1: Yes, I asked, I was so many of people allowed.
Speaker 2: That meeting thirty am every morning. And I did that
Speaker 2: for six years in a row. And the thing that
Speaker 2: was so cool about that time, and I have such
Speaker 2: fond memories of that time. Rachel was I was young
Speaker 2: in sobriety in New York City in the early two thousands,
Speaker 2: and it was hard, you know what though, it was
Speaker 2: so fun. It was so fun for me because there,
Speaker 2: because they were young. It was all the people you
Speaker 2: party with. Yeah, of course, man, you know there's a
Speaker 2: guy who's lines with and they're all in meeting.
Speaker 1: There's that fashion editor, that famous.
Speaker 2: Mashion designer, like everybody there and then and and but
Speaker 2: there was this youthful There is in New York City
Speaker 2: still a young contingency of sobriety that's been in LA
Speaker 2: as well. That's so awesome because when you find your
Speaker 2: way into that, it's actually like this extraordinary community that
Speaker 2: you get wrapped with.
Speaker 3: It wraps around you.
Speaker 2: And my friends who have stayed sober with me throughout
Speaker 2: the two decades now we won, they're extraordinarily successful and
Speaker 2: they're fields and two they're just they're just there's it's
Speaker 2: just sort of like childlike essence there's because there's so
Speaker 2: much recovery and we have such on memories of those times.
Speaker 1: And also, I think I would argue to say that
Speaker 1: addiction is something that it well, first of all, you know,
Speaker 1: it doesn't discriminate, right, Like, it really doesn't discriminate. I
Speaker 1: think we know that. And I think when you're surrounded
Speaker 1: by people that are just like you, it's not like,
Speaker 1: no way that happens to them. It's like, no, that
Speaker 1: happened to me, and it happened to this person that
Speaker 1: is really a lot like me. And I think when you.
Speaker 3: Have that.
Speaker 1: Epiphany, it makes you, it makes I think that journey
Speaker 1: a little bit I don't want to say easier, but
Speaker 1: I think you are your friends, right like fellowship.
Speaker 2: You know, you'll yeah have fellow Step addicts talk about
Speaker 2: fellowship is what saves them because you know, when you're
Speaker 2: early in sobriety, you may not know what a higher
Speaker 2: power is to you. You might not resonate B, but you
Speaker 2: have the community, and the community can can save you.
Speaker 3: And in my case it did. And then it.
Speaker 2: Made me really inspired to create community outside of those
Speaker 2: rooms where people may not have the privilege of finding
Speaker 2: their way into those rooms. Sure, and so that's where
Speaker 2: my my spiritual community, getting on stages and just giving
Speaker 2: talks with with you know, setting up the chairs in
Speaker 2: my heels, talk about being.
Speaker 3: In my heel exactly.
Speaker 2: Setting up I was like renting a room in the
Speaker 2: Gay Lesbian Transgenders that's on thirteenth Street, and like legit
Speaker 2: like like opening up like chairs by myself or with
Speaker 2: my volunteers.
Speaker 1: These these those like metal folding chairs, those like ones
Speaker 1: without like pretend cushion lining on it.
Speaker 3: Audience has got big, Rachel.
Speaker 2: It's like three hundred chairs, right, So I'd be like
Speaker 2: opening up these chairs and this little jinky platform and
Speaker 2: the crappiest sound system and people were coming and I
Speaker 2: saw videos from those days. I'll send you a clip
Speaker 2: of a video. You could mix it in here. God,
Speaker 2: it was so funny, you know. The outfits were just
Speaker 2: totally fucked, but like I needed you I.
Speaker 1: Really, honey, you're you're doing fine, like you do it
Speaker 1: right now. But here's the thing, so I've often said,
Speaker 1: and I don't know if it's a good thing to say.
Speaker 1: I say it as a joke, but I kind of
Speaker 1: mean it also, but anxiety for me, it's kind of
Speaker 1: served a bit as my superpower, a bit as my fire,
Speaker 1: a bit as like my I don't I don't know
Speaker 1: that I've ever looked at it as a negative thing.
Speaker 1: I'm sure it is in some ways, but I also
Speaker 1: feel like it has served me because I'm aware of
Speaker 1: it and because I've always had it right, Like I'm
Speaker 1: prone to it as a kid, and I'm always to
Speaker 1: your point, like what if people think I want to
Speaker 1: do the best, I want to be the best. I
Speaker 1: can't let this person down. And I think even going
Speaker 1: into your career, especially as an entrepreneur, as you said earlier,
Speaker 1: like I've worked for myself. I had one job my
Speaker 1: whole career, and I I have worked for myself since
Speaker 1: I was twenty five years old. And while terrifying and
Speaker 1: that feeling of like there is no fallback, right because
Speaker 1: there's no one who can if I don't show up,
Speaker 1: We're fucked right, there's no one. I don't have a partner,
Speaker 1: I don't have a like, there is no two of me.
Speaker 1: So like if I have one hundred and four fever,
Speaker 1: I'm still going to set right. And so whatever that
Speaker 1: was and the money I was making, there was no
Speaker 1: margin for error. And I think with you, it's like
Speaker 1: you have built this career to help and save so
Speaker 1: many people who have experienced a range of hundreds to
Speaker 1: thousands of different issues. Right, But I do think at
Speaker 1: the core it comes from this spirituality and this belief
Speaker 1: that you can heal. Right, you can heal in your
Speaker 1: mind and your body and all these things. So tell
Speaker 1: me about this sort of core of you and sort
Speaker 1: of like what makes Gabby Bernstein Gabby Bernstein because like
Speaker 1: when you sit, because there's a million like people that
Speaker 1: want to be life coaches. They're like, do i't want
Speaker 1: to be with my life now? Oh? You know what,
Speaker 1: I help people? Or I can talk to people. I
Speaker 1: can I'm a life coach.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 1: It's like when people would say to me about styling,
Speaker 1: I love clothes. I'm going to be a stylist, bitch,
Speaker 1: do you like to work your fucking ass off? And
Speaker 1: like miss everything that matters in your life, like you know,
Speaker 1: like let me so I want to talk to you
Speaker 1: about that because nine now soon to be ten books
Speaker 1: and a million talks later in front of thousands of people,
Speaker 1: and like you have set the bar now right, So
Speaker 1: tell me about how you became. Gaby Bernstein this like
Speaker 1: nice Jewish girl from Westchester.
Speaker 3: I think that that the becoming.
Speaker 2: Is actually the undoing right because as I as I
Speaker 2: grew in my career, I was growing inside right and.
Speaker 1: The real yourself along the way.
Speaker 2: I've written ten books in fourteen years. I've written everything
Speaker 2: in one of those books for myself. First. Every talk
Speaker 2: I've given, I've given for myself. Everything I've done, I
Speaker 2: have done to heal my own core belief systems and
Speaker 2: to reshape my patterns and unburden myself from beliefs and
Speaker 2: extreme behaviors that have been protecting me for so many years,
Speaker 2: and to release those forms of protection and feel safe
Speaker 2: inside of myself and trust myself. And so the commitment
Speaker 2: to my inner work and the commitment to my spiritual faith,
Speaker 2: but particularly the personal development work, the therapeutic work that
Speaker 2: I have courageously gone through and continued to do daily
Speaker 2: is how I have become me truly as in sad
Speaker 2: the truth if we are our highest self is always there.
Speaker 3: And in my new book self Help, actually.
Speaker 1: Which is so funny that you named it that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was a little tongue in cheek, I feel it.
Speaker 2: Is because because what it's about is accessing your highest
Speaker 2: self as your internal parent, to heal all those younger
Speaker 2: parts of yourself that have been so.
Speaker 3: Burned for so long. And so in this instance that
Speaker 3: that self, that self energy.
Speaker 2: Maybe you would consider it like flow energy, or maybe
Speaker 2: like the Buddha nature or the God within you, or
Speaker 2: your confidence and your courage, and like Rachel, when you're
Speaker 2: on set and you're just in the flow and you're
Speaker 2: just in that place, you're just like time, it's just gone,
Speaker 2: and you're just expanding moments that self right when you're
Speaker 2: with your boys and you're just in like that child
Speaker 2: like wonder, just having fun. That self, when you're in
Speaker 2: your energy of connection and compassion and courage and curiosity,
Speaker 2: that self and we all have self. And in the
Speaker 2: book I talk about how self is like the sun
Speaker 2: behind the clouds, and when the clouds, the self is
Speaker 2: always there, but the clouds are in the way, and
Speaker 2: as the clouds begin to live through the personal development,
Speaker 2: through the connection inside, that true self emerges like the
Speaker 2: sun and we feel our most authentic.
Speaker 1: What do you do when the clouds are covering too thick?
Speaker 3: I would pick up the book self Help?
Speaker 1: I gather, I know, I'm picking up the book self Help.
Speaker 3: That's damn sure.
Speaker 2: Now I'll tell you exactly what you do. It's a
Speaker 2: four step practice in the book, and we can do
Speaker 2: it right now. I mean, I think that that's the
Speaker 2: simplicity of it. This book is based on a therapy
Speaker 2: that changed my life, and then I took that therapy.
Speaker 2: It's called IFS Internal Family Systems Therapy, and I made
Speaker 2: it a self help tool because it changed my life
Speaker 2: so much that I wanted people outside of the therapist's
Speaker 2: office to get it. So I made it a tool.
Speaker 2: And really, the clouds, what are those clouds who represent?
Speaker 2: Those clouds represent the beliefs and the patterns and the
Speaker 2: extreme behaviors that we feel stuck in. Right, So you're
Speaker 2: familiar with that. Everybody listening familiar and we can check
Speaker 2: in with it.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: So, typically when we have those beliefs in those patterns
Speaker 2: that are so strong and so ingrained in us, like
Speaker 2: people pleasing or overworking, or addiction, or you know, running too.
Speaker 1: Much empathy, empathy to the detriment, overriding.
Speaker 3: Ourselves exactly, codependency.
Speaker 2: For me, there's a controlling part that's really run my
Speaker 2: life for very long.
Speaker 3: I know, any entrepreneurs, any woman that you have on
Speaker 3: this show is and be like, I got a controller.
Speaker 1: I know, perfectionism, control. I mean, there's definitely ten, a
Speaker 1: list of ten that we could all pretty much check.
Speaker 2: I think so many, and there's so these parts of
Speaker 2: us are Actually if you ask those parts of yourself,
Speaker 2: like the controlling part of yourself, or the part of
Speaker 2: you that maybe it is the perfectionist Rachel, if you asked,
Speaker 2: how long have you been around?
Speaker 3: What would those parts of you say?
Speaker 1: I mean since I was born? I mean I can ever,
Speaker 1: I don't know when when.
Speaker 2: Not, when it hasn't been there, we don't even. Of course,
Speaker 2: the work in this book is about witnessing those those
Speaker 2: parts of us that are so extreme that we often
Speaker 2: can shame and blame, and seeing them actually as protection mechanisms,
Speaker 2: like coping mechanisms.
Speaker 3: Yeah of course, right, okay, so.
Speaker 1: You can it's like, okay, I'm not going to get
Speaker 1: hurt because I can do this, or like that person
Speaker 1: can't do that to me because I'm going to use
Speaker 1: this power that I have.
Speaker 2: That's exactly right. And so if we've got these protection
Speaker 2: mechanisms on high alert all the time, the next question
Speaker 2: is who are these protection mechanisms. These will call them
Speaker 2: protector parts. Who are they protecting?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: And so it's the young little girl that feels like
Speaker 2: someone's going to take advantage of her, or the little
Speaker 2: girl in my case, the little girl who experienced trauma
Speaker 2: who does feel safe, or the little girl lived in
Speaker 2: chaos and was just like I need to control everything
Speaker 2: in order to not feel like I'm going to die.
Speaker 2: And so we live our lives and those are exiled
Speaker 2: little little parts of ourselves that experienced trauma or attachment
Speaker 2: brief breach, or the feelings of inadequacy, being unlovable or
Speaker 2: not good.
Speaker 1: And how much you block those I think as women,
Speaker 1: we block them so we can move forward.
Speaker 2: Right, We live in these protector parts, these coping mechanisms
Speaker 2: to never have to feel those exiled feelings again. So
Speaker 2: what happens we live from trigger to trigger, right, so
Speaker 2: somebody doesn't do the thing we want and then we're
Speaker 2: like super fucking activated and we're in this new part
Speaker 2: or you know, we're being a perfectionist because things don't
Speaker 2: feel like they're in control or whatever. However we act
Speaker 2: out and so as leaders, as entrepreneurs, as women, these
Speaker 2: parts can really take over, and sometimes we can be
Speaker 2: so blended with them that we can walk away and
Speaker 2: be like, I don't know what came over me, particularly
Speaker 2: with our romantic partners. Right, So like, don't talk about,
Speaker 2: you know, extreme parts triggering each other.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: So this book is all about helping the coping mechanisms,
Speaker 2: helping the protector parts feel more settled. Okay, And so
Speaker 2: I'm gonna take you through it because I think you're
Speaker 2: ready for this, all right, So you're tracking with me.
Speaker 3: We don't have to do it you in real time,
Speaker 3: but you're a listener, can do it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I mean I listen. I think to some extent,
Speaker 1: I don't even think to some extent we all need this.
Speaker 1: And I do want to say one thing before and
Speaker 1: I want to see if you agree with me. I
Speaker 1: was at this event Lachma and a really dear friend
Speaker 1: of mine, a very successful power couple wife total badass husband,
Speaker 1: badass and a sweetheart. And he was telling me how
Speaker 1: all the guys in his life are like breaking down. Right,
Speaker 1: So he's about forty six forty seven, He's like, all
Speaker 1: my friends are just breaking down. He said, I don't
Speaker 1: know why. And he said, it's a midlife crisis. It's
Speaker 1: whatever he goes. But I feel like that doesn't happen
Speaker 1: to you. Guys like meeting women. And I said, I'm
Speaker 1: going to tell you something interesting. And I didn't think
Speaker 1: about it when I said it, and he said, that
Speaker 1: was brilliant. I never thought of it that way, and
Speaker 1: you are probably right. And what I said was, here's
Speaker 1: the thing. I think women aren't, to some extent always
Speaker 1: in a midlife crisis, right, Like I think to some extent,
Speaker 1: we come into this world for the most part, obviously
Speaker 1: generally speaking, we are insecure and feel not enough and
Speaker 1: feel put these things up and like, no one's gonna
Speaker 1: love us, no one's going to this, no one's we
Speaker 1: have to be the best at this. We have to
Speaker 1: prove ourselves our egos or this or that, all the
Speaker 1: things right, the insecurities, And I'm like, whereas dudes are
Speaker 1: like I got this, Like I'm good, I'm driven by ego,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, we've been in this our whole lives.
Speaker 1: This is how we function. It is only now that
Speaker 1: society is letting us not feel that way, right, Like
Speaker 1: it's cool to feel fucking strong and good about yourself
Speaker 1: as a woman, Whereas before it was like that bitch
Speaker 1: is difficult, right, Like she she speaks too loud, she
Speaker 1: speaks too much, or she's like she's too opinionated. Whereas
Speaker 1: guys now in their in their mid forties to fifties,
Speaker 1: they're like, oh my god, I'm not successful enough. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'm not like whatever, and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we've dealt without our whole lives. We're just coming out
Speaker 1: of that, right.
Speaker 2: Add hormones to all of the okay, add no puberty
Speaker 2: and add but then add part of and then and then.
Speaker 3: I'd fucking menopause to that.
Speaker 1: Yeah yourself, men, Yeah exactly. Are a lot of the
Speaker 1: people that you speak to and work with young, because
Speaker 1: I believe that some of the work that you do
Speaker 1: is the most important for adolescents, because I think that
Speaker 1: I think that your journey as an adult is so
Speaker 1: impacted by those years.
Speaker 2: My most important student is my son, Oliver, who's six.
Speaker 2: He has my absolute most valuable student, and he is
Speaker 2: my most important to understand, not just because he's mine,
Speaker 2: but because he's so malleable right that when I see
Speaker 2: Allie get flooded with because he actually can't stand to
Speaker 2: be wrong right, So the second he gets a number
Speaker 2: wrong or a letter wrong, he loses his shit and
Speaker 2: he'll storm off.
Speaker 3: And so instead of saying to.
Speaker 2: Him you're fine, you're fine, or you know you did
Speaker 2: just fine, or you're gonna be fine or get over
Speaker 2: it or move on it'll be whatever, like let it
Speaker 2: go is not a big deal, instead of overriding his experience,
Speaker 2: I'll follow the steps first, I'll choose to check it.
Speaker 2: I have to give him the choice to check it.
Speaker 3: You know, if you go to your.
Speaker 2: Boys when they're activated talk about it, they'll be like, no,
Speaker 2: I'm not ready, you know, to the hand.
Speaker 3: And so I'll have to wait a little bit.
Speaker 2: And so sometimes I'll go to his room and he'll
Speaker 2: rustle around, and once I see things moving around in
Speaker 2: his room, I can go in a knock and be like,
Speaker 2: would you like to check it? So when I get
Speaker 2: buy in from him, I know it's and he's only six.
Speaker 1: I want to just remind everyone because this is so important.
Speaker 3: I really there's a two year old. You can do
Speaker 3: with a two year old.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I feel what you're saying, and I think
Speaker 1: it's so important for parents to hear this. This is
Speaker 1: not stuff that happens when you graduate college and go
Speaker 1: on your own. This is stuff that is from day
Speaker 1: one that.
Speaker 2: You no If we can help our little people, that's
Speaker 2: how we save the world, because all the drama in
Speaker 2: our world is just people that activated parts being activated
Speaker 2: and debated and activated.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what we're living in right now.
Speaker 2: So by helping Ali have that inner resilience, he can't
Speaker 2: connect to that self energy. He needs me to be
Speaker 2: it for him right now. And if I can be
Speaker 2: it for him, then he can learn to access that
Speaker 2: for himself. So then I'll just get curious, you know,
Speaker 2: like what's.
Speaker 3: Going on, what are you feeling? What do you want
Speaker 3: me to know? And then I'll ask what do you need?
Speaker 2: And I'll be like I need a hug, or I
Speaker 2: need space or whatever he needs. And then I'll see
Speaker 2: and I'll check in a it does he seem a little.
Speaker 3: Bit more calm?
Speaker 2: Does he seem a little connected, does he seem curious,
Speaker 2: does he seem like there's a creative energy going And
Speaker 2: once I see the shift in him, then I'll then
Speaker 2: I'll know we can redirect right. And that's what all
Speaker 2: those great great parenting books will say, like connect and
Speaker 2: redirect right. Connection has to come first, and that connection
Speaker 2: is through the four steps right now?
Speaker 1: Okay, so internal internal family systems? Can you define that? Like,
Speaker 1: because that obviously something you're trying to scream about, Like
Speaker 1: what actually does that mean? Because we know what are
Speaker 1: internals systems are? But what is internal family systems is
Speaker 1: that you're saying those are the triggers, and the triggers
Speaker 1: nothing to.
Speaker 2: Do with your external family except for the fact that
Speaker 2: they may be the triggers that put the feelings there.
Speaker 3: But it's actually an inner family of parts of who
Speaker 3: you are.
Speaker 2: So it's like an inn family of little children inside
Speaker 2: your self. Energy is the internal parents, the inner leader.
Speaker 2: And instead of overriding all these young experiences and patterns
Speaker 2: that have been around for so long, the ideas to
Speaker 2: befriend them and know them and give them some space
Speaker 2: to reveal what they need so that they can relax.
Speaker 2: And then when these parts of us relax, more of
Speaker 2: that calmness can emerge, more of that clarity can emerge
Speaker 2: or can emerge. And so it's this practice of witnessing
Speaker 2: what's it's happening inside and then checking in with it
Speaker 2: instead of checking out.
Speaker 3: And we live our lives checking out, checking out, checking out.
Speaker 3: I got this good?
Speaker 2: Yeah, control over this, or I'm going to eat over this,
Speaker 2: or I'm going to drink over this, or I'm going
Speaker 2: to work over this.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna numb out with YouTube over this.
Speaker 2: And we're just in these patterns, just just pushing past,
Speaker 2: pushing people, pleasing over this, whatever it is, because I
Speaker 2: don't want to feel those feelings.
Speaker 3: Instead of having.
Speaker 2: To go to the darkest feelings of our life, which
Speaker 2: we can do in therapy, this practice is just about
Speaker 2: tending to those protection mechanisms.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so important. It's so interesting because it's so
Speaker 1: incredibly important because I think, I mean, listen, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: use myself as an example, right because I can't speak
Speaker 1: to anybody else, but I can say that for me,
Speaker 1: it's that constant like I grew up in the most loving,
Speaker 1: like non traumatizing childhood, right like I just I say
Speaker 1: that very openly because I understand as an adult how
Speaker 1: grateful I am for that.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: That does not mean that I'm not fucked up in
Speaker 1: many ways from Gondos one. But I guess what I'm
Speaker 1: saying is that I definitely have lived my adult life
Speaker 1: and listen, probably my younger life life, right, but like
Speaker 1: with protections with walls, and everybody's like, how do you
Speaker 1: do it? How do you go through blah blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, and they'll list out ten things I'm dealing with, right,
Speaker 1: and then like personal shit work stuff like kids at
Speaker 1: whatever it is, right, and I'm like, you just do
Speaker 1: I just do? What do you mean? Like I just do?
Speaker 1: And They're like, but you seem so happy, And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I am happy, right, Like I am happy, but like,
Speaker 1: trust me, i'm internally I am in like it looks
Speaker 1: like a twister, you know, it looks like a massive tornado.
Speaker 1: And it's like, you know, I've kind of always used
Speaker 1: that analogy of like, yes, I am happy, Yes I
Speaker 1: am together. I'm not like lying to you guys. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, trust me when I tell you
Speaker 1: the inside looks so hustly different from the outside. And
Speaker 1: I think that's because to your point, it's living in protections,
Speaker 1: it's living with walls, it's living with these things that
Speaker 1: we block. And I always say I block and tackle,
Speaker 1: I block and tackle, and that's just internal and external. Right.
Speaker 2: Wow, even that language, that's so beautiful. I block and tackle. Right,
Speaker 2: We're all living our lives block and tackle, blockerly, block
Speaker 2: and tackle. Everyone listening is going to be like, yeah,
Speaker 2: me too, in their ways, right, your own ways. And
Speaker 2: the thing that's really important for me to say, Rachel,
Speaker 2: is that these parts of us, while they may be
Speaker 2: very extreme, they also have had really good roles in
Speaker 2: our life. Right, So controlling part, I'm working really really
Speaker 2: hard to help that part of me calm down and
Speaker 2: to take on a new role. But listen, she wrote
Speaker 2: ten books in fourteen. Yeah, right, your block and tackle
Speaker 2: made a movement, and there's an icon in your industry.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean and not.
Speaker 1: But what you're saying is exactly why I think as
Speaker 1: women and many men, we know, many incredibly successful men,
Speaker 1: they're going to say, well, why am I going to
Speaker 1: try and change that? Right? Because it's working. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you at what point? Yeah, please? Because I think that's interesting.
Speaker 2: Well, think like, well, I don't want to lose my edge,
Speaker 2: right your fire. Actually, what I want to suggest is
Speaker 2: that you can just soften your edges. So I'll give
Speaker 2: you my own example. Right, So, the controller has done
Speaker 2: a lot in nineteen years of her career and in
Speaker 2: forty five years of her life, she's done a lot
Speaker 2: of good for the world. She has written many books,
Speaker 2: she's spoken all over the place, She's done a lot
Speaker 2: for the world.
Speaker 3: She's created a child, the whole thing.
Speaker 2: But she's done it in such extreme ways for so
Speaker 2: long at my own expense. And so I wouldn't have
Speaker 2: that child like joy, right, I would miss the joy
Speaker 2: of like tasting my food or like having fun in
Speaker 2: the moment and just being present. And so I don't
Speaker 2: want that controller to stop doing the great work she's doing,
Speaker 2: but I definitely don't want her to run the show
Speaker 2: anymore because it's too extreme for me. And so as
Speaker 2: I've tended to her with this process of checking in
Speaker 2: and checking in, working with her and working with her,
Speaker 2: now she's taking on a new role. So she's not
Speaker 2: going away. She's not a bad part. She's just emerging
Speaker 2: into a more relaxed role.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: So instead of being the asshole on the team call
Speaker 2: being like do this, do that, she can actually speak
Speaker 2: with more clarity now because she's one mom, and she
Speaker 2: can say, I'm noticing that things are not working out
Speaker 2: the way that I would hope, and I need things
Speaker 2: to be a little bit more organized, and so my
Speaker 2: expectation is x y Z, and so I'm.
Speaker 3: Looking forward to seeing the results much. So.
Speaker 2: That's a badass, powerful entrepreneur talking to the team saying
Speaker 2: it's time for all of us to get in gear.
Speaker 3: But it's not a controlling asshole, right.
Speaker 1: It's that's so interesting. That is so interesting because I
Speaker 1: think I want to really I want to touch on
Speaker 1: that because I think I think there is this real
Speaker 1: like it's like a tug of war. I think in
Speaker 1: most successful powerful people like I can't be me unless
Speaker 1: I do this right. And I've always said my number
Speaker 1: one thing is lead with love, lead with kindness. You
Speaker 1: don't have to be an asshole to be successful. You
Speaker 1: don't have to like, you don't have to fuck people
Speaker 1: over to win it something right like, And I think
Speaker 1: that that is a newer concept for I think most
Speaker 1: industries like sort of sort of saying I can still
Speaker 1: win it this and not be an asshole. I can
Speaker 1: still be nice to people. And I think to your point,
Speaker 1: there is a real fear of like, wait, I won't
Speaker 1: have that same power. I won't have that edge. I
Speaker 1: won't they won't listen to me. If I don't.
Speaker 3: Act like this, right, I won't be heard.
Speaker 1: I won't I won't be heard.
Speaker 3: And the thing is, you know, one time I.
Speaker 2: Had my therapist, She's like, I would recommend that maybe
Speaker 2: you don't run your business like a ten year old anymore,
Speaker 2: and from your ten old and I'm like, every day
Speaker 2: you every day, even today, I was like talking about
Speaker 2: VP of marketing. I was like, Okay, I recognize there's
Speaker 2: a part of me that wants this done tomorrow and
Speaker 2: that that could maybe be a little bit aggressive, and
Speaker 2: so I'm gonna speak for what I want and what
Speaker 2: i need, but I'm also going.
Speaker 3: To give you some space. Right.
Speaker 2: So it's so different than just being blended with that
Speaker 2: part of myself and thinking if I don't get it
Speaker 2: done the way that I want it, in the time
Speaker 2: that I want it, I won't survive.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: And that's the miracle of this work is that the
Speaker 2: more you check in the more you start to experience
Speaker 2: that calmness in that connection, and the more clarity you
Speaker 2: have and the more creative energe you have, and this
Speaker 2: new part of you starts to emerge. And what that
Speaker 2: part of you that's starting to emerge is is a
Speaker 2: child like part of you that got pushed.
Speaker 4: Down for so long, the happy child, the happy child
Speaker 4: to be by the way, that's to be your next book,
Speaker 4: happy child, like you know, I mean.
Speaker 1: You're so prolific at this point. I feel like you
Speaker 1: could write one by Monday or something.
Speaker 3: I want another one already. I have another one. I'm
Speaker 3: submitting it in January.
Speaker 1: So I do I do want to touch on one
Speaker 1: thing you said, because you said my therapist, because I
Speaker 1: think many people would say, well, Gabby and going to
Speaker 1: her talks and da da da, she is my therapist now, right.
Speaker 1: And I also want to say that I'm someone who
Speaker 1: until very recently, and I've never said this out loud
Speaker 1: other than to my internal people. You know, I've never
Speaker 1: been a believer in therapy. Right, yet I have more
Speaker 1: people in my life that can't breathe without a therapist.
Speaker 1: They're like, oh, I got to think, God, a therapy
Speaker 1: can notes like a, it's like, and I think what's
Speaker 1: interesting is some of the things you've said is I
Speaker 1: think part of it is you. It's the blocking and tackling, right.
Speaker 1: You don't want to go to the underneath. You don't
Speaker 1: want to necessarily unblock it because you're like, I'm doing great,
Speaker 1: I don't need to cover that stuff, right, So I
Speaker 1: want to talk about it because one would think sitting
Speaker 1: here with Gaby Bernstein and life coaching half the world
Speaker 1: at this point through your books and you know, your
Speaker 1: talks and all of these things and your pod and
Speaker 1: everything else, it's sort of like, Okay, why do you
Speaker 1: need a therapist now? So and I know why, but
Speaker 1: like I want you to share that concept, right.
Speaker 2: Well, I have a couples therapists, I have a personal therapist.
Speaker 2: I have because you know why, Rachel, I want to
Speaker 2: feel as absolutely.
Speaker 3: Free as I can.
Speaker 1: So interesting.
Speaker 2: I have been on a pursuit of freedom since the
Speaker 2: moment I landed here on this planet, and that freedom
Speaker 2: is what I'm here to live inside and what I'm
Speaker 2: here to teach, so I will hopefully.
Speaker 3: I mean, my new therapist is like fabulous.
Speaker 2: I love her so much, and I love all my
Speaker 2: therapists I've had throughout my life, but this one is
Speaker 2: just so amazing.
Speaker 3: That is really like shining the crystal. You know. It's
Speaker 3: like I go in and I'm like, what who are
Speaker 3: we going to check in with today? You know? And
Speaker 3: I do.
Speaker 2: IFS therapy, So that's what I'm drawing to have read
Speaker 2: book for it. But it's just had such a profound
Speaker 2: impact on my life that I wouldn't do it any differently.
Speaker 2: And I think that that what's it's about this book.
Speaker 3: It's called self help.
Speaker 2: It's like for the folks that are like, no, thank you,
Speaker 2: it's really for the people that are in the therapy
Speaker 2: because it will Hanser therapy, for spiritual students because it
Speaker 2: will Hnsterer spiritual practice, And it's for the folks that
Speaker 2: are like, I don't really like is this it? Like
Speaker 2: it's just happen to feel forever, like is this a
Speaker 2: better way? But maybe they don't want to go to therapy, And.
Speaker 3: So this is a gentle path. This isn't asking you
Speaker 3: to go unearth your deepest, darkest wounds. It's asking you
Speaker 3: just to find a new way of relating to yourself.
Speaker 1: And it's very attainable, like I almost feel like this
Speaker 1: is sort of the one oh one for people who
Speaker 1: are like it's self help one oh one, And I
Speaker 1: think that's probably what you meant by the by the
Speaker 1: title a little bit, which is like, you know what,
Speaker 1: this doesn't take a whole lot of work. This is
Speaker 1: like really just helping you in your every day life
Speaker 1: feel the best you can. Or even just if you
Speaker 1: feel a little better from doing this throughout the day,
Speaker 1: that's what.
Speaker 3: You're trying better.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's actually my goal for the reader is like,
Speaker 2: have these moments follow the four steps, even once a day.
Speaker 2: But the more often you do it, more more more
Speaker 2: free feel. But they have to do it once a day,
Speaker 2: you get a glimmer of that self energy so calm,
Speaker 2: that connection. And it's just really about adding up those moments,
Speaker 2: those glimmers, because once you have a little taste of
Speaker 2: it and you're like, ooh, I just said that four
Speaker 2: steps and I actually feel a lot more calm right now.
Speaker 2: Or I just said I just had such an anxiety attack,
Speaker 2: but I use Gabby these four steps and whoo, the
Speaker 2: anxiety is lifting.
Speaker 1: It's like a break. It's okay, it's it's a break.
Speaker 3: And once you have a taste of that, you want
Speaker 3: more of it? I mean to ask you a question
Speaker 3: in you.
Speaker 1: I want to ask a question because I could obviously
Speaker 1: talk to you for fifteen hours, but I do have
Speaker 1: to let you go. You said that you've been on
Speaker 1: a journey for freedom, internal freedom and external. I imagine
Speaker 1: since you came onto this earth, right, how do you
Speaker 1: feel today at forty five with ten bucks soon to
Speaker 1: be eleven? God knows the next time I freaking speak
Speaker 1: to you, helping get jillions of people, and you know,
Speaker 1: having been through what you've been through, how do you
Speaker 1: feel on your journey to freedom?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: How do you feel today?
Speaker 3: I'm going to answer with a story.
Speaker 2: So I was a he a few weeks ago and
Speaker 2: I was at dinner and I'm I'm looking at the
Speaker 2: menu and You're gonna laugh when I talk about this,
Speaker 2: but I was like, I was like, the well is chicken,
Speaker 2: soup is just everything, and like the Palma duro, I
Speaker 2: love the pama dura.
Speaker 3: I need to share the tacos. And my friend was
Speaker 3: sitting across from me.
Speaker 2: It's like a good friend of mine, and she looks
Speaker 2: at me and she goes, yeah, but you're having so
Speaker 2: much fun in life right right, I was like I
Speaker 2: fell off my chair.
Speaker 3: I was like, who, Like, who is this Gabby you're
Speaker 3: referred to? And it's so true. It was like all
Speaker 3: of a sudden, it's like child like emerging.
Speaker 2: And I was just like so focused on the ub
Speaker 2: Welles's chicken soup and all I wanted and I couldn't.
Speaker 3: There was nothing burdening me.
Speaker 2: And I was having fun and so happy to be
Speaker 2: with these friends and just sitting outside in la and
Speaker 2: eating beautiful food and just in child like wonder. And
Speaker 2: so the answer is I'm getting to freedom, honey.
Speaker 1: Isn't that great? And I'm gonna I'm gonna actually say
Speaker 1: to that that over the last like three months, I've
Speaker 1: weirdly had at least one hundred people in my life
Speaker 1: very close to me, without knowing, without saying, just going,
Speaker 1: you feel so light, you look so sparkly, you you
Speaker 1: look so happy, you look so like you know, like,
Speaker 1: I think, to your point, a little more of that spirit,
Speaker 1: a little more of that light, a little more of
Speaker 1: that like. And what's interesting, and I think this goes
Speaker 1: to what you do is I think we move through
Speaker 1: life and we don't know how people are taking us
Speaker 1: in right, until they're not taking you in in that
Speaker 1: same way and they comment on and when it was
Speaker 1: not one person, but I kid you not, it's been
Speaker 1: at least one hundred and some know what's going on
Speaker 1: in my life, some don't, but they just all made
Speaker 1: the same comment. And it was the weirdest awakening for
Speaker 1: me because I was like, Wow, that's fucking wild because
Speaker 1: who knew that anyone could feel what I was feeling? Right?
Speaker 1: Who knew what I was holding? Who knew what I
Speaker 1: was carrying?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 1: And they still don't know, by the way, right, But
Speaker 1: like at the end of the day, to your point,
Speaker 1: I think that freeing behavior of how you move through
Speaker 1: even just at dinner talking about the excitement about food,
Speaker 1: and I think when you talk about happy people, to
Speaker 1: your point, it's people who are genuinely excited by something
Speaker 1: so simple.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, you know.
Speaker 1: Like yes, my day. How about when how about twenty
Speaker 1: people that you've seen in a day and you go,
Speaker 1: I'm good, how are you? And they're like I'm good,
Speaker 1: and the next thing. But then every once in a
Speaker 1: while you get a person that go that says like
Speaker 1: I'm great, totally, I'm great, Like it's a beautiful day.
Speaker 1: I just had the best breakfast, like oh my god,
Speaker 1: my son did this, or like wow. And I have
Speaker 1: a friend that actually answers that way sometimes, and it
Speaker 1: jolts me because I'm like, shit, she is genuinely living
Speaker 1: in gratitude and actually genuinely this fucking happy about like
Speaker 1: the five minute dumb things she just did. And I'm
Speaker 1: not saying it's dumb, but it it's like a nothing thing.
Speaker 2: Presence, but wow, right, it's presence, and it's, uh, that's
Speaker 2: what life's about.
Speaker 3: And I think that most people don't live there.
Speaker 1: Well, I love you for making your life's purpose not
Speaker 1: only self actualizing. I hate to use that term, but
Speaker 1: I guess getting yourself to your freest place, but actually
Speaker 1: making it your life's goal to get everyone to their
Speaker 1: freest place, because it's such a beautiful thing. And you know,
Speaker 1: it's like in the simplest way, it's like turning that
Speaker 1: frown upside down, right.
Speaker 3: And I I it's a very selfish career I have.
Speaker 2: If I wouldn't say that, well, it's selfish because if
Speaker 2: I do it right for myself, then I can do
Speaker 2: it right for you. And you asked me early on.
Speaker 2: You said well, what allowed what made you gabby? And
Speaker 2: it was realizing that there was no one else I
Speaker 2: was trying to be right, and that I was going
Speaker 2: to just keep peeling back of the layers of the
Speaker 2: onion of who I authentically am. And so I can
Speaker 2: say that it's a selfish career because I'm doing I'm
Speaker 2: just having fun doing the work on myself, and then
Speaker 2: I can just unapologetically share it with the world.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and actually changing the world and helping a million
Speaker 1: people doing it, And now everyone wants to be a
Speaker 1: life coach.
Speaker 2: My answer to those folks is good, but go do
Speaker 2: the self help, of course, because you.
Speaker 1: Don't want to heal yourself to heal others. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so before you go, I'm going to give you like
Speaker 1: a handful of questions. Just wrap it around just because
Speaker 1: it's what I do. To close, So like two second answers,
Speaker 1: morning person or night owl?
Speaker 3: Oh, morning person all the way?
Speaker 1: Okay, favorite season, fall mountains are beach.
Speaker 3: Both.
Speaker 1: This one should be interesting for you. One thing you'd
Speaker 1: tell your younger self, It's.
Speaker 3: Gonna be great.
Speaker 1: I like it.
Speaker 3: Mass scara or blush Oh got mess scara all the way? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Same, Well this is interesting. Another job you'd like to try?
Speaker 2: I would be a great CMO, like, yeah, you would,
Speaker 2: pot marketing like I would such a good CMO.
Speaker 1: You would? You really would? Okay, I already know the
Speaker 1: answer to this.
Speaker 3: But quiet weekend or on the go, you're gonna be surprised.
Speaker 1: On the go, not surprised.
Speaker 3: I would you with it.
Speaker 1: You are a go fucking go girl.
Speaker 3: What am I talking about?
Speaker 1: You are not a suit on your ass kind of verson.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: One piece of advice for raising boys?
Speaker 3: Oh curiosity?
Speaker 1: Okay, where have you not traveled that you would like to?
Speaker 3: Ooh ooh? Japan?
Speaker 1: Interesting? Both of my kids are dying to go to Japan.
Speaker 1: They asked me every single day, ask permission or ask
Speaker 1: for forgiveness, forgiveness, same color text. See I knew you
Speaker 1: were going to say that, because that's you. Of course,
Speaker 1: cal biggest pet peeve.
Speaker 3: People being late, hate it not acceptable to me.
Speaker 1: Heels or flats.
Speaker 2: I prefer heels, heels, okay, a smaller heel, A booth.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I'm so excited. I'm so excited for your
Speaker 1: next book. Everyone running get it. I'm sure you already
Speaker 1: have Gabby's first nine and soon, I mean we'll be
Speaker 1: able to get an eleventh, but I think this one
Speaker 1: is definitely one for everyone, and I think we all
Speaker 1: need it, whether we admit it or not. And it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter how much you think you have your shit together,
Speaker 1: we all don't. And I think we all should be
Speaker 1: on the journey to feel as best as we can
Speaker 1: and not everyone's ready for it, but hopefully, hopefully self
Speaker 1: help will be the first step in all of it. Gabby,
Speaker 1: you are the best. I can't wait to talk to
Speaker 1: you more. I can wait to see you more. I
Speaker 1: can't wait to drink like some caffeine with you or
Speaker 1: a macha, even though I don't drink macha, I like caffeine.
Speaker 3: I'll caffeinate with you.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, I love you. Thank you so much to
Speaker 1: Gabby for coming on the pod today. I mean, she
Speaker 1: is so beyond special. I could have had this be
Speaker 1: like a special, like four hour, four part pod series. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I love talking to her about every single book she's
Speaker 1: written and why every lecture she's given for so many
Speaker 1: people she really says is for herself and still on
Speaker 1: her healing journey and her ultimately like endless journey to freedom,
Speaker 1: and like self freedom It's really incredible because I think
Speaker 1: as humans were flawed, and I think it's how much
Speaker 1: we want to tap into flaws that might ultimately be
Speaker 1: our superpowers or things that are so deeply buried that
Speaker 1: they might be holding us back from doing certain things.
Speaker 1: This was such a good episode, certainly one of my
Speaker 1: favorites that could have kept on going. I want to
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening to Climbing and Heels.
Speaker 1: If you haven't already, please subscribe to the show on
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, the iheartat app or wherever you get
Speaker 1: your podcasts, so don't miss a single episode this season,
Speaker 1: and be sure to follow me on Instagram at at
Speaker 1: Rachel Zoe the show at Clembing in Hills pod for
Speaker 1: the latest episodes and updates. I will talk to you
Speaker 1: stick one