1 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:06,040 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. A special note on 3 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 1: this episode, we will be discussing the Sandy Hook Elementary 4 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:18,319 Speaker 1: School shooting. This horrendous event involves children, gun violence, and 5 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:20,599 Speaker 1: the loss of life, so please be aware of this 6 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:26,439 Speaker 1: fact before continuing. Thank you. I'm walking Jesse out to 7 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: the end of the driveway where he's being picked up 8 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,519 Speaker 1: by his dad who's going to take him to the school. 9 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,919 Speaker 1: And I noticed that he had written in the frost 10 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,600 Speaker 1: on the side of my car with his little fingernail, 11 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: I love you. So I ran inside, got my phone, 12 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 1: came back out. I remember taking him by his shoulders 13 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:49,720 Speaker 1: and positioning him by the message so I could get 14 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,199 Speaker 1: him and the message in the shot, and I gave 15 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,280 Speaker 1: him a big hug, put him in the car, and 16 00:00:55,320 --> 00:01:05,680 Speaker 1: sent him off. That was the last time I saw him. Hello, everybody, 17 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:09,400 Speaker 1: and welcome back to Katie's Crib. Back in February of 18 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 1: this year, I sat down with Scarlett Lewis, mother who 19 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,680 Speaker 1: lost her son Jesse in the shooting at Sandy Hook 20 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 1: Elementary School in Jesse was one of twenty six innocent 21 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 1: lives murdered that day. At the time we recorded this interview, 22 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 1: I couldn't have imagined that just a few months later, 23 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: our nation would be facing the second deadly a school 24 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:36,360 Speaker 1: shooting on record. Like many of you, my heart breaks 25 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:41,320 Speaker 1: for the victims fatally shot in the massacre at rob 26 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 1: Elementary School in Yuvaldi, Texas. I'm mourned for their families 27 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,880 Speaker 1: and for the students and faculty members present that day. 28 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 1: I'm also absolutely enraged knowing that this was preventable. In 29 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:57,680 Speaker 1: this episode, you'll hear Scarlett Louis's story a mother who, 30 00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: in the wake of tragedy, chose to dedicate her life 31 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 1: to be a part of the solution. Her resilience is 32 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 1: absolutely inspiring. Scarlett is the founder of the Choose Love Movement, 33 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: an organization inspired by Jesse Lewis his Final Acts of 34 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: Love at six years old, and Scarlett's own path of forgiveness. 35 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 1: She's the author of Nurturing Healing Love, a memoir of 36 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,920 Speaker 1: her journey towards choosing love and forgiveness, as well as 37 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 1: From Sandy Hook to the World, an in depth look 38 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,960 Speaker 1: at how Scarlett founded the Choose Love movement. The movements 39 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:32,960 Speaker 1: Choose Love for Schools program is a no cost, comprehensive 40 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:37,800 Speaker 1: lifespan next generation social and emotional learning and character development program, 41 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,160 Speaker 1: empowering educators and students to choose love, to handle adversity, 42 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 1: and manage their emotions. Here's my conversation with Scarlett Lewis, 43 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: can you believe twenty twelve? I mean, is that nine years? 44 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:57,680 Speaker 1: What are we act? Nine years ago? Nine years? Yes? 45 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 1: Sometimes it seems like a long time ago, and sometimes 46 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:05,799 Speaker 1: it seems like yesterday. I'm sure. Can you start off 47 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 1: by telling us a little bit about Jesse. I would 48 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:13,800 Speaker 1: love to yees Jesse. I like to introduce him by 49 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 1: saying he was born eleven pounds. That's wild, Yeah it was. 50 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: It was a lot of Ben and Jerry's Caramel Sutra 51 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:28,880 Speaker 1: ice cream, but anyway, very big and he was a 52 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:32,560 Speaker 1: C section. So the first time that I saw him, 53 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 1: I walked to the nursery and all of these nurses 54 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 1: were gathered around the window taking pictures. So I walked 55 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 1: up behind them and I said, what are you taking 56 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 1: pictures of? And they said, there is this enormous baby 57 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,880 Speaker 1: and he is trying to crawl out of his bassinet. 58 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: So you know those clear plastic brass so he had 59 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: crawled all the way to the bottom. He was determined 60 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 1: to get out. Wow, at less than twenty four hours old. 61 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,880 Speaker 1: We all know a lot of our listeners are either pregnant, 62 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 1: have little ones toddlers, and so they know the clear 63 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 1: hospital bassonet very well. But eleven pounds, Oh my god, right, 64 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,200 Speaker 1: I mean, think about that next to a regular six 65 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 1: or seven pounds. That was really big baby. And and 66 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,359 Speaker 1: really I tell that story because that's the way that 67 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,560 Speaker 1: he was his entire life. He was larger than life. 68 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 1: He was loud, but he was fun and smiling and loving, 69 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:33,520 Speaker 1: and he was just just really this huge light all 70 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,719 Speaker 1: the time. I read. Also, he was very active. He 71 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:38,840 Speaker 1: was like a goer, like had a lot of energy. 72 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 1: Reminds me so much of my son. Um. Who is 73 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 1: he named after? Somebody? Actually? Um, so, his brother's name 74 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 1: is j T And I wanted another j and Uh. 75 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,040 Speaker 1: I was talking to my mom and we just thought 76 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:58,440 Speaker 1: that Jesse McCord sounded like a cowboy name. It does. 77 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,799 Speaker 1: I love it? Yeah, And Jesse is in our family tree, 78 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:09,760 Speaker 1: so it's just fit. So I know you mentioned that 79 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:13,239 Speaker 1: you have a vivid memory of Jesse riding on your car. 80 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 1: Actually the day that the school shooting happened with his 81 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:20,320 Speaker 1: finger and he wrote I love you on the car. 82 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:23,200 Speaker 1: Do you have any other favorite memories of the two 83 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:27,760 Speaker 1: of you together or any funny ones? Oh gosh, lots 84 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,760 Speaker 1: lots and lots of memories. I mean maybe maybe my 85 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:35,279 Speaker 1: favorite memory and my favorite times with him were early 86 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:39,840 Speaker 1: in the morning and going to bed. But in the morning, 87 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,680 Speaker 1: I would get up early. I was a single mom, 88 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 1: so I would be fixing myself coffee and just sitting 89 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 1: down to have that one cup of coffee first thing 90 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,800 Speaker 1: in the morning before the boys got up, and he 91 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:54,479 Speaker 1: would come in all sleepy with this blanket and he 92 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:58,640 Speaker 1: would kind of paddle over and he'd straddle me in 93 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: my lap and just just nestle in and we would 94 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:06,800 Speaker 1: just have those few minutes in the morning of just 95 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:11,720 Speaker 1: cuddling and snuggling, and uh, I just I just knew 96 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,920 Speaker 1: that those were life's moments, those were those were the 97 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 1: best of the best. Yeah, if you're comfortable, can you 98 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:29,680 Speaker 1: talk to us about what happened that day for you? Absolutely? 99 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:33,799 Speaker 1: Uh so? Um, as you said, you know, I'm I'm 100 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 1: walking Jesse out to the end of the driveway where 101 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,520 Speaker 1: he's being picked up by his dad, who's going to 102 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: take him to the school. And I turned around to 103 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: give him a hug, and I noticed that he had 104 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:48,239 Speaker 1: written in the frost on the side of my car 105 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:52,919 Speaker 1: with his little fingernail. Remember this is Connecticut on December 106 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 1: cold I love you, and he had drawn hearts in 107 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:03,560 Speaker 1: all of my windows. Was and I just I knew 108 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 1: that that was one of life's moments. And despite the 109 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 1: fact that I was running late and I had to 110 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 1: get to work and his dad was there ready to 111 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 1: pick him up, I said, don't go anywhere. I ran inside, 112 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:20,840 Speaker 1: I got my phone. Yes, I mean, I practiced being 113 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 1: present with my boys. I was. I was a single mom. 114 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: I remember the day that I realized I spent more 115 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 1: time at work than I did with my boys during 116 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 1: the week. I literally came home that day, unplugged my 117 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 1: TV and took it to Goodwill on my way to 118 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:40,560 Speaker 1: work the next morning, and I practice being present. We 119 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: played games, we read thankfully it was before screens, and 120 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: we just really enjoyed each other. We laughed. We live 121 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,440 Speaker 1: on a farm, so we were out with our animals, 122 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:57,200 Speaker 1: playing outside, getting dirt under our fingernails, which I always 123 00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 1: wanted my boys to do. So we have a lot 124 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 1: of fun and uh and so I credit that practice 125 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 1: with realizing this is this is one of life's moments. 126 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,800 Speaker 1: So I ran inside, got my phone, came back out. 127 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,800 Speaker 1: I remember taking him by his shoulders and positioning him 128 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,480 Speaker 1: by the message so I could get him and the 129 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 1: message in the shot. I took a picture. I remember 130 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:26,360 Speaker 1: looking at it. It was overexposed. I deleted it. I 131 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: took another one, still overexposed, and then I took a 132 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,840 Speaker 1: real close up of I love you know that that 133 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 1: was in the frost. It would have been gone within 134 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:37,719 Speaker 1: fifteen minutes. I gave him a big hug, put him 135 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:39,240 Speaker 1: in the car, and sent him off. That was the 136 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 1: last time I saw him. After sending Jesse off, I 137 00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:48,600 Speaker 1: got in my car, I drove my forty five minutes commute, 138 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 1: got to the office, was getting settled in, and I 139 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:56,200 Speaker 1: had a coworker that was at home watching the news 140 00:08:56,400 --> 00:09:00,480 Speaker 1: and she instant messaged me via this them that we 141 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 1: had at work and said, there's been a shooting in 142 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 1: Sandy Hook and you know, nothing like that ever happens 143 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,079 Speaker 1: to just normal people, and and and so I thought, 144 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,760 Speaker 1: oh that's terrible. You know, I wonder what the circumstances 145 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:20,319 Speaker 1: are and just kind of kept going on my way. 146 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,640 Speaker 1: And then I had people coming up to my desk, 147 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,200 Speaker 1: you know that it was at a school, and still 148 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:30,400 Speaker 1: I thought terrible, Um, but it would never occur to you, 149 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:35,440 Speaker 1: your school or your children, like, yeah, you're just never never. 150 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,960 Speaker 1: And then uh, you know, I think we we realized 151 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:44,200 Speaker 1: it was Sandy Hook Elementary School. And then somebody said, 152 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 1: I think a teacher got shot in the foot, and 153 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:54,000 Speaker 1: immediately I thought jealous boyfriend or you know, marital domestic dispute, 154 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 1: of course, of course, right, And so I got in 155 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,080 Speaker 1: my car. I told my boss, I have to leave 156 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:03,800 Speaker 1: gotten my car. I'm driving there, and I've got friends 157 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:07,440 Speaker 1: calling me on the cell phone giving me updates. I'm 158 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,680 Speaker 1: talking to his dad, who is further away than I am. 159 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 1: So I said, it's all right, I'm I'm gonna be 160 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,839 Speaker 1: there in this amount of minutes. I'll pick him up. 161 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 1: I'll let you know, you know, when I have him 162 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 1: in the car. Uh. And I really wasn't. I really 163 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:25,760 Speaker 1: wasn't all that concerned until I pulled up onto the 164 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:33,480 Speaker 1: street of the elementary school and there were first responders everywhere. Uh, 165 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:37,600 Speaker 1: like seemingly the military was there, there were helicopters, there 166 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:41,920 Speaker 1: was you know, every ambulance looked like from the state, 167 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:47,240 Speaker 1: and cars were lining the road on both sides, and 168 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 1: I had to park really far away, and you know, 169 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 1: it took me forty five minutes to get there. And 170 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 1: so a lot of parents had already been there and 171 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,719 Speaker 1: then reunited with their kids and they were walking them 172 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:02,440 Speaker 1: to the car. And so I got out of my 173 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 1: car and I started to run. Um, I don't know, 174 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,200 Speaker 1: it seems like it was a quarter of a mile. 175 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 1: I don't know how far away a part. But I 176 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:15,080 Speaker 1: saw the first official person in a uniform, and I said, 177 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:19,600 Speaker 1: looking for Jesse Lewis and uh. He was the father 178 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 1: of one of Jesse's older brother's friends, so he knew me. 179 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,880 Speaker 1: And he said, hey, look, go into the back room 180 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 1: and put his you know, if you can't find him, 181 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,040 Speaker 1: put his name down on the list of missing people. 182 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:35,280 Speaker 1: And I remember thinking, I'm not putting his name downs people. Yeah, 183 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 1: I'm I'm going to find him and bring him home. 184 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:43,320 Speaker 1: And so I'm I'm kind of looking around, I'm asking people, 185 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:48,680 Speaker 1: I'm watching tearful reunions and people leaving. Then somebody said, 186 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,480 Speaker 1: you know what, I think that he went to the 187 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:55,199 Speaker 1: house on the left of the firehouse. So so we 188 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:59,280 Speaker 1: were supposed to congregate at the firehouse, be reunited, and 189 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,400 Speaker 1: then take kids. The firehouse was at the end of 190 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:06,480 Speaker 1: the cul de sac where the school was, and so 191 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,200 Speaker 1: there was a little yellow house on the left of 192 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 1: the firehouse, and so someone said, I think that he 193 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:16,600 Speaker 1: and his classmates went there. So so by this time, 194 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:20,160 Speaker 1: Neil is getting closer and he's texting with me, and 195 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:23,400 Speaker 1: I'm texting him and going, I'm going to the yellow 196 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 1: house on the left side. Why don't you look at 197 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:30,160 Speaker 1: the daycare on the right side. So I knocked on 198 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 1: the door and someone answered, I said, is Jesse lewis here? 199 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,760 Speaker 1: They he said, I think that he was, but I 200 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,719 Speaker 1: think that they went to the daycare. So that I'm 201 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 1: telling you look at you know, you're on this goose chap, 202 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 1: you're on this. I'm like, all right, well, then I'm 203 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,400 Speaker 1: going up to the school. You go to the hospital. 204 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,840 Speaker 1: At this point, like it's been a little while and 205 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:55,960 Speaker 1: nobody knows anything, nobody's saying anything. So I I'm like, 206 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 1: this is ridiculous. I'm gonna go up to the school. 207 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:03,200 Speaker 1: Now it had barricades and it literally had military men 208 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,280 Speaker 1: with a K forty seven's guarding it, you know. So 209 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 1: I walk up to one and I'm like, I'm going. 210 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,680 Speaker 1: You know, I don't know where my son is and 211 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,720 Speaker 1: I'm going into the school to find him. And he said, no, 212 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 1: you're not. You're not. I can't allow you to go 213 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,760 Speaker 1: up there. And I'm like, well, you know, I'm a parent. 214 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,840 Speaker 1: I am going to go. And I was determined, and 215 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:25,200 Speaker 1: he wouldn't let me. Uh, and so, you know, I'm 216 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 1: I'm nervous. But but now we're being told there were 217 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,600 Speaker 1: there were a bunch of parents, and it's it's always like, 218 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 1: go into that back room and put his name down 219 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,600 Speaker 1: on that list, and I'm just I just don't want 220 00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 1: his name on the list. I don't even know why. 221 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,960 Speaker 1: I just want to find him. And finally, finally I 222 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:46,800 Speaker 1: go into that back room and there's this loose leaf 223 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:51,400 Speaker 1: sheet of paper and it's the list is so long 224 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:55,439 Speaker 1: of missing people. I turn it over, I write his 225 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:59,559 Speaker 1: name on the back. Never in a million years did 226 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,439 Speaker 1: I think that those people were dead. I just didn't. 227 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:08,560 Speaker 1: I'm I'm there somebody had gotten pizzas. I mean, to me, 228 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 1: this was just so absurd, and they were saying, why 229 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:15,680 Speaker 1: everybody have some pizza. So I'm like, I'm not having pizza. 230 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 1: I'm finding my son, you know. So I'm trying to 231 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,480 Speaker 1: look for his teacher or anybody that knew him. And 232 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 1: there was this room full of teachers, Um that we're 233 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 1: eating pizza. It was just like so weird to me, right, 234 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,640 Speaker 1: And I said, have you guys seen Jesse? And they 235 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,200 Speaker 1: all look at each other, you know, and they're all 236 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 1: like just shaking their heads or whatever. And I and 237 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,480 Speaker 1: instead of like getting it, I was so annoyed. I 238 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 1: was like, why isn't anybody saying anything? And so, um, 239 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 1: you know, the first responders would would tell us, you know, 240 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 1: we're still searching the buildings, and that made sense to me. 241 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:54,360 Speaker 1: I thought, you know what, I literally thought, Jesse took 242 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,480 Speaker 1: a small contingent of kids out into the woods. They 243 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 1: said they're searching the woods around the school. I said, yeah, 244 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,840 Speaker 1: he probably to go small contingent of kids out. That's 245 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 1: just Jesse, and it's going to take them a while 246 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 1: to find them. They said they were looking for them 247 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,640 Speaker 1: in the school. Um. Meanwhile, now we know they were 248 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 1: just trying to identify the bodies. But they didn't tell us. 249 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 1: That was it a long amount of time until the 250 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:24,440 Speaker 1: pieces all fit together. Hours of waiting in that back room. No, 251 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be and I would not stay in the 252 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,960 Speaker 1: back room. I was the problem. So I just didn't 253 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,880 Speaker 1: want to be in that room. So you were just taught. 254 00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 1: You were like, give me answers, give me answers. You 255 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 1: were well, I was, but I was also waiting, and 256 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:41,880 Speaker 1: so I wanted to be outside. By that time, my 257 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:45,200 Speaker 1: mother lives in town, and my stepfather had come and 258 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:49,160 Speaker 1: they had actually gotten Jesse's older brother, who had been 259 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:53,120 Speaker 1: in lockdown in middle school, and uh, he came to 260 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 1: wait with us, and so we were all there, and 261 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:01,560 Speaker 1: I just remember thinking, I have to have for right now, 262 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,160 Speaker 1: for for j T for for you know, Jesse's older brother, 263 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 1: and and so we waited outside, but the police kept 264 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,600 Speaker 1: us right outside and of the line of the media site. 265 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: So brought us chairs and we're just kind of sitting 266 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 1: there waiting, and then um, the first responders would come 267 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,360 Speaker 1: and they would ask questions, trying to be nonchalant, do 268 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 1: you have any recent pictures of Jesse? And by that 269 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 1: time my phone was dead, and so I went into 270 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,000 Speaker 1: a police car to charge the phone enough so that 271 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,920 Speaker 1: I could show some pictures. Yeah, recent picture. And then 272 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,320 Speaker 1: a little while later another one came up and said, 273 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 1: does Jesse have any identifying marks on his body? And 274 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:47,080 Speaker 1: I was like, it's not a good question. But I 275 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:51,480 Speaker 1: remembered his little mole on his I still can't remember 276 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:54,520 Speaker 1: which foot left or right foot, top of the foot, 277 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:58,160 Speaker 1: So I told them about that. And it was a 278 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 1: little while after that that they um that someone told 279 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:06,239 Speaker 1: me that he was among the victims, and and and 280 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:09,399 Speaker 1: the parents were told one by one and it was 281 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,879 Speaker 1: just like it was almost like my my vision just 282 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 1: I had tunnel vision. I I know that there were 283 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: stuff going on around me after I was told, I 284 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,960 Speaker 1: know that there are other parents being told, and they 285 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:25,840 Speaker 1: were dropping to the ground and yelling. I just was 286 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:29,399 Speaker 1: focused on what was right in front of me, and 287 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 1: that was Jesse's older brother. And by the time that 288 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:36,200 Speaker 1: we were told my other I have a middle brother 289 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 1: who had come up from another town in Connecticut. I 290 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:44,879 Speaker 1: had I have three brothers, and um, two of my 291 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 1: brothers had come and then uh after we were told 292 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,800 Speaker 1: my youngest brother and his wife had come down from Boston. 293 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 1: And it didn't it wasn't even really real to me 294 00:17:57,359 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 1: until I watched my mom walk across us the parking 295 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:05,800 Speaker 1: lot and tell my little brother, uh, what had happened. 296 00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:11,119 Speaker 1: And I watched him just fold over, and I thought, 297 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 1: oh my god, this is real, this is really happening. 298 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:19,000 Speaker 1: I can't even believe this. And how did you get 299 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 1: the information that he had told his classmates to run away? 300 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:28,240 Speaker 1: I'm sure story started to just unfold and unfold and 301 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,919 Speaker 1: unfold in the day. It did not that day, not 302 00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:35,440 Speaker 1: that day, but very shortly after. UM, we had been 303 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 1: assigned a state trooper, and so he stayed with us 304 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 1: and he was getting information. He became part of our family, actually, 305 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:50,119 Speaker 1: and he told us that the shooter had killed his 306 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:54,639 Speaker 1: principle and guidance counselor UM that had had been meeting 307 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:58,160 Speaker 1: with a parent in the first grade hallway and they 308 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 1: had come out of one of the rooms on the 309 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,399 Speaker 1: right hand side of the hallway, right across from Jesse's classroom, 310 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,520 Speaker 1: had killed them when they came into the hallway. Then 311 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 1: he had turned left into Jesse's classroom and uh most 312 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,680 Speaker 1: likely killed his teacher. And then his gun ran out 313 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,720 Speaker 1: of bullets, and so while he was changing his clip 314 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:22,160 Speaker 1: that Jesse had saved. Had literally called to his friends 315 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,959 Speaker 1: and directed them to run, and they said that it 316 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,400 Speaker 1: was because Jesse told them to run that they ran. 317 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:34,320 Speaker 1: And he's credited with saving nine class lives before before 318 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,639 Speaker 1: the shooter reloaded and then killed everyone in that classroom 319 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 1: and then went to the next classroom, killed everyone and 320 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,760 Speaker 1: that one before the police came. Uh, he heard the sirens, 321 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:48,720 Speaker 1: came back into Jesse's classroom, and then killed himself. And 322 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,400 Speaker 1: I'm sorry that's probably way too much in night. Thank 323 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,679 Speaker 1: you so much for sharing the story. I think a 324 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 1: lot of people who are listening um may or may 325 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,679 Speaker 1: not know you know, probably obviously know the story, but 326 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,679 Speaker 1: to hear all of the details, it's it's important that 327 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,040 Speaker 1: we hear them, and you are heard, and the story 328 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,400 Speaker 1: has never forgotten, and we hear it and we know it, 329 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 1: and we are helpful to your foundation to make sure 330 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:22,400 Speaker 1: that we are changing and and making things like this 331 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,959 Speaker 1: not happen. I think it's so important that that we 332 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,959 Speaker 1: we hear the truth and that we don't forget it, 333 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:34,760 Speaker 1: because it's only if we acknowledge that that we're able 334 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:39,040 Speaker 1: to change it. That's exactly right, that's exactly or you're 335 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 1: very much like that won't happen to me or something 336 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:45,359 Speaker 1: or that was someone else's story exactly. But it's like 337 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:49,280 Speaker 1: our children, really, and so much of this podcast is 338 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 1: making people feel not alone. But also we keep coming 339 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:57,359 Speaker 1: to this this theme, especially in this season's podcast, about 340 00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,960 Speaker 1: how all of our children are all of our children. 341 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:04,879 Speaker 1: We can't just um take care of our own individual 342 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:08,719 Speaker 1: children because it's not it's not helping. Things that we 343 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,600 Speaker 1: want to change and things that we want to learn 344 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 1: from and grow from only happen when I put everyone 345 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 1: else's children and my like put them ahead of my children. 346 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:22,200 Speaker 1: And this is the greater good, the collective. Um. We 347 00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 1: are responsible for the safety, health and well being of 348 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,720 Speaker 1: our children. And you know, I'll tell you what nine 349 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:34,600 Speaker 1: years and one day I was, you know, just thinking 350 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 1: all I can do is raise my two boys to 351 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,359 Speaker 1: the best of my ability, love them as much as 352 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,880 Speaker 1: I can teach them, as much as I can, make 353 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:48,440 Speaker 1: sure they get educated and they are productive members of society. 354 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,119 Speaker 1: And then you know, my son is brutally murdered in 355 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:57,199 Speaker 1: his first grade classroom, alongside nineteen first grade classmates and 356 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,560 Speaker 1: six educators and one of the worst mass murders in 357 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 1: USA street. Let me tell you something to Sandy Hook 358 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,960 Speaker 1: that doesn't happen there live on a farm. I mean 359 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,480 Speaker 1: so so I realized and by the way, it took 360 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 1: that for me, and I will admit that, but I 361 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:18,760 Speaker 1: realized then that what happened to Jesse is one hundred 362 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:22,879 Speaker 1: percent preventable, and we it's going to take all of 363 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:27,800 Speaker 1: us taking responsibility for what's happening to our kids in 364 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:31,960 Speaker 1: order to be part of the solution. Yes, I can remember, 365 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 1: um Busy Phillips, who is an actress. Any Um, she's 366 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,960 Speaker 1: a celebrity. She's been on this podcast before. But I 367 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 1: can remember we were singing at a cabaret together and 368 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,480 Speaker 1: she had just she came in and she was so 369 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:50,000 Speaker 1: flustered and so um upset, and I was asking her, 370 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,840 Speaker 1: why are you upset? And she was like, oh my my, 371 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,760 Speaker 1: you know, my five year old just had her first 372 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:58,359 Speaker 1: shooter drill in her school and she was just crying 373 00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 1: for the state of the world. Like just say like, yeah, 374 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:02,400 Speaker 1: you know, when I grew up, we were under our 375 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,520 Speaker 1: desks for hurricanes or torn age. You know, she grew 376 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,560 Speaker 1: up in Arizona. I guess it's a tornado. But she 377 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,200 Speaker 1: was like, you know, we would practice that I we 378 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,400 Speaker 1: didn't have to do that. I guess in the fifties 379 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:14,160 Speaker 1: people went under their desks for missiles or bombs. But 380 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,440 Speaker 1: this feels just so scary. I can't believe that this 381 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,800 Speaker 1: is routine now active shooter drills and I want to 382 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:28,200 Speaker 1: say most schools now, um, and that is clearly not enough. 383 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:32,200 Speaker 1: Sandy Hook had just had an active shooter drill three 384 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:37,240 Speaker 1: weeks before the tragedy. They had all of the hardening technology, 385 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,600 Speaker 1: they had locked doors, they had alarms, they had everything 386 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:43,720 Speaker 1: that was possible, and it did not stop the shooting. 387 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,240 Speaker 1: We will be right back after a word from our sponsors. 388 00:23:55,200 --> 00:24:02,440 Speaker 1: Welcome back to Katie's crib. I obviously the losing Jesse 389 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:07,040 Speaker 1: has drastically changed your life. Um. But what I think 390 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,040 Speaker 1: is so remarkable about you is the work you're doing 391 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,399 Speaker 1: is benefiting all of our children. Can you tell us 392 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:18,160 Speaker 1: about your organization and how you started it? Yes, absolutely so. 393 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:23,800 Speaker 1: My organization is Choose Love Movement dot org, and I 394 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:27,680 Speaker 1: I wanted to obviously be part of the solution. I 395 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,600 Speaker 1: did not want any parents have to go through what 396 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:35,200 Speaker 1: I did and they don't have to, and so I 397 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:38,359 Speaker 1: looked around. I started researching. I mean, what is the 398 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 1: solution to this, because what we are doing now clearly 399 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,880 Speaker 1: isn't working. And doing the same thing over and over 400 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:50,080 Speaker 1: uh and expecting a different result is somebody said, definition 401 00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:55,840 Speaker 1: of insanity, all right, right, insanity? So um, so I 402 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,959 Speaker 1: really took a step back. I remember I practice being present, 403 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,880 Speaker 1: and so I was. I was present at the firehouse, 404 00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:09,160 Speaker 1: I was present for the journey afterwards. And I saw 405 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:12,840 Speaker 1: that there was a lot of polarization at that time. 406 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:16,360 Speaker 1: You were either pro gun or anti gun. I saw 407 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:22,160 Speaker 1: there was a lot of blame um headed towards uh 408 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:26,000 Speaker 1: Adam Lanza, who was the recent graduate of the New 409 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:30,080 Speaker 1: Town School system, as well as his mother, who had 410 00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:35,439 Speaker 1: provided him with the gun, and both obviously responsible and 411 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:40,359 Speaker 1: a huge mistake. Um. But all of the blame was 412 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:45,160 Speaker 1: being put on guns and also on Adam and his mom. 413 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,040 Speaker 1: And I thought, wait a minute, that just didn't work 414 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:52,320 Speaker 1: for me. Yes, responsible, but if it were really all 415 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,240 Speaker 1: their fault, it would never have happened before, and it 416 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:59,440 Speaker 1: had many times, and it would never happen again. And 417 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,880 Speaker 1: while I can say now in the last nine years, 418 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,800 Speaker 1: it's happened over three hundred and fifty times, over three 419 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 1: hundred and fifty times, over three hundred and fifty school 420 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:13,600 Speaker 1: shootings in the last nine years, over fifty last year 421 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:18,440 Speaker 1: along my god, and so I thought, wait a minute, well, 422 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:24,720 Speaker 1: all of those aren't Adam Landsas for in one right, 423 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 1: So so who do we blame? Whose responsibility is this? 424 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,239 Speaker 1: And the only thing that I could do, since no 425 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:37,040 Speaker 1: one else was raising their hand, was to say, I'm 426 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,840 Speaker 1: going to take my part of the responsibility so that 427 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,200 Speaker 1: I can be part of the solution. And I know 428 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:45,680 Speaker 1: what we're doing now isn't working. It's not working for bullying, 429 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,880 Speaker 1: it's not working for substance abuse, it's not working for 430 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:56,760 Speaker 1: mental health of being, I mean suicide, depression, anxiety. Um so, 431 00:26:56,760 --> 00:27:02,080 Speaker 1: so what is the solution? And I started researching and 432 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:08,200 Speaker 1: I and I got a huge directional push by my 433 00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:14,120 Speaker 1: son Jesse when I came home, uh actually to get 434 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,679 Speaker 1: his clothes for the funeral. Um. So it was a 435 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 1: few days later I found a message that he had 436 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,879 Speaker 1: written on our kitchen chalkboard, and he had literally written 437 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:30,240 Speaker 1: three words nurturing, healing, love, and the words were phonetically 438 00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,240 Speaker 1: spelled because he was in first grade and just learning 439 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:39,800 Speaker 1: to write. But I knew immediately that if Adam Lanza 440 00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:45,000 Speaker 1: had been able to give and receive nurturing, healing, love, 441 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:49,720 Speaker 1: the tragedy would never have happened. It's so simple, it 442 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:56,359 Speaker 1: seems ridiculous, but simple isn't always easy. So I took 443 00:27:56,480 --> 00:28:01,920 Speaker 1: that message and I met with a doctoral professor and uh, 444 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,919 Speaker 1: he he did some research. He said, those three words 445 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 1: are in the definition of compassion across all cultures. And 446 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,000 Speaker 1: I said, well, how do I get these three words 447 00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:18,919 Speaker 1: into schools? And he said, It's called essential life skills programming, 448 00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:23,480 Speaker 1: and it's social and emotional learning learning, character development and 449 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:28,359 Speaker 1: money said, and neurosence and mindfulness and you know all 450 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:33,280 Speaker 1: of these things. And so I looked for programs. I 451 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,440 Speaker 1: went to the curriculum director. I'm giving you a little 452 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:39,920 Speaker 1: back and love it. Do it. I'm not interrupting you 453 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,040 Speaker 1: because I'm on the edge of my seat. I'm like, 454 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,600 Speaker 1: tell me that this is literally the path that I took. 455 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:49,000 Speaker 1: And I went to the curriculum director at Sandy Hook Breathless, 456 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 1: and I said this, These essential life skills are like 457 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:57,360 Speaker 1: how to have healthy relationships and meaningful connections, how to 458 00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:03,000 Speaker 1: manage our emotions, how to face difficulty that happens in 459 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:06,600 Speaker 1: our lives and and learn from it. Grow through it, 460 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:10,840 Speaker 1: be strengthened by it, how to make responsible decisions, like 461 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:15,520 Speaker 1: just such important stuff that we're not born with. We 462 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:17,920 Speaker 1: have to learn these skills and tools. And if you 463 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:23,320 Speaker 1: look at Adam Lanza's life, he was bullied, he was isolated, 464 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 1: riddled with anxiety, he had needs that were known that 465 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:31,600 Speaker 1: weren't met. It was just like it was a disaster. 466 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,520 Speaker 1: And I knew that if he had been taught these 467 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:38,720 Speaker 1: skills and tools that he could have managed, because other 468 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,920 Speaker 1: kids have those things happened to them and they make 469 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,200 Speaker 1: it through. Okay. So I went to the curriculum director 470 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:48,480 Speaker 1: and I said, there's this, you know, there are these 471 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:50,840 Speaker 1: such a life skills. Have you ever heard of them? 472 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:54,600 Speaker 1: And she's like, of course, And I said, well what happened? 473 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,080 Speaker 1: And she said, well, we spent so much money on 474 00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:00,440 Speaker 1: this program that we couldn't afford to train the teachers. 475 00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:03,280 Speaker 1: So we sent a small contingent out and they were 476 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,719 Speaker 1: supposed to come back and train the trainer and that 477 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:11,760 Speaker 1: never happened. So the program never got out of the box. 478 00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 1: And I literally that's literally branded in my brain because 479 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:23,440 Speaker 1: I thought, okay, okay, I have to create a program 480 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 1: that is comprehensive everything that educators deserve, no matter what 481 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:34,360 Speaker 1: it costs. There's no right. We give them our most 482 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:38,000 Speaker 1: precious asset for the majority of the day. Now they're 483 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:41,040 Speaker 1: even facing this threat, but they show up for our 484 00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,880 Speaker 1: kids and they you know, they teach them so much. 485 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 1: Uh and and so I thought they deserve this. Obviously, 486 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:53,760 Speaker 1: our kids deserved the best of the best. So UM 487 00:30:53,800 --> 00:31:00,080 Speaker 1: I worked with doctoral professors and early childhood development specialists 488 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 1: and educators, social workers, school counselors, um just mental health professionals. 489 00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:15,479 Speaker 1: We together created this really comprehensive, incredible program that literally 490 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:19,360 Speaker 1: still is the best of the best. And UM, for me, 491 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:23,680 Speaker 1: it had to be no cost because my son was 492 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,520 Speaker 1: priced out of the market. It would have saved my 493 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:28,760 Speaker 1: son's life. And I know through research that this can 494 00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:33,760 Speaker 1: reduce and prevent so much of the suffering that we're seeing. 495 00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:37,400 Speaker 1: I mean, if you think about, uh, you know where 496 00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:40,960 Speaker 1: all of these things start, Like take loneliness for instance. 497 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:45,320 Speaker 1: I mean, we were having a loneliness super pandemic before 498 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:49,240 Speaker 1: the COVID pandemic, where over half of Americans were saying 499 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,120 Speaker 1: that they were lonely. Eighteen to twenty four year olds 500 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,640 Speaker 1: were saying they were lonelier than senior citizens. All of 501 00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:59,040 Speaker 1: this research was done on the delectarious effects of loneliness. 502 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,680 Speaker 1: Uh can cause inflammation in the body and ultimately lead 503 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:06,360 Speaker 1: to heart attacks and kill you. And uh and and 504 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:09,680 Speaker 1: you know, if you think about where loneliness starts, it 505 00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:13,880 Speaker 1: starts with a thought, and a thought can be changed. 506 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,520 Speaker 1: And when I was at Jesse's funeral, I got up 507 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,880 Speaker 1: to speak and I everybody was saying what can we do? 508 00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:23,880 Speaker 1: And I said, you know, this whole tragedy started with 509 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:30,120 Speaker 1: an angry thought in Adam Lanza's head. And an angry 510 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:34,000 Speaker 1: thought can be changed. That's something that we can control 511 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,120 Speaker 1: in our lives. So I asked everybody on that day 512 00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:38,800 Speaker 1: to start thinking about what they think about, to change 513 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:43,200 Speaker 1: one angry thought into a loving thought. Already you started 514 00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:47,280 Speaker 1: thinking that way on like that. Soon I did, and 515 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:53,440 Speaker 1: so so impressed and inspired by you. After that, all 516 00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 1: I could focus on was how do we fix this? 517 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,600 Speaker 1: Because you can't have have a six year old have 518 00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:05,440 Speaker 1: to stand up to a maniacal shooter in his first 519 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:08,880 Speaker 1: grade classroom and have to act like a war hero. 520 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:14,000 Speaker 1: Jesse was given a Commander in chief funeral because reserved 521 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,719 Speaker 1: for heads of state and returning war heroes. He was 522 00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,880 Speaker 1: considered one because his first grade classroom was a literal 523 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:24,440 Speaker 1: war zone. That is not going to have in a 524 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:29,400 Speaker 1: country where I live. And so I have been literally 525 00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:32,480 Speaker 1: like literally when I saw that message of nurturing, healing love, 526 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:36,680 Speaker 1: I knew that that was Jesse handing me my mission 527 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:43,520 Speaker 1: in life. When did you actually start the organization? When 528 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:47,920 Speaker 1: did it actually start to materialize into like, Okay, this 529 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:51,360 Speaker 1: is an organization. We are taking this into schools within 530 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:56,680 Speaker 1: a month. Holy mackerel, Landy, Wow, can you give us 531 00:33:56,720 --> 00:34:02,640 Speaker 1: a couple examples um of like social emotional learning strategies 532 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,960 Speaker 1: that listeners could use that you picked up on, or 533 00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:12,160 Speaker 1: things that are in the school program. Oh my gosh. Absolutely. 534 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:15,640 Speaker 1: In fact, I will give all of your listeners are 535 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:22,280 Speaker 1: powerful formula, Yes, yeah, absolutely, that will that will help 536 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,399 Speaker 1: them they can use in their own life. I mean, 537 00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:29,120 Speaker 1: teachers say that they use this as much as the kids. 538 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,279 Speaker 1: And by the way, we have a parent program that 539 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:35,440 Speaker 1: all of your listeners are welcome to go on and download. 540 00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:40,120 Speaker 1: This is amazing. Hey, I've wrapped a bus, it's the 541 00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:43,440 Speaker 1: Choose Love bus, and during COVID I've taken this out 542 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:48,040 Speaker 1: to the kids and the educators themselves. I'm I'm serious 543 00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:54,320 Speaker 1: about this, But the formula is very simple. It starts 544 00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:59,640 Speaker 1: with courage, and uh, courage science tells us is like 545 00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:03,440 Speaker 1: a hustle. We can actually do things to help build 546 00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:07,520 Speaker 1: our courage, and courage is the most important character value. 547 00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:11,719 Speaker 1: We need courage in so many ways every day, all 548 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,480 Speaker 1: day long, even when it's getting up in the morning 549 00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:17,520 Speaker 1: and having the courage to put our best foot forward 550 00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,680 Speaker 1: when we don't feel like it. And so a few 551 00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:23,719 Speaker 1: ways that we teach courage. One is brave breath. It's 552 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:26,239 Speaker 1: putting your right hand on your heart, your left hand 553 00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:29,520 Speaker 1: on your belly. It's breathing in through your nose for four, 554 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:35,560 Speaker 1: holding that for four and then breathing out for four. 555 00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:39,920 Speaker 1: That helps relax you. It helps you to be able 556 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,560 Speaker 1: to get into the present moment. I've been talking about 557 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:48,759 Speaker 1: the present moment. The present moment is where life is happening. Um, 558 00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:50,840 Speaker 1: A lot of us are usually in the past, or 559 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:55,000 Speaker 1: in the future, or on our phones. Every time we're 560 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:58,719 Speaker 1: on our phone, we are living somebody else's life, not 561 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:03,200 Speaker 1: our own. And uh, it's it's imperative that we know 562 00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:06,120 Speaker 1: about the present moment so that we can get in 563 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:12,759 Speaker 1: between what is happening to us and our response and 564 00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:18,040 Speaker 1: have a thoughtful response so that we can return our 565 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:23,799 Speaker 1: locus of control, that's location of our control back to ourselves, 566 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:28,120 Speaker 1: because when we feel like we don't have control, doesn't 567 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,839 Speaker 1: feel good right that things happen to us, we find 568 00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:39,040 Speaker 1: ourselves blaming, fingershuring, thing all funding, victiming, yes, which can 569 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:43,600 Speaker 1: lead to anger. And so this formula and I just 570 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:47,759 Speaker 1: gave you the first character value is courage, specifically designed 571 00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:52,120 Speaker 1: to give us our personal power back so that we 572 00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:56,320 Speaker 1: can be in control, we can make things happen, uh, 573 00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:59,839 Speaker 1: and we can be personally responsible for our lives. So 574 00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:04,879 Speaker 1: the first is courage, and then it goes. It goes 575 00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:10,040 Speaker 1: based on Jesse's message. Actually, so nurturing in Jesse's message 576 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:15,360 Speaker 1: um literally means loving, kindness and gratitude. So then gratitude 577 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:18,280 Speaker 1: is next. And by the way, this is in order 578 00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:22,000 Speaker 1: because it takes courage to be grateful when things aren't 579 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:26,480 Speaker 1: going your way. And that you know, everyone's heard of gratitude, 580 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:30,520 Speaker 1: but we use it in a really special way. So 581 00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:36,200 Speaker 1: we have tens of thousands of thoughts that go through 582 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:40,000 Speaker 1: our minds every single day, and and all of your 583 00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:43,880 Speaker 1: listeners do to. And we know through the latest neuroscience 584 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:49,080 Speaker 1: that the majority of our thoughts are negative, that's between 585 00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:54,800 Speaker 1: s and then over nine percent of our thoughts are repetitive. 586 00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,920 Speaker 1: So it's those same negative thoughts over and over and 587 00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:01,040 Speaker 1: over again. Uh so the of you out there with this, 588 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:05,160 Speaker 1: you are not alone. Our brain has a negative bias. 589 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,840 Speaker 1: It wants to keep us safe. Neuroscience tells us that 590 00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:13,040 Speaker 1: our brains are like velcro to negativity and like teflon 591 00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:17,320 Speaker 1: to positivity. So so just having that self awareness alone 592 00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:21,600 Speaker 1: is really important. And then we use gratitude as a 593 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:26,160 Speaker 1: tool because you can only have one thought at a time. 594 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:30,000 Speaker 1: This is really cool. You'll never forget this. I love 595 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:33,720 Speaker 1: telling kids this. You can only focus on one thought 596 00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:40,240 Speaker 1: at a time. So, in other words, when you're having angry, frustrated, resentful, 597 00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:44,200 Speaker 1: lower energy thoughts and you're ready to shift away, there's 598 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:47,800 Speaker 1: there's no judgment on anything that anyone is feeling because 599 00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:51,760 Speaker 1: they're telling us something even anger. But when you're ready 600 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,360 Speaker 1: to shift away, you know if you have prolonged anger, 601 00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:57,480 Speaker 1: that is not good for you. So you can literally 602 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:01,200 Speaker 1: shift the focus of your lens to gratitude by thinking 603 00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:04,400 Speaker 1: of something that you're grateful for, and there is always 604 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:08,920 Speaker 1: something to be grateful for. However, it might take courage 605 00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:11,600 Speaker 1: if things aren't going your way, but there's there's always 606 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,680 Speaker 1: something to be grateful for. And even in those early 607 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:17,120 Speaker 1: days after losing Jesse, you know I had I had 608 00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,759 Speaker 1: a lot to be grateful for. And also to have 609 00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:23,480 Speaker 1: to show up for your other son, I can't imagine, 610 00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:26,680 Speaker 1: you know, to to be there and be the mom 611 00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:30,839 Speaker 1: and the bedrock of the family for JT. That is 612 00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:37,239 Speaker 1: just from the time at the firehouse, because he was 613 00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:42,400 Speaker 1: there with me, watching me, listening to every word that 614 00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:50,400 Speaker 1: I said, intently analyzing every facial expression, gesticulation, even my energy. 615 00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:54,200 Speaker 1: And I knew even on that day that I was 616 00:39:54,480 --> 00:40:03,640 Speaker 1: modeling for him in the moment how to face handle challenges, roadblocks, 617 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:09,160 Speaker 1: and maybe even tragedy for the rest of his life. 618 00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:13,480 Speaker 1: I was teaching him in the moment. So that realization 619 00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:16,399 Speaker 1: helped me rise to the occasion and be the best 620 00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:19,840 Speaker 1: version of myself. And I try to always be aware 621 00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:23,080 Speaker 1: of that because I know that I am modeling that 622 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:27,279 Speaker 1: for him still and uh and so gratitude into the 623 00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:31,880 Speaker 1: second one, then healing. Go back to Jesse's message of nurturing, healing. 624 00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:36,279 Speaker 1: Healing literally means forgiveness, and forgiveness is was one of 625 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:42,520 Speaker 1: the biggest tools that I used in order to survive 626 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:49,960 Speaker 1: and thrive. Forgiveness is so so powerful. I forgave Adam, 627 00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:53,680 Speaker 1: for sure, I forgave his mom. In fact, I felt 628 00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:58,440 Speaker 1: compassion for them because I found out about Adam's life 629 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:03,440 Speaker 1: and I was a single mom too, struggling to get 630 00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:06,799 Speaker 1: my boys everything that they needed, and and I knew 631 00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:09,839 Speaker 1: that she was alone in this process trying to do that. 632 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:15,480 Speaker 1: I knew that that yes, they were responsible, but I 633 00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,719 Speaker 1: also knew that that there were other people that were 634 00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:22,400 Speaker 1: responsible to for what happened, and uh and I and 635 00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:25,200 Speaker 1: I felt compassion for him. He had suffered. We know 636 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:29,480 Speaker 1: that hurt people hurt people, so I knew that somebody 637 00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:31,960 Speaker 1: that could do something so heinous must have been in 638 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,120 Speaker 1: a tremendous amount of pain, and it turned out that 639 00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:39,799 Speaker 1: he was. And and so forgiveness was really really important 640 00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:44,359 Speaker 1: for my journey. But it's so important for everybody to understand. 641 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:48,200 Speaker 1: And it was interesting because we knew that we wanted 642 00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:51,080 Speaker 1: to start in schools and people said, you can't teach 643 00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:55,439 Speaker 1: kids forgiveness because it's a really complicated, difficult type thing, 644 00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:59,080 Speaker 1: and I and and it turns out that kids love forgiveness. 645 00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,279 Speaker 1: Out of all the aracter values that we teach in 646 00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:05,319 Speaker 1: the formula, forgiveness is their favorite. It doesn't matter how 647 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:08,920 Speaker 1: old they are, k through twelve. It is incredible. They 648 00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:11,759 Speaker 1: think it's a superpower. They say, it feels so good 649 00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:15,399 Speaker 1: to let it go. Turns out us big kids don't 650 00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:18,880 Speaker 1: really understand it. Some of us still think it's a 651 00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:22,680 Speaker 1: gift that we're giving somebody that hurt us, who doesn't 652 00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:25,759 Speaker 1: deserve it, when in reality, when you look at the 653 00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:30,000 Speaker 1: decades of research behind the benefits of forgiveness for the 654 00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:34,799 Speaker 1: one who forgives, it's the gift of freedom. I was 655 00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,960 Speaker 1: not going to be another victim of Adam Lanza. I 656 00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:43,520 Speaker 1: was not going to give him power and control over 657 00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:46,719 Speaker 1: my thoughts that impact how I feel That then was 658 00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:48,839 Speaker 1: going to impact how I showed up for my son 659 00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:52,840 Speaker 1: and my other relationships. Absolutely not. But the only way 660 00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:55,560 Speaker 1: that I could take my personal power back was cutting 661 00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,920 Speaker 1: that cord that attached me to pain. And the only 662 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:02,320 Speaker 1: way that I knew to who it was through forgiveness. 663 00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:11,520 Speaker 1: Forgiveness amazing, so courage, gratitude, forgiveness, into into nurturing, healing love, 664 00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:17,920 Speaker 1: and love is compassion in action. So compassion as two components. 665 00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:22,239 Speaker 1: There is the identification component when you identify the need 666 00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:26,560 Speaker 1: of another, and then the action component when you actively 667 00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:30,759 Speaker 1: do something to help ease that need or pain. It 668 00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:34,200 Speaker 1: takes courage to forgive when the person who hurt you 669 00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:38,680 Speaker 1: isn't sorry, doesn't care, it doesn't know. It takes courage 670 00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:42,200 Speaker 1: to step outside of your own distraction and business, and 671 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:45,719 Speaker 1: sometimes even pain and suffering to help somebody else. But 672 00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:48,879 Speaker 1: what I have learned through my experience, and I've also 673 00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:53,600 Speaker 1: watched Jesse's older brother learn as well, is that all 674 00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:56,560 Speaker 1: of the nurturing, healing love we give to other people, 675 00:43:56,640 --> 00:44:00,520 Speaker 1: all of the love and service that we do, we get. 676 00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:07,120 Speaker 1: Absolutely I could not agree more. Educators also say that 677 00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:11,120 Speaker 1: it reminds them why they became educators. Their favorite thing 678 00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:16,440 Speaker 1: about teaching Choose Love is that they use it for us, 679 00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:18,840 Speaker 1: for me, and for our listeners. How can we help? 680 00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,680 Speaker 1: What can we do to get involved? How can we 681 00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:26,280 Speaker 1: jump on board the Choose Love bus and um help 682 00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:30,120 Speaker 1: these numbers go down? Like I don't I don't want 683 00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:35,920 Speaker 1: to hear fifty. I don't want that right, So so 684 00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:40,920 Speaker 1: if if you literally look at homeland securities pathway to violence, 685 00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:43,719 Speaker 1: it's a it's a chart, and it starts with a 686 00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:48,360 Speaker 1: grievance and then it escalates stair steps up, different steps 687 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:52,520 Speaker 1: to an attack and at the attack end is the 688 00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:56,520 Speaker 1: hardening of schools. And I am all about hardening unfortunately 689 00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:59,920 Speaker 1: because this is going on now. But what we realize 690 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:04,080 Speaker 1: is just as important, if not maybe more important, is 691 00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:08,240 Speaker 1: the culture of the school. When you have a connected, loving, 692 00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:12,080 Speaker 1: compassionate culture that can reduce and prevent a grievance from 693 00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:16,960 Speaker 1: even happening. And if one does, you've got educators and 694 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,880 Speaker 1: students having the skills and tools they need to manage 695 00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:25,440 Speaker 1: that grievance before it escalates. So this is so important, 696 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,319 Speaker 1: uh and and all schools know that they need it now. 697 00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:33,280 Speaker 1: So the amazing thing is, in the last six years 698 00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:37,840 Speaker 1: since we've released this program, by word of mouth, it 699 00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:42,200 Speaker 1: has over ten thousand, five hundred schools in every state 700 00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:46,160 Speaker 1: and a hundred and twenty countries. That word of mouth 701 00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:48,919 Speaker 1: mostly from those who have taught it, who have been, 702 00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:52,200 Speaker 1: you know, very happy with it and told their friends 703 00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:57,160 Speaker 1: and parents. Um, I wish that I had known about 704 00:45:57,200 --> 00:46:00,799 Speaker 1: the importance of these essential life skills. When I was 705 00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:03,880 Speaker 1: a parent, and I had gone to my school and 706 00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:11,640 Speaker 1: made sure that they were implementing a comprehensive program. Most schools, 707 00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:14,040 Speaker 1: if they don't have one, they're looking for one. I mean, 708 00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:17,440 Speaker 1: I assumed when when I when I created this program, 709 00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:20,960 Speaker 1: I literally was thinking in my mind gap filler, because 710 00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:24,360 Speaker 1: this is so vitally important. These are essential life skills 711 00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:27,680 Speaker 1: that emplawyers are looking for. Could have heard that these 712 00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:31,120 Speaker 1: are looking for. These are the skills that lead us 713 00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:34,520 Speaker 1: to flourishing. There a pathway to flourishing. So I thought 714 00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:36,839 Speaker 1: that everyone would have them. And it turns out less 715 00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:41,720 Speaker 1: than ten percent of US schools had a program. And 716 00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:44,320 Speaker 1: and and those some of those that did were checking 717 00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:47,520 Speaker 1: off the box with a with a workshop, a speaker 718 00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:50,680 Speaker 1: that come that would come in, or a week long kindness. 719 00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:56,719 Speaker 1: That's not enough. A school needs to embrace uh this 720 00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:00,520 Speaker 1: and and the amazing thing is when they do. There's 721 00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:04,200 Speaker 1: long term research that shows that that kids get better 722 00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:07,680 Speaker 1: grades and test scores, They have higher attendance, higher graduation rates, 723 00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:11,920 Speaker 1: less stress and anxiety, not to mention, secure relationships, confidence 724 00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:16,560 Speaker 1: within themselves, better relationships, better self esteem. It's a statistically 725 00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:19,239 Speaker 1: effective way to reduce and prevent bulling, and then later 726 00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:23,240 Speaker 1: in life they have less substance abuse, less mental illness, 727 00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:27,640 Speaker 1: less incarceration, And then I joke, less divorce rates. And 728 00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:29,239 Speaker 1: then I raised my hands. I see I could have 729 00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:33,919 Speaker 1: benefited because because I will readily admit I did not 730 00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:37,680 Speaker 1: have a lot of these skills and tools for I didn't. 731 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,719 Speaker 1: We will be right back after a word from our sponsors. 732 00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:55,319 Speaker 1: Welcome back to Katie's crib. Outside of Choose Love, are 733 00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:59,200 Speaker 1: there um any family traditions you have to this day 734 00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:05,080 Speaker 1: to honor Jesse. Uh Well, on the anniversary, we gather 735 00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:08,120 Speaker 1: as a family and just a few close friends at 736 00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:13,800 Speaker 1: his grave site. This year, I went to his favorite deli. 737 00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:18,239 Speaker 1: So every morning, uh we would. I would drive him 738 00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:21,880 Speaker 1: to daycare and we would stop at this deli and 739 00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:26,279 Speaker 1: we would get a sausage, egg and cheese sandwich. Um. 740 00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:29,480 Speaker 1: He for some reason he didn't like bacon. He choked 741 00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:32,719 Speaker 1: on bacon, so he said, and this is his favorite thing. 742 00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:36,560 Speaker 1: And the good mother that I am, he had half 743 00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:40,040 Speaker 1: for breakfast and half for lunch. It was it was 744 00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:43,080 Speaker 1: just that's what he wanted. So I was like, okay, 745 00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:46,520 Speaker 1: it was so easy. So we we would stop there 746 00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:51,120 Speaker 1: every morning. And this little deli is now at the 747 00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:54,040 Speaker 1: base of where he is buried, which is weird. I 748 00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:58,040 Speaker 1: can sit, I have a granite bench and and it 749 00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:02,720 Speaker 1: faces his tombstone, and I can smell the delicious smells 750 00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,279 Speaker 1: coming out of the deli, almost as a reminder of 751 00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:09,000 Speaker 1: that day. So so this year I literally went and 752 00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:13,000 Speaker 1: bought a sandwich, sausage, egg and cheese, and I brought 753 00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:16,200 Speaker 1: it to his grave site, which was right around the corner, 754 00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:19,040 Speaker 1: and I sat, I put one for him, and I 755 00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:23,120 Speaker 1: ate the other half. UM. A lot of times we UM. 756 00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:28,799 Speaker 1: We've released balloons for him. UM, We've written him messages. 757 00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:32,520 Speaker 1: He's in everything. He's in everything that I do. Every 758 00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:37,719 Speaker 1: single day I continue to get really strong, beautiful messages 759 00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:41,880 Speaker 1: from him to let me know that he's he's still 760 00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:47,200 Speaker 1: around and involved and loving me and his brother and UH, 761 00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:52,000 Speaker 1: and so that's always nice. What other advice do you 762 00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:58,840 Speaker 1: have for parents, UM whose family have gone through UM 763 00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:02,200 Speaker 1: either I either same tragedy or just something very tragic. 764 00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:08,720 Speaker 1: During my research, I found this UM, this thing called 765 00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:14,160 Speaker 1: post traumatic growth. The vast majority of us actually grow 766 00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:18,560 Speaker 1: through difficult If you think about how we're shaped and molded, 767 00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:24,719 Speaker 1: it is often through hard times and and the feelings 768 00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:28,080 Speaker 1: that you're feeling right now. And I'm speaking to your audience. 769 00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:31,239 Speaker 1: If you're at the lowest of the low point, um, 770 00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:36,480 Speaker 1: you're gonna move through them. You are no feeling less. 771 00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:41,319 Speaker 1: I've been there, you know. I will tell you that. 772 00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:43,440 Speaker 1: A couple of days after the tragedy, I'm sitting on 773 00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:46,560 Speaker 1: my mom's couch and one of the social workers brought 774 00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:50,600 Speaker 1: in this parent that had lost a son as well, 775 00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:53,160 Speaker 1: and I hadn't spoken to anybody that had lost a child. 776 00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,399 Speaker 1: When she sat down at my knee, she put her 777 00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:58,279 Speaker 1: hand there and she said, I'm I want you to 778 00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:01,080 Speaker 1: know I have lost a child, so I know exactly 779 00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:03,719 Speaker 1: what you're feeling. And I remember I just looked at 780 00:51:03,719 --> 00:51:07,279 Speaker 1: her and, uh for guidance, like you know, what do 781 00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:10,000 Speaker 1: you How did you get through this? And she said, 782 00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:13,080 Speaker 1: and I'm here to tell you that you will always 783 00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:16,719 Speaker 1: feel this pain, you will never get through it. And 784 00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:18,759 Speaker 1: I just but you know what, it turned out to 785 00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:20,920 Speaker 1: be a blessing because I put my hand up in 786 00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:23,680 Speaker 1: her face and I literally said, like in front of 787 00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:26,160 Speaker 1: her face, I said, stop, stop, I don't want to 788 00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:30,600 Speaker 1: hear anymore because that's your experience and I am going 789 00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:33,879 Speaker 1: to forge my own path. This is gonna be my 790 00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:36,799 Speaker 1: own experience. And then I realized right then and there 791 00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:40,640 Speaker 1: that I wasn't going to go off of someone else's experience. 792 00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:42,960 Speaker 1: I was going to create my my own and it 793 00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:47,000 Speaker 1: was up to me. And I learned right then and there, 794 00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:49,480 Speaker 1: like I don't know, a few days after the tragedy, 795 00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:52,000 Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, I'm in this and it's gonna 796 00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:55,200 Speaker 1: be what I wanted to be. And I started thinking 797 00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:57,640 Speaker 1: about what I wanted it to be. I knew that 798 00:51:57,680 --> 00:52:01,680 Speaker 1: I had the model for my older son, JT years 799 00:52:01,719 --> 00:52:06,520 Speaker 1: old at the time. Wow, it sounds like JT has 800 00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:11,600 Speaker 1: been incredible with coping thanks to you. But I think 801 00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:13,360 Speaker 1: I was reading that you had said something like it 802 00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:15,960 Speaker 1: helped you to learn about what other people are going 803 00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:18,960 Speaker 1: through that might be something similar like the Rwandan genocide, 804 00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,120 Speaker 1: which I've been to Rwanda and I've seen that. But 805 00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:27,279 Speaker 1: does it help you to know, um again that you're 806 00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:30,440 Speaker 1: just not alone. I'm assuming we did have that incredible 807 00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:35,799 Speaker 1: experience where orphan genocide survivors skyped with JT in his room. 808 00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:37,560 Speaker 1: He did not want to go back to school. I 809 00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:39,600 Speaker 1: didn't want him to go back to school. He doesn't 810 00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:42,320 Speaker 1: know this to this day, but I will never force 811 00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:48,279 Speaker 1: him to go to school again. And they skype to him, 812 00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:52,879 Speaker 1: and you know, these were people who have survived the horrible, 813 00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:59,760 Speaker 1: horrible atrocities as well, horrible like rwandas over one million 814 00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:04,400 Speaker 1: Tutsis were murdered by their neighboring Hutus in ninety days. 815 00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:09,040 Speaker 1: And these had been young kids. They'd seen their families murdered, 816 00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:12,200 Speaker 1: all of their their neighbors. They grew up in camps 817 00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:15,400 Speaker 1: and they said. The first thing they said to j T, 818 00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:19,279 Speaker 1: through an interpreter, was we heard about what happened to 819 00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:21,640 Speaker 1: your little brother all the way over here in Rwanda. 820 00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:24,000 Speaker 1: We want you to know that you're going to be 821 00:53:24,120 --> 00:53:29,920 Speaker 1: okay and you're going to feel joy again. And I listened. 822 00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:32,560 Speaker 1: I thought, Wow, these are people that have been through 823 00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:37,239 Speaker 1: something worse than we have. They're telling us that we're 824 00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:40,200 Speaker 1: gonna be okay and feel joy again. I'm gonna listen. 825 00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:44,839 Speaker 1: And then they started talking a lot about forgiveness and 826 00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:48,200 Speaker 1: a lot about gratitude, and of course they were practicing 827 00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:51,960 Speaker 1: compassion and action by by seeing a need and then 828 00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:55,680 Speaker 1: reaching out to them. And so later on that evening, 829 00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:58,200 Speaker 1: JT came into the living room and he said, I'm 830 00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:01,040 Speaker 1: going to school tomorrow and I said are and he 831 00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:04,240 Speaker 1: said yeah. And I'll never forget this. He said, those 832 00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:06,600 Speaker 1: kids reached out to me and love, and I'm going 833 00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:08,320 Speaker 1: to reach back out to them and I'm going to 834 00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:12,799 Speaker 1: start raising money and I'm going to send them to university. Um. 835 00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:17,320 Speaker 1: So he literally went back and started orgnovation called Newtown 836 00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:20,280 Speaker 1: Helps Rwanda. I will always wear this band always, always 837 00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:25,200 Speaker 1: on my wrist. And he raised enough money to send 838 00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:30,600 Speaker 1: two of those orphan genocide survivors to university. Holy smokes, 839 00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:35,360 Speaker 1: that's amazing. He skyped back with that same group. He 840 00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:39,319 Speaker 1: announced to uh TO to a woman named Betty, and 841 00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:44,319 Speaker 1: I remember she collapsed. Oh this is so it was, 842 00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:53,400 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. How old is JT now? He's twenty one? Wow? Wow? Yeah. 843 00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:57,080 Speaker 1: A question, what would you ask Jesse if he were 844 00:54:57,120 --> 00:55:02,480 Speaker 1: here today? Um? Gosh, that is a good question. What 845 00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:05,120 Speaker 1: would I ask him? I would probably ask if he 846 00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:08,200 Speaker 1: were here today. I know that he started me on 847 00:55:08,239 --> 00:55:11,359 Speaker 1: this whole journey. I think I would probably ask him 848 00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:14,480 Speaker 1: if there was anything that I could be doing more? 849 00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:21,200 Speaker 1: Such a mom answer. It's so good, yeah, because you 850 00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:24,360 Speaker 1: know he he literally directed me on this path. The 851 00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:26,480 Speaker 1: other thing is though, he left a message for his 852 00:55:26,520 --> 00:55:29,560 Speaker 1: older brother too, and JT found it on his desk 853 00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:31,719 Speaker 1: all folded up, and it said have a lot of fun. 854 00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:37,680 Speaker 1: He did. Yeah, yeah, And that informs everything that we 855 00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:40,880 Speaker 1: do in the Choose Love Movement too, because fun and 856 00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:46,200 Speaker 1: unstructured play is so vitally important to our children. And 857 00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:49,640 Speaker 1: and actually, I say to kids and us big kids, 858 00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:52,480 Speaker 1: because I consider myself a big kid. A lot of 859 00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:54,640 Speaker 1: this stuff is for all of us. It's not just 860 00:55:54,719 --> 00:55:57,440 Speaker 1: for kids, it's for us as well. It's it's for 861 00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:04,880 Speaker 1: all humans. Gosh, my goodness, Scarlet, I am so so 862 00:56:05,239 --> 00:56:10,759 Speaker 1: filled up from this episode and so um impressed by 863 00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:14,239 Speaker 1: you and by the Choose Love Movement. And I want 864 00:56:14,239 --> 00:56:17,000 Speaker 1: all of our listeners to please go check out again. 865 00:56:17,760 --> 00:56:21,520 Speaker 1: Can you tell us the website again? Please? Yeah, please 866 00:56:22,080 --> 00:56:25,160 Speaker 1: Choose Love Movement dot org. If you all would help 867 00:56:25,239 --> 00:56:29,160 Speaker 1: us spread the message on social media, go to your schools, 868 00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:34,080 Speaker 1: introduce this, uh, talk about it to your friends. Downloaded. 869 00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:38,680 Speaker 1: This is bringing everybody that practices Choose Love together across 870 00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:41,840 Speaker 1: the world. And um, it's just a lot of fun. 871 00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:44,640 Speaker 1: You know, we have one life to live. To be 872 00:56:44,840 --> 00:56:50,080 Speaker 1: present the way to live your life with the fewest regrets. UH, 873 00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:52,960 Speaker 1: moms and dads out there is to be present with 874 00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:58,160 Speaker 1: the ones that you love. Again, just so impressed and 875 00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:01,360 Speaker 1: inspired by you, and I'm so thankful for you for 876 00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:04,400 Speaker 1: coming on to Katie's Crib and taking time. Scarlett, Louis 877 00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:09,160 Speaker 1: and again everyone um the website will be linked will 878 00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:11,400 Speaker 1: be will be posting about that and also her books 879 00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:14,120 Speaker 1: Nurturing Healing Love, which is her memoir of her journey 880 00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:16,720 Speaker 1: towards choosing love and forgiveness, and then the book from 881 00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:20,040 Speaker 1: Sandy Hook to the World, which is how you founded 882 00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:23,720 Speaker 1: the Choose Love movement. Again, Scarlett, thank you so so 883 00:57:23,720 --> 00:57:27,200 Speaker 1: so much for coming on Katie's Crib. Thank you Katie 884 00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:37,200 Speaker 1: so much. Thank you again Scarlett for coming onto the show. 885 00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:39,680 Speaker 1: And thank you all so much for listening to today's 886 00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:44,400 Speaker 1: episode of Katie's Crib. I appreciate you all tuning in 887 00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:49,840 Speaker 1: to this episode. I'm really grateful for this platform and 888 00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:54,280 Speaker 1: community where we can go through this together. Take care 889 00:57:54,320 --> 00:57:56,480 Speaker 1: of yourself please, and I will talk to you more 890 00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:56,919 Speaker 1: next week.