WEBVTT - Do You Know Your True Value and Worth? (Part 3) (Outweigh)

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<v Speaker 1>I won't let my body out be outwait everything that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm learning love who I am. I I'm strong, I

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<v Speaker 1>feel free, I know every pardon me, it's beautiful and

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<v Speaker 1>that will always out way if you feel it with

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<v Speaker 1>your hands all She'll some love to the vio.

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<v Speaker 2>Why get there?

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<v Speaker 1>Take you one day and did you and die out way?

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<v Speaker 3>Happy Saturday outweigh Amy here and Leanne Hey.

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<v Speaker 4>Leanne, Hello, Hello, Hello, And we're.

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<v Speaker 3>Working through do you Know Your True Value and Worth?

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<v Speaker 3>Ingredients one and two aired the last two weeks, and

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<v Speaker 3>now we are on ingredients three. It's like we're making

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<v Speaker 3>some cookies and this is your version of self esteem?

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, the highlight on the your version. You know, everything

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<v Speaker 5>we're talking about here has to be really individualized and

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<v Speaker 5>catered to you because how you feel about yourself is

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<v Speaker 5>different than how I feel. And what you need to

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<v Speaker 5>fill in those gaps is going to be different than

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<v Speaker 5>what I need. But what's relevant to all of us?

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<v Speaker 5>And first, I want to define what I mean by

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<v Speaker 5>self esteem because a lot of times it's like, oh,

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<v Speaker 5>do I have confidence?

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<v Speaker 2>Do I like myself?

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<v Speaker 5>And that's part of it right, But I think it's

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<v Speaker 5>actually the no like and trust factor of yourself. And

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<v Speaker 5>specifically we're going to talk about the trust factor, because

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<v Speaker 5>what happens is is a lot of us get in

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<v Speaker 5>the pattern of, you know, making promises to ourselves that

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<v Speaker 5>we just don't follow through on, or we just don't keep,

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<v Speaker 5>you know, or maybe we make commitments that are that

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<v Speaker 5>are outrageous, they're ludicrous, we can't possibly keep them. But

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<v Speaker 5>then what happens is we witness ourselfs not following through

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<v Speaker 5>and then we end up you know, obviously not finishing

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<v Speaker 5>what we start, but then we believe ourselves less and

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<v Speaker 5>less the next time we say to ourselves, Okay, I'm

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<v Speaker 5>going to do this, or I'm going to start this,

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<v Speaker 5>or I'm going to stop that, And it's that trust factor.

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<v Speaker 5>We lose trust in ourselves, we don't believe ourselves, our

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<v Speaker 5>word becomes kind of negotiable, and then in turn off

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<v Speaker 5>the back of that, we lose respect for ourselves. So

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<v Speaker 5>when you think about like a typical definition of self

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<v Speaker 5>esteem confidence, you know, do you like yourself, do you

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<v Speaker 5>believe in yourself? Well, how much do you like and

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<v Speaker 5>believe in yourself when you're walking around without trusting yourself,

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<v Speaker 5>and then you've lot total lost, total respect for yourself.

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<v Speaker 5>So that's really what I wanted to bring to the table.

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<v Speaker 5>And these are the conversations that you know, when you

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<v Speaker 5>are kind of stuck in that food and body prison

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<v Speaker 5>as I call it, when you're you know, in that

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<v Speaker 5>cycle of obsession over you know, food, your weight, your calories,

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<v Speaker 5>all of that. It's like, this is one of those

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<v Speaker 5>things where I say, it's not about the food, you know,

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<v Speaker 5>the food just becomes sort of a coping mechanism, whether

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<v Speaker 5>we're trying to like the hyper restriction control side of

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<v Speaker 5>it or the you know, screw it out of control,

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<v Speaker 5>you know, care free abandonment side of it. And there

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<v Speaker 5>are two sides of the same coin. But again then

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<v Speaker 5>we focus on like, okay, I'll go, I'll go figure

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<v Speaker 5>out what I'm gonna eat here to look at my

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<v Speaker 5>body in this way, and it's like, no, what if

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<v Speaker 5>this underneath it and these you know, truly knowing your

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<v Speaker 5>worth again had nothing to do with your body, and

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<v Speaker 5>you took your eyes off of that focus and went

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<v Speaker 5>into this side of like trusting yourself, respecting yourself, and

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<v Speaker 5>just went down that rabbit hole.

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<v Speaker 2>What would be possible for you.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I will say, thinking back years decades of me,

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<v Speaker 3>I guess the best way to put it is start

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<v Speaker 3>tomorrow sort of and I would talk to myself, but

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<v Speaker 3>that would pile on. It would pile on because then

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<v Speaker 3>when I couldn't start tomorrow because I didn't realize it

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<v Speaker 3>was just about you know, it wasn't as simple as that. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>I lost a lot of trust with myself, and there

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<v Speaker 3>was this you know, integrity piece of like who am

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<v Speaker 3>I even and what does this even matter? And I

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<v Speaker 3>don't even care. I mean, I started to have just

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<v Speaker 3>this dialogue that wasn't adding up to who deep down

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<v Speaker 3>I wanted to be. But it was a cycle and

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<v Speaker 3>it felt very like I just kept sabotaging myself. But

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<v Speaker 3>I was on a hamster wheel.

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<v Speaker 5>You touched on something so important here, which is the

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<v Speaker 5>identity piece of this when we're talking about our true

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<v Speaker 5>value and worth. I'm sorry you said integrity piece, which

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<v Speaker 5>is you know, becomes that identity when we are out

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<v Speaker 5>of integrity with who we want to be. But sometimes

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<v Speaker 5>again we're desensitized to it because we're like, oh, this

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<v Speaker 5>is just.

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<v Speaker 3>What I do.

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<v Speaker 5>I start things and I don't finish them, or I say,

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<v Speaker 5>you know, I'll get back on the wagon on Monday,

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<v Speaker 5>and I just you know, words are words.

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<v Speaker 2>And so again we become desensitized to that.

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<v Speaker 5>But we live a life out of integrity and that gap,

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<v Speaker 5>you know, of who we know we want to be

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<v Speaker 5>and who we are so committed to showing up as

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<v Speaker 5>versus the version of ourself that we are showing up as,

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<v Speaker 5>or we witness ourselves kind of falling into that trap

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<v Speaker 5>or that cycle. The gap, that gap between who we

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<v Speaker 5>want to be and who we show up as, that's

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<v Speaker 5>where the toxic shame lives. And it's sneaky, it's insidious.

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<v Speaker 2>We don't always know it's there.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And I think for me using food or restriction

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<v Speaker 3>or control or anything to numb out to other things

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<v Speaker 3>that were going on. When I'm numb, I don't know

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<v Speaker 3>what I care about. I don't know what I feel

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<v Speaker 3>because I don't, I can't. I'm not feeling anything anyway,

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<v Speaker 3>So what does any of it matter? But deep down

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<v Speaker 3>I know that I really wanted to care about stuff,

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<v Speaker 3>and I wanted to be able to trust myself, and

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<v Speaker 3>absolutely I wanted to have a good relationship with myself.

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<v Speaker 3>But I couldn't get out of the hole.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, and it's it's like you just said, it's not

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<v Speaker 5>logical in the moments. That's why you know our I know,

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<v Speaker 5>my go to COVID mechanism was like, Okay, I just

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<v Speaker 5>need more willpower or I just need more self control.

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<v Speaker 5>And it's like no, we're using all of these logic

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<v Speaker 5>and reason air quotes weapons to address this like deeper

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<v Speaker 5>emotional integrity, self worth, self value gap and not to

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<v Speaker 5>mention total side note and side episode is like, who's

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<v Speaker 5>to say you're going to feel any of these things

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<v Speaker 5>even if you do reach your air quotes, ideal weight

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<v Speaker 5>or you know whatever. Anyways, you know, so this is

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<v Speaker 5>the stuff that gets missed, you know. And and yeah,

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<v Speaker 5>like when you're in it again, these are the things

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<v Speaker 5>that make us go towards coping mechanisms, whether it's food, Netflix,

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<v Speaker 5>social media, dating apps, whine. I mean I've used them

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<v Speaker 5>all right, so it's there's no shame about it, but acknowledging,

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<v Speaker 5>like and I think that's really just the first step

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<v Speaker 5>is is where do I Where have I fallen out

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<v Speaker 5>of trust with myself?

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<v Speaker 3>You know?

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<v Speaker 5>And that leads us to not liking ourselves and not

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<v Speaker 5>believing ourselves and not respecting ourselves, Like where have I

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<v Speaker 5>fallen out of trust with myself? And even just like

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<v Speaker 5>identifying where has my word become negotiable? Where have I

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<v Speaker 5>been saying something and doing another? And like the say

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<v Speaker 5>do gap is massive, right, but even and again, like

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<v Speaker 5>I know we talk about baby steps and you know

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<v Speaker 5>awareness awareness a lot, but like even just that of

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<v Speaker 5>just acknowledging, okay, where am I constantly making a promise

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<v Speaker 5>to myself and not falling through the first step? Or

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<v Speaker 5>like if I were to give a tip, would just

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<v Speaker 5>be like stop making promises all together? And I know

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<v Speaker 5>that sounds counterintuitive because it's like leanne like shouldn't I

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<v Speaker 5>be doing something? Or isn't committing to something better than

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<v Speaker 5>committing to nothing? But every time you commit to something

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<v Speaker 5>and witness yourself not following through, you are depleteating that

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<v Speaker 5>self esteem and self trust and self respect bank account

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<v Speaker 5>so to speak, right, and you're taking away from it.

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<v Speaker 5>But if you just acknowledge, and here's the thing with

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<v Speaker 5>it's usually not our first rodeo what we're committing to,

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<v Speaker 5>you know, the ten things on our to do list

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<v Speaker 5>that never get done or the air quotes diet that

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<v Speaker 5>you keep going back to thinking that that's your you know,

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<v Speaker 5>safe place and you don't follow through on it, Like

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<v Speaker 5>it's not your first road too. You know, you know

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<v Speaker 5>where this is going to end. So knowing what you know,

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<v Speaker 5>it's like the first step is just stop committing to

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<v Speaker 5>stuff altogether in a way and like just not witnessing

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<v Speaker 5>yourself kind of be as sing yourself so that you

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<v Speaker 5>can actually let your word be aligned with what you

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<v Speaker 5>say and what you mean.

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<v Speaker 4>So, how do we have a goal? Like how do

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<v Speaker 4>you how do we've word it?

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<v Speaker 3>Or how do we have get I get not wanting

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<v Speaker 3>to you know, continue to make these promises because that

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<v Speaker 3>when you continue to break them, it's not good.

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<v Speaker 4>But how do we set ourselves up?

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, it's a really good question and good distinction because

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<v Speaker 5>it's like, well, leahe you just told me to stop

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<v Speaker 5>committing stuff, but how do I actually have goals?

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<v Speaker 2>How do I get anything done? Right's the what's the

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<v Speaker 2>middle ground?

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<v Speaker 5>So my invitation would be and it's it's a bigger

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<v Speaker 5>conversation than this, but it would if I were to

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<v Speaker 5>bottom line it, it would be this, first of all, minimize

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<v Speaker 5>the size of your promises. Right, So a lot of

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<v Speaker 5>people are making these big, grandiose promises and making promises

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<v Speaker 5>in these maximal zero to sixty kind of mindset, you know.

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<v Speaker 5>So one thing would just be look at the size

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<v Speaker 5>of your promises and minimize the size of the of

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<v Speaker 5>the goals that you're setting, you know. And instead of

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<v Speaker 5>thinking like, Okay, here's where I am right now, like

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<v Speaker 5>if I'm if I'm a two, what would get me

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<v Speaker 5>to a ten? It's like, okay, if I'm a two,

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<v Speaker 5>what would get me to a three? And then what

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<v Speaker 5>would get me to a four? And really like looking

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<v Speaker 5>at things in manageable chunks so that you can witness

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<v Speaker 5>yourself actually following through on things and witness yourself being

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<v Speaker 5>a trustworthy promise maker, you know. And then the other

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<v Speaker 5>side of that is like again, and this is a big,

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<v Speaker 5>bigger conversation, but it comes back to what you were

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<v Speaker 5>saying about integrity.

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<v Speaker 2>Is like, I'll just say how it showed it for me.

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<v Speaker 5>I had to draw that line in this and say

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<v Speaker 5>I'm no longer willing to be out of alignment with

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<v Speaker 5>what I say and what I mean, Like I'm no

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<v Speaker 5>longer willing to witness myself lie to myself and honestly

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<v Speaker 5>like just drawing that line in the sand and making

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<v Speaker 5>that like kind of putting your stake in the ground

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<v Speaker 5>and almost like declaring about who you want to be,

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<v Speaker 5>so that now it's not about what you're doing or

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<v Speaker 5>not doing, it's about who do you want to be,

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<v Speaker 5>and even just saying like, I'm no longer willing to

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<v Speaker 5>be as myself. And the cool thing is is that

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<v Speaker 5>when you do that and you take away you know,

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<v Speaker 5>almost almost manipulating your your words to fit. Oh, I'll

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<v Speaker 5>feel better if I at least say I'll do it right,

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<v Speaker 5>you'd be shocked at what you start committing to off

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<v Speaker 5>the back of I no longer am willing to be

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<v Speaker 5>out of integrity and you start with like the who you.

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<v Speaker 2>Want to be is a person of integrity and go

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<v Speaker 2>from there.

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<v Speaker 3>And so go back to the question that you would

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<v Speaker 3>say that we need to ask ourselves is a good

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<v Speaker 3>starting point. So that way, if people want to journal

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<v Speaker 3>through this and the next time you go on a hike,

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<v Speaker 3>like think about it however you like to process.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, where in my life are my words negotiable? Where

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<v Speaker 5>are my promises to myself negotiable? Where am I not?

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<v Speaker 5>Where am I out of alignment, out of integrity with

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<v Speaker 5>what I'm saying versus what I'm doing, and just start there,

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<v Speaker 5>Just start there, just again, full responsibility, no blame, you know,

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<v Speaker 5>just taking radical ownership. But you're not here to shame

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<v Speaker 5>or blame yourself, just as data, like, where am I

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<v Speaker 5>out of alignment? Where do I notice myself constantly saying

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<v Speaker 5>I'm going to do this and then I don't? Because

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<v Speaker 5>it's not just the lack of doing it, it's that

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<v Speaker 5>you're literally depleting your self esteem bank account because it's

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<v Speaker 5>costing you trust and it's costing you respect. And so

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<v Speaker 5>even just like stopping the leak by asking where has

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<v Speaker 5>my word been negotiable?

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<v Speaker 4>Okay?

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<v Speaker 3>Ingredient three your version of self esteem? This is do

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<v Speaker 3>you know your true value and worth? We're all working

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<v Speaker 3>towards that.

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<v Speaker 4>LeAnn. Where can people find you?

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<v Speaker 5>You can head on over to Leannellington dot com. I'm

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<v Speaker 5>also Leanne Ellington on Instagram. If you want to hear

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<v Speaker 5>more about the rewiring your brain side of all of

0:11:03.280 --> 0:11:04.840
<v Speaker 5>this food and body stuff, you can check out my

0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:06.320
<v Speaker 5>free master class over there as well.

0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:09.640
<v Speaker 3>And Leanne also has a podcast It's called What's God

0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:13.360
<v Speaker 3>Got to Do With it, and I'm at radio a

0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:15.680
<v Speaker 3>meet on socials if you want to find me there.

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<v Speaker 4>Bye, Bye,