Speaker 1: I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 1: I'm learning love who I am. I I'm strong, I
Speaker 1: feel free, I know every pardon me, it's beautiful and
Speaker 1: that will always out way if you feel it with
Speaker 1: your hands all She'll some love to the vio.
Speaker 2: Why get there?
Speaker 1: Take you one day and did you and die out way?
Speaker 3: Happy Saturday outweigh Amy here and Leanne Hey.
Speaker 4: Leanne, Hello, Hello, Hello, And we're.
Speaker 3: Working through do you Know Your True Value and Worth?
Speaker 3: Ingredients one and two aired the last two weeks, and
Speaker 3: now we are on ingredients three. It's like we're making
Speaker 3: some cookies and this is your version of self esteem?
Speaker 5: Yeah, the highlight on the your version. You know, everything
Speaker 5: we're talking about here has to be really individualized and
Speaker 5: catered to you because how you feel about yourself is
Speaker 5: different than how I feel. And what you need to
Speaker 5: fill in those gaps is going to be different than
Speaker 5: what I need. But what's relevant to all of us?
Speaker 5: And first, I want to define what I mean by
Speaker 5: self esteem because a lot of times it's like, oh,
Speaker 5: do I have confidence?
Speaker 2: Do I like myself?
Speaker 5: And that's part of it right, But I think it's
Speaker 5: actually the no like and trust factor of yourself. And
Speaker 5: specifically we're going to talk about the trust factor, because
Speaker 5: what happens is is a lot of us get in
Speaker 5: the pattern of, you know, making promises to ourselves that
Speaker 5: we just don't follow through on, or we just don't keep,
Speaker 5: you know, or maybe we make commitments that are that
Speaker 5: are outrageous, they're ludicrous, we can't possibly keep them. But
Speaker 5: then what happens is we witness ourselfs not following through
Speaker 5: and then we end up you know, obviously not finishing
Speaker 5: what we start, but then we believe ourselves less and
Speaker 5: less the next time we say to ourselves, Okay, I'm
Speaker 5: going to do this, or I'm going to start this,
Speaker 5: or I'm going to stop that, And it's that trust factor.
Speaker 5: We lose trust in ourselves, we don't believe ourselves, our
Speaker 5: word becomes kind of negotiable, and then in turn off
Speaker 5: the back of that, we lose respect for ourselves. So
Speaker 5: when you think about like a typical definition of self
Speaker 5: esteem confidence, you know, do you like yourself, do you
Speaker 5: believe in yourself? Well, how much do you like and
Speaker 5: believe in yourself when you're walking around without trusting yourself,
Speaker 5: and then you've lot total lost, total respect for yourself.
Speaker 5: So that's really what I wanted to bring to the table.
Speaker 5: And these are the conversations that you know, when you
Speaker 5: are kind of stuck in that food and body prison
Speaker 5: as I call it, when you're you know, in that
Speaker 5: cycle of obsession over you know, food, your weight, your calories,
Speaker 5: all of that. It's like, this is one of those
Speaker 5: things where I say, it's not about the food, you know,
Speaker 5: the food just becomes sort of a coping mechanism, whether
Speaker 5: we're trying to like the hyper restriction control side of
Speaker 5: it or the you know, screw it out of control,
Speaker 5: you know, care free abandonment side of it. And there
Speaker 5: are two sides of the same coin. But again then
Speaker 5: we focus on like, okay, I'll go, I'll go figure
Speaker 5: out what I'm gonna eat here to look at my
Speaker 5: body in this way, and it's like, no, what if
Speaker 5: this underneath it and these you know, truly knowing your
Speaker 5: worth again had nothing to do with your body, and
Speaker 5: you took your eyes off of that focus and went
Speaker 5: into this side of like trusting yourself, respecting yourself, and
Speaker 5: just went down that rabbit hole.
Speaker 2: What would be possible for you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I will say, thinking back years decades of me,
Speaker 3: I guess the best way to put it is start
Speaker 3: tomorrow sort of and I would talk to myself, but
Speaker 3: that would pile on. It would pile on because then
Speaker 3: when I couldn't start tomorrow because I didn't realize it
Speaker 3: was just about you know, it wasn't as simple as that. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I lost a lot of trust with myself, and there
Speaker 3: was this you know, integrity piece of like who am
Speaker 3: I even and what does this even matter? And I
Speaker 3: don't even care. I mean, I started to have just
Speaker 3: this dialogue that wasn't adding up to who deep down
Speaker 3: I wanted to be. But it was a cycle and
Speaker 3: it felt very like I just kept sabotaging myself. But
Speaker 3: I was on a hamster wheel.
Speaker 5: You touched on something so important here, which is the
Speaker 5: identity piece of this when we're talking about our true
Speaker 5: value and worth. I'm sorry you said integrity piece, which
Speaker 5: is you know, becomes that identity when we are out
Speaker 5: of integrity with who we want to be. But sometimes
Speaker 5: again we're desensitized to it because we're like, oh, this
Speaker 5: is just.
Speaker 3: What I do.
Speaker 5: I start things and I don't finish them, or I say,
Speaker 5: you know, I'll get back on the wagon on Monday,
Speaker 5: and I just you know, words are words.
Speaker 2: And so again we become desensitized to that.
Speaker 5: But we live a life out of integrity and that gap,
Speaker 5: you know, of who we know we want to be
Speaker 5: and who we are so committed to showing up as
Speaker 5: versus the version of ourself that we are showing up as,
Speaker 5: or we witness ourselves kind of falling into that trap
Speaker 5: or that cycle. The gap, that gap between who we
Speaker 5: want to be and who we show up as, that's
Speaker 5: where the toxic shame lives. And it's sneaky, it's insidious.
Speaker 2: We don't always know it's there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think for me using food or restriction
Speaker 3: or control or anything to numb out to other things
Speaker 3: that were going on. When I'm numb, I don't know
Speaker 3: what I care about. I don't know what I feel
Speaker 3: because I don't, I can't. I'm not feeling anything anyway,
Speaker 3: So what does any of it matter? But deep down
Speaker 3: I know that I really wanted to care about stuff,
Speaker 3: and I wanted to be able to trust myself, and
Speaker 3: absolutely I wanted to have a good relationship with myself.
Speaker 3: But I couldn't get out of the hole.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's it's like you just said, it's not
Speaker 5: logical in the moments. That's why you know our I know,
Speaker 5: my go to COVID mechanism was like, Okay, I just
Speaker 5: need more willpower or I just need more self control.
Speaker 5: And it's like no, we're using all of these logic
Speaker 5: and reason air quotes weapons to address this like deeper
Speaker 5: emotional integrity, self worth, self value gap and not to
Speaker 5: mention total side note and side episode is like, who's
Speaker 5: to say you're going to feel any of these things
Speaker 5: even if you do reach your air quotes, ideal weight
Speaker 5: or you know whatever. Anyways, you know, so this is
Speaker 5: the stuff that gets missed, you know. And and yeah,
Speaker 5: like when you're in it again, these are the things
Speaker 5: that make us go towards coping mechanisms, whether it's food, Netflix,
Speaker 5: social media, dating apps, whine. I mean I've used them
Speaker 5: all right, so it's there's no shame about it, but acknowledging,
Speaker 5: like and I think that's really just the first step
Speaker 5: is is where do I Where have I fallen out
Speaker 5: of trust with myself?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 5: And that leads us to not liking ourselves and not
Speaker 5: believing ourselves and not respecting ourselves, Like where have I
Speaker 5: fallen out of trust with myself? And even just like
Speaker 5: identifying where has my word become negotiable? Where have I
Speaker 5: been saying something and doing another? And like the say
Speaker 5: do gap is massive, right, but even and again, like
Speaker 5: I know we talk about baby steps and you know
Speaker 5: awareness awareness a lot, but like even just that of
Speaker 5: just acknowledging, okay, where am I constantly making a promise
Speaker 5: to myself and not falling through the first step? Or
Speaker 5: like if I were to give a tip, would just
Speaker 5: be like stop making promises all together? And I know
Speaker 5: that sounds counterintuitive because it's like leanne like shouldn't I
Speaker 5: be doing something? Or isn't committing to something better than
Speaker 5: committing to nothing? But every time you commit to something
Speaker 5: and witness yourself not following through, you are depleteating that
Speaker 5: self esteem and self trust and self respect bank account
Speaker 5: so to speak, right, and you're taking away from it.
Speaker 5: But if you just acknowledge, and here's the thing with
Speaker 5: it's usually not our first rodeo what we're committing to,
Speaker 5: you know, the ten things on our to do list
Speaker 5: that never get done or the air quotes diet that
Speaker 5: you keep going back to thinking that that's your you know,
Speaker 5: safe place and you don't follow through on it, Like
Speaker 5: it's not your first road too. You know, you know
Speaker 5: where this is going to end. So knowing what you know,
Speaker 5: it's like the first step is just stop committing to
Speaker 5: stuff altogether in a way and like just not witnessing
Speaker 5: yourself kind of be as sing yourself so that you
Speaker 5: can actually let your word be aligned with what you
Speaker 5: say and what you mean.
Speaker 4: So, how do we have a goal? Like how do
Speaker 4: you how do we've word it?
Speaker 3: Or how do we have get I get not wanting
Speaker 3: to you know, continue to make these promises because that
Speaker 3: when you continue to break them, it's not good.
Speaker 4: But how do we set ourselves up?
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a really good question and good distinction because
Speaker 5: it's like, well, leahe you just told me to stop
Speaker 5: committing stuff, but how do I actually have goals?
Speaker 2: How do I get anything done? Right's the what's the
Speaker 2: middle ground?
Speaker 5: So my invitation would be and it's it's a bigger
Speaker 5: conversation than this, but it would if I were to
Speaker 5: bottom line it, it would be this, first of all, minimize
Speaker 5: the size of your promises. Right, So a lot of
Speaker 5: people are making these big, grandiose promises and making promises
Speaker 5: in these maximal zero to sixty kind of mindset, you know.
Speaker 5: So one thing would just be look at the size
Speaker 5: of your promises and minimize the size of the of
Speaker 5: the goals that you're setting, you know. And instead of
Speaker 5: thinking like, Okay, here's where I am right now, like
Speaker 5: if I'm if I'm a two, what would get me
Speaker 5: to a ten? It's like, okay, if I'm a two,
Speaker 5: what would get me to a three? And then what
Speaker 5: would get me to a four? And really like looking
Speaker 5: at things in manageable chunks so that you can witness
Speaker 5: yourself actually following through on things and witness yourself being
Speaker 5: a trustworthy promise maker, you know. And then the other
Speaker 5: side of that is like again, and this is a big,
Speaker 5: bigger conversation, but it comes back to what you were
Speaker 5: saying about integrity.
Speaker 2: Is like, I'll just say how it showed it for me.
Speaker 5: I had to draw that line in this and say
Speaker 5: I'm no longer willing to be out of alignment with
Speaker 5: what I say and what I mean, Like I'm no
Speaker 5: longer willing to witness myself lie to myself and honestly
Speaker 5: like just drawing that line in the sand and making
Speaker 5: that like kind of putting your stake in the ground
Speaker 5: and almost like declaring about who you want to be,
Speaker 5: so that now it's not about what you're doing or
Speaker 5: not doing, it's about who do you want to be,
Speaker 5: and even just saying like, I'm no longer willing to
Speaker 5: be as myself. And the cool thing is is that
Speaker 5: when you do that and you take away you know,
Speaker 5: almost almost manipulating your your words to fit. Oh, I'll
Speaker 5: feel better if I at least say I'll do it right,
Speaker 5: you'd be shocked at what you start committing to off
Speaker 5: the back of I no longer am willing to be
Speaker 5: out of integrity and you start with like the who you.
Speaker 2: Want to be is a person of integrity and go
Speaker 2: from there.
Speaker 3: And so go back to the question that you would
Speaker 3: say that we need to ask ourselves is a good
Speaker 3: starting point. So that way, if people want to journal
Speaker 3: through this and the next time you go on a hike,
Speaker 3: like think about it however you like to process.
Speaker 5: Yeah, where in my life are my words negotiable? Where
Speaker 5: are my promises to myself negotiable? Where am I not?
Speaker 5: Where am I out of alignment, out of integrity with
Speaker 5: what I'm saying versus what I'm doing, and just start there,
Speaker 5: Just start there, just again, full responsibility, no blame, you know,
Speaker 5: just taking radical ownership. But you're not here to shame
Speaker 5: or blame yourself, just as data, like, where am I
Speaker 5: out of alignment? Where do I notice myself constantly saying
Speaker 5: I'm going to do this and then I don't? Because
Speaker 5: it's not just the lack of doing it, it's that
Speaker 5: you're literally depleting your self esteem bank account because it's
Speaker 5: costing you trust and it's costing you respect. And so
Speaker 5: even just like stopping the leak by asking where has
Speaker 5: my word been negotiable?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 3: Ingredient three your version of self esteem? This is do
Speaker 3: you know your true value and worth? We're all working
Speaker 3: towards that.
Speaker 4: LeAnn. Where can people find you?
Speaker 5: You can head on over to Leannellington dot com. I'm
Speaker 5: also Leanne Ellington on Instagram. If you want to hear
Speaker 5: more about the rewiring your brain side of all of
Speaker 5: this food and body stuff, you can check out my
Speaker 5: free master class over there as well.
Speaker 3: And Leanne also has a podcast It's called What's God
Speaker 3: Got to Do With it, and I'm at radio a
Speaker 3: meet on socials if you want to find me there.
Speaker 4: Bye, Bye,