WEBVTT - Mailbag: Part 2 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:05.160 Today's quote is from an article by Kenzie Cooper, writer 0:00:05.760 --> 0:00:09.760 in an online magazine called Eon A E O N 0:00:10.960 --> 0:00:16.160 and the quote is Proposals about the origins of language abound, 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:19.720 and it's no wonder. Language is a marvel, our most 0:00:19.920 --> 0:00:25.240 distinctive capacity. A few slight movements of tongue, teeth and lips, 0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:28.240 and I can give you a new idea, whisk you 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:33.199 somewhere else, or give you goose bumps. Any thought a 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:37.640 human can think, it would seem can be shared on 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:48.360 a puff of air. Welcome to Permission to Speak, the 0:00:48.440 --> 0:00:52.240 podcast about how we talk and how we get ourselves 0:00:52.280 --> 0:01:00.280 heard with me samarve Hi. Guys, this is part two 0:01:00.360 --> 0:01:02.480 of the mail Bag episode, and this when we get 0:01:02.520 --> 0:01:07.000 into a lot of specific questions around vocal fry breathing, 0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:12.720 especially during say, times of anxiety. What tone really means, 0:01:13.319 --> 0:01:17.640 listeners worrying about sounding too nasal and um some big 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:21.959 ideas around speaking without apologizing for taking up time and space, 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:24.920 which you know, I think it is actually the heart 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:28.320 of like ninety percent of our vocal drama, as well 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:33.000 as a you know, sister idea of what I called 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:36.120 in this episode getting voice shamed, which I think is 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:38.920 so insidious that most of us don't quite notice it 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:40.959 or or can't quite put our finger on it when 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:44.759 it's happening. And we also answer a question about why 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:48.720 specifically we end every episode of Permission to Speak by 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:51.600 making sure to celebrate the voice of someone whom I 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:57.800 guest admires. This was a delightful conversation, and I can't 0:01:57.800 --> 0:01:59.720 wait for you to hear it and give me feedback. 0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:15.800 This is mail Bag Part two. Here's a question from 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:17.720 one of our listeners. I'm doing a lot of phone 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:20.360 banking for the upcoming election, and I feel like I 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:23.040 come off too formal or cheesy. I want to put 0:02:23.040 --> 0:02:25.280 people at ease, but also get my point across quickly. 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:27.960 Do you have any tips? Phone banking is so hard. 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:31.040 It's like, you know, cold calling anybody? So hard? Um. 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:34.400 My biggest tip is really make it about them, because 0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:37.280 it sounds like from what this person's the way that 0:02:37.320 --> 0:02:40.560 they're framing the question, that's they're they're thinking about themselves. Uh, 0:02:40.680 --> 0:02:43.760 totally understandable, but really really think about what am I 0:02:43.800 --> 0:02:45.120 trying to How am I trying to make the other 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:48.280 person feel it's really good? Uh? Can we talk about 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:52.480 people just getting a little nasily actors, but also just 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:55.240 speaking in general. Um, there's a specific question that someone's 0:02:55.240 --> 0:02:57.760 an actor from Chicago and they speak a bit nasily. 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:00.400 What can I physically do to take myself off out 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:05.800 of the Chicago Chicago. I wonder if, um, they've been 0:03:05.800 --> 0:03:07.600 getting feedback about that, or if they're hearing it in 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:10.760 their own head. Um. I partly ask because I don't 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:13.560 want I feel like some of it is self consciousness 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:16.800 that is like misplaced energy. We don't have to actually 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:21.480 change the way our body sounds. But um, if they're 0:03:21.480 --> 0:03:24.000 getting feedback, if it feels like it's getting in the way, UM, 0:03:24.040 --> 0:03:26.040 I don't know if this is what they mean by nasally. 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:28.680 But sometimes it's that we're not breathing enough and we're 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:31.320 not we're not connected enough to our chest resonance. So 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:33.520 we have these two different ways that sound comes out 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:38.400 of us. Basically, guys, the way that we make sound 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:41.760 come from inside our body out is not really our mouth. 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:46.400 It's that our bones vibrate the space in between our bones, 0:03:46.640 --> 0:03:51.160 which are sort of like cavernous you know, caves vibrate 0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:54.120 the sound waves literally like bounce off of the cave. 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:56.840 The inner walls of the cave of us and then 0:03:56.920 --> 0:03:59.640 come out through all the parts of us. And if 0:03:59.680 --> 0:04:01.560 you if you put your hand on your chest and 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:05.160 you talk, you just say like, hi, my name is Samara. Uh, 0:04:05.400 --> 0:04:07.840 you will feel vibrating. And if you put your hands 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:10.560 in between the two sides of your nose underneath your 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:13.040 eyes and you talk, HI, my name is Samara, see 0:04:13.080 --> 0:04:15.760 if you vibrate there too. In a dream scenario, although 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:20.000 we're vibrating everywhere, the two largest chamboos are our mask 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:22.440 resonance and our chest resonance. Oh. I talked about this 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:24.560 with Adell because she doesn't like the word mask because 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:29.440 it sounds like we're hiding ourselves, right whatever our face resonance. Um. 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:32.799 But the idea is, and especially if you're feeling nasily, 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:36.080 this is something sometimes what the thing is Ideally we've 0:04:36.080 --> 0:04:39.040 got both going on equally or in a nice blend, 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:43.480 whatever doesn't. Actually, if we're all chest resonance and nothing 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:46.960 is happening, no vibrating is happening in our face, it 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:49.599 usually gives off a bit of an underwater quality. There's 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:51.200 like this sort of sense like you have a cold 0:04:51.240 --> 0:04:53.040 and like nothing's coming out up top, so like you're 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:56.960 just vibrating down here right. Stereotypically this is a male thing, 0:04:57.040 --> 0:04:59.400 but you know, obviously it doesn't matter. It's cultural more 0:04:59.440 --> 0:05:03.000 than it's a biological sex things. But you will feel 0:05:03.000 --> 0:05:06.080 at least a little powerful, but not necessarily present. And 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:08.120 then the opposite is true for the mask. You know, 0:05:08.200 --> 0:05:10.599 if you're if you're all pingy all the time. Pingy 0:05:10.680 --> 0:05:12.160 is this word that we use to mean this sort 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:14.719 of like very very present up here a thing. You know, 0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:17.760 you will sound very present, Hello, I am right here, 0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:20.400 I am in your face, I am fran dresser, right, 0:05:20.800 --> 0:05:23.320 but you lose all your power. The rest of your 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:27.920 body is just not participating in the game that is communicating. 0:05:28.120 --> 0:05:30.400 So in a dream scenario we have both. There's pretty 0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:33.159 easy exercises to do. That has to do with sort 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:35.719 of like moving around the different parts of those of 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:37.560 those body parts and actually kind of just trying to 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:40.360 like breathe sound into their checking and my vibrating now, 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:43.000 my vibrating now. Um. I really encourage people to like 0:05:43.440 --> 0:05:45.640 search some of those terms on YouTube and see if 0:05:45.640 --> 0:05:49.280 there are voice coaches who actually like lead you through 0:05:49.279 --> 0:05:52.320 those sorts of exercises. But you know, the short answer 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:54.680 is probably a little bit more chest residents would help 0:05:54.680 --> 0:05:57.440 if you're feeling nasally, and I bet that what's annoying you, 0:05:57.520 --> 0:05:59.680 if it's not annoying other people, is that it's not 0:05:59.760 --> 0:06:01.400 that it's nasal, it's not that has anything to do 0:06:01.400 --> 0:06:05.160 with your nose. It's that you've lost your sense of power. 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:09.640 You know. Interesting, this is from an American actor. What 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:11.960 would be the best way to begin learning an RP 0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:15.040 Australian or New Zealand accent? Why is it so hard? 0:06:15.279 --> 0:06:17.320 What's an RP? I was gonna say, I'm actually not 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:19.920 sure if r P Australian is a thing, although I'd 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:22.720 be happy to have somebody tell me. RP is this 0:06:22.839 --> 0:06:26.480 term that means received pronunciation. It is shorthand for the 0:06:26.560 --> 0:06:30.880 proper British accent. The American version would be called standard American. 0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:34.800 We don't have RP American received pronunciation American. But RP, 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:37.479 obviously this is a term received is already kind of 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:39.360 just this made up thing. It's a way of talking 0:06:39.400 --> 0:06:42.120 about the standard. So like cockney is not right, it's 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:44.560 talking about the standard. So you know, this came up, 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:46.560 God knows, this came up a lot in that linguistics 0:06:46.560 --> 0:06:49.120 conversation that I had with Dr Charity Hadley about what 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:52.000 standard means. It's usually just made up by the richest 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:56.560 white people you can find um. But as a dialect 0:06:56.640 --> 0:06:58.720 it is useful to learn. I mean, it's useful to 0:06:58.800 --> 0:07:02.040 learn any standards so that you can speak intelligently about 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:05.880 deviations from the standard. That's not about putting good or 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:08.280 bad judgments on it. It's just about saying, like, this 0:07:08.360 --> 0:07:10.440 is a thing, so that then we can talk intelligently 0:07:10.480 --> 0:07:12.960 about when we go step away from the thing. So 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:15.640 r P is useful of RP is also known as 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:19.280 the Queen's English or BBC English. Sometimes people say there 0:07:19.280 --> 0:07:22.200 are also different gradations of it, because sometimes OURP refers 0:07:22.200 --> 0:07:24.280 to the hundred years ago version and sometimes it refers 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:28.840 to more contemporary sound, which is also dialect um. So 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:31.160 for Australian, I'm not sure what the standard is, but 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:33.800 I will say that Australian and New Zealand are like 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:36.560 so hard to learn. I would I'm about to say, 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:38.640 are the hardest, but I'm going to put them along 0:07:38.680 --> 0:07:43.080 with Irish, and along with South African and Scottish. You know, 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:45.960 when we're talking about learning accents, we can talk about 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:49.560 regional accents of English of American English, like the South, 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:55.400 like Boston, like Gloucester, Glouster, mass um or like uh 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:58.360 English as a second language. So if we're learning a 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:01.800 French accent, right, but when we're talking about English as 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:04.640 a first language in another part of the world, that 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:09.000 will always have the most rules, the most different sound changes. 0:08:09.080 --> 0:08:12.680 When we're talking about Australian, literally every vowel sound changes 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:14.880 from American to Australia. So for like having to make 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:16.520 a cheat sheet of like this sounds which is to 0:08:16.600 --> 0:08:19.040 this sound. The cheat sheet for French is maybe ten 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:22.920 sounds long. The cheat sheet for Australian is like that's 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:24.960 just more things for your brain to have to kind 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:28.920 of like integrate, integrate, integrate over time. It's just much harder. 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:30.920 I actually did have a question that I didn't put 0:08:30.920 --> 0:08:32.240 on here, and I won't do it because I was 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:34.040 like it'll blow her mind and be like no. But 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:36.880 someone did want you to go through the various dialects 0:08:36.920 --> 0:08:42.960 in England and say them all differently rapid fire. I mean, 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:47.720 you know, it's doable, but it requires like prep, you know. 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:49.160 I mean I like to say I don't come fully 0:08:49.160 --> 0:08:53.240 downloaded like you know in advance. Um with like all 0:08:53.280 --> 0:08:56.079 accents of the world, and there's actually some people who 0:08:56.080 --> 0:08:59.839 have put together some amazing videos. Um. Amy walker Is 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:02.920 aims for this. If you search on YouTube for sort 0:09:02.920 --> 0:09:06.360 of like trapesing around various parts of the world and 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:09.040 you know, switching from accent to accent, to accent to accent. 0:09:09.160 --> 0:09:11.520 It is totally something I can do as well, but 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:14.360 like I do need to actually do my research, do 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:18.120 my prep, practice it, and then you know, get there, um, 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:23.120 which is my long way of saying no, not right now. Okay. 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:24.960 So this is from an American and she's married to 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:27.840 an english Man. He's often says to her that she's 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:31.320 speaking too loudly, and I often tell him that he 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:34.120 speaks too softly. That sounds normal, It sounds like my life. 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:37.520 These are common stereotypes of loud Americans and the English 0:09:37.600 --> 0:09:40.199 who speak in whispers. How did this come about? To 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:44.560 English speaking countries speaking at different volumes? That's really cool, listener. 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.559 I mean, the short answer is it's cultural. I think 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:49.840 that in her case is probably also gendered. You know, 0:09:49.960 --> 0:09:51.760 men don't have to speak up in order to be 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:56.600 heard dot dot dot permission to speak. I'm man loudly, 0:09:56.880 --> 0:09:58.760 you know, A lot of the times when women tell 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:01.000 me that they speak to loudly or that they are 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:03.880 quote unquote too much, it's because they've had to figure 0:10:03.920 --> 0:10:06.520 out how to overcompensate, and it hasn't necessarily worked in 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:09.840 their favor. But the impulse is I have to push 0:10:09.840 --> 0:10:12.439 through my discomfort in order to be heard. Whether or 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:14.440 not it works as I say, is you know, debatable 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:17.079 in different spaces, but the impulse is not something men 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:20.320 often have to deal with ever. Ever. Um, the British 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:23.079 American thing cultural, I mean really understated, you know, the 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:25.520 British thing. That American humor is also really like whad 0:10:25.800 --> 0:10:28.920 broad and that British is so understated and reserved and 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:33.760 you know, clever by by you know, quiet machinations rather 0:10:33.800 --> 0:10:36.280 than being so broad and over the top. Obviously, those 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:39.800 are huge generalizations. I think I have very sophisticated humor, 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:43.880 thank you very much. Um. But you know how delightful 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:45.640 when you're married to somebody from a different culture, no 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:48.280 matter what the culture is. I mean, a lot of 0:10:48.320 --> 0:10:51.240 us grew up in households where being loud and speaking 0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:55.160 over each other had really different connotations. Being loud and 0:10:55.160 --> 0:10:57.880 speaking over each other in certain cultures totally normal. That's 0:10:57.920 --> 0:10:59.840 how people talk. That's how we get our point across. 0:10:59.880 --> 0:11:03.480 That what comfortable sounds like, that's when you know people. Well, 0:11:03.520 --> 0:11:06.080 that's what you can do. That's what intimate sounds like. 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:09.880 And in some cultures speaking over each other is so 0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:12.360 looked down upon that you would never do that with 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:14.520 the people you love and how dare you? And then 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:17.640 when those two people grow up and marry each other, Well, 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:21.920 that's a recipe for fascinating you know, cultural interactions. So 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:24.240 it doesn't have to be this thing about what nation 0:11:24.320 --> 0:11:27.080 you were born in. It's really like, you know, each 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:30.280 of our idiolects interacting with the other person's idiolect. I 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:32.240 would actually be interested in a follow up to the 0:11:32.480 --> 0:11:34.760 person that wrote this question, because I'd like you to just, 0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:37.280 for like, for fun, flip it and see how much 0:11:37.880 --> 0:11:40.400 your man misses you after you are not that loud 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:44.600 American that he fell in love with. Okay, next up. 0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:46.640 I've been teased by my friends that when I meet 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:49.040 a foreigner speaking English to me, I often respond to 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:52.640 them in their own accent. That's amazing, even in broken English. 0:11:52.679 --> 0:11:55.000 Sometimes I have become aware of this, but I can't 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.440 seem to stop why is this? Is it psychological? Am 0:11:57.440 --> 0:11:59.400 I trying to get in the same level or trying 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:02.080 to get them me? I figure they would understand me better, 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:04.679 But that doesn't actually make sense because they're probably used 0:12:04.720 --> 0:12:07.960 to hearing English spoken. Well, Um, it's so beautiful. You know, 0:12:08.360 --> 0:12:09.640 a lot of people have this, and then a lot 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:13.280 of people don't. I think it has to do with empathy, 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:15.760 you know, it has to do with mirroring. We're always 0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:17.800 trying to fit in. I mean, truly, this is like 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:21.000 a subliminal We are not always consciously thinking how are 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:22.880 the other people in this room sounding? So I should 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:25.320 sound more like them, and then I'll you know, be 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:29.520 taken seriously by the it's not conscious. But there are 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:32.240 rules of conversation in every room that you're in. And 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:34.760 I'm using the word rules very loosely to me, and like, 0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:36.800 you know, there's stuff for picking up on in order 0:12:36.840 --> 0:12:39.480 to sort of win the conversation, when not meaning that 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:41.560 other people would lose, but when meaning that like what 0:12:41.600 --> 0:12:43.320 we want to have happen happens, which is often as 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:46.640 you say, connection. Um, if we're talking to somebody who 0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:49.560 sounds different from us, we may very well all of 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:53.640 us or most of us be subtly changing the way 0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:55.800 we sound in order to mirror them. We do it 0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:58.160 with hand gestures as well. You know, we do it 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:02.040 with body language. We do it with facial gestures. Uh. 0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:04.600 It sounds like the listener is just like doing it 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:07.320 in a more extreme way, so they've become aware of it, right, 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:09.439 But it's something a lot of us do. I mean, 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:11.280 it's what a part of why I like to say 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:13.520 that our idiolect is not is all the stuff we 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:16.560 talked about before, but also like who you dated one 0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:20.239 time for six months, you know, like we pick, we sponge. 0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:23.559 It is a human thing to sponge. And also if 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:25.760 a linguist were on right now, they would say that 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:28.960 is why dialects exist. That is why there are so 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:32.320 many different sounds around the world. It's tribal. It makes 0:13:32.360 --> 0:13:36.320 us feel safer on a biological level to sound like 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:38.720 the people were around, and then to be like, oh, 0:13:38.760 --> 0:13:40.720 those people don't sound like me, so they must not 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.520 be safe. It's also the heart of why internal biases 0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:46.360 around dialect are so hard to shake. It's really primal. 0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:49.720 We're primed to be scared of people who don't sound 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:53.360 like us. It's a fucking bummer in our globalized world, 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:55.320 like we want to connect with the rest of the 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:57.760 world and treat everybody like humans, and we also have 0:13:57.880 --> 0:13:59.920 these things inside of us that are trying to keep 0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:04.640 safe these instincts. Um, how we should take a break. 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:16.160 We will be back into a second and we're back cut. 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:18.960 What's mixed? Um? I have a question for you. If 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:22.800 someone's long winded, how do they effectively get to the 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:25.600 point of a story or a question and a business 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:29.840 setting at home in person without losing the authenticity and 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:32.560 excitement about the question that they're asking or the project 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:35.720 that they're working on. How do we get to the point? Yeah, 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:38.880 my answer is making about the other person? What do 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:41.280 they need to know? Right? If this is something where 0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:43.920 we're actually trying to develop a story for when we're 0:14:43.920 --> 0:14:46.360 going to have the floor in a more formal context, 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:48.560 then that is actually something we can think about ahead 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:50.480 of time. Right. How am I going to tell the story? 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:52.640 Where does it start? How do I make sure that 0:14:52.920 --> 0:14:56.400 I'm getting to a conclusion where the why of the 0:14:56.440 --> 0:14:58.800 message of the story is there? Or is it just 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:00.600 a story that's like this funny thing happen to me. 0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:02.800 If I want to connect it to the people to 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:04.600 the why I'm telling it, then I have to have 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:06.840 to develop it ahead of time. I mean, it's it's 0:15:07.040 --> 0:15:09.720 very anti instinctual because it's not how we go through 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:12.800 life telling stories. But uh, if it's not, if it's 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:14.800 not this formal context, if it really is just like, 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:18.920 how do I cut out the fluff, connect as aggressively 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:22.240 as possible to who you're talking to and why in 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:25.400 the moment, and let yourself breathe and let yourself think 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:27.760 and don't just get on a roll. And if you 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:30.280 feel yourself getting on a role, stop I went down 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:33.440 a tangent. Hold on, let me collect myself. I think 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:36.600 that most of our long winded nous is from not 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:39.560 collecting ourselves, not taking literally a second to breathe and 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:41.720 like organize the parts of our body that are all 0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:44.240 like wow, I thought, all the stuff is going on right? 0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:46.680 If we can breathe and collect and go, why am 0:15:46.720 --> 0:15:48.600 I telling this story? Oh? I know? I want to 0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:51.000 get to this part that will help us. And the 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:53.760 other part of it is that often if we're going 0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:55.800 off on a billion tangents, it's because we don't really 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:58.400 trust our voices. We don't really trust that we can 0:15:58.560 --> 0:16:02.440 say something once and and be done. Like I wasn't 0:16:02.480 --> 0:16:04.400 heard as a kid. This is a little bit about right. 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:06.760 How we talk to ourselves on the inside affects how 0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:09.920 we talk on the outside totally and practice. I mean, 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:12.000 I'm actually I'm trying to do it right now as 0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:14.280 I talk. There's we all have different modes. We can 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:17.880 totally be tangenty and random. I like, the last thing 0:16:17.960 --> 0:16:19.920 I want to do is tamp anyone down. The whole 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:22.320 point of permission to speak is that my version of 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:24.640 public speaking is not about put you in this box. 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:27.920 It's about let you out so you do you. But 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:31.720 if you're working on a specific thing, then you can try. 0:16:31.760 --> 0:16:33.240 You can turn a microphone on because it tends to 0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:36.160 make us all a little bit more intentional. Uh. You know, 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:38.560 turn your voice memos app on when you're alone in 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:40.840 a room and try to tell a story. Envision who 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:42.360 you're talking to. Don't just tell it to a wall. 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:45.640 God knows that it's not. It's not a helpful thing. Uh. 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:47.600 Think of who you're talking to, think about them, smiling 0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:51.120 and nodding. Right, set yourself up for success, and then 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:54.000 tell that story and see see if you can get 0:16:54.040 --> 0:16:57.840 to the end. With this few like, you know, tangents 0:16:57.840 --> 0:16:59.680 that end up seeming like you're sort of apologizing for 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:02.960 exist stay as possible. And if you hear yourself going, 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:04.080 I mean, I don't know, do you know what I mean? 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:05.959 Because there was this other time. You know, when you 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:09.440 hear yourself doing those tangents, stop the recording started again, 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:12.240 and try this time. What if I sounded like somebody 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:15.359 who really believed herself, who really knew that this story 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:18.480 deserved to be heard. Just really really tell yourself that. 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:21.000 I'll tell yourself that and see what comes out. You know, 0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:24.120 we can all practice. I mean, I'm also not against 0:17:24.359 --> 0:17:26.320 using ms and likes. I mean, I think that's a 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:30.760 big old you know whatever. It's like a Baal stereotype 0:17:30.800 --> 0:17:32.800 that like, we shouldn't talk in ums and likes, you know, 0:17:33.320 --> 0:17:35.119 Go and listen to Amantemont tell I love when she 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:37.359 was like, if you take all those out, you actually 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:40.359 don't sound human. But when we're using too many of them, 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:42.760 it is sometimes because we do not trust that we 0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:44.359 can say what we want to say and get to 0:17:44.359 --> 0:17:47.040 the end of our thought without taking it back, without 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:50.360 somehow apologizing for taking up time and space. We can practice, 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:55.399 I am practicing it right now. I was holding an 0:17:55.400 --> 0:17:58.400 intentional beat. Thank you, so I didn't cut anyone off. 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:02.800 We have a Peruvian actor in the US, but English 0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:05.080 is not his first language. He says. If I speak 0:18:05.080 --> 0:18:07.720 with my normal accent, I'm sometimes told I'm playing a 0:18:07.760 --> 0:18:10.720 stereotype and limiting my casting range. And if I speak 0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:12.960 with a standard accent, I'm accused of trying to be 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:15.600 someone I'm not. What would you suggest in my case? 0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:18.480 And before you answer that, I actually think this is 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:21.000 somewhat connected here. We're going to jump down a little 0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:24.720 bit to a question we have from a black woman 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:27.239 who grew up in a predominantly white town. She's been 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:29.399 told all of her life that she sounds white or 0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:32.000 too white. She asks, why does this have such a 0:18:32.040 --> 0:18:34.280 negative connotation and what can I do to change my 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:38.240 generally offended response. Why should I sound blacker and why 0:18:38.280 --> 0:18:41.320 should I sound whiter? For that matter? It's all very 0:18:41.320 --> 0:18:46.679 confusing to me. Yeah, yeah, I really hear this. Um, 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:49.280 you know, English is a second language, and also people 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:53.120 who are dealing with, you know, deep rooted racist notions 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:56.399 of what standard American is and isn't. Are both people 0:18:56.400 --> 0:18:59.200 who have had to like think much more consciously than 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:00.960 a lot of the rest of us. I mean, you know, 0:19:01.000 --> 0:19:03.359 it's a privilege to sort of find this podcast and 0:19:03.400 --> 0:19:06.000 then start thinking about your voice. You know, for a 0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:09.120 lot of people, they don't have that privilege because it's 0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:11.880 something that they're that they're confronted with every day from 0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:15.520 people having all kinds of opinions. Uh, and because there 0:19:15.640 --> 0:19:17.199 isn't I mean, you know, I'm on this kick to 0:19:17.200 --> 0:19:20.119 say that there's, um, there's clearly a beauty industrial complex, 0:19:20.119 --> 0:19:22.679 and there's no voice industrial complex. We don't even know. 0:19:22.760 --> 0:19:25.680 Not only are there standards of the voice that are 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:27.760 really nebulous, but we don't have any of the language 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:29.280 to talk about it. It's not like we can say, 0:19:29.320 --> 0:19:32.240 stop that shaming me, what's the difference, what's the what's 0:19:32.280 --> 0:19:34.760 the version here? Stop voice shaming me? I mean, I 0:19:34.800 --> 0:19:38.240 would like to introduce that or something like that into 0:19:38.240 --> 0:19:41.280 the lexicon, because the reality is the people who are 0:19:41.320 --> 0:19:44.560 saying that to you have no idea that what they're 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:49.080 doing is like, you know, racism as where they stand. 0:19:50.000 --> 0:19:52.359 They don't know, they don't have you know, I don't 0:19:52.359 --> 0:19:55.760 want to blame them, even but you know, for people 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:59.520 in Hollywood to tell this actor uh, you're doing a 0:19:59.560 --> 0:20:02.119 stereo type when you really are just sounding like yourself. 0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:06.040 You know, Hollywood is full of people who think that 0:20:06.119 --> 0:20:10.000 they know everything and don't you know, And I'm so 0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:12.600 furious for you that you have to deal with that. 0:20:13.040 --> 0:20:16.040 I think an answer for both, actually for for for 0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:19.840 both of these listeners might be in this word idi elect. 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:24.120 It might be in giving yourself the language to say 0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:26.679 back to people. It sounds to me like you have 0:20:26.680 --> 0:20:29.200 a stereotype of how I should sound based on how 0:20:29.240 --> 0:20:32.679 I look. But actually, there's this really cool idea I 0:20:32.760 --> 0:20:36.080 just heard about of an idiolect. It means that every 0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:38.440 single one of us sounds different from every single other 0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:41.679 person because our life experience is reflected in our voice. 0:20:42.119 --> 0:20:43.960 Do you want to know more about my life experience? 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:46.600 Because really we just have to open it up for people. 0:20:46.880 --> 0:20:49.320 We have to, you know, teach. As much as that's 0:20:49.320 --> 0:20:51.240 like annoying, you don't have to. I mean, God knows, 0:20:51.240 --> 0:20:53.560 you can just like disengage. I think being offended is 0:20:53.560 --> 0:20:57.840 completely allowed. Please don't be like sorry about being offended. 0:20:58.160 --> 0:21:02.080 But if we want to also, you know, change the story, 0:21:02.520 --> 0:21:04.800 change the way everybody is listening to our voices. There 0:21:04.880 --> 0:21:07.920 is an element of teaching involved if we're if we're 0:21:07.920 --> 0:21:09.560 willing to take that on, and I think the teaching 0:21:09.640 --> 0:21:11.960 is is just this. It sounds like you're sort of 0:21:11.960 --> 0:21:14.199 trying to put me into a box of sounds. I 0:21:14.240 --> 0:21:16.800 totally get it. We're all trying to meaning make here, 0:21:17.119 --> 0:21:18.879 but I don't fit into that box because of my 0:21:18.920 --> 0:21:20.440 life experience. Do you want to know more about my 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:22.840 life experience? It ruins met a little bit of the 0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:25.320 Michelle Obama thing. If you can't hate up close, as 0:21:25.359 --> 0:21:27.720 soon as you start to hear somebody's real story, then 0:21:27.760 --> 0:21:32.200 you can enroll your listener. Again, not your fucking responsibility, 0:21:32.200 --> 0:21:33.520 And I'm sorry you have to do this, but if 0:21:33.560 --> 0:21:36.439 you want, you can enroll your your listener. The person 0:21:36.520 --> 0:21:39.760 who who has you know said things about your voice, 0:21:39.960 --> 0:21:43.440 you can enroll them in geekdom around the fact that 0:21:43.480 --> 0:21:45.800 all of us sound different from everyone else. You know, 0:21:45.880 --> 0:21:48.000 this is challenging. This is real challenging. I and I 0:21:48.320 --> 0:21:49.639 want to I don't think you read these. I just 0:21:49.680 --> 0:21:52.399 want to also let you know that, UM, one of 0:21:52.440 --> 0:21:54.879 our listeners said that they have a deeper voice compared 0:21:54.920 --> 0:21:58.280 to most women. UM, and so the issues that she 0:21:58.359 --> 0:22:00.480 runs into are a little different than most. Mainly, she 0:22:00.520 --> 0:22:02.920 feels like she can't raise her voice without people accusing 0:22:02.920 --> 0:22:06.680 her of being needlessly angry, even when it's justified. Combine 0:22:06.760 --> 0:22:11.200 that with being a first generation Nigerian American, and that's 0:22:11.200 --> 0:22:13.640 a whole lot of stuff I have to unpack. Yes, 0:22:13.640 --> 0:22:15.520 it is okay. So I just she just wants to 0:22:15.560 --> 0:22:18.000 thank you for this podcast and for giving her the 0:22:18.040 --> 0:22:21.280 comfort that she's not overreacting and she's looking forward to 0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:27.160 more episodes. Yeah, I mean, um, you're not over reacting. 0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:31.280 I dream of a future where all of us can 0:22:31.320 --> 0:22:34.800 be as angry as we actually are, justifiably so about 0:22:34.880 --> 0:22:36.800 various things that pop up in our life, whether it's 0:22:36.800 --> 0:22:39.520 political or personal. We're just to not only be angry, 0:22:39.600 --> 0:22:41.800 or not only have these feelings, but also have them 0:22:41.840 --> 0:22:44.159 move through us the way that they do for children. 0:22:44.520 --> 0:22:46.119 Once you feel the feelings, you get to sort of 0:22:46.160 --> 0:22:48.480 move on from them. I mean, that's my dream scenario 0:22:48.520 --> 0:22:50.919 for during this pandemic. When I'm just feeling like, you know, 0:22:51.119 --> 0:22:53.560 hopeless and overwhelmed, just like feel it, and then it's 0:22:53.600 --> 0:22:56.280 more likely to move along, suppress it, and it's more 0:22:56.320 --> 0:22:58.800 likely to stick around. Right, So I just want to 0:22:58.800 --> 0:23:01.359 honor that, and then also, yeah, the angry black woman 0:23:01.720 --> 0:23:05.439 trope is so overplayed. It's something you know, Michelle Obama 0:23:05.440 --> 0:23:07.359 had to deal with, Sarah her Witts talked about that, 0:23:07.440 --> 0:23:10.520 and obviously Michelle talked about it in Becoming. It's just 0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:13.560 one of those things where like how we look gives 0:23:13.760 --> 0:23:17.280 us a whole lot of different leeway to be different ways. 0:23:17.320 --> 0:23:20.239 I mean, Brett Kavanaugh was a disturbingly good example of 0:23:20.240 --> 0:23:25.199 how being unnecessarily angry about something can seem like respect 0:23:25.400 --> 0:23:28.399 can seem like, uh, we should respect him, his his 0:23:28.400 --> 0:23:31.960 his righteous anger. And you know, I bet for this listener, 0:23:32.000 --> 0:23:35.320 if she's angry in a context, she gets branded as 0:23:35.359 --> 0:23:39.720 being irrational. The rationality of anger is very gendered and 0:23:39.800 --> 0:23:43.120 certainly racialized as well. Um there are three amazing books 0:23:43.119 --> 0:23:44.639 about this, one by somebody who's about to be on 0:23:44.640 --> 0:23:49.760 the podcast named Sorya Shmali called Rage Becomes Her Um, 0:23:49.800 --> 0:23:52.960 and the other ones are Brittany Cooper's Eloquent Rage and 0:23:53.920 --> 0:23:57.359 one of the biggest inspirations for this podcast, Rebecca Tray, Stirs, Good, 0:23:57.359 --> 0:24:01.520 and Mad. All three of them are about female rage 0:24:01.640 --> 0:24:04.639 in the Trump era, and all three of them are 0:24:04.680 --> 0:24:07.720 are different ways in to talk about how a we 0:24:07.760 --> 0:24:10.719 can process rage healthily and be we can channel it 0:24:10.880 --> 0:24:13.040 to make the world a better place. And I think 0:24:13.040 --> 0:24:16.560 one of the biggest reframes there, which is from Rebecca 0:24:16.600 --> 0:24:19.479 Trayster for me, is that if we know our history, 0:24:20.000 --> 0:24:23.480 women's anger has moved forward society at almost every turn, 0:24:23.960 --> 0:24:27.639 and then for obvious reasons like it scares the patriarchy, 0:24:27.800 --> 0:24:30.200 we are continually told to feel ashamed of our anger. 0:24:30.520 --> 0:24:32.359 But if we think of our anger as our fire, 0:24:32.440 --> 0:24:35.359 as the thing that will make our society better, it 0:24:35.400 --> 0:24:36.920 doesn't mean we can always bring it out in every 0:24:36.960 --> 0:24:40.439 context with no bad consequences, unfortunately, but it does mean 0:24:40.480 --> 0:24:43.240 that we can at least love ourselves through that process 0:24:43.560 --> 0:24:46.600 of having to sometimes hide. It's great so true. We 0:24:46.640 --> 0:24:49.280 have a question from an avid listener. Growing up, I 0:24:49.440 --> 0:24:51.879 was often told that I was too loud or too emotional, 0:24:51.920 --> 0:24:54.240 which is why it sur I would never ever say 0:24:54.320 --> 0:24:56.240 things like this to my kids when I had them, 0:24:56.480 --> 0:24:59.000 if I had them. I now have a four year 0:24:59.040 --> 0:25:00.639 old son, and he has a lot of energy and 0:25:00.680 --> 0:25:06.440 speaks very loudly. It's familiar. Um. We had his hearing 0:25:06.480 --> 0:25:09.439 tested and everything came back normal. However, I'm finding myself 0:25:09.520 --> 0:25:12.520 constantly telling him to speak softer or be quiet, which 0:25:12.560 --> 0:25:15.320 I really dislike doing. How can we teach kids about 0:25:15.359 --> 0:25:18.360 their voices early on, to enjoy and expand their voices, 0:25:18.400 --> 0:25:22.520 both literally and internally, but to be conscious speakers and listeners. 0:25:22.960 --> 0:25:26.199 I love this question. I have two answers. One of 0:25:26.200 --> 0:25:28.000 them I feel like we might have hit on in 0:25:28.040 --> 0:25:30.399 an earlier episode, although I don't. I don't so if 0:25:30.400 --> 0:25:34.560 it's repetitive for people, you know what, it's too bad. 0:25:32.840 --> 0:25:38.560 Who kind it's called reinforcement ladies and gentlemen, um, I 0:25:38.600 --> 0:25:41.360 would too. So two things. The first one is very 0:25:41.560 --> 0:25:44.639 is very specific practical advice, which is I think that 0:25:44.720 --> 0:25:48.000 four is not too early to start talking about helping 0:25:48.000 --> 0:25:50.480 your child read a room. This is not about don't 0:25:50.480 --> 0:25:53.360 talk loud, because I agree that that's not a very 0:25:53.359 --> 0:25:56.000 helpful you know, and as she can clearly attest, it 0:25:56.080 --> 0:25:59.159 ends up having lifelong ramifications of feeling like you know 0:25:59.480 --> 0:26:03.120 you were signed unced, but rather saying I'm right here, 0:26:03.640 --> 0:26:07.119 or saying do you think that you could talk a 0:26:07.160 --> 0:26:10.000 little quieter to get what you want? Or do you 0:26:10.040 --> 0:26:12.720 think that this room needs that kind of volume, like 0:26:12.800 --> 0:26:16.320 really asking them questions, not sounding like an asshole, but 0:26:16.440 --> 0:26:19.480 really trying to get them to think through. You can 0:26:19.560 --> 0:26:22.760 even talk about like, are you speaking at that volume 0:26:22.840 --> 0:26:24.760 right now because you have a lot of energy and 0:26:24.800 --> 0:26:26.439 you just want to get stuff out? Or are you 0:26:26.480 --> 0:26:28.679 speaking at that volume because you think you need to 0:26:29.119 --> 0:26:32.320 for me to hear you. If it's the former, let 0:26:32.320 --> 0:26:34.600 them run around outside a little bit. You know, I 0:26:34.640 --> 0:26:37.159 can tell because of our previous conversation that when you 0:26:37.200 --> 0:26:39.440 talk at that volume, it's because you need to run around, 0:26:39.440 --> 0:26:41.960 you need to move your legs. Cool, good to know. 0:26:42.560 --> 0:26:44.840 Or you know, it may very well be that the 0:26:44.880 --> 0:26:46.320 kid thinks that they need to talk that loudly in 0:26:46.440 --> 0:26:48.960 order to get their needs met. You know. I like 0:26:49.080 --> 0:26:51.840 to say to my son something along the lines of, like, 0:26:52.200 --> 0:26:55.040 when you talked quieter, did you notice how you actually 0:26:55.040 --> 0:26:57.600 got what you wanted better? Right? Because, Like, because I 0:26:57.600 --> 0:27:00.240 have this acting background, everything is about like tact in 0:27:00.320 --> 0:27:02.200 order to get your needs met. I mean that's sort 0:27:02.240 --> 0:27:04.520 of like how we all learn acting, like how to 0:27:04.520 --> 0:27:08.239 break down script. So it's a tactic. If we can 0:27:08.240 --> 0:27:10.400 think about volume as a tactic and teach our kid 0:27:10.600 --> 0:27:13.080 how to think in terms of tactics, I think that's 0:27:13.119 --> 0:27:15.439 really empowering for them. As well as we'll get us 0:27:15.440 --> 0:27:17.280 the results we want, which is that they filled the 0:27:17.320 --> 0:27:19.639 size of the space and no bigger. The other thing 0:27:19.720 --> 0:27:22.960 I want to say, though, that's much more philosophical, is 0:27:23.240 --> 0:27:26.800 Nancy Luna Jimnez, who I'm hoping to get on the 0:27:26.840 --> 0:27:31.479 podcast Nancy spelled with an eye does the stunning work 0:27:32.000 --> 0:27:35.480 with adults to sort of help them see that the 0:27:35.480 --> 0:27:38.439 ways that all of us got stifled as kids is 0:27:38.480 --> 0:27:41.520 the beginning of It's going to sound really heavy handed, 0:27:41.560 --> 0:27:43.399 but is the beginning of sort of the ways that 0:27:43.400 --> 0:27:47.119 we perpetuate oppression. Put more simply telling kids to not 0:27:47.200 --> 0:27:50.440 feel the feelings they're having, she calls adult is um. 0:27:50.480 --> 0:27:53.240 Making kids kind of be adults, process things too quickly, 0:27:53.720 --> 0:27:58.240 too early, has lifelong ramifications. I think about this all 0:27:58.400 --> 0:28:00.760 the time with my kid because and he has an 0:28:00.760 --> 0:28:06.719 oversized emotion. It is inconvenient and sometimes infuriating and sometimes silly, 0:28:06.880 --> 0:28:11.199 let's be honest. And yet I am trying desperately to 0:28:11.359 --> 0:28:14.240 make sure that he's allowed to have his oversized emotions 0:28:14.280 --> 0:28:16.480 as he figures out what size emotion he wants to 0:28:16.520 --> 0:28:18.560 bring to a space, and that will happen the older 0:28:18.560 --> 0:28:22.640 he gets. It's hard, Hey, what was it? Jack? Be quiet, 0:28:22.680 --> 0:28:27.439 I am trying to report podcast. Just kidding. UM, I 0:28:27.520 --> 0:28:31.320 love my son. Ladies and gentlemen, set up up. Okay, 0:28:31.359 --> 0:28:33.159 we're going to take a quick break and we'll be 0:28:33.240 --> 0:28:43.360 right back. We're back, so let's get down to some 0:28:43.440 --> 0:28:48.120 brass texts as they say, some terminology. UM, vocal fry. 0:28:48.440 --> 0:28:50.320 I still don't get it, and I don't know exactly 0:28:50.360 --> 0:28:53.240 what it is. You mentioned that people may use vocal 0:28:53.280 --> 0:28:56.000 fry in order to not seem in intimidating. Do you 0:28:56.040 --> 0:28:58.840 think that there could be other reasons? Sometimes it seems 0:28:59.080 --> 0:29:01.600 to be a way to a peer over it therefore 0:29:01.720 --> 0:29:06.600 not vulnerable thoughts I literally combined probably about seven people asking, 0:29:09.560 --> 0:29:12.200 and so do I. I mean, I actually love this 0:29:12.280 --> 0:29:14.480 because sometimes I fear that I'm mentioning it too much 0:29:14.600 --> 0:29:16.960 or that it's like such an obvious, like culturally agreed 0:29:17.040 --> 0:29:19.200 upon thing at this point, But of course you know, 0:29:19.280 --> 0:29:22.040 it's a little inside baseball and it's not totally obvious. Um, 0:29:22.200 --> 0:29:25.880 vocal fry is literally just the sound that happens when 0:29:25.920 --> 0:29:28.000 we're on our voice like we are now, and then 0:29:28.040 --> 0:29:30.400 we go off it. So it has this sort of 0:29:30.480 --> 0:29:33.800 quality to it, right, So like Inevitably it ends up 0:29:33.840 --> 0:29:37.640 sounding a little like a door creaking open, and so 0:29:37.680 --> 0:29:40.840 people call it creaking voice sometimes instead of vocal fry. 0:29:41.000 --> 0:29:42.960 I think the fry word is meant to sound like 0:29:43.000 --> 0:29:47.360 bacon frying, right, Like there's some sort of that quality 0:29:47.680 --> 0:29:50.360 a It is not gendered. Everybody does that. I was 0:29:50.360 --> 0:29:52.160 just gonna say, men do it too, and I feel 0:29:52.160 --> 0:29:55.120 like it hurts? Is it hurting? Um? It can hurt, 0:29:55.720 --> 0:29:59.000 is another thing for sure, especially if you do it habitually, 0:29:59.120 --> 0:30:02.600 like all the time. Him Another thing I will say. 0:30:02.880 --> 0:30:05.080 I think it comes in two forms. It comes in 0:30:05.120 --> 0:30:08.120 a billion forms, but in two major categories. One is 0:30:08.440 --> 0:30:11.520 when somebody opens their mouth to speak, and from beginning 0:30:11.560 --> 0:30:14.720 to end of thought it is all in vocal fry. 0:30:14.840 --> 0:30:17.200 We have people in our lives who do this, right, 0:30:17.520 --> 0:30:19.320 you can start to listen for it. Now. I'm going 0:30:19.360 --> 0:30:20.920 to do some example of it here. We'll see how 0:30:20.920 --> 0:30:23.840 that goes. But it's really the equivalent of saying like, 0:30:23.880 --> 0:30:26.640 what's your name and being like, my name is Samara, 0:30:26.680 --> 0:30:28.720 and um, I just wanted to talk to you guys 0:30:28.800 --> 0:30:33.160 today about what's going on with me? Right versus category too. 0:30:33.560 --> 0:30:35.400 It comes up at the end of a thought and 0:30:35.440 --> 0:30:38.040 really only at the end, so we're saying something. We're 0:30:38.040 --> 0:30:41.120 saying I believe that, you know, children are a future, 0:30:41.520 --> 0:30:43.120 but instead of getting all the way to the end 0:30:43.120 --> 0:30:45.000 of the thought, we go I believe the children are 0:30:45.000 --> 0:30:48.080 a future, which is up speaking vocal fried together, or 0:30:48.160 --> 0:30:50.600 I believe the children are a future, which is just 0:30:50.680 --> 0:30:55.680 vocal fry future. Right. We do this for a lot 0:30:55.720 --> 0:30:57.440 of reasons. I love that question. Is it is it 0:30:57.600 --> 0:31:01.920 about being unintimidating or is it about over it? Yes 0:31:02.160 --> 0:31:04.480 to all of that, I mean um. When Dr Gupta 0:31:04.600 --> 0:31:07.280 was on, she said that actually going doing vocal fry 0:31:07.440 --> 0:31:09.560 is a way of avoiding up speak. So if we 0:31:09.600 --> 0:31:11.160 don't want to sound like we're going up in a 0:31:11.240 --> 0:31:14.640 question at the end of a statement, we deliberately like literally, 0:31:14.680 --> 0:31:16.320 instead of going up and pitch, we go down and 0:31:16.360 --> 0:31:19.520 pitch to the point where it's below our our regular range, 0:31:19.560 --> 0:31:22.800 and so it goes into vocal fry, just as you know, 0:31:23.280 --> 0:31:26.480 the alternative to going up. But often it's that we're 0:31:26.520 --> 0:31:30.040 not breathing enough something I'm always on, you know, we 0:31:30.160 --> 0:31:32.200 just always hope that there was a There was another 0:31:32.280 --> 0:31:35.720 question I got about this about not about like what's 0:31:35.760 --> 0:31:38.640 going on with breathing. We have someone who they are 0:31:38.720 --> 0:31:41.040 an actress and a yoga instructor, and they know the 0:31:41.120 --> 0:31:43.360 importance of breath work, how to get to it, how 0:31:43.400 --> 0:31:47.360 to teach it, and the anxiousness that this person is 0:31:47.400 --> 0:31:51.400 carrying during these bonkers times UM is not allowing them 0:31:51.440 --> 0:31:55.080 to tap into their breath work, and it's truly stifling them. 0:31:55.120 --> 0:31:57.360 The question was, what does this person do when they 0:31:57.960 --> 0:32:00.760 cannot get to that place of breath work to on themselves. 0:32:01.240 --> 0:32:04.480 What's the next tool in your toolbag? Yeah, I mean 0:32:04.880 --> 0:32:06.640 I think that part. I think that what's happening on 0:32:06.680 --> 0:32:10.120 a physical level with the with the amount of ongoing 0:32:10.240 --> 0:32:13.360 low low grade trauma sometimes high grade for for some 0:32:13.440 --> 0:32:17.040 of us. UM, that's happening with our planet right now, 0:32:17.080 --> 0:32:19.200 but also with you know, our finances, with all the 0:32:19.240 --> 0:32:22.600 things that are that are the fallout. UM. It's showing 0:32:22.680 --> 0:32:25.960 up in our bodies as fatigue like literally just you know, 0:32:26.440 --> 0:32:31.000 always being tired. But also and relatedly probably UM not 0:32:31.040 --> 0:32:34.120 giving ourselves enough space to breathe. We're just holding our breath. 0:32:34.120 --> 0:32:37.240 When we get anxious, we just tighten, we tighten. It 0:32:37.320 --> 0:32:40.240 happens all over you know, in between our um are 0:32:40.320 --> 0:32:42.800 like armpits you know, like there's a reason that that 0:32:42.840 --> 0:32:45.200 power pose is a thing. It's as much about like 0:32:45.240 --> 0:32:47.400 expanding our whole bodies as it is literally about creating 0:32:47.400 --> 0:32:50.080 space under our arms. Because that that thing of getting 0:32:50.080 --> 0:32:52.520 really really pinning your elbows to your body is a 0:32:52.560 --> 0:32:54.720 way of trying to be really small. It's also a 0:32:54.720 --> 0:32:57.080 way of trying to hold in breath, right, Like, if 0:32:57.080 --> 0:32:59.800 we're not breathing enough, that's also this vocal fried comes out. 0:32:59.840 --> 0:33:02.120 You know. I was starting to say, if we aren't 0:33:02.160 --> 0:33:04.520 breathing with enough support that we can really get to 0:33:04.520 --> 0:33:10.400 the end of a long and I care type of thought. Uh. 0:33:10.480 --> 0:33:14.760 Our throats fortunately know how to compensate, and they compensate 0:33:14.760 --> 0:33:16.840 by like just pushing the tiny bit of air through 0:33:16.880 --> 0:33:19.200 and that is partly where vocal frid comes from. We 0:33:19.320 --> 0:33:21.800 just have this sort of thing happen. So, I mean, 0:33:21.840 --> 0:33:24.080 I want to honor that person who asked that question 0:33:24.120 --> 0:33:28.840 about the meditation and breathing being um, you know, like 0:33:28.920 --> 0:33:31.720 not not just second nature. It's not second nature, and 0:33:31.960 --> 0:33:35.280 especially when anything bad is happening, it is not second 0:33:35.360 --> 0:33:38.239 nature to breathe deeply and well and support all of 0:33:38.280 --> 0:33:41.960 the you know, systems in our body with this like prana, yoga, 0:33:42.240 --> 0:33:46.000 life force, breath. It just doesn't always happen. We can 0:33:46.040 --> 0:33:48.240 be intentional about it and try to make it happen. 0:33:48.280 --> 0:33:50.320 We can do meditation in yoga and then try to 0:33:50.360 --> 0:33:53.320 move that energy with us into our day. But you know, 0:33:53.440 --> 0:33:56.880 if we find ourselves holding again, I just want to say, like, yeah, hi, 0:33:57.040 --> 0:34:00.400 I am definitely feeling it too, definitely, and let's have 0:34:00.440 --> 0:34:02.320 a dance party. Let's try to have a dance party 0:34:02.320 --> 0:34:04.880 in that more totally, totally. I mean, you know, the 0:34:04.920 --> 0:34:08.080 opposite of this tightness is not just looseness, but its freedom, 0:34:08.239 --> 0:34:10.680 this quality of freedom. We all want to feel free 0:34:10.800 --> 0:34:13.319 right now, and you know, but to get back to 0:34:13.320 --> 0:34:16.160 the specifics of the vocal fry, some of that is 0:34:16.200 --> 0:34:18.800 the same issue. It's not just we want to be free, 0:34:19.280 --> 0:34:22.920 like because tight equals icky and the world is messed up. 0:34:22.960 --> 0:34:26.800 It's also like vocal fry happens for so many reasons. 0:34:26.880 --> 0:34:28.560 Some of it is just literally our body is not 0:34:28.600 --> 0:34:31.120 being supported enough, so we go into our throats. But 0:34:31.200 --> 0:34:33.200 some of it is I mean, I love this, this, 0:34:33.520 --> 0:34:35.920 this point that this listener made that it can be 0:34:35.920 --> 0:34:38.560 about being over it. It's a great way. Vocal fry 0:34:38.719 --> 0:34:41.840 is a great way of highlighting that we're saying something 0:34:41.880 --> 0:34:45.239 cliche or we're saying something that we're bored with to 0:34:45.320 --> 0:34:49.680 be like, I mean, right, like we say that for 0:34:49.719 --> 0:34:52.480 a reason. It has all kinds of vocal markers of 0:34:52.520 --> 0:34:54.799 like I mean, the reason I say cliche is I've 0:34:54.840 --> 0:34:56.960 heard myself do this where I'm like, you know what 0:34:57.000 --> 0:34:59.520 they say, the more things change, the more they stay 0:34:59.520 --> 0:35:02.480 in this day, Right, it's like wat wall, It's like 0:35:02.520 --> 0:35:05.440 putting a wat wat into our voice. Like, you know, 0:35:05.880 --> 0:35:09.200 we are allowed to bring so much nuance to what 0:35:09.200 --> 0:35:11.279 we're saying. We don't have to. You know, we can 0:35:11.320 --> 0:35:13.520 be sarcastic, we can be ironic, we can be all 0:35:13.560 --> 0:35:16.200 these things. And vocal fry, I think serves a lot 0:35:16.239 --> 0:35:19.239 of really interesting purposes to sort of carve out. UM 0:35:19.280 --> 0:35:22.799 also carves out parenthetical statements like I'm saying something really 0:35:22.800 --> 0:35:26.400 big over here, but also by the way, da, and 0:35:26.440 --> 0:35:28.400 now I'm back to the big thing, right though, there 0:35:28.440 --> 0:35:32.480 are different ways that we're that we're coloring, shaping, painting 0:35:32.520 --> 0:35:36.120 thoughts for our listeners. Very Shakespeare by the way, I 0:35:36.200 --> 0:35:41.640 love that, yes, painting for our listeners. Um. Okay, one 0:35:41.680 --> 0:35:45.799 more of our terminology section here, UM I recently had 0:35:45.840 --> 0:35:48.920 a female friend referred to herself as man splaining something, 0:35:49.440 --> 0:35:54.920 meaning she started to pontificate, pontificate, pontificate good word her 0:35:54.960 --> 0:35:57.560 point of view. She warned us she would be man 0:35:57.640 --> 0:36:00.200 splanning to us. So what does it mean when of 0:36:00.280 --> 0:36:03.200 fem is man splaining? Is this a thing for a 0:36:03.320 --> 0:36:05.440 fem to speak up at this moment? Is this always 0:36:05.440 --> 0:36:07.520 something to be celebrated or is it just the other 0:36:07.520 --> 0:36:09.960 side of the same coin and both genders should be 0:36:10.000 --> 0:36:12.520 careful about it. Are we out of balance enough so 0:36:12.560 --> 0:36:15.279 that fems are allowed to explain until we are in 0:36:15.400 --> 0:36:19.200 better balance of power? Um? And the oh no, And 0:36:19.239 --> 0:36:22.440 I have thoughts. Um, First of all, I think that Yeah, 0:36:22.520 --> 0:36:24.480 I mean I think that this woman actually just like 0:36:24.960 --> 0:36:26.920 was using that term very loosely, and it it sort 0:36:26.920 --> 0:36:30.960 of loses all meaning if the you know, oppressed side 0:36:31.320 --> 0:36:36.160 is using it to theoretically oppress. Um, it's a little 0:36:36.200 --> 0:36:41.160 bit like reverse racism, which is not a thing. So UM, yeah, 0:36:41.160 --> 0:36:43.399 I think this person really what she meant was I'm 0:36:43.400 --> 0:36:44.919 about to teach you guys something, and I don't feel 0:36:44.920 --> 0:36:47.479 comfortable putting myself into an authority position, so I'm gonna 0:36:47.520 --> 0:36:49.799 undermine myself a little bit with a joke. That's what 0:36:49.880 --> 0:36:53.360 I think, which is allowed, like let's use language and 0:36:53.400 --> 0:36:58.120 evolve language, and but sometimes language then loses meaning. And 0:36:58.239 --> 0:37:01.160 for the second half, I mean related, you know, for famas, 0:37:01.160 --> 0:37:04.520 I'm assuming you meet women and also um, you know, 0:37:04.560 --> 0:37:08.040 women plus anybody who's in transition or who is presenting 0:37:08.080 --> 0:37:10.920 as a woman. I think that there's two different questions 0:37:10.920 --> 0:37:13.600 in here. One of them is are we equally all 0:37:13.640 --> 0:37:17.080 allowed to be assholes? You know? I would love I 0:37:17.120 --> 0:37:20.760 would love for everybody to be um more conscious about 0:37:20.760 --> 0:37:23.720 how they're thinking. I don't necessarily think women can man explain, 0:37:24.000 --> 0:37:27.359 but I do think that women can bulldoze. In fact, 0:37:27.400 --> 0:37:29.320 I think there was another question that a friend asked 0:37:29.320 --> 0:37:32.640 about somebody who was who was bulldozing through conversations and 0:37:32.920 --> 0:37:37.200 you know, not allowing others literally silencing other people when 0:37:37.520 --> 0:37:40.120 you were doing that. It would be great to notice 0:37:40.160 --> 0:37:42.759 that and not just to say finally, I'm taking on 0:37:42.880 --> 0:37:46.800 masculine characteristics pat on the back. You know, men should 0:37:46.840 --> 0:37:49.160 also learn to not do that, but so should women. 0:37:49.800 --> 0:37:53.480 The other part of it is, uh, is the patriarchy 0:37:53.520 --> 0:37:55.239 so out of balance that women should always be able 0:37:55.280 --> 0:37:58.080 to speak up? You know, Yes, but with the caveat 0:37:58.160 --> 0:38:01.600 that it is still on us to speak up consciously, 0:38:01.680 --> 0:38:03.760 to be thoughtful about the people around us, to always 0:38:03.800 --> 0:38:06.160 be asking why am I? Why am I having this conversation, 0:38:06.160 --> 0:38:07.920 what would be what would be a win for the 0:38:07.920 --> 0:38:10.600 other person in having this conversation. I also want to 0:38:10.640 --> 0:38:15.200 say before I get off of this that um, the 0:38:15.280 --> 0:38:16.920 other the other question that I don't think we have 0:38:16.920 --> 0:38:19.160 time for right now, but that I'm referencing about bulldozing. 0:38:19.520 --> 0:38:21.719 If somebody is bulldozing in your life, if it's not you, 0:38:21.800 --> 0:38:24.040 but somebody else, I do think you have to talk 0:38:24.080 --> 0:38:26.080 to them. I think you have to find somebody in 0:38:26.120 --> 0:38:29.200 your in your social circle who is the person to 0:38:29.320 --> 0:38:32.520 step into a servant leadership role and take that person 0:38:32.560 --> 0:38:36.520 aside and have a tough conversation. I mean, in the 0:38:36.560 --> 0:38:39.000 first half of this UM mail bag last week I 0:38:39.040 --> 0:38:41.960 called it a care frontation. I mean, you know there 0:38:42.000 --> 0:38:45.319 we are hashtag care frontation. But to say, um, I 0:38:45.360 --> 0:38:47.359 don't know if you notice that you're doing this, and 0:38:47.400 --> 0:38:49.880 what I really really love and appreciate about you is 0:38:50.560 --> 0:38:54.560 but or not even but and um, here's how we 0:38:54.560 --> 0:38:57.680 could use some support because something is happening dynamic wise 0:38:57.719 --> 0:39:01.279 in our conversations that isn't effective as it could be. 0:39:01.680 --> 0:39:04.600 I love that. Okay, we have a lot of questions 0:39:04.719 --> 0:39:07.600 people asking you to do dialects and accents, and you 0:39:07.640 --> 0:39:09.759 know what, we just don't have time for it. But 0:39:10.560 --> 0:39:13.479 I have a great question from a middle school drama teacher, UM, 0:39:13.480 --> 0:39:16.759 who's obviously teaching over zoom as well right now, so 0:39:16.800 --> 0:39:19.400 it's a little bit more of a challenging time, and 0:39:19.440 --> 0:39:22.239 she finds tone inside and outside of the classrooms so 0:39:22.280 --> 0:39:25.560 important to effective communication. Would you be able to give 0:39:25.680 --> 0:39:28.200 a vocal reference to explain a lesson in tone meeting? 0:39:28.239 --> 0:39:30.359 Could you say a few questions or statements, but say 0:39:30.400 --> 0:39:33.399 them in two completely different tones to show how much 0:39:33.440 --> 0:39:37.560 tone of voice can almost literally change. Meaning I don't 0:39:37.560 --> 0:39:40.000 even know what sentence to use, because this can happen 0:39:40.040 --> 0:39:44.880 on any sentence. But I do think that, um, most 0:39:44.920 --> 0:39:49.000 of us, all of us have the mechanisms to have 0:39:49.120 --> 0:39:51.200 a wide variety of tones, and don't always trust that 0:39:51.200 --> 0:39:54.000 that's the case, or we get habitually stuck in just 0:39:54.080 --> 0:39:57.520 a few But even like as simple as come here. 0:39:58.000 --> 0:40:01.359 You know these two words. When you see come here 0:40:01.400 --> 0:40:04.680 written down out of context, it can be everything from 0:40:04.719 --> 0:40:08.480 like a really aggressive command to it, come on right, 0:40:08.880 --> 0:40:12.560 and we humans do know how to create that sort 0:40:12.560 --> 0:40:16.080 of nuance. We just have to actually use the tools. 0:40:16.719 --> 0:40:19.760 You know, if we want to practice, we could practice. 0:40:20.239 --> 0:40:23.160 I mean like, there's a way to say come here 0:40:23.520 --> 0:40:28.080 that's like come here, which means do it now right. 0:40:28.520 --> 0:40:30.719 There's a way to say come here that's like come here, 0:40:31.239 --> 0:40:33.920 come here. Technically speaking, we dropped the h. Maybe it 0:40:33.960 --> 0:40:37.160 goes into vocal fry come here right, which is just 0:40:37.239 --> 0:40:41.400 like this is gonna be easy. Come here right, is 0:40:41.400 --> 0:40:43.319 like speaking to somebody who needs a little extra love. 0:40:43.400 --> 0:40:46.319 Come here, come here, come here, come here right. And 0:40:46.320 --> 0:40:48.480 then you can see from there we can get into 0:40:48.480 --> 0:40:53.359 really flirty come here, come here right. There's so many 0:40:53.360 --> 0:40:55.000 different ways that all of us can do that. We 0:40:55.040 --> 0:40:56.719 just have to actually think the thought of what we 0:40:56.800 --> 0:41:02.920 want the other person to be feeling that. Um let's see. Okay, So, Samara, 0:41:03.160 --> 0:41:06.480 a lot of our listeners are really feeling inspired, including myself, 0:41:06.520 --> 0:41:10.239 about your vocal library that you've created. Um, can you 0:41:11.160 --> 0:41:15.080 share why why you find that the vocal library was 0:41:15.120 --> 0:41:17.799 something that you found so important and what that means 0:41:17.840 --> 0:41:19.880 to you and why you wanted to include it in 0:41:19.960 --> 0:41:22.920 the show. You know, I love that there's a spot 0:41:23.120 --> 0:41:27.160 in every episode to talk about what's working, uh, for 0:41:27.200 --> 0:41:31.400 two reasons. One because often when we're thinking about women's voices, 0:41:31.480 --> 0:41:35.640 if there is any tradition of of of talking, you know, 0:41:36.120 --> 0:41:38.680 actually actually talking about women's voices instead of just sort 0:41:38.680 --> 0:41:40.960 of like whispering about like I don't like her voice 0:41:40.960 --> 0:41:42.880 without knowing how to talk about it. If there is 0:41:42.920 --> 0:41:45.680 any tradition, it's to point out what isn't working. Right, 0:41:46.000 --> 0:41:48.280 she has vocal fry, so I can't take her seriously 0:41:48.360 --> 0:41:52.439 quote unquote, or Hillary Clinton was shrill quote unquote. Right. 0:41:52.680 --> 0:41:54.399 We hear all these, We hear all these, and they're 0:41:54.440 --> 0:41:57.360 all different ways of saying. Here's why a woman speaking 0:41:57.400 --> 0:42:01.800 in public sounds weird to my ears when the reality 0:42:01.840 --> 0:42:03.560 is a woman speaking in public sounds weird to your ears, 0:42:03.560 --> 0:42:07.799 because there's been thousands of years of you know, patriarchal 0:42:08.280 --> 0:42:14.279 rule where um public space meant men's space, y'all. So 0:42:14.400 --> 0:42:16.880 every time we open our mouths to talk in public, 0:42:17.160 --> 0:42:19.840 and some spaces are more accommodating than others, but every 0:42:19.840 --> 0:42:25.240 time we are disrupting thousands of years of this ship. Right, Okay, 0:42:25.239 --> 0:42:27.840 So a that's partly why I just want to have 0:42:27.880 --> 0:42:30.440 a space where we can talk about what's working and 0:42:30.480 --> 0:42:34.479 not what's not working. And the other reason is that 0:42:34.960 --> 0:42:37.279 I think this happens with me, and I've noticed this 0:42:37.360 --> 0:42:39.040 happened with enough other people that I can say it 0:42:39.080 --> 0:42:41.920 with some authority. Um, we have a sort of cultural 0:42:41.960 --> 0:42:44.920 amnesia about what it what a powerful voice sounds like. 0:42:45.200 --> 0:42:47.719 So we might have this moment where we're listening to 0:42:47.760 --> 0:42:50.479 AOC or we're listening to Katie Porter, or we're listening 0:42:50.520 --> 0:42:52.720 to somebody who isn't in politics but who is grabbing 0:42:52.719 --> 0:42:56.080 a microphone or who's talking into an Instagram live and 0:42:56.719 --> 0:43:00.200 being authentic and being themselves and like speaking to us us, 0:43:01.280 --> 0:43:03.759 And we can have this moment where like we think, 0:43:03.800 --> 0:43:05.560 oh my god, I want to be her, or I 0:43:05.680 --> 0:43:09.160 love her, or I you know, this is it. But 0:43:09.200 --> 0:43:11.400 then when somebody says, what is a powerful voice sound like? 0:43:11.440 --> 0:43:16.919 We revert back to some you know whatever JFK comes 0:43:16.960 --> 0:43:19.640 to mind, like you know, some sort of like old 0:43:19.760 --> 0:43:23.239 timey straight white man who we aren't and will never be. 0:43:23.560 --> 0:43:26.080 And I think that this amnesia is something that we 0:43:26.120 --> 0:43:28.960 need to actively work on by thinking of every one 0:43:28.960 --> 0:43:30.920 of those times that we hear a woman's voice and 0:43:30.960 --> 0:43:34.280 we hear her speak to our soul as a data point, 0:43:34.760 --> 0:43:37.560 We're mapping the future of what power can sound like. 0:43:38.320 --> 0:43:40.960 We want to each be our own data point eventually, 0:43:41.000 --> 0:43:43.319 if we don't already feel like we are in what 0:43:43.400 --> 0:43:46.279 power can sound like as we gain more power, as 0:43:46.320 --> 0:43:50.360 we redefine what power is. And you know, that's what 0:43:50.440 --> 0:43:53.120 I'm hoping that that third act does for people, is 0:43:53.160 --> 0:43:56.920 to make us all think like, Oh, power can sound 0:43:57.040 --> 0:44:00.279 so many different ways, and it can even sound me. 0:44:01.480 --> 0:44:05.600 Thank you tomorrow to be clean X. Thank you for 0:44:05.680 --> 0:44:09.760 giving our listeners permission to speak truly and for encouraging 0:44:09.800 --> 0:44:13.040 people to use their authentic voices and find that even 0:44:13.120 --> 0:44:16.160 during difficult times. UM, I just want to say thank you, kat. 0:44:16.360 --> 0:44:19.600 I feel like you have given yourself a little little 0:44:19.680 --> 0:44:23.080 a little extra soup some of permission to speak today 0:44:23.120 --> 0:44:27.840 and I really want to applaud you. UM, this is beautiful. 0:44:27.880 --> 0:44:30.640 I really loved, I really loved being in conversation with 0:44:30.680 --> 0:44:33.560 you and also feeling like the actual energy of you 0:44:33.600 --> 0:44:37.759 guys listening. UM, thank you so much for being a 0:44:37.800 --> 0:44:41.840 listener on this podcast, for being with me on this journey. 0:44:41.880 --> 0:44:44.480 I think that the only way that we will actually 0:44:44.520 --> 0:44:47.320 change what power sounds like in America is together and 0:44:47.400 --> 0:44:49.840 you are my together. So thank you for being together 0:44:49.880 --> 0:44:53.279 with me. Guys, thank you for giving me permission to 0:44:53.280 --> 0:44:55.440 get dressed today like I got dressed up for you today, 0:44:55.440 --> 0:44:59.279 because you honestly show up to everything you do a 0:44:59.400 --> 0:45:03.160 hundred and and I really admire it. It's not easy, 0:45:03.200 --> 0:45:06.000 and you're doing such a great job. I know how 0:45:06.480 --> 0:45:10.359 how important having cheerleaders are and having family around and 0:45:10.560 --> 0:45:13.720 having all those things are to you, to me, to everyone, 0:45:13.719 --> 0:45:15.840 and it's really tough right now to not have that space. 0:45:15.880 --> 0:45:18.480 But there are so many amazing questions and people listening 0:45:18.520 --> 0:45:21.920 to this show, and I invite our listeners to have 0:45:22.160 --> 0:45:24.359 a dialogue with your family, with your friends, and also 0:45:24.440 --> 0:45:26.640 with us, like we're part of your community here, and 0:45:26.960 --> 0:45:31.000 please write into our show, connect with us, ask questions. 0:45:31.200 --> 0:45:34.120 Be bold. Now is the time more than ever to 0:45:34.640 --> 0:45:36.800 figure out what that means. And it can mean sitting 0:45:36.800 --> 0:45:38.480 in quiet or still this for a little while, and 0:45:38.480 --> 0:45:41.480 it can mean speaking boldly. But tomorrow you're doing all 0:45:41.520 --> 0:45:43.200 of that, and I and I and I also invite 0:45:43.239 --> 0:45:45.279 our guests and listeners to go to your website because 0:45:45.280 --> 0:45:47.560 there's a lot of more fun content and so many 0:45:47.800 --> 0:45:52.160 more cool guests coming and awesome surprises that live on 0:45:52.160 --> 0:45:54.839 your social media that they're just gifts. You're a gift. 0:45:54.880 --> 0:45:57.360 Thank you, thank you. And we also got somebody asking 0:45:57.360 --> 0:45:59.720 I know UM for recommendations of this type of stuff 0:45:59.719 --> 0:46:02.279 that I'm reading that influenced me, and I made an 0:46:02.320 --> 0:46:07.040 I G live about it that lives up on obviously 0:46:07.120 --> 0:46:10.239 on my Instagram UM at Permission to Speak Pod, so 0:46:10.560 --> 0:46:12.400 do check that out and I will link to it 0:46:12.440 --> 0:46:15.439 in the show notes. So let's definitely you know, share 0:46:15.480 --> 0:46:19.880 resources along those lines. Thanks well at Permission to Speak 0:46:19.960 --> 0:46:24.479 Pod or Permission to Speak pod dot com and we're out. 0:46:27.640 --> 0:46:30.680 Thank you to Cat for joining me for a second 0:46:30.680 --> 0:46:34.360 half of this massive episode UM, and thank you to 0:46:34.400 --> 0:46:37.400 all of you for sending in questions for going on 0:46:37.440 --> 0:46:42.120 this UM journey with me and uh you know, changing 0:46:42.120 --> 0:46:45.880 the world together. Thanks for that, guys. Thank you to 0:46:45.960 --> 0:46:48.400 Sophie Lichtman and the team at I Heeart Radio and 0:46:48.520 --> 0:46:51.760 all of you. We're recording this podcast at various locations 0:46:51.800 --> 0:46:55.040 around Los Angeles on land that is the historic gathering 0:46:55.080 --> 0:46:57.839 place for the Tongva indigenous tribe, and you can visit 0:46:57.920 --> 0:47:00.319 US D A C dot us to learn more about 0:47:00.360 --> 0:47:03.880 honoring Native Land. Permission to Speak is a production of 0:47:03.920 --> 0:47:07.400 I heart Radio and Double Vision Executive produced by Katherine 0:47:07.440 --> 0:47:10.560 Burke Canton and Mark Canton. For more podcasts from I 0:47:10.600 --> 0:47:13.960 heart Radio, listen on the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, 0:47:14.200 --> 0:47:15.800 or wherever you get your favorite shows.