1 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:06,600 Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk, and today's topic is 2 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:12,039 Speaker 1: better than your twenties. How forties is the ultimate low up? 3 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:15,080 Speaker 1: Yes it is. Okay. We have had a fun month 4 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 1: of really interesting conversations centered on growing older, and this 5 00:00:20,079 --> 00:00:22,840 Speaker 1: one is a fun one. So here we go. The 6 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:25,920 Speaker 1: ultimate low up is forty. I stand by it. Here's 7 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,360 Speaker 1: why twenties. I don't know about you, y'all, but I 8 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,440 Speaker 1: didn't know who I was in my twenties. I had 9 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 1: no idea who I was. I thought I knew who 10 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 1: I was, but looking back, I'm like, oh my god, 11 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,040 Speaker 1: who was that guy? He was trying to be something 12 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,480 Speaker 1: he wasn't. And it's kind of sad because you would 13 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,680 Speaker 1: always want to try to step into your true self. 14 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:47,879 Speaker 1: But that's part of growing up and evolving. So I 15 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: didn't know who I was in my twenties. The twenties 16 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 1: it was like chaos. I was just trying to figure 17 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,960 Speaker 1: that out, find a career that fulfilled me, find a 18 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 1: relationship that fulfilled me. I had some great friends, I 19 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 1: lost some friends. I mean, you're just kind of navigating 20 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 1: who you are in a very difficult time of your life. 21 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:06,840 Speaker 1: I had a lot of fun in my twenties. Don't 22 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,160 Speaker 1: get me wrong. I mean that was the heyday of 23 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 1: my club days, and okay, we were out there having 24 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,120 Speaker 1: some fun, but it was chaotic. I mean, overall, it 25 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:18,320 Speaker 1: was a chaotic time for me. So chaos is my twenties. 26 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,920 Speaker 1: Clarity is turning forty. That's the best way to describe it. 27 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: I feel so clear in my career and who I 28 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 1: am in decision making. All of that for me feels 29 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:34,400 Speaker 1: like Wow. In some ways, I wish I found this earlier, 30 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,520 Speaker 1: but in other ways, I'm so grateful I found it now. 31 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 1: And maybe this is the way that life is supposed 32 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:43,120 Speaker 1: to unfold. So when I think about my twenties, one 33 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 1: of the biggest things I think about was I was 34 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 1: in a relationship for years that was so unfulfilling. I 35 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 1: was so unfulfilled in it. And I think a lot 36 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 1: of people can relate to this. And I knew I 37 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 1: wasn't happy in it, especially towards the end, but for 38 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 1: whatever reason, I stuck around and I stayed in it 39 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: and I settled. I think the biggest thing is I 40 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: settled and I told myself that this is just how 41 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,280 Speaker 1: it is, and this is how it's for everybody, and 42 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 1: you just have to accept it, and this is life. 43 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,120 Speaker 1: And it got worse and worse and worse, and I 44 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 1: wasn't be what wasn't being treated great, and I wasn't 45 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,679 Speaker 1: getting what I needed in a relationship. And I realized 46 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 1: that at the end, which is obviously why we went 47 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:28,960 Speaker 1: our own ways. But it was a difficult decision to make, 48 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 1: even knowing it's not what I wanted, because change is 49 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,360 Speaker 1: scary and you feel like you've built this life for 50 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 1: so many years that you can't suddenly uproot it. But 51 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 1: then when I'm looking back, I'm like, oh my god, 52 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:40,639 Speaker 1: I was so young. It was my twenties. Why did 53 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:43,079 Speaker 1: I feel that way? Like, I mean, you should never 54 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:47,200 Speaker 1: feel that way, but especially in your twenties. So I 55 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 1: was just not fulfilled in that space. And a lot 56 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:52,920 Speaker 1: of people I talked to when you look back at 57 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,360 Speaker 1: relationships in your twenties, I hear the same thing. I 58 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 1: hear the same thing. Some people meet the love of 59 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:59,639 Speaker 1: their life early. And I love that. For you, that's 60 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:01,960 Speaker 1: amazing and rock on and that's inspiring, and I think 61 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,800 Speaker 1: it's a beautiful thing. And then a lot of people don't. 62 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,200 Speaker 1: It's just making that leap of faith to change your life. 63 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 1: We kind of don't do right away. We wait. So 64 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 1: that's something I really think about when I think about 65 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,639 Speaker 1: my twenties is how scared I was to make any 66 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: sort of change because I didn't really know who I was. Then. 67 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: I think about my career and I was all over 68 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 1: the place. It was all over the place. I'm thankful 69 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:31,160 Speaker 1: for every step of the way, but man, it was 70 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 1: really I was really trying to find out who I 71 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 1: was in my professional working capacity. I always knew I 72 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:40,600 Speaker 1: wanted to be in the entertainment business. I always knew 73 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: I loved the arts and it's something I always wanted 74 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,360 Speaker 1: to have a career in. But I lost sight of 75 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: that for a little bit because I had some really 76 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 1: bad people in the entertainment space take some of my 77 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 1: dreams away as a young guy in my early twenties, 78 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,520 Speaker 1: and I left the business for a while, and I 79 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 1: went to Corporate America and started running social media for 80 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 1: different brands, you know. Then I launched my own consulting 81 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 1: social media company. Until one day I said I missed 82 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,880 Speaker 1: the business so much. I want to cover it. I 83 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: want to be in it. And I made the leap 84 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 1: of faith back. But it took a lot of time 85 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: for me to get there, and I had to find 86 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:16,440 Speaker 1: my little way. It wasn't easy. It wasn't easy. So 87 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 1: my twenties was really exploring all of that until about 88 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 1: thirty when I decided, you know what, I'm going to 89 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: go pursue what I really want to pursue. And it 90 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:30,160 Speaker 1: was it was a little bit messy in terms of 91 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 1: I took jobs I didn't always want to do in 92 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 1: my twenties. But at the same time, I'm grateful because 93 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 1: it led me to where I need to be. But 94 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,240 Speaker 1: a lot of our careers are all over the place. 95 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 1: In our twenties, we're just trying to figure it out. 96 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,559 Speaker 1: We're trying to make money support ourselves, figure it out. 97 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: But that's why it's so beautiful being almost forty or 98 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 1: being in your thirties or late thirties, And that's why 99 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 1: it's the ultimate low up, because you do have more 100 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 1: of a sense of what you want in life and 101 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,279 Speaker 1: you go for it and you're not afraid to go 102 00:04:55,400 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 1: for it. So forties often means better stability financially, right 103 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,800 Speaker 1: because we're settling into our careers and less stress centered 104 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:07,440 Speaker 1: around money, which is always super helpful. I mean when 105 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:08,920 Speaker 1: I moved to New York. I was on a couch, 106 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,039 Speaker 1: not even a full couch, like a half a couch. 107 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 1: My legs were draped over it. I paid like six 108 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,479 Speaker 1: hundred bucks to somebody to sleep there because that's what 109 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:19,599 Speaker 1: I can afford. And I'm smiling because they're fun memories, 110 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 1: but they were also stressful, like will I make rent 111 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: every month? I mean, I was what twenty one, twenty two, 112 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 1: So it's nice to not have to experience that as 113 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 1: much when you're older, God willing, and hopefully we're blessed 114 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: enough to not have to experience that because we are 115 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 1: more settled into a career, and you know, experience and 116 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:43,239 Speaker 1: confidence all are what lead us to where we're supposed 117 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 1: to be doing today. So, like I said, there are 118 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,599 Speaker 1: no regrets about any of that, any of our past. 119 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,919 Speaker 1: There can't be because they all tell a piece of 120 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 1: our story, but it leads us to where we are today. 121 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,359 Speaker 1: I just think it's so cool when you continue to 122 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:00,320 Speaker 1: hear stories of people switching careers or achieving their dream 123 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,960 Speaker 1: jobs in their forties too, because that's another important thing. 124 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,320 Speaker 1: You don't always have to have it figured out from 125 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 1: a young age. We so often hear stories especially of 126 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: notable public figures, saying I knew I had this dream 127 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 1: since I was two or three or four. You don't 128 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,839 Speaker 1: have to have that. You can wake up at forty 129 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:17,719 Speaker 1: and say I want to try something new. I built 130 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 1: a career. Hopefully I'm a little bit more financially secure, 131 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,400 Speaker 1: but if I'm not fulfilled, I'm going to go after 132 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,280 Speaker 1: what I want to go after. And that's the beautiful 133 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:28,120 Speaker 1: thing about being older in life is you have the 134 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 1: confidence to do that. And I think that's what's so cool. 135 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 1: It's the confidence that allows you to go after what 136 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:38,040 Speaker 1: you really, really really want. I'm a married man. I'm 137 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: celebrating eleven years married in April. I am so happy 138 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 1: and so fulfilled, and I just like, I still can't 139 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,040 Speaker 1: believe I found my person. Especially as a gay closet 140 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 1: a kid, you just never think that. But I'm going 141 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:53,240 Speaker 1: to talk about my single friends. You know, dating in 142 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 1: your forties, you have this sense of emotional maturity versus 143 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: the drama of your twenty I mean, dating can always 144 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,520 Speaker 1: be a bitch. Let's be honest, it really can be. 145 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,240 Speaker 1: And Sally, there can always be people that don't have 146 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 1: the best intentions, but overall, hopefully we all know what 147 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: we want in our forties, and we have more of 148 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 1: the emotional maturity to communicate that and to spend the 149 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 1: time feeling and looking for and searching for what we 150 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:24,160 Speaker 1: need to feel complete, and we shy away from that drama, right, 151 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 1: We don't want the drama of twenties dating of the 152 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: I don't know, the fighting and the breakups and the 153 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:32,880 Speaker 1: makeups and the scandals and all of it. I mean, 154 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: you know what twenties is like in dating in your twenties, 155 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: so I think there is more security of finding what 156 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: you want in your forties. Again, I know it's not 157 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,000 Speaker 1: always easy, and I'm thankful I have my person for sure, 158 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 1: and I have a lot of friends who tell me 159 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 1: they're dating trials and tribulations. But at least, at the 160 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,840 Speaker 1: very least, I should say, you know what you want 161 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,560 Speaker 1: in need, and you're not going to waste your time, 162 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 1: hopefully with something that's not that. And that's what I 163 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: think is beautiful about finding a partner or a dating 164 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 1: a little later in life, is you're not going to 165 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: waste your time on the BS because you don't need to. 166 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,680 Speaker 1: You don't need to friendships at this age. It's all 167 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:12,080 Speaker 1: about quality over quantity. I look at the people in 168 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,360 Speaker 1: my life and I love them so damn much and 169 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 1: I don't know what I would do without them. And 170 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:22,240 Speaker 1: the level of intimacy and depth with the friends of 171 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,840 Speaker 1: my life is something that I always dreamed of, and 172 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,960 Speaker 1: I think that comes as well as you continue to 173 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,920 Speaker 1: grow older. Of course, we all have friends growing up 174 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,360 Speaker 1: and best friends and all of that, but you hit 175 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,640 Speaker 1: this new level of depth and intimacy as you're approaching 176 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,320 Speaker 1: your forties and beyond, and you can connect with people 177 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,440 Speaker 1: on such beautiful levels, and I think it's such a 178 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,440 Speaker 1: cool thing to see. And you keep the people in 179 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: your life who make you feel good and sally friendships 180 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 1: that are not great for you or toxic fall away, 181 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 1: and that's okay too, and that's a blessing as well. So, 182 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 1: oh god, this glow up is so good, guys. It's 183 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 1: a glow up. Aging is a glow up. I think 184 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,800 Speaker 1: we also enjoy hobbies and and passions more than ever. 185 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:06,000 Speaker 1: Our priority shifts and we're giving time to things that 186 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 1: really matter more. I definitely feel pulled in so many 187 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 1: different directions, sometimes between career and personal and all the things, 188 00:09:14,559 --> 00:09:17,679 Speaker 1: but they are directions that I want to go in 189 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:21,720 Speaker 1: whereas twenties, I feel like I said yes to everything, 190 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 1: and I would be in situations sometimes where I would 191 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,800 Speaker 1: look around and be like, why am I here? Why 192 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 1: did I say yes to this? This is awful, This 193 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:33,559 Speaker 1: is absolutely awful. So I think that the bottom line 194 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:37,439 Speaker 1: is we are so much better than we were in 195 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,680 Speaker 1: our twenties. And if any of my twenty year olds 196 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 1: are listening, this is a little inspiration for you that, yes, 197 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 1: your life might be amazing and you're having such a 198 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,400 Speaker 1: great time, and I hope you are. I really hope 199 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:50,440 Speaker 1: you are. But don't be afraid of growing older because 200 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:54,680 Speaker 1: it only gets better. It only gets better. Trust me. 201 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 1: I truly feel like turning forty is the ultimate glow 202 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,160 Speaker 1: up in life. And we don't talk about this enough, 203 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 1: and I want to just put the message out there 204 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,680 Speaker 1: that in a culture in the day and age that 205 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:10,720 Speaker 1: glorifies youth, youth, youth, youth and by the way, fortyes 206 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,200 Speaker 1: ain't old, so let me just say that. But in 207 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 1: a culture that glorifies that, ah, I don't know. I 208 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,040 Speaker 1: am glorifying the glow up when you're about to turn 209 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 1: forty and beyond because life is sweet. You know who 210 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 1: you are, you know who you want to be. You 211 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:27,640 Speaker 1: don't waste your time on the bullshit, and that is 212 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:30,440 Speaker 1: a freeing feeling. Man, That is a freeing feeling. And 213 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:34,720 Speaker 1: who doesn't want to feel exactly like that? So happy, 214 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,320 Speaker 1: glow up. It's coming for you if you haven't hit 215 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:40,520 Speaker 1: it yet, if you're there, keep glowing and glowing and glowing, 216 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 1: because baby, we got this. I've Never Said This Before 217 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:52,079 Speaker 1: is hosted by Me Tommy Jadario. This podcast is executive 218 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,960 Speaker 1: produced by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio and by Me Tommy, 219 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:59,960 Speaker 1: with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never Said This Before 220 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:03,960 Speaker 1: is part of the Elvis Duran podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. 221 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,680 Speaker 1: For more, rate review and subscribe to our show and 222 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:11,240 Speaker 1: if you liked this episode, tell your friends. Until next time, 223 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,520 Speaker 1: I'm Tommy Diderio