Speaker 1: Pushkin.
Speaker 2: Have you ever noticed these cars with like two three
Speaker 2: teenagers just stopping like waiting for the light. They have
Speaker 2: a music on and the two of them or three
Speaker 2: of them are like singing and dancing, and I'm like
Speaker 2: every time I would be like, oh my God, I
Speaker 2: want a child like that.
Speaker 1: Danny Rashidi always knew she wanted to be a mom.
Speaker 1: She dreamed of raising a kid whose life would be
Speaker 1: filled with carefree moments like singing in the car with friends.
Speaker 1: But when Bannie's child received a significant medical diagnosis, Bannie's
Speaker 1: dreams were upended.
Speaker 2: Just think of it as a videotape that is going
Speaker 2: on in my mind of all this wonderful dreams, and
Speaker 2: you know, everything happy and colorful, and you know, just
Speaker 2: imagine that video stopped and it was blank. There was
Speaker 2: nothing left, not even a little bit nothing.
Speaker 1: On today's episode, Redefining your expectations as a parent, I'm
Speaker 1: Maya Shunker, and this is a slight change of plans,
Speaker 1: a show about who we are and who we needcome
Speaker 1: in the face of a big change. I got to
Speaker 1: know Banni because she's a listener of a slight change
Speaker 1: of plans, and she wrote me a beautiful letter about
Speaker 1: her life story. As I got to know her, I
Speaker 1: felt transformed by her wisdom and life philosophy, and so
Speaker 1: I wanted you to hear her story too. From the
Speaker 1: time Danny was a little girl growing up in Iran,
Speaker 1: she'd always looked forward to becoming a parent one day.
Speaker 1: She loved nurturing and taking care of her little dolls
Speaker 1: and giving them all the love she had within her.
Speaker 2: And then as I was growing older, as a teenager
Speaker 2: and a young adult, I had started to have all
Speaker 2: these plans, like if I had saw some behaviors in
Speaker 2: some parents, I would be like, I would never do
Speaker 2: that to my children. If this happens with my child,
Speaker 2: this would be my reaction, you know, Like inside my head,
Speaker 2: I was always preparing myself constantly for being the best
Speaker 2: parent that I could. So like having children was not
Speaker 2: a question, was a matter of when, and you know
Speaker 2: how many, And so I feel like I had it
Speaker 2: in me growing up.
Speaker 1: In your thirties, you immigrated from Iran to the US
Speaker 1: to continue your medical training and to do your residency here.
Speaker 1: And during that time kind of a magical time, right
Speaker 1: you met your husband, You got the exciting news that
Speaker 1: you were expecting a baby. Girl, Can you take me
Speaker 1: back to the first moment that you saw your daughter, Saba, Oh.
Speaker 2: My goodness, that was the most magical moment of my life.
Speaker 2: I'm holding this little baby, this little perfect baby, after
Speaker 2: a long, long, very tiring delivery, after twenty six hours
Speaker 2: and we were trying. My gosh, Annie, then I'm hauling
Speaker 2: her and her entire life. Like whatever I have had
Speaker 2: planned for her, whatever I have planned to give to her,
Speaker 2: is like playing in my mind like a you know,
Speaker 2: very fast forward video, Like I feel like, what a
Speaker 2: beautiful bride she's gonna make. You know, at that point,
Speaker 2: I knew that she may never want to get married
Speaker 2: or whatever. I mean, that would be her life. But
Speaker 2: then that is as her mother, That is what came
Speaker 2: to my mind that first minute that I'm holding her
Speaker 2: in my arms, and I'm just like looking at her
Speaker 2: like every little thing all like counting her fingers and
Speaker 2: counting her toes and just touching her and feeling her
Speaker 2: and just thinking of the fantastic life that we're going
Speaker 2: to have together, and then just imagining the joy that
Speaker 2: I'll have every second of my life from none just
Speaker 2: by looking at her and just the joy that seeing
Speaker 2: her thrive and being happy and being successful, and who
Speaker 2: is enjoying life, and then me enjoying life because of
Speaker 2: her enjoyment.
Speaker 1: You mentioned imagining the wedding day. What were other images
Speaker 1: or milestones that came to mind as you were playing
Speaker 1: this movie real in your mind?
Speaker 2: Have you ever noticed these cars with like two three
Speaker 2: teenagers just stopping like waiting for the light, and then
Speaker 2: they are like, they have a music on and the
Speaker 2: two of them or three of them are like singing
Speaker 2: and dancing. Yeah, And I'm like every time I would
Speaker 2: be like, oh my god, good for their parents. I
Speaker 2: want to try it like that, you know, like having
Speaker 2: that driver's license and going out with her friends, having
Speaker 2: that graduation, just picking whichever college she wants, but then
Speaker 2: like graduating and then me being that prod mother, having
Speaker 2: her boyfriend or girlfriend or whoever she wants, and then
Speaker 2: come back for dinner and then you know, we all
Speaker 2: sit and get introduced to this a special person. And
Speaker 2: then the other thing was that Maya, I have to
Speaker 2: tell you this. The other thing was that I grew
Speaker 2: up with some cultural and some social limitations and just
Speaker 2: thinking that my daughter didn't have to go through those limitations.
Speaker 2: She could be whoever she wanted. She had the opportunity
Speaker 2: to choose whatever she wanted her career, her family, her activities,
Speaker 2: her hobbies, you know, the way she dresses her group
Speaker 2: of friends. That was like a relief for me.
Speaker 1: Also, tell me a bit more about that. So what
Speaker 1: were those kinds of limitations.
Speaker 2: So when I was growing up, women had less freedom
Speaker 2: in Iran than men. For example, you had to be covered,
Speaker 2: you had to be dressed a certain way, you had
Speaker 2: to be behaving a certain way, Like if I was
Speaker 2: introduced to a male person, I couldn't shake hands with them.
Speaker 2: Or a woman could not have a passport without a
Speaker 2: written permission from her husband, even though she is like
Speaker 2: a professor of the university and wants to attend an
Speaker 2: international conference and have a lecture there. But there still
Speaker 2: you have to have that permission from your husband. And
Speaker 2: then also like out in the society, no singing, no dancing,
Speaker 2: no laughing out loud. You couldn't be two three young
Speaker 2: adults having your music loud in the car and dancing
Speaker 2: and singing along. So back to that moment of holding
Speaker 2: my baby in my arms, I was just like thinking,
Speaker 2: oh my god, now she can be a happy, singing, dancing, lood, cheerful,
Speaker 2: jumping up and done little girl, and grew up like
Speaker 2: that and there is nothing to limit her. And that
Speaker 2: gave me this satisfaction and sense of safety.
Speaker 1: When Saba was around fifteen months old, you started to
Speaker 1: notice that she was behaving differently than some of your
Speaker 1: friend's kids. Yes, do you mind telling me a bit
Speaker 1: more about that?
Speaker 2: Yes? Yes, So I remember this very sweet coworker that
Speaker 2: I had. His daughter is a few weeks older than
Speaker 2: my daughter, and he was sharing a video on his
Speaker 2: cellphone of his daughter playing, playing with her toys, feeding
Speaker 2: her Mickey Mouse Doyle, you know, being interactive with the
Speaker 2: camera and stuff like that. And then I was thinking,
Speaker 2: oh my god, what a huge difference a few weeks
Speaker 2: makes because Saba doesn't do any of these. She's not interactive,
Speaker 2: and I'm taking videos of her. She's not as interactive.
Speaker 2: She never plays with her doll the way like I was.
Speaker 2: In my mind, I was thinking, Okay, this is something
Speaker 2: that will emerge eventually, but maybe probably she's not ready
Speaker 2: for that yet. And then suddenly I went to this
Speaker 2: like defense mode. No, don't compare your baby with anybody
Speaker 2: else's baby. You know, comparison takes the joy away. I'm
Speaker 2: not supposed to compare Okay, She'll get to it whenever
Speaker 2: it is time for her. And I kind of like
Speaker 2: pushed that thinking back in my mind and then went
Speaker 2: on with my life. So that was the first thing
Speaker 2: around like fifteen months old maybe, And then in the
Speaker 2: next few months that was when she regressed a little
Speaker 2: bit too, meaning that the skills that she already had
Speaker 2: she lost them little by a little, like that eye
Speaker 2: contact that was inconsistent. No, it was not there anymore,
Speaker 2: like no eye contact. She had no words. She even
Speaker 2: lost the babeling, like you know how they start babbling
Speaker 2: like baba ba my mama. And then that was always
Speaker 2: a sign of her being cheerful to me, and then
Speaker 2: she lost that. So when it really hit us was
Speaker 2: we had went on a vacation and then we came back,
Speaker 2: and then Sabah and I went to visit my brother's family,
Speaker 2: and the few days that we were there, I noticed
Speaker 2: that she's totally mute. No noise is coming out of
Speaker 2: her except if I tickled her and she would be
Speaker 2: laughing or if she was crying. So we came back,
Speaker 2: I started my job on a Thursday. I still remember
Speaker 2: it was Thursday. I go to work Thursday Friday. That weekend,
Speaker 2: I'm staying home with Saba, and the entire weekend I
Speaker 2: cannot There is no noise coming out of her and
Speaker 2: her interactions like she used to play pickaboo with us.
Speaker 2: Now she was not, so all those interactions were lost.
Speaker 2: And the next Monday morning, when I was driving to work,
Speaker 2: I was crying because I knew that something was wrong.
Speaker 1: So you ended up taking Saba to a pediatric neurologist.
Speaker 1: If you can bring me back to that moment, Benny,
Speaker 1: what do you remember his telling you.
Speaker 2: So we could squeeze ourselves in to a pediatric neurologist
Speaker 2: schedule on December thirty, two thousand and nine. And then
Speaker 2: my husband and I and Saba we are there waiting
Speaker 2: for him. I noticed that there are these mirrors. One
Speaker 2: side of the wall is a mirror, and this is
Speaker 2: one of those mirrors that they can actually see through,
Speaker 2: so they can just watch you and your daughter actually
Speaker 2: watch the patient and then see how their interaction is
Speaker 2: with their parents. And you know, with the toys. The
Speaker 2: room is by the way full of toys, and Saba
Speaker 2: doesn't seem to be interested in any of them except
Speaker 2: for I think a book that she was like, you know,
Speaker 2: looking at, but she was not exploring for sure. She
Speaker 2: was just like sitting on the floor just looking at
Speaker 2: that book, flipping the pages and just sitting there minding
Speaker 2: her own business. And then the doctor walks in and
Speaker 2: it didn't take him long. It did not take him
Speaker 2: a long time. He just after maybe a short evaluation
Speaker 2: and a short physical, he just looked at us and
Speaker 2: he said, I think it is autism. And with whatever
Speaker 2: he could see, it was the severe end of the spectrum.
Speaker 1: And what did the severe end of the spectrum look
Speaker 1: like for Saba?
Speaker 2: Oh, with profound autism, what comes is severe limitations in communication,
Speaker 2: severe severe limitations including in talking. And on top of autism,
Speaker 2: Saba has apraxia also, and that is she doesn't have
Speaker 2: control over her lips and mouth muscles, tongue and lips
Speaker 2: and all mouth muscles. So even if she is to
Speaker 2: imitate you saying a word, she cannot because she doesn't
Speaker 2: have the control over that area. Even to imitate and
Speaker 2: making the same word. Then there is these extreme, extreme
Speaker 2: sensory issues. Just whatever that is that sounds normal to you,
Speaker 2: and I it will be very, very overwhelming for her.
Speaker 2: And on top of that comes developmental delay. So whatever
Speaker 2: like the developmental milestones that typical kids can get to,
Speaker 2: including puddy training, for example, they come much much later.
Speaker 2: If you're lucky, they come much much later, or they
Speaker 2: may never come.
Speaker 1: Danny, I'm wondering, how did you process this news?
Speaker 2: Just think of it as a videotape that is going
Speaker 2: on in my mind of all these wonderful dreams and
Speaker 2: you know, everything happy and colorful and music y and energetic,
Speaker 2: everything hopeful. Just imagine that video stopped. It was all
Speaker 2: blank and dark. All those dreams of driving and graduation
Speaker 2: and significant other and you know, grandchildren and Thanksgiving dinners
Speaker 2: and all of those We're all shattered and there was
Speaker 2: there was nothing left, not even a little bit nothing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So how did you move forward?
Speaker 2: Having an infant, having a child with autism, a severe
Speaker 2: autism is hard. You have all those sleepless nights that
Speaker 2: you are tired. Your entire family is tired, you know,
Speaker 2: And then you feel bad for your child that cannot
Speaker 2: fall asleep too. She wants to fall asleep, but she cannot.
Speaker 2: Then there is the poop is mearing playing with their poop.
Speaker 2: One a specific night that I thought, okay, she fell asleep,
Speaker 2: she's quiet in her bed, couldn't hear any noises or
Speaker 2: any sounds from her room. Just to open the room,
Speaker 2: to open the door, and then see that, okay, she
Speaker 2: has been like busy in playing with her poop. And
Speaker 2: there is like poop everywhere in the bedroom, and there
Speaker 2: is like because of the limited communication, the comprehension is there,
Speaker 2: the communication is not there. So there is all these
Speaker 2: tantrums and kicking and screaming, and then you have all
Speaker 2: these bite marks on your arm. There is like hair pulling.
Speaker 2: She has bruises on her arm, and her body of
Speaker 2: self injurious like she would pinch herself. Part of these
Speaker 2: sensory issues. And then part of it is just out
Speaker 2: of frustration and anxiety. And there's all this unknown and
Speaker 2: most importantly, you have to learn how to deal with
Speaker 2: all the emotions that convey back.
Speaker 1: Tell me more about that.
Speaker 2: First of all, I felt guilt and I hated myself
Speaker 2: because I felt like I had You know, there is
Speaker 2: this illusion of control like I felt I was I
Speaker 2: was somehow responsible for that, Like what did I do
Speaker 2: wrong in the you know, everyday thing I was like
Speaker 2: just thinking, was that the peri natal vitamins that I
Speaker 2: didn't you know, I skipped them a few days? Was that? That?
Speaker 1: Was that?
Speaker 2: The shampoo, the new shampoo that I used during my pregnancy?
Speaker 2: What did I do wrong that got us to this point?
Speaker 2: And then there was also another version of guilt that
Speaker 2: like in a spirituality, what am I guilty of that
Speaker 2: God or universe is punishing me for? And that was
Speaker 2: much harder there because I felt like I was a
Speaker 2: bad person. I am this bad person and I'm getting
Speaker 2: punished because of me being this bad person. So why why?
Speaker 2: What did I do wrong? I couldn't think of anything.
Speaker 2: But then I was like feeling guilty and if I
Speaker 2: did something wrong, if I'm guilty of anything, why is
Speaker 2: she being punished for that? Why is she going through
Speaker 2: all this hardship for what reason? Having that profound autism
Speaker 2: is not easy? And why is that she has to
Speaker 2: go through it? And then the other thing was that
Speaker 2: I got into this state of anxiety. You know, growing
Speaker 2: up as a young adult, I was always believing that, Okay,
Speaker 2: you plan life well and you work hard, and you
Speaker 2: get to whatever you want sooner or later. But now
Speaker 2: I was like, I planned it well. I really worked,
Speaker 2: you know, I really I did whatever I could to
Speaker 2: be a good mother during my pregnancy before my pregnancy,
Speaker 2: and I really really really worked hard, and I really
Speaker 2: really really felt prepared for that. Yeah, but then it
Speaker 2: didn't go as planned. So I lost my trust to
Speaker 2: everything in life. You know, I'm like, anything bad can
Speaker 2: happen to me right now, the sky can fall off
Speaker 2: for no reason. So I was in this kind of
Speaker 2: like a very defensive, very like ready for anything to
Speaker 2: go bad mode, And that brought me anxiety.
Speaker 1: We'll be back in a moment with a slight change
Speaker 1: of plans. About a year after Bennie's daughter received her diagnosis,
Speaker 1: Bennie settled into a new routine. In the morning, she
Speaker 1: dropped Saba off at a preschool for children with autism,
Speaker 1: and on the drive home, she'd stop by the beach
Speaker 1: to take a walk by herself and think things through.
Speaker 1: On this one morning, Bennie felt particularly reflective.
Speaker 2: So I had all this time to just walk and
Speaker 2: have these inner conversations with me, thinking why me, why this,
Speaker 2: why her? What did I do? Started feeling pity for
Speaker 2: myself and for her, and then feel like I'm a victim.
Speaker 2: And then I see this bird. I see, you know,
Speaker 2: you just see all these groups of birds, and then
Speaker 2: suddenly I can see this bird that has only one leg,
Speaker 2: and I notice that she is moving slower than the
Speaker 2: other birds, but still she's just picking up food from
Speaker 2: the ground, and still she's flying a little bit around,
Speaker 2: and she's part of this group of birds. And I
Speaker 2: didn't really notice the other birds treating her differently, like
Speaker 2: she was part of this group. And she was still like,
Speaker 2: you know, making birdly noises and everything, and was like
Speaker 2: living her life despite her one leg missing. At that
Speaker 2: same moment, I was thinking, this bird didn't do anything wrong.
Speaker 2: Maybe there is no why me, Maybe that is not
Speaker 2: the question. Maybe I shouldn't be looking for any reason.
Speaker 2: This is part of life, this is part of nature.
Speaker 2: So from that moment, I just gave up asking all
Speaker 2: those questions of why me, why her? What did I
Speaker 2: do wrong? What is the reason? All that matters is
Speaker 2: what we have right now and how to get the
Speaker 2: best out of it and just focus on the things
Speaker 2: that we have. Like I feel like if there's an
Speaker 2: earthquake right now and all of us die the moment,
Speaker 2: I'm dying I don't want to be thinking, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I spent all this time emphasizing on how miserable we are.
Speaker 2: I just want to be thinking at least I did
Speaker 2: whatever I could, and at least I enjoyed however much
Speaker 2: of it that I could, and I helped my loved
Speaker 2: ones enjoy it.
Speaker 1: So how did this moment at the beach affect your
Speaker 1: mindset moving forward?
Speaker 2: So that moment a very very very critical moment that
Speaker 2: I can remember and I can't pinpoint. But it has
Speaker 2: been a process.
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: It has been a long process. And still it is
Speaker 2: a process. You know, I think that, okay, I could
Speaker 2: handle it better today than yesterday, this week than last week.
Speaker 2: It is a process. But then with that moment, and
Speaker 2: then maybe the next few weeks or months after that,
Speaker 2: that that pain went away. It was not painful anymore.
Speaker 2: I was not a victim anymore. My daughter was not
Speaker 2: a victim anymore, My family was not a victim anymore.
Speaker 1: Did the shift change the way that you approached your
Speaker 1: day to day interactions with Saba and your family life overall?
Speaker 2: Oh, definitely, definitely. I gradually started to live life again
Speaker 2: by changing my perspective, by changing my expectations I could
Speaker 2: enjoy life again, and I'm very grateful for that, very
Speaker 2: much so.
Speaker 1: So, Benny. It's been over a decade since that day
Speaker 1: in the doctor's office when you received Sava's diagnosis. Sava
Speaker 1: is now fifteen years old, and I'm wondering what is
Speaker 1: life like for you now?
Speaker 2: Life is very beautiful, life is good, and is really
Speaker 2: really really really hard. But then what makes it bearable
Speaker 2: is you know, Maya, For the longest time, I was
Speaker 2: trying for my family to be as close to a
Speaker 2: typical family as possible, and that was tiring, that was exhausting.
Speaker 2: The moment that I accepted that, guess what, we are
Speaker 2: not a typical family. We are not, then that exhaustion
Speaker 2: went away. Because maybe letting go of trying to be
Speaker 2: typical and then instead just try to get to the
Speaker 2: best or to the happiest that is possible for you
Speaker 2: as a special need family is the answer. Maybe maybe
Speaker 2: that was the answer for me.
Speaker 1: You mentioned that life is still very, very, very hard,
Speaker 1: and one I so appreciate your honesty and your candor,
Speaker 1: and I think that's that's such an important part of
Speaker 1: your story right right, that things can continue to be
Speaker 1: really really really hard, and you can still find beauty
Speaker 1: and joy. What are some of the current challenges that
Speaker 1: you're you're facing as a family.
Speaker 2: One of the major challenges that we have right now
Speaker 2: is that now she is fifteen years old and she
Speaker 2: has the body of a mature woman. She's a little
Speaker 2: bit shorter than I am, and she's heavy, and things
Speaker 2: that were, you know, just controlling her emotions or controlling
Speaker 2: her impulses when she was little was much easier. I
Speaker 2: could just grab her and go, Like if she wanted
Speaker 2: to touch something that she was not supposed to, or
Speaker 2: if she wanted to just run towards something that she
Speaker 2: was not supposed to, I could physically stop her. But
Speaker 2: then right now we don't have that, So helping her
Speaker 2: control her body and just stop herself when her body
Speaker 2: is doing something inappropriate is much more challenging than it
Speaker 2: was before. And still with frustration, tantrums are still there,
Speaker 2: making you know, screamings and stuff are still there, and
Speaker 2: we're working on them work in progress, and we do
Speaker 2: see progresses that be by the way, celebrate, but then
Speaker 2: there are still so many challenges.
Speaker 1: I want to talk about those days where your feelings
Speaker 1: lie somewhere in the middle where you're not quite feeling joy,
Speaker 1: but you're also not feeling deep sadness or frustration or despair.
Speaker 1: Because I have to believe that on the days where
Speaker 1: you're simply feeling neutral towards things that you're not reacting
Speaker 1: as you might have in the past, that that also
Speaker 1: is a big win that should be celebrated.
Speaker 2: That is true, Mayad. There are actually very many days
Speaker 2: that I feel neutral through things, very many days, but
Speaker 2: then I feel like not feeling frustrated is a big win.
Speaker 2: And those days because like these challenges. Like everybody in life,
Speaker 2: we all go through challenges, so they are like everyday
Speaker 2: challenges for us. And I feel like coming from a
Speaker 2: place that every moment of every day is torturous to
Speaker 2: a place that most moments of most days are neutral
Speaker 2: is huge. At least I think for me it has
Speaker 2: been huge.
Speaker 1: What do you want people to know about your family
Speaker 1: that you think is so often misunderstood? What do you
Speaker 1: want to share?
Speaker 2: Oh, one major thing, don't feel bad for us. We
Speaker 2: are a happy family. We may not be a typical family.
Speaker 2: We are not. We are far from a typical family,
Speaker 2: but we are a very happy family. So don't cry
Speaker 2: for us. It's okay if you want to cry with
Speaker 2: us at times, But that is one thing. Do not
Speaker 2: feel bad for us. We are a happy family. But
Speaker 2: sometimes I feel like we are living in a parallel universe,
Speaker 2: so we are not living in your universe, but we
Speaker 2: are as happy as anybody can be in your universe,
Speaker 2: in our own universe. So I feel like And then
Speaker 2: the other thing is that for me personally, I feel
Speaker 2: like my level of happiness in day to day life
Speaker 2: would have been the same even if I didn't have
Speaker 2: especial need child and I had a typically growing child,
Speaker 2: because at this point, I feel like I don't emphasize
Speaker 2: on little problems as much. I don't sweat little things anymore.
Speaker 2: I'm just happy.
Speaker 1: I can see that happiness in your face.
Speaker 2: You know. I've come to the conclusion that more important
Speaker 2: than what happens in our lives is the way that
Speaker 2: we react to what happens. And at some point I
Speaker 2: decided to just react to it in a cheerful way.
Speaker 2: And then that was when that the doors to joy
Speaker 2: opened up. That was when that I'm like, okay, so
Speaker 2: who cares that she doesn't talk, Let's just get that
Speaker 2: little hug or that like very warm feeling of the
Speaker 2: little kiss on her cheek, and then be grateful for that.
Speaker 2: And then let's just pause those moments, just let go
Speaker 2: of all those dreams of graduation and driver's license and
Speaker 2: grandchildren and all of that. Don't worry about those, And
Speaker 2: then let's just let go of thinking about how it
Speaker 2: could have been and just focus on what is and
Speaker 2: get the best out of what is, no matter how
Speaker 2: small or bigot is. So now I see the meaning,
Speaker 2: or I see the purpose of my life to just
Speaker 2: as a mother, If I can just help my daughter
Speaker 2: enjoy what life has to offer to her potential, I
Speaker 2: have reached my goal. And in this process I've learned
Speaker 2: that life has so much to offer. You know, I'm
Speaker 2: not denying Graduations are really good. Are very big deal
Speaker 2: your teenager getting having their driver's license and going God,
Speaker 2: They're really big. They are real joys of life. But
Speaker 2: then who cares if she may not graduate as a
Speaker 2: typical child. Who cares if she may never drive? Who
Speaker 2: cares if she may never get married and have children?
Speaker 2: There is so many other things that life has to offer.
Speaker 2: Like she learned to ride a bicycle when she was
Speaker 2: eleven years old. Now, she can ride her bicycle, and
Speaker 2: still she cannot wield the boy, So we cannot go
Speaker 2: on trails and stuff, but we can go to empty
Speaker 2: parking lots. And the joy that I see in her
Speaker 2: face doing that is enough for me. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 2: want anything else, even though I know what other fifteen
Speaker 2: year olds would be doing at that moment. That is
Speaker 2: very joyful, very typical. But this is us, yeah, and
Speaker 2: we better not grieve that and enjoy this.
Speaker 1: He mentioned the bicycling. I wonder if you can share
Speaker 1: a little bit more on that front. How do you
Speaker 1: experience joy as a family.
Speaker 2: So, again in not typical way. So we are good
Speaker 2: at restaurants, so we enjoy going to our favorite restaurants.
Speaker 2: We usually sit on booths because boots are much easier.
Speaker 2: She tends to rock, so single chairs she would be
Speaker 2: rocking too much. But if we sit in a booth
Speaker 2: and we have her favorite dinner, which happens to be
Speaker 2: hamburger and French fries, we are a family enjoying life together.
Speaker 2: And then also Samoe enjoys car rides are fun as
Speaker 2: a family on weekdays. Is that when everybody comes back
Speaker 2: from work and she's done with her therapy and her
Speaker 2: school and everything. We just get in the car and
Speaker 2: we just take a forty five minute car ride and
Speaker 2: we'll listen to our favorite music. Dad and I sing along.
Speaker 2: She sometimes makes noises, We sometimes clap, and you know,
Speaker 2: just dance with the music and we enjoy.
Speaker 1: Danny, it's not lost on me that your teenage daughter
Speaker 1: is in the car with the music, playing, dancing and
Speaker 1: making sounds. That is pretty damn close to that dream
Speaker 1: that you had for her when you imagined motherhood.
Speaker 2: You're making me too up.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I just it's amazing. It's like she is
Speaker 1: having that moment with you. It just looks a little different.
Speaker 2: That is true. Yeah, that is definitely true. Wow. I
Speaker 2: never looked at it this way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, amazing. Yes, Hey, thanks so much for listening. If
Speaker 1: you liked my conversation with Bannie, you may enjoy my
Speaker 1: conversation with First Responder Christy Warren. She's another guest who
Speaker 1: started out as a listener of the show. The episode
Speaker 1: is called a first Responder's Call for Help, and we'll
Speaker 1: link to it in the show notes. And next week
Speaker 1: we've got our season finale. My friend Adam Grant stops
Speaker 1: by to talk about our hidden potential, the perils of perfectionism,
Speaker 1: and why we need to give soft skills more respect.
Speaker 1: I'll see you next week. A Slight Change of Plans
Speaker 1: is created, written, and executive produced by me Maya Shunker.
Speaker 1: The Slight Change family includes our showrunner Tyler Green, our
Speaker 1: senior editor Kate Parkinson Morgan, our producer Trisha Bovida, and
Speaker 1: our sound engineer Andrew Vestola. And thanks to Aria Nettles
Speaker 1: for her help with this episode. Louis Scara wrote our
Speaker 1: delightful theme song and Ginger Smith helped arrange the vocals.
Speaker 1: A Slight Change of Plans is a production of Pushkin Industries,
Speaker 1: so big thanks to everyone there, and of course a
Speaker 1: very special thanks to Jimmy Lee. You can follow A
Speaker 1: Slight Change of Plans on Instagram at doctor Maya Shunker.
Speaker 1: See you next week.