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Speaker 1: Hey, this is aam. This is John, your og Okay

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Speaker 1: My husband's jealousy is ruining our marriage. Now he's asking

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Speaker 1: for divorce.

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Speaker 3: Oh okay, sounds like it's over then.

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Speaker 1: My husband, thirty four male, told me thirty two female,

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Speaker 1: that he's fed up and going to file for divorce.

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Speaker 1: We've been married for one year, together for four He's

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Speaker 1: very angry and I feel depleted and numb. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from user free Boys and Berry twenty six

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Speaker 1: eighty and if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay Storytime suburdit.

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Speaker 4: I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and I'm cute. No, I'm ke On.

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Speaker 1: Hello, and we're here to give good advice. Goofley, But

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Speaker 1: we don't have all the answers. We're only human. We

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Speaker 1: only know what we would do in this situation. So

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Speaker 1: if you do something different, let us know in the comments.

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Speaker 1: Op says backstory. My husband suffers from a type of

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Speaker 1: OCD called relationship OCD, otherwise known as retroactive jealousy. It's

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Speaker 1: where he fixates on my past spicy relationships, particularly on

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Speaker 1: one person, a person who I've not even spoken to

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Speaker 1: in over eight years. He can get triggered anytime anywhere.

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Speaker 1: We could be watching TV and a character will have

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Speaker 1: the same name, and he'll get triggered. Last weekend, we

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Speaker 1: were at a concert celebrating our one year wedding anniversary

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Speaker 1: and someone came on stage wearing a jersey for the

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Speaker 1: same sport this person used to play. He wanted to

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Speaker 1: leave the concert immediately. We ended up fighting and our

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Speaker 1: anniversary was ruined. Anytime he's triggered, his energy completely shifts

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Speaker 1: from warm, goofy and loving to ice cold and bothered,

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Speaker 1: and he shuts me out. It's a very sad, confusing, frustrating,

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Speaker 1: and isolating experience for me and for him, it's mental turmoil.

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Speaker 1: Pretty Much every single fight we have had in our

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Speaker 1: relationship has stemmed from his retroactive jealousy. Other than that,

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Speaker 1: we've been extremely happy. Unfortunately, every time he gets triggered,

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Speaker 1: it chips away at my happiness. I walk on eggshells

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Speaker 1: and feel anxiety sometimes because I never know when he'll

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Speaker 1: get triggered. Next thought he might get better with time

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Speaker 1: or after our marriage, because you would finally see that

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Speaker 1: I want him and only him forever. I was wrong.

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Speaker 1: Ever since he was triggered on our anniversary last weekend

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Speaker 1: and we fought, things have never been worse. Something feels

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Speaker 1: different about this time, like I finally realized this isn't

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Speaker 1: going away, or that I've hit my breaking point. We've

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Speaker 1: been cordial to each other all week and sleeping in

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Speaker 1: the same bed, but no spicy times. Yesterday he asked

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Speaker 1: me if I'm ready to go back to being loving again?

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Speaker 3: Dude, it was you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. Are you ready to you.

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Speaker 5: Ready to get over a person that you never met

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Speaker 5: from eight years ago?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, Like I get it. You've got a thing,

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Speaker 1: but it's like it's your thing. Yeah, you need to

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Speaker 1: address it.

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Speaker 5: It's not like Op's like acting on anything with this person.

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Speaker 5: Like there's nothing more I feel like that OPE can

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Speaker 5: really do.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they're not hanging out. I told him my concerns

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Speaker 1: and how he needs to seek support or medication for

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Speaker 1: this retroactive jealousy. I also thanked him for giving me space,

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Speaker 1: which literally just meant not initiating spicy sleep, and he

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Speaker 1: got an attitude and said, yeah, well I was upset too.

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Speaker 1: We know, buddy, you made that pretty clear. It felt

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Speaker 1: clear to me in this moment that he wasn't really

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Speaker 1: listening to me. And to be fair, I sometimes have

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Speaker 1: a difficult time seeing things from his side as well.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes his aggressive approach and victim mindset in conversation makes

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Speaker 1: me automatically defensive. He ended up storming out of the

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Speaker 1: room and slept in the guest room, where he always

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Speaker 1: sleeps when he's upset or when he's taking a nap,

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Speaker 1: and has been slamming every door he walks through ever since.

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Speaker 3: My gosh, this is a little childlike.

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Speaker 1: At this point, there is so much tension that I

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Speaker 1: told him I will move his things from the master

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Speaker 1: bedroom to the guest room so that we can both

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Speaker 1: have space to process what we're feeling.

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Speaker 4: Someone call a w ambulance for this guy.

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Speaker 5: I'm sorry, it's a w ambulance sitting and forgetting how

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Speaker 5: long they've been together.

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Speaker 1: Long enough to be married? Four years? Four years together,

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Speaker 1: one year married?

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Speaker 3: Okay, so five years that's what I thought.

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Speaker 1: He left for the day to go golfing a new

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Speaker 1: hobby he picked up that he has trashed for the

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Speaker 1: past four years. While he was away, I moved his stuff.

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Speaker 1: I did not move it to upset him. I truly

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Speaker 1: feel broken and anxious when I'm around him now and

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Speaker 1: just need a little space to process everything. He came

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Speaker 1: home from golf and was livid. He said he wasn't

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Speaker 1: interested in being roommates and this was no way to live.

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Speaker 1: Whoa dude? Then you should analyze your own behaviors? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: how did we get here? Scratch his head?

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Speaker 4: Why did we get here?

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Speaker 1: M I told him once again that I need space

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Speaker 1: to process everything, and he said, rudely, You've had enough space.

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Speaker 1: You've had a week of space. Instead of moving my

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Speaker 1: belongings all day, you could have instead come up with

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Speaker 1: a way to communicate. I told him I did try

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Speaker 1: communicating with him yesterday and he got upset. I told

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Speaker 1: him that the way he's currently speaking to me is

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Speaker 1: with an aggressive tone, to which he replied, because I'm angry.

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Speaker 1: This is ridiculous. I won't be married to someone who

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Speaker 1: can't resolve simple issues.

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Speaker 5: I won't ask you, I genuinely, Opie, I want you

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Speaker 5: to look husband in the eyes and be like, how

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Speaker 5: do you want me to fix this?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: How do you want me to fix the.

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Speaker 5: Fact that I I dated a guy eight years ago

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Speaker 5: that you've never met and I don't talk to him.

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Speaker 3: How to fix do you tell me the way to

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Speaker 3: hike this?

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Speaker 1: How to fix this is within you, my guy. I

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Speaker 1: won't have kids with that person. I'm filing for divorce. Great,

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Speaker 1: so he took care of the issue himself. Good, he

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Speaker 1: took it away. I responded that I don't want a

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Speaker 1: divorce and all I'm asking for is a little space

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Speaker 1: for us to work through this. I don't remember what

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Speaker 1: he responded with, but he didn't care that I said that,

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Speaker 1: and I think again, he just repeated that he was

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Speaker 1: filing for divorce. After he said that, he left the house.

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Speaker 1: The crazy part is I still don't feel much. I

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Speaker 1: don't feel sad or angry. I'm just numb. Perhaps I'm

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Speaker 1: over it, or it could be some kind of coping

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Speaker 1: mechanism to protect myself. I've never spoken to friends or

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Speaker 1: family about his retroactive jealousy because I love him and

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Speaker 1: I didn't want them to think negatively about him. I

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Speaker 1: think it's finally time I open up to my mother

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Speaker 1: about it. I feel very alone. I'm not sure what

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Speaker 1: to do or where to go orom here. I've never

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Speaker 1: been more in love with anyone in my life. He

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Speaker 1: was caring, made me laugh, bought me flowers, supported me

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Speaker 1: when I was laid off from my job. But I

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Speaker 1: am just not sure can be in this relationship anymore

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Speaker 1: now with how he's acting, not taking accountability, being rude

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Speaker 1: to me, and instead of giving me the space I need,

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Speaker 1: threatening divorce instead. Reddit, it would help to hear from

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Speaker 1: you an outside perspective on this. I am too in

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Speaker 1: it to think clearly at the moment. Even if no

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Speaker 1: one responds, it would feel nice to be able to

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Speaker 1: type this out there are comments. My comment would be,

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Speaker 1: I don't think he's ready for any kind of relationship

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Speaker 1: until he fully works through his YEA, his OCD.

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Speaker 5: He needs to get to the root of all that first.

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Speaker 5: They can help him find ways to cope with that

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Speaker 5: so that he can be in a relationship, but ultimately

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Speaker 5: there is nothing for Op.

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Speaker 1: Two fix And this all happened because they were at

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Speaker 1: a concert and the musician was wearing a jersey from

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Speaker 1: a sport the guy used to play, And you're gonna

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Speaker 1: let that ruin tho, that's we have to leave. We

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Speaker 1: have to leave.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's crazy.

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Speaker 3: It is just the same sports team.

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Speaker 1: I guess that's insane.

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Speaker 4: Like when you hear a name, you're like, all right,

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Speaker 4: I got the ick from that name. We get that,

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Speaker 4: like the fact that this guy can see or like

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Speaker 4: he smells grass and he's like, oh my god, he's

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Speaker 4: slid on grass. I'm angry at you, like what.

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Speaker 5: He needs some serious help, and I hope he gets it,

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Speaker 5: and I hope that maybe he can come back and

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Speaker 5: give ope the apology that is deserved.

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Speaker 1: Comments Comment one, you can't solve this problem because it's

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Speaker 1: not your problem to solve. He needs to sort his

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Speaker 1: stuff out. Seeing a person wearing a sports team merch

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Speaker 1: shouldn't cause this much conflict in any relationship. Can't build

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Speaker 1: your life around avoiding his trigger and a reply says,

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Speaker 1: to be clear, retroactive jealousy is something he's choosing to

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Speaker 1: not treat. It's something therapy can really help with. So

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Speaker 1: he is choosing to treat you like that. Why do

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Speaker 1: you want to continue to deal with this? Comment two

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Speaker 1: says the divorce would be a gift. Honestly, I don't

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Speaker 1: know if this is genuine, but it's absolutely wild. Comment

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Speaker 1: three relationship OCD sounds like a BS excuse for abuse

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Speaker 1: to me, be glad he's going reply to that, says

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Speaker 1: I made a separate comment about this and was a

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Speaker 1: little less point because I hate telling anyone they don't

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Speaker 1: have an illness. But as someone with OCD, I'm like

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Speaker 1: seventy percent sure this guy's on the RJ, subredded and

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Speaker 1: self diagnosed his own insecurities as OCD. Now he just

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Speaker 1: lets it run wild. It really isn't a single thing

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Speaker 1: about this post that flags as him having OCD. Not

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Speaker 1: being able to get over something doesn't qualify it as OCD.

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Speaker 1: Comment for I've suffered from retroactive jealousy and relationship OCD

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Speaker 1: for many years, and the only person who could help

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Speaker 1: me was me. I had to take control and accountability

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Speaker 1: for my own behavior and my own healing. I've hurt

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Speaker 1: many partners over the years. If he's not willing to

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Speaker 1: help himself, you're better off divorcing so you can find

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Speaker 1: someone who won't blame you for your past. I'm now

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Speaker 1: happily married with a baby doo in November. People can change,

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Speaker 1: but they have to know they need to and there's

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Speaker 1: an update. What do we think are they divorcing?

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Speaker 3: I therapy enforcing.

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Speaker 4: I think they're divorcing. If they're is fortunate, Yeah, I know.

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Speaker 4: So if they have like a genuine conversation and he

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Speaker 4: doesn't like just point the finger at op the entire time,

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Speaker 4: he actually takes accountability.

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Speaker 5: If he has some action, will come to a moment

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Speaker 5: of like, oh my god, Like if I got help

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Speaker 5: for this, we could make this work.

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Speaker 3: But I don't think it's gonna happen. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I don't think this guy's gonna be like, I'm sorry

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Speaker 4: for that. He's like, no, I feel like he said

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Speaker 4: to come to.

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Speaker 3: This, not this quick anyway, No, not at all.

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Speaker 4: I feel like he's be like, ah, so you are wrong,

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Speaker 4: I'm right.

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Speaker 1: Divorce, Yeah, I think that's where we're headed, folks. Update.

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Speaker 1: I'm blown away at the amount of support this post

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Speaker 1: has gotten. Thank you to everyone who has responded, and

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Speaker 1: to the mod of this post for giving me a

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Speaker 1: great book recommendation. As many of you guessed, his threat

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Speaker 1: of divorce was not real. For the first time in

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Speaker 1: four years, I truly put my foot down and told

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Speaker 1: my husband that I will no longer put up with

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Speaker 1: this treatment. I told him that if he continues to

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Speaker 1: choose not to seek help and instead continue to hurt me,

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Speaker 1: then I'm not staying and he knows I mean it.

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Speaker 1: I told him I love him, but I love me

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Speaker 1: and my mental health more. Since this long conversation, he

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Speaker 1: has set up an immediate plan daily plan morning reflection

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Speaker 1: and meditation, medicine vitamins, fluxitine, magnesium and make it three

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Speaker 1: work out weekly plan. Meet with the therapist. Yes, start ERP.

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Speaker 1: First session is scheduled for this weekend. Read fifty pages

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Speaker 1: of self help books The Art of Letting Go read

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Speaker 1: by October first, The Happiness Trap read by October first,

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Speaker 1: Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy read by October fifteenth, Brain Lock Overcoming

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Speaker 1: OCD read by October thirtieth.

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Speaker 2: M freightom to them, and let's.

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Speaker 1: Get right into the end of this. I like where

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Speaker 1: we're going.

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Speaker 3: I love it.

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Speaker 1: I want flux. I don't wantability.

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Speaker 5: Oh okay, I don't want him to overwhelm himself with

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Speaker 5: a list of things that he's not going to do. Though,

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Speaker 5: at the same time, so like it is true, Yes,

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Speaker 5: I think everything sounds great if you don't read those

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Speaker 5: books by those dates, I think it's fine, but therapy.

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Speaker 1: Therapy therapy city. So I told him that I support him,

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Speaker 1: but that he needs to do deep reflection and work

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Speaker 1: on himself before we can start rebuilding our relationship. I

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Speaker 1: plan on leaving town this week to spend some time

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Speaker 1: with my mother, and we'll be working on an exit

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Speaker 1: plan to have just in case that day comes. I

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Speaker 1: found a lot of strength and growth within myself throughout

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Speaker 1: this process, and I'm very proud of myself. I can't

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Speaker 1: describe how it felt going from feeling so isolated and

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Speaker 1: alone to feeling like I have a community who supports

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Speaker 1: me through this post. So if you're scrolling and see

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Speaker 1: someone who needs help, just know that your comment can

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Speaker 1: make a big difference. Heart And that is the end

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Speaker 1: of that story.

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Speaker 5: My coworker is obsessed with me, despite us both being married.

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Speaker 1: Gross eh yucky.

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Speaker 5: Me twenty four male and my crazy coworker twenty six

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Speaker 5: female work at the same office. She sits on the

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Speaker 5: desk across her mind and is married as well as

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Speaker 5: I am. Recently, we've been talking more with each other,

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Speaker 5: but nothing out of the ordinary. I have a good

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Speaker 5: relationship with pretty much everyone here except for Carl.

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Speaker 1: If you Carl and your credit to Yeah, Carl, why

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Speaker 1: don't you give the credit they deservemies hate don Carl.

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Speaker 1: If you ca you Carl.

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Speaker 4: Carl, are you stealing credit?

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Speaker 1: Carl?

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Speaker 3: That haunted in high school?

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Speaker 1: Carl.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from as your doctor.

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Speaker 5: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 5: to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 1: I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and I'm Kean, and.

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Speaker 5: We're here to give good advice goofully, But we don't

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Speaker 5: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

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Speaker 5: So let us know what you would do in the

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Speaker 5: comments and Opie says, just cheap chat about regular stuff.

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Speaker 5: How was the weekend? Look at this funny video? What

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Speaker 5: do you think about this that, et cetera. Then she

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Speaker 5: started texting telling me that she is surprised about how

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Speaker 5: easy it is to talk to me and how she

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Speaker 5: enjoys how the conversation just.

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Speaker 3: Flows, and I was like, cool, me too, you're nice.

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Speaker 4: Yes.

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Speaker 5: Last week I left my car at the auto repair

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Speaker 5: since the break started to make a funny noise, and

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Speaker 5: since she lives two blocks away from.

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Speaker 3: Where I live, I asked for a ride home.

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Speaker 5: We were in traffic going home, talking about regular stuff.

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Speaker 5: Then she brought the subject up again about how nice

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Speaker 5: our conversations have been, and I agreed. I have plenty

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Speaker 5: of female friends, so this is not uncommon for me.

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Speaker 5: Then she started talking about how interesting it is that

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Speaker 5: we have some different opinions about stuff, but we get

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Speaker 5: along well anyway, and I was like, yeah, sure. This

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Speaker 5: is when I noticed things got weird. Then she said

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Speaker 5: she started looking at me differently, that she's attracted to me,

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Speaker 5: and put her hand on my thigh.

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Speaker 1: No hand thigh No.

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Speaker 5: I thanked her and told her she's nice and good looking,

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Speaker 5: but we're just colleagues.

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Speaker 3: We're both married.

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Speaker 5: I respect her, but I'm not interested, So no way

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Speaker 5: anything is going to happen.

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Speaker 3: The rest of the ride was an awkward silence.

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Speaker 5: When I got home, she kept texting me about how

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Speaker 5: we're getting along so well.

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Speaker 1: Stuff. Yeah. I really liked that complete silence we had together.

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Speaker 3: I really liked the silence in the car. I think

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Speaker 3: I fully would have been like, pull over, I will

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Speaker 3: walk home. Yeh, I don't care how far we are,

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Speaker 3: I will walk home.

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Speaker 5: Don't anyway, how we're getting along so well and stuff,

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Speaker 5: how she is not in the best moment in her marriage,

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Speaker 5: et cetera.

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Speaker 3: Then I received a lot.

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Speaker 5: Of Instagram notifications of her mass liking my photos.

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Speaker 1: Now it's the time to block her and also bring

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Speaker 1: this to like hr and immediate HR. Wife, HR your

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Speaker 1: wife first, right.

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Speaker 5: Now, Wife, this girl's got her hand on my thigh

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Speaker 5: right now.

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Speaker 1: Help help, help, please, I need you to fight this person.

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Speaker 5: I reply to the text, trying not to be rude,

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Speaker 5: saying that maybe she should use her energy and time

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Speaker 5: to resolve the problems she is having at home instead

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Speaker 5: of this.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you just corporate dunked on her.

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Speaker 5: At this point, I think she is crazy and the

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Speaker 5: best way to avoid any problems is just dismissed the

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Speaker 5: crazy stuff she is saying and keep it cool and

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Speaker 5: distant since we work together in a fifty five person company.

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Speaker 3: She said, it's not just physical attraction that she's.

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Speaker 5: Jealous and can't stand seeing my wife's post on Instagram

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Speaker 5: with me read alert, and now she wants to meet

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Speaker 5: me after work or during the lunch break out of

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Speaker 5: the office to talk about things. I haven't told any

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Speaker 5: of this to my wife yet. Why not talk to

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Speaker 5: your wife right now? And I was not planning to

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Speaker 5: do so, since she is way too stressed out recently

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Speaker 5: with her job and some problems with her parents. So

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Speaker 5: I'd like to know from the all might and all

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Speaker 5: knowing Reddit how oh my mind to avoid this crazy

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Speaker 5: lady getting more crazy and trying to cause problems at

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Speaker 5: work and with my marriage and two wives of Reddit.

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Speaker 5: If you were my wife, would you like me to

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Speaker 5: tell you what's happening or just deal with it?

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Speaker 1: Are you crazy?

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Speaker 4: You don't need the wives of Reddit the time.

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Speaker 1: First of all, your wives shouldn't get stressed out. That's

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Speaker 1: some girls into you. As soon as you say that,

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Speaker 1: she should go. Man, my husband tells me thinks I'm

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Speaker 1: not stressed because my husband's not an idiot, and it's

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Speaker 1: clearly not into this woman. You're just letting her know

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Speaker 1: because it's relevant.

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Speaker 5: Ye.

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Speaker 1: There's literally obsessed with me. It's crazy. I'm gonna have

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Speaker 1: to talk to HR about it.

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Speaker 5: Done, easy peasy, hey, wife, she'd put her hand on

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Speaker 5: my thigh in the car today.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to HR to mileth You know.

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Speaker 1: Two steps, talk to your wife and then everything all

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Speaker 1: the texts that this woman has sent you and show

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Speaker 1: them to HR. Done.

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Speaker 5: My plan so far is to let her know again

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Speaker 5: that I'm not interested. Just play it cool and dismiss

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Speaker 5: what she is saying, slowly decreasing the number of interactions

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Speaker 5: we have until everything fades into regular coworker stuff. That

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Speaker 5: is who here terrible play Top comment sand Man forty two.

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Speaker 3: You need to tell two people, one your wife two HR.

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Speaker 5: Show them the texts, including your requesting that she stopped

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Speaker 5: contacting you and hitting on you. You need to tell

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Speaker 5: your wife and HR because this could easily spiral out

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Speaker 5: of control and you need to be on top of

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Speaker 5: the story.

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Speaker 3: Also, you gotta trust your wife.

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00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:29,399
Speaker 5: Man, then stop talking to this coworker about anything that

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Speaker 5: isn't directly work related. Update two two weeks later. Any

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Speaker 5: other comment, sir, we on the same page that.

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Speaker 1: Do exactly what that comment just told you to do.

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Speaker 2: Great.

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00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,240
Speaker 3: I agree that I agree.

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Speaker 5: Since it was the first time this happened to me

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Speaker 5: in such a blunt way, I tried to handle it

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Speaker 5: the best I could, but I was kind of lost

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Speaker 5: about what to do. So thanks again, your advice really

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00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:57,840
Speaker 5: helped me. Following your advice, I got home yesterday, asked

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Speaker 5: my wife to sit down and told her what was

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Speaker 5: going on. I showed her all the messages and explained

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Speaker 5: to her in detail what happened. She was really concerned,

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Speaker 5: didn't get mad or anything. She was just worried that

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Speaker 5: using her words that which would ruin your career and

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Speaker 5: stress you out. So I told her I would talk

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Speaker 5: to my boss and HR the next day, and so

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Speaker 5: I did. I arrived earlier scheduled the meeting with HR

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Speaker 5: and my boss. He went pale when I told him

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Speaker 5: I'd like to talk to him and HR together. Later,

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Speaker 5: he said he thought I would quit. I sat down

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Speaker 5: with them, asked them to be prepared for a Mexican

404
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Speaker 5: soap opera, then showed them all the messages and explained

405
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Speaker 5: to them everything that happened.

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Speaker 1: I'm giving you the script of my telenovela.

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Speaker 5: I told them I'd like her to be moved to

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Speaker 5: another desk, and that I trusted them to discipline her

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00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:52,119
Speaker 5: so she would stop pestering me. They listened very quietly,

410
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:56,200
Speaker 5: nodding between the sentences and asking quick questions when in doubt.

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Speaker 5: After I finished telling my tale, they said they would

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Speaker 5: call her in to te and addressed the subject, and

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Speaker 5: that I could rest assured they would take all reasonable measures.

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Speaker 3: I went back to my desk and got to work

415
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Speaker 3: that I was.

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Speaker 5: Going on a business trip to Mexico City the following week.

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Speaker 3: I was pretty busy.

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00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:18,159
Speaker 5: Then I heard the BSCC phone short for backcrap crazy

419
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 5: coworker ring. She looked at me with suspicion in her eyes.

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Speaker 5: When she got up and went to talk to HR.

421
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 5: I tried to avoid eye contact and didn't express anything.

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00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,359
Speaker 5: One hour later, she came back crying, got her purse

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Speaker 5: and left. Everybody in the office was like, what the

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Speaker 5: f just happened.

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Speaker 3: My boss then called me into his office and told

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Speaker 3: me what happened.

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00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,920
Speaker 5: They told her. I told them what was going on.

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00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,640
Speaker 5: Then she made a whole dramatic show, telling them she

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Speaker 5: was in love with me and was fighting for what

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Speaker 5: she thought was right, et cetera.

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00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,440
Speaker 1: Wow, you're gonna be fighting in the unemployment line.

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00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,479
Speaker 5: My boss and the HR person dismissed her arguments and

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00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:58,399
Speaker 5: told her she would need to keep things professional and

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Speaker 5: move to another desk, otherwise they would have to rescind

435
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,560
Speaker 5: the work contract, and she preferred to get fired, so

436
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,560
Speaker 5: from now on she no longer works with me. It

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00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,920
Speaker 5: has been two weeks and so far nothing related to

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00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,840
Speaker 5: the subject has happened. So I guess my life is

439
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,440
Speaker 5: back the way I like it, just peace and quiet,

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00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,480
Speaker 5: So thanks again for all the advice.

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00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:19,879
Speaker 3: I think my thoughts were kind of clouded by this.

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00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:23,600
Speaker 5: You guys made me think clearly, so thanks some relevant comments.

443
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,640
Speaker 5: Comment one says they told her I told them what

444
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 5: was going on, then she made a whole dramatic crap

445
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,639
Speaker 5: show telling she was in love with me and she

446
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 5: was fighting for what she thought was right, et cetera,

447
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 5: et cetera, et cetera. Wow, this woman is mentally ill.

448
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:41,120
Speaker 5: No joke, she is completely detached from reality. If she's

449
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,639
Speaker 5: pulling stuff like this when facing both her boss and HR,

450
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,560
Speaker 5: that is unhinged. Keep a sharp eye out, op she

451
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,800
Speaker 5: knows where you live, and she's no longer constrained by

452
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,760
Speaker 5: the prospect of losing her job. Don't hesitate to call

453
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,480
Speaker 5: the police if she shows up. Comment or two says

454
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:01,160
Speaker 5: this opie, if possible, have if your boss and HR

455
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,160
Speaker 5: give you something in writing about what happened in case

456
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,959
Speaker 5: you need it for documentation purposes with the authorities.

457
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 3: You might also.

458
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:10,920
Speaker 5: Want to write out your own quick log of everything

459
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 5: that happened and when while it is still fresh in

460
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,439
Speaker 5: your mind. Check into what your legal option might be

461
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,159
Speaker 5: just in case. I know it sounds like overkill, but

462
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 5: trust me, you don't want to let your guard down

463
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:27,160
Speaker 5: just yet. This woman is potentially dangerous. Another commenter says,

464
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,520
Speaker 5: I agree with all this. I would just add that

465
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:32,280
Speaker 5: the messages et cetera she left should be kept too.

466
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 5: Better to not need them than to regret trashing them.

467
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,360
Speaker 5: Opie responds, guys, thanks for this advice. I think I've

468
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:42,920
Speaker 5: been a little naive believing this would stop now following

469
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 5: your comments here, I wrote my logs, made a backup

470
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,919
Speaker 5: of all the messages, and requested HR for a formal

471
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,439
Speaker 5: letter explaining what happened. I was considering going to the

472
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 5: police station and checking what I could do to get

473
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 5: this registered, just in case anything happens, but I don't

474
00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,679
Speaker 5: think this is necessary with all.

475
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,359
Speaker 3: The other menures I took. Another commenter says, my question

476
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,160
Speaker 3: is was she always this crazy?

477
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 5: Or are you that good looking and charming that you

478
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,880
Speaker 5: drove her insane that she couldn't have you.

479
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:13,840
Speaker 1: You drove her insane with your beautiful eyes. Anyone would

480
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 1: lose their sanity staring into your gorgeous.

481
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:20,160
Speaker 5: Pools comment response. I must admit he does sound completely

482
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:21,240
Speaker 5: adorable and charming.

483
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,200
Speaker 3: No wonder she fell for him. Oh no, the commenters are.

484
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 1: Falling for him too. His power is too strong. I'm

485
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,119
Speaker 1: falling for him. Oh god.

486
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 3: Oh, he says.

487
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,639
Speaker 5: I've been working with her for two years, but we

488
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,639
Speaker 5: never talked much before this happened, so I cannot claim

489
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:40,000
Speaker 5: anything for sure. But before all this drama, she didn't

490
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 5: let any craziness show up. Now about myself, you're making

491
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 5: me feel embarrassed.

492
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 3: I'm not that self aware.

493
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,920
Speaker 5: Another commenter says, maybe a bipolar or manic episode.

494
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,360
Speaker 3: Just speculating, but.

495
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 5: It is weird that it took her two years. Seems

496
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 5: like it escalated quickly once she said her sights on you.

497
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:05,159
Speaker 5: Opie says, well, I'm also known for not being very perceptive,

498
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 5: and I.

499
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 3: Never paid much attention to her, so it can be

500
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,040
Speaker 3: my fault on this point. Like, we have another update,

501
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 3: a call from her husband.

502
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,359
Speaker 1: Oh lordy, yeah, I think is firmly now, just in

503
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,400
Speaker 1: the realm of if she keeps showing up, it's I'm

504
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:23,359
Speaker 1: call the police, but I don't know's husband's making the call.

505
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:24,159
Speaker 3: Heikesact.

506
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 1: Let's see what he says.

507
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 3: I just got a call from her husband.

508
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,919
Speaker 5: Apparently she was crying all weekend and told him on

509
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 5: Monday why she was fired. He told her he didn't

510
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,920
Speaker 5: buy her version of the facts since she contradicted herself

511
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,480
Speaker 5: in several points of her story. He told her to

512
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 5: call the company to clarify what happened, and now he

513
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:43,760
Speaker 5: was calling me just.

514
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:44,359
Speaker 3: To make sure.

515
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,960
Speaker 5: I told him everything and offered to show him the messages.

516
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 5: We are going to meet in an hour in a

517
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 5: coffee shop next to the office. He sounded her but

518
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 5: very clear minded. I just told my boss hr and

519
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 5: my wife that I was going to meet him, and

520
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 5: my boss offered to go with me. Okay, man, I'm

521
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:05,160
Speaker 5: surrounded by good people. We have another update. I hope

522
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 5: she doesn't show up instead and it's not somewhere.

523
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would be very suspicious that I'd be, like,

524
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,160
Speaker 1: you want to FaceTime? I don't know if I want

525
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,920
Speaker 1: to meet up with this guy in person. I don't

526
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 1: know you and your wife is insane. I don't know

527
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 1: if you're crazy as well.

528
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, just came back from the meeting with her husband.

529
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,879
Speaker 5: It was all very quick. I arrived with my boss

530
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,119
Speaker 5: and he was waiting for me. I just showed him

531
00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:30,360
Speaker 5: the messages on my phone. Answered some questions about what happened,

532
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 5: and that was it. He said he just wanted to

533
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:35,760
Speaker 5: be sure because she deleted all of her messages.

534
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 1: Wow, what you think. I think it was probably a

535
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,920
Speaker 1: smart move to not go meet that guy alone. Yeah,

536
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 1: I guess, you know, he's like, this can't be true, right,

537
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,160
Speaker 1: it can't be that it is it was.

538
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 3: I wondered the crazy story that she told him.

539
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 1: Things weren't lining up.

540
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, several points, by the way, not one, not several.

541
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:55,480
Speaker 5: Yeah.

542
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 1: Just I mean, I guess good on her for at

543
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 1: least saying it. But I think that kind of speaks

544
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,400
Speaker 1: to you more of like how unhinged she is right now.

545
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,399
Speaker 1: She's like she probably told him like I was doing

546
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,160
Speaker 1: this for love, for what's right?

547
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:07,720
Speaker 2: Yikes.

548
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, don't let your husband stop you from finding your husband.

549
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

550
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 5: He said this was not the first time something like

551
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:18,159
Speaker 5: that happened and apologized for everything. He said she was

552
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 5: seeing a psychologist in the past, but she had stopped

553
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 5: going recently. I just said I didn't want anything to

554
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 5: do with it, that I came to meet him just

555
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 5: to make clear I didn't want any of this to happen,

556
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,399
Speaker 5: wished him the best and left. He just nodded and

557
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:36,320
Speaker 5: apologized again as I left. I'm surprised by his reaction.

558
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,639
Speaker 5: Maybe he doesn't seem angry because they went through something

559
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,800
Speaker 5: similar before. I don't know, and I really don't care.

560
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,880
Speaker 5: I've just had enough drama and I'm glad this wasn't

561
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,439
Speaker 5: another one. So let's hope this is the end and

562
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:50,479
Speaker 5: that's the end of that story.

563
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 1: Sam. Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But

564
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 1: here's three of minutes bads from our sponsors. My friend

565
00:25:56,160 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 1: through a bridal party before even getting engaged.

566
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 2: And if you know what's gonna happen, why not.

567
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:05,960
Speaker 1: Well, let's find out. My twenty nine female friend twenty

568
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 1: nine female is getting married to her boyfriend, twenty four

569
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 1: male in two months. They just started dating this January,

570
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,880
Speaker 1: and neither of them have been in a serious relationship

571
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 1: before this. A week into their relationship, they already started

572
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:22,680
Speaker 1: talking about marriage and signed up for marriage classes through

573
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 1: their church. By the way, this comes from user Emily Freeze.

574
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 1: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

575
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 1: to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota, and I'm.

576
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 4: Angie and I'm Sophia, and.

577
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 1: We're here to give good advice, goofily, but we don't

578
00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:39,360
Speaker 1: have all the answers. We only know what would we do,

579
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 1: So let us know what you would do. In the comments,

580
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:45,119
Speaker 1: Opie says, not even three weeks into their relationship, my

581
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,239
Speaker 1: friend found a fake topaz ring on the ground at

582
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,439
Speaker 1: a grocery store and decided to buy a ring box

583
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 1: and give it to her boyfriend so that he could

584
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 1: use it to propose to her. She found a trash

585
00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 1: ring on the ground and gave it to her boy

586
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,880
Speaker 1: boy friend and said, propose to me with this ring.

587
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,679
Speaker 1: She sent us pictures of the ring and told us

588
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 1: about their plans to get engaged using that ring after

589
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 1: their sixth month anniversary, and then they would have their

590
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 1: wedding one to two weeks after that. Her boyfriend has

591
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 1: displayed a lot of very concerning behavior since the beginning

592
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:21,119
Speaker 1: of their relationship. He is very religious and wants to

593
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 1: save himself for marriage. He made my friend get rebaptized

594
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 1: since she was not a virgin. He has expressed concerns

595
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 1: to my friend about her age and that he is

596
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,360
Speaker 1: worried she might be getting too old to have children

597
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 1: if they don't start right away. He has also tried

598
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 1: to ban her from watching all of her favorite television

599
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 1: series immediately gone, such as Friends or Bridgerton, because he

600
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:46,360
Speaker 1: believes they are Satanic and Korn related and compromise their

601
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 1: Christian values. Several of our friends, as well as her parents,

602
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 1: have expressed concerns to her about rushing all of this

603
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: and making sure she isn't making permanent decisions she will regret.

604
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,919
Speaker 1: Both my friend and her boyfriend have never moved out

605
00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 1: of their childhood homes after high school graduation, so neither

606
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 1: of them have experience taking care of themselves without their parents' assistance.

607
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 1: She gets very defensive whenever you questioned her decisions, no

608
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 1: matter how gently you phrase it, and always insists that

609
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,440
Speaker 1: they don't have a traditional relationship, but that they both

610
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:19,719
Speaker 1: know what they want and they're best friends.

611
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 2: Who knew what they wanted first. And how did the

612
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 2: second person know what they want? Was the first person

613
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 2: trying to talk them into it or something like that?

614
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:28,399
Speaker 2: How did that go?

615
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just don't know. How you have

616
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 1: like the most traditional, like the throwback traditional relationship. Yeah,

617
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 1: your future husband's being like you are not allowed to

618
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 1: see these things, right, I am the one in control

619
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:44,480
Speaker 1: of your eyes?

620
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 2: Right, quite traditional.

621
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: Talk about a throwback.

622
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, is that a reference from something or just.

623
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 1: No, that's just a reference into the history of men

624
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 1: and women.

625
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 2: I just wanted to make sure it wasn't Sally.

626
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,959
Speaker 1: Were all like that. I'm right, that has to be

627
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: if you're talking about tradition.

628
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it feels like, yes, you are traditional.

629
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 1: About a month ago, she went wedding dress shopping and

630
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 1: said yes to the dress. I congratulated her and asked

631
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,480
Speaker 1: her about the wedding, and she said they're getting married

632
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 1: at the beginning of August, but that they don't have

633
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 1: a venue picked out yet. They don't plan on having

634
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 1: a courthouse wedding, and she's adamant about having a real

635
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 1: wedding with a ceremony and reception. No save the dates

636
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 1: or wedding invites have been created yet. My friend just

637
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 1: sent out invites to her bridal shower on Monday, and

638
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 1: mine arrived in the mail on Wednesday. To my surprise,

639
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:37,160
Speaker 1: her bridal shower is already this upcoming Sunday, less than

640
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 1: two weeks after the invites were sent out. I looked

641
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 1: at the registry and she's asking for a lot of

642
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 1: very high priced and luxurious things. On very short notice, right,

643
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 1: because she's someone who fundamentally doesn't even understand how the

644
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: world works, yet she's never moved out of her house.

645
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 2: I mean, this is the whole point people get married, right,

646
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,160
Speaker 2: is to like get a bunch of gifts, have a party,

647
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:03,640
Speaker 2: and then you don't have a great night afterwards.

648
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 1: Again, the most traditional you could be. You're like, yeah,

649
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 1: I mean, we're getting married mostly because people are gonna

650
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 1: give us a lot of stuff. And I guess yea right,

651
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 1: right the family, I know that they have a rushed

652
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 1: timeline since she wants to get married two weeks after

653
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 1: they're engaged, which is crazy who wants that? But it

654
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 1: is shocking being invited to a bridle shower for someone

655
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 1: who isn't even engaged and doesn't have a venue booked

656
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 1: yet for a wedding less than two months away. After

657
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 1: talking with the rest of our friend group, who have

658
00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 1: all been friends for twenty four plus years, almost all

659
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,800
Speaker 1: of us have decided against going to the shower. This

660
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 1: is basically due to the principle of it being inappropriate

661
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 1: throwing yourself a bridle shower months before you will even

662
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 1: be engaged, and there is nothing set in stone to

663
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: demonstrate they will go through with this wedding, other than

664
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 1: saying they plan to get married in August. In addition,

665
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 1: she can't expect everyone to bend over backwards for her

666
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,880
Speaker 1: and makes sure she can have her luxurious dream wedding

667
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 1: when almost everyone else in the friend group is currently

668
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 1: planning their own wedding with their long term boyfriends, in

669
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 1: the process of purchasing a home, or are pregnant. It's

670
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 1: too soon to know what the ramifications will be of

671
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 1: having her entire friend group not show up for her

672
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 1: bridal shower, but it will be interesting to see how

673
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 1: the next two months of wedding planning go. And there

674
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:27,360
Speaker 1: is an edit to add. First, I understand where people

675
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 1: are coming from saying she is actually engaged, since they

676
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 1: have plans to get married and attentative date.

677
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 2: That's what I was wondering. It felt like she was

678
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:37,680
Speaker 2: engaged already, but like she's not, but they're just planning

679
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 2: the engagement while they're planning the wedding.

680
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 1: No, I know that she's given him the ring that

681
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 1: she wants him to give her. I can assure you.

682
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 1: Every time we ask her if she is engaged, she

683
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 1: insists that she's not. They're still just dating. When we

684
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 1: ask why they don't get formally engaged or why he

685
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:59,280
Speaker 1: doesn't just propose now, considering they already have a ring,

686
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 1: she says they don't want to be engaged until there's

687
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 1: six month anniversary because they don't want to feel like

688
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 1: they're rushing things.

689
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 2: What I'm confused by them because OPI mentioned that it's

690
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 2: like weird that they're gonna get married after two weeks

691
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 2: of being engaged, but they're not even engaged yet, So

692
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 2: why are we planning the engagement.

693
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 1: Just the ultimate self gaslight. Yeah, they're like, we're getting

694
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 1: engaged on this day, we know it, but we're not

695
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,480
Speaker 1: gonna get engaged right now because we don't want to

696
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 1: rush things. After all, we want to wait at least

697
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 1: six months before we commit to being with each other

698
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 1: for the rest of our lives, right at least half

699
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: a year. But we already are going to do that.

700
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,320
Speaker 1: We know we're gonna do it. It's set in stone that

701
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 1: we're doing that, right, but we're not gonna.

702
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 2: Rush because to me, six months is still rushing things.

703
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,320
Speaker 1: Yes, we talked about getting married a week and do

704
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,600
Speaker 1: our relationship. Yeah, we're not gonna rush it.

705
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 2: We're not gonna actually do it.

706
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't want it to look like we're Russian delusional.

707
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 1: It's like the same feeling of like having like a

708
00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 1: car like covered in rust and you just paint over

709
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 1: and you're like, I solved it right, just rotten house

710
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, just put a blanket on it.

711
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.

712
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 1: Also, for those shaming us for not planning her a

713
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: bridal shower, it has always been the sister's sister in law,

714
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 1: mother or mother in law who planned the shower for

715
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:17,719
Speaker 1: everyone else's wedding in this friend group, and for her sibling.

716
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 1: We are not sure why it was expected to be

717
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:23,440
Speaker 1: any different for her. Even so, we only just found

718
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 1: out the tentative date for a wedding. You don't normally

719
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: immediately plan a shower the second someone announces they're going

720
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 1: to get married, especially when nothing had been set in

721
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 1: motion to secure an actual venue to have the wedding.

722
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 1: We found out on Mother's Day that she had a

723
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 1: wedding date set. That's not much turnaround time to drop

724
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 1: everything else we have planned in the next coming weeks

725
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 1: to try and plan a shower in the two weekend

726
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 1: window of dates. She said worked for her. The part

727
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 1: I failed to convey initially in the post is our

728
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 1: biggest concern is her sense of entitlement. She genuinely wants

729
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 1: people to cancel their plans such as a baby shower,

730
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 1: gender reveal party, and vacation to plan things for her.

731
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,960
Speaker 1: She also was expecting to not have to pay for

732
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:08,440
Speaker 1: anything for the wedding and fully believe both of their

733
00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:11,480
Speaker 1: parents would fully finance their wedding. She lashed out when

734
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,640
Speaker 1: her parents told her they aren't paying for her wedding,

735
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 1: only the wedding dress. When her boyfriend's mom asked where

736
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 1: they were getting the money to pay for this wedding,

737
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 1: she called her broke and greedy for not wanting to

738
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:26,760
Speaker 1: pay for their venue, food, and drinks. She then turned

739
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,720
Speaker 1: around and texted us about how she wishes harm upon

740
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 1: their parents, Oh and how much she hates them because

741
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:37,360
Speaker 1: they won't financially support this wedding. It's impossible to defend

742
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,840
Speaker 1: her actions when she feels entitled to everyone else's time

743
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 1: and money. Honestly, at this point, I'm just dropping the friend.

744
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:45,560
Speaker 1: I don't know.

745
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,440
Speaker 2: How much of this I could hear, how much of

746
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,240
Speaker 2: this complaining for nothing?

747
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyone who's like able to call their future in

748
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 1: law just like broke and greedy for not paying for

749
00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 1: their entire wedding that they shouldn't even be having. Because

750
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:03,759
Speaker 1: this is just not the right way to do this.

751
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,719
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, I'm out. Yeah, have a good life.

752
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:08,799
Speaker 1: I hope it's good. I truly do. I just hope.

753
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 1: I wish you the best. Yeah, but it's not me.

754
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,720
Speaker 1: Any thoughts would be appreciated, and there are some comments.

755
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: Come at number one, man, this is probably gonna be

756
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 1: a disaster. He's probably gonna hold over her the entire

757
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,600
Speaker 1: marriage that she didn't save herself for marriage like he

758
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 1: allegedly did. Hmmm, he's going to use that to wear

759
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 1: down her self esteem. If they can't have kids for

760
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 1: whatever reason, he's going to blame it on her for

761
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 1: not being married younger. Everything in her life that brings

762
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 1: her joy will slowly be labeled demonic and cut out

763
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:41,239
Speaker 1: of her life little by little. Agreed comment too. I mean,

764
00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:43,760
Speaker 1: if her and the boyfriend are in agreement in getting married,

765
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 1: then they're engaged technically. But that's the least of the

766
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:50,919
Speaker 1: worries here. They're moving way too quickly, and it's likely

767
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:54,240
Speaker 1: so that they can have spice to sleep together, setting

768
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 1: themselves up to fail. A reply to that comment says,

769
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 1: I think that the rush is either to have the

770
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: spice of sleep or for the bride to get married

771
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 1: before she turns thirty. I'd put money on her birthday

772
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:07,839
Speaker 1: being in September. Oh P replies, she has always been

773
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 1: the friend that just copies what everyone else does for

774
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 1: as long as we've known her. If you cut your hair,

775
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 1: she cuts her hair. If you buy a new band

776
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 1: t shirt, she buys the same one. You pick up

777
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 1: a new hobby, she picks up the same hobby. So

778
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,000
Speaker 1: as soon as her best friend got married, bought a house,

779
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: and got pregnant, she's pretty much spiraled and immediately jumped

780
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,840
Speaker 1: into a relationship and started talking marriage and children right away.

781
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 1: Comment three. If she's a good friend, I'd be comfortable

782
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 1: asking her how the wedding shower planning is coming and

783
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 1: see if she has it all together at all to

784
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 1: be throwing a party like that. Obviously there's a lot

785
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:45,200
Speaker 1: off here. There is no reason for anybody to be

786
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,319
Speaker 1: spending lots of money. Maybe the friends could offer to

787
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,759
Speaker 1: help her with some wedding planning, to maybe help her

788
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,799
Speaker 1: realize how nutty. Some of this is if they see

789
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,280
Speaker 1: it through, they see it through. Ope replies, it's definitely

790
00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:00,400
Speaker 1: thrown together last minute because she assumed her made of honor,

791
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,279
Speaker 1: one of our friends was planning the shower for since

792
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 1: the maid of honor was planning the bachelorette party, which

793
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,640
Speaker 1: spoiler alert, she wasn't. So her sister in law helped

794
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 1: throw something together and it's at their own apartment complex downtown.

795
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:14,799
Speaker 1: She has asked our other friends for their contact for

796
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 1: the venues, hair and makeup stylists, photographers, and videographers that

797
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:22,080
Speaker 1: they used for their wedding or are using for their

798
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 1: upcoming wedding, and she was shocked that everything costs more

799
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 1: than fifty dollars.

800
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 2: Who is this woman? She isn't a woman yet. It

801
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:34,319
Speaker 2: feels she does not feel like an adult, even though

802
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:35,399
Speaker 2: she's twenty nine years old.

803
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:37,480
Speaker 1: She's a bubble person. She's just lived in a bubble.

804
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 1: She's been in a bubble forever, and she's just copied

805
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:41,239
Speaker 1: everyone around her.

806
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm assuming that her parents aren't actually broke like

807
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:48,319
Speaker 2: she accused them of, because clearly she hasn't paid for

808
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 2: anything for herself. It seems she thinks that all that

809
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,919
Speaker 2: crazy stuff is gonna be fifty dollars not gonna happen.

810
00:37:56,239 --> 00:38:00,359
Speaker 1: You guys are charging so much money, what more than

811
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 1: one family outing at the at the fast food restaurant. Right,

812
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 1: It's like you're gonna be astounded once you have children, dude,

813
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:14,359
Speaker 1: and a house. Yeah, oh boy, oh boy, things get expensive.

814
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:15,400
Speaker 2: Oh my goods.

815
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,680
Speaker 1: I had assumed she works, right, she's got help, so okay.

816
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:21,600
Speaker 1: Everyone has tried to help her and tell her it's

817
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:25,280
Speaker 1: not realistic to expect to book any of these things

818
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:27,839
Speaker 1: in only a month when they had to sign contracts

819
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 1: and put deposits down six to twelve months ahead of time,

820
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: but she still thinks she can have it all for

821
00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: her wedding. Comment four. I know this is going to

822
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 1: sound harsh, but could your friend be learning disabled or

823
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 1: develop mentally disabled in some way, or if this is

824
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:44,279
Speaker 1: out of character, I worry about mental illness like bipolar,

825
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 1: which doesn't always manifest until slightly later in life. Hope,

826
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:50,320
Speaker 1: He says. We don't have any sort of formal diagnosis.

827
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:52,879
Speaker 1: But she has always been different from the rest of us,

828
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 1: like she was in some of the catch up type

829
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 1: of classes in high school, and she absolutely does not

830
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: understand social cues whatsoever, and couldn't read the room to

831
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 1: save her life. She just demonstrates that she makes very

832
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 1: illogical decisions, most recently like wearing fashion heeled boots and

833
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,920
Speaker 1: daisy dukes to go hiking and everyone is wearing sneakers

834
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:14,200
Speaker 1: and athletic wear. Believe me, we have not abandoned her,

835
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:17,439
Speaker 1: and we've tried helping her for literally two decades now,

836
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 1: but it is absolutely impossible to give her any type

837
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,600
Speaker 1: of advice or guide her towards making different decisions. She

838
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:26,840
Speaker 1: just doubles down on whatever decision she makes if you

839
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 1: try to help and there's an update, I really do

840
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:32,200
Speaker 1: think at some point we just got to excuse ourselves

841
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 1: from the situation.

842
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, you could try calling her out on it

843
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,919
Speaker 2: and telling her, but I have a feeling, got some

844
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 2: sort of feeling that she's not going to care, she's

845
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 2: not going to listen to you. Yeah, so yeah, I agree,

846
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:47,319
Speaker 2: it would just be best to just remove yourself from

847
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:48,360
Speaker 2: the situation.

848
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 1: Because I also have a sneaky little feeling they're not

849
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 1: getting married. It's puss my sneaky feeling.

850
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,879
Speaker 2: A lot happened in one week, so a lot could

851
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:56,839
Speaker 2: happen in six months.

852
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 1: I think it's very eye opening that she's like, this

853
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 1: is all more than fifty dollars. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and

854
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:06,760
Speaker 1: she wants to book everything in basically two months. It's crazy. Update.

855
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,680
Speaker 1: It's been about a month and a half since our

856
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 1: friends bridle shower, and things have continued to spiral. Her

857
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 1: bridle shower surprisingly had an okay turnout for how last

858
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:19,359
Speaker 1: minute the invites went out. She had her bridesmaids there

859
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 1: and then one other friend and then about a dozen

860
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,680
Speaker 1: or so family members from both sides of their families,

861
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 1: but the rest of us childhood friends weren't able to

862
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 1: make it. From her Maid of Honors report, she did not,

863
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:32,800
Speaker 1: in fact get any of the one hundred dollar Turkish towels.

864
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,439
Speaker 1: The games at the party were a little awkward since

865
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:37,799
Speaker 1: a lot of the questions didn't apply. For the game

866
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 1: of who said or did what first? For the question

867
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,760
Speaker 1: who proposed, her sister in law yelled out, let's skip

868
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:48,120
Speaker 1: that question. They aren't actually engaged. She's expressed to her

869
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:51,200
Speaker 1: Made of honor some of her dissatisfaction with the gifts

870
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 1: she did get, and she's disappointed no one bought them

871
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 1: the high ticket items she wanted like twelve one hundred

872
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 1: dollars Carnival cruise gift cards. About a week after the shower,

873
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:06,400
Speaker 1: they did officially get engaged in front of the emergency

874
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 1: exit door at their church on their five month anniversary,

875
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 1: a month earlier than they had originally planned, and posted

876
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,879
Speaker 1: about how it was really special to them because that's

877
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:21,440
Speaker 1: where they had met at the emergency exit. Isn't that poetic?

878
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 2: He overheard me talking in the church and he started

879
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,799
Speaker 2: running away, and so I chased after him and caught

880
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 2: up to him in the emergency exit door. Thank goodness,

881
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:32,839
Speaker 2: he didn't open the door yet.

882
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,960
Speaker 1: And he was impressed by my athleticism.

883
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:38,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I convinced him to come right back here.

884
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:40,520
Speaker 2: I'm not going to let him leave.

885
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 1: You know now that I think about it, Based on

886
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:45,879
Speaker 1: how fast you ran, Yeah, you could sire some very

887
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 1: strong children. Right.

888
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:50,800
Speaker 2: Oh, this is so wild.

889
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 1: Let's go to the coffee shop and then immediately talk

890
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 1: about getting married.

891
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the kind of thing where they would break up.

892
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:01,080
Speaker 2: And then he would be prossessing all of it. And

893
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:03,840
Speaker 2: look at their wedding pictures again and see the emergency exit,

894
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:06,319
Speaker 2: see how close he is, and think, how did I

895
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 2: not see this sign all along, that was a sign

896
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:10,799
Speaker 2: literally from God in this.

897
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 1: Church, God at the church. Emergency exity exit exit.

898
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 2: Yeah.

899
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 1: When she posted all over social media, it finally happened

900
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 1: with a picture of the ring. I congratulated her on

901
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 1: the engagement and asked her the story about the ring.

902
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 1: She didn't know that I knew it was found on

903
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:32,719
Speaker 1: the ground of the grocery store. She lied and told me, hmm,

904
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 1: I actually found it and picked it out, and he

905
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:36,680
Speaker 1: just bought it. I then asked her if she knew

906
00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:38,759
Speaker 1: what kind of stone it was, since I've never seen

907
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:41,640
Speaker 1: a blue engagement ring before, and she said, no, I don't.

908
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 1: I need to take it in to find out. I

909
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 1: questioned how she didn't know what it was when there's

910
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,239
Speaker 1: no way the jewelry store wouldn't tell them. After a

911
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,520
Speaker 1: bit more back and forth of me trying to coax

912
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 1: the real answer out of her, she broke down and

913
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,240
Speaker 1: told me how she found it on the grocery store

914
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 1: floor and they wanted to keep the wedding as cheap

915
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 1: as possible, and she was fine with us that I

916
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 1: used this as an opportunity to try and have a

917
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 1: heart to heart with her and make sure she knows

918
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 1: what she's getting into, as marriage is a big deal

919
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:11,239
Speaker 1: and not something to take lightly. I brought up some

920
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 1: of the difficult conversations they should be having, as well

921
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,479
Speaker 1: as a lot of the red flags I've heard about

922
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:19,400
Speaker 1: this relationship from her mom and other friends. But she

923
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 1: blew me off and said she knows how marriage works

924
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 1: because of their church classes. She claimed they've already supposedly

925
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:30,279
Speaker 1: talked about every possible scenario that could ever happen in

926
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 1: their marriage or the future, such as illness, disability, passing

927
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 1: in the family, and unemployment. She pretty much ended the

928
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 1: conversation with we covered all of that in our marriage

929
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,520
Speaker 1: preparation class that we took. It was a whole month

930
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 1: that we took and they talk about all of that.

931
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:51,359
Speaker 1: Plus we also go to church, so we believe in

932
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 1: God and his plan for us. So much more has

933
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:58,840
Speaker 1: happened since then, between her bachelorette party drama, first apartment drama,

934
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:03,960
Speaker 1: wedding planning disasters, and just her general sense of selfishness

935
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:07,440
Speaker 1: and ungratefulness, But that needs its own separate posts to

936
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:10,959
Speaker 1: really dive into. Anyways, she just sent out her wedding

937
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:14,400
Speaker 1: invites in the mail on July first, for a Friday,

938
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,520
Speaker 1: August first wedding, so only ten days to go before

939
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:20,359
Speaker 1: I will probably have more drama to share. And there's

940
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 1: a second update. I'm not associating with this person or

941
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 1: this wedding, especially if their attitude is so like ungrateful

942
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:30,840
Speaker 1: and rude and mean, and I'm trying to have a

943
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:32,759
Speaker 1: heart to heart of like, you're marrying this guy for

944
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,560
Speaker 1: no reason. You don't have to do it. And all

945
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:36,399
Speaker 1: I get back is.

946
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:40,840
Speaker 3: Well, you get I know everything about marriage. Actually because

947
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:41,760
Speaker 3: I took a glass.

948
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 1: I'd be like, well, let me know when you realize

949
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:44,960
Speaker 1: how wrong you are.

950
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:47,280
Speaker 2: Maybe this is all just a part of the class.

951
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:49,880
Speaker 2: Maybe their final is to find someone to get married to.

952
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, their final is it's actually like and this was

953
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:53,400
Speaker 1: all a game.

954
00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, this was all a route. So if you

955
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 2: want to graduate at the end of the semester in

956
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 2: six months, you have to get married. Otherwise you have

957
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:03,799
Speaker 2: to retake the class until you get married again, just

958
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 2: like mister monkch just again again. She's twenty nine. She's

959
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:12,080
Speaker 2: an old maiden. Now, yeah, she's far past the age

960
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 2: if we're getting married.

961
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:18,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hear your eggs crying out. Update number two.

962
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 1: My friend's fiance said, this isn't his wedding, it's hers,

963
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 1: and she's blaming his feelings on his diet. My friend

964
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:30,399
Speaker 1: has been dating her current fiance since January, and they

965
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 1: planned after only a week together that they were gonna

966
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:35,720
Speaker 1: get married. They signed up for marriage classes through their church.

967
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:38,360
Speaker 1: She threw herself a bridal shower before getting engaged, and

968
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,719
Speaker 1: then a month later, on their fifth month anniversary, they

969
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 1: formerly got engaged. Her wedding is now in five days

970
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 1: and he has not helped plan it at all. To

971
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:50,240
Speaker 1: be fair, she also deferred most of the wedding planning

972
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 1: to her mom. There have been a lot of issues

973
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:54,880
Speaker 1: throughout all of the wedding planning since they're rushing this

974
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,160
Speaker 1: marriage just so they can have the brown chicken, brown

975
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:03,400
Speaker 1: bound down brown and get pregnant right away. He's concerned

976
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 1: about her ability to get pregnant because he thinks she

977
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 1: might be too old to have kids. One of the

978
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:12,480
Speaker 1: biggest issues is that they gave their final headcount to

979
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 1: the caterer before sending out the wedding invites. The invites

980
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 1: were only sent out four weeks prior to the wedding

981
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:23,000
Speaker 1: with no RSVP date. They estimated one hundred and forty

982
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 1: people for food, but almost two hundred and ten people

983
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:30,320
Speaker 1: have RSVP'd they do not plan on ordering more food.

984
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:31,680
Speaker 2: How many people for food?

985
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 1: What if that was that number one hundred and forty

986
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 1: but then two hundred and ten rsvpd. How are you

987
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:39,800
Speaker 1: gonna order the catering before you even have a headcount.

988
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 1: That's the dumbest thing I've read so far.

989
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 2: Why did you invite that many people?

990
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 1: If you're like, we're gonna keep the wedding like low cost,

991
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:47,400
Speaker 1: low maintenance, Yeah.

992
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:51,680
Speaker 2: Inviting anyone over one hundred people, Yeah, that's way too

993
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 2: many people.

994
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:54,439
Speaker 1: We're gonna invite enough people to fill a small theater.

995
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

996
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 1: So another issue is that she wanted a small, private

997
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 1: ceremony with only immediate family, but she sent out the

998
00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:06,880
Speaker 1: same invite to everyone. That invite included both the ceremony

999
00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:10,320
Speaker 1: time and location and the reception time and location. Because

1000
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,359
Speaker 1: of this, at least one hundred people do not know

1001
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 1: they are not supposed to come to the ceremony, which

1002
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 1: means there will not be enough seating. A few days ago,

1003
00:47:19,680 --> 00:47:21,719
Speaker 1: my friend and her fiance were hanging out with a

1004
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 1: group of friends from their church. People kept asking if

1005
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 1: they were excited for the big day coming up. My

1006
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:29,920
Speaker 1: friend told everyone, of course they are, but her fiance

1007
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 1: was quiet and shrugged. He told everyone, eh, not really.

1008
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 1: This upset my friend. Later that evening, my friend texted

1009
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 1: her maid of honor and asked if her husband was

1010
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:44,919
Speaker 1: excited when they got married. The maid of honor responded that,

1011
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 1: of course, her husband was just as excited as she was.

1012
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:51,200
Speaker 1: My friend responded by saying, he wants to get married

1013
00:47:51,239 --> 00:47:53,439
Speaker 1: and he wants to have kids, but told me he's

1014
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:56,080
Speaker 1: not excited about marrying me, and he's worried, but he

1015
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:58,200
Speaker 1: has been praying about it. And the maid of honor

1016
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:00,839
Speaker 1: responded and said that it is not okay this close

1017
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,040
Speaker 1: to the wedding for him to be saying that. My

1018
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 1: friend's response was, I read it's normal for some guys

1019
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:09,160
Speaker 1: to just want to be married instead of being excited

1020
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:09,600
Speaker 1: for a wedding.

1021
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:13,239
Speaker 2: According to my studies, my marriage class, It's okay. If

1022
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 2: they are trying to escape from me when I asked

1023
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:17,280
Speaker 2: them to marry me, that's okay.

1024
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:17,839
Speaker 1: It's okay.

1025
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:19,719
Speaker 2: If they were trying to get out of the church

1026
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:21,919
Speaker 2: through the emergency exit, that's totally fine.

1027
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,919
Speaker 1: He looked me right in my eyes, and he said,

1028
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:28,319
Speaker 1: I genuinely don't care. Yeah, yep, I couldn't care any less. Yep.

1029
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:29,719
Speaker 1: I just want to get married so we can go

1030
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:34,760
Speaker 1: ooh chapal woo. Yep I regret some of those noises.

1031
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:38,080
Speaker 1: The maid of honor told her that she cannot just

1032
00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 1: believe everything she reads on the internet. She said, they

1033
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:43,240
Speaker 1: need to have a serious conversation about whether this marriage

1034
00:48:43,239 --> 00:48:45,719
Speaker 1: is really what they both want. It's a serious commitment

1035
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 1: and it sounds like he's not so sure about it. Unfortunately,

1036
00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:50,800
Speaker 1: my friend does not listened to any of her friends

1037
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:52,680
Speaker 1: in the last few months. When we tried to give

1038
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 1: her advice and help her. Her response to all of

1039
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:58,440
Speaker 1: this was very concerning. She said, he thinks it is

1040
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:01,400
Speaker 1: a spiritual attack, and he only told me because he

1041
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:03,879
Speaker 1: wanted me to know, not to make me sad. He's

1042
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,600
Speaker 1: just not excited for the wedding stuff. He knows we

1043
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:08,719
Speaker 1: will have fun the day of and he wants to

1044
00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:11,160
Speaker 1: marry me and have kids, but right now he just

1045
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:14,799
Speaker 1: feels off and it could be a spiritual attack. Where

1046
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 1: it could be because he is eating gluten and dairy

1047
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:19,840
Speaker 1: lately and that is not good for him and messes

1048
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:23,359
Speaker 1: with his mind. He also has not planned anything, so

1049
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 1: it is not his wedding. It is more mine. Don't worry.

1050
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: He wants to marry me and loves me and wants kids.

1051
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:35,239
Speaker 1: He's just not excited right now. He's been eating Darian gluten.

1052
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 2: Is Darian gluten satanic?

1053
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 1: I am under spiritual attack from Darien gluten.

1054
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:41,400
Speaker 2: It's so crazy.

1055
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:42,680
Speaker 1: Were we not wife?

1056
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 2: There's just some sort of spiritual poll right now. My

1057
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:51,560
Speaker 2: stomach hurts when I have gluten, right, and that's the

1058
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 2: devil right. And on a spiritual level, something is telling

1059
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:59,360
Speaker 2: me that we shouldn't get married. It's gotta be demons.

1060
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 1: Right, It's gotta be I'm not excited demons.

1061
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:05,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, it couldn't be a sign from God.

1062
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 1: No. Also, why are you not involved at all in

1063
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:13,960
Speaker 1: your own wedding? Crazy crazy work. Apparently even Op's friend

1064
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:16,400
Speaker 1: is it that involved? It was mostly her mom, but

1065
00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:17,360
Speaker 1: it's crazy.

1066
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:19,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh my goodness.

1067
00:50:19,719 --> 00:50:22,920
Speaker 1: After creating all this, I was absolutely speechless. I've not

1068
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 1: heard of men questioning their entire relationship because they ate

1069
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:28,879
Speaker 1: a grilled cheese, But I guess there is a first

1070
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:31,879
Speaker 1: time for everything. Of note, this man does not have

1071
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 1: any food allergies. And has never had issues with any

1072
00:50:34,719 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 1: type of food messing with his mind before. Our friend

1073
00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:41,360
Speaker 1: is just grasping its straws to justify them still getting married.

1074
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:44,360
Speaker 1: I cannot wait to see how this wedding goes. Hopefully

1075
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 1: he doesn't ghost her at the altar based on his

1076
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:50,640
Speaker 1: current feelings. Regardless, it is going to be interesting to

1077
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 1: see how this wedding goes, with not enough chairs or

1078
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:56,200
Speaker 1: food for all of the guests and the crash out

1079
00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:57,320
Speaker 1: that ensues after.

1080
00:50:57,600 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 2: I hope he figures it out that he doesn't want

1081
00:50:59,960 --> 00:51:02,239
Speaker 2: to marry this woman, he's just not ready for it.

1082
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:04,839
Speaker 1: And I hope that your friend one day figures out

1083
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:06,640
Speaker 1: that she doesn't just need to do what all the.

1084
00:51:06,640 --> 00:51:08,200
Speaker 2: People around her are doing exactly.

1085
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:11,760
Speaker 1: Yeahly, let's finish this off. Edit to add I cannot

1086
00:51:11,760 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 1: believe I forgot to mention this in the original post.

1087
00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:16,400
Speaker 1: I think it adds more context to how ridiculous this

1088
00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:19,279
Speaker 1: all is. Her engagement ring was found on the floor

1089
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 1: of a grocery store. She found it and decided to

1090
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:23,759
Speaker 1: keep it. She then gave it to her boyfriend to

1091
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:25,920
Speaker 1: propose to her with. It is a non traditional ring

1092
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:28,399
Speaker 1: with the topaz stone, but likely a cheap ring since

1093
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 1: the metal is turning red and her finger is turning green. Also,

1094
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 1: the wedding is in five days and they have not

1095
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: applied for their marriage certificate yet. She didn't know they

1096
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 1: had to do that and assumed they're officient would get

1097
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:42,160
Speaker 1: the license for them. And that is the end of

1098
00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:45,200
Speaker 1: that story. Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're

1099
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:46,480
Speaker 1: gonna get back to the story. So but here's a

1100
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:48,360
Speaker 1: quick three minute break from as for more sponsors.

1101
00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 2: My friend fired me for automating my workload, but it

1102
00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:57,719
Speaker 2: backfired on him. Oh No, hired full time and I

1103
00:51:57,840 --> 00:52:00,239
Speaker 2: make a good living. My work involves a lot of

1104
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:03,960
Speaker 2: data entry, verification, blah blah blah. I'm a programmer at

1105
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 2: heart and figured out how to make a script do

1106
00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:07,759
Speaker 2: all my work for me. By the way, this comes

1107
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:09,840
Speaker 2: from a CSNL. And if you want to submit your

1108
00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:12,360
Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime Separreddit.

1109
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 2: And I'm Anjie, I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and we're here

1110
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:19,640
Speaker 2: to give good advice goofully, But we don't have all

1111
00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 2: the answers. We only would guess what we would do

1112
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:24,640
Speaker 2: in these situations. But if you do something differently then

1113
00:52:24,719 --> 00:52:28,640
Speaker 2: let us know in the comments, so Op says between

1114
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:31,880
Speaker 2: co workers they have a ninety percent accuracy rating and

1115
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:35,839
Speaker 2: sixty to one hundred transactions a day. Complete it. I

1116
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 2: have ninety nine point six percent accuracy and over one

1117
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:42,120
Speaker 2: thousand records a day. No one knows that I do

1118
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:45,840
Speaker 2: this because everyone's monthly accuracy and transaction count are tallied

1119
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:47,400
Speaker 2: at the end of the month, which is how we

1120
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:50,600
Speaker 2: earn our bonuses. Oh dude, you've got on lockdown. You're

1121
00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 2: getting that bonus.

1122
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:55,839
Speaker 1: I think AI is coming for all data entry jobs. Yeah, unfortunately,

1123
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:56,720
Speaker 1: it's very possible.

1124
00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:57,839
Speaker 2: So yeah, it.

1125
00:52:57,840 --> 00:52:59,920
Speaker 1: Might be time to look into a change.

1126
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:04,520
Speaker 2: Very very possible. So the scum part is that I

1127
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:07,320
Speaker 2: get eighty five to ninety five percent of the entire

1128
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 2: bonus pool, which is a huge sum of money. Most

1129
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:12,799
Speaker 2: people are fine with their bonuses because they don't even

1130
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:15,600
Speaker 2: know how much they would bonus regularly. I'm guessing that

1131
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:18,800
Speaker 2: they get about one hundred to two hundred euros bonus

1132
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:21,239
Speaker 2: a month. They would get a lot more if I

1133
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:24,440
Speaker 2: didn't bot so read it. Am I a dirt pickle.

1134
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:27,399
Speaker 2: I work about eight hours a week doing real work.

1135
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 2: The rest is spent playing games. On my phone or

1136
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 2: reading Reddit and there isn't edit. But wow, eight hours

1137
00:53:32,560 --> 00:53:33,000
Speaker 2: a week.

1138
00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:35,080
Speaker 1: Buddy, you found a hole in the fence, all right,

1139
00:53:35,239 --> 00:53:36,680
Speaker 1: enjoy it. Enjoy it while you can.

1140
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of people are posting that I'm asking

1141
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 2: for a pat on the back. Nope, I'm asking for

1142
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:44,719
Speaker 2: the moral dilemma if my around ninety percent bonus share

1143
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:47,359
Speaker 2: is unethical for me to take some comments from OP

1144
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:50,440
Speaker 2: explaining their program. I wrote the script from scratch. It

1145
00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:52,960
Speaker 2: is a combination of reading the screen for data and

1146
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:57,439
Speaker 2: a screen front reader, mouse automation, slash, keyboard automation, all

1147
00:53:57,520 --> 00:54:01,920
Speaker 2: custom code. I used to do work cracking captures to

1148
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:05,200
Speaker 2: help make them stronger, so it's right in my alley

1149
00:54:05,239 --> 00:54:08,000
Speaker 2: of work. Although I did this for fun, not for money,

1150
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 2: it's part C plus plus and part game maker. I

1151
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:14,520
Speaker 2: did it for prototyping but got lazy and never rewrote it,

1152
00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:18,880
Speaker 2: and there are some relevant comments. Eventually someone will realize

1153
00:54:19,040 --> 00:54:22,120
Speaker 2: the over one thousand a day is done by a program.

1154
00:54:22,200 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 2: Everyone will then lose their jobs as the corporation realizes

1155
00:54:25,080 --> 00:54:27,040
Speaker 2: that there is a cheaper way of doing things. But

1156
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:29,440
Speaker 2: I don't think you are a dirt pickle for finding

1157
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:31,520
Speaker 2: the most efficient way to do your job. The cranky

1158
00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:34,319
Speaker 2: hermit says, absolutely this. You're not a dirt pickle, but

1159
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:37,840
Speaker 2: the gravy train will have to end. Eventually. Your company

1160
00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:40,080
Speaker 2: will likely catch on and make changes to the data

1161
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 2: entry process. Colloquialism says, agreed, the only way to keep

1162
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:46,480
Speaker 2: job security is to do just enough to not get fired.

1163
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 2: Keep expectations low. If you raise our expectations will only

1164
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:51,000
Speaker 2: end badly for you.

1165
00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:53,839
Speaker 1: We don't have an ey step this five step plan

1166
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:54,760
Speaker 1: somebody posted.

1167
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:58,040
Speaker 2: Okay, let's see what is that, So Mike does Web

1168
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:02,000
Speaker 2: says Step one, send an email to the supervisor. Hey, boss,

1169
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:04,080
Speaker 2: I know this is kind of a strange request, but

1170
00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 2: I would like to schedule a meeting with you and

1171
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:09,400
Speaker 2: your supervisor. I found a way to save the company

1172
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:11,800
Speaker 2: boatloads of money, but I only want to talk about

1173
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:15,480
Speaker 2: it formally. Thanks. In step two, go into meeting and

1174
00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:18,600
Speaker 2: present the following points. I found a way to save

1175
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:21,719
Speaker 2: the company about salary number of employees a year. At

1176
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:24,400
Speaker 2: home on my personal computer, I created a computer program

1177
00:55:24,480 --> 00:55:28,279
Speaker 2: that increased productivity by ten times per computer it is

1178
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:31,120
Speaker 2: run on. I am willing to license the program to

1179
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:34,080
Speaker 2: the company for half the salary of the number of

1180
00:55:34,120 --> 00:55:37,000
Speaker 2: employees and be hired as a consultant who keeps the

1181
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:39,200
Speaker 2: program running daily. I'll give you some time to think

1182
00:55:39,239 --> 00:55:39,520
Speaker 2: it over.

1183
00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 1: I already can tell you this is a bad idea

1184
00:55:41,640 --> 00:55:44,279
Speaker 1: because they'll go, no, actually that's fine, and then they'll

1185
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:46,400
Speaker 1: just have somebody whip up the exact same kind of

1186
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:48,319
Speaker 1: code that you did, and then it's possible not pay

1187
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:48,839
Speaker 1: you any money.

1188
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:50,760
Speaker 2: So are you possible? I know you made it yourself

1189
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:52,839
Speaker 2: from scratch, but how complicated was it? Do you think

1190
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:54,200
Speaker 2: someone else could figure it out?

1191
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:55,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, Brie, they could.

1192
00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:57,760
Speaker 2: Do you think step number three? Wait for the company

1193
00:55:57,800 --> 00:56:00,720
Speaker 2: to come begging you to do it, and then accept

1194
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:04,040
Speaker 2: Step four. Invest each license payment or use it to

1195
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:07,640
Speaker 2: pay off debts, home credit cards, etc. Live off your

1196
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:11,280
Speaker 2: contract or fees. Step five, work for five to ten years,

1197
00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:13,840
Speaker 2: and retire wealthy, and we do have an update.

1198
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:16,319
Speaker 1: But I mean it, that sounds like the way to

1199
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:19,600
Speaker 1: do it. But you are putting everyone out of a job.

1200
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:21,520
Speaker 1: But like I said, they're going to be out of

1201
00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:22,720
Speaker 1: a job anyway.

1202
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 2: So yeah, that might just happen. I wonder though, if

1203
00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:29,000
Speaker 2: they find out about it and then do that, then

1204
00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:32,359
Speaker 2: maybe you can propose this. If they just find out

1205
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:34,880
Speaker 2: on their own and then maybe you can go to

1206
00:56:34,920 --> 00:56:37,080
Speaker 2: other companies that are similar and sell it to them

1207
00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:40,040
Speaker 2: too or something. Make a bunch of money.

1208
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:44,760
Speaker 1: Single handedly destroy the entire workforce here in your career field.

1209
00:56:44,840 --> 00:56:47,399
Speaker 2: And That's not what I was thinking personally, But I'm

1210
00:56:47,480 --> 00:56:50,480
Speaker 2: just thinking, like, if you end up losing your job anyway,

1211
00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:53,000
Speaker 2: and then they end up losing their job anyway, then like,

1212
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:55,480
Speaker 2: but but I don't know. There's lots of ways that

1213
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:57,200
Speaker 2: you could. There's pros and cons.

1214
00:56:57,760 --> 00:57:00,160
Speaker 1: A lot of people went unemployed all the time, and

1215
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:02,280
Speaker 1: when things change, technology changes.

1216
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:05,799
Speaker 2: Yep, so totally. But we do have an update. This

1217
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:09,920
Speaker 2: is from forty days later. So Okay, the past month

1218
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 2: and a half has been insane. Like I said in

1219
00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:15,120
Speaker 2: my last post, the code was originally signed to only

1220
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,560
Speaker 2: run on the desktop that I was assigned and also

1221
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:21,880
Speaker 2: required a password upon starting Nice I felt secure in

1222
00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:25,040
Speaker 2: that they couldn't steal and rip the code and fire everyone.

1223
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:29,320
Speaker 2: I don't like that where this is going. I then

1224
00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:31,560
Speaker 2: went to my manager and told him what I was doing.

1225
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:34,440
Speaker 2: He asked me in Dutch, is a program still on

1226
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:38,120
Speaker 2: the work desktop and did you do it on company time?

1227
00:57:38,680 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 1: Uh?

1228
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:42,560
Speaker 2: Oh uh oh, I replied, yes and yes. I was

1229
00:57:42,560 --> 00:57:45,760
Speaker 2: promptly fired and expelled from the building. Once I left,

1230
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:48,160
Speaker 2: I called my boss, a superior, the one higher up,

1231
00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:50,360
Speaker 2: and left him a voicemail saying what happened. That my

1232
00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:52,560
Speaker 2: boss fired me for it, but I thought he was

1233
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:56,480
Speaker 2: being close minded and not open to advancing the company.

1234
00:57:56,640 --> 00:57:58,560
Speaker 2: I also got a call from my manager telling me

1235
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:00,720
Speaker 2: that I have to give him the password. I told

1236
00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:03,120
Speaker 2: him that I'm no longer employed and am not required

1237
00:58:03,160 --> 00:58:04,480
Speaker 2: to any longer. Boom.

1238
00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:05,360
Speaker 1: I got a call for my.

1239
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:07,960
Speaker 2: Boss's boss and he asks to have a meeting with

1240
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:10,200
Speaker 2: me to discuss what actually happened and if it is

1241
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 2: true and it could save money, then he would listen.

1242
00:58:12,840 --> 00:58:16,480
Speaker 2: But I was he on refusing to give out the password.

1243
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:18,760
Speaker 2: Not to be mean or defensive, but the code was

1244
00:58:18,800 --> 00:58:21,800
Speaker 2: not designed for anyone to use. It was very primitive

1245
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:23,320
Speaker 2: in the way that it had to be set up.

1246
00:58:23,360 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 2: I didn't want to be liable for someone using it incorrectly.

1247
00:58:26,280 --> 00:58:28,280
Speaker 2: I met with him a week later and we discussed

1248
00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:30,400
Speaker 2: over tea about the program. I asked if I was

1249
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:32,400
Speaker 2: doing anything wrong or immoral, and he said that the

1250
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:35,280
Speaker 2: only issue was that I coded it on company time

1251
00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:38,080
Speaker 2: when I wasn't supposed to. The app itself was fine,

1252
00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:40,600
Speaker 2: no requirement to have it done by a person, and

1253
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 2: it saved the company lots and lots of money. They

1254
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:45,760
Speaker 2: never realized. They would have had to hire more people

1255
00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:49,000
Speaker 2: to handle the load, but didn't because everything was getting done.

1256
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:50,680
Speaker 2: Once we talked about it, he said that I was

1257
00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:52,959
Speaker 2: very talented and asked why I worked in the line

1258
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:55,880
Speaker 2: of work that I do instead of software engineering. I

1259
00:58:55,920 --> 00:58:58,120
Speaker 2: replied that I found this job first and was making

1260
00:58:58,160 --> 00:59:00,800
Speaker 2: such great money, which he didn't expect. He asked me

1261
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:02,840
Speaker 2: how much I was making, and when I told him

1262
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 2: the true amount, he was floored and cracked up, laughing.

1263
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,320
Speaker 2: I made more than my boss, but not the guy

1264
00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:10,280
Speaker 2: I was talking to. He told me that he would

1265
00:59:10,360 --> 00:59:12,480
Speaker 2: love to give me a job doing software engineering for

1266
00:59:12,520 --> 00:59:15,400
Speaker 2: the entire company's systems. I agreed, only if the current

1267
00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:17,840
Speaker 2: employees wouldn't be fired and would be put into different

1268
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:20,640
Speaker 2: places in the company. That's something I didn't even think about.

1269
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:23,800
Speaker 1: What a nice Yeah, what a nice guy move.

1270
00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:26,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's great, Good on you. We came to a

1271
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,880
Speaker 2: compromise that some of the useless people there were a few,

1272
00:59:30,120 --> 00:59:32,920
Speaker 2: would be let go. These people were morons beyond belief,

1273
00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 2: but that he could find jobs for the rest. Translation

1274
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:39,000
Speaker 2: was a big one, since Dutch people have a culture

1275
00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 2: of learning others languages. Others went into sales HR and

1276
00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:45,000
Speaker 2: other departments, and a few were offered training for jobs.

1277
00:59:45,160 --> 00:59:47,360
Speaker 2: A handful were kept on the original team, but their

1278
00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:50,240
Speaker 2: job was changed from manual input to now working with

1279
00:59:50,320 --> 00:59:52,240
Speaker 2: the tool that I built. As far as I know,

1280
00:59:52,360 --> 00:59:55,600
Speaker 2: the bonus program was slashed a lot, but they're still

1281
00:59:55,720 --> 00:59:58,480
Speaker 2: making more bonus than before. I bet since I was

1282
00:59:58,520 --> 01:00:01,080
Speaker 2: taking it. All is a little bit more to the story.

1283
01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:03,080
Speaker 2: But I think that's a great thing. That's a great

1284
01:00:03,080 --> 01:00:03,840
Speaker 2: way to go about it.

1285
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 1: Yep.

1286
01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:07,480
Speaker 2: He's looking out for a masterful but not screwing over

1287
01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:08,480
Speaker 2: all the people around him.

1288
01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 1: Yep. And you had about fourteen years of being able

1289
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:14,800
Speaker 1: to do that before the machines took over entirely.

1290
01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:18,120
Speaker 2: So congratulations, wait to get ahead of your time. But

1291
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:20,120
Speaker 2: there is a little bit more to the story. So

1292
01:00:20,320 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 2: now I am a lead software engineer over my own department,

1293
01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:26,160
Speaker 2: making the same base pay as I was making base

1294
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:28,160
Speaker 2: plus bonus previously.

1295
01:00:28,200 --> 01:00:30,360
Speaker 1: So this salary is now what he was being paid before.

1296
01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, no bonus unfortunately, haha. Most other workers moved departments

1297
01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 2: or change jobs in their department. So most people got

1298
01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 2: a good deal except my boss. They were upset with

1299
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:43,680
Speaker 2: him before this and were even more upset after him

1300
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:46,920
Speaker 2: after this. I'm guessing he was notoriously a bad manager

1301
01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:50,080
Speaker 2: and he was fired over all of this. Oh well,

1302
01:00:50,320 --> 01:00:52,560
Speaker 2: they hired one of the previous people on my team

1303
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:54,640
Speaker 2: to take over his job. Amazing.

1304
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:57,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, that really is like a bad manager move where

1305
01:00:57,440 --> 01:00:59,760
Speaker 1: it's like someone's like, yeah, I created a thing that

1306
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:02,920
Speaker 1: is better than everyone else at doing this job, and

1307
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:05,520
Speaker 1: he's like, what, huh, you're fired.

1308
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:07,720
Speaker 2: I can't believe you did that behind my back. Well

1309
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:09,320
Speaker 2: it was I can't believe we were paying you to

1310
01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:11,240
Speaker 2: do that was on company time.

1311
01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:13,080
Speaker 1: Sounds so smart, You're smarter than me.

1312
01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:17,080
Speaker 2: Fired, crazy, and it's one thing is worse. My new

1313
01:01:17,120 --> 01:01:20,240
Speaker 2: desk chair sucks. And that's the end of that story. Well,

1314
01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:22,680
Speaker 2: there's silver lining. What would you call the opposite of

1315
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:26,760
Speaker 2: a silver lining, like the one negative mud pie mud pie?

1316
01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:27,400
Speaker 2: I like it.

1317
01:01:27,480 --> 01:01:29,480
Speaker 1: I think, uh, it's now a silver liner.

1318
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:32,080
Speaker 2: N'sh a mud pass a mud pie. But that's the

1319
01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:32,600
Speaker 2: end of that story.

1320
01:01:32,680 --> 01:01:32,760
Speaker 5: That.

1321
01:01:33,040 --> 01:01:35,640
Speaker 2: Honestly, that was great. I think that was an amazing

1322
01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:38,600
Speaker 2: move to have the other people keep their jobs good

1323
01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:41,240
Speaker 2: on UOP. I didn't even think about that. I didn't

1324
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:41,960
Speaker 2: even think that's a goo