WEBVTT - We Choose…To Talk About What Almost Broke Us

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about

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<v Speaker 1>the choices we make and where they lead us. So

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<v Speaker 1>today I wanted to talk about something that was a

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<v Speaker 1>big choice my husband and I made that I know

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of couples have gone through and for a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people, not everyone, but for a lot of people,

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<v Speaker 1>starting a family is important to them. I am blessed

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<v Speaker 1>to be the mother of three, and when Dave and

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<v Speaker 1>I got together, Dave didn't have any children. Today, we're

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<v Speaker 1>going to talk about our journey with IVF. Please welcome

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<v Speaker 1>my hobby Dave, back to the I Choose Me Podcast. Hi, honey,

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<v Speaker 1>Hey babe. Nice to see you on the podcast. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you saw me in the kitchen a minute ago.

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<v Speaker 2>M hm and the bedroom.

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<v Speaker 1>This is pretty vulnerable topic and I really appreciate you

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<v Speaker 1>being open to talking about it because I think it

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<v Speaker 1>could help some people.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's definitely been the news and people are talking

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<v Speaker 2>about it more and people are open and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>discussing it.

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<v Speaker 1>Why don't we start at the beginning. We've talked about

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<v Speaker 1>our love story on the podcast before. If you guys

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<v Speaker 1>haven't listened to that. Go back and listen to that one,

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<v Speaker 1>so you're up to speed.

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<v Speaker 2>Fun one.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a good one. Yeah, when we met, how old

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<v Speaker 1>were the girls at this point?

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<v Speaker 2>Fiona was eight, Lola was just turning twelve, and Luca

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<v Speaker 2>was sixteen seventeen. I think she had just turn or seventeen.

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<v Speaker 2>She's going into her senior year of high school.

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<v Speaker 1>You entered into a relationship and automatically had three stepdaughters, Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>but no babies of your own.

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<v Speaker 2>No, no children.

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<v Speaker 1>What were your thoughts on kids when we met?

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<v Speaker 2>Were you thinking, No, I'm not you know, I'm not.

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<v Speaker 2>I hear people say, well, you know, I want to

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<v Speaker 2>be a great father and I want to be this

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<v Speaker 2>and I've got to have this family and I want

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<v Speaker 2>to do that. I never really thought of anything. I

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<v Speaker 2>kind of just went day by day and I never

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<v Speaker 2>thought like, did I think about children? Yeah? Did I

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<v Speaker 2>want to have kids? Of course? Yeah. I was like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>that'd be great. But it never defined me. I never

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<v Speaker 2>was pushed by you know, I've got to have children

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<v Speaker 2>of my own. I know that's a big deal to

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of men. I just, to be honest, I

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<v Speaker 2>was just I just didn't think about it. I always

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<v Speaker 2>said to myself, if it happened, wonderful and if it didn't,

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<v Speaker 2>then you know it didn't. But something great came out

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<v Speaker 2>of that, you know, with the girls and stuff. And

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<v Speaker 2>it's not like we didn't try. I mean, we're talking

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<v Speaker 2>about this whole episode because we I mean, we gave

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<v Speaker 2>it a good shot.

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<v Speaker 1>What point in our relationship did we start talking about

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<v Speaker 1>maybe wanting to have kids together?

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<v Speaker 2>Well? Do you? I mean, if you if you remember,

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<v Speaker 2>we we got married on July eleventh, what was it,

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<v Speaker 2>July twelfth, two thousand, four fifteen, and then we got pregnant,

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<v Speaker 2>like the same month.

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<v Speaker 1>So we got naturally, we got pregnant naturally.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we got back from Carmel. We went to a

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<v Speaker 2>little mini like honeymoon to Carmel up in you know, Monterey,

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<v Speaker 2>and like two weeks later, you were pregnant.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean I completely blocked this out.

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<v Speaker 2>You gave me you remember how you told me.

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<v Speaker 1>I do remember telling you, but I didn't remember. It

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<v Speaker 1>was like so quickly after we got married.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and you gave me a gift, like you were like,

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<v Speaker 2>here here's a box, and I opened up the box.

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<v Speaker 2>It was like a random Tuesday afternoon and I opened

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<v Speaker 2>up the b and it was this little like onesie with

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<v Speaker 2>like golf carts and golf things on it, and yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>and that's that's how you told me. I remember Liz,

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<v Speaker 2>your assistant at the time, you know, you know, it

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<v Speaker 2>was just me, you and her, and it was then

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<v Speaker 2>that was like, wow, okay.

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<v Speaker 1>You were were you like excited? Were you?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Yeah, I was excited. I mean I was in shock.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, what so quick?

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<v Speaker 1>I mean our relationship in general was so fast tracked,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean in every sense of the word.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and to have that, you know on top of it,

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<v Speaker 2>you're you're just kind of taking aback, going all right, well, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean that didn't turn out the way we had hoped.

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<v Speaker 1>So what walk me through? And our listeners like what

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<v Speaker 1>happened with that pregnancy? Because, for the life of me,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't remember how I blocked it out.

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<v Speaker 2>For the listeners, it's like I'm having this conversation, like

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<v Speaker 2>she's fully new to this conversation. Okay, So what happened

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<v Speaker 2>you mean after you told me, well, we went to Nancy,

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<v Speaker 2>your doctor gynecologist, and yeah, we were good to go.

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<v Speaker 2>And then that lasted almost four months and then you

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<v Speaker 2>know we found out what do you mean, well, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to get emotional on the first fifteen minutes

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<v Speaker 2>of a podcast with me. Yeah, we found out that

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<v Speaker 2>there was no heartbeat.

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<v Speaker 1>Do we find that out in the office? Do you

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<v Speaker 1>remember what went through your mind? Then?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I mean we've geez, I haven't really

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<v Speaker 2>talked about it, you know, I think it was, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I was, I was upset.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you feel upset with me?

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<v Speaker 2>No? No, you talking about like resentment? No, I was.

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<v Speaker 2>I wasn't like upset. I was just just down. M hm.

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<v Speaker 1>So we had to have procedure, the DNC DNC, which.

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<v Speaker 2>We became familiar with, or at least I did, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>because I, you know, i'd never you know, known anyone

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<v Speaker 2>in that situation or gone through that situation.

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<v Speaker 1>I think I remember them saying like we could just

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<v Speaker 1>wait and let it work its way nature, let nature

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<v Speaker 1>take its course where we could do the procedure. And

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<v Speaker 1>we opted to do the procedure because it was just

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<v Speaker 1>too much for me to you know, carry it. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe that wasn't was that had been terminated.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it was totally heavy.

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<v Speaker 1>And then we had it done that day.

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<v Speaker 2>We had it done that day, it's like it's wild,

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<v Speaker 2>it's like you know, in and out, but it's yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>it's it's really heavy. And so then after that, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>because it was totally unexpected, and it was like, well maybe,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I guess I'm you know, speaking for myself,

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<v Speaker 2>please do you know maybe that wasn't in the plan.

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<v Speaker 1>And so so you sort of reconciled with yourself, well

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<v Speaker 1>that's not on the cards.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, But then it happened again naturally, yes, mm hmm,

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 1>Why don't I remember things?

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<v Speaker 2>I think, Yeah, I think you I don't know. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>it's a good one to block out. I guess.

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<v Speaker 1>So what happened?

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<v Speaker 2>And then so that one was shorter. I remember we

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<v Speaker 2>had to switch to doctors, and this one was only

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<v Speaker 2>you know, you found out you got pregnant. And then

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<v Speaker 2>this was only like a month and a half. And

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<v Speaker 2>then we went and we you know how they you

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<v Speaker 2>can kind of see it, you know, starting to come around.

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<v Speaker 2>And then this one was short. I mean, I think

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<v Speaker 2>the doctor, I forget his name, I think that the

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<v Speaker 2>doctor at the time was like, well, it's it's not

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<v Speaker 2>going to be healthy anyway. So then we you know,

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<v Speaker 2>we did the DNC again, and then by that time

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<v Speaker 2>I think I think that it had definitely taken an

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<v Speaker 2>emotional tool which we didn't know how to communicate at

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<v Speaker 2>the time, so we kind of just wrapped it up,

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<v Speaker 2>and then other things kind of came in the fold.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I think our relationship is starting to get

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<v Speaker 2>a little, you know, just chaotic and not having the

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<v Speaker 2>tools equipped to work through it. And we were going

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<v Speaker 2>to therapy, but we were not necessarily doing the wrong therapy.

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<v Speaker 2>We were just we weren't attacking the root.

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<v Speaker 1>We were talking about that, right, and the deep sadness

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<v Speaker 1>and grief that both of us were feeling simultaneously, but

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<v Speaker 1>we weren't talking to each other about it. I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like I remember a little bit of just really going

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<v Speaker 1>inside and struggling personally and privately on my own, and

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<v Speaker 1>I felt and sort of saw that you were doing

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<v Speaker 1>the same thing.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I I said stuff to you know, people like, oh, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, man, it just didn't take, and people are like, oh, well,

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<v Speaker 2>you'll get it next time. It's it was very like

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<v Speaker 2>I just I just didn't know how it was so nonchalant.

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<v Speaker 2>I was thinking to myself, am I being too emotional

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<v Speaker 2>about this? You know, like once twice, like am I

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<v Speaker 2>is it just like no big deal. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I had to like figure that out. I didn't work

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<v Speaker 2>through that. I mean, it wasn't and it wasn't. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not making like, you know, my friends and family, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>like very you know, dismissive. It was just, yeah, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't think. I don't think I knew how to handle

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<v Speaker 2>it much less. I don't really think I had a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of people to converse with in it.

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<v Speaker 1>So we were both dealing with that grief internally but

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<v Speaker 1>not sharing with each other, which I think was a

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<v Speaker 1>big problem. We'll get into that a little bit later,

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<v Speaker 1>but I think at that time, I was feeling really

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<v Speaker 1>down on myself, really ashamed, feeling like I was disappointing you,

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<v Speaker 1>like I wasn't able to carry a pregnancy with you,

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<v Speaker 1>who I loved.

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<v Speaker 2>And I.

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<v Speaker 1>Had had these three beautiful daughters with Peter, and you

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<v Speaker 1>had stepped in and become such a wonderful stepdad to them,

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<v Speaker 1>and you have a great dad, and you have a

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<v Speaker 1>great relationship with your dad, and you are so fun

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<v Speaker 1>and just like love sports. So I remember I so

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<v Speaker 1>so so wanted to give you a baby boy, and

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<v Speaker 1>so I think I was, really.

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<v Speaker 2>I was, you went down sort of a different you

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<v Speaker 2>know road or you know, with like dealing with it.

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<v Speaker 2>You I think were hard on yourself and you thought

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<v Speaker 2>a little insecurities crept in that you weren't good enough.

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<v Speaker 2>And because I was younger, I needed to fill that

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<v Speaker 2>so called Lloyd in my life, and I I tried

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<v Speaker 2>to communicate, you know a little bit, like you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it's not a big deal. I mean, I didn't marry

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<v Speaker 2>you because I wanted to have children, and this didn't

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<v Speaker 2>this wasn't even something to be like expected. But since

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<v Speaker 2>it happened, you know, I mean, I was, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>you being the mother you are and the person you

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<v Speaker 2>are and the human you are. Of course, and naturally

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<v Speaker 2>I want to have a child with you, who would

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<v Speaker 2>have been great. But I don't. I don't necessarily look

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<v Speaker 2>back and think that stuff. I truly do feel like

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<v Speaker 2>everything happens for a reason, and I'm so happy now,

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<v Speaker 2>we're so happy. Now, we're in the best place we've

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<v Speaker 2>come through this journey.

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<v Speaker 1>And yeah, I want to go back to that time.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was silently suffering, and.

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<v Speaker 2>Also there was a lot of hormones that I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>know what were going on that were just exploding.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, like with those two consecutive pregnancies and then those

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<v Speaker 1>two consecutive situations, I think that neither of us acknowledged

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<v Speaker 1>the hormones at play, and that just that my mental

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<v Speaker 1>and physical was not the norm, and I got I

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<v Speaker 1>would be much quicker to be upset I was. I

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<v Speaker 1>think I was more apt to be insecure, like you said,

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<v Speaker 1>which turned into that jealousy, controlling feeling for you probably, Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was trying to burn the house down because

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't feel like I deserved this or it was

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<v Speaker 1>all my fault.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. And also I didn't help the situation because I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, mister nothing, everything's fine, Like we can move

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<v Speaker 2>forward like every look, don't worry about it at the time,

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<v Speaker 2>instead of like really delving into it and actually having

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<v Speaker 2>a conversation about her or actually like, you know, we

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<v Speaker 2>we need to really kind of get a hold of this.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you wish you had handled it differently?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Of course, how would you have handled it differently?

0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:40.040
<v Speaker 2>I would have I was. I was. I think at

0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:43.000
<v Speaker 2>the time I was more wrapped up into me, you know,

0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:46.240
<v Speaker 2>even though I was a partner and I was doing

0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:48.960
<v Speaker 2>everything that I was supposed to be doing. I was

0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:53.880
<v Speaker 2>at you know, doing the girls going and whatever they needed,

0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:58.960
<v Speaker 2>whatever you needed. But I was internalizing everything like kind

0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:03.080
<v Speaker 2>of selfishly like and myself like like, well what am

0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:06.800
<v Speaker 2>I going to get? Like what is the end going

0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:11.760
<v Speaker 2>to be for me? And like I don't really I

0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:15.360
<v Speaker 2>didn't at the time. I didn't know how to handle

0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:19.800
<v Speaker 2>what you were going through. I just I couldn't. And

0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:22.560
<v Speaker 2>my biggest flaw is fight or flight, and so I

0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:26.680
<v Speaker 2>would just remove myself because I couldn't handle it.

0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:30.520
<v Speaker 1>When did we decide to go down the IVF road.

0:15:30.560 --> 0:15:32.720
<v Speaker 1>It must have been right after that, because I was like,

0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:35.440
<v Speaker 1>I want to go and find out what's going on

0:15:35.520 --> 0:15:37.960
<v Speaker 1>with my eggs, Like I wanted to know what if

0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:41.320
<v Speaker 1>my eggs were in fact the problem or if there

0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:43.400
<v Speaker 1>was an alternative for us. So I think that that

0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:46.080
<v Speaker 1>is when we went into the fertility center.

0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:49.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm not sure on the actual day. I think

0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:53.480
<v Speaker 2>it was a year before. It might have been it

0:15:53.600 --> 0:15:55.880
<v Speaker 2>was a year before we broke up.

0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:58.120
<v Speaker 1>I think, yeah, we'll get to that.

0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:01.480
<v Speaker 2>There's also is something I need to remind you of

0:16:01.560 --> 0:16:04.680
<v Speaker 2>it probably later on in this that you've probably forgotten about.

0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:07.080
<v Speaker 2>One great when we were broken up as well.

0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:09.640
<v Speaker 1>Great. I can't wait to hear it. So stay tuned

0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:17.160
<v Speaker 1>for that, guys. Geez. The IVF for for people that

0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:21.640
<v Speaker 1>have aren't familiar with IVF, there's a lot to it.

0:16:21.680 --> 0:16:24.760
<v Speaker 1>There are it's you have to find the right doctor,

0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:28.360
<v Speaker 1>fertility doctor. There is a lot of blood testing.

0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:30.920
<v Speaker 2>We had a we had a really good one. She

0:16:31.120 --> 0:16:31.480
<v Speaker 2>was great.

0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:37.800
<v Speaker 1>A lot of pokes and prods and shots, shots. There

0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:43.720
<v Speaker 1>was the painful retrieving of the eggs, which doesn't sound

0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:50.440
<v Speaker 1>bad in theory, but it was very unpleasant stuff. The hearing,

0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:55.760
<v Speaker 1>the hearing, the disappointing news that they have a grading

0:16:55.840 --> 0:16:58.640
<v Speaker 1>system with eggs. And I was I mean at that time,

0:16:58.680 --> 0:17:01.320
<v Speaker 1>I was in my forties.

0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:06.120
<v Speaker 2>You were forty forty five, forty six.

0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:09.000
<v Speaker 1>My mid forties, and you know I found out that

0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:12.040
<v Speaker 1>yeah it was me. It was my eggs. They were

0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:13.520
<v Speaker 1>not good enough.

0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:17.159
<v Speaker 2>But that's not that's not true. You had good eggs.

0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:18.400
<v Speaker 1>What was the scale did they?

0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:19.640
<v Speaker 2>I think we had a C.

0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:22.200
<v Speaker 1>It was a if you have a egg, B eggs,

0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:23.320
<v Speaker 1>C egg and so.

0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:26.159
<v Speaker 2>On, and so we we tried.

0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:30.760
<v Speaker 1>We rechieved some eggs, and then they looked at them

0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:33.720
<v Speaker 1>and they said, well, here are your options. You have,

0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:37.040
<v Speaker 1>you know, maybe a B minus egg and some C eggs.

0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:38.480
<v Speaker 1>Do you want to proceed?

0:17:39.359 --> 0:17:39.600
<v Speaker 2>Right?

0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:42.880
<v Speaker 1>And I was determined yeah, and we did. And then

0:17:42.960 --> 0:17:47.000
<v Speaker 1>that that's when I remember. I just remember continuing that

0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:51.520
<v Speaker 1>feeling of shame and sadness because that that confirmation that

0:17:53.280 --> 0:17:56.320
<v Speaker 1>I did my eggs weren't good enough anymore, weren't young

0:17:56.440 --> 0:18:00.840
<v Speaker 1>enough or able to have a viable pregnancy. So then

0:18:00.880 --> 0:18:04.679
<v Speaker 1>you did the sperm count test. Once we decided to

0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:07.439
<v Speaker 1>move forward, they needed to check your sperm count. Yeah,

0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:12.919
<v Speaker 1>do you want to tell them about that? This was

0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:16.000
<v Speaker 1>just this was the sperm count, So go.

0:18:16.040 --> 0:18:18.720
<v Speaker 2>Ahead, Like I always made, I know what you're getting

0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:21.160
<v Speaker 2>at because I always make a joke about it because

0:18:21.200 --> 0:18:24.879
<v Speaker 2>I had like to something out of to something I

0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:25.800
<v Speaker 2>had a great score.

0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:29.360
<v Speaker 1>Wait, no, good, a little more detail please. You're supposed

0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:29.760
<v Speaker 1>to have.

0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:33.560
<v Speaker 2>What you know, sixty seven to sixty seven.

0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:36.359
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, so you're supposed to have like the high

0:18:36.320 --> 0:18:38.439
<v Speaker 1>scores to sixty seven or something.

0:18:38.600 --> 0:18:40.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah I score. Hey, I'm sorry.

0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:43.400
<v Speaker 1>And then you proceeded to joke around about it.

0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:52.119
<v Speaker 2>I did to, yeah, to probably quell my anxiety. But

0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:55.200
<v Speaker 2>I mean, yeah, I felt great about that at score.

0:18:55.920 --> 0:18:58.920
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, like when we're talking about it, when you

0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:03.600
<v Speaker 2>know you're going down and I haven't actually like visually

0:19:03.680 --> 0:19:06.680
<v Speaker 2>in my head. I'm very visual, so I have little

0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:09.320
<v Speaker 2>scenes in my head that are playing out as you're talking.

0:19:09.800 --> 0:19:16.040
<v Speaker 2>And I can remember like the waiting room, the you know,

0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:19.000
<v Speaker 2>inside the office, when the restroom, when I went to

0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:24.520
<v Speaker 2>get water, when just feelings of like panic and anxiety,

0:19:24.600 --> 0:19:29.440
<v Speaker 2>and like I remember after this IVF it didn't take

0:19:30.160 --> 0:19:33.560
<v Speaker 2>and we went down that road. I remember the restroom,

0:19:34.240 --> 0:19:37.840
<v Speaker 2>and I remember the fake flower as I was sitting

0:19:37.880 --> 0:19:40.159
<v Speaker 2>on the toilet, not using the restroom, just sitting on

0:19:40.160 --> 0:19:44.479
<v Speaker 2>the toilet and taking that flower and ripping it and

0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:47.720
<v Speaker 2>throwing it in the drap. It's so like, it's so

0:19:47.800 --> 0:19:53.720
<v Speaker 2>weird because you know, for I mean, it's a heavy

0:19:53.760 --> 0:19:57.560
<v Speaker 2>subject for everybody, and and my heart goes out to

0:19:57.600 --> 0:20:01.440
<v Speaker 2>people who you know, are really trying and going through

0:20:01.480 --> 0:20:03.520
<v Speaker 2>the process, because we've been through the process, but we

0:20:03.600 --> 0:20:07.359
<v Speaker 2>only we only went through it once. We elected not

0:20:07.480 --> 0:20:11.520
<v Speaker 2>to try again because it was just it was really

0:20:11.560 --> 0:20:15.359
<v Speaker 2>heavy emotionally after you had been through all the miscarriages,

0:20:15.480 --> 0:20:18.880
<v Speaker 2>and we have friends that have successfully done it, and

0:20:20.400 --> 0:20:23.480
<v Speaker 2>it's it's you know, my heart goes out to them

0:20:23.560 --> 0:20:27.560
<v Speaker 2>even on you know, successfully having kids and stuff, because

0:20:27.600 --> 0:20:28.840
<v Speaker 2>it's it's a lot.

0:20:29.720 --> 0:20:33.040
<v Speaker 1>I do remember when you were joking around about like

0:20:33.760 --> 0:20:36.600
<v Speaker 1>you have this perfect sperm count and here I am

0:20:36.640 --> 0:20:41.439
<v Speaker 1>sitting over here with the imperfect you know, expired eggs. Yeah,

0:20:41.840 --> 0:20:43.840
<v Speaker 1>not that I'm angry at you about it now, but

0:20:43.880 --> 0:20:46.800
<v Speaker 1>as we're talking about it, I can understand like my

0:20:47.080 --> 0:20:50.280
<v Speaker 1>feelings about it and how that even sent me and

0:20:50.480 --> 0:20:52.200
<v Speaker 1>us into a darker, darker place.

0:20:53.560 --> 0:20:57.440
<v Speaker 2>Me thinking something so light and trying to make light

0:20:57.480 --> 0:21:01.240
<v Speaker 2>of it too in my eyes, help the situation actually

0:21:01.320 --> 0:21:02.680
<v Speaker 2>hurt the situation.

0:21:03.160 --> 0:21:07.480
<v Speaker 1>I don't remember the the implantation process because we proceeded.

0:21:08.480 --> 0:21:12.600
<v Speaker 1>We got your perfect sperm and we put it met

0:21:12.680 --> 0:21:16.879
<v Speaker 1>up with my imperfect eggs and just prayed and hoped

0:21:17.320 --> 0:21:23.080
<v Speaker 1>that it would work. But it did. Its stick, It stuck,

0:21:23.640 --> 0:21:24.879
<v Speaker 1>I remember one stuck.

0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:31.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, one stuck. But then we did oh yeah it did,

0:21:31.480 --> 0:21:33.960
<v Speaker 2>and then we went through the process. We went to

0:21:34.000 --> 0:21:34.639
<v Speaker 2>the next step.

0:21:34.720 --> 0:21:36.720
<v Speaker 1>Well, first we had to do all the shots. First,

0:21:36.760 --> 0:21:41.960
<v Speaker 1>they you know, they send you home with your marching everything. Yeah,

0:21:42.080 --> 0:21:45.359
<v Speaker 1>so we got they did the they had to prepare me,

0:21:45.480 --> 0:21:49.520
<v Speaker 1>I think before the implant of the sperm, and that

0:21:49.720 --> 0:21:53.879
<v Speaker 1>was you know, shots at daily shots.

0:21:53.960 --> 0:21:56.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that we had to do, and Maven, you had

0:21:56.359 --> 0:21:59.159
<v Speaker 2>to do it when you were you were traveling, so

0:21:59.400 --> 0:22:02.439
<v Speaker 2>you were working and traveling a lot still, so you

0:22:02.480 --> 0:22:04.160
<v Speaker 2>had to do it on the road and stuff like that.

0:22:05.440 --> 0:22:07.480
<v Speaker 1>I don't really remember you being a part of the.

0:22:07.520 --> 0:22:13.720
<v Speaker 2>Shots a couple of times, yeah, yeah.

0:22:13.560 --> 0:22:18.719
<v Speaker 1>Maybe like two times, yeah, out of a lot. And

0:22:18.760 --> 0:22:22.719
<v Speaker 1>I remember being upset by that, but never communicating it

0:22:22.760 --> 0:22:22.960
<v Speaker 1>to you.

0:22:23.160 --> 0:22:23.320
<v Speaker 2>No.

0:22:24.640 --> 0:22:28.520
<v Speaker 1>I remember thinking, I don't think he understands what is

0:22:28.560 --> 0:22:29.679
<v Speaker 1>happening to my body.

0:22:29.920 --> 0:22:33.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I did it. I think that that's a good

0:22:33.800 --> 0:22:38.320
<v Speaker 2>lesson for everybody who was taking from us not communicating.

0:22:38.320 --> 0:22:40.760
<v Speaker 2>And I think that that it was terrible that we

0:22:40.800 --> 0:22:43.000
<v Speaker 2>didn't communicate that stuff. I had no idea about that,

0:22:43.840 --> 0:22:47.199
<v Speaker 2>And I do remember sometimes I did it for you.

0:22:49.200 --> 0:22:52.040
<v Speaker 1>I mean it was I think just from a male perspective,

0:22:52.640 --> 0:22:56.600
<v Speaker 1>it's it's obviously a lot less invasive for a man

0:22:56.720 --> 0:22:59.800
<v Speaker 1>to go through all this, But what was it like

0:23:00.480 --> 0:23:03.360
<v Speaker 1>me put my body through that? And like I guess

0:23:03.400 --> 0:23:05.840
<v Speaker 1>you just said you didn't really understand what was going

0:23:05.880 --> 0:23:10.840
<v Speaker 1>on with me physically and emotionally. How did you manage

0:23:10.880 --> 0:23:13.679
<v Speaker 1>that or not manage that? And is there anything that

0:23:13.720 --> 0:23:15.760
<v Speaker 1>you wish you had done differently so that maybe you

0:23:15.800 --> 0:23:19.800
<v Speaker 1>can help other guys out there. And I'm not I

0:23:19.800 --> 0:23:21.080
<v Speaker 1>don't mean to be pointing the finger.

0:23:22.440 --> 0:23:28.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to think of the experience, and because it's

0:23:28.720 --> 0:23:33.840
<v Speaker 2>not a great experience, if I'm speaking you know, for

0:23:33.960 --> 0:23:36.840
<v Speaker 2>me personally, it wasn't a great experience. I'm talking about

0:23:36.880 --> 0:23:43.520
<v Speaker 2>just emotionally. I'm talking about like disappointment and then seeing

0:23:43.880 --> 0:23:46.480
<v Speaker 2>you go through what you had to do, the process,

0:23:47.200 --> 0:23:51.000
<v Speaker 2>seeing the process, and then going through the process and

0:23:51.040 --> 0:23:57.000
<v Speaker 2>then ultimately failing at the process. But my takeaway wasn't

0:23:57.359 --> 0:24:02.080
<v Speaker 2>towards you. I wasn't upset at you. I was upset

0:24:02.080 --> 0:24:05.680
<v Speaker 2>at the process because I just I just didn't want

0:24:05.720 --> 0:24:08.800
<v Speaker 2>to be a part of that process anymore. My whole

0:24:08.840 --> 0:24:11.240
<v Speaker 2>thing was that if we can't do it, it's just

0:24:11.280 --> 0:24:15.680
<v Speaker 2>not in the cards for us. And maybe that's yeah,

0:24:15.720 --> 0:24:18.080
<v Speaker 2>I just I couldn't go Ever, once we left there,

0:24:18.119 --> 0:24:22.600
<v Speaker 2>once the IVF well, once it was done, I you know,

0:24:22.640 --> 0:24:23.760
<v Speaker 2>I never wanted to go back.

0:24:24.560 --> 0:24:26.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we got to the place. I think that was

0:24:27.480 --> 0:24:29.600
<v Speaker 1>after all the prep work that we had to go through,

0:24:29.720 --> 0:24:33.000
<v Speaker 1>with the priming my body and getting my hormones to

0:24:33.040 --> 0:24:35.159
<v Speaker 1>the right levels with the shots.

0:24:35.119 --> 0:24:37.280
<v Speaker 2>And then the DNC scene you go through the DNC.

0:24:37.440 --> 0:24:39.399
<v Speaker 2>I said, I'd never do that again. I'm never going

0:24:39.480 --> 0:24:40.359
<v Speaker 2>to make you do that again.

0:24:41.000 --> 0:24:43.359
<v Speaker 1>We had already done it.

0:24:42.720 --> 0:24:45.359
<v Speaker 2>Four time, well three three times. We haven't gotten to

0:24:45.400 --> 0:24:45.800
<v Speaker 2>the fourth.

0:24:46.240 --> 0:24:48.879
<v Speaker 1>We decided that IVF wasn't for us. We had already

0:24:48.880 --> 0:24:55.160
<v Speaker 1>spent a lot of money. Yeah, and the aftermath of

0:24:55.600 --> 0:24:57.880
<v Speaker 1>that experience threw.

0:24:57.760 --> 0:25:02.840
<v Speaker 2>Me into his tail spend. Personally. After that experience, the

0:25:02.880 --> 0:25:05.560
<v Speaker 2>life that I was in with you at the time

0:25:06.560 --> 0:25:10.600
<v Speaker 2>was just too overwhelming for me. You were a celebrity.

0:25:11.080 --> 0:25:13.240
<v Speaker 2>I had three step children. I think I was like three.

0:25:13.320 --> 0:25:16.200
<v Speaker 2>We were three and a half years into our relationship.

0:25:17.280 --> 0:25:19.760
<v Speaker 2>I started my own business. It was going it was

0:25:19.800 --> 0:25:24.440
<v Speaker 2>going well. I was gonna go do another one, and

0:25:26.600 --> 0:25:31.880
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't handle the severity of everything like mentally like happening.

0:25:32.080 --> 0:25:36.320
<v Speaker 2>So like, I just chose to kind of get out

0:25:36.320 --> 0:25:42.760
<v Speaker 2>of the situation, which is not healthy. And then I

0:25:42.840 --> 0:25:45.239
<v Speaker 2>feel like with the hormones that were going on with

0:25:45.320 --> 0:25:50.159
<v Speaker 2>you, you weren't you weren't the same. You were being influenced

0:25:50.160 --> 0:25:54.800
<v Speaker 2>by stuff you couldn't control. Essentially, I felt like and

0:25:54.840 --> 0:25:59.320
<v Speaker 2>I just couldn't be there to help you. I wasn't

0:25:59.359 --> 0:26:00.000
<v Speaker 2>mature enough.

0:26:07.080 --> 0:26:11.000
<v Speaker 1>So what do you mean you couldn't handle it? That's

0:26:11.480 --> 0:26:14.880
<v Speaker 1>you decided that you needed to leave. You did that

0:26:15.080 --> 0:26:16.000
<v Speaker 1>fight or flight thing.

0:26:16.200 --> 0:26:19.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think it had gotten to the point where

0:26:19.160 --> 0:26:24.600
<v Speaker 2>I just I couldn't handle it anymore. But there was

0:26:24.640 --> 0:26:26.560
<v Speaker 2>also stuff going on with you that you didn't know

0:26:26.600 --> 0:26:32.240
<v Speaker 2>how to articulate. Your actions were not your Definitely.

0:26:32.359 --> 0:26:33.760
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't myself. I wasn't.

0:26:33.840 --> 0:26:36.199
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I would say, yeah, behaving.

0:26:36.000 --> 0:26:38.520
<v Speaker 1>Like probably the person that you had fallen in love with,

0:26:40.440 --> 0:26:46.280
<v Speaker 1>because I was grappling with so many emotions personally inside

0:26:46.320 --> 0:26:49.160
<v Speaker 1>my head, right, and then seeing you react the way

0:26:49.160 --> 0:26:52.520
<v Speaker 1>you react, and I think kept just pushing me further

0:26:52.600 --> 0:26:56.880
<v Speaker 1>over the edge. Yeah, it was not a good time.

0:26:57.240 --> 0:26:57.440
<v Speaker 2>No.

0:26:58.200 --> 0:27:02.520
<v Speaker 1>Do you think that the girls felt all of this

0:27:02.840 --> 0:27:04.920
<v Speaker 1>or did they know about all of this?

0:27:05.640 --> 0:27:09.720
<v Speaker 2>I think they were. I think Fiona was young. So

0:27:09.800 --> 0:27:15.359
<v Speaker 2>Fiona was like ten or eleven, and she was very compassionate.

0:27:15.760 --> 0:27:24.720
<v Speaker 2>Lola was fourteen fifteen teenager, really upset when she found

0:27:24.760 --> 0:27:26.600
<v Speaker 2>out we were pregnant the first time when she was

0:27:26.640 --> 0:27:28.920
<v Speaker 2>like twelve, she said she was going to go move

0:27:28.920 --> 0:27:31.800
<v Speaker 2>to her dad's. Now, I mean you take all that

0:27:32.000 --> 0:27:34.359
<v Speaker 2>with a grain of salt. They you know, they have

0:27:34.400 --> 0:27:37.639
<v Speaker 2>a brother now and they adore that little boy and

0:27:37.680 --> 0:27:42.000
<v Speaker 2>he's so cute. But yeah, I don't know, they know

0:27:42.560 --> 0:27:46.760
<v Speaker 2>they didn't know what was going on, like the severity

0:27:46.800 --> 0:27:49.000
<v Speaker 2>of what was going on with the both of us,

0:27:49.359 --> 0:27:51.960
<v Speaker 2>But you know, we didn't even know what was going on.

0:27:52.080 --> 0:27:54.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it wasn't something we sat around at the dinner table.

0:27:54.480 --> 0:27:57.359
<v Speaker 2>No, it's like this thing that just it just sat

0:27:57.440 --> 0:28:01.040
<v Speaker 2>there and you just went, well, you know, I'm grieving,

0:28:02.359 --> 0:28:04.480
<v Speaker 2>so is that going to go away? But I mean

0:28:04.680 --> 0:28:06.880
<v Speaker 2>at the time, I didn't know I was grieving.

0:28:06.560 --> 0:28:08.760
<v Speaker 1>Right, We didn't even know that we needed to grieve

0:28:09.520 --> 0:28:14.159
<v Speaker 1>properly or treat ourselves with a different kind of compassion.

0:28:14.400 --> 0:28:16.560
<v Speaker 2>But it's so odd. What are you grieving something you

0:28:17.040 --> 0:28:20.400
<v Speaker 2>didn't even know it didn't even exist.

0:28:21.160 --> 0:28:23.960
<v Speaker 1>I think we were grieving the loss of the idea

0:28:24.160 --> 0:28:27.359
<v Speaker 1>of what we thought our future should look like, right,

0:28:28.720 --> 0:28:33.560
<v Speaker 1>and grieving. I was grieving on your behalf for you

0:28:33.720 --> 0:28:35.360
<v Speaker 1>not becoming a.

0:28:35.359 --> 0:28:39.320
<v Speaker 2>Dad, fulfilling something that I had built up in my

0:28:39.440 --> 0:28:40.480
<v Speaker 2>head for so long.

0:28:42.520 --> 0:28:46.680
<v Speaker 1>So we were separated for a while, like ten months. Yeah,

0:28:47.600 --> 0:28:53.560
<v Speaker 1>I remember just like being gobsmacked, quite honestly, that you left,

0:28:54.120 --> 0:28:57.720
<v Speaker 1>and I remember I had just, you know, a few

0:28:57.800 --> 0:29:01.720
<v Speaker 1>years prior to this, gone through a after in a

0:29:01.760 --> 0:29:06.360
<v Speaker 1>relationship with somebody for seventeen years, and I was so

0:29:06.400 --> 0:29:09.760
<v Speaker 1>excited to be in a relationship with you and have

0:29:09.800 --> 0:29:15.800
<v Speaker 1>a fresh start and a second third chance. And I

0:29:15.920 --> 0:29:23.400
<v Speaker 1>was pretty like destroyed. And you literally just were tail

0:29:23.480 --> 0:29:27.520
<v Speaker 1>lights and left me and the girls. Not to point

0:29:27.520 --> 0:29:30.600
<v Speaker 1>a finger, I'm just telling you the facts. You left

0:29:30.600 --> 0:29:35.240
<v Speaker 1>the girls and I to deal with it, and unfortunately,

0:29:35.320 --> 0:29:39.040
<v Speaker 1>in that time I was just a mess. I think,

0:29:39.080 --> 0:29:46.040
<v Speaker 1>even more destroyed somehow than when my relationship with Peter

0:29:46.200 --> 0:29:53.760
<v Speaker 1>ended and the girls all handled it differently. They weren't

0:29:53.840 --> 0:29:56.920
<v Speaker 1>happy with me. They were mad at me because I

0:29:57.040 --> 0:30:02.560
<v Speaker 1>was so upset again, so heartbroke, and I remember Fiona

0:30:02.640 --> 0:30:06.320
<v Speaker 1>wrote me a song on the piano to try to

0:30:06.320 --> 0:30:08.800
<v Speaker 1>make me feel better. I have a recording of it

0:30:08.800 --> 0:30:10.800
<v Speaker 1>on my phone and I listened to it sometimes.

0:30:10.880 --> 0:30:13.400
<v Speaker 2>And then they would go. So you were still doing

0:30:13.480 --> 0:30:17.200
<v Speaker 2>like one week off, one week on, and Peter lived

0:30:18.040 --> 0:30:22.280
<v Speaker 2>around the corner from like the new restaurant bar that

0:30:22.320 --> 0:30:25.120
<v Speaker 2>I had opened, and I would work during days and

0:30:25.720 --> 0:30:28.760
<v Speaker 2>Loula would sneak sneak out and come over there. During

0:30:28.760 --> 0:30:32.640
<v Speaker 2>the day and kind of see me and yeah, it

0:30:32.680 --> 0:30:36.280
<v Speaker 2>was hard. And then Luca when she would come back

0:30:36.280 --> 0:30:40.880
<v Speaker 2>from New York, you know, I see her and yeah

0:30:40.880 --> 0:30:46.480
<v Speaker 2>it was hard. And then you know, they kind of

0:30:46.520 --> 0:30:50.440
<v Speaker 2>got settled into you know, we weren't going to be together,

0:30:50.600 --> 0:30:55.280
<v Speaker 2>and then we started getting back together and we started

0:30:55.320 --> 0:31:01.000
<v Speaker 2>to date again, and then we didn't talk about you know,

0:31:01.440 --> 0:31:05.000
<v Speaker 2>we had gotten back together in December of that year

0:31:05.040 --> 0:31:11.000
<v Speaker 2>and you had gotten pregnant naturally again and you don't

0:31:11.040 --> 0:31:14.040
<v Speaker 2>remember that. And then that's when we had to go

0:31:14.400 --> 0:31:18.400
<v Speaker 2>and do the final DNC, which was in January of

0:31:18.440 --> 0:31:22.920
<v Speaker 2>that year, which was and then that kind of set

0:31:23.000 --> 0:31:28.480
<v Speaker 2>us back for a couple of months until July is

0:31:28.520 --> 0:31:32.880
<v Speaker 2>when we you and I rented a house in Joshua

0:31:32.960 --> 0:31:35.880
<v Speaker 2>Tree with like no internet, nothing, and we just went

0:31:35.880 --> 0:31:41.960
<v Speaker 2>there with the dogs for four days and ride laughed.

0:31:42.760 --> 0:31:45.320
<v Speaker 2>You know, think, what do.

0:31:45.280 --> 0:31:48.360
<v Speaker 1>You think it was that brought us back together? Even

0:31:48.880 --> 0:31:52.080
<v Speaker 1>what was it that brought us back together before we

0:31:52.160 --> 0:31:57.160
<v Speaker 1>had that last pregnancy. What made you come want to

0:31:57.200 --> 0:32:03.480
<v Speaker 1>come back? I guess or decide that you had dealt

0:32:03.480 --> 0:32:07.080
<v Speaker 1>with what you needed to deal with enough in order

0:32:07.160 --> 0:32:11.600
<v Speaker 1>to come back, given that you knew that leaving the

0:32:11.600 --> 0:32:17.280
<v Speaker 1>way you did, probably you shouldn't do that again the

0:32:17.280 --> 0:32:19.200
<v Speaker 1>way you did. You know what I mean, like, had

0:32:19.280 --> 0:32:21.680
<v Speaker 1>you did you learn something about yourself or did you

0:32:21.760 --> 0:32:23.400
<v Speaker 1>do work on yourself or did you.

0:32:23.600 --> 0:32:25.640
<v Speaker 2>I mean I think that that, I think, i've I've

0:32:26.200 --> 0:32:29.360
<v Speaker 2>I think we both came back together with a sense

0:32:29.400 --> 0:32:33.000
<v Speaker 2>of what the work we need to do to get

0:32:33.040 --> 0:32:36.200
<v Speaker 2>to where we want to be. We both, I mean,

0:32:36.240 --> 0:32:40.160
<v Speaker 2>we communicated what we need to have in this relationship

0:32:40.200 --> 0:32:43.920
<v Speaker 2>to move forward, and you said I'll do that, and

0:32:43.960 --> 0:32:49.760
<v Speaker 2>I said I'll do that, and so far, you know,

0:32:49.800 --> 0:32:52.600
<v Speaker 2>we've kind of kept to it all the while opening

0:32:52.800 --> 0:32:59.080
<v Speaker 2>communication up and not falling into those habits I mean

0:33:00.520 --> 0:33:05.800
<v Speaker 2>for me, I mean, I don't like confrontation, and if

0:33:06.080 --> 0:33:07.200
<v Speaker 2>it's a fan, I just bail.

0:33:07.560 --> 0:33:10.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think it's important to like, that's a problem.

0:33:10.320 --> 0:33:13.760
<v Speaker 1>Look at your upbringing and yeah.

0:33:13.560 --> 0:33:15.840
<v Speaker 2>I mean I grew up in Virginia Beach, Virginia, and

0:33:16.160 --> 0:33:19.000
<v Speaker 2>I didn't want to be around there anymore, so I left.

0:33:19.160 --> 0:33:21.360
<v Speaker 1>But you also had as a child of kind of

0:33:21.360 --> 0:33:27.840
<v Speaker 1>an unpredictable energy in your home, and when things would

0:33:28.240 --> 0:33:31.920
<v Speaker 1>get unpredictable, it would be scary and you would hide

0:33:31.960 --> 0:33:32.320
<v Speaker 1>or leave.

0:33:32.880 --> 0:33:33.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'd go to the beach.

0:33:35.800 --> 0:33:39.880
<v Speaker 1>So that was I think a lot of the work

0:33:39.920 --> 0:33:42.400
<v Speaker 1>that you had to start with on the ground level

0:33:42.520 --> 0:33:44.640
<v Speaker 1>is looking where that fight or flight for you.

0:33:44.760 --> 0:33:47.320
<v Speaker 2>Also like it it's so weird. I don't you know,

0:33:47.360 --> 0:33:50.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't know who else deals with us, But it's

0:33:50.640 --> 0:33:53.720
<v Speaker 2>the feeling you get when you're in a situation and

0:33:54.880 --> 0:33:58.480
<v Speaker 2>to communicate it, like you know, it's so much easier

0:33:58.560 --> 0:34:01.040
<v Speaker 2>just to be like, okay, I'm going to leak. And

0:34:01.080 --> 0:34:04.840
<v Speaker 2>then when you leave a person like I have that

0:34:04.920 --> 0:34:07.760
<v Speaker 2>problem I struggle with, it's just this weight comes off,

0:34:08.080 --> 0:34:10.800
<v Speaker 2>you know, and it's like it's almost like you feel free, Yeah,

0:34:11.920 --> 0:34:15.400
<v Speaker 2>instead of actually having the conversation and doing the work

0:34:15.640 --> 0:34:20.239
<v Speaker 2>and respecting, you know, the person you're in that relationship with,

0:34:20.880 --> 0:34:26.440
<v Speaker 2>giving them that respect to communicate that. I've had to

0:34:26.760 --> 0:34:27.680
<v Speaker 2>work on that a lot.

0:34:29.239 --> 0:34:30.719
<v Speaker 1>I mean, because we were that was it.

0:34:30.800 --> 0:34:33.160
<v Speaker 2>But that's one of your triggers too, which is abandonment,

0:34:33.400 --> 0:34:34.759
<v Speaker 2>and I feed right into that.

0:34:34.880 --> 0:34:36.760
<v Speaker 1>It was like a perfect storm.

0:34:38.200 --> 0:34:41.440
<v Speaker 2>Do you remember, like, how how did you feel the

0:34:41.560 --> 0:34:46.680
<v Speaker 2>last time? How did you feel in December when when

0:34:46.719 --> 0:34:49.360
<v Speaker 2>we got back together, and like what were your thoughts?

0:34:49.440 --> 0:34:53.839
<v Speaker 1>I remember telling this is after the three pregnancies didn't work.

0:34:53.920 --> 0:34:59.080
<v Speaker 1>After you left, after we were broken up, completely ready

0:34:59.120 --> 0:35:02.879
<v Speaker 1>to sign the paper first divorce papers, we started hanging

0:35:02.880 --> 0:35:05.120
<v Speaker 1>out a little bit. Then we got pregnant, and I

0:35:05.160 --> 0:35:09.440
<v Speaker 1>remember I had taken myself to the beach by myself

0:35:09.520 --> 0:35:14.520
<v Speaker 1>in an RV, and I I was still grappling with

0:35:14.560 --> 0:35:18.440
<v Speaker 1>things and really trying to because the coming back together

0:35:18.520 --> 0:35:22.600
<v Speaker 1>process where we started hanging out again was extremely difficult.

0:35:22.760 --> 0:35:23.280
<v Speaker 2>Totally.

0:35:23.440 --> 0:35:27.279
<v Speaker 1>It was like wading through shit, you know, because we

0:35:27.280 --> 0:35:30.080
<v Speaker 1>were we still weren't really equipped well.

0:35:30.000 --> 0:35:32.520
<v Speaker 2>Because you I was being a little bit more patient,

0:35:34.320 --> 0:35:38.880
<v Speaker 2>Like I was like, I'm kinda I have this apartment

0:35:39.800 --> 0:35:45.320
<v Speaker 2>I'd like to like, I was making it like, well,

0:35:45.480 --> 0:35:48.279
<v Speaker 2>we didn't we did. We did this, this and this

0:35:48.480 --> 0:35:52.400
<v Speaker 2>wrong in the first like the first go round. Let's

0:35:52.760 --> 0:35:54.600
<v Speaker 2>not do that a second go around.

0:35:54.640 --> 0:35:56.839
<v Speaker 1>Oh so you were trying to not rush back into things.

0:35:56.920 --> 0:35:57.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:35:58.280 --> 0:36:00.160
<v Speaker 1>Do you think that that was because you didn't think

0:36:00.200 --> 0:36:01.320
<v Speaker 1>you were ready yet again?

0:36:01.880 --> 0:36:06.879
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? I think I loved you. I knew, I mean,

0:36:07.000 --> 0:36:11.640
<v Speaker 2>I was you were my wife still technically, I just

0:36:13.560 --> 0:36:18.680
<v Speaker 2>I yeah, I wanted to wanted to go slow. There's

0:36:18.719 --> 0:36:21.480
<v Speaker 2>a lot like you were like bullshyet there's a.

0:36:21.440 --> 0:36:24.480
<v Speaker 1>Lot there that's I feel like we still need to

0:36:24.480 --> 0:36:28.239
<v Speaker 1>communicate through because I'm just feeling this tinge of like

0:36:28.400 --> 0:36:31.440
<v Speaker 1>heat coming up the back of my neck. But I've

0:36:31.520 --> 0:36:36.200
<v Speaker 1>learned to handle that in a different way now, not react, yeah,

0:36:36.600 --> 0:36:39.600
<v Speaker 1>and attempt to communicate my way through it, which we

0:36:39.640 --> 0:36:45.400
<v Speaker 1>can do great at a later time. But yeah, that

0:36:45.440 --> 0:36:48.840
<v Speaker 1>the coming back together part was very difficult for me.

0:36:48.920 --> 0:36:54.239
<v Speaker 1>I'll speak for myself. And I continued to feel like

0:36:54.840 --> 0:36:58.080
<v Speaker 1>you didn't really want it by you going slow and

0:36:58.120 --> 0:37:01.759
<v Speaker 1>doing it the way you wanted to do it, did

0:37:01.880 --> 0:37:04.080
<v Speaker 1>it didn't make me feel good. And I remember just

0:37:04.120 --> 0:37:05.959
<v Speaker 1>really struggling with that. So I went to the beach

0:37:06.000 --> 0:37:09.680
<v Speaker 1>that day with the dogs and I wasn't feeling well.

0:37:09.760 --> 0:37:12.000
<v Speaker 1>I was feeling nauseous. I went to the drove the

0:37:12.160 --> 0:37:17.200
<v Speaker 1>RV into Santa Barbara, got a pregnancy test, took it

0:37:17.280 --> 0:37:20.680
<v Speaker 1>in the r V. Yeah that's right, and saw that

0:37:20.760 --> 0:37:23.160
<v Speaker 1>I was pregnant again, and I was like, oh my, oh.

0:37:23.200 --> 0:37:25.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's right. I totally forgot about that. You you

0:37:26.000 --> 0:37:26.520
<v Speaker 2>were in an.

0:37:26.480 --> 0:37:31.279
<v Speaker 1>RV and I called you. Do you remember what you

0:37:31.280 --> 0:37:32.960
<v Speaker 1>thought when I told you? That?

0:37:36.120 --> 0:37:44.600
<v Speaker 2>Man? No, I mean shocked, just like really shocked.

0:37:45.880 --> 0:37:49.319
<v Speaker 1>I think I felt like doom. I felt like, oh,

0:37:49.640 --> 0:37:53.840
<v Speaker 1>this is here we go. This is not good. Like

0:37:53.920 --> 0:37:56.440
<v Speaker 1>I didn't have that joyous ya the first time we

0:37:56.520 --> 0:37:59.680
<v Speaker 1>had you know, I felt like, I don't think we're

0:37:59.719 --> 0:38:02.799
<v Speaker 1>really even ready to deal with this again. And then

0:38:02.920 --> 0:38:05.120
<v Speaker 1>nature made it so that we didn't have to deal

0:38:05.120 --> 0:38:08.200
<v Speaker 1>with it again. Yeah, so we kind of at that

0:38:08.280 --> 0:38:13.360
<v Speaker 1>point got the message. I think that we weren't necessarily

0:38:13.440 --> 0:38:18.319
<v Speaker 1>meant to have kids naturally. Did we ever after all

0:38:18.360 --> 0:38:20.040
<v Speaker 1>of that drama. I don't think we ever had the

0:38:20.080 --> 0:38:23.680
<v Speaker 1>conversation of like, let's adopt or let's do as surrogate.

0:38:23.800 --> 0:38:23.920
<v Speaker 2>No.

0:38:24.040 --> 0:38:26.480
<v Speaker 1>I remember asking you, did you want to explore having

0:38:26.520 --> 0:38:29.840
<v Speaker 1>a surrogate, having someone else carry the baby?

0:38:30.120 --> 0:38:30.279
<v Speaker 2>No?

0:38:30.719 --> 0:38:33.000
<v Speaker 1>And you were absolute about not wanting that.

0:38:34.360 --> 0:38:37.400
<v Speaker 2>No, because I don't know if this is wrong. I

0:38:38.200 --> 0:38:43.040
<v Speaker 2>like everything now, you know what I mean. I don't

0:38:43.080 --> 0:38:45.320
<v Speaker 2>need that. I have everything I need.

0:38:46.560 --> 0:38:49.720
<v Speaker 1>And I was really just trying to do it for you, Yeah,

0:38:49.760 --> 0:38:51.880
<v Speaker 1>because I already had my kids and I was like

0:38:51.960 --> 0:38:55.040
<v Speaker 1>already I remember thinking like, oh my god, going back

0:38:55.080 --> 0:38:59.200
<v Speaker 1>to sleepless nights and diapers and my boobs hurting, and yeah, but.

0:38:59.239 --> 0:39:04.080
<v Speaker 2>I wish, I wish, I wish you wouldn't like the pressure.

0:39:04.200 --> 0:39:06.759
<v Speaker 2>I didn't. I felt like I wasn't pressuring you in

0:39:06.840 --> 0:39:09.680
<v Speaker 2>that you were No, you weren't pressure, and you had

0:39:10.000 --> 0:39:12.440
<v Speaker 2>some you wanted it.

0:39:12.600 --> 0:39:17.400
<v Speaker 1>I wanted it for you, and even when you were like, no,

0:39:17.719 --> 0:39:19.439
<v Speaker 1>I don't, I'm okay with it.

0:39:19.560 --> 0:39:19.960
<v Speaker 2>I didn't.

0:39:20.080 --> 0:39:22.719
<v Speaker 1>I told you I believed you, but I guess deep

0:39:22.760 --> 0:39:23.680
<v Speaker 1>down inside I didn't.

0:39:25.280 --> 0:39:26.560
<v Speaker 2>I don't think you did.

0:39:28.320 --> 0:39:40.439
<v Speaker 1>Who WHOA. This is a lot. The girls are all

0:39:40.719 --> 0:39:41.680
<v Speaker 1>young women now.

0:39:42.440 --> 0:39:42.680
<v Speaker 2>Hmm.

0:39:43.200 --> 0:39:47.720
<v Speaker 1>How do you feel with certainty today about not being

0:39:48.400 --> 0:39:53.439
<v Speaker 1>a biological father? Wonderful you didn't hesitate at all.

0:39:55.800 --> 0:39:58.880
<v Speaker 2>I feel great. I feel fantastic.

0:40:01.960 --> 0:40:05.839
<v Speaker 1>You're killing me. I feel great that you're a great

0:40:05.880 --> 0:40:08.640
<v Speaker 1>with it because I finally am like, you know what,

0:40:08.719 --> 0:40:10.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm real good with it too.

0:40:10.360 --> 0:40:16.360
<v Speaker 2>No, I mean I'm I enjoy love. I love the girls,

0:40:16.640 --> 0:40:23.359
<v Speaker 2>I love spending time with them. Secretly, I'm like, I

0:40:23.400 --> 0:40:26.719
<v Speaker 2>want them to wait, but I secretly like, deep down,

0:40:27.200 --> 0:40:30.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm very excited about the grandkids one day, one day,

0:40:30.800 --> 0:40:33.600
<v Speaker 2>and that could be twenty thirty years from now, forty

0:40:33.680 --> 0:40:36.879
<v Speaker 2>years from now. But there is a part of me that, yeah,

0:40:36.920 --> 0:40:41.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm excited about that because I love you. I want

0:40:42.239 --> 0:40:46.360
<v Speaker 2>us to kind of go shut that door. You know,

0:40:47.120 --> 0:40:49.719
<v Speaker 2>the past is the past, and I'm grateful for it.

0:40:50.120 --> 0:40:53.799
<v Speaker 2>There's so much gratitude for what we went through, even

0:40:53.800 --> 0:40:57.040
<v Speaker 2>though it sounds crazy, and even though I hadn't really

0:40:57.280 --> 0:40:59.680
<v Speaker 2>like we still really haven't discussed it.

0:41:01.520 --> 0:41:02.439
<v Speaker 1>I guess we are now.

0:41:02.880 --> 0:41:06.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean we have, but I'm just so grateful

0:41:06.680 --> 0:41:10.200
<v Speaker 2>for what we have and what the path in which

0:41:10.280 --> 0:41:13.960
<v Speaker 2>the girls are going, and you know, their next chapter

0:41:14.040 --> 0:41:16.200
<v Speaker 2>is in life, and to be a part of that

0:41:16.360 --> 0:41:21.960
<v Speaker 2>is very special and quite selfishly, I it's nice to

0:41:21.960 --> 0:41:24.160
<v Speaker 2>play golf and not have an eight year old.

0:41:25.560 --> 0:41:29.560
<v Speaker 1>Oh sorry, you guys just heard the actual truth. That

0:41:29.680 --> 0:41:30.960
<v Speaker 1>is the bottom line for you.

0:41:31.320 --> 0:41:36.120
<v Speaker 2>No, that's a joke. That's just a joke. But no,

0:41:36.440 --> 0:41:40.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm very grateful for how the story played out and

0:41:42.040 --> 0:41:48.000
<v Speaker 2>people who are looking to do IVF and are going

0:41:48.040 --> 0:41:54.279
<v Speaker 2>through IVF. I mean, my heart goes out too all

0:41:54.360 --> 0:41:57.439
<v Speaker 2>of you. I think it's it's it's a wonderful thing,

0:41:58.320 --> 0:42:03.120
<v Speaker 2>but it's also you know, communicate with your partner is huge.

0:42:03.880 --> 0:42:05.920
<v Speaker 2>Communication is huge.

0:42:06.239 --> 0:42:10.400
<v Speaker 1>I think communicating more specifically about your feelings through the

0:42:10.440 --> 0:42:12.640
<v Speaker 1>process with one another.

0:42:13.360 --> 0:42:14.799
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because I mean, what if I would have came

0:42:14.920 --> 0:42:17.560
<v Speaker 2>to you? And like, man, I'm just so.

0:42:17.360 --> 0:42:21.040
<v Speaker 1>Sad, then we would have been sad together.

0:42:21.320 --> 0:42:25.239
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't

0:42:25.280 --> 0:42:28.759
<v Speaker 2>know if I was supposed to be that sad you know. Yeah,

0:42:29.520 --> 0:42:32.520
<v Speaker 2>but my heart goes out to people who are doing it,

0:42:32.560 --> 0:42:37.279
<v Speaker 2>and especially the success stories are amazing, and there's a

0:42:37.320 --> 0:42:41.879
<v Speaker 2>lot of other stories that you know, people don't get

0:42:41.880 --> 0:42:42.720
<v Speaker 2>a chance to tell.

0:42:43.320 --> 0:42:46.200
<v Speaker 1>Let me ask you this when you hear Even still

0:42:46.239 --> 0:42:51.440
<v Speaker 1>to this day, we know people who are having babies

0:42:52.080 --> 0:42:56.719
<v Speaker 1>from IVF, from the assistance of IVF, currently very very

0:42:56.719 --> 0:43:00.839
<v Speaker 1>close friends of yours. How does how does that make

0:43:00.840 --> 0:43:04.160
<v Speaker 1>you feel? Because I've watched as we went through this

0:43:04.160 --> 0:43:08.040
<v Speaker 1>whole process. I've watched as every one of your friends

0:43:09.000 --> 0:43:14.360
<v Speaker 1>pretty much has started their families in your You haven't

0:43:14.400 --> 0:43:17.920
<v Speaker 1>You never got to do those things that they are doing. Yeah,

0:43:17.960 --> 0:43:21.839
<v Speaker 1>and I know that along the way that has been

0:43:21.880 --> 0:43:25.040
<v Speaker 1>hard for you, Even though you didn't really tell me

0:43:25.080 --> 0:43:28.839
<v Speaker 1>about it, I could tell. But how is it now

0:43:28.880 --> 0:43:35.440
<v Speaker 1>and where you are today hearing that your close friends

0:43:35.480 --> 0:43:37.000
<v Speaker 1>are expecting a.

0:43:36.960 --> 0:43:41.880
<v Speaker 2>Maybe I'm I'm I have like I'm a little anxious

0:43:41.920 --> 0:43:44.839
<v Speaker 2>for them because I wanted to be like joyous and

0:43:44.880 --> 0:43:48.320
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to succeed. So I guess I guess anxious.

0:43:48.440 --> 0:43:54.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm nervous, and I hope everything works out, and I'm

0:43:54.200 --> 0:43:58.640
<v Speaker 2>sure it will, and I'm very excited for them.

0:43:58.680 --> 0:44:02.200
<v Speaker 1>There's no part of you that's sad or.

0:44:03.400 --> 0:44:04.359
<v Speaker 2>Like like.

0:44:05.880 --> 0:44:10.160
<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, no, because you want to go golfing.

0:44:11.400 --> 0:44:15.040
<v Speaker 2>No, not just that. I mean I I got Fiona.

0:44:15.239 --> 0:44:19.319
<v Speaker 2>I did elementary school, Like I went from having an

0:44:19.320 --> 0:44:23.680
<v Speaker 2>apartment to walking in a fifth grader to school every day.

0:44:24.600 --> 0:44:27.959
<v Speaker 2>And then was Lola was in like what six grade?

0:44:28.000 --> 0:44:28.040
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:44:28.160 --> 0:44:32.880
<v Speaker 2>What was now? Lola was six? What was Fiona like third? Fourth?

0:44:33.760 --> 0:44:35.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you really got to raise.

0:44:37.760 --> 0:44:40.000
<v Speaker 2>I went to we went to how many weekends do

0:44:40.080 --> 0:44:44.680
<v Speaker 2>we do? Soccer? Soccer? Soccer? Soccers? A lot of weekends. So,

0:44:45.000 --> 0:44:49.120
<v Speaker 2>I mean, yeah, were fully, I've already done all that.

0:44:49.719 --> 0:44:51.359
<v Speaker 2>I haven't changed diapers, that's it.

0:44:51.800 --> 0:44:54.200
<v Speaker 1>You know, well you will get to with our grim babies.

0:44:54.280 --> 0:44:56.680
<v Speaker 1>I think that's one of the reasons we're both so excited,

0:44:56.719 --> 0:45:00.239
<v Speaker 1>and we might actually just like steal the baby ah

0:45:01.239 --> 0:45:04.200
<v Speaker 1>for you know, the weekends for sure, and then give

0:45:04.239 --> 0:45:04.520
<v Speaker 1>it back.

0:45:04.640 --> 0:45:10.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm very excited. I'm very excited about that. And yeah,

0:45:10.920 --> 0:45:14.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm I'm I'm happy for the journey that we went on,

0:45:16.360 --> 0:45:19.600
<v Speaker 2>even though it was God, it sucked.

0:45:21.360 --> 0:45:25.960
<v Speaker 1>But I think talking about it bringing it to light,

0:45:27.400 --> 0:45:29.680
<v Speaker 1>certainly talking about it with one another, but sharing our

0:45:29.719 --> 0:45:34.960
<v Speaker 1>story with other people is the key to moving through it.

0:45:35.760 --> 0:45:38.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean I didn't. I went into this talk

0:45:38.640 --> 0:45:45.560
<v Speaker 2>today now probably like unprepared. But it is emotional topic.

0:45:46.000 --> 0:45:49.480
<v Speaker 2>It's and especially it's it's at the four I mean,

0:45:49.520 --> 0:45:52.080
<v Speaker 2>it's in the election right now, and it's huge. It's

0:45:52.080 --> 0:45:55.640
<v Speaker 2>a big deal because there this is a really good

0:45:55.680 --> 0:46:00.239
<v Speaker 2>way for people to fulfill their dream to have a family.

0:46:01.920 --> 0:46:08.280
<v Speaker 1>And to have that option that right be someone else's

0:46:08.320 --> 0:46:13.799
<v Speaker 1>decision is real, real difficult for for me and for

0:46:13.880 --> 0:46:18.439
<v Speaker 1>a lot of people to understand. Right, do you feel

0:46:18.440 --> 0:46:19.400
<v Speaker 1>good about sharing?

0:46:19.800 --> 0:46:23.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Yeah, I feel good. Yeah. How do you feel?

0:46:25.040 --> 0:46:25.680
<v Speaker 1>I feel good?

0:46:26.640 --> 0:46:28.879
<v Speaker 2>Did we jar your memory a little bit? Yeah?

0:46:28.920 --> 0:46:31.120
<v Speaker 1>You jarred my memory. Also brought up some things I

0:46:31.160 --> 0:46:32.720
<v Speaker 1>didn't want to really remember.

0:46:33.120 --> 0:46:36.200
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I mean I had some stuff pop up too.

0:46:36.200 --> 0:46:38.399
<v Speaker 2>While we were talking. I was like, what is that?

0:46:39.040 --> 0:46:41.560
<v Speaker 1>Wait, what are you remembering the time I threw your

0:46:41.560 --> 0:46:42.240
<v Speaker 1>golf clubs?

0:46:42.800 --> 0:46:44.719
<v Speaker 2>No, well, no, I didn't say that. That was in

0:46:44.760 --> 0:46:46.440
<v Speaker 2>the beginning of the podcast, when I was like, well,

0:46:46.640 --> 0:46:48.840
<v Speaker 2>when we were talking about hormones, I was like, well,

0:46:49.000 --> 0:46:51.160
<v Speaker 2>you did write that into one of your shows where

0:46:51.200 --> 0:46:57.040
<v Speaker 2>you threw my golf clubs in the pool. So and

0:46:57.080 --> 0:46:58.880
<v Speaker 2>then when I asked you why did you do that?

0:46:59.040 --> 0:47:03.279
<v Speaker 2>You said, I want to go after something you love.

0:47:07.440 --> 0:47:11.000
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, well that, yeah, okay, you did

0:47:11.000 --> 0:47:11.600
<v Speaker 2>a good job.

0:47:12.480 --> 0:47:15.239
<v Speaker 1>Now, whenever we have a fight and you go for

0:47:15.320 --> 0:47:16.160
<v Speaker 1>a drive, you.

0:47:16.080 --> 0:47:19.479
<v Speaker 2>Take your golf No, no, that was no, you store

0:47:19.520 --> 0:47:21.360
<v Speaker 2>your golf all the time. I ran out of the

0:47:21.400 --> 0:47:23.760
<v Speaker 2>house and I ran out and with my golf clubs

0:47:23.760 --> 0:47:25.440
<v Speaker 2>and threw them in the back of the truck.

0:47:26.560 --> 0:47:27.280
<v Speaker 1>Just in case.

0:47:27.440 --> 0:47:29.359
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I was like, oh, if I leave these here,

0:47:29.360 --> 0:47:30.520
<v Speaker 2>they're going to be snapped.

0:47:33.000 --> 0:47:34.080
<v Speaker 1>So good times.

0:47:34.520 --> 0:47:36.400
<v Speaker 2>That's good stuff to laugh and laugh about.

0:47:36.440 --> 0:47:38.359
<v Speaker 1>That good we can laugh about it, you know.

0:47:38.520 --> 0:47:41.000
<v Speaker 2>I mean you did you did like a one you

0:47:41.040 --> 0:47:44.640
<v Speaker 2>did a twirl. I'm on camera, but you did a

0:47:44.680 --> 0:47:47.919
<v Speaker 2>twirl with my cell phone and then it came out

0:47:48.400 --> 0:47:50.560
<v Speaker 2>and flew at my head and hit the back of

0:47:50.560 --> 0:47:53.080
<v Speaker 2>the wall. And I got up like this and you

0:47:53.120 --> 0:47:59.520
<v Speaker 2>were staring at me, and I was like, okay, hormones, hormones.

0:48:00.640 --> 0:48:02.280
<v Speaker 2>Everyone's had hormone stories.

0:48:03.080 --> 0:48:05.759
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, that would be a fun episode. Let's just

0:48:05.840 --> 0:48:11.000
<v Speaker 1>get all be really honest about our worst moments. Okay, Okay,

0:48:11.080 --> 0:48:13.279
<v Speaker 1>So I feel like we've talked about this a little

0:48:13.320 --> 0:48:15.480
<v Speaker 1>bit too much. I feel like we're gonna go. I

0:48:15.560 --> 0:48:17.960
<v Speaker 1>know I'm gonna go. I need to decompress a little.

0:48:18.000 --> 0:48:19.839
<v Speaker 1>I need to process some of the stuff that's coming

0:48:19.920 --> 0:48:20.279
<v Speaker 1>up for me.

0:48:20.480 --> 0:48:24.920
<v Speaker 2>Well, listen, honey, I wouldn't have changed anything about our story,

0:48:25.120 --> 0:48:29.360
<v Speaker 2>and I'm grateful we went through it together. I'm sorry

0:48:29.360 --> 0:48:32.480
<v Speaker 2>we had to go through it. I love you.

0:48:32.520 --> 0:48:35.080
<v Speaker 1>No, that means a lot to me. Thank you. I

0:48:35.160 --> 0:48:39.280
<v Speaker 1>obviously love you too before I let you go, Babe,

0:48:41.239 --> 0:48:42.960
<v Speaker 1>what was your last I choose me moment?

0:48:43.239 --> 0:48:48.239
<v Speaker 2>Oh? Man? She you always asked me this question, like

0:48:48.280 --> 0:48:53.399
<v Speaker 2>you'll ask it like, when was the last I choose moment? Well,

0:48:53.440 --> 0:48:59.719
<v Speaker 2>that's easy. Sunday morning football all day. No one was here,

0:49:00.840 --> 0:49:04.600
<v Speaker 2>you were out of town, and I literally I watched

0:49:04.680 --> 0:49:07.640
<v Speaker 2>football all day with me and the dogs. I chose

0:49:07.680 --> 0:49:12.160
<v Speaker 2>me that day, and I chose fantasy football players.

0:49:12.800 --> 0:49:18.480
<v Speaker 1>Okay, well, very habit people football can be and I

0:49:18.560 --> 0:49:19.600
<v Speaker 1>choose me mom.

0:49:19.600 --> 0:49:21.320
<v Speaker 2>Well, thank you for having me on the podcast.

0:49:21.719 --> 0:49:28.080
<v Speaker 1>You're welcome, love you, love you. I want to thank

0:49:28.120 --> 0:49:30.879
<v Speaker 1>my husband Day for coming back on the pod and

0:49:30.920 --> 0:49:35.600
<v Speaker 1>for having that uncomfortable conversation with me. That time in

0:49:35.760 --> 0:49:39.120
<v Speaker 1>our relationship was definitely not easy, but I wanted to

0:49:39.160 --> 0:49:41.360
<v Speaker 1>share it because I know that a lot of people

0:49:41.600 --> 0:49:44.960
<v Speaker 1>go through similar struggles when it comes to fertility and

0:49:45.000 --> 0:49:47.840
<v Speaker 1>starting a family. Or maybe you don't have a partner,

0:49:47.920 --> 0:49:49.959
<v Speaker 1>but you're thinking of starting a family on your own

0:49:50.040 --> 0:49:51.440
<v Speaker 1>and you want us to know a little bit more

0:49:51.480 --> 0:49:55.120
<v Speaker 1>about IBF. We felt like it was important for us

0:49:55.320 --> 0:49:58.839
<v Speaker 1>to share our story with you because even though it

0:49:59.000 --> 0:50:03.080
<v Speaker 1>was difficult, we made it through, and all of that

0:50:03.200 --> 0:50:09.040
<v Speaker 1>pain created room for significant growth, both individually and in

0:50:09.080 --> 0:50:12.880
<v Speaker 1>our relationship as we continue to choose ourselves each week.

0:50:13.080 --> 0:50:15.879
<v Speaker 1>I want to ask you a question. Have you been

0:50:16.080 --> 0:50:19.520
<v Speaker 1>avoiding having a conversation with someone in your life because

0:50:19.920 --> 0:50:22.880
<v Speaker 1>you know it will be difficult. I know Dave and

0:50:22.920 --> 0:50:25.200
<v Speaker 1>I talked about this, how when we were going through

0:50:25.239 --> 0:50:29.200
<v Speaker 1>some of our darkest times, we weren't talking to each

0:50:29.239 --> 0:50:33.160
<v Speaker 1>other about our feelings. We weren't communicating, and it almost

0:50:33.200 --> 0:50:37.359
<v Speaker 1>broke us. Are you and your partner communicating about not

0:50:37.440 --> 0:50:40.960
<v Speaker 1>just the good times, but also the difficult times? Or

0:50:41.000 --> 0:50:43.360
<v Speaker 1>maybe you've been putting off having a tense conversation with

0:50:43.400 --> 0:50:46.719
<v Speaker 1>a family member. Look I am here to tell you

0:50:47.600 --> 0:50:50.400
<v Speaker 1>living in your head with your thoughts is not the

0:50:50.400 --> 0:50:53.360
<v Speaker 1>way to do it. And I know because I'm a

0:50:53.400 --> 0:50:56.799
<v Speaker 1>master at living in my head with my thoughts. So

0:50:56.960 --> 0:51:00.160
<v Speaker 1>even if you can't talk with that person this week,

0:51:00.560 --> 0:51:04.400
<v Speaker 1>I want to encourage you to have a conversation with someone.

0:51:05.360 --> 0:51:08.920
<v Speaker 1>Talking about whatever you might be going through is going

0:51:09.120 --> 0:51:13.200
<v Speaker 1>to feel a lot better than keeping it inside. Thank

0:51:13.239 --> 0:51:16.759
<v Speaker 1>you for listening to I Choose Me. Please check out

0:51:16.760 --> 0:51:20.320
<v Speaker 1>our socials, follow the show, rate US, review us, drop

0:51:20.360 --> 0:51:23.640
<v Speaker 1>me a message a comment, use the hashtag I Choose Me.

0:51:23.719 --> 0:51:26.439
<v Speaker 1>Whenever you feel like it. I'll be right here next week.

0:51:26.760 --> 0:51:28.800
<v Speaker 1>I hope you choose to be here too,