Speaker 1: I'm ready, let's go. Hell I suet Dating with Anger
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio podcast. Hello and welcome back to
Speaker 1: help I suck at dating. I'm Dean Anglert. I'm a
Speaker 1: little under the weather today, so pardon my raspy nasally voice. UM,
Speaker 1: I've got a great episode for you guys today. We've
Speaker 1: covered a lot of things about relationships. Um, we've had
Speaker 1: therapists in here, we've had psyche kicks in here. We've
Speaker 1: had a lot, but one thing we haven't really covered
Speaker 1: is the intimate physical component of it. So today in
Speaker 1: studio I have Kim Anami, who is a holistic sex
Speaker 1: and relationship expert who we're gonna have a few questions for.
Speaker 1: Of course. UM, we're gonna take some listener emails and
Speaker 1: listener questions, and we are going to kind of catch
Speaker 1: up with me, I guess and see where I'm at
Speaker 1: in my life. Nine episodes into this dating podcast. But
Speaker 1: first and foremost, Kim, how are you awesome? Thank you
Speaker 1: very much, it's wonderful here. Thank you for being here.
Speaker 1: Also we have Tanya of course in Eastern in the studio.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Um, okay, Kim. So, as we've kind of
Speaker 1: alluded to already before taping and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: Sex kind of makes me uncomfortable. Just talking about it
Speaker 1: makes me a little uncomfortable. Talking about it makes you uncomfortable?
Speaker 1: What about doing it? Well, I mean we're all we're
Speaker 1: all human beings at the end of the day. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's not I don't think I'm uncomfortable doing it, but
Speaker 1: it's just it's just a little, uh, it's a little
Speaker 1: it's a sensitive topic for me, not necessarily for any
Speaker 1: other reason than it's just, I don't know, makes me
Speaker 1: uncomfortable talk about So do you mean in a room
Speaker 1: full of people that you only know a little bit
Speaker 1: or with your actual sexual partner? Um, I would say both.
Speaker 1: I would say I could be dating someone for a
Speaker 1: while and I would still have Hesitancy's talking about it right,
Speaker 1: because I would say that's a very important piece of
Speaker 1: sexual intimacy is, yes, being able to be open and
Speaker 1: free physically, but to be verbal not only in bed
Speaker 1: but outside of bed. So in bed, to be able
Speaker 1: to communicate to your partner what you want, what feels
Speaker 1: good to already's talk with them, to really open up
Speaker 1: your whole being, and then outside of the bedroom to
Speaker 1: talk about like in a more neutral environment, say, like
Speaker 1: there's things that you want that aren't happening and vice versa.
Speaker 1: That when you're out of that charged environment of the bed,
Speaker 1: then you can have a deeper conversation about how you
Speaker 1: can both reach higher levels of intimacy and ecstasy. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: so obviously compatibility is a huge part of that, and
Speaker 1: I think that you become more compatible as you begin
Speaker 1: to discuss those types of things, right, Yes, And I
Speaker 1: think that it depends how open you really let yourself
Speaker 1: be in bed. Like people say, if you're having a
Speaker 1: lot of casual sex, you're probably compartmentalizing, like you're trying
Speaker 1: to keep your emotions separate from the sexual encounter. The
Speaker 1: more fully open and vulnerable you are, so you're emotionally present,
Speaker 1: you're spiritually present, you're physically present, then you're gonna have
Speaker 1: a lot more powerful, deeper sex with that person. And
Speaker 1: I guess you have. The more comfortable you're around you
Speaker 1: are around that person, the more you're able to express
Speaker 1: yourself physically. Yes, definitely, Okay, Cam, how do you go
Speaker 1: about attracting the right partner for I guess you're style
Speaker 1: of relationship? Well, it depends first of all what you want,
Speaker 1: like if you want to have a real deep, intimate,
Speaker 1: soulmate type relationship that you're really clear on that from
Speaker 1: the outset, or if you're feeling a bit guarded and
Speaker 1: like you don't really want to go deep into something.
Speaker 1: The clearer that you are about what you want, the
Speaker 1: more likely you are to attract that into your space.
Speaker 1: And there's so much out there. When people in the
Speaker 1: whole dating arena of like the game playing, you know, like, oh,
Speaker 1: we have to wait three days before we call this person.
Speaker 1: After a day and account seem too eager, and I
Speaker 1: just think that that's only going to engender more gameplay
Speaker 1: and even me personally. When I was in my twenties,
Speaker 1: I used to date guys who were in their forties
Speaker 1: because they didn't play games anymore. It was just like
Speaker 1: I like you, you like me, Let's get on with it.
Speaker 1: And there wasn't this So I'd better wait because you'll
Speaker 1: think I'd like her too much if I call her
Speaker 1: right away after we went out. They would just call
Speaker 1: and be I had an amazing time, You're so incredible,
Speaker 1: Let's do this again. And so you know, if you
Speaker 1: want authentic people, you have to be authentic. So the
Speaker 1: more really honest and vulnerable, radically honest that you are,
Speaker 1: you'll attract that into a partner. Got Well, so here's
Speaker 1: my thing. So I don't really I don't as a
Speaker 1: human being, I don't need sex like I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't necessarily like have to have it in a relationship.
Speaker 1: If I'm not in a relationship whatever it is, Like
Speaker 1: I can, I can survive perfectly fine without it. I
Speaker 1: do kind of crave that physical intimacy of um, like
Speaker 1: spooning or holding hands or just kind of like holding
Speaker 1: each other that type of stuff. So if sex isn't
Speaker 1: an incredibly important part of a relationship to me, is
Speaker 1: that something I should work on? Do you think, like
Speaker 1: I've I've dated girls for you know, extended periods of
Speaker 1: time months to two over a year where sex was
Speaker 1: something that it wasn't a very not that it wasn't
Speaker 1: very frequent, but it wasn't like the staple of our relationship,
Speaker 1: you know. And that's fine with me, Like, I don't
Speaker 1: need that, It's I think it's just like an added
Speaker 1: benefit to a healthy relationship. Well, it's great that you've
Speaker 1: expanded and you connect with your partners on all these
Speaker 1: other levels. My view is that the sex is the glue.
Speaker 1: Sex is really the heart of an intimate partner's it,
Speaker 1: and sexual energy is life force energy. This is the
Speaker 1: energy that creates a new life. And so when you're
Speaker 1: really tapped into that energy, even if you're single, you
Speaker 1: can have much more creativity, much more rejuvenation in your life.
Speaker 1: Like the whole concept is that if you're not creating
Speaker 1: babies with this energy, you can create other things in
Speaker 1: your reality with this energy force. So to me, that's
Speaker 1: the deepest place that we connect in that intimate partnership,
Speaker 1: Like it's the one thing that separates that kind of
Speaker 1: relationship from every other relationship in your life is the
Speaker 1: fact that you're probably having sex with that person. And
Speaker 1: so in mind view, when you really deeply open yourself
Speaker 1: up and you become vulnerable sexually and emotionally, there's nothing
Speaker 1: like it. You create this kind of superpowered energy. Like
Speaker 1: these couples who can be together forty years and still
Speaker 1: have cataclysmic, incredible sex, still be totally passionate for each other.
Speaker 1: That's possible for everyone, but it's kind of a myth
Speaker 1: in our culture that it's not, and so people settle
Speaker 1: into relationship where the sex just dies and they get
Speaker 1: used to that not being a big part of it.
Speaker 1: My view is that people are really scared of going
Speaker 1: that deep, and so they pretend that it's okay that
Speaker 1: they don't have sex and it's okay that they haven't
Speaker 1: had sex with their partner. I have clients who maybe
Speaker 1: haven't had sex in eight years, and they act like
Speaker 1: that's normal. They think like, oh, well, just by the way,
Speaker 1: like we we have fights about this and then we
Speaker 1: haven't had sex and New Years and then we didn't
Speaker 1: want to buy this car together. You know. I'm like, no, no,
Speaker 1: wait a second, Like this is a massive thing. And
Speaker 1: I think it's overall our culture is so repressed about
Speaker 1: sexuality that people internalize that oppression and so they're not
Speaker 1: in touch with their sexual energy and they start to
Speaker 1: kind of downplay it as an important thing, where I
Speaker 1: think it's a hugely important. So sex is kind of
Speaker 1: like the foundation for success relationship. So on that. On
Speaker 1: that note, then, for for maybe a listener of this
Speaker 1: podcast that's dating casually, how long do you think is
Speaker 1: the appropriatemoun of time to wait before you're able to
Speaker 1: kind of explore that avenue of a relationship. That's an
Speaker 1: excellent question, and I'd say there's a lot of pressure
Speaker 1: on people to be sexual very quickly these days, and
Speaker 1: so the best answer that I can give you is
Speaker 1: to really listen to yourself. And so whether that's you know,
Speaker 1: a first date or a tenth date, or three months
Speaker 1: or six months, you need to be clear when people
Speaker 1: dive into sexual relationships, and not to say that I
Speaker 1: haven't done it and been there and you know, done that.
Speaker 1: It's what a judgment thing. It's more like how do
Speaker 1: people take care of themselves? If you dive in sexually
Speaker 1: before you're really emotionally connected, you leave yourself exposed. And
Speaker 1: that's why I think if people might sort of ditch
Speaker 1: the hook up very quickly is because they both feel
Speaker 1: over exposed and they want to shut down. Okay, so
Speaker 1: there's no real there's no realistic timeline. It's just kind
Speaker 1: of various case by case. I would say it various
Speaker 1: case by case. But the longer that you wait, the
Speaker 1: more emotionally connected that you get. So, you know, you said,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say that sex is the foundation of a
Speaker 1: successful relationship. I would say that trust is, and then
Speaker 1: upon trust you can build everything else. And so when
Speaker 1: you really trust each other, you're going to have much
Speaker 1: more deep, connected, powerful sex. If you're not trusting the
Speaker 1: other person, you have barriers there, and so neither people.
Speaker 1: You know, people aren't connecting on a really deep level,
Speaker 1: and it will not be very satisfying sex. Well, and
Speaker 1: for me too to to kind of not necessarily get
Speaker 1: off topic, I I've only just recently, as a twenty
Speaker 1: six year old man, begin to open up about like
Speaker 1: what I want in a sexual relationship like I've I've
Speaker 1: been able to more recently speak more openly about what
Speaker 1: I like, what I dislike, what I what I want,
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff, because I think i've I've
Speaker 1: never maybe had the emotional connection that I that I've
Speaker 1: needed in order to open up about that, right, So
Speaker 1: I guess to to that point, then how do you
Speaker 1: continue to build the connection to make sure beyond the communication,
Speaker 1: is there anything else? I guess, well, I see the
Speaker 1: communication is key, Like and we've said trust is essential,
Speaker 1: and you said that, as you've begun to open up,
Speaker 1: then that's where you create that depth and intimacy with
Speaker 1: and I believe that you can continually grow interest in
Speaker 1: a person where you have lifelong interest in treek, mystery, passion,
Speaker 1: sexual attraction, that that can be the norm. That's not
Speaker 1: a myth in our culture that after two years or
Speaker 1: a certain amount of time, people naturally lose interest. I
Speaker 1: don't believe that to be true. I think that people
Speaker 1: just don't know how to build a powerful relationship. And
Speaker 1: so no one's taught. I mean, look, in school, you're
Speaker 1: taught that sex will kill you and sex will get
Speaker 1: you pregnant. So there, go off and have sex and
Speaker 1: figure out your relationships, right, And so people have this giant,
Speaker 1: you know, whole or void inside of them, having no idea.
Speaker 1: They have this intimate, innate desire and natural desire to
Speaker 1: be sexual and to be intimate, to really get close
Speaker 1: to another person. That is a natural, fundamental human desire
Speaker 1: that we all have. And then we have all these
Speaker 1: you know, contradictory messages in the culture, like sex is everywhere,
Speaker 1: it's in pops, songs, media advertising, and you're not really
Speaker 1: allowed to have it either or you know, enjoy it.
Speaker 1: So there's still this huge taboo about it. So most
Speaker 1: people are walking around with a lot of blocks inside
Speaker 1: of them. No one's really taught how to do relationship
Speaker 1: and so that's a huge part of my work is
Speaker 1: explaining to people and educating them about what's possible in
Speaker 1: an intimate relationship. Like I just said, you can be
Speaker 1: together for forty years and still want to rip each
Speaker 1: other's clothes off. That is possible for everyone. Every woman
Speaker 1: can find deep levels of release and pleasure, every man
Speaker 1: can explore his full potential in the bedroom, and and
Speaker 1: add infinitum. But where no one's really taught how to
Speaker 1: do that. And the huge piece of that is around
Speaker 1: communication and opening yourself to another person and sharing who
Speaker 1: you really are, being authentically you without holding back, without
Speaker 1: putting up guards and barriers and hiding in any way.
Speaker 1: And that's really hard. That's one of the hardest things
Speaker 1: that we can do as human beings is to totally
Speaker 1: open ourselves to be vulnerable and then to be loved,
Speaker 1: you know, because as soon as we're vulnerable, we're at
Speaker 1: the risk of being hurt. And so most people walk
Speaker 1: around with masks on, they're guarded, they have defense mechanisms,
Speaker 1: their whole terrain is loaded with land mines that someone
Speaker 1: can trip over and snap and everything can implode. And
Speaker 1: so it takes a skill set to develop a really positive, powerful,
Speaker 1: healthy relationship. Most people don't just do it intuitively. So
Speaker 1: most of your clients clients that you see, are they
Speaker 1: typically older couples that have been together for a long
Speaker 1: time or do you typically see it a little bit younger.
Speaker 1: I don't know what's what's that kind of typical? My
Speaker 1: client base rages like the media is probably thirty something
Speaker 1: to forty something, but I have everything from twenty some
Speaker 1: things to seventies some things who want to get better
Speaker 1: at their intimate lives. And it's not just people who
Speaker 1: are suffering and really struggling. It's people who are like,
Speaker 1: it's already amazing, how do we keep it amazing? You know,
Speaker 1: they've already prioritized their intimate lives as this very important
Speaker 1: piece of their existence, and they want to know, Hey,
Speaker 1: you're an expert. What do you know that we don't
Speaker 1: know that we can keep learning about and educating ourselves
Speaker 1: about the way that people look at their careers. You know,
Speaker 1: you go to school. If for a lot of people
Speaker 1: go to school, they work, then they continue to educate themselves.
Speaker 1: They study the apprentice, they take seminars and workshops. They
Speaker 1: do for the education, But in relationships, people don't do that.
Speaker 1: They get their relationship, they think they've got it once
Speaker 1: they've got some kind of a commitment, and then they
Speaker 1: just put their focus elsewhere, and so they stop prioritizing
Speaker 1: their relationship, and as soon as they start to do that,
Speaker 1: the relationship withers away. Well, and back to the age,
Speaker 1: I still have a question for you, Um, when I
Speaker 1: was growing or not when I was growing up, but
Speaker 1: like a few years ago, my brother was dating like
Speaker 1: an older woman right like late thirties, um, and he
Speaker 1: was like mid twenties whatever it was. Is there is
Speaker 1: there an actual time when a woman and a man
Speaker 1: reaches her sexual peak, because it isn't a woman's sexual
Speaker 1: peak typically in her late thirties, while a man's is
Speaker 1: like maybe the late teens, early twenties. I don't know
Speaker 1: if that's if I believe that physiologically, I think that
Speaker 1: women may be become more confident and comfortable with their
Speaker 1: sexuality as they get older. Women are given less permission
Speaker 1: in our culture to be sexual than men. For men,
Speaker 1: it's like you're allowed to go out there, you're allowed
Speaker 1: to sleep with anybody you want to. But if a
Speaker 1: woman does that, she gets judged. She immediately gets judged
Speaker 1: and labeled, and that's that she internalizes that, so she
Speaker 1: starts to hold back in her sexual expression. So I
Speaker 1: think once women get into their thirties and forties, they're like,
Speaker 1: screw this, Like I'm going to just be this part
Speaker 1: of myself and express it however I want to, And
Speaker 1: they've gotten a certain level of maturity and experience to
Speaker 1: do that. I don't know that it's a physiological peak, um,
Speaker 1: in your opinion, then, as as we're kind of obviously
Speaker 1: talking about this, that makes me very uncomfortable still, Um, say,
Speaker 1: say you meet someone new, incredibly interesting, whatever, you connect emotionally,
Speaker 1: do you think that there is a a number of
Speaker 1: sexual partners that that person has would have had to
Speaker 1: be caused for concern or like a red flag or
Speaker 1: something like that. M m um, Not necessarily. Like I
Speaker 1: think that people in their teens and their twenties, it's
Speaker 1: pretty natural to go out and explore, and that people
Speaker 1: aren't necessarily as in touch with their emotions at that age,
Speaker 1: and as they grow older into their later twenties and thirties,
Speaker 1: they start to crave more of an emotional connection. But
Speaker 1: in that early stage, I think a lot of people explore.
Speaker 1: So I wouldn't say it's a cause of concern so
Speaker 1: long as that person is operating from a place of
Speaker 1: high self esteem. That if they were doing these things
Speaker 1: and they were doing it to please other people or
Speaker 1: doing it to be to be liked or whatever, is
Speaker 1: different than someone who just had a healthy, very conscious
Speaker 1: curiosity about sexuality. So okay, so it just just bloils
Speaker 1: out of self awardess. Then I have a um sex question.
Speaker 1: Go for it in your opinion, And I know you're
Speaker 1: not a man, but I feel like you're a sexpert.
Speaker 1: What's the best way to give a good can you say? There? Oh?
Speaker 1: Is that not what we're doing here? Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: while we're on the topic, we's on everybody's mind. Everybody's
Speaker 1: thinking it. Hello. The best way to excel at filatio
Speaker 1: is to total be in love with your partners And
Speaker 1: so if you are fully, madly, truly in love with
Speaker 1: their they are going to feel that if you're doing
Speaker 1: it out of duty, if you just like it, you know,
Speaker 1: and you think they're gonna like it, it won't be
Speaker 1: as good if you madly just attack that thing with
Speaker 1: your your mouth, your heart, every single part of you,
Speaker 1: your partner will go weak in the knees and you'll
Speaker 1: be the best lover they ever had. Actually, really good answer.
Speaker 1: I assume the same thing is true. Going another way, absolutely, yes,
Speaker 1: Dean always thinking about the girl. I mean, I'll be honest,
Speaker 1: I haven't really been maybe the most giving in that
Speaker 1: sense of the word in my sexual career, you know.
Speaker 1: I think I think that specifically for me, is a
Speaker 1: big trust thing as well, because, um, you want to
Speaker 1: go you want to be doing that with someone that
Speaker 1: you're very comfortable with and that you you maybe you
Speaker 1: understand a little bit more deeply than that the casual data,
Speaker 1: you know. That's kind of my I guess take on it.
Speaker 1: It's a very intimate experience. And I think that you're
Speaker 1: right is that it's a symbol of when you're really
Speaker 1: open to somebody and you're comfortable and you want to
Speaker 1: go deeper with them, and that's what it's all about.
Speaker 1: So then you're not going to be faking it if
Speaker 1: you truly have those feelings, those genuine feelings about who
Speaker 1: they are and that part of them that is the
Speaker 1: essence of who they are. Yeah, um okay, Kim so
Speaker 1: as a millennial asked Tanya and I both are. How
Speaker 1: do you think that affects the sexual component of relationship
Speaker 1: because it seems that that hookup culture is a lot
Speaker 1: more prominent now maybe than it was I don't know,
Speaker 1: just as recent as a as a decade before Mark's generation.
Speaker 1: Sorry Mark, No, it's true though, it's just a little
Speaker 1: bit different. So there's because there's a difference between having
Speaker 1: sex and making love with someone. So I don't know,
Speaker 1: can you speak to that a little bit? Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: like I said, I think it is kind of part
Speaker 1: of the deal when people are in the twenties, not
Speaker 1: for everybody, but it's certainly a time when people do
Speaker 1: that more. But like, my whole philosophy is to use
Speaker 1: your intimate relationship as a power source, and to really
Speaker 1: do that, you have to be connected emotionally, psychologically, spiritually,
Speaker 1: and sexually physically. You have to be interested and attracted
Speaker 1: and intrigued on all of those levels. And if you're not,
Speaker 1: you can do these things, but they're not going to
Speaker 1: be as deeper as pleasurable, and so the real potential
Speaker 1: of power and energy and as a source of rejuvenation
Speaker 1: that a sexual relationship can be, you're not going to
Speaker 1: really tap into that if it's superficial, if they're just
Speaker 1: casual hookups. And I have no judgment about this, like
Speaker 1: people are free to make their own choices. It's just
Speaker 1: more about what you're wanting in your life and in
Speaker 1: your relationship. That makes sense. So so then to that note,
Speaker 1: being the professional that you are and spending the amount
Speaker 1: of time researching and and understanding this on a level
Speaker 1: that maybe we don't What would you say that you
Speaker 1: know about sex that the casual participator or listener doesn't.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to how to raise that properly. Well,
Speaker 1: you know, I think that we grow up and take
Speaker 1: on these ideas of people. Say, you know, your parents
Speaker 1: probably said wait till you find someone that you love,
Speaker 1: and as kids people just kind of oh, whatever, you know,
Speaker 1: But their reality is is that the sex is better
Speaker 1: that way. Once people have enough not so connected sex,
Speaker 1: they usually discover then when they have more connected sex,
Speaker 1: that it's more pleasurable, more enjoyable. They're more likely to
Speaker 1: have climaxes through that experience more easily, They express themselves better,
Speaker 1: they don't feel embarrassed about maybe their bodies, Like all
Speaker 1: of these things melt away when you're with someone you
Speaker 1: really love and trust. And again I have no judgment
Speaker 1: about it. This isn't a moral condemnation about people's choices.
Speaker 1: It's just more about what you really want. So I
Speaker 1: think what people don't understand is that your sexual relationship
Speaker 1: can be a power source in your life. And so
Speaker 1: you know that whole that old adage like behind every
Speaker 1: good man is a woman. Well, behind every good woman
Speaker 1: is a man on his knees giving her everything he's got.
Speaker 1: So when you really give your power and energy to
Speaker 1: each other, you rejuvenate your lives together. And most people
Speaker 1: just think of their marriage is maybe like a social
Speaker 1: agreement or an economic agreement. Like we've come out of
Speaker 1: this these decades of obligatory marriages, like marriages that were
Speaker 1: kind of like duties, and people had their roles. When
Speaker 1: was taking care of the kids, one was taking care
Speaker 1: of making money. And so now we're I think, evolving
Speaker 1: into this place where we really want a soulmate type
Speaker 1: relationship where you meet your match, where you really meet
Speaker 1: that person who's a compliment for you and brings out
Speaker 1: your very best self. Yeah. So I recently, uh um,
Speaker 1: recognized that I was making a big mistake. I was
Speaker 1: like in this perpetual pattern of pain because I was
Speaker 1: sleeping with people that I wasn't connected to, I wasn't
Speaker 1: in a relationship with, and I recently made the decision
Speaker 1: to wait for marriage. And it's something that I've been
Speaker 1: like doing a lot of research on, and I've kind
Speaker 1: of realized that there's like, also, you don't have to
Speaker 1: have sex to have a sexual relationship. That makes sense.
Speaker 1: And so they're like, um, and what do you mean
Speaker 1: by that? Exactly, Like, there's ways to be intimate with
Speaker 1: somebody without having sex, without having penetrative sex. Yes, and
Speaker 1: you do other things, is what you're saying. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: so to you, the line would be penetrative sex, but
Speaker 1: up to that everything else is okay, yes, okay, what Kim,
Speaker 1: what are your thoughts on the introduction of third party
Speaker 1: accessories into the bedroom? Oh? Did we finish? Did we
Speaker 1: answer her questions? Oh? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We can
Speaker 1: we can go there? Do you want? I thought that
Speaker 1: was kind of on topic. I thought it was. It is,
Speaker 1: but I want to hear the rest of her. So
Speaker 1: you're just you've decided to wait for marriage for that act,
Speaker 1: that kind of crowning act and so how did how
Speaker 1: has that been going for you? How do you feel
Speaker 1: about that? Um, it's I think the best decision I've
Speaker 1: ever made, I've like I feel so I felt so
Speaker 1: at peace about it. It's really weird. It's been very
Speaker 1: three it and so I know it's going to be
Speaker 1: a struggle, and it's like just it's very different from
Speaker 1: the culture that I've been in. Does that make sense? Absolutely?
Speaker 1: So it's definitely like a mind shift. And then I'm
Speaker 1: going to need to like obviously need a lot of support.
Speaker 1: But um, I think that learning, like like what you're
Speaker 1: I mean, I think I was just putting myself in
Speaker 1: these these situations where I was constantly getting hurt, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that anymore. It's a really
Speaker 1: brave thing what you've said. That's a very self aware
Speaker 1: thing and a very brave thing to do because you're
Speaker 1: totally going against the grain. If I would imagine most
Speaker 1: of your peers and and then really honoring yourself and
Speaker 1: that's a beautiful thing. And so you probably now will
Speaker 1: create a higher caliber caliber relationship because you're coming from
Speaker 1: a place of self listening, self honoring, and self respect
Speaker 1: and the fact that you're going to find a man
Speaker 1: that's much more patient. I feel like it's pretty important too, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I think to give me the point earlier in
Speaker 1: the day that, um, a lot of guys and I
Speaker 1: mean some women of course, want to to kind of
Speaker 1: dive into the as a cool aspect of the relationship. Um,
Speaker 1: but if you're able to find a guy that's able
Speaker 1: to be patient with you, I feel like that would
Speaker 1: definitely strengthen the relationship and it definitely helps kind of
Speaker 1: like thin out and with out the the boys that
Speaker 1: are the guys that you don't want to be dating
Speaker 1: and the guy that's willing to work with you and
Speaker 1: actually like commit that. I didn't know that. That's that's
Speaker 1: really amazing beautiful. Um, all right, what about the question
Speaker 1: that I had, So you're asking about is it a
Speaker 1: good idea to introduce third party accessories into the bedroom?
Speaker 1: That was the question. Absolutely, I think that every couple
Speaker 1: ought to have their own boudoir box, like a selection
Speaker 1: of things that enhance the experience and amplify things. And
Speaker 1: I've even just come out with a product line of
Speaker 1: different toys that can be used in the bedroom for
Speaker 1: different pleasure centers, And so absolutely, I think they are
Speaker 1: great things. I wouldn't say that you know to get
Speaker 1: fully reliance on them, like I think the absolute best
Speaker 1: connection really is between two human beings and two sets
Speaker 1: of human flesh, but that these accessories absolutely have their
Speaker 1: time and place, because speaking from my personal experience, I've
Speaker 1: been very anti accessory. I don't think I've ever used anything.
Speaker 1: So I mean, I guess I just gotta branch out
Speaker 1: a little bit more and communicate more and give it
Speaker 1: a shot. Well, like I said, I think that the
Speaker 1: ultimate is two people and the accessories that can use,
Speaker 1: like say, to explore different climaxes or different pleasure zones
Speaker 1: in each partner, than certain tools can be really good
Speaker 1: for that. So they can be things that are tandential
Speaker 1: to your sexual relationship rather than the core of it.
Speaker 1: You and your partner are the core, but these other
Speaker 1: things are just like things that you can experiment and
Speaker 1: play with along the way. Are there any specifics you
Speaker 1: can talk about on this family friendly podcast? And my
Speaker 1: work is all about educating, as I said, what's possible
Speaker 1: for people, and so a big thing of what I
Speaker 1: talk about for women is that there are deeper internal
Speaker 1: that they can have and so I've designed a set
Speaker 1: of toys that are designed to with their precise shape
Speaker 1: and curvature, access those points that would be very difficult
Speaker 1: for a male to do with his genital anatomy. You
Speaker 1: could get there with your hands, but when you have
Speaker 1: a like minor made out of glass, then they're designed
Speaker 1: and shaped for the exact curvature to access those points.
Speaker 1: So these are different release and pleasure centers in the
Speaker 1: woman that you can get to when you have the
Speaker 1: aid of these little Oh hey, Mark or Easton. Do
Speaker 1: you guys care about wearing in on this conversation at all?
Speaker 1: It's a little weird at this point. What what's weird
Speaker 1: about it? The female pleasure centers? Yeah, it feels I
Speaker 1: think once you get married, it's weird to talk about
Speaker 1: these things. Single you can talk about these things because
Speaker 1: there's like a veilive mystery of who you're talking about. Yes, exactly,
Speaker 1: exactly right, And I think it'd be disrespected all to
Speaker 1: my wife to talk about anything that we've used or
Speaker 1: not used or Jean enjoy. Let's just really hypotheticals. Then,
Speaker 1: I just do you support the idea of them, Like,
Speaker 1: do you think it's a good idea? Yeah? No, I
Speaker 1: just heard a whole list of ways I'm probably not
Speaker 1: satisfying my wife. Now. I think I thought there was
Speaker 1: one type of orgasm, and it's the one I wasn't.
Speaker 1: You can happen just just being real, sure, and that's
Speaker 1: really common, that's really common. Most people have that misconception,
Speaker 1: and that's because it's prevalent up there in the culture.
Speaker 1: And that's why I'm so passionate about my work, is
Speaker 1: to show people what's actually possible for that much more.
Speaker 1: That's just the tip of the iceberg. Literally, the type
Speaker 1: that you're talking about. I'm often associated with just the tip.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry for real though, it's a real important thing
Speaker 1: that I think a lot of people don't have enough
Speaker 1: knowledge about and could be making the world a much
Speaker 1: more colorful and exciting place. Absolutely. Yeah, Like I feel
Speaker 1: like these deeper can I say orgasm at this point?
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know what please, These deeper vaginal
Speaker 1: orgasms from these deeper internal orgasms for women are like
Speaker 1: self actualizing. They access these deeper, incredible emotional, spiritual releases
Speaker 1: and openings, and so the woman helps it becomes she
Speaker 1: becomes more of who she really is. And so again
Speaker 1: this is my whole thrust with this topic is that
Speaker 1: there's so much depth and intimacy and exploration that the
Speaker 1: couple has available to them when they get into a
Speaker 1: situation that they're open and trusting and comfortable with. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm I just got married like a month ago. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. Um And uh, I don't know. I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm on the look at to keep things things interesting.
Speaker 1: You know, we're a month in and I just don't
Speaker 1: want things to go stale. And here we are in
Speaker 1: sitting next to a twenty year veteran who he's not
Speaker 1: willing to share his faid secrets. There's no trade secret.
Speaker 1: Feels wrong, that's all. But things are good. Things are good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you? Okay, old parties are satisfied. Um. Okay, Kim, Well,
Speaker 1: so you have a website, correct, it's it's kim Anami
Speaker 1: dot com. Am I saying last name right, that's right, okay,
Speaker 1: and the Instagram pages at kim Anami okay. Um. Is
Speaker 1: there anything else you're working on that you want to share? Well,
Speaker 1: I just opened a shop with a bunch of accessories
Speaker 1: that are to be used in the bedroom or can
Speaker 1: be taken as healing remedies. For people. And so there
Speaker 1: are these crystal elixirs that I've created as well as
Speaker 1: these glass objects, and then a variety of other things
Speaker 1: that all aid in one's intimate life. And that's anomie
Speaker 1: alchemia dot com got And I would regret the opportunity
Speaker 1: not to ask you about your weightlifting career. Do you
Speaker 1: mind speaking to that a little bit? Well, yeah, I'd
Speaker 1: love to speak about it. Um. I just need all
Speaker 1: the information so that you can start weightlifting as well.
Speaker 1: You can. It's important for men as well as women
Speaker 1: just strengthen their genital power exercises with weight y. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The original Kegel exercise designed by Dr Kegel, involved using
Speaker 1: a device inside internally and so no, it's like a
Speaker 1: gentle it's it was. It's a painful experience. It's just
Speaker 1: like lifting weights. If you're gonna go lift a weight,
Speaker 1: or you know you're going to strengthen your bicep, you
Speaker 1: don't just wave your bicep in the air, right, You
Speaker 1: pick up a weight and you press. It's the resistance
Speaker 1: and the feedback that actually builds straight and so most
Speaker 1: this is like any other muscle of the body that
Speaker 1: needs strengthening and exercising. And because we're this very sexually
Speaker 1: reclaimed culture, it just doesn't happen. It's fallen out of
Speaker 1: the way of what ought to be part of a
Speaker 1: natural weightlifting or twine. You have your legs day, your
Speaker 1: arms day, and your genital's day, and to put the
Speaker 1: ball up there and like squeeze it up pretty much.
Speaker 1: I use these little jade eggs as a small stone
Speaker 1: of jade carved into the shape of an egg that
Speaker 1: goes up inside and then it's rilled with the whole
Speaker 1: a string comes out. They're just tiny, they're very small,
Speaker 1: smaller than most things that would go inside of there.
Speaker 1: And then you can hang things from the end of
Speaker 1: the string and you gradually increase the weight. I've lifted
Speaker 1: everything from surfboards to green coconuts to chandeliers while I
Speaker 1: was in Italy, because I have a whole world tour
Speaker 1: where I travel around the world lifting objects indigenous to
Speaker 1: various regions with my another part, Wow, wow, I have
Speaker 1: the loss. That's that's very h very impressive. UM. I
Speaker 1: guess my question as well is if you were to
Speaker 1: sign a percentage to the I guess values in a relationship,
Speaker 1: how much would you assign for the physical component in
Speaker 1: the top two or three. Like I said, trust and
Speaker 1: openness is probably number one, and then sexual intimacy would
Speaker 1: be number two. Do you think that a successful relationship
Speaker 1: is intimacy. Yeah, I mean that's the place where you
Speaker 1: truly connect, as I said, And a lot of couples
Speaker 1: go along and they think, oh, we're just such good buddies,
Speaker 1: we make such good partners, and doesn't really matter that
Speaker 1: we don't have a sexual relationship. But it does because
Speaker 1: if that part of your being doesn't have some way
Speaker 1: to express itself, it comes out in untoward ways. And
Speaker 1: if we've seen that in the global culture, where people
Speaker 1: who have been forced not to have sex end up
Speaker 1: having it in ways that are really damaging and violating
Speaker 1: to other people. So you can't just shut that down
Speaker 1: and pretend it doesn't exist. It does. It needs healthy
Speaker 1: outlets for it. And my work is all about the
Speaker 1: conscious direction of sexual energy, and ideally within a relationship,
Speaker 1: a conscious, committed relationship where both people are looking at
Speaker 1: how to make that a totally blissful, ecstatic, rejuvenating experience
Speaker 1: like that ought to be the place where the couple
Speaker 1: comes together to revitalize themselves. So you've been out in
Speaker 1: the world, fighting your battles in the world, and you
Speaker 1: come home and your bed is your sanctuary. Your relationship
Speaker 1: is your sanctuary. That's your haven where you can let
Speaker 1: down your hard, let down your masks, totally be yourself
Speaker 1: and be loved and cherished. And there is nothing that's
Speaker 1: more healing and energizing for your life than having that
Speaker 1: kind of recognition and love from your partner. Okay, I
Speaker 1: love that. That's great. Um, all right, Oh Kim, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for joining us. It was a pleasure
Speaker 1: your love. Thank you for your openness. Um. At the
Speaker 1: end of the day, that's all we can really do
Speaker 1: is just be open to the conversation, right And I'm
Speaker 1: working on it. I know I get closed off and
Speaker 1: kind of You're brave, You're grageous. You're sharing your intimate
Speaker 1: life on this you know, huge channel and platform, and
Speaker 1: that's a really brave thing to do. Well. I know
Speaker 1: that I can attest and I'm sure the listeners can
Speaker 1: as well. That we're gonna be able to take a
Speaker 1: lot from this episode, I hope sexually, and and I'm
Speaker 1: I'm excited to. I don't know see what comes from it.
Speaker 1: I've got a lot to process. It's gonna take me
Speaker 1: a while. Um. But again, ladies and gentlemen, that's kim Anami.
Speaker 1: Go to her website kim nami dot com. I would
Speaker 1: assume it's not safe work, but it's that there's nothing
Speaker 1: visually unsafe. The topics are quite far ranging, but nothing
Speaker 1: that visually is too well. I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: know what's safe for work and where you work exactly,
Speaker 1: but there's no actual nudity. If you're a government employee,
Speaker 1: do not be going to kim and ont com. Maybe
Speaker 1: waits you get home check it out. All right, Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much again, it's a pleasure having you
Speaker 1: in the studio. Thanks so much for having me. Um okay, well, so,
Speaker 1: one way to explore your sexual curiosity is through the
Speaker 1: use of dating apps or not um. One great app
Speaker 1: that you could use is Bumble. You've heard me talk
Speaker 1: about it before. There are multiple things you can do
Speaker 1: on Bumble. If you are interested in be pursuing a
Speaker 1: sexual relationship with someone, you could always find someone cute
Speaker 1: to date, someone interesting to date. But if that's not
Speaker 1: really your thing, maybe go and find a friend on
Speaker 1: the friend Finder version of the app, or if you
Speaker 1: are looking for more business connections, if you're looking to
Speaker 1: network yourself a little bit more, there's also Bumble for work,
Speaker 1: which is great because it meets uh. It allows you
Speaker 1: to meet like minded professional, career minded individuals just like yourself.
Speaker 1: So go to bumble dot com slash Dean and download
Speaker 1: the app and find your next boyfriend, your next girlfriend,
Speaker 1: your next best friend, your next work friend right there
Speaker 1: on Bumble. What makes Bumble so unique to me and
Speaker 1: part of the reason that I like it and my
Speaker 1: most of my if not all of my friends that
Speaker 1: are in the dating world, are on it is because
Speaker 1: you as a as a girl, you need to reach
Speaker 1: out first to the guy, and so these other apps
Speaker 1: guys can kind of nag and annoy the girl and
Speaker 1: it can kind of become a nuisance at some point.
Speaker 1: So what's great about Bumble is the girl has to
Speaker 1: make the first move. So sometimes maybe you're swipping a
Speaker 1: little too fast, you match with someone accidentally, the conversation
Speaker 1: doesn't open until you begin messaging that person um, which
Speaker 1: is great. It's a little bit more safe. It allows
Speaker 1: um maybe like a second betting process, which I think
Speaker 1: we all need because we got all get a little
Speaker 1: Swipepappy sometimes as a guy. I like that too because
Speaker 1: it shows some interest on her. Oh absolutely. And I
Speaker 1: would say that if I were to use any other app,
Speaker 1: I very seldom open up with any line at all
Speaker 1: because I like to wait for the girl to use
Speaker 1: an opening line on me. And Bumble kind of choirs that,
Speaker 1: which is great for people like me. So if you
Speaker 1: want to meet people like me on Bumble, go to
Speaker 1: Bumble dot com, slash Dean and download the app and
Speaker 1: start bumbling. So yeah, So to catch the listeners up
Speaker 1: on my life, it's uh, there's been a lot of
Speaker 1: self discovery lately. Um, we have the holiday's approaching. Holidays
Speaker 1: are always a tough time for me, just because of
Speaker 1: the family dynamic. This year, for Thanksgiving, I just went
Speaker 1: up to Ohai, which is in I don't know, Central California,
Speaker 1: with some of my friends and we had a Thanksgiving
Speaker 1: up there with one of my best friends father. Um
Speaker 1: what else I was Actually so, I was at the
Speaker 1: gym the other day and I was riding my bike
Speaker 1: comb and I'm I'm a late jim go or I
Speaker 1: probably go like eleven or twelve at night. Um, and
Speaker 1: I just like started thinking to myself and I got
Speaker 1: home and I was like, oh my gosh, I have
Speaker 1: I have always flots the thoughts flung right now like
Speaker 1: I need to start writing them all down. And I
Speaker 1: started writing about stuff, and it was just basically like
Speaker 1: stuff about my life, like experience that I've experiences that
Speaker 1: I've had in my life. And I was like writing
Speaker 1: for like an hour or two, and I was like,
Speaker 1: cooly cow. I've never like written for that long before,
Speaker 1: but I was like typing out my entire life. But
Speaker 1: what I think that I realized is that part of
Speaker 1: the reason why I have been unsuccessful in dating and
Speaker 1: in relationships is because I have this weird like psychological
Speaker 1: um kind of I don't want to call it an issue,
Speaker 1: but I feel like at every walk of my life,
Speaker 1: I've been challenged to push through and like persevere. And
Speaker 1: I have noticed that the women that challenged me are
Speaker 1: the ones that mostly get the most out of me.
Speaker 1: So so when I look back and I'll kind of
Speaker 1: like run over these these moments that I've had through
Speaker 1: life that I think have kind of molded me to
Speaker 1: be that type of person. When I was younger, um
Speaker 1: my family. I was born in New Jersey, but when
Speaker 1: I was one year old, my family decided to pack
Speaker 1: everything up into a like a five bed long bus
Speaker 1: that we lived in for essentially three years. And while
Speaker 1: we were in that bus, we didn't have any money,
Speaker 1: so my father was like painhandling on the stre EETs
Speaker 1: for cash. My mother was like selling temporary tattoos out
Speaker 1: of the back of the van, just like so we
Speaker 1: could afford gas and put food on the table. So
Speaker 1: as a young child, from the ages of like two
Speaker 1: to five, I was like ingrained with this idea of
Speaker 1: you know your you need to like essentially be challenged
Speaker 1: and work for the betterment of the the group, right,
Speaker 1: and so then pass forward, Like obviously things kind of
Speaker 1: increased and improved a little bit from there. Um, having
Speaker 1: grown up in Aspen and where we did, obviously I
Speaker 1: was very very lucky. But then when my mother passed away,
Speaker 1: I didn't really have any other option, but I was
Speaker 1: I was kind of not expected to, um, I guess,
Speaker 1: continue progressing through life, right, So I basically took it
Speaker 1: upon myself to challenge myself to graduate high school, which
Speaker 1: I was very very proud of at the time. As
Speaker 1: an eighteen year old. Um, you know, I didn't really
Speaker 1: have anyone monitoring me. I didn't have anyone waking me
Speaker 1: up in the morning, etcetera, etcetera. But I took it
Speaker 1: upon myself to challenge myself to graduate high school. From
Speaker 1: that point, you know, I received scholarships, I challenged myself
Speaker 1: to go to college, eventually graduated college, and then I
Speaker 1: from there, you know, got a job in Denver, which
Speaker 1: was very challenging, and then moved to Los Angeles, essentially
Speaker 1: a new challenge for me. So I guess the common
Speaker 1: theme that I was saying and then I've kind of
Speaker 1: noticed about my entire life is I am constantly I
Speaker 1: constantly need to have the idea of growth in my
Speaker 1: head and that comes from challenging yourself and within relationships
Speaker 1: especially too. So go back to Bachelorette, I think part
Speaker 1: of the reason that you saw the best version of
Speaker 1: myself was because Rachel was so good at challenging me
Speaker 1: and pushing me to open up more about myself and
Speaker 1: and essentially needing to get more out of me. And then,
Speaker 1: even like looking back at other relationships, I look back
Speaker 1: at um leaning a long term relationships where you get comfortable,
Speaker 1: and that's kind of where everything starts to fizzle out,
Speaker 1: and so I don't know if it's necessarily maybe something
Speaker 1: I need to work on, or if I need to
Speaker 1: find that right person in my life that's going to
Speaker 1: be able to challenge me constantly, consistently. Um, but just
Speaker 1: it's just like a weird realization that I had, like
Speaker 1: there's one underlying trend that I have, and not just
Speaker 1: my relationships, but in every facet of life, Like even lately,
Speaker 1: you know, I haven't necessarily been challenging myself quite as
Speaker 1: much as I have. I feel like I've kind of
Speaker 1: sputtered out a little bit now that I'm you know,
Speaker 1: twenty six years old, already graduated college. Um, my recruiting
Speaker 1: career is on a temporary hold, which doesn't necessarily provide
Speaker 1: me any professional growth. I'm obviously like trying new things
Speaker 1: and trying to expand my horizons and and and experience
Speaker 1: as much as I possibly can, but I feel like
Speaker 1: I've kind of like plateaued a little bit and I'm
Speaker 1: still trying to figure out what exactly that next challenge
Speaker 1: is going to be. So that's what that's kind of
Speaker 1: what I've been that the thought process I've been dealing
Speaker 1: with lately. It's it's a lot of For the first
Speaker 1: time in my life, I've never I don't have to
Speaker 1: work forty hours a week to to be able to
Speaker 1: pay rent at the end of the month, or um,
Speaker 1: you know, fifty hours a week to put food on
Speaker 1: the type of table or in my belly, whatever it is.
Speaker 1: So now it's like I've I've been afforded this momentary
Speaker 1: lapse of responsibility where I can use it for self
Speaker 1: discovery and try and figure everything out for myself. Um.
Speaker 1: But with that comes maybe a lack of fulfillment through that,
Speaker 1: because normally I've I've been challenged every point in my
Speaker 1: life up until I guess just recently. That makes sense.
Speaker 1: You're you're you're you're fascinating, and you've had a fascinating life.
Speaker 1: It's interesting life, you really have. Yeah. The story you
Speaker 1: told a few weeks ago when you're riding bikes as
Speaker 1: a kid and the and the poor kid you were
Speaker 1: with fell off his bike and was run over by
Speaker 1: a truck. Hunter, Yeah, Hunter was killed. That has haunted
Speaker 1: me since the day you told me that story. That
Speaker 1: was three weeks ago, and I've thought of it a
Speaker 1: hundred times since then. That's an incredible tragic story. And
Speaker 1: then this now living in a was it a bus?
Speaker 1: So it was like a if you picture like a
Speaker 1: school bus. And then I think my father like gutted it.
Speaker 1: Put in two bunk beds on either side down the
Speaker 1: main hallway, and like a large king bed in the back.
Speaker 1: So it's all five, I'm sorry, all six of us
Speaker 1: living in this bus for you know, two or three years.
Speaker 1: We went from like trailer park to Tchailer Park. I
Speaker 1: always tell people that we visited all forty eight continental states.
Speaker 1: I want to say we probably visited somewhere in the
Speaker 1: thirties until we settled on um living in Aspen. But
Speaker 1: you weren't homeless, Like you didn't consider yourself homeless. Well,
Speaker 1: I was still a baby at the time, so I
Speaker 1: was still like learning how to walk and talking all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. I don't see the movie Captain Fantastic.
Speaker 1: It's a guy who lives in a bus with his
Speaker 1: kids and uh, they travel around the country. You should
Speaker 1: go see that movie, which is great. It's actually an
Speaker 1: excellent movie. I think I think that um again as
Speaker 1: a as a young child. I don't remember every single
Speaker 1: moment of it, but I feel like that instill the
Speaker 1: very nomadic lifestyle. I mean, like I like to be
Speaker 1: on the move and I like to experience new things,
Speaker 1: and that's an interesting uh and those tied together. I
Speaker 1: think with what you're saying, you're saying that when you
Speaker 1: achieve a level of complacency or comfort, whether it's relationships professionally,
Speaker 1: that's when you get rush lists and need to move,
Speaker 1: I lose interests and whatever it is. And again relationships society,
Speaker 1: like you said, professionally, even geographically. Um, like, I've lived
Speaker 1: in a life for two and a half almost three
Speaker 1: years now, and it's probably the longest place. Well, I
Speaker 1: guess I lived in Colorado Springs for four and a
Speaker 1: half years. But um, yeah, I don't know what it
Speaker 1: is that's something you want to change about yourself or
Speaker 1: is that just kind of how you are and that's fine. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's something I need to change
Speaker 1: for myself or if it's something where I need to
Speaker 1: meet a girl whoever it is that can constantly challenge
Speaker 1: me and push me to do things that I don't
Speaker 1: want to do. I didn't want to go on television necessarily,
Speaker 1: but my friends were encouraging and then when I was there,
Speaker 1: obviously Rachel was very encouraging, so it was like I
Speaker 1: felt like, you know, caterpillar being morphed into a butterfly
Speaker 1: in a lot of ways, and um, that's kind of
Speaker 1: why I was like able to be my best self
Speaker 1: in a lot of ways during that whole time span.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, I feel like I've kind of
Speaker 1: gotten away from that a little bit. And I wonder
Speaker 1: if that's realistic to find someone who could challenge you
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life. I mean, do you
Speaker 1: guys feel challenged in your relationships and in constructive ways?
Speaker 1: That's the question. There are times, yes, but in twenty
Speaker 1: years there's lulls, but it doesn't I don't have that
Speaker 1: reaction to it that you do, so I don't even
Speaker 1: really notice them. It's just gonna live in. So I'm
Speaker 1: sure that I'm sure there have been plenty of complacent
Speaker 1: times and there are more challenging times, but it's the
Speaker 1: ups and downs of a relationship where that you'd hit
Speaker 1: the complacent part and then that'd be kind of it
Speaker 1: for you, right, Yeah, No, my my default setting is complacent.
Speaker 1: So like for real, I always say that in deep
Speaker 1: inside me, there's a there's a lazy Eastern and sweatpants
Speaker 1: that doesn't want to get off the couch and uh
Speaker 1: and Alison, Um, every day she's like, hey, what's your
Speaker 1: rowe can't look. I'm like, I'm like, what's that? And Uh,
Speaker 1: there's all all these things that like people uh probably
Speaker 1: naturally just do with growth in their life. And Allison
Speaker 1: has spurred that within me, which is great, So thankful
Speaker 1: to her. And I mean there's definitely something to be
Speaker 1: said about a level of comfortability. You know, you're married
Speaker 1: for twenty years, you obviously are comfortable around that person. Um,
Speaker 1: And I don't know, Like again, these are just kind
Speaker 1: of like premature thoughts that I've been having about maybe
Speaker 1: why things are I guess, why things have gone the
Speaker 1: way that they have for me, and how I can
Speaker 1: maybe maybe be to to Kim's put, be more self
Speaker 1: aware of my experiences and what I need to to
Speaker 1: find in someone else that I'm going to eventually spend
Speaker 1: the rest of my life with. You know, as I said,
Speaker 1: you're a fascinating person. Can you tell us about movement watches?
Speaker 1: And then we'll try to sneak in some emals before
Speaker 1: we wrap today. Yeah, Actually I'm wearing a Movement a
Speaker 1: lot right now, I can tell you all about it.
Speaker 1: It's got a cameo nylon band with a black face,
Speaker 1: one of my favorites. Actually, UM, I'm sure you guys
Speaker 1: have seen Movement. They're one of the coolest watch companies
Speaker 1: that actually just popped up here in Los Angeles. UM.
Speaker 1: Movement watches pronounced I'm sorry it's spelled m v MT,
Speaker 1: but it's pronounced pronounce Movement. UM. It's basically a watch
Speaker 1: company that was found on the belief of creating stylish
Speaker 1: watches at an affordable cost. You you know, you see
Speaker 1: so many people wearing these watches that seemed to be
Speaker 1: breaking the bank. But what's great about Movement is UM
Speaker 1: they're cool. They they definitely turn a lot of heads.
Speaker 1: Whenever I wear my watches out, which is pretty much
Speaker 1: every single night, I always get a million questions about it.
Speaker 1: So if you go to m v mt dot com
Speaker 1: slash help, you can get off with free shipping and
Speaker 1: free returns. I promise you won't have to exercise the
Speaker 1: free return option because every single Movement watch I've gotten
Speaker 1: I've absolutely loved. They're clean, they're they're sophisticated. There's so
Speaker 1: much the variety that you can choose from as well. Um,
Speaker 1: sometimes I want to wear a leather band, but most
Speaker 1: often and I want to wear the nylon just because
Speaker 1: it's a little bit more casual. Um. But if you're
Speaker 1: looking to step up your watch game, your boyfriend's watch game,
Speaker 1: maybe that guy that you um met on Bumble that
Speaker 1: you're trying to impress, go ahead and get him a
Speaker 1: Movement watch. Go to Movement dot com slash help and
Speaker 1: you can get fift off with free shipping and free returns.
Speaker 1: That's Movement dot Com slash Helped. That's good stuff, all right,
Speaker 1: Email time, Let's do email. A couple of good ones
Speaker 1: and a couple of comments like annakaate here? Who really
Speaker 1: is over the whole Christina situation? For that one? This
Speaker 1: is directed at the podcast in general, not just Dean.
Speaker 1: Can we please stop talking about what Dean did on
Speaker 1: Bachelor in Paradise. Everyone and their mother, including my mother
Speaker 1: in law, has given their opinion on what Dean fell
Speaker 1: short and what he should have done if he and
Speaker 1: Christina will ever be together and not. It's admirable he's
Speaker 1: doing a podcast to better himself and learn from his experiences,
Speaker 1: but can we stop beating a dead horse on the
Speaker 1: b I P experience. It's enjoyably hearing about other dating
Speaker 1: situations he's talked about other than the Bachelor in Paradise thing.
Speaker 1: I just think that Dean should get a break on
Speaker 1: the Christina Danielle thing. Randover loved the podcast. Well, Anna, Kate,
Speaker 1: thank you for listening to the podcast. First and foremost,
Speaker 1: I do agree, but I think that it is kind
Speaker 1: of necessary to at least tackle the topic earlier on.
Speaker 1: I think that as the um the show begins to
Speaker 1: grow and continues to air, obviously that won't become so
Speaker 1: much of a focal point. But at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, that was kind of the route reason for
Speaker 1: starting this podcast. I mean, it was a very public
Speaker 1: way to suck at dating, and so here we are
Speaker 1: talking about the suckiness of dating. But in a Kate,
Speaker 1: I can assure you that will will venture away from
Speaker 1: it a little bit. Um, I feel like we've definitely
Speaker 1: talked about it less and less as time moves on.
Speaker 1: It has moved on. Um, now we can just start
Speaker 1: talking about my real life dating foibles, which is probably
Speaker 1: even more interesting. And I had some issues with you,
Speaker 1: she says, Dean, you totally answer questions like a politician. Hey,
Speaker 1: you don't strike me as a political person. Are you're
Speaker 1: a political person? I hate politics? Okay? Do you think
Speaker 1: you're doing this to be a argumentative, be politically correct,
Speaker 1: or see to not offend anyone? I'm so bad at tests?
Speaker 1: Are you not giving a straight answer? Which of those
Speaker 1: reasons do you think it is to be a argumentative?
Speaker 1: I think, by nature I'm a contrarian, so that might
Speaker 1: be the best answer, But I also I don't know.
Speaker 1: I want to be politically correct very often. I think
Speaker 1: it's all three. I don't want to ruffle anyone's feathers.
Speaker 1: I hate ruffling feather I don't want to offend anybody, right,
Speaker 1: she says, I realized that sounds harsh. I definitely think
Speaker 1: you have the potential to be super interesting and draw
Speaker 1: people in, but you have to give real answers regardless
Speaker 1: of how people that will feel about them. That might
Speaker 1: be the lowest blow I've ever received in my life.
Speaker 1: I feel like you have the potential to be interesting.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for that kind But she's saying,
Speaker 1: you gotta be honest, whether you're gonna hurt somebody's feelings
Speaker 1: or not. That's what she's saying, and this would have
Speaker 1: helped you un Bachelor in Paradise. Not that we're going
Speaker 1: to go back to that again, but that's what she's
Speaker 1: trying to much to Anna Chase this name. We'll talk
Speaker 1: about alright, Patrick, Bro to Bro, he says, Dean, I
Speaker 1: love it two for two episodes in a row where
Speaker 1: we have guys. This is great. I'm twenty five years
Speaker 1: old and I'm extremely attracted to one of my really
Speaker 1: good friends, ex girl friends. They dated six years ago
Speaker 1: for about two years until he ended things with her.
Speaker 1: And if now I'm dating somebody else for three years,
Speaker 1: is it bad to even be thinking about her or
Speaker 1: be interested in her? And there's a complete violation of
Speaker 1: the Bro code. Thanks man, Patrick, Patrick, go for it
Speaker 1: man first and foremost. Maybe if you're worried about it,
Speaker 1: talked to your buddy about it. But six years is
Speaker 1: a long time. I've experienced this too. Um My, one
Speaker 1: of my girlfriends before going on the show, had a
Speaker 1: thing with my best friend, my literal best friend, who
Speaker 1: um I loved to death, and maybe what I regretted,
Speaker 1: what I didn't do was I pursued her without telling
Speaker 1: him and then Eventually he got angry at me, not
Speaker 1: for pursuing her by any means, but he thought that
Speaker 1: I was kind of running behind his back with the
Speaker 1: whole situation. Um, and they were still close friends all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff too. So I think that the
Speaker 1: one regret that I can have from that situation is
Speaker 1: just that I didn't talk to my friend about it
Speaker 1: before pursuing the girl. And I think, again, six years
Speaker 1: is a long time, the fact that he's already moved
Speaker 1: on to a new girlfriend of three years. I think
Speaker 1: you said yeah, I mean he's definitely over her, like
Speaker 1: they're should be, no hard feelings and at the end day,
Speaker 1: if he's really your a good friend, he should want
Speaker 1: you to be happy. I think asking your route would
Speaker 1: be a violation, but yes, telling him ahead of time,
Speaker 1: I think that's part of the bro code, just being
Speaker 1: upfront about it. Bro, I'm interested in her. No, he's
Speaker 1: not just interested, He's extremely, extremely interested and attracted to
Speaker 1: So you got to say something. And if what what
Speaker 1: happens if he says something to the guy and the
Speaker 1: guy says, you know what, I'm not comfortable with that,
Speaker 1: ask him why. I don't see why. I mean, again,
Speaker 1: we don't know that the extent of the relationship from
Speaker 1: six years ago, but six years and they did it
Speaker 1: for two years, he's moved on. I agree. I think
Speaker 1: that I violated bro code by not approaching my friend,
Speaker 1: and again that's my only one regret from that situation.
Speaker 1: But I think if you go to your friend as
Speaker 1: a friend and be like, hey, this is what I feel,
Speaker 1: this is what I think, Um, can I have your blessing? Then?
Speaker 1: And if he says no, I don't think he's really
Speaker 1: that good of a friend. I don't know what do
Speaker 1: you think? But like, I don't know how good of
Speaker 1: friends are these guys, Like if they if he starts
Speaker 1: dating her, she's gonna be hanging around the whole time,
Speaker 1: Like he's gonna have to see this. But the guy
Speaker 1: has a new girlfriend, is I don't I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think he should go to him first, But I
Speaker 1: also think that like I would see here clear of
Speaker 1: that if it were me. But if he's extremely attracted
Speaker 1: to the girl, if he's attracted to him enough to
Speaker 1: even write an email to a podcast about dating, that's
Speaker 1: saying something that he has that's true. Well, I'm just
Speaker 1: saying if he does this kiss that friendship goodbye. I'm
Speaker 1: saying that too. If he does it without consoling his
Speaker 1: friend first, really, I think it's gonna be weird. What. No, Patrick,
Speaker 1: don't listen to Easton. He's off his rocker, the friendship goodbye.
Speaker 1: He heard it here. It might be worth it. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's worth it, and maybe it is, and maybe he'll
Speaker 1: be the best man at Patrick's wedding. Maybe if he is,
Speaker 1: I'll eat my hat. Patrick. I think there's there's one
Speaker 1: conclusive answer here. Ask your friend if it's okay at first,
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, maybe she's not even
Speaker 1: interested in you, so it could be uh move anyways.
Speaker 1: But but yes, thank you, um, yes, if you, I
Speaker 1: think you should approach this object with him. To Mark's point,
Speaker 1: don't listen to Easton. He doesn't always talking about He
Speaker 1: still has hard eyes for his one month old wife,
Speaker 1: and I guess we all love that obviously, but this
Speaker 1: could be your future wife, and I think that you
Speaker 1: should definitely give it a chance. And thank you for
Speaker 1: listening to the podcast. I appreciate it. All right, Well
Speaker 1: that was just about do it for one of the
Speaker 1: most uncomfortable podcast episodes I've ever hosted. Thank you again
Speaker 1: to kim Anami for coming in and making me feel
Speaker 1: very uncomfortable. Again, check your check your website out if
Speaker 1: you're not at work kim Minami dot com. UM, I
Speaker 1: haven't looked at it yet, but I can assure you okay,
Speaker 1: her Instagram is not safe for work. Okay anyways, UM,
Speaker 1: if you like what you hear, it makes you subscribe
Speaker 1: to my podcast. UM, leave me a review, positive or negative.
Speaker 1: I don't care. Come at me with it. If you
Speaker 1: don't like something, tell me what I what you don't like.
Speaker 1: If you do like something, maybe write a lot more
Speaker 1: about what you like. UM, please keep in touch with
Speaker 1: me at I Suck at Dating at iHeart Media dot com.
Speaker 1: I love these listener emails. They really do and rich
Speaker 1: this whole experience for me. It's great to hear firsthand
Speaker 1: accounts of kind of what's going on in all your lives.
Speaker 1: But we will be at next week UM with episode ten,
Speaker 1: and I'm looking forward to that. I think that will
Speaker 1: be our first December episode. So that's been help I
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating. My name is Dean Anglert, and maybe
Speaker 1: next week I'll suck a little bit less. Follow help
Speaker 1: I Suck at Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio,
Speaker 1: or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.