Speaker 1: Motherfucking mini episode, mini episode, motherfucking mini episode. Me.
Speaker 2: I tell you girl, flex tight me. I'm six. Welcome
Speaker 2: to my Mama told me.
Speaker 3: The podcast when we dive deep, deep into the pockets
Speaker 3: of black conspiracy theories.
Speaker 2: And we finally worked to prove the conspiracies of you,
Speaker 2: the stupid, stupid listener, you.
Speaker 3: Stupid son of a bitch, and we're gonna talk to you.
Speaker 2: I guess it's My name is David Boy.
Speaker 3: I'm Langston Carman, and this is exciting. We we're doing
Speaker 3: a motherfucking mini episode. We are talking about about y'all shit,
Speaker 3: and we we got an email Borya. I would say
Speaker 3: you you brought this to everyone's attention that this email
Speaker 3: came in. You want to talk about what you felt
Speaker 3: when you first read this.
Speaker 2: Sometimes you read a statement that makes you feel like
Speaker 2: you're doing things wrong and you have been doing things wrong,
Speaker 2: or that you're not playing the game in the way
Speaker 2: that others are doing and you're missing out. And I
Speaker 2: think that I think that's that's what I felt here.
Speaker 2: It was very it was bewildering. It made me question
Speaker 2: my sense of decorum. It made me question how I
Speaker 2: go about things in my life and what I am
Speaker 2: and am not looking for an apartment.
Speaker 3: I couldn't have put it better myself. I think, I
Speaker 3: think what what was described to me and then ultimately
Speaker 3: what I read shocked me. It disgusted me, but it
Speaker 3: also made me question almost everything, which is what good
Speaker 3: art does. And so I say, let us share that
Speaker 3: with with our listeners. Why don't we all have this
Speaker 3: experience together.
Speaker 2: Let's get in there.
Speaker 3: We got an email from a person named well, I
Speaker 3: think they want us to use their name, a person
Speaker 3: named Justin. They end with sincerely fucking nerds. So who
Speaker 3: the fuck knows what that is? Believe in yourself, I guess.
Speaker 3: But Justin sent us an email where they said, greetings
Speaker 3: mister Kerrman and your excellency mister Bory.
Speaker 2: That's what I like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're royal in his eyes. Hey nigga, I know you,
Speaker 3: I know you you a mud bloods, but he said,
Speaker 3: I want to say thank you for the many hours
Speaker 3: of entertainment that you have provided to me on my
Speaker 3: adventures like you, sendor Kerman. This motherfucker is weird. I
Speaker 3: grew up outside of the shy Okay it was Rockford.
Speaker 3: Fuck you, Justin? How far is that Rockford is ours
Speaker 3: from Chicago?
Speaker 2: This is that the town from a week of there.
Speaker 3: Ain't nowhere near where I live. How dare you cross?
Speaker 3: I crossed a street and I was in Chicago. You
Speaker 3: had to you had to plan a day trip, you
Speaker 3: had to pack up picnic basket.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going to.
Speaker 3: Don't make us the same, motherfucker anyway, he says. But
Speaker 3: I have digressed, he says, my mama told me. And
Speaker 3: he says a lot of other glowing things about the
Speaker 3: podcast and and also bust down and he's clearly a
Speaker 3: big fan, and we appreciate all of that. But he said,
Speaker 3: my mama told me that if you put ear wax
Speaker 3: in a girl's vagina and it sizzled, she had an
Speaker 3: st D heard that from a homeboy in college. Never
Speaker 3: believed it, but it has definitely stuck with me. And yes,
Speaker 3: I have tried to get ear wax and place it
Speaker 3: in a female's for them, but due to my impeccable hygiene,
Speaker 3: I didn't have any sure, So I don't know if
Speaker 3: it works. And I don't bang nasty chicks.
Speaker 2: You're a liar, you don't bang any chicks. I don't
Speaker 2: believe this guy.
Speaker 3: Oh, you're not buying this at all.
Speaker 2: No, I don't bang nasty chicks. Yeah, oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I guess you don't know about the spice of life.
Speaker 2: Then yes, we will never have earbax because if you're impeccable,
Speaker 2: you q tip it before you get any of the
Speaker 2: fuck is this guy talking? Sorry, No, I.
Speaker 3: Think your I think your reaction is is apt it is.
Speaker 3: It's correct. You don't have any earwax. You can't possibly
Speaker 3: find a single little drop of residue left in your ear.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not like it's not having earwax. Is it hygiene?
Speaker 2: Not cleaning it out. It's like if you poop, you're
Speaker 2: gonna have poop in your booty. That's why you wipe it, bro.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and also, ear wax ain't ain't not supposed to
Speaker 3: be there. It's like a protective casing from all the
Speaker 3: shit that's easily damaged inside of your head.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't like this guy, even.
Speaker 3: Though he treats you like royalty, you're not. You're not
Speaker 3: a fan.
Speaker 2: Bro tails all his time, total my therapist.
Speaker 3: He goes on to say, I am currently married and
Speaker 3: we just celebrated our twentieth anniversary. I was in fucking
Speaker 3: Iraq proof. So yeah, so I will probably never be
Speaker 3: able to find out if this is true. So you,
Speaker 3: dear Sirs, I passed a challenge onto you.
Speaker 2: I feel like we're getting trolled. At first, I was excited.
Speaker 2: I don't know about this guy anymore.
Speaker 3: You're you're not convinced that this isn't somebody just trying
Speaker 3: to make us talk about a stupid ass topic.
Speaker 2: Well, y'all, so inserted. I was in Iraq for no reason.
Speaker 3: He mentions it in the earlier part of the email
Speaker 3: that he had spent time over there. I assume vacationing.
Speaker 2: I think he's an oil magnetue. So there's so much
Speaker 2: to unpack here.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: First of all, do I believe this? Hell? No, yeah.
Speaker 3: It it's vile.
Speaker 2: It's disgusting.
Speaker 3: It's surely one of the most vile things that I
Speaker 3: think I've ever heard suggested.
Speaker 2: Bro. And look, I'm all for putting stuff in stuff,
Speaker 2: love how you want to love, like, I don't you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, but this is nasty.
Speaker 3: It I think what makes it feel the ickiest to
Speaker 3: me is that it doesn't feel consensual. It doesn't feel
Speaker 3: like whoever's putting the ear wax in there, like asked,
Speaker 3: and then the girl was like, hell, yeah, I'm into that.
Speaker 3: It was surely like, I'm doing this to test you,
Speaker 3: and then if it works, I'm gonna fuck your earwax
Speaker 3: pussy like I'm gonna yeah.
Speaker 2: You gotta clean that shit. Everything about this is so
Speaker 2: ass like.
Speaker 3: It really gives me this.
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, what is the because this isn't a kink,
Speaker 2: this is you're doing it to check if she's clean.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And moreover, it also implies that like you were worried
Speaker 3: about this woman from the beginning, that you you were
Speaker 3: truly like, I'm not even convinced that she's well.
Speaker 2: Not him, he doesn't bang nasty chicks.
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course then he doesn't have earwax. But but
Speaker 3: for everybody else, us low life, we were just consenting
Speaker 3: to be with people that we we presume are fucking filthy,
Speaker 3: and the only way to test is through escrement.
Speaker 2: This is I mean, Olivia has alluded us to the
Speaker 2: fact that there is an entire reddit about this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it says on the reddit overheard a conversation about
Speaker 3: how to use ear wax to detect STDs. Overheard fuck you.
Speaker 3: It goes like this, lying when you're fooling around with
Speaker 3: the lady, dig into your ears and retrieve a gold wad.
Speaker 2: Everything about this is a virgin.
Speaker 3: Oh fuck, it's so gross. Stick your finger into the vagina.
Speaker 3: If the lady jumps because of burning, then she has
Speaker 3: a STD. I just want to know if any of
Speaker 3: y'all heard about this. The first response, and the most
Speaker 3: popular of them, is she's jumping because who the fux
Speaker 3: wants a wad of ear wax in their goddamn vagina?
Speaker 3: And whoever said that is correct?
Speaker 2: I think, yeah, this is this sounds like this is so,
Speaker 2: this is if this is real, it's based in nonsense
Speaker 2: and the fact that I don't think men knew how
Speaker 2: Pussy's work worked until about ten years ago.
Speaker 3: Like listen, buddy, I'm still figuring it out. But I
Speaker 3: know you ain't supposed to put ear wax in there.
Speaker 2: I know what can't go in there. Yeah, and I
Speaker 2: think that's.
Speaker 3: A good I know they have a very sensitive pH ballance. Yeah,
Speaker 3: ways sort of at play down there, and one of
Speaker 3: the things that fucks up pH balances as far as
Speaker 3: I know, is a stranger's earwax.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't think you should put a stranger's earwax
Speaker 2: in any part.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, bonjour. It is I Langston Kerman
Speaker 3: and me.
Speaker 2: You're more not me, not me. We we.
Speaker 3: And we are terribly excited because we're bringing our podcast.
Speaker 3: My mama told me to the Just for Laughs Festival
Speaker 3: in Montreal.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's gonna be great. We're gonna have great guests
Speaker 2: for you, door prizes, and us in person. You can
Speaker 2: come see us, touch us, smell us, whatever you need
Speaker 2: to do.
Speaker 3: Come smell our hair, y'all. You gotta do it, and
Speaker 3: and listen. We're gonna be at the Hilton Double Tree
Speaker 3: in Montreal, and you don't want to miss it. It's
Speaker 3: gonna be an amazing show. It's gonna be the most
Speaker 3: fun you can imagine at eleven am in the morning.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's gonna be the best thing you can do
Speaker 2: besides eating a late breakfast. So remember that's Friday, July
Speaker 2: twenty eighth, at eleven am in the Hilton Double Tree, Montreal.
Speaker 2: Or you can go to hahaha dot com and search
Speaker 2: my mama told.
Speaker 3: Me, just look up. My mama told me live shows
Speaker 3: were gonna be there Montreal. Monsieur we we.
Speaker 2: They don't even it's not even specific. There's a lot
Speaker 2: of sti's out there. You shad like, there's a lot
Speaker 2: like it burns for clemenia the same way it burns
Speaker 2: for syphilis.
Speaker 3: Yeah, are we saying that that AIDS is on the table.
Speaker 3: If Yeah, if you fucking put earwax in a ladies pussy.
Speaker 2: This is just And if that was the case, if
Speaker 2: earwax was some kind of a miracle substance, wouldn't we
Speaker 2: have done We'd be doing more with it. We'd have
Speaker 2: been bottling that ship. We have it in abundance.
Speaker 3: Listen, if earwax could in fact detect STDs, Frank Thomas
Speaker 3: would be doing commercials where he's like, buddy, you gotta
Speaker 3: get nugenics and you gotta get this ear wax because
Speaker 3: we would be need to know if these ladies are dirty.
Speaker 2: We would be mining it from poor Indian children and
Speaker 2: Mumbai we'd have earwax factories next to sweatshops.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, ear wax would be a it would be a
Speaker 3: lost resource. We would be mining it out of people's
Speaker 3: heads and instead we are just letting it fall naturally
Speaker 3: or pick it out or whatever it is that we
Speaker 3: do with it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is I started out excited about this, but
Speaker 2: now I hate it.
Speaker 3: No, it's haunting. This is it's it's truly haunting. It
Speaker 3: does show you how low humanity continues to sink. I
Speaker 3: guess it is maybe the best way of phrasing it
Speaker 3: that like we are, this is where we're at, where
Speaker 3: we're still telling children that like earwax can be a
Speaker 3: sick pussy detector. Yeah, also does it work for a
Speaker 3: boy's peet hole?
Speaker 2: Hell? Hell stop it explore this option.
Speaker 3: It just seems very gendered in a way that I don't.
Speaker 2: And also it feels like it comes from this idea
Speaker 2: that like, like you said that, it does feel gender.
Speaker 2: It does feel like it comes from this place of
Speaker 2: like vaginas are disgusting, gaping, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 2: Like on some like pussies are gross. Yeah they could.
Speaker 3: They could sizzle at any minute from from all the
Speaker 3: yucky that's in there. It's like, hey, buddy, I've been
Speaker 3: in there. They're pretty cool.
Speaker 2: I put my mouth in there, you know what. I
Speaker 2: don't put my mouth.
Speaker 3: On earwax never, you know, not gonna start.
Speaker 2: Nope, Nope, nope, nope. That shit is gross.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's not for me, and if she.
Speaker 2: Lets you put iarwax in a pussy, maybe she gotta
Speaker 2: do better for herself.
Speaker 3: And I do think that that can be if if
Speaker 3: we're gonna even this conversation out, I do think, ladies,
Speaker 3: you gotta stand up for yourself at some point, this
Speaker 3: can't just all be you know, you blame your upbringing
Speaker 3: or the patriarchy. If it comes down to earwax, that's
Speaker 3: on you, sister, and you gotta you gotta swat that
Speaker 3: hand away.
Speaker 2: You know. Also, I'm sure there was a series of
Speaker 2: bad decisions before he put his ear wax in the pussy.
Speaker 3: Baby girl, you knew he was an earwax dude.
Speaker 2: You knew he was an ear wax dude. He's got
Speaker 2: dragons on his shirt.
Speaker 3: You had the feeling, and you kept seeing this through
Speaker 3: and you gotta think about that.
Speaker 2: That's why you don't take Tooma guy who's upper lip
Speaker 2: is standing from Mountain dewkede Red Come on, and you
Speaker 2: love Code Red or was a draw dog regular, right.
Speaker 3: I didn't make it all the way to the New Flavors.
Speaker 3: I found out after that.
Speaker 2: That's good for you. They do. They are doing some
Speaker 2: crazy stuff with the new ship.
Speaker 3: Though, Yeah, they had that purple one for a minute,
Speaker 3: that dark one, Mountain dew. It was like Mountain Dew
Speaker 3: midnight or some shit.
Speaker 2: They got a pink one that almost got me the
Speaker 2: other day. I was in the gas station like, oh shit, fuck, yeah,
Speaker 2: I ain't doing it. Yeah, you gotta be safe out here.
Speaker 2: Mountain dude's trying to catch you. Yeah. But I think
Speaker 2: maybe if you put some mountain doing that pussy and
Speaker 2: it starts to sizzle, there's a problem.
Speaker 3: Come on, there's a problem. I don't know if it's
Speaker 3: an STD, but it ain't good.
Speaker 2: I did no sizzling pussy, is I think ever good?
Speaker 1: Hey?
Speaker 2: I think?
Speaker 3: And maybe that's the best takeaway. We can offer the
Speaker 3: listeners here and and justin as well, in case you
Speaker 3: decide to step out on your wife of twenty years
Speaker 3: and get some of that nasty pussy you've heard so
Speaker 3: much about. If it sizzles, it's bad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if it's sizzle. If it sizzles, let it chizzle.
Speaker 3: Pussy ain't a faia. You don't want it to sizzle.
Speaker 3: You want it to be nice in room temperature when
Speaker 3: you show up.
Speaker 2: But if it burps, make it squirt, you feel good
Speaker 2: about saying that I hate it. I hated it. I
Speaker 2: hated it. I hated it when I was thinking it
Speaker 2: in my mind.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it feels like one of those that you gotta
Speaker 3: see all the way to the end.
Speaker 1: Though.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had to let it out, but.
Speaker 3: Well, we're gonna keep it in. I'm not gonna let
Speaker 3: justin edit that out of the podcast.
Speaker 2: Oh you should, I got it. Sometimes you gotta sit
Speaker 2: in your mistakes, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: I own it, hey, and hope those mistakes don't got
Speaker 3: your wax in them, because that shit's gonna burn apparently.
Speaker 2: All right, I think we did it.
Speaker 3: We we did something. I don't think it was a
Speaker 3: good thing, and I maybe it was. Maybe this is
Speaker 3: the kind of work that we need to be doing
Speaker 3: more often. Is just helping to illuminate to a lot
Speaker 3: of people that they're they're damn fools.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and just be cool to pussies, man, be cool.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be that.
Speaker 4: I you know, I'm not like I don't want to
Speaker 4: sound like this like male faminess, but you know, I'm
Speaker 4: not one of those guys.
Speaker 3: I don't want to make this a bell Hooks article.
Speaker 3: But just be cool to pussy. Well, if you, if
Speaker 3: you yourself want to tell us how to be cool
Speaker 3: to pussies, you can send those thoughts to mymama pod
Speaker 3: at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you, Bory.
Speaker 3: Do you want to tell the people where they can
Speaker 3: find you and what cool shit you have going on?
Speaker 2: I'm going on the Aluminum Foil tours, So if you
Speaker 2: are coming out to one of the dates, send a
Speaker 2: picture of some food that you made and if I
Speaker 2: like it, I'll choose you and then I'll eat it.
Speaker 2: I'll give you some free in or some shit. I
Speaker 2: haven't figured out what the winners get. All the dates
Speaker 2: are at bring David aplate dot com. You can also
Speaker 2: find me on Instagram. Cool guy Joke City seven and
Speaker 2: come out to them. My mom and told me tour
Speaker 2: it's gonna be amazing. We need we actually do need you.
Speaker 2: Like we talk a lot of shit, but like for
Speaker 2: this one little thing, for this.
Speaker 3: One national tour, we we need you to kind of
Speaker 3: show up and be there because we don't get like
Speaker 3: reliant on it. Yeah no, we we'll we'll we'll ditch
Speaker 3: you in a second. Yeah, but please come out. We'll
Speaker 3: be in Montreal, We'll be in Houston. We'll be in Austin.
Speaker 3: We'll be in Chicago, Seattle, New York, Pittsburgh. I think
Speaker 3: that's everywhere. La la fuck la we are. We are
Speaker 3: coming to all of those cities if you live nearby,
Speaker 3: if you live in them, we would love to see you.
Speaker 3: All of the The information is available on the Instagram
Speaker 3: site as well as as well as our own personal sites,
Speaker 3: and also follow me at Langston Herman, follow the YouTube, subscribe,
Speaker 3: watch the videos, do whatever the fuck happens over there.
Speaker 2: Oh, rate, send a rating on the on the Apple podcast.
Speaker 2: Rate it. Yes, I read them, I like them.
Speaker 3: We used to get a lot more ratings, and I
Speaker 3: think you guys tapered off because we stopped demanding it
Speaker 3: of you. But bitch, we demand again. Go on go
Speaker 3: on Apple and and rate, and subscribe and write a
Speaker 3: review and make it as specific as possible, to the
Speaker 3: point that we don't even often understand the reference.
Speaker 2: That's what I like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, I think that's everything. Bye, bitch, look.
Speaker 2: At your name, but said he's a meet stretcher. You'll
Speaker 2: stretch on me. Pull a luya?
Speaker 1: Well, mini mini episode? Will the fucking mini ever sew? Well,
Speaker 1: the fucking mini ever sell Mini episode. Will the fucking
Speaker 1: mini ever sell h