WEBVTT - JEWEL 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:12.480 Welcome, Welcome to love Someone with Delilah. This podcast is 0:00:12.720 --> 0:00:19.680 about enriching, enriching your life, one heart at a time. 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:24.400 That is why I do this podcast because I want 0:00:24.560 --> 0:00:30.280 your life to be filled with love, with meaningful relationships. 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:34.960 I want to inspire you to change the world for good. 0:00:35.760 --> 0:00:39.440 Just to recap, our last episode was an amazing conversation 0:00:39.920 --> 0:00:43.640 with Jewel. She had so much to share. Oh my gosh, 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:46.680 that girl has so much to share that I decided 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:52.920 to split our conversation into two podcasts, two conversations, because 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:55.160 I didn't want to edit it down and make it short. 0:00:55.240 --> 0:00:58.320 I didn't want you to miss a moment of what 0:00:58.400 --> 0:01:04.759 this brilliant, talent to fascinating woman has to say. So, Jewel, 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:09.280 we talked about your background, your family, um living in 0:01:09.319 --> 0:01:16.440 Alaska in a crazy situation, and we talked about anxiety 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:21.200 and depressions, specifically with at risk youth. I want to 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:27.160 pick up and continue this conversation with your book. Yeah. 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:31.440 My favorite thing about this book was discovering practical steps. 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:34.360 You know, the stuff like I mean, interesting to talk about, 0:01:34.400 --> 0:01:37.800 But unless you can create exercises you can practice every 0:01:37.880 --> 0:01:40.560 day that create new neural pathways, you're not going to change. 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:43.120 So for me, that's my favorite part of the book 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:47.240 is really helping create small, doable stuff. What's the name 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:49.240 of the book? We just keep calling it the book. 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:53.160 I don't know yet. I'm just comit of it. I 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:55.680 need help on the title. Jewel's new book yet to 0:01:55.720 --> 0:01:58.880 be titled. We'll just call it, like you know, prints 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:03.720 the Yah, the book yet to be titled, which will 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:07.440 help you to make healthy choices and take healthy steps 0:02:07.480 --> 0:02:11.119 to rewire your brain so that you're not thinking that 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:13.960 you know, getting slapped across the face is love, or 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:18.600 that eating your way into oblivion like I do when 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:22.000 I'm hurting is a healthy behavior. Do we know when 0:02:22.000 --> 0:02:25.880 it might be released? You're the first person I'm talking 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:29.200 to about it. Oh my gosh, this is exciting. It's 0:02:29.240 --> 0:02:33.240 like you just announced your pregnant, your birthing. A book 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:36.560 that's going to help change people's lives forever, and I'm 0:02:36.600 --> 0:02:39.040 the first person that gets to talk about it. This 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:44.560 is awesome. It's like I'm looking at your ultrasound and 0:02:44.600 --> 0:02:46.480 we don't know yet if it's a boy or a girl, 0:02:46.600 --> 0:02:51.600 But that's okay. It's forming, it's in the formative steps. 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:56.160 How cool is this? Oh my god, I'm so excited. 0:02:57.960 --> 0:03:00.960 So um. I ment in a little while ago that 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:04.160 I have a lot of kids, and I briefly glazed 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:07.639 over the fact that that my my husband just lost 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:14.000 his son. And in seven years we've lost three boys. Yeah, 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:18.400 one cysycle selenemia. One we don't know what to yet 0:03:18.480 --> 0:03:23.000 because the autopsy reports after eight weeks still have not 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:28.200 come back. UM, and one to mental illness m hm. 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.720 And I love the factual that you are courageous enough 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:38.920 to talk about anxiety and mental health and making better choices. 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:42.800 When I was growing up, I knew how it was raised. 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:45.680 It was going to be the cycle that repeated itself, 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:48.160 and I didn't want to be a statistic and it 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:50.280 was very frustrating that we can go to school to 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:53.600 learn Spanish and math and English, but there really isn't 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:57.680 a human school. We really aren't taught the amazing creative 0:03:57.720 --> 0:04:01.040 power of what our emotions do and how we can 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:04.720 create our life and our reality. And mental health is 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:06.960 important to everybody because we all have a brain and 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:10.520 we all have emotions and when I look at me too, 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:15.840 and bullying and suicide and opioid addiction, gun violence, etcetera. Etcetera. 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:18.880 It's all a mental health issue. It's all an emotional 0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:21.320 health issue, and none of us are separate from it 0:04:21.400 --> 0:04:24.920 because we all have emotions and minds. And so I've 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:28.960 really dedicated my life to creating tools to help people 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:32.480 have a sense of self agency, to solve for the anxiety, 0:04:32.560 --> 0:04:35.599 to solve for their depression, because to me, it's the 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:39.080 most epidemic crisis that we have, and none of us 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:43.560 are not touched by either friends that have taken their 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:46.599 lives or are addicted, or we are self struggle with 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:50.239 those things. I think it's the single most important issue. 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:53.240 We are not taught what to do with anxiety, and 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:58.159 that's unacceptable. It's really unacceptable because it is solvable. So yeah, 0:04:58.200 --> 0:05:01.279 I'm very dedicated to it, and I'm really sorry sorry 0:05:01.320 --> 0:05:04.160 for your losses. The grief of that is I can't 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:07.039 imagine how to offload all that. That is a lot. 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:11.120 It is a lot, and thank god we can talk 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:15.039 about it now. You know, I lost my brother when 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:18.400 I was a young woman, and and losing my brother, 0:05:18.480 --> 0:05:22.120 I lost my my mom and my dad because they 0:05:22.480 --> 0:05:26.000 had no place to to process or take their grief. 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:29.120 You know, you're just supposed to suck it up and 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:32.320 move on. I know we have no place to take 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:35.480 a break and heal. You know, what is a parents 0:05:35.520 --> 0:05:38.040 supposed to do in those situations? What are you supposed 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:41.000 to do? We need to create places where we can 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:45.080 support someone like your mom or you, to give them 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:47.800 a place to heal, to let their nervous system relax. 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:51.880 What's interesting about grief is our society really wants to 0:05:51.920 --> 0:05:55.760 rush us through it and accelerated greate hacks for solving 0:05:55.800 --> 0:06:00.560 for grief, and we really misunderstand the neighborhood and grief 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:04.359 want wait, wait, wait, Jill, go back and say, I 0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:08.120 just I love what you just said. Is that again, 0:06:08.360 --> 0:06:12.560 create hacks a space? Oh yeah, our society is obsessed 0:06:12.600 --> 0:06:15.360 with all these hacks and it isn't making us healthier happier. 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:17.240 Like I don't know if we can really call us 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:22.440 progressed if we're not any happier. Our society is so advanced, 0:06:22.440 --> 0:06:25.040 but we're no happier. In fact, for much less happier. 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:30.400 Suicide is up six across every demographic since two thousand 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:34.040 and six. That's unacceptable. So we don't need to be 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:36.360 thinking of hacks. We need to be thinking of how 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:39.760 do we honor the feelings that we have, and grief 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:44.240 at its core causes our system to dilate, but we 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:46.839 want to fight it. We want to contract around grief 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:51.000 and not experienced when we let our systems dilate. Grief 0:06:51.120 --> 0:06:53.560 is really asking us to connect to life in a 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:56.560 much deeper way than we ever have. It's asking to 0:06:56.720 --> 0:07:01.080 understand the nature and the value and connect. And if 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:04.159 we aren't given a place to do that, to dilate, 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:07.479 to grieve, to let it out, to connect, to have 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:12.360 deeply life affirming experiences while we grieve, we're going to tank. 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:17.920 And it's sad because these are again simple misunderstandings about 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:21.000 what an emotion is wanting from us, what it's asking. 0:07:21.040 --> 0:07:23.440 The intent of grief is asking us to dilate and 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:26.920 connect to life, and it's going to teach us about 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:29.360 life in a way that nothing else can. It's going 0:07:29.400 --> 0:07:31.920 to build an empathy in us the way nothing else can. 0:07:32.440 --> 0:07:36.640 It is a very survivable emotion, but it should help 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:38.680 us connect in a much more profound way. We should 0:07:38.680 --> 0:07:41.880 come out of the other side of grief more empathetic, 0:07:41.960 --> 0:07:44.440 more connect and more life affirmed. How many of us 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:47.920 can say that happens? Very few I'm I'm just listening 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:51.320 in awe because I cannot tell you how many people 0:07:52.400 --> 0:07:56.800 have treated the losses in our life like you know, 0:07:57.000 --> 0:08:01.480 it's it's it's been a year, get over it. Um. 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:05.080 If somebody told you they were pregnant, would you say 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:07.600 you should go in to the hospital and deliver today, 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:10.600 you're eight weeks along. Let's get over this, Let's push 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:13.640 that baby out, Let's get on with this. No, if 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:18.240 it takes nine months to form a life that is 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:23.679 sustainable outside of the womb, forty weeks, how much longer 0:08:23.720 --> 0:08:28.760 does it take to to heal from losing that life? 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:32.080 And it's it's a death. As you know, when we 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:35.160 lose a loved one, it causes a part of us 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:38.840 to die. And we have to be very actively engaged 0:08:38.880 --> 0:08:41.960 in our own gestation and our own process of how 0:08:42.000 --> 0:08:44.839 do we want to be reborn from this experience because 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:47.680 it's transformative and we should be allowed the room in 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:51.080 space to say. Half of me is sad and grieving, 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:53.600 and the other half of me is starting to dream 0:08:53.960 --> 0:08:55.520 who I want to be on the other side of this? 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:58.520 How do I want to let this experience transform me? 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:06.040 Life is full of all these wild and untamed energies, joy, loss, love, gain. 0:09:06.360 --> 0:09:10.800 All of these experiences like paints surrounding us, and we 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:13.280 get to decide how we want to leave them together 0:09:13.360 --> 0:09:16.080 into our systems, to decide how we want to let 0:09:16.120 --> 0:09:20.480 those experiences transform us. We can't control what experiences come 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:22.360 down the pike for us, but we do get to 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:25.679 really actively engage in how we want to let them 0:09:25.679 --> 0:09:29.320 transform us. And again, we just aren't given a human 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:31.800 school of being able to look at it like that 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:35.480 and go, oh, okay, grief is this opportunity. What do 0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:37.840 I want to do with it? What do I need 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:42.720 to help transform? This simple exercise number one that that 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:46.160 I could share with somebody, you can share with somebody 0:09:46.320 --> 0:09:53.000 who suffers from immobilizing anxiety. For me, with anxiety, I 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:55.800 always thought something was wrong with me. I have this 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:59.240 much anxiety, something must be wrong with me. And I 0:09:59.280 --> 0:10:01.320 started to flip that script and say, what if it 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:04.439 means something's right with me? What if my anxiety is 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:08.160 a clue? But how I'm engaging with my life doesn't 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:11.960 really work. And instead of spending all this time and shame, 0:10:12.600 --> 0:10:16.840 spend this energy and dedicated to getting curious what in 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:20.120 my life is making me in conflict with my own life. 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:22.320 How I'm engaging in life that's creating me to be 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:25.440 in conflict with my own life. And once I started 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:27.959 doing that and sitting still in the morning and really 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:30.960 contemplating it, it was like having a little neon signed 0:10:31.000 --> 0:10:32.640 to where I kind of got excited when I got 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:36.040 anxious because it was like, oh, the neon sign. Something's 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:38.000 out of sorts, and it's just asking me to look 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:41.360 at it. That's it. No need for shame, self approach 0:10:41.440 --> 0:10:45.280 meant all of these things, um, And so sometimes just 0:10:45.360 --> 0:10:47.960 the simplicity of flipping the script and saying it doesn't 0:10:48.000 --> 0:10:50.480 mean something's wrong with me. It means something's right with me. 0:10:51.360 --> 0:10:54.080 It's an opportunity to look at what is authentically me. 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:57.800 How are my inside values not being represented in my 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:01.280 outer life? What things am I doing? Maybe it's not 0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:03.360 getting that sleep. Maybe it's the fact that of a 0:11:03.440 --> 0:11:06.760 job I hate. Uh. Maybe it's said I need to 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:08.920 spend more time in quiet and give myself some time 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:11.600 to meditate. When you said still, you'll start to figure 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:13.959 those things out and then you need to stop doing 0:11:13.960 --> 0:11:17.040 them otherwise you will keep being anxious. And here's the 0:11:17.080 --> 0:11:21.040 thing in our society in our world today, setting still 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:26.520 doesn't happen very often. Sitting still. We've got so many distractions. 0:11:26.520 --> 0:11:28.880 We might be setting, we might not be getting exercise, 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:34.280 but we're setting on our device, scrolling through TikTok, watching 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:37.720 you know, twelve second videos that mean absolutely nothing to 0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:40.120 us and have no bearing on our life, but it's 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:44.280 distracting us from our life. Yeah, our anxiety. Imagine if 0:11:44.280 --> 0:11:47.040 you left a child home alone and they're too young, 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:49.920 they're going to be really anxious and scared. They know 0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:52.600 there's nobody in the house keeping them safe and watching 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:56.640 after them. Anxiety can be like that when we're not 0:11:56.720 --> 0:12:00.199 in the present moment. We're not home. When are rain 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:02.920 is taking the past and projecting it into a future 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:06.840 that hasn't even happened. We're not home. The only time 0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:10.240 we can keep ourselves safe is when we're present, right here, 0:12:10.320 --> 0:12:15.120 right now. When I was homeless, I had immense panic attacks, 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:18.320 and what I really learned was that this fear was 0:12:18.360 --> 0:12:21.480 a thief. It robbed me as my only chance to 0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:24.880 show up, which was right now. And so a lot 0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:27.560 of times anxiety for me was a sign of like, oh, 0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:32.160 I'm not home, I'm living in some future terrifying myself 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:35.360 with from some future that hasn't happened, and so learning 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:39.520 to meditate, learning to be mindful was a trumanous step. 0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:42.600 I was able to start not only getting out of 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:45.920 my panic attacks, but noticing the triggers before they happened, 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:49.840 and getting better and better at addressing my anxiety at 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:54.679 earlier and earlier stages. Um Meditation and the word mindfulness 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:58.840 are pretty misunderstood. They sound so mysterious, but it's really simple. 0:12:59.120 --> 0:13:03.800 It's just consciously being present for whatever it is. I 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:08.000 created a website called Jewel Never Broken dot com that 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:11.400 shares a lot of these exercises that I developed actually 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:14.680 when I was homeless. It's a sulfur anxiety to help 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:18.400 me learn how to be present. A neuroscientist named Dr 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:21.920 Judson Brewer actually shows how why the exercises work and 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:24.400 why they do rewire your brain. But they're very simple. 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:27.600 There's three minute exercises that just help you to be 0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:30.880 consciously present. It's no more complicated than that. It's a 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:33.840 free website, so it's it's a charitable website. Hold on 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:42.160 Jewel Never Broken for anybody who wants to have more peace, 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:49.559 more joy, deeper, meaningful relationships. UM healthier body, because when 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:53.800 you're healthy emotionally, when you've got mental health than your 0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:57.600 physical health, usually it falls in line. A lot of 0:13:57.600 --> 0:13:59.360 people think, well, I'll take time to take care of 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:02.000 this once I once I get to the gym and 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:05.240 exercise and and join a gym that you know makes 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:10.560 me feel strong and and it's kind of backwards. You know, 0:14:10.640 --> 0:14:14.800 once you're emotionally strong, then you're gonna you're going to 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:20.040 be much more physically strong. Yes, yes, we're going to 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:22.600 take a pause here in this conversation with Jewel for 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:28.800 a brief message. Today's podcast features the amazing Jewel And 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:32.880 when I say it, I mean that this lady, she 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:37.359 is dynamic. She is one of the most compassionate, intelligent, 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:41.760 strongest women I've ever had the pleasure to know. We 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:46.480 continue our conversation with Jewel now. Um. In my book, 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:49.400 I talk about in our body, we have three types 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:53.800 of cell walls. There's permeable, a completely open cell wall 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:56.760 where things and nutrients pass and come and go freely. 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:00.680 There's semi permeable, where it's a more elective cell that 0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:03.080 only lets certain things in. And then we have cell 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:06.000 walls that are impermeable. Nothing gets in them, and we 0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:09.960 become physically ill when a pathogen, when a when a 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:14.200 bacteria or a virus penetrates what should be an impermeable 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:17.480 cell wall, Our emotional health mirrors this. We have three 0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:20.640 types of emotional cell walls. If you will, you know. 0:15:20.720 --> 0:15:25.640 The outer permeable cell wall is just it's an easy yes, 0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:27.680 like I don't care where we eat, I don't care 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:32.720 about movie we see. It's just easy. The middle cell wall, 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:37.320 emotional boundary, is where you negotiate. It's like a maybe, 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:39.480 it's like a I don't like eating with those people, 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:43.120 but all right, or yeah it's not my favorite, but okay. 0:15:43.200 --> 0:15:47.360 It's where we're open for negotiation. And then are our 0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:51.080 innermost sync them. Our innermost emotional wall is a no. 0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:55.440 It's the things we can't compromise um our health or 0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:58.240 our children and those types of things. And when we 0:15:58.320 --> 0:16:03.360 tolerate the intolerable, when that inner sanctum is weak, we 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:07.280 become emotionally ill. This is where emotional illness starts. And 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:09.240 so I have a practice in the book that helps 0:16:09.360 --> 0:16:14.320 us strengthen that internal emotional cell wall so that we 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:17.080 stopped tolerating the intolerable. You know, when a children is 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:20.840 a child is abused, what happens is that inner wall 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:24.520 gets erased. There now doesn't count, and it leads to 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:29.600 tremendous emotional illness. Who knew? Who knew? When when I 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:33.720 was playing your sweet songs all those years ago, listening 0:16:33.760 --> 0:16:36.800 to your voice that jewel is the voice of an angel, 0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:44.280 and and your physical appearance was so soft? Who knew 0:16:45.320 --> 0:16:51.360 that you had all this this wonderful wisdom just waiting 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:55.640 to be birthed in this strength that is transformative? Who know? 0:16:57.440 --> 0:17:02.440 I didn't know either? How cool is that? Necessity is 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:06.240 the mother of invention, that's for sure. Yeah, but a 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:08.359 lot of people, a lot of us, have gone through 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:11.639 a lot of hard times. The fact that you have 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:19.160 spent the last several years using your experience, as painful 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:24.080 as they may have been, and and hardships and truth, 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:28.080 your your truth to to help others and reach out 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:31.480 to others and change the world for good. That's what's awesome. 0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:35.280 We owe that to ourselves into others. It's funny in 0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:37.680 a world of so much false power, where we think 0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:41.480 our opinions are our power, we forget that a real 0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:44.800 active power is something that benefits you and your community. 0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:48.399 I was really lucky to be adopted by a Native 0:17:48.440 --> 0:17:51.600 family when I was young, but taught me things like that, 0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:54.119 you know what is an active power. It's something that 0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:57.720 benefits you and others, and it's important we all participate 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:00.199 in that circle of life the same way you do. 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:02.240 It's why you're doing your show and why you're talking 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:06.040 about your very personal experiences because you know, deep down 0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:11.399 you're part of that circle. It's beautiful. One of the 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:14.720 one of the people that came and stood by my 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:19.879 side just right after Zach left. It was a friend 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:23.800 that I had had in grade school and in high school. 0:18:23.880 --> 0:18:28.440 We kind of drifted apart. She chose um, she chose 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:32.720 drugs and alcohol, and and I made other choices, but 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:38.560 um we've always stayed connected. But when I lost Sack. 0:18:38.720 --> 0:18:41.520 She's been sober, clean and sober now for over thirty years, 0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:47.280 and during searching for her path, she discovered that her 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:51.600 grandfather was was a full blooded Native American that had 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:55.399 been taken off the reservation and forced into a reformation school. 0:18:55.480 --> 0:18:57.879 His air was good, his name was changed, and he 0:18:57.960 --> 0:19:01.240 lived with shame the rest of his life, hiding his 0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:06.399 true identity, and so she and her sons have done 0:19:06.520 --> 0:19:11.000 a ton of research and history and just reclaimed their 0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:15.960 birthright of who they are and who he was and 0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:22.840 who they are through him, and her deep, deep, deep 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:29.679 faith just has been such a gift to me. Not that, um, 0:19:29.720 --> 0:19:33.000 not that my faith hasn't been everything, but she just 0:19:33.760 --> 0:19:36.480 daily would call or write or send me a note 0:19:36.520 --> 0:19:41.760 that just as I'm holding space, I'm saying prayers, I'm 0:19:41.800 --> 0:19:45.320 I'm here, I'm here to talk, I'm here to listen, 0:19:45.359 --> 0:19:48.320 I'm here to just set with you. And she went 0:19:48.720 --> 0:19:52.200 with me to where he left and we just sat there. 0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:56.840 I don't know how long we just sat there in 0:19:56.840 --> 0:20:01.960 that very sacred place. And while we were sitting there, 0:20:02.160 --> 0:20:05.879 two birds came and lit in the tree above us 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:10.760 and started singing, and I knew it was both my sons, 0:20:11.920 --> 0:20:15.359 and so did she. And just being able to sit 0:20:15.400 --> 0:20:19.640 with somebody and hold that space with them, it's everything. 0:20:20.440 --> 0:20:24.960 It is. It brings the sacred back into what would 0:20:24.960 --> 0:20:32.440 be scarring, so sacred, so holy, so beautiful in mm hmm, 0:20:33.160 --> 0:20:36.920 in the midst of the most abject pain you could 0:20:37.000 --> 0:20:42.000 ever imagine, there's so much beauty. How weird is the 0:20:42.160 --> 0:20:45.200 true Delilah. It's very true. I'm getting chills, but it's 0:20:45.359 --> 0:20:48.240 very true. And when we are given the space we 0:20:48.280 --> 0:20:51.639 get to reclaim that, we get to allow that experience 0:20:51.680 --> 0:20:57.120 to transform into something holy, something that's beyond our understanding, 0:20:57.359 --> 0:21:00.760 that still hurts, that's something that's so much bigger with 0:21:00.840 --> 0:21:04.000 us that you can't help but be filled with in 0:21:04.200 --> 0:21:06.640 awe and to be able let the sacred come back 0:21:06.680 --> 0:21:11.080 into it is so healing. Rory Fie called me a 0:21:11.119 --> 0:21:15.960 couple of weeks after Zach left, and Rory Fike said, 0:21:17.080 --> 0:21:19.920 your son is your son's He only knew about Zach, 0:21:19.960 --> 0:21:22.520 but he said, your son is much more a part 0:21:22.600 --> 0:21:26.000 of your future than he is a part of your past. Ah, 0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:28.840 it's beautiful. And at the time I was like, how 0:21:28.840 --> 0:21:31.800 can I said, how can you say that? I'll never 0:21:31.840 --> 0:21:34.840 get to see him graduate I'll never get to see him, 0:21:34.880 --> 0:21:37.040 you know, find his true love. I won't get to 0:21:37.040 --> 0:21:39.120 hold my grand babies. How can you say that? He said, 0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:43.720 because this, this life is but a breath, and now 0:21:43.840 --> 0:21:49.560 you are going to look forward to the eternal so 0:21:49.680 --> 0:21:52.679 much more than you ever have before. And I went, well, 0:21:53.359 --> 0:21:56.760 m beautiful. So I'm glad I let my my son 0:21:56.880 --> 0:21:59.159 have a band in the garage. I gave him the 0:21:59.680 --> 0:22:04.119 whole upper part of the car poard. I'm glad that 0:22:04.440 --> 0:22:06.880 God gifted me with a kid that was filled with 0:22:06.960 --> 0:22:11.840 life and love and passion and and and silliness, and 0:22:12.040 --> 0:22:16.280 that I was able to to fully engage in that. 0:22:16.920 --> 0:22:20.159 M hmm. Yeah, that's another gift of presence. You know, 0:22:20.200 --> 0:22:23.040 we really regret when we can't show up in the 0:22:23.119 --> 0:22:26.080 moments that we do have, And it's a real beautiful 0:22:26.119 --> 0:22:28.600 thing to be present because you don't know what the 0:22:28.640 --> 0:22:32.359 future holds. Nope, none of us are promised the future. 0:22:32.520 --> 0:22:37.280 We just know what today is and today, Jewel, I'm 0:22:37.400 --> 0:22:40.640 so so proud of you. I can't wait to hear 0:22:40.640 --> 0:22:42.600 what the name of the book is. The name of 0:22:42.720 --> 0:22:47.480 the song that i've heard, No More Tears. Yeah? Is 0:22:47.480 --> 0:22:49.000 that going to be the name of the album too? 0:22:49.000 --> 0:22:51.760 Because I know it's a work in progress. I don't know. 0:22:51.840 --> 0:22:55.119 I'm so bad with titles. It's the last thing that 0:22:55.200 --> 0:22:57.560 comes to me usually under you know much to rest 0:22:57.680 --> 0:23:01.440 or like we need it today. Um, No More Tears 0:23:01.520 --> 0:23:04.439 was the first song I wrote for this project. It 0:23:04.600 --> 0:23:07.040 just came out of me, and it's about a lot 0:23:07.080 --> 0:23:10.520 of what we're talking about. This idea of I've been 0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:14.359 through a lot and I'm standing and I know I'll 0:23:14.359 --> 0:23:19.920 cry in the future, but it's different. Um, I've changed, 0:23:20.000 --> 0:23:25.959 I've embraced and it's it's a real life affirming song. Um. 0:23:26.480 --> 0:23:29.440 I wrote it. I've been working on a documentary about 0:23:29.480 --> 0:23:33.800 homeless youth, and when I was working with these kids 0:23:33.840 --> 0:23:36.040 and hearing their stories, you know, most of them are 0:23:36.080 --> 0:23:38.440 on the street because the street was safer than their 0:23:38.480 --> 0:23:41.800 home life. You know, is somebody that takes and foster children. 0:23:42.160 --> 0:23:45.760 The truth of that, and many of them, you know, 0:23:46.160 --> 0:23:48.760 parent is okay that they're gay and so we're beaten 0:23:49.000 --> 0:23:52.719 or a young girl was raped since she was four. Uh. 0:23:53.240 --> 0:23:55.159 We have all these assumptions about who is on the 0:23:55.160 --> 0:23:57.320 street and why, and we think that they're lazy. I 0:23:57.359 --> 0:23:59.239 know that wasn't the case for me. I ended up 0:23:59.240 --> 0:24:01.520 on the street because as I wouldn't have sex with 0:24:01.560 --> 0:24:04.639 the boss, he wouldn't give me my paycheck and I 0:24:04.680 --> 0:24:07.680 couldn't afford rent, and I got kicked out of where 0:24:07.680 --> 0:24:09.359 I was living. I started living in a car, and 0:24:09.359 --> 0:24:11.720 then my car got stolen and it was just a 0:24:11.800 --> 0:24:16.840 vicious cycle. And it's incredibly difficult, and so being able 0:24:16.920 --> 0:24:19.760 to share the stories and humanize who these people are, 0:24:20.320 --> 0:24:24.399 look at our our issues, how we're similar. I was 0:24:24.520 --> 0:24:27.240 very moved to write this song about my experience and 0:24:27.280 --> 0:24:31.000 about everybody's experience. M yeah, and it just started off 0:24:31.000 --> 0:24:33.160 the project. It was like it came out with a bang, 0:24:33.200 --> 0:24:34.960 and then it took me a while to write other 0:24:35.000 --> 0:24:37.520 songs that I thought were up to this level. Well, 0:24:37.560 --> 0:24:42.440 I've listened to it and it is beautiful. And Janie 0:24:42.440 --> 0:24:47.160 my producer who adores you um and Dianna my sister 0:24:47.200 --> 0:24:50.439 who adores you, who is my producer for the podcast, 0:24:50.560 --> 0:24:55.680 and saw you at the vineyard and said, oh my god, 0:24:55.840 --> 0:24:59.040 I had no idea that this woman has the depth 0:24:59.119 --> 0:25:02.720 that she had, is uh. And they're the ones that 0:25:03.040 --> 0:25:05.960