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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: My husband asked to be Polly, so I'm divorcing him.

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Speaker 4: Well, that's up to you, guys.

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Speaker 3: I twenty six female, and my husband, twenty seven male,

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Speaker 3: have been married for just over a year and together

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Speaker 3: for four. We spent a long time before getting married

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Speaker 3: talking about what we wanted out of being married, so

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Speaker 3: I thought we were on the same page about all

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Speaker 3: the important things. I do love him very much. He's sweet, helpful,

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Speaker 3: and generally my dream partner until last week. By the way,

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Speaker 3: this comes from far Safety nine to five four three,

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Speaker 3: and if you want to sumit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it. So out

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Speaker 3: of the blue, he sat down one night and said

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Speaker 3: he wanted to talk about something. I thought it was

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Speaker 3: just something minor he was frustrated to or a bad

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Speaker 3: day at work or something. Instead, he talked about how

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Speaker 3: he found out that his best guy friend and his

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Speaker 3: wife are polyamorous. He and his friend have been talking

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Speaker 3: about it more and he thinks he might like to

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Speaker 3: try it, and wondered what I thought. I felt instantly

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Speaker 3: sick to my stomach. We've always had great, spicy sleep life,

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Speaker 3: and he's never given me any reason to think he

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Speaker 3: was interested in anyone else. I told him that I'm

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Speaker 3: not interested in being in a polyamorous relationship. I want

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Speaker 3: to be monogamous with him for the rest of my life.

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Speaker 3: If I had stopped there, I don't think it would

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Speaker 3: have gotten so bad. But then he asked if I

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Speaker 3: would read about it and then decide. I said no,

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Speaker 3: I already know I feel about it. He asked if

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Speaker 3: I would at least think about it, and for some

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Speaker 3: reason that just did something to me, like instant revulsion,

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Speaker 3: kind of upset. I got up and told him that

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Speaker 3: I was too upset to keep talking and that I

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Speaker 3: needed some space, so I would sleep in the guest

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Speaker 3: that night and we could talk later. Ever since that night,

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Speaker 3: I had the biggest dick anytime I saw him. He

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Speaker 3: kept trying to backtrack, but I know he meant what

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Speaker 3: he said about wanting to be polyamorous. It's not so

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Speaker 3: much that he brought it up. It's the two other

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Speaker 3: asks after I already said I would never be comfortable

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Speaker 3: with it. It's like that didn't matter to him. He

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Speaker 3: thought he could convince me, and it makes me feel awful.

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Speaker 3: What else is he going to pressure me about if

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Speaker 3: I say no? And if he already wants to sleep

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Speaker 3: with someone else, how can I ever trust him not

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Speaker 3: to do it behind my back? I'm still sleeping in

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Speaker 3: the guest room, and I'm thinking of just asking for

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Speaker 3: a divorce now, when it would be simpler to divide

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Speaker 3: everything up and go our separate ways instead of waiting

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Speaker 3: until years down the line when I get my heart broken.

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Speaker 3: He could go do whatever he wants, and I could

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Speaker 3: find someone who just wants a good, solid, monogamous relationship

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Speaker 3: with me. The idea is unaliving me, but I feel

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Speaker 3: like it's gonna hurt no matter what I do. While

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Speaker 3: I do still love him, I don't think I can

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Speaker 3: ever unheap or unsee my husband asking me for an

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Speaker 3: open relationship, and the idea of him touching me makes

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Speaker 3: me feel ill. He's upset and frustrated that I'm punishing

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Speaker 3: him for asking a question, but I honestly don't know

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Speaker 3: what he expected to happen. There is a part of

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Speaker 3: me that thinks maybe divorcing him is being over dramatic.

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Speaker 3: But also the ick is so strong that I don't

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Speaker 3: have much hope of getting back to where we were.

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Speaker 3: Am I the A hole? And there is an edit

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Speaker 3: and an update? But what do you think? Thank you

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Speaker 3: the A hole.

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Speaker 4: It's not like he just asked like.

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Speaker 3: Hey, can we think about this? No? Yeah, can we

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Speaker 3: think about this? And he said no, He said can

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Speaker 3: we think about this?

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Speaker 5: Dope?

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Speaker 3: And he said no, but can you think about this?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: And he said I hate you now?

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Speaker 6: Right?

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Speaker 4: Because this also isn't like hey, like let's start a business,

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Speaker 4: you know.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it's not like, hey, can I cheat on you?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Right exactly, because it's like some people, you know, just

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Speaker 4: are polyamorous and some people aren't. Yeah, that's really all

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Speaker 4: it is. It does it's not a punishment for not

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Speaker 4: being polyamer Like.

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Speaker 3: If he wants to go find someone who wants a

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Speaker 3: polyamorous relationship, for sure.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but you don't want that.

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Speaker 3: So if he does it, it is cheating.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, this isn't you don't want that exactly. It's not

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Speaker 4: a punishment he's just trying to play the victim.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Edit, gosh, this is a lot of replies. I'm reading

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Speaker 3: through them as best I can. I'm going to take

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Speaker 3: the advice to get an STI test, and my guy

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Speaker 3: know is going to work me in today for that.

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Speaker 3: I don't think he would physically cheat, but better safe

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Speaker 3: than sorry. I do think there is probably someone he's

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Speaker 3: interested in, probably possibly his friend's wife or maybe even

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Speaker 3: his friend he's never expressed being by, but that doesn't

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Speaker 3: mean he isn't. I don't know them very well, so

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Speaker 3: I can't speculate on their role in all of this.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to be charitable and assume that there are

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Speaker 3: no machinations from their end. And he just picked this

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Speaker 3: up from his friend and ran with it. I want

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Speaker 3: to be clear that I'm not ignoring him. We can

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Speaker 3: talk about what whatever else is going on, but I'm

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Speaker 3: not ready to continue this conversation with him, and he

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Speaker 3: knows that I want to be calm for that, and

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Speaker 3: his behavior is not really conducive to a sense of

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Speaker 3: calm right now. Every time he brings it up it

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Speaker 3: makes me a little more disgusted with him. But he

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Speaker 3: seems intent on digging the hole instead of letting things settle.

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Speaker 3: That and not taking the first note for an answer

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Speaker 3: is a bigger issue than the poly ask for me.

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Speaker 3: I think I'm going to meet with a lawyer just

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Speaker 3: to go over options. At this point, I don't have

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Speaker 3: a lot of faith in counseling changing how I feel

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Speaker 3: about him now, but I would be willing to try

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Speaker 3: a few sessions to say we gave it a shot.

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Speaker 3: I'll throw that out there tonight and see what he says.

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Speaker 3: Edit too, he doesn't think counseling is necessary. He just

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Speaker 3: wants to go back to the way things were before

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Speaker 3: bringing it up. I've told him that's not an option.

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Speaker 3: You can't unbreak a bone, it has to heal instead.

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Speaker 3: I asked him if he had someone in mind, and

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Speaker 3: he he said no. But he's not a very good liar,

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Speaker 3: and I don't really believe him. He says it was

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Speaker 3: just an idea and there's no one and nothing has happened.

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Speaker 3: But he also doesn't want to show me the messages

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Speaker 3: between him and his friend so I can understand the

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Speaker 3: content of the conversation they had. I will respect his choice,

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Speaker 3: but it's enough to convince me that there is something

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Speaker 3: he's hiding even if it's not an affair in progress,

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Speaker 3: and that's a problem. I've got an appointment with a

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Speaker 3: lawyer in a few days. I'm gonna wait until after

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Speaker 3: that to make a decision, and I'm going to take

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Speaker 3: a short trip alone to see my grandparents this weekend

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Speaker 3: to get some fresh air and perspective. I'll try to

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Speaker 3: update next week after all the test results come back

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Speaker 3: and I've had a chance to look at all the

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Speaker 3: facts with a professional. Thank you for your kind support

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Speaker 3: and advice, and there are some comments and an update. Folks.

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Speaker 4: I think he's silly.

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Speaker 3: I think he's very silly. I think I'm sorry. He's like,

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Speaker 3: I just want to go back to the way we

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Speaker 3: were before. I don't want to go counseling. You're the

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Speaker 3: and who kept pushing, right, you could have gone back

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Speaker 3: when your wife said no, and you could have been like, okay,

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Speaker 3: she said.

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Speaker 4: No, Yes, that's that.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Like I wonder if he's feeling like embarrassed or something

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Speaker 4: because or with like how he's wanting to go back

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Speaker 4: or something. But it's like, okay, well, like this is

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Speaker 4: obviously something you want to try again. It's not like

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Speaker 4: it's you know, you wanted to take a different route

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Speaker 4: to the function, you know, like it's it's this is like.

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Speaker 3: Life changing for your relationship.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, this is something like about you. Yeah, and that

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Speaker 4: will affect your relationship. So if you just drop it

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Speaker 4: and ignore it, it's not going to disappear. It's still

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Speaker 4: gonna be under there, and she still.

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Speaker 3: Want to do it. Yeah. And if you want to

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Speaker 3: do it and your wife does not want to do it,

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Speaker 3: then right, is this a deal breaker?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 4: And the counseling can probably help him too, like, really

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Speaker 4: understand these feelings why he's asking for that.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, comment one had some sympathy for you until

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Speaker 3: you said you're going to meet with an attorney behind

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Speaker 3: his back. That's quite the dang leap. Sounds like you

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Speaker 3: just want to weigh out at this point.

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Speaker 4: Just leave.

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Speaker 3: Opie says, my dad is a lawyer, and he likes

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Speaker 3: to say that anyone who tells you not to get

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Speaker 3: legal advice when you're vulnerable is part of the reason

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Speaker 3: the relevant laws were written to start with, So don't

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Speaker 3: trust them. They just don't like it when the prospective

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Speaker 3: victim comes properly informed and prepared. If he was talking

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Speaker 3: to a lawyer, right, now. I absolutely wouldn't blame him

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Speaker 3: if he gets mad about it. That's another mark in

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Speaker 3: the get out column. Part of seeking legal advice in

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Speaker 3: this situation is also finding a way to allow him

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Speaker 3: a graceful exit if that's what happens, because his family

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Speaker 3: are mostly religious conservatives and it would be a rough

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Speaker 3: road for him if they found out why the divorce

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Speaker 3: was happening. So if I decide to go, I want

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Speaker 3: to be able to suggest a plan that protects him

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Speaker 3: as well as me. I have no interest in raking

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Speaker 3: him over the coals publicly. Comment too, this will upset someone,

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Speaker 3: but a man who will share you spicily doesn't love you.

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Speaker 3: I don't think that's necessarily true. Again, there are polyamorous

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Speaker 3: relationships that are very healthy, right and that work great

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Speaker 3: for those people. Comment three, This marriage is over and

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Speaker 3: you need to get out. And I definitely would not

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Speaker 3: have unprotected spicy sleep with this man because he's likely

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Speaker 3: already cheating. Opie says, I don't think spicy sleep will

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Speaker 3: be a problem right now. I don't even want to

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Speaker 3: be touched, but I probably will take some advice from

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Speaker 3: the thread and get an SDI test to be on

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Speaker 3: the safe side comment four. These comments are out of pocket.

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Speaker 3: You are absolutely the a hole for how you're handling this,

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Speaker 3: not necessarily for leaving. Is this rage bait? Your partner

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Speaker 3: brings something to you in what he thinks is a

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Speaker 3: safe space, and you shut him down before even knowing

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Speaker 3: what he's asking about. Your post makes it clear you

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Speaker 3: don't know what polyamory is. You refuse to a learn

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Speaker 3: anything more about it when asked, and b refuse to

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Speaker 3: even humor him and think about it for more than

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Speaker 3: thirty seconds it took to run through the convo you relayed.

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Speaker 3: You then proceed to passive aggress punish him, and look

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Speaker 3: for the exit immediately when he tries to frantically backtrack,

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Speaker 3: what happened to forgiveness, giving grace or better or worse?

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Speaker 3: My lord, how you should have handled this gently but

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Speaker 3: firmly told him that you were against the idea of

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Speaker 3: anything other than monogamy, but that because you loved him,

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Speaker 3: you'd read a little bit more about the lifestyle and

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Speaker 3: really consider it. Then read an article or two, and

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Speaker 3: as soon as the next day, once you guys have

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Speaker 3: both had time to sleep on it, told them, look,

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Speaker 3: I read X, Y and Z thing about it as

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Speaker 3: a favor to you, but I'm still wildly uncomfortable with it.

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Speaker 3: After sleeping on it, I can assure you I'm not

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Speaker 3: ever going to want something other than monogamy. So the

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Speaker 3: same exact thing, just longer. Yeah, so this same exact response, right,

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Speaker 3: make him wait a day?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. Huh Like huh.

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Speaker 3: That doesn't make any sense.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't make sense.

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Speaker 3: This comment ares stupid.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't make sense. That's kind of like like like

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Speaker 4: coming out to your partner as trans and then expecting

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Speaker 4: your partner to also transition. Like that's kind of what

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Speaker 4: it feels like, you know, like yes, right, like yes,

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Speaker 4: actually yeah, you could still be accepting of the partner

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Speaker 4: and like of their choices and stuff like that, but

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Speaker 4: like it's just not for you.

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Speaker 3: Give him an opportunity to say, Okay, honey, thanks for

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Speaker 3: considering it. I really appreciate you taking this seriously. If

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Speaker 3: you didn't, doesn't, then he's showing you a lot. You

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Speaker 3: can't extrapolate from one silly convo anyway. You're the ale

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Speaker 3: for not making a safe space for your spouse and

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Speaker 3: giving less than no grace. Opie says, I know what

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Speaker 3: polyamory is. Yeah, like, what is that comment? What is

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Speaker 3: it talking about?

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Speaker 4: So crazy?

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Speaker 3: Sorry? If my partner came to me and said, hey,

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Speaker 3: I'm into polyamory, let's try it out, I personally don't

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Speaker 3: want that. No, I would say no. And if they

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Speaker 3: said no, but you haven't even looked into it, I'd say,

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Speaker 3: actually know a lot about polyamory.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, no.

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Speaker 3: It's still.

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Speaker 4: The reason I'm saying no is because I know what

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Speaker 4: it is. Yeah, I know I don't want it.

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Speaker 3: If I didn't know what it was, I would say,

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Speaker 3: what's that, honey? Yeah, I know what polyamory is. I

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Speaker 3: don't need to consider to know that. There are absolutely

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Speaker 3: no conditions under which I would ever be comfortable having

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Speaker 3: anything but a mutually monogamous, romantic, and spicy relationship. I

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Speaker 3: know what my boundaries are, and so does he. We

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Speaker 3: talked about these kinds of things before we got married.

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Speaker 3: There's nothing to forgive, really. If that's what he wants,

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Speaker 3: I respect him less for backtracking. It means he's wishy

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Speaker 3: washy and unreliable. He won't stand behind what he says

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Speaker 3: if there are consequences. I think that's part of the

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Speaker 3: revulsion I feel. Not only did he pitch something he

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Speaker 3: knows full well goes against my core values and then

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Speaker 3: persist when I said no. He can't even stand by

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Speaker 3: it afterwards, like it would be better if he had

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Speaker 3: just said I would like to try this. But I

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Speaker 3: hear you when you say you aren't interested at all.

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Speaker 3: This isn't a deal breaker for me. So let's talk

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Speaker 3: about that part instead of it was just a question.

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Speaker 3: It's not that important. Stop refusing to touch me because

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Speaker 3: you're uncomfortable and needs space to calm down. I don't

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Speaker 3: like it.

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Speaker 4: My husband took his mistress into our home, so I

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Speaker 4: took my name off the lead out of my house.

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Speaker 4: I fifty three female, have been married to my husband

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Speaker 4: forty eight male. We will call him Richard aka Wiener

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Speaker 4: for almost seventeen years. Our marriage has not been perfect,

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Speaker 4: especially the last four years. I suspected Wiener of cheating,

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Speaker 4: but never could catch him. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 4: from a tiny woodpecker seventy five twenty three on the

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Speaker 4: Charlotte Dober YouTube Subredden. But if you want to submit

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Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

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Speaker 4: subredd It. So until a couple of years ago, I

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Speaker 4: ended up in the er because of a not so

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Speaker 4: fresh feeling. I loved my husband very much, but this

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Speaker 4: was the last straw. And this wasn't even the girlfriend

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Speaker 4: he is seeing now. We will call her Jane forty

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Speaker 4: three female.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 4: The er trip was more than enough proof that he

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Speaker 4: wasn't being faithful. I have not been with anyone other

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Speaker 4: than him for the eternity of our marriage, so openly

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Speaker 4: told him I was looking for a job closer to

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Speaker 4: my family and leaving him to go there. I took

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Speaker 4: a contract for a year. I left in twenty twenty

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Speaker 4: three and moved one thousand, one hundred miles away to

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Speaker 4: be near my family. Wiener and I texted it daily.

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Speaker 4: Some was arguing. Other conversation was more serious and sounded

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Speaker 4: like he wanted to reconcile, so I still wasn't sure.

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Speaker 4: He assured me that there was no one there with

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Speaker 4: him in our home, but he is also an habitual liar.

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Speaker 4: So I got in my car one night and drove

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Speaker 4: all the way to my former residence. I arrived at

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Speaker 4: five thirty in the morning. I was tired, but oddly enough,

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Speaker 4: Wiener was awake and met me on the porch in

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Speaker 4: his robe. He was clearly not expecting me. So I

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Speaker 4: proceeded to go inside, and he tried to step in

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Speaker 4: the way. I continued to go inside. Now we introduced

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Speaker 4: Jane standing in my kitchen, cooking in a robe only,

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Speaker 4: so I said, how are you? I'm Weiener's wife. Needless

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Speaker 4: to say, it wasn't a pleasant visit. Not only did

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Speaker 4: I have to go get a hotel and Airbnb, but

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Speaker 4: Jane was living there. This apparently happened three weeks after

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Speaker 4: I left. This goes back and forth for the last

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Speaker 4: couple of years, where she's there, next she's leaving, next

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Speaker 4: she's there, and now they are supposedly in love. Wtf

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Speaker 4: ever whatever? H okay? So to the least part, my

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Speaker 4: name was still on the lease of the house, our

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Speaker 4: paper on paper and even off paper. Wienerd didn't qualify

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Speaker 4: on his own, so I have been more than generous

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Speaker 4: to not take my name off so he didn't have

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Speaker 4: to face moving. I know, I shouldn't care. I'm just

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Speaker 4: not that person. Well, now here we are, and I

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Speaker 4: moved back here for a job about nine months ago.

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Speaker 4: He was trying to have his cake and to telling

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Speaker 4: both of us what we wanted to hear, and playing

338
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Speaker 4: both sides, lying through his teeth. However, I just got

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Speaker 4: a new job and I needed a home that was

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Speaker 4: central to the three locations that I will be splitting

341
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Speaker 4: my time between. I got a twenty four k a

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Speaker 4: year raised with this job, so I couldn't turn it down. Well,

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00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,680
Speaker 4: the landlord who least does the first house, had a

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00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,359
Speaker 4: bigger house that was es central to all three locations.

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Speaker 4: It couldn't have been more perfect. So I called her

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Speaker 4: and told her that I don't live at the other

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Speaker 4: house anymore. I applied for this house, and I am

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Speaker 4: standing in the house typing this to all you potatoes.

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Speaker 4: She has known me for ten years and knows that

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Speaker 4: I will take care of my responsibilities and this house.

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Speaker 4: So now Wiener is pissed off and he can now

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Speaker 4: be referred to as Richard Naggan. He has started telling

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Speaker 4: everyone that I did this on purpose because I'm trying

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Speaker 4: to make him homeless. I have now filed for a

355
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,840
Speaker 4: divorce from mister Noggin. I don't think he should have

356
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Speaker 4: the financial benefit of a wife on paper and not

357
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,960
Speaker 4: want the wife. He also tried to financially ruin me.

358
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Speaker 4: This has been an emotionally difficult time. I've been struggling

359
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Speaker 4: a lot, but I am gonna be fine with this

360
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Speaker 4: new job.

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Speaker 3: Now.

362
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,720
Speaker 4: I know I should have divorced him a long time ago.

363
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,320
Speaker 4: It was hard to just unlove someone you've been with

364
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Speaker 4: for a third of your life. I know, I'm trauma bonded. Uh.

365
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,000
Speaker 4: So my name came off the other lease and he

366
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Speaker 4: is having to fill out an application for the house

367
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,480
Speaker 4: that he has lived in for ten years. Technically he

368
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,840
Speaker 4: doesn't qualify because he can't produce any stubs, banking info

369
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:17,120
Speaker 4: or anything. He runs a cash business as a mechanic

370
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,680
Speaker 4: from the house. So now he said that I knew

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Speaker 4: what I was doing and wanted to put him out

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Speaker 4: in the street. Am I the a hole for not

373
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Speaker 4: keeping my name on the lease to be the financial

374
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Speaker 4: cushion and my husband thinks I should be for him

375
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Speaker 4: and his girlfriend?

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Speaker 3: No?

377
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely no, definitely.

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Speaker 3: Dousband's cheating on you, And that was like, whoa, I've

379
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:42,240
Speaker 3: gotta keep all of this house and stuff and keep

380
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,960
Speaker 3: cheating on you and you're gonna be fine with it?

381
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:49,639
Speaker 4: No? Absolutely not, No, this is your Yeah he doesn't

382
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,520
Speaker 4: want you, Yeah, he doesn't want you or not enough to, like,

383
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,879
Speaker 4: you know, put in the actual effort to treat.

384
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Speaker 3: You right and not cheat on you.

385
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, so like, of course you're just gonna leave and

386
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:02,760
Speaker 4: take your money?

387
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:07,240
Speaker 3: Literally, like oh you expect? Like how did he think

388
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,880
Speaker 3: this was gonna go right?

389
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:10,320
Speaker 2: Right? Oh?

390
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 4: You you want me to be a homeless No.

391
00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:14,879
Speaker 3: I want you to not be in my life anymore

392
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,040
Speaker 3: because you, yeah, cheated on me.

393
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,760
Speaker 4: I wanted you to be monogamous, but you didn't want

394
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:23,800
Speaker 4: Dad apparently couldn't handle it. Now you get to deal.

395
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,400
Speaker 3: With being alone exactly.

396
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,800
Speaker 4: Op, he says. I don't think I am, but that's

397
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,040
Speaker 4: how he is portraying it. I finally have the courage

398
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,200
Speaker 4: to stand up for myself and not let him walk

399
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,119
Speaker 4: all over me. So am I dayhole, Thanks and there

400
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,399
Speaker 4: is an update. First, I want to start by saying

401
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,440
Speaker 4: thank you for all of these support and the advice

402
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,800
Speaker 4: that was given. I've read each of your comments and

403
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,520
Speaker 4: suggestions and have actually done a couple of them. I'm

404
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,680
Speaker 4: continuing my counseling, and I have been a lot braver

405
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,720
Speaker 4: this week when my soon to be ex has continued

406
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,919
Speaker 4: to f around and find out. So here goes the

407
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,720
Speaker 4: drama for the last few days. As of June thirtieth,

408
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,720
Speaker 4: my name officially came off the lease. My landlord was

409
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,800
Speaker 4: more than happy to take it off, and she also

410
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,240
Speaker 4: signed me a new lease for a nicer, bigger house

411
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,720
Speaker 4: that was much more convenient to my new job. I

412
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,640
Speaker 4: soon to Bex has been blowing on my phone, whining

413
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,199
Speaker 4: on how he has to come up with paysteps and

414
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,720
Speaker 4: he's already late on his rent and why couldn't I

415
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:14,880
Speaker 4: leave well enough alone?

416
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,959
Speaker 3: He's what the heck? I don't understand.

417
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,679
Speaker 4: Yeah, He's like, why are you doing this to me?

418
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,120
Speaker 4: She's not doing anything, She's not doing anything.

419
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,240
Speaker 3: You cheated on her, So she's leaving you?

420
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:30,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, well enough alone is like leaving the relationship without

421
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:34,240
Speaker 4: an argument or something like that. Yeah, not like continuing

422
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:35,800
Speaker 4: to pay for your house.

423
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,640
Speaker 3: It feels like he wants it. Feels like he wants

424
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:40,359
Speaker 3: her to stay in this relationship. Yeah, continue to pay

425
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,280
Speaker 3: for everything. Yeah, be fine with it.

426
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,560
Speaker 4: Yeah huh. He even went as far as to threaten

427
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,080
Speaker 4: to get me fired for my new job, so I

428
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:51,360
Speaker 4: took a restraining order out on him and it was granted.

429
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,720
Speaker 4: He cannot call, text to speak, or be within five

430
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 4: hundred feet of me anytime anywhere, and he thinks that

431
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,840
Speaker 4: I I will be financially responsible for any damage that

432
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,240
Speaker 4: he causes to the house. Well, it's ever around and

433
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 4: find out time because of the state that I live

434
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,840
Speaker 4: in now has a law that legally states that I

435
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 4: am no longer responsible for anything to do with the

436
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 4: home that he and his girlfriend are now completely responsible for.

437
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,879
Speaker 4: I am a protected person according to the protective order

438
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:24,560
Speaker 4: and am absolved of any and every responsibility on that

439
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:25,359
Speaker 4: with him.

440
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 7: Yay.

441
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,600
Speaker 4: Also, he cannot pester me at work, cannot call my

442
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,920
Speaker 4: job or come on to the campus, and he will

443
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,679
Speaker 4: be or he will be arrested immediately. So thanks for

444
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 4: all the encouragement. I definitely pulled my big girl bridges

445
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:41,480
Speaker 4: up and looked up a few things in order to

446
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 4: start completely removing him from my life. The process has

447
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 4: been started, thanks again, and I know for sure that

448
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,720
Speaker 4: I am not the a hole. He now has to

449
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,159
Speaker 4: learn to offend for himself and grow up. He is

450
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,360
Speaker 4: not my problem. And there is a second update.

451
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:58,000
Speaker 3: Ooooh, I hope it just says he's really not my problem.

452
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 4: Yeah right, because that's a It seemed like it wrapped

453
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,200
Speaker 4: up pretty nicely. Yeah, I don't know it's gonna happen.

454
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 3: He better be good still for Opie update number two.

455
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 4: I am getting moved into my new place, and in

456
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 4: the other post, I was answering someone about whether I

457
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,480
Speaker 4: thought the girlfriend was going to go on the lease

458
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,399
Speaker 4: with the soon to be X Richard Nogan Well, I

459
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,160
Speaker 4: received a phone call. She is not all that excited

460
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 4: on going on a new lease with him for any

461
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 4: length of time. Matter of fact, she only wants to

462
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 4: go month to month. Soon to be X is crying

463
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,719
Speaker 4: that I've ruined his life, and she is tired of

464
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 4: hearing the whining. Apparently not so sure if this is true.

465
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 4: She had no idea that I was still on the lease,

466
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,680
Speaker 4: which she questioned him extensively about. He made up all

467
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,639
Speaker 4: kinds of excuses as to why, but the truth is

468
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,120
Speaker 4: that he doesn't qualify on his own to get the lease.

469
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:51,400
Speaker 4: He needed my financial credentials. She told him to get

470
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,760
Speaker 4: a job. She also is telling me that she is

471
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:55,920
Speaker 4: figuring out exactly why I left in the first place.

472
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,480
Speaker 4: My response to her was, after seventeen years, don't you

473
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,159
Speaker 4: think that I would have had a really good reason

474
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 4: to leave after that long? There are two sides to

475
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:08,240
Speaker 4: a story, and somewhere in there there is the actual truth.

476
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 4: So the conversation was really interesting and after she got

477
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 4: some answers to her questions, it ended peacefully. But I

478
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 4: surprised her when she started to tell me things about

479
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,880
Speaker 4: the two of them, and I cut her off by

480
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 4: telling her that they were not my concern. It was

481
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,560
Speaker 4: between the two of them, and I didn't want to know.

482
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 4: But now the girlfriend is in jail. Why she got

483
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,400
Speaker 4: caught taking security tags off of things in the store

484
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,200
Speaker 4: and then when her name was run by the police

485
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:38,640
Speaker 4: two felony warrants. Apparently the warrants are for not showing

486
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 4: up to court and it has been so habitual. There

487
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:46,639
Speaker 4: is no security bond available to ten thousand dollars cash only.

488
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 4: Oooh wow, you really think that Op's the one who's

489
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 4: gonna make you homeless? Yeah, dude, come on, man, now

490
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:59,359
Speaker 4: you're a fair partner's got ten thousand, well twenty thousand? Yeah, yeah, debt?

491
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh. Yeah, maybe that's why she was so

492
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,800
Speaker 4: like peeved about him not having a job not Yeah.

493
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 3: I was like, I for it needs you to have money.

494
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 4: I was like, I can't afford this, so you have to.

495
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,560
Speaker 4: So I think she will be stuck there for a minute.

496
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:14,800
Speaker 2: What a mess.

497
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 3: So messy. Oh, p, I think it's just your your

498
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:22,760
Speaker 3: divorce him that you have or you are Yeah, and leave.

499
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,120
Speaker 4: Him well enough alone exactly whenever.

500
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 3: He comes crying to you block, Yeah, don't even We

501
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,640
Speaker 3: don't have to engage with him, right, you've already got

502
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 3: the restraining order.

503
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,200
Speaker 4: That's just extra drama that you just get to hear

504
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 4: about that they have to deal with.

505
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 3: Wow, that's crazy. Yeah, not my problem. Not my problem.

506
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:45,640
Speaker 3: My opinion or.

507
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 4: My observation is this. It's almost the first of the month.

508
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 4: Who is coming up with rent for him?

509
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:52,119
Speaker 3: Not me?

510
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:55,360
Speaker 4: As I've learned with this entire situation, what you put

511
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 4: out into this world, whether it be goodness or by

512
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,200
Speaker 4: being a terrible person, it has a way of coming

513
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 4: back to you, and when it comes around, boy does it.

514
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,160
Speaker 4: So I am settling into my new place, new job,

515
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 4: and new life. Sounds like the other two have a

516
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 4: lot to work out, and I love saying not my problem.

517
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,120
Speaker 4: Thank you to all in this group who I've commented

518
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 4: and supported this journey. I continue to pray daily and

519
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:22,160
Speaker 4: I am proud of all I have accomplished. One day

520
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,399
Speaker 4: at a time. I am living my best life and

521
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 4: being the best I can be. Every day. Thank you

522
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 4: all again.

523
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:29,640
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

524
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 2: Here.

525
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to the stories, but here's

526
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 1: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

527
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 7: My fiance asked to open our relationship, and I think

528
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:37,919
Speaker 7: it's because of his friend.

529
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,680
Speaker 3: Let's close that line of questioning down.

530
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 7: I twenty eight female, and my fiance John, twenty eight male,

531
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 7: have been together for about five years.

532
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,840
Speaker 2: To understand the dilemma, I need to give you some background.

533
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 7: It both came from very religious backgrounds, though it affected

534
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 7: both of us very differently. John became a problem child,

535
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,880
Speaker 7: running away, causing problems and eventually finding a crowd as

536
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:02,879
Speaker 7: parents would not approve of. Most of the members of

537
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 7: this group were part of the LGBTQ plus community Smoked

538
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 7: the Devil's let us, engaged in protests, and either atheists

539
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,720
Speaker 7: or practice a different religion. By the way, this comes

540
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,119
Speaker 7: from user wild Boar eleven forty two and if you

541
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 7: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

542
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,959
Speaker 7: slash Okay storytime subredit. Although some of the members have

543
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 7: since left, this crowd became his current friend group. I

544
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,920
Speaker 7: won't go into details about each and every one of them,

545
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 7: but the main ringleaders are Alex thirty five non binary,

546
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 7: and Avery thirty three male.

547
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 2: From what I understand, they collected.

548
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 7: Damaged people, as John jokingly said one day, and let

549
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 7: them couch surf when things got rough. Alex is some

550
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 7: sort of a NEPO baby, and Avery works in it

551
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 7: or something like that. John met them when he was fifteen.

552
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 7: At first, I thought they seemed very cool and couldn't

553
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 7: wait to meet them, since John equated their relationship to

554
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,199
Speaker 7: that of a child and a parent, so clearly very

555
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 7: important people in his life. But when I finally met them,

556
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 7: when we were twenty one and in college and home

557
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,480
Speaker 7: for the summer break, the meeting left me a bit disillusioned.

558
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,760
Speaker 7: Alex was caddy and had snide remarks since I wasn't

559
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 7: LGBTQ or anything at most by curious, and Avery treated

560
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 7: me like a child. But John said they always need

561
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 7: to break new people in, so I tried to think

562
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,639
Speaker 7: positive and did my best to impress them with what

563
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,200
Speaker 7: I was studying and what my plans for the future are,

564
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 7: both regarding me personally and my relationship. But the more

565
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 7: I talked, the more they seemed to disapprove of me.

566
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 7: Despite this strange meeting, John seemed ecstatic to see them

567
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 7: again and gushed about how much they liked me, So

568
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,160
Speaker 7: I kept my mouth shut and just nodded along. Now

569
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 7: to understand a bit deeper on who Alex and Avery.

570
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 2: Are In the town they live in, they're something like

571
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,639
Speaker 2: local celebrities, very spiritual.

572
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,879
Speaker 7: Their home is full of souvenirs they've accumulated over all

573
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 7: their travels. They're also married, but their definition of marriage

574
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 7: is very different from the traditional one. Apparently they went

575
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 7: to some tropical state and took some hallucinogens together, and

576
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 7: in their state they proclaimed everlasting love for one another.

577
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,439
Speaker 7: Quite a wild concept for someone like me, but I

578
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 7: learned to be more open minded since I left for college.

579
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 7: That being said, they also said that they can see

580
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:22,919
Speaker 7: auras whatever that is, and apparently love my fiances. I

581
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,880
Speaker 7: don't know what they think of mine, but it probably

582
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,679
Speaker 7: isn't much, which brings us to the topic.

583
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,120
Speaker 2: I came here with. Last week.

584
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 7: After we got home from work, John sat me down

585
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:33,199
Speaker 7: and asked me what I think about being in a

586
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 7: polygamous relationship. He said he loves me so so so

587
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 7: much more than that it then is possible, and doesn't

588
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 7: know what to do with the rest of it, thinking

589
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 7: that it's fair to give it to someone else. I,

590
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 7: on the other hand, don't have a limit on how

591
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,640
Speaker 7: much I can love him, so I said no, that's

592
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,959
Speaker 7: and that was that. However, the question has been plaguing

593
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:55,120
Speaker 7: my mind ever since. If you knew John just a fraction,

594
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 7: a enumerator and a denominator, you'd know he researches about

595
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,160
Speaker 7: things long before where he actually commits to anything, any

596
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 7: lifestyle or relationship change, whatever. This makes me think that

597
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 7: he has already thought about it for a while, and

598
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,880
Speaker 7: that he also consulted Alex and or Avery about this.

599
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 7: I don't want to villainize them, but I know for

600
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,360
Speaker 7: a fact they're not in a monogamous relationship, and they

601
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 7: clearly don't like me as the rest of their little group. Again,

602
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 7: I don't want to point fingers, and I won't ask

603
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 7: John to show me his messages with them unless I

604
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 7: have solid proof that it isn't just a gut feeling.

605
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 7: But I just have this horrible feeling that they somehow

606
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:32,680
Speaker 7: pulled it in. That they somehow pulled in John. There's

607
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:34,679
Speaker 7: no way he just thought about it suddenly on his

608
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 7: own five years into our relationship, and the idea of

609
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 7: non monogamy was never brought up, and now suddenly, just

610
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 7: as we're about to be married, he brings this up.

611
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 7: I don't buy it one bit, but I can't just

612
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,480
Speaker 7: go ahead and confront them, now can. I just don't

613
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 7: know what to do. I feel stuck at home. I

614
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 7: pretend everything is fine since my group of close friends

615
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 7: told me that I'm just overthinking, and I believed it

616
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 7: for a while. But whenever I look at John, all

617
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 7: I can think of is he thinks there's a cap

618
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 7: on how much he can love me, and he wants

619
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 7: to love someone else. I want to deal with this,

620
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,239
Speaker 7: but I don't know how. If I bring it up

621
00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 7: with John, he'll just brush it off as well, or

622
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,200
Speaker 7: he'll think I'm cheating, or I don't trust his friends.

623
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:14,800
Speaker 7: I worked hard to get their approval, and I know

624
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:17,640
Speaker 7: for a fact John shares everything with them. He wouldn't

625
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 7: keep this for himself. I just hope that someone here

626
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 7: can give me pointers on how to proceed. Thanks, we

627
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 7: got some relevant comments.

628
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:28,240
Speaker 3: I mean, just that ope he should not feel like

629
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 3: she's stuck. You can leave. You don't have to stay

630
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 3: in this relationship if he wants something and is not

631
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 3: willing to back down on it, and you're like, that's

632
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,400
Speaker 3: not what I want, Then don't do the thing that

633
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 3: you don't want to do that. It's like that, that's it?

634
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 3: That is it?

635
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 2: What do you want? Not that? When do you want it?

636
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:52,440
Speaker 7: Never good? Degenerate Ti Ti liquor. If you don't swing

637
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 7: that way, then end it. It'll only get worse once

638
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 7: you're married. This is not something you can compromise on.

639
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 7: He wants to fol around with other people while you do,

640
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 7: not op, says God. The idea of ending our relationship

641
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,520
Speaker 7: is so scary. I feel like I built my entire

642
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,719
Speaker 7: life since leaving for college around him, and if we separate,

643
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 7: I'm worried I'm gonna fall apart.

644
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 2: Hashtag codependency.

645
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 7: But I understand where you're coming from. I need more

646
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 7: time to process the reality of it all. Why God,

647
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 7: Why ninety four says don't let them brainwash you. There

648
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 7: are plenty of cases where people are pulled into someone

649
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 7: else's lifestyle and then are randomly dropped. It will leave

650
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 7: you wondering who you even are. I've been there and

651
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 7: it ruined me. What happens if you drink the kool

652
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 7: aid and they reject you later. It's hard to come

653
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 7: back from that. And I'm not saying this as a

654
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 7: matter based solely on spicy preferences, either New Age mumbo

655
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 7: jumbo or auras mixed with radical changes in spicy interest

656
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 7: can really mess somebody up. A lot of people like

657
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 7: this function almost like a hive mind or a popular

658
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 7: click in high school. If you already feel like you

659
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 7: are being pushed away from the group and now he's

660
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 7: making this request, it's a bad sign. Also, the idea

661
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,720
Speaker 7: of him having so much love that it's unfair to

662
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 7: only give it to you is a horrible cop out

663
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,400
Speaker 7: and a very common sense excuse for people use when

664
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 7: trying to convince their SOO to try polly or open.

665
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 7: It's often used to guilt people, almost like he's suggesting

666
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 7: you're greedy for wanting to keep your relationship personal and exclusive.

667
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:24,960
Speaker 7: I'd say, just be careful. I don't want you to

668
00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 7: end up hurt like I was. Dedicating yourself to one

669
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:30,880
Speaker 7: person while their character and lifestyle is completely changing can

670
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 7: end up with you getting hurt bad. If he is

671
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,479
Speaker 7: sincerely changing in this way, I'd be worried about how

672
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 7: much you invest in him. I only say this because

673
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 7: I was fully invested in my ex, and she started

674
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 7: hanging out with a group of college friends more frequently

675
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 7: towards the end. One day we got into a small

676
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 7: argument over parking, and it ended with her saying she

677
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 7: wasn't certain what her spicy proclivity was anymore, and wasn't

678
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 7: sure if she was even female anymore, and that we

679
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 7: had to end things now. I would have been fine

680
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 7: with helping them figure themselves out, but for her it

681
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 7: kind of just became her excuse to break up with me.

682
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 2: I think it was.

683
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 7: More about her and them wanting to have fun, and

684
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 7: was influenced by her group of friends all being single

685
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 7: or experimenting, who all came out around the same time.

686
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 7: I think she saw them having fun and let and

687
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 7: felt the fomode to be honest to her, The commenter continues,

688
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 7: she was getting her chance to catch up on fun

689
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 7: she may have missed out on being in a relationship.

690
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 7: To me, it was losing a piece of myself that

691
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 7: I invested years of love into.

692
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 2: Op says, I'm really sorry you had to go through that.

693
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 7: I really hope John isn't using this as a maneuvering

694
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,440
Speaker 7: tactic to get out of the relationship or is.

695
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 2: A chance to catch up?

696
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 7: It doesn't sound like him, but I'll keep this in mind,

697
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 7: and there's an update.

698
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:43,959
Speaker 2: Do you have any thing nad here? Should we just

699
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 2: cruise right in?

700
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 3: I think that comment wasn't really relevant. I think that

701
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:51,000
Speaker 3: he wants if he wants to have this politicalist relationship,

702
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 3: that is his own thing and it has nothing to

703
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 3: do with you. And if you don't want it, so

704
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 3: then you leave that relationship for me.

705
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 7: Just the whole point of this is that it might

706
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 7: not be his own thing. That's Opie's thought is that

707
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 7: since he's been hanging out with this group of people,

708
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 7: suddenly instead of being like, now we're getting married and

709
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 7: we've been together for five years and it's been our

710
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 7: plan to just be married the whole time, suddenly he's like,

711
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 7: I need multiple life part and I need multiple husbands,

712
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:15,240
Speaker 7: I need multiple spouses.

713
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 3: Then she could up with him and say like, hey,

714
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 3: where are these feelings coming from? Is this actually what

715
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 3: you want?

716
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 2: Right update? Me and John came from similar backgrounds.

717
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 7: My family was a bit less strict, allowing me to

718
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 7: go to college since I had great grades. The plan

719
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 7: for me was to move back after getting a degree,

720
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 7: finding a job, a husband, and living the traditional life,

721
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 7: which obviously.

722
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,520
Speaker 2: Didn't happen because I met John, who literally changed the

723
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 2: trajectory of my whole life.

724
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 7: After a year, I switched from my first major to

725
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 7: when I liked more. And it's been a while since I.

726
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 2: Contacted my parents.

727
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 7: They didn't approve, of course, but with John's help, I

728
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 7: didn't give in to their demands to come back. Now

729
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 7: they know I'm getting married and are invited, but the

730
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 7: last time we spoke was about two months ago. John

731
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 7: is completely no contact with his parents since eighteen. I

732
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 7: didn't talk about the friend group in more detail at first,

733
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 7: since I didn't think they were that important, but they

734
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,719
Speaker 7: do like me. At first, they were obviously a bit

735
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:09,760
Speaker 7: unsure since to them I was a cishet, white passing woman.

736
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:12,279
Speaker 7: But they warm up to me and I'm proud to

737
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 7: call them my friends. The only people who didn't fully

738
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 7: accept me are Avery and Alex, and since me and

739
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:20,799
Speaker 7: John got together officially, they tend to call me the

740
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 7: wife in this strange, almost derogatory, dismissive manner. It's not

741
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 7: an important detail, but it gets on my nerves. Lastly,

742
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:33,400
Speaker 7: John is aware that opening up the relationship would lead

743
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 7: to me being intimate physically or emotionally with other people,

744
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 7: but he said it's a great chance for me to

745
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 7: explore my byside, though I haven't expressed the desire to

746
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 7: really be with a woman relationship at their seat onto

747
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 7: what happened. I shot a message over to John two

748
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 7: days ago and said that we needed to talk. He

749
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 7: works from home and I don't, so as soon as

750
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 7: I got home we sat down to have an in

751
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 7: depth conversation about his proposal. I think he knew what

752
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,280
Speaker 7: it's going to be about, and I had the feeling

753
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 7: he seemed almost guilty, but I ignored that and basically

754
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,719
Speaker 7: word vomited everything that's been on my mind. This is

755
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 7: embarrassing because I wrote down most of what the comments

756
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 7: advised and was prepared to have a mature discussion. But

757
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 7: by the end of my easily fifteen minute rant, I

758
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,719
Speaker 7: was in tears and he had to hold me otherwise

759
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 7: I'd crumbled completely. The gist of what I said is

760
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 7: that I'm hurt that he wants to be intimate with

761
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 7: other people and that he doesn't care that I would

762
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 7: do the same, that he believes there's a limit to

763
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:29,800
Speaker 7: how much he can love me and that I can't

764
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 7: see where this all came from. He just sprung this

765
00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 7: on me out of nowhere, just a few months before

766
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,440
Speaker 7: we were supposed to be wed. We tried to have

767
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 7: a mature discussion, yes, but by the end he was frustrated.

768
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 7: He did apologize for making me feel less than but

769
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 7: said that my outlook on an open relationship is selfish.

770
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 7: What it all boiled down to was that he feels

771
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 7: he didn't have enough time to find himself before he

772
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,359
Speaker 7: committed to me, which is bs because he didn't show

773
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 7: any signs of wanting more than I could offer. We

774
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 7: were very happy throughout the five years, and I really

775
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:04,319
Speaker 7: believed I met my soulmate. I realized that since we

776
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 7: were engaged, he seemed to talk more to this friend

777
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 7: group and by extension, to Avery and Alex.

778
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:10,320
Speaker 2: Again.

779
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,080
Speaker 7: I don't want to paint them as these cartoonish villains.

780
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 7: They're really interesting and all, but now I want nothing

781
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 7: more than to scratch those self absorbed, smug smiles off

782
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:22,359
Speaker 7: of their face. In the end, I demanded to see

783
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 7: his phone, and he was shocked. We had a rule

784
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 7: that we can see each other's phones, but we don't

785
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 7: share passwords or anything, since relationships are built on trust

786
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,720
Speaker 7: and neither of us wanted to be a prison guard

787
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 7: in the relationship. Nevertheless, he unlocked and handed over his phone,

788
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 7: and I searched his messages, even deleted once, and found

789
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,239
Speaker 7: nothing out of the ordinary. Then I checked the call

790
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 7: log and guess effing what ours long calls to and

791
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 7: from either Avery or Alex. I was fuming and asked

792
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:56,359
Speaker 7: him what does he need to discuss with them for

793
00:36:56,440 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 7: this long? And mind you, these were dated months back.

794
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 7: John eventually caved in and admitted it was them who

795
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:06,760
Speaker 7: brought up the idea of open relationship, but they also

796
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 7: talked about everything else.

797
00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:10,360
Speaker 2: Since there's such a role model.

798
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:13,879
Speaker 7: John admitted that he started getting cold feet a while

799
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 7: ago and needed.

800
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:18,239
Speaker 2: A safe place to discuss this. I guess I his

801
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:18,879
Speaker 2: wife to be.

802
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 7: I am not safe, even though he loves you so

803
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:25,360
Speaker 7: much that the love overflows and is like a threat

804
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 7: to our very existence because there's so much love it

805
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:29,080
Speaker 7: might engulf the whole planet.

806
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:32,800
Speaker 3: Again, I really don't think it matters if they convinced

807
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 3: him to do it, because he was convinced. He didn't

808
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:38,040
Speaker 3: come to you. He didn't talk about the problems that

809
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,279
Speaker 3: you guys were having in the relationship. Instead, he went

810
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 3: to other people and then heard there's you know, nonsense

811
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,920
Speaker 3: idea all right that you he probably knew that you

812
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 3: would not be on board about. And then when it

813
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:52,840
Speaker 3: was like, yeah, I'm gonna tell you right before the

814
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,839
Speaker 3: wedding that I want to do.

815
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 7: This, John eventually caved in and admitted it was them

816
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 7: who brought up the idea of an open relationship, but

817
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 7: they also talked about everything since they're such role models.

818
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:05,719
Speaker 7: John admitted that he started getting cold feet a while

819
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 7: ago and needed a safe place to discuss this. I

820
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,240
Speaker 7: guess I his wife to be am not safe. Please

821
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 7: make it make sense? Why would you even marry me?

822
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 7: Then he promised we'd go to a couple's counselor and

823
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,360
Speaker 7: fix all of this, his issues with marriage, the open

824
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,839
Speaker 7: relationship thing in the whole nine yards, and that he'd

825
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,800
Speaker 7: book an emergency session with his therapist. That he loves

826
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 7: me and wants nothing but to be with me. It

827
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 7: was late, so we went to bed. Despite how messy

828
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 7: this all sounds, I was a bit more reassured by this.

829
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 7: I genuinely love him, even if my post doesn't reflect

830
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:40,640
Speaker 7: that very well. Though many people have said just to leave.

831
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 7: I want that to be the last resort. I was

832
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,919
Speaker 7: willing to jump through hoops to make this work.

833
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 3: A yi yi, oh Pee, you don't have to get

834
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 3: married to this guy. It doesn't. I mean, if he

835
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 3: wants to go to marriage counseling to try and convince,

836
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 3: I mean, it isn't. It's not that he said this,

837
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:58,840
Speaker 3: but if he wants to go to marriage counseling to

838
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:02,960
Speaker 3: convince you to do what he wants, it's.

839
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:06,240
Speaker 2: Not gonna work. Yeah, I honestly all of that aside.

840
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 7: I would just press him until he said that, until

841
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 7: he admits that what he said made no sense, that

842
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,400
Speaker 7: he has so much love he can't give all of

843
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 7: it to you. It's like, just tell me, tell me

844
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:18,560
Speaker 7: the real thought, tell me the actual thought. And if

845
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,919
Speaker 7: you don't have an actual thought, then what the hell

846
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 7: are you talking about?

847
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:22,360
Speaker 3: Yeah?

848
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 7: True, yeah, so OPI had said, But guess who's the idiot?

849
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 7: This morning, I woke up to an empty apartment and

850
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 7: a message on my phone from John saying that he

851
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 7: needs a few days to think this all over and

852
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:34,280
Speaker 7: needs space.

853
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 2: He didn't say where he was going or when he'd

854
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 2: come back.

855
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 7: I called and called and messaged everyone I know, but

856
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 7: no one can tell me where John is. I told

857
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 7: him he either comes back home in twenty four hours

858
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 7: or this is over. As you can imagine, I'm a wreck.

859
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:49,840
Speaker 7: I took the rest of the week off, and between

860
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 7: crying sessions and staring blankly into the wall, I obsessively

861
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 7: check my messages in hopes of someone telling me where

862
00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:59,319
Speaker 7: John is. To be honest, if he's willing to put

863
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,759
Speaker 7: me through this, I'm not sure I want to be

864
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:02,239
Speaker 7: with him.

865
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:05,319
Speaker 2: How can you do this to someone you love? He's

866
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 2: JOHNI og host here.

867
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:07,719
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a

868
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:08,839
Speaker 1: quick three minute break of ass.

869
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:12,400
Speaker 3: When we're sponsors, my boyfriend's sister keeps bringing up his

870
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:14,239
Speaker 3: ex and I'm getting tired of it.

871
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:15,759
Speaker 5: I was we need to bring her out back and

872
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:16,399
Speaker 5: get rid of her.

873
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 3: I have been with my twenty nine female boyfriend thirty

874
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:23,480
Speaker 3: two male for four years. He dated this one woman

875
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 3: who is ten years older than him, for six years,

876
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 3: about three or four years before we met and dated.

877
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:32,360
Speaker 3: My boyfriend's name is Aaron, and he has an older brother, Nate.

878
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 3: Nate recently got married to Cassie. Cassie and my boyfriend's

879
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 3: ex Kate have been longtime best friends. By the way,

880
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:42,839
Speaker 3: this comes from common Donut sixty four to sixty two,

881
00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 3: and if you want to spend your own stories, go

882
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay storytime suppared it so, Nate

883
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 3: and Cassie met through Kate while my boyfriend and her

884
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:54,960
Speaker 3: were together. Kate has a daughter, not my boyfriend's biological kid.

885
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 3: For a few years though, Aaron and Kate lived together,

886
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 3: so he obviously had a good relationship with her. I

887
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 3: posted a story a few months ago about running into

888
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:06,839
Speaker 3: her daughter while our families were celebrating Mother's Day and

889
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:10,719
Speaker 3: how uncomfortable that was because my boyfriend's mother refused to

890
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,919
Speaker 3: really say who she was to my mom. My mom

891
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:16,279
Speaker 3: was just curious and kept pushing who she was, and

892
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 3: I knew immediately. Very weird situation. Kate is constantly brought

893
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 3: up in random situations. I've learned to just deal with it.

894
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 3: I can't help that my boyfriend and her dated for

895
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 3: some time and she still has a friendship with Cassie.

896
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:33,840
Speaker 3: It's annoying, but it is what it is. In the

897
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:36,760
Speaker 3: four years, I have surprisingly been able to avoid running

898
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 3: into her, even though she's a yoga instructor at my gym,

899
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 3: and Cassie constantly tries to get us to go to

900
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,279
Speaker 3: her end the Summer party, but my family does a

901
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:49,480
Speaker 3: vacation every year around that time, so I've just never gone.

902
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 3: This has caused Cassie to get pretty upset with me,

903
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 3: but I don't care. Cassie is now pregnant and due

904
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 3: in August. Her baby shower is this coming Sunday. Every

905
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 3: single woman in my boyfriend's family, including his mother, has

906
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 3: made a comment understanding if I don't show up because

907
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:10,399
Speaker 3: they know Kate will be there. Just a couple days ago,

908
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:13,720
Speaker 3: Aaron's cousin made a comment to Aaron saying the baby

909
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 3: Shaff's coming up, is Stanny going? Won't that be weird?

910
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 3: Then proceeded to say how she likes me better and

911
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,279
Speaker 3: that Kate is all about herself. I'm so tired of

912
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,759
Speaker 3: her being compared to me. I'm so tired of her

913
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:28,240
Speaker 3: having a relationship with everyone in his life. I'm tired

914
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:30,919
Speaker 3: of everyone in the family making it weird. He has

915
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 3: a past, who cares she's around? Okay, Aaron and I

916
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 3: have been together four years. They have been broken up

917
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 3: six or seven years. That's crazy. People are still bringing

918
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 3: up and it's been seven years.

919
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 5: Bro, Why dude, come on, anything else to talk about?

920
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:51,800
Speaker 3: Come on, all right, are you about to relate it

921
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 3: again to me? Okay? Thank god?

922
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 5: Well related this way?

923
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 3: Okay.

924
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:57,280
Speaker 5: I like people.

925
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 6: There are two types of people. People that talk about

926
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:02,840
Speaker 6: people and people that talk about ideas. Mm hm, I

927
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 6: might think a little higher here. If everyone's just talking

928
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:07,640
Speaker 6: about people every time I'm around, so I'll be spending

929
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 6: a lot of my time with them in that regard,

930
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:11,200
Speaker 6: or should I spend my time with people that are

931
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:12,799
Speaker 6: like so, I'm like looking forward to this.

932
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 5: I'm pursuing this in life, da Dad, you.

933
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 3: Know, yeah, no, I do know. I think there are

934
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 3: a lot of people. I love talking a little bit gossip.

935
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:22,319
Speaker 3: I think it's fun. But I think sometimes it doesn't

936
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:24,040
Speaker 3: have to be the only thing you talk about.

937
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 6: I think whenever you're talking about gossip, it's in the

938
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:30,239
Speaker 6: regards of how this will affect someone's outcome in the end,

939
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:32,720
Speaker 6: and like their ambitions and their things in life.

940
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,320
Speaker 5: If that makes sense me, or like you.

941
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:38,720
Speaker 6: Like, in general, whenever we talk about that person instead

942
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:40,239
Speaker 6: of like this person, I hate when this person does.

943
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:43,040
Speaker 5: Yeah that makes sense.

944
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:44,759
Speaker 6: It's just like even whenever you do talk about people,

945
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 6: it's in a certain kind of way.

946
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:48,640
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, and sometimes it can be very annoying when

947
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:51,440
Speaker 3: people only they're like, oh, I hate that person, and

948
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 3: like there are certain people I like I've known that

949
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 3: only talk negatively about other people, and that's like always

950
00:43:57,040 --> 00:44:00,239
Speaker 3: what we're talking about. And on top of all this,

951
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 3: part of me truly believes that Cassie has been past,

952
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 3: has been just achin to get Kate and I in

953
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:09,240
Speaker 3: the same room. I think she wants the interaction to happen.

954
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:13,239
Speaker 3: Cassie and I have not had the best relationship. She

955
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:18,160
Speaker 3: tried warning me about Aaron. She told Erin after meeting

956
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 3: me once that she didn't like me. I don't know

957
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 3: what to do here. Why am I made to feel

958
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 3: like the outsider? I bet no one is saying how

959
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:28,399
Speaker 3: weird it will be for her? What do I do here?

960
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:31,120
Speaker 3: How do I handle this when none of these comments

961
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 3: are made to me? My boyfriend obviously tells them that

962
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,480
Speaker 3: there's no reason for it to be weird, and then

963
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,240
Speaker 3: I'm fine with it. But how do I make this stop?

964
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 3: I'm sorry if this felt all over the place with

965
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 3: info in details, but I'm just so tired of dealing

966
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 3: with this relevant comments. Oh Pe clarifies on why she's

967
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:52,800
Speaker 3: sending mixed messages to people around her and she's avoiding

968
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 3: being around Kate. Opie says, So I think you have

969
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:58,399
Speaker 3: me a bit wrong. I never actively want went out

970
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:00,880
Speaker 3: of my way to avoid her. I wanted the interaction

971
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:03,239
Speaker 3: to happen from the beginning. If I find a guy,

972
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 3: let's say, has a female friends, I would rather meet

973
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 3: them asap so it makes me real. Then I can

974
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 3: see if they put boundaries in place with this situation.

975
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,880
Speaker 3: I wanted his family feeling comfortable to have her and

976
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 3: I in the same place. I'm not asking his family

977
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:22,520
Speaker 3: to end a relationship or friendship. I simply just don't

978
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 3: care to know. The end of the summer party just

979
00:45:25,239 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 3: always ended up being when I had a yearly family

980
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 3: trip where Aaron came with me. You would tell me

981
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:32,400
Speaker 3: it didn't matter to him if you went or not.

982
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 3: But I was going to make an effort this year

983
00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 3: since Cassie clearly has an issue. It just happened to

984
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:40,640
Speaker 3: work out that our paths just never crossed in the

985
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 3: four years. I don't miss out on events or anything

986
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:46,880
Speaker 3: because I think she'll be there. I'm so very comfortable

987
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:50,920
Speaker 3: and confident in my relationship, and we have talked about rings, etc.

988
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:54,920
Speaker 3: I just simply want this narrative. His family has to stop.

989
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:58,040
Speaker 3: It gives her power in our lives, and I just

990
00:45:58,040 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 3: don't care about her being brought up.

991
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 5: That makes sense, I agree, I think.

992
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think for me relating, at a certain point,

993
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 3: I just didn't even want to hear about my ex anymore.

994
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:12,920
Speaker 3: I was like, we don't have to keep talking about him. Yeah,

995
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:16,120
Speaker 3: we don't have to even talk about him. Yeah, like

996
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 3: today when you started talking about I, like a certain point,

997
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:23,480
Speaker 3: it's just like, Okay, I appreciate that you're trying to,

998
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 3: you know, relate and like be on my side, but

999
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,759
Speaker 3: at a certain point, it's just like we want to

1000
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 3: talk about him.

1001
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:31,120
Speaker 5: That's the past.

1002
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:33,239
Speaker 3: So for op it's like, I don't even want to

1003
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 3: hear about this person. We don't like, Yeah, she'll be around,

1004
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 3: but that's okay. We don't have to like bring up

1005
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 3: stuff about them. And I'm sure Opie's boyfriend doesn't want

1006
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 3: that either.

1007
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:41,960
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1008
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 5: I do have two questions.

1009
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:47,280
Speaker 6: One bandicoot says, how does the boyfriend react to these comments?

1010
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 5: That's a good question, I'm sure it's super annoying for him.

1011
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:54,200
Speaker 6: And the second one. If Opie were to talk to

1012
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:57,520
Speaker 6: the mom about this, like hey, I just don't feel

1013
00:46:57,520 --> 00:47:00,760
Speaker 6: comfortable with her being brought up, or like she figures

1014
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:02,479
Speaker 6: out a way to really say it in a good way,

1015
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:07,000
Speaker 6: will the mom go ahead and be, Oh, so you

1016
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:09,760
Speaker 6: are jealous? Huh, you're jealous that they were together. Huh

1017
00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:10,919
Speaker 6: blah blah blah blah blah blah.

1018
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 3: Huh, that's so frustrating.

1019
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:16,719
Speaker 6: That probably will happen if she did try to say something, Yeah,

1020
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:19,799
Speaker 6: he's just goind to fortify your mind, perhaps for to five.

1021
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,440
Speaker 6: Let it be like, oh, yeah, that's just one of

1022
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 6: the things we talk about daily.

1023
00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 5: Yeah whatever, it just did.

1024
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 3: It's just a type of thing. Commenter one says, Wait,

1025
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 3: hold up, am I math in the timeline?

1026
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:30,359
Speaker 5: Right?

1027
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 3: Did Kate start dating your boyfriend when he was eighteen

1028
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:36,040
Speaker 3: or nineteen and she was a full decade older And

1029
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 3: the family is totally cool with this woman continuing to

1030
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 3: be entrenched in their lives and is constantly comparing you

1031
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:45,360
Speaker 3: to her her attendance that family functions is more important

1032
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:48,319
Speaker 3: than yours. Kate's a total creep. What heck, I don't

1033
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 3: even think this would be a question if the genders

1034
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 3: were flipped. It wasn't very clear to me how your

1035
00:47:52,640 --> 00:47:56,320
Speaker 3: boyfriend feels about this situation. This seems to be mostly

1036
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,839
Speaker 3: just a problem with his family. Have you guys had

1037
00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 3: a serious conversation about Kate. Hopefully you guys are on

1038
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 3: the same page on this. If you guys can present

1039
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:08,759
Speaker 3: a united front of hey, please stop expecting us to

1040
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:12,560
Speaker 3: associate with Kate. Stop comparing op to Kate. This is

1041
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 3: super weird and uncomfortable. I think that will be more

1042
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:19,799
Speaker 3: successful than you alone where you guys, where you can

1043
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:23,239
Speaker 3: get painted as the jealous, insecure woman. And if your

1044
00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:27,200
Speaker 3: boyfriend doesn't have your back, and god forbid, isn't actually

1045
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:29,839
Speaker 3: over Kate or something, well, then you know to stop

1046
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 3: wasting your time and get that heack out of there.

1047
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:36,320
Speaker 3: Opie says this, thank you. I call her missus Robinson.

1048
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:38,440
Speaker 3: I believe he was twenty or twenty one, so my

1049
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 3: math may not be mathing, but I know he had

1050
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:43,279
Speaker 3: a year long relationship with someone else. Between her and

1051
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:45,880
Speaker 3: I I think it's so gross for a thirty to

1052
00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:47,879
Speaker 3: thirty one year old to go for a younger guy,

1053
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,680
Speaker 3: especially a twenty to twenty one year old boy also

1054
00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:54,799
Speaker 3: a woman with a younger daughter. That is I really yeah,

1055
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:57,480
Speaker 3: she had a daughter and he was twenty and she

1056
00:48:57,680 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 3: was thirty.

1057
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:02,799
Speaker 6: He was also pursuing it too. He could have not

1058
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 6: m it is weird there she said that. But I

1059
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:08,920
Speaker 6: also think no, you should have like, um.

1060
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:11,319
Speaker 3: No, because I think even if we swap this, I

1061
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:13,719
Speaker 3: think it would be like, it's weird. I don't like,

1062
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 3: why is a thirty year old pursuing relationship with the

1063
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 3: twenty year old. You are completely different, you know, completely

1064
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:24,480
Speaker 3: different stages of your life. She has a daughter, so

1065
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:27,120
Speaker 3: she very much is in completely different stages of the life.

1066
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:27,920
Speaker 3: He's in college.

1067
00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, if I'm in college and I'm twenty, I'm talking

1068
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:33,120
Speaker 6: to a thirty year old with a daughter with daughter, Like,

1069
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:34,759
Speaker 6: why are we entertaining this as.

1070
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:35,279
Speaker 5: A twenty year old?

1071
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 1: You know?

1072
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:38,279
Speaker 5: Yeah, but my friend's probably not fully developed. And he's like, oh,

1073
00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:40,839
Speaker 5: she's pretty, she's attracted to me.

1074
00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 3: She's an older woman. It's on the older person to

1075
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 3: be like, maybe I shouldn't be pursuing this. My boyfriend

1076
00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:49,799
Speaker 3: ended the relationship because he couldn't see marrying her and

1077
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:53,320
Speaker 3: he wants a family. Everyone in his family talks highly

1078
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:55,560
Speaker 3: of her though, so I think she's a very bubbly,

1079
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:58,279
Speaker 3: charismatic person. I just think if my kid did that,

1080
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 3: I'd have an issue. Being twenty nine. Now, you got

1081
00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 3: young guys for pulls me. I think they don't speak

1082
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 3: about it out of respect for my boyfriend. They don't

1083
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:09,759
Speaker 3: much talk about their feelings. My boyfriend hardly tells his

1084
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:11,600
Speaker 3: family what is going on in his life.

1085
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, young guys nowadays, yo chat. What do you think

1086
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:17,480
Speaker 6: about this new fine shiit che got next to me?

1087
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:20,480
Speaker 6: That's lingo. That's the lingo they're gonna be talking. I

1088
00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:23,840
Speaker 6: can't sand it always been like that. Aaron, Opie's boyfriend

1089
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:26,720
Speaker 6: needs to set boundaries on Kate attending the family events

1090
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:29,800
Speaker 6: and making a scene towards Opi in front of Aaron's family.

1091
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 6: Opie should be able to attend the baby shower. Opie says,

1092
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:36,640
Speaker 6: it's funny you say that because some somehow, either through

1093
00:50:36,680 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 6: Cassie or maybe dinners at Cassie in Nate's house, that

1094
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,680
Speaker 6: Aaron and I don't get invited to. Aaron's mom knew

1095
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:46,200
Speaker 6: about his ex's daughter getting into a specific college.

1096
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:47,080
Speaker 5: Oh she's that old.

1097
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:51,880
Speaker 6: My mind raised about that one, and how that conversation happened,

1098
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 6: or if his parents still spend time with her in

1099
00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:56,600
Speaker 6: some sort of secret way.

1100
00:50:57,160 --> 00:50:59,800
Speaker 5: I want to draw a line in only one way.

1101
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 6: I don't want his family comparing or drawing conclusions on

1102
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 6: how they think I will react, when for a long

1103
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:10,359
Speaker 6: time I did just want to meet her to get

1104
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:12,719
Speaker 6: it out of the way. I definitely intend to go.

1105
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 6: It proves the family right. If I don't, in my opinion,

1106
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:19,879
Speaker 6: they will all think I didn't show because of her,

1107
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:23,200
Speaker 6: and I refuse to allow anyone to have anything more

1108
00:51:23,239 --> 00:51:24,840
Speaker 6: to talk about with the situation.

1109
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:27,160
Speaker 5: My boyfriend doesn't let it bother him.

1110
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:31,160
Speaker 6: He doesn't entertain any conversation about her, but he doesn't

1111
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 6: like conflict. I mean, he shut down his cousin's convo

1112
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:37,000
Speaker 6: quickly about it when I wasn't there. If I were there,

1113
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:39,239
Speaker 6: or at least these comments were made to me, I

1114
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 6: would react differently. I was just thinking about going with

1115
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:46,279
Speaker 6: my boyfriend's mom, maybe even discussing the topic with her

1116
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:49,400
Speaker 6: in private beforehand too, just mentioning I don't like the

1117
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:52,480
Speaker 6: topic of her and how it made me uncomfortable knowing

1118
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:55,879
Speaker 6: she knew about her daughter's college acceptance, that it made

1119
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:59,040
Speaker 6: me feel as though there is some secret relationship they

1120
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:01,320
Speaker 6: still have with her. My boyfriend has told me things

1121
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:03,959
Speaker 6: I can do that might get her under her skin

1122
00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:06,160
Speaker 6: a bit if I want to go that route.

1123
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:07,520
Speaker 5: Lol. Update.

1124
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:11,439
Speaker 6: So the baby shower was yesterday and I thought about

1125
00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:14,319
Speaker 6: posting it, but I was so frustrated yesterday that I

1126
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:16,400
Speaker 6: didn't want it to be a rage post. There was

1127
00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 6: no crazy peta petty confrontation or drama. There actually isn't

1128
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:25,959
Speaker 6: anything huge to really report, but I have officially met Kate.

1129
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:30,240
Speaker 6: It was Cassie's baby shower and her sister had actually

1130
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 6: ended up going into labor yesterday morning, so everyone was

1131
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,400
Speaker 6: more concerned with that than anything else. I showed up

1132
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:39,759
Speaker 6: about a half hour early to help my boyfriend's mom

1133
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:42,280
Speaker 6: in case she needed it. It was just my boyfriend's

1134
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:45,600
Speaker 6: mom and Kate there. When I showed up, I also

1135
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:50,640
Speaker 6: her current boyfriend. She immediately introduced herself and I started

1136
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:54,759
Speaker 6: helping away anyway I could. She was very kind as

1137
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:58,560
Speaker 6: people started showing up, though she made a comment saying, oh,

1138
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 6: I should introduce myself to everyone who showed up. My

1139
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:04,839
Speaker 6: boyfriend's aunt showed up and they hugged and chatted a bit,

1140
00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:08,439
Speaker 6: along with Aaron's cousin. It felt so strange to watch

1141
00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:11,560
Speaker 6: them all interact. She still very much has a good

1142
00:53:11,600 --> 00:53:12,640
Speaker 6: relationship with them all.

1143
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 5: I didn't let that get to me though.

1144
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,920
Speaker 6: We had a couple more interactions where she commented my

1145
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:20,600
Speaker 6: outfit and made small talk about the food, but I

1146
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:23,839
Speaker 6: didn't let the conversation go on long. I stayed at

1147
00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:26,760
Speaker 6: a table with all of my boyfriend's family, his mom,

1148
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:30,920
Speaker 6: his mom's friends, his aunt, cousin. I felt her eyes

1149
00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:33,399
Speaker 6: on me most of the day. Her cousin was there too.

1150
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:36,360
Speaker 6: For some reason, it stuck out to me again that

1151
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:40,120
Speaker 6: boyfriend's mom was talking to her friend about Kate and

1152
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 6: her daughter in the colleges she got into. But all

1153
00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:46,200
Speaker 6: of his mom's friends were mostly chatting to me about

1154
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:48,040
Speaker 6: the house my boyfriend and I were building.

1155
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:49,560
Speaker 5: Interesting.

1156
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:52,919
Speaker 6: One of them had even said, wow, the last name

1157
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:56,319
Speaker 6: boy really know how to pick beautiful women. So it

1158
00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:58,960
Speaker 6: is strange that the mom is very hyper folk. We're

1159
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:01,720
Speaker 6: you know, I'm just gonnayper focus, but the mom's hyper

1160
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:06,560
Speaker 6: focused on Kate in her daughter's life rather than Opie

1161
00:54:06,719 --> 00:54:08,520
Speaker 6: and like the things she's got going on in her life.

1162
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean she again, none of these people are

1163
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:17,040
Speaker 3: seemingly over the relationship that Opie's boyfriend had with Kate.

1164
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 6: Or well, her friends are more interested in Opie than Kate.

1165
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, the mom can't like what you said. For the mom,

1166
00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:26,520
Speaker 5: she really can't.

1167
00:54:27,360 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 3: Why is that?

1168
00:54:28,040 --> 00:54:28,359
Speaker 2: Does she?

1169
00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:32,360
Speaker 6: Do you think she secretly wants This was just something

1170
00:54:32,440 --> 00:54:35,040
Speaker 6: nice to hear in that really odd situation.

1171
00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 5: However, I guess she would be included in that in

1172
00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:39,040
Speaker 5: some capacity.

1173
00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 6: I got a home and my boyfriend had asked me

1174
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:45,400
Speaker 6: how it went because his mom mentioned her and I chatting.

1175
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:48,400
Speaker 5: I crashed out on him. For some reason.

1176
00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:51,759
Speaker 6: It just hit me that this woman is not going anywhere,

1177
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:53,920
Speaker 6: and I have absolutely no control of that.

1178
00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:56,120
Speaker 5: If we have kids down the road.

1179
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:58,799
Speaker 6: One day, she will most likely meet them, and for

1180
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 6: some reason that bothered the family views her in a

1181
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:05,160
Speaker 6: positive light. When she was about thirty to thirty one

1182
00:55:05,239 --> 00:55:07,799
Speaker 6: and dated my boyfriend at twenty to twenty one, I

1183
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:10,919
Speaker 6: know some people struggle with that math in my original post,

1184
00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:13,319
Speaker 6: but they had to have broken up when he was

1185
00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:15,920
Speaker 6: twenty six. He dated someone between the two of us,

1186
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:17,120
Speaker 6: and then I met him when he was twenty eight

1187
00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:20,399
Speaker 6: twenty twenty nine, so I think Opie still we got

1188
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:25,360
Speaker 6: a little bit more here. Opie's still contemplating like this

1189
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 6: dynamic and the like I guess the realization of Kate's

1190
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,080
Speaker 6: always gonna be around.

1191
00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:31,600
Speaker 4: That's it is tough.

1192
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:34,120
Speaker 3: It's like this person who is your partner's ex, who

1193
00:55:34,120 --> 00:55:37,719
Speaker 3: you keep getting compared to, is if you're having if

1194
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:40,719
Speaker 3: you're gonna have a relationship with your partner's family, She's

1195
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:42,239
Speaker 3: never gonna go away because they love her.

1196
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, I will say, I'm so glad my ex moved

1197
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:47,879
Speaker 6: to Georgia and then broke up with me because I've

1198
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:51,760
Speaker 6: only said who once since then? That is so nice

1199
00:55:52,680 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 6: a blessing, yep, me. And then I moved to La

1200
00:55:58,560 --> 00:56:01,360
Speaker 6: so I probably will never ever see her and she's married.

1201
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:02,080
Speaker 6: Good for her.

1202
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:03,480
Speaker 5: Well, there you go, there you go.

1203
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:07,319
Speaker 6: So I'm You're good. I'm a bigoty dog. Okay, back

1204
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:10,560
Speaker 6: to the story. Her current boyfriend is eight years younger too.

1205
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:13,360
Speaker 6: I know it kinda is irrelevant, but I'm so annoyed

1206
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 6: at this situation. I'll be seeing her again before the

1207
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:18,920
Speaker 6: end of the summer at Cassie's party. I'm going once

1208
00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:22,440
Speaker 6: and never going again. Loel, I think I'm allowed not

1209
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:25,040
Speaker 6: to want to be around her. My boyfriend feels the same.

1210
00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 6: We both know we can't do anything about the rest

1211
00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:31,399
Speaker 6: of the family having a relationship with her, but from

1212
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:33,799
Speaker 6: here on out we don't want to hear about her

1213
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:37,319
Speaker 6: or have contact with her. I know quite I know

1214
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:41,120
Speaker 6: quite a bit about my boyfriend and Kate's relationship. I

1215
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:44,520
Speaker 6: think she corrupted him in so many ways. I want

1216
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:46,799
Speaker 6: so badly to tell his mother all the things I

1217
00:56:46,840 --> 00:56:50,480
Speaker 6: know so she understands exactly what kind of person she is.

1218
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 6: But at the end of the day, she got the

1219
00:56:53,239 --> 00:56:57,920
Speaker 6: boy and I got the man, which low key. If

1220
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 6: she keeps up with it, I think you might have

1221
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:02,040
Speaker 6: to drop that knowledge on her.

1222
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:05,800
Speaker 3: How did Kate corrupt Aarin during their relationship, Opie says,

1223
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:08,799
Speaker 3: without going into too much detail, Let's just say they

1224
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:12,840
Speaker 3: had a type of open relationship, commoner one. Honestly, it

1225
00:57:12,880 --> 00:57:15,360
Speaker 3: feels like Cassie wants Kate to be her sister in

1226
00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:19,520
Speaker 3: law instead of you. This isn't over, but it's still weird.

1227
00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:23,640
Speaker 3: Af Opie says, this isn't over. Uugh, that's what I'm

1228
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:27,040
Speaker 3: afraid of. Cassie and her sister got pregnant like the

1229
00:57:27,080 --> 00:57:29,640
Speaker 3: same week. They live on the same street and are

1230
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 3: both besties with Kate. They'd love if my boyfriend and

1231
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:35,280
Speaker 3: Kate got back together and they could all be sister

1232
00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:39,280
Speaker 3: a law. Cassie and Nate used to be the only

1233
00:57:39,440 --> 00:57:42,439
Speaker 3: two who would come over for family dinners, and now

1234
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:46,200
Speaker 3: her sister comes every time, which I guess in a way,

1235
00:57:46,240 --> 00:57:49,240
Speaker 3: my boyfriend's parents are still family. But when they come,

1236
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:52,400
Speaker 3: all they do is talk about being pregnant, and I'm

1237
00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:56,880
Speaker 3: just gonna exclude it. It's such a complicated and odd dynamic.

1238
00:57:57,600 --> 00:57:59,840
Speaker 3: It just feels like Cassie wants to push me out

1239
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:02,280
Speaker 3: common or two. You guys don't have to go to

1240
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:05,120
Speaker 3: where she is going to be. Let everyone know it's

1241
00:58:05,160 --> 00:58:07,800
Speaker 3: you two or hurt ope, he says. The last thing

1242
00:58:07,800 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 3: I want to do is say that Cassie and Kate

1243
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:13,240
Speaker 3: have a twenty to thirty year long friendship. They grew

1244
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:16,640
Speaker 3: up together. It's just not an option I'm okay with

1245
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:19,160
Speaker 3: giving them. What I am okay with is saying I

1246
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:21,720
Speaker 3: don't want to hear about her, and neither does my boyfriend.

1247
00:58:22,520 --> 00:58:24,840
Speaker 3: How does Opie's boyfriend feel about the situation with Kate

1248
00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:28,080
Speaker 3: and Cassie. Opie says, my boyfriend is new to the

1249
00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:29,840
Speaker 3: whole setting boundaries thing.

1250
00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:30,440
Speaker 4: E Looell.

1251
00:58:31,000 --> 00:58:33,280
Speaker 3: He is slowly getting better, and I'm proud of him

1252
00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:35,960
Speaker 3: for that. He had friends who would walk all over him,

1253
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:39,480
Speaker 3: and he finally was stern with them and created those

1254
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:42,680
Speaker 3: clear boundaries. His cousin is the worst when it comes

1255
00:58:42,680 --> 00:58:44,880
Speaker 3: to talking about her. I told him, next time he

1256
00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:47,560
Speaker 3: needs to say why do you think I care about

1257
00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:51,800
Speaker 3: hearing about her? Or something along those lines. He says

1258
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:54,200
Speaker 3: he normally just gives her a one word reply or

1259
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:57,080
Speaker 3: just tries to walk away from the conversation, which he

1260
00:58:57,160 --> 00:58:59,880
Speaker 3: believes is easier because of the kind of person she is.

1261
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 3: But I told him clearly that isn't clear to her

1262
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:06,160
Speaker 3: and to say something very clear and direct next time.

1263
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:08,600
Speaker 3: He also made it very clear that he doesn't want

1264
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:10,320
Speaker 3: to go to the party that he knows she'll be

1265
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:14,080
Speaker 3: at his decision, not mine. I was fine with that,

1266
00:59:14,520 --> 00:59:17,640
Speaker 3: and his family will have to understand. I did also

1267
00:59:17,680 --> 00:59:20,040
Speaker 3: have a conversation with him, just saying that it's clear

1268
00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:22,440
Speaker 3: that Cassie and I just will never have that close

1269
00:59:22,480 --> 00:59:25,560
Speaker 3: relationship I was hoping we'd have, and I have to

1270
00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:28,920
Speaker 3: accept that family is important to me, however, so I

1271
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:31,880
Speaker 3: will keep putting in the effort that family should But

1272
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:35,000
Speaker 3: I just don't expect the same in return. If I

1273
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:38,640
Speaker 3: or my boyfriend give that boundary to her, I feel

1274
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:41,600
Speaker 3: it might cause a greater divide. I would be fine

1275
00:59:41,600 --> 00:59:43,760
Speaker 3: with him going to his mom, but I would worry

1276
00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:46,080
Speaker 3: about his brother or sister in law may be taking

1277
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 3: it wrong or just not inviting us at all, which

1278
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:51,600
Speaker 3: they have already kind of done with even small family

1279
00:59:51,640 --> 00:59:52,320
Speaker 3: get togethers.