WEBVTT - Who's There 0:00:00.720 --> 0:00:04.200 Wisecrack is released weekly and brought to you absolutely free, 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:07.040 but if you want to hear the whole season right now, 0:00:07.360 --> 0:00:11.119 it's available ad free on Tenderfoot Plus. For more information, 0:00:11.320 --> 0:00:15.280 check out the show notes enjoy the episode. 0:00:18.239 --> 0:00:21.239 The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely 0:00:21.239 --> 0:00:25.200 those of the podcast author or individuals participating in the podcast, 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:29.360 and do not represent those of iHeartRadio, Tenderfoot TV, or 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:33.360 their employees. This podcast also contains subject matter which may 0:00:33.360 --> 0:00:41.400 not be suitable for everyone. Listener discretion is advised. Previously 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:42.920 on Wisecrack. 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:46.120 I'm going to tell you a story, right, and it's 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:48.640 gonna be one story all the way through. Everything I'm 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:51.400 going to tell you is completely true apart from three things. 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:53.479 There are three lies in this story. 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:59.000 So on twenty second of July twenty and fifteen, about 0:00:59.000 --> 0:01:02.480 half past ten, I leave the gig. I go to 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:05.360 my parents' house, wake up about twenty minutes after I 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:07.520 fell asleep, and at the end of my bed there 0:01:07.600 --> 0:01:13.400 is someone standing. It's my mum. She's scared, she's really scared. 0:01:14.360 --> 0:01:17.039 She says the words to me. Whatever you do, do 0:01:17.120 --> 0:01:30.319 not turn on the lives. Whoever's in the front garden 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:32.880 whatever's in the front garden. At this stage, I don't 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:36.040 know how many people, how many things, what it could be, 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:38.679 but my dad is looking at it and he won't 0:01:38.720 --> 0:01:41.840 go downstairs. Doesn't make sense, so I think, all right, 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:43.680 I'm gonna call the police. I find out what's going on. 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:46.679 I call the police. It rings a couple of times. 0:01:46.680 --> 0:01:47.200 Someone answers. 0:01:47.200 --> 0:01:49.480 I said, Hey, my name's Ed. I'm calling from forty 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:52.440 Benfield Avenue. Someone's banging on our front door. I think 0:01:52.440 --> 0:01:55.040 it's a drunk but my parents are acting really weird 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:56.040 and it's kind of shaken me up. 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:58.360 Could you send an officer down just to check this out. 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:02.000 On the other end, the phone says, I'm sorry, where. 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:04.640 Did you say you were calling from? I said forty 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:09.160 Bentfield Avenue, just in sophrom Walden, and the officer says, 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:13.400 mister Hedges, we're very aware of the situation. Please barricade 0:02:13.400 --> 0:02:15.800 yourself inside the house and do not engage with anyone 0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:19.639 you meet. And then they hang up. 0:02:23.120 --> 0:02:24.280 I'm like, rude. Fuck. 0:02:29.240 --> 0:02:32.680 That first night in Edinburgh, my head was spinning and 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:36.040 I wasn't alone. Ed had just started his set like 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:39.679 any other stand up comedian, but suddenly we were all 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:41.480 side eyeing each other in the audience. 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:44.560 Should we laugh or brace ourselves. 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:49.880 I walk into the hallway back with my parents and 0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:51.919 I said, guys, I've just called the police, and the 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:55.840 acting kind of odd, and my mum does this. I 0:02:55.880 --> 0:02:58.400 go quiet, and I listened, and the banging has stopped, 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:01.520 and it's been the rep by the sound of footsteps 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:03.840 going down the front of our house and then the 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:11.800 sound of an old iron gate getting pushed open. I 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:13.360 know the iron gate because that's the iron gate I 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:14.720 used to use when I come back from the pub 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:16.040 drunk with the cricket team. 0:03:16.120 --> 0:03:17.280 I pushed the iron gate open. 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:18.959 I'd walk down the side of my house into the 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:21.760 back garden and I would go into the back door 0:03:22.040 --> 0:03:24.000 because the back door is always unlocked. 0:03:25.320 --> 0:03:28.720 The back doors always unlocked, and we can hear them 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:29.280 through the windows. 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:31.040 They go down the side of the house into the 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:35.920 back garden, walk up to the back door. They put 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:38.680 the hand on the door handle and they pull it 0:03:38.720 --> 0:03:46.360 down and it doesn't go And the second it made 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:48.480 that chunk noise, my dad to my mum went, that 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:49.400 is why I did that. 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:01.280 I'm Jody Tovey. 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:26.360 And this is Wisecrack Episode two who's there. 0:04:30.240 --> 0:04:32.560 There was an incident at this When I was a kid, 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:35.200 my dad took me to the fair. I've never been 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:37.520 before because I didn't really have any friends, and he 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:39.440 took me, my mum and him to the local fair. 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:41.520 They're not like your fairs. I've seen it. Your fairs 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:43.440 you fry everything. Can you throw people in the air. 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:48.160 We don't. We don't do that. We like to have fun. 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:52.159 And my dad was driving us to the fur. I 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:54.080 was so excited, and then we pulled over. 0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:55.919 In front of my aunt's house and my cousin, Jasper, 0:04:55.920 --> 0:04:56.320 walked out. 0:04:56.320 --> 0:04:58.320 And I was livid because I hate Jasper. We all 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:00.160 hate Jasper. I need you to be on board with me. 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:03.360 We hate Jasper. Right, He's such a weird kid. 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:05.440 He was the kind of kid that would sit on 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:07.359 the bottom deck of a double decker right live a 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:10.760 little twat's so it's so weird. 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:13.240 I can't explain it. 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:15.559 He's he got into the car and he was wearing 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:17.599 a three piece suit to go to the fair. 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:22.320 Oh. I hate him so much, it makes me stronger. 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:27.200 We went to the fair. I'm only a couple of 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:29.560 years older than Jasper. At this point, I'm like turning. 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:32.320 He's like a and we're looking for something to go on, 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:33.960 and my dad's getting more and more annoyed. He's like, 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:35.720 I've taken a day off work. I've bought these kids 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:38.000 to the fair, not going on anything. What's the point 0:05:38.000 --> 0:05:39.440 in this. I've had a day of work. I'm losing 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:41.680 a day's money. What is going on here? And after 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:43.599 a little while he kind of erupted. He was like, kids, 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:48.240 get on a ride. Now, we're going right home. And 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:51.000 Jasa was like, we'll go on the dodgems. And you 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:54.680 don't know what the dodgems are. You call them bumper cars, right, cool? 0:05:54.680 --> 0:05:56.359 Because you like to bump into them, but we like 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:57.160 to dodge them. 0:05:58.839 --> 0:05:59.839 We're so similar. 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:06.760 Which had just stop stop fighting your silly gooses, Ah, 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:08.000 were called dodgems. 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:09.120 I got on. 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:12.000 I sat down in the bumper car. I was actually 0:06:12.040 --> 0:06:15.040 quite excited. Jaspa setting next to me. He wasn't allowed 0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:20.080 to drive because he's wearing a suit. And the second 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:22.120 I sit down, I see in front of me is 0:06:22.200 --> 0:06:23.040 Ryan Goddard. 0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:28.159 Ryan Goddard is Ed's childhood bully who relentlessly tormented him 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:29.400 all throughout grade school. 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:32.039 Now, at this point, Ryan Godard has been bullying me 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:33.440 for about four years. 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:36.760 I'm terrified of him. He's already like good at sport. 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:39.880 I am shitting my pants. I'm so scared. 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:42.240 He sees me and starts heading straight for me and 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:44.680 me and Jasper and I didn't know what to do. 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:46.920 So I've realized I had two options. 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:48.960 Either I bend down, I press the pedal and I 0:06:48.960 --> 0:06:53.719 still around Ryan, or I hit him straight on. I 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:55.440 know my dad would prefer My dad would prefer me 0:06:55.440 --> 0:06:57.120 to hit him straight on, to do the manly thing 0:06:57.160 --> 0:06:58.920 to be, to be a man, to tackle. 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:01.000 The problem head on. But I wanted to go around him. 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:03.400 I just didn't want to have the conflict, and it 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:05.919 was an internal struggle for me. I was tossing up 0:07:05.960 --> 0:07:08.720 between hitting him and going around him, Option A, Option B, 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:10.560 Option A, Option B. In the end, I went for 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:13.440 option C, which was undo my belt and leave the vehicle. 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:18.520 There is not a reality that exists where I can 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:26.720 describe how hard Jasper got hit by that car. And 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:29.360 on that day, Jasper lost all of his front teeth. 0:07:30.800 --> 0:07:36.120 He also broke his nose. My dad grabs Jasper, he 0:07:36.160 --> 0:07:37.920 pulls him out of the car. He turns to me, 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:40.760 and he goes, you're a coward, and he said get 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:42.680 in the car, and I went right cool. 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:44.280 We got in the car. He was angry. 0:07:44.320 --> 0:07:46.080 He was angry than he's been for a long time. 0:07:46.560 --> 0:07:48.160 I could feel the heat coming off the back of 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:50.400 his neck, that kind of anger where people are like 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:54.120 radiating energy. I sit in the car. Jasper's next to me. 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:57.880 His suit is now read. My mum sits in the 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:00.320 passenger seat. Does it's in the driver's seat. I'm sitting behind. 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:02.840 We start driving. We're driving at about eighty miles. 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:03.080 Now. 0:08:03.120 --> 0:08:07.080 My dad's angry and he was mumbling under his breath. 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:08.560 I could hear what he was mumbling. But he was like, 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:10.200 why can't he just be normal? Why can't he be 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:12.600 like the other kids? And my mom said, John, stop it, 0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:14.200 and he said, why can't he be like any of 0:08:14.200 --> 0:08:17.560 the other kids. Tony's boy was there, Ian, he was 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:21.160 playing sports. Jackie's daughter was there, she was going on 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:26.080 the slide. Susan's daughter was there. Ran he was like, 0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:28.120 he was there. They were all there, all the normal 0:08:28.200 --> 0:08:29.520 kids were there, and I've got this one. 0:08:29.680 --> 0:08:30.680 I was like, ah shit. 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:35.640 When you see his set live, you quickly realize Ed 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:39.840 is actually performing three shows at once. The first show 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:45.439 is Ed's endearing comedy side splitting stories about growing up chubby, dyslexic, asthmatic, 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:48.240 and just kind of strange in a small town outside 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:51.679 of London. The second plot is Ed's retelling of this 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:55.040 terrifying night when he returned to his childhood village for 0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:57.960 the first time as an adult, years after leaving to 0:08:58.000 --> 0:09:01.920 pursue his dreams of stand up comedy. After Ed finished 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:04.040 his show, he had a few pints with old friends, 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:07.599 walked back to his childhood home and passed out in 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:12.040 his small bedroom until he was awoken by his parents 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:14.920 and the violent knocking of an intruder trying to get 0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:15.839 into the front door. 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:23.439 And then we hear them walk back up the pathway 0:09:24.480 --> 0:09:27.520 into the front garden and it goes quiet. 0:09:29.960 --> 0:09:32.120 But there is a third show going on. When he's 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:36.040 on stage. It's what Ed is not telling you. He's 0:09:36.080 --> 0:09:38.600 already warned us that there are three lies built into 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:41.240 the show, and at this point in the set he's 0:09:41.280 --> 0:09:45.600 only divulged one, but you can sense there's something yet 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:46.559 to be revealed. 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:50.040 And my mom tells to my dad and she says, 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:53.640 I think they've gone, And as she starts to say, 0:09:53.679 --> 0:10:00.240 like the g in gone. The sound of someone drop 0:10:00.320 --> 0:10:04.079 kicking our front door comes. First kick smashes the glass, 0:10:04.120 --> 0:10:06.560 second kick, the wood starts to break. My mom grabs 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:08.559 me and my dad and pushes us into the toilet, 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:10.120 shuts the door behind us, she locks it. 0:10:10.200 --> 0:10:11.520 She's fully crying. At this point. 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:13.200 She turns around to me and she says, Edward, promise 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:15.160 me you won't leave, promising you'll stay here. This is 0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:17.080 the only room that has a lock and running water. 0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:21.040 We'll be safe if we're just saying here. The sound 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:23.760 is getting louder. The wood is breaking. We can hear it. 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:28.120 Whoever's outside is breaking down the door. We can hear 0:10:28.160 --> 0:10:33.199 it falling to pieces. My mum is crying, HI am panicking. 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:37.640 My dad is sitting on the floor. And then I 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:40.720 realize it. I look at my dad and I realize it. 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:42.800 Why I couldn't get a grasp on what he was doing. 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:49.920 He was scared. How fucked is that? It's like twenty 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:51.640 three years old, and I just realized that my dad 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:53.920 was scared the first time in my life. 0:10:54.840 --> 0:10:57.120 Here's this unit of a man. I'd never seen him 0:10:57.160 --> 0:11:02.160 scared before. He is terrified. He can't control the situation. 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:05.400 He's lost control completely. He is so scared. And this 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:08.280 wall of a man, this thing that used to terrify me, 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:10.719 covered an eggshells. I had to step around for the 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:13.079 first time in my life, showed a bit of weakness, 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:15.280 and I can't think of what's outside because I'm just 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:20.520 looking at him, thinking, you're like a human man. The 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:22.599 noise is getting more and more, and Mum's having a 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:24.960 full panic attack. She has a condition called angina. Her 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:31.839 heart is going to brickly. And just before the door 0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:37.400 gets broken in, we hear a helicopter and then we 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:40.800 see the lights of police cars pulling onto our street. 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:45.040 The banging stops. It goes quiet again in the village, 0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:50.800 and then a polite knock comes from the front door. 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:54.720 It's the creepiest thing. All this banging and then just 0:11:54.760 --> 0:12:01.520 a polite knock courtesy freaked me out. We didn't answer it, 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:04.480 and then Mom gets a phone call. She stands up, 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:07.679 she unlocks the door, she goes downstairs. My dad stands up. 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:10.040 He follows her. I stand up and I walk into 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:12.320 the bedroom. I tell my parents it's because I'm tired 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:14.760 and I can't be asked. In actual fact, I'm having 0:12:14.800 --> 0:12:17.080 a full panic attack for the first time in my life. 0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:18.800 I go and lay down in my bed. 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:20.720 I shut my eyes and I start to count, just 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:21.960 to try and make yourself go to sleep. 0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:28.719 And then I wake up. I wake up. 0:12:28.920 --> 0:12:32.839 It's a beautiful day, Sun's out, birds are chopping. I'm 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:36.559 happier than I've ever been because I realize it's just 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:37.800 a dream. 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:41.040 And then I hear my mom crying downstairs. I think, fuck, 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:42.000 that's not. 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:44.600 So. 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:45.080 I get up. 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:50.280 I walk downstairs. The blinds are down, all the doors 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:52.160 are shut. I can't see anything at all. I can't 0:12:52.200 --> 0:12:54.480 see the front door. The TV is off, Mum and 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:57.920 Dad are on the sofa, Mum's crying, and on the 0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:03.600 coffee table there are pancakes. And I started eating the pancakes. 0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:05.520 And I turned to my dad. I said, what was 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:09.080 all that last night then? And he didn't answer me. 0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:12.400 He just picked up the TV rote and turned on 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:16.240 Sky News. And on Sky News is my house. My 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:18.480 house is covered in police tape, and on the street 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:21.400 there are a few police officers. And that's how I 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:24.079 learned about what happened on the night for the twenty 0:13:24.080 --> 0:13:29.800 second of July twenty fifteen, between eleven and twelve o'clock 0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:34.720 at night, the twenty three year old man named Ryan Goddard, 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:42.200 my school bully, had killed his family. He stabbed his 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:47.960 mother forty two times his stepfather fifty six, using seven 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:51.640 different blunt knives from the kitchen, and they identified him 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:54.160 by the shape of his shoeprint left on the side 0:13:54.160 --> 0:14:01.199 of his mother's skull. And then he came to my house. 0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:15.880 Things didn't go Ryan's way after I left the village. 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:19.200 He broke his hip and he couldn't play football anymore. 0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:22.160 He was playing for a semi professional team and he 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:26.000 had to move home with his family, became a milkman, 0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:30.080 had to knock on people's doors every day. This local 0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:31.560 celebrity is now ankman. 0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:36.880 And I knew Susan. She was good. Susan his mum 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:50.480 was a good person. And it's yeah, it's I didn't 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:53.200 know what to say. I sort of sat there. 0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:56.160 He wants something so bad you can't look left or right, 0:14:56.200 --> 0:15:01.640 and you're just soaking it in. And I wanted to 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:07.040 make it better. I wanted to to fix it, and 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:12.400 I couldn't. I couldn't fix it. But my dad, John, 0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:16.200 the hero of the house man, he saved the day, 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:19.360 as he always does. He put his hand on my shoulder. 0:15:19.400 --> 0:15:20.920 He put his hand around my mum, and he said, 0:15:21.920 --> 0:15:30.240 it's fine, Okay, we've got each other still, We're alive. 0:15:32.200 --> 0:15:39.000 We're safe thanks to the Titan seventeen windows. Now here's 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:41.800 a second lie of the show. He did not say that, 0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:47.080 And while I'm at it. 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:48.120 I'll tell you the third lie. 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:50.600 The third lie, just so you're aware, is that I've 0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:53.560 changed the names and the places and the people's names just. 0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:56.280 Out of respect for the dead. I thought I was right. 0:15:56.320 --> 0:15:56.720 I think to do. 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:01.960 We all sort of processed it in different ways. That 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:05.040 was really interesting to see. So my mum was really healthy. 0:16:05.080 --> 0:16:07.960 She talked to people and like she sawt of support network. 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:12.840 My dad buried himself in his work, and I immediately 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:15.280 started gigging again. I buried myself in my work, and 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:17.280 then I realized I was doing what my dad was doing. 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:22.080 So I did this. They just kind of pretended it 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:24.240 never happened. Was I don't know if you've seen hot files, 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:26.840 but it was genuinely it was like that. They were like, 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:30.280 don't talk about it, don't report it, lock this shit down. 0:16:30.840 --> 0:16:32.120 And then you'd walk up to me and be like, 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:33.480 did you hear about the murders? And they'd be like, 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:35.240 lovely day we're having. 0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:37.680 All right. 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:43.760 One thing I do know, because I'm eternally grateful to 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:44.720 you all for coming tonight. 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:46.280 My name is A Hedges. Thank you very much. Listen 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:55.280 to my story say, and just. 0:16:55.320 --> 0:17:00.000 Like that it was over. Ed got a standing up, 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:03.520 but he didn't stick around for the applause. His face 0:17:03.640 --> 0:17:06.600 lost all expression as he left stage, like he had 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:10.320 somewhere to be. It was the strangest mic drop I'd 0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:14.520 ever seen. The audience quickly gathered their belongings and slipped 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:18.120 back into the rain, casually chatting about what they'd just seen. 0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:24.200 But I stayed seated, stunned. Had I really just heard 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:27.639 a true story of a double homicide wrapped in a 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:30.760 comedy set, told by a comedian who was almost the 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:32.000 third victim? 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:35.120 Or did he make the whole thing up? I had 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:35.399 to know. 0:17:39.280 --> 0:17:41.680 I ran out to the stage door to introduce myself, 0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:45.399 but Ed Hedges had long left the venue. The stage 0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:47.880 manager advised me to return the next day to catch 0:17:47.920 --> 0:17:50.800 him before his performance, but I didn't want to wait 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:55.960 that long. I grabbed a coffee and scoured my phone 0:17:56.000 --> 0:17:59.520 for any trace of Ed Hedges. Most budding comedians have 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:03.520 big so social media presences, but not Ed. He had 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:06.639 a single Twitter account and his last post was weeks old. 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:11.639 I dmmed him anyway, but nothing back. When I googled him, 0:18:11.640 --> 0:18:13.840 I found a lot of promos and press releases, but 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:17.760 nothing about his hometown. When he was only twenty, Ed 0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:20.640 won the So You Think Your Funny Contest, a British 0:18:20.640 --> 0:18:23.880 comedy competition. He had a few runs at the Soho 0:18:23.920 --> 0:18:27.440 Theater in London to great reviews, but his career had 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:32.120 slumped since then. I searched for the village he mentions. 0:18:32.520 --> 0:18:34.280 And you wouldn't have heard of. It's called Sophomoreton. 0:18:35.720 --> 0:18:40.440 It's a real town, but no double homicide and more curious, 0:18:41.160 --> 0:18:44.879 Ed never specifically says where he's from in interviews, like 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:47.600 he's going out of his way to keep his past unclear. 0:18:48.400 --> 0:18:49.880 You're not going to be able to google this one. 0:18:50.160 --> 0:18:52.720 I've hidden it well enough that you won't be able 0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:53.639 to find anything. 0:18:54.920 --> 0:18:58.800 Despite trying for hours, I couldn't find anything. So the 0:18:58.880 --> 0:19:02.080 next day I went back to his show, and this 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:06.720 time I recorded it on my iPhone seven. Apologies for 0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:09.600 the sound quality, but this is the first time I 0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:11.920 ever captured Ed's performance. 0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:15.920 Red Blooded Colored Comics is going to be like, Hey, 0:19:16.000 --> 0:19:16.960 wasn't it drue to come? 0:19:17.200 --> 0:19:18.200 I'm not, how answered. 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:23.080 The show was almost identical to the night before. Some 0:19:23.240 --> 0:19:26.960 names changed, but every sharp line written and performed with 0:19:27.040 --> 0:19:28.480 an intentional vagueness. 0:19:29.040 --> 0:19:31.639 That night in twenty three year old Whale and Christian 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:33.600 Gotd had killed his. 0:19:33.600 --> 0:19:37.600 Family, And this time I darted to the stage door 0:19:37.640 --> 0:19:40.119 when Ed's set came down. In fact, I think I 0:19:40.160 --> 0:19:42.960 scared him a little. I stuck out my hand told 0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:46.040 him I was a television producer specializing in true crime, 0:19:46.359 --> 0:19:48.240 and I would like to talk to him about his show. 0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:54.919 Immediately Ed became dismissive, eyes down, shuffling his feet, looking 0:19:54.960 --> 0:19:58.000 for an excuse to leave the conversation. Ed said he 0:19:58.040 --> 0:20:01.960 needed to prepare for his next set, but perhaps intrigued 0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:05.879 by something I said, we exchanged numbers and planned to 0:20:05.880 --> 0:20:09.119 meet for a drink after his last show. As he 0:20:09.200 --> 0:20:13.000 reached for the stage door, I lobbed one last question, Hey, 0:20:13.600 --> 0:20:16.080 can you at least tell me the name of your bully? 0:20:17.119 --> 0:20:20.040 He glanced around to see if anyone was listening, looked 0:20:20.040 --> 0:20:24.919 back at me, and quietly said Brett Rogers. That simple 0:20:25.040 --> 0:20:27.159 name unlocked everything for me. 0:20:32.640 --> 0:20:35.800 They found the lifeless body of Gillian Phillips fifty four, 0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:38.800 slumped on the sofa and covered in her own. 0:20:38.640 --> 0:20:42.200 Repeatedly stabbed and caused a fatal head injury to David Oaks, 0:20:42.240 --> 0:20:44.560 who had stayed with her overnight. Since the death of 0:20:44.600 --> 0:20:46.760 a woman and a man in stanced at Mount Fidgett 0:20:46.800 --> 0:20:47.760 had been opened. 0:20:50.440 --> 0:20:54.040 With the name Brett Rogers, I could almost confirm everything 0:20:54.080 --> 0:20:58.040 that happened that terrible night, not in Saffron, Morgan, but 0:20:58.160 --> 0:21:01.360 in a small town called Stansteae, Mount Fitchett, thirty five 0:21:01.400 --> 0:21:06.639 miles northeast of London. Even more fascinating, everything that Ed 0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:10.880 said on stage about the murders themselves was true, verifiable, 0:21:11.520 --> 0:21:13.760 right down to the amount of stab wounds found on 0:21:13.840 --> 0:21:18.080 Brett's mother's body. Missus Phillips suffered at least forty one 0:21:18.160 --> 0:21:21.600 stab wounds to the head, neck and torso, plus fourteen 0:21:21.680 --> 0:21:24.000 blunt force injuries and defensive wounds. 0:21:24.320 --> 0:21:27.040 She was pronounced dead at the scene. 0:21:27.080 --> 0:21:29.200 The number of articles published in the wake of the 0:21:29.280 --> 0:21:32.199 murders were in the dozens, but they all reported the 0:21:32.280 --> 0:21:37.320 same scant superficial facts. Since Ed had moved away from Stanstead, 0:21:37.400 --> 0:21:41.800 Brett's life had fallen apart. With few job opportunities, Brett 0:21:41.800 --> 0:21:45.080 took a job as the local milkman, delivering fresh dairy 0:21:45.119 --> 0:21:47.960 to lifelong neighbors, who were all aware of his downfall. 0:21:48.680 --> 0:21:51.720 He was constantly in trouble with the law, everything from 0:21:51.800 --> 0:21:55.480 drug use to violent fights, and eventually landed himself in 0:21:55.520 --> 0:21:59.240 prison for three years. When he was released, he had 0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:03.040 nowhere to live except his mother's house, his childhood home, 0:22:03.760 --> 0:22:07.720 the one three doors down from ed. Then came the 0:22:07.840 --> 0:22:12.600 night of July twenty second, twenty fifteen. The terror started 0:22:12.640 --> 0:22:17.360 at nine pm. Both Brett's mom, Jillian Phillips, and her 0:22:17.400 --> 0:22:21.080 friend David Oakes, had been heavily drinking. There was no 0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:24.480 way either could have fought off the attack. Their thinned 0:22:24.560 --> 0:22:27.240 blood would account for the red soaked couch and floor 0:22:27.800 --> 0:22:32.639 where Gillian and David were found, respectively. Both their heads 0:22:32.640 --> 0:22:36.800 were bruised and fractured, consistent with violent blunt force trauma. 0:22:37.920 --> 0:22:42.359 Once they were incapacitated, Brett repeatedly stomped on their faces, 0:22:42.840 --> 0:22:45.679 leaving a bloody footprint from his Nike air trainer on 0:22:45.720 --> 0:22:50.840 his mother's cheek. A forensic scientist later confirmed that the 0:22:50.840 --> 0:22:54.159 butchery Brett committed that night would have taken him at 0:22:54.240 --> 0:22:59.399 least one hour or longer. At eleven pm, Brett Rogers 0:22:59.480 --> 0:23:02.840 left his house and wandered onto the Common Green, a 0:23:02.880 --> 0:23:07.520