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Speaker 1: Hi, Hi Catherine.

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Speaker 2: Oh hello Chelsea.

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Speaker 3: Fresh off of Canada. I went to Tafina for the weekend.

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Speaker 3: It was so beautiful there.

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Speaker 2: It's so nice, and it didn't look like a man

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Speaker 2: in sight there was.

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Speaker 4: I didn't see a lot of men there. It was

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Speaker 4: mostly women.

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Speaker 3: I went with some girlfriends and we saw some other

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Speaker 3: girlfriends while we were there, and I was so gloomy

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Speaker 3: and rainy, which I love, and on the beach and

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Speaker 3: there was a surfing competition Peak something and I ran

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Speaker 3: around in my rain boots and bathing sued and we

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Speaker 3: just had such a nice time. And Canada is so peaceful. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: Canada is very, very peaceful. I just came from my

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Speaker 3: obgyn and apparently the estrogen pack that I've been taking

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Speaker 3: is empty.

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Speaker 1: I have no estrogen and I have no testosterone.

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Speaker 3: Oh great, So there is a reason that my words

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Speaker 3: are not making any sense these days. I am overwhelmed

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Speaker 3: with stress from my stupid fucking house, and I am

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Speaker 3: not on the right hormones, and I am in menopause.

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Speaker 1: So I have to get my shit.

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Speaker 5: Together at least, you know now, so you can get

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Speaker 5: it all regulated. Yes, yes, But people have been also

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Speaker 5: asking about the implements you use for mental acuity, and

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Speaker 5: well another's ironic considering.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So I do take NMN pills everybody. Those are

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Speaker 3: good for your like you know NAD. I was injecting AD,

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Speaker 3: but my doctor told me not to inject NAD, that

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Speaker 3: there was all these studies that came out that NAD

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Speaker 3: causes cancer or there's like some correlation TONAD and cancer.

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Speaker 3: So I'm not doing that anymore. I'm taking the NMN pills.

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Speaker 3: The peptides I take are tessamorlin. I take GHK cu copper,

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Speaker 3: and I take turzeppatide, which has a little NAD so

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Speaker 3: it's not an overwhelming amount of NAD.

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Speaker 1: So that's what I do. And that's the like GLP

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Speaker 1: one like that's for weight sure weight management. Really, I

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Speaker 1: know I'm not overweight, but I.

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Speaker 3: Just take it to take the edge off of food,

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Speaker 3: so I don't go into my hotel room and eat

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Speaker 3: out the mini bar. And not that I eat out

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Speaker 3: many bars, but I eat out of many.

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Speaker 2: I like that phrasing.

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Speaker 3: But something that's really good to take is prodrome neuro

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Speaker 3: That's something I take for a mental acuity.

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Speaker 1: I take iron every day.

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Speaker 3: I take vitamin D every day, I take co q ten,

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Speaker 3: which is really important. And if you're taking any sort

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Speaker 3: of statin, which I also take because I have genetically

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Speaker 3: bad cholesterol.

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Speaker 2: It's good for heart health.

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Speaker 3: Yeah it is. It's good for heart health, and it's

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Speaker 3: good for brain health. And then I take creatine, which

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Speaker 3: is you can get that anywhere, Like I take that

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Speaker 3: from air one. I think mine is from my brain

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Speaker 3: juice is it's just called brain juice. It's because I

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Speaker 3: don't really drink coffee, so I just take a shot

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Speaker 3: of that when I wake up and throughout the day

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Speaker 3: when I need a little pick me up. And then

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Speaker 3: DHA is important for its protein.

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Speaker 2: To taking that, Yeah, and it can raise your testosterone level.

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Speaker 3: Oh ken it okay, good, okay, because I haven't really

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Speaker 3: been taking that. And for the Gratitude journal, I only

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Speaker 3: use the Gratitude journal in my I know people are

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Speaker 3: asking what I'm using.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I use the one in my phone so that it's.

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Speaker 5: Called what is this called it just as journal? But

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Speaker 5: you know what, I think this is something you can

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Speaker 5: really just do on your own. You can put it

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Speaker 5: even in your notes app, you can write it into

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Speaker 5: a into a journal. I'll find a couple that are

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Speaker 5: highly recommended and put links to them in the description.

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Speaker 5: But yeah, it's really just about writing out what you're

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Speaker 5: thankful for, what's bringing I heard this recently too, which

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Speaker 5: is what's bringing joy into your life?

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Speaker 2: What brought joy into your life today?

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Speaker 1: Doug.

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Speaker 3: Doug had a handkerchief on when I came home from Tofino,

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Speaker 3: So my belle did that for me special, and he

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Speaker 3: was really ready to get down with it when I

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Speaker 3: got home last night, and I was not ready to

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Speaker 3: get down with it. I was ready to go to

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Speaker 3: fucking sleep, and I got into bed at seven o'clock.

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Speaker 3: I took a Xanax and went straight to bed. So

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to take less xanax, but it doesn't seem.

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Speaker 1: To be working. So I don't know.

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Speaker 3: You can follow my habits or not. I mean, you're

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Speaker 3: on your own, everybody.

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Speaker 2: And obviously everybody talked to your doctor before you take

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Speaker 2: any of these.

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Speaker 3: You know, Yes, I'm not a doctor, everybody, even though

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Speaker 3: I say I am, I'm not. I just announced all

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Speaker 3: my tour dates. They just went on sale this week.

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Speaker 3: It's called a High and Mighty Tour. I will be

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Speaker 3: starting debuting my new material. Well I've already started debuting

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Speaker 3: my new material, but in an organized tour form in

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Speaker 3: February of next year. So I'm coming to Washington, d

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Speaker 3: c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,

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Speaker 3: and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,

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Speaker 3: of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,

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Speaker 3: Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,

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Speaker 3: North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and

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Speaker 3: port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.

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Speaker 3: I will be touring from February through June. Those are

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Speaker 3: the cities that I'm in. Pre sale started last week,

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Speaker 3: so tickets are flying. I haven't added second shows yet,

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Speaker 3: but we probably will be to some of these, So

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Speaker 3: go get your tickets now if you want good seats

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Speaker 3: and you want to come see me perform. I will

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Speaker 3: be on the High and Mighty tour Okay. Our guest

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Speaker 3: today is in two brand new movies. She's in, well,

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Speaker 3: you know her from every movie she's in, so Ma Things,

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Speaker 3: Stephen King's The Long Walk and Dead of Winter with

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Speaker 3: Emma Thompson.

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Speaker 1: Please welcome Judy Greer.

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Speaker 3: I'm wearing my sunglasses because I forgot my regular glasses and.

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Speaker 1: Their prescription that all day yesterday. I mean, I were

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Speaker 1: just we're fifty, you're fifty two, yeah, fifty, And I

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Speaker 1: had to do it yesterday and I was like, we're

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Speaker 1: oh no. It said he was getting a massage. So

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Speaker 1: I'm like sitting in the massage room in sunglasses. Like

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Speaker 1: I know.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes I'm at a restaurant at night and all i

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Speaker 3: have are my prescription sunglasses and I'm just like, I'm

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Speaker 3: such a loser.

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Speaker 1: But we're just fifty years old, and that's the way

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Speaker 1: our lives are.

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Speaker 6: Now.

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Speaker 3: I'm talking to Judy Greer, who has graced us with

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Speaker 3: our presence today because she Hello, hello, Judy, how are.

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Speaker 1: You taking a zip of some diet coke? I'm really good.

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Speaker 1: Good for you, good for you. Oh I want to

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Speaker 1: do that again.

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Speaker 3: I just want to go through a list of your credits,

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Speaker 3: just because you're in so many things that I had

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Speaker 3: to say. So, okay, you've seen her in Jawbreaker, What

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Speaker 3: Women Want, The Wedding Planner adaptation, Just shoot Me, The

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Speaker 3: Village Elizabethtown, My name is Earl, twenty seven Dresses, R

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Speaker 3: thirteen going on, thirty, House Archer, Modern Family, The Big Bank,

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Speaker 3: The Marmaduke, Love and Other Drugs, Arrested Development, and.

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Speaker 1: It goes on and on and on and on. She

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Speaker 1: has a total of one hundred.

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Speaker 3: And fifty TV and movie credits to her name, and

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Speaker 3: now she is here to promote two projects. One is

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Speaker 3: called The Long Walk, which is a Stephen King movie

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Speaker 3: based on the book, and the other one is called

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Speaker 3: The Dead of Winter.

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Speaker 1: I watched The Long Walk last night. You did, Yes,

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Speaker 1: I did. I'm proud of you. It was dystopian. I

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Speaker 1: know that's good. How would you, first of all, congratulations

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Speaker 1: on your career. Oh thanks. I mean you've been in

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Speaker 1: so many things. I've known you since, I say, from

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Speaker 1: when I just started watching TV. You were always around.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I've just known your face forever. And you're like,

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Speaker 1: I mean you talk, I mean you talk about being

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Speaker 1: kind of a character actor. But are you a character actor?

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: What I mean, Yeah, what does that mean anymore?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I don't understand like that,

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Speaker 1: aren't we all character actors are, right, characters like I

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Speaker 1: think that's a funny description. It just means like you're

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Speaker 1: not the star. That's all. That's all I ever. Whenever

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Speaker 1: someone's like, oh, supporting, oh character, I'm like, okay, sure,

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Speaker 1: I'll take it. But yes, I've been around for a

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Speaker 1: long time. We both have been around. We've been like

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Speaker 1: we we made it. We did. I mean we can

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Speaker 1: say that that's true. Yeah, we're fifty. We're fifty.

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Speaker 4: We were alive and we're still working.

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Speaker 1: We're still alive, We're still working. I know that's incredible.

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Speaker 1: I'm still single. But you got married.

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Speaker 2: I did it?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Were you dating somebody that I worked with for so?

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Speaker 3: Were you ever in a show called Girls Behavior?

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Speaker 1: Yes? Yes, yes, So. One of the producers of that

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Speaker 1: show or writers of that show was a man it

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Speaker 1: still is named. I had so many comments, but I

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Speaker 1: decided not to say any of them. Dumb comments. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Nicholas Thomas, and he was one of I can't remember.

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Speaker 4: If he was a producer. Yeah, girls Behaving Badly?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and he wrote sketches for you has to do,

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Speaker 1: and I remember, I mean nothing against the rest of

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Speaker 1: the cast, but he would come from work and talk

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Speaker 1: about you. Oh I like that. Yeah, he always talked

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Speaker 1: about you, and he talked about how great you were

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Speaker 1: and how special you were, and how you were like

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Speaker 1: really different and really special and really funny. But also like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I really hate when people say, like

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Speaker 1: you get it, she gets it. But he wouldn't have

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Speaker 1: said it back then because now they say it, but

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Speaker 1: like that you kind of were different in a good

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Speaker 1: way and so and so I feel like you've always

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Speaker 1: been on my radar. Oh, I know we have. We

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Speaker 1: never met before. I can't remember because.

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Speaker 3: I'm fifth, I know, but you know what, neither can

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Speaker 3: I. I can never remember whether or not have met. So

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Speaker 3: let's just assume that we have.

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Speaker 1: Probably I'm sure we did. I'm sure I interviewed you

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Speaker 1: on one of my talk shows at some point. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure of it.

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Speaker 3: But I like what you say about I mean, I

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Speaker 3: don't know when you said it, but you were talking

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Speaker 3: about character acting, and that's saying that there are no

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Speaker 3: small roles, which is.

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Speaker 1: Which I came up with that I invented that phrase.

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Speaker 3: But you did say if you do enough small roles

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Speaker 3: well enough, yeah, that you are going to have a career.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And because the original line is there are no small roles,

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Speaker 1: there are only small actors, which is also, you know,

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Speaker 1: very old saying to ruin everything. Not at all? Are

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Speaker 1: you happy? First of all, let's talk lower to the ground, Yes,

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Speaker 1: a little bit, of course. I get as low to

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Speaker 1: the ground as you want. You tell me, how do

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Speaker 1: you describe the Long Walk? Uh, it's not a comedy.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes if you don't know what you want, you can

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Speaker 1: try like to figure out what you don't want. That's

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Speaker 1: what I told my steps on the other day. I'm like, honey,

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Speaker 1: sometimes if you don't know exactly what you want, you

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Speaker 1: just like figure out what you don't want. And that's

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Speaker 1: a good way in So it's not a comedy. The

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Speaker 1: Long Walk is how would I describe it? I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's I feel like maybe it's a psychological horror movie.

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Speaker 1: There both a little bit psychologically horror movie, both of them.

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Speaker 1: Yes they are, yes, and they're and I play really

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Speaker 1: different roles in both of them. But the Long Walk,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's really beautiful. Actually, I don't

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Speaker 1: know what your experience was. I don't know what it's

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Speaker 1: like to watch it at home, because I'm assuming you

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Speaker 1: watched it. Oh yeah, yeah, Yeah. I think like you

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Speaker 1: can kind of lose yourself in a theater, and I

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Speaker 1: think it would be a little bit I don't know,

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Speaker 1: maybe it.

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Speaker 4: Would be on humanity, on friendship.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean what I felt like was beautiful about

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Speaker 1: it was the connection that they made these boys and

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Speaker 1: sort of the grace with which they allowed each other

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Speaker 1: to go, and the fear of the future. And you know,

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Speaker 1: like you could kind of like throw anything on top

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Speaker 1: of that movie and get you know, like whatever you're feeling.

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Speaker 1: You could probably pull that theme out of it. Right.

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Speaker 3: Are you attracted to movies like this because they're both

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Speaker 3: kind of in the same not the same kind of movie,

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Speaker 3: same genre.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so. Well, I think I am. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm excited to do like different stuff. Yeah, and these

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Speaker 1: were both really different for me. Have you ever been

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Speaker 1: bored as an actor when you were doing something? I

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Speaker 1: mean you don't have to name the movie or a show, Yes,

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Speaker 1: I don't have to name it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you do when you don't feel like

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Speaker 3: revved up for the part.

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Speaker 1: How do you get yourself up? How do you get

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Speaker 1: it up? So to speak. There's so many pills for

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Speaker 1: that that I think, Well, I think like I always

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Speaker 1: have fun. I'm really not just saying that, Like, I

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Speaker 1: always have fun at work, and I always enjoy at

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Speaker 1: least one person I'm at work with, Like there's someone

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Speaker 1: on a set that I'm going to connect with that's

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Speaker 1: going to be fun. Usually there's a lot of people

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Speaker 1: on a set that I like, but sometimes you know,

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Speaker 1: you just have to like pick your person and then

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Speaker 1: I make it fun for that. If the role's not fun,

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Speaker 1: if the roles hard, if some of the people are hard,

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Speaker 1: if the job is hard, like I can find something

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Speaker 1: to be excited about. Have you ever walked off a job? No?

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Speaker 1: I mean like I think I would drop dead. I

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Speaker 1: can't even imagine. I really yes, multiple times. I once

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Speaker 1: was hosting this show Steven Spielberg had created it. It

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Speaker 1: was like a.

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Speaker 3: Reality show, but it was created by Steven Spielberg, and

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Speaker 3: it was about finding the next big like filmmaker or

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Speaker 3: director or something along those lines. Like it was a

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Speaker 3: cerebral version of a reality show. And they offered me

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Speaker 3: like they just kept throwing things at me to make

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Speaker 3: me host it. I'm like, I'm not a host of

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Speaker 3: reality shows, like I'm a talk show host. It's not

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Speaker 3: the same thing. I'm taking the piss out of everything.

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Speaker 3: I'm not here to be.

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Speaker 1: Like, go Jeremy, tell me how.

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Speaker 3: Exactly, Like I don't have that Ryan Seacrest kind of vibe.

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Speaker 3: You know he has that and he does it well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And then I did it and it was a disaster,

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Speaker 3: Like I mean, it was like I had couldn't read

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Speaker 3: a prompter and be like genuine.

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Speaker 1: Right, you know what I mean. I have to like

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Speaker 1: ad lib and I have to be myself.

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Speaker 3: And then there was these big producers that worked for Spielberg.

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Speaker 3: And then like two weeks in, I was like I

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Speaker 3: have to stop this. I go, you guys have to

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Speaker 3: replace me. I go, this is uncomfortable for all of us.

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Speaker 3: I'm not good at this.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't want to do it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And they're like, you can't say no to Steven Spielberg.

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Speaker 3: My reps were like you can't, Diada. I'm like, Steven

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Speaker 3: Spielberg is going to thank me for getting one for me? Yes, yes, yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: for giving him an out so he doesn't have to

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Speaker 3: fire me. Yeah, so that, Yeah, I walked away from

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Speaker 3: that job. But that would have been a humiliation if

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Speaker 3: I had followed through with it.

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Speaker 1: And did they reshoot everything with you that you'd already shot.

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Speaker 3: I think they reshot it, or maybe they used some

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Speaker 3: of it. I think they used some of it. And

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Speaker 3: then I don't know. I wasn't really following it closely

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Speaker 3: after our left and.

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Speaker 1: Nobody knows what it is, so I don't even remember

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Speaker 1: what it's called. I did ones get fired from something

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Speaker 1: that I felt I was a miscast, Like when I

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Speaker 1: auditioned for like the female lead of the movie and

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Speaker 1: I didn't get it, but then they were like, oh,

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Speaker 1: but we love you and we want you to play

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Speaker 1: this smaller role. And I was really young and I

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Speaker 1: was starting out, so I was like, oh, my god,

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Speaker 1: of course, and I just knew, like I knew without

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Speaker 1: knowing because I was young, Like now I would know,

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Speaker 1: but I knew without knowing that I was wrong when

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Speaker 1: I got to set, Like the words were really hard

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Speaker 1: for me to memorize, Like the scene was really hard,

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Speaker 1: Like no one was happy on set, like we were

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Speaker 1: all trying to sort of like figure it out, like

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Speaker 1: why isn't this working, and I knew it was me.

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Speaker 1: And then I got home that night and I got

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Speaker 1: a call from my agent that I was fired. And

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Speaker 1: I was like I had my ego ten minutes of like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you're right. But I was like, thank fucking God, because like,

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Speaker 1: you don't want to be bad in something, right, Like no,

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Speaker 1: like it wasn't meant to be. No, No, it wasn't

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Speaker 1: meant to be. Yeah, And there's a scene because I

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Speaker 1: shot two scenes that day, like my big big scene

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Speaker 1: and then this like scene where I was just in

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Speaker 1: a limousine with the main character, and and so I'm

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Speaker 1: still in the limousine. They didn't reshoot that, they didn't

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Speaker 1: cut me out of that, so it just looks like

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Speaker 1: the main character had as a silent friend, like like

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Speaker 1: like if you watch an extra, Yeah, I was an extra.

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Speaker 1: It was like, it's Tony Kolett. She's in the limousine,

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Speaker 1: she plays this movie star. I'm like, I was supposed

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Speaker 1: to be I think like her agent or the movie producer.

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Speaker 1: I don't even remember. But now I'm just like one

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Speaker 1: of Tony Kollett's sort of passes. It's like a part

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Speaker 1: of her coterie. Yes, right right in the back of

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Speaker 1: the Limusae.

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Speaker 3: Well, I want to say congrats on turning fifty because

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Speaker 3: I turned fifty this year.

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Speaker 1: When's your birthday?

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Speaker 4: July twentieth, okay, July twenty, so you're gonna be fifty

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Speaker 4: one this year.

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Speaker 1: No, I just turned fifty because you're in September.

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Speaker 6: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Sorry, I keep asking what unth it is. It's so

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Speaker 1: confusing right now. It's really hard and it's not your

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Speaker 1: sung lesson. It's so hard to keep track of time.

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Speaker 1: I know, time is it just changed during the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: like it'll never be the same.

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Speaker 4: Did you quit drinking after the pandemic?

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Speaker 1: I've read that somewhere during well twenty twenty two, So during.

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Speaker 3: During the pandemic, because I mean, everyone drank too much

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Speaker 3: during the pan and then they quit drinking.

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Speaker 1: I know, but everyone I know went back to it.

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Speaker 1: I did not. Yeah, you know, I did the reverse.

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Speaker 3: I didn't drink very much in the beginning of the

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Speaker 3: pandemic because I was like, well, that's kindly, I mean

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Speaker 3: I did about things.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's about drink because I was alone.

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Speaker 3: And then when my family moved in, that's when I started.

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Speaker 3: That's when I hit the bottle.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, hard.

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Speaker 3: Yeah when they started when they worphed with me, But

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Speaker 3: so many people have gotten sober since the pandemic.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, are you sober or you just like sober? Really? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, I just decided to start saying that actually

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Speaker 1: really yeah, that seems to be going around and I'm

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Speaker 1: not saying I'm saying it. No, I'm not saying that

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Speaker 1: it's trendy. I'm just saying that it's fine to be trendy.

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Speaker 3: A lot of people are sober in LA, and a

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Speaker 3: lot of people are sober from the pandemic.

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Speaker 1: Some people someone who is I talking to someone I

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Speaker 1: was talking to owns a pizza Rea pizza place in

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Speaker 1: LA and said that, like so much of the business

382
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Speaker 1: was drinks in a pizza place, and now that nobody's drinking,

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Speaker 1: it's like restaurants are kind of getting fucked because they

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Speaker 1: made so much of their money. Like, yeah, heard this

385
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Speaker 1: before when you charge like fifteen twenty dollars for a cocktail,

386
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Speaker 1: but it's like fifteen dollars for a pizza. But is

387
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Speaker 1: it just La or is it all over? I don't

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Speaker 1: go places anymore. I don't know. I don't know, but

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Speaker 1: I mean, there is a definite younger generation that are

390
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,399
Speaker 1: not drinking. Yeah, they're they're just like not drinking.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, they don't drink, so that that's definitely having

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Speaker 3: an impact too, maybe because our generation were heavy drinkers

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Speaker 3: and then everyone is getting sober at a certain age.

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Speaker 1: That's my experience.

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Speaker 3: In my experience, I'm not sober though, yeah, and I

396
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Speaker 3: have no intention of becoming, so don't do it.

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Speaker 1: So nobody wants you sober. That's right. Thank you for

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Speaker 1: saying that.

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Speaker 4: Thank you for saying that so I didn't have to.

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Speaker 3: I want to talk about you being a stepmom because

401
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,119
Speaker 3: I feel like that's the clutch role. It's like, if

402
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,720
Speaker 3: you're got a real character, if you're going to be yeah, seriously,

403
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,760
Speaker 3: if you're going to be in a relationship with children,

404
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:43,040
Speaker 3: it's great to be once removed.

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Speaker 1: I had a therapist at the time when I met them,

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Speaker 1: who was She told me, oh, it's so hard, it's

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Speaker 1: so hard. And I was like, okay, well easy, just

408
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:55,600
Speaker 1: like yeah, she said she just because you have all

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Speaker 1: the responsibility and none of the authority. And I was

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Speaker 1: like yeah, and I don't feel that now my kids

411
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Speaker 1: are old, but like when they were young, you are

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Speaker 1: like you're like a babysitter extra sometimes like I can't

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Speaker 1: make them do shit. But but there was a lot

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Speaker 1: of conversations at night in bed where I'm like, you

415
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Speaker 1: need to do this, you know, because I didn't really

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Speaker 1: want to be the bad guy. It's not fair to

417
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,160
Speaker 1: make me the bad guy. Your husband that he tries

418
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Speaker 1: to do so, like I had to force him to

419
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Speaker 1: be the bad guy sometimes.

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Speaker 3: And what was your situation when you guys were gonna

421
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Speaker 3: you guys met and then you did you got married,

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Speaker 3: and we didn't live together.

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Speaker 1: We had two houses and we we should keep y.

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Speaker 4: I mean everyone should have two houses.

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Speaker 1: It was so great, but now we just have the

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Speaker 1: one we lived. I mean we rent out. So we

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Speaker 1: had his house which was in Thousand Oaks in my house,

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Speaker 1: which was instill Is in Hollywood, and so we kind

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Speaker 1: of went back and forth or there were nights where

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Speaker 1: I just like stayed at my house. That was so great.

431
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Speaker 1: But also I traveled so much for work that I

432
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Speaker 1: am already gone a lot, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Like I wasn't like moving in and like, okay, everyone

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Speaker 1: like family time. Like I was in and out so

435
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,639
Speaker 1: much that I think it would have been shitty if

436
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,080
Speaker 1: I was like, these are the new rules people, and

437
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,199
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go for two months. So we would have

438
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,399
Speaker 1: his kids every other week, and so we would stay

439
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,800
Speaker 1: at his house and Thousand Oaks the week we had

440
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,760
Speaker 1: the kids, and then we would go to my house

441
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,200
Speaker 1: most of the time when we didn't. But in the

442
00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,119
Speaker 1: very beginning, when we were just dating, I would be

443
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,600
Speaker 1: like excited for our weekend without the kids, and he

444
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,920
Speaker 1: would be like, not because of anything with the kids,

445
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,600
Speaker 1: just like it's a new relationship. So then he I

446
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:37,720
Speaker 1: would say like, what are we going to do this

447
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,880
Speaker 1: weekend and he'd be like, oh, Lucas has a baseball game,

448
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,920
Speaker 1: and I'm like yeah, but it's not your weekend. He's

449
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 1: like yeah, but I'm still his dad. And so I

450
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,560
Speaker 1: realized like, oh man, I'm like dating the good dad.

451
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,359
Speaker 1: Like I'm not even dating right, I've like chosen a

452
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,959
Speaker 1: really like genuinely good persons, which is sexy until you

453
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,399
Speaker 1: have them. You're like, I want to get it, you know,

454
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,680
Speaker 1: I want to make but he's a really good father.

455
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,359
Speaker 4: And then you meet them and they're not your kids,

456
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 4: and you're like.

457
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,680
Speaker 1: Who WHOA, this isn't how I imagine You're like so hungover

458
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,679
Speaker 1: at the soccer field, like eating McDonald's out of the

459
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,919
Speaker 1: bag and then throwing up in that just kidding. I

460
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,840
Speaker 1: never barbed, of course, not at the game, but yeah,

461
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:18,560
Speaker 1: it was crazy. Like then the weekends we didn't have

462
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 1: the kids, we were like, we're still in We're still

463
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,920
Speaker 1: going to those games, but we are definitely in dark

464
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:27,959
Speaker 1: sunglasses and definitely like whoa here we are. Yeah, but

465
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,240
Speaker 1: it was It was good. It taught me a lot

466
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:35,080
Speaker 1: about relationships and obviously parenting, and and his kids are

467
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 1: so great. They still are so great. It influenced my

468
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 1: decision to not have one of my own. It did influence. Yeah,

469
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,159
Speaker 1: I was I was never like I've got to have

470
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,200
Speaker 1: a baby. I need a baby, like this life is

471
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,640
Speaker 1: a baby. But I was always like, well, like I mean,

472
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,280
Speaker 1: isn't that why you do? Don't you get married and

473
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:55,280
Speaker 1: have a baby. I'm like, really pretty basic. And so

474
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,040
Speaker 1: when I met him and his kids were great and

475
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,720
Speaker 1: everything was going really well, and I was working a lot,

476
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,480
Speaker 1: and it was like shit, my guy in a cologist

477
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,560
Speaker 1: was like, what's the plan? Dude, Like you're not you know.

478
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,439
Speaker 1: So then I thought a lot about it, like for

479
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,880
Speaker 1: two years, and then I was talking to this girlfriend

480
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,679
Speaker 1: on the phone and she said, I was like, Oh,

481
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 1: I have to decide. I really need to figure this out.

482
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 1: I need to freeze my eggs or whatever. And she

483
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,320
Speaker 1: was like, dude, you don't want a baby. And I

484
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:19,919
Speaker 1: was like, how do you know? You barely know me?

485
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 6: She did.

486
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:25,480
Speaker 1: She was like, women who want their babies get their babies. Man, Yeah, exactly,

487
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 1: they just do. She's like, you're married, you love him,

488
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 1: you're crazy about him, you'd have two babies right now

489
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,680
Speaker 1: if you wanted a baby. Exactly. She's like, you don't

490
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 1: want a baby.

491
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 3: And it's so funny that, no matter how not present,

492
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,439
Speaker 3: that thought is at the foot of your mind. We

493
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,760
Speaker 3: always have it in the back of our minds because

494
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 3: of like society and because a lot something that we're

495
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,919
Speaker 3: basically arguing with just a rule that was made, you know, someone.

496
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,159
Speaker 1: Else made it for other people that aren't us. It

497
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,600
Speaker 1: was hard for me to reprogram my brain into that.

498
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:54,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

499
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,160
Speaker 3: I was reading some stuff about you and your mom

500
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 3: and that you have all these kind of weird things

501
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 3: in common, right, Like your mom was shot in the

502
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 3: chest and you have a scar where she was shot.

503
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:08,199
Speaker 1: Whose mom has been shot in the chest, Well, she

504
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 1: is from Ohio. What happened? Maybe a lot of people's

505
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:16,440
Speaker 1: moms and no, no, it was a big old accident.

506
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:20,959
Speaker 1: But isn't it so well? Yeah, and she survived and

507
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 1: she's survived bit when she was eleven and her brother

508
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 1: was like, that's a terrible thing. Is it's funny? And

509
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,640
Speaker 1: that then you have the scar on your chest.

510
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 6: I knew.

511
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,520
Speaker 1: I showed her once and she was so freaked out.

512
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 1: She wasn't like, oh my god, she was like, oh,

513
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,359
Speaker 1: but is it like a birthmark or did you have

514
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,880
Speaker 1: a little It's like she was shot like right next

515
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,399
Speaker 1: to her heart. You know, there's always this story like

516
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 1: if it would have been won D a millimeter closer anyway, YadA, YadA.

517
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 1: But mine is like a tiny, little little tiny just

518
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 1: like hers, like little bump, like a little round bump

519
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 1: like the bullet went in. I have this same. Do

520
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 1: you believe in anything related to that like that? That's yes,

521
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 1: I do, But I don't know what I believe, but

522
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:12,600
Speaker 1: I believe it's special. Yeah, but I don't really have

523
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 1: like a well it's because of this or like can

524
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 1: I lay my stones out on the table like I'm

525
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 1: not that, But I do think like I have to

526
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,679
Speaker 1: and I want to choose to believe that there's something

527
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:26,000
Speaker 1: bigger than us and that maybe it is special. I mean,

528
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that she and I like don't fight

529
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 1: a lot. Like we got in an argument this morning

530
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 1: on the phone because she's annoying because she needs help

531
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,159
Speaker 1: and she want to ask for it. And I wouldn't

532
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 1: say this because she doesn't really know how to listen

533
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,479
Speaker 1: to a podcast, I don't think. So that's too bad.

534
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 3: This is an advice podcast. We're about to take callers,

535
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 3: and she could have called in.

536
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,960
Speaker 1: Yeah. So part of the fun thing about getting older

537
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,480
Speaker 1: is that your parents are also getting older and they

538
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: also require things from us too. So so we were

539
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,920
Speaker 1: talking about that. Is she in Ohio still? Yeah, she's

540
00:23:56,960 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 1: in Ohio. There was like, she's from Ohio. She and

541
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,679
Speaker 1: my dad got married, they had me. This all happened

542
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,240
Speaker 1: in Michigan, and then when they retired, they moved back

543
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:07,520
Speaker 1: to Ohio and they live in this small town called Carry,

544
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:11,680
Speaker 1: Ohio Go Blue Demons. And most of her family's still there.

545
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 1: So I have like loads of cousins and second cousins

546
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 1: and aunts and uncles, well not as many and uncles anymore,

547
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:20,119
Speaker 1: but they're all still there, and so it sucks that

548
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,879
Speaker 1: she's so far away, that my parents are both so

549
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 1: far away, But it's great because there's family there. Yeah,

550
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,960
Speaker 1: and you're an only child? Yeah yeah, yeah, So how

551
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 1: did you like that experience? I mean, it's fucking awesome.

552
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 1: Compared to growing up with a bunch of brothers. All

553
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:34,960
Speaker 1: I saw was my friends getting the shit beat out

554
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 1: of them all the time, and I was like how.

555
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,119
Speaker 1: But now at this age, I'm like, oh, it would

556
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 1: be nice to have some siblings. Yeah.

557
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:43,960
Speaker 6: Yeah.

558
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 3: What's the the rap on only children is that they're

559
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:47,879
Speaker 3: supposed to be spoiled?

560
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 1: Is that it spoiled? Or odd?

561
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 6: Right?

562
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:51,160
Speaker 1: Yeah?

563
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 4: I think like odd.

564
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 3: I had a girlfriend when I grew up, Heather, and

565
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 3: she was an only child, and I loved going to

566
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,639
Speaker 3: her house because it was like peaceful, was so organized,

567
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:05,399
Speaker 3: her parents were so like like straight, Yeah, yeah, my

568
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 3: house was just a fucking hot mess of children and

569
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,760
Speaker 3: people running in and out, food on the table, humanity, yeah, humanity,

570
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,919
Speaker 3: like dirty underwear in the living room, just gross, you know.

571
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 3: And I remember going to our house and I think

572
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 3: her mom was actually a librarian, and it felt like

573
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,679
Speaker 3: that and I just would be like God, so and

574
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 3: then yeah, and then you know, a couple more times

575
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 3: I went over and I'm like, this is kind of boring,

576
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 3: but it wasn't a reflection of her. It was just

577
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 3: reflection of the orderliness and that I kind of exist

578
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,000
Speaker 3: better in chaos.

579
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:36,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, I enjoyed going to the chaotic houses. I was

580
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 1: like totally freaked out by them, couldn't wait to go home,

581
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,959
Speaker 1: but like also kind of like sought it out. I

582
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 1: was like, wow, like you you just punched a person,

583
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,439
Speaker 1: like a human in the face, and you guys are

584
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: like that. Mom said, I don't I'm not. I don't

585
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,120
Speaker 1: want to speak for every only child, but like I'm

586
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,639
Speaker 1: terrible at fighting. I'm really bad at conflict because I

587
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,119
Speaker 1: didn't have to have I never had that conflict. And

588
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:01,680
Speaker 1: then you just like have to sit around the table

589
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 1: and laugh afterward. Like I like, a fight means a

590
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 1: fight and it needs to be dealt with and talked

591
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,239
Speaker 1: about and you have to go to therapy about it

592
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 1: and like all the things, Like it's a big deal

593
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:13,679
Speaker 1: to me. I think that's wrong and I think it

594
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 1: shouldn't be that way. But that I think is something

595
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 1: maybe that is an only childie thing.

596
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 4: You think what you the way that you handle conflict

597
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 4: is wrong.

598
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:22,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's okay to fight. I think we

599
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,639
Speaker 1: have to be allowed to, like, you know, get in

600
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 1: fights and then get over it, yeah, and kind of recover,

601
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,159
Speaker 1: right and recover and move on and still like have

602
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 1: love in your heart for that person.

603
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:33,720
Speaker 3: So do you remember the moment that you decided that

604
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,120
Speaker 3: you wanted to marry your husband?

605
00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 1: It was pretty early on, but I don't remember, like

606
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: exactly the move at first sight. Do you believe in that? No?

607
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 1: I believe in lust at first sight or like a

608
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:52,199
Speaker 1: strong chemistry. But the older I get, I feel like

609
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 1: I feel chemistry with all kinds of different people. And

610
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,080
Speaker 1: just because I feel chemistry with someone doesn't mean that

611
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 1: we have to be lovers, be friends and one extra

612
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:01,639
Speaker 1: minute together.

613
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 3: Like, well, that's another thing that we've been fed, like

614
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,679
Speaker 3: this idea of chemistry, lust, love at first sight, like

615
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,640
Speaker 3: everything's some sort of romantic fairy tale. Yeah, And it's

616
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,880
Speaker 3: not like that at all. And it also doesn't give

617
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 3: you a nuanced view of the world. Whereas you can

618
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 3: have a soulmate that's your sister or your friend in

619
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 3: the same sense that.

620
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:23,120
Speaker 1: A soulmate can be a lover or your mother or like.

621
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,160
Speaker 3: It doesn't everything is so always seems so wrapped up

622
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 3: and like set all me, Like yeah, I mean everything

623
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 3: is an ends, like it means to an end to

624
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 3: get to have yeah, to sex and love to.

625
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 1: Get that yeah, or like acceptance or something yeah yeah yeah. Yeah.

626
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 1: So tell me about when you met your husband. Well,

627
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 1: I was gonna say it wasn't and he says the

628
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:46,399
Speaker 1: same exact thing, by the way, He's like, no, it

629
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:47,879
Speaker 1: wasn't love at first sight. I was happy he was

630
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 1: tall because I wanted to wear high heels on our

631
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,320
Speaker 1: first date and I did. Was a blind date. Yeah,

632
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 1: it was like super blind for me, Like I opened

633
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:54,880
Speaker 1: the front door.

634
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 3: Your mother also met your father on a blind day. Yeah,

635
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 3: that's another thing. That a party with that. Yeah, okay,

636
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 3: I got it.

637
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,359
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I don't know, it works, it

638
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 1: could work out. And he and I were talking on

639
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 1: the phone, so like I knew kind of who he was,

640
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,359
Speaker 1: and then he felt bad because he's like, well, I

641
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 1: know what you look like, and you don't know what

642
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:13,119
Speaker 1: I look like. Do you want me to send you

643
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 1: a picture? Because I didn't have like Facebook or any

644
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,640
Speaker 1: of that bullshit. And I was like Noah, it's weird.

645
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,160
Speaker 1: I don't if what if I look at a picture

646
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 1: of him and like the get grossed up? Yeah, I'd

647
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 1: rather be grossed out right to his face when I

648
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,680
Speaker 1: opened the front door. I'd rather open the front door

649
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:28,159
Speaker 1: and have like my very non poker face be like,

650
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 1: oh you're down there right or whatever like yeah. So

651
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: I said, no, no, it's fine. I liked him so much.

652
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 1: He was so nice and so funny and also like

653
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 1: kind of dark and like enough dark and enough weird

654
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 1: that like he's not boring, but also like nice. And

655
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: he drove a Prius, which to me felt like, oh,

656
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 1: he cares about the environment, and I liked that too,

657
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 1: And so we went on many fun dates and did

658
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 1: lots of fun things. But it was probably about a

659
00:28:56,360 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 1: month in when I was like, oh, I love you,

660
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 1: and I kept saying I have very strong feelings for you.

661
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 1: I have very strong feelings for you too. And then

662
00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 1: this is a crazy thing. I had drinks and told

663
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,400
Speaker 1: him I loved him when I'd been drinking, Like that's

664
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 1: never happened before to anyone in the history of love.

665
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 1: So I was the first person to get drunk and

666
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 1: say I love you first, and then he also was drunk,

667
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 1: which was weird, weird, and he said it two people,

668
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 1: especially drunk together is weird. I know, like two drunk

669
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 1: people anyway. So then the next morning, when we were

670
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,479
Speaker 1: no longer drunk, I was like, I did mean what

671
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 1: I said and he was like me too. It was

672
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 1: cute and we did. We really did. Like it was fast,

673
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 1: and then even two months after that, so now we're

674
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 1: dating for like three or four months. We went on

675
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: a vacation to Italy together and my girlfriend Janet was like,

676
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 1: you better get a manicure and I'm like, shut up,

677
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 1: really and she's like, get a manicure. I'm like, so

678
00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 1: I get a manicure, and like every day we're in

679
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 1: a romantic, beautiful place in Florence and I'm like and

680
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 1: then it was like the last day and we're sitting

681
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 1: on this bridge over the river, drinking like out of

682
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 1: the bottle of Italian red wine, and I'm just like,

683
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 1: you're not gonna ask me to marry you?

684
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 5: Are you?

685
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 1: And he was like, no, what are you talking about.

686
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,760
Speaker 1: It's been four months. I'm a father that would just

687
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 1: be irresponsible. Yeah, totally, Oh my god, what wasn't me?

688
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 1: It was Jenne. It was Janet's fault. He's like, have

689
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 1: you been thinking that every time there's been like a moment,

690
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 1: And I'm.

691
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 3: Like, yes, I wonder what guys think about when they

692
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,960
Speaker 3: think about that pressure. Like I was in my worka

693
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 3: last summer and I saw outside of my window on

694
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 3: the beach this couple and this guy proposing to her right,

695
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 3: and it was and they had they were prepared because

696
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 3: there were photographers and stuff, and she He's down on

697
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 3: his knee on this like little rock, you know, little

698
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 3: rock thing.

699
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 1: What are the jetty?

700
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 3: And then he got up and I was about to

701
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 3: do this interview for something, and I said, I wonder

702
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 3: what a man feels like after he proposes and they

703
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 3: say yes. He's like yeah, Like I wonder what they're

704
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 3: because women are so we're so wrapped up, yeah, with

705
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 3: regard to a proposal and our own thoughts and feelings

706
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 3: that were never ever thinking about what a man feels

707
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,880
Speaker 3: like or what the pressure that he must be under. Yeah,

708
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 3: he must be fucking freaking out or some men are

709
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 3: hopefully wondering if you're going to say yes or if

710
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 3: you're going to say no. And then when I got

711
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 3: on the phone with this reporter who was interviewing me,

712
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 3: I told him, and he goes, what do you think

713
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 3: a man thinks about?

714
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 1: I go, I've never thought what men are thinking about?

715
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 1: Like that really never occurred to me to think about

716
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 1: what men are thinking about. I have too much going on,

717
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: you know, it's really busy up here. Yeah, the same

718
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 1: way when you were telling this story, I was like, A,

719
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 1: we supposed to be thinking about what men think about

720
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 1: I don't think so.

721
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 3: They're certainly not thinking about what we were we're doing.

722
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 3: I mean, some of them, are not all of them.

723
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,720
Speaker 1: Some, I mean, there are some very good men out there,

724
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 1: and if you're a straight man listening, you're one of

725
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 1: those people, because our audience not for straight men. But

726
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you found a good husband, and I'm

727
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 1: glad that you've like I like the idea of a

728
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 1: stepmother for the reasons we've already explained and for many reasons,

729
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 1: various reasons I've spoken about on this show. But the

730
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 1: other thing that I love is having an influence, like

731
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 1: a positive influence on a younger person. Yeah, is a

732
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 1: very rewarding feeling.

733
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you feel that way, Like, do you feel

734
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 3: like you've imprinted upon them some I.

735
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 1: Mean they tell me I have in like really lovely

736
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 1: birthday cards and Christmas cards and Mother's Day cards. Yeah,

737
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 1: they definitely do. And I feel that and I even

738
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: like see it sometimes in little things here and there,

739
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:43,440
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, I'm really into tiny little dishes,

740
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 1: and I see them around, like buy them obsessively for

741
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 1: my stepdaughter, and I'll see them like around her apartment

742
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 1: and like, I don't know, I'm not gonna like take

743
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: credit for everything I want to, but but like I

744
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 1: think it's in there. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. But

745
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 1: like they also like their mom is great, their grandmother

746
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 1: is fucking awesome. Like they're they're surrounded by some really

747
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: great people. And has your husband ever said thank you

748
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 1: yeah for for yes all yeah yeah all the time,

749
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 1: he's like, you made me such a better parent.

750
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 3: Oh that's like those are the kinds of things I

751
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 3: love to hear about it.

752
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 1: I also made him a better dog parent because he

753
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 1: never walked his dog. I should just like wal dog.

754
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:35,479
Speaker 1: Well someone I can't, yo, is it different? I mean

755
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 1: I mean a dog door. I'm like, are you, like,

756
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 1: what's wrong with you? That's like I don't know. Yeah,

757
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 1: That's what I like, is a big open door policy.

758
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 1: You go in and if you hear the coyotes shattering about,

759
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 1: well I always get dogs that are bigger than the

760
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 1: coyotes and just hope for the best. You know what

761
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: I mean. We're going to take a break. We're going

762
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 1: to take a break with Judy Greer and we'll be

763
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 1: right back. And we're back with Judy.

764
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 2: We're back.

765
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 1: Are you ready to get down to business? Like I've

766
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,600
Speaker 1: always fantasized about this, is it's a fan It is. Yes,

767
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 1: it's a true thing, and it's quite rewarding actually, And

768
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 1: that's really like I don't own the domain Dear Judy Greer.

769
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,439
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that they don't. Were you a Dear

770
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 1: Abby fan? Yeah? I loved Dear Abby.

771
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 2: I loved it.

772
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 3: And also that was only written, you know, like that

773
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 3: was in the newspaper, so there wasn't any way to

774
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 3: expound because you were I was always like waiting for

775
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 3: I wanted more information. I wanted more back and forth

776
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 3: and dialogue. So when we started this podcast, it was

777
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 3: kind of in the jest and then it really actually

778
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 3: became a serious thing. Yeah, so now here we are

779
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 3: giving bad advice to people all across the world.

780
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 5: Our first question comes from Erica. She says, help, I'm

781
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 5: accidentally dating a Trump supporter.

782
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:52,400
Speaker 2: What dear Chelsea.

783
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 5: I'm a Canadian living in Los Angeles, and I'm in

784
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 5: the music industry. I'm fiercely feminist and, like Chelsea, have

785
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 5: strong values and an even stronger relationship with the truth.

786
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 5: Needless to say, it has been difficult living in America

787
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,239
Speaker 5: the last few years, and especially the last few months.

788
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:08,920
Speaker 5: I've been single for a long long time, a mix

789
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 5: of prioritizing my career and dating and not finding the

790
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:15,280
Speaker 5: right or any eligible man. All of that changed recently

791
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 5: when I started dating someone and there was a lot

792
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 5: of promise. We have a great connection, and he was

793
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:21,239
Speaker 5: checking all of my boxes and everything was heading in

794
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 5: the right direction. And then on Friday we were on

795
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 5: a date and the conversation somehow turned to politics. He

796
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:29,359
Speaker 5: told me that he voted for Trump last year. I

797
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 5: was blindsided. There had been zero indication of this. I

798
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 5: had a visceral reaction, but tried to engage in dialogue.

799
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 5: I asked him why. He said he did it for

800
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 5: economic and business reasons. When I asked him if he

801
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 5: was in favor of equal rights, pro choice, etc. His

802
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:46,440
Speaker 5: response was an impassioned of course. We talked about immigration,

803
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,839
Speaker 5: women's rights, etc. And he said maybe he would feel

804
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 5: differently if he was quote affected by those things. I

805
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,800
Speaker 5: asked him if he regretted his vote, and his response

806
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 5: was no. To make matters even worse, He's Latino. I

807
00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 5: told him that this was difficult to digest for me

808
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,919
Speaker 5: because my value so strongly opposed those of the current

809
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 5: administration and the Republican Party, which I widely regard to

810
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,880
Speaker 5: be a cult. I'm struggling to wrap my head around this. Well,

811
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 5: I'm glad this came up before we got more serious.

812
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 2: And strong feelings invested.

813
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 5: Good connections with men are few and far between, and

814
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 5: there was something there. I'm struggling to reconcile the person

815
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 5: I was getting to know with the person who would

816
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 5: vote for Trump. So what would Chelsea do? Is this

817
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 5: a walking red flag? And should I run as far

818
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,200
Speaker 5: as I can? Or is there a way to move

819
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 5: through this without abandoning my beliefs?

820
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 3: Erica, I mean, honestly, I would hate to say you

821
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,400
Speaker 3: can't date somebody that's for Donald Trump, because I just

822
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 3: feel like that is just so narrow minded, but right

823
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 3: now in the world that we're living in, it's just

824
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:45,400
Speaker 3: so ugly, this discourse, this everything that's happening is so unsettling,

825
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:50,880
Speaker 3: and it's making life less pleasant, actively making life less pleasant.

826
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 3: And I don't know, I don't know how you get

827
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 3: around something like that when it's just such a value.

828
00:36:56,320 --> 00:37:00,480
Speaker 1: But like, what is the end game? Is it? Like marriage? Kids?

829
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:02,400
Speaker 1: Like we were talking about before, It sounds like it,

830
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 1: Because if that's what someone's really looking for, then like

831
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:08,480
Speaker 1: you have to really like put yourself, like cut to

832
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,440
Speaker 1: ten years from now and you've got like two kids

833
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 1: at home, and like, how are you going to raise

834
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:18,239
Speaker 1: your kids together? Like how are you black values are

835
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 1: you going to instill in them? And that would worry me.

836
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 3: It's one thing to have an open dialogue with somebody

837
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 3: who disagrees with you vehemently and as opposed to you

838
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 3: when it's how divisive things have become. It's one thing

839
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 3: to remain open to having a conversation with them. It's

840
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 3: a whole other thing to be in a sexual relationship

841
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 3: that is leading to hopefully a more serious relationship and

842
00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:44,319
Speaker 3: possibly marriaging kids down the road. Then you kind of

843
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 3: have to be like, well, wait a second.

844
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 1: But what are your core values? Right? What are like

845
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 1: your actual like deep core values? And like is he

846
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 1: on help podcasts? Being like, oh my god, I'm so

847
00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:00,400
Speaker 1: into this girl and then I found out she's a

848
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:05,880
Speaker 1: screaming liberal, And but like, isn't this stuff on people's

849
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 1: social media?

850
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,280
Speaker 2: Why isn't this the first question you asked?

851
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 3: That's another thing. I mean, well not the first question.

852
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:14,800
Speaker 3: Did you vote for Trump? Is not a great open air.

853
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 1: But I think we're all learning something here about the questions.

854
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:19,120
Speaker 1: That's that's true.

855
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:22,480
Speaker 3: You should have You should at some point before things

856
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 3: have gotten to the point they are, had to political conversation.

857
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,400
Speaker 3: So that's also, you know, kind of like something to

858
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,759
Speaker 3: think about moving forward. But yes, if you're looking for

859
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 3: kids and family and a marriage, it's probably not this guy.

860
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 1: There are those. There's a really famous political couple. What's

861
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 1: the guy's name? He was on like ksetright, and like,

862
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 1: I know who you're talking. He's on my husband's show.

863
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:50,759
Speaker 1: They're a different version of Republican and demo. They're conservatives

864
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 1: and liberal, they're not Trump and everything else. And I

865
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 1: think there's a difference. I think like having like liberal

866
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 1: versus conservative values. I think that there's like a lot

867
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:05,560
Speaker 1: more conversation there, but like for me, it would be

868
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:08,319
Speaker 1: really hard to allow a person.

869
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,960
Speaker 3: And your reaction is your reaction. Your reaction is that

870
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,319
Speaker 3: you felt like someone punched you in the gut like that.

871
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:14,720
Speaker 3: There you go, there's your reactions.

872
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:16,839
Speaker 1: But if you're asking a question about it, then you're

873
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:18,719
Speaker 1: just like maybe looking for someone to tell you it's

874
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:20,440
Speaker 1: okay because you know that it's not for you.

875
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe yep, let's move on, okay, Erica.

876
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, just like you need to move on. Eric Yeah.

877
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 3: Sucks, but there's so many you know what, there are

878
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 3: millions of people in this world, and you will find

879
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 3: another one that is that shares the same values.

880
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:38,800
Speaker 2: Millions of people right here in Los Angeles.

881
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 6: Yeah.

882
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard to date here.

883
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:43,000
Speaker 3: I know it is hard to date in Los Angeles,

884
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,279
Speaker 3: but it's okay. It's hard to date and it's hard

885
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:46,840
Speaker 3: to date period for a lot of people.

886
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,000
Speaker 1: I mean, it was very like courageous of him to

887
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:49,839
Speaker 1: be honest with her.

888
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 5: Maybe the thing for me is like, oh, I just

889
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:56,400
Speaker 5: didn't think about how it would affect other people.

890
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 2: That to me is kind of a deal breaker.

891
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 4: And it doesn't affect me, would you do it me?

892
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 1: Then turning back roe v.

893
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:07,240
Speaker 3: Wade doesn't affect me because I'm fucking fifty. It affects

894
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 3: you were about Yeah that I you know, like I

895
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 3: care about what happens to other women.

896
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 1: But that's even like a bigger conversation because that is

897
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 1: even like about the whole idea of women's healthcare. So

898
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 1: like Roe v. Wade, like, abortion is one issue and

899
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: the big huge umbrella of women's health care that they

900
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 1: like can start to fucking chip away at. And that's

901
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:28,960
Speaker 1: why it is so scary. I think it's not just

902
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 1: about like taking away our right to an abortion. If

903
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:33,840
Speaker 1: you look at the statistics, I know, a plan parented,

904
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 1: it's like less than five percent of what they do

905
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:37,879
Speaker 1: is that. But it's going to start to chip away

906
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,200
Speaker 1: at all the other healthcare that's provided for women who

907
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 1: need it. And that's when it's really scary. And that's

908
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:45,480
Speaker 1: why it is small minded. Yeah, small minded.

909
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 3: You're not thinking about all the other things that they're

910
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 3: along with with that we.

911
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 1: Could, yeah, we could continue, but I'm sorry, you have

912
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,360
Speaker 1: your yes, I don't want to talk. You do what

913
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:55,360
Speaker 1: you need to do. But that's what we think yeah.

914
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:55,640
Speaker 6: Well.

915
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:57,240
Speaker 2: Our next question comes from Charlotte.

916
00:40:57,320 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 1: Is this a caller?

917
00:40:58,080 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 2: This is a caller?

918
00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 1: Do you know how to use headphones? I watched a

919
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:04,240
Speaker 1: YouTube video?

920
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:08,280
Speaker 5: Great, she says, Dear Chelsea, I could use some honest advice.

921
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,839
Speaker 5: I'm feeling like a bad wife, but I'm finding it

922
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:13,360
Speaker 5: incredibly hard to be a strong and supportive partner in

923
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:14,240
Speaker 5: my current situation.

924
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:15,280
Speaker 6: Strong.

925
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 5: My wife and I have been together for eight years,

926
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:22,240
Speaker 5: married for six, and we have a one year old daughter.

927
00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 2: She lost her job last year and has.

928
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 5: Been actively searching and applying for any and all jobs,

929
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:29,239
Speaker 5: connecting with friends and family to see if they have

930
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:30,000
Speaker 5: any connections.

931
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 2: Recruiters are anyone in our network.

932
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 5: I've even gotten her some interviews, but for one reason

933
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 5: or another, nothing has worked out.

934
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 2: She's always been the breadwinner in our.

935
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:40,719
Speaker 5: Relationship, proudly so, and she used to cover most of

936
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:43,600
Speaker 5: our expenses, vacations, nice dinners, all of it. Now that

937
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 5: she's not making money, her confidence has clearly taken a toll,

938
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 5: and I can see her losing motivation. I've tried to

939
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 5: love on her and lift her up, but I'm feeling

940
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 5: frustrated and burnt out. This isn't the first time she's

941
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:55,319
Speaker 5: lost her job or been laid off. This is the

942
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 5: fourth time in our relationship with large gaps of unemployment.

943
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,640
Speaker 5: I'm thirty one, and I want to live. Right now,

944
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 5: we're living paycheck to paycheck on my income, and while

945
00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:05,400
Speaker 5: I can almost cover us, I don't want this to

946
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 5: be our new normal. I love her deeply and don't

947
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 5: want to leave, but I also feel like I can't

948
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:12,719
Speaker 5: keep living like this. I've even considered moving out temporarily

949
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 5: to give us both some space, but that also costs money,

950
00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:16,919
Speaker 5: and I don't want to take her daughter away from her.

951
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,360
Speaker 5: Some other good info to have. She takes care of

952
00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 5: her art her full time, except on Mondays and Wednesdays,

953
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:23,319
Speaker 5: when I pay for daycare to give her time to

954
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 5: job hunt. We have a twenty one year age gap,

955
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 5: and we aren't getting any younger, and I'm dying to

956
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 5: have another kid. I can't even think about that until

957
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 5: she's working again. Please help me, ladies, What do I do?

958
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:34,360
Speaker 2: Charlotte?

959
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:38,040
Speaker 1: Hi, Charlotte, Hi Charlotte. This is our special guest, Judy

960
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:39,319
Speaker 1: Greer say hello.

961
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 6: Hi, Oh yeah, this is so exciting.

962
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 1: Your question is breaking? Well, why's the question? Why has

963
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,520
Speaker 1: she been She's been fired four times. Yeah, what's going

964
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 1: on there?

965
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:55,200
Speaker 6: I'm not going to say fired and say like laid off.

966
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 6: There has been circumstance. There's been maybe one time she's

967
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:02,840
Speaker 6: actually been fired for ridiculous reasons. I honest feel like

968
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:05,280
Speaker 6: I don't know. She's you know, she's at the C suite.

969
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 6: She's been a CEO, she's went a VP, she's been

970
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 6: like the head of everything that she's ever done. So

971
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 6: I she's honestly one of the smartest women I know.

972
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:18,800
Speaker 6: She has a master's, two bachelor's degrees. She's very, very smart.

973
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:22,359
Speaker 6: So I'm not understanding now here. We're at a year

974
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 6: where she doesn't have a job. Why, like, why why

975
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 6: can't she get a job?

976
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 1: Did she get laid off from her last job or fired?

977
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 4: It was a mutual agreement, Okay, mutual understanding.

978
00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:35,240
Speaker 1: Is there a lawsuit involved?

979
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 6: No, they signed something basically she got laid off after

980
00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 6: mattorney leave.

981
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,879
Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah.

982
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:48,759
Speaker 6: So they basically signed something where it's like, all right,

983
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,800
Speaker 6: I will leave as long as you pay for maternity

984
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 6: leave for three months, like pay for my attorney leave

985
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:55,879
Speaker 6: and then I'll leave.

986
00:43:56,320 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 3: Oh it sounds like she might be depressed. Yeah, do

987
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 3: you think that that's what's happening.

988
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:06,399
Speaker 6: Definitely trying every single thing. So how can I even

989
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:08,239
Speaker 6: like be like, all right, I'm going to leave, like

990
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:11,120
Speaker 6: I can't do this anymore when she's trying.

991
00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:13,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but she's trying, and which in which ways

992
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 3: is she trying?

993
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:18,360
Speaker 6: She is constantly, constantly interviewing. She's trying to do this

994
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,760
Speaker 6: like furniture business now or maybe she can like refurbish

995
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 6: furniture to make some money on the side, and like

996
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,160
Speaker 6: she's trying to make that happen. It's not exactly happening.

997
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 6: She's been thinking about buying a business. She's like looked

998
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 6: at businesses and possibly thinking, Okay, maybe it's this something

999
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:35,360
Speaker 6: that I can do. Like she's trying every outlet.

1000
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 1: And you're losing your patience, Yeah, I am. Is it

1001
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:42,320
Speaker 1: her attitude that is bringing you? Like, is she she's

1002
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 1: so she's actively seeking employment and a job and a

1003
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,799
Speaker 1: career path, But is what is bumming you out the

1004
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:51,600
Speaker 1: fact that she hasn't attained one yet or that coupled

1005
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 1: with her outlook on life, like.

1006
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:55,919
Speaker 6: It sounds so terrible, but it's so she hasn't found

1007
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 6: a job, Like I'm just I feel like I'm sitting

1008
00:44:58,080 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 6: here and waiting for my life to start again.

1009
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know what it's like to have

1010
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:04,920
Speaker 1: you have a one year old. Yeah, I get that

1011
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:06,480
Speaker 1: you don't want to leave her, and I would never

1012
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 1: tell someone to leave their spouse, but I think you

1013
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 1: have to start your own life. Like what, like, what

1014
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,880
Speaker 1: do you want? So the main thing you want to

1015
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 1: do is have another kid?

1016
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 6: I mean not yeah, I want to have another kid,

1017
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 6: but I also like want to like travel, and like

1018
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:21,200
Speaker 6: I'm creating this little girl's childhood and I want to

1019
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 6: do things with her. I want to take around vacation,

1020
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 6: I want to show her the world right and we

1021
00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 6: just can't do those things right now. And it's like

1022
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 6: now I need to figure out, like how do I

1023
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 6: get in a better headspace of it is what it

1024
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,320
Speaker 6: is until something happens.

1025
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 3: Well, it's not it is what it is. I don't

1026
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:40,640
Speaker 3: know that you're ready to call it quits on your relationship.

1027
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:41,000
Speaker 1: I don't.

1028
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 4: I'm not getting that vibe. I'm getting the vibe that

1029
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 4: you're very frustrated and you have every right to be.

1030
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 1: Like she hasn't figured out a job yet, she hasn't

1031
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:48,880
Speaker 1: gotten hired.

1032
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 4: That's also not her fault necessarily, Like.

1033
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 1: I don't know, that's not like she's trying really.

1034
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 3: I mean, it's not like she's sitting on her sofa

1035
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 3: for a year and just like I don't feel like

1036
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 3: going on interviews, like right, that's the impression I got

1037
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:01,719
Speaker 3: from letter and now speaking with you, it looks like

1038
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 3: she's really actively trying to figure something out. I do

1039
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 3: think you have to kind of figure out a different

1040
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 3: approach to this situation, how you're dealing it and possibly

1041
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,279
Speaker 3: how she's dealing with it, you know, to give a

1042
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:14,120
Speaker 3: little bit more grace to the period she's in. She

1043
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 3: clearly wants a job and she just doesn't have one.

1044
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:19,239
Speaker 3: So it's like you're kind of with somebody for the

1045
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 3: good and the bad. You know, if this were a

1046
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 3: three year thing, it would be different. I understand to

1047
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 3: years a long time, But.

1048
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:28,320
Speaker 1: Again, you have a small child, she's actively looking for work,

1049
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 1: and you're young, and you're rare in a go and

1050
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:32,480
Speaker 1: you're ready to go. She's kind of a bit older

1051
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 1: than you, right, Yeah, she's twenty years older than me. Right,

1052
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 1: that's a pretty big age difference.

1053
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:39,680
Speaker 3: Do you feel like that's going to be an issue

1054
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:41,880
Speaker 3: for you in the future, Like, has that been an

1055
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:43,120
Speaker 3: issue for you thus far?

1056
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 6: No. All of my friends are much older than me.

1057
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:47,680
Speaker 6: All the people have ever dated have always been older.

1058
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:50,239
Speaker 6: That's just how Li've connected with Is.

1059
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:52,920
Speaker 1: There a world where like you could get a better job, Like,

1060
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 1: I don't know what you do, but like, can you?

1061
00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:58,799
Speaker 1: Is there a world where your career, like you could

1062
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 1: like both focus on you career and you maybe advancing

1063
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:06,799
Speaker 1: and in that way and kind of like taking over

1064
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:10,680
Speaker 1: more of the breadwinner role so that she I have thought.

1065
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:12,920
Speaker 6: About that and I have. I do absolutely love my

1066
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,239
Speaker 6: job so much right now, and there is a really

1067
00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:17,880
Speaker 6: poor growth and I have grown a lot in my company.

1068
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 6: But like for me, it would be like a side gig,

1069
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 6: so I would be taking up the time that I

1070
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:24,919
Speaker 6: would be able to send my daughter. I'd be making money.

1071
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:27,239
Speaker 6: And then if I'm making out this money, I don't

1072
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:29,919
Speaker 6: have to be supporting somebody That's just not who I am.

1073
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 6: Like one of the reasons I like older people is

1074
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:35,880
Speaker 6: because they have their shit together and they can help me,

1075
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 6: support me and help me grow.

1076
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:40,520
Speaker 3: I'm thinking just right off the top of my head,

1077
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:42,080
Speaker 3: and I don't know how useful this is, but I

1078
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 3: just feel like there's got to be a better way

1079
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 3: for you to.

1080
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:45,920
Speaker 4: Support your partner during this time.

1081
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 3: She's not lying around, she's not a drug addict, she's

1082
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:52,919
Speaker 3: not a drunk, she's not doing any of those things right, right, right,

1083
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,280
Speaker 3: And you share a child, Like, I think you should

1084
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 3: really try to feel like instead of looking at it

1085
00:47:58,600 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 3: in this way.

1086
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 4: You have every right to be frustrated.

1087
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you still want to be supportive and you

1088
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:04,719
Speaker 3: want to be a supportive partner because if the situations

1089
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,759
Speaker 3: or the roles were reversed, you wouldn't want somebody just going, oh,

1090
00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 3: you haven't gotten a job in a year. I know

1091
00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:11,799
Speaker 3: we have a family together, I know we'd like and

1092
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 3: I'm leaving, Like, that's just not the way it works.

1093
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:17,480
Speaker 1: You have to have a little bit more room for

1094
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:20,160
Speaker 1: things not to work out in the perfect way you

1095
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:22,840
Speaker 1: want in the moment that you want when you're dealing.

1096
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,359
Speaker 4: With another person. That's just the way it is.

1097
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 3: So I would say that you a figure out a

1098
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:29,799
Speaker 3: way and even sit down with her and go how

1099
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:32,439
Speaker 3: can we how can I help you? Like, how can

1100
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:34,759
Speaker 3: I be more supportive of you? Because I'm starting to

1101
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 3: get frustrated and all I want to do is, you know,

1102
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:39,880
Speaker 3: help you get back on your feet. So what are

1103
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 3: the tools in which we can do this and possibly

1104
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 3: even going to like couples counseling to figure out a

1105
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 3: way forward. And I know that sounds like, oh, that's

1106
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:51,480
Speaker 3: just more money, but these are really good tools to

1107
00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 3: have because it's not always.

1108
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 4: Going to be easy in your marriage or your relationship.

1109
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:57,400
Speaker 1: Do you like but like, let me ask you this,

1110
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,239
Speaker 1: do you want to be married to her?

1111
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 6: Yeah?

1112
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 1: You really really do?

1113
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 6: Yeah? I love her. She's like the best wife and

1114
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:07,879
Speaker 6: even a better mom. And I think about that too,

1115
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 6: and I'm like, all right, if I were to leave

1116
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 6: when she got back on her feet, like I want

1117
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:15,480
Speaker 6: to be with her again, right, But think.

1118
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 1: About what you're saying.

1119
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:18,399
Speaker 3: You're just saying like you're just saying you don't want

1120
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:19,840
Speaker 3: to be with someone while they're failing.

1121
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:22,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, you want to, like you have to want to

1122
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 1: be with her like for better and on the ups.

1123
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:29,400
Speaker 6: Like okay, but I've been in this position four times

1124
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:30,280
Speaker 6: with her.

1125
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:32,760
Speaker 1: That's the issue over what span of time?

1126
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:34,200
Speaker 6: Eight years?

1127
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:38,280
Speaker 1: So, Like, you cannot control other people, You cannot change

1128
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 1: other people. You can only control yourself. You can only

1129
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:42,560
Speaker 1: control yourself. Like it has to start with you. So

1130
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:45,400
Speaker 1: if you want more money, and you want a bigger lifestyle,

1131
00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:47,840
Speaker 1: and you want to travel, you have to shift the

1132
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 1: focus onto yourself. If you make a good living, if

1133
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:52,680
Speaker 1: you have a great job, you will be able to

1134
00:49:52,719 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 1: take time off and you'll be able to go on

1135
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 1: the trips with your daughter. Your daughter will benefit from

1136
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:58,960
Speaker 1: having one parent at home all the time, which you

1137
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 1: thought was going to be you made, it's going to

1138
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:03,760
Speaker 1: be her now. Like I think that, like, you can't

1139
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:07,440
Speaker 1: change this other person no matter what, Like you marry somebody,

1140
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:09,400
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't know what the future has in

1141
00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:12,240
Speaker 1: store for this person, but like I'm hitching my wagon

1142
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:15,439
Speaker 1: too you And I think like you have to kind

1143
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,560
Speaker 1: of start working on yourself and you have to be like,

1144
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 1: start to get really honest about what do you like,

1145
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:23,359
Speaker 1: how to get how can you yourself get the things

1146
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:24,800
Speaker 1: that you want out of life?

1147
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 5: And to Judy's point earlier, it's not necessarily about getting

1148
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:30,600
Speaker 5: a side hustle. It's like maybe talking to your boss

1149
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:33,319
Speaker 5: right now about a raise, you know, taking steps within

1150
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:36,520
Speaker 5: your own career to advance your career. And I'll also say,

1151
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:39,480
Speaker 5: like she could get a new job tomorrow. Sometimes you're

1152
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:41,440
Speaker 5: going to be pulling the cart. Sometimes she's going to

1153
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 5: be pulling the cart. You guys are doing this together,

1154
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:45,879
Speaker 5: and I don't think it's between like, well, I really

1155
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 5: want to be with her and I'm leaving. There are

1156
00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:50,080
Speaker 5: other options in other ways too, and I think, like

1157
00:50:50,160 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 5: couples counseling has to be next for sure.

1158
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 1: I mean, if she was sick and she had to

1159
00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:56,920
Speaker 1: quit her job because she was very sick, you probably

1160
00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:58,839
Speaker 1: wouldn't feel this way, you know what I mean. Like

1161
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 1: the circum stances are that you I think you just

1162
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:04,799
Speaker 1: like want a little bit more right now, Yeah, you

1163
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:05,759
Speaker 1: want a little bit more.

1164
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:08,160
Speaker 3: And you're also like I think you have to really

1165
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 3: adjust your thinking and and how you do this is

1166
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:14,400
Speaker 3: really just kind of You can do it with a therapist.

1167
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:15,640
Speaker 1: You can do it by.

1168
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,480
Speaker 3: Like journaling and writing, and you can do it by

1169
00:51:18,560 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 3: actually having an open conversation with her about your true feelings.

1170
00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:22,120
Speaker 1: Have you done that?

1171
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 6: We've had some conversations. Yes. I feel like a lot

1172
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 6: of the times I feel bad telling her that I'm

1173
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 6: feeling this way because she's feeling it tenfold, right, and

1174
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:32,440
Speaker 6: so it just feels.

1175
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:35,359
Speaker 1: Like really piling kind of sure, Yeah, like you.

1176
00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:38,839
Speaker 6: Think you're feeling bad like I am this fifty year

1177
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:41,800
Speaker 6: old woman that cannot get a job, like I think

1178
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 6: you know, I can't provide to my family like I

1179
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:46,719
Speaker 6: normally do. Like what do you think I'm feeling? So

1180
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:49,920
Speaker 6: it just feels like unfair to have those feelings.

1181
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:52,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think this is a you problem. And now

1182
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:55,120
Speaker 3: the more we talk about it, I really do. I

1183
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:57,520
Speaker 3: think you have to adjust. I mean, listen, there might

1184
00:51:57,560 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 3: be a she might have her own set of problems,

1185
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 3: but I think you really have to adjust your expectations

1186
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:04,880
Speaker 3: and what a relationship really means because it's supposed to

1187
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:06,360
Speaker 3: be fifty to fifty and.

1188
00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 1: You even said she was the breadwinner for many years.

1189
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:11,759
Speaker 3: I understand she's been let go four times or laid

1190
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:14,600
Speaker 3: off four times or fired somewhere in the middle of that,

1191
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 3: which is slightly odd. But you already said you love her,

1192
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:20,359
Speaker 3: you want to be with her, you know what I mean.

1193
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:23,239
Speaker 3: You're together, So you really have to figure out this

1194
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:25,880
Speaker 3: is like a you inside job. You have to figure

1195
00:52:25,880 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 3: out how you're going to be more supportive towards her

1196
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:29,879
Speaker 3: without talking to her about it.

1197
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:32,160
Speaker 1: And how can you get the life that you want?

1198
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:35,840
Speaker 1: And do you both want the same life? You have

1199
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:38,840
Speaker 1: the same long term goals together, then you need to

1200
00:52:38,920 --> 00:52:42,520
Speaker 1: kind of figure out like, okay, with these circumstances right now,

1201
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 1: exactly as it is, like how do we start to

1202
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:48,360
Speaker 1: achieve those goals now that we have these new facts.

1203
00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:51,200
Speaker 1: Maybe you might have to like move to a less

1204
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 1: expensive place, Maybe you might have to get a different job,

1205
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 1: Maybe you might have to go in and ask for

1206
00:52:57,280 --> 00:53:00,319
Speaker 1: a raise or something. But I think maybe you need

1207
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:02,479
Speaker 1: to take care of all three of you right now.

1208
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:05,800
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think I'm thinking back what you said, Chelsea

1209
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:09,320
Speaker 6: is it's just like how do I change my mindset

1210
00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 6: and how do I be more supportive when I'm so frustrated.

1211
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:14,799
Speaker 3: Well, first of all, you should start journaling. And I

1212
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:16,839
Speaker 3: don't mean journaling like writing everything down. You just get

1213
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:19,040
Speaker 3: a girl, get one of those like inner presence in

1214
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 3: or now there's all these inner ones that start with intern.

1215
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:22,440
Speaker 1: Journal every day.

1216
00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:24,560
Speaker 3: It's a gratitude where you wake up every morning and

1217
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:26,840
Speaker 3: write down like three things that you're grateful for. I

1218
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 3: think it sounds corny, but if you put it into

1219
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:31,960
Speaker 3: like action, you'll actually start to have a better Like

1220
00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:34,480
Speaker 3: you're going to be vibrating out a higher frequency and

1221
00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 3: you want to be vibrating at a higher frequency because

1222
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:39,439
Speaker 3: she's vibrating at such a lower frequency. Right, right now,

1223
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:41,680
Speaker 3: she's just in a rut. She's in a place that's

1224
00:53:41,719 --> 00:53:44,160
Speaker 3: not permanent. None of this is permanent. Even your feelings

1225
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:46,799
Speaker 3: right in this moment aren't permanent. It's all temporary, and

1226
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:49,279
Speaker 3: you have the power to adjust it. So you've got

1227
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:52,800
Speaker 3: to be the bigger person. You know Mel Robbins, Right, Okay,

1228
00:53:52,800 --> 00:53:55,160
Speaker 3: you know Mel. Mel's book, she talks about her husband

1229
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:57,640
Speaker 3: was the breadwinner for many, many years. They were in debt,

1230
00:53:57,760 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 3: hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. She was eight

1231
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:02,200
Speaker 3: hundre so she was so depressed you couldn't get out

1232
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 3: of bed.

1233
00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:05,760
Speaker 1: And then she created. Look what she's done with herself.

1234
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:08,719
Speaker 3: She was upset with him and resentful of him because

1235
00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 3: he wasn't earning the money. Like yeah, wait a minute,

1236
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:13,040
Speaker 3: and she's like, wait, wait, why don't I fucking get

1237
00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:16,160
Speaker 3: up and do something? And she did something amazing. But first,

1238
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 3: I understand what you're saying about your attitude and like

1239
00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:20,759
Speaker 3: that you want to adjust it because I could see it,

1240
00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:22,680
Speaker 3: and you do need to adjust it. You need to

1241
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:25,000
Speaker 3: be more loving, you need to be more compassionate. And

1242
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:28,240
Speaker 3: you also have to own it, like this is on you.

1243
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:28,759
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

1244
00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:30,960
Speaker 3: You have to change the station. You can't expect her

1245
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:33,560
Speaker 3: to change the dial if you change the station. The

1246
00:54:33,239 --> 00:54:36,520
Speaker 3: best way to change people is by changing yourself. Right,

1247
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:40,280
Speaker 3: That's an expression that's also old and corny, but fucking true.

1248
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:42,920
Speaker 3: So like I would, really, I would download one of

1249
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:44,720
Speaker 3: these apps. This isn't going to solve all your problems,

1250
00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:47,359
Speaker 3: but it's taking a step in the right direction of positivity.

1251
00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 3: Like you want to have a more positive vibe. You

1252
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:52,640
Speaker 3: don't want to dread having conversations with her. You want

1253
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:55,439
Speaker 3: to be bright and cheerful and lift other people up, right,

1254
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:58,840
Speaker 3: especially her and your daughter, And you want to just

1255
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:02,279
Speaker 3: create a different vibe house and that chemistry alone by

1256
00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:04,160
Speaker 3: you doing that and taking those actions.

1257
00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:06,120
Speaker 4: Then you write down like three ways you're going to

1258
00:55:06,160 --> 00:55:06,839
Speaker 4: make today great?

1259
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:09,560
Speaker 3: And what's something that could happen today that would change

1260
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 3: your day and make your day great. Those are the

1261
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:13,720
Speaker 3: questions and prompts that they ask you on these apps,

1262
00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:16,960
Speaker 3: and just by nature the nature of repeating those things

1263
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:20,400
Speaker 3: and those sentiments you do kind of it kind of

1264
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 3: booies you and you start to understand and there starts

1265
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 3: to be more opportunity around you that you weren't seeing before,

1266
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:30,400
Speaker 3: because sometimes we can get so narrow and like sunken

1267
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 3: and like victim like that we don't really see everything.

1268
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:37,520
Speaker 1: There's also like a shit ton of cool stuff you

1269
00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:40,440
Speaker 1: can do for cheap. You can drive away for the weekend,

1270
00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:41,840
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you can go camping

1271
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:43,520
Speaker 1: for really cheap. Like I know you want to travel

1272
00:55:43,560 --> 00:55:45,160
Speaker 1: and show your daughter of the world, but there's still

1273
00:55:45,200 --> 00:55:47,080
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff you can do on a budget

1274
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:50,440
Speaker 1: right now that will teach your daughter to be creative,

1275
00:55:50,840 --> 00:55:53,960
Speaker 1: to like go with the flow. Also, I think maybe

1276
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:56,200
Speaker 1: I don't know how often you talk about your wife's

1277
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:59,719
Speaker 1: jobs and like what she's doing for it. Maybe you

1278
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:02,200
Speaker 1: both need to say, like one day a week, we're

1279
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:04,760
Speaker 1: going to talk about your job hunt unless there's real news.

1280
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,319
Speaker 1: Let's not talk about it every day. Let's talk about

1281
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 1: it on Saturday mornings over coffee, and then it doesn't

1282
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:12,920
Speaker 1: become like every single day this topic that is like

1283
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:16,360
Speaker 1: hanging over you because you've decided unless there's really something

1284
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:19,080
Speaker 1: to share, one day a week is the hour.

1285
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:21,560
Speaker 6: That we don't want to talk about it anymore unless

1286
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:22,719
Speaker 6: all really happening. We don't.

1287
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean is that how's that? Is that better?

1288
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:28,239
Speaker 1: Maybe it's better to talk about it now that you're

1289
00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:29,000
Speaker 1: saying that.

1290
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:30,839
Speaker 6: I'm thinking now that like I need to be more

1291
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:33,560
Speaker 6: like yay, like you have an interview, Like let's go

1292
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:35,360
Speaker 6: instead of like all right.

1293
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:38,239
Speaker 1: Or do you guys share a calendar? You could share

1294
00:56:38,239 --> 00:56:40,480
Speaker 1: a calendar and then she could like kind of write

1295
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:42,560
Speaker 1: on ac calend, like you could see what's going on.

1296
00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:45,040
Speaker 1: It would be a way to like share it without

1297
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:47,759
Speaker 1: necessarily like having to say, like how did the interview go?

1298
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:50,560
Speaker 1: I remember when I first started acting. I started by

1299
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:52,600
Speaker 1: telling my parents every time I had an audition, and

1300
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:54,600
Speaker 1: then every time I didn't get it, I had to

1301
00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 1: then go and tell my parents I didn't get the part,

1302
00:56:56,920 --> 00:56:59,719
Speaker 1: and it fucking sucked. But like now I think, like,

1303
00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:01,960
Speaker 1: you know, they were so sweet, they cared so much,

1304
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,279
Speaker 1: but I just ended up like cutting them out of

1305
00:57:04,280 --> 00:57:06,719
Speaker 1: that whole process completely because it was too hard for me.

1306
00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:09,200
Speaker 1: But I think, you know, in your situation, like maybe

1307
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:12,239
Speaker 1: if there's like a board where she could write down

1308
00:57:12,239 --> 00:57:14,279
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think you guys should both start this.

1309
00:57:14,680 --> 00:57:16,040
Speaker 1: I think you should do this as a couple.

1310
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 3: The journaling thing I think you should do it together

1311
00:57:18,320 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 3: as an activity.

1312
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:19,960
Speaker 1: You bring it up.

1313
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:22,640
Speaker 3: Go, hey, listen, we want to get like we're not

1314
00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:24,479
Speaker 3: in the right vibe right now, like I want things

1315
00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 3: to be better around here. I want to help you

1316
00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 3: get a job. I want to be as supportive as possible.

1317
00:57:28,640 --> 00:57:31,000
Speaker 3: I called into dear Chelsea, this is what we Let's

1318
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:33,160
Speaker 3: do this together. Well, you do it at night before

1319
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:34,480
Speaker 3: you go to bed, and you do it in the

1320
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:36,520
Speaker 3: morning when you wake up, and then you guys can

1321
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:38,840
Speaker 3: do that. You have something like an activity that's kind

1322
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:41,440
Speaker 3: of bonding together, and that way, when she has a

1323
00:57:41,520 --> 00:57:44,600
Speaker 3: job interview coming up, she can be putting positive energy

1324
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:47,200
Speaker 3: towards that. And also you can be, like, what would

1325
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:49,720
Speaker 3: make today great? The answer is my partner having a

1326
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:52,320
Speaker 3: great interview, a great job interview today, my partner getting

1327
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:54,800
Speaker 3: a job today, all of those things, but like in

1328
00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:57,440
Speaker 3: a very supportive way, you know what I mean, like

1329
00:57:57,480 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 3: an adaptive strategy rather than like a malady of one.

1330
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:03,720
Speaker 1: She might also benefit from you asking her to help

1331
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:06,200
Speaker 1: you try to get ahead in your career, Like maybe

1332
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:08,000
Speaker 1: it would make her feel good to start to like

1333
00:58:08,680 --> 00:58:10,840
Speaker 1: help you try to get a raise, get a promotion,

1334
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:14,480
Speaker 1: get a like climb the ladder, maybe get a different

1335
00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:16,200
Speaker 1: job at a different company, and what you're doing that

1336
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 1: you like so much, it's like a little bit maybe

1337
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,040
Speaker 1: she would feel really good about helping you do that.

1338
00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:21,160
Speaker 1: I don't know.

1339
00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:22,240
Speaker 6: I don't know about that book.

1340
00:58:23,160 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 3: Well, she's fifty, she's not one hundred. She's going to

1341
00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:27,840
Speaker 3: get another job, you know what I mean. So just

1342
00:58:27,880 --> 00:58:30,480
Speaker 3: don't write her off. But I do think start with

1343
00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:33,360
Speaker 3: the small steps of just creating a better vibe in

1344
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:36,720
Speaker 3: the house, because however you're feeling is something that you're

1345
00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:39,240
Speaker 3: emoting without knowing it, you know what I mean. If

1346
00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:42,040
Speaker 3: you're having negative feelings about her situation and about her

1347
00:58:42,080 --> 00:58:44,680
Speaker 3: not bringing in money, I'm sure she's well aware of it.

1348
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 1: So just to change the channel.

1349
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:48,959
Speaker 3: And go, Okay, we're going to put on a nice

1350
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 3: fun show for a little you know, for the next

1351
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:53,960
Speaker 3: few weeks, and we're all And then it's also another

1352
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:56,880
Speaker 3: line of communication between the two of you to kind

1353
00:58:56,920 --> 00:59:00,240
Speaker 3: of share that experience of journaling, like, oh, this is

1354
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:02,000
Speaker 3: really corny. I don't know what to say. What am

1355
00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:04,520
Speaker 3: I grateful for your daughter? What are you grateful for

1356
00:59:04,640 --> 00:59:07,560
Speaker 3: your job? The house, the roof over your head, whatever,

1357
00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:09,720
Speaker 3: you know. The food that you ate that morning.

1358
00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:11,760
Speaker 1: You can be grateful for a good TV show.

1359
00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:15,520
Speaker 3: Just trust me to start doing that and just take

1360
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 3: little steps in the right direction. Instead of thinking I'm

1361
00:59:18,840 --> 00:59:21,440
Speaker 3: not getting what I want, think about how you're going

1362
00:59:21,520 --> 00:59:22,320
Speaker 3: to get what you want.

1363
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:25,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, you can do that, That's easy.

1364
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:29,320
Speaker 3: Okay, check in check in with us in a few months,

1365
00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:31,040
Speaker 3: will you and let us know what's happening.

1366
00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:34,200
Speaker 2: Thanks Charlotte.

1367
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 1: Okay, thanks Charlotte.

1368
00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:37,160
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1369
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:37,960
Speaker 1: Thanks.

1370
00:59:38,280 --> 00:59:38,440
Speaker 6: By.

1371
00:59:39,440 --> 00:59:44,080
Speaker 3: It's so interesting with couples not getting what like you want,

1372
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 3: but also knowing that you want to stay. You know

1373
00:59:47,160 --> 00:59:49,680
Speaker 3: what I mean, like saying, Okay, this is nice. When

1374
00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:53,560
Speaker 3: she said that exactly, it was like she really did.

1375
00:59:53,680 --> 00:59:56,760
Speaker 1: And it's very easy, like like for someone who just

1376
00:59:56,800 --> 00:59:59,640
Speaker 1: like wants Chelsea Handler to tell them to walk away

1377
00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:01,880
Speaker 1: from their marriage. Like you could tell that you were

1378
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 1: the one who was about to do that, Judy, you were.

1379
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:07,240
Speaker 1: You were because I honestly feeling like she was trying

1380
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:09,360
Speaker 1: to get us to say to go. I didn't feel

1381
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:11,120
Speaker 1: that way. I totally felt that way from her. I

1382
01:00:11,120 --> 01:00:15,320
Speaker 1: felt like she just wanted permission to go. And if

1383
01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:18,920
Speaker 1: that's the case, like I just feel like people just.

1384
01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:21,560
Speaker 5: Go leaving this marriage will be just as hard as

1385
01:00:21,920 --> 01:00:27,840
Speaker 5: waiting out the joblessness, I feel like in this beefic situations.

1386
01:00:29,840 --> 01:00:31,320
Speaker 1: But they also have a one year old.

1387
01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:33,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not way.

1388
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:36,680
Speaker 1: Hard, right, I mean, and leave that that's like a

1389
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:39,160
Speaker 1: big That sounds like she would be taking that child

1390
01:00:39,160 --> 01:00:41,040
Speaker 1: with her because she said, I don't want to take

1391
01:00:41,040 --> 01:00:44,400
Speaker 1: her daughter away from her, right right. That's so she

1392
01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:47,120
Speaker 1: has thought about it because she has a scenario.

1393
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:50,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think when you're very married to this

1394
01:00:50,320 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 3: idea of what your life is going to look like,

1395
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:55,440
Speaker 3: it becomes like very like.

1396
01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:58,320
Speaker 1: In Goodfellas when he comes home from jail and he

1397
01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:00,440
Speaker 1: like walks into the apartment that she's been living in

1398
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:02,280
Speaker 1: and they're all like in bunk beds in one room,

1399
01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:06,200
Speaker 1: and he's like what the fuck? And she was just like, hey, you.

1400
01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:08,840
Speaker 3: Don't remember that now, and she's like, hey, things have

1401
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:10,360
Speaker 3: been He's like here we are.

1402
01:01:10,320 --> 01:01:14,280
Speaker 1: And he's like what. But like she didn't she like

1403
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:18,280
Speaker 1: signed up for like fancy mob husband. She made it work, right,

1404
01:01:18,680 --> 01:01:21,280
Speaker 1: and then she got rewarded for it, except for then

1405
01:01:21,320 --> 01:01:23,560
Speaker 1: they want to jail. Okay, we're going to take a break.

1406
01:01:23,640 --> 01:01:29,560
Speaker 3: We'll be right back to wrap up with Judy and

1407
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:32,720
Speaker 3: we're back with Judy career. Judy, what a pleasure it's been.

1408
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:35,960
Speaker 3: You're so entertaining. It's been really fun. I feel like

1409
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:37,600
Speaker 3: I failed a little on the advice portion.

1410
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:44,200
Speaker 1: Very cerebral. Afraid you're afraid. I'm afraid of like telling

1411
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:45,680
Speaker 1: people what to do, even though that's all I want

1412
01:01:45,720 --> 01:01:48,720
Speaker 1: to do with my life. But I'm like, oh, but yeah.

1413
01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:49,960
Speaker 2: You felt the fear and you did it anyway.

1414
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:53,440
Speaker 1: A real therapist, a real therapist, or a real psycho

1415
01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:57,439
Speaker 1: like psychologist doesn't doesn't. A real psycho doesn't really tell

1416
01:01:57,480 --> 01:01:59,120
Speaker 1: you what to do. They know, and that's why we're

1417
01:01:59,120 --> 01:02:01,560
Speaker 1: there for years. Yeah, because like what if they are, like,

1418
01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:03,280
Speaker 1: break up with him?

1419
01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:05,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I would have loved for people to tell

1420
01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:08,440
Speaker 3: me that throughout the years, with different relationships, even like

1421
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:11,760
Speaker 3: in a couple of skis I had once once a therapist,

1422
01:02:11,840 --> 01:02:14,320
Speaker 3: as I was leaving with my boyfriend, grabbed my arm

1423
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:16,560
Speaker 3: and said get away from him as quickly as possible,

1424
01:02:17,080 --> 01:02:18,600
Speaker 3: and I broke up with him the next morning.

1425
01:02:18,760 --> 01:02:19,200
Speaker 2: WHOA.

1426
01:02:19,280 --> 01:02:21,440
Speaker 1: I was like, thank you, one more good night out

1427
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:24,080
Speaker 1: of it. I was like I had to get my

1428
01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:26,800
Speaker 1: things together. We were living together. I was like, oh shit,

1429
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:31,320
Speaker 1: But I was a stranger told me that if a

1430
01:02:31,360 --> 01:02:33,920
Speaker 1: stranger grabbed my arm and said that someone who has

1431
01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:37,479
Speaker 1: no you know, has nothing at stake in the game

1432
01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:39,720
Speaker 1: and said that to me, I would be an idiot

1433
01:02:39,760 --> 01:02:42,480
Speaker 1: to not listen to her like she knows better, you know.

1434
01:02:42,520 --> 01:02:45,240
Speaker 1: That's how she and she did. She was right. So

1435
01:02:45,680 --> 01:02:46,080
Speaker 1: on that.

1436
01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:48,160
Speaker 3: Note, Judy has two movies that you can watch, well,

1437
01:02:48,200 --> 01:02:50,280
Speaker 3: she has about a five thousand movies that you can watch,

1438
01:02:50,640 --> 01:02:52,000
Speaker 3: but two new movies.

1439
01:02:52,040 --> 01:02:54,800
Speaker 4: One is The Long Walk and then the next one.

1440
01:02:54,760 --> 01:02:55,720
Speaker 1: Is called Dead of Winter.

1441
01:02:55,920 --> 01:02:56,160
Speaker 2: Sorry.

1442
01:02:56,200 --> 01:02:58,840
Speaker 1: Emma Thompson, Oh yeah, I love her.

1443
01:02:59,040 --> 01:03:01,160
Speaker 3: Oh my god, she's I once went to a Bruce

1444
01:03:01,160 --> 01:03:03,400
Speaker 3: Springsteen concert with her in London, not with her.

1445
01:03:03,320 --> 01:03:04,720
Speaker 1: But we was gonna same area.

1446
01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:09,760
Speaker 7: Wait, she needs to be She's podcast. She's amazing. She's amazing.

1447
01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:13,560
Speaker 7: She's like Kate Blanchette level. Like those two. Oh my god,

1448
01:03:13,680 --> 01:03:15,919
Speaker 7: I love both of those. I'm just thinking of other

1449
01:03:15,960 --> 01:03:19,200
Speaker 7: British actresses that I love. But why people, Why because

1450
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:22,439
Speaker 7: there's just them? Yeah, there's probably loads, but I mean

1451
01:03:22,560 --> 01:03:22,960
Speaker 7: she is.

1452
01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:24,720
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1453
01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:26,760
Speaker 4: Did you did you have a good time with her?

1454
01:03:27,040 --> 01:03:30,880
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, she's so cool. She is so cool, smart,

1455
01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:35,360
Speaker 1: she doesn't mince words, she's kind, to people. Yes, forty nine.

1456
01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:38,000
Speaker 1: I learned so much from her. I felt like I

1457
01:03:38,040 --> 01:03:40,160
Speaker 1: grew up just being around her for two months. What

1458
01:03:40,200 --> 01:03:42,320
Speaker 1: did you what do you think you learned from her? Well,

1459
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:45,880
Speaker 1: she's nice. She's kind to people, but she has a

1460
01:03:45,880 --> 01:03:49,600
Speaker 1: lot of integrity, and she treats people the way that

1461
01:03:50,280 --> 01:03:53,040
Speaker 1: she would want to be treated. But like, she's not

1462
01:03:53,160 --> 01:03:59,080
Speaker 1: afraid of being disliked. She is patient until it's time

1463
01:03:59,120 --> 01:04:02,200
Speaker 1: to not be patient, and she's not a dormat. I

1464
01:04:02,200 --> 01:04:06,520
Speaker 1: guess it's because so much of like my psyche is

1465
01:04:06,520 --> 01:04:08,520
Speaker 1: like wrapped up and like I want to be liked,

1466
01:04:08,560 --> 01:04:12,040
Speaker 1: you know, like that people pleasing yes, yes, yes, And

1467
01:04:12,080 --> 01:04:15,720
Speaker 1: like I watched how she managed people and relationships on

1468
01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:19,000
Speaker 1: set and it was really it was inspirational because she

1469
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 1: was kind to people without being desperate to be liked. Yeah.

1470
01:04:22,960 --> 01:04:26,800
Speaker 1: So I believe her, Yeah, I like really believed her

1471
01:04:26,960 --> 01:04:29,240
Speaker 1: in a way that sometimes when you're like you don't

1472
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:31,840
Speaker 1: necessarily believe the person that's like so nice all the day.

1473
01:04:32,080 --> 01:04:34,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree with that, And about Emma.

1474
01:04:35,120 --> 01:04:38,280
Speaker 1: That's our episode, guys, Dear Chelsea, we believe.

1475
01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:44,200
Speaker 8: The word of the week is coterie. Now a small

1476
01:04:44,240 --> 01:04:47,640
Speaker 8: group of people with shared interests or tastes, especially one

1477
01:04:47,640 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 8: that is exclusive of other people. Coterie also a brand

1478
01:04:51,880 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 8: of highly absorbent diaper Coterie.

1479
01:04:57,200 --> 01:04:59,040
Speaker 3: I just announced all my chur dates. They just went

1480
01:04:59,080 --> 01:05:02,520
Speaker 3: on sale this week. It's called the High and Mighty Tour.

1481
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:06,800
Speaker 3: I will be starting in February of next year, so

1482
01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:08,880
Speaker 3: I will be touring.

1483
01:05:08,560 --> 01:05:10,240
Speaker 1: From February through June.

1484
01:05:10,520 --> 01:05:13,160
Speaker 3: I haven't added second shows yet, but we probably will

1485
01:05:13,160 --> 01:05:15,560
Speaker 3: be to some of these. So go get your tickets

1486
01:05:15,600 --> 01:05:17,800
Speaker 3: now if you want good seats and you want to

1487
01:05:17,800 --> 01:05:20,280
Speaker 3: come see me perform, I will be on the High

1488
01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:21,240
Speaker 3: and Mighty toour.

1489
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:23,200
Speaker 2: Do you want advice from Chelsea?

1490
01:05:23,480 --> 01:05:27,000
Speaker 5: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find

1491
01:05:27,040 --> 01:05:30,640
Speaker 5: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at.

1492
01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:31,400
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea Pod.

1493
01:05:31,960 --> 01:05:35,800
Speaker 5: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive

1494
01:05:35,840 --> 01:05:38,360
Speaker 5: producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our

1495
01:05:38,360 --> 01:05:44,960
Speaker 5: merch at Chelseahandler dot com