Speaker 1: This is the Anxiety Bites podcast and I am your host,
Speaker 1: Jen Kirkman. Welcome to another episode of Anxiety Bites. I
Speaker 1: am your host, Jen Kirkman, and I'm also your guest today.
Speaker 1: This was sort of a last minute thing. Well I
Speaker 1: don't even mean sort of. It was a last minute thing.
Speaker 1: I did not plan to just blah blah blah to
Speaker 1: you all today, and that's why the episode is out
Speaker 1: a little bit later. I hope you're okay. I know
Speaker 1: some people they need their routines in the morning, but
Speaker 1: I'm here now. There was a tragedy with one of
Speaker 1: the recordings that we had already to release tomorrow. It
Speaker 1: just was something was wrong with the recording um and
Speaker 1: it was untenable to could not release, and so we
Speaker 1: didn't have anything produced in the can ready at a
Speaker 1: moment's no, just nothing would be quicker than me coming
Speaker 1: and talking to you solo. So here I am now.
Speaker 1: I don't have a planned story to tell like I
Speaker 1: did the day I talked about my fear of flying journey,
Speaker 1: but I thought maybe I would just talk about an
Speaker 1: aspect of getting recovery around anxiety that I'm personally fascinated with.
Speaker 1: I think it was a big part of my story.
Speaker 1: And that is cognitive distortions, distorted thinking, and perfectionism, which
Speaker 1: is if you really don't know the definition, it's not
Speaker 1: what you think it is. And sort of I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's self esteem, but the something that that
Speaker 1: you need to even dip your toe in getting a
Speaker 1: little bit better. And I do think that some people,
Speaker 1: and I know I was one of them. I thought,
Speaker 1: I don't think any of this stuff is gonna work
Speaker 1: for me. You know, Even when I took that Fear
Speaker 1: of Flying course, I was almost proud that I didn't
Speaker 1: graduate the class with flying colors. Everyone else flew for
Speaker 1: the first time or for the first time since they
Speaker 1: had developed their phobia of flying, with really no panic
Speaker 1: and very little anxiety, and I didn't. I full on
Speaker 1: panics the whole time. And I was almost proud. I
Speaker 1: told you, I'm so special, I'm so different. This doesn't
Speaker 1: help me. And as disordered as that sounds, because it
Speaker 1: is a disordered thinking, that was like a warm blanket
Speaker 1: and a cup of hot coco to me. That was
Speaker 1: in a weird way. I don't think I knew it then,
Speaker 1: but in a weird way, that was soothing. There is
Speaker 1: no help for me. So guess what you get to
Speaker 1: do when there's just no way you can be helped
Speaker 1: with anxiety. You get to go into all of the
Speaker 1: behavior years that you use now to cope, and they
Speaker 1: probably our behaviors that aren't helping. They may make the
Speaker 1: anxiety worse, but they keep your life nice and small.
Speaker 1: So up definitely can't do that, can't go here, can't
Speaker 1: go there, can't do this, can't do that well because
Speaker 1: I got the worst of anybody, and so it goes.
Speaker 1: There was something again I was not aware of it,
Speaker 1: but probably potentially scary about getting over my fear, flying
Speaker 1: and challenging the distortions in my mind and trying to
Speaker 1: get better, which is what if I really try and
Speaker 1: I fail? But I also think the bigger thing is
Speaker 1: what if I really try and I succeed. Now I'm
Speaker 1: just a person in the world without my security blanket,
Speaker 1: my anxious coping mechanisms. Not the anxiety itself, but the
Speaker 1: coping mechanisms we do. That's like our drug, not the
Speaker 1: anxiety itself. And you know, I have my little coping mechanisms.
Speaker 1: I have my rituals I do. I have my worrying
Speaker 1: that I do. I have my shallow breathing that I do.
Speaker 1: You know, in a weird way, it comforts me more
Speaker 1: than deep breaths. You have all your things. I have
Speaker 1: the bad mood that I get into. I have the
Speaker 1: your ability that I get into. I have the anger,
Speaker 1: the self righteousness that I'm smarter than everybody else because
Speaker 1: I'm actually having anxiety about this flight or this traffic
Speaker 1: jam or whatever. And so now with all out, without
Speaker 1: all of our little protecting things, now we're just a
Speaker 1: person in the world who can experience feelings sadness, anger, disappointment, grief, embarrassment, shame.
Speaker 1: You know, it's much easier to feel nothing but anxiety.
Speaker 1: And in that way, it really is like a drug,
Speaker 1: because John Waters famously said, if you have a drug addiction,
Speaker 1: you have one problem, that drug addiction, and then when
Speaker 1: you sober up, no, you got all the problems. And
Speaker 1: so I just want you know, this may not be
Speaker 1: something that everybody relates to. But as I was going
Speaker 1: through books i'd read on anxiety and looking at them
Speaker 1: a second time, things started to jump out at me
Speaker 1: that I said, oh, I think this is me, and
Speaker 1: and I somehow worked through this, but I really think
Speaker 1: this is where I used to be at and and
Speaker 1: so I was going through this book, one of my
Speaker 1: favorite books. I highly recommend it for anybody. It's called
Speaker 1: The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. Now, if you don't have phobias,
Speaker 1: you might be reticent to buy the book. It doesn't
Speaker 1: focus too much on phobias. Honestly, of the book is
Speaker 1: about phobias. It's really a lot about anxiety, mostly about
Speaker 1: anxiety and panic attacks. And it's incredible. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: the kitchen sink. It is throwing every single possible diagnosis
Speaker 1: at your you know, reasons for why panic and anxiety arise,
Speaker 1: from the physical to the thoughts and the way back
Speaker 1: of our head. And it's it's a book I always
Speaker 1: tell people to to read. It's it's also it's by
Speaker 1: um an author called Dr Edmund Borne, and I can
Speaker 1: link to it in the show notes. I actually asked
Speaker 1: him to be on the podcast, or my producers did,
Speaker 1: and um, he he's not going to be on Anxiety Bites. Uh,
Speaker 1: not not in a bad way. He's just he doesn't
Speaker 1: do podcasts. Um he does like public appearances and things
Speaker 1: like that, but um, you know he's he has his
Speaker 1: own way that he gets his word out. But so
Speaker 1: I highly recommend the book. But there was something I
Speaker 1: wanted to talk to him about, which was this little detail,
Speaker 1: and that little detail is perfectionism. And so let me
Speaker 1: take it back here. I've known for a while that
Speaker 1: Dr Born was not able to do the podcast. Men,
Speaker 1: I knew before even the podcast premier in October, but
Speaker 1: I kept thinking, well, there'll be some doctor I can
Speaker 1: talk to about this thing that I'm sort of fascinated by,
Speaker 1: which is the cognitive distortions that we don't know we're
Speaker 1: thinking that causes to panic when we go that just
Speaker 1: happened out of the blue, or um, you know, the
Speaker 1: real definition of perfectionism, and it just hasn't come up
Speaker 1: yet naturally when I when I've talked to people, UM,
Speaker 1: so I thought, all right, I'll just talk about it
Speaker 1: solo in this episode. But taking it back to why
Speaker 1: I was even thinking about any of this was during
Speaker 1: the god the first year of the pandemic. Welcome to
Speaker 1: year three, everybody, the first year of the pandemic, when
Speaker 1: we were in various stages of lockdowns. Um, this is
Speaker 1: when I got the idea to start this podcast. But
Speaker 1: Before I started the podcast, I wrote this fifty page
Speaker 1: PDF with stories from my life, and I just compiled
Speaker 1: as much as I could of things that people could read,
Speaker 1: whether it's a free pdf they could click on, you know,
Speaker 1: on the internet. And I reposted and reprinted a lot
Speaker 1: of things from the Anxiety and Phobio Workbook by Dr
Speaker 1: Edmund Bourne. And as I was sifting through the workbook
Speaker 1: to find things that might be interesting to people, it's
Speaker 1: where I came across the notion of perfectionism stops people
Speaker 1: from even getting help with their anxiety and distorted thinking.
Speaker 1: And I thought maybe that would be interesting for people
Speaker 1: to read because we all kind of know roughly what
Speaker 1: to do for anxiety. We we know about yoga, right,
Speaker 1: we know about meditation, we know about breathing, We even
Speaker 1: know about I don't know, don't have too much caffeine
Speaker 1: or whatever. But but when you can't even begin to
Speaker 1: begin doing the things that you need to do to
Speaker 1: address your anxious symptoms, what is that to call? It?
Speaker 1: Is that anxiety? And how do we break through that?
Speaker 1: And I just wanted to give some information to people
Speaker 1: because it might click in your brain and you might think, oh,
Speaker 1: that's what I do now how you go forward and
Speaker 1: not do it anymore. You will have to do some
Speaker 1: of the exercises in books such as the Anxiety and
Speaker 1: Phobia Work Book. There's other books like it um or
Speaker 1: if you something you talk about in therapy, or sometimes
Speaker 1: just the awareness helps. I have a friend who years ago,
Speaker 1: when he was quitting smoking, he would say to himself,
Speaker 1: not oh, I gotta quit, but I'm not going to
Speaker 1: think about it right now. I want to quit, but
Speaker 1: I'm not willing to. And he just said it to
Speaker 1: himself that way. And when other people would say, you know,
Speaker 1: you should quit and it's good for your health, and
Speaker 1: he would say, I, I know everything that's good about quitting,
Speaker 1: I'm not willing to right now, And just by saying
Speaker 1: the truth, it just got into his mind that that
Speaker 1: was the only thing stopping him. He just wasn't willing,
Speaker 1: and sort of behind the scenes in his brain it
Speaker 1: became a matter of well, when are you willing And
Speaker 1: he eventually did, but he said it was that moment
Speaker 1: that even just saying things that way changed things for him.
Speaker 1: And so I do that now with quote being busy now,
Speaker 1: I am extremely busy right now. I'm in my life
Speaker 1: the way my anxiety looks is I'm working sixty five
Speaker 1: hours a week. That is not ideal. I'm not a workaholic.
Speaker 1: I actually don't even love working. I'm glad. I love
Speaker 1: all of my jobs. I write for a TV show,
Speaker 1: I do this podcast, and I also have another side
Speaker 1: project that's more in the comedy world that I do,
Speaker 1: and I have to do all of them at once.
Speaker 1: I'm not really in control of when any of these
Speaker 1: projects need to be turned in. UM. It's very strange,
Speaker 1: you know. I work for myself in a lot of
Speaker 1: ways in that I'm sitting in my kitchen right now
Speaker 1: recording this, you know. But there are deadlines, there are contracts,
Speaker 1: there are things, And with my writing job, it's fully
Speaker 1: a normal job where I'm not in control of anything
Speaker 1: and I don't work from home. And but my other
Speaker 1: comedy endeavor is um or my other endeavor, which is comedy,
Speaker 1: is a little more within my control. But if I
Speaker 1: don't do it, I don't get paid. And all of
Speaker 1: these things added together are what I need my income
Speaker 1: to be in any given years, So it's not like
Speaker 1: one thing pays enough for the whole year because they're
Speaker 1: all part time jobs. In the sense of there not
Speaker 1: twelve months a year, right, So they all just happened
Speaker 1: to be going on at the same time. That was
Speaker 1: not coming out of the pandemic. And I know we're
Speaker 1: still in it. My god, I don't mean it that way.
Speaker 1: We need to find a better expression for that. Coming
Speaker 1: out of the first round of the pandemic, I'd say
Speaker 1: post first vaccine, pre delta, pre o maicron, when it
Speaker 1: seemed like, okay, there's a chance we could just jump
Speaker 1: right back into normalcy and go to where we were before.
Speaker 1: And there were so many think pieces what have we learned?
Speaker 1: And can we slow down? And what things do we
Speaker 1: you know, think that we could drop from our busy lives.
Speaker 1: And I was, I was there. I was saying, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to make myself nutty anymore with all
Speaker 1: this business. But there are some time is when you
Speaker 1: don't have a choice. So it's not there's not any Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm secretly a workaholic who just wants to avoid no. No,
Speaker 1: I just this this time of year when I happen
Speaker 1: to have all my jobs firing at once, you know,
Speaker 1: not firing the opposite of firing, you know what I mean? Uh,
Speaker 1: But so, now where does my self care come in?
Speaker 1: Where does ten minutes of meditation in the morning, writing
Speaker 1: a gratitude list, just doing some mild stretching when I
Speaker 1: get out of bed, for God's sakes, you know, just
Speaker 1: it's not my workout for the day. I mean, I
Speaker 1: might take a class later in the day, I might
Speaker 1: go on to walk, but even just getting an event
Speaker 1: and thinking that feels stiff, let me just stretch for
Speaker 1: literally ninety seconds. I sometimes won't even do that. My
Speaker 1: brain will say, well, you're taking an exercise class tonight, Well,
Speaker 1: what does that have to do with anything? This is
Speaker 1: I'm not doing bodybuilding right now. I'm just stretching like
Speaker 1: a cat would when they get up from a knop.
Speaker 1: And my brain jumps in and tells me that's all
Speaker 1: we're doing right now? Why not? It just gets so
Speaker 1: flooded and compartmentalist. So my morning ritual that I would
Speaker 1: love to do every day is, and I've done this
Speaker 1: in the past, a little bit of meditation. Usually I
Speaker 1: like to do a guided morning one. There are a
Speaker 1: few great ones I love that you can lay in
Speaker 1: bed and do and then maybe even if I have
Speaker 1: enough time, another meditation that is a little more, you know,
Speaker 1: sit with your good meditation posture, you know, five time minutes, right,
Speaker 1: a gratitude list, and maybe read something from some kind
Speaker 1: of I don't know, a book that has a spiritual
Speaker 1: bend or psychology band, or listened to some kind of
Speaker 1: podcast like an Anxiety Bites. But the podcast that that
Speaker 1: I listened to, that are you know, for just getting
Speaker 1: quiet and learning about the mind. And there are some
Speaker 1: mornings when I just won't do that, and I have
Speaker 1: time technically, but I jump out of bed and I
Speaker 1: run to the coffee pot and I make my coffee,
Speaker 1: and I get right into what I call the real world.
Speaker 1: It's right into returning emails, right into my favorite thing,
Speaker 1: making it to do list. But I do that to
Speaker 1: do list in a way that isn't really to prioritize
Speaker 1: what I need to do. And when it's this, once
Speaker 1: the list is made, I'll feel relief. And I never
Speaker 1: feel that relief because something in my soul is saying,
Speaker 1: can you stretch for ninety seconds? Can you do that meditation?
Speaker 1: Can you do um anything? Now? You know I can't.
Speaker 1: And so I've adopted long way to get here back here.
Speaker 1: I've adopted my friend who quit smoking. I've adopted his
Speaker 1: The thing of I say to myself, I have time
Speaker 1: to do that, I'm not. I'm not willing to this morning.
Speaker 1: And there's something About's not to make myself feel bad.
Speaker 1: It's just to be honest with myself, I'm not willing
Speaker 1: to so that eventually midweek or into the week week
Speaker 1: or the next week, I have to sit with myself
Speaker 1: and ask, Okay, if I'm not willing to do those things,
Speaker 1: what can we look at here? Do we need to
Speaker 1: change the time of day that I do them? Do
Speaker 1: we need to say tough ship, You're going to do
Speaker 1: them anyway? I mean, at a certain point, I can't
Speaker 1: sit around and wait for the willingness. I have to
Speaker 1: take an action. Do I just tell myself, Okay, what
Speaker 1: if one day you just did this five minute thing?
Speaker 1: Is it that I'm thinking of all these three things
Speaker 1: I could do? What is it? How am I feeling?
Speaker 1: What are my feelings? What are the thoughts behind the
Speaker 1: thought I don't have time? Is it, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I don't have time, but I really want to. I
Speaker 1: love this stuff? Or is it I really hate this stuff?
Speaker 1: I'm resentful that I have to do it? In the
Speaker 1: first place. Why can I just be normal? You know?
Speaker 1: It's like, mom, those are two different reasons to not
Speaker 1: do something, both valid, both have different solutions. You know,
Speaker 1: the oh my god, I really want to do that stuff,
Speaker 1: but I'm so busy. Okay, now we just look at
Speaker 1: your schedule. Where can we find pockets of time? Right?
Speaker 1: But the I don't of time and I could make time,
Speaker 1: but I really don't want to because it just resemble
Speaker 1: that I even have to do this stuff? Why could
Speaker 1: I be normal? That is like, I gotta sit my
Speaker 1: feelings now and remind myself there is no normal. And
Speaker 1: sure there's plenty of people that jump out of bed,
Speaker 1: they make up pot of coffee, but I don't know
Speaker 1: their inner world, and if I had to switch places
Speaker 1: with them magically without knowing their inner world, I probably
Speaker 1: wouldn't take that risk, you know. And so that's where
Speaker 1: I'm at lately. Let's say all of January has every
Speaker 1: day has started with that kind of mad rush to
Speaker 1: the coffee pot, ignoring what I need to be doing,
Speaker 1: and even most days not doing my usual. I have time,
Speaker 1: but I'm unwilling. And so as I'm saying this, I'm thinking,
Speaker 1: what a gift that our audio was a little weird
Speaker 1: for tomorrow that we had planned, and that I have
Speaker 1: to talk and do this episode. And I like doing
Speaker 1: these kind of episodes because I hope it's relatable, and
Speaker 1: I also never want this podcast tom off. As though
Speaker 1: I don't still experience anxiety or I don't still go
Speaker 1: into my not helpful coping mechanisms. Obviously not trying to
Speaker 1: be a perfect person, I do think I have a
Speaker 1: lot of experience of anxiety, and I no longer believe
Speaker 1: I can't be helped because I was helped UM. But
Speaker 1: I also don't think even if a new anxiety symptom
Speaker 1: or situation happened my reaction, I don't think going forward
Speaker 1: in life could ever be UM, I can't be helped
Speaker 1: with that. It's it's just my brain has been rewired
Speaker 1: that I just don't look at something that way. If
Speaker 1: it's happening to me, it's not unique because I am
Speaker 1: a human. In humans, we're complex, but we have a
Speaker 1: lot of the same issues. And so if I'm feeling
Speaker 1: a certain way, then a million people are and I'm
Speaker 1: sure there's something that can help me with it. And
Speaker 1: if I'm insisting that I'm so unique that I can't
Speaker 1: be helped. Well, then I better get myself to some
Speaker 1: kind of study where the scientists can poke and prod
Speaker 1: me and figure out why I'm the most unique person
Speaker 1: who ever lived. And if I'm not willing to do that,
Speaker 1: then I know I'm just telling myself some bullshit. During
Speaker 1: the pandemic, again, we're still in one pandemic. I was noticing,
Speaker 1: and I know I've said this before, that people and
Speaker 1: people to me as the people I see on social
Speaker 1: media may not know any of them, but they there
Speaker 1: was a lot of anxiety. And but but there was
Speaker 1: seemed to be a lot of confusion about the anxiety.
Speaker 1: And you know, yeah, I know there's a pandemic, but
Speaker 1: everybody's in the same boat. So why do I feel
Speaker 1: this way because you're in a pandemic. It doesn't matter
Speaker 1: if everyone's in the same boat. Everyone on the Titanic
Speaker 1: felt the same way when it was sinking. I don't
Speaker 1: think you could have been on that boat and went,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm terrified the boat is sinking. What
Speaker 1: do I have to be afraid about? This man's also
Speaker 1: on the boat and it's sinking. It's like, yes, you're
Speaker 1: all having a collective experience and everyone's feelings are completely valid.
Speaker 1: Part of me thinks that's a great analogy and I
Speaker 1: should use that in the future, and the other half
Speaker 1: of me goes that that didn't really land the way
Speaker 1: you wanted it too. That sorry. But so I thought, well,
Speaker 1: maybe I can help people, and I told people to
Speaker 1: email me, and I've sent out this PDF file that
Speaker 1: I thought could at least be something that people can
Speaker 1: read to get the ball rolling. Of course, somebody said,
Speaker 1: I have anxiety. Thought of getting something that's fifty two
Speaker 1: pages or linked to something that's fifty two pages overwhelming,
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, that's what you will have
Speaker 1: to be in charge of just opening and looking at
Speaker 1: one page a day. I can't. I can't help you there.
Speaker 1: But there's always something right. So thousands of people emailed
Speaker 1: me to get this link to the pdf, and most
Speaker 1: people wrote a little note with their email, and most
Speaker 1: people were beating themselves up for even I don't normally
Speaker 1: need this, this is for someone else, or I used
Speaker 1: to have anxiety and I got rid of it, but
Speaker 1: it came back, which is not a thing. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: everything was blaming themselves and I was so I ended
Speaker 1: up putting things about perfectionism into this and so this
Speaker 1: is what you know. Again, I am quoting what I've learned.
Speaker 1: I am not a doctor, but this is what people
Speaker 1: smarter than me have said about perfectionism. UM. And again
Speaker 1: this is from perfectionism and anxiety. What I'm reading from
Speaker 1: is from a website called very well mind dot com
Speaker 1: and this was updated UM on September and it was
Speaker 1: written by a woman named Katharina Starr, who is a
Speaker 1: PhD expert on anxiety and antic disorder. So what is perfectionism?
Speaker 1: In basic terms, perfectionism is the desire to be perfect
Speaker 1: or flawless in various aspects of one's internal or external life.
Speaker 1: Perfectionism involves exceedingly high standards that one sets out to
Speaker 1: achieve and a belief that being perfect should be strived for.
Speaker 1: It is also thought to be an aspect of one's personality.
Speaker 1: There are both positive and negative consequences of perfectionism. On
Speaker 1: the encouraging side, perfectionism can be a motivating factor in
Speaker 1: achieving your goals, practicing self improvement, giving tasks your best,
Speaker 1: and trying harder in future endeavors. People who use perfectionism
Speaker 1: in a positive way. Are often achievement focused and driven,
Speaker 1: which can help in reaching many aspirations in life. But unfortunately,
Speaker 1: many people who strive for perfectionism often succumbed to a
Speaker 1: downside of this trait setting up standards that are extremely high,
Speaker 1: that are extremely rigid or impossible to achieve, and this
Speaker 1: ideal sets a person up for failure, disappointment, and negative
Speaker 1: self evaluations. Perfectionists are often very self critical and may
Speaker 1: even scrutinize the performance of others when it doesn't live
Speaker 1: up to their unrealistic standards. That one does hit me
Speaker 1: in the gut. Perfectionists are also excessively concerned with how
Speaker 1: others view them, evaluating their own self worth by unattainable accomplishments.
Speaker 1: Some people become so overwhelmed with such stress and demands
Speaker 1: of perfectionism that they're unable to start a task. Fear
Speaker 1: of failure can lead to procrastination or never following through
Speaker 1: on what one sets out to achieve. Now that one
Speaker 1: I relate to, I will procrastinate and it will just
Speaker 1: be like this. I call it the CNN news crawl
Speaker 1: in my brain all day long. You'd I meditate this morning?
Speaker 1: You didn't do your thing this morning. You should do
Speaker 1: your thing. It's gonna feel better. Do it tomorrow. Do
Speaker 1: it tomorrow, Okay, I start overmorrows. It's like again, as
Speaker 1: a therapist one said to me, if you didn't have
Speaker 1: that little mind worm, you kept thinking about what could
Speaker 1: you be thinking about? You know what? What pleasant thing
Speaker 1: could you be thinking about? What creative project could you
Speaker 1: be kind of running through in your head while you're
Speaker 1: at the grocery store instead of thinking, I didn't do
Speaker 1: that thing this morning. It feels crappy. Okay, I'll do
Speaker 1: it Tomorrow'll start over tomorrow, you know, Or what feelings
Speaker 1: would you be feeling if you didn't have this thing,
Speaker 1: if you didn't procrastinate, which you know, in a way
Speaker 1: kind of serves you jen because then you get to
Speaker 1: think about it all day. And then when you're thinking
Speaker 1: about all day, what feelings are you avoiding? Is there
Speaker 1: something in your life that's making you sad? But you
Speaker 1: feel like, hey, you know what, there's something I can
Speaker 1: do about it right now, So I never want to
Speaker 1: look at it, so, you know what's better? Just have
Speaker 1: that loop in my head. That's definitely a part of
Speaker 1: my anxiety. I just put everything under that umbrella of
Speaker 1: anxiety that I have to contend with almost failing. And
Speaker 1: the having to contend with part is simply be incompassionate
Speaker 1: to myself and not allowing myself to run that loop. Okay,
Speaker 1: if I didn't do something that morning and simply I
Speaker 1: wasn't willing move on. If I want to start it
Speaker 1: up the next day, great, we'll deal with that when
Speaker 1: the next day comes. There there can be no mind
Speaker 1: loop of thinking about it all the time, right and
Speaker 1: also recognizing what is perfectionism and what is truly Oh,
Speaker 1: I actually don't have the time. And so it's strange
Speaker 1: to me that perfectionism can can be defined in so
Speaker 1: many ways, and that the definition of perfectionism has one
Speaker 1: definition where it's a positive and the complete negative, which
Speaker 1: means someone can't even start a project. And so in
Speaker 1: my life, I just I just say type A and
Speaker 1: high achieving if I'm going to describe someone um or
Speaker 1: a moment I'm having where though I really want to
Speaker 1: do something right and I focus on it and I
Speaker 1: get it done and it turns out great. And I
Speaker 1: had high standards, but they weren't unrealistic, and I met
Speaker 1: them at a moment of high achievement. Perfectionism I now
Speaker 1: only use in the pejorative Oh, I'm being too perfectionist
Speaker 1: about that, you know. I feel like if you said
Speaker 1: to half the people, are you a perfectionist? People would say, no,
Speaker 1: I don't do anything right. It's like, oh, well, actually,
Speaker 1: you might be a perfectionist because you don't even start
Speaker 1: doing anything because in your head it's got to be
Speaker 1: perfect or go a certain way, or maybe there's just
Speaker 1: no interest in the journey of starting things for you.
Speaker 1: But I feel like what I find interesting in what
Speaker 1: I was reminded about when I pulled out all of
Speaker 1: my old anxiety books is perfectionism and the link to
Speaker 1: panic disorder. Because I know we've talked a lot on
Speaker 1: this podcast about neuroscience and panic is when this happens
Speaker 1: in your body and too much cortisol and data, and
Speaker 1: then it gets into your physical and then your brain
Speaker 1: starts to go why you shallow breathing and it's and
Speaker 1: and honestly, the physical in the moment is one of
Speaker 1: the best things we can do to bring that panic down.
Speaker 1: Regulate our our oxygen carbon dioxide, practicing as much wrangling
Speaker 1: of our thoughts as we cannot letting them go into
Speaker 1: this place that tells us we're dying, relaxing our muscles.
Speaker 1: But outside of the moment of panic, how can we
Speaker 1: take a look at why we might panic? And I
Speaker 1: think there's something, well, I didn't make this up. There's
Speaker 1: something to be said for can we look at the
Speaker 1: unconscious things that were constantly thinking. So, if you're doing
Speaker 1: this to yourself all of the time and you don't
Speaker 1: know you're doing it, because it's literally you're subconscious, it's
Speaker 1: the CNN news crawl or pick your favorite news channel
Speaker 1: of the subconscious. It's just the anchor is on TV
Speaker 1: saying today we're going to have a rainstorm, but the
Speaker 1: crawl is saying fifty bombs one off in this country.
Speaker 1: It's like two different things are being thrown at you,
Speaker 1: and most of us can only concentrate on what the
Speaker 1: anchor is saying to us. But that crawl is getting
Speaker 1: into our psyche somehow, and so I think of, well,
Speaker 1: what was that news crawl that was in the back
Speaker 1: of my head my whole life. And that's where therapy
Speaker 1: can help in so many areas. If you've you know, whatever,
Speaker 1: from the most traumatic childhood to just negative thought patterns
Speaker 1: you picked up from whomever raised you, or people at
Speaker 1: school or teachers or society, whatever, but things you don't
Speaker 1: even know you're thinking, and so having unrealistic expectations about yourself,
Speaker 1: whether it's a little sense of grandiosity or that kind
Speaker 1: of self hating, like I want to be you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know the best piano player I can be,
Speaker 1: but I never I never will. You know, nothing ever
Speaker 1: works out for me. It's like you can have an
Speaker 1: unrealistic expectation of I want to be the best piano
Speaker 1: player in the world. I mean that only one person
Speaker 1: can be that at a time, right, So if you're not,
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you suck, but that might be your thing.
Speaker 1: I want to be the best piano player in the world. Okay,
Speaker 1: unrealistic expectation. And then how are you talking to yourself
Speaker 1: about that unrealistic expectation? Because I suck? Because this you know? So,
Speaker 1: according to this website verya Well in Mind, having unrealistic
Speaker 1: expectations about the self can contribute to increased feelings of anxiety, dissatisfaction,
Speaker 1: and difficulty coping with symptoms. And then, of course, if
Speaker 1: you're having a panic attack and you relate to the
Speaker 1: kind of perfectionist that cares what others think of you.
Speaker 1: You are not going to want your symptoms to show.
Speaker 1: You're not going to want to look like you're hyperventilating
Speaker 1: or feeling feelings of unreality, maybe feeling a little dizzy
Speaker 1: or whatever, sweating, so you will try to cover it up,
Speaker 1: which is a form of denial, and it's going to
Speaker 1: lead to more panicking because it's a way to serve
Speaker 1: that part of your brain that that makes you feel
Speaker 1: alone and different. Now nobody else could understand this, nobody
Speaker 1: else going through this. Thoughts of self blame have you
Speaker 1: believing that it's your own fault that you cannot achieve
Speaker 1: the standards you've set out for yourself. Negative thinking and
Speaker 1: perfectionism can complete yourself worth and make you feel unsuccessful.
Speaker 1: And so the big headlines that are recommended as obviously
Speaker 1: we need to overcome negative thoughts, practice mindfulness, improve our
Speaker 1: self esteem and reduce our stress. And I can link
Speaker 1: to this article in the show notes as well. But
Speaker 1: I thought, I if that if this does anything for anyone,
Speaker 1: just sort of like a drill cuts through the dry
Speaker 1: wall that is preventing you from wanting to take any
Speaker 1: further action in alleviating some anxiety or panic symptoms. Maybe
Speaker 1: there's a little bit of perfectionism in there. I have
Speaker 1: to get it right the first time. I don't want
Speaker 1: to play around a different diagnosis. I you know, I
Speaker 1: don't want to have to work on breathing every day,
Speaker 1: you know, all that kind of thing. But it's also
Speaker 1: just I look at it like, uh, my back went
Speaker 1: out over Christmas, and you know, I had moved to
Speaker 1: New York for a while for a job, so I
Speaker 1: wasn't in my normal swing of things like I am
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles when I'm you know, not at a job,
Speaker 1: and so I I do pilates classes on the reformer machine.
Speaker 1: It's really good for my back. I don't even have
Speaker 1: back problems, but I do if I don't stay active.
Speaker 1: And so I used to do reformer polates. It's the
Speaker 1: I like that in walking. All other exercise cannot stand.
Speaker 1: Don't try to talk to me about peloton or soul
Speaker 1: cycle or fit or hit or what. I hate all
Speaker 1: that crap. So those are my two exercises. I love
Speaker 1: doing them, so it makes it easy to do them.
Speaker 1: But due to oh Macron and my schedule and where
Speaker 1: these classes were as opposed to where my offices and
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. I wasn't able to get to
Speaker 1: a normal schedule. I wasn't able to get to a
Speaker 1: class in months. And then I'm sitting most of the
Speaker 1: day work where when I'm working for myself for working
Speaker 1: from home, I'm up, I'm down and walking around. But
Speaker 1: when you're sitting in a writer's room full of people,
Speaker 1: you can't be up and down and walking around, you know.
Speaker 1: And I wasn't taking the precautions of sitting in a
Speaker 1: proper way for back health. I you know, it wasn't
Speaker 1: boosting myself with a bolster pillow. And then thirdly, when
Speaker 1: I went to visit my family over Christmas, the bedroom
Speaker 1: I slept in has a air mattress, and I'm the
Speaker 1: youngest so and everyone else my family is either elderly
Speaker 1: or they have real chronic back problems. So I'll take
Speaker 1: the hit and do the air mattress, and all of
Speaker 1: that combined, I had weakened my back muscles enough. All
Speaker 1: three of those things won the class neglect, the proper
Speaker 1: sitting neglect, and then the back support in the bed neglect.
Speaker 1: I mean, I knew that was bad. For me, But
Speaker 1: I thought, that's four days, I'll be fine. Maybe it
Speaker 1: would have been fine if I'd had my other situations.
Speaker 1: They are supporting me. Oh, I've been to class every day.
Speaker 1: My core is strong. I you know, I been sitting properly.
Speaker 1: But I woke up this one morning and my lower
Speaker 1: back felt really stiff, and I thought it'll loosen up
Speaker 1: throughout the day. And I bent down to pick up
Speaker 1: a piece of wood to help my elderly dad make
Speaker 1: a fire because his back actually hurts all the time.
Speaker 1: My back went out, and I mean out, I mean
Speaker 1: fall to the ground. Can't move, I can't. Everything was painful.
Speaker 1: I had to have my sister push me like I
Speaker 1: was a swiffer against a wall. And I found a
Speaker 1: chiropractor that makes house visits and I was able to
Speaker 1: have them do some physical therapy with me, and I
Speaker 1: was semi walking again. But my point is all of
Speaker 1: that stuff I wasn't wasn't doing lad to my back
Speaker 1: going up. And that was a big thing that obviously
Speaker 1: anyone who's going to help you with your back will ask.
Speaker 1: They already know it's not just because you picked up
Speaker 1: a piece of wood, because if your back is that
Speaker 1: messed up. Uh, then we would have known that you
Speaker 1: can't pick up a piece of what it was, more like,
Speaker 1: what's been going on in the past few months, what's
Speaker 1: been different? And so in terms of cognitive distortions and
Speaker 1: distorted thinking, it's those things we do that we don't
Speaker 1: even notice we're doing, and we don't realize how much
Speaker 1: it shapes how we think of ourselves if we do
Speaker 1: it every single day and then months and months go
Speaker 1: by and then boom, you're having a panic attack, which is,
Speaker 1: in my analogy, the equivalent of bending down to pick
Speaker 1: up a piece of wood and your back goes out.
Speaker 1: And and I've had therapists say to me, what was
Speaker 1: the thought before you had the panic attack? And I
Speaker 1: know they love that one, and it's not an unhelpful
Speaker 1: or bad or wrong way to try to help someone
Speaker 1: with panic attacks, But it's not always the thought before.
Speaker 1: Sometimes the thought before you have a panic attack is
Speaker 1: something ridiculous, like, Wow, I'm in this elevator, I hope
Speaker 1: it doesn't get stuck. Boom, Now you're panicking. Oh boy,
Speaker 1: I'm at this rooftop party. I hope I don't fall
Speaker 1: off the roof. Boom, now you're having a panic attack.
Speaker 1: But sometimes your thoughts are nothing there. I have to
Speaker 1: facts this. I don't know why I just said facts.
Speaker 1: Oh um, I mean where the matches. I'm gonna light
Speaker 1: a candle. You know, sometimes there's just nothing thoughts, And
Speaker 1: so I was always so frustrated with I don't know
Speaker 1: what the thought before was a lot of times it's nothing.
Speaker 1: A lot of times it's you know, oh, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go put my socks on. The feed are called it's
Speaker 1: not it's not. I wasn't thinking something consciously right before
Speaker 1: a panic attack. There's got to be more. I'm fine
Speaker 1: with admitting it's my thoughts. I'm fine with that, but
Speaker 1: I'm telling you this, the thought before thing ain't doing
Speaker 1: it for me. And what I remember had worked for
Speaker 1: me after I dug out my old copy of the
Speaker 1: Anxiety and Phobia work Book was that I got to
Speaker 1: reading about cognitive distortions and or otherwise known as distorted thinking.
Speaker 1: And there are actual ones that I will list now.
Speaker 1: And these are things we do either subconsciously unconsciously, but
Speaker 1: definitely habitually, so that we're really good at thinking these thoughts.
Speaker 1: Were terrible at challenging them, and so all of those
Speaker 1: thoughts they start to add up, they start to add up,
Speaker 1: they weaken our resolve in a way, and boom, here
Speaker 1: comes from panic and anxiety. And I think that can
Speaker 1: be really challenging. I don't know how therapists do it
Speaker 1: to get people to see, no, no, no, it's not
Speaker 1: just the stress you have about the pandemic. It this
Speaker 1: was in you all along. That was just the piece
Speaker 1: of wood that you picked up. That was the straw
Speaker 1: that broke the camel's back, the wood that made my
Speaker 1: back off. But you've been practicing for this moment of
Speaker 1: suddenly having anxiety and panic your whole life with maybe
Speaker 1: some of these cognitive distortions that that seemed fine in
Speaker 1: the moment if you're where you're doing them, they even
Speaker 1: seem like, well, this is how I want to think,
Speaker 1: because if I don't, you know, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: get ahead in the world. And so one of them
Speaker 1: is all or nothing thinking, a tendency to view a
Speaker 1: situation is either all good or all bad. Over generalization.
Speaker 1: If something bad happens once, the tendency to overgeneralize and
Speaker 1: even affirm that it will happen again and again. Filtering,
Speaker 1: focusing only on the negative details of a situation, but
Speaker 1: filtering out all positive aspects. If one person is cruel,
Speaker 1: the conclusion becomes that all people are cruel, disqualifying the positive.
Speaker 1: This is an extreme version of filtering to completely discount
Speaker 1: something positive and convert it into something negative, like that
Speaker 1: was a fluke. It doesn't count. Jumping to conclusions assuming
Speaker 1: what someone else is thinking or feeling, or why they
Speaker 1: act the way they do before checking with the person
Speaker 1: about what's actually going on. Magnification blowing up or magnifying
Speaker 1: yours or someone else's minor limitations, or you minimize yours
Speaker 1: or others strengths emotional reasoning the fallacy that if something
Speaker 1: feels a certain way that it must actually be true.
Speaker 1: Feelings are mistaken for reality. If you feel stupid in
Speaker 1: a situation, you think you're actually stupid. Should thinking, thinking
Speaker 1: should or have to is the tendency to be perfectionistic
Speaker 1: with no room for mistakes, and perfectionism is a personality
Speaker 1: type that perpetuates anxiety. Labeling that's an extreme version of
Speaker 1: over generalization. Making a simple mistake, and now you label
Speaker 1: yourself a loser. Personalization the excessive tendency to take another
Speaker 1: person's words or actions highly personally or thinking that if
Speaker 1: something went wrong that it's all your fault when there
Speaker 1: is no objective basis for any fault conclusion. So again,
Speaker 1: those are some examples of cognitive distortions that are pretty
Speaker 1: common and I'd say a lot of us do practice
Speaker 1: them often, you know, um all or nothing, thinking over generalization, filtering,
Speaker 1: disqualifying the positive, jumping to conclusions, magnification, emotional reasoning, should thinking, labeling, personalization.
Speaker 1: And again I highly recommend this. I got this from
Speaker 1: um Dr Edmund Bourne's book, The Anxiety and Phobio work Book.
Speaker 1: Something that helps me and that helped me a lot.
Speaker 1: I know I mentioned gratitude list earlier. When I say
Speaker 1: a gratitude list, I don't mean that I sit there
Speaker 1: writing and then I feel the gratitude necessarily, so times
Speaker 1: they do. Just depends on the mood, you know. But
Speaker 1: I might write down things that I know I'm grateful for.
Speaker 1: It just it feels more intellectual than than anything. It
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like these big feelings exercise that I might
Speaker 1: make a list, you know, Today Tuesday, January, I'm grateful
Speaker 1: for my health. Number two, I'm grateful for the cute
Speaker 1: pink chairs. In my kitchen, I mean anything, you know, Um,
Speaker 1: I'm grateful that my friend called me earlier or whatever
Speaker 1: it is. And what I like to do with my
Speaker 1: gratitude list is I just write down as many things
Speaker 1: and they can really be dumber, shallow. I'm grateful that
Speaker 1: my hair cuts good. You know, it's not like you
Speaker 1: have to be. You don't judge yourself when you make
Speaker 1: your gratitude list, like, oh, what are people going to
Speaker 1: think if they find this, you know? And and I
Speaker 1: wrote I'm grateful for the pink chairs in my kitchen,
Speaker 1: and I didn't write I'm grateful for my mother and father.
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the gifts of the universe, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, you can put that too, but sometimes you're
Speaker 1: just grateful for the pink chairs in your living room.
Speaker 1: And so what I like about having a gratitude list,
Speaker 1: it's actually journal I keep, is that on any given
Speaker 1: day when I catch myself telling myself some bullshit, some
Speaker 1: lies about how terrible I am or nothing works out
Speaker 1: for me, or how I should live in fear because
Speaker 1: bah bah blah blah bah, well I get to go
Speaker 1: back to this notebook of proof. Oh well, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: I have all these friends and I like something, you know,
Speaker 1: like my furniture. I like this, I was able to
Speaker 1: do this blah blah blah that ended up working out.
Speaker 1: You just have all this proof that there's good stuff there,
Speaker 1: and you don't have to take anyone else's word for it.
Speaker 1: So I like to do things that help me listen
Speaker 1: to myself because sometimes we don't want to hear it
Speaker 1: from anyone else. So good make yourself a thing that
Speaker 1: you can go back in reference. And so that's why
Speaker 1: I'm a fan of writing affirmations on either post it
Speaker 1: notes or index cards and just have them. You don't
Speaker 1: have to stick the post it note anywhere for people
Speaker 1: to see, but I like to put them on index
Speaker 1: cards and keep them in a pocket of my gratitude
Speaker 1: journal because sometimes when I'm just in it, and again,
Speaker 1: just like my guest John Most said last week, sometimes
Speaker 1: it's like, who cares if this is anxiety or depression.
Speaker 1: I need to do the things that I need to
Speaker 1: do to get this to lift, because this is just
Speaker 1: so oppressive right now. And so when I'm telling myself
Speaker 1: some stories and I catch myself, I may go into
Speaker 1: some affirmations. Now, before you turn this off, and think
Speaker 1: if that's cheesy, don't I got you. We're not talking
Speaker 1: about cheesy affirmations two things. You can say them out
Speaker 1: loud if you just want to remember them in your head.
Speaker 1: But I try to do I try to give myself
Speaker 1: a damn break. So if I know, look, I'm probably
Speaker 1: going to be in a bad mood at some point
Speaker 1: in the next I don't know, a week or six weeks,
Speaker 1: I'm probably gonna have a day where I'm just like,
Speaker 1: nothing works out for me. I hate everything. I don't
Speaker 1: want to do anything about it. My mind is probably
Speaker 1: not gonna go. Let's call up some affirmations. But if
Speaker 1: I think, well, I got those, uh, I got those
Speaker 1: index cards I wrote with affirmations in my gratitude journal.
Speaker 1: I could just read them at the very least gets
Speaker 1: read them. Well, now you've you're reading something that you
Speaker 1: wrote in your own handwritting that you do believe. So
Speaker 1: it's an option. It's like leaving bread crumbs for yourself
Speaker 1: in the forest. Don't assume when you're lost in the
Speaker 1: woods that your brain is gonna be working well enough
Speaker 1: to get you back home. So I'm a big fan
Speaker 1: of affirmations, even though when I first started doing them,
Speaker 1: I thought they were super cheesy. And yes, sometimes I
Speaker 1: do them out loud, sometimes in the mirror, mostly just outloud.
Speaker 1: But I am not a fan of quote positive thinking,
Speaker 1: you know, or affirmations that then we have to aspire
Speaker 1: to I'm going to make a million dollars. I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about that. I'm talking about affirming the truth when
Speaker 1: my distortions are going cuckoo, when my distortions are telling
Speaker 1: me be afraid you will never make another dime again.
Speaker 1: You know, an affirmation is I am okay today. It's not.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be a millionaire with my five simple affirmations. No, no,
Speaker 1: we're not going into fantasy. We're just going into reality,
Speaker 1: which is you have no proof of blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: all this horrible crap that's going to happen. So here
Speaker 1: are some affirmations. Some of them are just what you
Speaker 1: are doing, you know, you're talking about what your body
Speaker 1: is doing. And some of them are thoughts. And if
Speaker 1: you want to write these down on note cards, be
Speaker 1: my guest. Slow my voice down on your favorite podcast
Speaker 1: apps so that it sounds like I'm drunk, so that
Speaker 1: you can write. But one of them my mind is
Speaker 1: clearing and I am in control. I feel anxious, but
Speaker 1: so what. I know what that feels like, and I'll
Speaker 1: get through it. Anxiety isn't dangerous. I'm just uncomfortable. I'll
Speaker 1: make it through this. It's only a thought, and a
Speaker 1: thought can be changed. I breathe in relaxation. I breathe
Speaker 1: out tension. The feelings of panic are leaving my body.
Speaker 1: I choose my thoughts with care, and I am willing
Speaker 1: to change and grow. I am not limited by my
Speaker 1: past thinking. I've conquered every panic attack so far, and
Speaker 1: this one will be no different. Do not believe the
Speaker 1: things you tell yourself when you are sad and alone.
Speaker 1: It's okay not to feel okay. Take a deep breath.
Speaker 1: It's a bad day, not a bad life. Be someone
Speaker 1: you want to be around. Everything you are going through
Speaker 1: is preparing you for what you asked for. There are
Speaker 1: good times and there are growth times. You don't have
Speaker 1: to do anything today about these feelings. If you don't
Speaker 1: transform your suffering, you'll transmit your suffering. Except what is.
Speaker 1: Let go of what was. People become attached to their burdens,
Speaker 1: sometimes more than their burdens are attached to them. Making
Speaker 1: mistakes is better than faking perfections. Don't stumble over something
Speaker 1: that's already behind you. What we think and feel is
Speaker 1: not always real. What is real is what we do.
Speaker 1: Anything you can't control is teaching you how to let go.
Speaker 1: Just because your past didn't turn out like you wanted
Speaker 1: it too, it doesn't mean that your future can't be
Speaker 1: better than you ever imagined. If it feels like an
Speaker 1: emergency emotionally, it probably isn't. Don't act on it in
Speaker 1: the moment. I am not responsible for my first thought,
Speaker 1: but I am responsible for my second thought and my
Speaker 1: first action. There you go. I hope you enjoyed some
Speaker 1: of those affirmations. I did not make those up. Some
Speaker 1: of them I did, a lot of them are from
Speaker 1: different books I've read or things friends have told me.
Speaker 1: I've got a lot of friends in all different kinds
Speaker 1: of therapies or twelve step programs, so you know, just
Speaker 1: lots of information that's been shared with me over the years.
Speaker 1: In the notes section of my iPhone, every time I
Speaker 1: hear a good quote, I write it down. But who
Speaker 1: knows where they're from? Now they are yours as well
Speaker 1: as mine, and I hope you enjoyed the solo episode
Speaker 1: of Anxiety Bites. Um I came, I came to say
Speaker 1: what I came to say, and I think I did it.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to introduce the notion that as much
Speaker 1: as we talk about the physical and the brain on
Speaker 1: this show, there is also the secret, little emotional part
Speaker 1: of us that it's not not really willing to let
Speaker 1: go of our cognitive distortions, is not really wanting to
Speaker 1: do the work because ah, because we're not sure how
Speaker 1: it's going to turn out. And in a weird way,
Speaker 1: we're comfortable where we are even though we don't like it.
Speaker 1: So I'll link to a few of the books I
Speaker 1: mentioned in the show notes. We'll be back next week
Speaker 1: with guests. We have a lot of good stuff coming
Speaker 1: up this year on Anxiety Bites. There will be a
Speaker 1: few episodes in February that will focus on love, as
Speaker 1: it is the month of Valentine's say, but not in
Speaker 1: a way that will annoy you, in a way that
Speaker 1: hopefully will make you feel less alone if you are
Speaker 1: someone that just finds all of that stuff pretty elusive
Speaker 1: and your anxiety gets in the way. Alrighty, and you
Speaker 1: know what I'm going to throw this out there because
Speaker 1: I was thinking, you know, some people have contacted me
Speaker 1: to tell me what they love about the podcast, and
Speaker 1: I almost read them on air, but I went, well,
Speaker 1: these people contacted me, Uh, you know I didn't. They
Speaker 1: didn't say whether I could read this on eric because
Speaker 1: it wasn't the official show email. So I'm going to
Speaker 1: throw this out there. Anxiety Bites Weekly at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: If you just want to write a letter that I
Speaker 1: read on air, what you like about the podcast. If
Speaker 1: you have any questions, I might do some solo episodes
Speaker 1: that are listener emails just so you can hear what
Speaker 1: other people go through if they If you want to
Speaker 1: give any tips that you want me to read out
Speaker 1: to people. If you have any questions for me, I'll
Speaker 1: try to answer to the best of my ability. Um,
Speaker 1: if you're really suffering, just know that the question you're
Speaker 1: asking will not be answered via email by me, and
Speaker 1: it may not be answered anytime soon in an upcoming episode,
Speaker 1: but your question will serve as a template to help others.
Speaker 1: And uh, I will not be the ones checking the email.
Speaker 1: I want to be the one checking the email. So
Speaker 1: if you want to write you know I hate you.
Speaker 1: You suck or I want to marry you and something creepy.
Speaker 1: Your wish will not be fulfilled of me ever seeing it.
Speaker 1: They'll be filtered out so that they are appropriate things
Speaker 1: that I read on air, And just please indicate whether
Speaker 1: you want your first name said or not. You can
Speaker 1: always use a fake name. As a rule, I would
Speaker 1: never say anyone's last name, and I would never say
Speaker 1: anyone's email address on air. So these will be things
Speaker 1: that I read and most likely will just say your
Speaker 1: first name, and if you don't want that, I'll just
Speaker 1: say for anonymous. So there you go. Welcome to the
Speaker 1: email of Anxiety Bites. I've been a little nervous about
Speaker 1: putting an email address out there, but I think it's
Speaker 1: time that everyone who's listening to this that we all
Speaker 1: start to have a dialogue because I think some of
Speaker 1: those episodes could be really helpful. So again, Anxiety Bites
Speaker 1: weekly at gmail dot com, and thanks for listening. Everything
Speaker 1: is in the show notes, and remember Anxiety Bites, but
Speaker 1: you're in control. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio,
Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.