Speaker 1: I am thrilled that you're here, excited to be here?
Speaker 1: Or the distress like when's my time with many? How
Speaker 1: old are your girls now? Or and to oh my god,
Speaker 1: you're in the weeds, oh foreign to holy Molly, baby birds.
Speaker 1: I know that people feel this way about their children,
Speaker 1: but my son, he is just the best person I know.
Speaker 1: I could talk to him forever. Gosh, it's funny, he's
Speaker 1: downstairs drinking kool Aid, which we just drove to the
Speaker 1: American store to gain. So Hello, I'm mini driver and
Speaker 1: welcome to many questions. I've always loved Pruces questionnaire. It
Speaker 1: was originally an eighteenth century parlor game meant to reveal
Speaker 1: an individual's true nature. But with so many questions, there
Speaker 1: wasn't really an opportunity to expand on anything. So I
Speaker 1: took the format of Pruce's questionnaire and adapted What I
Speaker 1: think are seven of the most important questions you could
Speaker 1: ever ask someone. They are when and where were you happiest?
Speaker 1: What is the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship,
Speaker 1: real or fictionalized, defines love for you? What question would
Speaker 1: you most like answered, What person, place, or experience has
Speaker 1: shaped you the most? What would be your last meal?
Speaker 1: And can you tell me something in your life that
Speaker 1: has grown out of a personal disaster. The more people
Speaker 1: we ask, the more we begin to see what makes
Speaker 1: us similar and what makes us individual. I've gathered a
Speaker 1: group of really remarkable people who I am honored and
Speaker 1: humbled to have had a chance to engage with. My
Speaker 1: guest today is herd a cut b who is really
Speaker 1: the most surprising and interesting person who we probably already
Speaker 1: think we know. I know, I did. She's been the
Speaker 1: co anchor of The Today Show since two thousand eighteen,
Speaker 1: been a tireless advocate breast cancer awareness and surviving cancer herself,
Speaker 1: and became a mother later in her life, which gives
Speaker 1: her a perspective on motherhood that I found extremely relatable
Speaker 1: and joyful. Okay, so, like you know these questions, dying
Speaker 1: to hear what your answers are, What would be your
Speaker 1: last meal? I've debated this because this is a big
Speaker 1: I think I would have Joel's salmon. He barbecued salmon
Speaker 1: every Saturday, and it is the best samy. It like
Speaker 1: melts in your mouth and it reminds me of us.
Speaker 1: So I would have that. I would have really crispy, crunchy,
Speaker 1: delicious French fries only because for my whole life that's
Speaker 1: been my comfort food and I would love that I
Speaker 1: would have my mom's spark lava. I can close my
Speaker 1: eyes and taste it. She's eighty six and she still
Speaker 1: makes it, and it's delicious, and it reminds me of
Speaker 1: all the goodness in my mom. Reminds me of our
Speaker 1: kitchen when we were kids. And then would probably eat
Speaker 1: about three gallons of ice cream because I'm not allowed
Speaker 1: to eat ice cream because I've got a very role
Speaker 1: Oh well, that won't matter your dairy problem. Yeah, when
Speaker 1: I wondered what I want to eat at all, who knows,
Speaker 1: maybe feel terrible at the end. My club is stocking
Speaker 1: to Marry. My team is Marry, and she's outside eating
Speaker 1: a sandwich. My team is my dog, and he's going
Speaker 1: to bark definitely in the stocking mirror, and she's like,
Speaker 1: I just have ice water. Are you to my stomach
Speaker 1: when I eat? Oh my god, your last meal? Eat it? Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean I realized in asking this question that implicit
Speaker 1: in the question is you know, and then you're gonna
Speaker 1: die or that's it. It's out and it's like, isn't
Speaker 1: that what we'd really be thinking about, like what Mary says,
Speaker 1: like I wouldn't be able to eat a thing. I
Speaker 1: would just drink water. I don't know. I think it's that.
Speaker 1: What is the food that connects you most to life,
Speaker 1: regardless of whether you're about to die or not. I
Speaker 1: love food so much. When I speak to people who
Speaker 1: are like, yeah, you know, it's fuel, I just want
Speaker 1: to I just want to punch them. Really. One of
Speaker 1: my favorite desserts is a sheet cake, like a sheet
Speaker 1: birthday cake. Yeah, I just want to sit on my
Speaker 1: couch sometimes because I make them for everybody's birthday. I
Speaker 1: just want to sit on my couch when it was home.
Speaker 1: I can't beat myself when people are around with this
Speaker 1: big spoon and that sheet cake and just sit there
Speaker 1: and just scoop that up like that would be one
Speaker 1: of my favorite nights. I just agree with you. There
Speaker 1: is covert food that is a category of living that
Speaker 1: doesn't get enough play. Like I like standing up in
Speaker 1: my kitchen with a sheet of mozza with really thick,
Speaker 1: delicious French salted butter and mar might and I like
Speaker 1: to stand up and listen to the radio and look
Speaker 1: out at what's happening on the street, total rear window.
Speaker 1: It with my mom, I and Matza. I've never told
Speaker 1: anybody that, Hoda, I've never admitted that, but that's what
Speaker 1: I like to do, and I like to stand up
Speaker 1: when I'm doing it. By the way, the covert eating
Speaker 1: Joel had any idea what I ate when he went
Speaker 1: out of town and be like, oh god, when the
Speaker 1: kids go to bed, if Joel's out, chirp and Chicken
Speaker 1: has a rack of ribs that has all kinds of barbecue.
Speaker 1: I literally get a roll of paper towels. I sit
Speaker 1: in front of the TV on the floor. It's gross
Speaker 1: and I just go for it and I'm like done
Speaker 1: with it. And I wanted to dispose of the evidence
Speaker 1: just in case I've done that special trash bag for
Speaker 1: food that you don't want anyone to know that you ate.
Speaker 1: I was imagining that it's a full rack of ribs.
Speaker 1: It's not even a half rack. Girl. And what I
Speaker 1: want to do sometimes to stop myself this is t M.
Speaker 1: I is when I eat enough of the cake and
Speaker 1: I just have to throw it away. I just have
Speaker 1: to get cascake and pour it all. Because sometimes sometimes
Speaker 1: after an hour or so, it was I could bite in.
Speaker 1: There have to ruin it so that you can't go back,
Speaker 1: because if we're sitting on top of the can, it's
Speaker 1: still okay. Every Woman, every woman I know, except the
Speaker 1: one who said that food was fuel, understands that pouring
Speaker 1: on something to ruin it. Do you remember in the
Speaker 1: beginning of Alma and Louise, this is great scene where
Speaker 1: Gina Davis is on the phone with her husband who's
Speaker 1: being horrible, and she just keeps going to the fridge
Speaker 1: and she takes out like a Snickers bar and she
Speaker 1: takes a bite, and she wraps up, and she puts
Speaker 1: it back in and she goes and does something else,
Speaker 1: and she eats the whole thing through the whole scene.
Speaker 1: And I do that always. I pretend like I'm not
Speaker 1: going to finish the chocolate bar, the cake, the buns,
Speaker 1: the ice cream, the mochi, the super thin of the cake,
Speaker 1: the tiny thin that's my That's what my friend said
Speaker 1: to me. So dinner, I was like, oh, I'll just
Speaker 1: have I'll just have a little tiny piece of cake,
Speaker 1: and she was low, yeah, because you're gonna the rest
Speaker 1: of the kitchen when everyone else is drinking coffee. She's right,
Speaker 1: what person, place, or experience most altered your life? I
Speaker 1: mean for the better, it was my kids, and probably
Speaker 1: for the worst was you know. I was said a
Speaker 1: sorority formal. I was a trying out and my brother
Speaker 1: who also went to Virginia Tech, he was another fraternity
Speaker 1: and we were having our formal or whatever. We were
Speaker 1: dancing and drinking and all the stuff, and my brother
Speaker 1: runs in and I was like, oh my god. My
Speaker 1: brother always said he was going to crash trying out formals,
Speaker 1: like he gave his buddy did it? And he said
Speaker 1: come outside, and I said what he goes come outside
Speaker 1: and he's talked to you, and I go now, I
Speaker 1: said that you need to tell me and he said
Speaker 1: Dad had a heart attack and he died. It was
Speaker 1: like you couldn't even compute what was going on. And
Speaker 1: I remember we got into a car and we drove
Speaker 1: to his apartment where he shared with a bunch of
Speaker 1: other people, and we laid on the bed. So when
Speaker 1: I was remembering, and I played James Taylor on the
Speaker 1: turntable over and over and over and over until we
Speaker 1: went home that morning. I think, you know, losing him
Speaker 1: that young, I mean I went without my contacts. I'm
Speaker 1: legally blind. I had on headphones and I would walk
Speaker 1: around campus just obliviously for most of the year, I think,
Speaker 1: and it's funny, it was the worst thing in the world,
Speaker 1: But I often look around where I am now and wonder.
Speaker 1: You know, you always want to add a girl from
Speaker 1: your dad, you know you always want to you did it,
Speaker 1: and throughout my career, I think there were probably a
Speaker 1: few spots where he probably would have said, well, good
Speaker 1: for you, you did it, and then I would have
Speaker 1: been done. But instead, when you don't have that at
Speaker 1: a girl, you're like, I guess there's more of this
Speaker 1: mountain to climb. Let's see, let's see, let's see. And
Speaker 1: you may keep pushing yourself for something that isn't coming.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, it landed me
Speaker 1: in a beautiful place. Now I have a beautiful family,
Speaker 1: and you know, all those great things happened as a
Speaker 1: result of it. So I think that event was really
Speaker 1: life changing and helped me in some ways, and it
Speaker 1: left me with unfinished business and others. Like you know,
Speaker 1: we just were super close. He was closer with my
Speaker 1: brother and my sister than me. I used to sometimes
Speaker 1: sit in my car with him and we wouldn't we
Speaker 1: wouldn't say anything. I was trying to think something to say, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I it's so funny. I remember sitting next to my
Speaker 1: dad at the Academy Awards. It was so amazing that
Speaker 1: he was there, and my mom was there and my sister,
Speaker 1: and he's holding my hand as they're reading at the
Speaker 1: nominees and he leans over and he's like, darling, you're
Speaker 1: not going to win. And I was like, what, wait
Speaker 1: do you He's like, yeah, no, you're not going to win.
Speaker 1: And he was squeezing my hand. He was like, it's okay,
Speaker 1: you'll win something else. And it was so funny. I
Speaker 1: swear to you. I was still chuckling when they read
Speaker 1: out kim basing his name. I was still laughing. You're
Speaker 1: just going You've got to be fucking kidding me. But
Speaker 1: it was so perfect. It was like, that was the
Speaker 1: attic girl that I needed in that moment. Oh my god, Daddy,
Speaker 1: in your life, can you tell me about something that
Speaker 1: has grown out of a personal disaster. Yes, there was
Speaker 1: a biggie. I was working here at NBC and everything
Speaker 1: was great. I worked at Dateline. I was newly married
Speaker 1: Ladi Dai Da. Life was great. I went for a
Speaker 1: routine mammogram and she felt something and she said, you
Speaker 1: should get it checked. So in this weird span of
Speaker 1: a week, I found out that I needed amystectomy, and
Speaker 1: at the same time, I found out that the guy
Speaker 1: who I was married to was being unfaithful, and I
Speaker 1: literally was like, what is happening? Like what happened? I
Speaker 1: didn't understand, and I went for surgery and was horrible.
Speaker 1: So in that time afterwards, I was in covering, which
Speaker 1: was just laying around watching Law and Order and trying
Speaker 1: to figure out what I was matter about the sickness
Speaker 1: or the soon to be ex husband, And in the
Speaker 1: middle of all of it, I had this sort of
Speaker 1: weird epiphany which happens, I think sometimes when everything is crummy,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden I realized like I had
Speaker 1: made it, and I got these four words that sort
Speaker 1: of came to me, and they were you can't scare me.
Speaker 1: And I learned at work they were starting a new
Speaker 1: hour of the Today Show, a fourth hour, and I
Speaker 1: did something I had never done before I've never really liked,
Speaker 1: raised my hand and said picked me for this job,
Speaker 1: because here's why I'm so good. I just worked really hard.
Speaker 1: I was like, seeing you over here, I'm the one working. Hey,
Speaker 1: if you want to promote me, I'm over here, like
Speaker 1: I was that one, not the one who strung themselves
Speaker 1: with Christmas lights and talked about how good they were.
Speaker 1: So in this moment, with that epiphany and that feeling
Speaker 1: I was having, I said, you know what, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go ask for that effing job. And I still remember.
Speaker 1: I got me elevator of thirty rock and went to
Speaker 1: the fifty second floor, which was all the way up,
Speaker 1: and I walked into Jeff Zupper's office at the time
Speaker 1: he was heading up NBC, and I said, Jeff, I
Speaker 1: had this epiphany. I got better. You can't scare me.
Speaker 1: I want this job. He was like, okay, you are
Speaker 1: who are you againt He had been through brain cancer,
Speaker 1: so he understood that feeling of unstoppability kind of. And
Speaker 1: I finished my speech. My heart was pounding. I did it.
Speaker 1: I'd never done that. People saw me as a dateline person.
Speaker 1: I was an Afghanistan and I had a couple of
Speaker 1: producers pulling for me, and I ended up getting that
Speaker 1: damn job. And I thought to myself Oh my god.
Speaker 1: If I hadn't gotten sick, I wouldn't have the guts,
Speaker 1: like I wouldn't have had the courage. I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: had the mojo. I wouldn't have gone up. I would
Speaker 1: have never asked. I would have waited like I usually do.
Speaker 1: But instead it was urgent, like my life had margins.
Speaker 1: There was a beginning and an end, like stop wasting time.
Speaker 1: Like that hit me. It was like all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: life was urgent, and that happened. I ended up getting it,
Speaker 1: and I thought, well, talk about the silver lining of
Speaker 1: a yucky, horrible, terrible couple of years turned into a
Speaker 1: job that turned into another job. I mean, I can't
Speaker 1: even believe I'm fifty six and I'm doing the today,
Speaker 1: Like how did that happen? Like how did it happen?
Speaker 1: I'm still stunned even now as I sit in my
Speaker 1: office wondering, like, Wow, that was weird, but I think
Speaker 1: that was it. And going through the divorce and a
Speaker 1: sickness and going through two things at once, it's like,
Speaker 1: you can it really pile all your sadness in one place.
Speaker 1: You've got to split it. Maybe that helps you in
Speaker 1: a weird way, like I'm mad at him. Why am
Speaker 1: I sick? You know? Then I'm like I'm feeling better.
Speaker 1: What a jump, you know, And so all of a
Speaker 1: sudden you're like, oh, okay, well here I am. I
Speaker 1: think I made it through. Wow. God, I wish when
Speaker 1: the really bad, hard stuff was happening that concurrent with
Speaker 1: fair and worry and fair and worry could be this
Speaker 1: idea that I know something's going to grow out of this.
Speaker 1: I know that this is not for nothing. It's funny
Speaker 1: that we can look back and we can see that,
Speaker 1: but at the time when it's happening. It was astonishes
Speaker 1: me that we can't comfort ourselves with, well, it's most
Speaker 1: likely going to happen, which is, as he said, something grows. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right. I would have loved to have known in
Speaker 1: the middle of all those days, like, don't worry, there's
Speaker 1: something coming, because then you realize, like, you're only here
Speaker 1: for a minute, So you do you that's it, that's all.
Speaker 1: You get. One right around the sun, so you can
Speaker 1: tiptoe around and make everyone feel better and do what
Speaker 1: you do, or you can speak it, say it out
Speaker 1: loud kind of thing. What relationship, real or fictionalized defines
Speaker 1: love for you. I had to think about this one
Speaker 1: for a while. I have a best friend who I've
Speaker 1: known for twenty years. Her name is Karen. She met
Speaker 1: her husband in New Orleans. We we both lived there
Speaker 1: and he was a police officer. She's a reporter, and
Speaker 1: it was a beautiful romance. And over the years I
Speaker 1: watched that relationship and I was always in awe that
Speaker 1: because it worked on all cylinders. It worked as a partnership,
Speaker 1: as a romantic relationship, they connected in all the ways,
Speaker 1: and I hadn't seen many relationship that worked everywhere. Usually
Speaker 1: it's like, well this is from friends, and this is
Speaker 1: for my husband. And it seemed like they had a
Speaker 1: connection that worked everywhere. And he got very very ill
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, and sadly he passed away.
Speaker 1: And it was really since his passing that I watched
Speaker 1: Karen speak about the love she has for him in
Speaker 1: this moment, and I was so struck by the depth.
Speaker 1: I knew it was deep, but I think it was
Speaker 1: watching her number one go to hospital room after hospital
Speaker 1: room for years and years, writing notes, writing notes, writing notes,
Speaker 1: talking to doctors, another doctor. I have to follow up,
Speaker 1: I have to call back why aren't they doing this?
Speaker 1: What's up with the insurance? It was endless, endless. She
Speaker 1: was there. She was always there, And I flew to
Speaker 1: MD Anderson a few times just to be there with them.
Speaker 1: And I walked in and she was always determined and
Speaker 1: driven and had that look. And meantime she was flying
Speaker 1: priests in to talk to John. And she's probably like
Speaker 1: the most selfless person I've ever met, and the kindest.
Speaker 1: And they have a daughter who's graduating high school, and
Speaker 1: there's a lot that's happening in that world. Yet here
Speaker 1: she is, you know, speaking about the love of her husband,
Speaker 1: and it was underscore. And two weeks ago I was
Speaker 1: asking her this question about a priest who had come
Speaker 1: to visit John when he was ill, and he was
Speaker 1: from India, and I said, whatever happened to Father Balla
Speaker 1: this priest who came and is he okay in India
Speaker 1: with everything that's going on with COVID? And she said, well,
Speaker 1: he's in a remote area. Said you know, they're building
Speaker 1: a church there, and I said, oh wow, that's terrific.
Speaker 1: Shees she said they should have to walk five miles,
Speaker 1: but now they're building one in their community. I said,
Speaker 1: how did they do that? That's great? She said, well,
Speaker 1: they just got the you know, all the equipment and
Speaker 1: things that they needed and they built it. And I said, oh,
Speaker 1: that's great. And she said, you know, some of the
Speaker 1: equipment could be expensive, but anyway, they got it. And
Speaker 1: I said how did they? How did they get all
Speaker 1: that equipment and things to build a church? And she
Speaker 1: they they just got it. And I said, please tell
Speaker 1: me how they got it and she said, supplies are inexpensive,
Speaker 1: and the dollar goes a long way. And I looked
Speaker 1: at her and I said, okay, I said, did you
Speaker 1: and she doesn't ever say And then she said her
Speaker 1: husband's name is John long Quillow and she said, oh,
Speaker 1: they called it the John Renquillow Church. Oh my goodness,
Speaker 1: I thought, like the depth of first of all, her
Speaker 1: humility is beyond my comprehension. She'll never tell you she's
Speaker 1: done something good. She probably regrets that she told me
Speaker 1: that story because she doesn't like to share that she's
Speaker 1: doing something. She just does things. You know, she'll give
Speaker 1: everything away and not mention it. She selflessly and with
Speaker 1: great humility, helped this community build a church. She didn't
Speaker 1: want to mention it, and they because they loved John
Speaker 1: called it the John Lonquillo Church, because she always says
Speaker 1: he's as close to a saying that she can emagine.
Speaker 1: Do you think that devotion and selflessness others the cornerstones
Speaker 1: of love? Well, that's beautiful that you put it that way.
Speaker 1: I guess I feel like I see it personified in people,
Speaker 1: but I guess I've never broken it down. But yeah,
Speaker 1: the depth is more than a wee click, more than
Speaker 1: we have a lot in common, more than I can
Speaker 1: tell him things, you know. There's a depth there that
Speaker 1: I think is rare. I don't think everyone gets to
Speaker 1: experience that kind of relationship. And he John on Sundays,
Speaker 1: he would go off in the morning, and she said,
Speaker 1: I don't know what he's doing, probably running, you know,
Speaker 1: and etcetera, etcetera. She didn't learn until years later that
Speaker 1: he was always stopping at this older woman's house to
Speaker 1: sit with her. Her husband died and that was one
Speaker 1: of his stops in the morning. But he didn't talk
Speaker 1: about it. He just did it. And I said, well,
Speaker 1: I think John's probably a saint. You are too, I
Speaker 1: just know, But saints don't say funk, so I couldn't be.
Speaker 1: I thought, will the cool saints say fuck? But anyway,
Speaker 1: it just struck me to watch that and they have
Speaker 1: this young daughter and just I'm watching her and listen.
Speaker 1: It doesn't always shake out the way that you think
Speaker 1: it should in quotes, and it sounds like that young woman,
Speaker 1: what she has had, what she has seen of love,
Speaker 1: and what she has experienced of devotion is irreplaceable and
Speaker 1: will be with her forever. And it's not that one
Speaker 1: should ever have an either or like either you have
Speaker 1: a dad or you have this amazing example of devotion
Speaker 1: and love. But but how incredible that she does have that,
Speaker 1: and that that's his legacy. It's very hard when you
Speaker 1: lose someone to think about legacies because you really just
Speaker 1: you don't care. You're like, I don't care about the legs.
Speaker 1: I just want them here. I want them here to
Speaker 1: hug and to touch and to feel and to be
Speaker 1: with and to talk to. But the reality is, if
Speaker 1: they've played their hand and it's done, what is left
Speaker 1: behind them is really genuinely what you celebrate. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's good. Yeah, So tell me when and when were
Speaker 1: you happiest. I'm my happiest in this moment. And the
Speaker 1: reason I say that is because I've had so many
Speaker 1: beautiful moments in my life, but nothing comes close to
Speaker 1: what happened to me four years ago where Joe and
Speaker 1: I adopted Haley. And I think, when you don't think
Speaker 1: you're going to get something because you don't know why
Speaker 1: it wasn't in your cards. And I always dreamt of
Speaker 1: being a mom. I thought it was in my d
Speaker 1: n A. I had some bumps in the road, a
Speaker 1: divorce and an illness, and then you realize, We'll wait.
Speaker 1: I think the window went past me, and you almost
Speaker 1: are shocked, like what happened? How did I miss that window?
Speaker 1: So I would say out loud, all I wanted to
Speaker 1: do was be a school teacher, and I would say, so,
Speaker 1: I'm done with this job at the Today Show, I'm
Speaker 1: going to be a school teacher, because it was the
Speaker 1: closest I could get to being with kids. And I
Speaker 1: was actually thinking about, like, how do I get my
Speaker 1: education degree? I don't have that. What do I do?
Speaker 1: How do I do it? And then one day I
Speaker 1: actually watched a video and it was a child in Syria.
Speaker 1: The place had been bombed and he had soot on
Speaker 1: his face, and I just I was struggling with it.
Speaker 1: And I looked at that kid and I said, oh
Speaker 1: my god, what I wouldn't do to be the mother
Speaker 1: to that child. And that was like the final sign.
Speaker 1: There were so many signs before, but I think that
Speaker 1: was the sign. And I said, if God tells you something,
Speaker 1: pay attention. Stop turning your head, stop saying not now,
Speaker 1: stop saying it's too late, stop stops up. And so
Speaker 1: I approached the guy who had been dating for I
Speaker 1: don't know six months, who has a grown daughter, and
Speaker 1: I was like, how am I gonna say this? And
Speaker 1: I guess this will show me whether or not he
Speaker 1: loves me enough. And I said to him, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: ask you something that's very important to me, but I
Speaker 1: don't want you to answer right now. I need you
Speaker 1: to think about it. And I said, I have these
Speaker 1: feelings that I cannot push away anymore. And that's it,
Speaker 1: Like I have to say it out loud or I'll explode.
Speaker 1: You know that feeling when you you're carrying something it's heavy.
Speaker 1: I really do. And I said, I would like to
Speaker 1: explore adoption with you, and literally it was like one thousand,
Speaker 1: two thousand three. I was looking at his face and
Speaker 1: I was thinking to myself in this weird five second vacuum,
Speaker 1: everything was about to change everything. Either I was going
Speaker 1: to think maybe he doesn't love me enough and maybe
Speaker 1: this was over, or he was going to say yes
Speaker 1: and our lives would change in another way. And he literally,
Speaker 1: meaning maybe. On the second number five, he said to me, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't need a week. I don't need any time
Speaker 1: to think about it. The answers yes, and I literally
Speaker 1: fell on his chest and stabbed because it was like,
Speaker 1: finally I said it out loud. You know the thing
Speaker 1: you're most scared of, say that loud. In either way
Speaker 1: it's resolved, you might as well say it. And literally
Speaker 1: I just saw it like I still saw the mess
Speaker 1: earri scenes on his teacher. I was like that kind
Speaker 1: of starving. But anyway, that was the beginning. Wow, So
Speaker 1: you would have done it anyway if that had meant
Speaker 1: the end of your relationship. You would have chosen being
Speaker 1: a mother over being in a relationship with someone that
Speaker 1: you loved. It was that important to you. I never
Speaker 1: actually never thought about because I didn't have to make
Speaker 1: the choice. But yes, it's the most extraordinary thing when
Speaker 1: you know something, you just know. When I was pregnant
Speaker 1: with Henry. They do this terrible but I suppose necessary
Speaker 1: test where they basically look at the DNA from your
Speaker 1: partner and yours mixed together, and it spits out a
Speaker 1: number of the likelihood of you having a child with disabilities,
Speaker 1: and it gives you a X number in X thousand.
Speaker 1: And I wasn't in the thousands. I wasn't in the hundreds.
Speaker 1: I was in the teens, like it was very likely.
Speaker 1: And I wrestled with the idea of getting an amniocentesis
Speaker 1: because I was like, I'm having this baby no matter what.
Speaker 1: I had the amnia because I was like, I will
Speaker 1: be forewarned, I will know. And I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: having this baby. I'm having this baby no matter what.
Speaker 1: And I knew it. I knew it as clear as
Speaker 1: a bell. There's very few moments in life where we're
Speaker 1: that sure about things clearly. You're right is when you
Speaker 1: know without a blink, when you know and you know
Speaker 1: what's so weird. I'm you know, as I'm sitting here
Speaker 1: in my office, I was sitting in the chair that
Speaker 1: you can't see it's behind you. When the adoption agency
Speaker 1: texted me and I called it the project, because I
Speaker 1: really wanted to look at my phone when it rang
Speaker 1: and said that project Ashley, and she wrote called me
Speaker 1: and I looked at the bolts and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god. So I literally sat there to get
Speaker 1: a yellow pad and I looked at the clock. It's
Speaker 1: like eleven fifty three. I said, this is the moment.
Speaker 1: Like this, there will always be like a before and after.
Speaker 1: And I scribbled all that stuff down and then I
Speaker 1: hit the button and I called her and she said
Speaker 1: two words, she's here. I was like, I don't know
Speaker 1: what a live birth feels like, but that was pretty cool.
Speaker 1: When I just got there, it was pretty amazing. And
Speaker 1: it was one of those times Dan still everything's frozen.
Speaker 1: It's like your life changes in a blink, like just
Speaker 1: like that, and there's a before and after. How long
Speaker 1: was it from the beginning of the process to that
Speaker 1: phone call. We got the call in January and I
Speaker 1: had talked to Joel in November. Wow, we had just
Speaker 1: moved in together. It was November. Because they said it
Speaker 1: could take a year, as aid a joy at me,
Speaker 1: take some time, and I was like, it's actually not
Speaker 1: take you the time. It's just like when it happens.
Speaker 1: It happens. You know your life is about to take
Speaker 1: a crazy turn. It was very quick, how amazing? Gosh,
Speaker 1: well that is that was you? You you're sitting there
Speaker 1: with your yellow legal pad. Was me waiving the pregnancy test?
Speaker 1: Just you know, there's a before and an asked at
Speaker 1: this moment of like you you don't know? And then
Speaker 1: oh my god, you know were you excited right away?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I was. I've been told I couldn't
Speaker 1: have children. I've been told when I was very young.
Speaker 1: This this pretty awful doctor. You know, I'm eighteen years old.
Speaker 1: And he basically compared all my tubes and my uterus
Speaker 1: is basically sort of looking like a you bend in
Speaker 1: a toilet, and he was like, chances of you having
Speaker 1: a child extremely unscreamed, unlike I would say I'll never
Speaker 1: have a child. And I was like, well, is there
Speaker 1: like anything, is there anything I could do? So anything
Speaker 1: I can do? Like you know, I'm eighteen, I'm sitting
Speaker 1: there in my paper gown open at the back, and
Speaker 1: he goes, well, you know, you could have a lot
Speaker 1: of sex, and so if you shake something loose. I
Speaker 1: I just remember stumbling out of there being like this
Speaker 1: is no you know, nobody, nobody helps you deal with
Speaker 1: that concept. But it's interesting how you're you know, we
Speaker 1: didn't have I mean, I say, back then, you and
Speaker 1: I are kind of around the same age, but it
Speaker 1: wasn't like there was a therapist or someone to really
Speaker 1: talk to about this huge idea. Your life sort of
Speaker 1: grows around it. So when things change when I became pregnant,
Speaker 1: or I imagine when you get this call that you
Speaker 1: are actually going to be a mother, like it is
Speaker 1: actually going to happen to say, it's life changing. I
Speaker 1: don't know if there are times words don't really they
Speaker 1: don't really suffice, but it was epic and immense, and
Speaker 1: it definitely made me feel like there was some greater
Speaker 1: power at work. I feel like I should pay you
Speaker 1: for a therapy session. You can, I'll send you my
Speaker 1: papal information, or you can just do a direct transfer.
Speaker 1: I'd like that. Hold It's been such an incredible pleasure
Speaker 1: talking to you. Thank you so much. I'm sorry you
Speaker 1: crowd your mascara. That's okay, so great. Thank you. You
Speaker 1: can watch Holda every weekday on the Today Show, and
Speaker 1: she will also be co anchoring the Tokyo Olympics from
Speaker 1: July to August eight. Mini Questions is hosted and written
Speaker 1: by Me Mini Driver, Supervising producer Aaron Kaufman, Producer Morgan Lavoy,
Speaker 1: Research assistant Marissa Brown. Original music Sorry Baby by Mini Driver,
Speaker 1: Additional music by Aaron Kaufman, Executive produced by Me Minni Driver.
Speaker 1: Special thanks to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison No Day,
Speaker 1: Lisa Castella and Nick Oppenheim at w kPr, de La Pescadore,
Speaker 1: Kate Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech support,
Speaker 1: Henry Driver,