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Speaker 1: I am thrilled that you're here, excited to be here?

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Speaker 1: Or the distress like when's my time with many? How

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Speaker 1: old are your girls now? Or and to oh my god,

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Speaker 1: you're in the weeds, oh foreign to holy Molly, baby birds.

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Speaker 1: I know that people feel this way about their children,

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Speaker 1: but my son, he is just the best person I know.

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Speaker 1: I could talk to him forever. Gosh, it's funny, he's

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Speaker 1: downstairs drinking kool Aid, which we just drove to the

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Speaker 1: American store to gain. So Hello, I'm mini driver and

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Speaker 1: welcome to many questions. I've always loved Pruces questionnaire. It

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Speaker 1: was originally an eighteenth century parlor game meant to reveal

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Speaker 1: an individual's true nature. But with so many questions, there

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Speaker 1: wasn't really an opportunity to expand on anything. So I

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Speaker 1: took the format of Pruce's questionnaire and adapted What I

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Speaker 1: think are seven of the most important questions you could

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Speaker 1: ever ask someone. They are when and where were you happiest?

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Speaker 1: What is the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship,

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Speaker 1: real or fictionalized, defines love for you? What question would

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Speaker 1: you most like answered, What person, place, or experience has

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Speaker 1: shaped you the most? What would be your last meal?

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Speaker 1: And can you tell me something in your life that

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Speaker 1: has grown out of a personal disaster. The more people

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Speaker 1: we ask, the more we begin to see what makes

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Speaker 1: us similar and what makes us individual. I've gathered a

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Speaker 1: group of really remarkable people who I am honored and

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Speaker 1: humbled to have had a chance to engage with. My

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Speaker 1: guest today is herd a cut b who is really

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Speaker 1: the most surprising and interesting person who we probably already

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Speaker 1: think we know. I know, I did. She's been the

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Speaker 1: co anchor of The Today Show since two thousand eighteen,

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Speaker 1: been a tireless advocate breast cancer awareness and surviving cancer herself,

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Speaker 1: and became a mother later in her life, which gives

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Speaker 1: her a perspective on motherhood that I found extremely relatable

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Speaker 1: and joyful. Okay, so, like you know these questions, dying

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Speaker 1: to hear what your answers are, What would be your

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Speaker 1: last meal? I've debated this because this is a big

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Speaker 1: I think I would have Joel's salmon. He barbecued salmon

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Speaker 1: every Saturday, and it is the best samy. It like

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Speaker 1: melts in your mouth and it reminds me of us.

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Speaker 1: So I would have that. I would have really crispy, crunchy,

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Speaker 1: delicious French fries only because for my whole life that's

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Speaker 1: been my comfort food and I would love that I

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Speaker 1: would have my mom's spark lava. I can close my

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Speaker 1: eyes and taste it. She's eighty six and she still

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Speaker 1: makes it, and it's delicious, and it reminds me of

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Speaker 1: all the goodness in my mom. Reminds me of our

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Speaker 1: kitchen when we were kids. And then would probably eat

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Speaker 1: about three gallons of ice cream because I'm not allowed

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Speaker 1: to eat ice cream because I've got a very role

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Speaker 1: Oh well, that won't matter your dairy problem. Yeah, when

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Speaker 1: I wondered what I want to eat at all, who knows,

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Speaker 1: maybe feel terrible at the end. My club is stocking

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Speaker 1: to Marry. My team is Marry, and she's outside eating

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Speaker 1: a sandwich. My team is my dog, and he's going

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Speaker 1: to bark definitely in the stocking mirror, and she's like,

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Speaker 1: I just have ice water. Are you to my stomach

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Speaker 1: when I eat? Oh my god, your last meal? Eat it? Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I mean I realized in asking this question that implicit

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Speaker 1: in the question is you know, and then you're gonna

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Speaker 1: die or that's it. It's out and it's like, isn't

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Speaker 1: that what we'd really be thinking about, like what Mary says,

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Speaker 1: like I wouldn't be able to eat a thing. I

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Speaker 1: would just drink water. I don't know. I think it's that.

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Speaker 1: What is the food that connects you most to life,

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Speaker 1: regardless of whether you're about to die or not. I

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Speaker 1: love food so much. When I speak to people who

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Speaker 1: are like, yeah, you know, it's fuel, I just want

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Speaker 1: to I just want to punch them. Really. One of

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Speaker 1: my favorite desserts is a sheet cake, like a sheet

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Speaker 1: birthday cake. Yeah, I just want to sit on my

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Speaker 1: couch sometimes because I make them for everybody's birthday. I

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Speaker 1: just want to sit on my couch when it was home.

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Speaker 1: I can't beat myself when people are around with this

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Speaker 1: big spoon and that sheet cake and just sit there

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Speaker 1: and just scoop that up like that would be one

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Speaker 1: of my favorite nights. I just agree with you. There

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Speaker 1: is covert food that is a category of living that

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Speaker 1: doesn't get enough play. Like I like standing up in

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Speaker 1: my kitchen with a sheet of mozza with really thick,

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Speaker 1: delicious French salted butter and mar might and I like

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Speaker 1: to stand up and listen to the radio and look

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Speaker 1: out at what's happening on the street, total rear window.

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Speaker 1: It with my mom, I and Matza. I've never told

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Speaker 1: anybody that, Hoda, I've never admitted that, but that's what

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Speaker 1: I like to do, and I like to stand up

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Speaker 1: when I'm doing it. By the way, the covert eating

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Speaker 1: Joel had any idea what I ate when he went

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Speaker 1: out of town and be like, oh god, when the

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Speaker 1: kids go to bed, if Joel's out, chirp and Chicken

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Speaker 1: has a rack of ribs that has all kinds of barbecue.

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Speaker 1: I literally get a roll of paper towels. I sit

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Speaker 1: in front of the TV on the floor. It's gross

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Speaker 1: and I just go for it and I'm like done

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Speaker 1: with it. And I wanted to dispose of the evidence

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Speaker 1: just in case I've done that special trash bag for

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Speaker 1: food that you don't want anyone to know that you ate.

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Speaker 1: I was imagining that it's a full rack of ribs.

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Speaker 1: It's not even a half rack. Girl. And what I

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Speaker 1: want to do sometimes to stop myself this is t M.

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Speaker 1: I is when I eat enough of the cake and

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Speaker 1: I just have to throw it away. I just have

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Speaker 1: to get cascake and pour it all. Because sometimes sometimes

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Speaker 1: after an hour or so, it was I could bite in.

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Speaker 1: There have to ruin it so that you can't go back,

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Speaker 1: because if we're sitting on top of the can, it's

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Speaker 1: still okay. Every Woman, every woman I know, except the

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Speaker 1: one who said that food was fuel, understands that pouring

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Speaker 1: on something to ruin it. Do you remember in the

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Speaker 1: beginning of Alma and Louise, this is great scene where

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Speaker 1: Gina Davis is on the phone with her husband who's

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Speaker 1: being horrible, and she just keeps going to the fridge

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Speaker 1: and she takes out like a Snickers bar and she

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Speaker 1: takes a bite, and she wraps up, and she puts

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Speaker 1: it back in and she goes and does something else,

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Speaker 1: and she eats the whole thing through the whole scene.

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Speaker 1: And I do that always. I pretend like I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to finish the chocolate bar, the cake, the buns,

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Speaker 1: the ice cream, the mochi, the super thin of the cake,

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Speaker 1: the tiny thin that's my That's what my friend said

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Speaker 1: to me. So dinner, I was like, oh, I'll just

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Speaker 1: have I'll just have a little tiny piece of cake,

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Speaker 1: and she was low, yeah, because you're gonna the rest

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Speaker 1: of the kitchen when everyone else is drinking coffee. She's right,

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Speaker 1: what person, place, or experience most altered your life? I

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Speaker 1: mean for the better, it was my kids, and probably

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Speaker 1: for the worst was you know. I was said a

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Speaker 1: sorority formal. I was a trying out and my brother

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Speaker 1: who also went to Virginia Tech, he was another fraternity

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Speaker 1: and we were having our formal or whatever. We were

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Speaker 1: dancing and drinking and all the stuff, and my brother

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Speaker 1: runs in and I was like, oh my god. My

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Speaker 1: brother always said he was going to crash trying out formals,

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Speaker 1: like he gave his buddy did it? And he said

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Speaker 1: come outside, and I said what he goes come outside

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Speaker 1: and he's talked to you, and I go now, I

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Speaker 1: said that you need to tell me and he said

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Speaker 1: Dad had a heart attack and he died. It was

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Speaker 1: like you couldn't even compute what was going on. And

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Speaker 1: I remember we got into a car and we drove

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Speaker 1: to his apartment where he shared with a bunch of

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Speaker 1: other people, and we laid on the bed. So when

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Speaker 1: I was remembering, and I played James Taylor on the

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Speaker 1: turntable over and over and over and over until we

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Speaker 1: went home that morning. I think, you know, losing him

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Speaker 1: that young, I mean I went without my contacts. I'm

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Speaker 1: legally blind. I had on headphones and I would walk

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Speaker 1: around campus just obliviously for most of the year, I think,

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Speaker 1: and it's funny, it was the worst thing in the world,

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Speaker 1: But I often look around where I am now and wonder.

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Speaker 1: You know, you always want to add a girl from

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Speaker 1: your dad, you know you always want to you did it,

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Speaker 1: and throughout my career, I think there were probably a

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Speaker 1: few spots where he probably would have said, well, good

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Speaker 1: for you, you did it, and then I would have

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Speaker 1: been done. But instead, when you don't have that at

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Speaker 1: a girl, you're like, I guess there's more of this

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Speaker 1: mountain to climb. Let's see, let's see, let's see. And

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Speaker 1: you may keep pushing yourself for something that isn't coming.

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Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, it landed me

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Speaker 1: in a beautiful place. Now I have a beautiful family,

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Speaker 1: and you know, all those great things happened as a

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Speaker 1: result of it. So I think that event was really

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Speaker 1: life changing and helped me in some ways, and it

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Speaker 1: left me with unfinished business and others. Like you know,

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Speaker 1: we just were super close. He was closer with my

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Speaker 1: brother and my sister than me. I used to sometimes

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Speaker 1: sit in my car with him and we wouldn't we

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Speaker 1: wouldn't say anything. I was trying to think something to say, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I it's so funny. I remember sitting next to my

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Speaker 1: dad at the Academy Awards. It was so amazing that

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Speaker 1: he was there, and my mom was there and my sister,

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Speaker 1: and he's holding my hand as they're reading at the

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Speaker 1: nominees and he leans over and he's like, darling, you're

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Speaker 1: not going to win. And I was like, what, wait

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Speaker 1: do you He's like, yeah, no, you're not going to win.

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Speaker 1: And he was squeezing my hand. He was like, it's okay,

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Speaker 1: you'll win something else. And it was so funny. I

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Speaker 1: swear to you. I was still chuckling when they read

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Speaker 1: out kim basing his name. I was still laughing. You're

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Speaker 1: just going You've got to be fucking kidding me. But

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Speaker 1: it was so perfect. It was like, that was the

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Speaker 1: attic girl that I needed in that moment. Oh my god, Daddy,

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Speaker 1: in your life, can you tell me about something that

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Speaker 1: has grown out of a personal disaster. Yes, there was

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Speaker 1: a biggie. I was working here at NBC and everything

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Speaker 1: was great. I worked at Dateline. I was newly married

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Speaker 1: Ladi Dai Da. Life was great. I went for a

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Speaker 1: routine mammogram and she felt something and she said, you

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Speaker 1: should get it checked. So in this weird span of

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Speaker 1: a week, I found out that I needed amystectomy, and

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Speaker 1: at the same time, I found out that the guy

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Speaker 1: who I was married to was being unfaithful, and I

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Speaker 1: literally was like, what is happening? Like what happened? I

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Speaker 1: didn't understand, and I went for surgery and was horrible.

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Speaker 1: So in that time afterwards, I was in covering, which

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Speaker 1: was just laying around watching Law and Order and trying

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Speaker 1: to figure out what I was matter about the sickness

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Speaker 1: or the soon to be ex husband, And in the

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Speaker 1: middle of all of it, I had this sort of

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Speaker 1: weird epiphany which happens, I think sometimes when everything is crummy,

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Speaker 1: and all of a sudden I realized like I had

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Speaker 1: made it, and I got these four words that sort

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Speaker 1: of came to me, and they were you can't scare me.

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Speaker 1: And I learned at work they were starting a new

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Speaker 1: hour of the Today Show, a fourth hour, and I

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Speaker 1: did something I had never done before I've never really liked,

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Speaker 1: raised my hand and said picked me for this job,

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Speaker 1: because here's why I'm so good. I just worked really hard.

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Speaker 1: I was like, seeing you over here, I'm the one working. Hey,

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Speaker 1: if you want to promote me, I'm over here, like

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Speaker 1: I was that one, not the one who strung themselves

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Speaker 1: with Christmas lights and talked about how good they were.

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Speaker 1: So in this moment, with that epiphany and that feeling

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Speaker 1: I was having, I said, you know what, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: go ask for that effing job. And I still remember.

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Speaker 1: I got me elevator of thirty rock and went to

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Speaker 1: the fifty second floor, which was all the way up,

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Speaker 1: and I walked into Jeff Zupper's office at the time

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Speaker 1: he was heading up NBC, and I said, Jeff, I

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Speaker 1: had this epiphany. I got better. You can't scare me.

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Speaker 1: I want this job. He was like, okay, you are

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Speaker 1: who are you againt He had been through brain cancer,

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Speaker 1: so he understood that feeling of unstoppability kind of. And

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Speaker 1: I finished my speech. My heart was pounding. I did it.

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Speaker 1: I'd never done that. People saw me as a dateline person.

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Speaker 1: I was an Afghanistan and I had a couple of

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Speaker 1: producers pulling for me, and I ended up getting that

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Speaker 1: damn job. And I thought to myself Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: If I hadn't gotten sick, I wouldn't have the guts,

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Speaker 1: like I wouldn't have had the courage. I wouldn't have

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Speaker 1: had the mojo. I wouldn't have gone up. I would

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Speaker 1: have never asked. I would have waited like I usually do.

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Speaker 1: But instead it was urgent, like my life had margins.

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Speaker 1: There was a beginning and an end, like stop wasting time.

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Speaker 1: Like that hit me. It was like all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: life was urgent, and that happened. I ended up getting it,

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Speaker 1: and I thought, well, talk about the silver lining of

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Speaker 1: a yucky, horrible, terrible couple of years turned into a

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Speaker 1: job that turned into another job. I mean, I can't

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Speaker 1: even believe I'm fifty six and I'm doing the today,

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Speaker 1: Like how did that happen? Like how did it happen?

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Speaker 1: I'm still stunned even now as I sit in my

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Speaker 1: office wondering, like, Wow, that was weird, but I think

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Speaker 1: that was it. And going through the divorce and a

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Speaker 1: sickness and going through two things at once, it's like,

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Speaker 1: you can it really pile all your sadness in one place.

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Speaker 1: You've got to split it. Maybe that helps you in

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Speaker 1: a weird way, like I'm mad at him. Why am

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Speaker 1: I sick? You know? Then I'm like I'm feeling better.

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Speaker 1: What a jump, you know, And so all of a

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Speaker 1: sudden you're like, oh, okay, well here I am. I

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Speaker 1: think I made it through. Wow. God, I wish when

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Speaker 1: the really bad, hard stuff was happening that concurrent with

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Speaker 1: fair and worry and fair and worry could be this

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Speaker 1: idea that I know something's going to grow out of this.

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Speaker 1: I know that this is not for nothing. It's funny

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Speaker 1: that we can look back and we can see that,

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Speaker 1: but at the time when it's happening. It was astonishes

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Speaker 1: me that we can't comfort ourselves with, well, it's most

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Speaker 1: likely going to happen, which is, as he said, something grows. Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're right. I would have loved to have known in

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Speaker 1: the middle of all those days, like, don't worry, there's

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Speaker 1: something coming, because then you realize, like, you're only here

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Speaker 1: for a minute, So you do you that's it, that's all.

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Speaker 1: You get. One right around the sun, so you can

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Speaker 1: tiptoe around and make everyone feel better and do what

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Speaker 1: you do, or you can speak it, say it out

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Speaker 1: loud kind of thing. What relationship, real or fictionalized defines

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Speaker 1: love for you. I had to think about this one

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Speaker 1: for a while. I have a best friend who I've

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Speaker 1: known for twenty years. Her name is Karen. She met

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Speaker 1: her husband in New Orleans. We we both lived there

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Speaker 1: and he was a police officer. She's a reporter, and

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Speaker 1: it was a beautiful romance. And over the years I

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Speaker 1: watched that relationship and I was always in awe that

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Speaker 1: because it worked on all cylinders. It worked as a partnership,

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Speaker 1: as a romantic relationship, they connected in all the ways,

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Speaker 1: and I hadn't seen many relationship that worked everywhere. Usually

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Speaker 1: it's like, well this is from friends, and this is

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Speaker 1: for my husband. And it seemed like they had a

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Speaker 1: connection that worked everywhere. And he got very very ill

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Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, and sadly he passed away.

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Speaker 1: And it was really since his passing that I watched

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Speaker 1: Karen speak about the love she has for him in

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Speaker 1: this moment, and I was so struck by the depth.

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Speaker 1: I knew it was deep, but I think it was

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Speaker 1: watching her number one go to hospital room after hospital

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Speaker 1: room for years and years, writing notes, writing notes, writing notes,

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Speaker 1: talking to doctors, another doctor. I have to follow up,

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Speaker 1: I have to call back why aren't they doing this?

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Speaker 1: What's up with the insurance? It was endless, endless. She

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Speaker 1: was there. She was always there, And I flew to

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Speaker 1: MD Anderson a few times just to be there with them.

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Speaker 1: And I walked in and she was always determined and

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Speaker 1: driven and had that look. And meantime she was flying

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Speaker 1: priests in to talk to John. And she's probably like

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Speaker 1: the most selfless person I've ever met, and the kindest.

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Speaker 1: And they have a daughter who's graduating high school, and

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Speaker 1: there's a lot that's happening in that world. Yet here

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Speaker 1: she is, you know, speaking about the love of her husband,

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Speaker 1: and it was underscore. And two weeks ago I was

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Speaker 1: asking her this question about a priest who had come

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Speaker 1: to visit John when he was ill, and he was

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Speaker 1: from India, and I said, whatever happened to Father Balla

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Speaker 1: this priest who came and is he okay in India

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Speaker 1: with everything that's going on with COVID? And she said, well,

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Speaker 1: he's in a remote area. Said you know, they're building

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Speaker 1: a church there, and I said, oh wow, that's terrific.

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Speaker 1: Shees she said they should have to walk five miles,

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Speaker 1: but now they're building one in their community. I said,

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Speaker 1: how did they do that? That's great? She said, well,

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Speaker 1: they just got the you know, all the equipment and

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Speaker 1: things that they needed and they built it. And I said, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's great. And she said, you know, some of the

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Speaker 1: equipment could be expensive, but anyway, they got it. And

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Speaker 1: I said how did they? How did they get all

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Speaker 1: that equipment and things to build a church? And she

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Speaker 1: they they just got it. And I said, please tell

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Speaker 1: me how they got it and she said, supplies are inexpensive,

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Speaker 1: and the dollar goes a long way. And I looked

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Speaker 1: at her and I said, okay, I said, did you

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Speaker 1: and she doesn't ever say And then she said her

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Speaker 1: husband's name is John long Quillow and she said, oh,

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Speaker 1: they called it the John Renquillow Church. Oh my goodness,

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Speaker 1: I thought, like the depth of first of all, her

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Speaker 1: humility is beyond my comprehension. She'll never tell you she's

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Speaker 1: done something good. She probably regrets that she told me

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Speaker 1: that story because she doesn't like to share that she's

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Speaker 1: doing something. She just does things. You know, she'll give

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Speaker 1: everything away and not mention it. She selflessly and with

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Speaker 1: great humility, helped this community build a church. She didn't

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Speaker 1: want to mention it, and they because they loved John

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Speaker 1: called it the John Lonquillo Church, because she always says

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Speaker 1: he's as close to a saying that she can emagine.

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Speaker 1: Do you think that devotion and selflessness others the cornerstones

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Speaker 1: of love? Well, that's beautiful that you put it that way.

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Speaker 1: I guess I feel like I see it personified in people,

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Speaker 1: but I guess I've never broken it down. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: the depth is more than a wee click, more than

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00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:14,160
Speaker 1: we have a lot in common, more than I can

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Speaker 1: tell him things, you know. There's a depth there that

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Speaker 1: I think is rare. I don't think everyone gets to

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Speaker 1: experience that kind of relationship. And he John on Sundays,

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Speaker 1: he would go off in the morning, and she said,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what he's doing, probably running, you know,

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Speaker 1: and etcetera, etcetera. She didn't learn until years later that

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Speaker 1: he was always stopping at this older woman's house to

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Speaker 1: sit with her. Her husband died and that was one

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Speaker 1: of his stops in the morning. But he didn't talk

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Speaker 1: about it. He just did it. And I said, well,

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Speaker 1: I think John's probably a saint. You are too, I

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Speaker 1: just know, But saints don't say funk, so I couldn't be.

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Speaker 1: I thought, will the cool saints say fuck? But anyway,

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Speaker 1: it just struck me to watch that and they have

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Speaker 1: this young daughter and just I'm watching her and listen.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't always shake out the way that you think

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Speaker 1: it should in quotes, and it sounds like that young woman,

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Speaker 1: what she has had, what she has seen of love,

359
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Speaker 1: and what she has experienced of devotion is irreplaceable and

360
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Speaker 1: will be with her forever. And it's not that one

361
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Speaker 1: should ever have an either or like either you have

362
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Speaker 1: a dad or you have this amazing example of devotion

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Speaker 1: and love. But but how incredible that she does have that,

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00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,679
Speaker 1: and that that's his legacy. It's very hard when you

365
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Speaker 1: lose someone to think about legacies because you really just

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Speaker 1: you don't care. You're like, I don't care about the legs.

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Speaker 1: I just want them here. I want them here to

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Speaker 1: hug and to touch and to feel and to be

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Speaker 1: with and to talk to. But the reality is, if

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Speaker 1: they've played their hand and it's done, what is left

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Speaker 1: behind them is really genuinely what you celebrate. Right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's good. Yeah, So tell me when and when were

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Speaker 1: you happiest. I'm my happiest in this moment. And the

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Speaker 1: reason I say that is because I've had so many

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Speaker 1: beautiful moments in my life, but nothing comes close to

376
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Speaker 1: what happened to me four years ago where Joe and

377
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Speaker 1: I adopted Haley. And I think, when you don't think

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Speaker 1: you're going to get something because you don't know why

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Speaker 1: it wasn't in your cards. And I always dreamt of

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Speaker 1: being a mom. I thought it was in my d

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Speaker 1: n A. I had some bumps in the road, a

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Speaker 1: divorce and an illness, and then you realize, We'll wait.

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Speaker 1: I think the window went past me, and you almost

384
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 1: are shocked, like what happened? How did I miss that window?

385
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Speaker 1: So I would say out loud, all I wanted to

386
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 1: do was be a school teacher, and I would say, so,

387
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Speaker 1: I'm done with this job at the Today Show, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be a school teacher, because it was the

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Speaker 1: closest I could get to being with kids. And I

390
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 1: was actually thinking about, like, how do I get my

391
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:14,760
Speaker 1: education degree? I don't have that. What do I do?

392
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 1: How do I do it? And then one day I

393
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 1: actually watched a video and it was a child in Syria.

394
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:25,359
Speaker 1: The place had been bombed and he had soot on

395
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Speaker 1: his face, and I just I was struggling with it.

396
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Speaker 1: And I looked at that kid and I said, oh

397
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Speaker 1: my god, what I wouldn't do to be the mother

398
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Speaker 1: to that child. And that was like the final sign.

399
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,120
Speaker 1: There were so many signs before, but I think that

400
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,480
Speaker 1: was the sign. And I said, if God tells you something,

401
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 1: pay attention. Stop turning your head, stop saying not now,

402
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 1: stop saying it's too late, stop stops up. And so

403
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 1: I approached the guy who had been dating for I

404
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: don't know six months, who has a grown daughter, and

405
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 1: I was like, how am I gonna say this? And

406
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,480
Speaker 1: I guess this will show me whether or not he

407
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:05,160
Speaker 1: loves me enough. And I said to him, I'm gonna

408
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 1: ask you something that's very important to me, but I

409
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 1: don't want you to answer right now. I need you

410
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 1: to think about it. And I said, I have these

411
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Speaker 1: feelings that I cannot push away anymore. And that's it,

412
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Speaker 1: Like I have to say it out loud or I'll explode.

413
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 1: You know that feeling when you you're carrying something it's heavy.

414
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,240
Speaker 1: I really do. And I said, I would like to

415
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:30,439
Speaker 1: explore adoption with you, and literally it was like one thousand,

416
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Speaker 1: two thousand three. I was looking at his face and

417
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Speaker 1: I was thinking to myself in this weird five second vacuum,

418
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: everything was about to change everything. Either I was going

419
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,680
Speaker 1: to think maybe he doesn't love me enough and maybe

420
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:48,440
Speaker 1: this was over, or he was going to say yes

421
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 1: and our lives would change in another way. And he literally,

422
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 1: meaning maybe. On the second number five, he said to me, oh,

423
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Speaker 1: I don't need a week. I don't need any time

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Speaker 1: to think about it. The answers yes, and I literally

425
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 1: fell on his chest and stabbed because it was like,

426
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 1: finally I said it out loud. You know the thing

427
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 1: you're most scared of, say that loud. In either way

428
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 1: it's resolved, you might as well say it. And literally

429
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,640
Speaker 1: I just saw it like I still saw the mess

430
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,960
Speaker 1: earri scenes on his teacher. I was like that kind

431
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 1: of starving. But anyway, that was the beginning. Wow, So

432
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,040
Speaker 1: you would have done it anyway if that had meant

433
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 1: the end of your relationship. You would have chosen being

434
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 1: a mother over being in a relationship with someone that

435
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 1: you loved. It was that important to you. I never

436
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 1: actually never thought about because I didn't have to make

437
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 1: the choice. But yes, it's the most extraordinary thing when

438
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 1: you know something, you just know. When I was pregnant

439
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 1: with Henry. They do this terrible but I suppose necessary

440
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 1: test where they basically look at the DNA from your

441
00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:54,080
Speaker 1: partner and yours mixed together, and it spits out a

442
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 1: number of the likelihood of you having a child with disabilities,

443
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:03,080
Speaker 1: and it gives you a X number in X thousand.

444
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 1: And I wasn't in the thousands. I wasn't in the hundreds.

445
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:12,160
Speaker 1: I was in the teens, like it was very likely.

446
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 1: And I wrestled with the idea of getting an amniocentesis

447
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 1: because I was like, I'm having this baby no matter what.

448
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: I had the amnia because I was like, I will

449
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 1: be forewarned, I will know. And I was like, I'm

450
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 1: having this baby. I'm having this baby no matter what.

451
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 1: And I knew it. I knew it as clear as

452
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 1: a bell. There's very few moments in life where we're

453
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,719
Speaker 1: that sure about things clearly. You're right is when you

454
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,919
Speaker 1: know without a blink, when you know and you know

455
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 1: what's so weird. I'm you know, as I'm sitting here

456
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,639
Speaker 1: in my office, I was sitting in the chair that

457
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,439
Speaker 1: you can't see it's behind you. When the adoption agency

458
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,920
Speaker 1: texted me and I called it the project, because I

459
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 1: really wanted to look at my phone when it rang

460
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 1: and said that project Ashley, and she wrote called me

461
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 1: and I looked at the bolts and I was like,

462
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 1: oh my god. So I literally sat there to get

463
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 1: a yellow pad and I looked at the clock. It's

464
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,639
Speaker 1: like eleven fifty three. I said, this is the moment.

465
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 1: Like this, there will always be like a before and after.

466
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 1: And I scribbled all that stuff down and then I

467
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,119
Speaker 1: hit the button and I called her and she said

468
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: two words, she's here. I was like, I don't know

469
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 1: what a live birth feels like, but that was pretty cool.

470
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,239
Speaker 1: When I just got there, it was pretty amazing. And

471
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: it was one of those times Dan still everything's frozen.

472
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:42,399
Speaker 1: It's like your life changes in a blink, like just

473
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 1: like that, and there's a before and after. How long

474
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: was it from the beginning of the process to that

475
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 1: phone call. We got the call in January and I

476
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,720
Speaker 1: had talked to Joel in November. Wow, we had just

477
00:26:56,840 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 1: moved in together. It was November. Because they said it

478
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,159
Speaker 1: could take a year, as aid a joy at me,

479
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 1: take some time, and I was like, it's actually not

480
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 1: take you the time. It's just like when it happens.

481
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 1: It happens. You know your life is about to take

482
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 1: a crazy turn. It was very quick, how amazing? Gosh,

483
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:18,880
Speaker 1: well that is that was you? You you're sitting there

484
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:22,160
Speaker 1: with your yellow legal pad. Was me waiving the pregnancy test?

485
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 1: Just you know, there's a before and an asked at

486
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,960
Speaker 1: this moment of like you you don't know? And then

487
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 1: oh my god, you know were you excited right away?

488
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I was. I've been told I couldn't

489
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:39,200
Speaker 1: have children. I've been told when I was very young.

490
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:44,160
Speaker 1: This this pretty awful doctor. You know, I'm eighteen years old.

491
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 1: And he basically compared all my tubes and my uterus

492
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: is basically sort of looking like a you bend in

493
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 1: a toilet, and he was like, chances of you having

494
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 1: a child extremely unscreamed, unlike I would say I'll never

495
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 1: have a child. And I was like, well, is there

496
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 1: like anything, is there anything I could do? So anything

497
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 1: I can do? Like you know, I'm eighteen, I'm sitting

498
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 1: there in my paper gown open at the back, and

499
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 1: he goes, well, you know, you could have a lot

500
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 1: of sex, and so if you shake something loose. I

501
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,080
Speaker 1: I just remember stumbling out of there being like this

502
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 1: is no you know, nobody, nobody helps you deal with

503
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 1: that concept. But it's interesting how you're you know, we

504
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 1: didn't have I mean, I say, back then, you and

505
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 1: I are kind of around the same age, but it

506
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 1: wasn't like there was a therapist or someone to really

507
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 1: talk to about this huge idea. Your life sort of

508
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:42,960
Speaker 1: grows around it. So when things change when I became pregnant,

509
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 1: or I imagine when you get this call that you

510
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 1: are actually going to be a mother, like it is

511
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 1: actually going to happen to say, it's life changing. I

512
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 1: don't know if there are times words don't really they

513
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 1: don't really suffice, but it was epic and immense, and

514
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 1: it definitely made me feel like there was some greater

515
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 1: power at work. I feel like I should pay you

516
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 1: for a therapy session. You can, I'll send you my

517
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 1: papal information, or you can just do a direct transfer.

518
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 1: I'd like that. Hold It's been such an incredible pleasure

519
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 1: talking to you. Thank you so much. I'm sorry you

520
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 1: crowd your mascara. That's okay, so great. Thank you. You

521
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 1: can watch Holda every weekday on the Today Show, and

522
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:33,960
Speaker 1: she will also be co anchoring the Tokyo Olympics from

523
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 1: July to August eight. Mini Questions is hosted and written

524
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: by Me Mini Driver, Supervising producer Aaron Kaufman, Producer Morgan Lavoy,

525
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:55,320
Speaker 1: Research assistant Marissa Brown. Original music Sorry Baby by Mini Driver,

526
00:29:56,640 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 1: Additional music by Aaron Kaufman, Executive produced by Me Minni Driver.

527
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 1: Special thanks to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison No Day,

528
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:13,360
Speaker 1: Lisa Castella and Nick Oppenheim at w kPr, de La Pescadore,

529
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 1: Kate Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech support,

530
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 1: Henry Driver,