1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:05,240 Speaker 1: Today on the bright Side, Award winning singer songwriter Rachel 2 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:08,000 Speaker 1: Plattin is here, y'all. You know her hit record Fight Song, Well, 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,559 Speaker 1: today we're getting to know the woman behind the anthem. 4 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:14,920 Speaker 1: Rachel is opening up about the invisible storm of postpartum 5 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:18,360 Speaker 1: depression that she walked through and the life saving conversation 6 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:20,759 Speaker 1: that helped her find her way back to the light. 7 00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:24,920 Speaker 1: This is Rachel Plattin like you've never heard her before, intentional, 8 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 1: rooted and simply radiant. 9 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,479 Speaker 2: That whole crazy, out of nowhere, stratospheric rise out of 10 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 2: anonymity of thirteen years of like playing around the country 11 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:35,960 Speaker 2: and no one caring. Then all of a sudden boom, 12 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:39,560 Speaker 2: everyone cares, and that rise felt like how do I 13 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:40,159 Speaker 2: keep up with this? 14 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,880 Speaker 1: I'm smoone voice and this is the bright side from 15 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:48,959 Speaker 1: hell of Sunshine. Okay, y'all, our guest today is Sunshine personified. 16 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 1: I mean truly, I'm talking about award winning singer songwriter 17 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 1: Rachel Plattin. She has a smile that can just light 18 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 1: up a room, y'all, and songs that get me up 19 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,480 Speaker 1: on my feet, get me up off my couch. Of course, 20 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,120 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about Fight Song. It is that track that 21 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,640 Speaker 1: you turn on when you just seed that little boost, 22 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,280 Speaker 1: when you know you gotta throw your hair up in 23 00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:13,759 Speaker 1: a messy bun, you gotta puff your chest out, put 24 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 1: your shoulders back, handle your business. And although she's best 25 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:22,360 Speaker 1: known as the woman behind this global anthem, I mean, 26 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,720 Speaker 1: there is so much more to her story, like the 27 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 1: pressure that comes with being known as the woman behind 28 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: an anthem like that. I mean, think about it. You 29 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 1: are known around the world as this woman with this ironclad, 30 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:43,120 Speaker 1: unshakable confidence. But what happens when the woman behind those 31 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:47,200 Speaker 1: lyrics can't find the strength to rise. That's what we're 32 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 1: getting into today because in my conversation with Rachel, I 33 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 1: learned about the invisible mental health battle she fought after 34 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 1: giving birth to her daughter, Sophie Joe, and I discovered 35 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,360 Speaker 1: that Rachel and I actually share some pretty big parallels 36 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 1: in our motherhood journeys, Like we both had our second 37 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:09,760 Speaker 1: babies within a week of each other. And you know, 38 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 1: I've talked about motherhood on this show, but to be honest, 39 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: there are parts of my journey as a mother, specifically 40 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:21,919 Speaker 1: in the postpartum period, that I haven't been fully transparent about. 41 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 1: And it's because some parts of that story are super dark, 42 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 1: and I've felt some shame around them, and I've wondered, Man, 43 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: is this too dark to talk about? Like, is this 44 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:37,840 Speaker 1: too dark to share? I think sometimes in life there's 45 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 1: this tendency to want to sanitize the hard parts of 46 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,639 Speaker 1: life and just like clean them up and make them 47 00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:50,519 Speaker 1: more presentable. There is nothing clean and tidy about this conversation. 48 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,240 Speaker 1: I'm letting my mess hang out. Rachel's letting her mess 49 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 1: hang out. And that took me by surprise, honestly, Like 50 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: I knew that I was going to be talking to 51 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:05,839 Speaker 1: Rachel about her postpartum journey, but in no way did 52 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,800 Speaker 1: I expect that I was going to be opening up 53 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,880 Speaker 1: in such a profound way. Like I've never met Rachel 54 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,440 Speaker 1: before this. This was my first time meeting her when 55 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:17,360 Speaker 1: we sat down to record this episode, and yet by 56 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:20,639 Speaker 1: the end of the episode, we're literally like crying and 57 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,360 Speaker 1: holding each other and being like, oh my gosh, how 58 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,080 Speaker 1: did we not know each other before this. It's just 59 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:32,640 Speaker 1: amazing what happens when you give yourself permission to talk 60 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 1: about these experiences. Because that's the dangerous part suffering in silence. 61 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 1: It's not something that we need to do. It's not 62 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 1: something that we have to do. The reality is that 63 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 1: these experiences are far more common than we think. While 64 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:52,480 Speaker 1: one in seven women experience postpartum depression, only six percent 65 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:56,480 Speaker 1: of women seek psychological help. And Rachel is going to 66 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 1: be sharing today that process of seeking help in her 67 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:04,120 Speaker 1: own life and how just the brave act of seeking 68 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: help potentially saved her life. I'm gonna be honest, it's 69 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,880 Speaker 1: scary to talk about these things. Vulnerability is not something 70 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 1: that comes easily for me, so it's not easy to 71 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 1: get on the mic and open up about stuff like this. 72 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: But one of the most hopeful things that I can 73 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:24,600 Speaker 1: share today, and I think a beautiful byproduct of conversations 74 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,719 Speaker 1: like this, is that Rachel and I are both thriving 75 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: on the other side of postpartum depression. And whether you're 76 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 1: a mother or not, whether that's your journey or not, 77 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,839 Speaker 1: there is so much that we can learn from Rachel's 78 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 1: mental health journey, and her latest album, I Am Rachel 79 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:43,839 Speaker 1: Platten is a testament to all the ways that she's 80 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:48,640 Speaker 1: grown as an artist since becoming a mother. So listen 81 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,719 Speaker 1: to our conversation and then make sure to give her 82 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:53,159 Speaker 1: album and listen to all right here. It is my 83 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:58,719 Speaker 1: conversation with Rachel Platten. Rachel Platten, Welcome to the right side. 84 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,920 Speaker 3: Hi so excited to be here. 85 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:04,920 Speaker 1: I'm so excited to be here with you, particularly because 86 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,359 Speaker 1: I see so much of myself and your motherhood journey. Oh, 87 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 1: my kids are almost the exact same age. WHOA Yeah, 88 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:15,720 Speaker 1: I have two boys, Logan and Keenan. My oldest is 89 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,920 Speaker 1: about to be five, and then the youngest is three. 90 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, so similar, yes, and so as. 91 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 1: I was just like researching your story for this interview 92 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,359 Speaker 1: and hearing you talk about some of the stuff that 93 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 1: you went through, I just felt so seen. But before 94 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,040 Speaker 1: we get there, I think we have to start by 95 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,760 Speaker 1: talking about your most recent album, I Am Rachel Platten, 96 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 1: and you say that this album saved your life and 97 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 1: that it's almost like your first proper introduction to the world. 98 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: It's even in the name, like I am Rachel Platten. 99 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,119 Speaker 1: So why do you feel like this is your first 100 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:51,919 Speaker 1: real introduction. 101 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 2: I went through so much trauma and incredibly hard battles 102 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 2: of my mental health, and as I came out of it, 103 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 2: what helped me, among so many tools was songwriting and 104 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,400 Speaker 2: turning back to my purpose and my why and I 105 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:14,800 Speaker 2: kind of lost that in the music industry. So writing 106 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:19,839 Speaker 2: the album became like an act of worship for me 107 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 2: of just like remembering myself, remembering why I do this, 108 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 2: remembering who I am. Putting my hands on the piano 109 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:30,520 Speaker 2: reminded me I'm not just a mom that's beaten up 110 00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:34,799 Speaker 2: and not doing well. So yeah, writing the album healed 111 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 2: me in a lot of ways that I was struggling 112 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,560 Speaker 2: so much and needed it so much for myself that 113 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 2: I was writing it for me, and in that way, 114 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:46,159 Speaker 2: it was so raw and so unfiltered. You know, a 115 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 2: lot of the songs were straight from journal entries with 116 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 2: like tears falling on the page and then they became music. 117 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,800 Speaker 2: So I just felt like when it came time to 118 00:06:56,839 --> 00:07:00,320 Speaker 2: release it, looking at the body of work, I was 119 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 2: just really amazed that it felt like it really represented 120 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:08,279 Speaker 2: me so fully without yeah, without any like mask on 121 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 2: or anything. So I wanted to claim it and be like, 122 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 2: you don't. You might have known a side of me, 123 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 2: and I'm so grateful to that side, to that empowered 124 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 2: fight song girl, But here's all of me. 125 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,160 Speaker 1: As I'm sitting across from you, you are radiating freedom. 126 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, You're radiating like liberation. 127 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:28,200 Speaker 3: Really thank you. Yeah, I feel it, I really feel it. 128 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 1: I feel it too. But I think to talk about 129 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 1: the freedom to properly set the stage for that, we 130 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 1: have to talk about the cage first. Yeah, so when 131 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,320 Speaker 1: did your mental health struggles start? 132 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,600 Speaker 2: Oh, first of all, I had my daughter in twenty nineteen, 133 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 2: probably a better thing to start with. I had my 134 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:48,880 Speaker 2: first daughter, Violet in twenty nineteen, and went on tour 135 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 2: really quickly afterwards. 136 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 4: I don't know what I was thinking, Like. 137 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 3: That's insane to me? 138 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,240 Speaker 1: Now, how soon after three months? 139 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 3: What insane? 140 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:56,760 Speaker 2: Rachel? What? 141 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 3: I don't know what the dick I was thinking. I 142 00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 3: was like I was. 143 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 2: I think I was really afraid that motherhood was going 144 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,800 Speaker 2: to change my life and like change. 145 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:06,760 Speaker 3: I don't know. 146 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,240 Speaker 2: How I was perceived in the industry, like there's so 147 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,840 Speaker 2: many rules for women in pop or there felt like 148 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,880 Speaker 2: there were. I think they're starting to kind of get 149 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 2: broken down, but at least I felt them, and I 150 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 2: felt pressure to kind of declare, like, this baby's not 151 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:23,960 Speaker 2: going to change my life. I'm going to strap her 152 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,320 Speaker 2: on my back, put her on the bus. 153 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 4: I don't know what. 154 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 1: I like, we can have it, Yeah, I can have 155 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,280 Speaker 1: it all right, and you can't such a trap right, 156 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 1: Like you can but. 157 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 2: Not at the same time, and I'm like right and sough. 158 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 2: So I went on tour and it was two arenas 159 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,800 Speaker 2: and it was like fifteen thousand people twenty thousand people 160 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 2: a night, and then I was doing and I was 161 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,320 Speaker 2: breastfeeding the bus, but like right afterwards, so I'd get 162 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 2: off stage and I'd run and I'd try to like 163 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:49,720 Speaker 2: make the night feeding and my breast milks while I 164 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 2: was dwindling and my sleep was awful, and I started 165 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:57,160 Speaker 2: to suffer from depression, like really severe anxiety and panic 166 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 2: attacks and depression. 167 00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,840 Speaker 3: And I didn't understand it. 168 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,800 Speaker 2: The time that it was it had to do with 169 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 2: my hormones and the baby. Like I kind of just 170 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:08,319 Speaker 2: was like, well, this is situational, because this is unnatural 171 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,560 Speaker 2: to play this many people just after you did such 172 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:15,200 Speaker 2: an internal creative work. And that's all true, but it 173 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 2: was also my hormones. So I started to suffer with 174 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:23,319 Speaker 2: postpartu depression then, and I healed after I got off 175 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 2: that tour, I like slowly but surely healed. I started 176 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:29,240 Speaker 2: to write songs again, remember myself and did like I 177 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:31,560 Speaker 2: had so many tools I had an incredible therapist and 178 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:35,000 Speaker 2: amazing acupuncturist, and that was enough for that round of 179 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 2: my depression, and then started to really dive back into music. 180 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,480 Speaker 2: The pandemic happened, and I turned really deeply inward and 181 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 2: was okay, And it was kind of really like, Wow, 182 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 2: I made it through. 183 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:47,840 Speaker 4: I'm okay. 184 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 2: I kind of thought that was it. I thought that 185 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:50,880 Speaker 2: was my dark night of the soul. And I was 186 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 2: really proud. And I wrote a song about that at 187 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 2: the time that's on the record, And it was just 188 00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:59,319 Speaker 2: so funny that that wasn't even the tip of iceberg 189 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 2: in terms of of what I went through. 190 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 3: So you're saying it continued, Oh my god, it was. 191 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,520 Speaker 2: I got prenant with my second Sophie in twenty twenty one. 192 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 2: They were they're like two and a half years apart. 193 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 1: My son was born in uh September one, twenty twenty one. 194 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 3: Oh my god, September ninth, Oh my one. Wow. 195 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,160 Speaker 1: We were like right there at the same time. 196 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:21,199 Speaker 2: Yeah, so we know exactly how the world was feeling 197 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:22,040 Speaker 2: and how we were feeling. 198 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 3: What a weird time to have a baby. Yeah. 199 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 2: I just was so isolated and so alone. Yeah, and 200 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,680 Speaker 2: just became more and more so after having Sophie, and 201 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 2: I went into such a scary place my mental health, 202 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 2: and that was like, I love your phrase, the cage 203 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 2: Like that really felt like the bars of that cage 204 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 2: were just locked and I didn't know how to get out. 205 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:44,359 Speaker 4: It was so terrifying. 206 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 1: So I don't know about you, but when I had 207 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,920 Speaker 1: my second kid, it almost broke me. 208 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:50,720 Speaker 4: Yeah, me too. 209 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 1: Going from one to two. 210 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:56,680 Speaker 2: Oh my god was oh, just like you can't know 211 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,559 Speaker 2: how to describe it. 212 00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 3: No, no one can prepare you. 213 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 2: And they say they're like ones one two is like seven, 214 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 2: like you're you know, or two is going to change everything. 215 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 3: And I'm like, well, no, I'm going to be good. 216 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,840 Speaker 2: I have I know this time that I have proclivity to, 217 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 2: you know, go to a dark place. So I'm going 218 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 2: to put all of these tools in place. I have 219 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,280 Speaker 2: my therapist ready, I have my postpartum doula, I have 220 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,199 Speaker 2: all the things. I'm so privileged to have all these 221 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,280 Speaker 2: things and so lucky. I know a lot of women aren't, 222 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,720 Speaker 2: and I recognize how lucky I am for that. 223 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,560 Speaker 3: And even with all of that. 224 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 2: Support, even while that support, it was such a shock 225 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 2: to my system. I wasn't ready at all, and I 226 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:39,199 Speaker 2: plummeted so deeply. How was it for you? 227 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:45,120 Speaker 1: So I had really bad baby blues both times, and 228 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 1: for any of our besties who are listening, you haven't 229 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,480 Speaker 1: given a birth. Baby blues is this period that's like 230 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:53,840 Speaker 1: between two to what four weeks to four weeks? 231 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 2: It's natural, yes, like they say, like seventy percent of 232 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,840 Speaker 2: women experience is like really like hormonal drop. It's like 233 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,320 Speaker 2: surge of the esrogen drops all of a sudden, right 234 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 2: or the oxytocin. 235 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:08,679 Speaker 1: Sorry. Yeah, So I experienced that even more severely with 236 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 1: my second and I was like, I was just like 237 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:17,360 Speaker 1: mentally gone like those first two weeks and I I 238 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,960 Speaker 1: went into a very dark place. I had suicidal ideation. 239 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,720 Speaker 1: It was very scary, and I came out of it. 240 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,400 Speaker 1: The baby blues kind of subsided, you know, the hormones 241 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:27,920 Speaker 1: balanced out. 242 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 2: And ask, why do you call it your your like 243 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:34,480 Speaker 2: team called baby blues because it subsided? Because I'm because 244 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:37,720 Speaker 2: that sounds severe, Like that sounds more than baby blues. 245 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 2: That sounds like a little bit of postpartum depression. Just 246 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 2: because I've done so much research into this now, I 247 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 2: think you're right curious why are you using baby blues? 248 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:49,760 Speaker 1: Well, okay, so I experienced it in acute sense and 249 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,280 Speaker 1: in a heightened sense during baby blues, and then I 250 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,400 Speaker 1: felt like I kind of balanced out a little bit. 251 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:54,920 Speaker 3: It came out. 252 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:59,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, but I did start to feel honestly, like, 253 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,280 Speaker 1: looking back, like four months after giving birth, I was like, 254 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 1: wait a minute, I feel like I'm feeling this like 255 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:08,360 Speaker 1: low grade depression. Yeah, and I don't even know if 256 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 1: if I can call this postpartum, But in hindsight, it 257 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 1: totally was postpartum. And that's the insidious thing about. 258 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:14,520 Speaker 3: It, right. 259 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 2: It's confusing because on the one hand, I'm like, well, 260 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:18,439 Speaker 2: we don't want to put ourselves on in labels. You 261 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 2: don't want to label yourself. But I do think it's 262 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:24,360 Speaker 2: helpful to call it that because it just raises awareness 263 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,280 Speaker 2: and takes the shame away from it. And I think 264 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 2: that it's really probably amazing. A lot of women probably 265 00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 2: look up to you listening and like that baby blue 266 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,600 Speaker 2: sounds so innocuous and sounds so sweet. 267 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,679 Speaker 3: Yeah, almost like it's not fucking sweet. We should stop calling? 268 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,040 Speaker 3: Can we stop calling? At that? 269 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:39,960 Speaker 2: It's such a man thing, like putting a label on 270 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 2: something that is so brutal and so painful. 271 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not so right. 272 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:47,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, So regardless of how severely you suffered, it sounds brutal, 273 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,720 Speaker 2: and it sounds like you said, like it was a 274 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:53,079 Speaker 2: short amount of time, and I'm so sorry mine. 275 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,760 Speaker 1: Was so long before we dive into that. Let's take 276 00:13:55,760 --> 00:14:02,840 Speaker 1: a quick break, welcome back to the bright side. How 277 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:03,880 Speaker 1: long did it last for you? 278 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 2: It's hard to talk about, sorry, Like, oh, I'd say 279 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 2: a year really severely. And then I started to suffer 280 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,600 Speaker 2: with chronic pain after I kind of came out of 281 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:23,360 Speaker 2: the mental part of it. But the pain was also 282 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,000 Speaker 2: just more mental stuff in a different way. My nervous 283 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 2: system was just trying to find a way to alert me, 284 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:29,320 Speaker 2: like hey baby, we're not safe. 285 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:30,240 Speaker 3: We're not safe. 286 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 2: So yeah, but the like in choosive thoughts and this 287 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:38,160 Speaker 2: idiation and all that, and I had made like massive dissociation. 288 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 2: I dissociate every day. It was so brutal and scary. 289 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 3: I know that you say that. 290 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,800 Speaker 1: Gabby Bernstein was a really integral part of your healing, 291 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,320 Speaker 1: particularly one conversation that she had with you that I 292 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,640 Speaker 1: would love for you to share with our audience because 293 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,840 Speaker 1: I think it could save someone else's life. 294 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 2: So when I was suffering and on tour the first time, 295 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:03,600 Speaker 2: I at the time was really kind of enamored with 296 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:07,520 Speaker 2: like la spirituality, which doesn't feel very rooted to me. 297 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,200 Speaker 3: Sometimes it can feel a little bit. 298 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 2: Like crystals in the cards and listen, bless you. If 299 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 2: that fills you up, awesome, But it wasn't doing it 300 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 2: for me when she really hit the van. Yeah, I 301 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 2: was trying, like grasping for straws, like okay, let me 302 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,440 Speaker 2: pull a tyro card, Okay, let me talk to an intuitive, 303 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 2: let me just can someone help me? 304 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,760 Speaker 3: And it was what I'm low now is It was 305 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,760 Speaker 3: really just me trying to find that voice. 306 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,600 Speaker 2: It was me trying to hear God and through everyone else, 307 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:37,720 Speaker 2: through everything else. But Gabby is a really close friend 308 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 2: of mine and she had a baby at the same time, 309 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 2: and she was suffering from postpartum depression and her therapist 310 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 2: hadn't I didn't have a proper therapist at the time. 311 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,520 Speaker 2: Her therapist told her, Gabby, this is not the baby blues, 312 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 2: this is postpartum depression. You are not okay, my love. 313 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,200 Speaker 2: Let's get medication and let's get you help. And Gabby 314 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:58,280 Speaker 2: was terrified of taking medication because all of us little 315 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,840 Speaker 2: like Eastern spirituality. Gillies were, well, why can't we just 316 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:03,400 Speaker 2: wish it away or pray it away, or meditate it 317 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 2: away or rekie it away? And those are amazing tools great, 318 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 2: but I think when you're really severely suffering sometimes you 319 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 2: need to kind of change your mind almost about what 320 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,280 Speaker 2: you've been told is true or not. And like Gabby 321 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,240 Speaker 2: looked at me and she was like, babe, you're not okay, 322 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,760 Speaker 2: Like because I was like, can we pray? She's like, no, no, no, no, no, 323 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 2: Like we can. 324 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:28,160 Speaker 4: But you need help. 325 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:32,000 Speaker 2: You need a psychiatrist, you need a therapist. Here's the 326 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 2: helpline and hotline for a post part and fression hot line. 327 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 1: I call the hot line when she's in the depths 328 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:38,560 Speaker 1: of my despair. 329 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:40,200 Speaker 4: Can you tell me about that? 330 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm proud of you. 331 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:46,680 Speaker 1: I drove down the street. I was sobbing uncontrollably. It's like, 332 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:51,120 Speaker 1: you know, this feeling, It's like the kind of tears 333 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,680 Speaker 1: that never dry up, no matter. 334 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,000 Speaker 3: You don't at the bottom. 335 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,080 Speaker 1: There's no bottom, no matter how much you tell yourself, 336 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,000 Speaker 1: I'm gonna stop crying. I'm gonna stop crying. You can't. 337 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,720 Speaker 1: It just keeps pouring out, and so I left the house. 338 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,520 Speaker 1: I drove down the street, parked my car in a 339 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,919 Speaker 1: park and just sat there, just sobbing, and I called 340 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 1: a you know, suicide hotline, and just needed to talk 341 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,399 Speaker 1: to someone. 342 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:14,720 Speaker 4: I totally understand. 343 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:20,040 Speaker 2: I'm so sorry and alone, I'm so sorry for any 344 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:22,199 Speaker 2: of you listening that I've ever felt like that. I 345 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,280 Speaker 2: don't even have words. It's so big and it's so painful. 346 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,480 Speaker 1: It is, and you don't understand until you're there on yourself. 347 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,480 Speaker 2: No, because my I've had friends close to me that 348 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 2: I have suffered in the dark like that, and I 349 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:37,359 Speaker 2: thought I knew what darkness was, but I had no idea, 350 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,520 Speaker 2: like and it's it's. 351 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 1: Also the kind it's so maddening because it feels irrational 352 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,360 Speaker 1: when you're in it. You know, you're like, God, why 353 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:45,479 Speaker 1: can't I just be normal? 354 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 2: You know, like, why isn't I just shake wa ye? 355 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:52,239 Speaker 1: Yeah, But there's nothing, And that's when you know that 356 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,199 Speaker 1: you need help because you can't it's out of your control. 357 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:55,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. 358 00:17:55,560 --> 00:18:00,480 Speaker 2: And honestly, I think that's why finding faith was so 359 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,399 Speaker 2: pivotal at that moment, because it's the moment of like 360 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,640 Speaker 2: true surrender of like when you have fought. I talk 361 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,600 Speaker 2: a lot about the hero's journey and relate some of 362 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,960 Speaker 2: the album to my heroin's journey, you know, like, and 363 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,439 Speaker 2: it's the moment when you have based your demons and 364 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,639 Speaker 2: you are fighting and fighting and fighting, and it's funny 365 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,720 Speaker 2: coming from the fights, Hu girl. And then you just 366 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:23,679 Speaker 2: can't fight anymore because just not working. Yeah, and you 367 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,560 Speaker 2: have to change tactics and you are just laid bare 368 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:31,040 Speaker 2: on the floor of like, this isn't working. I'm gonna 369 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,320 Speaker 2: die if I don't have help, if something doesn't come 370 00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:36,040 Speaker 2: in right now. There has to be something bigger than me. 371 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,119 Speaker 2: And but like God, in the middle of those moments, 372 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,879 Speaker 2: you can't hear it, you can't find it. 373 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 1: Thank God for a friend like Gabby though we got 374 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,960 Speaker 1: on our show and she's incredible her. The conversation we 375 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,159 Speaker 1: had was like game changing for me. But to have 376 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,280 Speaker 1: a friend who was like, no, you know what, even 377 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:56,680 Speaker 1: though these things can exist, you know together in the 378 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 1: same space. We can have our reiki, right, or we 379 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,240 Speaker 1: can also have our medication. 380 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,120 Speaker 3: And they're okay. And God works through that too. 381 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,160 Speaker 2: Yes. So the first time I suffered with post part impression, 382 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,320 Speaker 2: I called her and she was like you're not okay, 383 00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:09,439 Speaker 2: Go get help. I didn't need medication that time. It 384 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,960 Speaker 2: wasn't as severe. The second time. 385 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,200 Speaker 3: I hadn't slept in like three nights, like not even 386 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,240 Speaker 3: a wink, not a second. 387 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 2: And I'm yeah, like I legitimately it was. I was 388 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:20,679 Speaker 2: in like a insane state. It was. 389 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:21,879 Speaker 3: It wasn't okay. 390 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,480 Speaker 2: And my husband was really scared and called her, I think, 391 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 2: and she texted me and was like, baby, get on 392 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,800 Speaker 2: the phone with me, and she was like, this is 393 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,560 Speaker 2: what I need you to do. You need to go 394 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,720 Speaker 2: get some out of Van immediately. You need to take 395 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 2: that tonight. It's a benzo And I know you're scared 396 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 2: of medication, but you're gonna end up in a mental hospital. 397 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 1: Like you need to do that right now. 398 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,040 Speaker 2: You need to get on sooloft or whatever is good 399 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:50,119 Speaker 2: for you, whatever, SSRI, here's a psychiatrist number. Here's like 400 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,880 Speaker 2: call your opgo and get out Avan tonight. You will sleep, 401 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:56,159 Speaker 2: I promise you. I was so terrified, Like I was 402 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,680 Speaker 2: more terrified of the medication. I don't even know why 403 00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:02,480 Speaker 2: I was so scared now, honestly, I wish I could understand. 404 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:03,320 Speaker 2: It's the stigma. 405 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:05,200 Speaker 1: I don't have mental health stigma, there's. 406 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 2: Something wrong with me. Then now I'm officially crazy. I failed. 407 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,520 Speaker 3: I also as a mother and the fact that I 408 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:11,320 Speaker 3: can't and I'm going. 409 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 2: To breastfeed and give this to my baby through my 410 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,360 Speaker 2: breast milk. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm 411 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 2: such a failure, right, No, like the worst thing would 412 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:19,680 Speaker 2: be my baby not having a mom. 413 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,600 Speaker 1: No, I'm a hero. I am right, You're a hero. 414 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,960 Speaker 3: I'm so brave and I oh my god, I love you. 415 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,320 Speaker 1: You're so sweet. 416 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,920 Speaker 3: Oh I love you. 417 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:37,679 Speaker 1: You definitely have to be friends when I heard, and 418 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:38,960 Speaker 1: I love you even more now. 419 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,600 Speaker 3: Oh so I was so brave. 420 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,919 Speaker 2: It was like the bravest thing I ever did was 421 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:49,679 Speaker 2: to take medication and to like change my mind about 422 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:53,560 Speaker 2: what I thought that meant about me, and my therapist 423 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,240 Speaker 2: was begging me to do it for like three weeks 424 00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,720 Speaker 2: before I finally acquiesced about the zoloft. Like I took 425 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,919 Speaker 2: that out of immediately because I really was just not okay. 426 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 2: And yeah, you know, but even like starting the zoloft, 427 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,320 Speaker 2: I was so afraid and I just can't even believe 428 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,679 Speaker 2: that it's now like my best friend, I'm so I 429 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,440 Speaker 2: will never go I mean, maybe I will, but Keevin 430 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,119 Speaker 2: are like, why would we ever go off? I'm clearly 431 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,280 Speaker 2: a nervous person, and I do the work on the side, 432 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,800 Speaker 2: Like I think one of the stigmas is take this. 433 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,320 Speaker 3: Thing and then ignore your problems. But that's not it. 434 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,399 Speaker 2: The way my therapist, who's brilliant, described it, she said, 435 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,960 Speaker 2: taking this medication for you is like putting the scaffolding 436 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 2: up so you can actually start to build the building. 437 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:34,000 Speaker 1: Genius. 438 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:37,720 Speaker 2: Right now, you're just throwing tools into a work site 439 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,399 Speaker 2: and they're just going down into the ground, like nothing 440 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,480 Speaker 2: you're doing is gonna make an impact, none of the 441 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:43,280 Speaker 2: work we're doing. 442 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 1: How quickly would you say you started to feel relief. 443 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,919 Speaker 2: I'd say like a month after starting the Zoloft. But 444 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,920 Speaker 2: with the Adavan, I did sleep immediately. Oh my god, 445 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,800 Speaker 2: but you're gonna I don't even want to stress everyone. 446 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,000 Speaker 3: Out listening to what's about to happen. But here's what happened. 447 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 2: And I slept that night, after like three nights of 448 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,760 Speaker 2: not sleeping and like six weeks of just not okayness, 449 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:09,879 Speaker 2: you know, barely sleeping, I woke up the next morning rested. 450 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,879 Speaker 2: Oh my god, ten hours of sleep, Oh my god, 451 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 2: and my mom came in my room and she was like, baby, 452 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,800 Speaker 2: I don't want to scare you, but your husband's in 453 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:22,359 Speaker 2: the hospital. He's passing a kidney stone right now. He's 454 00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:25,479 Speaker 2: not okay, he's probably gonna have surgery in a couple hours. 455 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:30,239 Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. And then two days after that has 456 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,480 Speaker 2: been still in the hospital. My parents collapsed in my 457 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:38,440 Speaker 2: arms because my dad's brother died, and like, what the fuck, 458 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,639 Speaker 2: that's when mercy that. And then my daughter had a fever, 459 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,200 Speaker 2: and then I just was like I'm done. 460 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 3: I'm done. 461 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 1: One of those times in life where you're just like 462 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 1: this is too much. 463 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 3: I can't I can't take it right. 464 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know that my too much is relative. 465 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:57,440 Speaker 2: I know there are people listening that have it too 466 00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,720 Speaker 2: much that is so much bigger than that and inconferenceable. 467 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,640 Speaker 2: But all all we can do is know our own, 468 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,400 Speaker 2: you know, it's it's their relative. 469 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,320 Speaker 4: And like that for me was just the limit. 470 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:06,400 Speaker 3: So I was sleeping. 471 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,160 Speaker 2: But a month later, yeah, those you know, zolof started 472 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 2: to help and that was great, and I started to 473 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 2: write songs and I started to and I started to 474 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 2: sing again because I was like singing lullabies to my 475 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,160 Speaker 2: babies all the time, but I started to really sing 476 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,119 Speaker 2: because I hadn't had a concert in like years, I 477 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,879 Speaker 2: don't know, Yeah, and so I started to really like 478 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 2: wail and sing, and my voice had changed, and it 479 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,679 Speaker 2: was miraculous, Like I was like, wait, what why am 480 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:37,920 Speaker 2: I able to sing like this? 481 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,280 Speaker 3: How did it change? It changed like you left it. 482 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,720 Speaker 3: I loved it, like I just couldn't believe it. And 483 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:46,720 Speaker 3: it was it was like the way I relate to 484 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:46,960 Speaker 3: it now. 485 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 2: If you listen to the record verse earlier stuff of mine, Yeah, 486 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 2: there's a noticeable difference in the amount of depth and 487 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,960 Speaker 2: like the like richness of my voice and the soul. 488 00:23:57,119 --> 00:24:01,000 Speaker 2: I think something, there's like a lot more body and 489 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:04,120 Speaker 2: you know spiritually that you know, I integrated the dark 490 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,520 Speaker 2: in the light, like I no longer was pushing away 491 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,240 Speaker 2: the pain. The pain now is my friend, and like 492 00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,240 Speaker 2: the dark is my friend, and I use it and 493 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:15,600 Speaker 2: I transmute it and I welcome it, and I know 494 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,840 Speaker 2: it's all part of me. And so I think I 495 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,879 Speaker 2: did a lot of I talk about this, and I 496 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,320 Speaker 2: did a lot of spiritual bypass before, like in my 497 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 2: before motherhood. 498 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:25,520 Speaker 3: I'm just like. 499 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:31,520 Speaker 1: Good vibes only yeah, okay, you know, good just uh positivity, yeah. 500 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 2: Positivity, toxic positivity, and like after this, I'm like no, no, no, no, 501 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,199 Speaker 2: no no, I can't push away my dark because it 502 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,160 Speaker 2: will come rearing its head if it's not welcomed and 503 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,720 Speaker 2: like loved and accepted like all of me. 504 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:50,720 Speaker 4: But again, music was this like haven that I'd come to. 505 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,639 Speaker 2: And I think, like for anyone listening, creativity in general 506 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,679 Speaker 2: is something that you could do if you're not a 507 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,439 Speaker 2: songwriter and you have similar things. I think creativity just 508 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:02,359 Speaker 2: is like way to come home to yourself. Yeah, remember 509 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,280 Speaker 2: that there's something bigger flowing through you. And so I 510 00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 2: went to my studio at one of the like the 511 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,960 Speaker 2: apex of pain, like I'm just fear. My youngest Sophie 512 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,199 Speaker 2: was in the hospital with like one hundred and six 513 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:14,879 Speaker 2: degree fever. 514 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,080 Speaker 3: I was terrifying. 515 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, And we came home that night and I just 516 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 2: lost it. I went into my studio, which is in 517 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:25,720 Speaker 2: the back house, and I just screamed like enough. I 518 00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:27,560 Speaker 2: didn't even know who I was screaming at. It, just 519 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:32,000 Speaker 2: like screaming at God, are you here? What's who was here? 520 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,959 Speaker 2: Like what the hell? I can't take another second of this? 521 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 2: And I just was squailing in pain and started crying mercy. 522 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:43,679 Speaker 2: And out of that pain, something moved me towards the 523 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,280 Speaker 2: piano and was like, go to the piano and put 524 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,640 Speaker 2: your hands on the piano, and that cry of mercy 525 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:55,920 Speaker 2: started to become these chords and this melody. 526 00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 4: And all of a sudden, after twenty minutes, this song 527 00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:02,520 Speaker 4: rushed through me. And this song is so joyful and 528 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,720 Speaker 4: yet painful at the same time. It's like, if you 529 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:08,360 Speaker 4: listen to it, there's there's hope and there's joy in 530 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:12,520 Speaker 4: the chords, and yet the pain in my voice is 531 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:16,240 Speaker 4: so visceral, and I think that's it couldn't have been me, 532 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,719 Speaker 4: is all I'm saying. Like I was a mess, And 533 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,320 Speaker 4: so I recognized in that moment that this amazing song 534 00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:23,760 Speaker 4: had poured through me, like who is here? Like God, 535 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 4: are you real it's something writing through me? 536 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,480 Speaker 2: AM? I supported, AM, I loved, and it was this 537 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,520 Speaker 2: seed of hope that was planted that maybe I'm not 538 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,800 Speaker 2: alone and maybe there's hope. And there was so much 539 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:40,320 Speaker 2: more pain to come, but that muse likes once songwriting, 540 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,480 Speaker 2: I realized that it could be this medicine and anchor. 541 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,239 Speaker 2: I wasn't as terrified because I kind of realized, like, 542 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:49,399 Speaker 2: are you doing what you did with me with the 543 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:50,280 Speaker 2: fight song again? 544 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,440 Speaker 4: I fucking hate you. 545 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,359 Speaker 3: But okay, I'll let myself be a vessel. 546 00:26:55,760 --> 00:27:00,040 Speaker 2: Fine, let's write some music that'll help people hate you, because. 547 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,239 Speaker 3: Because it hurts to be like to have to go. 548 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:02,640 Speaker 2: I don't. 549 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,960 Speaker 3: Oh, it's just I don't know why. Like some artists 550 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:07,840 Speaker 3: can just write. 551 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,760 Speaker 2: Songs about the club and it's so I'm so jealous, 552 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,320 Speaker 2: like mine are just so deep and painful. 553 00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:16,160 Speaker 1: Like no, but that's what you do so well though, 554 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,680 Speaker 1: Like as I'm hearing you talk about mercy and how 555 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:22,239 Speaker 1: it's this marriage of joy and pain, like that is 556 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,720 Speaker 1: what you do. Yeah, that's your gift. 557 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,760 Speaker 2: It's so brutal, but it's so it's yeah, it is 558 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:31,000 Speaker 2: a gift, and sometimes I wrestle with it because I'm like, man, 559 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,280 Speaker 2: it would be so nice to sing a cute little 560 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:34,640 Speaker 2: pop song and just like. 561 00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 3: You know, or write about a boy or something. You know, girl, 562 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,000 Speaker 3: that's not your testimony. 563 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:38,720 Speaker 4: No, it's not. 564 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,040 Speaker 3: No, God's like no, no, no, no, no, no. 565 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:45,320 Speaker 1: Okay, So talk to me about this relationship with God. 566 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,000 Speaker 1: Were you always like did you grow up religious? Were 567 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:49,359 Speaker 1: you always leaning on God? 568 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:49,840 Speaker 4: No? 569 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,879 Speaker 3: I didn't. I was raised Jewish, No, I had them. 570 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,400 Speaker 2: It's fie like did all the things, but in Judaism 571 00:27:56,600 --> 00:28:00,440 Speaker 2: for me, reform Judaism. I never realized, like, I have 572 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,080 Speaker 2: a partner here that I can turn to directly. I 573 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:06,159 Speaker 2: kind of associated it with like being in temple or 574 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:10,680 Speaker 2: putting on your temple outfit. Yeah. Yeah, write the ritualistic 575 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,879 Speaker 2: part right, the cultural part of the beautiful ceremonies at 576 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,240 Speaker 2: home and pass over. I love it, But I never 577 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,760 Speaker 2: really felt this direct one on one relationship with God. 578 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:24,560 Speaker 2: And I never related my songwriting and how Fight Song came. 579 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:29,000 Speaker 3: I mean, that song was so clearly bigger than me. Oh, 580 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,359 Speaker 3: it's so clearly three billion, I. 581 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:34,720 Speaker 2: Might, right, And I wrote it alone in my apartment 582 00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:38,680 Speaker 2: in New York and wrestled with it and like so 583 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,360 Speaker 2: recognizing that, I was like, all right, there's obviously something 584 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,480 Speaker 2: bigger than me that's working with me when I put 585 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 2: my hands on a piano. 586 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:45,160 Speaker 1: What is it? 587 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,520 Speaker 2: And I just never really understood what it was. And 588 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,640 Speaker 2: I tried a lot of things to find out. And 589 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 2: it was in this moment and during when I was 590 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 2: writing Mercy, that I was like, WHOA, you're God, your God, 591 00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,960 Speaker 2: and maybe you're not the God that people talk about. 592 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:01,479 Speaker 2: I don't know what you look like. I don't know, 593 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 2: but yes, and it is triggering. But like, but God, 594 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:13,080 Speaker 2: for me is that just ever present, loving best friend, father, mother, 595 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,440 Speaker 2: thing that holds me and rocks me like a baby 596 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,200 Speaker 2: and says, baby, I love you no matter what. Drop 597 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 2: all of the pressure, drop the facade, drop the mask, like, 598 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:26,120 Speaker 2: come into my arms and surrender again and again. And 599 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:27,920 Speaker 2: when I do, I feel the way to the world 600 00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:30,479 Speaker 2: off of me. And it's the only way that I healed, 601 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,760 Speaker 2: And like, I think it's the only way that this 602 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,840 Speaker 2: music came out and the only way that I'm able 603 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:37,760 Speaker 2: to do this with two little kids. And I just 604 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,120 Speaker 2: again and again turn to something bigger and say, like, 605 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:40,520 Speaker 2: you do it. 606 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:41,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't do. 607 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:42,840 Speaker 4: It, You do it. 608 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 2: And so yeah, I have a very deep relationship with God. 609 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,480 Speaker 1: Now we're taking a short break, but we'll be right back. 610 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:57,040 Speaker 1: And we're back. There's such a spiritual, almost hymno like 611 00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:01,200 Speaker 1: quality to some of your songs too. Are you inspired 612 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:05,480 Speaker 1: by other forms of spirituality or other religions and do 613 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:06,959 Speaker 1: you bring them into your work. 614 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:11,800 Speaker 2: I'm inspired by anyone loving their creator. Yeah, I just 615 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,880 Speaker 2: love anyone's love of the God of their understanding. I 616 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:18,840 Speaker 2: love I just love man crying out to something bigger 617 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,400 Speaker 2: mm hmm in any form, I think it's just so beautiful. 618 00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:23,120 Speaker 1: Yeah. 619 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:24,840 Speaker 2: And I think it's so beautiful when we can turn 620 00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 2: away from the world and turn inward. And that's what 621 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,560 Speaker 2: I'm all about, and that's what I'm trying to help 622 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,440 Speaker 2: my audience feel. No matter what you believe, there is 623 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:37,680 Speaker 2: something inside of you that is so loving and so 624 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,400 Speaker 2: wise and loves you so much. And I want you 625 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,960 Speaker 2: to leave my show feeling so empowered and so lit 626 00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,680 Speaker 2: up and having felt your feelings and cried your tears 627 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,400 Speaker 2: and felt permission to be yourself. And then I want 628 00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,680 Speaker 2: you to leave and know how cradled and loved you are. 629 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:53,840 Speaker 2: And then from that point, I want you to rise 630 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,320 Speaker 2: up and like claim your power. 631 00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,120 Speaker 1: Well, that reminds me of this lyric and your song 632 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 1: set me free. I can't stop thinking about, particularly as 633 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:05,200 Speaker 1: it relates to motherhood. I hope I get this right, 634 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,520 Speaker 1: but I think it's I laid my roots down deep, 635 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:08,960 Speaker 1: and now it's time to rise. 636 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:10,120 Speaker 3: That sounds good. 637 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:15,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, whoa like chills, chills, Oh my gosh, thank you, 638 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,040 Speaker 1: it's so good. I mean, that is good. 639 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,160 Speaker 3: It is good. That is good. Yes, say it's good, 640 00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:21,760 Speaker 3: it's good. 641 00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:25,120 Speaker 1: It is I love this women celebrating their guests and 642 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,680 Speaker 1: their talents. What does the rising feel like? 643 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:32,040 Speaker 3: Well, it can feel like two different things. 644 00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:38,160 Speaker 2: If I'm not grounded and really just clear on my 645 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,880 Speaker 2: intention and purpose and why I'm doing this, it can 646 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,800 Speaker 2: feel bubby and heady and exciting. 647 00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,040 Speaker 3: And like almost manic. 648 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, like like like the rise of Fight Song felt, 649 00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,680 Speaker 2: and like the whole Wildfire album and that whole crazy, 650 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,520 Speaker 2: out of nowhere stratospheric rise out of anonymity of thirteen 651 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,320 Speaker 2: years of like playing around the country and no one 652 00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,560 Speaker 2: caring and then all of a sudden boom, everyone cares 653 00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:02,240 Speaker 2: and it is so and that rise felt like. 654 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:04,600 Speaker 1: How do I keep up with this? Oh? 655 00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:05,440 Speaker 4: My god? Who am I? 656 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 3: What's happening? People want? 657 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:08,800 Speaker 2: Everyone wants my attention. I don't understand why no one 658 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:09,960 Speaker 2: cared about me two minutes ago? 659 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:10,520 Speaker 3: What the fuck? 660 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:10,920 Speaker 1: Yeah? 661 00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:11,800 Speaker 3: But if I'm. 662 00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:15,560 Speaker 2: Grounded, and if I'm really rooted and like like I said, 663 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,000 Speaker 2: like if you lay roots down deep, then then when 664 00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:21,600 Speaker 2: the tree grows, when it's like you know that you 665 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 2: didn't do it alone a and that you're not going 666 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,000 Speaker 2: to be swayed by the winds changing. People can say 667 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,000 Speaker 2: what they want to say, and they're going to have 668 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,360 Speaker 2: an opinion. The bigger you get, the brighter you shine. 669 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:34,640 Speaker 3: That's just what happens. 670 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,320 Speaker 2: And that used to really rock me before. So now 671 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,160 Speaker 2: I'm kind of learning how to be, like, you know what, 672 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:44,800 Speaker 2: I'm not for everyone. That's all right, that's great, you know, 673 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,800 Speaker 2: why would I be for everyone? I'm going to stand 674 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,520 Speaker 2: and shine my light and like light up whoever it's 675 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,280 Speaker 2: meant to light up, you know. Yeah, And so that 676 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:58,200 Speaker 2: kind of rise feels really calm and really like on 677 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 2: purpose and really like I am doing what I here 678 00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:01,040 Speaker 2: on this earth to do. 679 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:03,840 Speaker 1: Yes, right, I am not meant to shrink walking out 680 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:05,480 Speaker 1: into the room like God sent you there. 681 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,360 Speaker 2: Yes, I am not meant to cower, and like I 682 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:11,320 Speaker 2: am not meant to play small. I think the line 683 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,120 Speaker 2: in the song right after that is like I am 684 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,480 Speaker 2: done with people pleasing and playing small. Yes, love me 685 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:18,640 Speaker 2: as I am, or don't love me at all. And 686 00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:21,840 Speaker 2: sometimes I'm better at other times than believing that, But 687 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,680 Speaker 2: right now I do feel that, like, yeah, I'm a mother, 688 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,920 Speaker 2: a created life. I went through hell, I found my 689 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:32,600 Speaker 2: way back. I know I have God, I'm good, let's go. 690 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:36,560 Speaker 1: I think there's something so symbolic about you having this 691 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:40,840 Speaker 1: world renowned voice and then becoming a mother and going 692 00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,719 Speaker 1: through this dark night of the soul and almost feeling voiceless, 693 00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:48,880 Speaker 1: and then emerging with a new voice, both symbolically and literally. Ah. 694 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:53,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you put it that way, it really lands. 695 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:56,800 Speaker 2: Like I just I don't always get the perspective because 696 00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,640 Speaker 2: we're just in our own lives. Yeah, but like, man 697 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,160 Speaker 2: feels right, that feels true. 698 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,800 Speaker 1: You touched on this a little bit, Rachel, But how 699 00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:09,319 Speaker 1: heavy is it to be the fight song girl when 700 00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:12,120 Speaker 1: you can even fight for yourself, like when you're going 701 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:13,800 Speaker 1: through your own mental health struggles? 702 00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:20,719 Speaker 2: Pretty impossible and confusing, I think, because it's a part 703 00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:24,040 Speaker 2: of me that's there, but it's not all of me. 704 00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,960 Speaker 2: And so when I can't access that part and people 705 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:34,000 Speaker 2: know me for that part and look to me for that, Yeah, 706 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,759 Speaker 2: I think it's kind of confusing. But I think that 707 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:42,040 Speaker 2: I've learned how to claim a different kind of not 708 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,319 Speaker 2: to be corny, but how to claim a different kind 709 00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:44,640 Speaker 2: of fight. 710 00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:45,440 Speaker 3: Yeah. 711 00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 2: You know, it's like a more surrendered, soft mama version 712 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,960 Speaker 2: of it, which is, yeah, we're gonna fight and we're 713 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:58,359 Speaker 2: gonna love ourselves, like, Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna curl 714 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:00,960 Speaker 2: up on a couch and we're going to drink some 715 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,000 Speaker 2: tea with our best friend and we're going to cry. 716 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:05,479 Speaker 3: And then we're going to go fight. 717 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:08,440 Speaker 2: Because you can't get to that if you don't acknowledge 718 00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,880 Speaker 2: the waves. You can't get to the oceanness of being, 719 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:16,240 Speaker 2: if you don't recognize the rocking waves that are also happening. 720 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,400 Speaker 2: We've got to first address them and then you can 721 00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,279 Speaker 2: sink beneath them. I follow Tara Brock's work too a lot. 722 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:21,920 Speaker 4: I don't know if you know. 723 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:22,719 Speaker 1: Her, No, I don't. 724 00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:25,040 Speaker 3: Oh more, you would love her, Okay, tell me more. 725 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:27,240 Speaker 4: She is so unreal. 726 00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:31,040 Speaker 2: Her work is one of the most true, incredible things 727 00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:33,439 Speaker 2: that have gotten me through. And she has a book 728 00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:37,160 Speaker 2: called Radical Compassion. She's a Buddhist and she's a psychologist 729 00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:41,000 Speaker 2: and she has a podcast that's incredible. But her one 730 00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:44,399 Speaker 2: of her practices is called RAIN and it's an acronym. 731 00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:49,879 Speaker 2: It stands for Recognize, Allow, Integrate, and nurture, And that 732 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,520 Speaker 2: along with songwriting and all this other work and medication 733 00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:54,840 Speaker 2: really saved my life. And I did rounds and rounds 734 00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,799 Speaker 2: of this, and I think, I don't even know why 735 00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,200 Speaker 2: I'm talking about this. I don't have nothing to do 736 00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:02,279 Speaker 2: with fight song. Note it's how I fight now. It's 737 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:05,279 Speaker 2: like I recognize what's there. I allow the feeling to 738 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,640 Speaker 2: be there. I investigate in my body where is it? Yeah, 739 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:10,799 Speaker 2: and then I speak to it lovingly, and then I 740 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,279 Speaker 2: nurture myself and then I go and fight. 741 00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:14,040 Speaker 1: Does that make sense? 742 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:18,319 Speaker 3: Yeah? The sitting with is the hardest thing. Oh, I'm 743 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:20,680 Speaker 3: so bad at it. That's so awful. It's so hard, 744 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:21,359 Speaker 3: so hard. 745 00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,919 Speaker 1: It's so much easier to just run away, but you can't. 746 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:25,439 Speaker 1: You can only run away for so long. 747 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:26,800 Speaker 3: Right, It'll find a way. 748 00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:30,399 Speaker 1: You are such a testament to the fact that our 749 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:33,200 Speaker 1: careers don't end when we become mothers. This is something 750 00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:35,640 Speaker 1: that I want to hit all the time on our show, 751 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:37,799 Speaker 1: and I talk about it a lot whenever young women 752 00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:39,960 Speaker 1: ask me about, like, Okay, how do I balance, you know, 753 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,920 Speaker 1: having my career and being a mom. But it's not over, No, 754 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:44,840 Speaker 1: it's just beginning. 755 00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,680 Speaker 3: Oh my god. I love who I am now. I 756 00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:50,080 Speaker 3: love where I am at, and I love. 757 00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:53,480 Speaker 2: Doing this as a mom because I I just feel 758 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:56,360 Speaker 2: like I know who I am now I really know, 759 00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:58,760 Speaker 2: and nothing could unground me, you know, like we always 760 00:36:58,760 --> 00:36:59,839 Speaker 2: have our kids to humble us. 761 00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,319 Speaker 3: I was like screaming. I thought I was so good. 762 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:03,879 Speaker 3: I was singing one of my songs. 763 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:07,239 Speaker 2: Like oh, and my daughters came in and they're like, 764 00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:08,879 Speaker 2: can you fight song? 765 00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:12,719 Speaker 3: I was like, oh, fuck off, I have new material. 766 00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,560 Speaker 1: Wait, I'm still like not okay that we just got 767 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,480 Speaker 1: a riff from Rachel Platten live in the studio. 768 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:19,600 Speaker 3: That was insane. 769 00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,359 Speaker 1: Rachel, I can't think of a better place to end. 770 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,759 Speaker 1: You are such a bright light. Thank you very much 771 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:27,000 Speaker 1: for coming on the bright side. 772 00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:29,319 Speaker 3: Thank you. I loved it. It was so fun. 773 00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:34,719 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for tuning into the bright Side 774 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:37,960 Speaker 1: this week. And if any part of today's episode resonated 775 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,160 Speaker 1: with you, we've got resources for you. If you are 776 00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:45,520 Speaker 1: experiencing a postpartum mental health crisis, call one eight three 777 00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:50,200 Speaker 1: three TLC Mama, the National Maternal Health Hotline has this 778 00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:54,759 Speaker 1: twenty four to seven free confidential support line that you 779 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:59,720 Speaker 1: can turn to both before, during, and after pregnancy. And also, 780 00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:01,640 Speaker 1: please please go listen to our season one interview with 781 00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:04,239 Speaker 1: doctor Nicki Pensak. She wrote a book called Rattle that 782 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:08,799 Speaker 1: is essential reading for anyone experiencing the postpartum phase. And hey, 783 00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:12,000 Speaker 1: let's keep the conversation going. Find me at simone Voice 784 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:15,359 Speaker 1: on social media. I'd love to chat. All right, We'll 785 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,480 Speaker 1: see you next time. Until then, keep looking on the 786 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:22,120 Speaker 1: bright side, y'all. The bright Side is a production of 787 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,839 Speaker 1: Hello Sunshine and iHeart Podcasts and is executive produced by 788 00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:29,960 Speaker 1: Reese Witherspoon and me Simone Boyce. Production is by Acast 789 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:34,600 Speaker 1: Creative Studios. Our producers are Taylor Williamson, Adrian Bain, and 790 00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:39,399 Speaker 1: Darby Masters. Our production assistant is Joya putnoy A Cast 791 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:43,520 Speaker 1: Executive producers are Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder. Maureen Polo 792 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,920 Speaker 1: and Reese Witherspoon are the executive producers for Hello Sunshine. 793 00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:50,960 Speaker 1: Ali Perry is the executive producer for iHeart Podcasts. Tim 794 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:54,200 Speaker 1: Palazola is our showrunner. Our theme song is by Anna 795 00:38:54,239 --> 00:39:00,239 Speaker 1: Stump and Hamilton Lighthouser. Four