1 00:00:01,360 --> 00:00:05,680 Speaker 1: The ps G podcast cartoons is finally here. I'm super 2 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:08,280 Speaker 1: excited about this, so if you want to see the 3 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:12,559 Speaker 1: PSD podcast cartoons, please make sure to visit the link 4 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,360 Speaker 1: in the show notes below. Also, please make sure to 5 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,560 Speaker 1: subscribe to my YouTube page. Thank you all for your 6 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,880 Speaker 1: continuous support, and if you haven't yet, please don't forget 7 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,520 Speaker 1: to sign up to become a patron for the p 8 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:28,840 Speaker 1: a C Patreon page. Enjoyed this week's episode and until 9 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:35,159 Speaker 1: next time, everyone later, Welcome. You are now listening to 10 00:00:37,080 --> 00:01:09,800 Speaker 1: the Professional Yeah el Hey. Professional Home Girls is the 11 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: kid of the name from the PSD podcast, the only 12 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 1: place where you would hear interviews from black women anoynestly 13 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:19,319 Speaker 1: on stories that will enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now, 14 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: if you hear someone that sounds familiar, mind the business 15 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,840 Speaker 1: that pays you child. If you like the PhD podcast, 16 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:28,559 Speaker 1: please rate, review and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five 17 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: star reviews only Hold me Down, Don't Hold me Up. 18 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,880 Speaker 1: Merch is now available on the site as well as 19 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 1: my book list, so please make sure you visit the 20 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 1: link in the show notes below. You can connect with 21 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,120 Speaker 1: the kid on Instagram at the Professional home Girl and 22 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:44,320 Speaker 1: at the PhD podcast. If you are on Twitter, please 23 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 1: follow me at the PhD podcast Now. If you are 24 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 1: all caught up with episode, listen to the bonus episodes 25 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,720 Speaker 1: by supporting the PSG podcast Patreon account. To support, please 26 00:01:53,800 --> 00:02:00,120 Speaker 1: visit www dot Patreon dot com forward slash the PSD podcast. 27 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,920 Speaker 1: Please keep in mind that all of my guests are 28 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,680 Speaker 1: not on this so list again this week's episode. As always, 29 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 1: I am super excited about this week's episode. I feel 30 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 1: like this topic is not just scuss enough when it 31 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 1: comes to port and masturbation addiction for women. So to 32 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,440 Speaker 1: my guests, I would like to say thank you for 33 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,919 Speaker 1: coming to the PhD podcast to share your story. Thank 34 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:24,640 Speaker 1: you for having me. Are you feeling I'm feeling okay 35 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:28,000 Speaker 1: but nervous. But you know what's got me? Why are 36 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:31,919 Speaker 1: you nervous? I don't know. I usually I'm like this, 37 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:35,959 Speaker 1: but then we'll be fine and be fine. Yeah, I 38 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,359 Speaker 1: think that that's where are you gonna It's gonna be good. 39 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 1: I promise it's gonna feel like we've been knowing to 40 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:43,240 Speaker 1: it for a long time. I promise. Well, how has 41 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,639 Speaker 1: the pen never been treating you? And while I've been 42 00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 1: staying in for most parts. So I've been staying safe. 43 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:56,440 Speaker 1: Um yeah, I'm the undermening. I haven't really been two 44 00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:59,640 Speaker 1: outside too tough. So I've been okay, how's it, how's 45 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:02,520 Speaker 1: it been treat in you? I'm okay. I felt like 46 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:04,240 Speaker 1: I got a lot of work though, or a lot 47 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 1: of my goals done. I feel like maybe last year 48 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,920 Speaker 1: it it kind of hit me. So that's why I 49 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,639 Speaker 1: was like going to see family and friends. But but besides, 50 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,919 Speaker 1: I feel okay, Like I feel like sometimes Dad makes 51 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 1: you like sit down and realigned with certain things. So 52 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 1: I've been kind of appreciative of this moment. Yeah, it's 53 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:25,639 Speaker 1: like a divine seeler right right? Well, what they do? 54 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: You want to share your story on your platform? And well, 55 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,520 Speaker 1: for me, what made me want to share my story 56 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,880 Speaker 1: with that? You know, I shared my testimony prior to this, 57 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: and many people reached out because they were struggling with 58 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 1: this addiction. And I was just like, you know, as 59 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 1: I experienced deliverance and breakthrough in this area, I was like, 60 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 1: why not share it because it can help many people? 61 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 1: And I also felt like because many people were reaching out, 62 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 1: I was like me sharing it in this way you 63 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 1: can reach a lot more people at one point, um, 64 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: and help a lot more people. I was just really yeah, 65 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: which it did, because the numbers for you, UM, your 66 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 1: story or your YouTube payer just like crazy. I mean, 67 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 1: I'm actually quite surprised. I didn't know that it would, 68 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: you know, reach so many people. But I just pray 69 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: that everyone that has watched it has been blessed in 70 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:18,280 Speaker 1: some way. Otherwise there's no point where half there's some 71 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:23,400 Speaker 1: of the feedback you've been receiving since you shared your story, um, 72 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 1: people still struggling and needing help, but people seeing like 73 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: some of the points that I shared on how I 74 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,720 Speaker 1: was able to overcome and them being able to take 75 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 1: it um and now implement it in their own lives. 76 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:41,760 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Do you feel like poorn investigation is overlooked 77 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:45,120 Speaker 1: when it comes to women and if so why? Definitely, 78 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,919 Speaker 1: it is definitely overlooked, and it's because a lot of 79 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,440 Speaker 1: people don't actually think it's a woman's issue. When like 80 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 1: addiction or sexual addiction or addiction on any store, it's 81 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,839 Speaker 1: not just limited to a specific gender. But when it 82 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 1: comes to this, I guess because how society is kind 83 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 1: of like um, main people to think about women and 84 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:08,360 Speaker 1: what they enjoying stuff. People just don't assume that women 85 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 1: can be addicted to pornography or masturbation or even do it, 86 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 1: because there's this idea that men are more visual, so 87 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,680 Speaker 1: they're more inclined to go to that and be you know, 88 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 1: addicted to those things, whereas women aren't. Really they're more 89 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,880 Speaker 1: emotional when it comes to this and like things to 90 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 1: do with sex and all that, so they may not 91 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 1: really connect with pornography and then fall into an addiction, 92 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:35,320 Speaker 1: but it's not necessarily the case. M do you feel 93 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,760 Speaker 1: like more women are speaking about this now more than ever? 94 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:42,080 Speaker 1: I feel like more women are, but I don't feel 95 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 1: like we're doing it enough because there's still even females 96 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 1: who come like surprised that, oh my gosh, another woman 97 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 1: is struggling with this, and people like even some women 98 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 1: not really actually knowing that's a women's issue as well. 99 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,239 Speaker 1: From the comments that I've seen in like some feedback 100 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:00,480 Speaker 1: that I have received, some people literally didn't like didn't 101 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 1: believe that it was a woman's issue. Um, some people 102 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:07,040 Speaker 1: just didn't know. So more women are speaking out about it, however, 103 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: it's still not as much as it should be. Yeah. Um, 104 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,360 Speaker 1: So one thing I didn't know. I didn't know that 105 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 1: you can have a masturbation addiction. This is something that 106 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 1: so what does a massa what does masturbation edition look like? Mm? Hm? 107 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:28,919 Speaker 1: Is I feel like it's just, um, it's the urge 108 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,880 Speaker 1: that just comes to just have a release or something 109 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,599 Speaker 1: like that. And I feel like for a lot of 110 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:38,000 Speaker 1: people that pornography is even just a weight in which 111 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:42,800 Speaker 1: they fulfill that masturbation issue mum, addiction, and that's how 112 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 1: they work hand in hand. But yeah, it's just like 113 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,480 Speaker 1: they have the urge for a release and they just masturbate. 114 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:55,280 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Would you say that masturbation is unhealthy? Even 115 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: why I asked is because you know, pleasure is so important, 116 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,040 Speaker 1: not to say that mass bastion is the only way 117 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 1: to receive pleasure. But if you don't know what Joe 118 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:07,960 Speaker 1: Body likes, I can you explain to someone else? Because 119 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 1: of my faith, UM, I don't agree with masturbation. Um. 120 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 1: And in coming to faith and i've as I began 121 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,880 Speaker 1: to seek the Lord and get close to him, like 122 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,960 Speaker 1: he made it clear to me that it's not right. Um, 123 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 1: I knew it wasn't right. And in regards to pleasure, 124 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: there are certain pleasures that I just don't need to 125 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:33,400 Speaker 1: experience and I'm not missing out at all. Um. And 126 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: in regards to him, um, if I don't know my body, 127 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: how can I explain to someone else? Um? I can't 128 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 1: really sprink on that, um because I've never actually been 129 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: intimate with anyone anyways, I don't know. But okay, yeah 130 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 1: we we like a quin that's waiting. Okay, coin that's 131 00:07:53,960 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 1: way from Mary's Okay, but ahead. So I was just 132 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 1: saying because of my faith, I just um, I mean, 133 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,120 Speaker 1: as I began to grow my faith, because I wasn't 134 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,640 Speaker 1: always saved, I got saved I think like four years ago, 135 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: and as I began to grow my walk, I began 136 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,679 Speaker 1: to realize it was wrong. It's not something that good liked. 137 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 1: And there are certain pleasures that people experience that I 138 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 1: actually don't need to experience and I'm not missing out 139 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 1: on it at all. Um. Yea, that's that? What at 140 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:28,080 Speaker 1: that point? Do you think pooris are natural? Now? Oh? 141 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:33,320 Speaker 1: Definitely unnatural? Yeah, definitely natural. So I noticed that you 142 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,720 Speaker 1: think a lot about sexual morality. Okay, is only what 143 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 1: that is? And how can one determine if sexual activity 144 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 1: is morally asceptable okay. So, um, I usually I talk 145 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 1: about like sexual morality, morality, and my beliefs will come 146 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,000 Speaker 1: from the Bible. That's that's that's what I'm going to say. 147 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: And what I determine is sexual sexually moral or immoral, 148 00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 1: is from what the word says. Um. For me, I 149 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: believe that sex is to be within marriage and to 150 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:09,040 Speaker 1: be between a man husband and a wife. And um, 151 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,920 Speaker 1: when I look at what's sexually more, I just go 152 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:14,800 Speaker 1: back to what Got instituted at the beginning Genesis, and 153 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,880 Speaker 1: anything that is contrary contrary to that I would see 154 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:24,600 Speaker 1: as immoral. Yeah. Or anything that's contrary to the purpose 155 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,520 Speaker 1: in which Got instituted it for and the context in 156 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 1: which he created it within, I would see it is wrong. 157 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,560 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Yeah. So would you say that porn and 158 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:40,000 Speaker 1: masturbation is a sin? Yes, don't hesitate, you have the hesitate, 159 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,600 Speaker 1: I think, yeah, yeah, I would. I mean to say 160 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: it's a sin because it first of for masturbation and 161 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:53,400 Speaker 1: porn to even work, it feeds off of lust and 162 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 1: lust in the Bible, like Jesus makes it clear it's wrong. 163 00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 1: And so, um, there's that. And also when we go 164 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:07,400 Speaker 1: back to the beginning Genesis, Um, you know sex and 165 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 1: the context within it was within marriage between man and wife. 166 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:16,320 Speaker 1: And when you now take poor pnography, it's you trying 167 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,199 Speaker 1: to I don't even know how to explain it, but 168 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:23,760 Speaker 1: it's it's just it just feeds off of lust, which 169 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 1: is a sin, and it has its roots in yourself 170 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,600 Speaker 1: and wanting to gratify your self pleasures, in your self 171 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:34,839 Speaker 1: desires and rather than exercising self control. Mhm. But I 172 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: noticed that. So what you just said that there's a 173 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 1: such thing as a as having an unhealthy relationship with 174 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 1: point and masturbation masturbation compared to be an addicted to 175 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:46,720 Speaker 1: or is that the same thing for me? It's the 176 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 1: same thing for me. I'm just like watching it occasionally. 177 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:53,840 Speaker 1: Still as bad as you know, being addicted to it obviously, 178 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,320 Speaker 1: like someone who's addicted to it struggles a lot more 179 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,800 Speaker 1: than someone who watches it occasionally. But it's still bad 180 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,719 Speaker 1: because it's still negative sees that are being planted. It's 181 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 1: still you like dancing with the devil. Mm hm. Another 182 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 1: thing you talked about was the negative consequences that poor 183 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:13,840 Speaker 1: in masturbation have. What would you say they are? Um? 184 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 1: I mean this video a while ago, so there was, um, 185 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,760 Speaker 1: some negative connotations it can actually affect. While I've never 186 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: been intimate with anyone, but from my understanding is that 187 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:27,040 Speaker 1: it can actually affect people in intimate situations. So for example, 188 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 1: if you're married now, Um, people usually think that getting 189 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 1: married or being in a relationship will sort out their 190 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,959 Speaker 1: masturbation or pornogaphy issue, and that's not the case. I've 191 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,079 Speaker 1: seen many or I've heard of some situations where people 192 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 1: get married and they're still struggling with these things and 193 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,000 Speaker 1: they don't know why. And it's a thing of that, 194 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 1: you know, the set the pleasure itself, um, is not 195 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: the issue where it's the heart, and so it affects 196 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:54,160 Speaker 1: their intimacy. They don't know how to give themselves to 197 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,720 Speaker 1: their partner and actually seek to satisfy their partner's desires. 198 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,960 Speaker 1: Rather it's just them them them. Um. The pornography like 199 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 1: changes one perception of sex. And obviously, like I said before, 200 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:10,719 Speaker 1: I've never had sex before, but from my understanding, it 201 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:14,920 Speaker 1: gives an unrealistic yeah yeah, and so they go and 202 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 1: thinking it's gonna be all sorts of I don't know 203 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 1: what they think it is going to be. But then 204 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: when they actually when they actually have set um. They 205 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:26,360 Speaker 1: they're disappointed because they've just had some next kind of 206 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 1: like unrealistic view when they're not satisfied, and they just 207 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 1: go in with just the wrong mindset. Some other things 208 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,480 Speaker 1: that I had shared in my video about the negative 209 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 1: connotations was that you know, um, it can open up 210 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:45,560 Speaker 1: the door to of other issues. So UM. For example, 211 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,600 Speaker 1: for me, when I used to watch pornography, it started 212 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:52,959 Speaker 1: off just watching like petro um sexual pornography and then 213 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:57,960 Speaker 1: it just turned into lesbian portant and um. For some people, UM, 214 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,839 Speaker 1: like pornography could just be a gateway to just a 215 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,760 Speaker 1: load of other sexual perversion. UM. For some people it 216 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:06,320 Speaker 1: can give way to like lustful desires towards women. And 217 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 1: it may not even be a thing of where they 218 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:13,640 Speaker 1: have they naturally or they have these desires towards women 219 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,360 Speaker 1: or men if they're of that same sex, but it's 220 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 1: just the last UM and that can give way to 221 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 1: that and just like open up the door to a 222 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 1: whole lot of things. Some people go into all sorts 223 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,480 Speaker 1: of other perversion as well, just like going down a 224 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:30,319 Speaker 1: dark rabbit hole. And that was something and I think 225 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,880 Speaker 1: that's I thought that was very important that you said 226 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,480 Speaker 1: that because you're now attracted a woman. But because of 227 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,720 Speaker 1: this addiction, you start having lust for desires for now 228 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:42,920 Speaker 1: yeah mm hmm. And I found that that that was happening, 229 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 1: that happened to me, and that I'm I'm not I 230 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,600 Speaker 1: had no desire for women at all. What because of 231 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 1: this addition lost the desires even like and when you 232 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: find that some people end up doing things in real 233 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,719 Speaker 1: life trying to fulfill these desires and fantasies and it's 234 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,080 Speaker 1: like it's not even it's not even an attraction they 235 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,080 Speaker 1: initially had. And for me, I think I shared that 236 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,959 Speaker 1: videos like the Enemy opens up a door um to 237 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:11,920 Speaker 1: a whole lot of like other issues for example, like 238 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 1: we like, for example, someone who is taking I don't know, 239 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 1: smoking weed. It can be a gateway to heroin or 240 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,080 Speaker 1: cocaine or something like that, if I'm making sense. Um. 241 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:24,080 Speaker 1: So I just saw that as like how like pornong, 242 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 1: if you can need to a whole lot of other 243 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:31,160 Speaker 1: perversion and even some even more worse ones um and 244 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 1: like it really it rewires your mind and your ways 245 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,720 Speaker 1: of thinking that you know, even when you do get 246 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:42,160 Speaker 1: over this addiction, there are some imagery, imagery that you 247 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: really need to um heal from like it really it 248 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,600 Speaker 1: can scar one's mind. And in the moment where you are, 249 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,040 Speaker 1: you know, in this addiction and you're in some people 250 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 1: are enjoying it, but they're they're tormented afterwards. Some people 251 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 1: don't even know it's an addiction. But when you try 252 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,880 Speaker 1: to overcome, and you do overcome, their still these imageries 253 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 1: that just come and just trying to try to haunt you. 254 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,960 Speaker 1: And it's just then you really see just just how 255 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,680 Speaker 1: bad the addiction was, or just how bad that activity was. 256 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,400 Speaker 1: It's like, it's not some people think they can just 257 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,160 Speaker 1: do this and then it just they just shut it 258 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,760 Speaker 1: off or close the door to it. But it's really 259 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,200 Speaker 1: hard to do that mm hmm. And it's literally by 260 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,240 Speaker 1: the grace of God that healing more calm their mind 261 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,320 Speaker 1: or if they end up going through the root of therapy, 262 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 1: that they're able to unlearn certain things or get rid 263 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 1: of the imagery that has been polluting their mind. So 264 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,640 Speaker 1: what would you say are some rare flags that one 265 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:40,120 Speaker 1: will say our entertainers that you might be admitted, Um, 266 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,480 Speaker 1: let me see, how did I well? If you try 267 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:47,280 Speaker 1: to stop and you said that like ten times, and 268 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,480 Speaker 1: if you try to stop and you're you're finding it 269 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 1: very hard to stop. It could be an indicator that 270 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 1: you're addicted. Um. I've seen that it can derail other 271 00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 1: aspects of your life. Yeah, people they dashare from oh 272 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 1: my gosh, like people doing horrible in school. They start 273 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 1: getting like straight a's. They start this addiction and it's 274 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:16,360 Speaker 1: affecting their academia, it's affecting their social life. Like, um, 275 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: it begins to eat away at other aspects of your 276 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,560 Speaker 1: of your life. Some people think that, you know, if 277 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:24,960 Speaker 1: they're addicting, it's all they're thinking about. No, it's not necessarily. Um, 278 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,520 Speaker 1: that's not necessarily the case. I feel like, like I 279 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,680 Speaker 1: said before, the major indicators that when you try to stop, 280 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:35,760 Speaker 1: you find you actually can't stop. Mm hmm um. Yeah. 281 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:40,440 Speaker 1: So how long were you addicted to it? Chow um 282 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 1: so that the chair were about to get into it? 283 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:49,720 Speaker 1: Chall So I think I was exposed to it around 284 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 1: seven eight and from that age till about how old 285 00:16:54,520 --> 00:17:00,920 Speaker 1: was I? I was about how twenty one? Oh? Yeah, 286 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,160 Speaker 1: there were times where I there were periods of time, 287 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,960 Speaker 1: like in my teenagers, where I didn't watch it for 288 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 1: a while or see these things or should I say 289 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 1: I actually know. I believe that I for a long time, 290 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:16,080 Speaker 1: pornography was something that I had watched until God delivered me. Hallelujah. 291 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:22,040 Speaker 1: But masturbation, amen, Um, but masturbation. I do know that 292 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 1: there was some point in my teenagers when I didn't 293 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 1: do it, um, But then when I started doing it again, 294 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 1: it was like from me. So when I was younger, 295 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 1: masturbation pornography was something, and then I think in my 296 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 1: teenagers I still watched porn However, I didn't masturbate until 297 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:39,760 Speaker 1: about sixteen again, and then it was just till I 298 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,080 Speaker 1: was twenty one and until God delivered me. But the totals, 299 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:47,800 Speaker 1: like the total amount of years, it was a long time, basically, Um, 300 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:50,160 Speaker 1: it was a long time. It was a really long time. 301 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,920 Speaker 1: So were you introduced to both from at the same 302 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:57,720 Speaker 1: time or were there are different times in your life. Um, 303 00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 1: I can't even remember, but I feel like it was 304 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:05,240 Speaker 1: probably me just exposed pornography and then me just copying 305 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 1: what they were doing mm hmm, and then that's how 306 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:14,600 Speaker 1: the masturbation were introduced. Mm hmm. Yeah. So I know 307 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,000 Speaker 1: at the age of like six and seven, you were 308 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,960 Speaker 1: playing games with your friends. Do you think that the 309 00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:23,360 Speaker 1: situation also kind of exposed you to some things. Yeah, 310 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: I believe that that was a major open door. Um. 311 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,000 Speaker 1: I believe that was a major open door um for 312 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:36,320 Speaker 1: um that eventually led to me being addicted to masturbation 313 00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:38,560 Speaker 1: and pornography. I do know that people who experience like 314 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,840 Speaker 1: sexual trauma or like those types of sexual things in 315 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:47,200 Speaker 1: their childhood end up getting into it down the line. 316 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 1: Looking back at the situation, did you think that it 317 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:52,920 Speaker 1: was Did you know as a kid that something wasn't 318 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:59,160 Speaker 1: right the game or by just the whole situation, Maybe 319 00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 1: not the game, but the activities that took place in 320 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:06,879 Speaker 1: the game. Um, I don't. I don't think I knew. 321 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: I was a good I was a really good kid. 322 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,600 Speaker 1: So if I had known that there was something wrong, 323 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:15,080 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have done it. Um. I don't really. I 324 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 1: don't really know when the shame kicked in. I think 325 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:19,600 Speaker 1: it was when someone and one of the children mentioned 326 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 1: it to an adult and their reaction wasn't great that 327 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 1: I realized that there was something wrong. That's what I 328 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,760 Speaker 1: didn't understand. So something one of the kids like just 329 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:36,120 Speaker 1: mentored it after blue yeah, m M yeah, okay, yeah, 330 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:41,080 Speaker 1: And then and I was gonna say I think from 331 00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:43,679 Speaker 1: that point when I saw the reaction that I realized 332 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 1: it was wrong. I'm not really sure, but when I 333 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,960 Speaker 1: participated in that game, I don't think I knew that couldn't. 334 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 1: I didn't know it was wrong. I was literally I 335 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,520 Speaker 1: didn't know it was wrong. You don't have to go 336 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,520 Speaker 1: into details about it because I know something's gonna be 337 00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,359 Speaker 1: a little triggering, but just to get the audience is 338 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,399 Speaker 1: like a little fe back. What was the game? Like 339 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:07,320 Speaker 1: the intail of it? Mommy's and duddies? Okay, well that 340 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 1: was perfect. So how was the addiction affecting you? Because 341 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,639 Speaker 1: since she was such you was exposed because of that 342 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 1: situation at a young age. In what ways wasn't affecting you? 343 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 1: Because I know you spoke about like the lesbian porn, 344 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:31,680 Speaker 1: but what what were some other things? Mm hmm. I 345 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 1: would say that was the major thing, um, because like 346 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,520 Speaker 1: when were your parents there? Because I didn't you have 347 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,600 Speaker 1: time to like to engage in this as a kid, 348 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,680 Speaker 1: because I'm pretty sure somebody was always around you or no, 349 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,720 Speaker 1: this is the thing. I don't know how I did this? 350 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:54,600 Speaker 1: Um so um. I think when they would be um, 351 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 1: maybe in another room or maybe when they would go 352 00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:00,399 Speaker 1: out and then someone's babysitting downstairs, I'll just be in 353 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 1: their room watching your TV. Um, and maybe and there 354 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,000 Speaker 1: were just weird things that I remember that I used 355 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,720 Speaker 1: to do, even like just like the lost issue that 356 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,800 Speaker 1: just creeps in as a child, literally just like even 357 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:20,240 Speaker 1: just like um catalogs looking at like just people in 358 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 1: like this is just embarrassing, but like just looking at 359 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,720 Speaker 1: like the lingerie section. And I remember as a child, 360 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:31,359 Speaker 1: like just doing rubbish, just looking at that as a 361 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:37,239 Speaker 1: young child as well, UM and just trying to just 362 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:41,600 Speaker 1: basically any opportunity that was alone. I guess um I 363 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:46,439 Speaker 1: would watch it. M h. I just came up with 364 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,240 Speaker 1: this question going back to a situation with your friends 365 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,000 Speaker 1: being as you're older, now, do you ever think about 366 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:55,480 Speaker 1: maybe they was exposed as um, some sexual trauma because 367 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:59,440 Speaker 1: we adnom to be doing it as kids. I'm used 368 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,040 Speaker 1: a kid as her Jim, but for kids to be 369 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:05,320 Speaker 1: don't practicing ora or each other, that's kind of brasarre 370 00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:06,760 Speaker 1: at me. So did you think about or do you 371 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,800 Speaker 1: still talk to them? I do not talk to them. 372 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,800 Speaker 1: I did not talk to them, but looking back, when 373 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 1: I did process it with someone, um, Yeah, it did 374 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,719 Speaker 1: raise up the question and how on earth they were 375 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 1: able to even suggest that game, right, because I wasn't 376 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,159 Speaker 1: I didn't think about or when I was okay, I 377 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:27,360 Speaker 1: didn't think about ortag became an adult, I didn't even 378 00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,679 Speaker 1: know what that was. I was just right, I just 379 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:33,520 Speaker 1: thought about that, right. So, yeah, probably they were exposed 380 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:37,160 Speaker 1: to something, even they were exposed to, you know, the pornography, 381 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,359 Speaker 1: or maybe they experienced some trauma themselves. That's out sad. 382 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:45,240 Speaker 1: And so you spoke about how angry you are regarded 383 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 1: what was that m I used to be angry with 384 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,439 Speaker 1: God because I just felt like there was just so 385 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,280 Speaker 1: much going wrong in my life and I was just 386 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:58,399 Speaker 1: struggling with my rejection and just trash friendships and rejection, 387 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,320 Speaker 1: social anxiet, I e a lack of self esteem, and 388 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,840 Speaker 1: just because of the guilt of my my childhood when 389 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 1: that incident, because I was one of the older children 390 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:13,920 Speaker 1: in that incident, Um, there was this, Yeah, I felt 391 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,479 Speaker 1: like I should have known better. How could I do 392 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,400 Speaker 1: that to a younger kid? How could I do that? 393 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,480 Speaker 1: And it just brought a lot of like shame and fear, 394 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,199 Speaker 1: and then it just turned into anger and there were 395 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,320 Speaker 1: just things that were going on around me in my life, 396 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,920 Speaker 1: me thinking that okay, yeah I deserve I deserved this, 397 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,879 Speaker 1: and all like all the nonsense that was going on, 398 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,159 Speaker 1: issues in my health, and I was just angry, just 399 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:38,760 Speaker 1: really angry and resentful and wanting to please God and 400 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,840 Speaker 1: just appease him and just be like, Lord, I'm sorry. Like, 401 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,520 Speaker 1: for example, I don't know if I shared this in 402 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,280 Speaker 1: my testimony, I wanted to be a nun. I was like, 403 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 1: I'm gonna just being on in a convent or something 404 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:52,800 Speaker 1: like that to just you know, a turn for my sins. Um, 405 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,200 Speaker 1: just all these things but just not feeling peace. There 406 00:23:55,240 --> 00:24:00,640 Speaker 1: was no peace, and you felt like this as a kid. Yeah, 407 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,679 Speaker 1: I was just so terrified, terrified. And did you not 408 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 1: have anybody that you could have spoke to at that time? Um? No. 409 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,720 Speaker 1: The kind of culture that I'm from, so obviously I'm 410 00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 1: I'm British, can hear from my voice, but obviously I'm 411 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:22,399 Speaker 1: from African, I'm an African die spora in Britain. M 412 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:26,040 Speaker 1: the culture is very that they didn't just taboo, so 413 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,320 Speaker 1: they take tiney to that I probably would have gotten beaten. 414 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:35,119 Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm glad you mentioned that. So I was 415 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,600 Speaker 1: doing my research and I was trying to find somebody. 416 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you agree to live, but I 417 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 1: realized that a lot of women from your culture are 418 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:47,760 Speaker 1: starting to speak out about this. Really Oh wow, Yes, 419 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:52,359 Speaker 1: when you do the search on YouTube is there's hardly 420 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:56,399 Speaker 1: any American women that's talking about this, And I was 421 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,399 Speaker 1: just like, wait, is this for real? Like, because I 422 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:01,040 Speaker 1: know it's not only just yard girls over the going 423 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,920 Speaker 1: on this, because I'm pretty sure every woman from different 424 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:08,240 Speaker 1: parts of the world is going through it. Yeah, I agree, 425 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,199 Speaker 1: you know what I feel like, it's that we've just 426 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,720 Speaker 1: had enough because like literally in the culture is a 427 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,320 Speaker 1: hush hush thing. Um not. Even when I did share 428 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,920 Speaker 1: it on my YouTube channel, there was a lot of 429 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,720 Speaker 1: people weren't happy that I was sharing these things as 430 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,160 Speaker 1: a girl. Why are you sharing this thing that people 431 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:24,920 Speaker 1: men run away from me? And it's just like, I 432 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:28,560 Speaker 1: actually don't care. But there's a lot of shame that's 433 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 1: attached to like sexual trauma, um sexual sexual like the 434 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,280 Speaker 1: sexuality of females in the in the culture, which is 435 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,360 Speaker 1: which is not cool because there are many women who 436 00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:45,800 Speaker 1: have experienced you know, um sexual trauma, maybe even sexual 437 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:50,040 Speaker 1: abuse and all these things or are struggling with sexual addictions. 438 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:56,040 Speaker 1: But they are, Yeah, you know, they're not speaking out 439 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,160 Speaker 1: because they don't want to be shamed. They don't want 440 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,919 Speaker 1: to be labeled or people are gonna start talking about them. 441 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,399 Speaker 1: They should just suffer in silence. Never no no, no 442 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 1: no no. Um. So I feel like a lot of people. 443 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 1: I feel like, especially the dice Bora, that those who 444 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,639 Speaker 1: were like born in the US, were born in the 445 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:14,560 Speaker 1: UK are speaking out about it now m um and 446 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 1: just shedding light on it. And also because you're a 447 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 1: shame you also spoke about her. You felt like God 448 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,280 Speaker 1: was going to punish you, and I was like, yeah, 449 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:27,639 Speaker 1: she was really going through it. Yeah, I used to 450 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 1: think God was going to punish me because I didn't 451 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:35,359 Speaker 1: I didn't know God. So I was. I grew up 452 00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,080 Speaker 1: in a quot unquote Christian home, but I wasn't saved 453 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:44,800 Speaker 1: until I was about twenty mm was I not? You know? Um? 454 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:48,480 Speaker 1: But yeah, and so all I knew was all I 455 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,679 Speaker 1: just perceived of God, should I say, was just anger. 456 00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:53,200 Speaker 1: I would read like the Old Testament and just see 457 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,280 Speaker 1: like the abominable skins and just see all those sins 458 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,280 Speaker 1: and just like yeah, it's all. That's it for me. 459 00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:01,679 Speaker 1: Then God restromit me, um m. And I would just 460 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,760 Speaker 1: never introduced to the love, grace and mercy of God. 461 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:05,919 Speaker 1: I just don't know how it just never. No one 462 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,359 Speaker 1: really sat me down to actually teach me about Jesus 463 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 1: and stuff like that. Like also I found in quite 464 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,359 Speaker 1: a few days for a household is that, you know, 465 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:19,679 Speaker 1: they don't they discipleship in terms of like bringing children 466 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:23,600 Speaker 1: up like the Godly way. Sometimes it's daily parents expect 467 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 1: the Sunday school teachers to you know, Yeah, however, there's 468 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 1: some things that need to be done at home because 469 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,360 Speaker 1: there's not everything that the Sunday school can do, you know. 470 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:38,240 Speaker 1: And so I just didn't. I didn't know God's grace. 471 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,320 Speaker 1: I didn't know his mercy. I didn't know Jesus. I 472 00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:43,840 Speaker 1: knew what I knew of Jesus obviously, but I didn't 473 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:45,919 Speaker 1: know the extent of what he did for me. I 474 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,879 Speaker 1: didn't know what it meant. I didn't know all these things. 475 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,120 Speaker 1: All I knew is that there's God. And I said, 476 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:57,400 Speaker 1: that's it then for me, because um but then obviously 477 00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 1: as I grew older and well obviously when I did 478 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,440 Speaker 1: get saved in that year as I began to actually 479 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:06,360 Speaker 1: go church myself properly, and it was literally the Lord 480 00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,440 Speaker 1: drawing me to him. I began to actually see God's 481 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,720 Speaker 1: Grace's mercy and actually hear the gospel of Jesus Christ. 482 00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:23,320 Speaker 1: Now that's the gospel of baby. Come on, yes, looking 483 00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:29,639 Speaker 1: at my church back. Yeah, it wasn't until I actually 484 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,840 Speaker 1: heard the gospel and actually saw the love of Christ 485 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:36,159 Speaker 1: radiated through people. But I was that I actually, you know, 486 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:39,040 Speaker 1: began to really encounter who God was and Jesus was. 487 00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,840 Speaker 1: Because another thing is that, you know, there's some people 488 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:45,400 Speaker 1: who say they're Christian, but the fruits don't really match, 489 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:48,640 Speaker 1: and I not the fruits don't match. Come on now, 490 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:53,280 Speaker 1: oh no, I'm I'm just sharing like my experiences growing 491 00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,440 Speaker 1: up in terms of like you know, you'll be well, 492 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:57,080 Speaker 1: a lot of people experienced this, like maybe in the 493 00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:00,840 Speaker 1: old school churches. People, um, you know, in the faith however, 494 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 1: the fruit is not um matching up to what it 495 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,080 Speaker 1: should be as a Christian, so people's views are tainted 496 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,680 Speaker 1: and um yeah, it didn't really help either. I was 497 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,800 Speaker 1: gonna say, we encounter God obviously through his word, we 498 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:17,840 Speaker 1: encounter Him in his presence. However, for an unbeliever. Our 499 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:20,680 Speaker 1: closest experience to what God is is a believer. And 500 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:24,320 Speaker 1: if a believer is acting horrible, is acting hateful, You're 501 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:30,680 Speaker 1: going to assume that that's what God is like. And so, um, 502 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:32,800 Speaker 1: that was just a thing I just want to share. Like, 503 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,840 Speaker 1: it wasn't until I actually began to encounter the love 504 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,320 Speaker 1: of Christ through people that was able to see that. 505 00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,680 Speaker 1: You know, God isn't going to punish me. I've received 506 00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,920 Speaker 1: his grace and mercy. Yeah, what happened was wrong, However, 507 00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:46,800 Speaker 1: there is mercy, there is grace, there is love, right forgiveness. Yeah. 508 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:51,120 Speaker 1: So what does your family think about you being out 509 00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:57,040 Speaker 1: about your story now about your testimony? They weren't happy, Yeah, 510 00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:00,560 Speaker 1: can ma, they weren't happy. It is the thing of 511 00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,280 Speaker 1: where I had to stand my ground. It's a thing 512 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:04,959 Speaker 1: of where, like is what God wanted me to do. 513 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,480 Speaker 1: So am I going to obey God? Or am I 514 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:12,680 Speaker 1: going to about the norms of society and remain in 515 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,640 Speaker 1: bondage because I'm afraid of what people are going to 516 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 1: think of me? Right? One thing I've learned is that 517 00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:22,480 Speaker 1: there are many people tied to you know, your your deliverance. 518 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,680 Speaker 1: So as God delivers you, and as you speak out, 519 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:26,800 Speaker 1: there are many people who will be freed. If I 520 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,640 Speaker 1: had been a younger child and I had heard someone 521 00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 1: maybe in the past, speak out on this issue. Who 522 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 1: knows what could have happened, you know, who knows the 523 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,400 Speaker 1: shame that I could have been spared from. So if 524 00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,360 Speaker 1: there's someone who can hear my story and it opened 525 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:41,280 Speaker 1: up her door freedom for them, then I will speak 526 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:43,240 Speaker 1: and I'm not going to stop speaking. I don't care 527 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:46,240 Speaker 1: who has an issue. Um and then goes back to 528 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,480 Speaker 1: me though, because I'm always research and going to a 529 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,240 Speaker 1: rabbit hole. But there girls back to me. I was 530 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:54,400 Speaker 1: reading something about how parents are starting the t stir kids, 531 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:58,080 Speaker 1: how they shore t stir kids the correct verbish when 532 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 1: it comes to saying vagina or that are saying that 533 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:04,440 Speaker 1: my bad part. So do you think that parents should 534 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:05,880 Speaker 1: be a little bit should do that or should we 535 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,720 Speaker 1: encourage parents to do that more? Because maybe if you 536 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,280 Speaker 1: would have known, like you said, if you would have 537 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:13,760 Speaker 1: been exposed to like, hey, like that's my vagina, nobody 538 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:18,600 Speaker 1: supposed touch that, you think things would have been different? Yes, yeah, 539 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,560 Speaker 1: I do, I do. I do. I do think that 540 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:24,040 Speaker 1: parents should, you know, talk to their children about these 541 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,400 Speaker 1: things obviously in a way that child friendly, but just 542 00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:29,800 Speaker 1: so that they're aware, because ignorance doesn't help anything, and 543 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:34,480 Speaker 1: rather ignorance can lead to a lot of issues. So 544 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 1: there needs there needs to be awareness, and it needs 545 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:38,520 Speaker 1: to be done in a way that can you know, 546 00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,800 Speaker 1: inform the children so they can be you know, safe. 547 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:48,400 Speaker 1: And it causes confusions because obviously ora feels good, but 548 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,280 Speaker 1: you're telling the kid that's not right, you know what 549 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 1: I'm saying. So that's just that's like you got to 550 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 1: be careful we leave kids around that yeah, yes, yes, yes, 551 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:03,280 Speaker 1: so true. Just really like crime my gears, because it's 552 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,600 Speaker 1: just so many people that have been affected by by 553 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:10,000 Speaker 1: situations where your parents unfortunately didn't have a choice it, 554 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,680 Speaker 1: especially if they was working so much, are doing anything 555 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,400 Speaker 1: else and they just leave their kids in the care 556 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 1: of a loved one and something just crazy happens. It's 557 00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:21,600 Speaker 1: just said. But un do you think the other thing 558 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:23,600 Speaker 1: is contribute to your audition, because I know one thing 559 00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 1: that you mentioned was listening to science types of music. Yeah, 560 00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 1: that was one of my triggers. So, um, generally like 561 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:35,320 Speaker 1: music is a whole nemous story of itself. That was something, 562 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:38,440 Speaker 1: but I do know that the things that I would 563 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:43,640 Speaker 1: take in really affected and I guess increase their addictional 564 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:47,200 Speaker 1: maintain or sustained it should I say so, I would 565 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,760 Speaker 1: listen to a whole a lot of songs, songs that 566 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:54,120 Speaker 1: were very sexually explicit, sexually vulga, and I always like, 567 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,440 Speaker 1: now as I believe, I'm just like, there are spirits 568 00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:59,680 Speaker 1: behind these types of songs as well, um that can 569 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,880 Speaker 1: influd as of person. And I just saw that, you know, 570 00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:05,360 Speaker 1: when I would entertain these songs, it would trigger thoughts 571 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,240 Speaker 1: in my head, it would cause me to feel a 572 00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:12,240 Speaker 1: certain way, and you know, not exercising self control maybe 573 00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:15,640 Speaker 1: more point to falling or for example, I also talked 574 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:18,920 Speaker 1: about that I used to love watching telenovelas. However, like 575 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:22,000 Speaker 1: every other scene is a sex scene or a romantic scene, 576 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,959 Speaker 1: and you know, it just causes your mind to wonder, 577 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:28,000 Speaker 1: and it just causes these desires to arise, and it's like, yeah, 578 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:29,880 Speaker 1: you can say you're going to exercise self control. But 579 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:32,320 Speaker 1: one thing I've learned is that the flesh is weak, 580 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:37,400 Speaker 1: and the flesh is so weak and any any chance 581 00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:39,400 Speaker 1: that the flesh has it will try to take it 582 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,160 Speaker 1: and take the make and just leave you into like 583 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:44,680 Speaker 1: fall in so um if you can flee away from 584 00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:47,080 Speaker 1: a certain temptation or flee away from a certain thing 585 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:52,560 Speaker 1: to flee mm hmm yeah, so what do you what 586 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,520 Speaker 1: kind of means to listen to it? Now? For me, 587 00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:59,320 Speaker 1: the lads changed my desires a lot. I actually can't 588 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,680 Speaker 1: stand seconding it anymore. I just start insulting it. We'll 589 00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:04,560 Speaker 1: not insulting it. I believe in Jesus, I love everyone, 590 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,080 Speaker 1: but I just I just listened to the lyrics. I'm 591 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,320 Speaker 1: just like, how can you sing this? Like? It doesn't 592 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:12,359 Speaker 1: make sense? Um type of thing? If I'm just being real. 593 00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:15,920 Speaker 1: But I listened to like worship, Um, I listened to 594 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,319 Speaker 1: Christian songs and like I learned that, you know, there 595 00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:22,719 Speaker 1: are many Christian artists that actually make songs that are good. Well, 596 00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:25,200 Speaker 1: Christian music is good, but Christian music that is not 597 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:28,239 Speaker 1: necessarily the hillsong over time, but it sounds it could 598 00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:30,680 Speaker 1: sound like something you hear someone playing in their car 599 00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:35,439 Speaker 1: as they're driving. Um a rap. I'm just curious. Yeah, 600 00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,799 Speaker 1: like Christian rap. I used to listen to a lot 601 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:41,680 Speaker 1: more before when I first transitioned into you know, um, 602 00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:44,200 Speaker 1: Christian music, because it was hard for me. It was 603 00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:47,600 Speaker 1: so hard for me, I remember, just I wasn't It's 604 00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:50,479 Speaker 1: by the grace of God literally, but yeah, Christian rap, 605 00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:54,880 Speaker 1: you know, Christian hip hop from all these things as well, um, 606 00:34:54,920 --> 00:35:00,480 Speaker 1: sometimes Christian afrobeats. Yeah, it's actually very good. Yeah, there 607 00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:03,560 Speaker 1: are many creatives in this industry and they're they're doing 608 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,319 Speaker 1: a lot, and more people are rising up and doing amazingly, 609 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:11,320 Speaker 1: um in this area because music, yeah, is very is 610 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,600 Speaker 1: a very important thing for a lot of people. Um. 611 00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,320 Speaker 1: And in the past, I guess maybe Christian music hadn't 612 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,400 Speaker 1: been doing the greatest in that area. I want to say, 613 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:22,520 Speaker 1: did you mentioned music me and one of your triggers, 614 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:27,040 Speaker 1: So what would you say? Are some other triggers? So, um, 615 00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:29,719 Speaker 1: other triggers, I said, the telling there's also conversations that 616 00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:33,160 Speaker 1: I would have in people that I would spend time around. Um. 617 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:36,000 Speaker 1: I remember that one time I had stopped the whole 618 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:39,400 Speaker 1: pornography and masturbation thing. But then again I was around 619 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:43,520 Speaker 1: some people from my past and the conversation was just 620 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:47,080 Speaker 1: very inappropriate. The it was just horrible, and it just 621 00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:51,800 Speaker 1: planted seeds in which eventually led to me falling m 622 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,719 Speaker 1: m um. And so yeah, people, the people you hang 623 00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:58,759 Speaker 1: around with the conversations that you entertain. If you're having 624 00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:03,239 Speaker 1: conversations that are set actual um and just having these 625 00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:05,600 Speaker 1: type of conversations, and it's gonna plant seeds in your mind. 626 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:07,799 Speaker 1: It's gonna cause you to be thinking on these things 627 00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,799 Speaker 1: and it will influence you know, what comes out, and 628 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:16,640 Speaker 1: it could lead to sin mm hmm um. Yeah. I 629 00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:20,279 Speaker 1: was reading somewhere that people who are addicted to porn 630 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,640 Speaker 1: start off for like soufhorn and then they gradually transition 631 00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:28,160 Speaker 1: to horror porn. Would you say that was true for you? Um? 632 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:32,640 Speaker 1: For me, it began like I guess so, and then 633 00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,640 Speaker 1: it for me it transitioned into like from like I said, 634 00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:40,200 Speaker 1: into just lesbian m and just transitioned into lesbian porn 635 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,600 Speaker 1: and it was literally, to be honest, that was all 636 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:47,040 Speaker 1: I could watch. I didn't even watch the other type. Um. 637 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:50,040 Speaker 1: It was just lesbian porn after a while, and that's 638 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,759 Speaker 1: all I can watch. And I do know. Unfortunately, for 639 00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:56,239 Speaker 1: some people it goes into some horrible stuff. Man, it 640 00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:58,560 Speaker 1: goes into some horrible stuff, stuff that they didn't even 641 00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:00,680 Speaker 1: think that they would ever be enjoying watching. And it's 642 00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:05,719 Speaker 1: just so sad because they have not to go out, 643 00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:09,160 Speaker 1: but it's like the porn be sensitized now yeah, and 644 00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,120 Speaker 1: it sensitizes them and just leads them to a whole 645 00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:14,759 Speaker 1: lot of perversion and then they're stuck like, oh, it's 646 00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:19,400 Speaker 1: so sad. There are people who yeah, it's just horrible. Um. 647 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,239 Speaker 1: And with those type of things as well, it's like 648 00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,040 Speaker 1: the shame attached to that, like, oh my gosh, you 649 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:25,200 Speaker 1: can I tell that I'm struggling with this type of porn. 650 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,040 Speaker 1: You know, it's one thing to struggle without watching the 651 00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:31,600 Speaker 1: general type of like when someone starts falling into some 652 00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:34,880 Speaker 1: next stuff. But it's not it's just horrible. It's just 653 00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:38,760 Speaker 1: even worse. Um. The shame attached with that just brings 654 00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:42,279 Speaker 1: them into a deeper level of bondage. It's very sad. 655 00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:46,640 Speaker 1: So do you feel like you use porn and massive 656 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:48,640 Speaker 1: based and it's like colpor mechanism Because I know one 657 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,799 Speaker 1: of your videos you stated that you was experienced depression 658 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:57,000 Speaker 1: as a teenager. He um, yeah, I was really low 659 00:37:57,239 --> 00:38:01,440 Speaker 1: in my mood and it could have been a coping 660 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:04,560 Speaker 1: mechanism a way of you know, coping with stress as well. 661 00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:07,680 Speaker 1: Sometimes you don't even know when you're doing these things 662 00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:10,120 Speaker 1: that it's a coping mechanism until you look back and 663 00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:14,279 Speaker 1: I feel like it could have been and um, yeah, 664 00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:19,960 Speaker 1: it could have been a coping mechanism. Yeah, so what 665 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:22,040 Speaker 1: would you say was your lower's mom and then made 666 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:25,759 Speaker 1: you want to stop? Made me want to stop. Um. 667 00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,480 Speaker 1: So when I when I used to do this, even 668 00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:32,040 Speaker 1: as a teenager, before I was even saved, Um, I 669 00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,000 Speaker 1: always want I always knew it was wrong. I always 670 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,399 Speaker 1: felt gilly, I always felt disgusting, and I always tried 671 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:39,360 Speaker 1: to stop, but in my own strength, I couldn't. Um. 672 00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:41,560 Speaker 1: And I remember always like saying, God, one more time, 673 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,200 Speaker 1: I'm sorry you did it, and it will just happen 674 00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:45,000 Speaker 1: again and again and again and again and again. As 675 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:49,040 Speaker 1: a teenager, Um, I just knew it was wrong. But 676 00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:53,920 Speaker 1: then me actually getting saved. Now, Um, when I got saved, 677 00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:55,839 Speaker 1: it it is like the law delivered me. But then 678 00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,279 Speaker 1: I mentioned that I backslid and then I started doing 679 00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:00,600 Speaker 1: it again, and it's like I knew was wrong, but 680 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,879 Speaker 1: I just I just I don't know what was wrong 681 00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:07,800 Speaker 1: with me at that time. I was just rebellious. Um um. 682 00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:11,240 Speaker 1: And when I did eventually come back to my senses 683 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:14,120 Speaker 1: and I like rededicated my life to the Lord and 684 00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:16,640 Speaker 1: repented as I began to grow closer to the Lord. 685 00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:21,200 Speaker 1: It's like my desire began to be Jesus, and I 686 00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:22,960 Speaker 1: can't now try to get close to him with this 687 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,920 Speaker 1: addiction still in my life. So, um, I knew that 688 00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:28,440 Speaker 1: it needed to be cut out completely and once and 689 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:32,560 Speaker 1: for all. Um, it was a thing for me if 690 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,080 Speaker 1: I'm gonna grow in my walk, this needed to be 691 00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:40,359 Speaker 1: dealt with. And so that's made that made me want 692 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,399 Speaker 1: to stop it once and for all. And I knew 693 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:46,080 Speaker 1: also that it could affect even before I would say 694 00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,600 Speaker 1: that it could affect me, like if I didn't stop, 695 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:52,480 Speaker 1: like in the future, Um, when I'm married and stuff. 696 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:57,640 Speaker 1: Mm hm, So I let's talk about the transition from 697 00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,960 Speaker 1: going from guilt and shame to now being bold and 698 00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:07,360 Speaker 1: share your story and encouraging women to their addictions. Yeah, um, 699 00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:11,880 Speaker 1: so with this, um like you sharing your question. So 700 00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:16,120 Speaker 1: basically I wasn't always so bold about, you know, sharing 701 00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:18,319 Speaker 1: my story or even talking about it. It was something 702 00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:20,240 Speaker 1: that brought a lot of shame, brought a lot of guilt, 703 00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:23,120 Speaker 1: especially the incident that happened when I was a child. 704 00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:26,240 Speaker 1: That was an area that brought quite a lot of torment. 705 00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:32,800 Speaker 1: Like literally thoughts of people knowing literally terrified me. However, 706 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:36,279 Speaker 1: you know, like obviously my shared I got saved and 707 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:38,319 Speaker 1: I just went on a process of healing with God. 708 00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,800 Speaker 1: And it was a thing of where as I grew 709 00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,359 Speaker 1: in revelation of His love and how he saw me, 710 00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:47,880 Speaker 1: and just me growing in the awareness of like what 711 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,240 Speaker 1: Jesus had done in that he died for my sins 712 00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,319 Speaker 1: and took everything on the process washed me with his 713 00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:56,080 Speaker 1: blood and like I'm truly forgiven, and it began to 714 00:40:56,160 --> 00:41:00,480 Speaker 1: you know, change how I saw all so as I 715 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:02,520 Speaker 1: began to actually know who I was in Christ and 716 00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,480 Speaker 1: actually learned my identity because that was something that was 717 00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:08,960 Speaker 1: kind of stolen from um with all these you know, um, 718 00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:10,759 Speaker 1: with the trauma that I had gone through as a 719 00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:14,920 Speaker 1: child and the addiction, and as I actually how the 720 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,120 Speaker 1: Lord taught me and my actual identity that you know, 721 00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,040 Speaker 1: I'm clean, I'm blameless, i am loved, I'm adored, I'm 722 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:23,920 Speaker 1: of worth and value, and actually believing, you know, what 723 00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,719 Speaker 1: God has said about me, and knowing that you know, 724 00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,080 Speaker 1: his word is above what anyone else can think. It 725 00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,239 Speaker 1: began to give me a lot of confidence. You know. 726 00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:34,400 Speaker 1: It's like when you know what God says, like who's 727 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:37,680 Speaker 1: above everything. It doesn't matter if someone else helped hates you, um, 728 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:40,799 Speaker 1: if someone thinks you're less than because like I mean, 729 00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:45,640 Speaker 1: God says, I'm amazing, so you know and here and 730 00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:48,600 Speaker 1: also um, when the Lord started to show me this, 731 00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:51,800 Speaker 1: it started to help my perception of myself and it 732 00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:54,960 Speaker 1: started to build up confidence. And also then actually speaking 733 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:58,600 Speaker 1: to people concerning the situation is God eventually led me 734 00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:02,080 Speaker 1: to and seeing his love like infested through people and 735 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:06,279 Speaker 1: their behaviors and how like the grace that they extended, 736 00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:08,879 Speaker 1: Like I was really shocked when I shared it with them. 737 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:13,160 Speaker 1: I shared it with their sister and run because the 738 00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:15,120 Speaker 1: weight of the guilt was just really on me and 739 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:18,839 Speaker 1: she literally just it was just I thought that you know, 740 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,440 Speaker 1: there would be judgment, that there would be you know, 741 00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:25,120 Speaker 1: like oh, that she would see me differently, but it 742 00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,480 Speaker 1: wasn't like that. And the way she handled the situation 743 00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:29,799 Speaker 1: was just but with the love of God. And it 744 00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,919 Speaker 1: just changed my perception. And you know, when we talk 745 00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:35,200 Speaker 1: through things and we see like people's reaction, it does 746 00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:38,200 Speaker 1: kind of bring healing. And at times when we just 747 00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:40,600 Speaker 1: see you know, the grace and the love and the 748 00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:45,640 Speaker 1: mercy manifested through their behaviors, and so that really really 749 00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:49,640 Speaker 1: helped me. I was just about to say that I 750 00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:51,520 Speaker 1: think that about you seeing a lot of the other 751 00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:56,160 Speaker 1: people demonstrated towards you made you kind of reaffirm your 752 00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:59,919 Speaker 1: trust with God and have a better relationship with her. Yeah, 753 00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:03,040 Speaker 1: it really did. I think. I think you asked me 754 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:05,720 Speaker 1: a question before, and I was just I remember saying 755 00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:09,800 Speaker 1: that you know, Um, for someone who doesn't know God, 756 00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:12,640 Speaker 1: or someone who we not know God too well, our 757 00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,840 Speaker 1: first you know, interaction with God will be through his people, 758 00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:20,160 Speaker 1: and we will perceive God how we perceive his people 759 00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:22,160 Speaker 1: or how we see his people. So like you said, 760 00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:26,440 Speaker 1: you know, seeing the love radiated really reaffirms that relationship 761 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:31,799 Speaker 1: with God. Um, it just really helps m hm. So yeah, um, 762 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,760 Speaker 1: that was that really helped me in terms of going 763 00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:37,160 Speaker 1: from the whole shame and guilt thing to being bold. 764 00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:40,359 Speaker 1: It was literally just encountering God's love, having a deeper 765 00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:42,719 Speaker 1: awareness that I am complete and clean, and that the 766 00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:45,239 Speaker 1: past is the past, and that my past does not 767 00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:49,200 Speaker 1: define my future. Um, and me actually having to choose 768 00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:52,960 Speaker 1: to agree with what God says and and stop allowing 769 00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:55,360 Speaker 1: you know, my past to you know dictate my future 770 00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:59,640 Speaker 1: or still from my future. Should I say, Okay, I 771 00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:01,719 Speaker 1: know you have a relationship with God, but what would 772 00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:04,359 Speaker 1: your advice be to those who don't really know God 773 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:07,760 Speaker 1: for themselves when it comes to overcome and this addiction 774 00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:15,040 Speaker 1: or addictions addictions? For me personally, I would say, my 775 00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:17,719 Speaker 1: my relationship with God is what literally helped me break 776 00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:20,840 Speaker 1: free from it, um, And I found that I couldn't 777 00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:22,319 Speaker 1: do it in my flesh and it was literally through 778 00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:25,360 Speaker 1: them how much of the Holy Spirit. But for those 779 00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:29,399 Speaker 1: who don't have a relationship with God, um, I would 780 00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:37,680 Speaker 1: say that, you know, take every day as it at 781 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:43,440 Speaker 1: a time. Um, don't look I always say, don't look 782 00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:45,960 Speaker 1: at yesterday, don't think about tomorrow, just take every day 783 00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:49,400 Speaker 1: at a time. For me, like I can't really speak 784 00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:53,040 Speaker 1: without including God, I can't really speak without including Jesus 785 00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,719 Speaker 1: because for me personally, that is the only reason why 786 00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,560 Speaker 1: I can say that I'm free from it, because I 787 00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:00,920 Speaker 1: have experienced what it was like to be addicted and 788 00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:03,000 Speaker 1: not be saved, and I knew that for me personally 789 00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:06,000 Speaker 1: that I wasn't able to overcome in my intertents at all, 790 00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,799 Speaker 1: And it was only when I began to surrender to 791 00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:10,600 Speaker 1: God after I got saved that I was able to 792 00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:12,640 Speaker 1: be free once and four because it was His strength 793 00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:18,480 Speaker 1: and not my own. Um. I would say that accountability 794 00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,759 Speaker 1: can really help in just having that long term help 795 00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:26,080 Speaker 1: and support from people around you mm hmm um, people 796 00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,600 Speaker 1: who can help you, um and encourage you and just 797 00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:32,600 Speaker 1: remind you, um of who you are if you do 798 00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:35,359 Speaker 1: mess up, and you know who can be there if 799 00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:39,600 Speaker 1: you're attempted and help talk to you. And and I 800 00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,600 Speaker 1: always talk about and I'll just always have to go 801 00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:44,600 Speaker 1: back to Jesus and just tell them that God loves you. 802 00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:50,480 Speaker 1: Jesus loves you, and um, he will help you. Would 803 00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:54,200 Speaker 1: you recommend therapy they he can really help. I will 804 00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:58,920 Speaker 1: never be against therapy. Therapy can really help, um. And 805 00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:01,480 Speaker 1: I feel like and yeah, Ferry pack can really help 806 00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:04,360 Speaker 1: because it's a thing of where um, there's certain patterns 807 00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:07,799 Speaker 1: and certain things in one's mind and certain behavioral things 808 00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:11,440 Speaker 1: that have been established as well, and that therapy can 809 00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:14,120 Speaker 1: help on doing un learn And it's a long term 810 00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:16,640 Speaker 1: process type of thing where you know you have that 811 00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:22,400 Speaker 1: accountability and support from a therapist who can Yeah. And 812 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:24,720 Speaker 1: I'm just curious, how do they how were you able 813 00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:31,719 Speaker 1: to still remain a virgin. Wow, having these addictions, you 814 00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:38,799 Speaker 1: never want to like try it for yourself. UM, I 815 00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:41,759 Speaker 1: don't know, it's I'm always gonna include Jesus, but I 816 00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:43,120 Speaker 1: feel like it was the hand of God upon me 817 00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:48,200 Speaker 1: even when I wasn't saved, like protecting me. And yeah 818 00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:50,920 Speaker 1: there was because when I was growing up as well, 819 00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:53,840 Speaker 1: there was that kind of like low self esteem and stuff, 820 00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,239 Speaker 1: so I didn't even feel comfortable around me. So I 821 00:46:56,239 --> 00:46:59,400 Speaker 1: guess pornography was an outlet in terms of just experiencing 822 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,680 Speaker 1: that that desire, that that feeling without having to be 823 00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:06,640 Speaker 1: intimate with someone. Um. So whilst there was that desire 824 00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,720 Speaker 1: to want to experience it with the person that that, 825 00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:12,400 Speaker 1: there was always that fear that just didn't allow me 826 00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:18,640 Speaker 1: to mm hmm. So um yeah. Well, last and at 827 00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:20,520 Speaker 1: least it will be your advice to women that are 828 00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:24,520 Speaker 1: struggling with point of emascivation addiction. UM, I would saying 829 00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:29,200 Speaker 1: that they're not alone. Um, definitely, anyone. Don't let anyone 830 00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:33,439 Speaker 1: make you feel ashamed for speaking out against speaking out 831 00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:37,920 Speaker 1: concerning this addiction. UM, know that there is help and 832 00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:41,239 Speaker 1: support out there, and there are people who can help you. 833 00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:46,440 Speaker 1: When people who can be patient with you. Um always, um, 834 00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:49,880 Speaker 1: don't give up, never give up. Though you may fall, like, 835 00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:56,520 Speaker 1: get back up. And yeah, and obviously including Jesus, like 836 00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:58,839 Speaker 1: like God will help you and he can support you 837 00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:01,560 Speaker 1: and really help you break me from this. Mm hmm. 838 00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:03,719 Speaker 1: I have one more question I just came off top 839 00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,640 Speaker 1: of my head. Would you say that dating might be 840 00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:09,000 Speaker 1: a trigger too? If you're dating somebody you really into them, 841 00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:10,520 Speaker 1: but I'm pretty sure it might be a moment with 842 00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:16,440 Speaker 1: things like gil heavy dating can be a trigger, trigger 843 00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:18,560 Speaker 1: and can trigger things. And I would say before you're 844 00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:21,560 Speaker 1: dating anyone and true that your heart is right. I'm 845 00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:24,560 Speaker 1: sure that your heart is right. Um. But yeah, dating 846 00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:27,680 Speaker 1: can be a trigger. And some people maybe going and 847 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,759 Speaker 1: falling into like put on with your masturvation, trying to 848 00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:33,520 Speaker 1: create immagery with things, or even just liking someone and 849 00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:38,640 Speaker 1: not even being with them but synesizing, yeah, fantasizing. But 850 00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:40,920 Speaker 1: the thing is with that is that it's just like 851 00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:43,600 Speaker 1: why why would you do that? Because now it doesn't 852 00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:47,320 Speaker 1: make sense because you're going to pornography to try and 853 00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:52,920 Speaker 1: fulfill that desire. Yeah, it's just it's very counterproductive. I 854 00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:55,799 Speaker 1: always use the context of marriage, so for example, like 855 00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:57,520 Speaker 1: if you're now being married, it's like you can't even 856 00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:00,319 Speaker 1: now enjoy that feeling with the one that you love 857 00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:05,440 Speaker 1: because you've now involved pornography the whole situation. Mm hm. 858 00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:09,160 Speaker 1: So it's very it's very it's counterproductive. So if you 859 00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:13,440 Speaker 1: was married, Oh, when you get married, um, and your 860 00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:16,640 Speaker 1: person wants to watch poor what would you say that 861 00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:26,320 Speaker 1: none from me? Or what about your person wants to 862 00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:29,479 Speaker 1: like this is the hype question that the person wants 863 00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:31,560 Speaker 1: you to masturbate with each other? Would you be open 864 00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:35,200 Speaker 1: to that if when you get married? I don't know 865 00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:41,600 Speaker 1: if I could do that. Um, that's right, yeah, yeah, 866 00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:44,040 Speaker 1: there's certain boundaries that I would need to place for 867 00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:46,960 Speaker 1: myself that you know, I don't fall into those type 868 00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:49,640 Speaker 1: of things. For some people in their marriage, that could 869 00:49:49,640 --> 00:49:51,640 Speaker 1: be fine if none of them had that issue. But 870 00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:54,759 Speaker 1: for someone who's had like a pornography, I don't. I 871 00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:57,680 Speaker 1: don't want a masturbation issue, and that could be a 872 00:49:57,680 --> 00:50:00,320 Speaker 1: trigger to for them now falling into that sin, falling 873 00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:03,680 Speaker 1: into that issue not effecting their sex life in regards 874 00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:05,760 Speaker 1: to pulling, because I don't know why any any couple, 875 00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:08,680 Speaker 1: married couple would involve that. It doesn't make sense. It's like, 876 00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:11,440 Speaker 1: because whether they like it or not, they're going to 877 00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:15,600 Speaker 1: be looking at someone else, you know, I know, yeah, 878 00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:19,920 Speaker 1: it will affect intimacy. M hm um. So yeah, I 879 00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:23,799 Speaker 1: don't think I could be okay with that, but I 880 00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:29,160 Speaker 1: think this was an amazing conversation. I was so I 881 00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:32,759 Speaker 1: was so happy that the good Lord told you it's 882 00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:37,640 Speaker 1: okay to come on the show. When I first in 883 00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:39,719 Speaker 1: her arm, she was like, I gotta see what the 884 00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:41,319 Speaker 1: lad wants me to do. And I'm like, you know what, 885 00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:44,160 Speaker 1: I like me a faith based woman, so I'm gonna 886 00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:46,160 Speaker 1: respect that. And I was like, Dad, please let her 887 00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:50,520 Speaker 1: come on the show. Please. God. I enjoyed this. It 888 00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:53,640 Speaker 1: was nice. I told you, what's our listeners. If you 889 00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:56,200 Speaker 1: have any questions, calmness and concerns, he will say, hey, girl, hey, 890 00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:58,360 Speaker 1: make sure to email me at hello at the PhD 891 00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:02,839 Speaker 1: podcast dot com and until next time, have eyone later