WEBVTT - A Fresh Batch of Miracles with Uzo Aduba 0:00:00.840 --> 0:00:03.840 Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you hi. Welcome to 0:00:03.880 --> 0:00:06.680 Dear Chelsea. Everybody. It's a brand new episode of Dear Chelsea. 0:00:07.160 --> 0:00:11.160 I'm well. I am pretty excited. I've been in Canada 0:00:11.360 --> 0:00:13.560 because I'm doing my stand up dates here, my touring 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:17.280 dates here. But Joe was with me for a while 0:00:17.640 --> 0:00:20.960 with the dogs, which was amazing because he would walk 0:00:21.040 --> 0:00:25.600 them and feed them and walk them. And I don't 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:27.960 like walking my dogs. First of all, my dogs are 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:31.560 pretty unwalkable, but I just don't like it. And I'm 0:00:31.600 --> 0:00:34.239 so lazy, which is why I'm a terrible parent, and 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:37.560 I know not to have a child. But when he left, 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:41.600 I found the peepalds in the closet and just resorted 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:44.360 to that. I put them on the balcony, I opened 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:47.360 the door, and then they just go and use that 0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:50.680 like I take them out once, and he used to 0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:54.280 take them out seven times a day. So I mean, 0:00:54.360 --> 0:00:57.360 it's like it's such a stark contrast from when he's here, 0:00:57.640 --> 0:01:00.880 and I don't understand. Like Burt will pace upstairs in Whistler. 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:03.440 My my bedrooms are downstairs in the living rooms upstairs, 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:06.240 and Bert will pace back and forth all morning, and 0:01:06.400 --> 0:01:09.000 the pitter powder of his claws is so fucking annoying. 0:01:09.360 --> 0:01:13.560 Is so annoying. At five every morning he starts like, 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:15.600 let's go, let's go. I want to eat, let's go, 0:01:16.280 --> 0:01:19.000 so the idea. And every morning I'm like, God, just 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:21.000 go back to bed, bird, go back to bed. I'm 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:23.800 thinking for my bed. But every morning Joe would just 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:26.320 pop right out of bed and go take them out. 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:29.000 And then he has no problem. Like you know, at night, 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:31.160 when I'm stoned and ready to get into bed, the 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:33.160 last thing I want to do is take them out, 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:35.679 and he'll do it on a moment's notice. Like he 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:39.080 has a different mental capacity than I do. And I'd 0:01:39.080 --> 0:01:41.160 like to tap into his, because I do want to 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:43.520 be somebody who wants to take my dogs out. But 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:45.679 I don't think it's going to happen in this lifetime, Katherine. 0:01:45.760 --> 0:01:48.040 I mean, let's be realistic, you know what I mean. Well, 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:50.120 maybe not in their lifetimes, because they don't seem like 0:01:50.120 --> 0:01:52.440 they really want to go for a hike. They seem 0:01:52.480 --> 0:01:55.600 pretty lazy. They are, That's part of it. They just 0:01:55.640 --> 0:01:59.240 like walk outside listlessly, you know, and then p forty 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:02.960 times and on each other. It's just like one of 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:05.280 them is sniffing, and the other one lifts is like, yeah, 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:07.720 and I have on my rugs are both ruined here. 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:10.280 I'm like, I'm for fairly certain my entire place just 0:02:10.320 --> 0:02:13.480 smells like you're in. So I've basically turned into, you know, 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:18.200 somebody who's basically living like in a trailer park. Yeah, 0:02:18.280 --> 0:02:20.680 I know. I'm just like I've lost all ability for 0:02:20.720 --> 0:02:24.000 any sort of decorum. Well, you know what, you're at 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:26.320 your vacation home. It can you can live in squalor. 0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:33.560 It's I'm living in my white privilege vacation home. Well, 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:38.680 today we have a really fun guest. Chelsea. Our guest 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:41.880 today is an award winning actress and she recently started 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:45.160 in the Emmy winning drama series in Treatment, and then 0:02:45.200 --> 0:02:48.520 she just finished the Broadway production of Clyde's pain Killer 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:51.359 is a new project that is coming out on Netflix. 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:55.080 It's a limited series starring her and Matthew Broderick. So 0:02:55.200 --> 0:03:00.840 please welcome Uzo A Duba Uzo. How are you? I 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:04.160 am great? How were you? How were you all? Well? 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:05.919 I was excited. First of all. I want to say 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:09.399 that I just recently saw Uzo's play Clyde in New York, 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:12.880 which I think has already ended, right, did you just wrap? Yeah, 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:18.840 we just finished on the sixteenth of January. Congratulations, thank you, 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:21.760 thank you for coming to see us. Lay Oh, Joe, 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:24.720 Coy and I came. Yes, we came, and we sat 0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:28.480 in the back of the theater, not in our assignce seats. Uh. 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:32.240 We decided to move because Joe had a cocktail and 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:34.080 we weren't allowed to bring that in either. So we 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:37.200 were breaking laws left and rules left and right coming there. 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:40.360 But we loved seeing you. I love seeing you in action. 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:42.720 You know how I feel about your acting. I love it. 0:03:43.160 --> 0:03:46.480 Thank you. Thanks Lead. This is Catherine, my co host 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:51.440 and producer. Catherine. Nice to meet you. I love your hair, Catherine, 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:55.440 thank you. It's just it's bright pink today and fluffy 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:58.640 and she's always full of color when I get here. 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:02.160 How are you doing, wing Uzoh? How how has pandemic 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:05.080 life been treating you? I heard that you secretly got 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:08.080 married during the pandemic? Is that a fact? That is 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:12.440 a fact? WHOA? I sure did? I got married um 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:18.600 September twelve. Yeah, it was, you know, it wasn't even 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:20.760 like it's not so much I would say, like a secret. 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:23.200 It's like that expression like it wasn't a secret, just 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:26.360 wasn't anybody's business or I wasn't talking about it. You know, 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:30.880 we've been together. It was a long time coming, and 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:35.080 it just so happened that a pandemic happened, you know, 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:38.160 like that was meant to happen. But then we all 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:41.080 got shuttered in and so were you able to spend 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:43.440 the wedding with your family and your friends and have 0:04:43.560 --> 0:04:46.239 all the people that were important to you there? Yeah, 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:48.880 that was you know what's so funny about pandemic I 0:04:48.920 --> 0:04:53.040 mean about pandemic Weddings's exactly. The thing about pandemic weddings 0:04:53.240 --> 0:04:58.680 is because you can't have this never ending list of names, 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:04.200 you know, people showing up, you really are forced to 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:08.960 tailor it down to the allowed number, you know, because 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:11.800 living in New York, especially in that time, it was 0:05:11.920 --> 0:05:15.440 so limited the number of people who could gather. So 0:05:15.640 --> 0:05:18.320 we were forced to really get down to the bones 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:20.720 of it, and it wound up just being our families 0:05:20.760 --> 0:05:22.400 and the end. And to tell you the honest truth, 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:25.960 it was awesome. It was perfection. It was really great 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:29.040 because then you know the way you all experience like 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:32.040 together you you have siblings, you know, like my brothers 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:35.600 and sisters. Now everybody plays like an even more significant 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:39.680 role on the day, you know, because it's just you guys. 0:05:40.839 --> 0:05:42.760 Did you write your own vows or did you use 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:48.039 traditional vows? Combination? Wrote and the traditional part like we 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:50.760 cut like the swearing party where it's like do you 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:54.280 vow to like we're better or verse. I'm like, I'm 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:56.279 gonna need this in writing, like I'm gonna need the 0:05:56.279 --> 0:06:00.280 part like my better and worst parts, like you know, um, 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:02.880 we kept those parts, but yeah, we wrote our own 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:05.240 as well. And how does it feel to be a 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:12.279 married woman. It feels the same but different. You know. 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:16.640 It's so funny because right before we were engaged, my cousin, 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:19.559 my little cousin, was getting married and she had said 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:21.799 this thing we're talking about, you know, like getting married 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:23.120 this to this, and she was in the middle of 0:06:23.120 --> 0:06:27.800 her engagement and she said something like, don't mourn being single, 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:31.000 because there are really precious things about that that you 0:06:31.120 --> 0:06:33.719 never are going to get again. And I was like, 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:35.960 what do you mean, and she was like, you just 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:39.719 being able to just truly, without explanation, get up and 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:43.719 go without telling anybody. I'm going to Tagiti. That's just gone, 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:47.440 just those little things, and I think that's more of 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:50.440 the difference. Checking in was just never something that was 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:53.840 like expected of me before, and it's like, oh now 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:56.799 I have to check in that I'm coming home those 0:06:56.839 --> 0:07:00.240 little things. But I like it. I don't know. I 0:07:00.279 --> 0:07:07.280 think it just gave me like that I wanted, not needed, 0:07:07.279 --> 0:07:11.440 but wanted. Uh huh, that's interesting. I like the notion 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:14.560 of dating. You know, I love having a boyfriend instead 0:07:14.560 --> 0:07:16.880 of having a husband, Like I just think it's a 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:20.560 sexier sounding thing. And Joe, and you know, when I 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:22.960 talked to my girlfriends about being married, they're like Gwyneth 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:25.800 Palto said this. She said she was when we got engaged, 0:07:25.840 --> 0:07:27.920 we didn't live together for two years, or we got married, 0:07:27.960 --> 0:07:29.520 we didn't live together for two years. She goes, and 0:07:29.520 --> 0:07:32.840 it just got sexier and hotter our relationship, Like it 0:07:32.920 --> 0:07:36.160 became like a flirtation, almost like we were married but 0:07:36.240 --> 0:07:38.000 still not together. And she's like, so there was this 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:40.560 build up she goes, where all of a sudden, him 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:43.000 being my husband became so much sexier than him being 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:46.160 my boyfriend. And I was like, oh, okay, let me 0:07:46.200 --> 0:07:49.240 try and think about it in that framework, because I 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:53.040 always think quait weddings is like, Okay, then the party's over. 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:56.320 That's the last party and then it's over. And I 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:59.720 want the potential for another party to always be around 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:02.240 the core on earth. Maybe that's the thing. Maybe you 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:05.520 should have continuous parties going, you know, even if you're married, 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:08.239 you get to have some kind of event that gives 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:10.880 you the freedom to be I don't know, still feel 0:08:10.920 --> 0:08:13.360 that singlehood also, I will say I think it's different 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:16.320 if I worked in a different industry, maybe where you 0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:20.000 come home every single day, you know what I mean. 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:23.520 Like we have like the fortune of feeling like dating 0:08:23.600 --> 0:08:25.920 sometimes because you're out of town for work, so you 0:08:25.960 --> 0:08:29.600 have those little like periods apart. But that makes me 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:33.000 miss him more even more, like just our day to day. 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:34.720 So what did you do with your brothers and sisters 0:08:34.720 --> 0:08:37.160 on your wedding day? Like what what were their responsibilities? 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:39.240 Because that is one reason I would get married, to 0:08:39.320 --> 0:08:40.959 make sure that all my brothers and sisters would be 0:08:41.000 --> 0:08:45.240 able to share that with me totally. Well, first of all, 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:48.400 we while they were part of a lot of the 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:53.320 readings we have like little things, you know, like letters 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:57.239 that we've found, like love letters from like poets and musicians, 0:08:57.240 --> 0:08:59.559 to their lovers and things like this that we had 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:03.280 I thought were really beautiful and had those read, which 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:06.720 was kind of cool. They read that stuff, they did 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:11.120 the toasts getting us ready. It was funny because it 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:14.520 was like we didn't have bridesmaids or grooms men. They 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:19.160 just were like everybody was a participant. Everybody participated, Like 0:09:19.320 --> 0:09:23.480 someone did the blessing, someone did the reading of like 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:27.720 my brother married us, things like that, Like everybody's hand 0:09:28.200 --> 0:09:31.640 is in that. My nieces and nephews were like all 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:34.440 the like flower girls. Actually one of my nieces was 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:38.840 the bridemaid. Everybody played. Every single one of our parents 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:42.840 and siblings played a role in the day and that 0:09:42.960 --> 0:09:46.280 was awesome. And how many brothers and sisters do you have? 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:49.920 I have? I'm one of five? Oh yeah, okay, so 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:53.000 me too, yeah, one of five? And what number are you? Um? 0:09:53.120 --> 0:10:03.120 Three medal. I'm the youngest where I belong. That is 0:10:03.160 --> 0:10:10.080 the only position for me. We'll be right back. So 0:10:10.120 --> 0:10:12.200 you must wear two hats in your family, right, because 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:16.040 you're an older sister to so many younger sister to others. Totally, 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:19.280 and like there's an age gap between my older brother 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:22.199 and older sister and I so like my older sister 0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:25.520 and I who are She's two and I'm three. There's 0:10:25.600 --> 0:10:30.320 six years between us, so like I'm super younger sibling 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:33.400 for them, you know when I came out and then 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:36.600 like then they went to college and left the house, 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:40.520 and then I was super older sibling over here, even 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:41.960 though they didn't want me to be, like they like 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:44.280 kept trying to steal me of my title of like 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:47.840 older siblings, but like my younger siblings, but still supermassi 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:51.080 and like we make them so like I definitely like 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:54.400 balanced that. But then like my younger sister, Cheech and 0:10:54.440 --> 0:10:57.600 I were really close for a year and a half apart, 0:10:57.640 --> 0:11:00.640 and we're the only ones who are so a year 0:11:00.640 --> 0:11:03.520 and a half a part both girls and sharing a 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:06.600 room together or a lot, and even were roommates up 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:09.320 until like ten years ago, so like we had like 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:13.199 an almost sister. Yeah right, Yeah, I shared a room 0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:16.000 with my sister who actually was six years older than me, 0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:18.960 and we did not act like twins. She was a 0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:21.720 pain in my ass from the very beginning. And we 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:23.600 we had tape. We would line our room because we 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:26.319 shared a room. Quick tape. Yeah, we put tape down 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:28.400 and she taped her side to the side where the 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:30.760 door was, so she thought that I was going to 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:32.960 have to ask her when I wanted to leave the room. 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:35.160 I was like, no, bitch, I don't care how much 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:37.160 older you are than me, Like that is don't get 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:40.160 it twisted. I'm still in charge here. Let me tell 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:42.880 you my sister. So me and my sister we shared 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:45.120 a room when my older sister moved out when she 0:11:45.160 --> 0:11:48.400 went to college. I moved into her room, being like 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:50.599 I want my own room. But it was downstairs and 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:53.199 it was by myself, like nobody else was down there. 0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:55.800 Hated it. I don't think I even made it, like 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:59.200 six months by myself down there. Tried to come back 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:01.760 into the room, which is ours because she does not 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:04.480 own this house, and she tried to tell me it 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:06.960 was not my room anymore. Like she tried to be like, 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:09.000 you can't sleep, and I was like, I can definitely 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:10.760 sleep in here. And then I remember she was like, 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:13.480 well you can only have this, and I was like 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:15.559 the thing, like I was like, I cannot be by 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:17.960 as much space that I want in this room. Move over, 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:20.319 get on the way. Do you feel like a lot 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:22.720 of the stuff that you learned within your family comes 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:24.840 into play when you're on sets and kind of like 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:27.760 organizing people, like I know where Orange is the New Black, 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:30.480 You guys had this massive cast of people, so like 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:31.960 there are a lot of hats and a lot of 0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:34.280 you wore. But how do you feel like that has 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:37.079 found its way into your work? Like your family dynamic, 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:41.760 I'll say a. I think cooperation whether you want to 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:44.080 or not, depending on the placement of the child to 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:46.920 be there. I can't speak for lastborns because my last 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:50.840 born is like super He's actually very good, but like 0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:53.319 was definitely the most spoiled, So I can only speak 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:55.920 for a like people who have in the middle, like 0:12:56.000 --> 0:12:59.440 coming all but in the definite scheme of things, you 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:02.400 have to cooperate. I think you just let a few 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:05.320 more things roll, probably because it's not that deep or 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:07.280 you know, it could go that deep, and it's over 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:10.800 the stupidest thing, you know, So like that is something 0:13:10.840 --> 0:13:14.120 I think I learned. I like to be around a 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:17.000 lot of people, like I like having people over, I 0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:21.440 like having people come and stay and stuff. Probably didn't 0:13:21.440 --> 0:13:24.040 really phase me that there were For example, of season 0:13:24.080 --> 0:13:28.520 one of Orange, there weren't enough dressing rooms at the 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:32.600 studio for everybody, so like they had I think it 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:35.439 was Sesame Street. Sesame Street was in this like shot 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:38.960 in the same place wherever their dressing rooms were. When 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:41.920 we would shoot, when they weren't cheating or whatever, they 0:13:41.920 --> 0:13:45.559 had a green room that a bunch of us all 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:48.439 stayed in, you know, we would play cards and just 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:51.080 like make up games and hang out with a fewers 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:53.080 of your time to like get ready to shoot. There 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:55.079 was a conference room just off it, and like we'd 0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:57.320 all go and change in there. And I think, like 0:13:58.200 --> 0:14:01.000 making things work doesn't really easy, you know what I mean, 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:03.560 Like you have to just sort of accommodate whatever the 0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:07.400 situation calls for the accommodating. How do you feel now, Like, 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:10.840 obviously your career is going great. You were amazing and 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:14.720 in treatment you were amazing playing Shirley Chisholm, And now 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:17.040 you went from your big big break Orange this a 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:19.960 New Black where you're participating in an ensemble cast and 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:21.920 now you're moving on to doing stuff on your own. 0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:23.840 Like how does that feel to you as an artist? 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:26.320 Are you feeling like you're standing in your power? More? 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:29.600 Like this is exactly what you hoped everything would turn into. 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:33.400 From Oranges, the new black, yes, but I think you 0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:36.600 said it right. It's like more the operative is like 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:38.840 I feel like I'm standing into my power more. I 0:14:38.840 --> 0:14:40.840 think in the beginning I was I don't know, like 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:43.560 wobbly legged feeling, you know, just I don't know if 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:46.560 anybody else has ever felt this, but like feelings of worth, 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:50.160 feelings of value, like should should I be occupying this 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:53.120 much space or not? You know, all of these questions 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:57.960 do I belong here? Even right? Yes, imposter syndrome, you know, 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.280 all of these things are like super real. And then 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:05.280 I don't know there was coming to an arrival point 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:08.960 of like I might not know whether I do or not, 0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:11.440 but I'm gonna stand here a little bit more sturdily, 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:15.040 you know what I mean? Absolutely? Yeah. I wish people 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:17.080 could see you right now too, because you're like feeling 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:21.480 these words with your whole body. I've talked with my 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:24.640 hands like so much and like i'll breathe, I'll be like, 0:15:24.760 --> 0:15:28.000 you know, it's like not and they're like, yeah, I 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:30.280 totally know, and I'm like, you know, I don't know 0:15:30.280 --> 0:15:33.920 how that plays for podcasts, sorry America, but that's like 0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:38.360 why thing, But yeah, it's that feeling like I feel 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:42.560 like I'm coming into myself. I also think that's like 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:44.560 maturity that plays into that. I don't know how you 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:47.880 ladies feel like just growing up generally and realizing like 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:52.280 how like you've lived and how whatever sort of like 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:55.800 conditions or restrictions have been placed on yourself, how has 0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:57.640 that served me or not? And whether I want to 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.400 continue forward for the rest of the chat. First to 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:05.200 come with that, Yeah, are you? Are you spiritual? Yes? 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:09.840 I could use the language of Christian and those stories 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:14.160 because I'm familiar with them. But I'm not religious. I 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:17.040 believe in a God how we call it, how we 0:16:18.000 --> 0:16:21.280 name it. I'm less invested in I'm more invested in 0:16:21.320 --> 0:16:26.560 the knowing that there is something else above me. Yeah. 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:28.360 I was talking to my friend and she goes, what 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:30.080 do you believe in? And I said, well, I just 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:32.880 I believe. I don't believe in God per se. But 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:35.240 she goes, oh, please, everyone says they believe in something 0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:38.120 other than God, that there's something else out there. She's like, 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:42.320 that's God. I'm like, oh, I'm like, I don't believe 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:44.560 in God, but yeah, that's the name we have for it. 0:16:44.560 --> 0:16:47.160 It's the only name or universe, you know what I mean? 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:49.440 They both they're both not cutting the mustard for me, 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:52.560 So it's somewhere between God and the universe, even though 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:55.000 I I also believe something else is at play that 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:58.040 we're not able to ever recognize or see. On the 0:16:58.160 --> 0:17:01.600 oft times that we do feel it, where we feel 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:04.720 like we've been touched by something bigger than ourselves, or 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:08.639 something's moved in a certain direction. For the circumstances to 0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:11.400 turn out the way they do. It is a humbling 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:14.720 experience to be like, oh, wow, this isn't just about 0:17:14.760 --> 0:17:18.000 me and my decision making. Do you recognize it in 0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:20.679 the moment or do you all feel it later, like 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:24.399 when you're reflecting. I mean, the more I meditate, the 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:27.679 more I do like you know, mindfulness and practice that, 0:17:27.760 --> 0:17:29.960 the more I'm open to it being a part of 0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:32.840 my day every day. I definitely in the past when 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:35.879 there has been big moments or shifts, or I've you know, 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:39.080 skirted out of a disaster that I was sailing towards, 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:41.720 you know, like things like that, when there's all of 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:46.040 a sudden everything works to make that impossible bigger moments previously. 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:47.960 But now that I'm a hip to it, I'm like, 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:50.199 oh okay, yeah, all of these things that are in 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:52.719 motion are really have so little to do with you 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:54.919 in the end. You know, everything has to come together 0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:57.280 from so many different directions for something to work out, 0:17:57.359 --> 0:17:59.680 right that I just assume it's kind of part of 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:03.080 every thing. Now, got you do you like now with 0:18:03.119 --> 0:18:06.879 this business like you and this mathive career that you 0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:12.000 have have and have had over now decades successfully like 0:18:12.800 --> 0:18:16.560 which is it's a consistency of your excellence, you know, 0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:20.560 like the points right that it's not a fluke there 0:18:20.640 --> 0:18:24.760 is there? Yeah, right, right right? Well, no, I mean 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:26.639 I think all of us in any career, I mean, 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:28.480 if you're in this business, you do go through periods 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:30.920 of self consciousness where you're like, wait, you can still 0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:33.200 feel like an impostor you can still feel like, oh god, 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:34.840 is it old, is it too much? Is it the 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:37.119 same as it? Blah blah blah. But yeah, I leaned. 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:39.320 I air more on the side of like, you know, 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:41.360 I'm at an age now where I know that I'm 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:44.800 not an accident. I don't feel like I have imposter syndrome. 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:47.080 When I go somewhere, I feel like I belong and 0:18:47.119 --> 0:18:49.200 I feel like people are pretty lucky to hang out 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:51.560 with me. When they get the opportunity. Like I feel 0:18:51.560 --> 0:18:54.480 that way about myself, you know, like I don't spread 0:18:54.480 --> 0:18:57.600 myself too thin anymore because I care too much about 0:18:57.600 --> 0:18:59.879 myself and my well being and I just want to 0:18:59.920 --> 0:19:02.440 be happy more than anything. Like, I think it takes 0:19:02.440 --> 0:19:04.479 a lot of self assurance to just be able to 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:07.280 say I don't want to work for this period of time. 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:08.840 You know, I don't want to do this. I don't 0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:11.959 have to do this. There's not a desperation, you know 0:19:12.040 --> 0:19:14.000 that you have when you're in your twenties trying to 0:19:14.040 --> 0:19:16.359 get people to understand that you have something to offer. 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.360 So if you lay the foundation and the groundwork over 0:19:19.400 --> 0:19:21.480 a period of time, then we get to step back 0:19:21.520 --> 0:19:23.840 and go, Okay, I've laid the groundwork for this career. 0:19:24.080 --> 0:19:26.280 Now I can have a little bit more fun with it. 0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:29.560 Now it's not all my my whole drive or my 0:19:29.640 --> 0:19:34.040 whole life. But yeah, I mean, you know, like being 0:19:34.080 --> 0:19:36.240 in a relationship that's new for me and I'm fucking 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:39.439 loving it. I fucking love it, And I was not 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:43.200 interested in that or looking for that in any major way. 0:19:43.280 --> 0:19:48.160 So changed then. Well, I think with my therapy and 0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:50.240 everything I did, I just started to look at the 0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:52.080 world in a much different way. So the person that 0:19:52.119 --> 0:19:55.040 I've been friends with for fifteen years, I saw him 0:19:55.080 --> 0:19:57.160 in a different light. You know, I didn't ever look 0:19:57.200 --> 0:19:59.920 at him like that before because I was very close 0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:03.359 is minded about who I was going to date. And 0:20:03.480 --> 0:20:05.400 a guy could wear a pinky ring and I would, 0:20:05.520 --> 0:20:07.399 you know, so am my vagina shut that night? Like 0:20:07.720 --> 0:20:10.679 anything could turn me off, Like it could be the 0:20:10.760 --> 0:20:13.199 simplest little thing. If there's a flip flop, you know, 0:20:13.280 --> 0:20:16.399 too close to my eyeline, I'm like, you know, like 0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:18.399 there are so many small I once went on a 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:20.280 date with a guy who were an air May's belt 0:20:20.359 --> 0:20:22.680 and I fucking lost it. As soon as he got 0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:24.040 up to go to the bathroom. I got up and 0:20:24.119 --> 0:20:27.560 left without saying goodbye. I saw it. I was like, oh, 0:20:27.600 --> 0:20:30.960 And then he was wearing a cologne. I was like, no, 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:34.640 that's a deal breaker. I'm not doing that. So after therapy, 0:20:34.720 --> 0:20:37.720 I was much I looked at the values rather than 0:20:38.240 --> 0:20:41.399 material things, like I'm like, wait, somebody represents this person 0:20:41.520 --> 0:20:45.160 is fun and funny and I adore him. And then 0:20:45.440 --> 0:20:48.160 I was able to like become attracted to him through 0:20:48.200 --> 0:20:51.320