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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you hi. Welcome to

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Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. Everybody. It's a brand new episode of Dear Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: I'm well. I am pretty excited. I've been in Canada

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Speaker 1: because I'm doing my stand up dates here, my touring

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Speaker 1: dates here. But Joe was with me for a while

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Speaker 1: with the dogs, which was amazing because he would walk

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Speaker 1: them and feed them and walk them. And I don't

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Speaker 1: like walking my dogs. First of all, my dogs are

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Speaker 1: pretty unwalkable, but I just don't like it. And I'm

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Speaker 1: so lazy, which is why I'm a terrible parent, and

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Speaker 1: I know not to have a child. But when he left,

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Speaker 1: I found the peepalds in the closet and just resorted

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Speaker 1: to that. I put them on the balcony, I opened

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Speaker 1: the door, and then they just go and use that

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Speaker 1: like I take them out once, and he used to

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Speaker 1: take them out seven times a day. So I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's like it's such a stark contrast from when he's here,

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Speaker 1: and I don't understand. Like Burt will pace upstairs in Whistler.

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Speaker 1: My my bedrooms are downstairs in the living rooms upstairs,

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Speaker 1: and Bert will pace back and forth all morning, and

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Speaker 1: the pitter powder of his claws is so fucking annoying.

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Speaker 1: Is so annoying. At five every morning he starts like,

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Speaker 1: let's go, let's go. I want to eat, let's go,

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Speaker 1: so the idea. And every morning I'm like, God, just

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Speaker 1: go back to bed, bird, go back to bed. I'm

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Speaker 1: thinking for my bed. But every morning Joe would just

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Speaker 1: pop right out of bed and go take them out.

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Speaker 1: And then he has no problem. Like you know, at night,

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Speaker 1: when I'm stoned and ready to get into bed, the

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Speaker 1: last thing I want to do is take them out,

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Speaker 1: and he'll do it on a moment's notice. Like he

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Speaker 1: has a different mental capacity than I do. And I'd

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Speaker 1: like to tap into his, because I do want to

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Speaker 1: be somebody who wants to take my dogs out. But

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's going to happen in this lifetime, Katherine.

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Speaker 1: I mean, let's be realistic, you know what I mean. Well,

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Speaker 1: maybe not in their lifetimes, because they don't seem like

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Speaker 1: they really want to go for a hike. They seem

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Speaker 1: pretty lazy. They are, That's part of it. They just

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Speaker 1: like walk outside listlessly, you know, and then p forty

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Speaker 1: times and on each other. It's just like one of

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Speaker 1: them is sniffing, and the other one lifts is like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I have on my rugs are both ruined here.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm for fairly certain my entire place just

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Speaker 1: smells like you're in. So I've basically turned into, you know,

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Speaker 1: somebody who's basically living like in a trailer park. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know. I'm just like I've lost all ability for

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Speaker 1: any sort of decorum. Well, you know what, you're at

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Speaker 1: your vacation home. It can you can live in squalor.

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Speaker 1: It's I'm living in my white privilege vacation home. Well,

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Speaker 1: today we have a really fun guest. Chelsea. Our guest

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Speaker 1: today is an award winning actress and she recently started

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Speaker 1: in the Emmy winning drama series in Treatment, and then

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Speaker 1: she just finished the Broadway production of Clyde's pain Killer

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Speaker 1: is a new project that is coming out on Netflix.

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Speaker 1: It's a limited series starring her and Matthew Broderick. So

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Speaker 1: please welcome Uzo A Duba Uzo. How are you? I

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Speaker 1: am great? How were you? How were you all? Well?

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Speaker 1: I was excited. First of all. I want to say

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Speaker 1: that I just recently saw Uzo's play Clyde in New York,

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Speaker 1: which I think has already ended, right, did you just wrap? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we just finished on the sixteenth of January. Congratulations, thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you for coming to see us. Lay Oh, Joe,

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Speaker 1: Coy and I came. Yes, we came, and we sat

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Speaker 1: in the back of the theater, not in our assignce seats. Uh.

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Speaker 1: We decided to move because Joe had a cocktail and

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Speaker 1: we weren't allowed to bring that in either. So we

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Speaker 1: were breaking laws left and rules left and right coming there.

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Speaker 1: But we loved seeing you. I love seeing you in action.

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Speaker 1: You know how I feel about your acting. I love it.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Thanks Lead. This is Catherine, my co host

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Speaker 1: and producer. Catherine. Nice to meet you. I love your hair, Catherine,

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Speaker 1: thank you. It's just it's bright pink today and fluffy

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Speaker 1: and she's always full of color when I get here.

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Speaker 1: How are you doing, wing Uzoh? How how has pandemic

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Speaker 1: life been treating you? I heard that you secretly got

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Speaker 1: married during the pandemic? Is that a fact? That is

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Speaker 1: a fact? WHOA? I sure did? I got married um

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Speaker 1: September twelve. Yeah, it was, you know, it wasn't even

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Speaker 1: like it's not so much I would say, like a secret.

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Speaker 1: It's like that expression like it wasn't a secret, just

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Speaker 1: wasn't anybody's business or I wasn't talking about it. You know,

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Speaker 1: we've been together. It was a long time coming, and

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Speaker 1: it just so happened that a pandemic happened, you know,

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Speaker 1: like that was meant to happen. But then we all

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Speaker 1: got shuttered in and so were you able to spend

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Speaker 1: the wedding with your family and your friends and have

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Speaker 1: all the people that were important to you there? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that was you know what's so funny about pandemic I

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Speaker 1: mean about pandemic Weddings's exactly. The thing about pandemic weddings

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Speaker 1: is because you can't have this never ending list of names,

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Speaker 1: you know, people showing up, you really are forced to

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Speaker 1: tailor it down to the allowed number, you know, because

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Speaker 1: living in New York, especially in that time, it was

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Speaker 1: so limited the number of people who could gather. So

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Speaker 1: we were forced to really get down to the bones

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Speaker 1: of it, and it wound up just being our families

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Speaker 1: and the end. And to tell you the honest truth,

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Speaker 1: it was awesome. It was perfection. It was really great

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Speaker 1: because then you know the way you all experience like

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Speaker 1: together you you have siblings, you know, like my brothers

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Speaker 1: and sisters. Now everybody plays like an even more significant

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Speaker 1: role on the day, you know, because it's just you guys.

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Speaker 1: Did you write your own vows or did you use

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Speaker 1: traditional vows? Combination? Wrote and the traditional part like we

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Speaker 1: cut like the swearing party where it's like do you

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Speaker 1: vow to like we're better or verse. I'm like, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna need this in writing, like I'm gonna need the

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Speaker 1: part like my better and worst parts, like you know, um,

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Speaker 1: we kept those parts, but yeah, we wrote our own

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Speaker 1: as well. And how does it feel to be a

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Speaker 1: married woman. It feels the same but different. You know.

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Speaker 1: It's so funny because right before we were engaged, my cousin,

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Speaker 1: my little cousin, was getting married and she had said

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Speaker 1: this thing we're talking about, you know, like getting married

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Speaker 1: this to this, and she was in the middle of

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Speaker 1: her engagement and she said something like, don't mourn being single,

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Speaker 1: because there are really precious things about that that you

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Speaker 1: never are going to get again. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: what do you mean, and she was like, you just

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Speaker 1: being able to just truly, without explanation, get up and

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Speaker 1: go without telling anybody. I'm going to Tagiti. That's just gone,

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Speaker 1: just those little things, and I think that's more of

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Speaker 1: the difference. Checking in was just never something that was

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Speaker 1: like expected of me before, and it's like, oh now

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Speaker 1: I have to check in that I'm coming home those

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Speaker 1: little things. But I like it. I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: think it just gave me like that I wanted, not needed,

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Speaker 1: but wanted. Uh huh, that's interesting. I like the notion

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Speaker 1: of dating. You know, I love having a boyfriend instead

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Speaker 1: of having a husband, Like I just think it's a

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Speaker 1: sexier sounding thing. And Joe, and you know, when I

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Speaker 1: talked to my girlfriends about being married, they're like Gwyneth

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Speaker 1: Palto said this. She said she was when we got engaged,

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Speaker 1: we didn't live together for two years, or we got married,

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Speaker 1: we didn't live together for two years. She goes, and

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Speaker 1: it just got sexier and hotter our relationship, Like it

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Speaker 1: became like a flirtation, almost like we were married but

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Speaker 1: still not together. And she's like, so there was this

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Speaker 1: build up she goes, where all of a sudden, him

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Speaker 1: being my husband became so much sexier than him being

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend. And I was like, oh, okay, let me

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Speaker 1: try and think about it in that framework, because I

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Speaker 1: always think quait weddings is like, Okay, then the party's over.

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Speaker 1: That's the last party and then it's over. And I

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Speaker 1: want the potential for another party to always be around

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Speaker 1: the core on earth. Maybe that's the thing. Maybe you

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Speaker 1: should have continuous parties going, you know, even if you're married,

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Speaker 1: you get to have some kind of event that gives

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Speaker 1: you the freedom to be I don't know, still feel

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Speaker 1: that singlehood also, I will say I think it's different

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Speaker 1: if I worked in a different industry, maybe where you

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Speaker 1: come home every single day, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Like we have like the fortune of feeling like dating

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Speaker 1: sometimes because you're out of town for work, so you

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Speaker 1: have those little like periods apart. But that makes me

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Speaker 1: miss him more even more, like just our day to day.

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Speaker 1: So what did you do with your brothers and sisters

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Speaker 1: on your wedding day? Like what what were their responsibilities?

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Speaker 1: Because that is one reason I would get married, to

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Speaker 1: make sure that all my brothers and sisters would be

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Speaker 1: able to share that with me totally. Well, first of all,

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Speaker 1: we while they were part of a lot of the

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Speaker 1: readings we have like little things, you know, like letters

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Speaker 1: that we've found, like love letters from like poets and musicians,

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Speaker 1: to their lovers and things like this that we had

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Speaker 1: I thought were really beautiful and had those read, which

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Speaker 1: was kind of cool. They read that stuff, they did

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Speaker 1: the toasts getting us ready. It was funny because it

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Speaker 1: was like we didn't have bridesmaids or grooms men. They

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Speaker 1: just were like everybody was a participant. Everybody participated, Like

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Speaker 1: someone did the blessing, someone did the reading of like

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Speaker 1: my brother married us, things like that, Like everybody's hand

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Speaker 1: is in that. My nieces and nephews were like all

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Speaker 1: the like flower girls. Actually one of my nieces was

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Speaker 1: the bridemaid. Everybody played. Every single one of our parents

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Speaker 1: and siblings played a role in the day and that

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Speaker 1: was awesome. And how many brothers and sisters do you have?

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Speaker 1: I have? I'm one of five? Oh yeah, okay, so

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Speaker 1: me too, yeah, one of five? And what number are you? Um?

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Speaker 1: Three medal. I'm the youngest where I belong. That is

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Speaker 1: the only position for me. We'll be right back. So

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Speaker 1: you must wear two hats in your family, right, because

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Speaker 1: you're an older sister to so many younger sister to others. Totally,

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Speaker 1: and like there's an age gap between my older brother

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Speaker 1: and older sister and I so like my older sister

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Speaker 1: and I who are She's two and I'm three. There's

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Speaker 1: six years between us, so like I'm super younger sibling

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Speaker 1: for them, you know when I came out and then

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Speaker 1: like then they went to college and left the house,

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Speaker 1: and then I was super older sibling over here, even

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Speaker 1: though they didn't want me to be, like they like

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Speaker 1: kept trying to steal me of my title of like

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Speaker 1: older siblings, but like my younger siblings, but still supermassi

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Speaker 1: and like we make them so like I definitely like

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Speaker 1: balanced that. But then like my younger sister, Cheech and

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Speaker 1: I were really close for a year and a half apart,

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Speaker 1: and we're the only ones who are so a year

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Speaker 1: and a half a part both girls and sharing a

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Speaker 1: room together or a lot, and even were roommates up

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Speaker 1: until like ten years ago, so like we had like

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Speaker 1: an almost sister. Yeah right, Yeah, I shared a room

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Speaker 1: with my sister who actually was six years older than me,

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Speaker 1: and we did not act like twins. She was a

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Speaker 1: pain in my ass from the very beginning. And we

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Speaker 1: we had tape. We would line our room because we

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Speaker 1: shared a room. Quick tape. Yeah, we put tape down

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Speaker 1: and she taped her side to the side where the

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Speaker 1: door was, so she thought that I was going to

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Speaker 1: have to ask her when I wanted to leave the room.

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Speaker 1: I was like, no, bitch, I don't care how much

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Speaker 1: older you are than me, Like that is don't get

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Speaker 1: it twisted. I'm still in charge here. Let me tell

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Speaker 1: you my sister. So me and my sister we shared

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Speaker 1: a room when my older sister moved out when she

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Speaker 1: went to college. I moved into her room, being like

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Speaker 1: I want my own room. But it was downstairs and

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Speaker 1: it was by myself, like nobody else was down there.

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Speaker 1: Hated it. I don't think I even made it, like

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Speaker 1: six months by myself down there. Tried to come back

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Speaker 1: into the room, which is ours because she does not

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Speaker 1: own this house, and she tried to tell me it

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Speaker 1: was not my room anymore. Like she tried to be like,

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Speaker 1: you can't sleep, and I was like, I can definitely

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Speaker 1: sleep in here. And then I remember she was like,

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Speaker 1: well you can only have this, and I was like

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Speaker 1: the thing, like I was like, I cannot be by

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Speaker 1: as much space that I want in this room. Move over,

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Speaker 1: get on the way. Do you feel like a lot

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Speaker 1: of the stuff that you learned within your family comes

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Speaker 1: into play when you're on sets and kind of like

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Speaker 1: organizing people, like I know where Orange is the New Black,

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Speaker 1: You guys had this massive cast of people, so like

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Speaker 1: there are a lot of hats and a lot of

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Speaker 1: you wore. But how do you feel like that has

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Speaker 1: found its way into your work? Like your family dynamic,

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Speaker 1: I'll say a. I think cooperation whether you want to

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Speaker 1: or not, depending on the placement of the child to

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Speaker 1: be there. I can't speak for lastborns because my last

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Speaker 1: born is like super He's actually very good, but like

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Speaker 1: was definitely the most spoiled, So I can only speak

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Speaker 1: for a like people who have in the middle, like

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Speaker 1: coming all but in the definite scheme of things, you

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Speaker 1: have to cooperate. I think you just let a few

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Speaker 1: more things roll, probably because it's not that deep or

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Speaker 1: you know, it could go that deep, and it's over

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Speaker 1: the stupidest thing, you know, So like that is something

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Speaker 1: I think I learned. I like to be around a

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Speaker 1: lot of people, like I like having people over, I

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Speaker 1: like having people come and stay and stuff. Probably didn't

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Speaker 1: really phase me that there were For example, of season

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Speaker 1: one of Orange, there weren't enough dressing rooms at the

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Speaker 1: studio for everybody, so like they had I think it

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Speaker 1: was Sesame Street. Sesame Street was in this like shot

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Speaker 1: in the same place wherever their dressing rooms were. When

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Speaker 1: we would shoot, when they weren't cheating or whatever, they

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Speaker 1: had a green room that a bunch of us all

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Speaker 1: stayed in, you know, we would play cards and just

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Speaker 1: like make up games and hang out with a fewers

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Speaker 1: of your time to like get ready to shoot. There

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Speaker 1: was a conference room just off it, and like we'd

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Speaker 1: all go and change in there. And I think, like

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Speaker 1: making things work doesn't really easy, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Like you have to just sort of accommodate whatever the

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Speaker 1: situation calls for the accommodating. How do you feel now, Like,

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Speaker 1: obviously your career is going great. You were amazing and

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Speaker 1: in treatment you were amazing playing Shirley Chisholm, And now

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Speaker 1: you went from your big big break Orange this a

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Speaker 1: New Black where you're participating in an ensemble cast and

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Speaker 1: now you're moving on to doing stuff on your own.

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Speaker 1: Like how does that feel to you as an artist?

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Speaker 1: Are you feeling like you're standing in your power? More?

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Speaker 1: Like this is exactly what you hoped everything would turn into.

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Speaker 1: From Oranges, the new black, yes, but I think you

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Speaker 1: said it right. It's like more the operative is like

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm standing into my power more. I

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Speaker 1: think in the beginning I was I don't know, like

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Speaker 1: wobbly legged feeling, you know, just I don't know if

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Speaker 1: anybody else has ever felt this, but like feelings of worth,

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Speaker 1: feelings of value, like should should I be occupying this

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Speaker 1: much space or not? You know, all of these questions

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Speaker 1: do I belong here? Even right? Yes, imposter syndrome, you know,

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Speaker 1: all of these things are like super real. And then

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Speaker 1: I don't know there was coming to an arrival point

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Speaker 1: of like I might not know whether I do or not,

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Speaker 1: but I'm gonna stand here a little bit more sturdily,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Absolutely? Yeah. I wish people

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Speaker 1: could see you right now too, because you're like feeling

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Speaker 1: these words with your whole body. I've talked with my

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Speaker 1: hands like so much and like i'll breathe, I'll be like,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's like not and they're like, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: totally know, and I'm like, you know, I don't know

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Speaker 1: how that plays for podcasts, sorry America, but that's like

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Speaker 1: why thing, But yeah, it's that feeling like I feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm coming into myself. I also think that's like

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Speaker 1: maturity that plays into that. I don't know how you

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Speaker 1: ladies feel like just growing up generally and realizing like

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Speaker 1: how like you've lived and how whatever sort of like

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Speaker 1: conditions or restrictions have been placed on yourself, how has

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Speaker 1: that served me or not? And whether I want to

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Speaker 1: continue forward for the rest of the chat. First to

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Speaker 1: come with that, Yeah, are you? Are you spiritual? Yes?

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Speaker 1: I could use the language of Christian and those stories

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Speaker 1: because I'm familiar with them. But I'm not religious. I

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Speaker 1: believe in a God how we call it, how we

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Speaker 1: name it. I'm less invested in I'm more invested in

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Speaker 1: the knowing that there is something else above me. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was talking to my friend and she goes, what

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Speaker 1: do you believe in? And I said, well, I just

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Speaker 1: I believe. I don't believe in God per se. But

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Speaker 1: she goes, oh, please, everyone says they believe in something

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Speaker 1: other than God, that there's something else out there. She's like,

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Speaker 1: that's God. I'm like, oh, I'm like, I don't believe

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Speaker 1: in God, but yeah, that's the name we have for it.

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Speaker 1: It's the only name or universe, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: They both they're both not cutting the mustard for me,

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Speaker 1: So it's somewhere between God and the universe, even though

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Speaker 1: I I also believe something else is at play that

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Speaker 1: we're not able to ever recognize or see. On the

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Speaker 1: oft times that we do feel it, where we feel

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Speaker 1: like we've been touched by something bigger than ourselves, or

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Speaker 1: something's moved in a certain direction. For the circumstances to

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Speaker 1: turn out the way they do. It is a humbling

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Speaker 1: experience to be like, oh, wow, this isn't just about

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Speaker 1: me and my decision making. Do you recognize it in

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Speaker 1: the moment or do you all feel it later, like

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Speaker 1: when you're reflecting. I mean, the more I meditate, the

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Speaker 1: more I do like you know, mindfulness and practice that,

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Speaker 1: the more I'm open to it being a part of

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Speaker 1: my day every day. I definitely in the past when

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Speaker 1: there has been big moments or shifts, or I've you know,

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Speaker 1: skirted out of a disaster that I was sailing towards,

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Speaker 1: you know, like things like that, when there's all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden everything works to make that impossible bigger moments previously.

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Speaker 1: But now that I'm a hip to it, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh okay, yeah, all of these things that are in

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Speaker 1: motion are really have so little to do with you

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Speaker 1: in the end. You know, everything has to come together

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Speaker 1: from so many different directions for something to work out,

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Speaker 1: right that I just assume it's kind of part of

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Speaker 1: every thing. Now, got you do you like now with

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Speaker 1: this business like you and this mathive career that you

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Speaker 1: have have and have had over now decades successfully like

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Speaker 1: which is it's a consistency of your excellence, you know,

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Speaker 1: like the points right that it's not a fluke there

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Speaker 1: is there? Yeah, right, right right? Well, no, I mean

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Speaker 1: I think all of us in any career, I mean,

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Speaker 1: if you're in this business, you do go through periods

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Speaker 1: of self consciousness where you're like, wait, you can still

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Speaker 1: feel like an impostor you can still feel like, oh god,

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Speaker 1: is it old, is it too much? Is it the

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Speaker 1: same as it? Blah blah blah. But yeah, I leaned.

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Speaker 1: I air more on the side of like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm at an age now where I know that I'm

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Speaker 1: not an accident. I don't feel like I have imposter syndrome.

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Speaker 1: When I go somewhere, I feel like I belong and

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Speaker 1: I feel like people are pretty lucky to hang out

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Speaker 1: with me. When they get the opportunity. Like I feel

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Speaker 1: that way about myself, you know, like I don't spread

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Speaker 1: myself too thin anymore because I care too much about

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Speaker 1: myself and my well being and I just want to

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Speaker 1: be happy more than anything. Like, I think it takes

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Speaker 1: a lot of self assurance to just be able to

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Speaker 1: say I don't want to work for this period of time.

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Speaker 1: You know, I don't want to do this. I don't

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Speaker 1: have to do this. There's not a desperation, you know

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Speaker 1: that you have when you're in your twenties trying to

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Speaker 1: get people to understand that you have something to offer.

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Speaker 1: So if you lay the foundation and the groundwork over

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Speaker 1: a period of time, then we get to step back

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Speaker 1: and go, Okay, I've laid the groundwork for this career.

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Speaker 1: Now I can have a little bit more fun with it.

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Speaker 1: Now it's not all my my whole drive or my

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Speaker 1: whole life. But yeah, I mean, you know, like being

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Speaker 1: in a relationship that's new for me and I'm fucking

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Speaker 1: loving it. I fucking love it, And I was not

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Speaker 1: interested in that or looking for that in any major way.

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Speaker 1: So changed then. Well, I think with my therapy and

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Speaker 1: everything I did, I just started to look at the

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Speaker 1: world in a much different way. So the person that

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Speaker 1: I've been friends with for fifteen years, I saw him

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Speaker 1: in a different light. You know, I didn't ever look

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Speaker 1: at him like that before because I was very close

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Speaker 1: is minded about who I was going to date. And

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Speaker 1: a guy could wear a pinky ring and I would,

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Speaker 1: you know, so am my vagina shut that night? Like

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00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,679
Speaker 1: anything could turn me off, Like it could be the

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Speaker 1: simplest little thing. If there's a flip flop, you know,

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Speaker 1: too close to my eyeline, I'm like, you know, like

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Speaker 1: there are so many small I once went on a

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Speaker 1: date with a guy who were an air May's belt

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Speaker 1: and I fucking lost it. As soon as he got

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Speaker 1: up to go to the bathroom. I got up and

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Speaker 1: left without saying goodbye. I saw it. I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: And then he was wearing a cologne. I was like, no,

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Speaker 1: that's a deal breaker. I'm not doing that. So after therapy,

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Speaker 1: I was much I looked at the values rather than

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Speaker 1: material things, like I'm like, wait, somebody represents this person

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Speaker 1: is fun and funny and I adore him. And then

400
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,160
Speaker 1: I was able to like become attracted to him through

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00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 1: a different kind of Yeah, I would say different lens

402
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Speaker 1: is how I always say it. I guess that's an

403
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:57,919
Speaker 1: apt description. Anyway, enough about me, so okay, so today,

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Speaker 1: this is what we do on this podcast. We have

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Speaker 1: callers and listeners who call in and write in for advice,

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Speaker 1: and then we give it to them straight. Yes, you

407
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:11,080
Speaker 1: up for that task, girl, Okay, let's do it. Catherine

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Speaker 1: is going to read us in with our first with

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Speaker 1: our first patient. Oh and it was I was a

410
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,880
Speaker 1: doctor too, from in treatment. So we're all doctors here.

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Speaker 1: So actually, you need to go get community college degree

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Speaker 1: at the very least. You know what I actually did.

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Speaker 1: I attended three colleges and one of them was a

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Speaker 1: community college, and it was like they were some of

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Speaker 1: the best classes I had ever taken. That's great. I

416
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 1: went to community college for a semester right after high school.

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Speaker 1: I tried to just throw my parents abone and said,

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Speaker 1: I'll do this for like a semester and then we'll

419
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Speaker 1: all see what a mistake it is. And I went

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Speaker 1: to the County College of Morrison, New Jersey, which I

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00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 1: braded two people, was one of the top ten community

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Speaker 1: colleges in the country, and I studied Russian history for

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Speaker 1: a month, and then I was like, I gotta get

424
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:58,399
Speaker 1: the funk out. Yeah, oh yeah. I was into stars

425
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:02,800
Speaker 1: and oligarch and oligarchs and all that ship. Anyway, I

426
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,200
Speaker 1: went for a semester and then I was like, this

427
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 1: is I gotta get the funk out of New Jersey,

428
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: Like this is bringing me down. And then I went

429
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 1: to l A and I that was the end of

430
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:15,520
Speaker 1: community college for me. Well, we'll take a quick ad

431
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,520
Speaker 1: break and then we'll be back with some questions. Excellent,

432
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:29,119
Speaker 1: and we're back. And that's how we do it, and

433
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 1: that's how we roll here at Dear. So we have

434
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,919
Speaker 1: some kind of tricky questions for you today. So it

435
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,880
Speaker 1: was beyond high alert. I'm ready, I'm ready. Our first

436
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:44,399
Speaker 1: question comes from K Dear Chelsea. I was in an

437
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 1: awful marriage that was ending, and in a vulnerable state.

438
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 1: I made the awful mistake of giving in to an affair.

439
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 1: My marriage ended and my ex never knew of the affair. However,

440
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 1: the man I had the affair with remains married with

441
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:01,720
Speaker 1: children and his wife doesn't know. I'm currently in recovery

442
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,800
Speaker 1: and grapple with the idea of making amends. I've always

443
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,639
Speaker 1: thought telling her would do more harm than good, and

444
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 1: to make matters more complicated. I was also friends with her.

445
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,720
Speaker 1: Her husband and mine were coworkers. I was ready to

446
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 1: let it go and keep the secret. However, after a

447
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 1: year of no contact, her husband has tried to get

448
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:21,480
Speaker 1: in touch and back to his dirty ways, trying to

449
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 1: start things up again. Gross. Do I carry this or

450
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 1: do I tell her? Okay? M M, whoa m M,

451
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 1: it's the coming back. Initially, when I was hearing the story,

452
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 1: I was just like, leave it alone. Do you not

453
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 1: address just step out that he's coming back. I would

454
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 1: be like, don't call me again, and if you do that,

455
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,360
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell your life. I think you give

456
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 1: him the opportunity to like course cracked essentially, and then

457
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 1: if he doesn't, then like straighten him up. It sucks

458
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,199
Speaker 1: that they have kids such that that happened. It happens,

459
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 1: but it also kind of sounds like in that letter

460
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 1: and like she's do you want to go back into it?

461
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,879
Speaker 1: Are you looking for? I think she is not wanting

462
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,159
Speaker 1: to get back into it. She's mended her ways and

463
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: feels bad about it. It seems to me that she's

464
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 1: not interested. My question would be like, if she says

465
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,440
Speaker 1: no to him, is he just going to go find

466
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:24,199
Speaker 1: somebody else. Well, yeah, it sounds like he's already and

467
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,199
Speaker 1: I'm unhappy. Yeah, I mean that's not her problem. Like

468
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 1: what he's up to is not your problem, because as

469
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 1: long as the relationships over, it's not your problem. But

470
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,879
Speaker 1: if you said you were friends with his ex, like

471
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 1: how close to friends? I would say, first of all,

472
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 1: like is that a good friend of yours? Because if

473
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 1: it is a good friend of yours, I mean I

474
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 1: think every woman owes it to other women to be

475
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,360
Speaker 1: truthful and honest, especially in these kinds of circumstances. If

476
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,640
Speaker 1: she wasn't a really good friend of yours, you might

477
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 1: feel differently. And then it's like you're going and blowing

478
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: up this family. That it's not really your family to

479
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,119
Speaker 1: blow it up, and you're not having an active affair

480
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 1: with him. So I would say, hey, consider the level

481
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 1: of friendship you have with this woman, and like what

482
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 1: kind of do you think you owe her? And b yeah,

483
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 1: do what USO did. If he calls you a gang,

484
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,080
Speaker 1: go listen, I'm not interested anymore. If you want, you know,

485
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 1: if you call me a guy, I'm going to contact

486
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 1: your wife and that should nip everything in the bug. Anyway,

487
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,439
Speaker 1: I don't know how I feel about going in like

488
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:16,879
Speaker 1: blowing up another person's family. That's not that's like a

489
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 1: heavy thing to do. And I don't think by the

490
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,640
Speaker 1: way that they're actuate friends because didn't it say that

491
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 1: she was her husband and the wife work together, So

492
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 1: it's like it's not like this is like from school,

493
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:32,200
Speaker 1: like you know what, friends by proxy of the X

494
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: that it's like mm hmm, leaven alone. Yeah, I mean

495
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 1: it's tempting. Yeah, when there are children involved, I just

496
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 1: would say leave it alone. Just don't even go down

497
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:43,719
Speaker 1: that road. And if you have to get him off

498
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 1: your jock, just tell him you know the thing that's

499
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 1: going to get him off at your jock, which is

500
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,679
Speaker 1: that you're gonna tell his wife. That usually works. It

501
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 1: seems to work, Yeah, more effective than get lost, I suppose. Yeah,

502
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 1: having affairs is you know, it's so upsetting, but it's

503
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 1: also so fucking common, Like so many people have extra

504
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,200
Speaker 1: may at affairs. You're just like, oh god, I wish

505
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 1: it weren't so regular. Yeah. Well, and it's like how

506
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:11,120
Speaker 1: just fucking get me started? Do you mean you mean

507
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,359
Speaker 1: the time commitment? Like how people can even have the

508
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 1: time to balance. How are you even doing it? Is

509
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 1: the magic that I'm fascinated by. Yeah, exactly, like one

510
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:25,399
Speaker 1: relationship is enough for us. Yes, aren't you scared anyway? Yeah?

511
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,920
Speaker 1: Or too busy? Well? Our next question, and this is

512
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 1: a caller, Dear Chelsea. I'm a twenty six year old

513
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,680
Speaker 1: single woman from Chicago. I come from a large family

514
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 1: and have five siblings. I recently found out my mom

515
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 1: has not paid the property taxes on my childhood home

516
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 1: in five years, and the property is about to be seized.

517
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,879
Speaker 1: I am, however, in the financial position to get a

518
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:51,119
Speaker 1: mortgage on the house, pay the taxes, and make necessary

519
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 1: house repairs. The issue is I can't afford both the

520
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 1: mortgage and my rent. I don't trust my mom to

521
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: pay the mortgage since she hasn't paid the proper taxes

522
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: in five years, and it's generally bad with money, and

523
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 1: as the only financially stable person in the family, I

524
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:09,359
Speaker 1: can't have my credit tanked with missing payments. So my

525
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 1: two choices are one, give up my cute bachelorette pad

526
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 1: and get a mortgage, pay the taxes and make repairs,

527
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 1: and move back home with my family, or to keep

528
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,639
Speaker 1: my dating and social life intact say it's not my

529
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 1: problem and watch my family fall into homelessness. Any advice, thanks, Jennifer. Fuck.

530
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 1: I know it's a tricky one, big decisions. Jennifer is here.

531
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 1: Oh thank god? Okay, good Hi. Hi, Hi Jennifer. We

532
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 1: have Uzo on today too as our guest. Hi. Nice

533
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 1: to meet. Yes, Hi Jennifer. Hi. I'm sorry you're dealing

534
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,639
Speaker 1: with that happened. It's life. Yeah, I know, we have

535
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,880
Speaker 1: so much baggage from our family. It is like, oh,

536
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 1: look at that cute little what was that a cat?

537
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 1: It's already gone. It's a cat. Tell him, I saved

538
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 1: me out. What So what's this? Who's who lives with

539
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 1: your mom in the house now? So currently it's my

540
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: two brothers who are in college, and then my older

541
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 1: sister who was disabled. And did you have a conversation

542
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 1: with your mom about these payments not being Yeah, I

543
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 1: mean I talked to her about it, and she it

544
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,159
Speaker 1: is what it is. I mean, she's a teacher and

545
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 1: the single mom, so she just she just couldn't pay them,

546
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 1: and she freaking out that the house it might be seized. Yeah, definitely, definitely. Yeah.

547
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:31,119
Speaker 1: And how would you feel if you didn't step in

548
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 1: and save the day. Yeah, it's tough because it's like

549
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 1: part of me wants to like put on my cape,

550
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 1: you know, and come save the day. But another part

551
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 1: is like maybe I just kind of have a big

552
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: sister syndrome, and I just feel like I need to

553
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 1: swoop in and save my siblings because just kind of

554
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 1: what big sisters do, you know. So it's kind of hard.

555
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,719
Speaker 1: I'm kind of about uh, my dating prime, just her

556
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,800
Speaker 1: living it up in the city, got a cute apartment,

557
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 1: and you know, I don't really want to give that up.

558
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 1: But it's like I am empathizing with my brothers and

559
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 1: I couldn't imagine if I were in college and my

560
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 1: life got turned upside down, I didn't have stability, I

561
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 1: probably wouldn't have turned out as good as I did.

562
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,120
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be in the position to do what I'm doing.

563
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 1: And it's like I want to give my brothers a

564
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 1: chance to start up their life on the right foot.

565
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 1: But it's like, wow, at the expense of my own life,

566
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 1: you know. So it's kind of tough. It's kind of tough.

567
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 1: M Yeah, that's a big responsibility. So what are your thoughts, Well,

568
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 1: that's totally a lot, and you know, just sort of

569
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,160
Speaker 1: echoing with Chelsea said, I'm sorry that you're going to that.

570
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 1: Can we imagine day to day what you're thinking about?

571
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 1: My question would be you could jump in and save

572
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 1: the day today, Yeah, and what happens after today? What

573
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: happens tomorrow? Yeah. The way I kind of looked at

574
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: it is like, this wouldn't be a permit solution. I mean,

575
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 1: I essentially am thinking, like, if I do this, it's

576
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: gonna be a three year plan and just kind of

577
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: read valuate how everything is going, because my biggest thing

578
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 1: is just making sure my brothers are settled and they

579
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:08,120
Speaker 1: graduate college and they get settled in their careers and

580
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 1: things like that. So it's like they're still kind of

581
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 1: kids because they're teenagers. This wouldn't be a long term thing.

582
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: Like after three years, I would kind of reassess the situation.

583
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:20,600
Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's like, and three years,

584
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 1: I'm going to be in my thirties. I'm like sacrificing

585
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 1: the end of my twenties to do the family thing,

586
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:30,120
Speaker 1: you know, which is a hundred in twenties years. By

587
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 1: the way, exactly exactly. I don't know your family, I

588
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 1: understand and that's totally empathized and sympathize with the desire

589
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 1: to swoop in and jump in. Um. I wonder if

590
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: there's a middle that can be found, if perhaps there's

591
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 1: a world where you could stay in your great apartment

592
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 1: that you have worked for and been excited about and

593
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 1: aspiring towards over the years, And if there is a

594
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 1: way of helping your mom and your siblings into another

595
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 1: housing situation that maybe isn't this. That's that's sounding like

596
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 1: it might be a little bit difficult for them to

597
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:14,440
Speaker 1: manage month to month. Yeah, that's another thing I was

598
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,600
Speaker 1: thinking about. So another option is we sell the house.

599
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: We try to find another living situation. But it's like

600
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 1: my grandparents bought this house, and like the eighties, I'm

601
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:27,239
Speaker 1: not going to find anything cheaper to house my family in.

602
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:31,720
Speaker 1: So it's like moving to a different housing situation, which

603
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 1: is kind of add to the financial strain because this

604
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 1: is essentially the cheapest option. I could help my mom.

605
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,800
Speaker 1: She could save some money and get on her feet.

606
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 1: I mean, I'd also be saving money, but I mean

607
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 1: I'm already on my feet, so that's not really an issue.

608
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 1: So it's like moving. I feel like moving into a

609
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 1: different house, just kind of push this issue down the

610
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 1: road a little bit, like, if we can't afford this

611
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 1: living situation, they're not really going to be able to

612
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 1: afford any under living situation. Honestly, I think you're just

613
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 1: gonna have to. I would go at home and move

614
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 1: in and just make sure that my brothers and sisters

615
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 1: are looked after and until they're on their feet. You know,

616
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 1: you have another sister you said, you mentioned I think

617
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 1: it's a three year if you have it in your head.

618
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: You sound like you have You're a planner and you're

619
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 1: looking at the long game instead of the short game,

620
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 1: which is a huge advantage. You know, you can look

621
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,320
Speaker 1: at it like three years. It's not like you can't

622
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:26,720
Speaker 1: date while you're living at your mom's house. I mean,

623
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 1: anyone who hears this story is going to be like,

624
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 1: oh my god, you're a fucking badass. You know, you

625
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 1: went in to save the day, like, you know, share

626
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 1: a princess of power going in and helping your family. Like,

627
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:40,440
Speaker 1: first of all, that's very attractive, and you know, it's

628
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 1: a perfect example for you to go check out guy's

629
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 1: houses so that you can go listen, we can't go

630
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 1: back to my fucking mother's house. So I need to

631
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 1: go see where you live and what's going on with

632
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 1: your situation. And I think you're gonna have a lot

633
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 1: of self worth for doing that for your family. You're

634
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:56,440
Speaker 1: not gonna let your mom get kicked out of her house,

635
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 1: not if you can do something about it. It's just

636
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 1: not even probably in your DNA to do that. Yeah,

637
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, if it comes down

638
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 1: to it, like them having somewhere to go and not

639
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 1: having somewhere to go, you're going to make sure that

640
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 1: your parents and your family's exactly I don't want to

641
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 1: do nothing, and then I'm in my one bedroom apartment anything.

642
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 1: I don't want to tell you what to do. But

643
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 1: at the same time, it's like this is your family,

644
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 1: and it's like, yes, dating is cool, but like no

645
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 1: one can ever replace those people. Period. Yeah, I'm gonna

646
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 1: come and go really quickly. You'll be in your thirty

647
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 1: five years. Yeah, that's when the party really gets started anyway, anyway, Jennifer,

648
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 1: is that thirty that's when the party officially starts. Right now,

649
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 1: you're just you're just pregaming. This is all just like

650
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 1: tail dating question for you. Jennifer is your mom in

651
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 1: financial duress, like right now or straying financially because of

652
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 1: the pandemic? I think I mean partially the pandemic. Yeah,

653
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 1: partially just because she's a teacher. Well, another avenue for

654
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 1: you to explore. I don't know if you've listened to

655
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 1: us on this podcast when we talk about Pandemuch of Love,

656
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 1: but my friend Shelley to Gilski runs Pandemic of Love

657
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 1: and they can figure out financial aid mutual. They do

658
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,800
Speaker 1: mutual financial aid for people. So if you go d

659
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,800
Speaker 1: m her on Instagram, it's at Mindful skate Girl. Is

660
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 1: her handle Mindful Skater Girl, Mindful Skater Girl, say your

661
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:20,719
Speaker 1: friend of mine and just enquire about mutual aid because

662
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 1: she is. She runs this foundation and they've exchanged sixty

663
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:27,720
Speaker 1: million dollars over the last couple of years with people

664
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 1: who need help because of the pandemic. So try that

665
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 1: too and see if anything can happen there, because a

666
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 1: lot of our callers have used that resource and it's

667
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 1: been really helpful for so many people. Oh nice, thank you. Yeah. Yeah,

668
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 1: So go d m her and keep us posted what

669
00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 1: you decide to do. Please. Yeah, you're not gonna go wrong.

670
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 1: Sticking with your family and coming in and saving the day.

671
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,800
Speaker 1: You're never gonna go wrong being Florence Nightingale. That's good

672
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:52,759
Speaker 1: as long as it's for the right people, you know,

673
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:56,760
Speaker 1: your relatives. Yeah, yeah, I agree. I've spent many hours

674
00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:00,359
Speaker 1: talking to my therapist about it. So just come down

675
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: to making a decision. Good good for you. The way

676
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 1: you're making the decision is good, good for you, strong minded. Well,

677
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,759
Speaker 1: thank you so much, Jennifer, and we wish you best

678
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 1: of luck. Thank you, bye, take care. Wow. Hopefully Shelly

679
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 1: can just help them and then that will be the

680
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 1: end of that conversation. My friend Shelley runs this organization USO.

681
00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 1: It's incredible. They just give money a way to people.

682
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,319
Speaker 1: I think it's more than that. It's it's a lot

683
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:31,840
Speaker 1: because it's been going on since the beginning of the pandemic.

684
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:34,720
Speaker 1: But she just finds people to match with other people.

685
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,959
Speaker 1: So whoever's like going through a hard time can find

686
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 1: a donor in San Francisco, or you know, some guy

687
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:41,880
Speaker 1: who has money that want he wants to help out with,

688
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,840
Speaker 1: and then you can kind of cultivate a relationship with

689
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,759
Speaker 1: these people, your donor, and then you know when you

690
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 1: fall on hard times. If the donors ever fall on

691
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 1: hard times, they go right back to the source of

692
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:53,719
Speaker 1: where they were giving money from. So it's a great,

693
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:57,439
Speaker 1: nice circular system. Yeah. I mean, for anybody who's doing

694
00:35:57,520 --> 00:35:59,919
Speaker 1: something like that, I would just say, if she does

695
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,000
Speaker 1: need to move back in with her family, like set

696
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,440
Speaker 1: really clear expectations, whether or not you see an attorney,

697
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 1: like do that in writing so everybody knows, like, here's

698
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 1: how much mom is going to pay in rent, even

699
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 1: though she's taking care of the taxes. Maybe the older

700
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 1: brothers have like a part time job and they can contribute,

701
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,959
Speaker 1: you know, a small amount, but meaningfully toward toward rent,

702
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 1: toward the living situation, so that she can get back

703
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,360
Speaker 1: to the city and do fun stuff. Again. It reminds

704
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,240
Speaker 1: me of like when I told my brothers and sisters.

705
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I've had it, Like I want

706
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 1: dad to move to my house in l A. I'm

707
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 1: gonna get twenty four hour care. He's going to be

708
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 1: at my house. He's in he was in a wheel

709
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 1: chair at this point, and my brothers and sisters were like,

710
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:38,279
Speaker 1: that's a terrible idea. We're not allowing you to do that.

711
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,120
Speaker 1: I was like, why I could afford twenty four hour care.

712
00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 1: I can do all this to Like Cheslsea, you emotionally

713
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 1: cannot handle dad in your house. It doesn't matter what

714
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 1: part of the house do you think you're in. As

715
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 1: your brothers and sisters, we are video wing this side

716
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,399
Speaker 1: of and I was like, oh, thank god I didn't

717
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 1: go through with that. But I'm a different personality. You know,

718
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:58,360
Speaker 1: I don't have little brothers, because if I had anyone

719
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 1: little to look after, I would just do whatever and

720
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 1: I needed to do obviously said it right with older

721
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 1: sisters in their own it's hard. I was hearing her,

722
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:11,800
Speaker 1: and I was like, I totally hear you, and it's

723
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 1: tough because you're just like wanting to sail at the

724
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 1: same time, it's your family, and I honestly like I

725
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 1: can see both side. Like, whatever choice somebody like Jennifer

726
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:24,400
Speaker 1: were to make, you still would have to show up

727
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,359
Speaker 1: for your family in some capacity. You know, even if

728
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: you decided to stay where you are, you're gonna have

729
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: to step in at something. Yeah, family are hard, very

730
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:42,399
Speaker 1: much so well. Our next question comes from Francisco. He says,

731
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, my mom passed right after the pandemic started.

732
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:48,440
Speaker 1: My husband and I live in San Diego and my

733
00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:52,240
Speaker 1: family is still in Arizona. I'm a kidney transplant recipient,

734
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:54,600
Speaker 1: so my husband and I were in a strict quarantine

735
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,239
Speaker 1: while she was dying. We were able to see her,

736
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,800
Speaker 1: of course, using masks. My family respect did and understood

737
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,880
Speaker 1: the precautions we were taking, but weren't taking this seriously

738
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,839
Speaker 1: and no one was wearing masks. I narrowly missed her

739
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,520
Speaker 1: passing since we were driving to the hospital when she died,

740
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,040
Speaker 1: and I was devastated. We siblings all agreed that we

741
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 1: would cremate her and then wait until the pandemic head

742
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:19,360
Speaker 1: quote passed, then do a memorial and spread her ashes

743
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 1: at her mom's grave. We waited almost a year, and

744
00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 1: my siblings decided to go through with the service spreading

745
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 1: her ashes. I told them I couldn't go. It was

746
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 1: during a huge spike and COVID cases. I begged them

747
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:33,359
Speaker 1: to please wait until I was vaccinated. At this time,

748
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 1: they had just started giving out vaccines to frontline workers

749
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,640
Speaker 1: and then immunocompromised would be next. They said no. I

750
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:41,720
Speaker 1: asked them to please just save me a small amount

751
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 1: of ashes. Again, they said no, because the Catholic Church

752
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:48,839
Speaker 1: doesn't condone splitting the ashes. Growing up, we always made

753
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,840
Speaker 1: decisions by majority vote. I asked for a vote and

754
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 1: everyone voted no, even the sister I was closest with.

755
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:58,880
Speaker 1: I was so heartbroken they laid her to rest without me.

756
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 1: I feel like I was not allowed to have closure.

757
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 1: I feel they cheated me out of saying goodbye. And

758
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:07,480
Speaker 1: I haven't spoken to any of them since. I'm angry

759
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:10,160
Speaker 1: and I can't let this go. I've visited my mom

760
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 1: several times since I've laid on the grass and just

761
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 1: talked to her. I miss my family, but I can't

762
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:18,480
Speaker 1: seem to get over this. I'd appreciate any advice. Francisco,

763
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: that's heartbreaking. It sounds like a bunch of people that

764
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,280
Speaker 1: didn't take COVID seriously and then can't believe that somebody

765
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 1: is being cautious, you know, like, oh, come on, you're

766
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 1: not gonna get it. I hate that attitude. It's like

767
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:32,759
Speaker 1: you're it's not up to you whether someone else gets COVID. Yeah,

768
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: I understand you being mad at your family. You have

769
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: every right to be upset with your family, So give

770
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,399
Speaker 1: that as much time as you need. And I think

771
00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 1: in the meantime, A great idea for you. I I'm

772
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 1: glad you're able to visit your mom at the memorium

773
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 1: where that she the ashes are I guess is where

774
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 1: she's visiting at her mother's grave, So it goes to

775
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 1: the grave side. Yeah, but there are ashes, not a grave, correct, Okay, correct?

776
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:57,319
Speaker 1: So you should really plan something for yourself, like for

777
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 1: you to give your mother the goodbye at you is

778
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 1: going to give you the closure, whether it's a small

779
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:04,919
Speaker 1: ceremony with you and your husband, or you and your

780
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 1: plan something. Make it an event for you to say

781
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 1: goodbye to your mother. Write something down that you want

782
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 1: to read to her, you know, bring the flowers, bring

783
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:15,480
Speaker 1: your friends, if you want to do it with your

784
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 1: a whole group of your people, then do that. But

785
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 1: you have every right to celebrate your mother's passing. And

786
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 1: I say celebrate because you want to celebrate her life, right.

787
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:26,879
Speaker 1: You want to pay respect to the fact of how

788
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 1: long she was here and all the beautiful memories you have,

789
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:31,200
Speaker 1: and the fact that she's not ever going to leave

790
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 1: her child's side, so she's always going to be here

791
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 1: in some capacity. You just don't get to see her anymore.

792
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 1: And I firmly believe in that, but you need to

793
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 1: just have your day and have your funeral independent of

794
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:46,560
Speaker 1: your brothers and sisters. And when you are at a

795
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 1: place that you're able to forgive them, then you can

796
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:51,919
Speaker 1: revisit that. But there's no rush to forgive them because

797
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:53,719
Speaker 1: they robbed you of saying goodbye to your mother, and

798
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 1: I don't want you to sit in that for too

799
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,799
Speaker 1: long because then they've controlled your experience and now you

800
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:01,880
Speaker 1: need to take control back of your experience. What do

801
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: you think that is like? Super heartbreaking? It's sad because

802
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:09,880
Speaker 1: I feel like COVID has done so much to divide

803
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 1: so many people, and that your siblings that sound like

804
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 1: are like not believers in It is sad, you know,

805
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 1: and didn't have the compassion to understand your medical state,

806
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 1: you know, and and you know compromise state to wait

807
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:29,520
Speaker 1: is unfortunate. But I would say, yes, you should have

808
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 1: maybe a celebration of life, you know, along her, like

809
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,880
Speaker 1: one year maybe or something like that could be really nice.

810
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 1: I do think it's important, especially when parents go, you know,

811
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:42,759
Speaker 1: I know what that feels like. It's important for like

812
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 1: siblings to find their way back to like whoever whatever

813
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 1: they were before like their parents left, because it's really

814
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 1: easy when parents aren't there, sort of like sewing in

815
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 1: the middle between each of you and helping to keep

816
00:41:57,120 --> 00:41:59,759
Speaker 1: the peace over there, like silly or big fights that

817
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 1: you have for those things to go on for like

818
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 1: much longer than maybe those parents would allow. You give

819
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:08,400
Speaker 1: yourself the space because you are entitled to it to

820
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 1: like feel what you're feeling. But if these are siblings

821
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:14,440
Speaker 1: who we were close to and like you had relationship

822
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:18,880
Speaker 1: with previous to your mother leaving, it may be worth

823
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 1: finding a time when you are calm and you can

824
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 1: say what you feel without concerned of how it's responded to,

825
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,960
Speaker 1: Like sit your siblings down and really tell them how

826
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 1: you're feelings, because it sounds like that that is what

827
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 1: it is at the end of the day, like not

828
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,360
Speaker 1: just the robbery of not being able to participate in

829
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 1: your mom but like you hurt my feelings, and that's

830
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:46,360
Speaker 1: sometimes like the baseline thing I think most people can't

831
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:49,640
Speaker 1: ignore when you say that, like my feelings, you know,

832
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 1: forget about like how they were like they were hurt

833
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: that they hopefully will able to hear that and like

834
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 1: a conversation can start and how do we work to

835
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,560
Speaker 1: feel that would for both of us, because I imagine

836
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 1: they maybe had her feelings for me what they perceived

837
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:08,840
Speaker 1: as your absence. But how do we come back to,

838
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:12,239
Speaker 1: you know, just really sort of like opening ourselves up

839
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 1: to a vulnerable place of saying like, my feelings are

840
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 1: hurt and and why, and maybe that will gave some

841
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:23,360
Speaker 1: of those in roads. Because if you were family previous

842
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:27,319
Speaker 1: to your mom, I would imagine your mom would want

843
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:30,439
Speaker 1: you to come back to your family again, for sure.

844
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,440
Speaker 1: That's that's what it makes me think of two, is

845
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 1: like your mom would want you to at some point

846
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 1: forgive and get to a place where you can have

847
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 1: a relationship. Maybe it's with all your siblings, maybe it's

848
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,279
Speaker 1: just with the sister that you were super close with,

849
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 1: but yeah, I think it was a right starting from

850
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 1: a place of vulnerability when you are ready for that

851
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 1: and just coming to them with that. Yeah, I mean

852
00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 1: I feel that way about my mom when she died

853
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:55,840
Speaker 1: told me like, you better keep this family together. She

854
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:58,239
Speaker 1: said that when she was dying on her deathbed, like

855
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 1: I'm counting on you. You need to do care of

856
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 1: this one, and you need to take care of your brother.

857
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 1: She said that to me and I took it like

858
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,319
Speaker 1: that is. Everything I do is without intention because of

859
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 1: my you know, she never asked me for a single thing.

860
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 1: And like I think any mother's wishes for her family

861
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 1: to be together once she's gone, my mom may she

862
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:20,800
Speaker 1: restly just left us a year and change ago. Before leaving,

863
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:24,319
Speaker 1: was like this. You people to always called this you

864
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: people like you, people you know who must stay together,

865
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:35,319
Speaker 1: you know. And I remember right after her interment, my

866
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 1: siblings and I weren't hug and saying that, you know,

867
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,759
Speaker 1: and just really the biggest way we could honor our

868
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:47,359
Speaker 1: parents would be too still love and be in each

869
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:50,719
Speaker 1: other's lives. The shame would be like if we let

870
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,239
Speaker 1: that collapse, all of that work that had been done,

871
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 1: particularly by this one here, if that fell, if it

872
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:59,480
Speaker 1: was only she was the foundation. You know what I'm saying,

873
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 1: There's no way, there's no way. I love so much

874
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 1: of what I do, I love my friends, I love

875
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:07,600
Speaker 1: everything else in my life. There's nothing that matches will

876
00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:11,319
Speaker 1: ever match my family. And even though I'm building my

877
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 1: own family now, like that core family, it's just not

878
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:17,840
Speaker 1: where I'm tent. There's nothing. Was your mom able to

879
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,840
Speaker 1: see you get married us? Oh? She did. Isn't it

880
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 1: crazy life events. We've talked about this before. Somebody leaves

881
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 1: your life and then this, I know, you've been together

882
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 1: with your partner for a long time, but the wedding,

883
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:32,800
Speaker 1: you know, comes, the times go together, like somebody leaves

884
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:34,840
Speaker 1: and then there's a baby born, or there's a wedding,

885
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:37,759
Speaker 1: or there's a marriage. It's just the way things work

886
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,360
Speaker 1: like that. As certain people exit out of our lives,

887
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:44,359
Speaker 1: other big events enter. And I've always been fascinated by that.

888
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 1: You know, after my mom died, so many major things

889
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:48,759
Speaker 1: happened to me. I fell in love for the first time.

890
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 1: I was starting my TV show, one of my first

891
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:53,160
Speaker 1: TV shows, and it was just like I was like, God,

892
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:57,280
Speaker 1: this is such an interesting dichotomy, Like I'm experiencing such loss,

893
00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:00,719
Speaker 1: but I have so many distractions and so many things

894
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:04,719
Speaker 1: where my life was just beginning a thousand percent. Like

895
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 1: you know, right after my mom passed away, my sister

896
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:10,719
Speaker 1: Chea che she just was pregnant. She just had her

897
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:13,759
Speaker 1: baby a couple of months ago, delivered just short of

898
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:17,319
Speaker 1: a year after my mother passed away, and like what

899
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 1: a miracle, you know, like we say, like when she

900
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 1: when she said she was pregnant. It's like, oh my gosh,

901
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:25,239
Speaker 1: after the rain always comes the sun. That's what I

902
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:27,440
Speaker 1: kept hearing, you know what I mean, and like thinking,

903
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 1: and it's like, yes, absolutely, and look at this beautiful

904
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:33,799
Speaker 1: baby girl now in our lives, starting out in a

905
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 1: new marriage. I'll also say this, I make this joke

906
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,399
Speaker 1: like with my siblings. I don't know if like when

907
00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:41,879
Speaker 1: you first get to Heaven you get like a fresh

908
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 1: batch of miracles or what the jury Also, you get

909
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:50,040
Speaker 1: like scooted into the front of the line from like

910
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:54,359
Speaker 1: the older angels, you know what it means, like rain,

911
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 1: a lot of like stuff out there. And I was like,

912
00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:58,520
Speaker 1: you guys, gonna get your wishes in line in order,

913
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:00,400
Speaker 1: and you know what I mean, to start asking for

914
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:02,320
Speaker 1: what you want. Because she's like up there, like I

915
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:06,080
Speaker 1: don't know how long this last, right, I don't know

916
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 1: how long I've got this ferry dusk for. So get

917
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 1: your ship together. Yeah, totally fine without miracles left and right.

918
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 1: Like so that makes me feel good when I think

919
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 1: about it. Well, our last question today comes from Cheyenne.

920
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 1: She's also on the phone. Cheyenne says, Dear Chelsea, I'm

921
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:27,799
Speaker 1: a twenty five year old from Minnesota. When I was

922
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 1: about two years old, my uncle Brian went missing. He

923
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:34,360
Speaker 1: disappeared after going on a trip to Vegas. My dad's

924
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:36,800
Speaker 1: side of the family does not talk about their feelings

925
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:41,160
Speaker 1: or any family history. I've always been fascinated and concerned

926
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:43,360
Speaker 1: by my family's lack of interest in finding out what

927
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 1: happened to my uncle. So in college, I started digging

928
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:49,239
Speaker 1: for more information, and as I found out more details,

929
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 1: parts of my family, mostly my grandparents, got very upset

930
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:55,799
Speaker 1: by this. My grandma even stopped talking to my dad

931
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 1: for a while specifically because of this. How do I

932
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:02,120
Speaker 1: balance my interest and concern for finding out more about

933
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 1: my uncle's whereabouts without making more issues with that side

934
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:10,360
Speaker 1: of the family. Thanks Cheyenne. Hi, Cheyenne, Hi, Hi, this

935
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:15,720
Speaker 1: is Uzo. Hi. It's nice to meet you. Hi, Cheyenne.

936
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:19,960
Speaker 1: So you started looking at you your uncle's murder or disappearance, right,

937
00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:23,160
Speaker 1: You don't know that he was murdered. Yeah, we really

938
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:26,840
Speaker 1: have no idea what happened to him. Basically, all we

939
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: know is he went to Vegas and they found his

940
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:35,719
Speaker 1: car in California, and there has been nothing since then,

941
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,799
Speaker 1: and there hasn't been any police reports made on it.

942
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:43,200
Speaker 1: So there's been a lot of frustration with me with

943
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 1: my family just because I'm like, well, why aren't you

944
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:50,279
Speaker 1: doing anything? And yeah, that's kind of where I'm at.

945
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:52,839
Speaker 1: It sounds like the perfect opportunity for you to start

946
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:56,439
Speaker 1: a podcast and track and track your uncle down. Yeah,

947
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:58,359
Speaker 1: that's not a lot of people have told me so.

948
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 1: I mean, you have every right to pursue this and

949
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 1: find out all of the stuff that you want to

950
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,640
Speaker 1: find out. Just obviously your family is not interested in

951
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 1: hearing it, so it's not necessary for you to share

952
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:10,680
Speaker 1: all of your findings with them, is it. Yeah? I

953
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:13,759
Speaker 1: don't think so. In they like for me, I'm so

954
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:17,359
Speaker 1: open to doing this and figuring out all I can

955
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:20,719
Speaker 1: figure out, because even though I was very young when

956
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 1: he disappeared, I care about it a lot for whatever reason.

957
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 1: But I just get worried about my dad and my

958
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 1: grandma's relationship because since I started looking into it, she's

959
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 1: gotten weird about it, and I don't know why that is,

960
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,319
Speaker 1: and it makes me suspicious. But I don't want to

961
00:49:41,360 --> 00:49:44,560
Speaker 1: think that way. But the thing that holds me back

962
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:48,760
Speaker 1: from digging into it is ruining their relationship. I'm seeing

963
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:51,440
Speaker 1: Chelsea in the if you are going to pursue it.

964
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 1: You don't have to tell anybody in your family. You

965
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 1: don't have to bring them into it. If it's your

966
00:49:57,239 --> 00:50:01,280
Speaker 1: personal pursuit, it's your personal pursuit. They have their reasons,

967
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 1: you know. I don't know what a mother's reason would

968
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:07,279
Speaker 1: be for not wanting to know what happened to her son,

969
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:11,560
Speaker 1: or a brother's reason would be for that. But they

970
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 1: have their reasons, and I would guess that you have

971
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:17,799
Speaker 1: to respect their reasons. Whatever the reason is. Is it

972
00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 1: your grandmother finding it? Like? Can your dad just not

973
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:21,719
Speaker 1: talk to your grandmother about it? Or could you have

974
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 1: to stop talking to your dad about it? No, my dad,

975
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:28,439
Speaker 1: he's pretty open to talking about it. I honestly don't

976
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:32,680
Speaker 1: really talk to my grandma much to begin with. So

977
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:36,400
Speaker 1: the last time I brought it up, I told my

978
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:38,880
Speaker 1: dad what I had found out and stuff, and it

979
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:41,399
Speaker 1: was things that he didn't know, like what what did

980
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:45,200
Speaker 1: you find out? It's kind of something I probably shouldn't

981
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 1: get into. I don't know. I I don't really know

982
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 1: like the details of it, so I don't want to

983
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:54,200
Speaker 1: say anything or come to any conclusions before I know

984
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:58,040
Speaker 1: that the actual details of it. But I had told

985
00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:03,520
Speaker 1: him that information, and she confronted my grandma about that information,

986
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:06,239
Speaker 1: and she got upset and stopped talking to him for

987
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 1: a little while. And so it's like having that he's

988
00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:13,319
Speaker 1: kind of the middleman in the situation, and I'm like, oh,

989
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:16,600
Speaker 1: I don't want your relationship with her to get roomed

990
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:19,160
Speaker 1: because of me. I think when you have a notion

991
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:22,960
Speaker 1: or an instinct that's strong, a like your curiosity in this,

992
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 1: you should just follow that. Like when you're interested in

993
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 1: something and you have a passion for it, there's no question.

994
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:30,279
Speaker 1: Then who gives a funk with your grandmother thinks you

995
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:33,200
Speaker 1: don't even care? Really, so just don't loop her in,

996
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:35,319
Speaker 1: and you know you don't even need you know, loop

997
00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: your dad. And when you find something concrete, if you

998
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 1: find something concrete, but um, yeah, I pursue it, you know,

999
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:44,000
Speaker 1: you who knows what you're going to find out? Yeah,

1000
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:46,880
Speaker 1: I'm not okay, thank you. It's it's kind of one

1001
00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:50,120
Speaker 1: of those things I know the answer to the question.

1002
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 1: I just need someone to tell me to go do it. Yeah.

1003
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:57,960
Speaker 1: And Crime Junkie just in an episode about a missing

1004
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:02,200
Speaker 1: person and they were working with someone who has sort

1005
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 1: of been looking for her missing mother and they did

1006
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,080
Speaker 1: a whole episode on it asked for leads from their

1007
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:11,400
Speaker 1: huge number of followers, So that might be an avenue

1008
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 1: as well, like going to somebody who already has a

1009
00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:17,080
Speaker 1: following and saying, hey, here's the information I do have,

1010
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 1: can you help me dig into this? Yeah, but yeah,

1011
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 1: it's your right. He's you know, he's related to you

1012
00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:26,799
Speaker 1: as well, even if you didn't know him because you

1013
00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 1: were too you know, you're allowed to have that curiosity

1014
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:31,840
Speaker 1: and thinking how nice he'd feel if he knew that

1015
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 1: his little niece he was two years old when he died,

1016
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:36,719
Speaker 1: it is still you know, thinking about him all the time,

1017
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:40,880
Speaker 1: like he deserves to be found. Yeah, yeah, no, definitely,

1018
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:44,879
Speaker 1: And I'll totally look into reaching out to other resources

1019
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,920
Speaker 1: and that kind of thing too. Yeah. Absolutely, And I

1020
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:51,319
Speaker 1: would also say potentially try doing a twenty three in me.

1021
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:55,040
Speaker 1: There are some resources that you can look at for

1022
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:58,480
Speaker 1: submitting your d n A if you do something like

1023
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:02,960
Speaker 1: that to database says that are specifically for missing persons,

1024
00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 1: And I believe it's called the d n A Dough Project,

1025
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:07,920
Speaker 1: So take a look at that. You can submit your

1026
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 1: DNA there and that way, if he is a dough

1027
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:14,080
Speaker 1: somewhere and he was found, but no one knows where

1028
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:15,919
Speaker 1: he came from because he was in a different state

1029
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:19,800
Speaker 1: and all these different things. They can help identify him

1030
00:53:19,840 --> 00:53:23,160
Speaker 1: with that. Okay, yeah, I'll definitely look into that. I

1031
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 1: feel like we're hosting a crime podcast right now. Wow,

1032
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 1: look at all the resources. Catherine always coming in hot

1033
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:33,120
Speaker 1: with some good stuff. I love murder podcasts. I'm a

1034
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:36,399
Speaker 1: dickheard murder, you know? So all right, Well, good luck,

1035
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 1: let us know if anything transpires, if you find anything out. Okay, yeah, yeah,

1036
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:43,200
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Just great talking to you guys.

1037
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:51,439
Speaker 1: You too. This was what penalope panoply. I was gonna say,

1038
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:55,680
Speaker 1: a penalope, what a panoply of callers and questions today?

1039
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,520
Speaker 1: Little murder. Well, I guess I should stop saying he's murder.

1040
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 1: They don't know that we're locked up. Oh yeah, yeah

1041
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:07,920
Speaker 1: that's a good one. Mom knows, but the rest of

1042
00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:10,840
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Uh huh yeah, exactly like

1043
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 1: what mother wouldn't be interested in finding out about that,

1044
00:54:13,239 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 1: what happened to her child? So there you go. Yeah,

1045
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:21,839
Speaker 1: witness protection. It could go a lot of ways. Right, Well,

1046
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:23,880
Speaker 1: we'll take a quick ad break and then we'll be

1047
00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:33,360
Speaker 1: back with Uzo and Chelsea and we're back. Yeah. Well,

1048
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:36,040
Speaker 1: did you have any advice that you wanted to ask

1049
00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:40,000
Speaker 1: for from Chelsea? Yes? Is it just one question? I

1050
00:54:40,040 --> 00:54:44,400
Speaker 1: can ask whatever you want girl. Okay, okay, talking about

1051
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 1: marriage right when it comes to Spotify, So we both

1052
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:55,759
Speaker 1: had our individual was follow me here expressing like it's

1053
00:54:55,760 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 1: so small, but you both have your individual Spotify accounts?

1054
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:06,279
Speaker 1: Do we cancel one and now start a whole? I

1055
00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 1: don't know what you guys about, like how many likes

1056
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:11,920
Speaker 1: or playlists you have going? I have a lot. Do

1057
00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:16,400
Speaker 1: we cancel one account and then start all over or

1058
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:20,200
Speaker 1: just keep the two accounts going. I feel like you

1059
00:55:20,239 --> 00:55:23,439
Speaker 1: should keep the two accounts going because that's a long

1060
00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 1: history of both of you, right, and you can start

1061
00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:31,360
Speaker 1: one together, but don't erase the other two. Mmmm well

1062
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:37,080
Speaker 1: there's a word. Yeah right, this is a real question.

1063
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:42,359
Speaker 1: Waffling with this for a while. I also like this

1064
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:46,160
Speaker 1: Spotify iTunes. All of this can all fall under the

1065
00:55:46,239 --> 00:55:50,560
Speaker 1: umbrella of like iTunes, like movie accounts to like you know,

1066
00:55:50,840 --> 00:55:54,279
Speaker 1: all of this is lives in the same house. Yeah, well,

1067
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:56,960
Speaker 1: throw me a couple of playlists. If you've got some extras,

1068
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:59,480
Speaker 1: I could always use a new playlist on Spotify, So

1069
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:01,840
Speaker 1: what don't you text me that so I can download it?

1070
00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:04,839
Speaker 1: Because I am terrible at making Spotify playlists, and so

1071
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:08,560
Speaker 1: anytime anybody has a good one, am I please? Yeah?

1072
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:12,759
Speaker 1: Be good show like I love anything, So yeah, send

1073
00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:17,239
Speaker 1: him my way an array of yes. Okay, that is

1074
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 1: a real question that I've been like hammering back and

1075
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:22,920
Speaker 1: forth about. I had to tell you it was Oh,

1076
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:28,520
Speaker 1: I wish we got more questions like that, Like it's

1077
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:30,560
Speaker 1: a real one though, right, don't you do? You see

1078
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:33,719
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, We'll pay for the exact same thing.

1079
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:36,759
Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's like, I don't know realistically,

1080
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:39,360
Speaker 1: if I had the energy to like text and send

1081
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:43,120
Speaker 1: myself every single playlist, you don't, I'm gonna answer for you.

1082
00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 1: You don't, I don't, And I'm also not sure once

1083
00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:49,560
Speaker 1: I've text and sent it to myself, once I deactivate

1084
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:51,920
Speaker 1: the account, if I can retrieve it. So then what

1085
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 1: we're really talking about is screenshotting every account and then

1086
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,680
Speaker 1: physically going back. Do you know what I mean? Because

1087
00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:00,920
Speaker 1: I can send it to myself when it works, but

1088
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:04,719
Speaker 1: then once I deactivate an account, as the playlist still exist. No, yeah,

1089
00:57:04,760 --> 00:57:06,360
Speaker 1: I think you need to hold onto your playlist, and

1090
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 1: I think so does he. There's a real question, what

1091
00:57:09,719 --> 00:57:14,840
Speaker 1: else am I thinking about? Oh, okay, do we want

1092
00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:19,479
Speaker 1: a second dog? Yes, I've never had we have one

1093
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 1: e an air deal Terrier. Then Waye bark is his name?

1094
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:26,480
Speaker 1: Goes off? And do we want a second dog? And

1095
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:29,080
Speaker 1: is it hard to manage? To you? I know you

1096
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:32,560
Speaker 1: love dogs, but yeah, and I've listen, I'm not managing them. Okay,

1097
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:35,320
Speaker 1: my housekeeper and my dog walker are, so I'll be

1098
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:38,360
Speaker 1: honest about that. But listen to dogs is always better

1099
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:40,880
Speaker 1: than one dog. So like, as soon as you get

1100
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:43,160
Speaker 1: another dog, you're gonna be like, how did we not

1101
00:57:43,240 --> 00:57:46,680
Speaker 1: always have two dogs? It's not more. You don't think

1102
00:57:47,040 --> 00:57:50,040
Speaker 1: it makes your family even like more whole. It's just

1103
00:57:50,120 --> 00:57:52,440
Speaker 1: the best. You know, four is better than three at

1104
00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:55,400
Speaker 1: a house. And so you have babies or whatever you're planning.

1105
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:59,560
Speaker 1: Just dogs are just winners. It's always a win. I

1106
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:03,240
Speaker 1: love Fenway so much already, Like, but I was like, never,

1107
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,800
Speaker 1: this is my first dog. I've never had a dog before,

1108
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:09,560
Speaker 1: so and I love him so much and he's such

1109
00:58:09,600 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 1: a good dog. But like, I don't know anything about dogs,

1110
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:15,760
Speaker 1: you know, except for what I know Fenway, and I'm like,

1111
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:17,880
Speaker 1: I don't know what this means two dogs, And I

1112
00:58:17,920 --> 00:58:21,720
Speaker 1: also don't know because he's five and a half. Doesn't

1113
00:58:21,800 --> 00:58:24,360
Speaker 1: matter if you bring you know what I mean, Like,

1114
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:26,040
Speaker 1: is he going to be dominant to you know what

1115
00:58:26,120 --> 00:58:28,800
Speaker 1: I'm saying. They usually figure it out, you know what

1116
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:31,200
Speaker 1: I mean, Once they realize they're in the same house together,

1117
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:33,360
Speaker 1: they set it out and they just kind of like

1118
00:58:33,680 --> 00:58:36,400
Speaker 1: operate together. So it doesn't really matter what age the

1119
00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:39,240
Speaker 1: other dog is. You just kind of like throw him

1120
00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:42,520
Speaker 1: in together and you're like, here's the situation. Everybody level up,

1121
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 1: and then they do. I do. And I think at

1122
00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:49,000
Speaker 1: five and a half, he's not gonna be like too

1123
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:51,280
Speaker 1: old and grumpy that he'll be mean about a puppy.

1124
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:53,320
Speaker 1: He'll be He'll be Okay, it's good. It's actually a

1125
00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 1: great time because it's going to re energize your the

1126
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,320
Speaker 1: dog you have and give him an extra lease on

1127
00:58:57,360 --> 00:58:59,800
Speaker 1: life and not an extra couple of years. Yeah. And

1128
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 1: also dogs are pack animals, so I feel like as

1129
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:06,280
Speaker 1: people are going back to work more or traveling more

1130
00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:09,760
Speaker 1: as the pandemic is hopefully waning, they'll have each other

1131
00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 1: to hang out with and have a lot less what

1132
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:15,680
Speaker 1: do they call it when like separation anxiety? Like if

1133
00:59:15,680 --> 00:59:17,520
Speaker 1: you guys need to travel a lot or you go

1134
00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:20,160
Speaker 1: away for a week or whatever, they'll have each other.

1135
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:25,920
Speaker 1: Thanks you, Yeah, thanks for bringing some real questions to

1136
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:28,960
Speaker 1: the tables. Yeah, I love it, loved having you today.

1137
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:31,960
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. This

1138
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:39,920
Speaker 1: is app have a great day, Thank you too. Bye.

1139
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:42,800
Speaker 1: Well she was so great. Yeah, she's cool. She's got

1140
00:59:42,880 --> 00:59:45,720
Speaker 1: she's got a very calming voice and talking, you know,

1141
00:59:45,840 --> 00:59:49,280
Speaker 1: it's like very calming. Oh, guys, we have new merch available,

1142
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:52,520
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea merch, so you can get Dear Chelsea t

1143
00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:58,160
Speaker 1: shirts or hats hats. They're really cute though. We picked

1144
00:59:58,240 --> 01:00:01,600
Speaker 1: up cute colors and yeah, and what about the flip flops?

1145
01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:03,600
Speaker 1: No flip flop flip flops? Okay, well that's for the

1146
01:00:03,640 --> 01:00:06,520
Speaker 1: best day. I mean, you know that's off brand, but

1147
01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:08,280
Speaker 1: I thought it would be funny anyway, only to sell

1148
01:00:08,360 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 1: female flip flops. Well, and gay men can wear them. Yeah,

1149
01:00:11,360 --> 01:00:15,920
Speaker 1: it's just anyone who gets a pedicure on a regular basis, Yes, exactly.

1150
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:18,120
Speaker 1: But yeah, we have merch. Now, how cute is that?

1151
01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:23,400
Speaker 1: So go to Chelsea handler dot com to buy your merch. Yes, okay,

1152
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:27,480
Speaker 1: we've added some second shows in areas. I'm filming my

1153
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:31,000
Speaker 1: next stand up special at the Rymann in Nashville, so

1154
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 1: tickets aren't now on sale for that, and we've added

1155
01:00:34,080 --> 01:00:36,800
Speaker 1: second shows in d C. And at the Wiltern in

1156
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:41,560
Speaker 1: Los Angeles, and oh, San Francisco. Yeah, a second show

1157
01:00:41,560 --> 01:00:44,880
Speaker 1: in San Francisco at the Masonic, and that weekend I

1158
01:00:44,960 --> 01:00:47,520
Speaker 1: perform at the Masonic two shows, and then Joe Koy

1159
01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:51,400
Speaker 1: performs the next night and the next night and at

1160
01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:55,040
Speaker 1: some arena in San Francisco. So we're gonna be both

1161
01:00:55,080 --> 01:00:58,720
Speaker 1: performing in the same city the same weekend. So how fun,

1162
01:00:58,920 --> 01:01:02,480
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, just a couple descending on a city

1163
01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:05,960
Speaker 1: and just doing wonderful things descending on our hot air balloon.

1164
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:09,360
Speaker 1: That's how we like to enter cities. Oh okay. So,

1165
01:01:09,480 --> 01:01:11,520
Speaker 1: if you're looking to write into this podcast, I get

1166
01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:13,480
Speaker 1: so many d ms on Instagram not knowing how to

1167
01:01:13,600 --> 01:01:17,960
Speaker 1: It's a Dear Chelsea project at gmail dot com, Gmail

1168
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:20,560
Speaker 1: dot com, so you can write in for any questions

1169
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:23,360
Speaker 1: you have that you want advice on UM. If you're

1170
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:30,080
Speaker 1: seeking advice about relationships, about work, stuff about sex, stuff

1171
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:33,520
Speaker 1: about animal stuff, but not with sex, like that's a

1172
01:01:33,560 --> 01:01:37,920
Speaker 1: separate topic. And then anything that's going on interpersonal affairs.

1173
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:41,040
Speaker 1: We like affairs we like, well, we don't like, but

1174
01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:43,320
Speaker 1: we like giving advice about them. If you're just in

1175
01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:46,200
Speaker 1: a situation where you're feeling kind of unmotivated and you

1176
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:48,200
Speaker 1: need to kick in the ass, you know whatever. But

1177
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:51,040
Speaker 1: don't be shy, because we love our callers, and this

1178
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:54,720
Speaker 1: has been going just so swimmingly, Catherine. There's so many

1179
01:01:54,760 --> 01:01:58,080
Speaker 1: interesting people that call in and with really interesting problems,

1180
01:01:58,120 --> 01:02:00,440
Speaker 1: and then they double back with us and give us updates,

1181
01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:03,520
Speaker 1: which is so nice. It's so nice to see progress.

1182
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:06,600
Speaker 1: And people always think like, oh, I never thought you

1183
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:08,160
Speaker 1: were going to get to my question. It's like, no,

1184
01:02:08,280 --> 01:02:10,640
Speaker 1: we we're going. We're going through them all, so we

1185
01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:13,880
Speaker 1: just might pick yours. Okay, bye bye,