WEBVTT - MISlabeled (Part 2)

0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:16.520
<v Speaker 1>Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. My husband and

0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:20.160
<v Speaker 1>I were together for twenty years, married eighteen, together almost

0:00:20.160 --> 0:00:26.040
<v Speaker 1>twenty and he has better organizing skills than I do.

0:00:26.760 --> 0:00:29.000
<v Speaker 1>You know, we came from very different backgrounds. He came

0:00:29.040 --> 0:00:30.960
<v Speaker 1>from a background where at a very young age he

0:00:31.040 --> 0:00:34.000
<v Speaker 1>had to step up and do everything. I came from

0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:37.440
<v Speaker 1>a background where I didn't have to and I'm learning

0:00:37.440 --> 0:00:39.880
<v Speaker 1>as an adult on the go in the middle of things.

0:00:40.120 --> 0:00:43.160
<v Speaker 1>So when we were together, he did do a lot

0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:48.680
<v Speaker 1>of that. And coming from a background where I'm just going, going, going,

0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:52.519
<v Speaker 1>I always talk about I'm in fight or flight. You know,

0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:55.240
<v Speaker 1>what is the next moment bringing for all of us,

0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:59.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, financially, emotionally, all of it. And it's challenging

0:01:00.360 --> 0:01:04.720
<v Speaker 1>not having him here. And while it's definitely for the

0:01:04.760 --> 0:01:08.120
<v Speaker 1>best for the family that we are getting a divorce

0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:12.040
<v Speaker 1>and we have two separate households, it's challenging not having

0:01:13.319 --> 0:01:16.679
<v Speaker 1>that partner. He did help me with a lot of

0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:21.040
<v Speaker 1>that stuff, so now it falls, you know, and I

0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:23.240
<v Speaker 1>was always a good cop. He was bad cop. It's

0:01:23.280 --> 0:01:26.560
<v Speaker 1>just from by DNA and design, So you know, I

0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:30.199
<v Speaker 1>had to take on that role once he was gone

0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:34.920
<v Speaker 1>of being strict. He used to have signs. He would

0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:38.440
<v Speaker 1>put signs in our house, like above the trash, take

0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:41.200
<v Speaker 1>it out with like an arrow down pointing down at it,

0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:44.080
<v Speaker 1>like he would put his schedule up like this one

0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:47.559
<v Speaker 1>walks the dogs this day. My brain doesn't think that way.

0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:50.520
<v Speaker 1>So I say to the kids all the time, do

0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:53.560
<v Speaker 1>you want me to go back to notes all over? No? No, no,

0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:56.160
<v Speaker 1>we can do it. I said, okay, because you know

0:01:56.440 --> 0:01:59.840
<v Speaker 1>you listen to dad when he well, you didn't listen

0:01:59.880 --> 0:02:01.600
<v Speaker 1>to You had to put notes up for you guys

0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:05.720
<v Speaker 1>to do it. I'm like stuck in this situation and

0:02:06.920 --> 0:02:09.160
<v Speaker 1>I don't feel I know they can do it, but

0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:09.799
<v Speaker 1>they won't do it.

0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:14.680
<v Speaker 2>So Tory, I think a couple things is one person's

0:02:15.400 --> 0:02:18.840
<v Speaker 2>way to do things doesn't necessarily work with another's.

0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:19.239
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:02:21.880 --> 0:02:24.280
<v Speaker 2>So maybe one person says, you know, I need to

0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:26.960
<v Speaker 2>do laundry every Sunday and I need to commit to that,

0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:29.520
<v Speaker 2>versus some people say I need to do it every

0:02:29.560 --> 0:02:32.280
<v Speaker 2>two days, or I need to set a reminder. I

0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:34.720
<v Speaker 2>need to have a schedule. You know, I still have

0:02:34.840 --> 0:02:37.880
<v Speaker 2>one of those books that open up that's a paper schedule,

0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:40.720
<v Speaker 2>and other people want to look at their phone. So

0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:43.560
<v Speaker 2>everybody has different systems that works for them. I think

0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:47.119
<v Speaker 2>you're trying to find your system, but I think you're

0:02:47.120 --> 0:02:51.360
<v Speaker 2>also trying to find your power, because I'm not feeling

0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:55.040
<v Speaker 2>that you feel you have power, even though you say

0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:57.520
<v Speaker 2>to the kids like, hey, this is what we need

0:02:57.560 --> 0:02:59.239
<v Speaker 2>to do, and then they say okay, and then they're

0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:03.720
<v Speaker 2>running off to something else. Right, And that's where the

0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:10.359
<v Speaker 2>family work has to happen, where they they don't understand

0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:15.720
<v Speaker 2>because nobody, not me, and not somebody else who's in

0:03:15.760 --> 0:03:19.560
<v Speaker 2>your situation, can possibly understand what it's like to be

0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:23.120
<v Speaker 2>a single parent with five children period.

0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:24.360
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:28.080
<v Speaker 2>Then you have the demands of finances, You have the

0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:33.440
<v Speaker 2>demands of running the household, paying bills, whatever that looks like. Right,

0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:36.280
<v Speaker 2>And this is where I loop back to just even

0:03:36.360 --> 0:03:39.200
<v Speaker 2>five children with not having to do any of those

0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:42.920
<v Speaker 2>others is more than a full time job. But you've

0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:45.760
<v Speaker 2>got it all loaded on you, and I have this

0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.320
<v Speaker 2>sense that you feel like you've got to do it all.

0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:51.040
<v Speaker 2>And I think part of this conversation is you can't

0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:54.320
<v Speaker 2>do it, but what you have to do is to

0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:58.119
<v Speaker 2>find the room to do it, and something will have

0:03:58.200 --> 0:03:58.600
<v Speaker 2>to give.

0:03:59.320 --> 0:03:59.600
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:03.520
<v Speaker 2>Maybe it might be that you know I don't know,

0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:07.120
<v Speaker 2>you know what is in your life right now, but

0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:13.320
<v Speaker 2>something has to give in another place to make room

0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:19.839
<v Speaker 2>for you to attend to I would say starting probably

0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:22.400
<v Speaker 2>with your home, if I if I had to guess, right,

0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:26.760
<v Speaker 2>and with your home means starting to figure out how

0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:29.840
<v Speaker 2>to get it in order, but also sitting down with

0:04:29.880 --> 0:04:35.360
<v Speaker 2>your family and giving them an opportunity to talk about

0:04:35.360 --> 0:04:38.479
<v Speaker 2>how they feel about being in the home, what they

0:04:38.520 --> 0:04:41.640
<v Speaker 2>would like, and then talking about how they can start

0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:46.760
<v Speaker 2>to contribute. Right, it's a family of six, it's not tory,

0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:52.679
<v Speaker 2>it's a family of six. It's everybody involved. And once

0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:56.360
<v Speaker 2>everybody can start to contribute, and I'm really just talking

0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:59.800
<v Speaker 2>about the daily stuff. Helping with dishes, helping with set

0:04:59.880 --> 0:05:03.080
<v Speaker 2>up the table, helping with laundry, making their beds, you

0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:05.480
<v Speaker 2>know that sort of thing like those would all be

0:05:06.040 --> 0:05:09.599
<v Speaker 2>you know, maybe important things we haven't talked about the specifics, right,

0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:14.119
<v Speaker 2>And then for you helping you to start to pare

0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:17.720
<v Speaker 2>down the stuff that you need to let go of,

0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:23.279
<v Speaker 2>and then figuring out ways for the daily management of

0:05:23.400 --> 0:05:28.239
<v Speaker 2>the home environment, because with six people taking out the trash,

0:05:28.440 --> 0:05:32.159
<v Speaker 2>wiping down the counter, putting things in the dishwasher, all

0:05:32.200 --> 0:05:35.080
<v Speaker 2>of that you have plenty of people to keep a

0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:38.760
<v Speaker 2>basic household running. But we have to make sure that

0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:42.320
<v Speaker 2>Tori is not bringing in more stuff. And if stuff

0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:44.920
<v Speaker 2>is coming in, you open up the package. The SAD

0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:49.320
<v Speaker 2>or whatever helping you to develop skills to say, Okay,

0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:52.320
<v Speaker 2>you know what, I'm going to switch out these lotions

0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:54.760
<v Speaker 2>these bars of soaps with the ones that are actually

0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:57.919
<v Speaker 2>from twenty twenty two. And again I'm making this up right,

0:05:58.360 --> 0:06:02.039
<v Speaker 2>and then we're going to take these two donation. But

0:06:02.520 --> 0:06:05.920
<v Speaker 2>there has to be a process of what comes in.

0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:08.800
<v Speaker 2>We can't just let it keep coming in. And again

0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:12.520
<v Speaker 2>that's where we started. There has to be a purging process.

0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:20.120
<v Speaker 2>And wherever this podcast, this conversation lands us, I am

0:06:20.160 --> 0:06:22.359
<v Speaker 2>happy to help you. I'm happy to work with you.

0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:28.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm happy to fly down. We're in California together. You know,

0:06:28.360 --> 0:06:30.400
<v Speaker 2>we can kind of do a little bit of a

0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:35.599
<v Speaker 2>maybe a mass attack. But I will say, Tori, it's

0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:39.320
<v Speaker 2>so important that you include the family. And this is

0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:44.000
<v Speaker 2>a message to your listeners as well that anytime somebody

0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:47.320
<v Speaker 2>is struggling with something, the key is is we have

0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:51.440
<v Speaker 2>to look at the people that we live with and

0:06:52.520 --> 0:06:56.360
<v Speaker 2>identify how they can be a part of the solution

0:06:57.200 --> 0:07:00.320
<v Speaker 2>because you have named it and you can't do it

0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:04.679
<v Speaker 2>on your own. And you know, I talk about a racetrack, right,

0:07:05.400 --> 0:07:08.159
<v Speaker 2>most of us have seen racehorses or dog races or

0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:10.720
<v Speaker 2>that kind of thing. And where where do they start

0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:11.120
<v Speaker 2>and end?

0:07:11.600 --> 0:07:11.760
<v Speaker 1>Right?

0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:13.880
<v Speaker 2>They start at the same place and they end at

0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:16.480
<v Speaker 2>the same place. And we stuck in your head and

0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:19.640
<v Speaker 2>you just keep looping around and looping around. And I

0:07:19.760 --> 0:07:23.560
<v Speaker 2>know that this is emotionally super taxing for you. So

0:07:23.920 --> 0:07:28.360
<v Speaker 2>that alone is physically exhausting. But then you know, trying

0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:31.520
<v Speaker 2>to figure out, figure out, figure out, well, you know,

0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:34.800
<v Speaker 2>when what we're doing isn't working, we have to try different,

0:07:34.880 --> 0:07:37.960
<v Speaker 2>We have to do something different to get off that racetrack,

0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:45.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, And your openness, your vulnerability is you know,

0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:48.320
<v Speaker 2>just so amazing because I know so many of your

0:07:48.400 --> 0:07:51.440
<v Speaker 2>viewers are struggling with similar circumstances and they don't know

0:07:51.480 --> 0:07:54.240
<v Speaker 2>how to get off that racetrack. But the only way

0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:56.720
<v Speaker 2>you get off is to do something different. You've got

0:07:56.760 --> 0:08:00.200
<v Speaker 2>to ask for help. You've got to get to a

0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:02.680
<v Speaker 2>place where you're willing to take that time to figure

0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:06.880
<v Speaker 2>out what I need to do to do so that

0:08:06.920 --> 0:08:10.240
<v Speaker 2>I can fix this problem. Because that time that you

0:08:10.360 --> 0:08:17.320
<v Speaker 2>take will exponentially take care of the emotional and the

0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:21.360
<v Speaker 2>physical stuff that is taxing you in other ways.

0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:25.360
<v Speaker 1>I agree it weighs on me constantly. There's not a

0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:28.360
<v Speaker 1>moment I don't think about it, and I'm not a moment.

0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:30.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm not confronted with it because I walked through my

0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:35.440
<v Speaker 1>house constantly and it's just I remember growing up. I

0:08:35.480 --> 0:08:39.280
<v Speaker 1>had a friend and her family was wonderful. But I

0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:42.199
<v Speaker 1>would go to their house and like the kitchen counter,

0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:48.080
<v Speaker 1>for example. It's not that their house their house was clean,

0:08:48.120 --> 0:08:50.720
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't that, but if there was space on the counter,

0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:54.720
<v Speaker 1>there was something on it, it was fully utilized. And

0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:56.959
<v Speaker 1>I remember looking at that and it was very different

0:08:57.040 --> 0:09:00.200
<v Speaker 1>than my house. Everything was spotless. Granted, you know, my

0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:02.439
<v Speaker 1>mom and dad had a lot of help this family.

0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:06.640
<v Speaker 1>It was just mom and dad, so but I remember

0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:09.840
<v Speaker 1>thinking like, oh my gosh, that's what a counter shouldn't

0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:14.160
<v Speaker 1>look like. And gosh, I was like twelve years old,

0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:16.120
<v Speaker 1>and I still think about it every day when I

0:09:16.120 --> 0:09:19.839
<v Speaker 1>look at my kitchen counter, I'm like, I'm that mom. Yeah,

0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:23.200
<v Speaker 1>if there's space and it's not me alone, but it's

0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:29.000
<v Speaker 1>me too, it will be utilized. So we clean something up.

0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:32.760
<v Speaker 1>We put things away. Every time something's used, it doesn't

0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:36.000
<v Speaker 1>get put away. It just builds and builds and builds,

0:09:36.080 --> 0:09:38.200
<v Speaker 1>and then we just kind of ignore and go to

0:09:38.240 --> 0:09:41.960
<v Speaker 1>the next area. And it's just And I have one

0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:46.880
<v Speaker 1>daughter that her brain does think very organizational. She can

0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:49.280
<v Speaker 1>organize this, she can organize the fridge, and she'll do

0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:52.679
<v Speaker 1>all that. It looks great. And I went into her

0:09:52.760 --> 0:09:57.280
<v Speaker 1>room the other day and I was like, her desk,

0:09:57.400 --> 0:10:00.360
<v Speaker 1>it is like every space would had something on it.

0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.040
<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh my gosh, even look at her.

0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:05.400
<v Speaker 1>She was my organized one, and she's turning into me.

0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:17.000
<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh gosh. When my husband and I

0:10:17.040 --> 0:10:19.720
<v Speaker 1>started having kids, we had a reality show. And we

0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:23.400
<v Speaker 1>had a reality show for seven years, and you know

0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:26.880
<v Speaker 1>behind the scenes is there's crew, there's people that are

0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:32.120
<v Speaker 1>willing to help. So I, you know, went from being

0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:34.880
<v Speaker 1>this kid that grew up always having people around to

0:10:34.920 --> 0:10:37.720
<v Speaker 1>help clean up to being an adult and having my

0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:40.760
<v Speaker 1>own kids and having people around to always help clean up.

0:10:41.320 --> 0:10:45.280
<v Speaker 1>So there was things would come in, they would help

0:10:45.360 --> 0:10:47.440
<v Speaker 1>us sort through it, they would help us move things

0:10:47.640 --> 0:10:51.800
<v Speaker 1>out on you know, wherever they needed to go. And again, yeah,

0:10:52.000 --> 0:10:56.400
<v Speaker 1>I no longer have that so yeah, if someone could

0:10:56.400 --> 0:11:01.000
<v Speaker 1>help me for a day or two, I don't want

0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:04.760
<v Speaker 1>this life. Like I it's troubling when we have people over.

0:11:05.320 --> 0:11:09.160
<v Speaker 1>The kids know the drill. We have five hours. Guys,

0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:13.240
<v Speaker 1>open the closets, put it in the laundry room, close

0:11:13.360 --> 0:11:18.240
<v Speaker 1>the door. It's like everything is shoved in places, and

0:11:18.280 --> 0:11:19.880
<v Speaker 1>then you know, people come over and it's like, oh,

0:11:19.920 --> 0:11:23.840
<v Speaker 1>it looks great. But then we never take the stuff out.

0:11:24.040 --> 0:11:25.079
<v Speaker 1>You know, it's like.

0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:28.480
<v Speaker 2>The more stuff is coming in, and so.

0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:33.520
<v Speaker 1>Every closet is just and I want to let I

0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:34.920
<v Speaker 1>want to let it go. I'm not even at that

0:11:34.960 --> 0:11:38.839
<v Speaker 1>point anywhere where I'm holding onto things emotionally. Maybe the

0:11:38.920 --> 0:11:40.920
<v Speaker 1>jeans a little bit, but.

0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:47.199
<v Speaker 3>I you can it's fine, fine, fine, okay, okay, I

0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:50.400
<v Speaker 3>got to be completely honest here and transfer it. But

0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:53.839
<v Speaker 3>everything else, like I'm doing this podcast with you, and

0:11:53.880 --> 0:11:57.680
<v Speaker 3>I'm looking around and you know, just to sit down

0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:01.600
<v Speaker 3>to do this podcast, I had to move things out

0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:04.839
<v Speaker 3>of the way. If I turn this camera around right now,

0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:07.640
<v Speaker 3>people would be like horrified. And again, it's not like

0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:08.640
<v Speaker 3>it's dirty.

0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:13.560
<v Speaker 1>It's just stuff. So Tori, let's do it, really, really,

0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:15.320
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to add to your plate. You have

0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.959
<v Speaker 1>a million things going on, and see that's where I'm

0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:21.920
<v Speaker 1>going to start to minimize myself, like, well, there's so

0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:24.640
<v Speaker 1>many deserving people out there that need your help. Why

0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:28.319
<v Speaker 1>need right, So when.

0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.880
<v Speaker 2>Your people, I guess I should say, reached out to

0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:35.720
<v Speaker 2>me and they were like, well, you know, I said

0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:37.079
<v Speaker 2>how long, and they're like, oh, if you can give

0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:38.880
<v Speaker 2>me a half hour, and I'm like, I'll give you

0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:41.760
<v Speaker 2>an hour. I'll give you whatever you need, like whatever

0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:46.400
<v Speaker 2>you need, like I'm here. Something that is going to

0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:49.040
<v Speaker 2>be important to think about is the bigger picture, right,

0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:52.800
<v Speaker 2>So it's not just you know I talked about you know,

0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:56.520
<v Speaker 2>when things come in, if there's no room, other things

0:12:56.760 --> 0:13:00.960
<v Speaker 2>need to go out to make room. But it's definitely

0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:05.640
<v Speaker 2>a bigger it's a bigger picture. And you said something

0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:09.320
<v Speaker 2>and I don't remember exactly what your words were, but like, yeah,

0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:11.200
<v Speaker 2>I can get the place cleaned up, but then like

0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:14.040
<v Speaker 2>what after that, Like it's I don't want it to

0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:19.319
<v Speaker 2>go back again. And that's where I think the support

0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:27.920
<v Speaker 2>in if you're open to one possibly having somebody come

0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:36.280
<v Speaker 2>into your house to help purge that garage, right, No

0:13:36.320 --> 0:13:39.360
<v Speaker 2>one's saying like, you know, one of the things I

0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:42.200
<v Speaker 2>think that when we go into homes.

0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:43.000
<v Speaker 1>They have this.

0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:46.240
<v Speaker 2>Idea because of other messages people have got. You want

0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:48.600
<v Speaker 2>me to get rid of everything? No, I don't. I

0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.480
<v Speaker 2>don't want you to carry everything. I just want you

0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:56.280
<v Speaker 2>to get rid of the things that are not serving

0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:58.000
<v Speaker 2>a functional purpose for you.

0:13:58.160 --> 0:13:58.360
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:02.560
<v Speaker 2>So, going back to storage units, I have had people

0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:04.959
<v Speaker 2>who have said, I have a storage unit full of

0:14:05.880 --> 0:14:10.040
<v Speaker 2>holiday items and every Christmas I go. I pull those out,

0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:15.839
<v Speaker 2>every Thanksgiving, every fourth of July. I actually use it.

0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:18.400
<v Speaker 2>So great, like, there's nothing wrong with having a storage

0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:21.160
<v Speaker 2>unit as long as things aren't just sitting there for years, right,

0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.120
<v Speaker 2>and you're just paying for something that you're not using.

0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:27.920
<v Speaker 2>But the idea would be to say, how can you

0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:34.400
<v Speaker 2>pare down the things that I'm not going to say

0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:37.160
<v Speaker 2>are not a value to you because you're holding on

0:14:37.280 --> 0:14:39.680
<v Speaker 2>because they are of value to you in some way.

0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:44.600
<v Speaker 2>But how can you purge down the things that are

0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:47.400
<v Speaker 2>just going to sit in boxes that you can identify

0:14:47.480 --> 0:14:49.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm never going to use. Are they things you can

0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:52.320
<v Speaker 2>sell or the things you can donate? Whatever that looks like,

0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:58.359
<v Speaker 2>and then have here's a key access to the items

0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:03.120
<v Speaker 2>that you want. You're like, oh my gosh, this jacket,

0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:07.120
<v Speaker 2>this that or whatever, and then there's an organizational system

0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:10.160
<v Speaker 2>to where you can pull that off the shelf, that box,

0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:14.040
<v Speaker 2>that bin, you have access because I you know, again

0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:16.720
<v Speaker 2>going all the way back to my wall. If there's

0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:19.000
<v Speaker 2>boxes here and they're stacked all the way up to

0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:22.000
<v Speaker 2>the ceiling, I'm not going to dig for them. But

0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:25.240
<v Speaker 2>what is a really cool experience and I think you

0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:27.440
<v Speaker 2>know this is when you can get to it and

0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:31.080
<v Speaker 2>you can access it. You're like, look and see and

0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:35.560
<v Speaker 2>we can yeah, right, And so getting that paared down

0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:39.880
<v Speaker 2>and then getting to a place and this is the key,

0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:42.920
<v Speaker 2>because Tory, this isn't just about you. It is entirely

0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:46.080
<v Speaker 2>about your family. And when I say your family, the

0:15:46.160 --> 0:15:49.160
<v Speaker 2>sixth of you, that the kids have to be a

0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:51.920
<v Speaker 2>part of it, right. And that's just not sitting down

0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:53.760
<v Speaker 2>and creating a chore list and say okay, this is

0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:56.360
<v Speaker 2>what you need to do. It's it's far more than

0:15:56.360 --> 0:16:02.800
<v Speaker 2>that because I think that in individually they have a voice. Individually,

0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:06.240
<v Speaker 2>they have maybe some struggles as to why they can

0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:09.800
<v Speaker 2>or can't do things or don't do things whatever. And

0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:14.360
<v Speaker 2>then bringing that all together as a family, as a

0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:21.680
<v Speaker 2>family unit to then work together because you're operating in

0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:25.680
<v Speaker 2>a system, right, and if one or more parts of

0:16:25.680 --> 0:16:29.040
<v Speaker 2>that system is not operating, it affects the other part

0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:32.600
<v Speaker 2>of the system. And right now you're trying to be

0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:39.000
<v Speaker 2>the engine of the total operational and albeit like you're

0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:41.280
<v Speaker 2>trying to delegate and you're like, hey, can you do

0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:42.960
<v Speaker 2>this and they're like yeah, sure, and then they walk

0:16:43.000 --> 0:16:44.440
<v Speaker 2>off and you're like, Okay.

0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:47.600
<v Speaker 1>They'll do it in the moment because they see that

0:16:47.720 --> 0:16:51.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm disappointed or you know that I'm bummed or I'm

0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:53.960
<v Speaker 1>doing it, So they will do it in the moment,

0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:55.160
<v Speaker 1>but they won't maintain that.

0:16:56.040 --> 0:16:58.400
<v Speaker 2>And so so there we go. That's where the key

0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:02.480
<v Speaker 2>is is that everybody kind of has their responsibilities and

0:17:02.840 --> 0:17:06.520
<v Speaker 2>that doesn't make you in any way a bad mom

0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:13.399
<v Speaker 2>to have your children have responsibility, right, And so so

0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:20.600
<v Speaker 2>having this team, having this this togetherness, and it sounds

0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:23.879
<v Speaker 2>like that some of what like Dean had for you

0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:30.480
<v Speaker 2>that was difficult for you. So finding finding your voice

0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:35.240
<v Speaker 2>and finding the system that works for you is what's

0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:37.840
<v Speaker 2>going to be most most important. Signs. I don't know

0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:41.160
<v Speaker 2>if they work. Whatever it is, maybe a chore list,

0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:43.200
<v Speaker 2>a check off, I don't know.

0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:47.240
<v Speaker 1>Right, I'm not like, I'm not the calendar paper person.

0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:52.160
<v Speaker 1>And I'm also not the calendar in my phone person. Unfortunately,

0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:54.399
<v Speaker 1>I work from a system in my brain. I have

0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:59.440
<v Speaker 1>a really great memory and I remember everything, but it's exhausting.

0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:06.320
<v Speaker 1>It's so that systems no longer serving me, yeah as

0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:09.359
<v Speaker 1>well as it used to. So I need to transition

0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:13.600
<v Speaker 1>the system in my brain into something physical and make it, yeah,

0:18:13.600 --> 0:18:14.520
<v Speaker 1>happen for my family.

0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:17.439
<v Speaker 2>And I think it's part of the process. And you know,

0:18:17.560 --> 0:18:22.600
<v Speaker 2>toy insight what leads us to change, don't have insight

0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:25.760
<v Speaker 2>to do change. And that's so much of what I

0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:29.520
<v Speaker 2>work with in my facility is that we have to

0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:32.560
<v Speaker 2>have a person understand what's going on in order to

0:18:32.680 --> 0:18:35.320
<v Speaker 2>then make change. And if you've been doing the same

0:18:35.359 --> 0:18:41.879
<v Speaker 2>thing that isn't working, then it's not going to work, right,

0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:45.520
<v Speaker 2>I mean that sounds so silly, right, So thens as

0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:48.000
<v Speaker 2>we get older and as our needs change, as our

0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:53.240
<v Speaker 2>functioning changes, as memory changes, how do we adjust with that?

0:18:54.359 --> 0:18:58.640
<v Speaker 2>And the reality is that first of all, five children

0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:04.359
<v Speaker 2>seven to set well, their needs are going to keep

0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:09.359
<v Speaker 2>changing as some boot in adulthood, as the younger ones

0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:14.120
<v Speaker 2>are changing into you know, their teens, that kind of thing,

0:19:14.200 --> 0:19:16.199
<v Speaker 2>like all of that is going to keep changing and

0:19:16.240 --> 0:19:20.159
<v Speaker 2>that does require you. It requires so much from you.

0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:27.879
<v Speaker 2>So I really hope that this conversation has empowered you

0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:32.720
<v Speaker 2>in some way to say, as much as I don't

0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:36.600
<v Speaker 2>feel like I have the time to set aside for this,

0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:39.800
<v Speaker 2>I know that if I set this time aside, it's

0:19:39.840 --> 0:19:43.520
<v Speaker 2>actually going to give me more time in the long run,

0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:53.640
<v Speaker 2>both emotionally and also physically, because you will. You will

0:19:53.680 --> 0:19:56.879
<v Speaker 2>read so many benefits. And I think that will even

0:19:56.920 --> 0:20:01.679
<v Speaker 2>include your relationship with your children in way I know

0:20:02.240 --> 0:20:06.879
<v Speaker 2>you know again they're your priority, and the love of

0:20:06.920 --> 0:20:11.960
<v Speaker 2>your your your children just like exudes you know, in

0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:15.639
<v Speaker 2>so many different ways. You know. It's interesting because someone

0:20:15.680 --> 0:20:17.720
<v Speaker 2>breaks their leg and they don't even think about going

0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:23.439
<v Speaker 2>to the doctor, right right, But sometimes we're struggling emotionally.

0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:26.080
<v Speaker 2>Those are the things that will put our time off

0:20:26.600 --> 0:20:34.400
<v Speaker 2>because we don't give it the same importance or relevance

0:20:34.560 --> 0:20:36.280
<v Speaker 2>as as a statical.

0:20:37.119 --> 0:20:42.280
<v Speaker 1>It doesn't seem like an emergency or priority, but it is. Yeah, Well,

0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:44.240
<v Speaker 1>thank you. I would love to work with you.

0:20:45.520 --> 0:20:47.439
<v Speaker 2>Well, I would love to work with you, and I

0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:51.199
<v Speaker 2>think that this would be a separate conversation that you

0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:54.960
<v Speaker 2>and I can have and I just really want to

0:20:55.000 --> 0:21:00.040
<v Speaker 2>acknowledge your transparency and your vulnerability and being open, sharing

0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:04.439
<v Speaker 2>your home and just talking about this, because you know,

0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:07.560
<v Speaker 2>the first step to change is acknowledging there's a change.

0:21:07.680 --> 0:21:13.560
<v Speaker 2>But your story has changed so many people out there

0:21:14.119 --> 0:21:18.800
<v Speaker 2>today that you you you know maybe from a distant level,

0:21:19.560 --> 0:21:23.720
<v Speaker 2>but you may not hear about people may share with

0:21:23.760 --> 0:21:29.359
<v Speaker 2>you on Facebook, but your realness is so powerful.

0:21:29.880 --> 0:21:36.320
<v Speaker 1>Thank you. I appreciate that. I'm trying. And it's interesting

0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:39.240
<v Speaker 1>when when I hear something, I want to immediately do

0:21:39.320 --> 0:21:41.040
<v Speaker 1>it because if I don't immediately do it, I won't

0:21:41.040 --> 0:21:44.400
<v Speaker 1>do it. So I'm like, oh my gosh, I hear this.

0:21:44.480 --> 0:21:46.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm super empowered right now. Like as soon as I

0:21:47.040 --> 0:21:50.800
<v Speaker 1>like get off of here with you, I'm like, oh,

0:21:51.160 --> 0:21:53.040
<v Speaker 1>I have a zoom meeting bafter that, I'm like, I

0:21:53.080 --> 0:21:55.119
<v Speaker 1>need to like clean and do and like start to

0:21:55.400 --> 0:21:57.280
<v Speaker 1>organize it. I'm like, oh, nope, pick up, pick up,

0:21:57.359 --> 0:22:01.320
<v Speaker 1>pick up, And then tomorrow became amount of conversations still

0:22:01.320 --> 0:22:05.240
<v Speaker 1>not doing anything because I won't have time. It's just yeah,

0:22:05.400 --> 0:22:07.720
<v Speaker 1>So I feel like people need to ask for help

0:22:08.359 --> 0:22:10.600
<v Speaker 1>because it's like they say it takes a village, but

0:22:10.680 --> 0:22:12.400
<v Speaker 1>I mean it.

0:22:12.320 --> 0:22:14.719
<v Speaker 2>Does take a village, and you know, Tori, it's not

0:22:14.800 --> 0:22:17.840
<v Speaker 2>about you starting to clean or starting to try to

0:22:17.840 --> 0:22:21.920
<v Speaker 2>figure it out. I think you've got to like ask

0:22:21.960 --> 0:22:26.880
<v Speaker 2>for help and accept the help and take that take

0:22:26.920 --> 0:22:37.639
<v Speaker 2>that advice. You have lived a lifetime of people directing you, right,

0:22:38.400 --> 0:22:43.040
<v Speaker 2>So when you go in on a scene, right, you

0:22:43.119 --> 0:22:46.119
<v Speaker 2>just don't do whatever you want to do, right, someone

0:22:46.240 --> 0:22:50.880
<v Speaker 2>is directing you. You have a script, people are saying, oh,

0:22:51.000 --> 0:22:53.520
<v Speaker 2>can we change this, can we do this? Oh, let's

0:22:53.800 --> 0:22:57.160
<v Speaker 2>let's redo that, right, And you don't just go, oh, well,

0:22:57.200 --> 0:22:59.160
<v Speaker 2>you know, I want to do it my way. Right,

0:22:59.720 --> 0:23:05.200
<v Speaker 2>You directed in various ways any of your life, much

0:23:05.280 --> 0:23:07.600
<v Speaker 2>of your life. And so this is what I would

0:23:07.640 --> 0:23:09.879
<v Speaker 2>say is I'm not saying that someone needs to direct you.

0:23:09.960 --> 0:23:11.600
<v Speaker 2>I guess what I should say is they.

0:23:11.440 --> 0:23:15.520
<v Speaker 1>Do they do I take direction? Really well? Yeah?

0:23:17.160 --> 0:23:20.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and so that's even better, right, that's even better.

0:23:20.680 --> 0:23:24.680
<v Speaker 2>And so this is what I would say. When we're done,

0:23:24.880 --> 0:23:29.879
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to reach out follow up, and you know

0:23:29.960 --> 0:23:32.760
<v Speaker 2>what it's it's not about what you do when we

0:23:32.840 --> 0:23:35.760
<v Speaker 2>hang up the phone. It's not about what you do tomorrow.

0:23:36.359 --> 0:23:38.840
<v Speaker 2>Really what it is. And I'm talking to you and

0:23:38.880 --> 0:23:40.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm talking to your listeners because I know You're doing

0:23:40.960 --> 0:23:45.600
<v Speaker 2>this podcast because you want to be an inspiration to others.

0:23:45.880 --> 0:23:49.240
<v Speaker 2>You want to use your story. You have books, you

0:23:49.400 --> 0:23:52.520
<v Speaker 2>have you know, so many venues in which you are

0:23:52.560 --> 0:23:58.040
<v Speaker 2>trying to inspire others. That could you imagine after this

0:23:58.720 --> 0:24:03.720
<v Speaker 2>that we do another pot cast and all the things

0:24:03.760 --> 0:24:07.119
<v Speaker 2>that you did after this to say you know what

0:24:08.040 --> 0:24:09.400
<v Speaker 2>I followed through.

0:24:09.680 --> 0:24:10.359
<v Speaker 1>I would love that