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Speaker 1: The frend show is on. It's Stay or Go.

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Speaker 2: So we called Melanie because she wrote us, We booked her.

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Speaker 2: We booked the lady who emailed us. We called her

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Speaker 2: A dude answered, yes, pretty sure, it's the dude we're

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Speaker 2: talking about right now. So let's just we're just gonna

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you the story getting weird, right, Like,

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to tell him, Hey, we're about to

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Speaker 2: talk about your you know, bedroom prowess or lack thereof,

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Speaker 2: but now we are.

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Speaker 1: So we didn't tell him that.

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Speaker 2: We should have been, like, hey, she wrote us this

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Speaker 2: note about you, and she wanted us to talk about

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Speaker 2: you on the radio for millions of people. But how

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Speaker 2: about we just talk to you about it instead?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: What do you think? Right?

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Speaker 2: So this is the scenario that she laid out for us.

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Speaker 2: A woman named Melanie who we now can't get a

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Speaker 2: hold of. She is married, and apparently this dude went

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Speaker 2: on medication to help with anxiety and depression. The meads

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Speaker 2: are working for him, which is wonderful, but they have

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Speaker 2: lowered his intimacy drive drastically, and so will leave it there.

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Speaker 2: Anyone who's ever been on an antidepressant knows this is

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Speaker 2: a possible side effect. There are a number of them.

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Speaker 2: There can be issues with drive, there can be issues

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Speaker 2: with arousal. Is that a nice form a medical way

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Speaker 2: of saying, because you know, I'm not currently licensed, but

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Speaker 2: we're working to get it back. But anyway, that that's

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Speaker 2: the issue, I guess she said she's happy that he

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Speaker 2: feels better psychologically, but physical intimacy is extremely important to

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Speaker 2: her and she doesn't want to be in a relationship

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Speaker 2: without it. When she brings it up, her husband gets

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Speaker 2: defensive and asks why she would want him off medication

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Speaker 2: that is helping him. Even though he says hits the medication.

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Speaker 2: She can't help but feel like he is not attracted

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Speaker 2: to her anymore.

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Speaker 1: What should she do back?

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Speaker 2: I can tell you this scenario back in the day

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Speaker 2: before I realized I maybe wasn't supposed to be taking

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Speaker 2: certain medicines and I stopped for different reasons. I can

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Speaker 2: relate to this because it does do a little number

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Speaker 2: on the drive. And as much as you'd show somebody like, look,

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Speaker 2: here are the actual side effects. Let's look at their website,

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Speaker 2: like this is real stuff here that happens when you

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Speaker 2: take certain It doesn't even have to be psychological medication.

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Speaker 2: It could be in a number of different medications. But

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Speaker 2: you know, medication can change people's what we'll call them sexual.

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Speaker 1: What's the word.

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Speaker 2: I'm trying to come up with a nice way of

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Speaker 2: saying it. It can change the way that people perform

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Speaker 2: in the bedroom. And so, but it's easy to get

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Speaker 2: inside your head about that, right and be like, well,

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Speaker 2: of course this has to be about me. You know,

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Speaker 2: everybody else I've been with, this is how they act,

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Speaker 2: and this is what happens. But again, the physiological results

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Speaker 2: or repercussions or whatever you want to call them of

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Speaker 2: taking medicine, the side effects are real, and so you know,

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Speaker 2: you have to weigh in this case, this is helping

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Speaker 2: him feel better as a human being day in and

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Speaker 2: day out, but it is affecting the bedroom stuff, and

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Speaker 2: it's making her feel self conscious. I might argue that

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Speaker 2: while that sucks or doesn't, that's not really fair for

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Speaker 2: her to necessarily put that on him, because he's saying,

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Speaker 2: I'm taking this medicine, this is what's doing it, This

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Speaker 2: makes me feel better. Why are we making this about you?

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Speaker 2: You know, why are we making Why do I have

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Speaker 2: Why do I now have to defend my attraction to

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Speaker 2: you because I need to do something that I think

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Speaker 2: is better for my life. And you know, he could

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Speaker 2: probably go to the doctor and see if the dosing

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Speaker 2: is right, or see if there's an alternative. Oftentimes you

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Speaker 2: can offset one with another. I mean, there are different

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Speaker 2: things you can do, and maybe he's done that. But

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Speaker 2: I don't necessarily think it's fair that when he can.

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Speaker 2: I mean, it's scientifically proven that these are the effects

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Speaker 2: that whatever kind of medicine. I think there are other

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Speaker 2: medicines that do this too. I don't think it's just

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Speaker 2: stuff for anxiety and depression. I think other medicines can

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Speaker 2: cause different kinds of side effects. It could be detrimental

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Speaker 2: to that part of your life. I don't think it's

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Speaker 2: fair for her to be like, well, he doesn't he

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Speaker 2: doesn't think I'm attractive anymore, when that may have absolut

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Speaker 2: there's no proof of that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I can only speak for what I would do, and

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Speaker 5: I would not leave my husband over this at all.

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Speaker 5: Like I would be so proud of my husband for

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Speaker 5: figuring out what's going on with him or trying to

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Speaker 5: work through his issues getting medicated.

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Speaker 4: Like get it.

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Speaker 5: I would work with him through this entire process. Let

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Speaker 5: him get comfortable with the meds and figure it out,

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Speaker 5: and then we can focus on getting our sex life

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Speaker 5: back popping. Like most importantly for me in that relationship

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Speaker 5: is my partner's mental health. Like, so I would sacrifice

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Speaker 5: anything to know that my partner is mentally feeling much

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Speaker 5: better before.

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Speaker 4: I'm worried about like why you're.

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Speaker 5: Not trying to take me down, you know, Like it's

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Speaker 5: so much bigger than that. So I can only say

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Speaker 5: what I would do. I would not leave my husband

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Speaker 5: over this.

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Speaker 2: I feel like That's what she's saying to him basically, though,

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Speaker 2: is this makes me feel insecure, which I'm sorry about, right,

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Speaker 2: I don't. I'm sure he doesn't intend for that.

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Speaker 4: No, but you're trying to get healthy.

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Speaker 2: Essentially, I would rather. I'd almost rather that I feel

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Speaker 2: attractive and you not be comfortable in your everyday life.

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Speaker 2: That's whether she means to say that or not. That's

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Speaker 2: what she's saying essentially, is I feel insecure. You may

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Speaker 2: have a good reason for it, I don't really care.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to feel insecure, so I need you

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Speaker 2: back the way you were. And if that's not, if

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Speaker 2: that doesn't, if your quality of life suffers from that.

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Speaker 2: Then sorry, at least I feel wanted. I mean, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 2: but that's the way that comes off to me. And

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Speaker 2: it is unfortunate that he has these issues and that

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Speaker 2: the medicine is causing these issues to his libido. Thank

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Speaker 2: you for the people who texted that was the word

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Speaker 2: I was looking for. But yet I and that is

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Speaker 2: a problem. I realize that's a huge problem. But I

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Speaker 2: think you have to ask yourself, what's a bigger problem

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Speaker 2: My partner living every day with crippling anxiety or ruminating

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Speaker 2: or overthinking or you know, I don't know, whatever it is,

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Speaker 2: or me being reinforced that I'm actually attractive. I don't

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Speaker 2: mean to minimize it, but let's be honest here, that's

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Speaker 2: what we're saying.

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Speaker 6: So is it like, I mean, I'm saying this as

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Speaker 6: someone who's on antidepressant, so obviously I am on his side.

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Speaker 6: But is it like a wait and see, like do

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Speaker 6: we just wait for a while while you get stabled

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Speaker 6: and then we try a different medication or is it

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Speaker 6: are we agreeing we're not really going to have that intimacy?

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Speaker 5: Ever, I say, wait and see, wait and see, and

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Speaker 5: then there's other options somebody on the text mentioned like

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Speaker 5: there's a lot of other things you can do that

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Speaker 5: may not you know, you can you can get freaky

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Speaker 5: other ways basically like you know, I don't want to

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Speaker 5: name all the way, but it's.

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Speaker 1: Freaky freaky, like to hear it.

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Speaker 4: That's for the tangent, but.

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Speaker 6: Boiled trim with me because that's more importable, you know,

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Speaker 6: like we can talk about other ways to please me

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Speaker 6: later once you get healthy.

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Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, and just quickly eight five five five one

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Speaker 2: three five if you want to check in on this,

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Speaker 2: on this situation.

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Speaker 3: Yes, Paulina, I'm curious, like not even talking about the

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Speaker 3: sex life, but does the medication affect you in other ways?

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Speaker 3: Either our our caller's boyfriend or like people who or

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Speaker 3: on it, like Kaylen, Like does it affect you know

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Speaker 3: the other ways?

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Speaker 4: Like when I was taking stuff.

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Speaker 3: For because I'm add they were giving me something to

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Speaker 3: take right and I was just a full on zombie

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Speaker 3: all day.

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Speaker 4: Nothing to do with my sex life.

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Speaker 1: But I just didn't like how I felt sleep.

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Speaker 2: I mean there's a ton of side effects sleeping sweating, okay, uh,

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Speaker 2: poor poor sleeping appetite. I mean there's a million different

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Speaker 2: things and Unfortunately, they don't all show up in everybody consistently,

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Speaker 2: and there's not there's not a clear path to, you know,

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Speaker 2: knowing what's gonna happen, knowing what medicine is going to

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Speaker 2: do what, and then knowing how to upset it.

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Speaker 1: It can be tricky. Yeah, it can be tricky, of.

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Speaker 4: Course, and it probably is.

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Speaker 3: And I only suggest this if it's affecting his day

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Speaker 3: to day, right, maybe he's losing his personality or whatever

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Speaker 3: it might be.

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Speaker 7: Right.

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Speaker 6: I think that's a misconception that a lot of people think.

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Speaker 6: If you take antidepressants, a lot of people think, oh,

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Speaker 6: it's gonna numb you out. It's gonna numb you out.

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Speaker 6: And and yes some of them can. Obviously that would

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Speaker 6: be the wrong medication. They're wrong dosage. You know me,

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Speaker 6: I am not numb, I cry, I'm happy, I can

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Speaker 6: get angry, like I have, all the range of emotions. Absolutely,

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Speaker 6: So if it's numbing you out or making you a

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Speaker 6: zombie like adderall for example, or whatever which is mine,

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Speaker 6: you should switch medication.

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Speaker 1: It shouldn't make you like that.

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Speaker 2: It probably needs to at least examine tweaking into the

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Speaker 2: dosage you're trying. I mean, is he that would be

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Speaker 2: my question, is he trying different things? Because I'm sure,

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Speaker 2: And that's another thing that people don't seem to take

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Speaker 2: into consideration.

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Speaker 1: I bet he don't like it either. You know. Another

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Speaker 1: issue that people have.

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Speaker 2: Hypothetically is that they are excited to be there there's

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Speaker 2: just no finish, and that throws people off too, because

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Speaker 2: it's like, oh, you know, I can't we can't get

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Speaker 2: to the end. And it's like, trust me, I would

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Speaker 2: love it, you know what I mean. I'm trying to.

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Speaker 1: Get there now.

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Speaker 4: I'm a people. Please. They don't even play with me

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Speaker 4: like that.

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Speaker 2: You know, I'm not saying for me, like I'm not

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Speaker 2: saying this is easy, and it would mess with me too.

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Speaker 2: But if I love someone and I've seen the effects

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Speaker 2: of whatever they're dealing with, whatever their medical condition is,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be psychological. And you're telling me

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Speaker 2: this medicine makes your life better, which I think will

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Speaker 2: ultimately make my life better, then I got to be

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Speaker 2: more understanding than I want to be because it's not

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Speaker 2: about me. And I think once you start projecting, oh

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Speaker 2: I'm unattractive or I'm not good in bead or I'm

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Speaker 2: not doing this it's just so unfair because this is

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Speaker 2: this isn't up for interpretation. It's scientific, like, this is

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Speaker 2: what the medicine does. It's been proven.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I would like to tell her if I could

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Speaker 6: talk to her again, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: She guy and tell him. I would like to tell

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Speaker 1: him without a boner.

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Speaker 6: Oh, there is a mouth swab that they offer now

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Speaker 6: that shows you how you metabolize each medication. So it

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Speaker 6: gives you a green zone, a yellow zone, and a

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Speaker 6: red zone. Do not take a might work for you?

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Speaker 6: And will you can metabolize this?

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Speaker 4: I did that.

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Speaker 6: It helped me on my journey of knowing what works

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Speaker 6: best for me, So that's helpful.

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Speaker 4: That's also an.

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Speaker 1: Option I feel for both of them.

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Speaker 2: I just think it's like, please, don't make this something

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Speaker 2: that it probably isn't.

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Speaker 1: Right, make it about you it sort of Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's like like, so now I have to now I

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Speaker 2: have to deal with this and prove to you that

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Speaker 2: I'm still attracted to you even though I am and

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Speaker 2: always have been, or I have to just deal with

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Speaker 2: my condition, whatever it is, and then I guess you'll

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Speaker 2: feel better. I don't know about that. Hey Elizabeth, Hi,

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Speaker 2: Hi Elizabeth, Hey good morning. What do you want to say.

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Speaker 4: Mine.

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Speaker 8: I'm totally anti farmed, so I don't like any of

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Speaker 8: the pharmacuticals for a myriad of reasons. And also I'm

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Speaker 8: like the grandma of You're thirteen, so I'm at that

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Speaker 8: age and my body is physically changing. And I also

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Speaker 8: had a relap sublime see red at the end of

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Speaker 8: COVID and my guy he kind of stopped wanting to

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Speaker 8: touch me and stuff.

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Speaker 9: I thought it would be as well, but.

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Speaker 10: He said, I didn't know how you were a pained

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Speaker 10: you for.

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Speaker 8: Having emultions and all that, but he didn't want to

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Speaker 8: lead you.

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Speaker 11: But I didn't want to crush it.

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Speaker 8: And that was like a year ago, and it's like

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Speaker 8: in the last couple of months that it's been back agreed.

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Speaker 2: So I say, see, okay, so you're saying, let's see

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Speaker 2: how this. Let's just be patient and see over time

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Speaker 2: if things change or you know, make adjustments.

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Speaker 10: If you love him and understand that he's going to

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Speaker 10: do something to not be so.

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Speaker 2: Okay, thank you, Elizabeth, have a good day, and we

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Speaker 2: don't care. You can be one hundred as long as

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Speaker 2: you're part of the thirteen. It doesn't it all, It

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Speaker 2: all counts and it all matters. Hi, Michael, Hey Michael,

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Speaker 2: So you can relate to this.

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Speaker 12: I can.

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Speaker 13: I'm in a similar situation with my partner. He's been

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Speaker 13: on anxiety depression meds for quite a while, and you know,

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Speaker 13: it's it's hard because it's it's a no win situation,

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Speaker 13: you know, I think instinctially or everybody longs to want

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Speaker 13: to have that feelings. I can sympathize with her because

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Speaker 13: this is for me, has been going on for quite

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Speaker 13: some time, and I choose to stay. But it's not

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Speaker 13: an easy it's not an easy tasp to stay because

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Speaker 13: I say, because I love him and I understand that

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Speaker 13: it's not his fault.

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Speaker 9: But if she chooses to stay, it's going to take

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Speaker 9: a lot of work.

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Speaker 13: To continue to say.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure it's not easy, but I would encourage

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Speaker 2: her not to make this about her because it isn't.

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Speaker 2: It probably isn't.

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Speaker 9: I agree, it's not about her, but you can't fight that.

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Speaker 9: That feeling of even if you take it a step further,

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Speaker 9: just wanting to have you know, more sex or your

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Speaker 9: sex drives is obviously still normal and healthy. So that

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Speaker 9: that makes it very hard to kind of process everything.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, thank you, have a good day. Glad you called.

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Speaker 4: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm not trying to be vague, but you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm a pilot and there's a whole list of things

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Speaker 2: we're not allowed to take as pilots. And I didn't

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Speaker 2: know that at much younger in my life, and so

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Speaker 2: I don't anymore. But I may have and I have

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Speaker 2: been in relationships whe people basically have said to me,

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Speaker 2: stop taking it because I need that gosh who. And

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Speaker 2: I'll be honest with you, it was the end of

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Speaker 2: the relationship when that happened, because what you're saying to

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Speaker 2: me is I don't care about your quality of life.

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Speaker 2: I need to feel wanted more and you're not. And

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Speaker 2: you're so not only are you not fulfilling me, but

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Speaker 2: I'm not concerned with your well being. Is what the

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Speaker 2: person saying to you, whether they mean it or not.

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Speaker 2: And I get I'm sorry that people feel that way

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Speaker 2: when someone's not feeling well or going through a bodily

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Speaker 2: transition or a life transition, or the taking medicine and

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Speaker 2: has side effects. That sucks. I'm sorry, But isn't that

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Speaker 2: sort of the nature of a relationship. Is that if

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Speaker 2: I'm working to try and fix it. And I am

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Speaker 2: trying my best to make you feel wanted. Don't you

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Speaker 2: want what's best for me?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, but I do think as partners, we do have

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Speaker 5: to have a plan in place, because my feelings matter too.

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Speaker 4: And I just I'm getting this from the tech.

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Speaker 5: Somebody said that they were in this situation and it's

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Speaker 5: in five years that they haven't really been intimate because

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Speaker 5: of the same reason, and she's like, well, how much

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Speaker 5: longer should I wait?

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Speaker 4: That's the real thing.

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Speaker 5: And as a partner, you have to work together, so

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Speaker 5: you know, put his mental health first right now, but

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Speaker 5: you know, come together for a game plan in the

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Speaker 5: future to kind of figure out how you can please

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Speaker 5: your partner because years, five.

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Speaker 2: Years, no intimacy. And by the way, I don't know

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Speaker 2: that we're talking about no intimacy.

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Speaker 1: I hope.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think we're talking about different intimacy or

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Speaker 2: more limited or some of the things we've talked about.

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Speaker 2: No intimacy, intimacy in five years.

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Speaker 1: That's tough. Yeah, that is, that's really difficult.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna have to I would agree, you got to

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Speaker 2: figure out some kind of work around.

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Speaker 1: Hey Jamie, Hi guy, Hi, good morning. What do you

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Speaker 1: want to say.

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Speaker 2: This is to a woman who we basically we wind

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Speaker 2: up calling the guy that we're talking about right now,

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Speaker 2: and then we pretended that we were a telemarketer and

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Speaker 2: we start speaking of touent less right, And so basically,

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Speaker 2: though this guy is on some medication that's affecting his libido,

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Speaker 2: and this woman's upset about it, and she said, I

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Speaker 2: don't feel as attractive anymore, even though I know he's

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Speaker 2: on the meds, and like, I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 7: What do you think, Well, I've been on anxiety medicine

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Speaker 7: for a long time, and this was an issue for

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Speaker 7: me to lowered text drive, and of course it was

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Speaker 7: brought up and I was really offended and hurt, and

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Speaker 7: it was an issue for a while, and then thankfully

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Speaker 7: I switched medicine so I could get pregnant. And now

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Speaker 7: this medicine is the right one for me because everything

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Speaker 7: has returned to normal. But she definitely needs to give him,

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Speaker 7: like time to figure that out and face to breathe

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Speaker 7: and just feel good for a while before this becomes

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Speaker 7: an issue that she would leave him over.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, I agree. Thank you, Jamie, have a

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Speaker 2: great day. Thanks for listening.

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Speaker 13: Terrill.

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Speaker 2: Appreciate you sharing. People have texted birth control can do

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Speaker 2: this too. I've actually read about women changing birth control

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Speaker 2: and becoming essentially resistant to their partner, like all of

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Speaker 2: a sudden, they don't smell good or they don't like

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Speaker 2: going off.

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Speaker 6: That can do that to Some of my friends have

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Speaker 6: experienced that.

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Speaker 2: Like where all of a sudden, there it's like they're

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Speaker 2: somehow revolted by the very same thing they were attracted

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Speaker 2: to prior because of pheromones or hormones or something, and

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Speaker 2: it's like that's a problem, right, we got to work

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Speaker 2: through that somehow. But I mean to say, like, well,

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Speaker 2: you better take those hormones to make me feel I

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Speaker 2: mean again, five years, that's a long time. But from

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Speaker 2: my reaction to be initially, I don't care what's best

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Speaker 2: for you or your body because I don't feel wanted.

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Speaker 2: That's not the way to approach it. I don't think, Hey, Cassandra, Hi, Hi,

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Speaker 2: So you're coming at this from the perspective of a

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Speaker 2: mental health therapist.

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Speaker 1: What do you think?

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Speaker 11: Yeah, So I've actually worked with clients and I have

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Speaker 11: pron all experience. I used to be on anti anxiety

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Speaker 11: medication and depression medication before I think she's being incredibly

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Speaker 11: selfish in this situation, and I know that sounds very harsh. However,

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Speaker 11: I believe she needs to do some self exploration as

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Speaker 11: to like why this is making her feel so insecure.

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Speaker 11: And the beautiful thing about like medication and therapy is

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Speaker 11: that it could be done like in tandem, so he

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Speaker 11: could potentially get to the point like if he goes

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Speaker 11: to therapy, he gets the coping skills for his anxiety

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Speaker 11: and depression, and he gets to the point where I'm like.

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Speaker 12: Like, hey, like I feel like I don't need to

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Speaker 12: be on medication anymore. That's very much a possibility, but

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Speaker 12: that work needs to be done prior to that happening,

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Speaker 12: so that way he has that foundation in place, he

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Speaker 12: has all.

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Speaker 11: Those tools in place to help him with his day

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Speaker 11: to day life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Cassandra, thank you, have a good day, you too,

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Love you guys, Yeah, I love you too.

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Speaker 2: Again, I don't mean to make it seem like her

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Speaker 2: needs don't matter, but again, I think when you from

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Speaker 2: personal experience, when you approach somebody with Okay, well, this

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Speaker 2: isn't working for me, even though it's best for you,

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Speaker 2: and we're talking about your health and your and your

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Speaker 2: quality of life. We're not talking about, uh, you know,

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Speaker 2: whether you cut your all your hair off or shave

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Speaker 2: your beard off, or change your job. You know, we're

401
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,760
Speaker 2: not talking about things that are I'm not going to

402
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Speaker 2: call them trivial, but things that can be adjusted or

403
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Speaker 2: there's compromise. I mean, again, do you want me to

404
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,520
Speaker 2: live this way forever? If I need this, or do

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Speaker 2: you want to or do you need me to reinforce that?

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Speaker 2: I like you, I'm with you, I want to be here,

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00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,200
Speaker 2: I want to do those And I think by by

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Speaker 2: taking that perspective, you're also not giving any consideration to

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Speaker 2: this person and how they probably feel about that, because

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Speaker 2: trust me, it's not fun. It's not fun to do

411
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,160
Speaker 2: the deal and not get the deal at the end,

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00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,200
Speaker 2: you know, the deal and then not the deal.

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Speaker 4: Familiar with both deals.

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Speaker 1: I want the deal, the deal, the deal. How do

415
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Speaker 1: you think I feel? Are you getting the deal?

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Speaker 4: That would be that's torture.

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Speaker 2: Like yeah, when I was like, you know, twenty and

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Speaker 2: a strong wind would come by and it, you know,

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Speaker 2: was over, I really would have I would have dreamed

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Speaker 2: for that scenario.

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Speaker 1: You're right over there, she's crying and.

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Speaker 2: Deal man, Well, no, I get the deal. This is

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Speaker 2: this is this is old news, like the deal has been.

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Speaker 2: I got the dough, I found the dal No, I

425
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Speaker 2: don't say I found out I wasn't supposed to be

426
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Speaker 2: doing that. I'm not doing that, and I figured out

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Speaker 2: other ways. I did therapy and whatever else. Excuse me,

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Speaker 2: professional coaching. I mean I go to professional coaching.

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Speaker 6: OK, You've got a lot of rules and regulations.

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Speaker 1: I'm just I don't know. I'm gonna.

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Speaker 2: I'm just here so I don't get fined. Let's see

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Speaker 2: the entertainer report next. In two minutes, she'll be Shelley.

433
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Speaker 2: If you want to take her on, five hundred bucks.

434
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,360
Speaker 2: Is the price eight five, five, five nine one three

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Speaker 2: five Call now we'll play next Frend Show