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Speaker 1: I'll be the first to tell you that martial arts

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Speaker 1: slash eyes up here to learn more. That's fight caamp

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Speaker 1: dot com. Forward slash eyes up here and tell them

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Speaker 1: that the Queen of Extreme Francine sent you. All Right,

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Speaker 1: well we'll continue the festive week here atrea on the

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Speaker 1: Eyes of Beer Extra. I'm out of my very festive

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Speaker 1: attire with the beard and the hat that was on

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Speaker 1: the regular eyes up here. But he's the worst. He's

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Speaker 1: the worst everyone. I am staying in character because that's

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Speaker 1: what I do. That's how I am. You're dedicated to

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Speaker 1: the craft I am, and it's itchy as hell. I'm

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Speaker 1: so itchy right now, much like I am. As it

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Speaker 1: relates to the Elf on the shelf. Have I told

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Speaker 1: you about this in years past, about the elf on

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Speaker 1: the shelf in this house. You might have, but I

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Speaker 1: don't remember. It's a big deal. It's a big deal.

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Speaker 1: Your kids love it, huge deal, you know what huge huge. Now,

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Speaker 1: whether or not one of them is putting it on

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Speaker 1: at this point to their surprise, where it goes every day,

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Speaker 1: that's not for me to speculate. But you have to

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Speaker 1: talk with me. No, it's talk to Maddie. I'm sure

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Speaker 1: they have. But she's got a good poker face. Okay,

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Speaker 1: but she has never come to you instead, not a word, okay,

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Speaker 1: not a single word. And you know, my creativity of

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Speaker 1: not doing anything around people is still also very stealth.

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Speaker 1: So the elf is alive and well here right, But

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Speaker 1: there's this like underbelly of people who do very nasty

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Speaker 1: things with the elf on the shelf, of them doing

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Speaker 1: like you know, it's just funny stuff. But I'll show

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Speaker 1: you an example of like the funny things that I

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Speaker 1: do with with the the elf. Have you ever forgotten

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Speaker 1: to move your elf? Yes? And holy crap, you've never

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Speaker 1: seen somebody move so fast to get it caught? No,

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Speaker 1: never remember, even like like a week ago, I had

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Speaker 1: to like make the mad dash to to move it

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Speaker 1: at like four fifty eight in the morning, because I've

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Speaker 1: got do you like, what are the rules, like, when

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Speaker 1: do you have to put it up? Comes Thanksgiving morning?

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Speaker 1: Oh God, you of this ship, and then is gone

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Speaker 1: by Christmas day. Jesus. Now I never did that for

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Speaker 1: my kids. I couldn't be bothered with that. This is

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Speaker 1: a commitment, okay, Like, it's not just like you wake

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Speaker 1: up and go, oh, let's just do that. And he's

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Speaker 1: creepy looking too, he's weird looking. I don't want that

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Speaker 1: in my house. Well, let me show you some of

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Speaker 1: the wholesome things that we do with healthy Okay, it's tried.

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Speaker 1: In the pole. He's hanging on a chandelier. You know

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Speaker 1: what Liz said said it looks like Miley Cyrus, same deal,

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Speaker 1: same thing. So there you go. Wholesome. Right, here's another one. Look,

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Speaker 1: he's in a Christmas tree. In the tree. That's pretty.

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Speaker 1: He's just chilling right looking at you like I dare

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Speaker 1: you to say something. Yeah, he's wearing a necklace that

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Speaker 1: one of the girls made. Okay, you know where's that

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Speaker 1: every year? Yeah, there he is. He's in the coffee bar. Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's got the candy cane. Chilling in a coffee bar innocent,

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Speaker 1: okay until somebody comes along. Literally, it's just a Google search.

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Speaker 1: All right, here's one of my favorite ones that I've

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Speaker 1: seen so far. Let me pull this guy out. Is

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Speaker 1: this an article or did you go searching for these?

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Speaker 1: I went searching for an article and just went down

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Speaker 1: the rabbit hole of the Google images and they they'll

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Speaker 1: have you dieing. Okay, oh Jesus, all right, here's here's

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Speaker 1: the first one. Okay, tell me if you can see

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Speaker 1: this guy? So I, oh, oh, you see this one

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Speaker 1: in the corner. I see some some cocaine blood coming

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Speaker 1: out of Barbie's nose. So I think Barbie is portraying

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Speaker 1: a dead hooker in this one. Yeah, and there's a

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Speaker 1: there's a couple of lines of a white substance. One

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Speaker 1: can only speculate. It's also in a mirror, but Barbie

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Speaker 1: seems to be dead. Barbie's bleeding. Uh, maybe the nose

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Speaker 1: or the mouth area. I go to bring it in

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Speaker 1: a little closer so we could see. Wow. Is do

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Speaker 1: you want your kid to find that on Christmas morning?

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Speaker 1: I do not here? You go here it is? I

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Speaker 1: don't believe it's Yeah, and look at look at his face?

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Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, I did that. He's like, just look

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Speaker 1: at his face. Don't don't sweat it, man, you know,

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Speaker 1: stuff happens. Good lord, there's a good there's actually a

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Speaker 1: good lineup on this one. I'm gonna keep going with these. Right,

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Speaker 1: here's another one. What is that? Oh? Ohis this this one?

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Speaker 1: This is there's a meme of this one. It says,

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Speaker 1: this is how peanut butter cookies or what do they

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Speaker 1: call peanut butter kiss Uh huh. I like those cookies.

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Speaker 1: But that's a cute one. I like that one. It's

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Speaker 1: a little turty. That's a little turty. All right, let

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Speaker 1: me get another up here. These are just I'm telling you,

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Speaker 1: these just tickled me and for us being so innocent. Oh,

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Speaker 1: here's a good one. You'll enjoy this. I think you'll

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Speaker 1: enjoy this one. It's the Elf and Chucky Cheese grading

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Speaker 1: a marshmallow or snowman into marshmallow, snowball marshmallow things. Okay,

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Speaker 1: all right, here's the wrecking ball that's like mine. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but that's the girl elf. Oh they have a girl

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Speaker 1: version too, so they have a boy elf. Yeah, they

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Speaker 1: have a girl elf. And as my little one would say,

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Speaker 1: they have a brown skinned elf. Okay, so they have

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Speaker 1: all different kinds of elves for all different kinds of people. Gotcha. Oh,

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Speaker 1: here's sweaty balls. Oh that was that skit when Satna

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Speaker 1: night Lie was hilarious. I loved it. Look at that.

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Speaker 1: That's great. That is a good one. This is some

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Speaker 1: detail to the barbie. Here, this is customizing. They cut

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Speaker 1: her hair like the girl. Now, I've seen many a

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Speaker 1: Francine figure customized. I wonder if they could turn you

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Speaker 1: into this kind of barbie. You know they turned they

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Speaker 1: turned into sweat balls. Well I didn't. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: know my action figure didn't have real hair, so I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. But that's a that's a great one.

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Speaker 1: Oh it's his photo copy. There's always that one guy

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Speaker 1: at the Christmas party who photocopies their asshole on the

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Speaker 1: on the printer. So there it is nice. Oh ouch, Jesus,

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Speaker 1: what is he? What is that cutting? Cutting the cat's tail,

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Speaker 1: cat's face. He's like, what is going on? So that's

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Speaker 1: been the other obstacle to your cat is keeping the

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Speaker 1: cat away from the elf. And it did. And the

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Speaker 1: older one doesn't know this, only only me and the

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Speaker 1: little one. She did knock him over over once she

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Speaker 1: was standing there, which he was. The elf was on

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Speaker 1: top of the TV speaker and he also has costumes,

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Speaker 1: so he was wearing like hard plastic pants, right, So

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Speaker 1: he's standing straight up, and the cat decided it was

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Speaker 1: time to jump up on the speaker and knocked him

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Speaker 1: over behind the thing. And Brite was like, no, oh no,

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Speaker 1: because if you touch him, he loses his magic. So

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Speaker 1: I say yes, So I said, I'm gonna get a

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Speaker 1: little little sheet, little cover, and I'm just gonna grab

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Speaker 1: by the pants. I'm gonna put him up and I

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Speaker 1: didn't touch him. That worked. There's so many rules with

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Speaker 1: this stupid elf. I will do anything to keep this

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Speaker 1: childhood alive. Listen, did your cat interfere with your tree?

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Speaker 1: The cat has climbed, so we have a we have

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Speaker 1: a nine foot tree and the cat has got I

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Speaker 1: would say about four and a half feet up. Did

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Speaker 1: he knock any balls off? No? No, no, that's the

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Speaker 1: tree where it's just like has like little like ribbons

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Speaker 1: and nothing like priceless. Our downstairs tree is the tree

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Speaker 1: where we have all the kid ornaments and stuff. Gotcha,

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Speaker 1: So that one she's not allowed down here at all.

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Speaker 1: So I've seen cats who like they just get in

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Speaker 1: the middle of the tree and like all the ornaments

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Speaker 1: are all over the floor. And I was like, I

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Speaker 1: wonder if she got anywhere near or inside knock on wood.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, well yeah, but that's it to the first

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Speaker 1: or second night that we put the big tree up,

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Speaker 1: she got about four four and a half feet up

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Speaker 1: and we got her down. But we also broke out

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Speaker 1: the spray gun for the first time, and she books

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Speaker 1: it when she sees that. Yeah, we used to spray

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Speaker 1: our cat when I was a kid. My mom would

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Speaker 1: have the water bottle thing. Yeah. Yeah, they'd run like

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Speaker 1: hell and tell me if this is mean. I also

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Speaker 1: to get her out from behind the tree because she

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Speaker 1: hides back there. I play cat noises, like it sounds

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Speaker 1: that attract cats. Does that mean I'd be yelled to

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Speaker 1: cats to get them to come to me? But like

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Speaker 1: it's it's like, no, it's like baby distressed cat. Like yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's like it's like running out looking like oh, and

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Speaker 1: then you grab her, grab her by the neck and

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Speaker 1: we put her in. We put her in a cage.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's mean. Why we creturined her? When she's in trouble.

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Speaker 1: She goes in a cage. It's like a dog. All right,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you've seen many of this happening in a

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Speaker 1: uh locker room, locker room or travel on the road.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you've seen the boys pull this prank before

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Speaker 1: the shaving of the head. Mostly it was eyebroils, but

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Speaker 1: you get the picture. Yes, absolutely, god, I'm sure many

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Speaker 1: an eyebrow have been shaved in your time, not mine,

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Speaker 1: thank god. But yes, this is also along the line. Okay, gotcha,

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Speaker 1: it's stupid. Yeah, I've seen worse where they're naked, bent

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Speaker 1: over and oh we can get that sitting on Barbie's face. Oh,

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Speaker 1: here you go like this. Oh that's ghost, that's re

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Speaker 1: enacting ghosts. Yeah, that's ghost. Yeah that's cute. Rather buxom doll.

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Speaker 1: Yeah another all right, another snowman. All right, let me

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Speaker 1: get it. Hang on, let me get those naughty ones

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Speaker 1: back in your hell. Okay, yeah, they're the funny ones

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Speaker 1: where they're dirty dirty. Oh, here we go. There's a

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Speaker 1: good one. Dick in the box. Yeah, that's cute, you

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Speaker 1: the box. All right, let's see we get here they

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Speaker 1: do get creative. Oh this is killing this is killing it. All,

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Speaker 1: it's easier if you don't struggle. And they're smothering some

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Speaker 1: sort of doll in it looks like root loops or something. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's weird, trying to kill her. I watched some I

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Speaker 1: watched some interesting Christmas horror movies over the last week

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Speaker 1: or so. Good. Oh yeah, they're old school, they're from

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Speaker 1: the eighties. The Plex Library has been very good to me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're glad you're enjoying it. Oh, I love it. I

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Speaker 1: think about you guys all the time. You have no idea.

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Speaker 1: All my children think of of Hubs as the man

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Speaker 1: with the Golden Library. Oh he's laughing because they go,

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Speaker 1: you know, is this movie on Plex? I'm like probably,

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Speaker 1: And if not, well that's why. You know, we couldn't

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Speaker 1: find jingle all the way. We were a little peeved,

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Speaker 1: but we got it was there. It was there. Okay,

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Speaker 1: how about this one. He's got the money on a

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Speaker 1: baby food jar. So it's a Monster High doll that

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Speaker 1: is stripping on it looks like uh, paper towel rack.

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Speaker 1: They Monster High dolls have four makeup. They are super hory.

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Speaker 1: They really are not to be outdone though by Rainbow High. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and also Shadow high. I've never heard of those. Are

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Speaker 1: they the next generation? Or oh yeah, my daughter never

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Speaker 1: really got into that kind of stuff, so super hory.

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Speaker 1: And look at what what did dick Ball say? Look

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Speaker 1: at dick Ball says me and my sugar daddy. And

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Speaker 1: this one says fuck not her. Monster high was my

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Speaker 1: fuck not her. My monster high was my thing back

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Speaker 1: when I was little. Oh what the hell is this one? Oh? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: threesome in the hot tub. Did you see that? Look

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Speaker 1: down there and naked? Whoa wait, wait, this one is

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Speaker 1: Look this elf is doing the fart trick and the

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Speaker 1: soot is all on the other ELF's face. Because far

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Speaker 1: this is okay? Right, here's one. No, it was on

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Speaker 1: the last. This one is that that's dick in the box.

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Speaker 1: That's the dick in the box one where they were

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Speaker 1: all in the hot tub together. There is the final

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Speaker 1: jack and two broads. That's great. And see like this

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Speaker 1: is one that I can't get behind. M what is

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Speaker 1: a dead? Yes? They ate them. Yeah, I don't like that.

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Speaker 1: It's about the kids. Hey, how weird is this on

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Speaker 1: the bottom? This is my why does it Pinterest? As

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Speaker 1: I say, is this Facebook? Because that was my Facebook

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Speaker 1: profile picture? But I guess that's Pinterest, don't didn't. I

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Speaker 1: didn't know I had a Pinterest account. I don't use Pinterest.

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Speaker 1: That's uh. I gotta say a little a little questionable me.

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Speaker 1: It's weird. That's a little weird. And last one here,

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Speaker 1: I don't know that we've seen elf on the shelf,

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Speaker 1: but have you seen snoop on a stoop? But that's great,

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Speaker 1: you should use it next year. Snoop on the stoop.

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Speaker 1: He's got a big split in his mouth. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's the real thing. And he's just chilling. Look at

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Speaker 1: this guy just making money. He hand o her foot

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Speaker 1: with this ship, isn't he? Wow? Next to a goose?

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Speaker 1: Look at them? Yeah, look at this goose. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what the goose here. He's just he's just Snoop

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Speaker 1: on the stoop looking a joint next to a goose. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's got that. He's a Stewart doll to be next

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Speaker 1: to him, and they just you know, oh, here she is,

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Speaker 1: she's right here. Look at that. There's also a Jewish

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Speaker 1: one and I just can't remember what the name of

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Speaker 1: it is. A Jewish like a Jewish Elf on the

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Speaker 1: shelf during honka. I suppose it's what the hell is

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Speaker 1: not like hannakhah, Harry, it's something. Oh man, that's gonna

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Speaker 1: kill me. Now I'll find it at some point. Okay.

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Speaker 1: Interesting mention on a bench? That was it? Mention on

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Speaker 1: a bench? What's a mench? A mensch is a Jewish word? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Or like yeah, I think it's old man or like

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Speaker 1: like you know, not idiot, but I don't know, so yeah,

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Speaker 1: it might be old man. But mench on a bench? Nice? Okay? Interesting?

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Speaker 1: You think kids get into mens on a bench like

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Speaker 1: they do this? I can't work. I think we're tonight

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Speaker 1: as we're recording. This is the second night of Hanukkah?

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Speaker 1: Is it? Well? Happy Honkah? If you're watching, you remember

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Speaker 1: when the Honka song was like a huge deal. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I do not know. Adam Sandler was Jewish and so

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Speaker 1: when he started singing that song, I was like, this

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Speaker 1: is weird. Why is he singing this song? And then

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, he is a Hebrew. But what

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Speaker 1: happened to that? It was all over the place like

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Speaker 1: ten years ago and before it is. Yeah, it's a

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Speaker 1: it's not new and hip like it was before, but

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Speaker 1: it's still there. No, so she's trying to say I'm old.

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Speaker 1: Well you know no, yes, oh okay, you and me, both,

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Speaker 1: you and me both. You know young at heart? Right?

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Speaker 1: Is that what we say? Young at heart? That's what

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Speaker 1: we are. Look at us sitting here in a costume,

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Speaker 1: and we're always young at heart. But it's a good

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Speaker 1: Those things are fun. I think that this is a

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Speaker 1: next year. I hope people spread the word, like in town,

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Speaker 1: about me, because I would do little things around if

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Speaker 1: they need a Santa in a pinch. Well, this year,

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Speaker 1: you waited too long to inquire. Yeah I did because

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Speaker 1: I only had it for like really two and a

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Speaker 1: half weeks. Yeah you wait you yeah. Next year, well,

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Speaker 1: I would like before Thanksgiving. I would go around and

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Speaker 1: be like, hey, I'm available, like at the beginning of November,

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Speaker 1: because you know, Santa comes out right Thanksgiving weekend there. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so you want to do any appearances with Santa Claus

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Speaker 1: next year, I have the costume. I mean, if they

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Speaker 1: want to come on, I'm not sitting to make it.

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Speaker 1: We make a killing here. No, no, no, you'd be

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Speaker 1: the olf I can be. I can be this sidekick. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we'll travel all around. I'll be your sidekick instead of

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Speaker 1: you be mine. That's true. That's very true. So I mean,

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Speaker 1: and you already told me all the people that were

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Speaker 1: asking about me this past weekend are asking for me.

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Speaker 1: That was a zero zero. Oh, she's just playing. All right, Well,

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Speaker 1: we'll get out of here for today. The eyes up

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Speaker 1: here extra, go move your elf on the shelf before

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Speaker 1: you forget for the Queen of Extreme. This is the

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Speaker 1: Chad Stir. We'll catch you on the flip side. Hey,

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Speaker 1: it's your old buddy, the Chad Surf. With a special

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